This Past Weekend - Fake Machu Picchu | This Past Weekend #188

Starting point is 00:00:00 Are you touching yourself? Well, shut it down and act right. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's you and me. Enjoy the destination. Fantasy painted on the wall. It's never too late to come over. Time slips away from you and me now.

Starting point is 00:01:36 So don't hesitate to come over. Why must we wait when we're alive? It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode.

Starting point is 00:04:13 It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode.

Starting point is 00:43:41 It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. It's time for the dang episode. Alright, before we get to that call, actually, I want to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by Capterra. We've all read some surprising reviews online, haven't we?

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Starting point is 00:47:58 Join the millions of people who use Capterra each month to find the right tools for their business. Visit capterra.com slash Theo, T-H-E-O for free today to find the tools to make an informed software decision for your business. Capterra.com slash T-H-E-O. Capterra, that's C-A-P-T-E-R-R-A dot com slash Theo. Software selection simplified. Today's episode is also brought to you by Bedelagance. And I'll show you right here. I got a half, you know, probably a half quart. I got 18.6 fluid ounces of this bad booty juice right here. And Bedelagance is a natural cleansing foam that brings you the luxury and elegance of a bidet with the convenience of toilet paper. Think about this. If you had to have a real bidet and carry it around with you everywhere, bidets are made out of cement or beautiful white cement sometimes.

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Starting point is 00:49:52 He said that if I couldn't afford a bidet, this would be the next bedest solution. And I can't afford a bidet. Well, I currently rent my residence and I don't think my landlord or the HO would be happy with me installing one. Wow, wise lady here. Plus, my bathroom is tiny and I would not have anywhere to put it unless I pulled the shower out, maybe. Okay, getting a little OCD here, but anyway, I am cleaner than ever. Thanks, Bedelagance and Theo. Well, you're welcome, Marissa. She gave it five out of five stars.

Starting point is 00:50:21 Bedelagance is available right now on Amazon.com for 10% off and free shipping. Use promo code 1-0-T-H-E-O-V-O-N. That's the number 10 Theo Vaughn, no spaces. That's 10% off and free shipping using 10 Theo Vaughn as your code when you go to Amazon.com. But, Bedelagance, get that bottom hitter. What was I just thinking? I was thinking about something I wanted to share. You know what I was thinking about the other day was our fingerprint. You know, sometimes we don't feel like individuals, maybe, or we don't feel like our life has, like, we're not... Sometimes, let me speak for myself. Sometimes I'll have times where I don't feel like I'm of value in the world.

Starting point is 00:51:18 And I'm not getting into a depression hole here, but I'm just saying we all have those moments. We feel like maybe we don't mean that much, or is there something I'm part of? I ask myself, like, you know, you start to get a little older and you're like, what does life mean? Does it mean anything that I'm an individual person? Or does it just mean that I'm just part of something? A group? That I'm a person? One of many? Do people mean anything? Do we as a group of humans, do we mean something? Do we have a purpose here? Are we able to see our bigger purpose? Is there any value to me being an individual?

Starting point is 00:52:06 And I started thinking about fingerprints. You know that even twins don't have the same fingerprint. That's fascinating, I think. And your eyes, the only other thing I think in the human body that is unique to each person, each person in the history of time, that means there wasn't a person 4,000 years ago that has the same retina. I was at the doctor the other day and the doctor said that, the eye man, and he said that. He said, you know, no one has the same retinas. I'm like, damn, you're a fucking pervert, boy. You know, you out here peeping Tom and on people's peepers, bro. You're looking right in the eyes and fucking looking for that individuality.

Starting point is 00:52:53 But isn't that fascinating that our fingerprints are unique? The exact things we touch the world with, that we interact with others with, no one else has the same exact ones. Now, to me, that's, you know, I'm not a big religious, I'm not a big religious boy. You know, I believe that I want there to be something bigger than me and I believe that there is something bigger than me out there. I know that there is. For me, you don't have to if you don't want to. That's you. We all get to do it our own way. But the simple fact that there is purpose in me being me. There's purpose in the way that I touch the world.

