This Past Weekend - First Sip from the Hose | This Past Weekend #212

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Theo reminisces about hot summers as a kid, takes some response calls to a guy trying to get back together with his wife, and talks more about relish. This episode is brought to you by Skillshare https://skillshare.com/theovon for 2 months free Blue Chew Visit https://bluechew.com and use promo code THEO to receive your first order free with just $5 shipping Hit the Hotline [phone] Music “Celebrate” - Spencer Jacob http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Annmarie Reilly Anthony Holcombe Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brad Moody Brandon Kirkman Carla Huffman Charles Herbst Christian Coyne Christina Peters Christopher Stath Claire Tinkler Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dakota Montano Dan Draper Dan Perdue Daniel Chase Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook David Christopher David Smith Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Donald blackwell Doug C Dusty Baker Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jim Floyd Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lauren Williams Lawrence Abinosa Leighton Fields Luke Bennett Mandy Picke'l Mariah Marisa Bruno Matt Kaman Meaghan Lewis Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mona McCune Nick Roma Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell OK Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Ryan Hawkins Ryan Walsh Sagar J Scoot B. Scott Wilson Sean Scott Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shannon potts Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tommy Frederick Travis Simpson Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Victor Montano Victor S Johnson II Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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not like, what about this, you know, wiener? It ships directly to your door in discreet packaging. Maybe a guitar case, it shows up and people think you're doing music and you're just doing, you know, a little bit more peeing time. It's a great deal for you guys. Right now you can visit BlueChew.com and get your first order free when you use promo code THEO. Just pay $5 shipping. That's right, at B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com and use promo code THEO. And now let's get into the episode. I don't want to go back to work, man. I don't want to go back to work. You know, there's something nice when you got the children outside and they are outside and they're doing stuff. They've been having a little bit of grill meat in them. They got a

little bit of carne, you know, some hamburguesa, some queso, you know, you got, it's something nice when the children are outside. They've been drinking Kool-Aid or drinking hose water. Dude, that's what I used to love being young, that hose boy. Remember that? Dude, we didn't even have a hose. So I remember going to somebody's house and they had that hose and it was like, damn, y'all got just a damn much water as you want, just coming out of this magic rope. Oh, dude, I remember just putting that thing straight into my dome hole one time and just taking on as much as I could. My God. I mean, I was so, I was just cameled up, bro. I was just H2O out, bro. I was filled with that. You know, when Latinos call it that, and we, and it's water,

but they don't know how to say it. It's like, you're like, no, but that's where we meet together and we teach each other, you know, but I remember that. Man, that house hose boy, just a magic ass rope that came out from somewhere and it would have that water in it. And in summertime, the water tasted a little bit like the pipes. You get that hit and be like, or if you were the first person to take a sip off the hose after somebody turned it on, that person was a psychopath. Maybe I don't know. Let's ask everyone. Yes. Yes. That person was because that, that first hit had that hit. It was rust. It was, it tasted like house, had a little bit of paint in it, maybe a little bit of iron supplements in there. That first hit boy, if

somebody just went straight off the hose after somebody turned it on, it was always real hot. And that would do, I wouldn't have that, but my boy Daniel that lived in our neighborhood, he, that was his big thing. And he ended up getting into drugs and alcohol and drugs. And he, but his big thing was he liked to get that hot hose hit that first one, that one that, you know, it tastes like a damn two years of science class right up in that first gulp. It'll make you fuck, you know, it'll make your bones pretend like they don't know each other. That shit has got so many minerals and stuff in it. You know, when you have a damn, you get that first hit off the hose, that hot hose hit boy. And Daniel would do it. He would do one

and he go to the neighbors and do another. Next thing you know, he's, he's testing positive for phosphorus and for, um, you know, boron and shit. Next thing you know, you know, he'll, he'll walk around a room and the, the, the, the light bulbs in the room will kind of turn and follow him. Like he's all, because that hot house hit had different elements in it, had iron, you know, had all kind of stuff. Sometimes there'd be a, you know, some, a stuck animal in the pipe and Daniel just take that thing to the dome, boy. He just, just huff a weasel off that first hit of hot house water. And he was risky. He was always kind of a risky boy. He was always, I mean, really always just kind of that risky boy. Let's go.

Yeah. Celebrate living, celebrate misery. You know that soon we're gonna die. Yeah. Let's have some fun while we all die. Celebrate our days. Celebrate all your way. All of your demons exercise. Let's have some fun while we all die.

A little morose out there. Sorry. But that song is also positive. Let's all have, let's have some fun. Let's have some fun while we're out, while we're out here. Oh, good to see you today. Even, even audio, even over audio. I know you're there. I'm here. It is July 7 Sunday evening here in Los Angeles. And it's summer. It's, I mean, it's the dog days of summer. It's hot. It's hot, man. Even hell right now, even Hades, that closed down, they said closed for the summer. It's hot. It's so hot everywhere. You don't need, we can't do any business right now. That's why it's kind of beautiful. I think if you, if you die in the summertime, you know, if you relinquish your living pass,

you know, if the Lord gives you two yellow cards and sends you on up in the summertime, you, you pretty much go to heaven because Hades is closed for repairs because Mother Earth is putting on her own warm freak show out here called Summertime. And it is spicy. I mean, it's a, people just, people talking like that. People can't even, even people's ideas are real dry. You know, if you get an idea, if you, if you, you know, if you've got a couple ideas out of somebody and you put them on a plate, you'd probably be able to cut them up with a credit card and hit them. Put them cats in your freaking, in your little going, in your little to go brain, little to go box in your head, your brain, you'd be able to free, free base them hoes, boy,

