This Past Weekend - E544 Matt McCusker
Episode Date: November 11, 2024Matt McCusker is stand-up comedian, podcaster and writer. He co-hosts “Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast” and you can check out his full length special “Speed of Light” on YouTube Theo heads t...o Austin and Matt McCusker returns to talk about their reactions to the 2024 election, Matt’s future goal of becoming a school security guard, and the time his dog ate magic mushrooms. Matt McCusker: https://www.instagram.com/mccuskermatthewj/ Matt’s tour dates: https://mattmccusker.com/dates/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ ShipStation: Get a 60-day free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/theo. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Liquid IV: Go to http://liquidiv.com and use code THEO to get 20% off your first order. BlueChew: Go to http://bluechew.com and use code THEO to get your first month free - just pay $5 shipping. Shopify: Go to http://shopify.com/theo to sign up for a $1-per-month trial period. Special thanks to Media Pouch: https://mediapouch.com/ ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Cam https://www.instagram.com/cam__george/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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I'm off set.
I went to a steam room today. Did you really? Yeah. Just steam. It wasn't anything else? Yeah, you've been in there? I've been in that. Is it like a just a steam room or like attached to a gym?
Oh, no, it's attached to the gym. It's like in the bathroom or whatever. There's like a room of, yeah, it's in testing.
It's intense. I thought you said you went to a specific place called the steam room.
Like it was a new thing. That's just a, you walk in, it's just steamy as hell.
I wonder if there would ever, I wonder if that'd be a good business.
If you had like a, another business that also at the same time was a steam room.
Like I'm saying, yeah.
Get your haircut and just sweat.
Yeah.
So you are like a radio shack, you know.
Oh, that'd be nice.
And they're like trying to look at batteries.
They could have stayed in business.
Oh, if they just cranked up the steam.
Well, radio check was it was almost like where you almost just go there
to get asked the guy a question and you would leave.
It became that place after a while.
It did. Once the Internet came out, you know, what kind of battery
I need for this?
And you'd be like, all right, right on.
Get Amazon and be like, right nice.
Yeah, you'd even buy it in front of them.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what Best Buy kind of is too.
Yeah.
They don't know shit at Best Buy.
Like what kind of camera do I, they're like, oh.
I like, they, the last couple of times I went to Best Buy
to ask about like cords and shit,
they're just like, I don't really know, man.
I'm like, all right, dude, what, alright dude What's the point of this place?
Yeah, it's kind of bullshit. Yeah, they don't know and then they'll walk over to another guy
That's the craziest thing. I'm like, let me ask my uh, and they'll be like a co-worker or whatever
And then they'll go over there and then the people will just start laughing or the guy was slipping out
And then they'll just walk out of the place. You're like, it is so it's sad man
Last time I went to Best Buy, it was just two dudes.
One guy was struggling at a cash register.
He didn't even have the uniform on.
And then two other guys were just talking.
And it was like 10 minutes of people
just watching this guy struggle.
And I was like, yo, can you guys come help?
And they were like, yeah, man, I guess.
And he's walked over.
I'm like, all right, well, it's crazy.
Customer service dipped during COVID.
It's over now. That's a great point, huh? Yeah, well, it's crazy. Customer service dipped during COVID, it's over now.
That's a great point, huh?
Yeah, well, we told them they were heroes.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, they called them all frontline workers and stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, and a lot of them were,
a lot of them were not heroes.
I mean, some of them were, I guess.
I guess, actually, if you're,
DoorDash was the heroes, for sure.
Nurses, remember they were crying and everything they were scared they were well yeah they
actually did suck to be a nurse because you were they were in like they were in
grounds nobody knew really what it was right so being around it all the time
would suck you had like hold your breath the whole time I wouldn't I would try to
breathe as like you know as least as possible yeah oh that's a good point
yeah you're yeah you're just talking to somebody really fast like that.
You're like, I gotta get,
I gotta put this talk, I gotta get out of the room.
Yeah.
Yeah, that'd be nuts, man.
Yeah, dude, I wonder if there'd be a good steam,
like if you could double, you know,
cause I like double style businesses like that.
For sure.
You know, like a shoe store, but also what?
The shoe store, barbershop. I'm gonna keep using barbershop. That was your thing. Yes. Yeah
They come bring you a new pair of shoes and you're like, dude
I might as well walk out of here with a fresh haircut and fresh shoes. Yeah, double businesses are a good idea
I didn't think about that time for it. It is it's time dog grooming and maybe
Sporting goods or whatever. There you go, or jujitsu.
Ooh, yeah.
You just tussle a little bit while your dog's getting.
Yeah.
Do you do jujitsu?
I don't do it anymore, man.
You did it for a while?
I'll go back and do it once I'm done touring.
I just kept getting hurt.
That's the problem with it.
It's like I did it for a while and it's just like,
yeah, your back gets fucked up and you're like,
then at the end of it too, it's like I could just get a gun
yeah like you know it's like you could just defend yourself
yeah yeah you could I mean that's the new jiu-jitsu a gun I guess yeah but it's like I wonder you know
sometimes I wonder like if um uh if I guess if I had a superpower maybe it would be I'd want to
do jiu-jitsu I'd want to want to know every jujitsu be nasty at it
I mean just fucking gift wrap a dude true
It's a lot better to if you're like a restaurant to like
Choke a guy out in front of everyone and just like shoot him in the face. Yeah, no one's gonna be like dude nice
That was awesome. Yeah, and it's a mess. You got a clean up get a weight around
Yeah, just spray somebody's brains everywhere people are gonna be like dude. That was kind of aggressive. That was kind of aggro
I'm like, God, God, Carl.
Yeah, bro, that'd be a good superpower, I think,
to just know everything, it was in you.
What would you have, you think,
if you had a superpower, you think?
Fly.
Really?
Yeah, I'd fly.
That'd be awesome.
Would it, though?
Dude, have you even stuck your head out of a window
when you're going super fast?
Yeah, I'd be chill about it.
Dude, imagine if I floated into this room
and sat in the chair.
Dude, those things are tough, dude.
Are they?
I was struggling earlier.
You gotta use your shirt.
You gotta, I'm so happy I didn't do that on camera.
You gotta use your shirt.
I was in there, dude, struggling.
Hold on, dude, stop, bro.
That water's not for weaklings, dude.
Ugh.
This thing's broken, huh? It's crazy. I had to put it on my shirt and just fucking wrench it. God
that would be my superpower I think we'd be able to get in here. No I think my superpower,
hold on a second. I'll do it and I'll take a second. You got that. That's a dangerous angle to open water dude.
That's a dangerous angle to open water, dude. Ooh.
Dude, that angle might've helped, bro.
A lot of when you lock your hips in, dude.
Very arm bar.
True, that's what I did too.
But yeah, my superpower, I think mine would be
if you went into the bathroom not being able to know
if somebody had pooped in there recently.
That would be nice.
Be able to find, it was like when,
you know when you take a dump, it doesn't smell.
You had that for everybody.
But it's like the second you walk into a bathroom,
you can tell if somebody dumped recently,
if somebody with perfume did dump.
Oh, you want to know if they dumped or not know?
I don't want to not know.
I don't want to know anything.
So that'd be my superpower to not have,
because you can't trick your mind to not know.
True, but if the seat's warm, you're going to be like,
that's the worst, and you sit down at like an airport bathroom and the seat's 98.6 degrees and you're like fuck dude dude
fuck man well and some people do dumps right onto they won't even flush the toilet at an
airport or whatever i know they'll do dumps right on the pee oh yeah i actually i've come around i
shit on planes now uh-uh no you have, because otherwise you're going to fart, like a coward, and stink the whole plane up.
So now I do the valiant thing, I walk by everyone,
I sit down there for like 15 minutes,
and they all know what I did.
Do you take a newspaper with you?
I will take my book.
If I'm reading a book, I'll take a book with me,
and I'll just, I'm trying to get this,
they gotta really just get rid of the stigma,
because it's like, dude, otherwise you're just going to
fart silently and just ruin the whole flight.
Yeah.
Which I also do sometimes, but it's like I now I'm like no, this is, this is juvenile. I gotta go like a man and shit on this plane.
I'll be back in a little bit.
Just right next from the stewardess. Yeah, I'll be back.
Do you tell, yeah, that's crazy. If you tell the person next to you like, I'll be back in a little bit. Hold my calls if you say that.
Like yo man, I've been farting my ass off. I'm gonna go take a shit now just so you know,
I don't want to cause you any more grief. But yeah, dude, everyone thinks I'm crazy for
shitting on planes, but it's like it's the righteous move. Yeah, I never thought I like,
I don't know. It's kind of liberating. It's liberating once you're like, I don't need to hold
this. I gotta get, this is totally normal. Natural. Like everyone has to take a shit right now. What's
crazy to me is talking to somebody and trying to guess if they have like poop
in their body at that moment or not.
It makes me so feel uncomfortable.
It's like, just tell me.
Yeah, true.
You know, if somebody has, are you, can you,
like I know some people who can't hold it in at all.
I can hold it in.
I can hold it in for like a disturbingly long period of time,
but now I'm like, why would I do that?
Well, some people poop every day.
I do.
You don't poop every day?
No way, you do?
Multiple. I definitely once. Multiple times? poop every day. No way you do multiple
I you definitely want multiple times twice. Yeah, definitely. Oh my gosh, dude
Every day, huh? Do you sleep outdoors on a phone?
Definitely once sometimes twice.
Oh my god, how much do normal people...
It's three times a day, three times a week. That's what I do three times a week.
Okay, it's three times a day, two, three times a week.
Wait, so how?
So we're both in, I guess, the range. I didn't know people were doing it multiple...
That's crazy. Fucking, what are you doing? You're wasting...
How much of your life... How long does it take to even do a poop on average?
It depends if I'm really... You do you're wasting how much of your life how long does it take to even do a poop on average?
It depends if I'm really if I'm like on my phone I can you know I could sit there literally forever
But I mean come on man 12 seconds on average a bowel movement takes about 12 seconds
That's what I'm gonna. I'm gonna show my wife that next time she's on the seat like bro
You got 12 seconds get the fuck back in there with these kids. They're no shit breaks
Oh my god, so it's more of a rodeo than it is,
really, like a relaxing thing.
I guess, who made poops relaxing?
Somebody hit him with the max.
Maximum 10 to 15 minutes.
12 seconds is crazy, dude.
12 seconds is crazy.
Who could even do 12 seconds?
Oh, that guy that um who's that bull rider
damn look they say it's relaxing because it stimulates the vagal nerve
you got if you ride a bull you could probably poop very fast there you go
jb moni right there jb money what how they say it mooney i don't know what's his deal he's like
the number one bull rider yeah he passed away passed away though. Did he really? Yeah
What'd he die from? I'm not sure. Yo, what's he say? Is he uh, oh never mind. He's on Instagram. He's good
Okay, he's not dead. Yeah, my bad. He was sitting on another cowboy's lap. I'm not I don't care. No, he's a bull rider
He doesn't do whatever he wants, but look after you've written about I think
Being gay is easy
Look, after you've ridden a bull, I think being gay is easy. True, true, true.
That is true.
Yeah, after you've ridden a bull,
being gay has got to be like, that's child's for children.
Eat a piece of cake.
That is true.
Being gay after bull riding,
gay sex, just staying on the back of a dude.
You couldn't get that guy off.
He'd be trying to buck him off you.
He'd be no problem.
God.
He'd be spinning around on you. He'd be like, dude, get off me. Yeah, he'd be trying to buck him off you he'd be no problem. God be spinning around on you. Did you get off? Yeah
He's guessing your weight while you're fucking
That's crazy though, so you were yeah, I usually I you will usually
Poop two three times a week Monday Wednesday Friday. I was about to say Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
Yeah, I'm everyday bro, I'm everyday.
Weekends too?
If I miss, for sure.
That's when I really chill.
But if it's like, yeah.
It's your weekend, your shit.
Definitely dude.
Oh my God bro.
I look forward, it's such a like a relax.
The one thing I will say,
have you ever shit while you're really stoned?
That's uncomfortable. I've done that before, like I've taken like a strong weed edible and you have to take a dump in
The middle of it and it's just like it's the worst. I think it's the worst part of it. Oh, that seems crazy
It's very wretched. Yeah, you get like very much like kind of like, you know, you feel like an animal and you're like
What am I doing? Yeah, I'm just taking a gross shit and you're high. It's not good. Yeah, it makes me sad
Yeah, it is. It literally just makes you sad. You're like high you think everything's cool and you take it's disgusting shit
Well, imagine yeah, say if you some people used to get their pets high or whatever, you know
And then watching your dog like my buddy's uh, it would get his dog high
I guess I think this is when it was legal or something
And he would get it high and then it would start to poop and it would fall over it would just
It couldn't even um, it fucks their legs up. Yeah when dogs eat weed it fucks their legs up. They mushrooms their sharpest tacks really
Yeah, my inadvertently my dog ate a little bit of mushrooms one time. No problem. Yeah
No, this is back in Philly. He had a little bit of weed one time and he was
He couldn't walk. Yeah, I said I hold him and just you know, we spent like we just like watch the movie
I watch the movie and just held him. Oh, that's cool. Weed is not good for dogs mushrooms. I just had to hold him. And just, you know, we spent like, we just like watched a movie. I watched a movie and just held him.
Oh, that's cool.
The weed is not good for dogs.
Mushrooms, I would argue.
Yeah.
He was chilling.
And it would be great to see
if dogs started using shrooms or whatever,
just to see how they kind of started
to put new things together.
That would be pretty fascinating.
Dude, I will say he was kind of more well-behaved.
I could just be me, but he like never listened.
And he inadvert, it was like an accident.
I had like, I made, put something in a little tea bag
and I threw it in the trash and he just ate the tea bag.
I was like, shit.
And I just let him outside and he just zoomed around
and went back in.
I was like, all right.
That's pretty cool.
How do dogs do on mushrooms?
Can we bring that up actually?
I can't believe this isn't a huge study or something.
We did, they get into edibles all the time.
That is like for real problem.
Yeah, there's always that stone kid in your high school
who used that laser and he's like, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it's really, once you like, yeah, it's,
okay, that's toxic.
Funny doggy psychoactive shrooms.
There you go.
Oh, this guy looks like he's struggling.
This guy looks like he's not having a good time.
Whoa, bro.
He might've done a heroic dose.
This little mixed fella is fucking, wow, bro.
Dude, that's like your marriage, dude.
That's awesome, dude.
Shortly after this, I rushed him to the vet.
Oh my God, what was his name?
Roxy had found wild shrooms growing.
This guy's such a liar.
No, they didn't.
Yeah. Whoa.
How the fuck did the vet realize that?
There he goes.
Wow, bro.
Oh no.
Super attentive.
See, my dog was, my dog might have microdosed though,
so maybe it was just more kind of chilling.
This person filming him, that's so wicked.
She didn't seem afraid.
She seemed to be afraid of fact the opposite.
She seemed to be enjoying the experience.
Alright.
I mean, maybe so.
But this kind of shows you if humans,
like some people say that there's the stoned ape theory or whatever, you know,
that if that humans ate, that apes ate mushrooms and that's how we eventually evolved,
you could start to see it with this dog.
