This Past Weekend - Great Expectations | This Past Weekend #220

Episode Date: August 5, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Theo talks reminisces about going back to school, talks about his family visiting, and listens to some voicemails about last weeks' single mom debacle, surprise babies, and student loans. This episode is brought to you by Shipstation Try ShipStation FREE for 60 days by visiting https://ShipStation.com, click on the microphone and type in THEO. Blue Chew First order free with $5 shipping at https://bluechew.com when using promo code THEO Skillshare Try 2 months free at https://skilshare.com/theovon Hit the Hotline [phone] Music Intro “Celebrate” - Spencer Jacob http://bit.ly/Celebrate_SpencerJacob Outro “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alex Wang Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Annmarie Reilly Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon Brandon Kirkman Carla Huffman Charles Herbst Christina Peters Christopher Becking Claire Tinkler Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dakota Montano Dan Draper Dan Perdue Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook David Christopher David Smith David Witkowski Dentist the menace Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Doug C Dusty Baker Fast Eddie Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jim Floyd Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lawrence Abinosa Leighton Fields Luke Bennett Madeline Garland Madeline Matthews Mandy Picke'l Mariah Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Matthew David Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Roma Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell OK Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Robyn Tatu Ruben Prado Ryan Hawkins Ryan Walsh Sagar Jha Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Sean Scott Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shannon potts Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Vanessa Amaya Victor Montano Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You know, I have to pee right now. I gotta I gotta do some urine, but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna You ever do that? You got you got to do you know, you got it you just ride that full bag, baby, you know I'm just I'm just like a I Mean I should be surfing right now. I got you know, I'm basically I'm like a Whatever that surfer guy's name is just riding that yellow right now. I'm on dude. I am full

My body's full right now of urine, but I'm not gonna pee I'm gonna ride that bag and Stay in the pocket and do my work And do this episode right here I'm gonna tough it out the two I am today. I'm somebody that's gonna tough it out Oh Celebrate Celebrate dark days celebrate all your

things or ways, I'm not even sure what they say in it, but that is celebrate by Spencer Jacob growl who is a musician and he lent us that song and And that's a real happening to and music is neat it music neat Because it's like a you know, it's something that gets into your body. It's almost like ants Music is like ants and they crawl in the air And sometimes the ants are real chill they crawl slow and they vibing and They from Jamaica and you they smoking that ganji That they got them big horse leg hitters them John's

You know what I'm saying they got them them big giants But now other times you'll get them Those ants and they they climb and in your in your sound holes in your ears and they look at you know They flying fast and they staying busy then big body then big dogs inside of you And that's what sound is sound is just It's just really just a ghost that has a lot of noise in it and it just just Gets right into your head. It makes you feel some type of way. Oh School school is back for a lot of families right now. It's coming back

This is the big weekend and thank you for checking in This is the big last weekend before school member Remember the summer was long You had summer camp and you might have went through a little bit of poverty, you know what? One day you wake up in your legs a little bit longer Or you got a little bit of hair on your kneecaps

Or you got you know, maybe you get a little titty or something You wake up in the morning and you got a little titty And you fell asleep Sands con teat, you know without tit But you wake up in the morning your shirt got a little bit of You know some of your fat is kind of Meeting up around your nipple like they smoke in a giant Like your nipple was like a brown giant and some of your fat cells kind of met up around it to hit to get that hitter, baby and

And that is a tit that's how a tit starts and Men we don't get them some guys we've had we had a fella that got some wild tits from Tennessee last year and He got tattoos on them and everything and but a lot of men don't get a Don't get titty You know a lot of men don't get titty, but it is school time Dude, I remember when out when school was coming and you got in that last week and Summer was wrapping up

Like about a week before I would I would set my clothes out on my bed. I knew what I was wearing Mom had got us two outfits one of them, you know usually has some jabo jeans or something and maybe a Varnette t-shirt or something nice. I had my Eastlands Them low-top Eastland hitters, baby them footboats, baby them shoes And I'd get them hitters and lay them out. I'd lay the pants out. I'd even roll the pant legs up a little like I was

As if my body was on the ground. I would lay my whole outfit on the ground and look at that bitch And say damn that boy He looks and he's gonna look nice And then I'd have my outfit I'd have it all and Man school came fast man And you had your new clothes Dude and I would first day of school I get my hair fixed up I Put everything in my hair. Do I shampoo it? Do I conditioner it then I put a little damn

You know, I put some musk powder in it. I put a little gel. I put a little phone I put a little more Senate. I Do it all I put some baby powder in the size boy in case the ladies come up knocking This head smell is rocking Because late look a lot of ladies they want a baby that's genetic If you throw a baby up in the air and it's little enough a lot of ladies Will catch it right there and that would in their vijette, bro They'll catch it in that

That you know that vagina net boy. They'll just do a do a headstand and Catch that bambine Because the ladies want that bb they want it Dude if you if you put a if you put a baby on roller skates and send it by a couple of ladies They're gonna follow it And that's a hundred percent science or So, you know, that's There's a lot of you got to know what's up

So that's the thing if you put a little baby powder in your hair. That's the bait and switch They they smell that baby and Then bam they get that man you feel me they get you and That's what it was on for my everything went in my hair first day of school Dude, I do everything to get the ladies to come around Looking at that poof, baby Looking at that hitter baby that

