This Past Weekend - E411 Tony Hinchcliffe

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Starting point is 00:01:50 It's the Cirque du Soleil of just damn, just bullshit. It's amazing. You're going to learn all about that. You're going to learn about him. It's his first time here on the podcast, and I'm grateful for his time. Comedian Tony Hinchcliffe. Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my story. Shine on me. And I will find a song. I will sing it all over. I love this guy. I love this guy.

Starting point is 00:02:23 I'm going to stop. And you have, because you're a real posture bear, baby. I think you've got that. I've got a straight back. Oh, you are the shortest distance between two points. I mean, you are as the crow flies, man. You've always been. Strong in stature. I've got, like, one hand behind my back when i'm performing i like it like regal

Starting point is 00:02:47 yeah where do you think that comes from do you because you kind of have that that regality kind of i'm sitting here with tony henchcliffe for those of you guys who who uh aren't familiar tony is a comedian and a friend of mine and um we're gonna get into his life a little bit uh thanks for coming on man man. Of course. Yeah, it's cool, bro. Yeah. Yeah, where does that come from, you think? Because you do have a very, I don't want to say,

Starting point is 00:03:11 it's almost a Brit, it's not, is it British? What is it? Kind of. I'm not sure what, I'm not sure where exactly it comes from, but when it comes to stand-up comedy, I,

Starting point is 00:03:22 my friends, back when I graduated from high school, were obsessed with Dane Cook. And I walked in one day and they're dying of laughter when he's moving around. It was the vicious circle and he's walking and swinging his arms. And I remember thinking to myself, I want to do that, but I want to do it without any of that movement. I want it to be just the words. I want to figure it without any of that movement i want it to be just the words i want to i want to figure out a way and then sure enough when i got to the comedy store and actually saw real stand-ups like

Starting point is 00:03:50 the guys that sometimes it was the guys that didn't even take the mic out of the mic stand that blew my mind the most wow dice would just walk up to it that i'm even i don't do that like it's like no mic in the mic stand or i mean leave it in there and he leaves it in there the whole time yeah oh wow yeah yeah because you kind of you are that snipe you really are a sniper of humor you know it's like where can you it's almost like you have a nail gun yeah and with these jokes in it i feel like um where did you start out at because i don't even know that man yeah i started at the comedy store in the original room. Yeah, I went there to sign up.

Starting point is 00:04:30 Fucking Shia LaBeouf's dad. As crazy as this world is, I made friends with Shia LaBeouf's dad at a Starbucks in Burbank, and I was procrastinating starting stand-up comedy at the time. And at the time, right then right then 2007 Shia had just signed this crazy Steven Spielberg deal and and he looked for like five pictures or something it was pre we didn't even know it was gonna be Transformers and all these other things like it was still just the infancy of Shia LaBeouf so there was this like buzz around the coffee shop I

Starting point is 00:05:03 was out playing poker with these Armenian guys and And they're like, you know who that guy is over there? That is Shia LaBeouf's dad. He's this wizard looking character. So I went and made friends with him. And I told him, he goes, what's your plan? I go, I want to be a standup comedian. I think I'm going to go up to this ha ha or this chuckle hut, whatever it was in north hollywood at the time and he goes you shouldn't do that you should start at the comedy store they let them see you start and sink or swim and because it's gonna you're gonna the pressure is gonna get to you when you get there anyway when you think you're ready for there you're not gonna be ready for there too so you might as well not be ready for there now and And it was like great advice.

Starting point is 00:05:45 It really was. Wow. Well, I think for maybe for, yeah, I think for some people that advice, it's like you want to get good before you go there. Right. But he was saying, just stand like just in the firing line. And it worked out, man. I signed up for that thing. And I watched, I got like number nine out of 15 and I watched the first eight and it was the first eight people I'd ever seen do standup and they were doing three minutes and they're just like really bombing. I'm like, I think I got this. So for the, and for people who don't know, I remember going to that too. I would go and sign up. So you would go, was it Monday night? Sundays and Mondays. You'd have to be there by six o'clock and you'd sign and put your name in like a bowl or something.

Starting point is 00:06:25 Yeah, you sign this one big piece of paper. And then it goes back to the employees who are literally like, all right, that looks like a new name. That looks like a new name. That looks like a new name. And then like after that, they sort of just put people that they know and like sort of earned it. Like, oh, they've been doing good lately.

Starting point is 00:06:43 Give him number 15. Right. There's a little bit of mafia back oh, they've been doing good lately. Give him number 15. Right. There's a little bit of mafia back there, like making some choices. Totally. So you had the eight people that went up and you were like, so damn. So you always kind of have had that confidence.

Starting point is 00:06:54 I mean, you have this crazy confidence where it's like, how did this guy who's probably not the largest in stature get so much dense confidence in them yep you know it's like fucking plutonium or something i feel like isn't that a real thick metal i think yeah something like that i'm not sure you know i think it's a combination of uh having stubborn italian parents and being from a weird tough crazy neighborhood getting into a lot of fights with bigger kids and fucking having to scrap and survive back in the day and you know so i'm just happy to be at the dance yeah you know when i got

Starting point is 00:07:31 to the comedy store i'm like i'm happy to be in la i'm already winning so like no matter how this goes it's gonna be great plus i'm gonna get better you know what i mean like this is not gonna be this bad again yeah yeah yeah so you get, and you're ninth in the line, and it went well. And I prepared for months, and I blanked out. I forgot everything as soon as I got up there. But I literally said,

Starting point is 00:07:56 you know, as hacky and as cheesy as it is looking back at it, but I literally go, well, I've never done this before. I prepared for months. Every day I wrote, and I cannot for the life of me remember one single thing that I wanted to say right now.

Starting point is 00:08:16 And those first eight people were all doing jokey jokes that like, you know, the comedians are in the back, like, ugh, you know. But when I said that, there was this pop in the room. People like looked up because it's like, wait, this guy's like being honest right now. And it's the first time they had seen that, you know, 30 minutes into that show that night. And that's all it was. Three minutes of me basically going, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:08:44 Yep. Yep. Still can't remember. Can't believe it. Wasn't expecting this to happen. Like just nonstop. And I'm still trying to think of one thing. And like, what's funny is that one went really well. And then the ones after that for like months were the bad ones. When I remembered my jokes was the bad ones which is pretty foreshadowing you know for people that know my comedy style because I like going off script and you know what I mean like I like playing and being in the moment trusting that you know it's sort of like jumping out of a plane without a parachute like I like I like I like that dangerous part

Starting point is 00:09:20 you know where it's like maybe I'll say something that I thought of on the drive to the club that night. That's not finished. And it's just a premise. And you have like a race to finish the joke, you know? And you're like, maybe I'll think about it. Got a couple seconds left, almost to the end of the sentence. Yeah. It's almost like dynamite. Like you'd like to light it before you even know what the ingredients in it are. I like to flip it around in my hands a couple of times before throwing it. Catch it behind my back once and then see what happens. So that was what, 15 years ago?

Starting point is 00:09:52 Almost 16, yeah. May 2007. Yeah, fun. How about you? You started in- I started at a comedy. I did a comedy class actually called Judy Gold Comedy Class. Okay.

Starting point is 00:10:05 And Ben Glebe was in it. Wow. This man that called himself Chicken Man was in it and he would just, yeah, he would literally get up there and just yell, Chicken Man, Chicken Man. Whoa. What happened to him? I don't, I honestly, I think he got involved in a fast food business somehow. And then, yeah, he did.

Starting point is 00:10:28 It's perfect uh because i remember him i saw him years later on the street he was talking about fry something about fry cooking or something like a new oil i guess that's helping those people you know do better or whatever but um yeah i remember that and so at the end of that class you got to get up for three minutes and that was like oh wow and you got to perform at the improv. And you got a tape of it. So it was like, man, I got to. So when you leave there with a tape and you were on stage, you feel like you're a comedian. But I didn't really get going until I think I probably went over to the comedy store and signed up.

Starting point is 00:11:00 And Tommy was over there. And, yeah, and it was just, that's really for me, I think when you really start to feel like, okay, I'm dropped in on this, you know. There is something about the Comedy Store. Yeah. Or there certainly used to be, man. It's a cool building.

Starting point is 00:11:16 Yeah. It's intimidating. All those signatures. So like immediately people are like, whose names are on this wall? How do I get my name on the wall? It looks cool. Oh, there's

Starting point is 00:11:25 jim carrey in the same font as this newer that's a younger guy i just saw him he just walked by yeah it's like how do i get my name in that right it's like tricky it's like screaming from blocks away to like look at it and take it in it's powerful plus it's black and white and red yeah it has a very dark um you can feel a little bit of history in there feels kind of sorted yeah uh you know you can feel people's energy when they walk through the hall like what's going on with them even if they don't say anything you can feel the nervousness of some people you keep running into people you're not even sure if you know them or met them before. But yeah, when you get up on the stage,

Starting point is 00:12:07 it's just like you have to do it. So fast forward though, now you live in Austin now. So you made that move to Austin. And it's interesting we were talking about the first time on stage because one of the things that,

Starting point is 00:12:23 like I know you've done Kill Tony for a long time. How many shows know you've done kill tony for a long time how many shows have you guys done now over i think over 600 we're about to have our 10 year anniversary in june and for people that don't know kill tony is well you tell them what it is you tell them you know well it's like a it's like a crazy comedy show where comedians watch newer or older comedians do one minute, and they sign up for the chance to get one minute uninterrupted in front of a bunch of fans on the internet, and then I interview them afterwards, and my guest comedians dose in jokes and contribute, and we find out more about the person. So not only if I pull their name out of a bunch of people

Starting point is 00:13:04 sign up, names go in a bucket. I pull their name out, they get a minute. And then I interviewed them afterwards. So not only did they win like a minute of uninterrupted standup, but then all of a sudden they they're on a podcast for like eight more minutes where I interview them and grill them about their life and make jokes about their set and their life and ask them questions and try to figure out what's different about them. I'm sort of like pulling from like, you know, I was raised on like Howard Stern, old school interviews. And like, he would always ask the right questions at the right time. And like, he'd get more information than it seemed like he should have out of these people. And that's sort of what I'm trying to squeeze out. So sometimes I'll just hit them with what's the weirdest thing in your refrigerator?

Starting point is 00:13:44 wheeze out. So sometimes I'll just hit them with what's the weirdest thing in your refrigerator? What's your biggest fear? Or what's your family? You're raised by a single mom. And like, I've asked so many of these questions that I've built sort of a palette kind of, yeah, to where I know where things are going and I can already tell them paintball. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It blew my mind. I'd done it before. And then, so then recently I refell in love with it. I just, you know, I don't know if I forgot, whatever,

Starting point is 00:14:08 but I, so I was down there in Austin and you guys had me on kill Tony. And this is probably maybe two months ago. And I come out on stage and I hadn't been on stage in a while. So I come out there, I'm sitting there and the, and you guys, and there's just,

Starting point is 00:14:21 it, it is packed, man. It's packed. And there's people like, there's like people behind barricades. Like it is, it's insane. The people that have driven hours come in, they put their name in, and they want a chance to get on stage. And then they get up there for one minute.

Starting point is 00:14:39 Dude, one minute is not enough time. That's the thing. One minute is not enough time. That's the thing. One minute is not enough time to do really almost anything. Sometimes, and sometimes it's way too long for some of these people. Sometimes it's forever. Dude, I was sat there. I just, I was amazed at how much, man, my feeling. It took me back to when I first started and there were moments where you – like I remember feeling one time like my face was trying to get behind my skull so that I didn't have to be there with the – like I mean I literally was like how – where is this?

Starting point is 00:15:17 What is going – but you're right there and people are – it is like the most intense moment of so many people's lives. Right there, and people are, it is like the most intense moment of so many people's lives. And you, and I was sitting next to you, and then there's Brian Redband, your co-host, and the band is behind us, and you're right. I mean, you can feel the fear and the uncertainty off of a lot of these people. You can see the beads of sweat that form on their forehead right after the set or in the middle of the set sometimes if things aren't going well. And if the set goes good, you see the beads form during the interview part you can sort of tell what they do and don't want to talk about you know what do you do for a day job oh they don't mind that what were

Starting point is 00:15:54 your parents like all of a sudden it's like you can tell because you see the sweat so that means that the parents are fan like will watch this they think they're going to see this so they're not that not close but they're close enough you know what i mean yeah i didn't think about that just from body language and things i can see how they're feeling and what to push more on and yeah what i can get more of and if i make fun of them how they laugh to that if it seems genuine that means i can go even harder because i don't want to hurt anybody's feelings you know what i mean i don't know do you sometimes you are there is no you are a paper you are a fucking paper cut sometimes it's so i it's, how does it, you are a fucking paper cut.

Starting point is 00:16:45 Yeah. I mean, you know, I just don't want to be the guy that ends up, you know, being last. I was a skinny little, you know, tiny little ratty white trash Italian kid. You know, one of the only white kids in a predominantly black neighborhood that i grew up in and so like you know people are out there walking around hitting people with dog leashes and just a whole bunch of trashy shit going on all the time so like i always used words as a defense mechanism immediately and then the kids laugh at the one kid that just got a joke made about him and all of a, they don't want to mess with me anymore. And, you know, all the teachers said, you know, making fun of people is never going to get you anywhere.

Starting point is 00:17:31 And I hated my teachers growing up. I looked at them like the ultimate bullies, you know. I went to a weird, evil sort of private school, a bunch of angry nuns and sisters or whatever damn really black women um no oh religious women yeah yeah like damn that's because yeah if you're going nuns and black women right it's a fucking law it's gonna be a long afternoon baby damn um but i always wanted to kind of prove them wrong i'm like i think i can i think i can do things with these words i think you can get good at anything and you know so writing on the roast was a real pleasure at the time when

Starting point is 00:18:10 those were a big televised event yeah you know so that was like an honor because I'm like it's a legit job all of a sudden I have health insurance from literally making fun of people and then all of a sudden Martha Stewart saying something that I wrote into a teleprompter for her Peyton Manning or whoever all these heroes that you know people look up to all of a sudden are saying dirty words that I got them to say yeah because you got the job writing for Comedy Central right yeah and that's when the roast was so fire too fire man fire and then I don't know what happened but they book alec baldwin for the last one they booked him too fast man we should do that one now let's run it back right post-shooting oh yeah that'd be so good huh is he going on trial what's the latest with that

Starting point is 00:18:58 i'm not sure that's a tricky one man that's a tricky one see i moved to texas so now i have a gun and everybody has a gun. And I'm like, everybody should have a gun. And then I think about him and I'm like, maybe everybody should have a gun. Dude, he's shooting out of his wiener, too. Didn't he just have like his sixth or seventh kid? He just had another child, too. You can't stop.

Starting point is 00:19:18 This guy's out here giving life and taking away it. He's like a fucking Game of Thrones king he is that's crazy bro yeah but it just blew my mind about the Kill Tony show if people haven't seen it you have to see this show and one of the wilder parts

Starting point is 00:19:38 was one guy comes up he did a minute it was not good and he's up there he's like man I was drinking before i was just so nervous so some of these people are wasted getting up there yep and then he goes you were talking to him about his life and he goes well i'm a drummer so then part of your show is you have a band there yeah you got a blind guy in it yep and uh madness killing. So. He has his own day in Austin. D Madness does?

Starting point is 00:20:06 Yeah. February 14th is D Madness day in Austin. He's like a famous musician. All those guys are literally as high level of a musician as you can get. Studio, live, they do it all. That keyboardist is on tour right now with Gary Clark Jr. And if you see gary play gary like is looking right at him and they're doing the thing it's not like some background keyboardist you know they're like they're in the trenches oh dude they're doing this shit together wow they're like a unit yeah everybody leaves gary clark jr shows going god damn that keyboardist and like

Starting point is 00:20:44 you know i I'm really good friends with Gary. He's another reason why I moved to Austin. And he hooked me up with that guy who hooked me up with the rest of that band. And, you know, we already had a band in LA, Jeremiah and Joel and Chris, and they couldn't, you know, everything happened so fast during that pandemic and everybody's, you know, opinions and viewpoints were so different. And Red Band and I hit the road because we had to do a live podcast. There was no, you know, everybody else got to go to their studio and keep doing their show, you know, because it's in front of a live audience, we were dying the hottest death. I mean, it was horrible. We tried for a while to have

Starting point is 00:21:25 people send in minute long clips and then we would live stream the interview and everything's clunky and everybody's internet sucks and people are just frozen on the screen. And it was just a nightmare. Plus there's no laughter. And I feed off of that. Like I always say, I'm one of the worst podcast guests. I get into these things and I like shut down after like 20-30 minutes you know what I mean but in front of a live audience I could go I could riff like if we were on a stage with two microphones we could go for hours I would have a blast so we were dying the slowest death and Red Band and i needed a crowd period so how long did you do that for how long do you guys do that zoom so oh man geez traumatizing time in life i'm guessing it was like two or three months wow did it almost kill the show was there ever a thought that maybe the

Starting point is 00:22:14 show would stop no i mean oh i mean the pandemic made it seem like maybe the show would there was a second there where it looked like you know once, once we were in month two, three, four, I think we were, all of us were a little bit like, what the hell is going on here? Like, yeah, it got weird.

Starting point is 00:22:31 Cause remember first they killed, they put all those people on ventilators and killed, basically killed all those people. Yeah. Like, I hate to say that, but it was like, remember there was like,

Starting point is 00:22:38 we just put 200,000 people on ventilators. And then it was like two days later, it's like, Oh, we shouldn't have put these people on ventilators. They no idea what they were doing god that's crazy scary as hell that whole thing is so unbelievable yeah but um so austin's like come do it here bars are open yeah i went i went and did a stand-up show there and uh in november of 2020 and i hit up ron white beforehand because i knew he lived in in Austin and I'm like,

Starting point is 00:23:06 Hey, if you want to do a guest spot on my show, I'm doing it next Friday, whatever. And he's like, where are you staying? And I'm like, I don't know if I got a hotel yet.

Starting point is 00:23:15 He's like, you're staying in my penthouse suite on top of the city. I'm going to show you good time. And it really started like immediately. I already has a bit of cigars in his house oh god he is scott he's got the ultimate setup and he has a hot tub it's just tequila it's just only tequila and bubbles he's the best and he really he like rolled out the red carpet and oh my god he sold me on it immediately rogan was like a finishing touch everybody thinks like oh rogan went to austin and all of his cronies went with them it's like

Starting point is 00:23:50 no austin sells itself everybody that goes there you were there you see what it is like it's nice and the things that we're doing the live music and everything and it's just the food is unbelievable well it was open yeah yeah and it was open it's the same reason it's like i don't believe a lot of the shit that they're doing with this pandemic this they're killing more people by locking people in yep like especially in the recovery community they shut down all the aa rooms unbelievable so i had five friends that overdosed during the pandemic unbelievable bro i mean just die you know, cause people need to have that connection. Totally. Do it at a park, six feet apart, do something. So there was other ways to go about

Starting point is 00:24:31 it than just locking in and it'll be over any second now, one week to stop the spread or whatever they were saying. Like get the, what the, I mean, looking back and I immediately, any of us start to sound like a conspiracy theorist but wow we got taken looking back on it wow economically just the insanity of shutting down so much stuff and looking back at what it actually was like if you were extremely unhealthy and probably had less than a year to live this was gonna get you yeah that's the realities those people that were or you know they call them underlying conditions which basically means like it's a you know the clock is ticking dang yes they just definitely they set the lord you know they just kind of they really

Starting point is 00:25:16 set the lord's alarm a little early on them oh yeah yep i mean they took no snooze button here now the only people i know getting it are the boosted triple vacs, the people like those are the only, because in Texas, obviously, there's a lot of unvaccinated people, you know, people that are like, I'll give it some time. Let's see what happens here. I don't want half my face to go numb or whatever the hell, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:25:38 And then you can always tell he's got that booster. They come up to him. Hey, what's up? Everything's good. I'm still going to go away in a couple months. It's fine. It's not a big deal. You look right at me. Why are you making eye us. Hey, what's up? Everything's good. I'm going to go away in a couple months. It's fine. It's not a big deal. You can look right at me.

Starting point is 00:25:47 Why are you making eye contact? You know what I mean? But we have to play along like, oh, it's okay. You had to do it first. Yeah. Imagine having one extra day every week. That's right. More time to cook or grill you something or griddle up if you do griddling.

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Starting point is 00:28:53 Dude, I was thinking the other day, I was looking at my balls. I think my balls have Bell's palsy. Is that possible? You have Ball's palsy. Yeah. Ball's palsy. I was just like, dude, everybody's nuts have Bell's palsy. Yeah. Balls palsy. I was just like, dude, everybody's nuts have Bell's palsy. I'm with you.

Starting point is 00:29:07 I got one side holding on for life for some reason. Bring up some Bell's palsy. Let's get a look at it. Yeah. God, I haven't looked at this in a while. You know who had Bell's palsy was good old JR. Oh, yeah. Look at that.

Starting point is 00:29:22 Yeah. Let's get some better images, man. Oh, my goodness. If you don't mind. Thanks, brother. Yeah, let's get some better images, man. Oh, my goodness. If you don't mind. Thanks, brother. Yeah, sorry. It's a scary thing. Bill Falls, he's always real, real wild, man.

Starting point is 00:29:32 You know, I used to be friends with Vince from ShamWow, right? Mm-hmm. And he had it. Oh, wow. And so in his commercials, he would wear that microphone to cover that part of his mouth so you didn't notice it. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's incredible.

Starting point is 00:29:50 His story is magnificent, man. He got hired to sell these rags one day on the boardwalk in Venice. He started selling. He was like, oh, I'm good at selling these bitches. And so he just licensed them himself, bought some ad time on a couple different networks, like sports networks, and they weren't selling. And then he bought time on Comedy Central. And for some reason, the way that it came across, it was comedic but also a product, and it just went to the moon. Look at this.

Starting point is 00:30:22 Yeah, right here. You got to have some good bp right here oh man oh damn baby that smirk some of these look bad and then i see that that's the before i'm like oh man that's the it's it's rough i like now this lady some lady some people look kind of good on them everybody looks like they're like piratey yeah some people got that real hiccup in their cheek it's almost like they have a hiccup that just got stuck on one side of them yep that droop that's palsy oh look at that lady that the asian lady right there the limperian i think in the red oh yeah oh boy oh yep she's sending signals baby

Starting point is 00:31:09 damn it's wild isn't it though yeah you don't think about those nerves being in your face man yeah that's rough dice had it dice had it bad remember it was like a news story no i don't remember dice clay had bell's palsy and he was scheduled to come to austin the next week and it was the only show that i had been looking forward to i never go see stand-up comedy shows and i'm like i want to see dice at vulcan in austin like this seems rock and roll and he did not cancel that motherfucker went up there half his face just electrocuted, just dead half face, and he fucking used it, and he talked about it. He did a Sammy Davis Jr. impression. I swear to God, this motherfucker killed so hard.

Starting point is 00:31:56 It was such a fun show to see. Damn, yeah, it seemed like a real adventure for your face. I've never had it, but I would like to learn more about it. But to go back to your show, so this was an amazing part was, so the guy said he didn't do well at the comedy, but he said, I'm a drummer. So you guys have this part of Kill Tony

Starting point is 00:32:15 where if somebody plays an instrument, they can challenge somebody in the band at that moment for the person's spot in the band. Yep. And what's wild is that it's always been a weird part of the show that I always had. And now all of a sudden we're in the live music capital of the world. So it's even, you know, even the stakes are raised even higher. You know, some guy who thinks he can play guitar from St. Louis or some guy that can

Starting point is 00:32:41 play the drums from, you know, Dallas, you know, it's a big deal to these musicians to be in Austin. Like they recognize what's going on. Plus the pressure of the internet. Plus they're in front of a live audience. Plus they're going up against somebody on their own home field. And it's never happened where the resident drummer has gotten beaten. It hasn't.

Starting point is 00:33:03 Ever. Because I was like suddenly, because I love the underdog always, right? And I didn't have any attachment to the band. I don't know any of them. Yeah. So I'm like, holy shit, this dude didn't get this. Right. But this guy has a shot right now.

Starting point is 00:33:21 And if he wins, he's on every show from then on. So like you're a full-time band member if you win, which nobody ever does this got tanked bro this guy yeah was that the one like he like dropped his sticks right away or something i don't even we had another one recently where the guy's like i've been waiting my whole life for this tony and he starts and the first drum that he hits the stick goes flying back and you see his soul leave his body he ended up getting it and catching up a bit he put he put a little challenge in but and you know the harder the first guy goes that just means the resident drummers they are they get to see which is the ultimate advantage they're going second it's a big deal on that one dude and you love like you just thrive

Starting point is 00:34:01 i feel like you're like a dream you're whatever the opposite of a dream catcher is, I feel like. I'm a nightmare thrower. Or like you just like, it's just this world. But it's such a, the whole thing, the whole show has this, it's that moment that like, I'm going to try this. It's going to be captured. Can I do this? There's all those feelings. And it's like two and a half hours of that every episode.

Starting point is 00:34:20 Can I do this? There's all those feelings. And it's like two and a half hours of that every episode, man. It just, it floored me how much fun I had, how much like kind of nostalgia I had and how much I realized I don't think I could do those, what they were doing. Right. No, I agree. People out there, we have regulars, the right and perform a new minute every single week. write and perform a new minute every single week. William Montgomery, David Lucas, Hans Kim,

Starting point is 00:34:57 Michael Lair, all these guys that do this. I am enamored by their courage and their strength and their work ethic. It is an extreme challenge. You have the whole internet. They're like, yeah, I'm sort of sick of them now. You know, William's been doing it four years, writing a new minute every single week for four years. Granted, a lot of it, he's making fun of Red Band's mom. It's insider trading at this point. A little bit, a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quite a bit. Some Apex Twin references that get a big pop from the crowd just because they know that he references Apex Twin for some reason sometimes. So it's like there was two guys in the front row yesterday wearing Apex Twin shirts because they knew William was going to be with me in Nashville. What is it, Apex Twin? I barely

Starting point is 00:35:34 even know. And I'm a huge music fan. Oh, it's a band? Yeah, I think it's like maybe electronic music or something. I'm not really sure. Might be like acid bath, man. I remember we had this lady by us who something was wrong with her, you know? Or something wasn't right with her. I don't know which one it was, but she would always ask if we were going to see acid bath all the time. That's all she said. She had like kind of this

Starting point is 00:35:57 musical autism or whatever. Apex Twin, best known as an Irish-born British musician, composer, and DJ known for his idiosyncratic work electric style such as techno ambient and jungle dude ambient sound is so crazy man people put on like white noise you know and it's just people like like tucking their kids into bed at night yeah and fucking like wouldn't it be really wouldn't be weird if it were like actual just noise noises white people make?

Starting point is 00:36:26 I always wanted to make that. Can I speak with the manager? It's just the most whitest shit ever. It's just somebody putting on their work shoes in the morning. I'll be there for you. Would you be there for me too?

Starting point is 00:36:41 It's somebody putting stuff in the recycling bin. It's just like small sounds that fucking white people do can you point me to the closest cracker barrel please but yeah man it's fun dude and you know the trick the secret sauce i think is i try to keep it interesting for myself you know what i mean because i've been there every episode of kill tony and the other part is vince mcmahon like it's really just pro wrestling because it's like i look at the i always keep our guests a secret surprise no one ever knows who's going to be there and it's always either famous monster comedians or the future you know what i mean you're brian simpsons who like are just starting to get recognized now.

Starting point is 00:37:25 Or, you know, three years ago, it was Shane Gillis. Five years ago, it was Tim Dillon. And I'm literally going. Same thing with you. Same thing with all these guys. Because we know we're in the middle of the lineup. So we know who's coming. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:37:39 And I would literally say, with no hesitation, I would say, your net your your guest tonight is the future you might not know him now but he one day he will be recognized as one of the biggest comedians of all time ladies and gentlemen tim dylan you know and literally the crowd would be like oh i was hoping they don't know yet right you know what i mean yet they didn't know yeah i want somebody i want damn chris rocker i want damn exactly but what's funny is they really don't they want people like you and him and shane and ari and the people that are in the moment with their own defined styles that are still you know there to prove themselves not just some guy that's like hey i think you did good you know instead like you were killing me dude you're so good at that you're you want to

Starting point is 00:38:24 talk about snipes, dude. You have little hand grenades in your pockets. I don't know, man. Sometimes you got to put them out there, bro. You're like Tabasco in my suit. What's been kind of the difference? A lot of comedians moved to austin during the pandemic and obviously the same you know people moved uh a lot of people didn't really move to tennessee as much i mean first of all things got really weird during the pandemic i

Starting point is 00:38:56 wanted to also be in a state where somebody could carry a wet it's like you didn't know how weird things were gonna get 100 people were looting it was on the back of like a lot of the blm stuff where people were burning and looting and so it was like i want to live in a place where at least if i don't have a grenade on me to guy two tables over yeah has one you know i love la man i was there i thought i was going actually i always thought i would retire to nashville after like growing old in la it's always how I pictured it. Even though I've toured Texas more than anywhere else, I do Dallas three or four times a year. Yeah, it's crazy. God, it's fun. And Texas has a big, dirty, renegade, raw sense of humor. So you know what

Starting point is 00:39:36 I mean? That's right down my wheelhouse. And I love LA and still, you know, sometimes I go back to LA for a couple of days and I'll do the main room of the comedy store, be in the middle of the lineup for their own shows. I'll leave in a veil and I get whatever I want basically. But my neighborhood was Fairfax and third right by the Grove, right by Pan Pacific Park. It was unbelievable. I would go down Fairfax after doing the comedy store, the improv, and you make two quick little right turns. It was like the Batcave in a very residential commercial area. I would like sneak off into my little end of a one way street. It was the most amazing setup. my neighbor's like, you might want to be careful tomorrow. There's supposed to be some big, like rally, some big protests, BLM, you know, George Floyd. It should be, it should get kind of crazy because they're starting it at this park right around the corner. I'm like, cool,

Starting point is 00:40:35 I'm going to go to Venice beach and hang out with my older brothers who live out there, you know, 20, 30 minute drive from there. So I go to the beach, we're chilling on the patio. you know, 20, 30 minute drive from there. So I go to the beach, we're chilling on the patio. And my brother at one point, I'll never forget it, goes, Tony, come in here. Isn't this your street? And I'm like, what?

Starting point is 00:40:53 My street? And the first thing I notice on the TV is the CNN logo. Like I realized that we're watching the national news, not like KTLA or whatever. Right, not somebody's iPhone, not a video. Exactly. Not a sketch or something. Right. The time is matched up.

Starting point is 00:41:07 And I'm looking at a police car on fire at the bottom of my street. Wow. And then they cut to another police car on fire. And it's the top of my street. So there's one at Hayworth and 3rd. And one at Hayworth and Beverly. Oh, yeah. That's a damn luau, bro.

Starting point is 00:41:24 A lot of pork being grilled, baby. I'm telling you. Damn. And it is a sight to see when you're watching the national news and it's clicking back and forth to both sides of, I mean, literally one block. It is my street. There's only probably 40 houses there,

Starting point is 00:41:42 and one of them is mine. See, that spooked you. Spooked the hell out of me. So I go there. I'm of them's mine. That spooked you. Spooked the hell out of me. So I go there. I'm like, I literally remember saying, I think I have to go. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:51 And so I got in my car and tried to make it there. Cause I'm like, at least I'm going to defend it because. At least I'm going to grab my laptop. Right. Exactly. All the little stuff, the watch,

Starting point is 00:42:00 my dad's dad's watch or whatever. Yeah. The little things. My grandpa's earrings, dude. If your grandpa was closeted or whatever the little things my grandpa's earrings dude if your grandpa was clogged or whatever it's always like like damn what a fucking gotta have papa's butt plug you know what i mean anyway and i barely make it there uh another thing that's stuck in my memory is like i was trying to get back to my place and there's a riot crew of American like blacked out shields, guns, everything moving down the street. And I'm like, oh, I have to take side streets.

Starting point is 00:42:36 They're about to block this off. So like I'm hustling, scurrying like a rat to get back to my place. And then that's where it really sets in because the chaos was there the sun goes down and that's where you know a lot of people and the news never covered it like they should have and but it was it was the end of the joker movie it was complete gotham city they lit the trader joe's behind me on fire like my the back of my building was to a trader joes like and it's on fire and the fire alarms are going off and smoke's pouring out of broken windows and the paper source across from that windows are busted out fire alarms are going off um fires everywhere graffiti

Starting point is 00:43:20 everywhere on trees on telephone poles on cars on the street on the ground on the cement on the sides of buildings like the whole thing exploded it was so much worse than people ever know because the next morning the whole neighborhood who takes great pride in living in that area fucking went out there with rags and pressure washers and brooms. And I couldn't believe it. It was actually sort of an emotional trip. I went for a drive down Third, up La Cienega, down Beverly, up Fairfax, down Melrose. And I could not believe what I was seeing. People all out there cleaning and fixing it. And I think there's sort of a catch to that is people never really found out exactly what happened there. It was chaos. And it wasn't that neighborhood. It wasn't people

Starting point is 00:44:11 from around there. It was a different thing coming up from Long Beach or whatever. But then you immediately realize like, wow, well, this place, this can happen here. It just happened. So whatever just happened can happen here. And let me tell you something, two years in Texas, I can say with no hesitation, it would never happen there. It's absolutely impossible for that to happen there. I was always, maybe people shouldn't, you know what I mean? I didn't know where, I didn't really have a stance on guns. I was too busy only caring about comedy, didn't really, you know, that's another thing about Texas is like, I'm alive now doing things, golfing and then going to the range and then doing a spot and then, you know,

Starting point is 00:44:51 having a nice steak. And yeah, exactly. I mean, that was one nice thing that I thought of just like, I got, I have to be somewhere where I can, where things are open. I can't just totally go along with this thing that like, it just felt insane to me and of course that's just my natural instincts other people's are different I respect that but so I wanted to be in a place that was open what do you feel like the comedy scene is different like in Austin

Starting point is 00:45:16 compared to LA like will it do you think Austin can actually I don't know if anything can compete with some of these bigger markets you know just because of the volume of people. I hear you. I think that, I think the difference is the industry isn't in Austin. Like, you know, Netflix headquarters and these, a lot of people, I think we've lived through an age of stand-up comedy to where we've watched the complete evolution.

Starting point is 00:45:45 We watched it go from, okay, well, you gotta have clean three minutes for the Tonight Show, or a decently clean 22 minutes for a Comedy Central half hour, to, okay, you could be a little bit edgier on Netflix and do an hour, and then it's kind of like,

Starting point is 00:46:03 oh, Netflix is sort of cutting down on edginess like unless you're really established they're gonna give you notes and and i think that it's wild west comedy happening in austin which is you know obviously what people want you know people go to a strip club you don't want to see you know a girl in a bikini no you want to see fucking't want to see, you know, a girl in a bikini. No. You want to see fucking. I want to hear the N word. You're damn right. Yeah. I see some buttholes. Yeah, I want to see, yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:28 Some misplaced ingrown hairs and things like that. Yeah, I want to see it all. I want to see a girl bringing, you know, a candle to the table, but just, you know, walking on her hands, you know. I want to see somebody. Hell yeah. I want to see, yeah. Yeah, I think one thing I noticed in Austin was that they stay,

Starting point is 00:46:44 you guys lock the phones up over there, you know? Yep. Phones are locked up and that's to, you know, our shows are still recorded. We have, you know, cameras rolling on everything because one thing that we've learned is that it's good to have your own footage so that it can't be taken out of context. Right. I've always thought that when someone goes for an interview on any type of net or anything, they should also, if it's a, if it's a ground where they don't trust, maybe that

Starting point is 00:47:11 they will be portrayed accurately, they should have someone record at the same time for them. That's what we're doing. So that way it's like, there'll be no real misconceptions here. A hundred percent. Cause it can happen. here 100 because it can happen you know it can happen to anyone at any point you know even in that crazy video that happened with me that made me look like a horrible horrible human being oh yeah with the asian stuff yeah was that hans kim was that no it was a different guy but 25 seconds after that his edited version of the video, I had my own video recording of the entire thing in which, you know, 25 seconds after his ends,

Starting point is 00:47:51 I end up going, come on, lady, relax. You're looking at me like I'm serious over here. Bob, it, a Bob,

Starting point is 00:47:56 it, about, you know, joke about that. Joke about that. I'm into jokes. Like there was no like scene. It wasn't the chaotic breakdown that it looks like on the you know 20 second clip that

Starting point is 00:48:07 the person released it's you know it was a it was a random casual thursday comedy show i actually yelled at bobby lee when i saw him a couple months ago in la i go that was all your fault by the way you let me call you those words for fucking over a decade without telling me there was something wrong that's one of the issues people look at there's always that bait asian yeah and they will they let you say all kind of things or this or that or joke around with them yep but they don't email the crew the buddy and say hey man this guy's with you know he's you know he gets it or whatever right and bobby yeah bobby goes oh yeah i felt really bad when that happened to you. And I go, well, thanks for showing your support online.

Starting point is 00:48:51 I'm glad that you saved it so that you could tell me face-to-face a year later. You'd think Bobby would have ability to email, especially since he's doing all that browser hunting right up around Brendan's shoulders. Since he's stalking Brendan on his own whatever. That whole debacle was, that's one of the fun, it's almost like a sketch show. You know, when you go watch that, it's like they had like screen, like Brendan doesn't own a computer, which is the funniest part of all of it, right? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:15 Like he's like, dude, he's getting this research and he has like screen grabs on his phone. The whole thing was just so ridiculous. It's wild. I couldn't get enough of it that was like my that was my that was my like thing i switched from like police interrogation videos to like following the shop and bobby lee thing for a while it's on my youtube algorithms just filled with bobby lee brendan shop kalilah like i know weird because I can't. Sometimes I'm on one thing, and then sometimes I'm like, maybe they did do that.

Starting point is 00:49:48 It like switches quickly. It's like if you're talking to, you know, your gun-toting friend, and then all of a sudden you're with your liberal, well, if there were no guns and this and that, sometimes you can see both sides of the argument. I'm like, well, I mean,ndan you know you some you know hate happens to people people are jealous you know you're a fighter turned comedian and then all of a sudden i saw one clip where kalilah's like yeah i'm a lot better at the internet than people think and

Starting point is 00:50:14 i'll destroy someone it's like from an episode years earlier and like i'm like whoa this is all wild because people have made some serious breakdown videos of that stuff. Oh, it's well, I'm amazed at how like the what a there's such a world now with podcasting. There's also like this soap opera undercurrent of all of it. You know, I don't play it. You would think Kill Tony would be a big poker and like I get it. People like drama, but I don't want I've always looked at it like if you play that game, those are the types of fans you're going to get. You want to be drama, you want to do gossip, you want to do this,

Starting point is 00:50:50 you're going to end up, then you're not even in the comedy world anymore. All of a sudden, you're in the drama world. You know what I mean? And I look at some of the people with successful YouTube shows and podcasts that aren't stand-up comedians, and I see them doing that a lot. Yeah, like Ethan Klein's show does that a lot. Yeah. I notice they get a lot more like – but he does a great show. Yeah. And Ethan's a – we've had some great conversations, man.

Starting point is 00:51:15 He's an extremely deep guy. But yeah, I think that's just their world. I guess it's also what is your world? Right. And what do you like? Some people, they like that. Right. world i guess it's also what is your world right you know and what do you like like some people they like that right it's like i guess i don't know if i care about it that much you know um but it's definitely it's it's crazy how there's just such a microcosm of like there's like a

Starting point is 00:51:38 couple hundred channels that put out clips that i'll see that are of me from different shows and stuff and i'm like there's a whole little ecosystem out here going on of channels and stuff. And it's like, you want to fight or whatever. You're just like, what are you going to, you know, it's like,

Starting point is 00:51:52 there's, there's just so much podcasting. It's, it's really its own, it's its own. I mean, it's a huge world now with layers. And like,

Starting point is 00:52:01 there's like people making like V like reviewing pot, like reviewing clips and things that have happened. It's gotten pretty deep, man. Oh, yeah. There's people reviewing those people's review shows and stealing their ideas and doing ripoffs of their shows. And like, you know what I mean? Like it's like they're reviewing the review. Yeah, there's like a sports center for podcasts almost now where they're looking at highlights and replaying things. It's interesting now.

Starting point is 00:52:29 It's definitely fascinating to be a part of the little universe. But what do you see that's different about that Austin scene? What do you think, like with Joe's Club being built, do you think it can get to that place where it is like the third biggest city for comedy? I think it'll be number one. I really, really, truly believe that. Cause I think that, um, I mean, I already see it. I see the amount of tickets that we sell casually. Like, like it's nothing like people are just dying for it and waiting for it. And people are flying into Austin now.

Starting point is 00:53:05 When they used to fly into L.A. and New York to have a comedy weekend. You know, if they wanted to see, you know, three nights of shows, that's where they would go. But now, words out, syringes are on the street, porta-potties on the crosswalks in L.A. You know about that? They just started putting porta-potties at the crosswalks in LA. You know about that? They just started putting port-a-potties at the big crosswalks. No. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:53:27 So like you want to cross Hollywood and Vine, there's a port-a-potty there right next to the button to cross the street. Dang. And it ain't clean. Spoiler alert. It's not like a brand new. It's not like one of those like

Starting point is 00:53:38 on the set port-a-potties. I was sleeping one during Mardi Gras one time, dude. We stayed in there for a couple hours. Damn. We were hot on drugs and it was late. We had in one during Mardi Gras one time, dude. We stayed in there for a couple hours. Damn. We'd hide on drugs, and it was late. We had probably 4 a.m., and you got to get some cover. You got to get a little bit of shelter at those hours, especially in New Orleans.

Starting point is 00:53:53 It's got that real, a lot of human vampires, dude. A lot of dudes are fucking trying to just sink their teeth into your dick out there at night out around a French Quarter. Sounds like my kind of party. All right, Han. You know, if you're missing something, you know, out around a French Quarter. Sounds like my kind of party. All right, hon. You know, if you're missing something, you might look into Lost and Found. But I'll tell you what you won't find in there, your hair. People lose their hair every day.

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Starting point is 00:57:10 theory. But is there enough comedians? Will there be enough? That's my question. Because you've had guys like Tim Dillon that have gone there and left. Tim's there. He's just waiting for Joe's Club to be full time. Tim has more property in Austin than anybody. He talks a lot of shit, but he's like buying it up.

Starting point is 00:57:27 Really? Oh, yeah, dude. He gets it. Tim's out here killing it. And Segura and Christina and me and Joe and Ron White and a whole bunch of the youth, the future. Danny Brown. You know Danny Brown?

Starting point is 00:57:39 Danny Brown, yeah. No doubt. I'm very close with Danny. He's my homie. Oh, my God. I just ate mushrooms with him a couple weeks ago. Really? Oh, God.

Starting point is 00:57:47 Oh, so much fun. He ate like a baseball glove's worth of mushrooms. And I was tripping my balls off, but I didn't eat as much as him, and he just was so fun. He's popping out of corners being all silly and, like, funny and stuff. Times have changed. Like, a lot of brothers wouldn't do mushrooms back in the day you wouldn't see a brother on psychedelics you know it just wasn't i don't know i think maybe black people had too much fear and maybe even inside of them

Starting point is 00:58:15 on their own history but you don't want to add any you don't want to you know season up the cauldron any you know but now yeah you got a lot more um you know kind of mustache brothers out there who will uh do some uh drugs you know psychedelics oh yeah it's fun it's cool it's cool to see a brother out there tripping you know you're like hell yeah dude this is we're getting equal yeah we're doing it we're all part of the same universe yeah we're all part of the same thing but people are coming to visit those new yorkers are that are real joke gunslingers we just had a tell on the show on monday he just did a whole weekend in austin and he's looking at it with a twinkle in his eye like wait what are you guys doing here this does you

Starting point is 00:58:54 guys do this every monday and then you do okay like and to any comedian you know comedy store style you know or comedy seller style they you know, or comedy seller style. They come to Austin and they're looking at it with like, okay, so maybe I'll spend like a week out of every month here. You know, we get Ari, Shane, and Norman there for four days a month. And Rogan's bringing good comics down to be on his show. I mean, that's what made me think about it. It was like, I would like to go for a month and just have an experience of it. What does it really feel like to be there, go out, get you a sandwich,

Starting point is 00:59:29 get you a coffee, get you a, you know, you know, find a wife or something or see it and, you know, and do comedy at night while you're trying to do that, you know, and, and have a, you know, like a lifestyle of it. I can't believe how much I love it. Wow. You know, spending the whole 15 first years of my career in LA, I never would have guessed that another option would work. Um, I'm amazed at that too. Living here. Yeah, exactly. You know, and like all of a sudden you're comfortable and you're a little bit better rested and you have maybe a new hobby or something, something to, you know, cause I think in L.A. or New York, perhaps it's easy to just be like, oh, I got to work. I got to work. It's only about the next

Starting point is 01:00:09 joke. You know what I mean? I got to I got to. But then you're not living. You're not experiencing things. You're not taking note. You're not having great conversations where you say something that you realize might be good on stage. Like living is a huge part of what we do. Right. I agree. And I think one of the things that's happened to Hollywood over the years is it used to be that people went, people had these like wild, like people went there with their energy and, and like made their dreams happen, wrote scripts. And, but now it's been so much like the children of children and nepotism and third generation screenwriter that it's like the people writing the things and creating the things, they don't have as much life experience anymore. Maybe their grandfather did. Maybe their mother did.

Starting point is 01:01:00 But they're still kind of riding off of those old stories and energies so they're not as tuned into some of the reality right of uh of just like um of creativity really you know another thing that i think is that it's much easier for people to be jealous and competitive there's a lot of billboards there i noticed that my last trip there, I'm like, wow, I just always didn't note it, like, I mean, the billboards were just part of, like, the skyline, it's just a tree, it, like, blends in with LA, and as I'm looking up there, I'm realizing, oh my god, that show looks like crap, that show looks like crap, that movie has, it looks, movie tells its whole script right there in the billboard. And I'm judging these billboards,

Starting point is 01:01:49 and I realize this whole place does that to people. All of a sudden, I'm daydreaming about, why does that idiot have a show that's not going to work? Wow, Comedy Central's dead as hell. Comedy Central killed itself. Yeah. And I'm looking at these billboards, and i realize i'm thinking about this they have me thinking about these things which in austin you can't there is no like oh oh i wish i had that or this person would be better for that

Starting point is 01:02:17 or this is where that should be like right so it takes a lot of that business and the jealousy and the like oh look at the it takes a lot of that glitz out of it and stuff like that. And also it's like these people in LA and New York, it's the last stand because we've learned now that the podcast is the way. You can have your own show and build your own fans with people that are into what you're into and like the sound of your voice and want to hear it. So that old model of like, all right, let's throw this to the people and see who likes it. Like it's an old school model and it takes away from the ability to build something. And now people are like, well, if I didn't start a podcast now, I can't start now. I'm in too deep now, but it's like, who knows? It's like Bitcoin or NFTs or

Starting point is 01:03:01 whatever. Like who knows what what anything is? Yeah. Well, there are things that are great about LA too, though. It's like the weather is absolutely unbeatable. Ridiculous. You can't beat it. There's not even any question about it. I don't know if there's anywhere in the world you can beat the weather there. Yeah. There's barely any bugs.

Starting point is 01:03:18 There's no allergies in the air. No poisonous animals. Jesus, man. A third of my childhood was filled with fucking poisonous animals dangerous animals street animals fucking nighttime animals fucking just fucking mean owls everything man it was all fuck just harrowing dude i remember one time my brother and i are sleeping in our bedroom right a fucking owl like a nighttime owl or whatever shattered right through the fucking window in our bedroom, dude. Oh my God. Dude, scared me so bad, bro. We had no idea what it was. We didn't know if it was

Starting point is 01:03:50 like a burglar or what, you know? That means someone in your family is going to die soon if an owl flies through your window. Oh yeah. Everybody died. So yeah, I wish I'd have known that at the time though. But there are things that are great about it. The access to people that are there is also nice. Like, you know, I have friends, like my friend James Blake lives there. He's a musician and he's like, I would have never got to meet him if I didn't live in LA.

Starting point is 01:04:15 And it is kind of name dropping, but he's also like one of the most unique people that I get to talk to. Like all of us would have never met each other if it hadn't have been for LA. Oh yeah, I'm grateful for it. just like i'm grateful for youngstown i think that you know being from a place and living and having the experiences of being in you know a diabolical place gets you to appreciate everything that happens after that right like you wouldn't be quite as p at peace here in nashville if you didn't know that it takes an hour and a half

Starting point is 01:04:46 sometimes to drive from one gig to another in LA or from the airport to your house in LA those little things like here you get up at the airport you're here in 10-15 minutes right yeah same thing with me in fact I try to set new records each time The airport's like a place that now I have like great pride in trying to get home in like seven minutes or eight minutes. It's crazy. Yeah, I guess there's, yeah, there's definitely a lot of things. And it's also like, this is part of the journey. It's like, you know, communication like is more free on podcasts. And so it would make sense that maybe they expand out to different areas over time.

Starting point is 01:05:26 It's been really interesting to be in a different place and have access to different guests and like unique people that normally may not be able to get on a certain platforms or weren't even able to get on like kind of podcasts and stuff. So that's been really interesting and kind of seeing like, well, what's, who's the next person that I'm going to get to meet that would be like really, really, really awesome to have come on from here. Like we got Mike Rowe is going to come on. Right. So I'm really excited about that. Like, I don't know if I would be able to have him on if I weren't in this area. So, um, yeah, there's different things about it and I can go back to LA whenever it's always there. It's still like you go back to comedy store, the improv places that I love. The laugh factories become it's still great.

Starting point is 01:06:09 It's gotten better, actually, just busier over there. So the stages are still there. And it's fun. And yeah, man, when I go back to the store, it is a party. Those are my people. You know, those people that have worked there forever. You know, we're so close and we have so much fun. And it's like a reunion.

Starting point is 01:06:29 It's like a different vibe. Instead of being there all the time, it's like, you know, it's like going home and visiting a family in a hometown. Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. It's like, and we also have to be supportive of the places we are it's like you you have to do that like you have to kind of champion where you are to an extent in order to be able to survive there right and um and have like a nice perspective every day um let's talk what's some news that's going on what do we got daddy oh

Starting point is 01:07:00 here we got tesla reveals new ai robot optimus do you see this no this is wild it will cost under 20 000 oh my goodness what can it do that's what i'm wondering look at it i mean okay it can walk yeah kind of dude i don't even know i feel like this thing couldn't even work at uh i don't think this thing would make the band at chucky cheese honestly yeah it's quite the awkward strut like if that was a human that walked like that you would not trust it oh is that waving oh get out oh it looks like biden oh yeah it does just fucking waving at nothing um dude for me this the thing about tesla is i put in them to get that truck

Starting point is 01:07:57 two years ago yeah and it's like i keep extending my current lease because i'm waiting for that truck yeah and i I don't know. I don't care about this shit. Can I tell you something? Yeah. Have you touched one yet? Have you, like, been in one? Uh-uh. I have.

Starting point is 01:08:12 Is it worth it? It is the coolest thing I've ever seen. And I'm not a big Tesla guy at all. I like gas-powered, you know, American-made sports cars. Oh, I want to burn to death if I get in a wreck. Yeah, exactly. And, but this one, I want to burn to death if I get in a wreck. Yeah, exactly. And, but this one, and I saw pictures of it, just pictures and video online before,

Starting point is 01:08:31 and I'm like, that doesn't even look that cool, seem that cool. In person, man, that thing is the most undeniable baddest. It goes from, you know, a low rider to all the way to a monster truck. Like, you can raise it it and the technology is absolutely insane you know elon musk is in austin texas another buddy old pal and you were able to get in there yeah yeah you got in the tesla truck oh yeah and where'd you sit in the front or back

Starting point is 01:08:57 the front wow yeah and it's all beautiful in it's the most different i've never seen anything where a picture a video online is so much different than seeing the actual thing i've never seen a bigger like uh just difference in how unbelievable it is in person did it feel like it's kind of like a comedian that's really really great live but doesn't translate to tv or clips. You know what I mean? There's a few of those. That's how it is. It's like powerful live. It seems like nothing else. It seems like a spaceship.

Starting point is 01:09:32 It's almost like a DeLorean, but new, brand new. But does it feel like kind of like a bitch truck, or does it feel kind of fucking tough, or does it feel? Tough. Tough as shit. It does? It does feel army tough. Really?

Starting point is 01:09:44 Like a Hummer meets a feel army tough really like a hummer meets a you know like a ram but electric it doesn't even seem electric by its appearance if that makes sense yeah it's amazing amazing stuff i want that yeah that and that's the one you got in right like that yep wow and it is so cool and so fast and so crazy yes you just want to touch it i'm so ready for that yeah god i want to make love in the back of that a lot of space unbelievable oh wow antonio brown exposes himself to stunned guest in hotel pool. Oh, he showed his butt to that. Whoa. Oh, that's...

Starting point is 01:10:26 Why is he naked in this pool? This might be another country. You know, his hog's probably so big that he's having sex with that girl the whole time. And we don't even see it. Even from this far. Look at her. She's bouncing up and down on it.

Starting point is 01:10:44 You see that? Dude, if you had a crazy long wiener, you would have to, you got to show it to somebody. No doubt. Do fun things with it. Measure for first downs on the football field. All of it.

Starting point is 01:10:57 You know what I mean? There's a lot of fun things. I mean, my buddy. Get like a one foot marker on it, like tattooed. Yeah, definitely get like some, if somebody's trying to like measure something, you hit them with that.

Starting point is 01:11:08 Next thing you know, y'all are making love, you know? Yep. God. Pull it through the sleeve and pull this arm like behind you and just sort of like wave to people with your penis. I'm just thinking here. It's some good, it's fun to draft. Yeah, I just feel like I would, if I had that,

Starting point is 01:11:24 if you had, cause it's almost like having like like a like if you have one of those little dogs you get to carry it in a thing and show it and take it on the plane you know yeah it'd be crazy if you had like a small bag and you snuck you know like you poked it out the top yeah or if you put took one of those little service animal vests and put it across it and it's just like, here you go. Don't pet it. It doesn't like to be petted. You can look at it. Damn, you got that service wiener, dog. That's crazy. Yep.

Starting point is 01:11:52 What's the longest wiener they've ever had? Can you look at that? Well, here he is right here. Look at this. He's flashing his wiener out the water. Oh, yeah. There it is. And they're looking.

Starting point is 01:12:01 And you know those men are even looking. And you could tell with that blur, it is absolutely humongous. Bro. I mean, look at that thing. Look at that. That thing. I mean, that's like an alien sighting or something. That looks like a UFO.

Starting point is 01:12:15 Wow. Look how long that is. Dude, that looks, yeah. That looks like it's got some hit points if this were Zelda Breath of the Wild. That thing. Wow, that's crazy, man. See, it's just interesting. If you had a great wiener, you should be able to show it to somebody every now and then.

Starting point is 01:12:39 If you got a regular wiener, sure. Right. That's disgusting. No one wants to see a regular wiener. But a giant wiener is something that both boys and girls can agree on yeah like it's a it's it's worth showing off what's the biggest wiener buddy can you look at that we might have a blocker on here this is interesting biggest wiener ever this is good this is podcasting gold, if you ask me. Is it? Yeah, hell yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:06 Biggest wiener? Me and you, finding out together? Exactly. The record for biggest penis in history? Oh, yeah, that is kind of exciting. Yeah. Eight feet? Nuh-uh. Oh, it's a blue whale.

Starting point is 01:13:22 That makes sense. Oh, he's got that. Okay. Yeah, we're going to have to put human in the mix here. Man. You just gave away your cookies on that one. 18.9. No way. Wow.

Starting point is 01:13:36 Roberto Cabrera. Wow. No way. Latino coming in. Oh, man. That just might be his, like, brother. He might have a Siamese twin just connected to his groin area. Dude, this guy, he could rake a yard with that Oh, man. That just might be his brother. He might have a Siamese twin just connected to his groin. Dude, this guy, he could

Starting point is 01:13:47 rake a yard with that thing, dude. He's halfway to work. Has smashed the previous record with his mammoth penis, measuring an incredible 18.9 inches. Let's see more verbiage on it. 18.9. What? The man with the world's hardest penis has revealed his daily life

Starting point is 01:14:03 is like as he rejected the possibility of having a reduction. 54-year-old What? The man with the world's hardest penis has revealed his daily life is like. As he rejected the possibility of having a reduction, 54-year-old Roberto Esquival Cabrera. Wow. From Saltillo, Mexico, has a penis measuring a record-breaking 18.9 inches. Wow. Damn. That's unbelievable, man.

Starting point is 01:14:22 God. I can't believe it, believe him I would hate that though would you though yeah cause then you have to wash your penis that's true that's a whole that's a whole other five minutes put lotion on your wiener if you had that much wiener

Starting point is 01:14:42 he probably has people to lotion that wiener you think yeah he probably has people to lotion that wiener you think yeah he probably has but then again what's the biggest vagina is the real question here what's the deepest human vagina that's a great question what is the deepest human vagina bub this is see now we're really getting into something here yeah people never people never look at this, huh? Right. Because that's the real, because you can't put it all the way. You can't, obviously.

Starting point is 01:15:09 And a swan. Okay, here we are. Biggest vagina in the world. I just pop up. It's just a picture of me. Penis in the world. Okay, scroll. And yours. Keep scrolling.

Starting point is 01:15:26 That's nothing. Wait, did you see that was the guy? Yeah, scroll back up. Up, up, up. That dude, that's him. Robert Esquivel Cabrera. Look at that guy. The world's biggest vagina belonged to Anna Swan.