Starting point is 00:53:42 And even in my retinas and in my fingertips, the two things you kind of used to really interact to really where you could really touch someone. Sometimes you can touch someone with your eyes, you know, and they can touch you. Sometimes people can give you a look and you feel touched or sometimes you can touch someone and your hands obviously you could touch someone. That's primary touchers, touching areas. But to think that you have your own print. Everyone, no one's ever going to have yours. To me, that's fact that is to me, that's in my own little world way that I interact with the world. That is that is some that's some hardcore, you know, proof that there's value to us as individuals.

Starting point is 00:54:28 And sometimes when I feel like there isn't for me, that brings me because I can look at my fingers to that's what's interesting. And I can just look directly at my fingerprints and be like, wow, you know, I am important. I don't know, I'm kind of rambling here, I think I don't even know what I'm talking about. But I think this is just what you get this sometimes these episodes are all different. You know, and I'm just, man, I can't believe that guy made this nice statue thing out of wood. What a neat thing. What a neat thing that a police officer brought me a badge this weekend from his work. Someone brought me a nice Kansas City hat. Some fella gave me his hat.

Starting point is 00:55:12 Another woman gave me a nice KC baseball cap. Very sweet of her. People brought food. Some man brought some barbecue. And that's, you know, Missouri is a wonderful place, man. It's very it's got it's got it's got a lot going on. It's got a lot of history. It's got a lot of grit.

Starting point is 00:55:33 You know, we went to see the the childhood home of Jesse James and where he was buried. And to a lot of people was an outlaw. Some people said he was a Robin Hood. He was like a Confederate sort of. He was like a kind of like, you know, I think Missouri was neutral in the Civil War. And he kind of like he didn't support one side directly or the James gang didn't, but they kind of low key would like fuck with the Confederate, the Union soldiers. And they would started robbing banks and trains that were in business with the or that were

Starting point is 00:56:09 started by the Union soldiers or started by Union people from the North Union bigwigs fancy. And some people said that they were the Robin Hoods, that they did things that gave money away. And I don't know if that's true or not. That is kind of disputed, you know, some documentaries dispute things. But you know, a documentary is just the way somebody wants you to see something so much. Sometimes it can be the way somebody wants you to see something so much that they make a perfect way for you to see it that way. Like, I don't always just believe documentaries.

Starting point is 00:56:43 I mean, if it's something real factual, like, you know, there was a murder and this is what happened and this guy went to jail and this is that. But if it's something like, you know, where it's like, we don't really know, you know, it's just a perception. Because there, you know, there's documentary type of stuff where it's like, oh, Jesse James was a Robin Hood. And then there's documentary type of stuff where Jesse James was just up to no good, just selfish boy. But but but each someone can make a documentary to really infuse just infuse you either way. It just reminds me to keep my eyes open. I don't know what I'm fucking and I'm sorry, I'm getting kind of preachy here today. Let's go on to another question.

Starting point is 00:57:28 Here we go. 985-664-9503 is the is the hotline number. And you can call there and leave a voicemail and be a part of this hot club podcast. Sorry, I got to take my nasal spray real quick. And that's not cocaine. That's licensed nasal spray from a doctor. Let's go. Oh, hey, Theo.

Starting point is 00:57:56 Hey, this is Don from Seattle and I just I've been listening to a lot of your podcast recently and my son. He said, hey, dad, what are you learning from those from those podcasts? And I thought about it and, you know, I think what I'm learning is I appreciate your just your chill attitude and you seem to take take life as it comes and and, you know, you take people as they come. And that's sometimes the problem with them. I'm kind of an uptight guy and just the idea is help my daughter. She's 16 with her with her algebra homework and sometimes it gets a little tense. I get frustrated and she gets frustrated, but I don't know, I was just I was just kind of it was right after I was in your podcast. I just felt very relaxed and I felt very accepting and just patient.