Looking at that frickin crisper. I was a crisper pot. I must you feel me and Everything went in my hair a little bit of cologne. I'd even take a hit off that cologne if the thing You know because some of that That Ralph Lauren they used to have that Ralph Lauren Cologne and that shit was probably about nine proof and I'd put a little bit I'd pour, you know pour a drop in each ear and then Just get that get a little hitting myself boy

You drink enough cologne your breath will smell good for Damn at least two seasons, you know come winter you just you just easing off that positive scent You'd have in you and Man that first day you how my hair had it all My hair had it all everything was in there I put all it just Trying to put a little catch up behind my ears anything to get the ladies to look over at papa And it was for me in the first day of school you showed up In no matter what I had on the outside, but you are all excited who's doing what who's got a beard who's pregnant

Who failed who didn't fail who moved away all dang Leonard moved away Who was Leonard? I don't even fucking know him boy by Leonard Somebody did this somebody did something And you came back to school and you found out all dang Patrick went to Texas. How was it? You know Little one Jennifer she caught a she caught a

Couple charges. She was escorting outside of the arm amp. You're like damn. Sorry, Jennifer and What else? Look LeVeldron got his uh, he got corn road. Damn LeVeldron. That shit looks tasty And so everybody brought the tails from their summer back You know somebody somebody had a nice shirt. They went to Florida memory that Florida you see they had this shirt set And that was the real hitter somebody that went to Florida like damn. I

Mean Florida was our moon, you know Florida was really our moon, but I there was no it was so exciting, but then also was so nervous Cuz every year that first day of school was like, okay, are the girls gonna like me this year You know where they am I just gonna be the am I gonna be is any girl gonna look at me is in You know, what's my vibe gonna be who am I? And sometimes I You know, I come to school and I had bad acne and Acne is just I mean your dick is so wild and then yet when you're young your dick is just such an animal

It's trying to climb out of your head From the inside of you. I Mean while you're laying there at night your dick will run up to through your neck up to your face and try to jump out of your pores And your pores get all bruised from the inside and that's acne and it shows on the outside and They got a little bit of bust and some of them got a little bit of bust because that I mean you just your your Hormones is so vibrant Your hormones they bought, you know, they they're wild

And they try you know when your dick just scooting around inside of you trying to bust out of your face at night and leaving little divots and stuff and And that's acne and that's another thing if you showed up with acne at school member Oh Broke my heart Dude coming to school you had a huge zit on you that thing was heavy some of them Dude, I had acne so bad one time. I remember having one zit. It was kind of heavy on the side of my face like damn I Couldn't even I had to have one of my buddies kind of just pulled down on my other ear

You know just to keep my head straight Because I had that heavy Z baby that big zitty That baked ZD on my side. I was fully Italian that You know that little bust lump that acne that That thing's trying to Cuz you were just so horny remember Remember how horny you were as a boy as a child Remember that? Dude, our some kid died. I remember we went to his funeral. He was erect in the coffin like damn

Damn Wallace's he got that death bust in him. He's trying to bust from beyond It was different different time But I remembered and I know a lot of you parents have your kids going back to school and Just my thoughts are with you Because I know it's it's an exciting time and you guys are looking for a break. It's probably been a long summer out there and I remember my mom. It was risky every day. She would leave the house and Who knows if that thing was gonna be standing when she got home

Just just a risk She just left a couple dang risk opotimus is just milling around Inside of the zoo that was our home when she went to work in the summertime What's going on my family was in town this past weekend my family came out here and It was cool, you know, we we went to Disneyland and And it was hectic and chaotic But it was nice, you know, it was nice to my mother came my brother and my sister came They brought their children five total children beautiful children, you know and

And my family's lucky to You know have five able-bodied children that are able to you know see and and experience and feel and be creative and and and laugh and just you know, we're really fortunate that the you know that we have a lot of health in our family and And it was nice, you know, my mom was here and And it was nice

You know, it was the first time we'd all ever done something like that All together rented a house got a nice Airbnb And we stayed there together And It was a little tough for me because I've been dealing with a lot of stress and you know, sometimes I just have to be by myself I just can't You know, honestly, I was having trouble just being grateful And I feel a little sad sometimes because sometimes I go into an experience and I want it to be a certain way, you know, I

want You know, I want though, you know, I want to you know, I know my family's coming So I think I'm gonna be up and at them every morning. I'm gonna be active and You know, I'm gonna help out as much as I can and I'm gonna just keep a positive attitude and this and that and And then you know the weekend that finally the week comes they're coming in town and I've been having to work a lot and just been overwhelmed and and You know, and I don't I was good, you know, I was a good son. I was a good uncle. I was a good brother

But it's never I Guess sometimes I'll just have too much expectations You know and it almost prevents me from enjoying stuff sometimes because My mind has already created You know such a cliff that I can't the odds of me being on that cliff or or being at that my mom, you know, my mind has created such a level that The that the odds of me the my of the reality of

The experience once it comes being at that level are probably very slim You know, I have this imagination or this expectation In my head that oh, everything's gonna be like this and then the truth comes and look the kids they they're kids One of them, you know They're wilding out and they're having fun and they're in a new place and there's a swimming pool and they're they're being kids and You know, the truth is my mom's driving me nuts half the time And so, you know in the truth is I know sometimes I'm probably driving people nuts So I take myself I go put myself in a bedroom for a little bit by myself

So I don't bother anybody Sometimes I it's a I got a babysit myself, you know, and the reality is we had a great time. It was fun You know, we worked as a team You know, somebody would cook breakfast and I was you know, what did I do I did? How did I contribute I played with the kids? You know, I Made sure all the audio visual stuff if we were watching a movie or the kids wanted to watch They had this cool little projector outside that would be on the wall

So the kids could watch TV outside and that was really cool That's one nice thing about California. The weather they got an outside projector Sometimes and so, you know, and so I helped with that Mmm, what else I was good, you know, I contributed as much as I could I was good at Disney. I kept things moving. I stayed positive You know, I didn't I didn't be greedy at all if it came to find me At all if it came to finances, I You know, I over contributed or contributed as much as I could afford

so So and the truth is we had a great time The thing for me was just my expectations sometimes I build these crazy expectations That life is never going to live up to Because it's life And there's variables and there's just So I got to manage my expectations sometimes, you know, uh But I live and learn man, you know, I live and learn all the time and that's all we do

We I ain't winning this deal No, I'm saying we're all getting second place Nobody's getting The we ain't getting first, bro We ain't I'm not getting first man You know progress not perfection and And I know if I go to, you know, I need to go to some more AA meetings and I've been And you know neglecting my program and

And I know if I do that and Then I'll get rid of a lot of the stress that I have inside of me Because I'm living life, you know, I'm I'm trying to just I'm It's all my own will. I want everything now And I got to recognize that the world is going to be what it's going to be And I can't have a lot of expectations You know, not further from the whole world. I can expect things out of myself But I can't

Be combative with the way the world is or how other people are at us It's just I'll lose every time so so I'm trying to find a little more gratitude man and and uh And man and my heart goes out. I was think, you know, these news stories with these shootings and And my heart goes out to Uh, the people in those cities and the people that are affected by those things and

and uh And um, um, my heart goes out to them. Um What else is going on? Yeah, we we had a nice time and I hate to brush over, you know, the family visit But we went to disneyland And my thing is My thing about disney, dude, I like watching And I love seeing asian people Eat big things

And I used to watch it on the internet. They used to have a good series out there on the youtube about It was a lot of uh, chinese and kind of you know Kind of mico's kind of mini koreans eating uh big pieces of pound cake And you could see them when they're, you know, and it's beautiful Because you know asians are probably one of the top easily top four ethnicities are five And when you see them, they're so docile and they're so And this is a i'm talking some of the newer generation is more active, you know, you got more uh

You know, you got a lot more You know, they got a lot more gunpowder in them some of the you know You know, kind of more recent asians, but i'm talking you go back a generation. You got a lot of da's bore them docile asians and man watching one of them just kind of just just You know just navigate a big piece of pound cake or a big uh cotton candy with that small

That small huffer they got that small mouth and god it's beautiful It's beautiful. It's like watching nature work and watching god work And so that's one thing I love about disneyland is seeing Just just what i mean you and you got to pay attention There's not a sign that says hey, hey buddy over here Look at the lord work over here You got to you got to navigate and see what's going on And sometimes on a park bench just off you you know outside of your

You got to kind of go like that and they'll see you'll see a park bench and they'll have two beautiful ASEAN's baby asians beautiful And they are and they're a beautiful culture and you'll see them You know one of them would have like a big turkey leg And one of them with a uh a big cotton candy and they It seems like they're whispering to it, but they're ingesting it. It's beautiful. I mean it's really It's something that's you know, I'm surprised it's not in more travel guides

But I love that I love that about disneyland and Just uh everybody having everybody having fun And uh, and we enjoyed it and we made the most of it and the kids, you know The kids are crying and they're fighting and somebody drank a bunch of bubbles But that's life That's life And I got to realize that I'm grateful to be in it and I am And I am uh

You know, and I think I've just been struggling a lot with just my gratitude And just remembering to be grateful Um Because my life is good man. I'm healthy, you know, I'm able to breathe You know, I have a career that I want You know, I have people that love me Um You know, I have a mother that's alive I can talk to I have a brother that I know cares about me

Till the end of the world You know, I have uh I have the ability to love others Um I have legs that work You know, so I can be I can help others You know, I can take action

I have a voice I can speak Uh I have dreams and I have the ability to Take action on some of them, you know and uh You know, I just have a lot of blessings and I just I hate when I forget that

Because it leaves me in a space where I am I don't know. I just hate myself when I'm not that I don't hate myself, but I don't I just I've lived in gratitude before and man, it is a good place to be You know, because when you're grateful you're not alone And you're not in judgment, that's the thing I just hate being judgmental. I hate it And it's tough because I'm a comedian and there's part of that in there, but there's I hate it when You know, I I don't know everything's gonna be okay. I just gonna work

I'm gonna do a little bit better of being in gratitude and I'm thankful for you guys. I'm thankful You know, we got sold out shows this week in Sacramento I think Las Vegas is almost sold out for this weekend And they say that that rarely happens because it's a you know, Las Vegas is a destination city But I'll be in Sacramento on the eighth and ninth of this week Um And then on the 10th Saturday night, I'll be in Las Vegas. So you guys can come out thiovon.com slash tour

Also coming up shows in Brea Biloxi Scotland Dublin Oslo stock home London Manchester and Amsterdam. We just added another show in Sayerville, New Jersey on october 3rd Uh, and there's just There's a lot of shows thiovon.com slash tour You are

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I mean, I've done it, you know, dude. I remember about five years. I didn't even have an erection So if you saw me you'd be like, damn that guy Just got a lot of loose skin around as kind of a near as nuts. And that was my wiener But not anymore if I need to get hit If I need to get that that tonic win, then I throw that blue chew. I throw it in my gums boy so Let's get to a couple calls here that came in the hotline as always Is nine eight five six six four nine five zero three

And if you're struggling with something, um You know when you need somebody to reach out to or something like that you can hit the hotline And we listen to every call that comes in and thank you For being a part of uh, this past weekend and this experience gang bra always gang man This is angel in polsa, oklahoma Actually got the pleasure to meet you. Um, you helped my family out. Well, we had a great loss

Uh Oh angel, I do remember that actually thank you guys for coming out of believe your I want to say hold on Oh, I have my booklet here. Usually I have some of that stuff written down, but I believe your mother had passed away Uh, let's hear more And I was listening to the podcast last night and I've been thinking about it and You know, don't stop being a bright light just because somebody's You know having a bad day. We don't know what that woman was going through

but I'm a single mom with three boys and You know, I would never treat anybody like that But some people just weren't raised right and some people just don't have that god spark To say hey, I'm doing somebody wrong You know, we're lucky that we have that kind of spirit in us and You know, I work with people daily doing hospice and I listen to your podcast And it just always brings like an uplifting spirit and what you do for single moms is just amazing So don't let this one

Nasty lady who is probably having a nasty day We're in your spirit. We love you gang gang gang gang. Uh, thank you for the call um Angel I appreciate that Uh, yeah, and I know you're talking about last week with the um You know, they had the single mom came out to san francisco and she really really shit the bed

and um You know, and I think I had expectations You know, I think I had you know, I wanted it to go a certain way And there's there's things I can't control though. You're right You know, and I felt a little bad about I thought a little bit about it like part of me is like, you know, I don't know what that lady You know, you can't make people do anything You know and I'm sure there's been times in my life when people tried to help me and I shit on them Or I didn't do you know, I could have done better. Uh

Dude, I remember some people, you know, they let me come live with them when I was a child And the neighbors was lesbians and I would drive through the yard in the morning in a 1984 Ford escort and poor vodka out the window for no real reason and And it wasn't because they were lesbians. They happen to be lesbians and their yard happened to be across the street, but I'm sure when those people opened their doors to me, they weren't thinking. Oh, yeah, this boy gonna go hot wheeling You know through these munchers fucking hedges. You feel me? So Yeah, we all do stuff. Um But yeah, you're right. I appreciate you saying that and yeah, I just

You know, I'm gonna limit my expectations And uh or try to and do and do what I can And we do what we can I think part of it is yeah, it's like we got a group. We do some good We're trying to do a little bit of good And most of the time we succeed I mean out there in Tulsa, too, you know, we had two two single moms came out to Kane's ballroom over there And boy, that was a show We put it on them

And god bless all the single mothers getting their children ready for school Oh, come on up on this week. I know you are you need a break And bless you young lady for working in hospice, you know, you're right there on the front lines of uh Of life and death and that's You know, my brother his wife's Grandmother passed away last week and she was a beautiful woman Man, she always made me feel good every time I saw her Avis that was her name

Mama Avis and she always made me feel good and I know she was in hospice right before she passed and um And I know you guys are right there And it takes a special person to to do that work. And so thank you very much For doing that angel Um, let's take some other calls that came in nine eight five six six four nine five zero three schools almost back Here's the tough thing First of all spending time with my nieces and nephews this past weekend

Set me back a couple years. I want to have children man They are so energetic and their parents have to be so patient And what if your kid ain't even smart? And you got to get him ready for school you you know, you spending 130 dollars getting them a bunch of you know Some new zapatos for la escuela and you know, he ain't even fucking smart That's gotta be crazy You know, you're sending a little freaking uh You know little um little mark or little Darius

Or a little ecter You got him 130 dollars. You got him a new pencil pouch And you hugging him and saying oh, yeah, you're gonna have fun this year, buddy Then you close the door and go to your room and you're like damn he My child is he's dumb as fuck, man He'll be lucky to get through this shit. That's gotta be crazy Dude parents must have to pretend so much, huh? That's so fascinating, man You giving him two dollars for lunch knowing he's just gonna be fueling up to go back to a class that he ain't even

do well Man that was crazy man shout out to all the parents out there You guys are warriors You guys are warriors. I witness so many of y'all at disneyland this weekend working the front lines of raising children And it was pretty beautiful, man to see in the families all just doing the best they could to make it a nice experience for their kids And the sacrifice and it's beautiful You know it's beautiful and my mother took my brother and I there when I was young and

And i'm sure she probably had to sacrifice a lot to do that And so it was nice to uh It was nice to uh have that memory while I was there this weekend. Let's take another call How's it going p.m? This is uh will from burlington, Vermont. What's up will from burlington? in burlington, uh, it's um Vermont I've always wanted to go and my luggage went once I uh Southwest airlines mess my luggage up and send it over there to you guys and

I don't know what happened to it. Fuck somebody probably wearing some of my shit right now. I did have a nice, um crew neck sweatshirt That I really it was kind of heather gray or something and it said boys will be boys on the back So if anybody sees anybody wearing it over there Outside of I think it was manchester vermont. Maybe or something. I don't know. I don't know at all actually Let's hear more uh, just listen to your podcast where you uh, put that guy on blast for recommending a single mom that wasn't uh,

didn't really behave that well and uh, I thought that was kind of messed up for you to do that. Uh, I'm a huge fan, but I mean that guy I mean that guy probably really looks up to you and and I mean You know, he was just trying to do something nice for somebody who he thought was fine and and uh You know, it turns out obviously that she may have been kind of an alcoholic or something along those lines, but

I mean he obviously didn't know that and I don't know. I just feel like you just kind of you put him on blast. You called him during his lunch break and and you kind of took out your anger on him and um, I don't know. I didn't like that. I mean that being said it was that was it was pretty entertaining, but I mean he's He you know, you're probably one of his role models. I think you should have directed that anger towards the woman. She really She really screwed up, but Oh, well, I appreciate it man. I appreciate the call. Um

Um, yeah, you know, I felt bad about that When we got to the end of the episode, I was driving home and I was thinking man. I felt like I forgot something You ever know that you might be somewhere and you forget something Maybe you at your but you you at a camp out or something and You drive halfway home. You realize, you know, man, you're patting your pocket. You're like damn. I left my Uh, you know, maybe a playboy magazine or a hustler or a club one of them You know a little bit of jerk off kind of No, you know novellas really are magazines something you could jerk around to pictures mostly

You know titties and everything but um Yeah, man, I agree with you. I felt like I forgot something and I felt like uh Yeah, I took my anger out on that guy You know, I was angry. I was angry, man And I can be angry, you know Sometimes I can be nice and sometimes I can be angry. I can be both of those people I can be somebody who is who is a loving person and also somebody who overreacts sometimes and doesn't manage things well you know, I'm uh

I am a We all are we all are We're more than one thing And that's a good point, man. And that lady could be more than one thing You know, she could be a couple of things now. Also, if she's four things three of those things could be A real bitch But you're right, man. Actually, I think let me give this guy a call right now, Michael And uh, at least leave him a voicemail

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice messaging system At the tone, please record your message when you've finished recording. You may hang up or press one for more options Hey, michael, what's up, man? Uh, this is theo. Uh, we spoke last week Um From the podcast you had submitted a single mom for san francisco who was a real dragon um, but uh I just wanted to call and apologize You know, I feel like I was

You know, I was angry and And I think I took it out on you and uh Because I couldn't get in touch with the woman And and maybe it's for the best. Maybe I'm glad I didn't get it, you know And when arguing with her, I mean, I just shouldn't have been taking action when I was angry. So I just want to say I apologize and I hope you forgive me. I'm sorry and

You know, and I appreciate you, you know caring enough to check out the podcast And I know people can spend their time and their efforts doing anything And uh, and the fact that you have spent any of it listening to my Listening to me is uh baffling and uh, but I'm grateful and um, and you cared enough to submit somebody And I'm sorry, uh, that it turned out kind of the way that it did Uh, but it certainly isn't your fault and it's not my fault either and and um, and we tried our best and uh

Yeah, and that's that And just you know, if you check in with her the single mother again, just tell her I'm sorry that you know, uh We couldn't make the evening something for her that she could enjoy and I'm sorry that uh That she thought um that I was racist and I think part of it was that hurt my feelings But still no matter what none of it. I should have taken out on you. So um, thankfully we were able to find a uh, a mexican or latino mother single mom And the gift that we were going to give to your friend

um We were able to find a young lady. Uh, who's very deserving of it, which you know We called her at the end of the episode the other day. So um, I'm sorry that your friend missed out on her gift and you just uh Let her know that I hope she You know, I hope she uh, I hope she's feeling better than she was Uh, whenever she came out to den her into the show and um, and again, I'm sorry man

I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable And uh, and if I put you know, if I called him I didn't you know If I you know, I called him put it on the show and and You know, it kind of wasn't fair So, uh, thank you very much for being somebody who cared enough to um To submit a single mom and uh And in the future, you know, I hope to be able to get you tickets or something to a show and

And I'll repay you Fuck Beeps always ruin my life, but I think he gets it. I hope that left um Anyway Jesus that was a long voicemail. This I'm chatty. I am chatty I guess, huh? Uh, let's take another call man, and thank you to the caller for uh For bringing that up because it was something that was on my mind

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s h i p s t a t i o n Dot com then enter promo code theo Ship station dot com make ship happen support this past weekend and go check it out Oh Let's take another call right here What's up to you game game? This is michael What up michael and michael is a very very um

popular name Who is email somebody on sunday night? Sorry michael very popular name though. Let's onward calling you from sunny south florida for lauderdale It's calling in uh down on the florida keys A little place come on Just to give you a little comfort about the single mom debacle

You know, they always say no good deed goes unpunished, but don't let that break your spirit I think people should just be nominating fans And That lady was obviously not a fan. So that might be a little guideline to uh implement a second thing with uh Will the busmeister I think a lot of guys, you know They're in there doing business

And they got a little situation with that premature ejac Oh, yeah, and I don't think they want to give away the details to their lady So that's why they end up riding it out And maybe get themselves in a situation Oh Oh, well I didn't know that was something. Um That the that premature ejaculation

Or that pe boy that pe, you know that pre uh eject I didn't know that a lot of guys if they did it they was ashamed of it and then stayed in there Oh, who is that? Who would do that dude That seems crazy Well, if you spill pudding in the kitchen, dude, and it's all over the place You don't just stay in there with it You you got to get out of the kitchen, man. You got to tell you got to go tell somebody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Just spilled a bunch of pudding in the kitchen. You know what I'm saying? You got a you got to have a plan You don't just pretend nobody spilled pudding in the kitchen You got pudding all over your legs. You got put you got putting on your cheeks And you're gonna pretend That nobody spilled Pudding in the kitchen Guy guy guy guy Yeah, um

Unbelievable as far as the single mom, I think look, um Six 14 out of 15 single moms have been awesome actually about 13 Um or actually, you know You know, I think some of it's just expectations. I had some expectations, you know, we sent uh You know, it's like It's like, uh Yeah, I had expectations and so I shouldn't have had them You know, um or my expectations should have stopped if no one submitted anybody that would maybe should be something

I could be bummed about But you know, Michael tried to submit somebody we did our best boom, but yeah, I think in the future, uh We'll just keep it as is and we'll just do our best and you know, we should probably vet a little bit better I think on our end Um, just make sure that the lady and some you know, kook, but even then you don't know And and at some point it's just out of our control. All we can do is try our best So let's hear another call right here. Here we go Yo, this is uh, Mike Raleigh, North Carolina. Big Mike over there and Raleigh

And Raleigh Coleman was a uh Assistant principal at one of my schools And he used to sleep in his car at lunch And he would deny it, but I saw him get in there a couple time and kind of close the thing and he'd rest in there And he had a little thing he would tie it off and just breathe out the um About a keyhole. He would take the key piece off and breathe through there put his mouth by there on the inside and breathe through there and sometimes take one of them little A sack milk in there with one of them sack milks. You put that straw in and you just dexter that bitch and then hit it

remember those But uh, and he also was sometimes where roller skates at lunch and do a little athletics, but go on onward Not really Hot topic or any sense thoughts kind of a crazy story. I don't know if you ever heard a surprise baby story, but The day after the fourth of july we had a baby boy and we had no idea that was coming She took some tests back in november all came back not pregnant. She was having Her cycle Her hitter every month. Oh, yeah that tony gwen baby batten for the cycle, bro

It's like a brother gets loose inside of a woman, bro that tony gwen and they start acting wild, you know And they start just really just just really acting wild He never kicked one time and Fourth of july. She thought she was concentrated all day long. I was driving around going to go to a pool party listening to king in the steam and you know, she said she thought she was concentrated and feel good so we were going to go to the yard together And she ended up going home going to sleep I was waiting to get that call she wanted to go, but I never got a call went by her apartment car was gone

I called the hospital said they were getting uh, she was getting transported there and Came by her dad was outside waiting for me saying I was going to be a daddy She was in labor and I just think it's funny man You know some people in there when they're pregnant give them all this uh the pay tommy Let the baby in the womb list all this stuff. My kid was listening to this past weekend King in the sting and that congratulations by chris delia. Oh god. Sorry about that part I hope the kid will be okay onward And I just thought you think that's cool, man. Maybe they'll grow up to be a

comedian one day That's all for you man gang gang Gang gang, bro. He might be a comedian. He might also grow up uh You know to be a mime. I mean that dude must be hella quiet if nobody even knew he was in their body for nine months Think about it. If I got something in my body for nine months And it doesn't make a peep That's not even a baby man. That's a ninja

Your wife had a ninja so You might want to give that thing a piece of cat of you know A big piece of pound cake or a big turkey leg or a cotton candy Because you got that low key that secret asian baby That's a damn ninja dude. If you didn't dude, I never gone to the toilet and come back a parent I mean that's dark arts brother You know and god bless you guys with the new baby and i'm so excited for you, but I never

You know, I've never been over at you know at a chicks house and she busts a fart or something or a little bit of body gas And next thing you know, I'm a stepfather So I don't know what's going on But y'all might need to get on keto or y'all might need to get on a um You might need to get a sonogram at the house brother Y'all you know what i'm saying you got to know when You just got to know if something's living inside of your body. I think I guess or maybe you don't

You know what actually brah This sound great. You don't have to spend any money on the baby shower You don't have to paint the room or do all of that Dude, if this baby can be quiet for nine months inside of a woman's body He can sleep in the garage He could sleep in a fucking in one of the the waltz in the truck Dude, you could put this baby anywhere Dude, you could put this baby in a glove box baby leave him in there overnight

Put a sack milk in there with him like your boy Raleigh Coleman So look man, I think you need to write a book On how to have that zero dollar baby Because you heard a million dollar baby hillary swank But you never heard of uh of uh Of the of zero dollar baby. That's what you got to write How to have a baby zero dollars zero sonograms

No, baby clothes Silent baby Baby, you got them. You got a damn mind brother And congratulations, man. I'm happy that you're a father and it's sound like your wife is doing okay and And you know sound like y'all beautiful over there and and uh, and thank you for sharing that remarkable story That's remarkable Jesus here we go. Let's take one more call nine eight five six six four nine five Uh zero three and you know skill share

You know and if you want to support the podcast people are like man, I love the podcast How can I support go try try one of the deals get you to blue shoes get you to hitters You know start using ship station quit doing all this stuff yourself and not being able to figure it out Or go to skillshare.com slash theo von Skill share is an online learning community for creators and creators man. They're people that are making something You know just like in a bishop gun. They say I'm making it That's who that's creators man And you might be making something maybe this guy is suddenly he's making that book

He's gonna make the zero dollar baby how to do it How to you know have a baby inside of your wife and not tell anybody I mean now that's the move the other guy called in and said look if you You know if you spill pudding in the kitchen you got to tell them Maybe this guy tells you where to put the pudding So nobody even knows They got a dessert milling around in them

But skill share is an online learning community with more than 25 000 classes in design business and more You'll discover countless ways to fuel your creativity and your career You know people always want to learn how I got to go back to college. I got to go, you know I want to learn about trains. I got to go be a hobo for two years. No, you don't daniel No, you don't All you got to do is take some classes social media marketing mobile photography creative writing Whether you're looking to develop a new passion or start a side hustle or gain professional skills Skill share is there to keep you learning thriving and reaching those goals. You want to learn graphic design?

Yes, you do. We all do Graphic design basics core principles for visual design. That's easy Next thing you know, you learn it next thing, you know, you go to a company in your town You say, hey, what you're missing is your graphic design elements. They're not there You you charge them a fee. Boom. You hit them with a couple of deals gang gang, son Now you're a graphic designer. That's your business. You don't need to go rent a big office and do all of the bullshit It ain't 1996 daddy Join the millions of students already learning on skill share today with a special offer just for our listeners

Get two months of skill share for free. That's two months. You could be a graphic designer by the end That's right. Skill share is offering this past weekend listeners two months of unlimited access to over 25,000 classes for free To sign up go to skill share.com Slash the Ovan again go to skill share.com slash the Ovan to start your two months now That's skill share.com slash Theo Vaughn and I'm grateful to our advertisers for uh For supporting this past weekend Wow, you got a new baby. What man a lot going on. You know, we apologize to Michael. We got, um,

We got school starting back. We're living life We're living life, man And thank you guys for reminding me that I am because I walked in here today and I was just, you know, I wasn't remembering that And that's why I'm grateful you guys are here to remind me of You know that the good things are going on And if they're if I don't feel like they're going on in my life if they're going on in yours And you tell me about them. Then they are going on in mine, too Gang gang. Let's take this call

Hey, Theo. It's Darren from Omaha, and I just wanted to maybe ask the listeners for some advice. Uh 34 years old this December and just seems like a really fucked up life. Um, And it doesn't really seem for the obvious reasons. I went to school got an undergraduate degree and a master's degree and Um, don't have a criminal record Still because of uh, student loans and whatnot living with the parents and it's real hard to meet a lady. Um, because I'm having to uh, have a mountain worth of student loan debt and I just Oh, yeah, it's hard to fuck it at your parents behind a bunch of debt

That's hard to do No lady is like, hey, yeah, let's go over to your parents and fuck behind all your bills. That's tough. Onward Maybe they have some advice on how they're getting through. Um, just paying them off bills like I can as fast as I can but thanks Uh, thank you for calling man, and I'm sorry that you're dealing with that uh struggle and um, and this call actually came in I'm reading this note here. It says, uh, this call came in a week Uh, a week back and then we got another call from him Um, but I want to say this about student loan debt Get consolidation

Check out different companies And pay a lower rate over a longer time Pay it for the rest of your life. Who cares? So many people I hear or this is what I think This may be not what you think So you don't have to listen right now but

Just pay it. Who cares if you have to pay it for 50 years. Who gives a damn pay it 50 dollars or 100 dollars 200 for 50 years fucking pay it. Oh well Just pay it So many people like I gotta do fuck that Spend the rest of your money enjoying your life living your life pay that little bit by a little bit over time Who knows elections in eight years or whatever they may fucking They may bankrupt the whole nation by paying your student loan debt So then nobody has student loans

But everybody's just out in the street You know and it's war and it's total war because there's no Because nothing means anything I don't know man. We'll see but I just say this man don't beat yourself up over that and student loan debt isn't that much You know in the big amount it is but in the small monthly amount it isn't and we can pay that So you just got to work a little bit harder, man You know, there's been times where I was making nothing But I you know we can pay that it's not that insane

Uh And you know Sorry, man. I got a little I'm fucking I'm telling you man. I've just been kind of jazzed out Been jazzed out man. Like I got damn went and Marsalis in me. Let's take another call Hey, hey, Theo. It's Darren from Omaha, Nebraska, and I'm really actually okay, and this is Darren again called Um a week later. This is a fresh call. So thankful you haven't had a chance to play my other message yet I was really beating myself up in that last one and this last episode from July 29th It really helped out. I mean

Honestly when I started focusing on the fact that I'm you know, kid in the gym five days a week making my fat ass you know go there and also Have a full-time job and also taking care of other people and trying to make other people's lives better by being a good human being I've a lot going for me and you know my situation will eventually change and I really appreciate the last episode focusing on action because I think things are gonna get better just a matter of time Thanks gang gang gang, bro. Wow Yeah, man, that's amazing man a week, you know the perspective change

You say you've been going to the gym getting your blood flowing Every time that is the solution for me every time If my brain is leaking, bro Then I got to get my pores to start leaking. I got to get sweat activity They call that sweat activity Because once my body starts feeling good, I feel like I can do anything You know by nature we're supposed to be in motion By nature we are supposed to be in motion the world is round

according to most people and You know, you're not supposed to be sedentary on a round object. If you see a seal on a ball They're moving They're moving to keep their balance. They're moving If you see a seal on a block They're doing nothing You know, they're doing cigarettes. They're doing pudding packs. They're doing pop tarts with the icing on them

And I like the ones without icing But um, I was talking about But what I'm saying is We're supposed to be in motion We've built this world now in this society, especially in America here where we're really sedentary like I'm sitting here in a damn desk now In a room that's in I'm in a room that's inside of another room that's inside of a building I'm three rooms deep right now. I'm so disconnected From activity at this moment. So we got to go out and get it

You know, our bodies were meant to be really like oceans There's but they're supposed to move and flow and get the vibe. You got to get that vibe So if I'm out here with no vibe doing nothing doing hostess cakes and you know, just being a damn snack of dactyl and fucking smoking You know free base and Fritos then yeah I'm gonna be nothing, bro. I'm gonna be slow Or I'm gonna be I'm gonna be looking at all the doldrums

But yeah, we can stay busy And yeah, and I appreciate you reminding me man, because I need to hear it. It's just a boomerang We made here. I say something then y'all say something and we go back and forth man, and we stay alive, bro I love that. Let's take another call here 985 664 9503 And go attack that student debt man. Look at it. That is a challenge Are you all right governor? You want to put student debt on me? Go live dude get your life

Get your life You can do it man, you're capable guy you sound capable You could do whatever it this is our life We have to do it now gang boy See what's going on man. This is Mark from Pittsburgh a little north of Pittsburgh Butler PA Out of Butler PA man in Pittsburgh everybody knows a couple ladies came down from West Virginia once And they tried to give me a little sex out there by the parking garage down there

Down there and uh by union station or whatever and uh And I got a little bit of it, you know, and they was aunt and niece and they said they wanted they was from Wheeling West Virginia and they said they came to give me some of that wheeling feeling And I got a little bit of it and it was okay. I would say probably It was all right. It wasn't It wasn't crazy, but it wasn't It wasn't too too. It was all right onward

And uh, I was listening to your podcast talking to bishop gun About how they were in that rolling stones header You know, it's funny that they you guys talked about fans of the podcast these fans of bishop gun Because my fiance and I are huge fans of the podcast and we have become huge fans Of bishop gun as well. They're so good man Dude, I'll be honest with you when I first heard them I didn't even think they were any good, bro But the more I heard them

I think they are good and then I think they're really good gang, bro And we're going to be getting married this august august tend to be precise And uh after we say I do Sean is going to be playing by bishop gun when we walk down the aisle And uh, and that's just and that's just because your podcast when we hear that we know You know, we're about to get in a good mood and we just want to get sent off right And it's on to put us in the right vibe in the right spirit. So

Thank you for everything you do. Thank you for everybody you help and uh Yeah gang gang gang Man, thank you, dude. I appreciate that message man You know, they're really lifting my spirits man. You just put me in a in a nice place just now You know, you put something in me that feels good And I think it's just because you came with the positivity, you know, you came with the care You know, you got the wife you got a special moment You know, you related to us and everybody who listens and pays attention to this deal

And you made us feel like we have some value a little bit or that's what I felt And so thank you very much, man. We're happy to be part of your wedding, man That shine, maybe it does make me feel good. You know what? I'm gonna get out of here on it right now. I think um I'm gonna get out of here on some shine And yeah, I gotta stay in the light because that's the only way we win It does it the other side. It's just there's no end to it The judgment my look man

You know like Nothing on the outside is going to change the way I feel except for me and the way I interact with the world If everything is if something's always wrong, then something's wrong with me And it doesn't make me a bad person if something's wrong with me. It doesn't make me a bad person if I have a bad day You know, it doesn't make me a bad person You know, I just but I got to write the ship. I don't stay alone. I communicate with others I communicate with others a lot of it. I do right here Talking with you guys listening to people talk

The guy is the baby, you know, they think it's a little, you know A bit of fart or something or a belch imagine that Dude, I'd be afraid to pat my wife on the back after that She'll burp up us, you know a damn stroller with twins in it, man Oh man But you know, I'm glad you got a lady and I'm glad you're gonna be coming down the aisle That's what made me that's the way it did Just picturing two people coming down to the aisle

To a song that I know makes me feel good. So I know it makes you feel good And man, I could just relate That music isn't it's funny what music does when it gets in us It's funny how it can do something special to us music It's interesting. It's like a little baby, you know It's that fucking it's that air ninja It really is man, um

I'm gonna take us out of here on that man. I'm gonna take us out of here with a little bit of shine Michael again, I'm sorry if I put you on blast last week. I could have done better I'm not really sorry if I'm still angry at that lady a little bit. I'm not really angry at her Actually, I'm more grateful that we found a uh A young lady You know who was excited about us and uh Uh, yeah, man, whatever. It's all good dude. Everything will be okay You know, I need to expect less

and do more and show up with a positive attitude And man, we're pretty lucky aren't we guys we are pretty lucky Uh, thank you guys for being here this weekend Um, what else any other news I got to share with you? Maybe some things but I'm waiting until next week Um When I'll Have more information

But you guys be good to yourselves man. Let's take it out of here with a little bit of bishop Do you say I do yes, and do you say I do you mean now kiss the bride Oh, I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my Oh And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been Oh Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone

Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take A little time For me to set that parking brake and let myself Shine that light on me I sit and tell you my story Shine on me

Me and I will find a song. I will sing it just And now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past And these rules that I've been riding on they want so thin that they're damn they're gone I guess now they just work Congratulations on that wet man. Check your wife. Check your spouse for babies everybody Check your lady for a damn baby. That ain't a mole. That might be a baby Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story

Me shine on me. Come on now. And I'll be Find a song. I will sing it just for you And I will find the words to help you make it. All right, let's go all the way, man If you call my name I'll sing it to you Shine that light on me Me I'll sit and tell you my story

Shine on me And I will find a song. I will sing it just for you Oh, oh Till death do y'all part man. I wish you a million happy years together and uh Yeah, be good to each other, huh and be good to yourself may you deserve it and thank you for uh You guys for reminding me to do the same Gang