This Past Weekend - Family Matters | This Past Weekend #209

Episode Date: June 24, 2019

Betterhelp Sign up at https://betterhelp.com/theovon today Theo opens the show by calling his mother. Then takes calls on lasts weeks topics of co-parenting and what to do when a friend stops responding. And other stuff, too. This episode brought to you by… Betterhelp Sign up at https://betterhelp.com today Manscaped Visit https://manscaped.com and use promo code THEO for 20% + free shipping & travel bag Skillshare https://skillshare.com/theovon for 2 months free Hit the Hotline [phone] Music “Alabama” by Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sATpdHgxhP8& “Makin’ It” by Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmqi6QYs3jg Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Wayne Anselmi Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Anthony Holcombe Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brad Moody Brandon Hoffman Brandon Kirkman Bubba Hodge Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Charles Herbst Christian Coyne Christina Peters Christopher Stath Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dakota Montano Dan Draper Dan Perdue Daniel Chase Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook Danny Gill David Christopher David Smith Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Donald blackwell Doug C Drew Munoz Dusty Baker Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Ginger Levesque Grace Jenson Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jim Floyd Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kaitlin Mak Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lauren Williams Lawrence Abinosa Leighton Fields Luke Bennett Madeline Garland Mandy Picke'l Marisa Bruno Matt Kaman Meaghan Lewis Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Roma Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell OK Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Rachel Warburton Randal L. Nu Ranger Rick Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Rohail Ryan Hawkins Ryan Walsh Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Scott Wilson Sean Scott Season Vaughan Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shannon potts Shona MacArthur Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tommy Frederick Travis Simpson Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Victor Montano Victor S Johnson II Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello. Hey ma. Hi son. I'm just taking a walk. Oh. Yeah. It's a little under a hundred now but later this week's gonna be a hundred seven so I figure I better get my walks in. You might melt mom. I'm not gonna do it when it's a hundred seven Theo. I mean really you're only you'd either have to do it after it were dark. Oh yeah that's dangerous too because they have a lot of snakes out there. Or really early in the morning like 5 30. I don't know. Usually. Well that's snakes. I have to eat some right away so. And that's snakes too mom. Yeah. Yeah well no. What is that insect that I found in the house they sprayed for once for me. Something it's not a tarantula but. Jesus. Something that I have in the desert. To a lot of people it's

poisonous so I found them like a total of I think four of them in the house. Well you're gonna end up on one of those special shows where people get it's like for kind of for seniors that get attacked by snakes you know. Yeah I guess. Or something. Something will get you right. Yeah well look at least if you go into the belly of a warm snake at least you got a nice place to be you know. Yeah you have to be pretty much of a monster but they do exist. I know you've seen some big ones sometimes on your walk haven't you. Yeah remember back in the day. Yeah. I think you give us during the time that you stayed there for a short time when we lived on Fairway Rose. Oh yeah. Gargantuan snake that was the only time they were ever seen one that big. So what do you think that's gonna

not kill Roseanne but it won't help her. Well I just I don't know what did you think whenever you heard about it. I just thought well I wanted your opinion and then when I got your opinion I thought well maybe that will hem her in as just being a comedian of controversy because that guy's controversial I guess. Yeah. And you know when really I mean witness her old shows he's a good all around comedian. Yeah. Yeah I agree. I think it kind of like it kind of I don't know. Pardon me I would love to have gone on a tour with her. You what. I said I would have loved to have gone on a tour with her honestly if I'm really honest with myself. Yeah no I know. It's one of those probably timing things. Yeah. What I didn't say when they you know when he initially pitched it I

assume he pitched it to her but I don't even know that. Yeah well I think you know I think you know I think she probably thinks that people don't like her more than is the reality. I think probably I think a lot of people still really do like her but also I think her and Dice have a real comfortable connection. They've been friends for a long time. She like jumped up on stage at one of his shows a couple of months ago and had like a comfortable response and they used to do shows together in Vegas. You know so I think some of it might just be a comfort thing too like if I'm going to go tour with somebody who would it be. Yeah but I think it's a good move for him. He like you know I think that I feel like a lot more people would come out to see her these days but

right who might not come out to see him. I know what he looks like but I'm not I know what I read said he'd been banned from something. I don't know what it was television. Oh yeah but I don't really know anything about it said he still does stand up on his own. Yeah well I'll see him at the comedy store sometimes. Oh really? Yeah. Is he any good? Yeah I mean I think he's a you know desired taste. I mean he's still you know he's a comedian he's not really he's never been really like nice to me whenever I've seen him so I may have a I may have sometimes an unfair impression of like what I how I look at his comedy. Exactly. But to me some of it's it's not really my favorite like if somebody asked me who's one of your favorites I wouldn't you know I wouldn't not even

I wouldn't even think of him. Right so I guess they hooked up because of what you say long-term friendship and also because they can both be controversial well he is all the time I guess. Yeah now it could be a huge tour though a lot of people were like you know what I'm gonna go out and see. Yeah. See just see him you know just see him say whatever you know people yeah the last like hurrah for people saying whatever they want to say you know. I guess she's not finished yet unless you know I don't think she is either that's I think she thinks she is more than she is. Well maybe when it's all done you'll still get a chance but they're doing something more benign even if you do the little the little family in the van you know. Yeah I talked to her manager

a couple times I'm still trying to figure it out so but uh but yeah they didn't take a while. Yeah that's a good point so all right ma. Are you doing a podcast? Yeah I'm actually but it's just about the tape right now so. Yeah well thank you for calling. Yeah thanks for answering ma and I hope your walk goes well. I'm getting hot love you. All right love you too. Bye. Okay bye. Well do you know what I was thinking was uh that tits are hard like a hard like a chest is just like a man's chest is kind of like hard tits really when you think about that like petrified almost tits like if you had like if somebody buried a couple of you know beautiful just milky front knuckles out in the yard and they got and they got real hard