because even people's ideas are, they're just, things are, there's not a lot of moisture running around. You know, it's not even, it's, the summer is really not a good time for sex. It's more of a time for, for spiders and for getting a good deal on some cocaine because there's not a lot of moisture out there. Oh, that earthquake, people kept hitting me. Are you okay? Well, dude, I'm going to be okay if I'm sitting here telling you I'm okay all the time. You know what? I'm sorry to get upset, man, but that, amen. Just check in. Somebody sent me all caps. Are you okay? Heard there was an earthquake. Now you're alarming me when I'm, oh, it just, look, if there's an earthquake, just assume I'm taking the natural precautions. I did what I should have done. I Googled, what do you do during an earthquake? Okay, that's exactly what I did. I Googled, what do you do during an earthquake? And then the first thing I got, it, it had an advertisement for like an earthquake helmet.

Bitch, I ain't wearing an earthquake helmet. Okay. I ain't no little shake hoe. A lot of these fools can't handle the shake. I ain't no shake hoe. I'm not wearing an earthquake helmet. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry if I sound real feisty about it, but I'm not doing it. I'm not putting on a helmet if I, you know, if I feel like Mother Nature's acting wild. That's not really who I am, you know, I'm more, you know, I'm not that guy. And I've said it before, I'm not going to doing her a helmet if I'm wearing a bicycle, if I have a bicycle, I'm not never letting my son see me in a bike helmet. Because a child can't get that image out of his head of his father on a dam, you know, on a six speed with a, with a basket on the front and a dam bike helmet on. I mean, that kid's going to end up in probably rehab rehabilitation or, you know, we're doing something wild, you know, burying him, you know, doing something crazy, burying himself at the beach or something, you know, doing crazy stuff. So you just have to, you know, you got to know what you're going to do and what you're willing not to do because it's hot, man. Mother Nature's, you know, we kind of rely on Mother Nature a lot. Don't we? You know, we rely. Oh yeah, she's going to come around with that next, with that next card. She's going to play that summer and then she's going to play that, the fall, the autumn.

And she's going to play that winter card and then she'll be back with the spring. But look, everybody knows some of these matches out there and some of these male bitches can be unreliable. So Mother Nature, you don't know if this bench is fully reliable. She's only been doing the seasons. How long do we know? I mean, Google that right now. How long is Mother Nature? Yeah, this doesn't even know, it says four seasons, get a night at the four seasons. See, this is the problem with the world. You know, I'm trying to learn about Mother Nature next year. You know, I'm sleeping somewhere for $700. But we don't know how long she's been operating. So we don't know when she's going to give up. She might leave the table for a round and say, you know what? I'm sitting this one out. It's autumn only this year. It's summer only.

So we just don't know. So we got to just, I think, you know, right now, I got to be grateful that I have, I got water. I got, I got, what else? I'm doing Uber, you know, so everything's okay. Everything's going to be okay. What else is going on? What else is happening? I, I've been playing video games. I got modern warfare call of duty. And it's fun. It's definitely funny, but it's different. It's a lot different. I felt like then when I was young, these give the video games now you can't really lose. Every time you get a little, they got a checkpoint, they call it. You check. Oh, you got the checkpoint whenever you start back again. You start right here, buckaroo. Good luck. Good luck, young buck. You're going to be, you're going to do great out there. Do when I was young. I remember you had to look if you like, you had a couple of lives and if you lost them all, guess what?

You had to start over at the beginning of the game. And it was insane. I remember if you got to the point where you're going to fight the bad guy, remember you're going to fight Bowser. Dude, I would pause the game. Dude, I would take a break. You know, I get my, I get my brother do, do, do a massage, do a massage. My hands, I'd be putting chalk on my hands. I'd be doing cleaning jerks in the yard. I would get ready. If you were about to fight Bowser, I would get a rest for two days. Just leave it. Leave the screen on. I would be, there was no, I would invite grandma. She's my good luck charm. Invite her over. Grandma would drive down from Illinois. If I'm fighting Bowser, you had to prepare. This was it. This was the big showdown. You weren't going to get a million chances at it. Remember, you would do everything. You, you know, you'd have, maybe your dad would even come back in seeing you in years.

He shows up to help you fight, to help you, just to watch you fight him. And he's in disguise because he don't want your mom trying to get any of the money he owes. And then he leaves. You lose and he's gone. But, you know, but there's rumors that it was him. It was just a different time. And if you were at the, if you were fighting the champ, the Bowser, and now it's like you're at the end, they got a movie in between and make you feel comfortable. You can restart a million times at the end. You can't lose. You can't really lose, but it was different back then. You had to do, remember, sometimes you would have to put something in the machine. The machine broke after a while. It broke and you had to put something in there to hold the game in place. Or you had to have your sister sit there and hold the game. Remember that? Hold the game. She's like, I'm not holding the game. You're damn holding the game or you ain't eating. And she would hold the game. But then she would get nervous or something or she would sneeze and move both her hands to cover her mouth because she had manners.

And she, and she, and she, and she fucked the game up. And everybody would be pissed. And you wouldn't forget it. Even at Christmas times, you wouldn't get her nothing. And you, and because you couldn't forget that. But yeah, you had, look, it took you a day to get to Bowser and by God, you would train, you would eat healthy. You would have all your Brussels spouts just getting ready. Pause the game upstairs. You're fighting. You're ready. Different. But yeah, I've been playing modern warfare call of duty a little bit. I don't have a, I guess I have a screen in, but I don't know how to put it out there yet out into the ether. But this summertime is hot, as hot as Hades. And this Hades is even shut down right now because it's hot enough out here. So it is a free for all in heaven right now. Everybody's getting in.