Like, damn.
This dog is on to something. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I think there is something to that though with this dog like, yeah. This dog is onto something. Yeah.
Yeah, dude, I think there is something to do that though,
the stoned ape theory.
I don't think it's that crazy.
Because our brain size, I don't know if it doubled.
It grew very quickly out of nowhere.
Did it really?
Yeah.
Back in the day, our brains were small and out of nowhere,
they were just, pssh.
And they fattened in it.
So they don't know why it happened.
Really?
No idea.
I guess they looked at skull sizes and they were like, damn. Let's see it. Yes,'t know why it happened. Really? I guess they looked at like skull sizes and
let's see it. Yes something happened where our brains just went nuts. According to current
understanding the human brain roughly doubled in size over a period of around two million years.
There we go. With the most rapid expansion happening between 800,000 and 200,000 years
ago marking a significant brain boom. I think if dogs been around forever. Are their brains growing too?
It's a great question. Have dogs brains evolved?
Human brains have tripled in size since the beginning of the human family tree,
which dates back around 7 million years ago. Wow. So our brains are getting bigger.
See, this for me ties straight into believing. If you look at an alien, right,
your usual picture of an alien, it's this body that has no definition.
Yep. Huge head.
Exactly. It's like that's all eventually.
That's what we'll turn into.
We are. It's like this.
You don't need to use any muscle.
Everything's there.
Just machine comes into your body through a tube leaves out.
You don't have to poop three times a week and or day and on weekends.
That's a probably pretty regular though.
Aliens. No, you definitely. That's like probably, they're probably pretty regular though. Aliens?
No, definitely not.
That's like, you know, sloths shit like once a month.
No way.
They come down from the tree and they just shit every 30
days, like a enormous pile of shit.
Must take an hour, bring it up.
Takes a while.
It's pretty funny.
They come down real slow.
Once a week, my bad, my bad.
So let's use YouTube once a week.
Now that makes sense.
Daily, women slosh daily when they're in heat. I must be in heat then.
That's probably why I'm dumping all the time. I'm so damn horny.
Because I wonder if there's like, yeah, I wonder if there's, if your body wants to have poop in it or doesn't.
Doesn't, yeah, I would say not. I would say it doesn't.
It's, I mean, you feel so much better.
When you don't have it in you?
How does it feel?
So the fact that you do that every couple days,
is that kind of like beating off where it feels great?
Like if you hold it in for three days?
Well, it definitely feels more of like
an organized crime, you know?
Really?
Yeah, it's like more, it's just not,
you're not just fucking showing up and just,
it's not like just like just spraying bullets in the air. You know, it feels like more. It's just not you're not just fucking showing up. It's not like it's like just spraying bullets.
It feels like you just got that fucking John Wilkes poop.
You know, you fucking rolled up with one fucking purpose.
So it's just like you'll be very organized, very Japanese almost. Really?
Yeah. You feel a coming.
You're like, I knew this moment. Yes.
Fucking yeah. It's like you paid extra for the wrapping.
It's like it's just very. Feels like how coming, you're like, I knew this moment would arrive. Yes, fucking yeah. It's like you paid extra for the rapping.
It's like, it's just very,
feels like how it's supposed to happen.
Not somebody the second they get a bullet in the gum,
they just fucking do this.
Not like as soon as you wake up every day?
Yeah, they just spray it at the neighbors.
I will say waking up in the middle of the night
and having to shit is upsetting.
Oh, dude, that I've done.
Because then you're in total darkness
and then you have to like turn on the light
That's terrible wouldn't make it because all you have to do is go back to sleep. You do not have to yeah
Nothing in the world is saying hey poop now save yourself some time or whatever like
You can just you're saying it's like a life hack to shit
That's what some people think
They think it's a life hack.
I'm like, what?
It is not a life hack.
Well, I've tried to ignore it, but it's like, you know,
you can ignore, you can like wake up and you're like,
oh, I kind of got to pee, but you're like, ah, I'm good.
Then you wake up and like your side fucking hurts
and you're like, oh shit.
But if you try to hold it and dump and go to sleep,
it's like, you just got to get out of bed.
Well, but the crazy thing is sometimes you'll get up,
something you'll see, you sit down, right?
You sit down. And then the problem is you start to doze off, right? That's the worst. So Elvis died
Yeah, yeah, he just does awful shitting. He died. Well doze and
Dangerous when you shit while you're sleeping
Yeah, it is it's just socks you like Especially when you turn the lights on from pitch blackness, you just like, you see like the veins in your thighs and shit.
Very sad.
Yeah it's disgusting.
It's very sad and then here's the worst thing that can happen to you.
You know there's a video of a guy like his house caught on fire or something, he was on the toilet.
But his legs had fallen asleep and so then he tries to run out and he can't
Yeah, just you serious that that happens a lot if you're sitting there for a long time your legs will fall asleep
Yeah, that that is a problem. Yeah, I've really I got a nasty hemorrhoid one time. I'm sorry the subject
Yeah, this is we never yeah, we we don't talk about this kind of stuff much
So I think it's okay. We should talk about it more because people should be okay talking about it's not crazy
Yeah, it happens all the time. This is actually important
I thought you could just sit on the toilet forever and just like scroll your phone and kind of like hide from your family
But I got a hemorrhoid and dude that I
Looked it up and like if you sit there for too long, so I like to read and stuff on the toilet now
That's why I'm all business. I'm in and out. It's like dude those things suck
Okay, and they come from sitting there too long. Well, yeah your body
it's crazy because your body literally wants to get out of your ass
which is like
It's it's like you would think your body's happy like the insides of you, but they're like nah now dude
It's non-stop come they're just peeking around the corner. Yeah, your body never gets a break you sleep
Thank God, but your cells are still moving a brain. You know, you're it never gets a fucking true rest. That's true, man
It's kind of bullshit. Yeah, man. I I couldn't believe um
Yeah, I guess I just I guess I just I can't believe how much some people do because to me
Pooping feels like you have to earn it. Yeah, you know if you're just
If somebody just you know, yeah, I'll go shit or whatever. I got some time to kill it. It's great
That is true you got a way to argue there, you know, no, I'll go shit or whatever. I got some time to kill it That is true you got a way to are you there, you know, no, you're absolutely right
Franz Ferdinand or whatever you like the prince of
Royals or whatever like what are you even I used to be able to pee
I think I can still do it. I can pee at any time. I can make myself pee
At any point any point I can get pee out of it.
It's weird.
So somebody runs up, gun to the head, pee now.
Dude, I literally, I, so when I was little,
I was like down the beach with like my cousins and stuff,
and we were like out of bed, we were like real little.
We were fucking around, we were supposed to be in bed,
we were just running around, and my uncle came down,
he's like, I told you guys to go to bed,
and I was like, oh, I gotta pee, and I didn't have to pee.
He's like, prove it.
And he made me and my cousin fucking pee.
And I fucking was just like, well, see.
And I just peed and ever since I just known how to do it.
It was like, you know.
It's your superpower.
It is my superpower.
I can pee at any time.
That's awesome.
It was like, dude, my uncle was like,
it was like a fucking like a probation officer.
He was like, go ahead and pee.
And I had to like put my back to him.
And I was like, come on, come on come on come on I was pumped
dude I would always get nervous in the locker room or whatever that my penis
wasn't good or whatever yeah and cuz my brother also is an asshole he took a
marker and write like not good next to my penis I was like what an asshole I
was always like super paranoid you know but I would always like try to like
shake it against my leg to get it fired
Yeah, I turn around in the locker room or whatever. Yeah. No, let's do that's that's a real thing though
If you had a rest stop, I don't know why but when you're peeing
You can kind of like peripherally see other dicks like like just out like the very corners of your eye and they always look just
Enormous every single time. I don't know if you've ever encountered that. Yeah, I don't have I don't get that I
Got a crazy peripheral really and I'm just tormenting it dude. I'm paying I'm like, oh my god, just hogs everywhere
It's just wild razorback fans, it's just wild hug Bill Clinton
I just always pull my balls up to it a year and so if anyone catches me they're like shit
Well, it should be where you squeeze your balls that stuff goes in your wiener makes it bigger
You know what God should have done. That would be good design. Absolutely. Yeah
Your balls school like I always wanted to stack my balls. I always wish that they were um
Squared or whatever
Agree when you mean business, you're like, all right motherfucker stacking them up. I'll be nice
Yeah, it's a problem that he's stacking in a sack right now.
So he's about to get an ass whooping.
And then I'm going to go shit this weekend.
Stacking up to be nice.
He's stacking your nuts to take a shit.
Overungle's like, Pete, right now, you're like, or check this out.
You stack your nuts.
You can go drink a beer with me.
That was an architect, didn't he?
God, wow. You can come drink a beer with me dude. That fellow's an architect, isn't he? Goddamn. Wow.
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Happy anniversary, dude. Thank you, man. You just had a five-year anniversary. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you
Did you guys do something special for it? How does that kind of work? Do you feel like you have to?
No, I don't but you know
I'm not really like the I'm not big on
Milestones and stuff, you know, obviously we like we did something, I don't know what we did.
I think we went out to dinner,
but no, we didn't really do anything that crazy.
10 maybe we'll do something cool.
But especially with little kids, it's like,
you can't really do, we can't go on a trip.
I mean we could, but it's like,
it's just a pain in the ass.
You're going for two days, you're freaking out.
So yeah, we just chilled, man.
We're just five years trying to do five more.
That's all it is.
Does it feel, did it feel kind of exciting?
Did you have a moment for yourself
where you were like, wow, it's pretty cool?
Well, to be fair, I originally,
I thought we had been together for 10 years total.
So I originally was like together 10 years,
marriage for five, and she's like,
dude, we've been together for nine years.
I was like, right on, right on.
So I was kind of stoked.
I was like, damn, it's like the longest relationship
I've ever been in.
Yeah. I was like, that's kind of sick.'m gonna be telling me that yeah, it's cool. Yeah five years of marriage is very um
That's a big deal now. Oh, yeah, there's the five
They claim that the the true power struggle lasts for five the first five years are a giant power struggle
Where you both try to like, you know
Who's who gets to say this who gets it like there's a million little things you have to like hammer out Agreements on like how full like it's it might be in silly. It's like how full should the trash get should you put this stuff away?
You know there's just a bunch of sure I can only imagine that and you have a power struggle who gets to say what and you know
So it's like I think it's I think it's kind of real because it has subsided a lot
Terms of like just bickering over stupid shit. Do you look forward to seeing your wife when you get home and stuff?
I do I look forward to seeing her the kids
Especially if they go away. Yeah, dude. There's a there's a post that's we were that's you. Yeah, bro
That's what I was a bad boy back there. Oh my god. That's what that was us now. There you go. Look at that, dude
That's cool. But yeah, the kids the kids are the big ones man
They run and give you a big hug
but it's like it's just nice to have like the central unit every day to go back to
Is there ever moments where the kids favor one or the other and that hurts your feelings?
All the time, all the time.
Oh, bro.
All the time.
I see it all the time.
That would break my heart.
When they're really little, they don't want anything to do with the dad for the most part,
which is like, all right, I could deal with that.
And now they're like, they're rolling meal, but they'll go back and forth between like
who they want to put them to bed.
And honestly though, when they're like, we want mommy to put us to bed and forth between like who they want to put them to bed and honestly though
And they're like we want mommy to put us to bed
I'm like, you know, I'm like whatever right but I could they would do that
They would like they're all about me for a while and I could see it would like hurt my wife's feelings a lot
Yeah, but then they always switch back eventually they'll be like fuck you. We want mom and it's like if one of us are away
They want the other one. Yeah, it's like the portal in the football or whatever the way like we're I'm hitting the portal
I'm going to mom. Yeah for real, but she's got an IL lunchables over here as long as you're together
I think it's you know, it's cool
But like the separating man that's such a nightmare to navigate it seems like cuz then it's like you have two different houses
You know, and I know myself I'd make my house more fun than hers. So you start doing that shit
Oh, yeah, I'm getting big speakers and shit. It'd be so nasty dude.
But it's also like, yeah, it's just hard.
Like yeah, I think, what is it, like 40,
I think divorce is actually going down
but it's still like 45% of marriages get divorced.
That's crazy, what is it?
Yeah, I want, do you have a key you feel like?
Oh, let me see.
In the United States, the percentage of marriages
that end in divorce varies by the number of times a couple has been married. Interesting.
This is my second too, so I'm not, the odds are not in my favor.
Wow. So first marriage is 41% of first marriages end in divorce. Second marriage is 60%. Third
marriage is 73%.
Yeah. Fourth marriage is just a man.
Yeah.
Fourth marriage is 100% of the time. Yeah, man. What were you
asking if there's any secrets? If you have a secret, do you have something that you feel
like you've kind of honestly learned or like you've been like, this helps or this is something
that I had to adjust about myself or anything like that. Yeah, for me it's like, I can only speak for myself, but it's like, and I think you could say to other
people, but it's like you, as a person, you have massive blind spots as like the stuff you do.
That's like not great. And it takes a lot when you get input on those things. It's so easy to be like,
fuck you, shut up. You don't know what you're talking about
but over time it can almost like
Give you insight into aspects of yourself that you're like
Yeah, I could probably change this a little bit or even in like the heat of arguments. I'll hear something she'll say and in my head I'll before I even have time. I'll be like fuck that that's bullshit. Then there'll be a part of my brain
We're like fuck that's kind of valid, but I'll be like fuck this. I'm not losing this argument
So you start to like get better at like being like you're right that was fucked up with me
And then also like you have to be like but this is something you know so it's just like
Learning how to communicate and in order to communicate you got to take in a lot of like kind of bad stuff about yourself
Without like completely just getting floored to level 10, but you don't even realize is happening right that makes sense
We I guess you have somebody that you, I guess you were like,
OK, I trust my spouse.
I care about them.
So I'm going to listen to some of their feedback.
Yeah.
And it's one of those, especially if you're simultaneously
bothering each other, you're programmed
to be like, the thing you're doing
is worse than the thing you think I'm doing.
And you have to take perspective and be like, all right,
that's valid.
And it literally feels like you're moving like an 800 pound stone to just be like all right
Maybe that is something annoying I do maybe that is a personal weakness of mine
It's just fucking hard, but you learn how to do. I think it helps in the long run. Yeah, but you know it's just like
There's just so many facets to it then you have kids
Then it's like well who gets to dictate like the philosophy of the house and the flow of thing
It's just a fucking lot, dude.
It's just.
Yeah, do you have to have conversations like about that kind of stuff?
All the time.
You have to talk about that kind of stuff all the time.
And it's like, how do we, how should we parent?
Yeah.
Wow.
That's cool though.
And you can't do it in front of the kids, but then you're as it's going on, right.
Every cell in your body is like, say it now and you have to sit there and wait.
And then like, there's never a good time.
So then it's nighttime.
It's like right before bed.
Like something that actually bothered me today. It's like, that's not a good time. It's nighttime, it's like right before bed. Something that actually bothered me today,
it's like that's not a good time.
You can't do it first thing in the morning.
And you can't do that thing where you're just quiet
in the room but being loud but being quiet.
You ever do that shit?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I'm the king of that.
