This Past Weekend - E417 Dana Carvey

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Starting point is 00:00:37 Thio manscaped get your jingle balls ready for the holidays. We got new merch Some new colorways In the be good to yourself collection We've got hoodies in plum and moss We've also got t-shirts in lilac moss and blue mist. I hope you enjoy those. Those are good colors Get that hitter and more at theovonstore.com I'd also like to announce some new tour dates. I will be coming with the return of the rat tour January 26th to Louisville, Kentucky

Starting point is 00:01:15 January 28th Indianapolis February 2nd Shreveport Louisiana February 4th Beton Rouge March 24 Corpus Christi March 25 Houston, Texas April 26th Phoenix down there in the Sun May 13th, New York City In June 1st

Starting point is 00:01:43 Austin, Texas all those Shows go on sale Wednesday, November 16th at 10 a.m local time With the code rat king. That's the pre-sale You can get any ticket through theovon.com T-o-u-r Just make sure you go through there to get accurately priced seats and And thank you guys and we love you today's guests. Um, I mean this guy

Starting point is 00:02:17 He's got more voices in him than a dang schizophrenic, you know, he's a real You know, he just his impersonations and his ability to Imagine and create at the same time. It's it's a remarkable gift to the world and And we've seen it through his work on the Saturday Night Live His countless films Wayne's world his new podcast Fly on the wall with David Spade and his new scripted podcast with Dex Carvey and Julian Matulic We're gonna learn a little bit about that today. I'm grateful to get to spend time with him. Mr. Dana Carvey

Starting point is 00:03:22 Well The most thing you can do is say to yourself, I wonder if I'll get an orange Yeah The whole idea of sex is not thinking and all you have to do is concentrate on turning yourself on Because they asked me that once on a podcast they go, how do you turn someone else? So turn someone on you got turn yourself on Damn true focus on that Yeah, I think I I like yeah, I mean, I've had probably libido issues since I was probably I Would bet eight or nine months old. I don't know. Well, but you're

Starting point is 00:04:03 I don't know when you don't have a libido until you go through puberty really right, okay I mean, yeah, who has a libido when they're in diapers? But you know, I don't know I have to look at some pictures and see what you know what see what was going on back then but yeah, I felt like I Don't know when that libido starts cranking up. Well, it's normally I'll just play doctor When puberty happens is when libido kicks up. I'm gonna say that yeah We had a party in our neighborhood this guy had he was an Elvis impersonator, right? And he had a party for his child whenever he went through puberty. I remember and we went well

Starting point is 00:04:42 That's kind of like a bar mitzvah kind of right. I guess I don't know. I'd never had never been anything like that I think it was like some part of I don't know if it was like a church program or whatever But yeah, this fella got all pubescent or whatever and so they invited everybody over there for cake or whatever When I turned 13 my dad headbutt me and I saw stars Yeah, you think you're a man I Tell everybody Mike Myers always said the one movie movie had was a headbutt and you always come up slow If you know, there's gonna be a fight like what's up

Starting point is 00:05:16 We got to have peace boom and then you really is a fish in yeah You have that in Louisiana a little headbutt headbutts the sudden friendly one. I don't know Jed We should get along it. We can share the fishing hole. Boom I just I don't know where you grew up. I know it's down in that area of the world. Yeah I think if you're a good head, but what was a good good head, but oh mays. I think was popular by us Are you a little warmed in them? Well, no, I'm not well this this is for arctic weather But I just want to keep the blue around me because it's hip. Yeah, I'm liking a little cozy. Yeah, I can't believe how good I look today. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah, isn't it interesting someday you crack up you wake up

Starting point is 00:05:56 You're like, okay, today's gonna be an okay-looking day. I know well if I go back I still think that a man Lorne Michael said once something about a man in his 40s and a woman in their 20s They're both at the peak of their power So you're just coming into your peak sex symbol. You're successful. You're in your 40s. Now you go start to look at 20 21 22 I'll keep going with 23 24, but yeah, you're in you're in your private I remember someone saying that to me I had this a guy my age doing my hair on some kind of movie and he goes I go I'm 38

Starting point is 00:06:34 You know and he goes, oh you're in your prime. Oh that fucker was right. Was he? No, but I'm my prime now. Yeah Yeah, I'm Johnny positive The prime has to keep moving, huh? You have to keep the prime moving don't you the yeah, if you if you didn't age or get older than I we'd be in some kind Of hellish environment. You think yeah, we got a check out. We got to have an expiration date. It makes everything intense What if you lived a million years you just you just like what would you do? I mean you would definitely probably call in you know, you call you'd show up late to work more. I think

Starting point is 00:07:12 I've always wanted to play the saxophone because my parents I got picked to play the saxophone in fifth grade But it was $7 a month and I kept coming to school Expensive on and they said they said where's your saxophone? So I go I'll have it tomorrow and then at one point I think my mom said, you know, we can't afford the saxophone So if I lived a million years, I would spend at least 10,000 years practicing a saxophone Yeah, you'd be so good then No, I don't think that's my skill set but I like to bang on things and strum things Did you have an instrument as a child? Was there something you got kind of early that they gave you usually a parent will give a child

Starting point is 00:07:54 Something give them a horn give them a little You know, it's something you see people right give them a Moroccan that came later But first my brother and I saw the Beach Boys. We had a band called the surfer So we had the clothes hamper, you know, we're the crayon we wrote the surfers He got a one-string guitar. He could play Louis Louis for a buck and I would kick The clothes hamper for my kick drum and then I had a Hardy Boys book for my snare and the two drumsticks We stole from Mickey Hart of the Grateful Dead his store in the 1960s because we were huge juvenile delinquents Yeah, and then I met him 30 years later and I didn't know if it was true

Starting point is 00:08:32 He goes did you want a music store on Laurel Avenue in San Carlos? He goes, yeah I think I shoplifted there. I handed him a 20 but I had that and then I got a big bash snare drum in sixth grade Plastic, but I had a muscly cousin who came down and just be killed it in a day And why do you do it? He just was angry that you were gonna learn it. He was one of those muscly kids He's like a sixth grader J winners. He just was muscly every you can visit him every time you visit him He crouched like he was gonna wrestle you. Yeah, you know one of those cousins like I don't want to wrestle you dude So he broke the big bash But do you do you remember what what toy blew your mind because I always ask people this

Starting point is 00:09:10 I this is what I say the big three from five to twelve. All right movie or TV show where you went, holy shit Toy you had where you want? Holy shit, and then a bike where you felt like an adventurer the bike, you know Yeah, I think the bike was It had those spoke things those little things those little things whenever the wheel turned like the little thing would slide down the little It like a little a little You know a thing that they used to count if you can't count real good and you slide it Oh, okay, so I had like a little ticker thing go. Yeah. Yeah, something like a little like these little Can you pull it up that abacus? No, can you pull up one time? I just like that this because we would do a clothespin and playing cards

Starting point is 00:09:51 To get the motor so that's fine that too, right? Yeah, they yeah, we got up sold some garbage a little deal But it would take and then this hot girl sometimes a ride on it with me You know or not that hot but like, you know, she like lived near me which was hot back then, you know Yeah, dude if a girl lived far and if you could throw something and hit a girl damn she was fine You were growing up. I would say in third grade. Yeah, did you ever drop your pencil? So you had to pick it up and then you look behind you and the girl you could See the girls skirt. Oh drop it so she would get it

Starting point is 00:10:25 No drop it so you have an excuse to reach down and look back where the girl you like you're sitting Yeah, I was erect from probably wait a minute. You had no libido. Oh, I don't know if I did it I might have been all libido, but I was a wreck probably From me. I can't even imagine. I think from probably fifth grade to probably 31 I was you ever having like in grade school like okay, and you're just full bloom You're just fantasizing you're in a zone. You're not paying attention. They go Theo come to the chalkboard Yeah, come to the chalkboard right now. Yeah, you like you had a full erection. Oh, what did you do about that joust? I would joust the other guy passing me in the aisle. That's what I would do. Everybody was erect

Starting point is 00:11:07 Oh, it was a bunch of like those tarpons passing each other in the water and In middle school in junior high man every like I feel like you didn't want to get snatched on Somebody's frickin pants now when you're walking down the hall. I remember sometimes I would have my strap hanging off my bag And we had hooked on somebody else's penis as you're just you know cuz in junior high every kid is just so damn erect, bro It's just like you you know people just they can't handle it You know you get that front rudder on you and you can't handle it as a child But I remember this hot girl got her toe caught in my bike. Yes, we had to take her to the like I don't know if it was emergency room Or just just somebody close by that had damn thread on them, you know when we took her over there and

Starting point is 00:11:51 Damn thread you mean just cool clothes. Oh, no, like just like could knit knit her. Oh, you know spruce splice her toe back up Oh, and so I Remember she got man. She got she got pretty mangled up and but she had a limp after that And I would I'd limp with it because she's always trying to run away from me So after that it was kind of good because it kind of you know Give me a chance to so she's out in some open field in Louisiana, and she's got this Hickety Step because of a broken leg and you're kind of chasing her not trying to get away Originally, she'd keep away from me

Starting point is 00:12:23 But once she got her yeah, she rode on my bike one time She got her toe caught in spokes and that was and that was slow permanent damage or it caused at least maybe two months of damage Wow, okay. Oh my brother lost his front teeth Two different ways in fifth grade. I think first he did a wheelie on his stingray front tire went boom chip They got the caps then he's doing Duncan yo-yo's and he's going loop-to-loop Bam chip them again Only twice I thought there'd be a third one man It'll happen still Duncan Imperials

Starting point is 00:12:59 I went shoplifted six of those at a Woolworth's I would go to kids on the street Go you want a yo-yo and I go in steal a yo-yo bring it out You want one Duncan Imperial go in take it. I was Juvenile in fourth grade. Yeah, and what would you think you were acting out about some? I'm sitting here with Dana Carvey as well, and I'm sorry Even introduced that not at all and what is that is a short for something Dana No, my name was Brett on the birth certificate my grandmother because I had three older brothers We were all stacked tight five kids in ten years my mom

Starting point is 00:13:31 And my grandmother said they're gonna call him Brett the brat So I think Dana Andrews was a movie star at the time I think it came from that but it was I got in girls P Classes in high school like that thing would come report to the girls physical education class cuz I need show up Yeah, Theo is definitely a man's name the Dana's a switch hitter like Chris or Robin Yeah, Robin was a wild one on Dana, but yeah, that must have been nice I was thinking yeah, could it be short for something maybe maybe bandana I could see They call me

Starting point is 00:14:05 Dane the brain cuz my two of my brothers were dyslexic So they got C's if they really tried so I got a few B's and then I was my nickname was Dane the brain Oh, yeah, if you were that's kind of funny if you're even smarter than your brother You get classified as the brain even if all y'all are dumb Yeah, not y'all, but I'm just saying no any family and I like this is our smart kid You know we get C's well it was it was it was bad for dyslexic kids in those days because they just put you in the The yellow book or the red reading book and then there was the green pretty smart We got in the blue book

Starting point is 00:14:37 We were the rock stars and then they would send us to the speed reading kind of clockwork orange van and they would do the Words like that reading a thousand words a minute So that was you know it was a weird childhood, but I My brothers were we're all shoppers shoplifters and smokers We would steal my mom's Kent cigarettes and just whale on those and we would eat ice plants So no one would smell it on our breath and one day we went to the mall and we three of us me my two older brothers We parked our bikes said shit someone's gonna steal them We went into a hardware store stole locks locked up our bikes went back in shop lifted came home late

Starting point is 00:15:15 Everything out on a table my brother Brad or I based Garthon a science brother He added it all up and he goes that's $14 and about 92 cents of Stuff in those days so that so there we said 1492. It's like Columbus So when you were shoplifting with your brother you'd go are you sailing the blue? He goes? Yeah, I'm sailing the blue. I'm trying to get you know and my brother Brad eventually Would steal for the sport of it like he go and get a whole LP album under his shirt Oh, and I go up you see it sailing the blue and he goes check it out I could I could take it if I want I could take it because he talked like that and then he would put it back

Starting point is 00:15:55 So he was like a catch-and-release shoplifter Wow, you don't see a lot of that. No just for sport just for but he was a brilliant kid. I mean We would go to Battle Creek, Michigan to get something from Kellogg's You know the the cereal so you'd you'd have to put a quarter in the envelope and he would just he tore a little Part of the envelope open to see if they go oh poor kid if someone tore it and he would get the prize Oh, or if we wanted to buy candy at the mercantile when we went to the lake He would have a he would sort of take a piece of metal and make a slug out of it and put a quarter on top So the guy would think it was 50 cents. He was clever kid

Starting point is 00:16:36 Dang, you're real clever on it sound like he's very have that oceans 11 in them, you know like he's got that yeah And did he end up getting in any any real crime? No, he just he became he became a brilliant engineer. He invented the first sort of sort of online They're sorry computer video home thing was called the video toaster with Tim Jenison in the 90s and he was a kid who? Had diesel batteries. I found a frog one day and I gave it I thought it was dead You know and he kind of hooked it up And it was sort of vibrating because he had these two desales and he sort of wired it up on it And I thought it was kind of I was opening and I said Brad the eyes opening and this is a true story

Starting point is 00:17:18 I do it my act, but he's like cars good. Yeah, I brought him back to life. He'll never day again. That was But Scott and I so he was the one the bunk bed one and we were we all shared y'all at a room with how many bunk beds in it The downstairs brothers that were weird even to this day. They had a bunk bed Downstairs mark two brothers two brothers and me and Scott up there Mark and Brad and Mark would wet the bed like anybody's business So my parents got this machine in a catalog So it'd be like this plastic sheet and a little mechanical thing to would wake him up when he'd start to wet the bed Yeah, so he start to wet one night But he went so much he killed the machine and that would rain down on Brad because he was the lower bunk

Starting point is 00:18:00 But he was inventing all kinds of stuff, but and then Scott and I we were upstairs and he would sleep with the covers over But we was a rough and tumble Second-day baked goods, you know, you go to the my mom and go to the bakery one day old to Too expensive two-day old. They're almost giving it away. Yeah, so we put those in a freezer My dad would buy a side of cheap cheap beef Mmm, and he would put it in this freezer and then we'd get it and it was almost all gristle. Yeah, he goes Oh, Jesus Christ the best parts of gristle and it was just like gnarly steak So I had a blocked artery by Tom. I was your age. Yeah, yeah

Starting point is 00:18:39 100% locked man. It was really blocked. There was so much fight. I I think like There was so much more mystery and stuff It seems like when you look at like your childhood, right? Yeah, and then you have children now. How many children do you have to? Okay, and you have two male children that I know of sir, right? And so y'all are male heavy y'all seed line is male heavy Yeah, basically there might have a younger sister. My mom had four boys. I've had two boys Yeah, so a lot of you know, I think of masculinity begets masculinity. Yeah, no, I'm just saying it's almost like a damn gay nightclub at this point I mean, I'm saying there's a lot of men in it. That's all I'm saying, dude