Starting point is 00:58:43 That's the main thing, patient. So yeah, I think I told my son, I think I'm learning patience. I think I'm going to be relaxed and I'm not sure if it's your southern nature or you're just you're you're very accepting chill attitude. But anyways, I just want to say thank you. You do a good work. I think you're blessing people and you know, the universe also. And anyway, onward gang gang gang, brother. Oh, that's sweet, man.

Starting point is 00:59:09 I think of a dad working with his what his what his daughter and doing and doing the homework. Thanks for the nice words, man. That's sweet of you. You know, I I mean, I struggle. I think I struggle with everything just like we all do. And and but I'm glad that there's moments where you find some some comfort from from this podcast. And a lot of times it could be from people calling in. You know, it was interesting when you were talking, it made me think of like, like a moment.

Starting point is 00:59:36 There's sometimes I notice in my life recently, there's moments for for vulnerability. And, you know, you're talking about like when you're with your daughter and you're helping her at the homework and you get frustrated and she gets frustrated. So then in that moment, and this and this may not apply to your life, but if I'm in a moment where I'm frustrated at someone and they're right there and I know they're frustrated with me. And I know that I'm frustrating. I know that I am. I was built. They got a, you know, they put that the frustration sauce on me when I was born. And so I'm out here dripping with frustration a little bit constantly.

Starting point is 01:00:16 You know, and so in that moment where both of you are frustrated, sometimes if you can find a way to say, hey, are you frustrated with me? And they say, yeah, I am. And you can say, yeah, I'm frustrated. You know, I feel a little frustrated with you too. Maybe we can really talk for a second about why, what do we think is making us frustrated with each other? You know, and sometimes I find that I get frustrated with people. And if I'm honest, if I'm, then you have to be trying to be real honest and it's hard sometimes you have to really feel. You can't just talk.

Starting point is 01:00:58 You have to just feel like, man, I'm frustrated because sometimes you don't. And the truth for me in a moment like that is I get frustrated with the other person because they don't do things the way that I want them to do them. And then I can ask them, so why do, what frustrates you? And it's like, and for them, it might be, well, you don't have the patience sometimes that I need. It makes me, I feel under pressure when I'm doing something with you because I don't feel like it's a safe area to learn, a safe moment to learn in because, you know, you're expecting me to know something at a certain speed that I'm not able to. And then once you guys can both kind of really share what your, you know, what, what your real kind of fear is or what your anger is, then you can kind of, then you can kind of say, for me, I can say, hey, look, well, you know, I'm real sorry that I am, you know, that I behave in a way sometimes where, you know, I make you feel like you, like, I expect you to know things at my pace. And not at yours. And I want to do a better job because I love you and because I care about you.

Starting point is 01:02:20 And, and then they can say, you know, well, I really want to be here with you and learn and try and work together to learn something. And I'm going to try to, to just let you know when I feel like you're not being patient in a more comfortable way. And man, then you can have some real powerful moments. And I'm not preaching at you. I'm not telling you to do that or anything. But I'm saying that I sometimes I'll find myself doing that, you know, with my ex-girlfriend when we get in a moment, I'd be frustrated. Sometimes it'd be really hard to just be like, you know, I just I would love it if you'd be real honest, why you're frustrated with me and, and then I can be real honest about why I'm frustrated with myself in the situation. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:03:08 I don't know what all that's about, man, but, but it's interesting sometimes in moments of frustration that there's real opportunity for some vulnerability and some just the ability to, to feel because I get otherwise. I will run, brother. I'll run with this senseless, just like these vultures that are like trying to get out of my throat or neck or skin that are just agitated. And if I, you know, so I got to find a way to sue these vultures. And the real way to sue them is to just tell people, tell someone that I care about that I have these vultures and that I wish I did. And then I want to try harder not to have them. And anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about, man. I fucking need some sleep, probably.