Yeah.
I'll lay down and just be like,
oh, what's the matter?
Be like nothing.
Just wait for three days.
I'm like actually what was bothering me the other day?
You've been fucking just picking your skin off in the garage,
fucking drinking PBRs back there.
God, dude, yeah, that's so wild.
Being loud but being quiet is the craziest behavior
in the world. Oh, it's insane.
If I see someone else do it, I'm like,
what, are you fucking crazy? But I'll definitely be like,
and sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it. I'll get into bed and just be like, I'll hear like, what's the matter?
I'm like, why? She's like, you just sighed heavily. And I'm like, did I?
So yeah, it's a it's good. You know what I mean? It's it's one of those things you don't know because it's like,
it's like you hear like, whatchamacallit,
like it's not a slam on Matt Reif, he had that special red flags and it's not like that
taps into a big thing of like online dating, all the stuff where it's like if anyone exhibits
any sign of weakness, that's a red flag abandon ship immediately. But everybody has them and
eventually you got, and again I'm not slamming the Reif man for that, which is he's tapping
into like popular consciousness of the young online data totally but it's like this like red flag philosophy is like everybody is red flags
Exactly. What are you gonna do? Now? You're just everybody's like fuck everybody
Yeah, not everybody's fucking dope as hell, dude. Everyone's got fucking major issues going on
You think everybody's spuds McKinsey or whatever?
Yeah, dude, it's like
That's that's the thing where it's like you have to like, you know, and I think couples counseling is a great thing Do you think everybody spuds McKinsey or whatever? You're out of your mind.
That's the thing where it's like, you have to like,
you know, and I think couples counseling is a great thing.
A lot of people are like, it's a fucking waste of time.
If you got to do that, it's already over.
And it's like, I think it's great.
Isn't it, it's the best thing when you're arguing,
it's like, I'm the boss, I'm the boss, and you just clash.
You give the authority to another figure.
And then it's like like when you do couples counseling
If your wife's right it gets to like kind of instead of like hitting you like a laser beam it goes to that person
They kind of can relate. It's like the I don't know how to explain it, but it's like every now and again
Another person with you know with like degrees and shit with big actually your husband's right about this
And you're just like it's like he's a starling kind of yeah, it kind of is yeah
You get to it just I think it's great for people Yeah, and it's like it just helps because it's like you Starlink kind of. It kind of is, yeah. You get to, it just, I think it's great for people.
Yeah.
And it's like, it just helps because it's like,
you don't want to hear it from the other person.
You know what I mean?
Like if like my wife's telling me something,
I'm like, I don't want to hear this shit.
If she tells him and then he tells me,
I'm like, that is actually a fantastic point.
Yeah.
And I'm not trying to be a dick,
it just works.
No, bro, it's got, I mean, people have to,
how do you bridge a topic?
Say there's something you want to talk to your wife about.
How do you kind of do it?
Dude, so I've learned before I would just boil quietly
and then like explode.
Now what I do, I'll wait.
Just like violent Irish, like the Irish hello.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, exactly.
Another fucking thing.
What I do now.
You're fucking freckles of flying across the room. They're just bouncing off each other.
Yeah, the uh...
Well the problem is it's like, alright,
I have a piece of information if I relay it to this person,
they're going to have a big emotional reaction.
That's going to get me all upset.
So I'll just keep it to myself.
So eventually what I learn to do is be like,
I got to tell you something, then this is actually going,
this could potentially get you upset.
So like that way they're not caught off guard, they. They're like that catches them and they're like alright
They have time to prepare themselves. Yeah, and then you hit them with the information rather than this being like
Yeah, that really fucking bothered me the egg three days ago, and that you know, it's like what the fuck is this?
So I you have to like for me
It's like I have to preface the fact that I'm about to bring up something that could be potentially upsetting
That's kind of a good way to do it do to work so much
It works so much good then they. Because then they're also not thinking
that you also wanted to catch me off guard.
And that's two things you're doing.
You're telling them something that's going to upset them,
and then you're also surprising them.
Exactly.
And with this, you're like, I don't know.
It shows you care to be like, hey, I don't want to upset you,
but I have no other choice than to relay this information to you.
So prepare yourself. Now here's the information a thousand percent of the time or it works like a thousand percent better every time
Because it sucks. Yeah, you gotta share stuff constantly back and forth. That's just like not great
And that's why I think it is long term. It's good to be in long-term relationships
I think but it's like everyone's different. That's the other thing. Yeah, so could be fucking, you know, maybe some people might not be the thing
So yes, it's tough to figure out. I mean, I
Don't know anything the question then is like how much flack do you take like how much stress do you take before?
You're supposed to call it quits. There's no real answer on that, right? Like yeah, where do they yeah?
Well, how does that go? Yeah, I'm watching some friends and stuff go through divorces and it's really challenging,
but then I'm also watching friends stay together who are trying to just battle it and figure
it out because that's what they want the story of their life to be, you know?
I think-
That can be terrible too, because that can get to the place where you just- I've been
in houses where it's like the parents fucking hate each other, they don't talk to each other,
that could be even worse, honestly.
Yeah, dude, we had a dude on our street when I was growing up, he tried to burn his family down like three fucking times and his wife stayed with him every time was like
What are you guys doing like that's for real? Yeah, like you are dumb lady
Yeah, he was and everybody knew you know, everybody knew how much he didn't like her
You know, I would say I would say just try to cook the house
I would say I would say just try to cook the house
Fucking a dude, but animals, you know people people are animals, you know raccoons will eat their young
Just so another so they'll go in the heat. So another raccoon will come and have sex with them again. What that's crazy behavior They'll eat their babies get piped down
So that's saying what city this is happening in, but
I'm just saying that yes, dude.
So they'll, for real, that's crazy.
Cause what, just munching your baby puts you in heat?
Yep, male raccoons, also known as boars, can kill a baby raccoon in a practice called infanticide.
This can happen for a number of reasons, including sexual dominance.
Oh, they'll kill, okay, so the mom won't eat it, the dad raccoon will kill the baby so the mom can't come up with any bullshit excuses not to want to make love. Yeah
You think you're fucking just gobble the babies. Oh, we're fucking now
Wow, I know you love this shit
I'm turning this living room into a soup plantation right now
That's bogus. Damn, they're like romantic novels must be crazy too.
Just a fucking cover of a jacked raccoon with a baby in his mouth.
That raccoon that plays dead and he put that broomstick over him to make it look like it
hit him.
You have to find that video, bro.
Unbelievable.
That's crazy.
I didn't know that though um this is the
fuck craziest thing I've ever seen in my life they're so raccoons are rad dude I
love raccoons they're very on yeah they're like fucking mafia squirrels dude
they are serious about yeah the dude their bear family he's crazy yeah keep
looking forward and find it if you can for me
It's a video
Yeah, that sounds awesome
What else been happening man, how's things been I got this auto ring so I've been tracking my biometric data
That's been kind of fun. No, huh? Yeah, it does stress to sleep. It's pretty it's pretty cool. What yeah
I've never even seen that. Yeah, take it off. You can't take it off
Yeah, take it check it out. Take it. Check it out.
So it's just a ring and it brings up the so it tracks your sleep.
It tracks your stress.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, great. Look at this.
The fuck?
This is a couple of minutes long.
Maybe what is that thing?
Yo, that's a good guy, dude.
It's a flying squirrel.
He's.
Dude. That's nuts.
Wow.
And that's on.
Which is what happened.
This is somebody on Craigslist.
Sure.
Do we got the guy from Craigslist coming on?
What? Craig. Do you really?
Yeah, next week. What the hell?
Pretty excited about that. Dude,
you know how many blowjobs that guy's responsible for?
Yeah. Like for real, millions.
That's crazy. Free.
There's gotta be a ton of kids
out there that happen because of him.
Probably do. Yeah, true. I didn't think about that.
Bro, I met a woman once.
We met at a bar, right?
Met her off of personal encounters, whatever.
Met her at a bar, figured it.
I didn't, you know, I figured that if she wouldn't be, who knows?
I figured she might be a man or whatever, but hopefully she wasn't.
Nice. That was kind of my attitude.
And then I go there, bro.
Smoking hot. What? I go there, bro, smoking hot.
What?
I'm like, you got to be kidding me.
This lady's going to kill me or whatever.
Drink my blood or whatever.
Yeah.
So goes back to my place.
She covered anything in my place that had any light closed off, covered
the VCR thing like every in no light at all.
I do that, by the way.
You do?
I don't like fucking lights when I'm sleeping.
I would be like, no, notes of her sex. She did it
Oh, she did for so she knew what the cam probably even I'm just gonna invite somebody were just a fucking
You gotta get to know her dude
Meeting somebody and then letting him sleep here
Dude whose casual encounters dude, that's true. That's pretty casual.
You're right, you're right.
That's what I'm trying to make him feel more than it is.
True.
So she covered every source of light
and then had sex with you?
Yeah.
What did you think about that?
I don't know.
It was, I was willing to do it.
I knew that, but I didn't know much else after.
I just knew it was very interesting.
I couldn't tell if she didn't want to see me,
if she was scared.
Yeah, maybe she was nervous that there was a camera. Yeah, what's what's the if you don't mind me asking?
What's that Craigslist pussy like? Uh, I don't remember it that good. But it was pretty it was fine
I guess it was you know, it was you know norm, you know pretty yeah. Yeah, like
normal by a normal woman
I'm glad that worked out for you
I every time I've I've sold a lot of things on Craigslist just like I've sold cars on Craigslist
I've bought like I think I bought like a game of advanced for my sister on here for Christmas
Do you ever meet anyone to like buy or sell anything?
No, people are get attacked a buddy of mine was buying some walkie talkies are trying to sell some walkie talkie
Then he got fucking jumped. Did he really? Yeah, dude, everyone I've met from Craigslist
I just assume they die like 10 minutes after we meet.
They always seem like they're on their last leg.
Every time I sell someone, I'm like, that guy's definitely dead.
As soon as I like you would buy like a car, I'm like, well, that guy's gone.
That guy had a heart attack in the car.
One time on Craigslist, we were like we had a fireplace.
I remember the first time I'd ever had a fireplace.
So I was like, we got to use this.
Me and my friend were sharing a living room, dude.
It's my buddy's apartment.
So we had like put beds in the living room
and we had a fireplace and they're like,
let's make it nice.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
What's really exciting.
Did you ever tell people that it was your spot
but your boy was just crashing?
Yeah, I'd say he's from the army.
That's how it's done.
Yeah.
Me and my friend shared a bedroom in a college, same thing.
I think I'm like my buddy in that top bunk, man.
Feel bad for the guy.
That's what I would say.
He's on the lead from the army.
And we even had a fake army bag
that was just stuffed with sheets
and we put it by the extra bed.
This is awesome, man.
You look legit.
That's awesome.
But we, so one day we're like,
well, we need firewood, right?
So that's what you have to have.
So we look on the thing, free firewood, right? Or something.
And it's like 13 miles away. We just moved to LA.
It took us an hour and 30 minutes to go get it. It was out like diamond bar.
And we drive all the way out there and it's just like somebody had like
literally taken like a big Schiffer robe or something and just batted it together
with a bat, beating the shit out of an ax. And so it was just chipped up fucking
wood. Right? So it's, we have have we put it into my buddy's fucking hatchback
just fill this thing with wood, bring it all the way back, dude.
We burned all that wood in like 12 years of kindling.
Yeah, it's gone.
It took an entire day.
And that sucks.
Oh, L.A. was so hard in the beginning, man.
We bought a refrigerator off Craig's list. Yeah.
We get it home. This was on my birthday and it wouldn't hard in the beginning man. We bought a refrigerator off Craigslist. Yeah, we get it home
This was on my birthday and it wouldn't go in the fuck
We were literally running against it and trying to push it in dude
I remember leaning against it and just fucking crying dude. I I had to move myself one time and I was trying to get a
Box bring up to the second floor of the bedroom and it same thing
It wouldn't fit and it was I dropped it let it fall floor of the bedroom and same thing, it wouldn't fit.
I dropped it, let it fall and just cried on the step.
It's so frustrating, dude.
Lest we forget.
Dude, just moving and not being able to fit something.
It's like, where am I gonna get another box spring from?
Yeah.
I just am pissed off, I'm carrying this thing by myself.
And you just go clunk and you're like, dude, fuck.
And life just wins and you just can't do it anymore.
Yeah. God. I never got a box spring either. That was just it. you just can't do it anymore. Yeah.
God.
I never got a box spring either.
That was just it.
I just put a mattress down.
I was like, thought I could have a box spring,
be a normal guy.
Yeah.
No, that sucks.
Dude, my buddy, I used to sleep under his bed for a while.
And he would have girls come over
and they'd always go to the restroom or something
before they were going to make out.
And he'd come in there.
He'd wake me up.
And he'd be like, don't fucking up.
But he'd wake me up and tell me to don't wake up. I'll be jacking off
like I
Wasn't gonna wake up. I was being asleep. Yeah, I was like dude. Don't fucking wake up. I got a check over
So you were just fucking like vampire
Bucks a month dude, that's not bad. That was a great deal, man, when I was there.
Were you like, for real, under the bed like a monster,
or was it like a loft kind of thing?
Were you like, how much space did you have?
Like a monster.
How much space did you have?
Just fucking put my hand, just creeps up the edge.
Was it like the loft style set up, and you were just kind of?
No, but it was a nice bed, pretty high bed.
Okay, so you just got to- And so, yeah,, I had probably I would say 20 inches under there. Not bad
You get scared when you woke up. Yeah, probably 19 inches a couple times. Yeah, you
You start to adapt
That makes sense is I only have one experience
I slept at my cousin's house one time when I was little and I slept on the floor
But I like would move around while sleeping I ended up with like half of my body under his bed
And I freaked out when I woke up
So I didn't know where the fuck I was looked up and I was like what the fuck yeah scary
But I must have been sick to be laying under someone having sex like that
Yeah, well it was and I think look he did it cuz he was trying to make sure I knew he was hooking up with chicks
you know, they always like
He always like did that should have gave him a little just so he would know just from the bottom
Mm-hmm. Just push a little with my legs
Leg pressing like a quarter
That would have been I've been righteous to sell that would have been cool. She'd have been like, holy shit
It's a strength of too many
You'd have been like, holy shit, it's a strength of two men. You should have loved it.
Dude.
Dude, anybody that has sex for more than probably
six or seven minutes is out of their fucking mind, right?
It's ridiculous, man.
Thank you.
I'm praying about this.
I'm like, even to say it, I felt afraid to say it.
No, I used to live, me and Brittany lived below a couple
and the guy would just, for fucking like 40 minutes,
just be like, uh, uh, uh, and it was just never ending. We'd be like, dude, come on, man. and Brittany live below a couple and the guy would just for fucking like 40 minutes
And it was just never-ending we'd be like dude come on man. This isn't even sexy anymore
It was just like dude. What are you doing? Yeah? It's all yeah, it's like. What are you doing? What is it? Yeah, just go to anything else. Yeah, I agree. I it's I
Mean if you really get after it minutes, top 12 minutes is crazy.
Yeah. On a par like on a red, um, six. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. One, two is like understandable.