What else is happening? I watched the fights. Man, it was crazy. Dude, some of the fights is, I mean, those, I think I was thinking about what do I like about the fights? Oh, and I got this paid in full too. This is a, when a Dustin Poirier shirts. And if you want to snag it, it's out there on, I don't know what it is. He didn't even know I got this, but. But yeah, it's out there. I think Parrish Inc. is the company that has them. But we have an RIP Billy Conforto shirt up as well. And shout out to the Embankment Gang and everybody that's been so supportive. And we're going to do something nice for his mother with the proceeds.

She has no idea how many people care about her son who's lost, who's gone, not lost, but he's certainly gone to heaven. And is definitely probably one of the toughest gay male boxers, bus boy, pet owners who drive a 4.0 Mustang with a convertible top. But the convertible top is inactive. The, the sticks of it are there, but the, the material part is gone. So it's just, you could pull the sticks forward, but it just looks dumb. It looks like kind of two aunt's arms kind of. But anyway, but you can get those at theovon.com slash store. Yes, summer. It's the dog days of summer, they call it.

So, and I wonder why they call it that. I guess a long time ago they had, you know, I don't know. I guess it was so hot that, that only dogs probably were, were still your friend. Because people don't want to be a friend in the summer. Friendship is more of an autumn time thing. Summer is, people are trying to survive. You know, every year a couple senior citizens, they don't make it through the summer. They have something called heat stroke.

People just can't even too much heat for them. And they just go, go see the Lord. They're like, oh, it's too hot out here, bro. Catch you guys on, on the B side. I'm going to see the, the Lord. Yeah. I watched the fights, man. The thing about the fights that gets me is, um, I think it's just such a thing that I can't do.

It's such a, it's such a fear of mine. Like if you lock me in a cage with somebody, like I'm glad I'm not one of the referees of the fights of the UFC because my stomach is just, is not built for it. I would stop the fight right when they got in the ring. I'm like, uh, uh, guys, this, I'm going to call the principal right now. We got to shut this down. Unless I was fighting honestly, like if they had comedians, you know, I, I mean, I think I could fight Chris Delia, probably. And I'd put that on an undercard if, if, uh, if Justin Bieber fought, um, Tommy Cruz, I'd go undercard and fight, uh, I'd fight Delia on that card. I would take Delia.

And then I think you also put like a Duncan Trussell up against like a Ben Shapiro. And I think you put like lastly, I'd like to see like an Owen Benjamin versus like a Chelsea handler. Um, you know, uh, yeah, those are some fights that I think would be cool to see on a card. Um, what else, man? What else, man? What else? Oh, there's other stuff. Uh, what's been going on?

What's been going on? I, um, I don't know, man, this weekend, I was kind of honest. Like I didn't really do much for, for fourth of July. Uh, I went and walked up and down the boardwalk in Venice and it was, you know, it's nice to see everybody out there. People just enjoying, you know, they got a little kid, you know, sucking on a beef frank and it's not sexual though. It's in the spirit of, you know, of America. And, and they got somebody, they got a thick broad or someone Instagram popping off doing fireworks. You know, when she got a couple of mixed kids in the back of, uh, in the back of a Toyota Trussell.

And there's no, you know, for one day it's not about child support or nothing. It's about just celebrating America. And so it was great to see you got people, you know, they had a guy in a wheelchair and his family had painted. He was in a full body cast. And I don't, I think he, it looked to me like he should have been in the hospital. I guess if somebody's in a full body cast, I mean, who care, I guess even at the hospital, they can't do anything. But this family had him out. They had him on like a gurney pushing him around, which is weird.

You see people in wheelchairs. I never seen a family just pushing a dude around on a gurney. Actually, I have one other time at a party, but, but yeah, not just on the, by the beach and they were pushing this guy. And I'd just be scared if, uh, that a woodpecker get into you. Cause that full body cast, you gotta, I mean, that's a playground for woodpeckers really. When you think about that. I mean, and that would be the worst. You somebody parks you in the yard for a minute or outside of that 7-eleven.

You know, when you want, you, you, you gurneyed up something happening to you fire or, you know, probably about a six story fall. I think four stories are under, you probably could be just in a wheelchair, but anything over four, you're going to end up on a gurney full body cast. Um, that's what I think. I've only fallen off of, I think the most I've fallen off of probably 20 feet. Um, and I ended up actually, I got attacked by animals right when I hit the ground. And it's crazy because if you get attacked by animals right after you go through a big fall, you almost don't even remember the fall. Cause you're having to defend yourself so much. Um, but yeah, it's summertime, man.

What are we talking about? Yeah, woodpeckers. That's what I would be most afraid of if, uh, you know, you're at, you know, your buddy is 7-eleven. He's supposed to be responsible and he leaves you outside of the 7-eleven and go in there and get a, uh, you know, get a thing, a starburst or something and a minute made. And next thing you know, they got a couple of fucking dub P's hit you up, man. A couple of woodpeckers just start just teeing off any of your fucking, any leg and arms and shit. You like that. You know, you like that.

You in that full body cast. And next thing you know, they got three or four woodpeckers trying to teach you a lesson. I mean, that's really, that's the dark arts right there. So if you're in a wheelchair or something, you have to know who's pushing you around. You can't just let anybody push you around. You got to ask, Hey, let me see some, you know, some credentials or something. Let me see your driver's license. Let me see, you know, do you know anybody else that's handicapped?