over time and you dug them back up they'd be almost like a man's chest so I don't even know what that means man she was harder than the black top broke down and her truck stopped she looked about as wild as the story she told me said she was a question saving souls in savannah and the lord was sending her to alamama had a pistol in her boots black head dark roots said she got a hold man but I shouldn't be worried though it seemed like she was in a jockey dry out in the slammer lord I hope I don't die in alabama lord I hope I don't die in alabama that heat that was look at this is the time of year it is summertime they call it for here now somewhere else somebody's

dealing with winter somebody and maybe Moscow or somewhere somebody's throwing a damn uh not a crystal ball but a snowball at somebody imagine that yeah if you imagined it then you just did and if you didn't then you just did it it's up to you but yeah this is summer and summer is here boy and summer is man he's a dirty boy isn't he I mean he is a dirty boy he's hot and he just is just relentless he is relentless and that is summer that's like somebody if you give a uh you know sometime you catch a boy in the neighborhood or something got a little bit of um altism you know the tism they say it and if you give him a little hammer you know they had a boy in our area this boy named wild Jacob

and he was always eating you know we'd run around and pick berries and everything in the summer and you know when the berry bushes really started to flourish you'd catch him out there with the blue you know the black dye on his hands picking berries and uh and eating them that's the problem his mom gave him this little hat and he's supposed to put the berries in there but he would have just eat them immediately and he'd get home and he dude have you know 120 berries in his stomach but uh at one time his uncle I remember passed through town or something gave him a little hammer and I mean I swear to god we thought we had a damn woodpecker in the neighborhood for probably four years but um but wild Jacob would just get

off in the woods and he'd find him a little tree or something or a little you know area of hardness maybe a fence board or a um piece of stone or granite and he would just hit it with that hammer while Jacob be out there would just bury stains all over his face just just just just for hours and hours just fucking probably sending Morse code to who knows I mean I'm sure over in you know in Chernobyl or somewhere or Russia you know who knows outer space they're thinking it's just some wild unique Morse code is coming in you know there's said there's some you know stenographer at NASA just writing it all down but meanwhile that's just freaking berry Jacob

old black berry Jacob with his little hammer just beating something we thought we had you know exotic birds but that's how relentless summer is man it's like giving a hammer to uh uh like giving a hammer to a young fellow with the autism and he's out there just just chiseling away I mean Jacob will fucking he chiseled a damn uh Mount Rushmore into the side of a school building or something I mean he just pissed everybody off you know you come out of um you know this is you'd come out of the out of school or out of your house and he would have chiseled a damn Dion Sanders into the side of a a Honda like well what the fuck man I mean he just had a real unique style to him but that's the thing you know and that's how

relentless he just I mean he was banks he didn't have nothing on this fella banks he ain't shit banks he's just some sneaky dude in the middle of the night with a marker but I'm just saying while Jacob was out there all day with a freaking one of them little baby hammers son just rearranging the world but that's how summer is man it is relentless beating it is and it's that time you almost want to buy your mother a damn ice hat you know it's almost like you want to drown somebody but don't fully drown just hold them under cold water for you know about 40 seconds just to let them catch a little bit of relief from the heat it's summertime in the year 2019 and it is June 24 and thank you for joining us

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right Skillshare Skillshare is offering this past weekend listeners two months of unlimited access to over 25 000 classes for free to sign up go to Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn again go to Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn to start your two months now that's Skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn oh yeah it's summertime thank you guys for uh good to see you good to hear you um what's up man just kind of relaxing this weekend I went to a chiropractor and I don't know if you ever been to a chiropractor but this shady it's the shadiest thing it's basically like going to the mafia for your body it's like taking your body to like a mafia person because they got you in a headlock they pinning you to the ground they're asking you questions about your you know it's

Jesus by the end I'm like I you know I'm just telling them where the treasure's buried even if I didn't do shit I'm just making stuff up you know uh it's in us it's in a safety deposit box it it's in a locker at the Greyhound station because they put that dude this lady and she might have been into some wild stuff she might have been into some real dark arts I think because I had you know I felt like she had a little bit of you ever hug somebody and they kind of they feel like they might have been doing cocaine a little bit like that so you know but whatever you know we didn't blood test each other I was just there so I don't really know anything but but um but yeah well I went in there and and next thing you

know she's got me on the table she's got me in a figure four figure five she had me in all kinds of shit she had my all you know she had she tied both my arms into a knot under inside of her mouth with her tongue I'm like what is this is I mean she was doing unique stuff and this was all non-sexual just this this whole deal caused me probably about a hundred a hundred maybe twenty dollars 160 or twenty dollars I don't know but dude they get in there they get they put the bone right in your zone this lady had me she had my orifice is just just nervous boy I mean my whole body felt like a dang bee hole I'd be honest with you my whole body felt like a bee hole and I say bee hole you know well some people don't want to hear that they you know they some people say but whole and I don't

say that because I'm not that I don't say that kind of stuff if I can help it but yeah this lady had that you know she got my whole body was feeling nervous like a bee hole boy because people don't want to talk about that backdoor deal that be whole a lot and that thing I mean it'll barely kind of accept a marble the thing is uh cautious I think is a good word to describe it it's like you know you know it's like got a really small small welcome mat if it has one at all and that be whole it's really it's a temperamental deal but yeah this lady had my whole body feeling like that like my whole body was just covered up with just you know uh uh that anus you know that anus that be whole so it was an it was a unique experience but you go

in there she's got you in this she's got you in that she's got you she had my arms behind my back she was fucking asking me questions you know she threatened I was like why I didn't know what was going on she threatened me she told me I got a C when I was in you know that I cheated in high school she was saying a lot of things that were I thought egregious that had nothing to do with skeletal or muscular then they put you on this table and they put this long cable to your neck and she goes over by the door and yanks that thing I mean it just just and suddenly I fucking dude I I didn't know what was going on I mean I just felt kind of just tightened up you know you know I felt like my pants just were you know we're gonna fit better I felt just like my dick

and my just you know I just felt like my I just felt like my just like my dick had just won a medal or something just straightened everything up in my body immediately you know I felt like I just won third place in a damn spine contest you know at the at the spine center over there off the interstate but anyway I'm kind of rambling we had last week we had a question that you know we had a caller that called in we're talking about relationships and things like that and just things that I find are in a lot of people's worlds right now and in my world for sure you know I think a lot about relationships and you know if I want it if I can handle it you know I just really have a tough time and commitment man I just have a really

