This Past Weekend - E531 Kevin Smith

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Starting point is 00:01:11 filmmaker, writer, speaker, comic book aficionado. You know him from his films, Clerks, Clerks, Mallrats, J and Silent Bob, Dogma, Tusk, and the list goes on. He has a new film out now called The 430 Movie, loosely based on his childhood in New Jersey. I'm thankful to spend time today with Mr. Kevin Smith. ["Shine That Light On Me"] Smith. I'm on the step. I'm sharp. Yeah, look at me, I'm in fuckin' monochrome.

Starting point is 00:02:13 Is that what that print is? Black and white. Oh, monochrome is black and white. Okay, sweet. Yeah, I didn't know that. I mean, I've heard of it before. Fuck yeah, you have. But yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:24 You're a smart guy. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not, okay. Yeah I'm not a dumb, yeah I'm a sweet, yeah I mean I'm. Yeah don't fucking, don't sweat. You knew monochrome, it was just one of those things you didn't need and then it happened and you're like,

Starting point is 00:02:38 why didn't I, but you did. Yeah. I've seen you speak, you're no dummy. Yeah it was always in there somewhere. Yeah yeah. Yeah. You probably used it, you probably busted it speak. You're no dummy. Yeah, it was always in there somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Probably used it. You probably busted it once or twice in your life. Oh, I've definitely I mean I've been involved in some like it's not Right. It's it's like the most racial of Screens if it's monochrome, right? It's black and white kind of it's the it's the apartheid of print. Yeah, I

Starting point is 00:03:00 Scream it when I come Because clerks was in black and white. So everything ties back to Clerks. Only Clerks, the only way I could come now is thinking of Clerks. Well I love the mall rat shoes, man. Those are so, I mean that's really cool. Did we start?

Starting point is 00:03:17 Yeah, we'll start. Who made those? Are we started? Yeah, we can, is that okay? Yeah, that's totally cool. Modern podcasting I've not gotten that hang up like we started back in like 2007 We were doing smock ass my cast and there was always like welcome to smock ass. I'm Kevin Smith of Scott Moser So there was an official beginning but lately any podcast I've been on

Starting point is 00:03:36 He was bullshitting and all of a sudden you're five minutes into a conversation. I'm like, oh, I bet you we started and shit Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. sometimes it's like, I think sometimes, some places things are a little more formal. I don't know, sometimes I feel like if you start, if I say start, then it doesn't go, I don't know, I mean, you're a director, what is that like if you say? Well, it depends who you ask.

Starting point is 00:03:58 I know. I like to think of a director, but you go on the internet, they'll tell you a lot of fucking different. He was a director maybe once you go on the internet. They'll tell you a lot fucking different He was a director maybe once his fucking first movie Every day online somebody tells me I'm terrible at my job for the last like 30 years that I've been doing the job You know, that's yeah, what were you? Maybe you don't you're like, I've never gotten a bad fucking review Do you dig into your comments? Yeah. No, we don't I don't dig in too much man. I was actually talking

Starting point is 00:04:23 Yeah, no, we don't I don't dig in too much man. I was actually talking Joe Rogan I spoke with him recently and he was saying don't read the good shit. Don't read the bad shit, bro Are we gonna start dropping names this early in the sorry? Yes. I mean you just whip that out like a cock Yeah, like fucking who you Louis CK. I wasn't ready for that All of a sudden we're talking Joe Rogan and shit. What why are we here? Like I thought you were a Nashville person. Yeah, I live in Nashville Yeah, but we can we have we we kept our studio here and so sometimes we tape here So you live in do you live in Nashville live in Tennessee? Yeah full-time. We're in Tennessee I live just like right outside of the city. I live kind of like Lipscomb high school. You live near Nashville

Starting point is 00:05:03 Yeah, yeah. I fuck with Tennessee a lot. They like us there quite a bit. Like I was just in Kingsport because we did the Smokey Mountain Fan Fest. And then like a month before that, I was in Knoxville. Like anytime I go out and do shows,

Starting point is 00:05:17 that's generally a place that I've always wound up. I was in, can I tell you a fucking story real quick? So I was in, recently I was in Kentucky. I went and did a show in Lexington. Lexington's awesome. Beautiful, right? So, you know, I'm vegan. I hate saying that because everyone's like,

Starting point is 00:05:35 fuck you, now I'm eating twice as much meat. And I'm like, all right, that's on you. Yeah, people don't, yeah, people. They get tight, but I want vegan because I almost. It's like being stomach gay or whatever. Fuck. They, I had a heart attack six and a half years ago

Starting point is 00:05:48 So I wound up going vegan and it helped used to be happy now fucking vegan So it's just part of you know, it's just what I do But I don't try to push it on people and shit like that Like when I started smoking weed back in the day, I was definitely like proselytizing for that like oh my god You should try this Veganism I don't proselytize for because people get really triggered by the word now if somebody's like hey, man How'd you lose that fucking way or you know some people been like you fucking who's a big bitch? I'm like no fuck I I went vegan after my heart attack That's how to weight went away not because like you know I just necessarily tried although

Starting point is 00:06:22 I do now fucking walk over 10,000 steps a day But you know I was like I I don't want to die So let me try this and I thought I'd do it for a few months and then go back And then I never went back being vegan you mean yeah Yeah, can you still have house plants if you're a vegan or is that like a weird? Absolutely number one. I'm sure I am on some level an ethical vegan who should think about that. I do love animals, so I'm sure that's some part of why it's easy for me to be vegan,

Starting point is 00:06:52 but I was not one of those, I'm doing it because it's the right thing to do. I did it to save my fucking life, and it worked out and shit. So even if I was like, fuck a houseplant, I'd still go vegan. Where are you going with that house plant thing, though? Oh, I just didn't know if you were like a plant, if you only eat, cause vegan means you can only eat plants?

Starting point is 00:07:12 Is the idea that, well, I'm plant-based. Okay. So is the idea that if I can't have a plant-based, cause I'm like, well, this is my friend, but I'm gonna eat him. Well, it would just seem like they would catch on. It'd be like having a fish tank and being a person that eats fish.

Starting point is 00:07:25 And being a pescatarian. Pescatarian shit like that. Yeah, I guess I was like, at some point they're gonna catch on. You know what I'm saying? They're gonna be like, this guy's playing both sides of the net. And the plants are gonna start leaning forward, out and shit, get defensive. That's where the Venus Fly Trap came from. A plant that was like, I must defend myself against a vegan.

Starting point is 00:07:41 That was one of the first craziest movies that I ever heard of when I was a kid. Uh... Little Shop of Whores? Yeah, Little Shop of Whores. It was one of the first craziest movies that I ever heard of when I was a kid. Little Shop of Whores? Yeah, Little Shop of Whores. It was like a weird movie. Musical about like a Venus flight, kind of. Yeah. The Audrey II.

Starting point is 00:07:53 And it had a plant that could bite people. The plant came from outer space though. Oh, that's right. You didn't lose a lot of sleep over, did you? No, I didn't. I wasn't, I don't think it scared me. It was just interesting. It was like a little bit before my time,

Starting point is 00:08:04 like right, like we didn't, I don't know if I've ever think it scared me. It was just interesting. It was like a little bit before my time like right like we didn't I don't know if I've ever seen it Broadway because I grew up like on the East Coast so you saw the musical yeah like on stage and shit before it became this Musical which is awesome. Oh before became a movie. Yeah. Wow. So it was a big musical first. It was Broadway hit You look at it was a big ass puppet, like on stage. Yeah, there's a picture of it right there. Yeah, well yeah, kind of.

Starting point is 00:08:29 There's on stage the ones to the right in that one picture that looks like the stage show. Oh, I forgot, again, modern podcasts, you guys have a screen and you spend an inordinate amount of time looking at images and videos and shit. That was something that never occurred to us in 2007. Yeah, you just had to use your imagination. We just talked to each other.

Starting point is 00:08:49 And there was also no real video component, like that was the attraction of doing the podcast, it was like, I can just fucking do it, dress like however I am. It was like voicing animation or something. But y'all have gotten it down to fucking science. Like, you know, when I went to Thompson Kors place, fucking, well, Joe, of course, oh yeah, how about a drink? And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink.

Starting point is 00:09:05 And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink.

Starting point is 00:09:18 And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. And I was like, oh yeah, I'll have a drink. out there that is stock, it's more stock than a 7-Eleven. Who's fucking dick are you sucking to get that much Celsius, man? And what am I doing wrong, Theo? Yeah, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:09:30 You're sucking dick vegan? It can be. You just don't swallow the meat. You know what I'm saying? You put it in your mouth, you just don't swallow it. Why on earth can't I get this fucking podcast thing down to a science? I'm doing it.

Starting point is 00:09:44 But you were one of the, I mean you were one of the early guys in it. Do you know what, here's where I thought, and I've said this on other podcasts, so we'll do other things and shit, VonWord, that's awesome. Like, I thought I was so smart, because I was like, oh, we'll do all these podcasts,

Starting point is 00:10:00 and we'll give them out for free. And then when I'm in their town doing a live show, that's when they'll buy a ticket because they've gotten all this free and That was how I was like and that's how we'll make money on podcasting So that was your strategy from the beginning you're saying that was my generation. I mean it wasn't my strategy It was like we really it just started because I was like this is fucking fun And we're me and Mosher sitting around like goofing off and having a microphone on fun conversations Appealed to me. We always take snapshots of people and whatnot

Starting point is 00:10:27 There are pictures to memorialize a moment capture moment But nobody ever really records a conversation and shit a normal conversation if you're on TV sure So that's why I love the podcast and the idea of doing that shit and then one day we had a lot of people listen to podcast and they were like My my business manager is like you got a bill for a thing called the server and they were like, my business manager was like, you got a bill for a thing called a server? And it was like really high. And I was like, what the fuck is this?

Starting point is 00:10:50 And it turns out podcasting's free for everybody but the fucking podcaster, particularly if people watch the podcast and shit. So we were hosting on our own server. So we had to figure out like, all right, what the fuck, how do we pay for this? And I was like, well, we could do it it live we could start doing live shows but even before that like I remember like we were it was it was so primitive when we were reverse

Starting point is 00:11:12 engineer going like what did they do in the early days of TV like on 21 that game show they had Jaritol like as a sponsor and we should get an advertiser like right been watching TV our whole lives, but when we were doing the podcast, like it was us going like, perhaps someone will pay us to say things about their product like they did in the 50s. So-

Starting point is 00:11:35 It's a hard way of learning. It really was. It got harder because the sponsor we reached out to the first sponsor we had was Fleshlight. Like, cause they had written me a letter after Zach and Mary met Goporno, cause we had a whole Fleshlight scene. And they were like, hey man, if you a letter after Zach and Mary Megaporno because we had a whole fleshlight scene and they were like, hey man, if you ever want to do a fleshlight, like fucking let us know.

Starting point is 00:11:50 And I've still, one day I will do the Kevin Smith's mouth, like fuck him in the mouth, my own fleshlight. Yeah. That, you know, a fan. Well then people leaving angry comments can actually take it, you know what I'm saying? See what I'm saying? A fan and an enemy, somebody who hates your shit, fan and a hater could both enjoy that, like fuck Kevin Smith, or fuck Kevin Smith.

Starting point is 00:12:08 So they had written this really lovely letter and filed it away, like oh that's cute. And then, fleshlight. And then when we needed to pay the server bill and shit, I said to Scott Mojo, I was like, what if we reached out to fleshlight? Like they, maybe they'll sponsor our few shows if we, and so they were way into it.

Starting point is 00:12:30 Like this was so early in the game, we're talking like 2007, maybe on the cusp of 2000. Wow, and so much so that Rogan called me like in 2010, going like, should I fucking use Fleshlight? And I was like, for your dick? And he goes, no, for the show. And I was like, oh, number one, use it for your dick. It's amazing.

Starting point is 00:12:49 I said, number two, definitely use it for the show. And so they started advertising on Joe's show and then they started selling way more flesh lights because they'd been with us for like two years and anybody who listened to us is like, we're fucking it already. You know, it's its own, market's got a glass ceiling. So it's great. But once he went own, market's got a glass ceiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:05 But once he went to Joe, they shattered the glass ceiling. Joe Rogan shattered the glass ceiling for flesh light. There's your fucking headline. That's what you don't get credit for. So we had to figure that shit out and then like I remember trying to take it out on a live show. Like I used to do Q and A's, just me by myself,

Starting point is 00:13:23 evening with Kevin Smith and shit like that. Kinda close to comedy but more, I guess now they call it crowd work where it's like, look I need you to say something before I can be funny. And so I'd let the audience ask questions and then I'd go off and stuff like that. Yeah, because I've seen you guys do live podcasts

Starting point is 00:13:38 and over the years, I mean obviously seen you do a lot of stuff but just for the listeners who don't know a server, it's like where you kind of host your podcast so that it can go out into the world. So we were just for the listeners, you don't know a server, it's like where you kind of host your podcast so that it can go out into the world. So we were just on the server that our files were on and the email was used for the office. It was on the viewsq.com server.

Starting point is 00:13:55 So we hosted a website, right, viewsq.com. So because of that, we already had a server up and running. So that's where we started hosting them. We didn't, like now you feed them into Apple Apple podcasts that shit necessarily didn't exist in the beginning. That's true that might not even have been there. So people had to get it like it was almost like an AM or like a CB radio like there were probably people listening on CB radios. We were fucking distributing podcasts via carrier pigeon at that point. Like we would roll up little things to their legs and send them off and people in other cities would be like, I get it, I get it.

Starting point is 00:14:25 It was weird, going into a comedy club and going like, we wanna do a podcast here. Like, cause you know, I toured so much by myself that when I asked my agent at one point, I was like, hey man, me and Mo's wanna go out and do some podcasts in front of people. So can you hook it up, like in any of the gigs I normally do? But all those places like't want to pay me

Starting point is 00:14:46 what they normally pay me. They're like, what are you doing? And I'm like, well, I'm sitting next to my friend and we're talking to each other. And they're like, and you're not gonna take questions. I was like, no, maybe I guess, but that's not really part of the show. They're like, I don't know, that sounds risky.

Starting point is 00:15:01 And so we had to fucking do the show for like 70, 30 splits, like at very small clubs, because they were like, what do you mean a podcast? Like that kind of shit. So after the first tour, like, and then we put the shows out, people were like, oh shit, it's fun. And doing it with a live audience was this weird experience, because we'd always done it in a room like this,

Starting point is 00:15:22 with nobody but each other entertaining each other. And then suddenly do it in front of people, you know, it's a world of difference. But in a room with the world. The podcast, that was the N-word of like, like whatever, you know, video, audio communication or whatever for a while. Like you wouldn't even say it,

Starting point is 00:15:40 or if somebody said, you were like, this guy's an outlier, or this guy's a, you know, a pervert or whatever, you know.lier or this guy's a you know a pervert or whatever You know, I think this guy's a pedo. Yeah. Yeah, you like I don't cast you fucking said I Remember when we did time we're here to catch you have you seen all these videos every video now online is just like this Guy's here to meet a 14 year old you see those videos all the time Yeah, sorry, I mean there's a TV show all about that. Yeah, but now it's like everybody's a vigilante. People are doing it on their own.

Starting point is 00:16:10 Vigilante. It's so rogue. There's an industry of this. Who's the guy that does it? What's his name? Chris Hanson. Which, to be fair, you know, he's good at it, but. Oh, he was the Stan Lee of it.

Starting point is 00:16:20 I guess anybody could. Yeah. The Stan Lee of pedo busting. Chris Hanson, that's what it says. It's Chiron in every TV appearance. Now it's Kevin, and now it's just, Iusting, Chris Hansen. That's what it says is Chiron in every TV appearance. Now it's Kevin and now it's just, I mean, it's people. I mean, there's thousands of them that go up all the time. It's just like constantly Tyrone came to me to 13 year old girl.

Starting point is 00:16:36 It's always at like a Walmart or something. But yeah, it's a big business now. I shouldn't say it's not a big business, but catching these people, baiting them online yourself, people just to create a, you know, and then get views and stuff like that. Is a thing. It's a dark world. But I interrupted you, but yeah, that's so wild. I was saying in Tusk, our main character was a podcaster and there were a bunch of reviews.

Starting point is 00:17:00 Yeah, Haley Joel. Who was it? Haley and Justin Long was the the guy got turned into a walrus but like that when we Put the movie out there. There were some reviews that were like He has a job. I've never heard of before shit like that like if I gave it was it now It feels like well, I mean like only murders in the buildings is predicated on Podcasting yeah, like podcasting has become absolutely massive. But yeah, I never figured out how to make money from it.

Starting point is 00:17:28 Certainly not enough to have a fucking Celsius fridge. What is that all about? How does that happen? They mailed it one day and the guy that they are. I want details, Theo. You can't just fucking gloss over this. Like that's the most impressive thing I've seen in a month. Lord Celsius, I guess, sent it.

Starting point is 00:17:43 Is that who was? What is he like? You know what? That's bad of me. I've seen in a month. Lord Celsius, I guess, sent it. Is that who was? What is he like? You know what, that's bad of me. I'm assuming it's a guy. Could be a lady, but I assume you would've called her Lady Celsius. Yeah, Her Majesty. Yeah, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:17:54 Queen Celsius. Empress, the Empress Celsius. Yes, the Empress Celsius, that's who it is. I know, fuck all this fooling around. How did you get that free shit? Tell me right now. Yeah, we had a sponsorship with them and then they sent that at some point.

Starting point is 00:18:06 And it's kind of like some of the guys, some of the guys can't turn their necks have had so much of it. My kid introduced me to it, because she's like, it's vegan, you can drink it. I was like, right on. Kids are drinking it? Yeah, well, she's 25.

Starting point is 00:18:18 I guess I don't know if she counts as a kid anymore. But one day she came over, and we were recording a podcast. We got a podcast that's dropping on iHeart. It's called Beardless Dickless Me. I got a free plug. But we were about to record in a crack to Celsius. And she was like, how many of those you've had today?

Starting point is 00:18:33 And I was like, this is the 10th. And she goes, what are you fucking nuts? It's an energy drink. And I was like, you said it was vegan. She's like, those two things are not mutually exclusive. She's like, you're a fucking heart attack victim. She's like, and then she went online, like the way you guys are like,

Starting point is 00:18:46 somebody's in another room fucking looking shit up. She immediately went online. She was like, oh my God, you can't have more than fucking two a day, what are you nuts? Yeah, they're very strong. But they're tasty, man, they're good. But they never felt that strong to me. Like I never felt like hyped, but maybe you don't feel it.

Starting point is 00:18:59 Maybe that's the thing about a drug, right? I've never been in the throes of drug abuse. Maybe I am and I don't even fucking know it I could be enslaved to Celsius I never met anybody that's had ten my friend Brad used to work for a Red Bull and he would um anybody that ten I've never met anybody that's had one running the wild crowd and you're like I watch videos that are fucking the dark web and shit and you've never met anyone that not even one week Not in one day. Not even in one week. I don't know, I mean, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:19:26 I have a couple friends that probably have, but we haven't talked about it, I guess, but the one thing that I was thinking about was my friend Brad used to work for Red Bull, and he said at their Chris, there's a 1-800 number of people who are like, have had too much Red Bull or whatever they call. I guess.