Starting point is 01:03:48 But thank you for calling, man, and that's sweet of you to be a dad that helps out your, her daughter, your daughter with her homework. And, and I bet that that's a moment that you're always going to love. You know, it's going to be a sweet moment, you know, because there's come times in kids lives, I'm sure where they don't want, they don't care what your direction or angle is, you know, and you don't have to help or you get to help her. That's one thing I remind myself someday, you know, like, I don't have to come do this podcast. I get to come do it. It's a gift, you know. It's a gift to be able to come and sell this frickin booty lotion to people that, and that's medallicants. But thank you for calling, man.

Starting point is 01:04:28 Let's take another call onward. Hey, Dio. It's Carter from Oregon. What's up, Carter from Oregon, onward. By the way, my sister's in love with you. She likes your arms. Oh, your sister likes my arms. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:04:43 I got a pretty medium length, actually. I used to think I had long arms, and then a buddy of mine showed me his arms about, I guess, two years ago, three years ago, and... Oh, fuck. Kind of fucked me up more. The real question is, I'm looking for M names for puppies. Okay. I'm leaning on Maggie and May. Need some names.

Starting point is 01:05:06 I'll get up with some suggestions. M names for puppies. One, Mississippi, and you could call a puppy Missy. Marxism, and that is a... I don't know what Marxism is, but... Marc Setgo. That could be the puppy's name. And then every time you call the puppy, some people would start racing each other.

Starting point is 01:05:32 Martin. Name if it's a funny dog that's maybe African-American, and it's really, really humorous and is able to make television shows. You could call it Martin. You could call it a Moriarty. Call it Mori, if it's a Jewish dog. You could call it a... Mixtape. Mixtape's kind of a cute name.

Starting point is 01:05:58 Let me think. Mint's Meat. That's a crazy name for a dog. Oh, that's a little Mint's Meat right there, and he got some cigarettes. M names for dogs. I think Maggie is cute. It's a popular name, but it's a safe name. I think Millie is good.

Starting point is 01:06:15 Mabel, Maple, Marble, Mobile, Moxie. You know, you want something where when you yell it, it doesn't sound like any kind of racial slurs either. So you got to be careful with that. Let's take one more call here. Here we go. And also, oh, I got to tell you this, though, you know that... Oh, I'll be coming up soon. I'm going to be in West Palm Beach at the end of this month, the 27th and 28th.

Starting point is 01:06:45 I believe we may add some more shows there. They're staying busy right now with those shows, but we may add more. I want to let you know that today's episode is also brought to you by... We got a pack of meundies right here. God, I needed some, dude. Oh, I masturbated this weekend. I forgot to tell you. Man, I felt...

Starting point is 01:07:08 Oh, and I broke my pornography thing. And I didn't even think I could on my phone and I started thinking about, dang, just... I was feeling lonely. I started thinking about a little bit of B-hole, you know, and stuff like that. You know, that female BB. And then I just did it, dude. I just kept rubbing on my body until, you know, until just something just came out of it. And I guess I feel kind of disappointed in myself, you know.

Starting point is 01:07:39 And then I did... That was on, I think, Thursday night. And I didn't do it on Friday. And then last night I couldn't go to sleep and I had to and so then I masturbated. But the big thing is I looked at the pornography and we'll talk about it more next week. I'd love to know, I know there's some guys that came out this week that have been looking at pornography and they've taken a break from it. I'd love to know honestly, be very honest on the hotline, how that's affected you and what's going on now with you once you've had a sabbatical from pornography. And I'm going to get into that next week about some of the changes I've been noticing to myself since I had been ceased watching pornography.

Starting point is 01:08:16 And I had probably about 107 days or something. So, man. And I don't want to talk about it, I'll talk about it next week because we've already gone into it. I don't even know what we've talked about this episode. What else? Oh, I'm going to Aerosmith. I'm going to Aerosmith in Las Vegas this week. So I'm so excited about that on Thursday, Thursday night.

Starting point is 01:08:41 And I'm taking producer Nick. So it's a gift and a team building exercise from us. And we're going to go there and watch some Aerosmith. Dream on. There goes my old girlfriend. I love Aerosmith. And I'm going to stay in Las Vegas and then I'm going to the Dustin Poirier fight in Atlanta. And I can't wait to see that, the diamond.

Starting point is 01:09:09 Now, today's episode is also brought to you by me undies. Look, if you want to support the podcast, there's a couple ways you can do it. You can support through Patreon, but you can also support by getting me undies. It's easy. Go get a pair. If you never had a pair, get them. I love them. No joke.

Starting point is 01:09:25 I wear them every day. They're in my underwear little drawer and they look colorful when I get in there and they're fun a little bit. It's one moment in my day where I get to put a little bit of fun on my body. And as a man, you know, it feels nice to just wrap something around you junk. That's fucking, that feels good. You know, that's not your wife or another man. You probably spend about 90% of your life in underwear.

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Starting point is 01:11:29 And so you look, I will, I will never try to sell some of those podcasts that I don't believe in. People have sent ads for things as, Hey, will you sell? I don't know. I ain't selling that. I don't take every ad that comes to, nah, I'm not selling that to people. I don't think that's junk. You know, that mystery game show thing. I finally played that where you pay for it by mail.

Starting point is 01:11:47 I think of a piece of shit. Um, the Casper master says I thought then was piece of shit, bro. And now it took, I had to get one and try it. And that's why I felt. And also these are just my perceptions. Other people's can be different, but if I know that something is not worth what they're charging, I'm not going to sell it. You know, you find somebody else to sell that boy.

Starting point is 01:12:10 I'm not going to sell that dude. But, um, but I want to thank everybody in Missouri that supported this weekend. I'm going to get through this right here. And, uh, and what else, man? I know today's episode was all over the place, but I do want to talk more about, you know, one thing that was nice was when my, when my brother and mother came out there to Phoenix. And, uh, and, and it was nice. We hadn't all been together since just the three of us since we're probably maybe since

Starting point is 01:12:47 I was probably two years old or three years old. And, and especially without my remote, my mom didn't have to work. I mean, if they do anything. And I just chose to just let it be nice. And so did, so did, so did my mother and so did my brother. None of us chose to dwell on anything or to bring it up. And sometimes you, sometimes you, sometimes it's good to bring stuff up at this time. It wasn't, and, and it was nice, man.

Starting point is 01:13:19 It was nice. It was nice to sit there and listen to my brother talk to me and share information that he knows and things about the world because he's a little bit older with me and a little bit more experienced. And it was nice to see my mother just, you know, give my brother a hug, you know, and like, uh, and just have a moment with her son that she probably hadn't had in a long time. You know, it was nice to see my mother, you know, get to, you know, at the dinner table she put both of, she put her hand on my brother's hand and on my hand at the same time. And it was nice, man.

Starting point is 01:14:00 It's nice that fingerprints, you know, it's nice to, uh, it's nice just to know that even though we had, you know, had both had all lived so much lives, you know, we'd all live for 30, you know, between 30, 40, 70 years that still inside of us, there's the people can connect that human connection is, it's ageless. It's ageless. And isn't it fascinating to know that there is a, there's like a yarn or a thread between human beings that doesn't weather. It doesn't.

Starting point is 01:14:55 I mean, it endures, it weathers, but it doesn't. It's always so quickly. It can be taught so quickly. It can be tightened so quickly. It can be accessed. You know, there's something amazing about that. It's amazing how forgetful human touch is. You know, human touch doesn't remember all of the, a lot of the pain and the anger or the,

Starting point is 01:15:30 the memories or the uncomfort. It just, you know, it just lets somebody know, Hey, I'm here. You know, I'm here, you know, I'm here, you're here. It's amazing. You can just touch somebody and almost, you can almost apologize with a touch, you know, or let somebody know, Hey, every, you know, I don't know. It's just interesting. It's interesting.

Starting point is 01:16:00 The powers that go on in human touch, I guess I got to learn more about it. Dr. Pearl Mutter came in here last week. And so I have, I agreed to, to, to, to do that man's diet. So I am going to do that. I want to begin. I want to try. Well, I succeed. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:16:22 He kind of put me on at the end real, and he was kind of, you know, you talk to these book guys and they're kind of smarty to me sometime they get a little, they know a little too much for me, but maybe I'm just jealous because they know a lot. Or I'm envious, you know, but he came in here. Dr. Pearl Mutter and he's, you know, he knows about stomachs and brains and he's saying to help, you know, I want my brain and my life to be the best I can. And it's going to take more work for the way that I eat and the things I choose to eat. And I've been doing all week.

Starting point is 01:16:56 I did good. I did the keto all week since I left, since I left to go out of town or all last week and then I fucking lost my mind at one moment and had three Haagen-Dazs ice cream bars. And the third one couldn't even taste it. That's the, you ever get to that point where you're like, oh, I'm just still eating it, but I can't even taste it. Like you're on that, on that 16th cookie. You're like, I have no fucking clue what these tastes like anymore.

Starting point is 01:17:25 My body is my sugar and it's maxed out, but I'm still fucking doing it. Whatever. You know what? I think maybe, maybe we've done enough. You know, I'm thankful that Chris Delia came in here. I'm thankful that we're back here in the studio. It's interesting. It was so crazy being at his place because it's a different energy.

Starting point is 01:17:46 It's just different. And, you know, I'm grateful to our producer, Nick and his producer, Juan Hire. And, and just, you know, we did something fun. We did something fun. And so many cool messages came in from, uh, from people supporting the podcast. Um, yep. Again, support the podcast. Uh, me undies.com slash weekend is that code.

Starting point is 01:18:11 Uh, capterra.com slash Theo for your business software solutions. Um, I'll be coming up. I'll be at the Palm Beach, West Palm Beach improv April 26th and 27th. Very excited about that. It looks like we're going to be able to interview Riff Raff who is a, um, kind of an estranged human performer, one of a kind, uh, be able to interview him. Who else is coming up on the podcast? Jim Gaffigan is going to be coming in studio.

Starting point is 01:18:39 Um, big baby Glenn Davis is supposed to be coming in studio. Uh, we have a lot of neat people and I'm so excited to go to my first UFC fight this week and see Aerosmith is going to be crazy. Sorry to brag, but I never go do anything like that. I thank you to everybody in Kansas City that came out. Thank you for your, uh, your love and your support. Um, and it's never too late. It's never too late.

Starting point is 01:19:05 We got to remember that. You know, it's never late too late to, uh, to have a new experience, I guess. You know, but yeah, fingerprints man. They're fascinating. Aren't they? Fascinating. No one else has these. No one else has them.

Starting point is 01:19:21 So if you don't think you're unique, just, I mean, literally you have 10 pieces of proof right there in front of you. You are in your toes. Who even fucking knows if we have toe prints? I mean, Jesus Christ. Who knows? Uh, be good to yourselves. You know, and, uh, because we deserve it, man.

Starting point is 01:19:46 We deserve it. Thank you guys. I'll, I'll see you, uh, next week. TV starlight come over. Get at the show. Hello. Enjoy the destination. Nezhaan. Nezhaan.

Starting point is 01:20:51 Tennessee, painted on the wall. It's never too late to come over. Time slips away from you and me now. So don't hesitate to come over. So don't hesitate to come over.

This Past Weekend - Fake Machu Picchu | This Past Weekend #188

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