there's just something inside of me that is very scared of it even just you know if I think about like getting like a wedding or something that's it scares me if I think about you know but also what scares me also is being alone and not having someone that scares me really in a different way that scares me more cerebrally like it you know I can think about well I might not have children or grandchildren and you got to have grandchildren but those dudes they seem like fucking great you know really good little buckaroos children they who knows what will happen these mfers but grandchildren but they fucking doing everything you could give them as many smoothies as you want you know give them a couple lollipops hit

them with that suppository broth they sick grandchildren you could do anything with a grandchildren put them outside put them on a swing give them another smoothie oh they're tired they're crying get that smoothie little Bryce or whatever your name is little deadra what you want another couple of neck away first you know grandpa got you I might be that undercover grandpa just kind of roll up on children in the mall non-sexual you notice roll up on children at the mall or at the and hit them with a couple uh uh you know a cut of a kit cat break them off want you know one of those you know 25 percent of a kit cat boy or hit them with a damn you know a half a handful of payday split a payday candy bar with them and my mother used to love

eating paydays boy she used to crack open a couple cans of beer and she put that lawn chair out in the windows open and she would lay out in indoors she would lay out on the thing indoors uh but and you know and she would have that payday candy and that's more when payday candy bars used to be an adult they used to be an adult candy but but yeah I was talking about last week about uh just parenting and co-parenting and what do people think about that kind of stuff and we had a caller that called in uh this was an excerpt from his call right here I'm 31 and I'm kind of trying to figure out you know do I want a child or not you know I think my big problem is that I don't I have a phobia of having a child with the wrong lady you know because whether you like to believe

it or not you're attached to that person for at least 18 years you know the girl so I kind of want to make sure it's right you know before I have before I bring a child into this world and uh and you guys hit some responses as always the hotline [phone] you guys had some nice responses that uh here's uh one that came in right here hey Theo this is Sarah from Chicago hey Sarah and I'm actually wearing the Chicago Cubs fly that duh baby and I love Chicago man it's just really it's a city that really I feel like has still has a good bit of a orders you know it's got a lot of business but it's got a lot of heart and you got people coming up there that are you know they're looking to do business but they're also just looking to enjoy you know seeing other

people and meeting other people and it's a good place to still get a business card from somebody and put it in your pocket and actually use it let's hear more I'm that lady who gave her husband a hands up in the back of her dad's car for the first time oh yeah Sarah uh Sarah with that magical touch you got that you put that David Copper feel on your husband huh and next thing you know you're making his uh you're making his uh blue balls disappear you have that magical touch touching your man while your dad's driving that's literally that's a ballsy move let's hear more so I just heard your comment about co-parenting and I know some people who are co-parenting now or are kind of just taking the parenting life as if it's just that was easy to work that it works out if it

doesn't it doesn't you know and that's not how the child sees it I've seen I work with kids actually I'm a speech therapist and I work with children and I deal with those kids every day where co-parenting just isn't working out and it really isn't working out for the child make sure you have a strong foundation in that relationship otherwise it's just it can be detrimental for you yes but incredibly detrimental for that child especially because when we're babies important to this world the only thing we know is our parents that's that's where we find out what love is and if we don't see it from the co-parenting then do we really know what kind of love we deserve or what kind of love we should get onwards you know gang gang gang gang gang sir I appreciate that you

know that's a good that's a really interesting thought yeah because if you're just co-parents and you the the children now you could still show the child some love the children will feel love from a male parent and a female parent or but I mean or it could be you know same-sex parents but I think that I mean I feel like you you're gonna get more of a full batch if you have that male female I mean that's you know it's been the current it's been the recipe it's been mother nature's recipe to have the male female um but yeah it's like you'll get the the kid will still get the love from a parent a male parent and a female parent but they won't get they won't maybe see the example of love so they might not see the parents love each other they may not see there's like an element

that they could really miss so yeah I didn't really thought about that exactly um that if yeah if you live on one street and your kid lives yeah the if you live on one street with your kid and the dad lives across the street or down the way and you guys are just kind of you know back and forth it may feel kind of dis dis you know that it might not be continuous parenting it may kind of start and stop here and there and then also kids might start to learn well love is just love is just you know you get love from one person from a mom or from a dad and it's not a also something you see so if they don't see the love between the parents so then you the kid my the kid could feel like that like that that love isn't a isn't something that's even in the world

you know because I've never seen an example of it it's just I get love from my mom here I get love from my dad here but I don't see an example of love between uh two people um that are you know like in a marriage or two people like a man and a woman that love each other so then the kid might grow up and not really feel an attraction to anybody they might be fully asexual than may sexers so that's interesting you know I appreciate you sharing that uh thanks for calling in Sarah and look once again thanks for you know sharing that story two episodes ago about dropping that hj on your husband back in that day while your dad was driving y'all around man there's I mean that that episode really I think took us all to a beautiful place in time that that you can only

exist in as a child you know and as a first time when you get that first touch let's let's take another call that came in here um here we go this is Vivian from Los Angeles hey Vivian from LA thank you for calling in uh onward I was listening to last week's episode and I thought I'd share a story my mom and dad were really young when they had me my mom was 19 and my oh yeah that's beautiful my dad was a couple years older oh yeah so you're trying to be wild like that with the young ladies I've done it I feel it onward and they never got married for some time I was really young and uh they lived apart from each other and you know talked me back and forth between them but once I actually got into elementary school they decided to move in together and become roommates in Chicago uh nothing

nothing romantic or anything like that they just wanted uh you know to co-parent together in the same household and honestly it was my favorite time of my childhood so yeah if any single parents are considering um co-parenting in the same household I could say from my experience it was really really good for me and actually I just kind of miss it but yeah gang gang thank you for calling in uh let me look up really quick um the definition of co-parenting just so I'm operating on a clean co-parenting um share the duties of parenting especially of a separated or unmarried couple so basically it is uh people co-parenting sometimes called joint parenting or shared parenting is the experience of raising children as a single parent when separation or divorce occurs