Can you roller skate? You got to ask these people questions. Cause when you put your, you know, when you're in a full body cast and you let just any fucking lolly gagger kind of just sort, just sortle you around the world. You're susceptible to shit, man. Dude, they park you in a busy spot. They part, you know, it could be lights out, baby. So, um, we got some great calls that came in.

It is summertime. So let's see if we can keep you guys cool. Welcome to this cool episode. We're going to keep it cool in here because that was the thing. Staying cool. How do you stay cool? You know, we used to go get water and put it on the bed at night. Cause my mom, the lowest she would put the air conditioner, I think was maybe 78.

So, cause air condition is expensive. And so at night we would go get water and get a handfuls of water and put it on the bed. And you wet your bed really with your hands with, with cold water and then lay in it. And man, it was, uh, I guess it was, I guess it was awesome. You know, it'd be so cold and you go to sleep and you wake up and then the bed would be kind of dry and you would be, uh, and you would be, you would able to get to sleep, but it would get you over that hump. And sometimes, you know, it'd be kind of scary.

You have to go get the water and bring it to your bed and you try to put it out, but the hand is not a very good serving instrument for just straight water. So you'd have to go get a couple of handfuls. You're running back and forth and, uh, and put it by your keen areas. You put a little up by your head. You could rest your head on the wet sheet, put a little by your heart where you, but you know that fucking mid heater. That's that central, that's that central heat unit.

And you put a couple down by your feet and your thighs and you're in your organ, bro, your low organ, your wing and you just get, keep that area cool. So we got some calls that came in. The hotline is 985-6649503. We had a fellow that called in last week. Let's play a bit of his call right here. I mean, my ex-wife went through a pretty nasty divorce in 2017. It was just like nasty between us.

We have two little kids. We kind of went on and dated other people. I got my own place now. I'm recently single. She's been coming around a little bit more than she used to. And we've been doing some fun stuff with the kids. But she's been like staying the night and I don't really know what to do because she's dating this other guy.

Like I said, kind of feel like it's different because we used to be married and we got kids and stuff. And I'm kind of hoping that we rekindle whatever used to happen. It's like, you know, get my family back with us. But with her dating this other guy, maybe I should cut her off or I don't know what to do, man. And some people called in with suggestions for this young fella. You know, and sometimes we can offer suggestions and that's helpful. And here's some of those.

Here's one that came in for the guy. Here you go, young buck. Yo, Mr. Theo. My name is Lucas. Big fan over here. What's up, Lucas? Lucas with the lid off. That's the old, I don't know what that is actually.

But thank you for calling in, Lucas, onward. 39 years old and about two weeks though. You know, I'm feeling that. I'm feeling that big time. Oh, yeah. Feeling that age, bro. Your nuts getting long, huh? Do my nuts grew about probably half inch this year.

So, dude, I'm glad I'm not drinking right now. If I was, I cut off about two inches of my damn nut sack or sense that thing up at the bottom. And just like a damn thing of Boudin and tighten it up because my nuts are getting egregious. Let's hear more. Lucas, sorry to interrupt your brother. Anyway, this is for Austin at Utah. He called in with some recently divorced, some issues, you know, how to handle, how to proceed during these times. And me, myself, I'm, you know, come August.

It'll be one year since I've been separated from my wife, you know, and kids, two step daughters and a son. It's tough, man, and she's kind of helped me see, you know, because at first you want to do the thing that's real comfortable. You know, you just want to, you want to slip back into that to where you were because that's what you've known for so long. That's what you, that's your comfort zone, you know, so you just want to like forget about all that pain and just get back in there. But you got to be aware that those kids are watching, you know, so you don't want to give them no false hope, right? So shit, man, this shit sucks. I feel your boy's pain right there. So, you know, just, she's all doing her own thing and you said you already were doing your own thing Austin. So maybe just try to keep it, you know, just friends and don't give the kids no false hope because they just take one argument and you got to be right back to where you are.

She's already seen somebody else, so it's like, it'd be easy for her just to say, you know, whatever. And, you know, you got to protect your heart because you're already going through the pain. You don't want to keep repeating that, that issue over and over again. So just, you know, keep your head up. You got some little ones watching. Try to get out, do your own thing and just be a good dude. And that's what I'm trying to do right now. So it ain't easy, right? And Theo, listening to you, man, it's helped me out tremendously. Follow you and Brendan Shrub and stupid Brian Collin, Collinder or whatever. Well, thanks, man. That's, that's sweet of you to say those things, man. And honestly, that's a great suggestion, I feel like.

I mean, I don't think anybody listening could say that that's not a real clean. I mean, you could tell it's right there with you in your own life. And yeah, it's so hard. I mean, it's, you know, it's hard to. You know, it's hard to sometimes just. Want to live the reality. It's hard to want to live the reality. You know, it's easy to fall back back into those comfort zones and. But those comfort zones can be the same places where we, you know, took each other for granted or manipulated each other or didn't. You know, or we're dishonest and it's just hard, but it's hard not to want them because they're comfortable.

You know, it's hard not to just, you know, want to be with somebody because even for that one hour of the day or something where you guys make each other feel great, it's like. It's a lot of times that all overshadow the other time where you really where you don't or where you don't come through all the way or where it's not working. But yeah, I think if this has to be a new experience, you have to be a new experience. But Lucas, those are great suggestions that you have for Austin, man. I appreciate you calling and sharing that, you know, in such a, you know, such a, I mean, that's a really sincere level, man. You know, I could feel your, you know, those kids are watching. Yeah. And we don't realize the repercussions of things that we do around children. I don't have children, but I was a children or child and I was one child.