Yeah. It happens.
You have to definitely. Yeah. I would get so nervous. Sometimes I would get off it. I was like, what was that? I'd run out of there. Just shit like, you know, oh, you hear that or something? I'd run out of there just shit like you know oh you hear that or something I'd run out of the fucking room or something
Wait, what do you mean like if I would you get you know ejaculate early or whatever? Oh true?
You feel that earthquake what the fuck was that?
Ten minutes later with my clothes on just not even anything although. I feel like women secretly
I mean not even secretly they'd much prefer that than like if you just couldn't finish
It devastates women you can't finish dude. They
You know good people like saying guys are bad being like well folks you didn't come but like a dude if a dude doesn't
Come ever like women women will implode, but that's I think the new move is not like just coming for just fall like
Just party coming or whatever like people are just coming for fun. I think that's kind is not like just coming for just fun, like just party coming or whatever.
Like people are just coming for fun. I think that's kind of those days are over.
Yeah. I mean, you mean like personally or just kind of like in the whole thing?
I think so for me. Yeah. It's like, I want to just, I want to be the guy that kind of,
you know, ejaculates like with a purpose or whatever.
Yeah, build it up.
Is that great? What the fuck am I talking about? Dude? No, that's that's insane
I think I'm Steven Douglas. I know I have the same
The same fantasy though where I'm like I'm gonna really like dial it in and yeah
I'll be like tired before bed and it's like I'm gonna beat off even though I'm not horny. That's where I'm at
Oh, you're not even you don't even want to but that's sick Let me that's abuse really it is and it feels like abuse. Yeah, you finish and you're like I didn't need to do that
That was it's crazy. Yeah, you feel so much shame
I feel a ton of shame happens for me from watching porno. Yeah and watching myself jerk myself off watch
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's
Jerk I don't mind jerking off its pornography for some reason like when it's over and I'm still watching and I'm just like
If I can do like a memory beat those I feel pretty guilt-free. Yeah, I went out in the shower just kind of
Did I had a blind dude that live with us for a bit and we would fucking I saw him watching
Hand porn or whatever. It's called. No
reading like Braille erotica
Craziest thing ever, man.
Really beautiful, really, I mean,
gay, I don't know, I mean like, yeah,
I mean it wasn't gay, it was like, you know,
but it was pretty cool, it was like,
trying to think of what movie you're reminding me of.
The Braille's are shaped like boobs
and you're just going, oh fuck dude.
Well it was getting pretty crazy
You know crazy, but it's just interesting to see you know, it's almost like watching the nature channel
Yeah, that's kind of not. Oh, there you go. The Braille Superstore romance. Oh, dude. I
Want to learn Braille just so I can do this. Oh, yeah, the love hypothesis damn Their titles are very like poetic it ends with us. with us. Turn around and let me see that sexy body go boom boom boom.
That's stupid. No, that was pretty sick. Lessons in chemistry, crash and burn. These titles are good. Oh, the Manning sisters.
What are they doing? That's probably about Eli and Payton getting a trans surgery.
Dude, does Eli, does he just get carried along by Payton? Is Payton the one with all the pizzazz and Eli just gets kind of carried off?
Well didn't Eli win? Did Eli win or my, Peyton definitely won Super Bowls, but I thought Eli won one.
Eli won one, yeah, with the Giants. He beat the Pets.
And Peyton what, Peyton won two?
That's a good question. He won with Denver, didn't he? Yeah.
I think so. Oh yeah, he he did he did cuz I would have thought
Peyton was definitely the guy but apparently Eli was kind of nasty as well. Oh, we love was pretty wild man
Yeah, Eli is definitely uh
Funnier to be around when I'm around the two of them really haven't been around him much. Yeah, that sounds like humblebraggin
It's not no, but Peyton went to duty. So you see him sometimes like in
in Nashville or in Tennessee Went to duty so you see him sometimes like in in
Nashville or in Tennessee
Pete Payne's a great actor. He's good in those commercials, but he actually yeah, he's pretty he also he probably whooped Eli's ass, dude
Oh, that's a great question. I do I can I can tell
He definitely whooped his ass. That's a great question. I uh, I forgot
You're asking me what I've been up to I I've been visiting schools
I now have to like look at real schools is by my you know, my oldest daughter's like gonna turn five
So that's like kindergarten. So yes, she has to get to like the real school system
Mm-hmm, and we were looking at this one place and they have plain clothes just like guards now with guns
Hmm, so it's kind of sick. I was like, dude, I really want to retire
and become plain clothes, just walk around a school,
just grow like a ponytail and be a teacher.
That's all you do all day.
You carry a gun, you just wait for like some nerd
to pop off and you just blast him.
Dude, that would be honorable, man.
But what if you fucking, what if you start tripping
in your head and thinking that somebody's like, some kid is like plotting and shit?
Like I'm like the true detective. I'm Russ Cole of school security.
I'd have to wait till they, they'd have to pull out first.
You think you would set a kid off? Sorry dude.
No, no, no. I'm sorry.
Can you say that? I'm thinking-
No, I'm saying, you're saying like get like all tripped out like damn is this kid get paranoid like I know these
Motherfuckers Damien's up to I know he's packing no I would just wait I would chill
I do my thing in the moment one of those motherfuckers pulled out the steel. I would just be there
Ready to die and just walk him down
That's your job
Mr.. Walk him down Crayola style walk him down,, bro. And if I die, I die a fucking hero.
You can't die, dude.
He's a fucking kid.
He can't, he has two hands.
Even holding a gun.
What if an adult could, sometimes like crazy adults come in.
Oh, that's true.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's better.
Let's frame it like that.
It's like evil nerds or a fucking like just wild adult.
Evil nerds.
Either one could get it, yeah.
Either one could get it. Oh. Either one could get it.
Oh.
But it's like dude, that would be,
I was just at this school and it was like,
I saw the guy, cause they were like,
my wife said, do you have security?
And like, we have plain clothes.
I'm like, right on.
Then I saw, I was like kinda sussing out,
like I see people walking around.
Yeah.
As soon as I saw like, oh dude, I'm like,
oh there's the plain clothes security guard.
Yeah, when I was young,
we just had like a MILF with a hammer running around.
Yeah.
We were lucky, dude. Yeah, we didn't have any security, man. Yeah, when I was young, we just had like a mill for the hammer running.
We're lucky, dude. Yeah, we didn't have any security, man. Yeah, we have shit.
We did. Yeah, now you need it. Now you get dude, the plain clothes guys at school, that would be so sick. Just walking around, chilling, knowing like, yeah, dude,
all I have to do is chill here. Listen to Desperado on your fucking AirPods. Non-stop.
It'd be nothing but shit like that. Just fucking enter Sandman. Just I was getting hype for like 30 years.
Just being like, let's go.
That's fucking walking tall.
Damn dude.
Yeah.
By the end of it, I just be tipping my hat to the teachers like man,
all black leather cowboy outfit.
You'd be like, can you be a little more low key?
You shit once a week.
I'd roll a tumbleweed before I walked anywhere.
I'd just kick a tumbleweed across from me.
Bro, people should have their own tumbleweeds, right?
Yeah, dude.
Just throw it on a string, just fish it.
Yeah, a hero should have a couple of tumbleweeds in front of him, dude.
True. Just fucking give it. I would just kick it as I walked.
Or even at some twinks dressed up like in hay and stuff.
That'd be nice. That would be nice.
Spinning around.
Like a tanto.
Man, that was fucking killing me, dude. I kept fucking with my wife. I was like, bro.
Wow.
I love, that's the one thing. We went to Chicago and she was like crushing me
because she's from there.
So like when we were visiting her family,
it was like, you gotta be careful now.
Like, and like there's, they kept calling them
like the hop out boys, which, you know,
you shouldn't give these guys like a cool name like that.
But they were like, dude, you're just hopping out of cars
with AR-15s and just car jacking people.
So my wife was telling me about it the whole time.
She hates when I do this, but I'll be like,
bro, I wish a motherfucker would pop out of me
with that thing.
She's like, dude, it's not funny. It's very serious. I was like bro. I'd be the worst day of that guy's life
She said would you please stop this is serious. I was like, I wish one of those motherfuckers would the whole time
We're there. I was like, please please
But yeah, you got you have it you cat a piece on you
No, I didn't have anything I told her I told her I was gonna grab the barrel and tie it in the knot and they get
The fuck out of here you punk
Your wife is gonna be holding the blood in your body
I just say that to fuck with her in the reality. I would have fucking bailed out
I'm like, all right, you guys you can have the car in the family. I'm out here
Do you think a wife likes it if the husband has a gun on him? Definitely these days. I think they love that shit
I mean dude, like you could get the most like lib lady, but she's gonna love all libs secretly. I
think I've even talked about this before. All libs secretly want just a red pill badass
in my experience. Well, they want a dude with a gun. I went to social work school. They,
a lot of the women there secretly had like deeply conservative husbands who were worked
as like financial guys. And these, they were all like, you know, they just do it because they feel like somebody has to promote what would be
idealistic. I mean, that's what a lot of like, I guess, I don't know. I mean, a
lot of people's views, it's just like this, ideally, yes, it would be awesome.
But some of them, it's just not practical. It's like, like, I have friends that
like, will talk to me about like, well, you guys have guns, they are in America
and stuff like that. And it's just dangerous. And why can't you guys figure that out? And
people want to have their guns. It's like, there's no way to not have it. Yeah. The bad
guys have guns already. It's too late. You can't get it. If you do a gun drive, the good
guys are just going to give their guns away. I know you just have to have them, dude. And
what are you going to call a policeman who does it? If he doesn't have a gun? He's not coming to help you. He's done. Yeah, exactly
What do you think you're gonna drive by and honk at you guys while you're getting beaten or shot in the yard?
Yeah, you can't really do anything about it, but I do think yeah, I think but ideally yes
It'd be great if they weren't like I wish there weren't right but that has to go away quickly
Yeah, because there are people shooting each other all the time. Oh, yeah
So you have to get past that idea
Yeah, yeah
You're not gonna be able to the technology chains gonna have to be an interchange because the guns are there
Criminals are gonna have them and it's like yeah
Like what do you want to not have one when a criminal with a gun comes? Yeah
It'd be worried the government has to be the one who takes them then that's a whole other can of worms
Cuz it's like we're not giving you my fucking guns Fuck no. Yeah, so it be worried the government has to be the one who takes them then that's a whole other can of worms cuz it's like We're not giving you my fucking guns
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It's a tricky thing. Although I you know, it's a right now a lot of people are gloating on the libs I don't want to gloat on the libs a lot of people are gloating on them cuz Trump got elected
Yeah, I mean either I'm not I'm not into that. No, I'm not into that at all
I think we're in a dude. How did the Ken Wilber thing go, by the way?
Oh yeah, Ken Wilber, super interesting guy.
He has the best take on this whole situation.
On the election stuff?
Culture war, yeah.
Oh, I don't know if I talked about that.
It was a lot of listening and learning.
Was it a lot of stuff?
Yeah, but we worked together to make it
as effective conversation as we could.
Nice.
But it was really cool just learning about like his
philosophy of how like we're as a species,
we are evolving and over time we're just advancing.
Yeah.
So how those affect you personally and how you.
I fuck I don't know dude.
Dude well his thing is, no dude so it's fucking,
did he get into like how there's like holarchies and...
Some of it.
There's like cells and cells turn into like organisms, organisms turn into humans, you know, blah blah blah.
Yeah, we started going up the chain of command, right?
And then also how we're advancing as...
And our worldviews are doing the same thing.
Where we had like, you know, like medieval rulers and the democracies and then the libs are the leading edge of cultural evolution where it's like everything's being more and more inclusive physically and world viewly, you know, in
terms of worldview.
Yeah, just the libs lost the plot or they call it the green wave lost the plot because
they include everybody but like, you know, Trump white type Trump voters.
Yeah.
And the whole thing's collapsing in on itself.
All they have to do is just love everybody.
Yeah.
And they'd have the commit. They'd have the superior worldview. It's a good point. Actually. I think a lot of people did
I mean, I don't know dude. I was a Democrat. I mean like I got so angry when they
Did that stuff to Bernie, you know, like yeah, my dad was an old man
So I to me it also registered like somebody taking advantage of an older person
You know that shit like at that point for me,
I was just like, what's going on here?
And then I am super concerned about like the big pharma
and medicine just using us all
and not caring that we're human beings.
Like, yes, there's a lot of medicine that's helping people,
but also like everybody shouldn't be on a medicine.
Yeah.
You know, and- There's some commercials for medicines, they don shouldn't be on a medicine. Yeah.
You know?
There's some commercials for medicines, they don't even say what it does.
Then you look it up and it's for heart failure and you're like, why the fuck are you...
This is a baseball game, dude.
I'm not going to beg you, can I get that heart failure medication?
You have to request it.
The wheelchair gum or whatever, there's all kinds of shit.
Now you're like, what do we even need that for?
But yeah, that's the big standoff right now.
It's like.
So I liked RFK.
He was kind of the guy that I thought was neat.
Me too.
I'm been to him.
Yeah.
I like the fact that he's doing all that stuff against all those things.
And then I think, I don't think we have the same parties.
I don't feel like it's Democrats and Republicans anymore.
There's something else happening.
Yeah.
And it's going to keep morphing.
Well, that's the Wilbur stuff is that the green. It was like orange is like the business science wave.
And the green wave was the one that's like in terms of worldviews,
you have like what he called red was like ethnocentric.
That was what he called Trump.
It's like it's things that speak to like ethnocentric ideals where people get to
the point where they can only recognize like people that look like them.
They can only care about people who look like them,
which is like a reality for a lot of people all across the world.
It's like, you know, every nation in every country is like, we have the best food, we have the most beautiful,
everybody, you know, does this. And then his whole theories that you slowly grow out of it to more
complex and inclusive worldviews. But it was again, it was like that the thing that crushed
like the like the what Jordan Peterson, Jordan Peterson, Jordan Peterson, Jordan Peterson,
Jesus Christ.
His whole thing we call postmodern neo-Marxism
is that green wave Ken Wilber talks about
where it's like the leading edge
where all the colleges are like radical inclusivity,
but all they have to do is go,
Trump guys, you're cool too.
It's all they have to do.
They can't do it.
And now the whole thing is just imploding on itself.
So taking half the country-
Well, that's the part that makes you start to think,
do they just hate like white men?
For me, it's like in three generations, it's like, I always say like beige power, like everybody's gonna be beige, right? In three generations, everybody's gonna be like, you know, Ben Simmons,
Blake Griffin's, you know, penguin people, you know, mixed. And so it's just kind of weird. How
do we want to operate that in the meantime? Right. Exactly.
But then I think when people get scared, especially with like threats of war, fears, they start to,
they want to gravitate towards whatever is there. It seems like their people.
Yeah. Like prison, prison is the same thing. You go to prison, everyone's, you know,
it's all like based on race and all that stuff. Yeah. And then, but, but everybody is a jelly roll fan.
You know, that's true, that's true.
Which is pretty crazy.
Well dude, it's like, yeah, where they fell,
you know, this is like, it's hard to explain
without seeing the Wilbur thing, but it's like,
if you take what's called a lib,
or a post-modern, neo-Marx, whatever they wanna call it,
like people who are like a radical feminist,
they built, their thing was right in being like,
we should be nice to everybody.