however placing the sole focus on your children can be a great way of helping to make co-parenting a positive experience so it's where both where the parents are single but they're both raising the child um so that could be in a couple of ways where you know you guys are you know just you guys are divorced uh it could be that you guys are like this situation roommates so obviously it's there is something special that happens when as a child then from your perception when uh when both your parents are in the same place and I and you know what I could really imagine that it's like because with parents you can play awful you can play one off of the other it's fun to see them interact you know they're like this when you're a kid your parents are like this weird comedy duo

sometimes it's just cruising around the house just trying to take away your privileges so it's really interesting to have I guess to get to see them at the same time interact with each other it could be kind of lonesome if you just go to your dad's house and he's just being you know kind of sad or something or looking up escorts and or just being like a nice guy or you go to your mom's house and she's just kind of being sad or buying these crazy you know high powered uh sexual toys you know these real you know these crotch uh you know damn John Deere's making things for women's crotches now and it is just good god I mean they got some things that run on gas powered you gotta you know you gotta dang you know you gotta float the choke

a little bit before you can even get that thing to start up and so that's really I don't know what kind of I don't know what's going on so yeah I think seeing those parents getting to see your parents kind of give each other a wet willy or tickle each other or you know or try on scarves or different things like that there's gonna be something special there having that moment where you're paying you know maybe playing hide and go seek and both your parents are there to play with you you know there is something about having them in the same house so now maybe if your parents like you said your parents just happen to live together they weren't married uh but they lived in the same house so maybe co-parenting is more effective if the parents are living in the same

home even if they're not married uh but they're there together at the same time which I could imagine because from what I hear there's a lot of like something that happens with like a nesting you know where it feels like you're in a nest in a safe place where you can grow you know your mom is there to nurture you your father is there to take care of uh and provide and it feels uh probably very natural to us because a lot of species do it you know you see this show they got a thing called uh what is it penguin I don't know polar express or something maybe it's like a bunch of penguins it's on the nature show they have a bunch of penguins and these mother dude these guys they're penguins I don't know if you know penguins are they're basically

they're kind of they act like kind of like little bitches I mean they don't you know they kind of shore with people you know they always like just you know they don't even really you know they just sitting over there giving you that uh who's that guy um that slumber J arm what's your boy he was he could barely point at the oil uh John McCain you know he got that low hitter you know he just got that I mean it's very very you know he got that half masked baby you know and you know they that's how they raise their arm a little penguins they don't do much the guys all kind of huddle around and then the women they get pissed and they jump off of the mountain and go get a belly of fish and then they come back one of them vomits into the child and then

the other one goes out but I think as the child to see your parents just doing that shift that you know that teamwork that tandem you realize I bet you learn a lot about you know what it takes as a team as a tandem to make it work you know my parents I remember my dad liked to sleep in his car at the park and he would sometimes drink too much and he would just stay outside and just sleep in his car in front of the house and he used to have a lot of cups of like different mardi gras to balloons from the parade and uh and he would just throw him out of his car when he was driving like kind of like he was his own little parade a little bit um I mean he was also 80 years old at this point or set you know 78 or something but but yeah sometimes he would get a

little bit of free champagne because one of his friends worked at the champagne distillery and he would drive over old champagne and my dad I know would sit out on the porch sometimes and you know chug down a half a bottle of old champagne and I would be out there and he would let me smell his breath because I like the way that the uh that the champagne smelled but then I think it's just fun as a kid to have both of the parents around it's something real I mean Jesus I think just you know I mean there's enough kids already that are raised by single parents it's just a little hectic it's not the same vibe but maybe that's where we're headed and if we are headed there is a species because we're such in this me generation and

you know myself and and you know a lot of us are there not even by choice it's like you know social media really puts us in our own world in our own perceptions and you know we have our own facebook page we have our own ig we have our own snapchats we have our own whatever it is tiktoks or whatever it's all our own personal things that it you know we start to look at our it just as our lives as our world just as ourselves it's just uh it's just me it's just me um so if that's where we're headed as people then then co-parenting might be the only viable possibility because if your parents aren't going to live together they're not going to stay married or they don't want to be married um then at least if they can live together in an environment

where they can raise a child so i don't know i'm thinking a lot about that kind of stuff just today for some reason uh fuck man i'm fucking tired you ever sleep a lot and you're tired you're like dang dude what was i doing in my dream was running a lot or something but thank you for calling in you know maybe there'll be a turn where people start to you know really make good choices about relationships and you see a lot more kids getting raised in the nest and uh and you see just you know you see more of that vibe a little bit but yeah that hockey puck kind of style of child raising i don't know you know i've never done it but i don't know what it's i don't know if it's super healthy i don't know and then sometimes you don't know sometimes some kids is just made out of you

know fish and snails and puppy dog pails you know or whatever you know cinnamon and spice and nothing nice or whatever you got a kid who's got fucking you know made out of 70 grams of damn nutmeg in his neck and he's never going to get it together so some of that is just kind of god's plan i'm going to tell you that today's episode if you're struggling with something is brought to you by betterhelp.com it's professional and affordable counseling get matched with the counselor who's right for you you might like a different i've had all kind of counselors hell my first counselor i had ever in los angeles i saw her about nine years later homeless no joke um it was kind of this thicker kind of i want to say maybe this kind of jewish lady but she had i think she had a mental

illness but she uh she was eating yogurt homeless and i was like damn dude i took advice from this lady for like about nine about nine months you know so man is hit or miss in the universe boy but professional and affordable counseling betterhelp.com you can get matched up with the counselor who's right for you for communication modes text chat phone and video start communicating in under 24 hours you must be 18 or older this is available worldwide it's not intended for those actively considering suicide so if you're thinking about taking your life don't bother them with it that's your you know that's for your own consideration really and talk to an immediate professional 911 or talk to somebody in your home or something do not take your life um but this is betterhelp.com