And, and, uh, and yeah, those things they, they embed into the kids and sometimes you don't know what they're going to be, you know, what move, what action or something is going to live inside of a kid. But, but I think you just do your best to mitigate the, the number of them. And yeah, it's like a lot of times I want things to change in my life. You know, I want this to be different or that to be different. But the truth is life's always going to be kind of the same in a lot of ways. There's going to be ups, there's going to be downs, there's going to be fairness, there's going to be unfairness. And if I want things to be different, I really have to be different. You know, I really have to adjust myself.

I have to come with a new perspective. I have to take contrary action to get out of the same right hand circle that I'm always going in. I have to do, I have to be different. Life for most part is going to be, it's going to be life. So the variable that I can control is me. If I, you know, if I show up to work every day and I hate my job, what if I showed up one day and I loved my job? You know, I've had a tough time sometimes even here at the podcast. You know, sometimes over the times I get, you know, I would get, you know, I get fiery or antsy towards Nick, the producer.

And then I realize, well, what if I try to just really make an effort to be just, how can I help? What can I do even if I just include that with times when I'm uncertain about what's going on? It just, and, and it's, it's created a better atmosphere. You know, it's, but it's like, we just got to, we have to be different. You know, we, and it's, it sucks. And the truth is, I don't want to admit that. I don't want to admit I got to be different. Oh great.

Something else I got to do if I want my life to change. But those are great suggestions. That's kind of a tangent I went on. But that's such a great suggestion, man, is that, you know, just play it safe, stay in the cut, stay where you are. You know, enjoy, really enjoy the moment you guys are having, I think, together with your children and the rest of it will work out. Because one thing that'd be great to have more than trying to give the relationship a go again will be the lifelong relationship of comfort and good teamwork that you have. With your ex. And you know what, be loving to that dude, whoever the dude is she likes. Buy that dude a scarf, buy that dude a, you know, a set of skating wheels.

Get him something, do something for him. Get him a thing of paint or something if he's going to paint something. Oh yeah, there's a fucking thing of paint, bro. There's four gallons of matte finish for you, Randall. Get what you want. Be loving to that dude. Love everything she loves. Blow it out the water, bro.

Just get a fucking love Zuka and just start just. You win every time, man. But shout out to both you guys, man. Sound like you guys are both on the hustle to be some good dads out there. Let's take another call of suggestion that came in for Austin. Get in there. Theo, what up? Wyatt from down here in Spacecoach, Florida.

Wyatt down there from Spacecoach, Florida. That's alien country. And I'll tell you right now, if aliens come back, G-U-R-O-T-U, they will be in Florida. Let's hear more. Home of them outer space hitters. Just don't tell Eddie Bravo. Nah, man, I had to pause the podcast and call in about old boy that's having,

he has a kid with a woman and she's dating somebody, but now she's trying to come back in his life. Oh, yeah. That menage on trouble. That's what you're talking about. It's been night together and all that kind of stuff. They were married. Let me just put out my two cents.

I have a beautiful one-year-old son with a woman here in Florida. We dated. We're together for a while. We split, then tried to work things back out. But I'm going to say maybe not all women, but 99.999% of women are out for attention. So she had already showed that her feelings for him aren't true if she's already out dating another dude

and then want to try to come to his house at night and stuff like that. So my advice for him would be keep the relationship as civil as possible through the mom and dad thing as much as possible. And I know it's going to hurt because we all want that family thing. I mean, I would die to be the picture perfect family for my son, but it's just not in our cards. So my advice for him then would keep it civil, be dad, be mom. But she's already shown that her feelings for you are not as real

as you would like them to be with her already dating somebody else. And there you go. That's another outlook on it right there. Yes, if a woman, you know, if someone, you know, I think do women want attention? I feel like we all want attention. I feel like women will test the water more to see what's going on. Men are more reactive.

And men and women are more, even if they don't know it sometimes, you know, emotion, they're more emotionally strategic. I think it's built into them as humans. And so yes, she may be testing the water, she may be, she may just be looking for attention. You never know. You know, I've been in a relationship where you, you know, sometimes you just want to be there for somebody.

Sometimes you just want somebody, you know, we all want different things at different times. Maybe she just wants some attention. Yeah, maybe she does. But maybe she's testing you. Maybe she's not ready. Maybe she doesn't know if she's ready right now. Maybe her subconscious is testing out the waters before she puts on her bathing suit.

We don't know sometimes what some of our behaviors may be coming from a deeper cauldron than the bowl of soup that we're showing to other people. You know, sometimes, I mean, what's going on inside of us, our subconscious, who we are, our inner need for things is a huge entity. And it may be laying the groundwork for bigger possibilities. You know, for plans that it has that we're not even able to see yet. So there's a lot of, there's a lot in that. But yes, you might be looking for attention.

I mean, I think this gentleman from down there from alien country sounds like he might have, you know, there might not be hope in his situation. Austin may still feel like there's hope. Who knows? But a couple of good ways to look at it and thank both of you guys for your suggestions for that fellow. That's kind of you. And it's good to be able to hear from people who, you know, I think are being as earnest as possible with what's going on with them. But it's brave for any of you guys, man.