We shouldn't be mean to gay people,
we shouldn't be mean to modern race.
They're totally correct.
The problem was they went,
and the reason everything's so bad,
they're like, we hate racism in every form,
every type of discrimination,
and it's all because of white people.
And it just went right back down to where,
now you're just being racist in a more sophisticated fashion.
And that's the whole thing.
That's why it's not, if it's a truly visionary
and leading evolutionary tip of our spiral upward
into complexity and greater wholeness,
people would get on board.
If it's clashy with this.
That's the next step.
That's the next step is being like,
okay, here's all the good stuff from your worldview,
and we're gonna apply that to everybody. And rather than being like, okay, here's all the good stuff from your worldview and we're gonna apply that to
Everybody and rather than being like this is the reason everything's fucked up is because blah blah blah cuz it's like yeah
and that's another thing we try that's one thing is kind of gets worried worried about Trump is like is he gonna be a
Is that is the?
Pointing fingers is that shit end? You know, is that kind of end and so it is for now
But it's like I think they're good RFK smart where he kind of like, I don't want to participate in any of this stuff.
Yeah. And hopefully he'll kind of get up in his ear because I mean, it is so sweet.
Slamming the libs. I will give it.
There's I get like a when I see the libs get owned, I do.
There's a part of the libs, the liberals.
Yeah. It's just like there's like on the Internet, like liberals owned liberal slam.
And it's like you watch they do those like,
you know, they do those like twenty five students versus like Ben Shapiro.
Yeah, that's like slamming the libs porn where it's like him just like taking on 19 year olds and like, actually, you don't know anything about that.
And then everyone's just like, tell them Ben fucking crushed the lid.
And I will. There's a dark part of my heart that's like, yes.
When I watch that, Ben Simmons got that hair wallet on.
Dude, they did one of them where they make people run to the chair to tap the chair so that they get the chance to debate him.
And it's, dude, it's embarrassing.
People are like tripping over themselves to hit the chair and be like, actually Ben, I
think you're flicking ass on.
He's like, next.
And I'm like, dude, don't run to the chair.
You're an adult.
They're like diving for it.
Just to be like, actually, Ben, if you ever think of it.
It's like, so I've, I've been trying to remove, I know I have a bias towards that and I've
been trying to like remove that from my YouTube a bias towards that and I've been trying to remove that from YouTube.
Oh, watching that stuff?
Yeah.
Not that stuff I'm like whatever on, but it's like I will watch news clips where liberals melt down about and I'll be like, well, check this out.
I'll be like, haha.
I've been trying to erase that because I'm like, it's not good.
It's not good.
It's not good and it's just stupid.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I don't care.
Like, I just want, like, I don't know.
Some shit just started to get really weird. I think, well, Kamala wouldn't come on podcast, right?
I thought that that was weird.
It was like, and we asked and they said,
well, do you guys give final edit? Right?
And they asked, did Trump ask for final edit?
You know?
Did he?
No, they didn't ask for anything.
They shouldn't, dude.
They didn't ask for anything.
JD Vance showed up.
Dude, there were snipers on the ice.
I stayed up late, like trying to get some questions together
and think of some things.
And we invited everybody.
Those were the, them, Bernie Sanders,
and Mark Cuban came on.
He was very much like a Democrat, or left leaning.
But he gets something.
I didn't realize he gets, if they won,
he gets there's a business incentive, you know?
I didn't realize that.
Some of these things I'm learning as I go, right?
It's typically with billionaires, yeah,
when they're involved in politics,
it usually is to like.
Yeah, I didn't realize that.
I'm like, oh, people aren't just out there
huron for no reason, there's some reason.
Yeah, he's not freaking out over like banned books
in schools, he's like, I need you to, you know,
build a railroad from here to there,
whatever the fuck he's up to.
Yeah. But we had common ground and like just different thoughts and stuff and definitely inspiring to be able to talk to people like that.
But I woke so I wake up that morning and it was like an hour until the thing and I was like, I had to get in the frickin ice bath.
I got to make sure I'm in a decent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Try to do something to get high.
You get spun out when you have level, like guests of that high profile? Yeah, man. I get fucking, I get crunched, dude.
I can't handle it, man.
We had RFK on, I could barely like formulate a sentence.
Wow.
And neither can he though, which is great.
That's a joke, Bobby.
He'll laugh at it.
He will.
He'll laugh at it.
Um, dude, watch suddenly he fucking fixes his own voice, dude.
That's what, it's over, dude.
It's over.
It's over.
And it's dude.
And it's like, yeah, imagine he is such, he'd That's what he did that. It's over, dude. It's over. It's over. And it's dude.
And it's like, yeah, imagine he is such,
he'd be such, he's such an electrifying speaker
and thinker anyway, but yeah, it's, that works against him.
He's been in it.
Yeah.
Yeah. But so, but I wake up, there's fucking,
I go in the ice bath, there's like secret service ever.
They had drape, put drapes, black drapes
in front of the house, right?
Damn.
They shut down exits off the interstate.
I had no idea. You shut down the off the interstate. I had no idea.
You shut down the whole city.
I had no idea.
There's snipers on the roof, on the roof,
full tactical gear.
I'll put pictures in the YouTube.
Holy shit.
And then, oh, my neighbor, right?
I fucking look at my phone.
He's like, what's up?
Are you? And he put blank, like just underlines.
And I, they thought it was one of those things where like a suicide in the house, like,
like they were sending people in to get, like I was taking my own life at home.
That's how we asked you to, if you killed yourself, is it, are you?
Well, he sent like four messages. And so at that point, it was like already 11.
I slept in, I was up to probably three,
just like getting my questions ready.
So I was like, I have to make sure I sleep.
And he's like, dude, we were so scared, man.
He's like, cause we saw them,
they thought they were rappelling into the home.
And I was like, what?
Thought I killed myself.
What the fuck, dude?
We just assumed you fucking killed yourself.
So yeah, that's-
Oh, and they had a van outside that said some weird term on it,
like threw people off.
Yeah, and the black curtains around your house would be-
Yeah, I think people thought,
but that's what people thought.
That makes sense, that kind of makes more sense actually.
It was morgue-esque, you know?
Yeah, it was like so gruesome that they were like,
we gotta-
But they also had this like Stans Bakery van or something,
like it was definitely,
they kind of like played this old cat and like,
what is kind of fucking happening here?
That's crazy.
It was super crazy, dude.
Stan's bakery used to have snipers,
and they'd be like, yeah, we just gotta get these cupcakes
in, we'll be right back.
There's some wake treats.
Just so there's a viewing of the body.
Hey, first come first serve, guys.
Dude, that was crazy, though.
That was one of the craziest things that had ever happened.
For sure.
But he comes in and I was like,
hey man, thanks for coming.
I was like, you know, just want to let you know
we don't have any, we're not like a gotcha type of show.
For sure.
Just looking forward to having a nice conversation,
which is what I tell anybody.
Yep.
And he's like, whatever man, it's all good.
Yes.
Let's have a chat. And that was it. And it was fun. You know's like, whatever, man, it's all good. Yes. Let's have a chat.
And that was it. And it was fun, you know?
Yeah, man. It was interesting.
Yeah, I feel bad. Everyone's so still hyped up about this stuff.
I honestly think if you look at it, I hate when people lose anything.
You know, it's tough when there's a winner and a loser.
Dude, I was in I was in the grocery store the day of I guess, like,
that you got elected that night and then, you know, in the three in the morning and whatever, like you want it three in the morning night and then you know in the three in the morning
or whatever, he won at three in the morning.
And then I was in the grocery store the next day
and they have like magazines in the grocery store.
This magazine was just Kamala or Kamala
and it was just a picture of her.
I didn't even know what magazine it was,
it was just her name and her.
I got like real sad for her.
I was like damn dude, that's so bad.
If I like just lost and I saw like a magazine
with just me on it, I'd cry. So I felt pretty bad for her. I was like damn, that, that's so bad. If I just lost and I saw a magazine with just me on it, I'd cry.
So I felt pretty bad for her.
I was like, damn, that really sucks for that lady.
She just, I mean, dude, that, people, they've spent,
I think a billion dollars on the campaign.
It just shows you that it's must,
but also then if that's the, say, okay,
they spend that much on the campaign, right?
Both these sides spend a ton of money.
Oh yeah.
But if there's just like these powers in the background
doing things, it's just like, why would they,
if it's not even real, say the office isn't even,
you know, it's just for show.
Sure.
It just seems like you wouldn't waste that much money.
So there must really be.
I think there is, man.
I think there really is.
You get in and it's like.
Power in it.
It's just teams, yeah.
It's like, you're on this team, this is on that team.
You know, could it all be organized? It's like, that would be pretty elaborate would be pretty elaborate to like set it all up when you could reality just be like, yeah, you know, we're putting this guy in.
They could just have the coolest guy ever just come out and just be like, yo, we love this guy. And they can meanwhile just be doing whatever.
But yeah, dude, I think I guess it all is real, you know, I think it's real and they just, either it's just like groups and lobbyists
and certain, that's where I kind of lose it.
It was interesting, that's for sure.
And I'll say who made the whole thing happen?
Oh, Kamala reportedly spent $100,000
on building a set for her appearance on Call Her Daddy.
Like dude, why?
Here is the setting question.
So they rebuilt their own set, I guess.
Well, because they wanted, I think, a host to come to her.
So I think she didn't want to go anywhere, so she built the set, but I wonder if she has that's such a I mean
You know, it's just kind of weird. It's like just go there, right? I wonder if she may have a
Thing where she doesn't like going like sometimes I don't like sleeping at people's houses or whatever
What if she has that she can't shit anywhere else, but her house maybe
Could be which is where people should say people who are like in transient shitty. Hey man. Hey, man. Sorry
I agree though, but I always want to be home. That's my thing. I always want to be I'm getting a little I was like
Pretty guarded about that, but now I'm like just letting it rip
I've been flying more so I'm just kind of like, whatever, man. But I do agree.
Home is where the heart is, truly.
Like I do want to shit at home every time.
Yeah.
I agree with you there.
You should get more, like you should get like money back or something
if you shit at home.
You should, dude.
Right.
You should be a tax writer, like a credit or something.
Yeah.
Cause it is, dude, just I also, the violence of shitting that's occurring in airport bathroom,
it's like, it's upsetting.
People are shitting so hard in those,
I mean, I don't know why we're back to this, but.
Oh, people are shitting at top speed.
It's crazy.
That's the craziest thing to me ever
is when somebody shits at full blast speed,
like, are you out of your mind?
You're gonna hurt yourself.
Dude, I, from what I, like, from hearing. You're gonna hurt yourself. I from what I like hearing self guy from here in public bathrooms
Most people are are in there just having like religious experiences just being there. It's like
Yeah, like full ayahuasca dumps
It's crazy
Wow, just slinging disciples out of your butt. Everyone's fucked up dude. Oh, they need Bobby Kennedy to get all the crap out
Shitting to death in the bathroom.
But bro, there's also a part of me that I feel like, do you think we can get more together or do you think we should just have two Americas? Do you think? No, because dude, we're like, people didn't realize it, but the parties are rubbing off on each other so much.
Like, now like, well most people want the same stuff.
Most people do, but I'm saying like the Republicans now have been so, let's say conservatives
are so annoyed by liberals that now they're like going out of their way to be so not racist.
Like, oh yeah, you think we're racist?
Check this out.
We're going to employ like 47 black dudes now.
How do you like, they're doing almost, I'm not saying they're doing it despite them,
but it's like, they have gotten just
way more inclusive, like every, you know,
like the conservatives and everything.
Before it was like only, pretty much only all white guys.
Now there's a lot of different people
in like the conservative movement.
So it's like, the liberals bring stuff up,
the current service like shut the fuck up,
and then they actually do kind of do a lot of the stuff,
but you know, not even realizing it, I guess.
So they're kind of both like bouncing each other, but people, you know, they're
all just caught up in like the, like the primal and tribal aspect of it.
But it's like, things are going pretty fucking well, dude.
Oh, first, you know, white house chief of staff in history.
Yeah, dude, like all this stuff is happening.
Cause it's like, they're like, well, Susie wilds and she's Pat summer
all John Madden's former broadcast partners daughter. Oh interesting
Yeah, dude, I'm telling you once we just like stop the nonsense of like bitterly arguing about everything. It's gonna be pretty chill
Yeah, Ben Carson. I think he's gonna put back into I like some of his ID Carson. Yeah, that's kind of cool
This he's like a surgeon Oh rise and shine Carson. He's nice. He's got dead asleep
I like the guy his blood bro. He's got dead asleep. Super.
I like the guy. His blood, bro.
He's got his blood pressure.
It's talking.
Who's the guy?
It's just like a synth drum.
Not much poppin, dude.
The one dude I like Byron something.
He's a black conservative guy from Florida.
Byron Davis.
Byron.
I think Byron.
Is it Byron Davis?
He's nice.
That guy's nice.
I saw he was on the breakfast club.
No, not Byron Davis. He plays basketball. Byron, I think Byron, is it Byron Davis? He's nice, that guy's nice. I saw he was on the Breakfast Club. No, not Byron Davis, he plays basketball.
The Byron, he's like a governor from,
there he is, that's my bro right there, Byron Donalds.
That's a good bro right there.
Well, it's definitely interesting to see
that everything's getting diverse.
What was that tweet that Adam McKay had?
I thought that that was something,
when I read that, it resonated with me.
I think, um, no, no, but yeah, like I said, it's like, I have it one sec.
Yeah, I do. Like I said, I think people are getting real doom and gloom, but it's like,
I, I'm of the minority opinion. I think things are going to get pretty sweet. Actually. Yeah.
Who would have guessed lying about Biden's cognitive health for two years. That shit made me so mad, dude. Just taking advantage of an old man. Like it's just not cool.
You know what I'm saying? His family shouldn't have allowed it. I know, dude. You know, it's
just not cool because then you're lying to him also, right? So you're placating him. Like you're
just, you're using, it just, it seems like cruelty to a human, right? Refusing to do an open
conversation for a new nominee,
never mentioning public healthcare, embracing fracking,
and year-long slaughter of children in Gaza.
That to me was one thing that definitely was like...
Yeah, they blew it so hard.
I mean, again, if you were...
Some of the stuff I don't know,
but the children in Gaza thing,
and I think just taking advantage of Biden,
it just felt like, is this party really doing this?
Or are they, what's happening here?
Well, it's like all they had to do was she if she could have came out and be like bro
We all saw it dudes old as hell. You know, what's not like he wasn't let's not fucking they instead she was like
He's fine. Like why do they take him out?
Mm-hmm. It's like you can't do that. Yeah, all they had to do like obviously the dude was fucking going nuts and getting old
Come on, let's move on.
It was just, they were just lying.
You know when someone's lying and you're like,
dude, you're bullshitting me.
It was just that and everyone could see it.
And it was just like, and now too,
you know, not to fluff the podcasting too much,
but it's like now they can't go on
with the sound buddy little things.
They have to go sit down and like answer actual questions.
And people now, like I didn't know I
Couldn't tell what interviews were edited when I was younger now people are like more
Savvy about media so they're able to be like oh, that's that was a weird jump that they cut something out
They go here's the whole thing yeah
so now you have to be able to sit down and actually communicate rather than like hitting talking points and like
Engineering you know people's ideas on things do you think that Rogan's?
Endorsement help Trump win or do you think it had any effect?
It didn't hurt, but I think it didn't hurt,
but just what he does, I think, helped him win for sure.
It's like having, setting a standard where politicians
now have to go sit down for at least a two hour conversation.
Yeah, because really what he did over the past years
is just investigate him, and he asked so many questions
about everything to all types of people,
so you learned so much.
And he's not a got you guy either,
so he's good at just being like,
like help me understand this,
and that's when people really get kind of flushed out
where it's like, if they're not making sense,
and you know, he's pretty adamant about,
like I don't get that, that doesn't make sense,
you know, I'm a weak interviewer,
I'll be like, yeah, I think it won't make sense.
That's cool.
I get burnt out, I get exhausted.
He said, dude, I was in there yesterday
and it was like, I was just like,
I feel like I've been kind of losing my mind this week.
Really?
Yeah, I don't know what was going on.
I just was like getting like a lot of paranoia.
It's the worst, yeah.
And I don't know if I met it,
I don't know if I missed a day,
I don't know what happened, but I was like fucking,
thought I was going crazy yesterday.
It's kind of crazy when you have days
when you start asking people like, am I okay?
That's a weird thing.
Yeah, that is, it's so hard to explain,
but I'll just be like walking sometimes,
and I'll just get like a feeling where I'm like,
bro, I'm fucking losing it right now,
and it's like, that is the worst.
You're like, yeah.
And it just kept, spent the whole day, and it's like that is the worst You're like, yeah, I'm just kept spent the whole day. It was like the whole day
Yeah, man, and then I had to go in there and I felt very nervous
Oh, so then you felt like you're under a microscope. Yeah, and um
Yeah, what do you do to keep yourself kind of on the square?
Is there like a any kind of program or yeah usually go to a meetings that helps. Yeah do yoga. I
Got hurt a couple like a month ago Some guy squeezed me after a football game.
I was in, when Vanderbilt beat Alabama, I was there.
And this guy just squeezed me so much.
And then all the players, some guy on the sidelines.
Yeah, some devout, this brother had really squeezed me.
I mean, like I was a fucking,
like he was gonna brush his teeth with me right after.
That sucks.
He got it, yeah, I was just like, ah.
Where'd it get you?
Over here is rib.
Ah, fuck, yeah.
But then all the players are just one
and they were, wah, and they were,
and then everybody squeezed me, dude.
Yeah, they're fucked.
So you couldn't do the yoga.
For like, yeah, for weeks.
And so then my mental starts going down.
Yeah.
That's us right there.
Yeah, that's pretty sick.
That's Cheryl Jr. right there, I believe. That's amazing, dude. Yeah, that's us right there. Yeah, that's Cheryl jr. Right there. I believe that's amazing, dude
We got that coach Clark Lee. Oh, that's Skinner jr. Right there. Damn. I think it's pretty heavy too, man
Those coolers aren't yeah decent amount of water in it. Nice. Oh, you have to leave you too. We got him. He's cool
That's awesome. That's fucking awesome. Dance. You just got squeezed by the strongest dudes in the country. Yes
Yeah, that's what happened. And then so yeah, but anyway, I'm not whining about it,
but it's just like, you can't do anything, bro.
You go to open your refrigerator,
and that suction on the refrigerator, oh, that hurts.
Yeah, when your ribs are fucked up, it hurts.
Breathe every breath, you're like, fuck.
Yeah, and then you're pushing on the side of your body
while you're doing everything.
So you're walking around like this all day.
Like you're fucking, like one of those guys
putting away a pocket watch or something like in the
20s or whatever like that little handicap peanut that they fucking sent out there
Yeah, and you and there's nothing you can do when your ribs hurt
There's no like sling or you can just you have no and yoga is just so much breathing every breath
You'd be like and then you do like the like this thing you well that would hurt
So yeah, just that just and I was just kind of losing my mind, dude.
So then you go in there and you're like, am I saying crazy shit?
Start to get real paranoid.
I will say this though, I think the person that won that election, I think the person that changed it was Dana White.
Really?
Undeniably.
That's, why do you think that?
Because he got Trump into podcasts.
He made it happen.
He did it happen.
He did it.
He is just you.
He did that.
He made that happen.
Yeah, that makes sense.
So he was the one being like, you got to do these.
He's the one who like talked to Joe about it for years.
It's been in discussion.
Yeah.
I don't think Joe Rogan was going to do that.
And then he did.
Yeah. You know, and that put then he did yeah, you know and um
That put I did kind of push it. I think that helped actually. Yeah Dana made all that happen, dude
It got like that was the thing too. It was like just you if you want to look at YouTube views
That's kind of like I don't know if that like works with polling, but it's like the Rogan Trump episode
I don't what is it at like 30 million?
It was it was that like millions quickly the call
Call me daddy or that podcast with Kamala was like I don't know if it hit a million
It did I think it might have 47 million 47 million if you look up the call her daddy or call him daddy Whatever call me daddy. Excuse me
Call her daddy. There you go. It got
812,000 812,000
But that's just a clip now. Here's the problem with corned audience. Not bragging my YouTube special to better them.
But that's what I'm saying. That's that is a gauge of public interest.
And it's like public interest, in my opinion, probably translates to voting.
I think. I don't know.
Or at least people come in to experience the person, you know.
True. Yeah, definitely interesting.
You can't watch the full episodes because they're on Sirius, is that right?
Sirius?
Yeah, they only put a clip.
Yeah.
So you can't see the full episodes of these podcasts either, so you don't know what really
is going on.
Well, you know, I wish it the best.
I'm not like, yeah, that's the thing.
I'm not like, I fucking hate that lady.
I'm like, I felt sad. I didn't, I personally didn't really want her to win because I'm not like, yeah, that's the thing. I'm not like I fucking hate that lady. I'm like I felt sad
I didn't I personally didn't really want her to win because I was just like, you know
I think Trump will probably maybe stop the wars faster. It's my hope
But well, I just I don't know. I just I don't know what's happening
I feel like there's a changing of these parties because you have former Democrats who are now
Republicans, but they'd also don't even get along with half
of the people in office.
People are sick of politicians overall.
Big time.
APAC and lobbyists have infiltrated what it seems like politics overall.
For sure.
And people, you can't hide the information from people anymore.
Yeah.
Well, dude, the weird thing was is like
They started like the the Democrats started being like I mean George Bush was great and like, you know
Chaney and all that stuff and it's like why why are they pumped on them?
It was that to me was just weird where it's like there are all dark and then I think the last minute they started being like
Yeah, we actually won strong borders and all that stuff too. Just because they were like this is working
So, you know, it's I think it's all part of a bigger process
That is for the best where it's like what you were saying the Republican Party is totally different like way different remember like
1995 it was like it was it was like send people to jail for fucking
You know 30 years for crack and all this stuff and now it's like we should get some of these guys out of prison
You know which everyone's doing now, but that's yeah cause of like a liberal worldview
And that's been kind of get a couple more brothers in the party too. I think I think oh, it's common, dude
I think it's common, but here's the thing too
It's like so you have like the liberal people been like yeah
We shouldn't send people to jail for having crack on them for 40 fucking years, and then you're like yeah
That's a good idea, but then with the immigration thing. It's like I personally have no problem with immigrants
But it's like you can only have no problem with immigrants, but it's like, you can only have so many, like that's a reality. Right. If you're having a party,
you can't invite the whole city to your party. It won't work. So the same thing happens with
the border. And it's a shame because people want to escape, like, you know, crushing poverty,
but the Republicans are right in that you can't like, and it's like, if you're like,
just thinking on a human level, you're like, I don't want to like kick some guy out or have
some guy come against the wall and be like, get don't want to like kick some guy out or have some guy come against the wall
and be like, get the fuck back to your country.
But you do have to do that.
But you also, I think there's ways you can do it
in an organized pattern.
Yeah, true.
So you're properly vetting people.
And then they used to have a system
where people could serve, they could,
you could almost adopt a homeless person or whatever
who came across the border and you were their sponsor. That's cool
I'm super cool. So then you as a member of your country, right or that you were born into sure
It's a blessing right easy for us to say that but then you get to be
part of the of
Immigrate, you know, it's like there's an actual connection there. So, you know, I don't know that's a good
I like that idea though. Yeah, it's easy to say stuff
Let's change the topic. What else can we talk about?
But I was saying too then you can kind of like set them up and like contest against each other. Oh, yeah
Well people have had that I've heard that material for I think of like doing like a um
American Ninja warrior to come over the border. That would be nice too. Yeah
I was saying if you had like if I adopted a guy you adopted a guy we could kind of make them compete. Yeah like battle bots. For the glory of our houses yeah.
Yeah that would be so sick. That would be awesome in like a fun way you know what I mean. Totally and you raise money
for um helping people that are coming over. Exactly. Fuck. Winner's family comes over. Yeah. Loser's
family pays. That'd be a great dude I had this had this idea for a game show, right? So check this out.
You get two lifeguard chairs, right?
And you have... You put kind of cellophane,
like some light blue plastic around them. You can still see through it.
And at the bottom of the...
At the bottom is a scale, right?
And you get two guys who have eaten for like a week,
haven't gone to the bathroom,
whoever can do the most poop at,
in a given amount of time wins a car.
Or maybe not a car, maybe a motorcycle.
That's an awesome game.
So you're inside the lifeguard chair,
you're wrapped in blue. What's the blue wrapping? Just to kind of contain the- Just because you're inside the lifeguard chair. You're wrapped in blue
What's the blue wrapping just to kind of just came to see it?
You don't want to see that'll birth people out
But if you see the scale going up or something to at least excite people, you don't think the viewers at home
We're going to see the pile. I think you want to be able to see if you want to see it vague
So you want it to be like opaque like yeah, I see yours
Just like a general shape. Yeah, Have like a frosted glass over something.
Yes, that's what I mean, frosted glass.
That would be nice.
Yeah, that's a great show.
Thanks, man.
That is a fantastic show.
On to the scale would be nice too.
I recently just did a thing where you have to poop at home
and then like scoop it and mail it to get like results
to see like what they think of your body.
Dude, I swear to God, you can do that.
You can mail it.
I don't know, like a scientist.
You're a fucking science teacher?
Are you sending that shit to a scientist?
You can send it to a scientist and they're like,
Oh my God, bro.
This is incredible.
You've been fucking compromised, homey.
You're mailing poop of your own, son.
I did, yeah.
How much?
I wanna see it with my micro-bots.
Dude, that was the thing, I thought you did a whole turd.
You, they like give you a
Like a thing to put on your toilet paper
All right
They put a thing to get on your toilet
It's like a paper thing that sticks and it has like a little like you know, like the dick part of your boxers
Yeah, it has like that but for a turd so there's this thing. Yeah, it's like that and then it catches it and then you have to
like
Scoop I thought you just pick the turd up and put it in a jar
But no you scoop like the smallest amount and then you put it in like, I thought you just picked the turnip and put it in a jar, but no, you scoop like the smallest amount
and then you put it in and like shake it up in a solution.
And then.
They just tell you like what's up with your microbiome.
Tell you like if they think you're chill or not.
That was what it was, it was that one.
What if they told you where your stepdad lives?
We'll tell ya.
Yeah, I don't know man.
I also think a lot of this stuff too, after doing it,
I think it's just a way for companies to sell you vitamins
because they can be like, based on this, we recommend XYZ.
And once you've made, once you, yeah,
you almost want to buy it so they don't tell anybody
about your poop, I feel like you'd be like,
don't tell anybody about my poop.
True.
I'll buy the vitamins.
True.
Like yeah, let's keep this between us.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh dude, if they could be like, yeah, that guy,
oh, we had his poop, we smelled it. I we mean me and Brittany sent him in at the same time and my
Test was run first. I kept telling her that they opened her vial and shut down the lab
I was like, yeah the whole place had to evacuate they sent me an email. So they opened yours
That's love dude, that's a fun. That's a fun one. That's a good thing about having a wife too.
You can just bother them.
And do cool stuff like that.
Take shit in the tubes and mail it and just both wait for your shit test.
That was kind of fun.
Yeah.
That's like jumping over the broom or whatever broom in some cultures.
Yeah, exactly.
Wow, dude.
Were we just talking about medicine?
Yeah, I think so.
We got off the politics stuff.
So we're off the...
Yeah, we probably should have, huh?
If you feel like people are over it.
But it's also, it's like... Uh, we were just talking about medicine. Yeah, I think so. We got off the politics stuff.
So we're off. I should have, huh? If you feel like people are over it, but that's also it's
like, Oh, what was I going to ask you? Do you think, Oh, Oh, look at this. Is this like
a new slave or whatever? Oh, this is like the Tesla thing, bro. Wow. Yeah, dude. I don't
know. Elon rolled out some bots too. What the heck?
That's a slave. Where is that? This in Virginia, is it?
That's like. I am not getting that dude.
Yeah, that's like a different country. Yeah, Tesla, Tesla or Musco. Oh boy.
I would like a little robo lawnmower though, I'll be honest.
Damn, look at that guy rip, dude.
Dude, that'd be so crazy.
They should keep the bots like R2D2.
They shouldn't give them legs and arms and shit.
Yeah, you're right, actually.
Well, you won't need these guys looking like people.
Because then somebody's gonna start fucking them.
I mean, it's already happened, I'm sure.
Ugh.
I like the way I think it's caught in there.
That thing's savage.
But then your kid will like, you're like,
mow the yard, and your kid you kids Like I don't want to
Yeah
That's true actually that's kind of bullshit. Yeah, dude. I'm trying to think of what chores we had. Oh, dude. It was ridiculous
Dude, what is do you think it's weird? Um, this is something that doesn't get talked about a lot is like
Where do stepdads go and the divorce happens, you know?
Because they kind of don't get to see the kids anymore.
You know?
Oh, I didn't think about that.
You're saying when you, oh, you're divorcing,
you basically break up with the step dad.
I think they go back to the apartment, dude.
They straight to an apartment complex.
That has a pool at it.
Yeah, I think the representative from an apartment complex
comes and picks them up and like a black limousine
takes them back and they just wait in queue
to be step dads.
Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of crazy you never think about that because a step dad gets involved in a kid's life and picks them up and like a black limousine takes them back and they just wait in queue to be step dads.
It's kind of crazy you never think about that because a step dad gets involved in a kid's life for a couple years for better or for worse. Yeah. But then they have to just
peace out. I think some might stay kind of in you know. Is that weird though? Yeah kind of. It depends.
I feel like if you knew the kid from when it was a baby, you should. Or just keep the phone line open.
You can call me whenever you want. But yeah, I'm going to go look for some.
But like the first couple of years, you kind of check in and then you like forget one year. It's got to feel weird.
Yeah, eventually. Or if there's a new stepdad, you can't be like, hey, you got to pass the baton and be like, he's a good boy.
But do those stepdads meet somewhere and like have a, do they? They meet at Sabaro. At the moment.
They meet at Sabaro and they ceremoniously split a pizza.
The guy gives the new stepdad like the fifth slice
and he only has three.
Hey, what's up?
I'm Tom, 2015 to 2017.
Yeah, stepdadding is like, I kind of.
It's unheralded.
There's not exactly.
I kind of wish I was able to experience it a little bit,
honestly.
Yeah.
But, you know, for real, I always assumed that was just like,
how it would go for me.
I was like, yeah, I'll just kind of kick around
and eventually I'll just date a chick with kids
and be a step-dad.
But it didn't work out that way.
So, I honestly wouldn't have minded it.
It'd be pretty sick.
Yeah, sometimes I have a dream maybe that I meet a lady
and she already has a kid maybe or something.
Yeah, man, just get in there at like 10,
you know, fucking, that'd be awesome.
10 to a little. Straight, yeah,
I guess you're right, I guess you're right, six.
Get out and tell any man, it's like the first fucking
three years, there's just no sleep,
you get all your good sleep, you just hop in at six.
They just started remembering stuff, it's perfect. And it's just fun from then on it's just fun. My buddy just had on his third kid
And he's a black man and he has and it's funny the other guys were like do you not even know?
You're not even a black dad until you have three kids
Like two kids row black eye, that's nothing, bro.
That's so funny.
That's child's play.
So now he's official.
Yeah, now he's really like, dang, all right, so you for real about it.
He's really banging.
It's like the first two were just mixtapes and this is like a real album.
He's finally signed.
Yeah.
What else?
Anything else in the news going on or anything else?
Dude, I haven't even, I haven't been fucking following news.
I don't know what's going on.
I, what else is going on with me?
Dude, you know what I've been doing recently?
I've been researching.
So I've been reading autobiographies.
That's my big, that's my big kick right now.
Wow.
I've just been trying to just study people's lives
and see like at the end of their life,
what did they think was good?
What did they think was bad?
I only got through like once.
Well, I got through a couple actually
but dude the
It's been cracking me up. It's like Bertrand Russell was like this famous mathematician
Bertram Russell Bertrand Russell
Yeah, he wrote him in like this guy Whitehead wrote this like big book called principia
Principia Mathematica where they spent I think like
200 pages proving one plus one equals two this was like the type of stuff he was on.
Wow.
Bizarre.
Why?
Just because they were finding ways
that you could not prove it kind of thing?
People are coming through and like underline.
So apparently math is like,
there's like a set of axioms
that like you just have to assume is true.
You know, they want math.
There's a bunch of people back in the day
who wanted math to be able to like
totally explain everything in the universe.
It's just the way it is.
But there is a aspect of faith in math where day who wanted math to be able to like totally explain everything in the universe. It's just the way it is.
But there is a aspect of faith in math where you have to believe the axioms.
So they were trying to just be like, check this out.
And they just got real into one plus one in that book.
But he's apparently like a genius.
And I read his and I read the guy, you know Angela's Ashes?
Yeah.
I read, he has one called Tis,
that's his second, Frank McCourt.
So Angela's Ashes was his time in Ireland
till he was 19, and then at 19 he moved to New York City
in like the 50s, and he wrote another book called Tis
that's from the 1950s to like, whatever,
the fucking 80s or whatever.
But I've been like, I was reading those both simultaneously
and like, it's so funny how every male memoir
is just a guy talking about how horny they were as a kid.
It's crazy.
Horny and wanna kill themselves.
Bertrand Russell and Frank McCord were like,
I just wanna, so fucking horny,
dude, I just wanna fucking kill myself.
Like, I didn't know every guy was a suicidal
back in the day.
That's what I'm learning in my studies.
A lot of guys are just,
just wanna fucking kill themselves.
Well, it used to be very poetic if you killed yourself.
Remember, it was very, there was like this Shakespearean like I'm taking my life
Now you're just like a you know, you're just like I'm a 13 reasons why fan
You know, but it used to be kind of there was something very
Romantic about it. Yeah, you like stab yourself with a sword now, you know pussy shit. Yeah, it's overdose and whatever
Yeah, it's like yeah
Go back to the drawing board that's dude this guy first person to use Switzerland suicide pod found with strangled and
Where these that are they're not the airport are they?
Then the airport would actually be your flight got canceled just be like never mind just walk right into the suicide pod
Just end it. Oh, that's it bro that I found with
Strangulation marks on her neck following the death of the 64 year old American woman multiple people
Oh, this is terrible including dr. Florian will it the president?
They said a woman used it, but they also found strangulation marks. Yeah, what's that about?
So it sounds like maybe they only put her in for a couple minutes.
Yeah, but why would she have marks on her neck?
If you get, maybe she might have attempted...
Oh, she was trying to like help it or something?
Or maybe she like tried to do the old ceiling and like something gave way and she's like, I'm gonna hit the pod.
There was some malfunction and she the guy was
Heard saying six minutes after the process started that she's still alive. Oh, I think he had oh he choked her out
Cuz I guess if you go that far if she lives she would yell product is no better. She helped the pod Yeah, two stars still alive
Eating breakfast right now does not work with my lame ass kids and husband right now
did not taste the sweet release of death awkward ride home
husband's like what are you doing back I thought you were killing yourself today
you already got a new girl over he's already on Raya listening to Zach
Brian damn dude this I do that shit freaks me out man when they do it I've over. He's already on Raya listening to Zach Brian.
Damn, dude, I do. That shit freaks me out, man. When you do it. I've been at an airport, dude.
And if you miss your Lehever, I'll fucking go to heaven.
I'm not waiting. Yeah.
Fuck Akron. Send me to heaven.
Yeah. That bitch like I've been that furious at a point where it's like,
I'll just let's shut it. Yeah.
There's no more room for your baggage.
You're like, you know what? I'm gonna take the pod
I don't know. I'm not gonna go walk five seats back and try to go in an oncoming traffic get my bag back
I'm gonna take the pod if it doesn't work. You have permission to choke
That's crazy that guy had to just be like
Shit a couple of kinks ma'am just
Don't mind me that'd be nice if the pod just like walls came in and just crushed you oh
It like put you into a dizzying state, then it just vacuum sealed you yeah exactly
I'd have like a little soda with me
You should dried you out, but yeah that uh I don't like that man. I don't like when people again
It's like if you're If you have like terrible painful cancer or there's like nothing they can do I get it
But like that guy looked all right. Is he just modeling the tube or is he actually?
Yeah, he's just the mod. I guess they obviously do not have a
There's no budget for the model
You know, but I think it was a woman that used it
She had cancer and she wanted to go use it and they just hooked her up. Yeah
Yeah, that's uh, but here's the thing
That's the one product like coca-cola and all those like they have like beautiful people always like drinking coke
You don't have like they're gonna have like beautiful celebs like laying in there. That's true
I'm gonna try to they want to show you someone who looked like that guy. I was like, yeah, I could see that
Yeah, this guy's got like no muscle mass fucking pants are sagging. I could see him
Hey, let me get in there.
You like a dude in there just smoking?
Yeah, like, bro, that would be the best,
some dude just fucking in there.
I'm gonna get one for my house.
If my kids piss me off, I'm like,
I'm gonna go to the pod.
Daddy's going to the suicide pod
if you guys don't clean your fucking room.
I'm gonna fucking turn myself off.
Bro, that'd be crazy, man.
Yeah, put them in there.
I'd be like, you guys want to fuck around?
You guys want to party on?
Scare them, I would.
Set that thing for 30 seconds just to freak them out.
Just microwave them for a second.
Well, some lady ovened themselves at a Walmart.
You see that?
No.
Some lady wandered into an oven.
They were doing, was it hide and go seek or what happened?
Wait.
We're pulling it up, but there was a woman got stuck in one of the industrial baking ovens at a walmart i believe what and i believe
she passed away right yes from the gas or she burned herself up from the burning oh or cooking
let's all say burning we don't know what happened yeah yeah yeah or you know oh she was 19 oh
yo please say the investigation is complex.
That's unreal.
Oh, the walk-in.
So this, they bake like multiple cakes at a time.
In Canada.
Yeah.
I guess they have a walk-in oven.
That's not a good idea.
It'd be hard to stay out of it.
I bet it smelled good in there.
Bro.
True.
I mean, this is harrowing.
Yeah, of course.
But I'm saying that it is a fact that that oven smelled delicious.
Oh man. The woman who was an employee of the store was located a large walk-in oven. Yeah, of course, but I'm saying that it is a fact that that oven smelled delicious. Oh
The woman who was an employee of the store was located a large one
Important to note Kate investigation is not yet reached a point where the cause and manner of death have been confirmed
The investigation is complex
Yeah, dude, I did not I'm thinking like there was a just a big oven on display I was like how the fuck did a lady walk into that? Yeah. Damn, why the fuck they have walking ovens? That's a terrible idea. It is, huh? It's just feed them in there like
pizzas. Just, you know, have like a big thing. You pull a wooden paddle and pull them out.
People don't need those cakes, dude. That didn't, that shouldn't have cost a human life. Those
cakes are terrible. Yeah, this is, yeah, you shouldn't, we don't need to walk into an oven.
No, dude. That's a terrible design. That's a horrible idea. Yeah, that's a, well, look, that's,
it's an old idea, it's not the first,
it's an old idea and people should have not done it.
Yeah, but it's like, it's almost like,
oh, now you need an oven, you open the door
and it has like that, like the,
one of those signs that's on like the ladder
that's like, do not step here.
Like, no shit, dude.
That's terrible.
Fucking oven.
Yeah, man, I mean, oh, dude, that's terrible. They're walking oven. Yeah, man, I mean, oh dude, that is terrible.
Someone throws you in there, that's what they're saying.
That's what I'm saying, dude.
That is not nice.
Cause yeah, how would you shut yourself in there?
I don't know, that's a mystery.
Yeah. Complex.
If I were right in that, I'd say,
this is very complex. That's a mystery.
And here's what the world of radio is.
Yeah, what's this all about complex. That's a mystery. And here's what we're on the radio.
What's this all about?
This guy's turn, huh?
This is nice.
That's awesome.
This is why you need other countries, dude.
Yeah.
People are like, I don't like diversity.
You're out of your mind.
That's true.
That guy is as diverse as he gets. show me a hulky that can do this
I mean dude, it is uh, what a blessing if you're I'm just just assume this guy's like
I don't know where what country that's in but
any other time in history
Just being like a yeah midget born in like the third world again. He could be in Palm Beach
I don't know where that guy's from but he's pretending he's from another country
He it would just be a pretty tough road, but now he can just make great viral content. I know
This makes life good man. Yeah, three six. That's hilarious. Um, are you in tires the new season?
Yeah, I have a small a small role. Did you want to have a larger role? Was that ever a conversation?
No, no, I'm good, man
I'm happy with everything if I get it the fact that I was in it again, I was like, fuck yeah.
So, and I, dude, acting is like so hard, man.
It's draining, dude.
Just doing that every day.
It's just like, I work myself up into a tizzy doing just like two scenes, like one scene,
like from like the different angles.
And it's just like.
Yeah, your weight takes a lot of patience.
You sit there all day.
It's, but I, yeah, no, I'm always like I'm kind of chill man
I'm happy the way anything's go the fact that I'm not like stuck at a job that makes me miserable
I'm like bro
Anything that I can do let me know you know what I mean?
I don't get like caught up in the kind of like should be better. Yeah, there was my yeah played the cop last time
Yeah, my mom loved the show. She's so wild. She's like, have you seen this tires?
Yeah, it is it is funny wild. She's like, have you seen this tires? Yeah, it is funny.
She's like, I like it.
I put it on and my daughter was like,
Uncle Shane, Uncle, she freaked out.
Uncle Shane's on TV, Uncle Shane's on TV.
I was trying to find my partner,
I was like, daddy was on TV watching,
I was like, I can't fucking find it.
He's like, get in the oven, get in the fucking oven.
White dad.
Dude, your kids call you white dad?
That's crazy, huh?
My daughter says I'm colored sand.
She's like, dad looks like sand.
I forget what she called her mom.
Sorry, that's pretty cool.
Dad sand.
They didn't have that, but they're gonna get it.
Now all the schools, it'll all get like,
they'll start ramping that up, But you know, we'll see.
I'll tell, I'm just gonna hold it down.
My daughter will be like, dude, for real, I'm black.
Don't worry, don't listen to the fuck that school says.
Did you wait?
Yeah, I'm black as hell.
This is a fucking mirage shorty.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just to get the loan on the house.
Yeah, we'll see.
But yeah, man, I, yeah dude, I'm just pumped, man.
I'm like, you know, everything's going well.
I'm like, again, I'm just biding my time
to be a
Plainclothes school security. It'd be fun, huh? I do fantasize about like a nice retirement job. I
Would like to teach our crafts that would be fancy
paint
Wire things those fuzzy long things. What are those called pipe cleaners? Yeah, they'd be nice
Yeah, you can do whatever with those you just put out a bag, we know we're fucking making some kid made a noose or whatever.
You're like, yeah, he's doing good.
But yeah, that's, you know, for me, I'm just been chilling, man. Just trying to keep myself
float, stay positive. It's the embarrassing thing too. And like things are going well.
It's like, I'll still get like bombed out and depressed. And I'm always like, dude,
you're such a fucking pussy. Shut up up so I've been trying to just like
Be even killed and just you know, just work on little projects and that's it
Yeah, I think it's something that's normal too. It is tough though because certainly people have things a lot tougher
You know and it is tough too. Sometimes when your life is going good
It's like not to let your ego start to take over. That's that's a thing that gets really scary
Oh, yeah, dude, cuz your ego is just like this thing that's kind of grows without you, you know
Really knowing what's going on and you can be watering it without even realizing it. Oh, I I was lucky to have
like an ego boom like early and it was like
Looking back on it. It was like really not nothing. It wasn't anything great. But at the time when I was like
24 25 I was just making so much money selling weed that I was like it dude it went right to my head Wow
Soon as I made like a couple thousand dollars a week. I was just like oh my god. I'm the fucking best
I mean you start rings this year. I was real low-key about me right now
It's the most rings I've ever worn right now. Hmm, but the
Yeah, did you just get when you like that happened to me?
And I got like you just start getting greedier, it happened to me and I got like,
you just start getting greedier and I was just like, I want more. Luckily I got wiped out
financially like twice and then that has like an evening, you go like up and back down, you go,
okay and it kind of brings you back to Earth where you're like, yeah like don't let that
anything like that get to your head or like make you act different. And again, it's embarrassing,
it's like dude I was making two grand so and we'd, but it's like, it was enough for me at such a young age
to be like, I'm the man, everyone's a fucking idiot
who can't do, and it was just like,
and then I came crashing and burning,
and I was like, all right, back to painting houses now
with my friends.
It really had like a, that for me.
It was a real experience, and I was able to be like,
okay, when things are going well, A, don't be a dick,
and B, they might not always forever, huge chance it won't, so be grateful and just kind of
be nice and just try to help out and don't get too self-involved.
How'd you get wiped out?
How'd you get wiped out?
Just losing money in the mail.
I got robbed at gunpoint.
I had a couple stretches where dudes I know would get
fucked up on drugs and just kind of dip out.
I got robbed at gunpoint.
I lost that, and then I mailed I, I think like $30,000 in the mail
and that got snagged by the postal police.
No.
Yeah dude, that was scary.
I like put 30K in the mail.
Yeah, I vacuum sealed it and all that stuff.
And can you just not legally move that much money?
You're not allowed to mail money like that, no.
And then what they do is they're like, come on in,
like they're like, we'll talk to you.
And it was like, I wasn't't my name wasn't on it it
was like I tacked it on with my friend and the trick is you can be like I was
buying a car you know blah blah did you go in there you wear a mustache no dude
I was like I just called a wash am I going to the fucking postal you know
post-menu post-general mass or whatever it is or a chance to get it back if you
can prove it's legit they're gonna going to be like, all right, where's your tax return? So it was like, you can't unless you had a legitimate,
if I legitimately was doing it, I could be like, hey, here's what I'm doing. I need that back.
But it's like the last place you want to go in and be like, no, it was actually up to no good.
I bet it's sitting there, making you go in there and talking to them. Yeah, right. It's gone.
Oh my God. Yeah, they probably took it. Are the postal workers?
I would imagine the postal,
or they were like, here you go,
but it's like, yeah, that was the big thing back then.
It was just mailing weed.
You would just get it to your house
and immediately write return to sender, don't open it.
Because what they do is either a guy,
like a officer pretends to work for the USPS,
and they come and deliver it.
And what they were doing first,
which kind of fucked them up, they'd like open the box right now, and you open it and what they were doing first which kind of fucked them up they'd
Like open the box right now and you open it and be like there'd be weed in there and you could just go
I don't know. I did anyone can mail me anything so they legally couldn't do anything
So what they started doing is they let you get the package
They wait like 10 minutes and then they come in because people usually get it and cut it right open
So you have to do is you write return to sender leave it in the corner of the room
Wait about like an hour and then you put in your Car and you drive towards the post office
So they pull you over like but I don't even know what this is
I'm taking the post office and if you just kind of do a couple laughs no one's following you go somewhere else and you
Cut it open
But it's like that was the move because it's California would mail it over for just like pennies on compared to what it was on this
coast I
Thought I was the man but then you know you did you start buying anything by a nice suit or something
I was very very I was like a Chinese triadly. I would just know I didn't spend anything
I would like would you start sleeping on your back or something at least?
You know what I would do I would go on trips
I would do vacations so I would like go away and like ball out like that
But no, I didn't buy didn't buy the cars. I didn't do any of that stuff
I kept it pretty low-key. Where'd you go to Cancun or something? Uh, yeah, I went to Hawaii
Yeah, I did a trip to Hawaii to the Four Seasons. It's pretty tight damn. So you were ball stuff. I kept it pretty low-key. Where'd you go to Cancun or something? Yeah, I went to Hawaii.
Yeah.
I did a trip to Hawaii to the Four Seasons. It was pretty tight.
Damn, see you were balling.
I was balling out. Yeah, I was balling.
But then again, I lost it all.
And then you go from enjoying the perks of that to like,
I'd be happy if someone gave me 50 bucks right now, you know?
So it's like...
Yeah.
And at a young age, it's the best thing that could have happened.
Because at a young age, I got to like get that ego swell and just completely come.
And there's something liberating when it happens.
I remember being oddly like relieved at the time being like,
oh, this is kind of cool. I don't have to worry about all this shit anymore.
Oh, that's just a nightmare, dude.
We sold weed for almost four hours one time.
Fucking it's scary.
It was the scariest day.
I fucking almost killed the guy.
I was like, I started accusing him of fucking shit.
We had like, we literally had two $1 worth of fucking shit.
Like, we were fucking.
It was just Alpha Dog immediately.
I went and turned, bro.
Things went so, it was crazy.
Well dude, you talk about being paranoid.
It's just, you're in a paranoid division.
Everybody's a fucking narc or whatever.
Everyone's following you, everyone's a narc,
everyone's watching you.
Yeah.
At one point I just.
I would wake my friend up and be like, are you fucking watching me?
You motherfucker.
I had a storage unit at one point
and between me and someone else,
we had like 60 pounds of weed in there.
And I'd have to go in there with a duffel bag
in the middle of the day and like look around,
load it and walk back up.
And the one time I went there at three in the morning,
or excuse me, it was like one in the morning,
but I go in there, it's nighttime
and there's a fire alarm going off in the school.
And I remember hearing it being like,
well, there's a school nearby,
which probably wasn't the best place
to have fucking 60 pounds of weed.
So I go in, I'm like, oh, that's weird,
the fire alarm's going off.
I load up a duffel bag with like 30 pounds of weed.
I come out of the place and surround it
and police officers are everywhere.
Because they came because of that fire alarm
going off in the school, and I'm holding a duffel bag,
and they're just standing there it's
like 1 a.m. or whatever and I just come down the steps they look at me and I
look at them and I was like boys I just walked in my car and I just was like
please please please please please please got in took off no problem I was
shitting myself dude that was like one of the scarier oh I can feel the stress
of that dude because you feel a second you're when they're behind you you must be like they're fucking
They're following me burning in my head. You're pulling off
You're like you're just waiting for one of their cars to pull off
It was like dude, it was a massive giant like hockey bag and it looks I was like this looks so sketchy
I'm just coming out like and I like froze. It says on the side
Just stared at them and I was like, hey hey, what the fuck's wrong with that guy?
Wow.
Yeah, true.
That is, I will say that is one of the perks
of being a white guy.
Yeah. Easily.
Do you see the cops at 1 a.m. with a giant duffel bag
and being like, hey.
Yeah.
What's up, brothers?
What's up, guys?
Hi-ho, neighbor.
Yeah.
But yeah, and you're just in a paranoid delusion
the whole entire, it's terrible for your, dude, my hair's fucking gray, dude. Yeah, but yeah, and you're just in a paranoid delusion the whole entire it's terrible for your dude
My hair is fucking great. Dude. Yeah, you're just worried all the time
Constantly for years dude, you're hiding shit in your ceiling
Yeah, that's kind of everything just gets scary you hide and stuff. Yeah, we had like a couple of um
Fighting oh, dude. It's funny cuz what started to cut you off
No, go on you give someone an ounce of weed and you watch them
They'd be like, yeah, just like, you know, sell this.
And people would start it and it's like, people would implode.
It's just so much pressure.
Or they would just smoke it all and be like, whatever.
Yeah, but then they're high.
Now you're having to fucking talk to somebody that's fucking high
to get you their shit back.
And then everybody starts knowing you're the weed guy.
So people knowing you're the weed guy,
there's something cool about it.
But then there's also this fear because you're like,
well, I'm going to get busted.
Paranoid, yeah, paranoid all the time. Then you're like, well, I'm gonna get busted paranoid
Yeah paranoid all the time. Then you hear about other people getting busted
And you know, it's just and then it gets closer to you and you like don't snitch or whatever. Yes
And I wasn't gonna do it very yeah, we would bury weed in our we had like seven dime bags. We were trying to sell
You got over your mouth your little wheelchairs
In the yard. It was fucking believable.
That's why you didn't get caught, though, dude.
You guys are careful.
It was breaking horrible, dude.
That's who we were, dude.
It was just the dumbest fucking thing ever.
I'm in the front yard just calling my buddy a fucking
burying fucking dime sacks with a trowel.
I know someone who. You know what the fuck you're doing. I know someone who thought he was selling steroids and he got beat and they were just anti-depressants.
So he was selling them to like a bunch of people.
They're like, dude, they're working. I'm getting you.
And they were just on SSR.
Oh, dude. Feel great.
Hey, man, they felt they did feel good.
Dude, I bought some steroids once my girlfriend while I was away from her house.
I was doing something, found them, broke them and threw them all away.
She took your voice and when I got home. Did you already cycle on them?
So did you like, what the fuck? No, I think I had been on steroids at the time and I was not happy when I got there.
Okay. It was a do not look if you find your boyfriend's steroids,
okay? Don't touch him.
Just, yeah, bring it up to him.
Do not get rid of them though,
because it can create a man to become violent.
You know, I didn't, but you could see how I could,
it could be a wild day for someone.
Dude, I'll say, and this is like,
I've interacted with a couple people who did the combination
of coke and steroids, and that's the the most lethal that's like a dangerous combination
Oh, I would and then if you're already a little bit bipolar and boom like dude those steroids the coke and your bipolar mania hit
at the same time it's like
That was the craziest I was out to breakfast one time with a guy like that and he ordered
It was actually kind of alpha, but he like we're ordering breakfast
He's like oh, and I'll take a muffin and can I have that immediately and he ordered, it was actually kind of alpha, but he like, we're ordering breakfast. He's like, oh, and I'll take a muffin
and can I have that immediately?
And I was like, damn bro.
You just hit her with the immediately.
He's like, I want that immediately.
Not even like, I'll, you know, I can have that before.
He's like, I want that immediately.
An immediate muffin.
It was boss energy.
It was boss energy.
But it was, I remember being struck by that.
Can I have a muffin, can I have it immediately?
Can I have it immediately?
Like what?
A little urgency behind that.
Yeah.
But yeah, that's a wild combo.
Yeah.
How long you on the Royce for?
I was on and off for a few years.
I remember the first time I ever did them.
Pills or did you inject?
Shooting.
Dang, that's awesome.
Shooting three pointers.
One time, one time, my buddy, Sean,
he sold me some pills.
He actually passed away. He died.
He drowned.
He, I think he, he tried to hide from the police underwater.
No dude.
Fucking drowned.
That's terrible.
Just, yeah, you just can't do it.
Yeah.
You know, it's, you don't think about it when you're,
he was so high, he, I can hide in the water
Bro, I almost passed out in a pool this summer
I tried to do a back-and-forth in front of all my friends and I had my daughter's goggles on and they were bro
They were crushing the sides of my head so hard. I for real went out came up
My legs were all and I was like spitting water out
I remember being like you ever tried to hold your breath super long in a pool when he started like
Vibrating and shit. I was feeling that I'm like bro. I'm so close to get the back and forth
I got that and all of a sudden I black out come to and I'm up in the water. My lungs are full
I'm like, oh and then I took two more steps passed out again smacked my chin on the side of the pool
My friends are all just like they thought I was like fucking around until yeah myself on the pool and I came up
I think I passed out. I'm like, yeah, dude you pass out twice
Yeah, it was start the burgers man. Yeah, it was terrifying dude. He's called meeting the wizard
That's what David Goggins calls it really when they did the Marines track like train underwater and pass out underwater, bro
It's fucked up. I could see like when you have people like all you hit and drown
It's like dude
If you try to hold your breath too long you can miss a window and you're just out
Well, those Kansas City Chief fans were partying with their buddy where he left those four dudes dead on his porch
That was better than they were they don't fentanyl. I think seem like something was crazy, you know
Yeah, I think they got coke and they had fentanyl. That shit's terrifying. Fuck. That's the one thing. I'm happy
I'm never got involved with because yes just like and everyone's like everyone I know still does coke which I'm like is crazy
They're like even do like we're testing it. I'm like, no, you're not dude. You're telling me you're drunk at a bar. You score coke. You're like hold up
Let's test this first. Like no, you're not. Yeah, you're the same type of person that mails it
You're just some dude at a fucking house just
Pounds of shit. just showing up your door everyday
You just counting fucking money all day. You're doing it your garage like Jeff Bezos
Babe I'm gonna analyze these turds. Let me analyze these turds. Babe come on
I got a fucking you know, it probably just goes right to a landfill and they're like you need vitamin D and they're like
Thank you, sir. Thank you. I think I got tricked dude
like you need vitamin D and you're like, thank you, sir. Thank you.
I think I got tricked, dude.
Yeah, testing your own.
At that point, what are you having to do?
It's crazy.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
You have some tour dates coming up, I saw.
Yeah, man.
You in New York next week?
Yeah, I gotta go to the New York Comedy Festival,
the town hall, that one, I'm sweating that one.
I think it should be good, but it'd be fun.
When you're sweating it, what do you mean?
Ticket sales.
It's going pretty well.
I got to do that one and then Capital One Hall.
They're trying me in theaters right now.
Clubs, I feel comfortable.
Now they're like, let's do some theaters.
So I'm like, fuck.
So, you know, just got to sell all the tickets
of a weekend in one day.
I know it's scary.
Yeah, dude, it is scary.
But it's going all right.
You know, I don't place too much pressure. It's like it is what it is. I try to promote stuff, but I'm not like scary. Yeah, dude, it is scary. But it's going all right. I don't place too much pressure.
It's like it is what it is.
I try to promote stuff, but I'm not like,
if it doesn't work out, that's just what it is.
There's nothing I can do.
Yeah.
So that's coming up.
So I'm going to do that.
And then I get a bunch of other dates coming up
till basically May.
So we're all on matmacusker.com, whatever.
But come check it out.
Yeah, man. If you want. Yeah, man.
If you want.
Yeah, and congrats you guys.
This podcast is still doing great.
Dude, yeah, this is like the dark night of our podcast.
So I'm doing it.
I'm just holding it down.
Shane's doing the tires.
And I've been, you know, I've set up a new thing now
where I have like headset mics and I stand at a podium
with, and I have the guest stand at a podium.
And it's been kind of fun.
Changes the energy when you're on your feet. Imagine if you're on our feet this whole time.
It's a whole different energy. Oh, it's a good point. And you have your hands are free. You're
just on the headset. You're thinking you're more creative. Move around. I kind of like it so far.
And you have like a podium to lean on. I can put a laptop on this under count. And like, you know,
if I need to look at something, I guess kind of fun. I'm really fucking around with it.
You have been good for you, man. And if you take a walk, sometimes I'll notice
if I take a walk with a friend,
we have such a better conversation.
Big time.
Or if I take like, one of the things I like to do now,
sometimes if I'm even going on a date or something,
it's like, let's just go take a walk.
It's like, you kind of get to know somebody,
it's chill, you're in motion, like,
and you feel like you did something too,
when you like go on a walk.
Dude, and that's, for me, that's the best cure
for when you get the mental zoomies hit the fucking road
Just walk wall helps so much fucking walk till you're a step dad. Yeah
Walk to that new family
Best of luck with all the tickets man. Well, yeah, if you need a guest to if I come back man
I'll have to pop in please dude, please. That'd be awesome
I got it. I got like cuz Shane's taping in New York York, is that where they're taping? Yeah, right in Philly.
Oh yeah.
I got like...
Cause Stavros is taping with him.
Yes.
I think he's gonna... I'm gonna see him next week.
Yeah man. So I got like, I think like seven more weeks of episodes to record before it
comes back. So we've made it through. So, you know, it's been fun. It's one of those
like, it's been like a learning experience because it's, you know, it's easy. We can
do it. We'll do it together when it was just me. I was just like, oh fuck. You know.
The dogs, man. They'll be excited whenever he gets back though. Oh, yeah, you can hear him barking. They're ready. They're ready. Trust me. They're ready for him to be back
Tickets at Matt McCuster dot-com Matt. Good to see you man. Bro. Thank you so much. Yeah, man. Have a good one I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves
I must be cornerstone
Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found
I can feel it in my bones
But it's gonna take