it's available on desktop mobile web android and ios apps you can send messages 24 7 365 to a therapist i was having a tough day and i pulled over on the side of the road and hit up my better help therapist arlana was her name arlana and next thing you know i had a 40 minute chat with her face to face on facetime so it's helpful if you need this schedule video and phone sessions sign up at betterhelp.com slash thio thio today that's betterhelp.com slash thio financial aid is available you know i've been thinking about just trying to be more certain about the things that i need in my life even if i'm wrong sometimes i stay in this middle ground where i'm just so uncertain and i never really kind of make a lot of choices i just stay in this

in this uncomfortable space and uh i've always been thinking about i need to own what my choices are even if they're wrong because part of me just wants to not make any choices so then i don't ever take any kind of real risk sometimes um but then i spend all the time in my head just battling on both side you know both just both choices both decisions it's like do i do this or do i do that but instead of deciding i'll just keep asking myself that do i do this do i do that do i do that for months should i do this should i do the options aren't even gone are gone it was like should i pick this cabbage or this little grapefruit at the produce and that that shit is damn wilted and been bought by others but i'm still wondering in my head you know it's like my indecisiveness

is just it's it's exhausting honestly it's like what do i do here if i choose this am i gonna hurt somebody's feelings if i choose that am i gonna hurt my feelings and sometimes i don't even want to make choices because i'm like it's like am i mentally well enough to even make any choices like you know am i do i need to get in a better place before i make choices for myself i think that sometimes like man do i should even make a choice right now i don't even know if i'm doing okay i don't know life just if someone was tricky um but let's take in let's take in this other uh call about uh about uh co-parenting here we go what's going on to yo jack from phoenix i just had some uh jack jack from phoenix my second favorite uh football

team right there the arizona cardinals and i also like them detroit lines onward advice for that guy asking if he's too old to be having kids or whatever you know i was 23 when i met a woman thought she was pretty cool star dating only catch was is that she was three months pregnant with someone else's kid of course oh yeah if you hit not yeah you met a woman she's already pregnant with somebody else's kid that's like kind of like when you you ever go you ever do an easter egg hunt and you go and you already you go to the bush and the eggs gone it's like that things didn't end up working out but i raised that kid for about three years and it told me that having kids was worth it you know even if shit might not go right you might be worried you might be with the wrong

person or whatever in my case i was and uh you know all the all the tough shit was worth it and so i say go for a man before you get too damn old gang gang gang bra well thank you for the suggestion yeah you know i think i love i mean i keep having sperm in my body because you know i'm even though i'm still off pornography i'm back off i think i got like another 30 days under my belt um and that's changed my life i gotta talk about that more next week i'm gonna do the episode talking about just how you know pornography and being off of it has really started to adjust the ways i think and feel um but yeah i keep having when i do touch myself i see you know i have sperm inside of my body that kind of rears its little beak you know where it comes

out of me or you know that self-spray kind of and what i'm telling you is that i can still do it so i appreciate it yeah i might do it at some point but i don't think i'm gonna do it right now but at some point i might have to get out there and and catch a zygote you know catch a case of the uh of the um you know full sexual reproduction um and i'm glad it was a good experience for you brother you know it's brave that men over there get on the front lines that's like i mean that's almost like a little bitty vietnam that's almost like a skeet at numb you know when you got to raise somebody else's you know skeet for a while isn't it crazy that you have a bill like a man even a fucking idiot right now has a millions of babies running around in his body

little you know kind of nut buddies and that all you got to do is tickle him enough around his wiener and he'll and they'll show up i mean if that doesn't sound like like a new minions movie then i don't know what does right let's take another call here we got a lot of good calls coming in thank you very much thank you this is valery from olympia hey valery from olympia up there and i think maybe washington or olympia the country i'm not sure um we just saw your show at Seattle last weekend and it was awesome i was just oh thank you very much yep washington thank you uh for thank you guys for coming just calling about somebody called talking about a friend that didn't show up i mean he might have been stalking him and it might be somebody that he

met off the internet oh yeah this was we had a guy who called in last week about um you know he was kind of losing his friend and and he wasn't sure if he should still be friends with him or not because he felt like he was doing all of the work onward might have been stalking him and it might be somebody that he met off the internet and he's just peeping in the bushes hoping that for some reason that guy would call him back but if it is truly his friend from his childhood and he really does know him um i'm gonna have to disagree with you i really feel like if a relationship is toxic you got to think about your own mental health and and your own happiness at some point and you shouldn't have to work that hard to make a friendship work i'm not saying that you have to

cut him off or refuse his call if that guy calls him but i do think it's important to surround yourself with people that value you and just kind of let that one go if he doesn't want to call him back maybe don't call him anymore seek out friends that are worth your time but also if he's stalking him that's a serious issue and now i appreciate i appreciate the call you know what that's a really good point that's a good thought like yeah maybe yeah like sometimes yeah if the person if it's not cutting it for you then yeah let them go you know when i just heard you say that value made me think about in my own life like yeah sometimes i i i will just keep riding relationships even though there's like nothing there maybe you know like sometimes i have friends i keep talking to them

even though every time i talk to them like what is it are we still are we in front what's going on even or am i just somebody that for some weird reason has been talking to this person every now and then you know i think i've always had a well i wonder if i'm just like afraid to let friendships go because what if i don't know just so happy to have any connection at all that man i can't let it it i can't let it go and it is true it's like um at a certain point we're not helping ourselves it's like some relationships i'm like are these is this relationship even helpful or good for me in my life uh or is it just a burden but then pardon me things well if this is a burden maybe this other person really needs somebody an excessive care you know someone who just doesn't give up on

them you know even you know or doesn't you know keeps it alive no matter what and i'm not saying that that that's a right way to do it or that there's any winner in the scenario i think because i think in some cases you can really exhaust yourself i really exhaust myself sometimes you know keeping friendships alive and some people though somebody's probably thinking the same thing about me like man i'm so fucking tired of texting teo or reaching out and never getting a response you know i got a guy a buddy who uh you know who sent me you know he sent me a couple of nice gifts and he's been so supportive and and i literally just not had time to reach out to him and i always feel bad it's like but yeah at some point even then at some point am i just