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Starting point is 00:22:21 That happened to my wife with weed once. We were on the bus and we were in St. Louis doing some shows in St. Louis. And I had a bus in those days because I wouldn't fly because I got thrown off an airplane for being too fat. And so I traveled by bus and everyone was like, you're like Madden, but I don't follow sports.

Starting point is 00:22:42 I don't know what that was. Were you too fat? Did they pull a scale out or how do they even do it? That is guess they I the way I understand it years after the fact Was because somebody was like him and I work in the industry I think this is what happened because they never flat-out told me it was a packed fucking flight I wasn't even supposed to be on that flight. I was supposed to go to next flight, but they had room So I was like, oh fuck it. I'll get on this When I walked down the jetway, excuse me,

Starting point is 00:23:07 like the one guy was like, where are you going? And I was like, they gave me a ticket, I'm getting on. And he's like, no, there's too many already. And I was like, well, the lady just gave me this. And he's like, so I walked onto the plane, sat down, I sat between like two women in like the bulkhead of like if you first walk in and you go on the plane, sat down, and I sat between two women in the bulkhead of if you first walk in and you go to the left, that's we were on the right side of the plane.

Starting point is 00:23:33 And I'm sitting there and shit and fucking buckled my seatbelt and whatnot, and the arm rests were there. And I was definitely fucking way heavier than I am now. How much do you think you were? Three, I probably weighed my area code which was three two three Yeah, I was as high as three thirty Three thirty four at one point. I think that's the biggest I would we look like a healthy 185 right now

Starting point is 00:23:55 It's between I I live between 185 and 200 Depending on if it's a bread week or not a bread week and whatnot. If I'm breading up, then I kinda tend to bloat up and stuff. But that was, again, that was the heart attack. That was like after the heart attack, I was so fucking terrified of dying and shit. And actually I wasn't. At the heart attack, I was fucking cool about it. Like I was always scared of dying and shit.

Starting point is 00:24:18 And then on the table, like the guy had told me, Dr. Leidenheim, my guy, my cardiologist, who just fucking retired. And he told me before he retired, I was like, well now that you're gone, what do I fucking do? Who's my new cardiologist? And he was like, Kevin, you don't need

Starting point is 00:24:31 a cardiologist anymore. It was like the end of Wizard of Oz. It was like, you could have always taken care of your own heart, just put your feet together, whatever the fuck. But he was going like, you're passing now. He's going, now you just go to your regular internist, and then if you've got a problem,

Starting point is 00:24:44 then you go to a specialist. And I was like, well, I don your regular internist. And then if you've got a problem, then you go to a specialist. And I was like, well, I don't even have that. And so he introduced me to a new guy. But in any event, going way back to me on the table, that doctor, Dr. Leidenheim, he goes, you're having what they call widowmaker heart attack. You know what that is? And kind of self-explanatory.

Starting point is 00:25:00 But they had jacked me up on fentanyl. So I was like, no, geez, what is it? I was very chatty. And he was like, it means in 80% of the cases where the patient has what you have, the patient always dies, but you're gonna be in the 20% because I'm good at my job. And he disappeared into my crotch and made magic.

Starting point is 00:25:17 That's how they get to your fucking heart, is through your dick, isn't that amazing? No way, they use a catheter? They go through, catheter, no. Well, they go through your femoral artery. They technically don't go through your dick was right next year is dick adjacent Yeah close as possible Like if somebody was fucking if you were like lick me where they fucking put that fuck but lick me on my femoral

Starting point is 00:25:33 You're close enough to the deck where you might as well just fucking go over and give that one as well So they want right through the femoral to the heart and you know how they're always telling you like oh boy Did a man's heart is stomach bullshit right through the fucking through the fucking dick. Science, right there, science. So he told me that, and I'd always been afraid of dying, but like, you know, nothing I could do at that moment. Like all the fucking damage had been done, whatever I'd eaten, fucking my genetics, whatever fuck led me to that moment.

Starting point is 00:25:58 So all the fucking like, why in the world wasn't gonna help? So I just started facing the fact, like since I was looking up, I was like, this might be the last ceiling I see for the rest of my life, and this may be the last room I'm in. And what'd you wear? I was wearing a hockey jersey,

Starting point is 00:26:10 because I was doing a special, I was doing a stand-up special that eventually came out. It happened on stage that you had a heart attack. Not on stage, it was between two shows. You know how when you're going to tape a show, you shoot two shows and they put the best of it together. We shot our first show, then I went backstage and we had an hour before the next show and in that hour

Starting point is 00:26:28 That's what it all fucking happened. I was like sweating I was like can't fucking quite catch my breath and shit So while I was laying on the table, I got comfortable with notion of dying like dying suddenly. I was like, oh shit There's like graduation like I left high school Like if I can leave this world if I left high school and high school was fun I hated to see it in if I left that you know and shit worked out I can leave this there's an ending of course. There's an ending to everything There was a song fucking turn turn turn you got yeah Beatles. Yeah, well no I think it was the birds, but regardless the the Somebody will look it up for you. Yeah

Starting point is 00:27:03 And so you so. So I was lying there and I was cool with the notion of like fucking dying. I come to the total piece with it where I was like, you know what man, like I have my time. Like, and this is it. And like you had a real good life, better than fucking most.

Starting point is 00:27:17 You just have cool shit and whatnot. There I was. Wow. And I was like, so if this is the case. You look handsome for a dying guy. Not bad, right? Well, I was on stage previously, right? Oh, that's true.

Starting point is 00:27:26 Come right off stage. No makeup is still. But still. So I was like, if this is it, this is it. You know, like you push back from the table, it won't be the last guy at the party that's like, hey man, you got any more beer? Like, fuck off.

Starting point is 00:27:36 And you had your time. So I was cool with that. So I was okay with dying. Utterly at peace. I was like, if it ends, it ends. Did you get to talk to anybody before? Sorry, go on. Just the doctor. Just the guy who was in my fucking crotch. Did you write a note to a kid or to your children or?

Starting point is 00:27:47 No, because it all happened so fast. Like, my wife wasn't there, the kid wasn't there. They didn't find out until after the fucking fact. Wow. So the only people had to talk to them. So they had to get you on the table immediately. As soon as I got to the, they took me, picked me up from an ambulance from the Alex Theater

Starting point is 00:28:01 in Glendale and took me. They're supposed to take me to a closer ambulance from the Alex Theater in Glendale, and took me, they're supposed to take me to a closer hospital as per the shoot schedule, like whenever you shoot a thing, there's like, this is where you gotta go if somebody gets hurt. That hospital was closer, but the first responders,

Starting point is 00:28:16 the medics, picked me up. Motherfuckers saved my life. I don't even know their names. I gotta figure, you know what? I gotta go out and find their names. These two kids came in backstage the Alex Theater and they were trying to put leads on me and shit. What's leads?

Starting point is 00:28:30 Like on your chest so they can measure your heart rate or whatever the fuck. So I was wearing a hockey jersey and again I was way heavier and shit and they lift up my shirt and I'm like, wow man, fucking you never do that to a fucking heavy dude. And she goes, whoa, what are you talking about? And they're like, we gotta get these on you.

Starting point is 00:28:43 I was like, well, fucking I'll hold it out. You reach under, but there's too many fucking people in shit. So they did that. And once they took a reading, like I do remember the woman looking at the man, like, you know, an unspoken look. You know, I'm supposedly, I'm a director for a living and shit, so sometimes you gotta frame a shit

Starting point is 00:29:00 and show a moment. Like when somebody's cheating a clue or whatever. Something like that, where it's, you know, fucking, just one of those. Wasn't that shifty where it's like, uh-oh, what does that mean? But I did see a glance between them. And then my man goes, you know what? We're gonna take you to the hospital.

Starting point is 00:29:12 And I was like, oh, please don't do that. This is embarrassing. He goes, no, just in case. He's going, look, it'll help me. It'll look good for me and my job and stuff. And he's like, you never been to that hospital before? I was like, nah, I visit people. He goes, oh, you're gonna love it, it's gonna be great.

Starting point is 00:29:26 Like, you know. He said, you're gonna love it, huh? He was selling it, man. Maybe it was for a big farm or something. Well, thank God that dude made the call he did, and her, the two of them, the two of them, and they chose not to go to the hospital they were supposed to take me to.

Starting point is 00:29:39 They went to one that was a little further away because they knew that was the one where Hart people went. And thank God they took me to that one. And that guy who saved my life, Dr. Leidenheimer, Leidenheimer, Leidenheimer, he was a, he like got pulled in at the last minute and shit like all of it like worked out. But I saw another doctor, Dr.

Starting point is 00:29:57 Paula like months later, man, like after this all happened, after it happened, I went on Colbert and told the story. I told the story for years and shit like that. Right. So I finally see Dr. After it happened, I went on Colbert and told the story. I told the story for years and shit like that, right? So I finally see Dr. Pollock's, we're gonna go make Jane, Silent Bob reboots. This is like 2019. And she's the doctor you see before you go make a movie or something that clears you, especially for the director

Starting point is 00:30:15 because they gotta insure you for the whole run of the show. Since I just had a massive heart attack, the insurance company was like, make sure this motherfucker can direct. We know he can't direct, we've read the reviews, but make sure he can direct on set. So when I came in to see her, she was like, oh my God, look at you.

Starting point is 00:30:32 She's going, I heard about your story, I saw you talking about it on TV, everywhere you talk about the heart attack. I was like, yeah, I know. And she's gone, and you keep talking about how it was 80% chance of dying. I was like, yeah, she's gone, I'm gonna tell you right now, she's going to tell you story. I've wanted to tell you ever since I heard about your heart

Starting point is 00:30:46 attack. She's going, you know, I used to be in cardio. And I was like, get out of here. She's like, yeah. And there were four of us. We're going to cedars on a heart patient, open heart. And we're having the surgery. And all of a sudden, right in the middle of it,

Starting point is 00:30:57 massive widow maker strikes. And I was like, well, if you're open heart surgery and have it in the hospital before doctors are out, she goes, not the patient, one of the doctors. Drops to the fucking floor, massive Widowmaker strikes. And I was like, well, if you're open heart surgery and have it in the hospital before doctors are out, she goes, not the patient, one of the doctors, drops to the fucking floor, has a massive heart attack. And I was like, well, at least three other doctors

Starting point is 00:31:13 and Cedars signed, and she goes, that's the point of the story is we lost him. She said, we had all the talent in the world and all the tools to save a human being, but when it comes to the Widowmaker, it ain't up to the doctor. She's going, I love Dr. Layden, but you give him a lot more credit

Starting point is 00:31:27 than he probably deserves because he did his job right, but it ain't even up to him at the end. Damn, he's not even any good. I mean, he's good enough, because I'm here, so I'll always believe in him. But she was like, that thing makes up its mind and does what it wants. She's going, so she's gone, I heard you say 80%.

Starting point is 00:31:43 She's gone, I just wanted to correct you. That's not true. I was was like I always thought that was I she goes bullshit it's 83% 83 17 she's like 83% patient goes she's going so you're here for a reason keep telling that story she's going because people don't know she's like the way you talk about it and shit that's how most people think about it's true for the last how most people think about it. It's true. For the last five, six years, man, like this no bullshit. Vonward. I love that. Yeah, somebody made that for us.

Starting point is 00:32:10 It's fucking awesome. Very sweet of him. I was walking on running recently. I got these two German Shepherds walking them up running, birdie and lucky. And this tall dude stops me and he goes, hey man, I'm gonna have my headphones in. He goes, hey, and I say, hey, what's up? And he's like, I just wanted to tell you, you have saved at least six lives at my job that I know of. And I was like, ooh, wow.

Starting point is 00:32:33 And he goes, I work at Kaiser. I've had at least six people come in with heart ailments that reference you. He's going, sometimes they know exactly who you are. They'll say Kevin Smith. He's going, a lot of times, I'll be honest, they say Kevin James, but they're talking about you. He's going, sometimes they know exactly who you are. They'll say Kevin Smith. He's going, a lot of times, I'll be honest, they say Kevin James, but they're talking about you. Sometimes they go, he's the guy,

Starting point is 00:32:50 he don't say nothing in movies. He's going, but all of them have heard you talk about it. And because they did, they were like, I should go in just in case. And he's going, these people would have died otherwise. He's going, so keep doing what you're doing, man. And so when I got out, you know, I was in the Nuthouse like a year and a, man. And so when I got out, you know, I was in the Nuthouse

Starting point is 00:33:05 like a year and a half ago. And so when I got out of there, like I put up a video on People Magazine and shit. Damn, you fucked up. Sorry. It happens. I mean, everybody is. You'll get there one day.

Starting point is 00:33:15 Oh, yeah, I could be there this afternoon, but I'm hearing you. Especially, well, not with that free fucking Celsius, man. You're living on Easy Street, Theo. There are those of us who have to fucking pay for Celsius. You know how much I pay for those? $2.89 a can, this motherfucker can't buy. I come in and he goes, take as many as you want. You're living on easy street, Theo. There are those of us who have to fucking pay for sausages. You know how much I pay for those? 280 not a can, this motherfucker can't.

Starting point is 00:33:27 I come in and he goes, take as many as you want. I was like, hello new best friend. I wanna work on your fucking show. I'll just greet people like there's a nice dude who greeted me in the fucking parking lot. He goes, oh man, I'm a big fan. I loved your movies when I was a kid and shit. I'll be that guy, especially if I get to walk home

Starting point is 00:33:43 with like fucking 12 packs of the 12 packs of float home, dude There's um looking for free money, dude I ain't that kind of like fucking all of our bagger, but just just I just want to wet my Yeah Just drip a little on my tongue. They um the yet all of our cabinets are filled with it They've sent too much actually so what Yeah. Don't fucking say shit like that. I'm telling you like fucking how I, I thought I knew, I thought I had the podcast and gave it down to a science

Starting point is 00:34:11 and you're like, we have so much Celsius, we flush it down the toilet on a regular basis. I'm like, no. Yeah. I'm gonna start throwing cans of it into a schoolyard. You know what I'm saying? Fucking make it rock. Fuck Kevin Smith.

Starting point is 00:34:22 I'm like, why? You don't go here like that. Watch the show, you'll understand. I'm just gonna write make it rock Kevin Smith. Why you don't go here? Watch the show you understand. I'm just gonna write get an EKG throw it into an elementary school So what's good? I don't live here or work here, bro, cuz I'd be doing yeah I was amazed you tap day and be like hey Theo man. Someone's in the parking lot. They really want to be on the show I'm like dude. Oh, that's a shadow, bro. You're good. Good. Oh, no, it tastes really good. I'll have some too actually I don't well don't fucking you know, don't follow me into the hole. He'll bring I got one here Yeah, yeah, you have some of it. We can't get that again. The flavor is a galaxy vibe Okay, this one I want cosmic and next I want to go galaxy. We have tasted them all you understand man fucking this shit

Starting point is 00:35:04 239 can so sometimes I'm into 7-eleven. I'm like I want to try cosmic vibe, but 239 So now I know I could just come here if I can do a taste test sample them all what about mediocre vibe? What about how much is that? That's what I sell. Oh wait. Let me I got a school. I'd never finished my Lexington story Yeah, and I'll start I veered off cost course because you went in there vegan, but no but the heart stuff, right? Yeah, but hold that fuck Let me finish the because this makes me laugh. Okay, this cuz this fucking happened. So so I'm in Lexington and I well you rock fucking I mean, yeah, dude My man's hustling because he heard me like gunning for the job. I'll fucking be one of those guys. He's like, oh fuck that

Starting point is 00:35:44 We got vans see See I'm halfway there and shit. So there I am in Lexington and I got an app on my phone if you're a vegan which again I'm not pushing on people. I do it to save my life. It's called Happy Cow. Wherever you are you enter a thing. You know like I'm where I am and they'll tell you places you can find vegan food, vegan places. It's helpful, right? So I'm in Lexington, I fucking enter, Lexington, Kentucky, the app laughs at me and shit,

Starting point is 00:36:12 because they don't believe in that shit there at all. So there ain't no fucking vegan food to find except, you can go Burger King, get an Impossible Whopper without cheese, or my kid told me, oh White Castle does Impossible Sliders. So I was like, fuck, I'm gonna go to White Castle, man. I passed a White Castle does impossible sliders. So I was like, fuck, I'm going to go to White Castle, man. I passed a White Castle. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:26 I was like, so I go into the White Castle in Kentucky. And I go up to the counter. I'm like, can I? And I look up, and there's impossible sliders. I said, can I get six impossible sliders? And the lady looks at me, and then she looks up at the menu. She's like, I don't know. She goes, hold on.

Starting point is 00:36:42 And then she goes into the freezer case for five minutes. Then comes out with a frozen ass fucking box with like fucking, looked like Iceman. Like fucking, they unearthed it from the primordial man trapped in ice. Like from that Mel Gibson movie? Unfrozen Kingman lawyer, yes. And she was like, this is gonna take a minute.

Starting point is 00:37:00 And I was, we don't do these a lot. I was like, that's cool, I'll wait. So I'm sitting at the counter and all of a sudden I hear, no! No! And you know what that is. What? Somebody got their period at work. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:37:13 And I'm like, good thing I carry tampons. Ma'am, here you go. Usually, when you hear that, that's somebody going like, hey, it's you. I don't always assume that, but being that we're in a white castle in Kentucky, I'm like, either there's a fight about to break out, or I've just been made.

Starting point is 00:37:32 And that's fair, I look like Son Bob at all times and shit. So I turn around, not like egotistically, like, well, of course it's me, but I'm pretty sure that that hay is directed in my direction. No, no! And I turn around and he goes, just a white castle? And I was like, yeah, and he goes,

Starting point is 00:37:46 oh, and he comes over and he hugs me. And he's like blazed as fuck. He's almost like a character out of one of my flex and shit. Stoned as, Traveler of the Green, absolutely lovely. And he goes, you don't remember this, but you took me into the movies once. And I'm like, oh!

Starting point is 00:38:04 20 years prior, I was doing a show at the University of Kentucky or whatever, and it was when Changing Lanes was coming out, Ben Affleck movie. So I was like, I'm here for two nights, so tomorrow I got nothing to do. I'm gonna go see Changing Lanes at this multiplex. Anybody who wants to come, I'll buy you a ticket and shit.

Starting point is 00:38:21 I thought like fucking 10 people would show up at 11 o'clock in the morning, 200 fucking people. So I wound up having to pay for a theater full a ticket and shit. I thought like fucking 10 people would show up at 11 o'clock in the morning, 200 fucking people. So I wound up having to pay for a theater full of people and shit. And it ran an article or story ran about in Entertainment Weekly where they were like, there was a huge bump for changing lanes in Kentucky and that's because Kevin Smith took people out.

Starting point is 00:38:37 So that dude was there. That's awesome, that's a great story. And I was like, holy shit man, that's fucking nice seeing you, that's crazy. Like I never run into people from that. And he goes, I love Affleck, man. He's going, because he's talking about changing, he's like, this is a good thing you did for your boy.

Starting point is 00:38:51 He's going, I love Affleck, he's my Batman. I was like, yeah man, he's all of our Batmans and stuff. And he goes, he's really going through it right now, our boy, isn't he? Now he's our boy. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I guess. I mean, I've seen some articles and stuff. And he goes, we should call him.

Starting point is 00:39:07 And I was like, yeah. We don't know. Yeah. Now, as previously mentioned, I lost my mind a year and a half ago. I went to a mental hospital for a while. Found out at the root of all my issues is I'm a very codependent people pleaser. Crazy. So I came home and told my wife that. And she issues is I'm very codependent people pleaser

Starting point is 00:39:25 Crazy, so I came home and told my wife that she's like marriage is codependent So I'm like, all right, but really any doctor will tell you not right. Yeah, so I I don't know how to like feel about myself. I need you to tell me how I feel about me I don't put on my own mask first I'm gonna put your mask on I gotta take care of everybody before I fucking take care of Myself because I learned at a young age that I'm only useful if I show Utility if I'm like I can be useful I could do this for I could make you laugh I can fucking take care of your bills. I could do this. That is how I know that I'm a

Starting point is 00:39:59 Worthwhile human being yeah, like there's no just natural value Unless I'm producing something. Yes, unless I'm useful to somebody, what the fuck am I doing and stuff? So, you know, as I'm sitting there and a guy's going, we should call him, you know, a normal human being would be like, well, absolutely, that's out of the question.

Starting point is 00:40:18 But my people pleasing nature is like, I mean, I guess we should, shouldn't we? Like, I don't wanna let this guy down. This guy who I haven't seen in 20 years, don't know his name, and he just started going, no, no, in White Castle. So I was like, all right, best of all possible worlds, let me see if I can get this going.

Starting point is 00:40:33 So I was like, all right, you know what, I'm gonna call him. So I pull out my phone, and I call Jason Muse instead. And so I called Jason, and I'm like, Ben, hey man, it's Kevin. I'm in Kentucky at a White Castle, and there's a dude here who I took to see Changing Lanes 20 years ago. And then I go, Ben, hold on, Jason Muse is texting me.

Starting point is 00:40:53 I pull the phone away, and I text to Jason, the Ben Affleck on speaker. And then I go back to the phone, and I go, Ben, Jason's fine. He says hi. Anyway, I'm going to put you on speaker. Say hi to my man here. So I put him on speaker. And I was like Ben, Jason's fine. He says hi. Anyway, I'm going to put you on speaker. Say hi to my man here. So I put him on speaker. And I was like, go ahead.

Starting point is 00:41:08 And my man goes, Ben, man, how you doing, man? How you doing? And he goes, Muse, who has worked with Ben Affleck, is friends with Ben Affleck, went to his fucking wedding and shit like that, like knows Ben and what he sounds like. This is Jason Muse's approximation of Ben Affleck on the phone yo yo yo this is big Ben Affleck coming at you like he was a strip club DJ and so this guy goes Ben man like I've

Starting point is 00:41:36 been reading like guy bought it like he's like Ben I've been reading like I feel bad for you man you gotta you guys just hang in there man, and he goes and then Muse goes Well, you know what they say Affleck was the bomb and phantoms yo and there's a line from Jayne's all Bob Shrek back and that guy went nuts. He was like oh my god He said that thing and I was like he always says that thing and then so I was like we gotta we're gonna We're gonna go and then Jason goes Yeah, I gotta go to Matt Damon's taking me to Target by and hung up And that dude was so delighted man, so delighted and he goes that's awesome

Starting point is 00:42:16 He's going that was a good thing to do for your friend. He feels good. Now. We gave him support I was like, yeah, you're absolutely right. And then he's like, what about Muse? Can we call Jay now? And I was like, I thought mercifully the lady was like six Impossibles that yes. Thank you and out I went and stuff. Oh, that's a sweet story, dude That may only happen because I was vegan, bro. Oh, it's true. So that's not there. It is go vegan Oh, that's your pitch for veganism. My spit if I had to pitch for it. It would be like You know, this is the most people veganism. If I had to pitch for it, it would be like, most people approach things from a position of vanity, like fucking, they don't really truly care about their health, they just wanna look better.

Starting point is 00:42:54 Oh, that's interesting. I feel that's generally the case. So look, it was definitely the case with me. And if we look better, we will feel better. One imagines, but really it's not like, my whole life prior to the heart attack, I've been on a zillion diets and fucking Optifast, did everything but the surgery

Starting point is 00:43:14 because I'm fucking scared of getting cut and shit like that. So. The lat band surgery you mean. Yeah. So, like, you know, I've been that person that's like, man, what's the secret? How do you do it? And for years, people have just been saying like, oh, you gotta eat less and you gotta exercise a lot more.

Starting point is 00:43:29 I'm like, yeah, I know, but what's the real secret shit? I was never interested in being healthy. I just wanted to look normal like everybody else. And now, like, I've lost weight, but I don't look normal like everybody else. If I took my fucking gear off and shit, like, it's not like I got any surgery. Like, I got all this excess fucking skin that just

Starting point is 00:43:47 Hangs does that start to go away that skin? No, can you put like vitamin E? Or on it or something? I mean, maybe the stretch marks might go away But like that hanging skin that just hang is there any way to absorb it back in or anything? I think so with the aid of unstable molecules if we were in a Marvel fucking comic, but no bro So with the aid of unstable molecules if we were in a Marvel fucking comic, but no, bro The skin being an organ. Well, it just fucking distends and if you've distended it, that's it So you could do this shit, but that's crazy Well, this is when you go under the knife and they cut it off and I've had a friend of mine You know

Starting point is 00:44:16 I'm not a libertarian said but a friend of mine went through that Mm-hmm, and a friend of mine was like because my friend lost a lot of fucking weight. I think he's talked about it I don't but you know, I'm yeah, you know respect but but mine was like, because my friend lost a lot of fucking weight. I think he's talked about it. I don't know, but you know what, I'm, I'm. Yeah, you respect that. But he was like, I know you dude, and I know you threshold for pain. He's going, you never, ever wanna do this. He's going, in retrospect, I would never do it again.

Starting point is 00:44:35 He's the most pain I've ever been in my entire life. So, all right, well. We won't put it on if he hasn't said it publicly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but, right, but yes. So. Wow, that guy. Yeah, he's my boy. And.

Starting point is 00:44:50 Looks amazing, he. If you go to the picture on the right, you can see like the one all the way over, that was just there, sorry. Yeah, that one. Like there's the drapey skin, the creping effect they call it. Oh, interesting.

Starting point is 00:45:02 So he looks good. I'd kill to look like that. Shit, that'd be amazing. Mine is just hanging. Mine's like, remember the scene in The Shining when fucking Nicholson goes to the one room and the gorgeous lady gets out of the tub and they start making out.

Starting point is 00:45:15 And all of a sudden he looks at her and she's like, ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And she just doubled, like she got droopy fucking, that's what I look like when I take my girl. So that's what my wife gets to fuck Hey, hey lucky her dude. It's almost like fucking like like one of those cats. It doesn't have any hair on it. That's right, right I mean some and some people like that sort of oh, yeah, that's my wife

Starting point is 00:45:34 I always talk about my wife in regards to like, you know people ask Various people about like how do you succeed when I'm doing Q&A or whatever? And I was like, it's, you know, success, you can't guarantee that anyone's ever gonna be interested in your bullshit. I don't care who you are. Kevin Feige, that guy that makes all the Marvel movies and shit. Kevin Feige is his name?

Starting point is 00:45:55 Kevin Feige. So probably the most successful producer in history, the only Kevin who must be saved at all costs because those movies rock. Even when Deadpool Wolverine was about to open up, which is now making what, 1.3 billion? Guarantee you, Kevin Feige still clenched his asshole and was like, man, I hope they show up.

Starting point is 00:46:13 Because nobody knows for sure. And they've actually experienced one or two movies where the people didn't show up and stuff. So in a world where you can't guarantee that an audience is gonna show up, the only audience member you can go out of your way to please is audience member number one. That thing only exists because you wanna do it.

Starting point is 00:46:30 So if you love it, that's how you have to proceed. It's like, I did this for me and I love it and this is my expression and stuff and man, I hope others go for it, but this is as good as it's ever gonna get. You can't count on people showing up and stuff. So in a world where you can't count on an audience showing up, do the thing that nobody's seen before,

Starting point is 00:46:54 nobody's looking at, tell your story. I always tell folks when I'm out there, your voice is your currency, man. Your voice is how you see the world, your perspective, and how you spit it back to the world. It's very unique. Theo has a distinctive fucking voice. Every comedian has a very distinctive voice.

Starting point is 00:47:11 You hope most storytellers do and stuff. Public speakers generally, why people gravitate toward them over and over again is like, I like their perspective. I like what they say. That is, as we're sitting in a place where I could drink any fucking Celsius I want. Proof positive that fucking your voice is your currency. Because Theo is spending his fucking currency.

Starting point is 00:47:34 His voice has built all this. After that Celsius, I'm like, you must be the richest man I know. Well, I was like, one cooler. But we had a... It's a pretty, don't undersell it. It is a nice cooler. It's one cool, it's a tall, it's taller than me. I agree. It is a... It's taller than you. It we had a... It's a pretty, don't undersell it. It is a night cooler. It's one cool, it's a tall, it's taller than me.

Starting point is 00:47:46 I agree. It is a... It's taller than you. It's like a New York City apartment. I mean, it is happening lately. It really is. Somebody would pay at least 1,400 bucks for that. Where do you go in Jersey?

Starting point is 00:47:55 Cause you're a fucking road king. You're out there. I've been out there for years. You're in Jersey, where do I go to? I've seen for years. Whenever I've been at a club, I've seen your name and shit like that. Oh, same man.

Starting point is 00:48:03 Now I don't see your name at the clubs anymore, son. Same. Yeah, we started doing- Because you're in the bigger venues. We started getting into bigger venues. Oh, heavens, yeah. And that's been interesting. So where's Jersey for you?

Starting point is 00:48:12 Where do you do a show in Jersey? Jersey, let me think, Red Bank? Yeah, that's my fucking town, bro. Really? Number one, where I was born, number two, where Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, the comic book store I've had for 27 fucking years, is in that town.

Starting point is 00:48:24 So you're talking about doing the Count Basie? Yes. Count Basie Theater and the Vogel is right next door and shit like that. Yeah, that's where we went to. Next time, no bullshit, next time you do Count Basie, please let me know. I have a movie theater that's like fucking 20 minutes from there, 15 minutes from there. You grew up, you had something you grew up going to and you bought it. This is the movie theater that I grew up going to with my friends and one of them,

Starting point is 00:48:44 one my dad took me to when I was a kid and whatnot the one more I so cool oh it's beautiful and they were gonna kill it and close it after COVID it's over a hundred years old so me and my friends got in and saved it's called spotcastle cinemas and whatnot and we do shit all the time we just did vulgar thom which is like show every view skewniverse movies of clerks mall rats chasing Amy dogma Janeasing Amy, Dogma, Jane, Silent Bob, Strike Back, Clerks 2, Jane, Silent Bob, Reboot, and Clerks 3. So, eight movies, 16 hours of movies. We started at like Saturday morning at nine. We finished Sunday at like five in the morning. 700 fucking people in four different theaters and shit like that. Nobody's asleep.

Starting point is 00:49:21 That's awesome, dude. So, it's fun for shit like that. So, we've had comedy there I've done shows there. We've somebody shot a stand-up special there and whatnot so if you're gonna be in fucking red bank Oh my god. I'll bring you over and we'll do a like watch with Theo thing you pick a favorite movie and shit We'll show it, and then you show up, and then we just sit around bullshit. Dude. I would probably pick family man I like that movie have you seen it with Nicolas Cage Nicolas Cage? Yeah. It's a beautiful fucking movie. That's really, it's a Brett Ratner movie

Starting point is 00:49:47 that a lot of people never talk about anymore. I thought that was one of his. If I remember correctly. But I remember the movie. It's very, it's A Wonderful Life. It's Capra-esque. It's kind of like that vibe. Is that the shit you fuck with?

Starting point is 00:49:58 Yeah, I really, that's probably my favorite movie, I think. I like League of their Own. I love League of their Own. I love League of Their Own. I fucking lived across the street from Penny Marshall for years, and when I was in my heyday of podcasts and whatnot, we started doing it at the house all the time, so she came over.

Starting point is 00:50:16 Again, she lived right across the street and shit. Penny Marshall, bring her up. I got to talk to her about League of Their Own. Just sit there, because Penny Marshall had this brilliant, every once in a while, directors hit strong in threes and have like bang, bang, bang. Penny Marshall had big awakenings and a League of Their Own back to back to back.

Starting point is 00:50:34 She's a pretty fascinating lady. Just this was Laverne and Shirley. She was Laverne of Laverne and Shirley and then she became a director later and spent most of her career as a director after doing that show for what, 10 seasons or whatever? Dude, we went and saw, we went to the town where Rockford, we went to Rockford, Illinois

Starting point is 00:50:54 and went to the museum there and went and saw all the Rockford Peaches memorabilia and shit. Are you serious? Yeah, it's pretty cool stuff. I love that movie. Do you cry when you watch that movie? Are you allowed to cry? A League of their Own? Yeah, are you a fucking butch dude and shit? No, I love that movie. Do you cry when you watch that movie? Are you allowed to cry? A League of their own?

Starting point is 00:51:05 Yeah, are you a fucking butch dude and shit? No, I'll fucking cry. I cry a lot. I get made fun of on the internet for crying. For not only just crying, but then I post pictures of myself crying. Like I saw Black Panther 2, and I came out and I took a picture in front of the poster

Starting point is 00:51:16 and I was teary-eyed. Two days, fucking the internet was like, you cuck fuck. Like how dare you? They were very angry at me for that. Yeah, I cried. I mean, if I saw it, yeah, I mean, I'll cry all I mean, yeah, I've cried but you won't put it out there I've been crying. I mean, yeah, there's too many clips of me crying online. Is that right? Yeah, what makes you cry?

Starting point is 00:51:34 Oh just like thinking about stuff or talking about stuff like I don't know like earlier we're talking about like people pleasing like thinking about You got issues got MH issues mess Got MH issues, mental health? Oh yeah, first of all, hold on there's a couple of questions I wanna ask so I don't forget. One is what are some of the signs if people are getting sick or something

Starting point is 00:51:51 that you feel like you neglected so that people can. Heart attack side or head side? Heart attack, heart attack. Heart attack, sweating profusely, which I did quite a lot as a man who was over 300 pounds. Not being able to catch your breath. I refer to it as I couldn't quite ring the bell. Like you know how you bang and fucking bing

Starting point is 00:52:12 that game at the fucking fair. Oh yeah, yeah. Felt like I'd be like bang, hitting it hard and be like, and then just come back down. So I couldn't hit the top, couldn't quite catch my breath so to speak. I was looking for The numbness in the arm yeah, because I was raised washing fucking Sanford and son so Elizabeth This is the big one that he always did clutch his arm and did this shit that never happened never felt that nausea

Starting point is 00:52:36 Also, like I wound up throwing up, and I didn't have anything in my stomach, so it was just bile These very subtle things that like I hate know. I hate bile, dude. Totally, but you could mistake that for like, oh, I was nervous or fucking, maybe I had some bad milk because I was a big milk drinker in those days. So you could mistake those. Oh, there's nothing like watching a big fella drink milk, dude.

Starting point is 00:52:57 Can we just, You would have been turned on, bro, seriously. I don't know which way you swing it. You would have watched me drinking the milk on the beard and stuff. You'd You've been like I'm going bare You're a total otter type and it could have worked an otter in the gay community Yeah, is there I had to yeah like Scott Moser people would always tell me hey man. He's there you go son come on That looks like a good time

Starting point is 00:53:19 And I know a lot of people would look at that and be like this guy's fucking nuts But he's living his best fucking life. Have you ever been that happy? No, I've been listening to that fucking song that was at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy 3, and it's Florence and the Machine, and it's... Happiness hit her Keep going. Like a bullet to the

Starting point is 00:53:40 Bullet in the back. Let's just stop and appreciate the poetry of that line. All right. Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back. Let's just stop and appreciate the poetry of that line. Alright. Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back. When was the last time you were ever hit by the happiness bullet in the back? That's a good question, man. I went to this recently. I went to this... I mean happy too. Like, cause you, I'm sure every day you wake up and you're like, I'm Theo fucking fine. Like, holy shit, my mouth, I use my mouth on people and I'm rich now.

Starting point is 00:54:06 Fuckin' sick. Yeah, and it's not for BJing. Well, oral's oral, my friend. Oral's you're in the mouth service business, paint it any way you want. We're all whores. Yeah, being chatty is just a real drawing out blow jobs. But I'm not talking about

Starting point is 00:54:18 being satisfied with the job and stuff. I'm talking about like true fucking happiness that has nothing to do with who you are. Like my friend Scott Moser at one point, he was just like, what do you want to do? If you could do anything in the world. And that's your SmartCast co-host? Yeah, one of the smartest people I've ever known.

Starting point is 00:54:35 He said, if you could do anything you wanted. He's going, you almost died a few years ago. So if you do anything you wanted, what would make you happy? And he goes, but it can't have anything to do with being Kevin Smith for a living. Or the movies, or any of that. He's going, I'm just talking like normal ass shit.

Starting point is 00:54:53 And that fucking, that rocked my world for a few days. I couldn't come up with an answer necessarily. The best answer I could come up with was, I was like, what would make me happy? Like if I had a conversation with my father, and he's dead, 20 years. And not because I'm like, we could settle issues, but that'd be fucking wonderful and shit.

Starting point is 00:55:09 But I had to reach into fiction, into the impossible to find something. And I would ask other people, I asked my brother, my brother without missing a beat, he's like, oh, I'd go on a world cruise. And I was like, what's that? He's like, it's exactly what it sounds like. You just cruise around the world for like a year.

Starting point is 00:55:24 Yeah, on a boat. But he knew. And other people I talked to was like, what's that? He's like, it's exactly what it sounds like. You just cruise around the world for like a year. Yeah, on a boat. But he knew. And other people I talked to were like, oh, I do this. It's a good question. And there were normal-ass things that are within one's doing. And I think my fucking radar is busted, and I imagine yours is as well,

Starting point is 00:55:40 because the idea of what makes others happy or what makes a person happy is shattered when you can wake up and whimsy about something and create it and just by dreaming about it and doing it or putting the podcast together, just sitting around speaking your mind, you've gotten paid and you've gotten a bunch of people going like we fucking like, we support you

Starting point is 00:56:03 and shit like that. When that scale exists, it's, I found, and I, the more I speak to other creatives, like after the fucking going to the mental hospital, now I feel freer to talk to others about it and shit. Where it's like, I'm not saying like, life can't make you happy,

Starting point is 00:56:24 but when you've had that ability, and there's a certain happiness that goes along with financial success, creative success, personal success, when your highs are like, oh, let's get Alan Rickman to be in dogma, it's tough to find a normal high. You know what I'm saying? Like...

Starting point is 00:56:52 Yeah, it's interesting, man. I think- Is that 1% fucking rarefied view thinking? No, I don't know if I feel- Does that make me instantly unrelatable? No, I just think it makes sense. Like if you've had interesting things that would most people would seem like are Would make people happy or we all believe would make us happy then it makes sense then that you might

Starting point is 00:57:15 Have a tougher time finding certain happiness, you know I don't know what I would do probably like something that would really really make me happy I Don't know. Isn't that crazy? You could ask anybody listening to the show. Maybe giving a hug to my brother or something like that, or taking a walk with my brother somewhere. Is your brother, you're your brother type? Yeah, we're close. So I think something like that. What else? Spending time with a teacher or something

Starting point is 00:57:46 that I grew up with. Yeah, probably if I got to see my dad again or something like that. I mean, my dad passed away too. So yeah, I think if there was something like that, I think it would make me really happy. Maybe having a... Isn't it crazy that we have to reach into the grave

Starting point is 00:58:02 to be like, well, that would make me really happy. Yeah. But also- Essentially the the impossible being in love with somebody probably are you are you no I'm not I have a tough like dick I wish huh tough dick chicks are like iron into that tough dick shit look at this yeah that's what my dick does tough my dick has a brass just one brass knuckle on it. No, I don't know. Yeah, probably having a family, being able to be happy and have a family, shit like that.

Starting point is 00:58:29 Wouldn't one brass knuckle essentially be a cock ring? Yeah, probably would. But you know what? I think I like your cell better. Because cock rings, some people are like, I don't fuck with that. But if you're like, how would you like one brass knuckle on your dick?

Starting point is 00:58:39 A lot of people are like, as long as it's my choice, I don't want your brass knuckle on my dick. When you think about businesses that are selling through the roof like Aloe or Allbirds or Skims or what's the one like those little yogurts? Well, usually you think about a specific product, a cool brand and brilliant marketing, but an often overlooked

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Starting point is 00:59:45 at shopify.com slash theo, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash t-h-e-o. That's s-h-o-p-i-f-y dot com slash theo, all lowercase, to upgrade your selling technology. Shopify.com slash theo. You know I've had experience with bad habits over the years. You know it. And I'm okay, I'm alive thankfully. But one thing I want to do when I look at my future

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Starting point is 01:01:39 Say ciao to your bad habits today. So you obviously have been a big comic guy and in that whole zeitgeist and it's been a big part of what made you, you, right? Honestly, like I was into that shit, like if you watch Mallrats in 95, it's a big part of it and stuff. And the culture wasn't, like culture was like comic books,

Starting point is 01:01:59 those were for kids. I just got real fucking lucky in that, you know, about 15 years ago, the culture shifted into all the shit that I was already into and well-versed in. So I got like a free fucking ride for about a good 15, 20 years on a geek train

Starting point is 01:02:14 that like, I never had to make a comic book. I've directed some comic book shows like Supergirl, Flash and stuff like that, but like really it's just, I was insanely well positioned because I was waving the flag for this shit when people were like, what do you mean? Yeah, yeah, that's lucky when what you do meets, yes. It's the same as-

Starting point is 01:02:33 Do you feel that is where you are right now? No, I see- Do you feel you were an overnight success or it was like 10 years of a thing before fucking- Oh yeah, it was for, it was a long time. You don't feel you're in the fucking zone right now? Like in terms of like, the man has met the moment and vice versa?

Starting point is 01:02:50 I don't know, I guess because I don't know what my end goals are sometimes. I see it when I look at a guy like Joe Rogan to drop his name again, and you can use it a few times too. Twice, twice in one day. But because he got into UFC and that rose, and I think it, he also helped it rise. But to be fair, yeah, and I'm not insane, I'm Joe Rogan, but I too did the labor of love just like him.

Starting point is 01:03:15 That's what I'm saying. Once again though, he found a way to monetize his passions where I think he's probably indispensable to the UFC. When he comments, do they pay him? I'm pretty sure they have a, they must have a deal like not only he may have put in the work and shit, but now he's financially, he was fighting, he was in on an early, he trained early, he started talking. I remember going like the kids at my school that you knew were going to probably die young or whatever they say.

Starting point is 01:03:45 Um, they were the ones watching that on the weekend and like come watch it. It's like Willie the fucking, Short Willie versus fucking, Short Willie? Versus the violent homo or something. Like that's like, who are these guys? And it would be like one guy would be like 400 pounds

Starting point is 01:04:02 fighting a guy that was like 120 pounds. And it would just be like a massacre, you know?'s when the UFC there wasn't weight classes all of that And look at look at them. What a puppet. It's like his news radio days. Yeah, I mean My believe me I understand who Joe Rogan is today, and I love that but you know back then well I mean my first introduction to Joe Rogan was on news radio. And I fucking love news radio. It's one of my favorite sitcoms ever produced. So I've watched.

Starting point is 01:04:30 They only had about four seasons max or something. So you could, it's not like fucking Friends where you could do 12 seasons. You could get through it in a day and then start it again and shit. So Joe was like, that's how I first knew him and knew about him and stuff and then the podcasting thing You know, I remember going on the show in the early days and every time I've ever been on and he's you know clearly There's a reason why the fucking man is it's top of the game. He's just interesting and interested. He's interested

Starting point is 01:05:01 He's genuinely curious. Yeah, that's the worst. I'm not he's he's curious But he also like fucking hits you with shit. We're like no like he's just that guy at the party Where he's you know? slowly the crowd gravitates around him whether he's trying to Magnetize him in whether he's putting on a show or not because he's just interesting got a lot of information He's like a thoroughfare for information He's like an airport for information and he retains information really well, and he's genuinely curious You'll kind of say something and then he'll ask you about it. You're almost like fuck now

Starting point is 01:05:31 I have to say something about this He was the first one that did this shit though where somebody you're talking and then all of a sudden He's like look that up and somebody there somebody listens and how reference person like helping out We didn't have that in the early days. Yeah. I feel like there's less comedy movies these days. Would you agree with that? No. I think there are less movies, period.

Starting point is 01:05:55 Okay. Is it a lot of like, there's a lot of almost comic book type movies and universes that are the, those are the movies now. Does that feel weird to you? Because they're not weird to you. Like, what are your thoughts on that? That it's like, I don't know if one like, like has eliminated the other, but it's just kind of like, why is that?

Starting point is 01:06:21 Why do we see these big, huge things? But it's, it feels feels tougher to for somebody to create Just like a good comedy these days. I think good comedy went TV into streaming Because they needed to fill coffers quick, you know fill programming schedules quick So or like did there's a lot of universe is all the comic book universes did they kill off? No like this the guy 100% no studios

Starting point is 01:06:50 Like to make money right in the business to make money I don't think a comic book movie has made them go like let's give up on the middle mid-range they're just like look more risk more reward and And when I first started you had had, there was television, there was movies. Now there are many more options and many more places to go. So instead of doing, you know, and you'll see it, like an eight, six or eight episode show where you're like, could have done it in three.

Starting point is 01:07:18 It's because like a lot of people are like, all right, I'm gonna take my idea that was for a feature and stretch it out into a show. So I think, you know, nevermind comedy, I'd be more curious, hey, where'd the indie film go? Yeah. But I think the indie film was taken over by Netflix. Once Netflix came in, number one,

Starting point is 01:07:41 they started buying cheap movies, and number two, they started making programming that was kind of interesting. they went to other countries and they were like who are your top filmmakers? Here's money go make TV shows and stuff and That's where all the interesting ideas are going and finding a home you're somebody who wants to tell an offbeat story and Looking at this Sisyphean task of like I gotta roll this fucking boulder up the hill like every time I make a movie It's like fuck here. We go is gonna be fucking tough or You walk into these cats and they're like, what's it about? How esoteric is it interesting?

Starting point is 01:08:15 Go ahead. Can you make it six episode? Can you make it eight? That's preferable and that's where all the interesting programming has slowly gravitated to now now you're saying some of the indie movies have actually become television shows I think indie filmmakers or people that make things off the beaten path stories that don't necessarily fall into the big budget equation Have wound up going to streaming like you know what was fucking a Jason Bateman show Ozark Yeah, it's an indie film This just happens to be a series that went on for a bunch of episodes because they're like, hey, we like it, do it again.

Starting point is 01:08:48 Instead of getting a sequel, you just get another season. That's a good point. It was almost like there's a secret gay guy at the lake. It was like people playing gay clue at the lake, remember? Because that one guy in it. In Ozark? Yeah. I didn't watch the whole show.

Starting point is 01:09:00 I was just using an example. It started to get redundant. It started to get. But now for some reason, I I really wanna play gay clue. Does that exist? No, they should have that, right? Right. Like he did it, yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:11 It was like- What do you use the candlestick for? They're like, find out. Samuel's been in the billiard room for a while. In the conservatory. Not being very conservative. Wow, I've never used that to cue my pool stick before. What's that thing called?

Starting point is 01:09:29 To chalk? I've never chalked that way. Yeah. So that's interesting. I think that's part of it. Believe me, I'm not like, and that's exactly what happened. No, it's cool though. I think that's part of it.

Starting point is 01:09:40 I think, you know, Netflix came in, disrupted the business as we all know, in a way that at first people were like, yeah. And now people are like, wait a second. In the aftermath, nothing existed the way that existed before. Television viewership is down to almost nothing, so much so that major studios are writing off entire network divisions and stuff like that,

Starting point is 01:10:04 devaluing television in order to get a write-off. So once Netflix came in and said, hey, this is how we're doing it, and then every other company was like, well, shit, we gotta do what they're doing. And they started doing streaming and whatnot. It just really, it broke the model. It's kind of nuts.

Starting point is 01:10:19 So right now, I think if you're a person that likes to tell off the beaten path stories, or what we used to call back in the day, an indie filmmaker, now's the time to shine. I think there's a moment that's going on right now where entertainment, like the way people are getting their entertainment, of course, has completely changed over the last 10 years,

Starting point is 01:10:38 but theatrical consumption has been way off since COVID, and some people wonder if like, will people ever go back to movies the way they used to and blah blah blah. They're not going to go unless you give them something they can't get anyplace else. So they'll go to the theaters to see Deadpool Wolverine because like, I'm going to be able to watch this at home for like six months so fuck it. But what if you tell them a story going back to your voice as your currency they've never heard before and the only place they could see it is in theater theater. And right now theaters are hurting,

Starting point is 01:11:05 so they'll fucking take anybody. It doesn't matter. It used to be tough to get screens now. Are you fucking kidding me? You can make a deal with AMC, a private deal, with your own independent movie where you're like, can I get 100 screens and we'll do a door split or whatever the fuck?

Starting point is 01:11:20 It's possible because movie theaters, as a movie theater exhibitor, I know this for a fact, we would kill or die to have people come in. You know, back in the day, I made this movie, the 430 movie, and it's about how in the 80s, this is the new film that's coming out September 13th. In the 80s, we used to pay for one movie and then jump from theater to theater to theater

Starting point is 01:11:38 to go see movies for free. I own that movie theater that I used to do that in. We'd get caught, you might get the risk of being banned from that theater for fucking life. If I caught you walking into another movie theater after you paid for only one movie theater, my movie theater, I'd be like, that's great, just buy some popcorn, would you?

Starting point is 01:11:55 You could stay as long as you fucking want. Call your friends, have them come, just to get fucking bodies through the goddamn door. So it's, yeah, this is a bit of a different world at this point, but imagine you're an indie filmmaker who wants to say the thing nobody has ever fucking said before in a film, per se. We're just using film as an example.

Starting point is 01:12:16 Fuck now is your time. You could actually make a thing and have it be in a goddamn movie theater. And then if you do even the tiniest bit of business with your movie in a movie theater these days, that's a fucking story. And that also has, it's been proven, like through the algorithm, when Amazon did AIR,

Starting point is 01:12:34 Ben Affleck's movie AIR, they put it in theaters and they spent. AIR. AIR, about Air Jordans, the history of the Air Jordans sneaker. Oh yeah. They put it in theaters traditionally and spent money on advertising, even though Amazon has Prime and really,

Starting point is 01:12:50 they probably thought it would go right there, but they were like, you know what, let's see what it would be like to release a movie. Like, you know, Amazon and other streamers broke the theatrical model, and here they're going, like, wouldn't it be novel, like us with Smodcast going, like, wouldn't it be weird if somebody paid for an ad on our show? These cats are like, wouldn't it be novel? Like Gus with Smodcast going, like, wouldn't it be weird if somebody paid for an ad on our show? These cats are like, wouldn't it be novel if we put the movie out

Starting point is 01:13:08 and it paid for ads and people saw a trailer and then went to the movies theater to see it? Would it make it more valuable when we then put it on Prime? And it did, naturally. They found the same thing out on Netflix. Movies that go the traditional route, the way that everybody expects, I've seen a commercial for that on TV. That will be a primary out on Netflix. Movies that go the traditional route, the way that everybody expects. I've seen a commercial for that on TV.

Starting point is 01:13:26 That will be a primary choice on Netflix, rather than a Netflix made for Netflix movie that may have the biggest fucking stars on the planet in it, but you will pass it by. Yeah, it feels, so there's something about just watching a movie that's just on Netflix or on a street. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:43 But there is a value to putting something in a theater still. It gives it this kind of panache. Now, if you're an indie filmmaker and you're out there going, nobody's ever fucking heard my story. They've never heard my voice. They've never fucking seen what I can do. And if you're sitting there right now going, I fucking hate Kevin Smith.

Starting point is 01:14:00 He makes the same fucking movie every time. 30 years in the business, all he's done is make Clarkson, Jay and Son of a Bob. Great. Now's your fucking time. Now's your time to shine. Don't sit there, waste your time at home looking at me, hating on me. Use me as your fucking example and stepping stone. Like if that fucking talentless idiot could do it, then I could fucking do it too. And now is the time for another indie filmmaking movement. Now it feels like with the frustration of real fucking filmmakers

Starting point is 01:14:25 Who I know people that make millions to fucking make movies sitting on our asses because ain't nobody fucking making movies Could you imagine if some if the only way you got to do your show is if somebody told you okay? Now you could go no you enjoy the independence of like fucking this past weekend is gonna happen when I want it to fucking happen You're your own fucking boss. There are a lot of people that never figured out how to do that. They never came from indie films. They couldn't pivot back to indie film. They've just been spoiled by working for a studio. So now, with the studios not making anything, they're like, what do I fucking do?

Starting point is 01:14:55 I've always been able to pivot back to indie film. And I feel like, even though I've been able to do that, I've been in indie film for a while, everyone knows every variation of story I could possibly tell. Every once in a while,'ll whip a Tuscan, and we're like, well, that's fucking weird. But generally speaking, like he does those James On The Bottom movies and shit. Now is the time for an indie filmmaker to come out

Starting point is 01:15:12 and be like, here's a fucking story nobody's ever heard. Fuck a TikTok, I mean, I love TikTok, don't get me wrong, but like, people that spend their time like doing little videos and shit, if you're a filmmaker, make your fucking film. And now is the time to take your fucking shot because there is an empty guff in the marketplace for that type of storytelling. All of it has gone mainstream. Streaming is now mainstream. So people who are telling

Starting point is 01:15:38 these offbeat stories on streamers, they are essentially studios at this point. When I started Indie Film, it was like us outside of Warner Brothers and fucking, you know, 20th Century Fox and Paramount going like, well, they'll never let us play. So just because they won't let us in, don't mean I can't do it on my own. It's the streamers of that now. So if you're out there going like, well, Netflix will never give me a fucking thing. Great. Go do your fucking thing. Without them, hang your own fucking shingle.

Starting point is 01:16:02 It's time. People are hungry for that. Do you think it's a good idea to sell direct to consumer right yes David Spade and I wrote a movie and so we're gonna try to get it made and it feels like it's kind of getting close right so and we're like can we just put it on a website and sell it right there to people hundred percent but also you travel out in the world man and so imagine you do a comedy tour but instead your comedy tour is hey man Welcome tonight. We're gonna watch the movie and afterwards we're gonna talk about it All right

Starting point is 01:16:30 So enjoy the show and then you get to fuck off for 90 minutes Then you come out and it's all crowd work because you're just answering fucking questions. That's it You have the ability to do that Why do you fucking need anybody else or you've got such an audience in such a long tail? fucking need anybody else or you've got such an audience in such a long tail that you can go into an AMC like a fucking Taylor Swift and be like I guarantee you that on my podcast that has 200 fucking million downloads per ever whatever the fuck that I can make people come to a theater and show a thing and even if AMC is like no one interested then you go to fathom events

Starting point is 01:16:59 and be like hey man I got a movie I want to put it in screens for like two fucking days and you'll make like 10 million bucks and they'll write stories about how fucking smart you are. So you don't need anybody, Theo. You have the distribution fucking mechanism already in place. You're a loaded gun at all times. You just have to point your audience in the right direction. And what you do is point them to the next show, the next show or a live gig. But if you make a movie with Spade or whoever the fuck, don't

Starting point is 01:17:25 fucking sell it until you have milked it and juiced it for everything you personally can the way you juice your own shit. Then fucking give it up to a streamer. Then give it up to somebody like a home video company that's going to put it out and shit like that. Because you have the mechanism in place. You already know how to put asses in seats. The big mystery of this business that everyone's always trying to figure out is how do I get fucking people to show up you know how to get people to show up now This would just be you going okay when you show up this time. We're gonna do things a little differently I'm just gonna show you a movie and then we're gonna fucking do a comedy show afterwards and stuff

Starting point is 01:17:55 Do you get charged the same thing and all that money goes right to the fucking flick and then you would have a student you'd Have money now then you could start making other cool movies and have your friends Be like this Like you could just write it and then it's like you'd have movies would be like free again because there wouldn't be yeah You don't have to go and ask some smarmy fucking dude Some who go what do you mean free again? Because I'm like I like this world just uh free meaning you could do whatever you want You can do what you want, but but but you could always do whatever want You got the ability to do that you just write you always good together But you already show it on a regular basis you got it you you you are

Starting point is 01:18:32 Again, I cannot fucking Stress this enough that Celsius fucking containers huge. They don't give that to just anybody Is massive he's out of his fucking it's like I walked into a 7-Eleven, or at least a fucking. I'm going to pee really fast, actually. First, the bad news. SAP Business AI won't help you generate Cubist versions of your family's holiday photos,

Starting point is 01:18:55 but it will help you understand which supplier is best to help you roll out your plant-based packaging in Southeast Asia, identify the training your junior project manager needs to rise up the ranks and automate repetitive tasks while you focus on big innovations so you can be ready for the next opportunity. Revolutionary technology, real world results.

Starting point is 01:19:15 That's SAP Business AI. I hated it when, hold on a second. No way, man, no, I'm going. You coming with me? We're doing it, take my hand, we're going. We're filming Louise in this shit. I'm out, dude, they died, didn't they?

Starting point is 01:19:33 Yeah, but they live forever. That's true. You know what I'm saying? Because they're in a movie. Look, Theo, everybody dies. Not everybody truly lives. Vax, homie. I took that from Braveheart.

Starting point is 01:19:43 You didn't? I mean, that's where it came from. There's a new Asian that from Braveheart. You didn't? I mean that's where it came from. There's a new Asian kind of Braveheart movie coming out I saw a preview for. How do you know when, keeping on movies, how do you know when, have you ever? Shouldn't movies be like national cuisine? Like you were going there's an an Asian... Braveheart. Braveheart coming out. Shouldn't there be one for every country? Like recently we were talking about, I saw on Netflix they had this movie called Beneath Paris,

Starting point is 01:20:13 which is Jaws in France. Ooh. Shouldn't every country have its own fucking Jaws? We were talking about this on Hollywood Babylon. Yeah, they should. Podcasts I do with Ralph Gorman at Flappers and stuff. And I was like, every country should have its own Fucking jobs like listen, it don't have to be the same story

Starting point is 01:20:28 But just give me every country should be like the Olympics every country is like you're our best athletes It should be like here is our best shark movie Yeah shark movie because everybody can get away with that and the fucking you know There aren't a lot of killer shark movies now seems cheap now like cheap to do like a guess like doing shark is CG shark is not as expensive as building the big rubber one that they did for jaws and shit like that But you know having them one having each country each nation Represented by what they feel is their best possible like saving private Reginald or something like in Africa or something or if they had like Like saving private Reginald or something like in Africa or something or if they had like

Starting point is 01:21:11 World War two like no, I was just thinking of like a different like if you had say like we have saving private Ryan Yeah, if they had let's just keep it to sharks saving pride. Don't jump in a fucking war film I'm saying like saving private. We can do you know, oh Every nation gets to make every movie for themselves. We start basic, you start with the shark thing. We'll get to like saving Private Richard and shit like that. We're saving Heinrich, right? Cause that would be the other side of the war. Or something like that. But just a shark fucking picture.

Starting point is 01:21:37 Every nation going like, this is it. Fucking arms race. Just like, Like, oh, there's a dangerous koi and it's like a Japanese one or whatever. Yeah, it's gotta be shark We got I have rules. I don't know if they have sharks in some places. That's the thing. It's like it's a fucking movie What do you what are you limited for? Yeah, you're like, hey man in real life. Fuck real life. This is movie time Say the podcast Michigan and shark

Starting point is 01:21:59 Jaws of Michigan. Yes, but it's just a guy in a fucking hot dog eating Here's how it happened, right? Jaws of Michigan. Yes, bitch. It's just a guy in a fucking hot dog eating contest. Here's how it happened, right? So fucking every night when the Coney Dog place closes, they got leftover Coney Dogs that go bad. Dude don't like to throw it out, so he takes it to one of the great lakes, pitches it in the lake.

Starting point is 01:22:17 Somebody had disposed of a fucking baby great white shark. He's been eating these fucking hot dogs, so he's fucking massive and shit. Wow, dude, I'm already in. That's awesome. Dude call David Spade let's write that. Finance self finance that fucking movie I honestly I had a conversation with my friend logic there's there's me going fucking there's a big name for you logic was like he's amazing dude logic is in the 430. I like Logic, nice guy. He's an amazing dude. Logic is in the 430 movie and when he shot his scene,

Starting point is 01:22:50 we'd already finished the movie and stuff so he could watch it. So I was like, come to my place, I'll show you the flick. So we watched the flick and then after the flick, he was like, oh, I fucking love movies. He's like, before even hip hop, I loved movies and stuff. I found hip hop through movies. I found Wu-Tang through Quentin and stuff like that

Starting point is 01:23:05 He's always wanted to make a movie I almost made a movie with JJ and I was like JJ and he's like, yeah, he's like but didn't happen I was like JJ from good times. No. Yeah fucking JJ like JJ done kid dynamite It was his name JJ JJ Abrams is the director I was talking about I love that you went with JJ I'm thinking of JJ Evans JJ Evans Yeah, even senior I saw him at the airport once What Jimmy Walker Jimmy Walker? That's something enough. Yeah, there is legend. Oh, yeah kid dynamite

Starting point is 01:23:38 Alright so wait So JJ so JJ I was like I was surprised that he That he had made, you know, fucking JJ Abrams, he made fucking one of the Star Wars, two of them. You'd imagine it could happen, but he's like, it just didn't happen. I said, why, is it difficult, is it expensive? He goes, no, it's kind of like Clerks,

Starting point is 01:23:56 it's set in one location. And I was like, what could, is it on the moon? He goes, no, it's just in a record store. So bro, you can make that movie yourself. You don't need any help, what low, is it on the moon? He goes, no, it's just in a record store. I said, bro, you can make that movie yourself. You don't need any help. You got, fuck it, I'm sure you got money from hip hop. Like, you can finance your own movie. And for all the years I've ever said to people,

Starting point is 01:24:13 like, you can make a movie, anybody can make a movie. You should make your own movie. My motherfucker was like, you're right. And he financed his own fucking movie. We went and shot it back in May up in Oregon in St. Helens and it's called Paradise Records. And so I was a producer on it and I was his editor. And my God, it's so fucking wonderful.

Starting point is 01:24:31 Like it is legit good. He is born to be a filmmaker. And it's kind of a little irritating when a dude who is exceptionally good at one thing and made fucking billions doing it is now like, oh, I'm also good at that. I mean, this fucking dude's good at anything. J.J. Abrams? No, fucking Logic. Oh, Logic. logic logic fucking like he could do a Rubik's Cube in front in like 12 seconds

Starting point is 01:24:50 Yeah, he's so crazy fucking talented shit, but him as a filmmaker this movie Paradise records It's gonna be fucking it's gonna hit huge. It is fucking awesome He's the star and his French remain is the second, is the second lead and his friend, T-Man, is absolutely wonderful in the movie. But this dude wrote, directed, and fucking starred in it. And I was like so incredibly impressed because he's a legit great actor. Like as, you know, because I cut every frame. I saw every frame of the fucking footage.

Starting point is 01:25:16 I was there on set when they shot it, but most of the time I was cutting the movie and shit. And every frame of film, I was like, this guy's fucking a natural. So that movie is fucking wonderful man Paradise records paradise. I'll be out next year. How do you know I want to ask a little bit more about um About the 430 movie, but comes out September 13th, September 13. It's uh, it's Ken Jeong is in it He's amazing

Starting point is 01:25:40 This is kind of the story of my young life the story of the first date that I had in high school and stuff with my girlfriend. Like going to a movie, right? I took her to the flicks and went. But in this flick, him and his friends, they're going to the movie theater to hang out for the day and skip from theater to theater to theater. If you've ever listened to Smodcast back in the day

Starting point is 01:25:58 when me and Scott Moser used to do it, there was this episode we did about Emo Kev where I had these old recordings of me, where I used to ride around on a bike in my hometown and fucking like, what am I doing? Like real existential crisis shit before I ever made clerks, wondering what my future would be and stuff.

Starting point is 01:26:14 So we played him on Smogges and Scott mercilessly fucking died laughing. He just would attack it, God's like, oh my God, you sound so fucking dumb. But it was kind of wonderful to listen to and shit. Anyway, the movie is kind of based on that. So like, it's based on that version of Emo Kev, as we call them in the podcast.

Starting point is 01:26:35 OK. Ride around on his bike and be like, when is my life going to begin? So it's that kind of thing. That's kind of cool. There's a story. Bear McCreary did our score and he's absolutely wonderful composer But him and his brother did a song that ends the movie and it's a fucking jam

Starting point is 01:26:50 It's totally your worm and you're like, oh my god went like my friend put it on Shazam or whatever cuz he's like where have I heard that before? I was like, you never heard it He just fucking created and shit, but it's called 24 carrot case of love It's in the movie as in real life on the episode of smodcasts that we did years ago You hear me talking about my ex-girlfriend and I was like I got a 24-carat case of love and that's a broke Moser up The most he was like you fucking unbelievable Fuck it, you know, he just attacked me and shit. So I put that in the flick So Barry McRae and his brother write this closing song for the movie and he goes you got to listen to a man

Starting point is 01:27:24 I think you'll like it. And the hook of the song is, I got a 24 karat case of love. And I was like, oh my God. So I wrote to Bear and I was like, bro, you took the dumbest fucking shit I ever said on the earth and made it a pretty fucking wicked earworm hook for the song.

Starting point is 01:27:40 And he goes, don't shit on that. He's going, you saying I got a 24 karat case of love is the kind of thing that a 16 year old boy says. Yeah, is a 24 karat real strong or it's kind of mid? It's strong, that was for me, nothing gets stronger than a fucking 24 karat, because we didn't have diamonds in our world, I was lower, lower, lower, lower, we were poor.

Starting point is 01:27:59 So like 24 karat gold is that my mom had a 24 karat gold wedding band. Oh yeah. So 24 karat case of love my sister's divorce to is that right? Yeah But so it was 24 karat. So he took things from those moments You're right. I don't like that exact fucking line and made it the hook for the song and he's like never fucking regret Saying that he's only that's what you say when you're 16. I know the heart to tell him I was like really I said that when I was 22, but whatever do there's something so magical So wait, were you raised in Tennessee? I was raised in Louisiana

Starting point is 01:28:32 What part yeah and a place called Covington, Louisiana? Yeah, so how far is that from like one hour from New Orleans North for we shot Jameson Bob Reboot there That's a fucking fantastic place. No way. Oh my God, Louisiana, so fucking good to us. Like I'll always, that was a movie I made after I had the heart attack. You premiered a movie there too, didn't you? Well we went to the Joy Theater and showed Jane, Son, and Bob Reboot

Starting point is 01:28:55 when we were on tour. But we shot there, and that was the post-heart attack movies. That was a movie where I was like, holy shit, I was supposed to be fucking dead. So I'm just gonna make the movie I wanna make, fuck everything else. And that was Jane, holy shit, I was supposed to be fucking dead. Like, so I'm just going to make the movie I want to make. Fuck everything else. And that was J and Son Bob reboot.

Starting point is 01:29:08 And so we had to go to Louisiana. We couldn't do it in Jersey, because it's a road movie and stuff like that. And Louisiana had a fantastic fucking rebate. They had a great fucking crew, man. And the people were so fucking wonderful and shit. And we shot during Mardi Gras. So we took two days down.

Starting point is 01:29:22 We actually shot on Mardi Gras at the courthouse, because they were like, that's the only day we're closed. We were like, great, we'll use the courthouse that day. But everyone was so fucking cool, man. And I didn't even fuck with the party half of the city. Like the cast and people who flew in to be in the movie and shit, they would go to like, I went to Bourbon Street and shit.

Starting point is 01:29:39 I didn't even get that fucking far, man. It was just like the neighborhood. We did work probably too. When you're putting a movie together, it's a lot. How do you know when? went like Like when you're ramping up to do a movie Things get pretty intense pretty quick right and then there's just that day where you have to start

Starting point is 01:29:54 How crazy is that first day because that's such a I mean it's rare that there's such a huge leap That's gonna be so you can't go back like you are moving forward. It's begun. You spend so much time trying to get to that moment that when the moment happens you're already prepared. You better be fucking prepared if you're not. It's like what the fuck are you crying about all this time? Like you knew this was coming. You pushed for this. You wanted this. Right. That's why like after everything I do, no matter whether it works or doesn't work, there's two things I always say to myself and generally is more helpful if it doesn't if it didn't work one is like You wanted this like oh my god you changed the course of human events

Starting point is 01:30:38 To make this fucking movie happen and shit like you dreamed about this you Somehow found millions of dollars and convinced people to give up their time, do this fucking make pretend with you. So it don't matter if it didn't do what you want. You wanted this, you better fucking enjoy it because it's gonna pass quick. And then the second thing I always tell myself is like, what was the alternative?

Starting point is 01:30:56 Did you even have an alternative? Was the alternative to not do the thing? Then that's not the alternative because knowing that I could do the thing and knowing that I could accomplish it and then not doing the thing would eat at me like a fucking cancer. That's sad, when you know you can accomplish a thing but you don't do it because you're like,

Starting point is 01:31:11 nah, well, fuck it, what if somebody don't like it? Like I mentioned before, like we're dropping this. God, it would be so scary though. It's all creativity scary. It's like showing your butthole to somebody. But think about, that's why this is a safe environment. You create a thing where you're like,

Starting point is 01:31:25 these are my rules, my house, and I don't have, you don't worry when a new episode goes up. You don't even think about it. You feel like, oh, I recorded that a couple days ago or last week or something like that. But you're so, you've built the thing for yourself that is so fucking foolproof, and you can avoid, sidestep the world of rejection and the world of no.

Starting point is 01:31:43 You went through here and you created a world of yes for yourself So you don't have that weird trepidation at the beginning of every show because you're like this is exactly Engineered this to be as easy for me as fucking breathing and shit when you're making a flick or something like that There were way more people involved in shit, and you've also been dying to do this sometimes You it's taken ten years to go to that amazing moment We've been working on this from trying to get this movie together all the agents that haven't done anything So finally we got some of our own friends and stuff and we're gonna put in some of our own money That's what I was gonna say like you've a boot dude based on that Celsius case

Starting point is 01:32:18 There's no fucking way that you don't have enough of your own fucking screw. You probably got in your pocket. Just be like You can have that thing brother it is it is it is so Possible to do is I tell my kid all the time my kid who again I fucking your daughter my daughter She's in a movie. She's in one of the movies in Quentin's movie. I always lead with that She's been a bunch of my movies, but nobody gives a fuck about Kevin Smith. She was in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. So I always lead with that. She was in Quentin Tarantino movie.

Starting point is 01:32:50 Believe me, she leads with that too. She never leads with like, I was in Jay and Silent Bob Reboot. But she played Jay's daughter in Jay and Silent Bob Reboot. What was the one with Shay? Was that who it was? Yoga hosers. Yoga hosers.

Starting point is 01:33:01 The one that I got beat the fuck out of. I mean, you think I got beat up for putting a picture of myself crying on the internet. Yoga hosers, is I got fucking oh, they were like bent over and it went in dry So dry I got I remember AV club was like Oh, Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp are gonna force us to watch a playdate with their children And it's like bro. You don't have to watch it, but I've you know that was I've been around the internet for a while So I've watched the culture get like way more toxic and here's the thing For as long as I've been online I've been online since 1996

Starting point is 01:33:28 right so I remember the first troll where it's like what yeah why would you spend time here and you probably got one of the first trolls ever the jet 100% I remember there's a dude I reached out to a troll like to try to understand and this was a dude who was on ain't a Cool News and he had written some shit about me but it was incorrect, that was the thing. Like somebody wrote something about me as their opinion, what the fuck, hurts but it's like you can't do anything. But this dude had said something completely incorrect.

Starting point is 01:33:54 So I wrote to him, cause you could click on their name and hit their email. So I wrote to the dude, I was like, hey I'm Kevin Smith and you said this shit about me. I was like, I can't do anything about your opinion. But the one thing you said is factually untrue so I just wanted to correct that if you're gonna go out and say things and so yeah the dude wrote back I don't know who you are

Starting point is 01:34:08 but I know you're one of the names that if some if I throw out on any cool news a Bunch of people will jump to your defense and that's how I like to hang out at night and that blew my fucking mind This was in the year 2000 I want to say maybe yeah Cuz it was before I did Jane Simon Bob strike back which has the whole ending of them going Around beating up people on the fucking internet from a message So I was there for I'm not saying that was the first troll that was my one of my first trolls I mean he said he liked doing it because he liked the that's how he spent his night

Starting point is 01:34:37 Like that and that's a that's a legit fucking response to the human being sent me. That's not a made-up story That's not like I met a guy who said that, and I was so fucking flabbergasted by that, I'm not anymore, because I understand that's cheap entertainment for somebody. Like fuck going to the movies, or fuck going out to dinner. It's like, fuckin' order some fuckin' pizza and let's have that on.

Starting point is 01:34:58 Postmates and I'm just gonna jump online and be like, this guy sucks. Get some chili or whatever. And then watch people react and hit on that and shit. So I've watched the internet get way more toxic and shit like that But at the same time as much as the internet gives everybody access to you who couldn't like fucking shit on your day or try To shit in your mouth It also gives you access to the most wonderful people in the world who say these amazing things about you that keep you going

Starting point is 01:35:20 And yes previously spoken about I never know how to feel about myself because I'm broken so it helps I'm obviously part of the reason I do the job is because I like when people are like good job like my whole career has Been about trying to produce work That's good enough for mom to put up on the fridge like when you get an a or B on the paper And she put that shit up on the fridge The fridge is just the world at this point. And you hope that it's good enough that the paper goes up and gets noticed and shit. And you take a lot of slings and arrows

Starting point is 01:35:49 even if you like to do a thing. So like there are the trolls who just go after you because it's entertaining to watch other people, blood in the water and shit like that. But then there are people who legitimately fucking hate you and what you do, and hate watch you. Just the way like Howard Stern used to have people who like, if you like Howard Stern, you listen for 10 minutes.

Starting point is 01:36:07 If you hate Howard Stern, you listen for fucking 20. So I get it, and I've been around on the internet long enough where I know I am one of those figures and shit, but it always baffles me. I put up a fucking post on my Instagram today about, hey, I'm doing this podcast with my kid, beardless, dickless me. And naturally, yeah, naturally.

Starting point is 01:36:24 That's your daughter? That's Harley. She's a good kid, man. She's got me. And naturally, yeah, naturally. That's your daughter? That's my kid, that's Harley. She's a good kid, man. She's got a good head on her shoulders and shit. She was the one that asked me to go vegan, because she was vegan, and after the heart attack, she was like, dad, please, just try it, it could help. Because the nutritionist in the hospital was like,

Starting point is 01:36:37 you might want to consider going plant-based, because 100% blockage in your LAD, that's really bad. So my kid was like, can you please try it? And I was like, you know what, I'll do it for you. I'll try for a few months. And she saved my life, to be honest with you. But I also know my kid as part me, so she's very strategic. As a vegan, she was like, if I could flip this motherfucker,

Starting point is 01:36:57 he'll be a big voice for the movement and shit like that. So she did, but not. Can you still get erection if you're vegan or not? Like an erection? Can you still, do you still have like a? I'm hard now, son Yeah, yeah, I mean fuck. Yeah, you get you get very hard What would be the idea and not getting hard as a not enough red meat?

Starting point is 01:37:12 Yeah, something like that if you don't have enough iron or whatever I'm on blood thinners because the heart attack does that help your wiener get harder. No, in fact, it's a little more challenging not challenge it's just the the hard on you get, it's workable, it's fuckable dick. But it's not like, oh my god, this could fucking crack steel. You're Jackie Chan with like eight fucking things. I've never had that one.

Starting point is 01:37:37 Oh, I do in the morning, that's the morning wood. Oh fuck, dude, I wake up with a hard on that's impressive. If I was a dick pic guy, that's when I'd'd be like and put it online and shit like that, but It always goes to waste cuz my wife like she's like I don't fuck before noon So we've been together like 25 fucking years almost and or over and you know at this point I Understand that I'm gonna wait until like one or two. She's so I'm always a little sad because I'm not saying she's missing out She ain't missing shit. She fucked me. the head. She knows, she, you know.

Starting point is 01:38:06 I was saying before, I tell people all the time, like you can achieve your goals, you just have to modify your expectations. I was like, you know, my wife, I always use my wife as an example. I was like, Jennifer didn't want to marry a guy who fucking looked like me. Like I saw the dude she dated in high school.

Starting point is 01:38:19 She was a cheerleader. She dated fucking football players. Your wife did? Oh, wow. But when we met, she was like, all right, he ain't my ideal, but like, I can work with this. So she modified her expectations

Starting point is 01:38:33 and we've been together for a quarter, you know, century. So if you modify, some people are like, that's lowering, I'm like, no, no, no, modifying your expectations. You can be happy if you just modify what you expect. Do you have sex under the covers when you're married or on top of the covers? Under, and I'm also a shirt on guy.

Starting point is 01:38:52 I've never taken my shirt off during sex. You take your shirt off during sex? You look like, here. I don't that much. You're one of those dudes who probably you're making out, and it's like in the movies and shit. You make out and then you push back, you take your shirt off.

Starting point is 01:39:03 Like that's a part of the seduction. I walk out of the room backwards. I could never do that. If I did that and stepped back, took your shirt off like that's a part of the seduction I walk out I could never do that if I did that and step back to my shirt off my tits came out they'd be like let me slurp on those little fucking hammocks you take them you take your shirt off don't you know sometimes I will sometimes I won't I'll walk out of the room backwards oh cuz I don't like I don't like people seeing my butt I guess serious huh not that I think it is I don't know it's your least attractive feature I think it is, I don't know. It's your least attractive feature? I think it's fine, but it's like-

Starting point is 01:39:26 So after everyone's already, the situation's gotten all cummy and shit and everybody's on a different plane altogether and their senses are coming back, you're like, they see my ass, I'm fucked. Well, I just- Turns out you were just fucked. At that point, they could see your ass.

Starting point is 01:39:40 Job's done, son. Yeah, but nobody can see your butt while you're making love to them. It's just the way it's all, son. Yeah, but nobody can see your butt while you're making love to him. It's just the way it's all how God did it. If that is not the title of your biography, I object. Nobody can see your butt if you're making love to him. The Theo Vonn story. And other whimsical notions by Theo Vonn.

Starting point is 01:40:00 Yeah, but it's like you're only, You think your ass is your worst feature? No, I just. So you walk out of the room dick first, where you're like, we're dick backwards. So you're like, look, keep looking there. Don't look at this. Yeah, just like, like you're only you think you think your ass is your worst feature No, you walk out of the room dick first where like we're dick backwards So you're like look keep looking there don't look at this just like never mind the man pay attention to the man No attention the man beyond the curtain your ass is the wizard of Oz What they all see your ass is the actual wizard. Oh, yeah pulling levers and my wieners the cowardly line If I only had an ear.

Starting point is 01:40:25 Blood thinners, yeah, but to go back to the original question, you can be vegan and get the job. Okay. Very easily. I don't come across, I mean I guess I know vegans, but I don't know, they don't tell you when you meet them. You do, what I love about you Theo is your act is like,

Starting point is 01:40:37 I don't know a lot of things, but you're one of the smartest people I've seen doing this. You think so? You're smart, but more importantly you're clever. Clever goes a lot further than smart in this world I am not smart. I've been clever I don't even think I'm a hundred percent clever all the time But I think I'm very clever about what to do about being Kevin Smith for a living so myopically clever on one very small

Starting point is 01:40:56 Plane which has kind of worked out managing yourself well. Yes. Yeah, but I think you're smart I think you're way smarter than you like to let on and shit You're like Jay like Jay is is also like, oh no nothing, but I'm like, motherfucker, don't play me. Like I write your character. I know what your intelligence level really is and stuff. And while the Jay character is based on who Jay was when he was 16 years old, he's far smarter than that.

Starting point is 01:41:19 And also, to be fair, far more responsible. Hands down the best father I've ever met in my entire life. He's a wonderful fucking dad to like two children Shocking because he was like terrible to himself for most of his life. Yeah, yeah, I met him at some meetings and stuff. Yeah, he's Talking about that. He is not we did a whole podcast for four years and we still kind of quasi do Jay and silent Bob Get old which is fucking he's coming up I think on his 14th anniversary of being sober and the fucking he's coming up I think on his 14th anniversary of being sober and the

Starting point is 01:41:50 Podcast was predicated on like we'd go to bars and do this live show where he's the only everyone else is drunk He's the only sober person there and was all about keeping him sober So we would sit there and tell this story about one time I did this so it was kind of like going to the very fun a meeting where everyone else was drinking except the guy who was witnessing and shit like that and we got Over a hundred two hundred episodes out of that. I'm sure. It was crazy. I mean, we toured off of that.

Starting point is 01:42:08 Like Jason from the movies, he didn't really make a lot of money being in Kevin Smith films. You don't make money being in Kevin Smith films. You don't make money making them either. But he made enough money to buy a house because of Jane Silent-Bob. Awesome.

Starting point is 01:42:22 So we were clever with the podcast, but you're smart. This is fucking smart. So, but you're smart. This is fucking smart. So I know you're smart. Yeah, I think I sometimes I think I'm afraid to try and like, I feel like sometimes it's just hard for me to get like my information and how I, it's hard to get it like clear from my brain to my mouth sometimes.

Starting point is 01:42:40 And I think I get afraid to speak up on certain things like. I don't know man, that up on certain things like Sanders and you Seem very well fucking yeah, I mean I had I literally watched that for a few minutes and was like fun, dude I was like this like I could not have done that I could talk to people but I'd be like I Was Bernie Jefferson clerks like that's where my life begins and ends and shit But you could literally sit there and have a political conversation. I'm politically not astute Yeah, I don't think I could hold that conversation, but you did and you sounded intelligent Thanks, man, and I don't mean like he sounds smart, but you represent it like that's why when you're like, I don't know that

Starting point is 01:43:18 I'm biased bullshit like I couldn't have done and this ain't me kissing ass or looking not I didn't watch the whole interview But for the few minutes I watched I was like this guy's fucking smart Well, there's some that made me happy to come because Jordan Jason Muse his wife. She runs our business. She was like, oh fucking She's I was like I gotta go I'm going she's a where you going as I'm going Theo Bonds pocket. She's all fucking She goes, that's right. I love him. Oh, I was a fuck with him and she goes Oh, you think he's so funny and shit like that. What's her name Jordan? That's sweet of her man. Um, yeah, you think he's so funny and shit like that? What's her name? Jordan Monsanto. That's sweet of her, man.

Starting point is 01:43:47 Yeah, I think, well, he cares about some of the same stuff I care about. I'm gonna believe me, as our business manager, I'm gonna go with her. I was like, I'm gonna take a picture of this. That's his case. I'd be like, we're doing shit wrong. I know people in the audience like, stop talking about it,

Starting point is 01:43:58 but you don't know, you don't know kids. I know what that means. I'm like, this guy's figured it the fuck out, man. to do you have a network or is it just your show just us really yeah I it's just if you ever start a network. I'll be on it you will fucking heartbeat. You kidding me fucking get it I'll get well plug you in in the other room dude. Dude. I'll never leave I mean he's got his own place like I came into an office like never sleep I do my shit at home in a spare room Like I started in my kitchen man

Starting point is 01:44:27 And when now we just have to have a place for people to be at to work and what is that? What do you mean like so while the show is not going on you need people in an office? Yeah, this the producers just so they can be around Like the infrastructure that we don't have much we have three three Yeah, but yeah, it's a place like this is play Unless they're giving you this place free you got paid no they're not did you um if you're I never want to hear this I'm not a smart person shit ever again. Oh, it's a J You and me who's in a movie, bro? Never mind David Spade

Starting point is 01:44:56 I ain't trying to throw him under the bus, but fucking you and J in a movie you could be his brother. Oh fuck shit Hold on his brother. Oh fuck shit. Hold on. This is happening in real time. What will we do I wonder? Do you want to come, we're doing a movie next year, early next year, J and Silent Bob's Store Wars, which is about they have a dispensary and then somebody opens a dispensary across the street and they're like their opposites in every way and they battle for the whole movie. You legit, I'm not just saying this because I'm on the podcast, but like your vibe is very Jay like. Number one, I know this would make my boss happy.

Starting point is 01:45:29 Like Jordan be like, yes, bitch. You come in and play fucking Jay's brother who's never been in a movie before. Jordan Monsanto, the person you just told me? That's Jordan, Jay's wife, Jordan, who runs our company and shit. She produces the movies as well. She does.

Starting point is 01:45:41 Yeah, she's been our producer for years. She's been producing since like Tusk. Wow, she's really smart. Fuck, smarter than both you and I. And I know how smart you are. As previously said. She ain't that smart though. She ain't got one of those.

Starting point is 01:45:52 You wrote this character. I'm not even, I'm fictional. I'm telling you bro, you playing Jay's brother makes sense. Wow, really dude? 100%. I mean, look, I ain't offering you no great shakes. Being in a Kevin Smith movie helps nobody. No, I just heard he doesn't make any money.

Starting point is 01:46:04 Oh wow. Yeah, that's true. And that's their daughter Logan and then they have a little boy now named Lucy and he wasn't alive when we did This picture he came afterwards I was clerks three. Yes. Yeah, so it's dope beef. They gots to dispensaries are having dope beef. Basically. Yeah, that's cool It's a war. Yeah, we need that kind of fucking shit That's a comedy and but it ain't no studio comedy like no studio how much does it cost to make a movie like that? What's kind of like your highest budget? It'll be 10 if I can get I could I could get between 8 to 10 for a jay and silent Bob type thing clerks 3 thing the 430 movie which is coming out September 13th presumably

Starting point is 01:46:40 That's what we're here to talk about, but I'm just I just came yeah I just came for this now I want to talk a little bit more about that We don't have to but the 430 movie cost three million bucks Wow Saban finance that and was it's a savan savan savan have these finance some of your other films to do James I'm Bob reboot okay years and years ago. They also did the mighty morph and Power Rangers Did they um and how much can much can you make a real return on a movie like that? You can make a return.

Starting point is 01:47:09 You can make your money back and make a little scratch. I think I can stay in the business for as long as I have, for three decades, when I'm well past my fucking past due date, because I could always pivot to inexpensive. So a lot of people are like, well, it's gotta be fucking 20 million or I can't do it. I'm the other guy where I'm like, oh, I could do it for three.

Starting point is 01:47:29 Whether we could do it for three or not. It's like, we'll get there. We'll cram it into that fucking number. Because the privilege of, yeah, and the privilege of like making a movie, like everyone don't get to do that. It's a weird fucking proposition where you say to somebody like,

Starting point is 01:47:42 can you give me a lot of money to make pretend? Most people are like, just make pretend by themselves for free and shit. And you're like, I can't quite do it. And I realize like my job is such, it's full of shit, man. It's a pack of lies. Basically what I try to do in life is capture, artificially capture a moment that happened to me

Starting point is 01:48:01 that made my head or heart feel something so overwhelmingly wonderful that I was like, if I could fucking capture that and put it in a movie and show people how it felt, I bet you other people would identify with that. So it was like all, the 430 movie. Like Bridges of Madison County? I mean, I guess, absolutely, to some degree, right?

Starting point is 01:48:18 If that was your speed or whatever the fuck. But like the idea of, like I was on set, and I guess it was because 430 movie's the first movie I've not made. 430's cool, because it's like in the eighties, is it eighties or nineties? Eighties it takes place. Set in the eighties, 1986.

Starting point is 01:48:30 Yeah dude, it just had this, like this free, when you couldn't, when your imagination, where if you wondered if a girl cared about you, all you could do is lay on your back in your fucking room floor, listening to like, like Nirvana or something. And just wondering and praying and pining and just dry humping the carpet

Starting point is 01:48:52 that this woman cared about you. Shy of dry humping the carpet, which I'm against, but that was never a part of my repertoire. You've nailed the feeling. Me trying to capture that fucking feeling, essentially that's what I do in movies. We weren't that rich. Oh my God, were you rich? It's you've exactly you've nailed the feeling and me trying to capture that fucking feeling essentially I do you know in movies. We weren't that rich. Oh my god. Were you rich? No, we weren't but where'd you get? I heard about shag carpet and I thought that's you supposed to do you heard about it. Did you have carpet period?

Starting point is 01:49:14 Oh, yeah, we had wall-to-wall you did cheap shit. Yeah, not it not you know what? Yeah rugs are expensive Carpeting is less expensive. You could pee on our carpet. Yeah, and others did on our carpet. Yeah. Protest and sometimes not. Capture in the moment though, being a liar for a living and shit like that, that is what making movies is all about. That's why I like podcasting, because it ain't a lie.

Starting point is 01:49:36 Basically everything's true. Like you just sit down, start talking, having conversations. Yeah, you try your best. One day, someone will try, maybe not this particular moment, but, and I've done it in movies, you try to capture a podcast in a movie.

Starting point is 01:49:49 Like in Tusk, we have them podcasting and stuff. And once again, that's an artificial snapshot of a moment that made me feel fucking absolute joy. And then you give that moment to the movie, and then the movie goes out to the audience, and then the moment stops being just yours And then for the rest of your life you interact with that movie Periodically it comes up and you're watching it and you see this like wonderful this approximation

Starting point is 01:50:15 This half-ass approximation of some amazing thing that had happened to and you go. Oh shit That's right like that was mine But then I shared it with the art form and stuff. When it comes to preparing for a movie, what are some pitfalls that people can avoid? It might be little things, it might just be energy, being focused, having enough time. Honestly, the biggest pitfall,

Starting point is 01:50:38 I mean, you'll never have enough time, you'll never have enough money, I don't give a shit what your budget is. Whether you have three million or 300, every filmmaker, every producer always has the same complaint, which is like, not enough time, not enough money I don't give a shit what your budget is like whether you have three million or three hundred every filmmaker every producer always has the same complaint which is like not enough time not enough money and even if you've got more money you think that'll ameliorate it it just winds up being the same fucking problem economy of scale so don't worry about that shit this is

Starting point is 01:50:57 what you need to think about I think primarily be prepared in as much as like if you're starting for the first time, you've never done this shit before. Obviously this is an advice for people who do it for a living. Let's say you're a first timer. Rehearse the fuck out of that shit. Like a month on Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy,

Starting point is 01:51:15 rehearse for a month before we went near a set. That way your take ratio is gonna be real low. Now some people will be like, what does that matter in the age of fucking digital video? Back when you were shooting film, yes it was expensive to process film. Time is money on a movie fucking set. is gonna be real low. Now, some people be like, what does that matter in the age of fucking digital video? Back when you were shooting film, yes, it was expensive to process film. Time is money on a movie fucking set.

Starting point is 01:51:29 So if you can accomplish it in one take, fucking move on. Like the story of my life, and I've told it before publicly, so this might not be news to some, but how I've been able to keep doing what I've been doing for 30 years, if people are like, I hate him, why does he keep fucking, how come he still works?

Starting point is 01:51:44 This is why. I don't strive for excellence. I ain't Chris fucking Nolan I hate him, why does he keep fucking, how come he still works? This is why. I don't strive for excellence. I ain't Chris fucking Nolan, believe me, every critic will tell you that and shit. Chris Nolan strives for excellence. I, from the beginning of my career, from clerks forward, was never like, let's make it fucking perfect.

Starting point is 01:51:55 If I was striving for perfection, I don't think I've ever made my first film yet. I'd still be sitting there frozen. What will it be like? Good enough will take you very far. Good enough has taken me 30 years. So on set of clerks we'd be shooting I'd be like cut all right that's good enough let's move on let's do something else. Good enough has gotten me here has gotten me all the way to this fucking

Starting point is 01:52:15 chair. Good enough will get you as far as you need to go. Now you know that's probably not winner talk right like fucking if you wouldn't want to win an Oscar you got to leave it on the table. You got to fucking like make people hurt, fucking make those movies where like Leonardo's fighting a fucking bear and shit and fucking make people sit in the snow to do it because everyone's got to be miserable in order for this to read and shit like that. I ain't that guy and that committed to it. I just like to make pretend maybe get a little money for it and shit.

Starting point is 01:52:40 So I can't go in authentically like that where it's like fucking everything It's gonna be perfection at the cost of everybody and there are directors who do that and I respect them I guess a little bit I wouldn't do that to my cast and crew but like those movies are fucking successful Because they've got a vision and a drive and the passion of a filmmaker If I were ever trying to make one of those things It wouldn't happen number one of the talent number two. I don't have that kind of patience and shit number three I can't do that to other people. I want people leaving my set going. I had a good-ass fucking time That's how I keep my budgets low crew comes back and they'll work for fucking scale cuz like look

Starting point is 01:53:17 You don't pay a lot, but fucking it's a good time on a set. You're gonna enjoy yourself You're gonna have fucking happy memories and shit like that good enough Gets me to the set, you're gonna enjoy yourself, you're gonna have fucking happy memories and shit like that. Good enough gets me to the set, if I've rehearsed enough before we shoot and I'm on set, one, two takes stops, and I'm like good enough, moving on. And that time all adds up, that's fucking money. So strive for perfection, I guess, at some point in your career.

Starting point is 01:53:39 I honestly never have and I've just been doing it for 30 years and some people out there, I'm sure the letterbox crowd would be disgusted by that thought like oh, he doesn't even fucking try clearly I try I've been doing this for 30 fucking years. We show I don't try and beyond show up. I deliver I just don't fucking make everyone's life miserable to fucking deliver something. That's like I've got a vision, right? I got an idea where we're going and shit. Let's all have a good time doing it Otherwise, what was the fucking point if people on a a set are miserable, when you make pretend for a living, everybody's fucking failed and you shouldn't be doing this. Like it should be

Starting point is 01:54:11 fun. It's making pretend for a living. And I understand, you know, there are some people like, no man, art is pain and it's good. Not really. This is, this is an art form. Don't get me wrong, but like, doesn't have to be fucking painful it's very cathartic and a lot of folks can't do that fucking pivot like it's got to be this and I don't believe in that so I'm the guy that's just like that's good enough moving on every one of my movies is good enough don't have to be great and shit I saw somebody the other day on Twitter was like it's got like one or two really brilliant ideas and is moving the rest is just some fucking horse shit and I'm like yeah I mean that's it You don't have to keep watching if you don't like that kind of thing

Starting point is 01:54:47 But I'm lucky I got one or two good ideas in the horseshit like especially 30 years into my career Oh, it's fascinating man. Cuz if you're always aiming for perfection then but a lot of times if you showing up and delivering and good enough because most people don't even go that far the fear of the black of not being prepared for perfection Prevents them sometimes from taking the step. Well, it's the fear of not being able to achieve perfection I just accept early on it's like never gonna be fucking perfect and you're never the dictator of this anyway And I mean the dictator like a guy or an autocrat You don't get to dictate whether or not that thing is what it is that you say it is you make a thing with one intention the Audience gonna tell you what that fucking thing is what it means and shit like that

Starting point is 01:55:30 This is a story. I tell an awful lot. So if you've heard this in another place, I apologize, but When I was making the 430 movie and this ain't to bring it back to that like it's relevant to just conversation We're I'm shooting to see him the three boys They're in the car and they're just like fucking goofing off while they're driving dancing while they drive playing chakras I feel for you So they were you know for direction I went over to the vehicle and I was like kids You know you're just goofing around and dance whatever fuck do whatever you want Just as long as you make it iconic and I walked away and that fucked all of their heads up I had no idea like Nick who plays Bernie in the movie was like

Starting point is 01:56:09 That's your fucking direction make it iconic. That's a little fucking pressure. Don't you think and I was like well, no, I said Oh, then I realized I have the benefit of experience. I've been doing this for 30 years I was like what I mean by that is that every decision that you're making here in real time Like what I mean by that is that every decision that you're making here in real time is like dropping a stone in the water and watching the ripple effect or the butterfly effect. Like it's crazy what people years from now will concentrate on about this weird little moment in the movie that you're just like, what should we do? And I'm like, oh, just make it iconic. I mean that because people will be watching this scene forever

Starting point is 01:56:46 And it will hopefully connect with them Even if it's somebody who wasn't alive in 1986 a current-day teenager who could see that fucking sense that joy that's in the scene So these things we do in the moment like this fairy bit passes and it's just a fucking Kevin Smith movie But I promise you this movie is somebody's gonna be somebody's fucking life preserver There's gonna be their buoy that's gonna keep him fucking drowning And I know that because I've been doing it 30 years And I was at the Dallas fan Expo like last year and a guy came up to me It was like in his maybe early 30s late 20s early 30s

Starting point is 01:57:18 And he had a copy of mall rats on VHS very well worn copy and shit I was like holy shit look at this this fucking ancient piece of Americana. I mean, how many times you watch this? He goes, a lot. I said, who am I signing it to? He goes, I want you to make it out to my son. Gave me a son's name. I was like, what's the story there?

Starting point is 01:57:34 You need to give a few minutes to have this exchange. Then my man rocks my fucking world, and he goes, I'm gonna give this to my son when he's older. He's gone, this is the movie that saved my life. And I'm like, thank you. And you hear that a lot. I'm sure you've heard that too. Where people are like, bro, your show saved my life

Starting point is 01:57:51 or blah, blah, blah. Sometimes I'm driving, you're the difference between me going crazy and not. Or I saw your standup special, it made me fucking laugh in that fucking, I needed that on that day because I was circling the fucking drain. So in this business, we have experience with people

Starting point is 01:58:04 that perhaps overly express it by saying something like, oh my God, fucking your shit saved my life and stuff. So I've heard that sentiment and I know how to receive it. And I'm like, oh my God, thank you, that's so kind. And he goes, no, I'm serious. He's going, my father used to beat the shit out of me. Every day after school, I'd come home and he would mercilessly, relentlessly beat me

Starting point is 01:58:23 to the point of fucking near dying. He's like, and then I would crawl to my bedroom, bloody mess, and I would close the bedroom door, and I'd put in mall rats and I would escape to the mall with T.S. and Brody and Jay and Silent Bob. And he's going, and that was my happy place. And that's how I survived living with my father, through this fucking tape.

Starting point is 01:58:41 He goes, now, I have a son. And he's gone, and I would never be the piece of shit that my fucking father was to me my whole life. And I wanna give my kid this tape when he's old enough so he understands he could survive anything because his father survived the absolute worst, and this was what he clung to.

Starting point is 01:58:58 And naturally I gave him a big hug, and I was like, no, dude, you survived that shit. Like, fucking, this is just a movie that might've helped, but like, when you share of yourself like that, you can go off and make it, you know, don't matter what it is. When it comes to movies, they have this weird impact. Doesn't matter what we do when it comes to this show,

Starting point is 01:59:14 when it comes to your live shows. But particularly when you make something like a movie, people cherish that kind of thing. Because you're in and out, there's an engagement period. 90 minutes to two hours is gonna take you on a ride and then bring you back and leave you where you were. So everyone knows what to expect in that and over the course of their lifetime,

Starting point is 01:59:32 they've turned to movies in times of trial. Oh yeah, I watch Family Man every year to feel good. So you create that and you become that for somebody else. So the movie you're talking about, Make Me Spade, I guarantee you one day somebody comes up to you and tells you a story as fucking heartbreaking yet as wonderful as that which is Like something you didn't give that much thought to like if my man came up to use like dogma saved my life I'd be like I understand it man like fucking I worked hard on that and I was my movies pretty fucking Profound on some levels and shit yes, it has a lot of butt fucking jokes

Starting point is 02:00:02 But I like to balance it out, but when somebody tells you like mall rats save their life, you're like, I wasn't thinking that when I made the movie. Do you think 25 year old Kevin Smith was going, this is going to save somebody's life. Hold on. Jay, get ready to fucking swing me across the fucking mall and you know, you don't think about that. So when I told the kids make it iconic, that's what it comes down to. Even the things you're not thinking about as being important, you think are dismissive, or just, oh, it's just a moment in the movie. Someone will find that as the buoy that keeps them from fucking drowning.

Starting point is 02:00:33 So every moment then is kind of important, but isn't that the lesson of life in general? Every moment is kind of important, man. Like, you know, when I was in the Nuthouse, they say all sorts of simplistic shit, which is fucking really helpful. And you can put it on a towel and stuff in a kitchen, aphorism or whatever the fuck.

Starting point is 02:00:49 And what they say, every day is a gift. That's why it's called the present. And it's kind of true. Like, it's absolutely true. Like, so often we're so fucking bored as a species that we don't think about. Like, you're only going to get so many breaths. You're only going to get so many heartbeats and shit like that. And I always tell my wife after the heart attack I was like, uh, I'm living on borrowed time and she's like, that's fucking macabre. I was like no, I'm

Starting point is 02:01:11 Painfully aware. We're all living on barred borrowed time. I'm just fucking well aware of it act accordingly Do you think like as a creator? Do you ever want to invent saw did you ever also think about inventing something? But you didn't do it because a lot of times people are creative think about things like this Is there ever been one? Not an invention like fucking flow-bee or something like that. Anyone that kind of stood out in your head or something? Because I thought like-

Starting point is 02:01:31 I've been trying to make this movie moose jaws for 10 years, one day I'm going to get, it's going to happen. I'm going to find the money for it. And eventually I'm going to get to the place where I'm like, you know what? I'll just put up my house. I ain't got Theo Von money and shit, but I got a nice house where I could probably-

Starting point is 02:01:43 You can live in that Celsius cooler if you want to. I will, I'll sell my house and live there. I'm like, honey, get ready. Cause who, like, I always feel like who invented the swimming pool or whatever? Like I always think about who invented certain stuff, you know, or like, and then I think if I would want to have an invention,

Starting point is 02:01:55 like I thought of, oh, I used to think there was a dog collar or whatever, that if a, cause they had a lot of howling dogs by us when I was a kid. And so if it howled, it would help the dog learn how to howl more melodically or whatever, like musically, you know, so eventually the howls. It's not just like, oh, it's like, oh,

Starting point is 02:02:18 there's somebody to howl with. Cause they always harmonize when there's more than one. Right, so for the lonely dog, it's almost like having a pocket pal. Like Belle Biv, Dog Bo, or something. Like a Meso-Spaniel or whatever. It's the first draft for a name, but I like where you're going with it. Yeah, but wouldn't it be beautiful if you're laying there and one of them house you, like these motherfuckers,

Starting point is 02:02:36 but then they're like, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. Totally, and they're all fucking singing in unison and shit? So I thought if you could do a group caller like for a neighborhood or small region, I thought that that would be pretty cool. And then you and then Fucking then the next Nirvana three neighborhood dogs that just got together and have these harmonizing Yeah, people like he's singing exactly how I fucking feel. I don't know what he's saying, but that's how I feel

Starting point is 02:02:58 That's a beautiful thing about art. You don't even have to know the lyrics to a song by dog Nirvana You just feel it when you play it It's why if I was a if I wish I was in a different art form, if I was a singer, I could open up my mouth, sing a note, and you'd know how I felt. That'd be me, my self-expression. If I was a painter, I could take a blank canvas, put some color on it, you'd know how I felt.

Starting point is 02:03:15 But I'm a director, I chose directing as an art form, as the dumbest art form, because that's where you say shit. Like, I need to self-express. Give me $20 million in Ben Affleck stat. It's not, it's not the. It's not the best start for him for a guy like me. I always felt like me in film was like me trying, like I took Spanish in high school, four years of Spanish. But very men, un poco Spanish.

Starting point is 02:03:38 So I always think of me as a filmmaker, as like somebody who took four years of high school Spanish, you know, got Cs to Ds, and then tries to go to Spain and passes as a local Oh, I see visual visually speaking visual Storytelling is not my first language like this shit if movies were this like just two dudes sitting down and talking yeah You'd be very very son. Oh fuck Jerry Garcia, man. I'll be making that the Yvonne money You've gotten uh, yeah, do you ever think of an invention? I just think creative people always wonder

Starting point is 02:04:08 if they think of inventions, you know? I don't. I guess you've struck the nerve. I'm not creative, because I would think of an invention if I did, but I never... I doubt that. I know that's not true. I'm too self-involved.

Starting point is 02:04:19 You've created a lot of stuff. Yeah, but just about me and my world and shit. Very myopic. So no, I've never thought like, ooh, this invention would be good for others I've never like done something. There's like gotta be a better way You've gotten to direct a lot of um, you got to direct George Carlin. You've got a direct Ben Affleck Anything that stands out to you about

Starting point is 02:04:38 Talented men like that in general or talented actors in general anything that they all have in common or something that you notice about People that are able to grab people's attention? That's a cool question. I like it. Let me see. Is there such a thing as like, that person's got it? I do believe in that. What do the kids call it today?

Starting point is 02:04:57 Riz? Riz, yeah. Aura. Aura, that's the new word? Thank you. I think anyway, I'm not sure. Anytime I get a new word, I dial my clock back a little bit. Aura, kids.

Starting point is 02:05:06 But let's just go with the Riz, which was like 10 minutes ago, whatever the fuck. The ones that got the Riz, those are the ones you know about. They work a lot because they've got this natural charisma where it's like the camera loves them, they know how to be exactly in front of a camera. Somebody like Brad Pitt, born to be in front of a camera.

Starting point is 02:05:23 One could argue like, well, over time, he learned how to be in front of a camera You know and one could argue like well over time he learned how to be in front of a camera sure maybe but like Number one he's attractive to look at in the movies We like to look at attractive people and stuff number two seems very relaxed and natural so you never like he's acting It almost seems like he's fucking under acting a lot of times He's just not phoning it in but he ain't trying man You don't get the fact of feeling this thirsty motherfuckers really going for it Just there and he eats all the time in the movies. He's always just sitting there fucking eating and shit.

Starting point is 02:05:49 Casual as fuck. So that dude's got like, dripping with charisma. That's why he's a goddamn movie star. So all of them, when you reach that level, like where you're casting people who've been in other things that are famous, they're all fucking, they all got the Riz. They're all Jedis.

Starting point is 02:06:04 Like at a certain point, you start all fucking, they all got the Riz. They're all Jedi's. Like at a certain point, you start working with complete Jedi's across the board. It's just a fucking matter of how Jedi are they? How fucking powerful are they and stuff? Like everyone could do it, but like some people are exceptional. So Michael Parks, the guy that was in Red State for us,

Starting point is 02:06:20 in Tusk, he's the crazy old man in Red State in Tusk, he passed on rest and power. Um, he, that dude was like brilliant. He's the finest actor I've ever met. My best actor ever met in my life. He gives an eight minute hate speech in Red State that like, I'm not going to say it almost convinces you, but like you forget that it's a vile fucking speech that he's giving because it's delivered so incredibly well and through the Southern Patois that he chose and stuff. That guy has had it, he's passed now.

Starting point is 02:06:52 But yes, to answer the question, absolutely. I think there's other words for it. People, you always say, they got it, but for lack of a better description, it would be the Riz. They got the Riz ready to go, man. Like, extra. Do you think it's kind of gross how the media, like the media always takes pictures of Ben Affleck looking sad, you know? Or trying to make him look sad. That's only because the public's interested in it.

Starting point is 02:07:16 Like, if they did it once and nobody clicked on it, they wouldn't take, they wouldn't fucking run that story again. But people find it fascinating where they're like, why's that guy who must be so rich and has it all why does he look like? that and Right they know that that's happened him so like isn't it gross and at that point to if you know somebody has like because I think it's do I think it's fair no, but Like he knew the job was dangerous when he took it. He's in a high-profile public position Unfortunately that comes along with it. You can't just sign up for Movie Star,

Starting point is 02:07:47 worldwide global fame and go like, yeah but nobody can take pictures of me when I'm not in a good mood, right? Like that's part of the rule. Like if you go out in the world, we live in a world of cameras, that's gonna happen. But it only keeps happening because they did it once and people clicked on it and found it interesting

Starting point is 02:08:03 and then started making memes about it. So then people keep feeding the beast. So do I think it's fair? Well, let's break it down like this. I'll break it down like a Catholic. Ben's life is pretty wonderful from the outside it looks like and even from the inside knowing him,

Starting point is 02:08:23 it's pretty wonderful and Ben's gotten to see a lot of his dreams come true If the cost is every once in a while somebody's like he looks fucking sad when he's drinking Dunkin Donuts. Yeah, I Mean at the end of the day you gotta let that shit go and now that's easy for me to say as a guy who like still Finds himself dipping into the comments going. What are they saying about me? Which is fucking recipe for disaster. Ben is not that guy. As far as I know, Ben has never had a social media account. He's had a social media account,

Starting point is 02:08:51 but somebody else fed into it. He was not the guy posting. So he ain't looking for that shit. He's not real public and stuff. But it comes along with the job. If you're gonna be the guy who, you know, you were one half of the Good Wall Hunting boys that the whole world fell in love with.

Starting point is 02:09:04 You took your moms to the Oscars? Come on. There's nothing cuter about that. They're mass whole kids and whatnot and You know a lot of and the Patriots won so much and the fervency that goes along with that Sometime not fuck him. Oh, yeah, sorry, but it just it's just comes along with it So if you don't want that anymore, give up the other thing. But unfortunately, it's a byproduct of the job that you've chosen. Like, you know, if Ben was a teacher in Cambridge, he could go out, smoke a cigarette, drink Dunkin' Donuts,

Starting point is 02:09:38 and look like he's having an existential crisis all he wants and nobody would give a fuck. But because he's been aphleic, people have this idea that he should be happier than that. And it's like, come on, man. Like, people are like, think about, like, I live in a world of three-act structure, and I realize it has really fucked me up for my entire life.

Starting point is 02:09:52 Three-act structure is movies. And they always have an ending that's generally on the happy side, but there's an ending and a conclusion. And when those credits roll, those characters don't have to fucking go back to work on Monday and just have a normal ass fucking day, or then you see them fail, or you see that couple that fell in love fucking like fall apart and shit like that.

Starting point is 02:10:13 You don't see that. Movies are happy snapshots, moments, and stuff like that. So most people think like somebody like Affleck is like, oh my god, this guy's got it made. He must be happy every fucking second of the day. It's impossible to be fucking happy. Oh, I don't think that it happy. I think he's probably just a regular dude I just think it's 100% if like that there's websites and shit If somebody is a has you know suffers from like alcoholism or something. They know that they're

Starting point is 02:10:38 You know that there's something kind of all there's it's a condition that they would then do that It just seems egregious to me Like I wouldn't do that to somebody like oh this person's has a sickness Let me show them looking depressed or something just seems neither would I generally I don't engage in that sort of thing Yeah, but I just want to take a moment to Shout you out for this. That's very sweet of you They don't like this that's most people go in the other direction. People love a train wreck, right? Nobody goes to the train station

Starting point is 02:11:07 to see the train come in fuckin' on time unless you're gettin' on the fuckin' train. That ain't interesting. But was there a train wreck? Oh fuck, everyone just goes, look at the fuckin' bodies, as George Carlin would say. So it's nice to hear you go like, I don't like that. Like, you got a line where you're like,

Starting point is 02:11:20 this guy's got drinkin' problems, or is that drinkin' problems? This might make him drink again. That's human to think that way. The rest of the world don't don't think that way rest of the world looks at that guy and I go Fuck him. He's got it all yeah, so now if the fucking pats are winning fucking I know I know there are levels and shit Like are you sports guy? I am a little bit. I got two more two more questions. Did you I know you're did you? I apparently have way more. Did you? Did you go to a Stan Lee's funeral?

Starting point is 02:11:45 I did not go to Stanley's funeral. Did you think about it? I don't think I was even closer anything I very close. I went to Stanley's final birthday party, which was in December The few months before he passed away Or right before you know, or he was 95 and he almost made it to 96 So this is 95th birthday party still pictures on my phone and he almost made it to 96. So it was his 95th birthday party, I still have pictures on my phone. When they buried him, I didn't get invited,

Starting point is 02:12:08 I'm not saying like, fuck them, they didn't invite me, but there was no like, hey, you can come or anything. But we were fucking close, man. In the last year of his life, nobody was close to him because the situation, people kept him away from people, there was an elder abuse situation going on. Yeah, that party right there. Oh, that's cool, dude.

Starting point is 02:12:28 It was December 28th, 2017. Happy birthday. And then he died a few months after that. So, but the last year of his life, it was tough to be around him. And I don't mean tough to be around him because like, what an asshole. I mean, you couldn't get near him.

Starting point is 02:12:41 The people who were kind of in charge of him kept everyone away. I couldn't text him anymore, even call him and shit like that. So I didn't have access toward the end. It was a sad ending for Stan. But I realized toward the end, we did a commercial, an Audi commercial

Starting point is 02:12:59 when Age of Ultron was coming out. And the premise of the commercial was like the Stan Lee School of cameo acting So he would put on like Thoris Helmholt be like this is acting and then he put on like a random general helmet He's like this is cameo acting because Stan did a lot of cameos and shit So the whole spot is that and then he gets in an Audi and drives away and it's a class I'm in the class Jason Muse is in the class Michael Rooker's in the class. I've seen it Yeah, very like years and years ago. So we shoot this spot and I was hanging out with Stan

Starting point is 02:13:27 all day and then we're doing the last shot where cargo's passed Lou Ferrigno hitchhiking like at the end of The Incredible Hulk. Awesome, what the post office wants. Lou Ferrigno? Yeah. Awesome dude, nice, very nice to me. So Stan's like body man, business guy, financial guy,

Starting point is 02:13:47 came to set to like watch the end of the show and he was hanging out by monitor and we were chit chatting. And he was like, oh, I love this stuff, I love production. He's going, Stan's so happy, he always has a good time hanging out with you. And I was like, oh, I always like being around Stan. It just seemed like a nice thing to say. And then the guy like fucking, lethal as a heart attack,

Starting point is 02:14:03 he goes, you know how he thinks of you like a son? Fucking, like I was like, what? And then it occurred to me that like, I always thought he was just being nice to me because we put him in mall rats. Like he was just being Stan, political. Which is like, hey everybody! Everybody's fucking grandpa and shit.

Starting point is 02:14:22 But he legit actually liked me as a person. Yeah, when I see that picture, actually I thought of that for a second. He taught me a lot. He taught me how to be me for a living. He didn't sit me down and be like, this is how I be, but this is a dude who, it was one thing to be creative, right?

Starting point is 02:14:39 He co-created most of the Marvel universe. And yes, of course, he worked with great artists like Steve Ditko and Jack Kirby and whatnot. But the imagination that went into it, this was a man who wanted to write the great American novel. I remember talking to him interviewing at one point. He was like, well, I really wanted to write the great American novel.

Starting point is 02:14:58 And I was like, Stan, you did. You just didn't do it as a book. You did it with the Marvel Universe. It's our modern fucking mythology. But he wasn't aiming for that. Wow, that's so true. It's just something he did for money and backed into. And then later on, the culture shifted into his favor

Starting point is 02:15:13 because people like comics. But he was like fucking banging the cymbals for comics since I was a kid. I remember my father calling me out one morning. I was getting ready for school. He goes, get inside. Spider-Man's dad is on TV. And he was on Good Morning America talking to like

Starting point is 02:15:30 one of the earliest hosts of, before even Joan London on Good Morning America about comic books. And here was a grown ass adult man on television talking about something I was passionate about, something that I knew very well and loved. So I respected the dude right away. I knew his voice even before I saw him and even before I heard his voice in Spider-Man

Starting point is 02:15:48 and his amazing friends in every episode, because he would write that Stan's soapbox. And in it, he was a salesman. He was an artist, don't get me wrong. And he co-created all those characters. But that don't mean shit. You could make a million books and characters and shit. If you don't know how to sell yourself,

Starting point is 02:16:04 sell your work, nobody going to hear about it. And that guy, a lot of people are, he took all the credit himself. I'm not here to address that. All I know is he pushed the medium of comics so far. He was out there in the mainstream. He would go to colleges before anyone respected comic books. When colleges were like, these books,

Starting point is 02:16:22 10, 20 years after Stan wrote these stories He would be invited to come proselytize talk about the art form the emerging art form And one of the only true American art forms is the fucking comic book the superhero comic book So this was a man who was like out there doing the work like building like fucking Rails upon which billion dollar fucking steamships move now. I mean Deadpool doesn't happen if that doesn't happen. Exactly, and he didn't create Deadpool nor did he create Wolverine.

Starting point is 02:16:50 But he created the playground in which those two characters were created by other creators in the Marvel universe, comics and stuff. So yeah, I miss him. I learned a lot from him. It's like you can't expect other people to love your shit unless you love it first. You gotta love it the best That's what I was saying like a long time ago. They're the only audience you can guarantee To satisfy so if you keep your budget low real low and it don't matter go for it and stuff

Starting point is 02:17:16 But just don't expect the whole world's gonna come modify your expectations like my wife hmm, so the 430 movie it's about like my wife. So the 430 movie, it's about... It's about 85 minutes long. And it touches on like young love, kind of that first moment. Oh, it's dripping with fucking young love. God, you remember that? You remember going to your first date movie or not?

Starting point is 02:17:37 At that movie theater. Absolutely. The whole movie is about that first date with my high school girlfriend, like Kim Lockard. Kim Garvey now, she married. But the flick, it's set at the movie theater, Smart Castle Cinemas that I have with my friends in Jersey, in Atlantic Highlands. You can go to it and go see movies there. We do events there all the time.

Starting point is 02:17:57 Smartcastlescinemas.com, look for events. It's in Red Bank? In Atlantic Highlands, New Jersey, not far from Red Bank. But in that theater hanging up, like, behind the ticket counter, is a note that I wrote to Kim, Kim Loughran wrote to me when we were in high school. And it said, Kevin, will you take me to see Dirty Dancing

Starting point is 02:18:17 at the Atlantic Highlands Twin Cinema this Thursday, or whatever, love Kim. So it's hanging up at the theater, because like the note was about that theater and I grew up and bought that fucking theater with my friends and kept it alive and stuff. So the movie is aching with star-crossed first love. And I remember to talk about,

Starting point is 02:18:36 I'd read a review for Pretty in Pink when I was a kid and it was in the Asbury Park Press, our local paper, and I could never figure out who wrote it. It wasn't the person who reviewed films locally, so it was a the Asbury Park Press, our local paper, and I could never figure out who wrote it. It wasn't the person who reviewed films locally, so it was a wire service review. But of Pretty in Pink, they said, sometimes you just want to enjoy a movie where the biggest stakes are whether or not

Starting point is 02:18:54 the kids are going to go to the prom. And that stayed with me since that fucking movie, years and years and 40 years ago. So this movie is incredibly low stakes. It's just like, are they going gonna go on the date or not? It's just aching with that fucking like, oh, what it was like to be a kid in those days before there was social media,

Starting point is 02:19:12 before you were kind of isolated on your cell phone. Phones play a big part in the movie, but it's like emergency breakthroughs. And there are cordless phones, but it's like the pull up the thing as you talk and a lot of fucking push button dialing and stuff. So it's of an era that I grew up in that kind of shaped me

Starting point is 02:19:30 and most of the movies I've ever made have been about like the 90s so to speak. And this movie is more about the 80s, takes you back to like 86. So it is, it's really like, whereas it's hard on its fucking sleeve and the kids in it are amazing. Austin, Nick, Reed, Sienna, like a fantastic cast. When I finished the script,

Starting point is 02:19:48 normally when I make a movie, I'm like, script's the best thing about it. And I always felt that way because I'm like, we can get a cool cast but it's all predicated on the script. This is the first time I read one of my scripts and I was like, well, I hope the cast is real good because there's not a lot going on in the script. I said, but if the cast is charming, this movie will work.

Starting point is 02:20:05 And the cast is crazy wonderful charming. And so if the movie works at all, it's because of them, because of Ken Jeong, because of Justin Long, because of all the people that are in it. But September 13th, you could say to theater near you and then digitally, of course, it'll come back. We'll share about it on my socials too, man.

Starting point is 02:20:20 I'll make sure that we remember that. Yeah, I remember being that age, just praying that my dick would be big. We used to do that all the time, me and my buddy Scott. Pray for that, I was always okay that we remember that. Yeah, I remember being that age, just praying that my dick would be big. We used to do that all the time, me and my buddy Scott. I prayed for that. I was always okay with the dick size. And it wasn't big, but I was like, when did you realize you didn't have a big dick?

Starting point is 02:20:34 Why were you praying for something? You knew you had the big stick. Well, I think at like 12 or 13, you started praying, some people started praying about it, like around us. But did you have a size comparison to look at and be like, my dick's not like that? No, but you just knew people wanted how did you just know

Starting point is 02:20:46 Theo people said like oh you got a little people would say oh why'd you believe him you had no proof proofs in the pudding if you're if you're not seeing it you're not being it so all this time you've been worried that you got not a big enough dick you could gone hot home anytime you wanted all you had to do was click your heels you have You have for all you know you got the biggest dick in the world. You know what? Your show. Whip it out. Let's find out. I'll take out mine and you're gonna feel like a champion. You're gonna be like, oh I'm better than them in this way too. Look you can hide 11 of my dicks by one Celsius can. I'll tell you that. That's my dream to be thick

Starting point is 02:21:18 as a Celsius can and just as tasty. Oh my god. Now we're talking. Yes. Arctic blast. Be very easy to get blown if you taste like Arctic blast. Especially if your wiener had like one of those pop things at the end, like a pop top. If they could just pop it open. And also if when they were done, they were gonna be like, I'm gonna feel energetic because it could burn extra calories. I'm ready for work.

Starting point is 02:21:37 That would change your wife's behavior in the morning, I think. It truly would. Maybe I could get like eight a.m., nine a.m. going on. God, I'm gonna pray about that. So wait, you said something before. Right now you're not in a relationship? No.

Starting point is 02:21:50 When was the last serious relationship you've had? Probably like four or five years, you know? So I wanna be in one. So that's why you're successful, son. Oh, I feel like I've married my work. Yeah, you're like, fuck love. You're like, I'm married to my job. That's what happens.

Starting point is 02:21:59 So now the job's in a great fucking place. Now you're like, hmm, who will I share all this with? Yeah, now I gotta find a wife. I gotta get some, I gotta get a little bit of help first. Now I gotta find a wife. I gotta decompress. Gotta find a wife. You don't need to find a wife,

Starting point is 02:22:12 you just need to find somebody. Yeah. You don't gotta marry him and shit like that. Yeah, find a- I mean, you got a lot to protect right now, so don't fucking- Find a partner in crime. Yeah, just find somebody that when you're done doing it,

Starting point is 02:22:21 when you're done being Theo, and you know, you just go be Theo. Yeah, and just have some kids that are your own to play with and stuff. Oh, God. Be careful, though. When you have kids and you want to hang out with them and you do shit with them, public gets shitty.

Starting point is 02:22:33 I put up that thing about beardless, dickless me on my Instagram. And there was somebody who was like, ew, stop forcing your kid down my throat. And it's like, you don't have to fucking listen. It's a free podcast. It's not mandatory. I'm not saying there's like taxes where it's like,

Starting point is 02:22:46 you gotta do this. It's like, if you don't wanna fuck with it, don't fuck with it. It's always amazing to me when like people get hostile and shit like that. There's one guy who was like, this is the weirdest reaction. He goes, I saw a video where you crying on YouTube and shit

Starting point is 02:22:59 and you went crazy and you said you were stopped posting and now it's give me a dollar here, give me a here, and you're doing this podcast so I went through everything He said I was X any of this true And I did do a YouTube video But I wasn't crying in it and I did say I was gonna like not fuck with my socials as much which I didn't for the Better part of a year after I got out of the fucking nuthouse and shit I stayed away from that shit so I could try to figure out how I felt about myself never mind How this random fucker feels about me and shit and then he was was saying that, like, I asked for a dollar here and there,

Starting point is 02:23:26 it's not true, I was advertising a free fucking podcast, and I was about to respond, and then I was like, you know, you've been around so fucking long, you know the game, why are you even fucking wasting a second, man? So I just deleted that shit, moved on with my day, it's like, they taught me in the nuthouse, man. Like, there's two places that human beings love to exist, and they're two least healthy places for a human being to be, the past and the future.

Starting point is 02:23:57 Condition of the human being is such that we spend so much of our time thinking about what we've done and what went wrong, and what could have and should have happened and our regret. And we relitigate the past, like we're expert fucking lawyers and barristers and shit like that. And so we're not here in the moment, we're in the past going like, oh, remember I said that shit

Starting point is 02:24:16 and why didn't that person say hi that time? And fucking, man, how come that dude's doing it and I'm not? Why are they ahead of me and shit like that? That's all fucking stuff you can't do anything about. Pasts happen, you can't rewrite that, you can't change it. Maybe if you Tony Stark, you can go back and change it, then end game happens, but you cannot fucking change the past. So stay out of the fucking past

Starting point is 02:24:34 because the past is depression. Future is anxiety. Nobody controls that shit, nobody knows what's gonna happen. And you can't sit there, we're meeting a lot of people you meet and you're like, you should write a story, like'm creative like you bullshit everybody in this audience is way more creative than me as fine a writer than me if not

Starting point is 02:24:50 better when it comes to imagining a dire future for themselves we are all the most creative and inventive fucking individuals when we're thinking about all the shit that could go wrong we build scenarios crazy scenarios about this happens and this and this and this and we live in them. They're so fucking real. The body remembers there's a book called the body remembers, which is about trauma and how the body stores trauma scientifically proven body remembers trauma. So then later on in life, when you think about the trauma, guess what? The body remembers it and it revisits it through the amygdala and shit like that. So when you've

Starting point is 02:25:22 got PTSD, that's why people get shakes or fucking have to be away from people and stuff. That's real, physically the body remembers fucking trauma and stuff like that. So the best way past all that shit, I don't know, I'm still trying to figure that out. But stay out of the past, god damn it, and stay out of the future because you can't do anything about it.

Starting point is 02:25:43 All that fucking, like think about this all that like oh my god This is gonna happen and this happens and everything fucking goes wrong, and I lose again and shit Oh, yeah, it's night. You it's not true though. It's all fiction that you're just making up You're gonna make some future shit up cuz that's it is it is you don't know what's gonna happen Flip the script and just fucking make up all happy fucking goofy ass Good shit for yourself. My dude it has as much likelihood as fucking happening. That's the truth. It ain't even fucking fantasy.

Starting point is 02:26:09 It's like you're already, not you, but the collective you, you're already living in fantasy if you're like, no, only bad shit happens. You're already fucking weaving a fantastic fucking tale that is untrue and it's based on no facts whatsoever. So if you can do that, just fucking change it to like, you know what, Marvel calls me all of a a sudden I'm directing the next fucking Avengers movie Yeah, it has just as much a chance of happening as the negative bullshit

Starting point is 02:26:30 So if we can't live in the past or shouldn't live in the past and it's unhealthy and we shouldn't live in the future Passive depression the future anxiety. There's only one place to be we have no choice be here in the present But so often we're not in the fucking present and nobody wants to be in this moment they want to be there everyone's headed to a place and then everyone's obsessing about where we've been kids this is what they taught me in the nuthouse I'm gonna save you a lot of fucking money and time and shit like that be here and now be mindful breathe the easiest way to do that if your head's going crazy and you're in the fucking future and shit and you're worrying about some bad bullshit if you're in the past worrying about some

Starting point is 02:27:05 old fucking shit that happened, what you need to do is just this, crazy shit, free as fuck, breathe. You go... Just breathe in and out five times, deep breaths, and you know what it does? It grounds you. Do you know why? Because you cannot breathe in the past and you cannot breathe in the future. You can only breathe in the here and now. So by breathing, you bring yourself back to the moment. You pull yourself out of that fake future that you're fretting about. You pull yourself out of that horrendous past that you're still traumatized by and you're here now and you could sit there and go like, well, wait, is anything wrong? No, my body's reactance is some shit I was

Starting point is 02:27:42 thinking about because the body stores trauma and I just did this to myself. I created this condition. You could pull yourself out of that. I'm not saying this is a cure for everything. Some people go through real shit, but when you're in your head, that ain't real shit. And you may have gone through real shit in your life, but when you're in your head fretting about it,

Starting point is 02:27:59 you are making up a fucking fiction. You don't know the fucking future. Yeah, because sometimes you don't even recognize it. And you work yourself up, the body fucking, dude, you can, I had a fucking fiction you don't recognize that yeah because someone even recognize it and you work yourself up the body fucking dude you can I had a fucking heart attack and yes I had a heart attack that fucking packed you know LAD full of cholesterol and shit like that people could put themselves in they say stress is the number one oh yeah get you to that hard dress will kill me and stress is created by sitting around going like oh fucking what if it

Starting point is 02:28:21 don't work out man I didn't love it work out because it never worked out in the past remember that fucking time you tried that thing and it didn't work your fucking asshole You got to put that shit away Flip the script and be like I'm in the here and now if you can't do that and you got to be in the future Just make up a better future It has just as much a likelihood as coming true as the fake bullshit that you're fretting about That's true your life at least be an author for you're the best for yourself make you're gonna make it up make up good shit Kevin Smith 430 movie comes out September 13th and

Starting point is 02:28:49 My podcast with my kid and the smog cast network your list no it's hot Heartless our heart network beardless dickless me I took all my shit behind a paywall years ago on my podcast and shit So this is the first one I'm going out in the world and seeing like what would it be like if I had infrastructure? And we get folks at I heart were like do it here so I was like alright so beardless dickless me it's funny I just sit around and try to make her fucking laugh I know some people like it'll fuck you and your happy kid no I think it's that's sweet it is this um thank you man thanks for all the entertainment thanks for all the being yours trying your best to be yourself

Starting point is 02:29:21 through your medium and um, so many people have enjoyed so much of your work over the years. You're like, I'm not one of them, but I appreciate the fact that it exists. We've all enjoyed your work over the years. Dude, you're gonna be in that Next Jay and Son Bob movie. And- Like seriously.

Starting point is 02:29:36 Oh, Selling the Weed. Well, I didn't say that. Don't start writing the part. Okay, sorry. I'll take care of that. No, but you gotta play Jay's brother. I'm telling you, Jay's vibe is so similar. I guarantee you, in the comments, kids in his comments to be like, oh my god fucking you and Jay

Starting point is 02:29:48 Like sometimes you ever watch a movie or TV show and they do like a familial pairing like a mother and daughter You're like that shit is fucking a hundred percent on I put you next to Jay in a movie and you both talk 100% Wow your Jay's long-lost brother who just was raised in the south and shit. Yeah, or your twang is from South Jersey Yeah, I did that joke in the movie. I'll do it again a lot of times people in Louisiana get some people get accused him from Being from New Jersey. Um, thank you so much Kevin. Thank you for having man Thank you for letting me talk as much as I didn't apologies to anybody tuned in to listen to Theo talks I feel like I did mostly talking dude. You know, it's so funny. It's a blessing I was kind of tired today and I'm grateful that that you spoke are you serious yeah fucking so I mean honestly

Starting point is 02:30:27 That's a hundred percent meaningful to me number one. That's fucking crazy real and number two I know what that means as a person who's done this a bunch of shit. It's just like He's coming in all right like I like him and he made clerks all right, but I ain't feeling up to it today So the fact that I was on motormouth, and you were like this works for me 100% anytime you don't feel like working, you want me, I'll just sit here and talk the whole time and you can fucking sit there and be present in the moment and breathe.

Starting point is 02:30:52 And sorry, the AC wasn't working. The coldest thing in here. It wasn't? It wasn't, the coldest thing in here is that Celsius cooler. Are you kidding me? We had it open earlier. That's the coldest and the coolest thing fucking in here.

Starting point is 02:31:02 Actually, you're the coolest thing in here, fucking Celsius cooler, second coolest thing. Well, you you're the coolest thing in here fucking Celsius cooler second coolest well You're cool, too, man. Thanks. I did that. I said it just so you would say that back on Kevin Smith That shit putting on my Instagram the Avon said I was cool Thanks, brother I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones

Starting point is 02:31:35 But it's gonna take a little

This Past Weekend - E531 Kevin Smith

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