Get out there and have an offspring. You know, it's wild. I just, it would just, for me, I get scared sometimes, you know, I just get scared. But I get fucking scared of everything. So if I don't make some choices soon, I'm going to be, I'm going to be just a 90 year old damn. You know, just, I'll just be in the frady up in the frady tree, bro, because I would just be a frady cat. Be a whole bunch of us out there. Let's get into this, man.

Here is what you have to know that this past weekend is brought to you by Skillshare. Skillshare is an online learning community for creators. Yep. If you create something, if you like to be creative, nurture that side of yourself. You know, I realized long ago in my life that I am not a good facilitator. I am more of a creative type. I took a test online that they give to people, you know, to CIA people and people in the government and even cafeteria workers like the main one, not the side people, not the scoopers, but the lady in the back with the fucking, you know, with that heat helmet on. It was really just rifling off orders, bake that bread, get, you know, hush them puppies, green those beans, you know, Salisbury, those Stiochs, bro. You know, the real hitter, that, uh, that kernel, you know, that meat kernel, that recipe captain.

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Again, go to skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn to start your two months now. That's skillshare.com slash Theo Vaughn. Let's take another call that came into the hotline. [phone]. And here we go. Gang gang deal, it's Amber. Gang gang amber. And that little mommy, huh?

That wild mommy, that undercover bad girl out there. You sound like you out there shepherd and sheep, you know? Like you out there maybe just coming off a late night work shift or doing some of the dark arts or something. Let me get at your girlfriend, go. I am thinking about wondering how you're doing with cigarettes. I heard you were back on those readies. Just wondering if you're tapering off and getting back off the hog.

Well, thanks for checking about that. Here, let's listen to a little more of you. They are no bueno, brother. Also curious, did you ever try like to duel? I know there's some baggage around like the kind of people that might vape. Oh, there's definitely some vape. There's definitely some vape baggage. Look, here's the thing.

Thank you for caring first of all and caring about how I'm feeling and what's going on with me health wise. I haven't had a cigarette today. I smoked half of a cigarette. I saved half from yesterday and I smoked the other half last night and I'm trying to get through the day. No cigarettes. Now, what I know right now is I'm going to go to a couple of meetings later.

There's going to be cigarettes at the meetings. So I have to plan right now. Do I plan on smoking a cigarette or not? And right now I say, if I'm real honest, I say probably not but maybe. I could prevent that or get some gum, get a little sucker candy, lemon candy, get me a raspberry candy. If I have a raspberry candy, I won't smoke. But if I have a fucking orange candy, if I have a watermelon candy, bro,

I might take that out and get that ciggy, bro. Get that freaking hitter. So that's the thing. It's like I really need to maybe look online for specifically for raspberry candies and I hate it. I hate the smoke and I hate the way it makes me feel. It makes me feel sick. It makes me feel sad.

But that's only if I smoke a bunch. If I just have one, if I haven't had one in a few days or weeks or something. That thing tastes saucy, boy. That thing tastes and it gives me a chance to do something. Sometimes I just want to smoke a dang smoke. You know, sometimes you just want to fucking piss out of the damn limousine. You know what I mean? Sometimes you just want to just get a spoonful of your own freaking self

and just flick it at somebody. So whatever. I think I'm, I don't know. This new chair we got in here is kind of hard and it's kind of pressing some of my nerves. But I'm doing okay with it. I'm still fighting it. I've done really well and and then something happened.

You know, I jumped back in them. I jumped back on them. But today's been a good day in the battle. Thank you for caring about that. What was the second part of your question? So curious. Did you ever try like to jewel? Oh, I ain't doing that.

The jewel or the vape. You got nine year olds out here. They don't even know that they're smoking. Oh, I'm doing tangerine. Bitch, you smoking. Okay. Okay. Little Franklin, you fucking, you're a smoker.

You got, you know, by the time. By the time these kids are in sixth grade, they're there. Did I just win something? What was that? By the time these Dan is a wizard in these outlets, man. By the time I'm in sixth grade, they, you know, everybody's talking through the whole everybody at school. Oh, I'm good.

You know, I'm, you know, I was doing crème brûlée. You can't do this shit. They don't know if these things are okay. A lot of times you get the vapes and it made my throat hurt. I did it for about six hours one night. And I probably did about maybe 160 milligrams or something. I went through about six of those little, you know, the carbines or whatever. And dude, I did mint.

I did crème brûlée. Shit. I didn't even know what my name was after one of them. But in the morning, I couldn't, I think I had part of my throat. It does all just felt like there was a hole in it. I felt like if I ate them, if I swallowed a marble, I would never, it wouldn't even come out my, you know, the other part of my body. That's not my mouth.

So, okay. But thank you for a question. Let's get a little more from you. I know there's some baggage around like the kind of people that might vape. But it helped me quit cigarettes for like three years. And then I just stopped doing it all together. Try it, bro. So, yeah, when it comes to vaping, that's where I'm at.

You know, everybody's going to be on the soccer team. They can't even read or breathe. They got, you know, I was, I did a butterscotch. It just, this shit seems illegal. It just seems way too wild to get kids addicted. But then also maybe I'm getting old and maybe now it's just better. It's just better to smoke and smoke fun shit. And maybe the same number of people are smoking as always.

Because a lot of these news stories, who knows if they're accurate? They don't know. They weren't accurate during the election. Remember during the last presidential election, all their numbers hadn't, they had no real basis on actual humanity. So who knows if any of these numbers are accurate. But it does seem more either for a kid. It seems more fun if you hitting on lime or, you know, key lime pie or Mississippi mud.