hurting their feelings on the other side of the coin by would it be big of me to just say hey man look i know i'm not putting what i need to into this relationship or into this buddy ship right here this little buddy battle so let me just step off the battlefield yeah it's interesting i think it's case by case basis uh but i will sometimes i will just keep trying to friendship because i'm just afraid to let it end even though there's nothing else there even though you know i don't want to put my faith that a different friend will come along and fill that space a better opportunity and the truth is for me the experience the proof of experience in my life has been and that if i leave space for new things that new things will come along

as hard as it is as hard as it is to be like okay i'm gonna i'm gonna let this go i'm gonna let this rope go and just start to close my other i'm gonna let the rope go with one hand and i'm gonna start to close this other hand and at the moment that this one hand is fully let go of the one rope i'm just gonna have faith that there's gonna be another rope will have formed in this other hand at the exact moment i need it to so that i don't just disappear off into the ether just fall into the void and it always does that's the crazy thing every time i give like faith or opportunity a chance i feel like it always shows up even though it's so hard to do it that's tricky man damn we are tricky rabbits boy uh let me get this call that came in is always a

hotline [phone] i need to go run or something i gotta get my blood going i'm feeling like my blood is slow yeah what's up to you this is a parker i'm here in uh new jersey and you know i i'm in high school and i uh i failed two classes you know for the year damn you're in high school do what grade are you in 41 42nd grade you in 19th grade man you sound about 50 dude you sure you're in high school uh thank you for calling man i appreciate you calling i gotta do summer school and it sucks you know the parents don't like it they're all pissed off and they're disappointed in me it sucks but you know like i do this summer school and i was just wondering if you any advice for moving on from it moving on with high school trying to get into college

and just seeing you know what uh what to do from here because you know i'm trying to get the uh the disappointment away from my parents yeah man you gotta go out there and get that hitter okay little kitten you gotta freaking put your tongue in the milk and start doing the work yeah your parents are disappointed probably because they've really given you know they've given you so some environment maybe where you can really prosper i mean parker really honestly is not usually a poor kid's name so because if you parker you gotta you know unless you're valet now that usually that's more valet is more you know a poor guy's name sometimes like you know or actually it sounds actually kind of rich valet that sounds french that's my boy valet that's parker

so really that's the same name but what i'm saying is parker usually if you met a parker that dude you know what i'm saying he definitely had a couple extra pudding packs in his in his satchel and so you've had the opportunity man you're going to summer school i think you need to decide if you like school or not i'll tell you this going to college is for is fun that's what it is it's fun you get to meet people you get to have fun um you you know i think you should start to maybe apply yourself and see what you could do man i bet you could do a little bit of magic now also you could take another route if your parents got a little bit of coin you could get that little bit of a loan maybe and go do some wild shit get out there on the you know hit the road

and get that bone going boy and get out there and do some boning do some sex out there travel america travel europe but school i think school is cool because it's just a it's an experience you can't really go back to school later on in life that much and have that much fun you can't be 45 or 46 and trying to uh join as you know peeking in the zeta house windows you know we're running in there in the middle of the night and hiding a couple pairs of panties in your fucking mouth or throat so you gotta really enjoy it now and it sounds like you have that opportunity man i would go go i would go you could take a year off and then go but i would go to college because it's a blast but i'd go to summer school and take some action man get your shit together g up drink a red bull

or something or have half a red bull and go in there but because at a certain point man i'm not trying to preach to you but at a certain point some people that don't do you know not doing anything for yourself not getting your work done that shit starts to become a bad habit now you might be a slow starter that late bloomer you know you might be freaking late bloomer asias and boy but you got to get out the icky woods baby and get into freaking you know into some greener pastures because that's what it seems like um you know there's kind of two roads to go usually the road where you got to put in a little more effort in the road where you could just take it

easy so i put in a little effort get through the summer school dude and then have some opportunities but don't be a little hoe you feel me man get out there gang bro um man let's take a patreon question that came in sorry to just be going to the questions today guys i know sometimes maybe looks like kind of a crutch but um this weekend i'm coming to some shows though i will tell you this i'm excited i'm going to be in san antonio on wednesday i'm going to be in austin on thursday tulsa on friday and oklahoma city on saturday and all those shows everybody all the seats i believe are sold out there'll be a couple tickets maybe released but i do not know when so but those uh yeah i'm excited i'm really really excited to get down there i love going to texas

and it's going to be a real hoot um here is a here's a question that came in fey dvorak from our patreon she hit us up do you do your family members listen to the podcast are they supportive of you sharing stories about your life and family on the podcast and in your stand-up material uh thank you for the the uh the support fey and uh the question yeah i think so you know they don't really admit to it if they do my brother sometimes will say i listen to some of it you know he he listens to it from i think a very like um on judgmental place he told me one time he said hey man be careful about sharing what you feel sometimes or sharing stuff you just you don't want to kind of corner yourself into a weird place

where you know uh he said just be careful just be careful you know um you know i think uh he goes i think you just need just you know he wasn't saying to stop he didn't say don't he just said be careful uh and i can understand what he's saying you know sometimes it's like you know what stuff is is like personal to share and what stuff isn't um but my family was never really close when i was growing up so it's kind of i feel like we've always almost looked at each other as these separate entities than we have as a group and actually even to go back to the co-parenting stuff you know i feel like in some ways i've really struggled because of that you know i remember i only saw my father kiss my mother one time and it was on the top of her head uh during it was her birthday

and she was pissed off about it kind of you know and he just they'd be each been having you know they'd had a little bit of that champagne that guy dropped some off and my dad always said he bought it but you know him and the guy would hear him fight about the prices of the champagne and shit on the porch and the shit was free so my dad's like you getting you know we all notice is you you know old stale champagne so but anyway he brought in a bottle from my mom's birthday and then he kissed her on the top of the head and i just remember seeing my mom just be disappointed and and i was already such an aware kid i'm not saying that that damaged me or changed my life or anything you know i was already predestined to have a level of i think awareness as a child that