Starting point is 00:19:19 But why is it a gay nightclub? You're gonna have a lot of men over there, you know Well, I'm just saying Jeffrey Dahmer would buy all a couple sandwiches Well, there was a lot of wrestling so my dad first of all he loved to grow a Scratchy beard and then you go. Oh Jesus Christ time for the whiskers You're like five years old you weigh like 40 pounds Ah, and he would get on top you and he'll whiskers and he would just rub his face on your face like yeah, yeah, and then he'd have me Oh Jesus Christ fight him so I had to fight my brother Scott who seemed like a giant compared to me He was 12. I was 10 and he go oh grab his balls. He would scream at us. Oh Jesus Christ grab his balls

Starting point is 00:19:59 So that was these are these are the good times Theo. Oh, yeah, but I know I I I had a Disney face when I was your age so people always just to think what up What a mellow easy happy life you've had but it was it was good that we had each other Right and so it sounds like it's not like y'all were really close, huh? We are we are still now We survived it. It was a fascinating time. It was you know, but you look back on your childhood pretty fondly It sounds like you look back on because you have so many like memories I love I'm like kind of fascinated by nostalgia and stuff. So I think I think about those times a lot, you know Well, I think that those years you can't ever get back and those years are precious the thing that we were able to do is

Starting point is 00:20:44 We were so independent. There was one landline. It was a party line. Sometimes you pick it up and the neighbors are used Oh, sorry. Yeah, so you were just gone a lot and my dad would go to Montana with his friends a lot And so we were be just on our own and just on get on your Schwinn stingray My brother got the Schwinn monster green my parents ran out of money. They got me this sears Offload or whatever was it was a cheap kickoff one, which I knew it was okay But a step kid or whatever the bike was even called it. Yeah The other Scott was the favorite so we we just ride around all day and we just you know I played flag football and fifth grade and it seemed like professional sports. Yeah, I loved it ready

Starting point is 00:21:29 Break and I was the half back and you know, so I agree with you. That's why I call them the seminal years I think they're so important To about 12 and that then then life kind of interrupts but before that you're taking in so much Information, you know, what about you? Yeah, I mean we had a decent time seven or eight. What's going on in your household? Are you scared? Dude? I was very scared growing up. I think I think I just like real sense it like super sensitive real scared What what was it like I think Yeah, it's a lot of time alone a lot of time about strange babysitters, you know We had a babysitter that got a roach in her ear one night

Starting point is 00:22:09 And she kept like yelling at us that she had a roach in here But she spoke also Spanish or something or I don't she spoke Spanish or just something was like wrong with her or something Or she didn't maybe she didn't speak real well or something, but we thought it was Spanish, you know Yeah, babysitters are memorable. We had one when I was five my parents drove to Montana And you lived in Montana growing up. No just till age five, but we went there every summer. I was just there So I'm a native son in a sense But that babysitter like I'm five and I got a she's putting back teen and a band-aid on my knee And I'm five and I'm remembering her years later like she was a fairy princess

Starting point is 00:22:47 Like gorgeous. So I said my brothers at the time Mark was like 12 and he goes. Oh, yes She was just a complete knockout. Wow, but that's that was a memory when I was five But I wasn't thinking sexually. I just thought it just hit my brain, you know, you know, I've lost some of my hair I wasn't taking care of myself and I got off of medications. They help you keep your hair and Damn a third of it fell out So that's what's happening in the world You know, two out of three men will experience some form of hair loss by the time they are 35 More than 50 million men in the US suffer from male pattern baldness

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Starting point is 00:24:54 Yeah, they were babysitters were oh babysitters were good But ours was yeah, this one lady. She was either Spanish or just I don't know if she had like she might have just had like Fuck she could have been them narcoleptic. I don't know what she was. There was something unique about her to us, you know, yeah and she um She got a roach in her ear and she was trying to tell us and we're just kids You know, I remember and she's like yelling in Spanish about a row having like a Karachi and I Don't know what they call it. She's

Starting point is 00:25:24 Yelling at the kids and we don't know we don't know what's going on. We you know, we don't know if it's like charades I remember we barely knew her, you know And then she ended up having to go to the hospital when she did a roach I got in her ear God, it's funny because that's such a great word for that accent because I remember Al Pacino doing a cuban accent your cock a roach a cock a roach is a great word You're cock a roach cock a roach a tire a tire a tire a cock a roach. So I can't in my console I can't do that. I got a roach. So yeah, so I just for a second cuz my father was nick a rock one also

Starting point is 00:25:58 So you're good to do that here. So he had a full accent and everything. He had probably I would say 40% accent So you would say, you know, I don't know the different. I just know a general. I just know Al Pacino's crazy cuban accent So tail. Yeah, why are you gonna do a tail? It's time for Thanksgiving dinner tail. Is that how he said it? No, he didn't he's not that much. He's a little lighter, you know, yeah So what did he think of you you think like my dad had it in for me a little bit Did he was he jealous of you you think? Yeah He was jealous that you were kind of like pro like funny and fun. He didn't think I was funny I think my brother brad could fix things like oh, you know our tool drawer was really sucked like the hammer always was lost

Starting point is 00:26:43 So brad would take a butter knife and fix the dryer and my dad would stand over him and then try to take credit for it He's just insecure about not being able to do that and then for me is because my mom called me precious I look kind of androgynous. I don't know what he thought I was but I could see it a little and he was Oh, I definitely had a very much a baby face and he had it in for him But what did your dad think of you? Were you the favorite son or you how many brothers? I had one brother and two sisters Okay, and my dad was born in 1910. So he was an old man, right? So but the time you were like eight or ten. He was almost 80. Yeah, he was almost 80 when I was 10

Starting point is 00:27:20 He was 80 and so It was interesting. I don't think I knew what he thought of me You know, he would be sleeping a lot Like a lot of my memories are my mom waking him up and him being kind of pissed off about stuff Or he'd be sitting somewhere and he would just kind of doze off You know, he liked to let me sometimes like rub on his shoulders a little bit Um, sometimes he would smell like beer Um

Starting point is 00:27:45 He let me like drive his car whenever I could like was tall enough to drive like He kind of like let me just he needed help, you know a little bit So it was like kind of like this trade-off a little but what did he think he thought he's got three other kids I mean in between him and your mom I mean who was was there anyone who was the clear cut favorite or I was my mom's favorite And Scott was my dad's favorite because all of a sudden you'd come home. He has a new guitar We're like, it's not even Christmas or his birthday. Fuck. That's like way unfair. Oh, man But I I was not envious of it to be to be bud's favorite

Starting point is 00:28:19 No, I didn't I just got didn't you know, that was great get away from the monster But I thought he's just getting toys. He was called scotchman or scott the pot Oh, he got it. Did you have a nickname Theo the leo? No, I think I just had like Theo So, uh, what is it teddy? Maybe sometimes. Did they say why did they name you Theo? It's such a unique name. Isn't it for that your generation? Yeah, my dad's name was Theodore Theodore Yeah, so we had this thing, you know, like some type of uh, Spanish flair or something, you know, the adorab Oh, the adorab Rosaveta. Yeah I named my son so he become a president. I'm sorry. I don't

Starting point is 00:28:57 Is it offensive at the adorab Rosaveta? I think it's good. I used to think you must have had such a cool kid Because you have such a curious brain So I I hope that you're what about your mom didn't they kind of I think they didn't my mom was busy working So we had these strange people that'd be over there, you know, a lot of these babysitters and we'd make up stories and tell them stuff, you know A lot of them we'd have like it was the first we'd have like this big black lady that would take care of us Or a very old woman that would take care of us and just like Like we had the spanish lady with the roach in her, you know, like so there was just like I think we didn't really know who was gonna be there One time we did get the hot chick, dude

Starting point is 00:29:35 I remember she took me to summer campers day camp at the wyme c.a And she drove this orange car. I don't remember and she played bonjovi and I just remember I don't think I'd ever heard music until there was like a hot woman pregnant president. Oh, yeah And suddenly like I could hear music. I was cool And I was like play it again play it again and like just like her like interacting with me or engaging with me It was like the most magical thing. I remember and then um Yeah, and she was not even cute. I don't think but I thought she was like just the hottest thing ever, you know, there

Starting point is 00:30:08 You know, she looked like a man actually She was almost like a man She looked she had like a short haircut and she She kind of thinks she kind of I think a lot of dudes would have been like, whoa, you know Um, she's not my first choice of a woman, you know That I had crushes. I had just mad crushes with absolute shyness Linda Benson there was like uh Seventh grade party and you do a makeout session, you know on the dark and it was Linda Benson

Starting point is 00:30:37 And she knew it knew her way around that situation, but I wanted what did they do they put y'all in a closet or something We just this dark room and I you know seventh grade and like what and suddenly you're yeah, maybe we went in a closet. Yeah, I don't know but uh And what happened is it like the hardest part ever was I think trying to touch a breast or something and at the movies a Lot of guys there'd be big guys like touch it get that titty boy And they threaten you if you didn't do it, you know So then you're like working off of a clock kind of it was like a shot clock Well, the thing is is that there were I don't know where you were

Starting point is 00:31:11 In junior high there's some women that go right they come back from the summertime And they've been genetically gifted. They're suddenly stunning some of the guys We had a guy who's like had a little beard. He was all muscly. He was in eighth grade And I look like a fetus with shoes. I mean I was nothing was happening, but I you know I was uh, I got a chip on my shoulder and it I don't know where my drive comes from a little bit, but I hate to lose and I hate anyone Trying to fuck with me, but I mostly want to be nice and friendly and stuff But if someone goes I don't I'm not good with that

Starting point is 00:31:48 I I attack pretty hard not physically, but I will you know Verbally, you'll be you'll get I have to get the upper hand But spades got he's got an edge to him too, you know, what my good buddy spade Yeah, we had a nice time we had dinner the other night. That was we ended up laughing our ass off about your comedy team Australian Dancers in Vegas, you know your movie idea that that they try to go to Vegas and they come like thunder down under like oh, yeah Like models with their shirts off, but they call us house cocky and bales on cock He's bios together with cocky and bios and then then you have little

Starting point is 00:32:23 But you know I only last like one. It's only 30 seconds of the movie, but uh, that was just funny But yeah space. I think we you know, it's like he's fun. You guys have your podcast, right? It's called flying the wall flying the wall. Uh, it's called flying the wall Uh, this is a promotion. Yeah, David knowing him since before snl met him when he came in He was always cool. You met him before that. Yeah, he was like 21. I was like 30 or something And did you guys seem did he seem similar to you kind of? Um, there was a period of time where Yeah, he was like definitely from my tribe, you know, we have us, you know, there's There was a time when he opened for me. So he's like 28 29. I'm like 38

Starting point is 00:33:05 And we he'd come out and we were playing these sheds in the round in the northeast and he'd walk out and they go From a lot wide shot at that point. They thought it was me Oh, you know and so but then No, but no spade was so hip even then eventually he just had shorts on his skateboard And he would kind of just hang over the stool and he's like, what's up everybody? I go, how this You can do it that way I didn't know you could do it that way and he was hysterical because I come out jumping around in that special hounds and flies You know, I drenched and sweat in this page. It's cool. He's got a little diet Pepsi. What's up, ladies, you know

Starting point is 00:33:42 So he's the coolest but really fun to do a podcast with him He can drop A little sketch in five seconds He can go he could take a story of just that the hamburger was overcooked the guy's going I'm like Hey buddy, could you a little bit on that? I mean, he'll create a complete sketch in five seconds. So it's so much fun to watch It's so lo-fi. He doesn't push it at all. You got to go back and rewind it almost Yeah, yeah, that's a remarkable way to say him

Starting point is 00:34:12 It's like he like just he's not out there barking about his prayers. It's just like, hey come see what I made He's got this little physical moves. It's the Represent another person a little effect. Yeah and really funny word packages. Hey, buddy You know That was I learned that from john the winners, you know, that was then the rotary dial went out and I lost my closer Oh, that's the worst That's the worst when Yeah, when time starts to change

Starting point is 00:34:43 Yeah, I know isn't it weird about humor. Do you find this standard that I like I get scared that I don't know What the next generation of humor is because it's almost impossible to really know it because you have to like Live you have to come up in it really. Yeah, I know. It's really interesting. I mean, obviously I don't Generally now go east, you know, I don't do indian accents Or japanese accents really I can do them You know, um, and I had a bit about them and I just sort of dropped it. I don't know. It's sort. There's this sensitivity now But I do agree with bill burr. He was on our podcast fly on the wall And that if the intent is to hurt is different than just an observation. Yeah, you know

Starting point is 00:35:26 I just was talking about where maybe the Dialect of a japanese accent came from just that every accent like french is a debasee You know, where did that come from? You know, and where did you know, we do this or this Like that and I figured it's because of all the ring of fire all the earthquakes So you're just sitting around You know, so that was that so I don't know if you don't have to edit that out, but I just have this funny Because why do they talk like that they could have talked like this. Yeah, everybody could have talked like this all humans All human oids were just just grunting all over the world pointing and brunting

Starting point is 00:36:08 And then the sounds came up And I think the indian was more copacetic on the trade routes. Yeah You know, it's lyrical and very copacetic like I will not hurt you if you will not hurt me So I don't know if you have to cut this part out No, I think it's interesting man because aren't we should play this game when I remember first time we met a japanese guy We played this game where it was like we would just make some sounds and see if it was something in japanese, you know Oh, that's him. We'd be like And then we would ask him, you know

Starting point is 00:36:50 It's incredible It's crazy to think that somebody has a whole different like Like bible of what is sounds and thoughts inside of it. I love it and I'm just into rhythms That's all you know, they the hole is greater than some of the parts and when I hear I just like it's just Poetry to me, you know with any accent Well, it makes me think to what their thoughts and insides are like, you know And what some of the mechanics are like inside of it, you know, that's what I wonder sometimes and where does it come from emotionally?