Mississippi mud vape pen. Whereas if you just old fashioned, you got to suck on that nasty. On that fucking spark and just that sparky nasty, that regular sick. But thank you for calling young lady. I appreciate it. I just want to let you know a couple shows this Saturday, the 13th of July. We have a new show at the, at the improv at the Hollywood improv in Los Angeles. So come out to that one.

It won't be all for sale probably until Tuesday morning. But I'm just letting you know that's going to happen. We also have a show cobs a San Francisco on July 25th. A late Thursday show has been added that week. Upcoming cities as well. Sacramento, Las Vegas, Memphis, Atlanta, Louisville, Brea, Biloxi. And we added us a show on, I believe the 21st or 22nd in Manchester or in London. It's an afternoon show.

All those are available at theovon.com slash tour to you are. I want to get to a couple of Patreon questions that came in. This one is from gun squad Gary. You arrive at the studio and it's burning down with Nick and Gianni still inside. You only have time to save one of them. Who's it going to be? Nick. Going to be Nick.

And that was Nick there. This is from Angela Koner. What are your thoughts on child actors? The kids on stranger things made me think about it. I would be proud of my son to be in something successful. I would want him to have a normal childhood though. Would you want the show biz life for your own child someday? No.

No, I wouldn't. From my experience around, some child actors who are now adults, it seems like the odds of them staying well adjusted are not good. There's too many other heavy influences. Wealth, money. Money is a hard influence to deal with even as you get older. So to have it when you're young, especially in like a me generation, like a me time, like where everyone is creating their own universes, where the family structure seems to be a little more confused or a little bit more evolving, I would say no.

I don't think it's safe. You see parents that are taking these very young children to do it and it always seems like there's no way that child could have made that choice yet. If they want to act or do that, I think a safe, fun environment to do it in is just through school, through plays at school and things of that sort. And then when they get a little bit older, let them make their own choice as an adult if going out to Los Angeles or New York or even just starting something in their own area is solid. There's too much money. There's too much business. There's too much cutthroat type of stuff going on out here. There's too much dirty influence that I don't think a child should have.

You know, kids get in on other places elsewhere, but here it can be so much more, everything can have, there can be stuff going on behind the scenes. You don't even really realize it's so hard to kind of know who to trust because a lot of the livelihood here is is entertainment. So people are always going to be angling and always going to be, you know, haggling, just being alive here in Los Angeles in Hollywood. It's entertainment. Everything you do is kind of somehow tied in. I mean, all your friendships are a little bit, have a little, you met them through work. You know, there's always work is always, if it ain't in the house, it's right there, you know, peeking in the window. So I don't think it would be a safe environment for, it doesn't seem like something fun.

And it can be real scary. I think a child growing up with fame and popularity and, and, and like a false sense of self. I mean, we all, it just seems very, it doesn't seem wrong, but it seems very unnatural. And like the consequences, the ramifications of it could be much more severe. But also, you know, I didn't have that experience. So I don't know exactly. It was just my thoughts. Diana Morton asked, why do guys puff up like lizards when they come around and meet each other for the first time?

Voices change. Shoulders get broader. Kind of reminds me of bearded dragons. Lol. Yeah. I think that's it. That's why, you know, if another man come up, you want to show them what you, what you got. You want to show them your tits, but be cool.

You know, you want to do the secret handshakes. You know, do the whistle, whatever, do it, you know, do whatever's got to be cool. You want to, you know, you want to have that net. You want to seem in the know. I think it's very, yeah, just tribal goes back to nature. That's one of our natural behaviors. That's very caught. What is that term cognitive?

I don't know. My neck is killing me, bro. I just wish somebody would almost electrocute me in the damn net. Um, let's get into this question. What's up, Theo? This is Spencer Bagley from LA, aka Spincey Night sweats, aka Spincey trips after APs. Hey, man, I have a question for you. I'm curious.

What's up, Spencer? About where you use your mullet cut. I'm getting married at the end of the month and, um, I don't know. I'm having a tough time finding a good barber here in LA. Well, I'll tell you where to do it. I do it over by Floyd's over there on Santa Monica Boulevard by the interstate. And my boy John cuts it and he's a bicyclist, but he cuts hair. And he bicycles to get the bad energy out of his, you know, just to get, you know, that, that, that gumption out of his system.

So he doesn't, you know, do a crime or fight, you know, get into argument with his wife. He gets all that energy out by doing bicycling. And when he gets around to doing hair, he does it pretty swell and it's pretty good. I don't even like my haircut that good. And even recently I started cutting it myself again. But when I do go to a fashion shop, that is where I go to see him. What else? Here we got a call that came in right here.

As always, the hotline, if you're struggling with something, you have something in your mind or heart, hit the hotline [phone]. Hey Theo, this is Kenny from Atlanta. What's up Kenny from that ATL? Them ATLens. Boy, let's get it. And I was listening to your podcast, your most recent podcast about relish. And I had a, you can talk about relish, yeah. Idea or maybe it was an epiphany.

I was thinking, is relish just a gay pickle? You know, is it that homoerotic bad boy? It's a good question. Is relish just a gay pickle? And you might be on or something. You know, a epiphany Kenny out here just throwing those thought javelins at us and they're hitting us. You might be on or something is relish a gay pickle relish is something. It definitely seems like, you know, it's almost like a salad set.

Fuck it. Let's be jello. So there's definitely something going on there. I think I think it would test positive for some different types of stuff. You know, so I think there's, there's something in the water right there. You got it. You got, you got a good, you got a good, good idea there epiphany Kenny. Fuck my neck hurts, bro.