i was going to be highly sensitive but you know but to go back to just a previous like you know we my family didn't build up those connections i didn't really have an understanding of relationships you know my father slept on the couch always i never saw him in my i didn't even know that they had a room together you know i didn't even understand it um so you know i think i definitely picked up on that energy you know i don't know if i could ever share a room with a woman i've you know he says talk about this sometimes uh if i ever got a house or something i would have to give maybe a different room for my wife or a separate house and that sounds crazy man but that's just you know i don't know and maybe i can defeat that over time but

man it just there's something that's you know i don't know if i was out there and i you know i remember on christmas i would go out there my dad would be on the couch all the time and it was just kind of weird and but i don't know as a young man as a young kid if you go out you know i remember feeling sorry for my dad i felt bad for him and i remember like my mom was in this closed off space at the other end of the house it wasn't really closed off but there was like a couple doors you know that usually at night i think were closed and so i could i could go knock or something but my dad was there he was accessible he was on the couch and so so i would you know end up seeing him and he was kind of awkward and uncomfortable maybe and also older and probably

asleep and smelling like champagne and and so my mom always felt closed off to me she felt far away i think when i was a kid um and my dad probably felt rejected or emasculated or let down and those energies i think do float around in the air they float around in the air and they land in a child sometimes in ways we don't know in places we don't know and they land in a child um and look i'm just kind of guesstimating trying to just go through my own you know my own history like searching my browser history of my own brain and feelings but but so we didn't have that connection is what i'm saying uh we didn't have a lot of those connections me my sisters you know i then i you know i my dad left and then he passed away i went to live with friends at 14

we never it were always separate entities so if they were to be upset about things i think they probably learn more about me through this um and sometimes i think the only reason i even do this podcast is just kind of you know in this real far fetch circle is so you know so um maybe just so my mother will know who i am a little bit or something i don't know that might sound crazy but uh so sometimes i hope that she listens you know but i don't know if she and i are at the communication level where she would ever you know she'll say sometimes i i saw some of your podcasts or i saw a clip but i don't know if she you know i don't know i mean sometimes i feel like i mean i've said it before that most of my life is just a debt has been just a desperate just

just miscellaneous just errant and confused attempt to try and connect with my mother probably and not even an attempt that i'm always conscious of sometimes an attempt that's just you know just like somebody throwing just rocks into like a lake at night or something and they're also are into the ocean and i mean they're also sleepwalking so they don't even know they're doing it you know it's interesting if i really i wish i could really had a good chart of everything i've ever done in my life or because i bet there's a lot of uh just miscellaneous patterns that i've had that have just been attempts to connect with a mother or with someone with a parent with someone or with myself even maybe

you know i'm i'm not sure but sometimes i wonder if uh sometimes i wonder if all of us what we do do is just some reflection or some inverse our behaviors are just an inverse of our behaviors are just an inverse of like unsettled emotional debts that we have with our parents or with our childhood or with like if everything we do is just this kind of mummy kind of like this zombie walk to fill these couple little things that were never filled you know these couple

old needs as a child i don't know but that's why i mean i do think that the parenting is very important you know because you're just gonna give the kid the best shot so you can't have the kid fucking uber in two hours to go meet the other one i think that's a little tricky or it's just not ideal but then also that's a lot of where we are these days that's a lot of where we are but moving forward we can do it different so if our parents were far away from each other moving forward it's like well am i able to be able to have an adult conversation with this man or this woman and say hey you know i know we have this kid you know we disagree with you know we're not in love but can we be can we cohabitate or be in the same

space or close enough to each other where we can have an effect on this kid's life uh easily you know but just because it could be something that's really gonna start popping off or it could not be you know we don't know which way the tide's always gonna go sometimes the moon will get tricky and kind of do a different pull on the water um what else let's let's take in one more call you know and thank you guys so much for the calls and for helping me think about these things and and for hearing your thoughts you know i do love the fact that uh you know it's episodes like this that kind of remind me not like that helped me they don't remind me they really helped me uh try not to be a know-it-all

man and that's a scary thing isn't it because that's easy that's an easy thing for me to be a know-it-all not to listen not to connect you know just to be cut off because it's more comfortable if i know it all then i don't have to learn anything from you if i know and the truth i don't know much i don't even know much think about that think about all there is to know and think about what you what do when i think about all there is to know and when i think and when i think about what i know dude um we're gonna need to see you in the principal's office theo because i am uh i'm definitely uh turning in my work late you feel me i'm coming up a little light so yeah you know but it's funny that i'll be a know-it-all

sometimes just to really prevent me from because if i know it all i don't have to listen to somebody else tell me something i don't have to listen to your idea i don't have to connect with you it's just another way i don't have to connect you know you can i can stay out of it i can stay alone i can stay just me you know i don't have to let anybody in what's it is you know it's i don't know it's just a wild experiment that we're in isn't it it is a wild beautiful possibly planned experiment and this is the gift man this is it let's hear another call right here onward hey theo this is uh you can call me cc for now you understand why i was uh okay cc and i like names like that cc dd

um randy timmy tim tim i like some different names uh blazer i used to know this fellow named blazer i had a problem that i thought you know the rat king and the kingdom might be able to help me out with so uh one of my co-workers i started working with uh about three months ago he's been there 27 years with the company uh he only talks about our boss uh about how he screwed mobile with some money and some workers comp whatever i try to stay out of it but i got some big tony furgus in there so people think i'm a good listener you got that t furg huh furgy furg love you a long time boy that then you got them freaking you got them sonars huh them bat wings them dark sound fucking suckers onward uh anyway um so the other day he showed me

uh uh one of those little pocket voice recorders and so i'm worried that i'm on cctv looking at this little pocket voice recorder device and uh i know snitches get stitches but i think this dude is trying to blackmail him and my boss is a good guy i like i know his family so i'm i'm wondering what should i do should i tell tell my boss tell his family leave like an anonymous note whatever um yeah that's pretty much it uh gang gang i guess and peace fuck out well look man it sounds like you are right now knowledgeable of a crime so if you're knowledgeable of a crime then you got to tell somebody you got to turn somebody in bucko i mean if if somebody's taking money from your boss because here's the thing if the money goes away and then what