Starting point is 01:15:41 Oh my goodness. She died in 1888. 19 inch circumference. Anna Swan. Oh my goodness. Wow, she died in 1888. Wow. 19-inch circumference. It's a little less than the circumference of a rugby ball. She was a Scottish giantess and reached a height of 7 foot 8 inches. She also reportedly delivered the biggest newborn ever, recorded 23 pounds, 12 ounces. Wow.

Starting point is 01:16:04 It's time! That's a fucking Bantamweight, dude. That is unreal. Oh, there's the guy. Oh, there's Roberto, eh? Oh my goodness. Zoom in a little here, Bucky. Look at the girth of that thing.

Starting point is 01:16:21 Dude, he has it taped like one of those horse's legs when they put the tape on it before it runs. Like it's about to have its own boxing match. Oh my God, bro. Yep. You've got to be kidding me. He has a beer koozie on it. Oh my goodness. Look at this.

Starting point is 01:16:41 Wow. This is incredible oh my goodness jesus great hair too huh oh my god look at it do you see it in his pant leg oh my god large in that video up but don't turn the audio on my god he literally he walks like he has to walk like that tesla robot i'm like nobody walks like that robot and then all of a sudden world's largest penis maybe the robot has a big penis dang man see that's what i wouldn't want to do it's almost like you're like i feel like you're at church every time like it's like noon at church and it's like fucking it's ringing against your knees and or you get hard at a place where you're like where you don't where you shouldn't like that oh but even if it gets hard it's just like hitting it there's no like it's gotta just be painful because all of a sudden it's just trapped it's like harry houdini and all your

Starting point is 01:17:41 blood you must lose like a third of the blood in your body. Yeah. You're four inches shorter. When he gets hard, he just like goes stupid. Just like. All the blood leaves his body. There's a cost, man. There's a cost to everything. No doubt. What other news we got here? So this is one thing that's been popping off a lot is this kind of drug induced homosexuality right here.

Starting point is 01:18:03 You can turn the audio on it. So this is a new drug? No, it's just like a lot of this kind of drug-induced homosexuality right here you can turn the audio on it so this is a new drug no it's just like a lot of men are there's like been a pattern of men becoming gay based on drug use look at this oh my god you see those are straight men one more time. You can tell they don't want to be here, but the drugs got them here. Look at that. Damn, boy. How do you know they're straight?

Starting point is 01:18:37 You can tell. Look at them. Look at that. One of them called the other one, I think. Yeah. Yeah, he's like, you're gay, dude. Drugs got him like, maybe I do like dudes. See that one person comment?

Starting point is 01:18:56 See that? Bam, boy. What? What happened, boy? Nothing gay. Who gay, bro? See? That's crazy, bro.

Starting point is 01:19:03 That's interesting. I remember a guy tried to get me to do cocaine with him once and then be gay you know try to lock me in a bathroom when i was trying to go to the airport oh how did what was his move he like went in for a kiss or something yeah he said the doors are locked and i just believed him you know so obviously would be like the worst i'd be so easy to kidnap or whatever. I just believed him. Because he also had the drugs.

Starting point is 01:19:29 So it's like I'm milling around and it's like how close to gay do you want to get for this drug? Right. And he just, yeah, something. He told me. I remember he took his watch off and put his watch on me. Just shit that they trap you in like that. Oh, yeah. That'll do it.

Starting point is 01:19:44 The watch. And then they're like, what time is it? And then they pull you closer or whatever. Yeah. I don't know, bro. Next thing you know, you're handcuffed. Oh yeah. And you're just gay. You know, it's just drug-induced gay.

Starting point is 01:19:58 But what else do we have? Any other news that's going on? I don't care about this. Oh, I like this. Let's go to that two female cops arrest a shop if a random guy comes in and does it for them. I didn't do anything. What were you just reaching for? Me. Stop resisting.

Starting point is 01:20:15 I didn't do anything. What's this address? What's this address? Oh. Ow. Three, three ads. Two, five. Six, fifty.

Starting point is 01:20:23 Six, fifty. No. Where is this at? Oh. Ah me five. $6.50. $6.50. Where is this at? Let go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Thief.

Starting point is 01:20:43 I love how they put the word thief on there. Wow. This is the type of stuff you're going to be seeing more of, I think, is that vigilante-style stuff, you know? Like, I was at a store not too long ago, a CVS, and somebody in there was stealing stuff. And so then you have, then you just get the biggest guy that's in there. It's just like some chubby kind of vest. He's red-vested. So now just like some chubby kind of vest. He's red vested. So now they have to, they're confronting people.

Starting point is 01:21:09 It's like people, it's not even their job description, you know? Yeah, man. I mean, that's another thing was towards the end of my LA tenure, like the windows were boarded up at all the drug stores near me where i knew the people that worked there and it's like you know my neighborhood friends and there's plywood over the windows because you were just allowed to steal i guess up to a thousand dollars worth of stuff which it's almost impossible to steal over a thousand dollars worth of stuff you know in one trip at least one trip yeah yeah so yeah i'm not gonna supermarket

Starting point is 01:21:46 sweep show remember that yeah that's basically it it really is la yeah never-ending supermarket sweep yeah it's just but it's like it puts people in on edge you know it makes it you know i noticed when i go back to that cvs i like feel like okay what could go off in here? You know, it makes me have like a different kind of relationship with the other people in the store. What's going on? Where do I kind of position myself a little bit? Like it makes you kind of pay attention a little bit more. I do notice myself kind of having a little bit more insight on my surroundings, which is good, but also it makes me kind of more fearful of just people, which I feel like is kind of bad. You know, it's like, you're just waiting for the next person to be that scare

Starting point is 01:22:30 bear, you know? Right. Yeah. People are out there being wild. Not everybody's, not everybody's thriving in these times. So like, I mean, you have to ask yourself, what would we be doing? You know what I mean? If we had nothing and needed something. Same thing. Yep. Exactly. We'd be in there getting talked to by the big guy in the red shirt. would we be doing you know what i mean if we had nothing and needed something same thing yep exactly we'd be in there getting talked to by the big guy in the red shirt you know and it's when people start when the fabric of kind of like that we are all buying into the idea that this is a country and these are the rules when that starts to kind of like, you know, fluctuate, I feel like, and you see, sir, it's just so many years of some people getting certain treatments. Some people get

Starting point is 01:23:11 another treatment, you know, when you start to see that, like, there's just so much of like, um, your politicians just, you know, glad handing with their buddies and giving these contracts, you start to feel like there's not really that American dream. There's not really that thing that can, uh, that everybody's not playing fairly. I think it starts to make people not respect the game anymore, you know,

Starting point is 01:23:38 but you're still have to sit there at the monopoly board, but you know that they don't respect the game. And that's when you fucking turn the shoe in and you get that little cannon and you just start fucking just hauling ass, bro. Just hanging out on Baltic fucking blowing grams.

Starting point is 01:23:52 I could tell it's been years since you played Monopoly. I think it has, man. Treat it in for a cannon. But it's like you just, you know. Baltic's the hood, by the way. You know, it's a rough neighborhood. It's purple.

Starting point is 01:24:03 Oh, Baltic was gangster, dude. I would just get Baltic into stare over there and fucking flex. Just call people names when they pass through, dude. Oh, hell yeah. Yell shit. Yep. Baltic's over there with Mediterranean. It's a lower income area.

Starting point is 01:24:17 Is it what was over there, Baltic? Yeah, maybe it was. I think so. What else we got in the news, man man i wonder if there's anything else we want to cover here i know you got a couple shows tonight man i'm gonna come and do one we're gonna have fun thank you bro that was so much fun last night there's nothing i love more because again i'm an old school i was raised on like pro wrestling i didn't have a dad in my life growing up so like there's some one of the big parts of pro wrestling that makes

Starting point is 01:24:46 it wildly successful is the element of surprise which i love more than anything combining that in our weird world of stand-up comedy so there's nothing and again i do it every week on kill tony i literally never announce who the guest for that live show is gonna be so you know getting to have will everybody thinks william who they already know from my show is bringing to be. So, you know, getting to have Willie, everybody thinks William, who they already know from my show, is bringing me up. And instead he's bringing up Nashville's own Theo Vaughn, you know. And last weekend in Columbus, I got to bring up Chappelle. Everybody thought I was going to bring up Rogan. And instead I'm bringing up Ohio's own Dave Chappelle.

Starting point is 01:25:24 And the room, I mean the pop, that element of people looking at the person that they came with like no fucking way and then you see the outline of Chappelle, the iconic and the same thing with you. They see that fucking mullet fluttering in the air. They're like, we made it. That wife bait.

Starting point is 01:25:41 Extra show. Here we go. That's that lady bait, dude. Yeah, you know, there is. That's so lady bait dude yeah you know there is that's so interesting i never thought about like that it's like when somebody like surprises and ran into the ring the ultimate warrior coming out at number 29 yep anybody else who ran out it was like oh it's good but it ain't the ultimate warrior you know the other one the other one the undertaker the lights go out and you hear the bell toll. Yeah. And you just get the chills because you're like

Starting point is 01:26:06 no way. Right? And that's, you know, that's a big one. He lives in Austin as well. The Undertaker. Elon Musk. Something happening over there. There's something cooking. They gotta get him on stage, man. That's the thing. Those people have to

Starting point is 01:26:21 get on stage and do some time. Look, I think it's fascinating. I like the idea of an underdog place. I like the idea of something new. Obviously, I'm really curious to see Joe's Club. It looked great when I walked through it. I was like, wow, this is really going to be cool. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:35 And the adjustments and the way that it's being built is by real comedians. Every other comedy club, even if it was owned by a guy that used to be a comedian or hosts the shows you know all those weird little places scattered around the country it was never done by actual successful real touring comedians that could do theaters or arenas or whatever yeah to really surgically make it i mean mean, and, you know, they, we had Louie in town three weeks ago or so, and he came in and even made one more final adjustment. You know what I mean? He's like, yeah, it's perfect. If the ceiling was just 12 inches lower, I think it would be even better than perfect.

Starting point is 01:27:24 And we're like, and you know, it's just, you're watching the magic happen. Joe looks at the construction. I think we can do it. You know? Yeah, we could do it. Yeah, we'll just add a few days. All right.

Starting point is 01:27:35 Let's do it. So those little tiny screws on like this Boeing 737 are being tightened. Yeah. And the entrances and like the class of it is going to be crazy like it's going to be heaven it's going to be what we loved about the comedy store but also with a little bit of a rock and roll and also a little bit of like a the shining vibe you know that hotel from the shining yeah it's going to be like sort of really classy and cool like that but also dark

Starting point is 01:28:03 and creepy too so magic we. We're really excited. Yeah. Yeah. I can feel Joe's excitement. Even when he was walking me through it, you could feel like, you know, it's interesting to see somebody like that get excited, you know, who's had so many unique things happen to them in their life. It's cool to see somebody get excited. Do you think that Joe would ever start a platform? because obviously having a club is amazing right it's a it's a tangible thing where you're right there you can get up on stage you know it's like this is the real art yeah but i wonder if he ever creates like a you know like his like his own youtube or like his own because i feel like he would be the one obviously you know he has the

Starting point is 01:28:40 most gravitational pull he could and the thing is i think he already has i think that he just doesn't want need or want all the credit you know what i mean it doesn't need to be called the rogan network he just pushes the things that he believes in you know i mean i think we're all part of that extension i mean there is no question that he is that his show is the new carson it's the new tonight show like getting on it and being part of that universe it means you're going to get bigger even when they came after him even when they tried to cancel him he got bigger everything just gets bigger even i when all the crazy stuff happened to me and there's a few days where i'm

Starting point is 01:29:23 like oh my god am i about to go be a crab fisherman in Alaska? Like what the fuck am I about to do? And to see that, oh my God, everything got a thousand times better. Like it's, you know, so I think he sort of already has this universe, you know, and you know, if they ever really, really, really come down on free speech and you know, if YouTube gets crazy or anything like that, then there's totally something that's going to have to happen. But I think right now he's doing everything he can for other people. It's incredible how he... One thing that's not often talked about is

Starting point is 01:30:04 sometimes you'll go see some of the biggest comedians on planet earth and you'll notice that their opening acts like aren't always really like they're not like their own killers like you know what i mean like going back to last night like i'm like i i wasn't like oh i hope i can't fall you know what I mean because we we've always done this dance we've been going up before and after one another for over a decade continuously I and this comes you know and this is something that Joe and I have always had in common is like we thrive we love the idea of giving the people the best possible human crazy ass show and pulling it off you know that's not fear-driven uh like i think a lot of people are because he's not like that who else would take

Starting point is 01:30:52 joe wrote or joey diaz to feature for him in an arena in atlantic city you know and and all this chaos and ari shafir and duncan and all these wild people, you, me, all the, you know, who wants to really follow that? It's someone that wants to get better and help people that he thinks are the best. And, you know, so he does have a bit of a not having the fear driven. Yeah. I mean, he, he followed Chappelle in that arena in Columbus two weeks ago, like butter, like it was nothing. And it was, you know, he doesn't have that part in him he doesn't have that fear thing really exactly fear is not a factor for him it really isn't that crazy yeah no it really isn't and if it was you'd never fight i don't think you could see it he's a

Starting point is 01:31:37 diabolical human being like i mean you know obviously he has a just like anybody nowadays there's a ton of haters out there that can pick apart this like a horse paste but like anything you try to get them on it's easily provable that right you're just wrong like people that are you know oh he's not a good stand-up well you're crazy because all of your favorite stand-ups think he's an unbelievable stand-up comedian. Every single one of your favorite comedians thinks he's a great comedian, knows he's a great comedian. He's been doing it three decades. Just because you know him from a podcast or from Ivermectin or from CNN,

Starting point is 01:32:15 it doesn't change what reality is. There's a lot of opinions out there. But someone like him, and it's so rare. There's not even a second place. But someone like him, and it's so rare. There's not even a second place. He's like, you know, as far as helping people and, you know, staying humble, he's an incredible inspiration in that way. And I think it's easy for that to slip away. And once someone thinks that they have it all figured out, I think that's when it starts to slip.

Starting point is 01:32:42 And he doesn't do that. He's constantly writing. have it all figured out, I think that's when it starts to slip. And he doesn't do that. Constantly writing. He is his new, his hour. Now the one I saw two months ago, man, it was, it's, I mean, you don't want to say it's the best stuff I've seen him do, but that's okay to say it's the, I think he's done a lot of really, really great stuff. It's the best stuff that I've seen him do. And you do want to say that about people because you do want them to continue to, you know. It's like 20 years in to be doing the best stuff. It's where you're supposed to be, really.

Starting point is 01:33:11 But man, that shit really, really floored me. I think there's something about, you know, mainstream media going after him that made him want to be even better. I'll show you, idiot. I saw the same thing yesterday. I was hanging out with my buddy John Rich, country music star. Hey, you told me about him. I got to out with my buddy John Rich, country music star.

Starting point is 01:33:25 Hey, you told me about him. I got to get him on here. He's amazing. And he leans hard right, harder right than some of those faces on Bell's Palsy. You know what I mean? He's all the way. But everything he says makes sense. Yeah, he's got like Liberty Bell's Palsy.

Starting point is 01:33:42 Yeah. Yes, he does. He's a killer, you know what I mean? And he's just, he's got the best intentions and he's a great guy. And they come after him all the time because he's like, I think everybody should have a gun. He's on Fox News sometimes, you know what I mean? Like he is, he does stand for what he thinks is right and what a lot of people, it turns out, thinks is right. And they've come after him a lot lately.

Starting point is 01:34:10 And so he played us a couple songs because he's like, you guys want to hear a song? This was number one on the Billboard charts for 12 days. And nobody talked about it. None of the media, nobody, because he didn't use one of the big record labels. And he, because he didn't use one of the big record labels and he because he criticizes the um

Starting point is 01:34:29 he criticizes the uh the censorship of twitter and facebook and youtube in the lyrics so he decided he's not going to promote it on any of those things so he literally just promoted it through truth social and rumble these like yeah my mother loves those right and literally number one on the billboard charts for 12 days we bring that up people didn't know what to do he's above lizzo he's above taylor swift he's above all of these things. And he's talking about these things that he's always felt. And we made this correlation, him and I were like, whoa, because we both, you know, we've been living in this world the last couple of years where people are trying to chop you down and it makes you more of who you are. He's always sort of been, don't, don't take my money. You know, I'll,

Starting point is 01:35:22 you know, less taxes. He's's always been that but now the lyrics are clear he's literally saying what he wants just like how i've doubled down in my stand-up and now i'm only exclusively talking about stuff that i shouldn't be talking about and i have all those premises to myself because so many people are you know obviously you want to be on netflix you want to be on this you want to be on hbo sure who doesn't want to be but the reality is that none of my stuff could be there it would literally just cause a riot you know people would just quit or whatever right but but the people love it it's that live show effect of like whoa we're doing it oh my goodness he just said that OJ's wife had a comment like oh my god what the hell where are we as you evolve too because you had a special on

Starting point is 01:36:05 netflix a few years back yep but as you evolve it's like yeah if the platforms won't allow certain stuff or they don't just see okay this is just humor that's for some people not for some whatever but if they only want to kind of navigate a certain area or only willing to go to certain which like you know banisters which is their right but it does create not only for putting things out on youtube but really for going to see live comedy it's like if you want to see kind of what i really want to say come see live comedy yeah and i find myself wanting to talk more about things that i want to talk about. I just even realized

Starting point is 01:36:47 last time, I'm still telling a lot of jokes and stories and stuff and I love that but I would love to probably have a little bit more.

Starting point is 01:36:55 I just noticed I'm kind of evolving. Yeah. I was just kind of noticing I was like, okay, I love this stuff. This is good.

Starting point is 01:37:01 It's entertaining but also, I want to start thinking how do I get more of some of my actual thoughts? Right, passions. Yeah, things that really move me, you know? So I'm glad that those feelings are even arising in me.

Starting point is 01:37:15 What do we see right here? Country music star shuns so-called woke record labels and released a song directly to Donald Trump's social media app, True Social, catapulting it to number one in the world on the Apple iTunes song chart. And the billboard, which even this isn't covering. Rich saw his song outperform those hit makers such as Billie Eilish, Kate Bush, and Lizzo.

Starting point is 01:37:39 Here I am with no record label, no publisher, no marketing deal, and when he's telling you this and you're in his fucking living room sitting around Johnny Cash guitars and pictures with him and all. You got a beautiful home. I went there for a party once. Yeah. And I mean, he's the real deal. He's, you know, a lot of people just, again, just like Rogan, you might just know him as a guy you hate because he's on Fox News sometimes.

Starting point is 01:38:02 Or, oh, he used Truth Social. I don't like that. hate because he's on Fox News sometimes or oh he used Truth Social I don't like that but in reality again this is a guy completely respected by all of his peers in his industry so you know for him when he's telling you like dude I did it and I didn't even do it the way that everyone has done it to this point he literally did with this song what Rogan did with his podcast. He showed an entire industry of, you know. They invite the whole world to come live in our land and leave our countrymen dying in Afghanistan. They say, let go of Jesus and let government save. You can have back your freedoms if you

Starting point is 01:38:42 do what we say. Yeah yeah he's putting it out there isn't he yep he's saying what he feels progress it's strong it's a single i gotta check that out yeah it's cool interesting man i'm not sure what that version's like but i just heard just him with an acoustic guitar yesterday in his living room and it was unbelievable and there it is right there number one go back to that please brother yeah there it is right there, number one. Go back to that, please, brother. Yeah, number one song right there. And it stayed there for 12 days. That's the other part that, you know,

Starting point is 01:39:17 even this article obviously came out when it happened. So, like, it doesn't tell you that staying number one for 12 days is its own insane accomplishment. Those things are always rotating and jumping around and there it is a dollar 29 and boom and he gives you know percentages of his earnings to uh he has his own scholarship where he gives money for kids to go to college who if they had a parent die in the military, he pays for their college. He's given over a million dollars to put kids through college. So you find out that some of these bad guys are the good guys.

Starting point is 01:39:56 And the good guys, you look at Catholic priests and stuff, like, do good, do this. That's why I like virtue signaling. And I keep ragging on LA, but it's like, you know, a lot of these people that want to work in the industry say all these things and they're always, this is wrong and that's wrong. And why are we, you know, what about science and all these different things?

Starting point is 01:40:16 But it almost seems like the good guys sometimes are the bad guys, right? The politicians. Oh yeah. Greece, all of these things. Yeah, I've always hated politicians, man. Right. But I think we start to see

Starting point is 01:40:28 that that whole mold, all that, it's not really working. I think, you know, for a long time, people believed in it. There's something good here. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:40:38 But I think after, especially after the pandemic, after people being scared in a lot of cities, you know, and violence, I think people are starting to just wonder what's going on here. I think it's deeper than just like in our daily lives. It's like this bigger thing. Like does the society that we constructed and that we've been building and riding what's going to happen to it like which way is it going to go you know um in perspective right like the other night

Starting point is 01:41:13 after a kill tony taping i was telling my producer guy that uh i go it's so crazy i just had five different people come up to me and literally say the same thing of, I can't believe that you get to be mean to people for two hours every week on a show for a living. And I go, and I had another five totally different people on my way up to the green room say, I can't believe that you have created a format to help people and you're the only person giving these random people a shot to be seen. And it's funny how they're all at the same show and these people are seeing two different shows kind of, you know what I mean? And I think it's that way sort of for everything nowadays. Sometimes something can be right there and we choose what we like about it or what we don't like about it, right?

Starting point is 01:42:09 Well, it's a bummer too. Sometimes it's like, I wish I could press a button more and get different perspectives. Like it's like, sometimes I'm like, man, I'm so, I'm not inhibited,

Starting point is 01:42:19 I am inhibited by my own perspective. Not that it's right or wrong. Sometimes it's both. But that it's like, man, I wonder what life is. If you're, what has life seemed like? If you're this person, if you're a woman, if you're a man, if you're black or, um, what is it? Japanese, you know, or, you know, I've just like, wonder what it all seems like, you know? Um, you know, I've just like wonder what it all seems like, you know, because then it's like, yeah, are my views off? Are they on?

Starting point is 01:42:50 Is it okay if they're just right for me in my own space? You know, I think that's the part that starts to feel kind of scary sometimes. It's like, well, these are my views for my perception um is it okay to share them if i can't get everybody if i can't you know how is it okay to share them if even if i'm without taking into context what other people's views are like it's just it's hard right it's hard sometimes yeah you know um because you try to you want to be open-minded you want but you also want to respect what you intrinsically feel you know and i think that's another place another area where the pandemic hit hard like people like me and you that went out and we're like we need to be around stuff

Starting point is 01:43:37 that's open we need to go out once in a while listen to music or just be around people or just be somewhere that's open you know that's a's a character trait, you know what I mean? And I think that a lot of people that stayed in and stayed locked down and things like this created almost a little bit of bitterness towards those that might speak a little bit more freely because we know people better, because we're socializing more and out more and we might have a japanese friend or a black woman or this or a transgender or this or that or anything so we sort of can speak more freely because we feel like we know these people and this and that and meanwhile some you know person who's at home on the internet who never goes out can be like,

Starting point is 01:44:25 you know, you shouldn't even be talking about this. This is what we have to do because it also caters to that person's life. But also guys like you and me, I think we never really liked the rules. You've never liked the rules. Hell no. No. Uh-uh. Never.

Starting point is 01:44:40 You've never liked the rules. And so anytime there's rules or some type of control that comes in, I really don't like that. Right. It hits in a place in me I don't want to be. You know, I think it goes back to just my childhood. I didn't like where we were. I didn't like the whole position that I got put into in my life when I was young, blah, blah, blah. So it's like I'll reject anything that tries to fucking make me be some type of way.

Starting point is 01:45:04 It's a blessing and a curse, I think, sometimes. So your dad passed away when you were a kid? I heard you mention that earlier. No, he's alive. And what type of job did he have? He ran an Italian restaurant and did some bookying, basically. Youngstown is sort of like a little Italian mafia hub. So everybody there, when I was a kid, was involved in organized crime in some effect or another,

Starting point is 01:45:32 including my mom, who was running numbers for the whole city. It was a big illegal gambling operation that she used just to put me through the private school there and make sure that I had a new pair of nikes once a year you know what i mean i was like poor people don't realize that you put the cards out to people and they would circle the games and that sort of thing would you yeah yep well it was mostly like betting mostly like you call and it's like all right i'll put 20 on the packers and and but the thing that my mom was doing was also like writing down numbers so you could play like the pick three lottery or the pick four lottery and it was like straight or boxed which means you're playing it

Starting point is 01:46:13 straight up or the three numbers come out anyway it was it's crazy that i used to like just see her on the phone like writing down numbers and like doing it all the time and collecting money from people that would come over and she would just grab a roll of cash from them. And she would put me through private school with that just enough to survive. You know, people think that families from that are involved with organized crime are always rich and have a mansion like in the Sopranos and a big SUV. But it's like, it wasn't like that in Youngstown. It's like the lower class mob. So my dad and my mom were married to other people when they had me and they already had kids and families.

Starting point is 01:46:58 So it was having an affair. Totally. Oh, wow. Forever, for 11 years, they were having an affair. Super affair. I was a super bastard before it was cool. Like an extreme bastard. Wow. Because my dad didn't want, you know, my mom didn't want me to have my dad's last name because obviously he had a family around the corner and the whole thing's a mess.

Starting point is 01:47:20 But did her husband know that it wasn't his kid? Correct. They hadn't been having sex. It was just one of those like back then, you know, 1984 divorce was like frowned upon and this and that. But once she came, once she was like pregnant, they're like, all right, it's time for you to find another place to live. And so he was out and I was in and the rest is history. It's crazy, wild times. But it's a lot of unacceptance. It feels like you probably felt like you didn't fairly fit in with any.

Starting point is 01:47:49 Exactly. Luckily, my four older brothers and sisters on my mom's side were super open. Like, no, you're a Hinchcliffe. You're one of us. You're, you know, we got you. And that's another thing that changed my life is like I was raised with this council of much older brothers and sisters, 12 years, 14, 18, and 20 years older than me. Wow. Yeah. So I have a sister that's 58 right now. Yeah. That's crazy. That's cool. And my youngest brother is 50, 12 years

Starting point is 01:48:19 older than me. So like I used to go down, they, my mom used to ship me to Columbus, Ohio for a month every summer when I was out of school and I would just get to hang out with my brothers and sisters who were going to the Ohio State University. So there I was, a little nine-year-old hanging out with a bunch of 20-something-year-olds and me trying to make them laugh when they were stoned. I didn't even know they were high. They would just all go to the bedroom for like 20 minutes and then come out like giggling. And I would try to make them laugh. And I would do goofy stuff. Yeah, you got to fit in. Magic tricks and all this lame stuff to just try to entertain them.

Starting point is 01:48:54 And it was fun. They thought it was great. And they thought I was funny. So like little things like that, it's where it all kind of started. But yeah, the dad notics the dad always trying to impress the dad thing was a big deal i mean it is with anybody again to reference the sopranos like and to reference everything you know it all goes back to like crazy psychology from our very we are a product of our childhood so crazy isn't it totally and i mean it's so interesting when

Starting point is 01:49:23 you really like go and realize like yeah we're not that we're not that original. We are like a victim of like the story is written early on. We're just playing out the script that our psychology wrote. Right. I never thought about it like that. Me neither. I never said that before. I like that. It's like the psychology. That shit was written right in the first couple of years. Exactly. And now we are just following the... Yep. Because I found out at a very early age that my dad... My mom used to tell me that my dad was a truck driver.

Starting point is 01:49:53 I think it was or something like that. I can't exactly remember that part. But it was some job where he was traveling a lot. And one day on the school bus, we went to pick up my buddy Jeff Lewis over on Coronado, and I noticed a car that looked like my dad's across the street in the driveway, so it's only like three, four, five blocks from where I was raised, and I look over, and I memorize the license plate. Maybe I wrote it down. I don't know, and then the next time he came to visit, which was usually like once every couple weeks or so so, or maybe once a month for, you know,

Starting point is 01:50:29 half an hour. Um, next time he came over, I matched up the license plate to this, you know, to this Bronco that I saw every day when we were picking up Jeff Lewis. And, and I didn't even bring it up to him because i never wanted to i never wanted to like start any trouble i always wanted him to think i was cool but i said to mom after he left that day i go so i noticed that his car is always in a driveway across the street from uh jeff lewis's house on coronado and she like looked like she had seen a ghost because he's like she's like oh my god this 10 year old just figured out that his dad lives right around the corner so then once i realized at such an early age that

Starting point is 01:51:17 my dad was just a few blocks away every day the whole time and she sat me down and told me everything so all of a sudden i realized like my mom's kind of a liar and my dad is raising a whole different family right so all of a sudden there's this fire inside where it's like i'm gonna get him to like me one day i'm gonna get him to know that i'm the cool kid right cut to two months ago pittsburgh or no maybe a few months ago but pittsburgh pennsylvania the middle of an arena ppg paints arena where the penguins play where you know a bunch of crazy stuff happens only 50 minutes away from youngstown ohio and him and his girlfriend came out and saw me and you know he's like 75 now or whatever and like he, he's just, he just couldn't believe it. I mean, there's not, I don't, yeah, it's just crazy.

Starting point is 01:52:08 Especially being from Youngstown, you just never think you're going to see anybody in the middle of an arena that you know, performing to a sold out 360 degree crowd, floor filled all the way to the upper deck. And, you know, doing good because we're working this whole time. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:52:24 So it's like a lot of laughs and he comes back to the we i we gave him full access to the green room because there was like a big fight that night it was um anthony joshua versus uh what's his name the best best big box fury yeah and so and youngstown's a boxing town so now he's backstage with me rogan and we're watching boxing on a big screen tv with never ending you know you know what these fancy green rooms are like there's gourmet pizza and anything you could possibly want some coffee right whatever you're in the mood for cooler filled with all your favorite soda pops and like you, you know, I realized I like did it kind of, you know what I mean? That's like,

Starting point is 01:53:06 hell yeah. It was like the, it's a real sort of undeniable victory that I'm like, Ooh, wow. I didn't even realize like, this is cool. Cause it's what,

Starting point is 01:53:18 it's what you want, right? Yeah. You want to impress these people that made you with their body parts. I know. It's so strange. It's so tricky because he came out of his wiener because he squirted inside of my mother's vagina. I need to impress him.

Starting point is 01:53:34 I'll show him one day. He didn't even have the biggest wiener. It was probably a basic wiener. Oh, totally. Nowhere near our friend here. Nowhere near. It's funny, man. I don't know sometimes it's

Starting point is 01:53:45 like yeah i think i wanted to be seen so much by my mother that it's like i started i had to get everybody to see me and it was like hopefully one day my mother will see me you know and it's like i don't even know if i'd have gone on that whole journey if i just had this sort of uh attention or affection you know right it's pretty fascinating man. I think that that's a real through line in our industry. It's like, I would be interested to know who the funniest person is that had both parents there and caring about them and eating dinner at a table with like a nice place mat every day.

Starting point is 01:54:21 And like, you know what I mean? A glass of ice for the little things, you know what I mean? glass of ice perhaps the little things you know what i mean that like seems so normal that for some reason nobody on the comedy store lineup you know what i mean like what are the odds you know what i mean it's interesting man meanwhile if you sat at a table with engineers they'd be like what do you mean your parents weren't there i don't get it what do you mean a placemat of course you had a placemat yeah my father i ate on a tv tray i would make frozen pierogies you know what i mean and disgusting you know what i mean oh yeah yeah and he's like my mother was 35 degrees to my left my father was at 70 degrees and man tony like my father was four blocks away. I know. Fuck. So close.

Starting point is 01:55:07 That's crazy. That's almost, it's kind of heartbreaking. It's wild, but I wouldn't have changed a goddamn thing. I live my dreams, and I'm happier than ever, and it's just wild.

Starting point is 01:55:19 It's insane. Yeah, and that's- You do shows with goofballs like you, sold out shows on the road, get to go to different cities and hit up people like John and you and whoever's in that city, these relationships that I built

Starting point is 01:55:31 from doing dirty, stupid jokes all over. It's like, yeah. It really- Oh, it's really lucky. It's really the gift of not getting those things and then getting them in little increments from other people, from people that

Starting point is 01:55:45 care enough to support you, to believe in you, to like you. It's like you slowly get little bitty drops of all of that that you needed long ago. You get it from people. It's pretty amazing. Yeah, it's funny because I always thought for so long, man, how do I change this past? It's just so impossible. Right. So all I can really do is just move forward with what I have and be grateful for it. Yep. Tony Hitchcliffe, man. Hell yeah. Dude, thanks so much. Right. So all I can really do is just move forward with what I have and be grateful

Starting point is 01:56:05 for it. Tony Hitchcliffe, man. Hell yeah. Dude, thanks so much, bro. Thank you. This was so much fun. Yeah, because we've known each other for a long time, but I have never really gotten to really just sit and kind of learn about you. And I appreciate it, man. Heck yeah. I'm proud of you. Thank you. Likewise. An honor to be on your show. You're hilarious. I'm excited to do more shows here tonight. Yeah, it's going to be fun, man. Kill Tony, if you guys haven't seen this, you really need to go and see it live. People love it online.

Starting point is 01:56:31 It has a huge following on YouTube. It's out every Tuesday. Every Monday at 8. Every Monday at 8. Central Standard Time. Yeah. But it's always there on YouTube. We've had some of our biggest shows lately.

Starting point is 01:56:43 We're hitting a stride. It's crazy to think that this thing that I work on forever is better than ever, but. Well, it's so pure. That's the thing about it. It's like, fuck, no wonder this isn't on television. No one, cause that they can't do that. There's too much. There's too many cooks in the kitchen. There's too many knives and spoons in the bowl. This is just a fucking dirty, real porridge, dude. But you guys pull it off really well. And there's enough like the production value that's there. Even when you're there in person, it's like there's moving cameras and there's things going on.

Starting point is 01:57:17 And it just, man, it blew my mind when I went back and did it. Thank you. It really is. It's as unique as something could be, man. Well, we can't wait to have you back on. I'd love to come back, man. Tony Hinchcliffe, thanks, bro. Thank you. Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share thisite, and welcome to Kite Club,

Starting point is 01:58:01 a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.

Starting point is 01:58:17 You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else. So great. Hi, sweetheart. Here's the deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.

Starting point is 01:58:36 Charmaine. I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken. Oh, no! I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me. Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is

Starting point is 01:58:50 tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry,

Starting point is 01:59:03 my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend - E411 Tony Hinchcliffe

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