What is going on, man? Got to tighten up. Um, what else is going on? Let's take one more call here. As always the hotline nine, eight, five, six, six, four, nine, five, zero, three. This is Mike from Austin, Texas. I, um, often think about, I know you're on the wagon. I've been on the wagon.

Thanks for calling in Mike from Austin. We appreciate your boy on what just fell off hotel room. Got some stuff, got some spend the night. Okay. So you dark art and right now and you out there in the shadows in the shadows. Um, thank you for calling in, man. I appreciate it, bro. What's happening, bro?

I feel too bad. Don't feel too good. The sun's coming up at 7am. Ooh, that sun's coming up. Yeah, man. Feeling don't feel too bad. Don't feel too good. I can, yeah, I can relate, man.

Cause I miss sometimes I miss doing that party. I miss letting that dangerous squirrel just run up into my fucking brain, bro. And just start looking for applesauce, man. Sometimes I just miss that, just miss letting that dirty rabbit just, just, just climb up in the, up in your thought cabin and just start skating, bro. Sometimes I miss that. Let's hear more. And I often think how you handle it.

If you fall off and if you're going to, how you, how you will navigate those waters, the guilt or hopefully you'll never fall off. But feeling sad, feeling lonely, had a, an okay night, went to a strip club, got a stripper back to the hotel. It's a good conversation. No touchy, which is always good. Okay. You got the stripper.

You got the hotel. You got it all. You got the arts. I mean, this is dark arts. This is a, this is a museum. This is the, the Gilgenheim for the dark arts. Yeah. I don't know how I will navigate that.

You know, I mean, I think it's like, you know, you just fell off the wagon. You said, and I feel, I definitely feel for you, man. Like, I mean, it sounds like you just kind of had like a night and, and I hope you're doing okay now. It's something you just kind of had a party night and I hope you're doing okay and that if you choose to, you know, to do, you know, get back on the wagon that there's, there's always a program there that that's, that can be helpful. You know, that's the cool thing about it.

It's like, it's always there. It's like one thing that's reliable for people and, you know, if that happens in my life, I don't know if I'll always be, you know, be sober. I don't know if I'll always be, you know, you know, in, in that space and in that head space. I don't know, you know, I don't know, but I don't know. I don't think that, I hope you don't look down upon yourself because that, you know, you, because you're dabbling in, in, in, in the dark arts and hope you get back on the

horse. If you feel you want to be back on the horse, I hope you get back on it. I hope whatever you want is what you get. Yeah, but I don't know, man. You know, I think about that sometimes like, man, if I would I be able to sustain, you know, the activity I have in my life, you know, and right now I'm just, just kind of taking it one day at a time. But thank you for calling in, man.

And let's hear a little bit more. And I'm here. I got some beer. I got some wine. And I'm sad or something. Gang gang. I hope. I don't know.

I hope it helps somebody. But there's some good times too. I don't want to forget about the good times. Okay. And gang. Man, I hate it, dude. I hate it. Thank you for calling, bro.

Thank you for calling. And I mean, even kind of just putting your story out there, just as like, just like, I didn't like that, you know, and it sounds like you don't really like it that much. I mean, it's fun and then it's not fun. That's the thing. You know, I didn't like to be in there in the morning and do it. I had to cancel what I was doing during the day and my heart just rattling. Just like a rattle.

Just like I just a rattle snake without the snake boy. My heart just a rattle in. Like just like somebody just rattled just something and and I just wanted to go to sleep and I couldn't go to sleep and I wanted Gatorade and I didn't have any Gatorade. And I was just scared and I used to write a will out. I was scared I was going to die, bro. I just that kind of shit I don't miss, but but I definitely missed just letting that donkey just kick me right in the bottom of my brain sometimes.

But I hope that you're okay, man, and that if you don't want this to become a habit in your life that it doesn't and that if you want something different that you take action to to have something different and thank you for thinking about me and for even caring about you know and for caring about what's going on. I love you, man, and I hope you feel okay, no matter what you're doing. I got to go get a shot or something on Batman. I don't know what's going on, but it is locking up. I want to thank everybody for the calls.

Thank you guys for hitting the hotline and just so much for the support and whoever you are, you know you out there. You know, I know we got a lot of a lot of wildness in our squad. We got people, you know, Cisco deliveries them bad boys out there. We got them them them frisky critters brother that FedEx them FedEx them overnighters them dudes going all night with the boxes sneaking through the woods handing it to their buddy. He runs at the leg of it. Then they handed to Carl Lewis.

He does some then they got Matthew bowling. He runs a leg and next thing you know, that's how they get it overnight. To Portland or to wherever to Oswego. That's how they do it. You know, you got to know that they got a there's other people out there. They got somebody right now trying soup for the first time and thinking it's good bro. Is it good? I don't know dude.

They got they got a baby out there right now for the first time ever having a little bit of applesauce that lucky bastard. You know, life is happening. They got somebody just found out they're going to have twins, you know, like good things are happening. Somebody just want to contest somebody just want, you know, somebody's granddaddy just want to. What is that thing that you move stuff, but you like you don't care kind of how you look.

Wheelbarrow. Somebody's granddaddy just want a wheelbarrow in a contest. You know, everything's going on. Somebody just got a new helmet. So a lot of things are happening, bro and ladies. So just we got this just to keep it cool. It's summertime. We just got to keep it cool and and be good to yourselves because you deserve it.

I know that. See you all next time. Thank you.