Starting point is 00:37:26 for the male and the female Dynamic yeah, because jet like a lot of Asian females are very In the middle are kind of alpha male, which you can sort of practice probably lowering your voice Yeah, it's coming from you know, like I see it's almost where semen launches from like right there You know a little bit That can be a guy ordering a Pepsi I don't this is my favorite podcast ever. I'm just saying there's I think there's a guy ordering Pepsi Yeah, exactly or a guy having male orgasms. Yeah, and they don't have a lot of orgasms also in japan and in uh

Starting point is 00:38:13 We're orgasm heavy over here. I mean, we're skeeting up the landscape, you know, and then we're orgasm heavy We're skeeting up the landscape. So in your mind. I think so and we're we're gonna get we we climax more than People or Asian people or any other culture by far because we are the world literally. Yeah We are the world, you know, we're in that video No, but I could do I could do a spring scene if you want. We are the world Oh, I'm Bruce Springsteen. I'm five foot seven on a good day. But with my boots and my cowboy hat It's six Peter spring scene coming at you. Sure. I could have fixed my hundred by but why I'm worth a billion dollars and I love everybody. So anyway, that's uh

Starting point is 00:38:54 What were we saying? We are the Michael Jackson video. I just mean all the badass people of the world Came to America all the aggressive people are that's why right we are so freedom heavy here If they told the anti-vaxxers, we're not gonna admonish you We're not gonna say your piece of shit and your murder, but could you please get a vaccine? They would have been sure man. You should ask me. Yeah, but if you go you gotta get one Fuck you man. American. No one tells me what to do. It's just the wrong strategy. Yeah, you know, Arnold did a PSA It should have been instead of you know, fuck your freedom It should have been, you know, if you could look at it, you know, you could maybe go to the doctor

Starting point is 00:39:30 You get the little injection, you know, you help all the people instead of your murderers But we are bad asses. We're the people You know, my ancestors just somebody at some point in ireland just said I think I'm leaving I don't know I'm out there. Where are you going? I don't want to stay here in the rain in the potato I'm going to America. You could get killed. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, you know, I'll have a better menu So where you have nicaraguan polish and nicaraguan. Yeah, so somebody probably fucked on a boat I'm guessing because I don't know how you even get that mix, you know, but that's a steam roller that went through the Suez canal and somehow connected your mom and dad. I don't know. It was a probably a hundred ton steam roller

Starting point is 00:40:10 I don't know But I think look man, I I want to go back to this. I think we're seeming heavy over here, right? Okay, so you mean we have a lot of semen or we climax a lot? We climax a lot here, I believe in America because we're all We're selling it now. There's you know, there's a lot of and I know there's Japanese porn and stuff But in Japan like even if you go there, it's hard to meet women. There's not as much. I don't think promiscuous sex From what I've heard anyway. Well, look, I don't know like for me as a kid you'd go to the dump Or go in a park and jerk off. No, you'd find a beat-up Playboy magazine. Oh, yeah, and I don't understand. I can't wrap my mind around a 12 year old online

Starting point is 00:40:51 Going on porn. Yeah, I don't know what what toxicity or joy that represents, but The boys are falling behind the educational system. So technology gave boys video games You know and porn and then said now study your algebra. Yeah, uh I think I got something better to do. Yeah, you know, I'm about to find the square of my own root At least he had a smart answer Totally dad. I'm gonna do it. So it's uh, the boys are behind now The this is the it's been the year of the woman for the last 30 years, which I'm okay with but here we are again in 2023 it is drumroll year of the woman again

Starting point is 00:41:34 And so it's a great time to be a woman and I'm all for it It's just the boys have been the porn and the video games are we've been really beat down Yeah, did you ever tail in that? Did you were you into nintendo? Well, yeah, we got nintendo came out. I remember and we get a game on our birthday Usually you get a game and your friend to come over to see what game it was You had that one gift and you'd open it and and when porn came along man I remember yeah, I would bike far for porn if I heard there was porn somewhere You know, I was starved. I was starved for like a fact from like for motherly affection

Starting point is 00:42:08 So I think when porn came around it really started to fulfill some of that space in my life Let me let me just unpack that for a minute because I was a therapist for a brief period of time We really I'm not no, but I I love Talking about human age. So what do you mean you were starved for affection? Your mom didn't give you affection Yeah, I think my mom didn't like look at me much, you know, she didn't Did she she would she didn't pick me up much? No I had a sister that was real sick that had uh, she was born with like a rare liver condition And so she is different than the rest of my siblings because she got actually like physically picked up

Starting point is 00:42:44 But my mom didn't she doesn't know that there's like this emotional world at all I think she just probably didn't get it, you know I don't know if I got a lot of it either. I mean, maybe it was the 60s. You know, I don't remember You know, I love you, but she was nice. She was sweet, but she was the sixth kid She was as terrified of my dad as we all were, you know Oh, your mom was. Oh, wow. Yeah, but she wasn't mean. She was sweet, but she was terrified We were all words. It's like, you know, there's one time I got up These are just fun stories

Starting point is 00:43:18 I got up and uh, you know, I was like four or five and there was no toilet paper And I had you know, and so I used the towel and I was so young. I just put it back on the rack So to wipe my butt and my dad came out with it and then I had to grab my ankles in front of everybody And he had asked my brothers how many You had to go get his belt and he'd snap it You had to go grab it You had to go get you get the belt and then he would snap it and you'd grab your ankles and then he'd ask your brothers How many for it? So then your brother gets his time. Yeah, give him four four and then he would just start screaming

Starting point is 00:43:57 So the next day I I had short term memory issues I wiped my ass again with it towel in his bathroom and I put it back on the rack. No, I didn't do it a second time I didn't do it But I wanted to tell you about My toys because we didn't have I came up during so-called practical effects. Like we got rock'em-sock'em robots There was nothing visual on a tv screen. Rock'em-sock'em robots was amazing Getaway chase game and we played a lot of board games. Yeah, you know, they're kind of cool Don't you find the tactile three-dimensional board? Stratego or

Starting point is 00:44:33 Risk risk risk candy land we play we played a lot of game scrabble We played a lot I remember my favorite time actually as a kid was when the power would go out because our family had to all get together You know It was like we had to be kind of stuck in the same room because we needed like Right, you know mom had two candles or whatever and so we have to go downstairs And so and you couldn't really fight because if you if you fought and ran off out of the distance of the candlelight It was real scary. So yeah power outages were hip everybody had to like

Starting point is 00:45:02 You kind of needed each other, you know, so it was like yeah There was I used to kind of like hope that the power would go out because it would give me a time where I don't know. I just really liked those moments where We all it was like the only time I felt like our family there was a semblance of that we needed each other, you know Yeah, it's interesting. I I do know that The visceral feeling of Like you kind of say you're not feeling well can't go to school And then you had the house to yourself all day because my mom taught preschool

Starting point is 00:45:33 And you're watching anybody can teach preschool. No offense your mom. I'm sure she was awesome. No, she was yeah My sister became a preschool teacher But being the house by yourself and then looking out the window at like three o'clock and seeing the kids who went to school Is a little melancholy. I was almost like a panic attack like I should have gone Oh, yeah, and it's it's like when school was canceled you find out that there's no school today because of whatever reason All those feelings same thing with the powers out, you know And you know the all these things again, they they inform us. That's what my five years of therapy was about All those experiences and how they stay with you

Starting point is 00:46:09 You know and how it manifests in you now. Yeah, you know, it's interesting how it does It was your so did your did you and your dad have a good relationship? Because it sounds like I think a lot of men from his era Probably just had a tougher I think that it was a different thing of being a man back then it was full John Wayne shit And he was so terrified of his son not being you know, and he was an orphan And he went through different, you know, and then he got in the navy in 1943 or something or the army Now he's an orphan with a gun Now he's while he was a radio operator in India, but I'm sure he had a firearm at some point

Starting point is 00:46:44 But it was it was a different time and you know, sometimes I would pick up the phone at night I'd hear his birth mother Saying you forgive me buddy because he was nickname was bud. You're giving him up at birth Oh, so he had his he was wounded and had that deep seated insecurity. I think he had a little Colorblind and a little dyslexic stuff that would have not been diagnosed. So he had an inferiority complex But I you know in the end of the day, I don't harbor any I mean, I'm kind of like, you know, just moving on I mean, but but there were times

Starting point is 00:47:19 There was a few times I felt like he was being intentionally cruel to me and getting off on it You know, because when all my brothers left I was the last one to focus on and I'm with my two High school buddies cross-country runners really close friends. All we did was run And I was gonna work this weed killer and sprayed around the yard. So he came in the groves and go Um, how do I get the top of this off dad? And he goes, this was with a quote. My friends never forgot it. Oh Jesus christ Use your penis you shithead This is what we broke that use your penis you shithead, you know, it's like, okay, it's practical advice I'm a shithead. I don't know how to do it. Can I use my penis?

Starting point is 00:47:59 Yeah So I started no, but that but then he kind of it was real anger and my friends left it It freaked them out and six weeks later. I got out of there. I thought this is not good. Use your penis. You shithead Is a poetry to it, you know, we all laughed a lot now. I mean we we laughed even then we just have fits of laughter Dude laughter was so there used to be a value to the moment You know and I think about this a lot that there used to be like the moment was so valuable because you couldn't There wasn't a lot of recording of it. There wasn't nobody had the opportunity to see it again a million times over It was like this is the freaking moment. Are you gonna be here right now?

Starting point is 00:48:38 Go and you know what I've observed is like Young women are the happiest people on earth really because I go to Griffith park and I got my sweatshirt hood on I'm going I'll see groups of high school or college girls Mm-hmm laughing and chirping and just like and I'm just like, you know, it's like just giggling Just head back laughing. Well, we did so much of that. That's what made me a comedian the friends I had there's such they were just really funny had great sense humor And we just just started performing just laughing laughing laughing and you know, sometimes you lose that but it's so fun to laugh Like on this scripted podcast

Starting point is 00:49:15 We had a uh, we don't have to bring it up But no, let's bring it up. I want to yes, but we had a credit roll and Dex my son Dex Carvey and Julian Matalich did so many things it was during the pandemic They they wore every hat they're directing producing. So the credit roll at the end. I read it as a character But they did so many things that it just hit me like a ton of bricks And it wasn't one of the hardest I've laughed in the last five years Is a character like this co-directed by Julian Matalich and Dex coffee Written by Dex coffee and Julian Matalich

Starting point is 00:49:45 Edited by Dex coffee and it went on and on but they literally had to wear all those hats in the pandemic We just did it at a table with a laptop But that belly laughing is so valuable and so charming and you're right just just going with it We had a little bit the other night right before you that last 10 minutes I was really because it just getting silly you were in Cawking bulls. Oh, I'm caulk. Yeah, wait for what was it? Yeah, what was it? We were talking about having like an australian. It was like the thunder from down Yeah, thunder from down under a bit of your two characters and you're the the me in spade would be the god

Starting point is 00:50:21 Yeah, you're like it's a 2 p.m. Little review and you'd be in speedos And so you decided you spell it differently than caulking balls But basically all I'm caulk ease bowls to get away at caulking balls and then you start dancing Does this ease spade do that would be pretty funny And especially if one of them lost his cock and it is only balls, you know And that's why they had to do it Wouldn't that be crazy? Oh, I'm I'm not a caulk or I'm only balls. He's only caulk to get away only balls and only caulk

Starting point is 00:50:52 Sign on to www.onlycaulkonlyballs.com Yeah, that's anyway, I want to say caulking balls more on this pocket and there's any other one I've ever been on He's caulking only bows, but it's just idiots with super cocky. That's the funny part. It's like, here we go Yeah, we come watch us come see all row of penises outside inside Do you think um, I lost it in a wall in a lawnmower accident when I was a kid once the guy next door was mowing the lawn And screaming And he cut off some of his toes, right? But the ambulance got him, but the toe was out there later

Starting point is 00:51:33 Yeah So then my brother brad came out and put it in formaldehyde No, my mom saw it and said we got to take it. We got to get to the You know take him to the place and they went into like a medical center We just moved to this town and she went into a psychiatrist's office and she goes there's a boy Who's missing a toe in my car? You know, they said it's okay lady. Just have a seat, you know But brad's kept that big toe and I remember looking at it, you know, wow, yeah This episode is brought to you by better help

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Starting point is 00:54:43 Use promo code theo today at shipstation.com to sign up for your free 60 day trial That's shipstation.com promo code teo Yeah, i remember we found two fingers in the woods one time like a peace sign Really? Yeah, and we were actually collecting cans and we found two fingers in the wood in the woods What else happened? Did you grow up in is it suburb or rural? It was rural, but it wasn't redneck So i never had like any redneck stuff

Starting point is 00:55:13 We just had like a lot of poor people Like we used to watch dogs give birth and people would bet on how many Well-being and how much dogs that how many babies were going to be in it Um Yeah, we grew up like a hamster breeding area. We had a dude not far from us that used to breed hamsters You know it was big in our area. We had um I used to clean out wishing wells our town had like apparently the most wishing wells per capita or something Is that because of religiosity or just irishness? I guess or I think people just love, you know

Starting point is 00:55:42 People just love having water hidden under the land. I'll tell you for me personally when I had this uh This bypass at 42. I'm incredible now. No, but uh, you had a crowd group Yeah, no a double. Yeah. Well the heart's perfect, but the artery was blocked Damn, and I had to do a bob bypass and they did it. They didn't do the right artery But they didn't harm me, but I was fine. But my indian cardiologist pk. Shaw Mm-hmm. Did uh, he went to mother teresia's grave site and did a prayer for me and then my irish Super irish catholic mother-in-law born and raised in dublin. She did a wishing well in dublin and then now i'm just perfect Wow, I don't have true, but you know, I like I leave a space in my head for spookiness

Starting point is 00:56:23 Oh me too. I think it's one thing that used to really uh, that it's one thing used to help my imagination So much when I was young is that anything could be possible, you know You heard a lot more lore and stuff back then, you know, that's one thing I really miss like Like now it's like everything is um Like I asked my little niece. I said you should use your imagination. She goes. Um, what is it imagination? She thought it was an app on your phone and I'm like, oh my god, like well not to dovetail again to this goofy, uh There's brilliant scripted podcast, but that is bringing that back for mom and dad's driving around with their kid They're gonna just gonna hear a story. So let's go into it. So you guys started it during the pandemic, right? Yeah

Starting point is 00:57:04 Dex and julian came to me with the idea of my son tom They all grew up with twilight zone because I had the mix I had the dvd at my house in the 90s. So they're obsessed by it So we want they want to make a show like it and we just came to them We needed to have rod and we knew it would be a big budget thing So we decided to do a scripted podcast and based on the twilight zone But a comedy version and they went downtown we went crazy. So a scripted podcast. Yeah comedy podcast, right? So it's basically where you yeah, where you it's where like you guys write it out in advance, right?

Starting point is 00:57:36 Well, we wait here's what happened. We tried to do it We wrote it recorded it and it sounded like some people were on a pirate ship We're like, wow, this is awesome. Then we play it for people and they're just checking their phone. That's pretty good, dude Whatever we got. Holy fuck. This is not like old-time radio You're competing for someone's mind where they got their phone in their hand So then we kept redoing it restacking it record it write it add effects better We record it more music more effects We had access to all this lush music in the Warner Brothers library because we did it with team coco

Starting point is 00:58:11 And they had a deal with Warner Brothers big orchestral score. So you want to make it filmic and Ear candy and intensity and then we go but people get lost. They're listening to it in traffic Someone cuts them off. Fuck you and then they lose the thread of the story So we go clarity is king. So we had to put more exposition in a funny way. So the narrator wrought So we loaded clarity. We loaded ear candy effects. We made it potent potent potent to the point where then we loved it But it took like a year in a room and these guys dex and julian just became this two-man band because it's pandemic time So they literally They they looked at it with a thousand songs. I don't know we got dex dex is here. He's sitting in the a thousand songs

Starting point is 00:58:51 Or how many songs? Yeah, let's ask him and this is your son. This is your human son. This is my human son Yes Dex carvey and julian madalich. This is the two-man team that went crazy in a good way Producing writing and directing. It was such a blast It was such a good learning experience because you could uh listen back to something if it didn't work You can just do it right over Immediately did it feel weird like using like because your father obviously is a talented instrument that a lot of the world has Used to have humor and to feel joy and and to feel different things. Yes, did it ever feel weird as his son like

Starting point is 00:59:28 Is there like a Strangeness there like requests, you know trying to like does that ever feel uncomfortable? I'd never real relationship with my father. So I don't you know, it's tough for me to gauge any of that But i'm just curious about it. Oh, I think it could be super uncomfortable just because generally shows where it's a famous dad and his kids Uh really suck. They generally suck. That's just common knowledge shows here come the kids, right? Yeah Yeah, here comes ronnie tarantino. Let's see what he's got going on. Maybe you could stand up with that I don't know. He's better. There you go. Yeah, and if we can't see you too, that's as long as we can hear There and that's julian witchett as your partner there. Yeah, that's my childhood friend

Starting point is 01:00:05 Uh lived right next door. He would come over and watch the twilight zone julian And they're the ones who really went downtown on this and went a little crazy We just went crazy with it to be honest theo because we could and we just it wasn't like a movie you make it You know, it sucks. You have to walk away. We just kept redoing it and then we learned the space now We think we reinvented it and whoops number four on, you know It's doing very well. You guys remember for an apple podcast today Anyway for a scripted comedy podcast, which is a very tough space So we we're very proud of it and we love it and it deals in emotionality too

Starting point is 01:00:40 In a subtle way. It has story arcs. It has a film makes sense to it And mostly the word packages and the rhythms of the characters because that's what I harbor in Those were so much fun to do and dex did your father play all the characters Do you play some of the characters did julian play some of them who played what we got? We got a few little ones, um my dad did most of the The voices just because again it was like I don't want to have uh, you know, it's Dana's kid tries voices for the first time Yeah, it's just like we really like the show so I just wanted to focus on the show and not about the people involved as much

Starting point is 01:01:15 But uh, did you enjoy so a lot of producing and writing from your side? Yeah, I think all I mean that was was cool. I mean it was I'm not really that familiar with the whole writing stuff But like this is like the first project, but like it's a sketch in it. We just sat on the mic table Yeah, just stay on the mic. You're good. Just stay on the mic. We don't yeah, but basically we're riffing and we're at We're at a impasse with the story. Okay, okay, and dex or julian would say something like Okay, the alien has to stay on earth. What if he gets addicted to earth food and he gains so much weight He can't get home on a spaceship. So I'm like, oh shit. That's it That's it

Starting point is 01:01:51 So they're writing in that kind of way and then we're all rewriting for clarity and we all learn together I know a lot more about making uh film or telling stories now by doing this But they then they would they would do a rough edit. They would add effects. They would do music We work on it again together Wow And then everyone was wearing every hat because I would look up from the mic after doing a take at dex and julian And I would go by them and they might go I think at that last take or this take and we're picking takes And uh, I just give them a lot of props because that's

Starting point is 01:02:23 I I love crazy and I'm crazy. I mean I don't I I If I'm working on something like I'll draw a little bit or play a song I'm as excited about that as being on saturday night live. It's a weird discovery. It's almost scary That's all I care about. So this was all from the heart Um and not for money or fame. It's just completely a message in a bottle That you hope people can get a little piece in their in their brains for a while and the weird place. It's called It's called the weird place anywhere where you can get a podcast Yeah, we'll put the link below so people can uh get a hold of it and check it out

Starting point is 01:02:56 Now is each episode different dex or what's that like is that each episode like it's anthology. Yeah So anthology means what just it's basic three basic stories Uh, the first one is about a nuclear submarine 1966 that goes through a time portal Okay, and surfaces in 1738 and sees a pirate ship. They don't even know they've gone back in time And there's a whole story around that the second one was this alien who has to come to earth and befriend an earthling To get get them to help him make bomb making materials So he tells this sweet old lady that that's what he eats on his planet ammonium nitrate nitroglycerin Could I have some ammonium nitrates out? What do you all want that for to eat?

Starting point is 01:03:38 Because it's food So that one's a little funnier But he's the one who gets so heavy he can't escape in the spaceship They become friends and then the final one is about a guy who gets bullied by these guys And he goes to this this knickknack store and this strange colorful character gives him a globe And it's a magic globe and if you touch the globe you affect the real world So he touches the awful Eiffel Tower. He touches Paris man one day I will go to Paris and then there's mayhem in Paris. So that one is really very twilight zoning really special

Starting point is 01:04:08 there's a lot of songs And uh, there's a companion piece called talking weird It's sort of an aftershow that rod Interviews some of the voice actors and there's some singing in that and rod is your character. So people know Rod is we needed a rod surling character And so we needed that gravitas and that voice to give us that vibe and the music's all from the 60s There's no sex or violence. No real violence. Um, and there it's it's very 60s. It has an earnestness to it, you know A sincerity to it. It's not cynical. It's not dark and rod surlings people know who that is

Starting point is 01:04:43 That is a show in the 1960s called the twilight zone And there's been reboots black mirror was sort of a brilliant dark version of it And then Jordan Peele did did the twilight zone And so we just did our own thing and we kept it earnest and we kept it rodicized For our purposes. So, you know, we did a lot of characters. Yeah, there he is. That's him. Yeah, that's him. Justin Thoreau, Jr Look at him. Yeah, and as you were led it to the um, Mm-hmm to Archbishop or whatever the Canadian um You know, that's who he looks like

Starting point is 01:05:16 Justin Thoreau Well, that why I just keep thinking Justin Thoreau for Hollywood out there should play rod surling in a biopic Because I think he does look kind of like him if you could throw up Justin Thoreau if you want but yeah Let's get a quick picture of Justin Thoreau real quick and then I got just one more question for dex too um And he loves older women. I think he's into well, I was with Jennifer Aniston for a while, right? Oh, no, I'm thinking of the prime minister of uh, Canada. Yeah, right. Justin Trudeau Trudeau. Yeah. Yeah So you thought he looks like rods early. Yeah. Oh, okay. That's funny. They maybe they both do. Oh, that's funny

Starting point is 01:05:56 There you go. Okay. Yeah, you could carry it off But you could see that uh, Justin Thoreau Who's a brilliant Justin rider. Yeah, and Justin Trudeau is the prime minister of Canada. He looks like he's still like he eats adult applesauce He does he looks like an applesauce face. Yeah, if his face was a fruit product It wouldn't just be an apple it'd be applesauce and it'd be very the runny kind not the good kind That's bad the shitty kind like high C You have to get you got to have to get Kool-Aid when you can't afford high C

Starting point is 01:06:29 Oh, there he is. Jesus Christ. Thanks guys hands around the bun there. All right. That's a good look for the leader of a large nation Okay, do the double knuckle grip on some chicks ass. That's what we need in our prime ministers. Okay I can really my IQ goes up when I become Dennis. Yeah, you know, I just know the he won't ever say anything directly He's his own poetry. Okay, Theo von there rocking the mullet. That's a good look circuit 20 20 chill Yeah, I spent some money on the studio here. What is this six by eight looks like a prison cell or something? Okay Dressing up with the psychedelic pinch. Sure. So okay good. You put down the hash pipe von. Okay Do a podcast So, you know, it just he's uh, just a brilliant comic brain went on his show one time

Starting point is 01:07:19 Did you yeah, he's an amazing improviser. Yeah. Yeah, was it fun? Um, all right one more question for decks. Let me get it So don't forget. Um Yeah, is this is this something that you guys think you would do more of or what did did it feel like to kind of harrowing? Oh I would love to do it again. It was pretty intense Just because it was just three of us and we also really it took like half the time just to figure it out We just didn't really know how to yeah, it's a lot. I'm sure it sounds like a lot I think we in julian can talk for a sec too. I I think that we did

Starting point is 01:07:53 Figure it out. We have a work process now It might be a little bit like the first time you do a podcast and now you kind of know, you know I've been learning with spades still but we we could go faster. We would need a little more help You know, maybe a secondary mixer. We hired one. Yeah, we had michael gordon from conan Um, great writer. We had he's doing some assisting for us, but we were basically a three-man band But we could move faster. It's like this is proof of concept, right? And we may release an episode soon. We had a an episode that we held that tom thought of it was about Uh, valdom or putin goes through a wormhole and ends up in a guy's bedroom and in rural mississippi. Oh, yeah

Starting point is 01:08:35 Yeah, mississippi joe. Yeah What come up? Excuse me. Who are you sir? Who am I sir? What do you think you must be kgb agent kgb agent? I surely don't know what you're talking about, sir I would you know, so that's that's maybe a bonus episode coming out based on popular man demand, you know, okay? Yep, that's cool, man. Yeah, I think I would love to see russia versus mississippi So I would love to watch it. I watch that on pay-per-view even damn it. Well, I'll tell you, you know the the idea Uh, not the romance or maybe the romance not the reality, but the idea when I gone to mississippi and the south with a gentleman a friend of mine and uh, there is a charm factor

Starting point is 01:09:21 A politeness a way of speaking that to us northerners is just very very charming, you know and uh, people say Dolan people damn. I mean they'll breastfeed a damn adult if they need it, you know, it's just that kind of place, you know It's not you darling. You know y'all y'all need some breast milk. I know you're 47 come on over here Here's my titty and I put your mouth around want squeeze real hard. There you go. There's your breast milk I just want to make you feel better. I know I've just committed three felonies But that breast milk's coming nice and clean you too. I'll give it the other side Yeah, it's a very polite. So I'm just a roadhouse and it's always at a restaurant too, you know Yeah, it's just the idea of the south and the movies and you know and the

Starting point is 01:10:07 um, what y'all fixing to do or or You know, it's like Al Gore people should think I did him gay, but I wasn't I was doing a Tennessee gentleman He's just I take umbridge with y'all attitude kind of mad him and he sort of you know put together as a Tennessee gentleman Not a rural rat scat like you from deep rural Louisiana. I'm from Nashville, Tennessee. Oh you up here. I will find I will find Vessa and I'll send you so that the south will rise again I'll tell you, you know, so I do love I love southern access. I love Bill Clinton. I love being this guy That's the most seductive. No wonder he got in trouble because this is this hypnotizes women Let's get some all bunched up downstairs. If you know what I mean when I say baby

Starting point is 01:10:52 I say you you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen and they will drop drawers in a second I'll fold my nuts in with dang vagina right now, brother. I'll meet you halfway, but My favorite old-fashioned dick joke is this woman says to me. She wants 12 inches. I said, hey, baby I don't fold it in half for anybody. I mean, that's the best dick joke. You've never heard that That's the best dick joke ever. Who has this guy Larry Reeve has this joke. He said, uh Uh, he goes, uh, my wife told me never answer the phone during sex. I said, what if it's you calling? It's just an old joke, but I love it. Oh, I loved old old-fashioned. My favorite joke ever is like What's the last thing you want to hear when you're getting a blowjob when when you're giving a blowjob to willy nelson?

Starting point is 01:11:40 I'm not willy nelson How do you get a dog to stop pumping your leg? Pick them up and blow them Oh I love these old jokes. What's the worst thing you hear when you get a prostate exam? Look ma no hands These are just classics I used to do this old bit about can you have a prostate exam joke in your act? I don't do this one anymore, but if you need it, you can have it. All right. I might take it This is like I hate, you know, you have to bend over and they're gonna probe you and it's like I like to take the power back

Starting point is 01:12:12 So they start to do the exam and I always go. Is that all you got? Is that it come on? So it's a commitment joke, you know, you got to just go full tilt come on Get in there get in there you do a lot with gentle tools You know being crooked or only the balls or they're folded or creased. It's a funny rhythm you have I've got fold my nuts in half and put them in a Oh, yeah, well, I think you got a mirror rich. That's your fucking first origami dude is your damn nuts You know because they're so malleable and so like

Starting point is 01:12:49 It's really such a cra if somebody gave you a pair of nuts. It would blow your mind, you know Like in just loose off of a body Um, yeah, I mean how it's built and everything. It's really insane Yeah, and there's two nuts in there You know, that's what's the craziest thing about you. Sometimes I forget that I have two nuts inside of my Nuts all the time. I just forget about it. I mean two testicles inside of your scrotum. Yeah using the testicle The penile will enlarge

Starting point is 01:13:19 Yes, man, you remember sex ed you were going to sex ed the first time how embarrassing You know, dude, we all war remember all the guys would like one guy wore like a fucking suit or like a little tuxy They were like, dude, what is going this guy is spaced, bro People would wear cologne people be fucking drinking cologne Guys putting cologne on in their car before like it was the first cologne to go to sex education Like there's a doosene sex education or is the teacher hot? No, it was a man, dude But just sex education. They wanted to smell good for sex education We just thought it was time for sex. So we were just everybody

Starting point is 01:13:54 We would we would we would wear hooter clamps just to keep our junk in place really hooter clamps They're just sort of like this thing you wear like a leather diaper that keeps your junk in one place Now I made that up, but that's a joke. We used to have hooter clamps. Are you wearing a hooter clamp tonight? Yeah, I got my hooter clamp on good. I mean we'd laugh for hours about hooter clamps It would just keep your kind of weiner down which was an invented idea. Maybe brad thought of that I don't know. It's just when that time when you're 20 22 and you just go off on those as like we said just Just laughing now. Did you ever feel left out if your brother started to get erections and stuff and you didn't have any yet or anything like that Mostly erections were private. Did you ever do a circle jerk with your brother and sisters? I mean, no, we never did anything like that

Starting point is 01:14:39 I remember one time One time we got under this blanket and things were like a little strange But it wasn't anything too crazy and our bud and my buddy was there too It was just almost like a native american type of deal You know, it wasn't native american like you were under the blanket. It's like a tent Yeah, and then things started a tent started to form in your pants and you didn't know what it meant in your way We were all just kind of chatting naked under this blanket and then everybody started getting an erection I think nobody wanted to like admit it, you know

Starting point is 01:15:05 So everybody was just kind of pretending like they weren't getting an erection. We were more innocent We would make my sister play waitress like on a rainy day We go she wanted to play with us now you can't you go but you could play waitress Okay, so you make us root beer floats and stuff and she'd bring him in like a waitress go Yeah, okay, clean it up. You know next day. Can we get a cheeseburger with cheese? She became a really good fry cook for a while. But she wanted to be our friend so bad. We just put her to work I mean, this was the this is a rough and tumble carvings. It's like the sons of katie elder. I mean, we were we were just badass weirdos building forts tents fighting

Starting point is 01:15:40 Was it weird? So whenever you started to have like a lot of popularity in your life from work and stuff It was it was that was it tough with your relationship with your brothers? Like did you ever get scared like oh, this is gonna take away Because I've felt that in my own life not felt it, but I just I guess I've worried about it. That's a real thing That's gonna take away or it's gonna make my brother think I don't care about him as much or something I don't know. Well, I just nothing changed on my side, but my brother Scott had a sense of humor about it He would introduce himself after I got something out of fame as Dana Carvey's brother Hi, what are you? My name is Dana Carvey's brother

Starting point is 01:16:11 My other name is Scott Carvey, but my primary name is Dana Carvey's brother So we just laughed about it and just kept in touch. I would do these things called lost weekends to stay in touch With my friends my high school friends my brother when I was you know peak snl So we'd all go to vegas everyone gets their own room. We go see shows We went out to lake mead when it was there everyone would get a wave runner We'd have beer and sandwiches in the front and we'd go out there with crystal clear And we'd go to islands and dive off rocks and just have a blast. So I just went the other way I I made a lot of new friends, you know from in show business, but I have a lot of core core friends

Starting point is 01:16:50 And you know fame is a motherfucker. You know, I mean, there's no way around it. It's just very strange and you're You're still on the upslope. So um your brother did you look up to him? He was older Yeah, not as kids. I didn't but as adults I really have you know, he's really really special guy And so yeah, I don't worry. I just I don't know. It was just sometimes I just don't want him to think that I I don't know I think we do a pretty decent job. It's it's just weird and then the money comes I remember just I had the thing like I'd go to a mall and I think everywhere I look I could buy it Anywhere I look I could buy it, you know

Starting point is 01:17:25 And I one time went in and I got like a Mercedes because like an Elvis move at a mall No, not at a mall a dealership that I got I got left the mall and I pointed at this one and it was like It's Mercedes coupe, but I realized later on it had a plastic windshield It was like 125,000 I'd be like 250 now. So I turned it back in and I got a big giant Mercedes giant Sle 550 huge thing and I was going into 711 just in the valley And people were looking at me. So then I just went to a Honda pilot ever since then I like to get rid of stuff. I don't want I have one car one wife, you know

Starting point is 01:18:02 You know, it's like I don't need a lot of things. I like guitars I like things I can interact with You know A woman a guitar a piano a swimming pool, you know things that are stuff that work Well, I can't get that excited about a chair and just look at the chair. That's all right My wife does, you know, it's just an interior designer mind an aesthetic mind I'm more in the internal world, but it's not self-congratulatory But going back full circle to your brother. Yeah, it's so it's um, you could feel maybe a little guilt about it

Starting point is 01:18:32 Because you're changing the dynamic of how he's perceived, you know, which is normal It's nothing. Yeah, I think it's you. I don't want him never I don't know I just didn't want my brother to think that he felt that I ever felt like I was more important than him Or something like that. I don't know and maybe that's all egotistical to even think that way, you know It's you're just a passenger in this. So you just did this I don't even know what your resume was before you did this and then you got really successful Extraordinary successful and that's just a train you're riding. You you couldn't will it, but you were active

Starting point is 01:19:05 You did the necessary steps But this lane that you're in now where it's theovon world and you run a you're a ceo of a business and you don't bow down to anyone No one tells you you're fired. This is awesome. I'm glad I live long enough to see this. That's us doing this This scripted podcast with just a laptop in the effects and and all the things we could get for ourselves It's such an equal playing field for art and creativity and you're like one of the big You know people out there that have done this you and tim dillon and others But it's a magic world and you can't help that you're successful. I'll be therapist for a second Yeah, that's not nothing you just ride in the train that you know and what happens over time. I'll tell you this much

Starting point is 01:19:50 Everyone's all excited. You're famous and then it gets boring. Yeah, it might be 10 more years But at some point it's full circle back to theo Just like and you're still going and doing stuff. But like been there done that They're used to all the stuff but in early heady days of it. You're picking up checks. You're renting cars, you know And uh, it's just a little bit of a whoop-de-doo. I mean I I sort of got famous in a sense at 31 or 32 And um, so I had a long runway before that, you know, if you make it as a child actor, that's that's fucked up You know, yeah, it's scary. I mean it just killed that one kid, you know, you saw that erin carter. He just Yeah, you know, he drowned out

Starting point is 01:20:29 He drowned out. I think he they said he was huff and duster Which I've done. I'm not gonna lie about that. What is that specifically huff and duster? Yeah, asdfl sim or whatever, you know, or whatever it is. Oh, okay And you know, you know, yeah duster, but yeah, I've hit it before I love it But I think it's sad to see what had, you know, he was a child star and then next, you know, he's got six or seven service animals I mean he had a damn You know, he was in the damn. I did a rod it looked like the guy had so many service animals Yeah, and he was getting tattoos and neck tattoos and just once it creeps up on the face

Starting point is 01:21:04 You just feel like it's a cry for help. You know, it's like What can I put on my face? It'll make me okay And the interesting part about therapy is just checking your thoughts and that's a daily thing You know cognitive behavioral therapy because if you get redundantly into those negative thoughts and you water those roots And then they get in your head. I'm a loser. I'm a loser. I'm a loser That's you have to really fight all that stuff, you know, it's really interesting game inside your head It all happens in here All your joy your sadness your pain

Starting point is 01:21:35 Just it's all here You know and how you decide it is. That's how it is. You ever meet a really I have a friend chuck Who's just a really happy person. Oh, yeah, he talks like this. He's a he thought he's a guy talks like this, you know He's like the other day, you know, I was running on my hop off my bike, you know, and the wind was coming I don't know what the fuck was going on You know, he's a mechanic for united. He's a really bright guy, but he's just got this dems and doves Thing of like, you know, you ever go to new york and these brooklyn guys I had a friend who passed away. He's like, you know, he's really like, you know, you got, you know

Starting point is 01:22:07 God rest his soul. My mother did this for me and this and that, you know, you got to take care of your family It's a way of just simplifying this ride this 70 80 90 year ride that we're all taking on Just keep it real basic, right? Hey, I'm with you right now We're bonding over humor and telling stories, you know, and I think that you know the deals, you know He's a good guy, you know, and you had a nice chat. He would come to snl and he was a basketball freak He would critique my snl with basketball stats He'd come up because I do church lay whatever he goes 28 points

Starting point is 01:22:42 12 boards sixes Capiche, you know, his catchphrase was this which is another good one. He did with my brother scott You do what you do I do what I do rubber chicken capiche I don't know why it's rubber chicken, but it just works You do what you do. I do what I do rubber chicken capiche and then this Oh, yeah, yeah capiche Well, you made everything simple same with chuck live in the moment and it's a struggle if you're, you know, curious active brain, but it's uh

Starting point is 01:23:16 You know, it's fun Yeah, staying in that. Yeah, I think it's true. It's that it does all happen between the walls of your own head, you know It's great that that's really where you get that's really where you got to tend the soil a lot And not even over 10. It's sometimes you get so stuck on taking care of yourself that then that's all you're doing You know, it's like mean mentally or physically or all of it mentally all of it. Yeah, all of it It's like I gotta make sure I'm okay. You know something that's a hamster wheel people can really get on nowadays Um, yeah, I think nothing has to happen to something that's helped me recently You get all pent up. Nothing has to happen. Yeah, you know, this could have got canceled

Starting point is 01:23:50 It's nothing has to happen. Just just everyone calm down. We're just here. Yeah, nothing has to happen We're not going to the movie. No. No, not not tonight. Yeah, nothing has to happen It's just a way of everybody calm down and just laugh your ass off and make art. No nuggets. No nuggets No nuggets tonight Damn it. Nothing has to happen. Nothing has to happen It's okay. No one's thinking about me right now If anyone out there is thinking is the okay I mean, everyone's inside their own kiosk, you know

Starting point is 01:24:21 Yeah, I think um It was interesting. So you so when you got you had a lot of fame that happened and then you kind of took a break Did you is this okay? This is a from this outsider's perspective. Oh, no, no, totally I I had this weird took a break with it. Was it to be a diet? No, it's very much more complicated than that so basically I did all this stuff before SNL because I was insecure But I was in the club starting to kick ass, but I did a sitcom with Mickey Rooney Nathan Lane and New York Mickey Rooney, Mickey Rooney read his book. No, I know Mickey though

Starting point is 01:24:53 Well, he passed away didn't he? He did but he made it to like 95 Yeah, dude, did you hear about the story where something he slept at somebody's house for like a couple weeks? Yeah, oh no, he let somebody stay in his house for a couple weeks. He was married to some like bombshell Yeah, he he all six of the hottest stars in the world and I said mickey. How'd you get him? He goes Money makes you handsomer Money makes you handsomer is his own word, but go ahead. What was his story? A guy stated his place for a couple of weeks and he left him a couple paintings as a gift and they were uh

Starting point is 01:25:25 And then like a few months later he was getting a divorce or something and it's so yeah a friend helped him move And he said oh, you can have those somebody left him here and they were salvador dollies There were two salvador dolly paintings Wow, and he talked about struggling with his with money most of his life. Oh, yeah And uh, and then here he was giving away a couple dollies like that Uh, just kind of crazy. Yeah, there he is right there. There he's when I oh there I am It's the tallest I've ever been mickey's like he called him. So I'm a fire plug You know built like a fire and Nathan Lane

Starting point is 01:25:52 And that he was my grandfather and I was just cast from NBC. I got a deal frequently I had a teen idol thing going on and go you're gonna play mickey rooting's grandson in new york And then I met Nathan and mickey thought I was gay the whole time Wow, he would put his arm around Nathan and look at me and go. I'm just glad we like girls And he finally got money because he was broke for 50 years and he had when he was Rooney was broke I called up Warner Brothers in 1955. I said this is mickey Rooney. He was always doing this I need a job And he'd stare off and he go he hung up on me

Starting point is 01:26:31 And then you'd come into the the the studio and you'd hear him down the hall How long is rod from robert redford been in the business? He's one of those guys who talked until he ran out of air. How long's robert redford been in the business 10 years I've been in the business 62 years. How old are you 62 and two months? I mean, he's one of those guys was a baby. Oh, yeah He had so many he would said this a thousand times Literally literally he would say this every day I was the which he was he was the number star number one star in the world 1937

Starting point is 01:27:01 I was the number one star in the world. You hear me bang The world and he did that You hear me bang the world I saw it But he had finally had money he was doing a Broadway show on our show He went to the racetrack all week. It was old show business We had a guy who was five feet tall his head was and we would just rehearse with him all week But micky would he have like five thousand dollars and he'd put it in front of my face. He goes think I can afford lunch

Starting point is 01:27:35 And he had a 38 he didn't like the script. He would bring it out And he throw the script this script is kaka and he's waving this 38 around and he puts it back in he goes They're not gonna get me. Who? He was gonna kill one corona this serial killer before this I was gonna go to see one corona And I say, you know, I am I'm mickey rooney. I was gonna plug him full of holes He was the craziest greatest He would play a piano because he was a jack of all trades. He's a piano chords. He goes This is steven sondheim's favorite song

Starting point is 01:28:13 But then we bonded he thought I was a hack and an idiot but then I was able to do jimmy steward for him. So that's when I when I got him. I go how you doing mick Yeah, good. Good. It's good to say Instead he was an impressionist too. He's like sammy davis jr. Just could do anything So we got going toward the end and nathan and I and you know, there's so much more to it But meg ryan played my girlfriend Scatman carothers first time I really befriended this beautiful Older black man from the south I think or whatever but scatman carothers and he was like

Starting point is 01:28:50 Like such a poet my brother came out to visit me and he says see that man over there with the broom He's an artist All artists and he played the ukulele and he'd walk around the studio It had a unmarked bottle this big of pills and he just chugged something. You're vitamins. I'm going to 100 I'm doing mickey now. I'm going to 100. So what happened was He had he smoked a lot of weed. It was always weed everywhere scatman. Yeah scatman So during the break I went back to san francisco. There he is He was the nicest guy. So scott and I got like 10

Starting point is 01:29:25 We got like two lids of columbian pot those days you'd fly with it. I guess we put in the suitcase We gave it to scatman and rockfeller saturn. This is 1981 mickey runes around the scat. Here you go Next day, he's in the elevator with me. He says because you know, he grew up during secrecy with pot. He said the music was good Uh might I get a pound? So it's the best pot he ever had and he could look at not even look at you and roll a joint and it was closed on both ends So then after the show got cancelled He was living in van eyes And so scott and I brought a bag of Santa Cruz columbian. We didn't even smoke pot at that point

Starting point is 01:30:02 Maybe a teeny bit, but we brought it to him and he played ukulele. He goes. I got a bad wheel It was just so such a sweet Such a sweet guy. That was a cool part of that story of meeting him and hanging out with scatman Oh, yeah, there's nothing better that feels I feel is better than giving like good weed to a black I feel like too. There's just something as a white guy that about there that feels good, you know, I guess so I just you know, I didn't I grew up, you know Mostly as a white neighborhood and we had an integrated high school When I was 14 I was standing there carmont high school

Starting point is 01:30:33 2,500 kids and they brought all the kids in from east Palo Alto So these bus buses showed up and 500 black kids came in To the school and all I was worried about was they think I was prejudiced. I'd say something sounded prejudiced But then, you know, we all they all ran on the team. We all hung out But scatman was just sort of he's just a poet, you know, just everything he said was poetry You know some of these people like yeah, my dad had this fella named His last name Wilson right and he had a one of his limbs was shortened out right? He probably had that

Starting point is 01:31:01 You know, we had that damn sand wedge on him. He had that pitching wedge on his left And so they would they would cut a bunch of he had a bunch of a piece of tire cut and just kind of Either nailed on to the bottom of that shoe and he would stand sometimes when he didn't have his Good shoe or whatever he would stand on a little stoop. So he looked even from far off, right? It was just a big he didn't want to be uneven, you know Was he a vet or was it just congenital or an accident? He just probably I don't know Maybe he got raised in an area on an uneven surface. I have no idea what happened to him, right? I mean, but they um

Starting point is 01:31:36 He used to put uh He would hang out with my father and he would You know go get lunch for him and stuff sometimes my dad worked in a french quarter for a little while selling I think some kind of bullshit, but This guy would help him out and he something he would put cinnamon on his palm of his hand and let us lick it off when we're children You never forget that my grandmother bring date cookies and stuff and that seemed exciting Um any old person somewhere to treat anything they hook you up let you lick their hand or whatever you felt It just made you feel

Starting point is 01:32:08 One thing I appreciate like my mother had a friend that was just from montana. Her name was cookie So she's an old person who just giggled all the time when you didn't meet a bitter You just I met a lot of bitter people. They didn't like being old and my date, you know, it's like, okay Show business especially or life is a bitterness factory. So be one of those cheerful. Don't be mad at someone for being young Because james farantino was mad at me for being young when I did blue thunder Really? So I was in this mock helicopter another show that I did and he was purely doing massive amounts of coke He had a styrofoam cup this biggest straight vodka when we were in the mock helicopter with our helmets on acting

Starting point is 01:32:48 And then I got fired from that That's crazy people would do that then because they don't do that now I know it was so obvious because he got out of the chopper his dealer was over there And then I thought I'll just take a sip of water. I was so young and naive He would take he was like scarface He'd take the script out and he just pounded on the uh instrument panel in the fank helicopter We're like 10 feet in the air and they're blowing steam at us, you know, okay, and we're pretending like there we are I love this guy had a great haircut

Starting point is 01:33:15 Dude you do I could definitely see if a gay dude rolled up, bro You are toast. Oh, yeah Yeah, I was jaffa. Just another first look at that I'll throw a punch and look like the same guy. Well, that was a while back But yeah, no, that's me being the macho guy But I just had lines in the back of the chopper and say jaffa incoming jam him and I would say I am jamming I am jamming sir, you know, I wanted to be I wanted to be richer prior or something or Steve martin I'm in this. Oh, I bet they play that at so many bathhouses on loop, dude

Starting point is 01:33:47 I am jamming. I am jamming. I am I bet you were on so many you were not getting paid for not jamming but someone else is I think you need to sell but if you sold tickets in specific areas, man, you would really really call me at night What are they saying about me? Well that you're doing drugs and you're out of your mind. Okay. Just checking see you later But I got fired they put me in the helicopter with that suit on and then they uh, they fired me They said come on down the whole crew was there and I had to come down the ladder wearing that And I didn't they go you're fired. I am now they could have told me before I got in the monkey suit So I gotta do it's like old show called brandon. I'm walking across everybody, you know, kind of waving humiliated

Starting point is 01:34:32 I go to the wardrobe guy who I kind of befriended and I'm kind of shook up and I go man I'm funny. I can do stuff and he put his hand on my shoulder like sure kid It's okay kid, you know, and then I ran into him after s and now he goes God, you just get a warm ride. I didn't fucking, you know, so I got revenge, but that was another crazy I had some crazy people, you know experiences, but did you ever try out for MacGyver that makes me think about that Looking at that show and then seeing you it seemed like they almost would have put you on there I don't know at some point I stopped because what they did was they were Giving me 7500 a week and I'm from middle-class family. That's a lot of money

Starting point is 01:35:07 Yeah, so I was like doing all this stuff was a waste of time But in the meantime, I was doing stand-up. So finally I got They offered me Funster Hall. It was like a punky Brewster spin-off So the pilot was going to be 30,000 in 1984 a lot of money So I just thought nah can't do this anymore. So then all I did was clubs Oh, because you were making so much money touring. Well, I was just in comedy clubs I was mostly seattle baria had like five full-time clubs. So I started going, you know I started headlining. I was headlining, but even bigger rooms and I was I was making plenty of money. Yeah, you know 2000 a week

Starting point is 01:35:45 And so I just did that for two years and then I did one final thing that was Different was a movie called tough guys with Bert Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. So they became my buddies. That was weird I was the third wheel in that movie. Kirk Douglas is Uh, you just passed. He passed made to 102. He was the dad, huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, and Kirk Douglas night. He talked like this and he's a ton of great movies Uh and Bert Lancaster these were like this is like Working with Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt or something, you know, and so Michael Landon. Do you ever work with? No, I would love there we go again. Yeah, look, look, I was the pro. I was the straight man again. What are you guys doing?

Starting point is 01:36:29 I'm telling we're gonna rob a bank. Yeah, they were uh I'm Kirk Douglas when he saw me I go I play him Richie. Kirk Douglas said well, you're perfect You look exactly like Richie And then Bert Lancaster said how many movies have you done? I go? Well, this is my first you've done one. I've done 72 Ha ha ha ha. So that's the way they talk. You can look it up Ha ha ha. So look at all this shit. I did. It's a different time, huh? But I'm on snl as the church lady eight months later. I mean, I just came out of nowhere. What? Yeah, but they were it was a thrill being around them and listening and tell the stories

Starting point is 01:37:06 Jack Nicklaus had won the master's golf at age 46 and people thought and they're like I had pimples at 46 46 is an old It's not even not even middle age And they talk like that and eventually I started doing this thing Which I is politically incorrect. You can cut it out. But just for my own amusement Late night writers room stuff. I did them as lovers You know Kirk and Bert and I don't really like blue humor, but I thought their voices would blend so funny Yeah, the comedy was about the rhythm and the vernacular

Starting point is 01:37:43 I want you and I want you now I need to have you Okay, don't rush me two men having fun. It doesn't mean we're gay. Come on. Do what you gotta do Do don't keep bucking around like that son. I only got so much play down there You keep bucking around like that. I gotta pull out and splooge all over you backside So that was the poem that made love. It's throw up in a parking garage So I would do 20 minute versions of this for the writer's room. Could you Burton Kirk? And I did it on an HBO special

Starting point is 01:38:14 But I do it with love it's and love it's because I would just go so far with it, you know I don't know why I need you but one One all of it tonight you won't so what I did was then I made it into they're just gonna wrestle And I made some tapes for friends and sent it to bill hater I'd like you to come over to my house three five nine cannon drive. This is 1952 I'll be there with bells. There's a gate off the side. The code is seven five four Pound we're gonna wrestle we're gonna wrestle knee could style I'm looking forward to it. Would you like me to bring anything? Lemon need

Starting point is 01:38:49 Bring me some lemonade We'll lather up and then we'll wrestle first man out of the ring loses I look forward to it. Just naked. I might be word diaper four five five cannon drive. I'll be there 4 p.m Make it four 15 I gotta get ready for the roof. So it's just me having a party with those rhythms because when I do this stuff I'm the audience in my head too. I'm trying to make myself look so that's uh, I've been canceled three times I don't that's great to be the audience in your own head Aren't you a little bit sometimes if you're in a role like you're doing bits and it's packed and you're rolling

Starting point is 01:39:27 And you're doing it a little bit better or a little bit different than you ever have So you're turning yourself on going back to yeah off the beginning of the podcast and what does that do? Turns on the audience, you know if you get to turn yourself on but um That's all I'm trying to do all the time. I did biden last night on Come on. I was just trying to get get that that Feeling of a rhythm that makes it makes me laugh, you know Yeah, and he going come on. Let's get real You can't I'm not getting around here. You know, it's like the you know, we're all well endowed

Starting point is 01:40:01 by a creator and all men It's the belief that all men are secreted equally with liberty and jump star jump jump suits for all man made kind You're ridiculous. No joke of race. Clicker. It creates clear water her color balloons I walked on the moon You know, he yells walked on the moon with Lance Armstrong He says I have some buzz buzz buzz light here. It was cold and dark. We got home the grace of god President Harris was there. I'm Joe Biden. So I'm just kind of trying to find a character in a rhythm because Trump is so easy I'm gonna make an announcement soon. You're gonna love it. I'm gonna say things like you wouldn't believe and I know how to say things

Starting point is 01:40:38 People don't want me to say it but I'm gonna say it pretty soon And we're gonna do and you're gonna be happy like it wouldn't believe so they're just fun fun rhythms, you know I I did one as Obama As a preschool teacher jack and jill went up the hill Jill decided she wanted to become a jack And jack decided he wanted to become a jill. It's a teachable moment. So anyway, that's all these are just rhythms I'm still working on. I mean, I did them on Kimble, but I like to do them on the old one. Is it. Thank you It's a nice. Yeah, you have a good sense of humor. So it's sometimes man

Starting point is 01:41:09 I want to learn how to do one with you real quick. What is like one that you think I could do Um, maybe some are just sounds. Well, I would say the quickest one and these are just these are ad hoc They're just traditional is walking. You can just start with that voice The one I distilled Was Christopher walk and sees an amazing magic trick. So it's really quick Christopher walk and sees an amazing magic trick. Wow Wow, wow You're making three syllables out of one word instead of wow. It's wow Wow, and then don't know

Starting point is 01:41:46 Don't know. There you go. Don't know why Wow, don't know why Well, it's a great character. You should play a hit man that talks like that gotta kill you Don't know why plug you full of holes No, but he's like everyone does him trying to think like a I do you see you should do Morgan Freeman. Oh, yeah, they said it would take a mind 600 years Hold on. Let me try it again They said it would take a mind 600 years to get out of this to your prison

Starting point is 01:42:17 But and a new friend did it unless it's 20 that is good. That is very good pretty good. Yeah Yeah, it's interesting to do There is fun to throw your voice. Is it weird because some of your friends have died and you still do their voice well, I have Dino Stappen embolus. This is great writer Uh, he every time one of my impressions dies. He texts me So when George Bush died he texts me or read this film and you know, but there's a passage of time You don't do it the day of but

Starting point is 01:42:47 David and I do norm because we miss norm and we want to do norm And we know that norm would have a twinkle in his eye and would be smiling if he heard us trying to do him You know, hey, they they say uh penny saved is like a what do you call penny earned, right? Yeah, that's like a thousand. That's a hundred percent return. That's like now. You can't get that right, you know Jack me nimble. Jack be quick. Yeah. Gemini. Can he say what is he bipolar? What are you doing over there? You know, he was just a brilliant mind Yeah, David. We do that one. We're like David where norm just describes like he's like Yeah, I'm trying to like, uh, hold on. I'm gonna vote this on me. I'll cue you

Starting point is 01:43:28 So I'm trying to like, uh, I don't know. What are you talking about? It's like, uh, It's like I walked through this thing. It's like, uh Well, it's like a tall rectangle like a What is this? Like it's a doorway But like he would just talk about like I'm in this room and there's just men and there's men peeing in there. I don't even I know you seen this. Have you guys seen this thing? He did a thing and I don't know if john has talked about this john love it's but So it's like, yeah, he had a gambling issue, right? Hey, john. Give me give me give me come on

Starting point is 01:44:02 He did his act john's going on. Give me $800. I gotta get a gamble. Come on. You know, so john's like, okay So the next day john goes, you know, can I have my $800? He goes, no, I don't have $800 He goes, well you owe it to me. Why are you so mad? I lost $8,000. You only had lost $800. Why are you so angry? He just turned it on him and john was like John nor would always fuck with him say I'm a better stan. No, he goes. I'm a better stan than me, you know I'm not like a better stand-up than you are because they haven't done it longer and love us. It gets so mad Excuse me. Yeah. Well, you owe it to me. That's the best that he does that John has his own character. He doesn't even know where it came from. Hello

Starting point is 01:44:47 Um, but yeah as far as the 90s thing what you asked is so I did two shitty movies for three million dollars each They were terrible. I shouldn't have done them. I just didn't know what I was doing. I came off with too much heat I had Wayne's world pro bush Carson I was doing all this stuff came together so too much heat and I didn't really know what to do as a middle-class kid because now I wasn't 30 that was three million And I hated it so much. I said then I had two other offers pay or play Hans and Franz the girly man dilemma, but we wrote it with Arnold he dropped out

Starting point is 01:45:20 So I didn't want to do that. Bob Otakirk and I wrote a western called Tucson for me and John Lovett That John that fell out and so I and that was three million pair play But I was okay to get rid of that. They've tried to put us together and bad boys Another three million pair play, but then the script just wasn't right and I it was a hot oven at that point for me So I I got out of that So then I just sort of stopped and then I had two kids, but it wasn't It then they went along and then I did the variety show. I did a special and then I did the variety show Uh with you know with Louis CK and you know, you guys had great writers on that great show. Did you pick the writers?

Starting point is 01:46:01 Well smigol was it was he you know, I I interviewed Louis CK You know, he was brilliant then and uh, we had we had an A team for sure When you decided to like take out so was it a decision to take a break or was just like this kind of feels what I should do Was it like specifically to kind of be a parent? Was it to make sure that like there was there was some of that We moved up to the California. I was also sort of disillusioned, you know, because the movie thing once you Make those two things and they stick to you. Then you're just in a hole to dig out of in a way when I if I done I had Hans and Franz the girly man dilemma and others that I was working on I just made just a misstep

Starting point is 01:46:38 I always think of big life big mistakes. It's okay to have regrets But then at that point I could make a fortune in stand-up, right? So I could work. I would take two months off at Christmas. I would take the summers off So I could be a present dad and make a shit ton of money and especially corporate dates. I didn't want to do them So they'd say this much. I'd say no, I don't want to do it And they go, well, how about this much? No, I don't want to do it Then they'd say this much I go and a private jet I still don't want to do it. Okay. What kind of private jet uh golf stream

Starting point is 01:47:08 Okay, so then I started doing those interstitially. Yeah, so I was able to take care of everybody financially But uh, I was in no man's land. I was untethered But you know for fame was not something that I was I'm kind of like other there's that there's Some of us where fame didn't quite settle with us like scary Some people embrace it and love it and I don't judge that at all or very easy with it For me, I'm kind of an introverted extrovert. So being famous was not it was a very odd Thing the money was fun and the creativity is fun, but the fame part, you know, I don't know It's kind of scary

Starting point is 01:47:45 But that's how I navigated that I just throw those numbers out so people know because my wife So I was doing stand-up while back and I would just tease the crowd would go I know you're thinking like why am I here? It's like 20 seats and in the valley and I go I know me too, but I'm a millionaire and stuff like that. So because you don't want people to go Oh, he was so big and now he's poor. So it was never a problem and Now it's just full circle. Everything's real and in real time for me And so this this weird place thing is just super fun flying the wall with David is super fun I mean, so I'm just having complete creative fun with both those things. I'm not frustrated

Starting point is 01:48:21 I'm not in a shitty movie or stupid tv show. Yeah, you know, I'm doing my own thing now You know, what was it like watching your kids be funny? What did you like? Like Was it what was it like watching your son like was that kind of interesting? I haven't had your own relationship with your own dad and your brothers and stuff What was it like when you were a dad and then you had a couple of boys like What was some of that kind of like? Um, well, we just had we just had a lot of fun. We had a lot of games, you know, they were just game for anything

Starting point is 01:48:50 We do things like um on a rainy day set up an obstacle course around the house and time them Yeah, and they'd run they did the classic like massive Pillow massive. Well, we did the pillow throw It was called the and so they would I get all the pillows from the couch And they would run across on the carpet and I would try to get them under their feet and fall And they love the they loved all the games, you know Um hide and go daddy Which they would go in the room and they would hide I knew where they were but I would creep around and go

Starting point is 01:49:21 I don't really know where they are this time. You hear the closet door shaking, you know So they and they have their own friends in their own humor, uh, even as little kids. They were you know, but we um We just had a lot a lot of fun a lot. They had a Childhood of freedom up there Uh, northern calisthenia suburbs kids could just go out a lot more and you know sort of so I don't know decks can jump on the mic on this one Yeah, I'm just kind of I guess I'm just kind of curious, you know, I guess we just had a lot of fun We I watched a lot of movies had a lot of rituals and you know, we went to a vacation a lot to montana

Starting point is 01:49:58 a lot And we just were in montana and it very nostalgic, you know for dex and tom to be up there montana, right dex Oh, it's the best state Unbelievable was fred wolf up there or not Not at that time, but he's up there all the time too. Yeah If you go to flathead lake in august and you catch a nice day It's like Tahoe no one's on the lake and the water is just temperate the mountains I mean, it's a magic place northwestern montana

Starting point is 01:50:23 Missoula where I was born And where we were this summer. I mean tubing and stuff on just on an incredible motorboat, right dex Yeah, it was the best two and behind a boat is my is the one of the best things on the planet That's whenever you was was it like whenever was there ever competition with you and your brother like make your dad laugh Were you guys like kind of funny? Was it I'm just trying to think of like what it's like to have humor like with your father I never had like moments with my dad where we made each other laugh that I can remember anything I think I was just too young. So I guess I'm just I maybe there's no correlation. I didn't have it with my dad either Um, most of the time I think I was a regular dad

Starting point is 01:51:00 You know, I wasn't always doing voices and characters right dex, but well when we were doing when you're working up for your special And we were you let tom and I go on the road with you that that would get a little competitive You know because uh tom and I would be open to for you. So, you know tom like just crushed Yeah, I'm like, oh man. I got the So, you know, the brothers are doing stand-up and uh, you know, it's yeah But I would just say we just had a lot of fun My wife who likes a very tidy home just gave them full run of it most of the time You know the airsoft battles where there's a million pellets and their cousins would come over and couches and they'd be in there fighting for hours

Starting point is 01:51:38 Loading up and you know, I couldn't watch them. They'd be on skateboards going down a steep hill So my mind was too active on that thing But my my wife could watch them go down the hill and you know, they had a they had a very free childhood in a lot of ways Don't you think dex x great, you know bike riding? I couldn't ask for more fun. They did a lot of independence. Yeah North north bay mill valley Just yeah little steven spill bird town. Wow and julian julian matelich was there too And now with full circle here. They are working on this thing yours later. Isn't that funny the weird place which well

Starting point is 01:52:16 We're always in we're all always in the weird place, man It's such a twilight zone life is yeah, it really is it's it's a touch reality is sort of because I feel like your dreams Are and your memories are very similar, you know You dream something but of like you try to like hold it in your brain you and fourth grade or something It's kind of in that place where you would hold a dream You know, so it's sort of elusive, isn't it? Did that really happen? You know in fourth grade when we would because you're you remember it just in images in your head when we skip the rocks And I beat my brother that time, you know, I hit it six six skips, you know skipping rocks was a pretty cool thing

Starting point is 01:52:56 It's giving rocks is a it's still a conquistadorian event if you can get if you can get into it and do it well Yeah, I miss the days when things were a lot more simpler and things would be Like I remember walking down the street somebody invited somebody their family is somebody had died of it air And they buried him in their yard right to do Insurance money because they weren't going to tell anybody and get that check. Wow That's me and my buddy summer all are walking down the street and next thing, you know, we get invited to a damn funeral So we're in the backyard At the oh wow at these folks house and they're burying the damn grandfather in there in the ground

Starting point is 01:53:30 And then we'd go back there and play kickball and shit back there And he was in the ground for like probably 11 months for the cot. They figured it out, you know some You know, that's that's extra a cadaver buried in the yard And we had to do uh, I remember they said does anybody want to say a great uh say anything right and my buddy He said grace like you say at dinner or something. He didn't know what to do. I guess we were just children Wow, he said God is great. God is good. God. We thank you for this food and I'm like, this is a fucking We're standing there by the animal vibe. Yeah Well, we were Scott and I were in the good time then pet cemetery team under the willow tree

Starting point is 01:54:07 So the animals oh y'all were burying him out there, huh? She almost had a little bit of land, uh Well, no a quarter acre. There was a willow tree. Whoa. That's a little close to be burying a dead animal, bro Well, we Well, where else are we gonna do with them? Take them to the dump. I don't give a dame if you don't have a half acre, bro You know, we it was it was a short, you know boots got rigor mortis in the in the laundry room out in the garage So we can't go we're touching boots and boots like so boots has ants ants ants coming in his mouth And he's he's he's kind of stiff. We're not yeah, that's a Japanese thing. I think not sure he's dead So we get the shovel and we're bringing boots down to the pet cemetery the willow tree

Starting point is 01:54:44 And we dig the hole and drive we about put boots in we both heard we thought we heard And we go I go what should we do? He goes he's gone or anyway so we And tiger and then peppy Peppy got run over my brother mark was sort of not a good driver. So he backed up overhead She took a nap under the tire we came out peppy poor peppy was a little cute little poodle The head was all flattened out, but he said he never felt a bump but Scott and I got the shovel this time It was a not it wasn't a question. We're down there right next to the boot

Starting point is 01:55:23 You know, so we buried a lot of stuff Anyway, no, but yeah, we had a kind of a suburban, but it was low population a lot of open land Yeah, and so a lot of getting in hollowed out trees and smoking cigarettes. Oh, yeah boo Radley and out there Yeah, getting in the hollow tree and getting sometimes getting stuck in it, you know and uh Fistfights and headlocks, you know cut it out cut it out, you know a lot of just like My brother got through a dart and like stuck stuck in my leg and I had to pull it out, you know, but anyway It's real shit. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just there's a this we have a some symbiotic

Starting point is 01:56:01 Yeah, I remember a guy borrowed some money off me one time to buy drugs, right? And I didn't know he's buying it for him and his mother or whatever, but I went down there a couple weeks later to get my money back, you know, I'd loaned it to him like $2 and 50 cents and I needed it, you know holidays were coming up and All of that and so I went under their property and they had like 11 people lived in like a house this big as this room and there was people sleeping in the Sink and I was so scared to ask for the money and then him and his mom started fighting about drugs and actually other fists fighting in the yard You know and I was like, oh y'all can just keep the money when there's being each other's teeth in Jesus

Starting point is 01:56:37 We had the castin brothers and their mom was like 28 or something, you know, and she was divorced She was a tough chick, but she was never around And johnny castin jimmy castin was bigger. I had fistfights with both of them, you know And I would take five to get in one round houses I was 90 pounds and and then jimmy beat up johnny was over there and johnny came out of the kitchen He got every every sharp knife in the kitchen. He was holding him like this. He couldn't even throw him. He goes And he had like 10 knives Like castin brothers, there's the other side of the tracks, even though we didn't have train tracks there

Starting point is 01:57:15 You know mom mama was hornier their mother was just horny. Oh dude, we had that lady I think I told you the night my mom got a dang dodge neon right and it was so nice And my brother would go my brother and I my brother's zeph and I would go sleep in it at night Just because it was cool. Oh, it was just the the it had plush interior. Yeah, it had uh It just smelled like something new Yeah, we'd be in there god to smell and just Just smelling as much a new car could oh god and we'd fall asleep in there And then this lady we had this lady live a couple apartments that and she'd always play

Starting point is 01:57:51 She'd be out there one time and she was getting railed by some guy on the on the fucking new car on the against the side of it Dude, my brother now my brother and I woke up and this lady was always out there kind of touching herself and fucking huffing You know not paint but something and And then we just felt the car shaking dude It's funny to go by people having sex. We run cross country in high school and this couple's on the trail Yeah, let me buy as far as the car my dad had a pretty never we always had used cars But it was a hillman and it was a nice British sedan and my brother scott the guy who ran over peppy He was like 18. So he went to some baseball thing hot dog jamboree

Starting point is 01:58:32 And later on we found out he had ten Heineken's so he drove the car home He had had ten Heineken's and then he got hungry. So he had pink popcorn He had two big things and I don't know how he made it home But he came in and he was so fucking drunk my dad goes you're drunk So he's sitting on the bed. It's like that. So my dad's doing round half left and right Well, he broke his wrist on his skull probably the first two punches He wore a cast and we had to say we couldn't say why my mom's saying you're kidding But he didn't feel in and there's a scott and I were the team we had to clean up the pink popcorn

Starting point is 01:59:05 Covered all over the front of the hillman. The only worse than that is when the whole neighborhood's Toilets backed up in our downstairs toilet No, it just started flowing out because the downstairs brothers had just a toilet down there No sink and started flowing out. So we were in charge. So scott and I were the bucket upgrade So it was poo and shit and water going out not just y'all's everybody's all just not ours Just the whole neighborhood. It was just not all ours. They just came and it was flowing up and we're bailing brad had a Drill because it was gay. It was starting to rise up. So he was could have electrocuted himself

Starting point is 01:59:40 But he he was drilling and then he went under the house and was drilling holes for the water to drain And my mom was screaming to under the house drilling holes for the water drain Yeah, the plumbing was wound up in the well because it was filling up the room And we were bailing as fast as we can just just like we were really good athletes at the time We were fit but just like for hours and my mom was screaming throwing out the window We were throwing it out the window and we didn't even grab shit and throw it out the window We were just we had hand and well buckets are grabbing we got just in a frenzy because we just we're trying to stop it If you got a loose-handed dookie of a stranger, I don't know if there's any other

Starting point is 02:00:16 I mean you should have a well we had every texture that day. We had kind of milky. We had really solids We had two double solids. We had we had every kind of feces going out that thing We learned a lot about the human anatomy and gastrointestinal stuff. Yeah, but these are all true stories I couldn't even tell you. I mean, there's a lot. It's good. It's fun these we had some rough and tumble You know what I remember about a lot of people don't remember like I'll hang out with my best friends from growing up And they don't remember a lot of the stuff that happened. That's the interesting thing I'm like, well, you're kind of jogging my memory because of the car and all these things, you know Don't remember it. I don't know if they didn't weren't paying us enough attention or

Starting point is 02:00:52 I think I was hyper aware as a kid too. I think as comedians you get hyper aware Because you're really alert and sensitive to what's going on That's good for a comedian is to be observant and really be a sensitive instrument. I call it And so it's almost a form of light form of asperger's you don't want to look at the light too much because everything's so intense, you know and uh, I just remembered all of it, you know, I just said because And there were some just lazy moments too, but there was one time where I just got incredibly Lucky and it was almost a spooky day at this cab weird cabin in montana Well, they had a slot machine in there, you know, it had all dimes in it

Starting point is 02:01:28 And so I started getting you were a child or an adult. I was a child. I was like eight scott. I started hitting jackpots It's like and then he'd do it and I kept hitting jackpots Then we were playing poker and we had these chips and I kept getting perfect hands. It was this day Where I was just incredibly lucky for this day like I couldn't lose Couldn't lose it went back to the little and it was dimes coming out He gets like, you know one cherry gets a dime like three cherries So that was kind of a mystical day, you know Yeah, things when you're young have so much like even if you win you win seven dimes

Starting point is 02:01:59 It's like remember when this happened or yeah I remember we were going to the movies and we found a busted open coke machine And somebody had been trying to rob it and like jimmy'd open when they'd ran off I obviously right as the money was falling out and I walked up and there was all this money and a watch You could see the robber that had reached in there were dead with his would watch he'd come off So suddenly it had me a nice watch and as much money you could think of I loved it. That was my addiction to shoplifting, you know, I would go in when I finally got caught like I had a special billowy coat and a special

Starting point is 02:02:30 Secret pocket in the back and so I I was like in this drugstore and I'd been shoplifting like crazy You know shopping candy everything and I got this top that you would spin and I put it in there I'm on my bike and right as I was getting away the guy grabbed the back of it So then my brothers, you know, they were the ones who got me into shoplifting they would stick stuff down my they would Stick stuff down my pants. But then I you know that I was shamed by that I they I took the fall they didn't say we were shoplifting too. We used to stick stuff down his pants We taught him how to do it. They didn't say anything. They stayed quiet So my dad came in

Starting point is 02:03:04 And I thought okay here it comes, you know, I snapped the belt then he goes Oh, Jesus Christ. You brought shame to the family But I didn't really feel that I saw it bullshit I thought come on they were all shoplifting Yeah, well, anyway, we're halfway through the podcast. We're gonna take a break and oh, I'm sorry We've probably done pretty good. How long have we been two hours? Oh, Jesus for Jesus Christmas, man Seriously, really? Yeah, I didn't realize we kept you in here that you put it in two parters or no, we'll do a one parter man Um, and yeah, I want to I wonder if they'll let us play a clip from your show. Do you think they will?

Starting point is 02:03:37 Which mean the weird from the weird place. They can play anything you want. They brought a couple clips. Yeah, I got a clip Do you want to play it? Yeah, which one is it? I'll set it up. Uh, you guys were saying Psycho bill okay This is this the submarine crew goes back in time to the pirate ship Okay, and then they interact with them and they figure out they've gone back in time And they go on a tour of the pirate ship to show them everything and they go to the brig and they meet this especially potent Prisoner and the captain mckinley from 1966 is a little thrown by it and this is their conversation. He's behind the bars. Okay Are you sure that cell will hold it?

Starting point is 02:04:16 Well, I could never break out Now with these balls made of fine spanish steel Now Who is this hardly a tired gentleman? I'm captain mckinley of the united states navy Navy man something Something strange about you What is that?

Starting point is 02:04:39 Sweet fragrance I smell It's a deodorant deodorant Never heard of it. Huh this guy's starting to give me the creeps So there's a little it's you know the filmic music the sound effects like he's slapping the bar And the effect on my voice. We played around with that for our I was doing Hannibal Lecter I was doing all and then these guys pitched it down and I said, oh god. That's the guy That's our that's our bad guy. That's psycho bill

Starting point is 02:05:10 Who is this right here? Yeah, what's that sweet fragrance? I smell Deodorant never heard of it You're a navy man something strange about you. Oh, yeah Yeah, you know, it's almost like somebody just bought a new cat Do we have another one? Do we have the ant one or no? Yeah, I got it. Okay. Here is like The guy who gets the magic power with the globe these bullies shit on him He says he says I'll fight you in an abandoned lot outside of town

Starting point is 02:05:40 Then he goes to the globe and he sees an ant and he puts an ant on the globe and it's magic globe So he drops it on the lot there at and they're just waiting to fight him And this giant ant comes out of the sky and these bullies have to fight the ant Oh, here's what it's a piece of it. There's a lot longer. But yeah Look at those legs that is coming out of the sky Oh, no, we gotta fight this thing. Keep your feet moving boys I don't like that man Get the shotgun out of the truck

Starting point is 02:06:15 Yup Let's give you a few biscuits Oh So they're fighting for their life just to give you a sound collage that who made the ant noise They they did it. They did effects. I did some practical effects where we we've layered so much fun layered in ton of effects I've been All the stuff decks they were partners We kind of lay down some initial effects with our just voices and whatnot or find some stuff on

Starting point is 02:07:04 And then we would send it out to our to our mixer guy We were kind of collaborating with and he'd help us sort of how exciting are the moments whenever you kind of like Okay, let's redo it again. But then you realize how much you raised the bar on it. You're like, oh my god. That's it. Yeah That's it. Look how much more we can do. That's why I kept doing it And those guys went downtown with that ant thing and we kept doing it The Carvys gang up on you in a joiner. Do you feel like you had were you afraid to be the You're obviously the odd personnel and there's nothing you can do about that. That's you know genetic much, but no, you know We all grew up together. We had a whole cut cut in our back fence and we had a tin can phone and whatnot

Starting point is 02:07:42 Oh, yeah, we go away. They were they know each other. He's like brother from another mother. I mean, they're like thickest thieves And they have so much shared experience. I met Julian when he was three. God. What was he like then? He was he was about uh, he was pretty pretty cocky. Really? He had diapers on but he had it and no He was just a cute little kid shirtless probably, huh? Probably just strolling around the neighborhood. Yeah, drink it out of a tip. That's cocky as you can get dude And his dad's from Mississippi. So that was you know, I was I was baptized in Mississippi. Oh, damn. Maybe that's what's up Yeah, dude, I saw I used to work over there and uh

Starting point is 02:08:21 I had to paint a fence one time right with this fella big Johnny and he was a homoerotic guy, right? They didn't You know and he would wear uh big chains and stuff and he had a big afro and he would drive on a rod and lawn mower all the time and He and I had to paint this white fence And the birds all these uh I think there were nightingales Maybe hmm would come and try to get into his hair

Starting point is 02:08:45 And so my job while I we were painting I had a badminton racket and just to whack them all day, bro So that was your job. Yeah, we were out there. I started painting but by the baby about an hour in he couldn't handle the pressure of the nature So what 60 cents an hour and you're just whacking birds with a 10? Oh, I was doing pretty I was getting paid five bucks an hour But I was out there. I probably Dude, I bet I took 30 sparrows off that dude's brim that day, man. I mean because they his hair was just They wanted a nest in it But did you wound them and then they'd fly away or did you really whack them dead? I'd say probably 40 40 50 or 40

Starting point is 02:09:17 Not 40 50 50 50. Wow Birds are intense Yeah, it depends. Well, the problem with birds is they're coming out of the sky and you don't know what's going on up there That's what I find right. We have animals you get a little bit more you get the they run up You get the ambiance about a bird. You're like fuck, you know, we have some koi fish on our farm slash ranch and they're inside this Cement it came with the house But they built it so like the bald eagles or whatever's up there because most of people come over go I can't believe they're still alive and they're big they're like 40 pounds and they'll live to like 110 will yeah

Starting point is 02:09:49 They'll live way past us. They're like vegetables that float around I mean they go around in circle on a five foot thing and they're fascinated for 100 years But anyways said that the the birds intuitively know they could get them with their talons Is that it? But they wouldn't they don't have enough runway to get out Because they'd hit the Buddha statue So they're safe for now. They're safe for now. Yeah, safe for now. I think we all we're all that's all we all We're all safe. How do we close this deal? I this has been so much fun. I really told you a lot of Stuff

Starting point is 02:10:22 No, look, I'm just I think it's interesting. I've heard some about your life I think it's nice that you're getting to work on a project that You know with family obviously family is something that's been very important to you And so I think that's super to me. That's really cool, man. Like, you know, I talk about doing stuff with my brother There's a lot of people who'd give anything to be able to do a job with their dad no matter what it is, you know Especially to make something like this that almost anybody could really make like of course people aren't gonna have the same talents People make them but we know that you got it There's a whole new level you need to go to you can't just write a script get some voice actors and add a couple effects

Starting point is 02:10:57 Right, you need to win the war every moment for the attention span. You need every single moment That's why we made it kind of like an album. Yeah, you know Rather than just something to get something else. Hey, maybe someone will buy it and we'll make a lot of money You know, we actually said no we want to conquer this space and those guys who they were writing with me at the table They were directing me. Um, they were doing rewrites and they were doing the editing and they were Stacking the effects and working with ben and you know, it's just and choosing music bringing in the music and the music Inspired me. Yeah, you know and the right scary music for cycle bill And what's the music and we had that library so we we're able to make it filmic as you can see by these samples

Starting point is 02:11:39 Oh, yeah, well, it also does that thing for me. It brings back your imagination. That's it Yeah, suddenly my imagination has to work and it's almost excited And I don't mean that any dad and son could do this or any dad and family and friends can do this or any group Anybody could you could make something fun with your family? You could do something with the tools available You can make cool right you can make really cool stuff Yeah, but also obviously you guys are trying to get it at a level out there where it's like, you know You want to put a piece of art out into the world? And I think it's interesting that you didn't burn yourself out over the years so you still have the

Starting point is 02:12:11 For a little bit of the Veracity or concern or whatever to want to do something like that. A lot of people get burned I mean, yeah people that you know do 20 things that they don't want to do for years and they get burnt out You know, so my other son watched the time machine with rod taylor obsessed which I showed him as a little kid And he's possessed by it. So art in music my family with the Beatles and movies just everything to us making art Uh doing it. I like to think that because of my cross-country and track. I've kept my vo2 max really strong Like I don't think anyone in hollywood could hike up a hill with me I don't really think so if they could but I'm going past like they're all in the slow lane

Starting point is 02:12:52 So you could beat kneeling easy on his little well. Yeah, I don't want to pick on him I'm thinking of you and me mono mono. I'm looking at 30 years. He's got lungs on him. Does your dad have some good lungs on him dex Unbelievable. Wow. Well, I've just never stopped. I need it for my mental health I love playing the guitar like I do it for an hour every night making up shit and I need the The breaking the sweat with the pulse. I love it. So but I do think the core energy and passion for me And I'm just surprised. I mean it sounds so self congratulatory But I care just as much about this as anything I've done Anything doesn't matter to me when something was kind of shitty

Starting point is 02:13:30 Oh, you can tell if something's popular Okay, I might like it But well, you can tell by hearing right you just tell it because that it's the amount of layering that went into it And the amount of sound collage and just finding cycle bill and writing the part and what do they say? I want to ask you a question. Yeah Blink in your brain when you hear that voice. I could never escape. What do you picture? Um Psycho bill you mean? Yeah, I picture a big

Starting point is 02:13:57 Uh, oh, you know what? He said no. Oh, it could be anything if my brain's taken over. I picture, uh A little bitty guy With the biggest wiener you've ever fucking seen a human tripod. I mean, he's got no He's has to wear it over his shoulder in a bag. Yeah uses it or weapon, but he doesn't even talk about it It's just you don't really know that. Okay, and he has the biggest thickest darkest mustache You've ever fucking see that's the thing that is your cycle bill That's your cycle bill

Starting point is 02:14:30 So that you and you can get out of the prison easy He could literally just walk through the bars if you want. Well, there's stuff that happens But he stays in there because it's just well, he's things happen in the storyline There's stuff that happens with other sailors and there's some illicit stuff that's going on So, you know, that's the great thing about this if you're driving around as a mom with your kids and it's It's nothing else. You can listen to it with family. You can and let them imagine the story Let them decide what captain McKinley looks like or captain jack, you know, who I worked after my wife's irish uncle Am I how to talk like that and we just call him captain jack. So all the characters have some

Starting point is 02:15:09 Some reason or some way I found my way to them There's a character called smarty wiggins a pirate and I base it off this irish woman noni Who talks sort of like this But he's the smartest pirate in the world And he invents the toilet and he goes I call it A lavatory Because he's a he's a genius pirate, but that was coming from noni's voice. God rest her soul. She went to the stars God damn. That's what my father used to say all the time. Oh really?

Starting point is 02:15:38 God damn And he would like Just randomly. Yeah, we'd wake him up and he'd be like god damn it It was I was like, I remember saying most of my life dude and then he would like have some beers he would Oh, he would take me to the bar with him and he'd tell me to go walk down the bar and come back You know Oh, my dad used to literally walk down the bar and I'd walk down it with all the people's glasses on and stuff

Starting point is 02:16:03 And oh walk down and get a beer for him or just walk down it and come back You know when you're little it's a long bar, you know when you're four or five Oh, yeah, but it's all nasty stuff a bar and so you're Yeah, you know reaching in and getting a little pop corner a snack. Oh, yeah, you're you know Jumping over this glass and you know dark in there to conversate with people. It's almost maybe that's how I got on stage first I didn't think about that Well, but I had to walk and I go walk the bar for him down there and the lady would be down there She'd give me a little Christmas candy

Starting point is 02:16:30 Even if it was out of season She'd have a little cup of Christmas candy and he just wanted you to walk down just to see what it was like Get off his nerves for about 36. Oh, just go walk around for a bit. Yeah Go walk down the bar It's because it's harder to get down the bar if you walk down the floor. It's wide open But the bar there's deviance. You got a damn fucking pedophile. You got a couple fists fighting there You know, you got a guy picking his nails, you know and giving it to you or whatever You know, you got a lot of and you have a great memory

Starting point is 02:16:55 You got people to meet along the way you paid pictures with your brain Because I'm imagining this bar now and imagining 10 year old Theo Tony pedonies. It was called Tony But then my dad was like we're gonna ride we're gonna all right We're gonna head home and he'd be sitting in the car by going to leave in just a minute and then he fucking fall asleep And I'd just be fucking sitting there and waiting for him to wake up Oh, my dad would when I was in junior I was the last kid there He'd give me an enema kit because he was too embarrassed to go buy one. Oh, oh Jesus Christ, dang

Starting point is 02:17:25 This is this is my best. This is how we talked. Oh, could you give me one of these? And it's something funny because I was buying the enema kit for him. No embarrassment Yeah, even though they might be go what you you you're that constipated. You're 18. You weigh 110 pounds Jesus kid But I know okay. Just give me the enema kit. Jesus Christ But he did take us to the Kit Kat Club in Idaho Falls. Oh, that's nice. And it was illicit It was dark and kind of nasty your father took you in there. He took us in there The drink to get you a drink. No, we were just driving up to Montana

Starting point is 02:17:57 My sister went with my mother on a plane And so we drove up But just the the bar seen as a young the darkness of it because when I worked at holiday in as a bus boy and I'd go to Or a waiter I'd go into the bar to get drinks in the afternoon And then there'd be like a parent of one of my friends would be and they're just getting blasted He'd see me and he kind of looked down And then I did room service. I waited on Michael Jackson. I waited on little Richard. He was naked

Starting point is 02:18:24 I waited on Richard was and did he he answered the door naked and we saw more around Well, there was a man in the bed with sheets over and he answered the door naked seems pretty gay I think I think it's gay and he goes If you've been to the show because he was playing the circle star. You were a child. I was 18 19. You've been to the show And I I just I waited on Richard prior waited on you know Carlin waited on rich little stuff like that. You know, those are whole other stories. Yeah, but anyway, so Theo I think we're okay, man. I think we got enough. We've spent a lot of time together, man

Starting point is 02:18:57 Well, it just flowed really nice because I do this now So, yeah, I know you this is easy. This was really fun and easy. I enjoyed it a lot. Yeah, me too, man I really did. I mean, I kind of broke a sweat a little bit, but I think I'm okay I think it counts as a workout. Good. Well, just you get a you know, you just sort of get it's exciting Just sharing these stories and the way we were bouncing off each other because your stuff just keep it was inspiring me Oh, thanks, because I'm like a new car the brother or the thing the guy with one toe or whatever It's like, oh man. Okay. Oh, we had something kind of like that too So we were we were kind of hillbillies from the middle-class white suburbs basically up there in the Bay San Francisco Bay Area

Starting point is 02:19:37 Yeah, I bet it. I think it's interesting. I think there's just so many commonalities But I love remembering things from the past. I think it's pretty fascinating. I love imagination And yeah, I think stuff like this is good stuff like The weird place is great for people because yeah, it'll help just to get you to go Especially moms knowing her dad's knowing that they could listen to with their kids See, yeah, what do your kids think throw it on, you know, oh, yeah, and then we we have some Emotionality like I said in it nothing heavy-handed But there's some sweetness to it and earnestness to it and it we were doing thinking of this before Ted Lasso

Starting point is 02:20:10 Which I think that struck a nerve too. We love the dark stuff and you know, but there's something about earnestness in sincerity And we loved going back into that 60s vibe and they're all evergreen They could play a thousand years from now if there'll still be submarines and so we just love it and Just feel very lucky Was there ever a chance like looking back on some of your like prime days when you were working on SNL? And you got to work with so many unique people And in a time when they let characters really develop and yeah and reoccur and you had your catchphrase

Starting point is 02:20:43 Yeah, it was so it was so much fun. Um, was there ever a chance you guys would try to get back to I've always wondered Why didn't like five or six of the guys? Say hey, let's do this again. Let's just make our own Thing and do it. It's you know, it you step outside of perspective, you know, no, I know and you always think oh But then you're kind of like how do you get back to sketch, you know Me doing these voices and improvising these rhythms was exercising that same idea And there's a freedom without an audience, you know, you don't want to be indulgent But you can also step outside yourself. But yeah, it's a magic thing. That's why spaden eyes podcast is popular

Starting point is 02:21:23 It's a reality show the people Will laugh and will have a good time But there's an emotional underpinning to that shared story of getting this incredible lucky break You're with your friends or I call them your bandmates. You're all getting a little money You're getting a little famous and you're all doing it together and you're live in Rockefeller center way up in the sky In the middle of the night and there's horses and dwarfs on the show and People are juggling and you're falling down and all kinds of shit going on and so it's something that's a It's a fever dream kind of in a way. Yeah, but getting back to it

Starting point is 02:21:59 Is is very tough. There's other ways to do it, you know I think I had a podcast a while back where I was doing long form riffs. It was called fantastic It's still out there where I would just take fly to fancies and go for 10 minutes Because that's what I would do backstage. Kevin and I would do Hans and Franz for like an hour. Yeah, you're a loser I'm a loot. We were just cocking that voice for an hour. You found good moments Yeah, and then we'd have to repeat it on but our best moments We would just fall and giggling and you know just by you, you know the moment you can't that moment It's so nice when Kevin said and if you don't think we're properly pumped up, man

Starting point is 02:22:33 You're the defensiveness of Hans and Franz We could very easily come to your house stretch the flap of your back into the shape of a rope ladder So you could crawl down into the sewer because that's what losers live to me It's poetry. It may be my favorite rhythms and the guys who never lift anything. They're terribly wounded terribly insecure They have this stupid show and they're just trying to get back at imaginary enemies They think the audience doesn't think they're macho and I could very easily you're lucky your buttocks are like marshmallows You're lucky. I don't have a campfire here Don't undo your belt. You might cause a flabby lunch

Starting point is 02:23:10 You but tell your muscles are so flabby I'd like to shape him into a ball and put them under the put you on the Christmas tree You know, it just gets into madness. So Kevin, I love that I was sort of would have been happy if that movie had come to fruition A very funny movie Conan O'Brien, Robert Smigel, me and Nieland wrote it together Hans and Franz the girly man dilemma So but anyway life's good, you know life's good man. You're staying creative. You're getting into uh You're getting to have a family and be a real human and a family. That's awesome Uh, yeah, yeah, my wife and I are just incredibly regular people doing doing regular things

Starting point is 02:23:47 There's there's an enviable thing when I see people who can really take joy and doing regular things Yeah, without being in their head just going to a matinee watching a movie. I'm having popcorn Man, this is great. I'm putting I'm putting some raisinettes in the popcorn. You are I'd say to scott What are you gonna get? My brother's got movies here everything And we were big into movies. We like the movie. We'd see it five times Oh, dude, I remember going to pink Cadillac. It was it was playing somewhere in my grandmother's town and I went over there What year was that? I don't know damn. I don't know Saw it over and over again. Yeah. Oh, I just remember eating so much fucking candy

Starting point is 02:24:25 Vomiting in the bathroom and going back and watching more We go to matinees, but you would go at 12 and come out at five Oh, yeah, crazy coming out in the light. It was so light Yeah, and you're in there watching otty murphy westerns back to back You might get a sucker and nurse that or if you're a big hunk you just suck on that you had to last all that time It was like you could bring a can of beans or 50 cents because if they were having a salvation army thing there Bring some soup and get in for a five hour matinee even though we're a generational part. There's so many things We have in common things aren't that far off

Starting point is 02:25:01 It just uh, you know, you know, maybe we were the original hillbillies of uh, San Carlos parents from Montana, you know Gristle and day old baked goods and everyone loved to come to our house cocking balls, babe Oh, I'm cock. I'm cock. I'm only cock. He's only boss when you put us together. You got cock and bounce Yeah, all right. We should mic drop it on that. Yeah, we're doing it there. Dana carvey. Thanks for your time Thanks. They loved it enjoyed it peace out Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be

Starting point is 02:25:37 cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take

This Past Weekend - E417 Dana Carvey

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