the company's gonna go away dude if the money goes away you're gonna get paid less if the boss doesn't have his you know suddenly his family don't have as many uh capri sons in the cabinet they're not going down there to pence a cola every year to get the you know to get sunburn as a team then if they don't have those opportunities you know if there's less money in the boss's pocket then there's gonna be less pay to go around for you guys so if your boy over there is blackmailing people that's really that's a dark art man so i think but then also if you just don't know what he's doing and he's got these crazy phone videos and shit and you sound you know and you turning him in you over here inspector gadget and nobody's even there's no malfunction then you're gonna

say you're gonna seem like a real muppet you're gonna seem like a real fucking like a real just a just like a plastic missile like a little real bitch missile so i if you think he's blackmailing your boss i think you gotta say something which one of them is more your boy that's what i would go with you know i don't think anybody extorting anybody exploiting anybody i mean i'm getting exploited by this shitty bird dogs company you know these people you know they they baited us to with helping out with a video helping out their company and then the guy is a piece of shit you know so that kind of stuff it's not cool to do to people if somebody's stealing from someone it's not right now if your boss is a real piece of shit and he owes the guy

a bunch of money or something and i think just trust your instincts i'm cool with robin hooding and if you got a robin hood a little you know when i used to do check out at the groceries i tell you when the rich people would come through i'd scan one box of cereal i'd scan it three or four times they didn't notice they had three carts they had two kids all all of the kids beautiful one of the kids had on a sterling bracelet one time sterling silver 40 you know 40 carats or something you know 50 carats like damn these little this kid was fucking nine months old i'm like look at this kid over here got dressed up like dang you got wrists like willy nelson dude had a bunch of damn turquoise beautiful turquoise hitters on his wrists and the kid barely could

hold up a cabbage off his chest very nine months old and these people got that money so i would you know i'd scan their box of cereal three times and then when the mother come through and she only got a couple chives in there and she got a you know she got a kid on one you know she got a kid on on each tit and one of them's kind of a little bit jaundice i would say hey they had three boxes of cereal i'll scan it one just scan one my register came out even so i think you play about i think you you can do that one yourself man i don't i mean if our listeners have a suggestion that's fine but as always you can hit the hotline with anything nine eight five six six four nine five zero three and uh because yeah you just got a you

know what's best man you got to trust yourself trust your instincts if this dude's out there scholar wagon then you got a nipper you know you got a fucking put a nick in his nuts put a nick in his nuts but if he's out there robin hooding baby then just fry or tuck a little buy a buy you know pick up a damn lamb leg and relax um thank you guys for uh for being on the part of the episode this week we got some really neat guests we got the uh the wolf of wall street is coming in this week jordan bell fort um who else we got oh some really groovy ufc fighters uh you know rosanne is going on tour it looks like they're announcing a tour with andrew dice clay um mom called at the beginning of the podcast i checked in with her

you know i was driving over here and my uber driver was saying something and you know sometimes it's easy for me to talk to my mom some of them i'm so frustrated i just don't want to you know i don't want to hear her voice you know i just heard it so much when i was a kid and it was uncomfortable to me and i'm not mad at her it just this is what happened and so i don't want to hear it i don't even like hearing if i get into an uber i asked the man i said we turn off the direction the woman saying the directions over and over again i don't know why any uber driver would leave that on immediately i can't tip somebody that leaves that voice on like this is some lady's just telling us where to go for the next 22 minutes i'm out bro but i had him turn it

off and i said man sometimes it just it grates me that voice he said why i said you know just remind me i think i'm being young my mom was always on me and it just grated me man it just was too much uh there was nothing to balance it out you know my there wasn't that the other softer voice of a father sometimes and or my mother couldn't be a soft voice that she wanted to be because she had four children and there was no man to help you know she and my mother didn't even maybe have a chance to be a you know a real sweet mother uh but it you know it's and he goes well you know you just have to love your mother and he just reminded me and he goes you just call or you text her you know no one else has that experience with you where they carry you in your they carry

them in your body i mean what if a sandwich that you ate you know showed up nine months later and told you you know it was your son and it looked a little bit more like you what if you had a you know you had a ruben or you had a blt and that bitch showed up nine months later and said it was your child you'd be like damn what you were in my body but i didn't know what was like that and they're like it is like that it is like that papa you know i'm your uh chimichanga i'm your son es tu no es tu uh es tu um pequeño el you know my spanish is kind of bad or this you know the connection is bad here but sometimes you know we find our family where we can you know we find our family where we can and i'm happy to have i'm just happy to just be here today with

you guys man this is uh honestly my weekend i'm really i had a good weekend um i met some new friends i actually had some neat experiences but uh but this has been the best part of it by far you guys be good to yourselves um and i'm playing making it on the way in we played alabama by bishop gun and on the way out i'm gonna play making it by bishop gun i'm just staying on that bg they're gonna be opening up for the rolling stones can you believe that that little band and they're opening up for the rolling stones in houston texas uh here we go you guys be good to yourselves man you deserve it okay you

ain't seen home in about a hundred days i can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul and i ain't made a dollar i ain't spent but when it's going ain't killed me yet i still get where i'm down to go i'm making it i'm making wrong feel right i'm making it and it hails where i'm headed then i'm making good time and most all of my plans slip right through my hands and walk up next to me broken on the ground if this bottle was an hourglass i'd say that i'm about an hour past the minute and i should have put it down but i'm making it i'm making wrong feel right

i'm making it and it hails where i'm headed then i'm making good time i'm making good time um i'm lost here alone in my sleep and but i'm in pretty good shape for the shape that i'm in i'm making it i'm making it i'm making wrong feel right yeah i'm making it i'm making it i'm making good time i'm making it i'm making it i'm making wrong feel right

i'm making it and it hails where i'm headed then i'm making good time i'm making good time i ain't seen home in about a hundred days i can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul