This Past Weekend - Jamie Kennedy | This Past Weekend #98

Episode Date: May 24, 2018

Jamie Kennedy joins Theo for a conversation about possible peediofile's in their respective childhoods, the incredible comedy scene in LA at the moment, and Jamie's future plans. Jamie Kennedy Tour: http://www.jamiekennedy.com/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/thejamiekennedy Twitter: www.twitter.com/jamiekennedy ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Support Our Sponsors Ridge Wallet https://www.ridgewallet.com/theo Use code “theo” for 10% off your order Pranks Anonymous https://www.pranksanonymous.com Use code “theo” for 10% off your order Greyblock Pizza https://www.greyblockpizza.com http://bit.ly/Modrats ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music Shine by Bishop Gunn YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/shine/1367188677?i=1367188711 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Man Up - Comedy Central Pilot based off the Podcast Episode 1 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F2AuyEbCI0 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ComedyCentral/videos/540480146346331/ Episode 2 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGwxlvzpFdI Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ComedyCentralCentral/videos/539377409789938/ Episode 3 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTxLcmKlA4Q& Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ComedyCentralCentral/videos/539380113123001/ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Theo Von/This Past Weekend Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theovon Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theovon/ https://www.instagram.com/thispastweekend_/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheoVon Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theo.von Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend/ Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheoVon/ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Other Gunts Patreon Gunt Squad: Alaskan Rock Vodka Angelo Raygun Renee Nicol Matthew Snow Megan Andersen-Hall Stephanie Claire Ryan Wolfe Carla Huffman Austin Kehler Jeremy West Kenton call Steve Corlew Nick Butcher Megan Daily Joe Tromm Ken Melvin Troy Cosmas Matt Kaman Tom Kostya Mike Vo Micky Maddux Sam Illgen Ben Liimes Alexis Caniglia Stepfan Jefferies David Smith Logan Yakemchuk Aidan Duffy MEDICATED VETERAN Ken Comstock Dan Ray Audrey Harlan Matthew Popov kristen rogers Josh Cowger Kelly Elliott Mark Glassy Dwehji Majd Jason Haley Jameson Flood Jason Bragg Cory Alvarez Christopher Christensen Scott Lucy Benv Deignan Cody Cummings Shannon Schulte Aaron Stein Lorell “Loretta†Ray Stacy Blessing Andy Mac Campbell Hile John Kutch Adriana Hernandez Jeffrey Lusero Alex Hitchins Joe Dunn Kennedy Joey Piemonte Robyn Tatu Beau Adams Yoga Shawn-Leigh henry Laura Williams Alex Person Mona McCune Suzanne O'Reilly Rashelle Raymond Chad Saltzman James Bown Brian Szilagyi Arielle Nicole Greg H Dave Engelman Calvin Doyle Jacob Ortega Jesse Witham Andrea Gagliani Scott Swain William Morris Qie Jenkins Aaron Jones Jon Ross Kevin Best Haley Brown Ned Arick J Garcia Lauren Cribb Ty Oliver Tom in Rural NC Christian from Bakersfield Matt Holland Charley Dunham Casey RobertsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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PranksAnonymous.com. I'm just sitting on your front porch Wondering how could I be Bro, you're right under Marin, dude. I'm looking at the charts. Holy shit. Congrats, Holmes. I know you're recording charts. Holy shit. Congrats, Holmes. I know you're recording right now.

Sorry. 405, bro. I'm like, boss Lawson. Close. I don't know. Fucking helicopter on the freeway or some shit. Bro, it's a fucking parking lot, dude. I left before Google told me.

So bear with me, man. But, dude, I think people would listen to you, Jamie. I really do. I would listen to you. You're just kind of this fascinating creature, I think. Thank you. Are we on now? You know, yeah, you're like a Loch Ness Monster, but you're not hidden.

It's like you're... Humps are out. Yeah, yeah, humps are out. Jamie Kennedy is here with me today, and I'm super excited, man. Yeah. Dude, you've been working so hard. I mean, I see you in the comedy clubs all the time. I know. I've been doing it.

Let me ask you this. Because it's like I was on the road forever, right? Mm-hmm. And then I did a thing with Melissa McQueen. Mm-hmm. And she's like, you got to come to the store and do a show. And then I did. And then I was like,

you know, talking to people, I'm like, if you're on the road all the time, you're doing five or six shows, why do you do, you know, in town,

because you're dead, and Bobby Lee, man, really hit me to it, he's like, dude, you got to perform in town, in front of your peers,

with your peers, because being on the road, is completely different, yeah, and then, ever since he said peers, with your peers. Because being on the road is completely different. And then ever since he said that about two years ago, I've just been like. But also I feel comedy has gotten super hot. And would you say the last three years? Yeah. In town? Because I've been doing comedy for a long time, but.

Oh, and you tell me. I mean, you might even know better. Yeah, to me it has, but my breadth of perspective isn't as large as yours. Well, stop using big phrases. Dude, those are the only ones. Big ones. The only ones used. Well, I feel like, you know, in the last two years, I've been hitting the town hard because, you know, Netflix has been doing the specials.

Now Hulu's opening up and Amazon and everybody. I mean, you know, it used to be like a special. You would drive down Sunset Boulevard and you would see, you know, one person. And it'd be like, you know, bigger and blacker. Like, damn, that's like. Yeah. And now it's like, yo, you see one building. You see a bench. You see, I mean, there's specials.

There's a lot of specials. There's so many specials. So it's like, I was like, I like i want to you know work on that and try to work towards doing a new special yeah and that's why i've been doing it but that i have never in my history i started in the late late early 90s almost lady but 1990 was when i did I've never seen town this hot. Really? Yeah. I mean, dude, you go to the OR, you'll see 16 comedy superstars. Yeah.

Yeah. You being one of them. Yeah. And just like, bam, bam, bam. And it's like, people are so spoiled. And you go on the road, and you sell 400 400 tickets and you're like, I'm the man. And then you're like doing 15 minutes and you're like, ooh, that was a tough set. And you realize because you're playing for the Yankees.

Yeah. And so I'm glad to be in town doing it because it makes me better. But it's like, it is intense. It's fine. Yeah, it definitely seems hot. Are we good on the levels, Nick? Okay. But everybody is in it. And now now i'm not because you were saying that before like man you're hitting it hard and now i don't want to stop because i don't feel like i don't want to miss a step yeah you know what i mean yeah well that's what it seemed like it just seemed like you've been picking it up it's like you know i mean half the shows i'm on i feel like you're on

most of the time um and has comedy always been with you in your career? When I first got hip to you, you were mostly acting. But you were a comedian before that. Yeah. Most people don't know that I started as a comic. My heroes were, I had a few heroes. Eddie Murphy, number one. Mike Myers, number two.

Oh, wow. And I was kind of really into SNL. That was my goal. So I moved to LA. It was an extra. It's a long story. But then I started auditioning for improv groups in 1990. And I got in a couple of improv groups.

And I would go to improv groups. And they would have these groups at the schools and we'd do these shows and we'd get like 20 bucks a show which is like you know good you're making a living right then a lot of them shut down and there was there wasn't like crimes or anything going on

no it was just like you know how long how profitable is an improv group if the school board isn't paying you to do a show about, you know, better nutrition, but make it funny or, you know, fire drills or whatever, right? Yeah. Nuclear warnings, hurricane warnings, dude, everything. Yeah. So I, exactly. So now you couldn't even do that.

If you went to schools now, you'd have to, they wouldn't let five comedians into a school. No, no way. Well, now you couldn't even do that. If you went to schools now, they wouldn't let five comedians into a school. No. No way. In the afternoon at like 1 o'clock. When the kids are tired. And you put a hat on and it's like you don't know what character that hat's going to be. And it's like, I need a location. The Playboy Mansion.

You know, whatever. And everybody's a pedophile. You're like, man, that'd be crazy. Dude, well, there's just so many pedophiles out there now, man. I quit. I got rid of the app, the Stranger Danger app or whatever. What is that? Where you can see how many pedophiles are in your area.

Is that a real thing? Yeah, it's like Stranger Danger it's called, and you can see how many pedophiles in your area. Dude, there's so many, it's I won't even jerk off because I'm afraid somebody's going to molest my semen. There's so many pedophiles. It's baffling, bro. Wait, where does the semen go?

Oh, so you're saying your semen turns into a human? No, what I'm saying is there are so many. If you were to get on this app now and see it, I don't even know if we can pull up the site or something, but there's Stranger Danger. It's where you can see how many pedophiles registered. You know, people in the union, I guess, is unionized. But registered sex offenders are within your area.

But, dude, it's everybody. I think everybody. So then what I was saying, I won't even masturbate because I'm afraid somebody will come over and just touch that. Yeah, oh, I got it. Just because it's so young. So that's where i was going but see how smart he is thanks for laughing man um i have a question yeah so did you ever notice there's i'll go back to what we're talking about but the teachers oh look at this oh god is that real is that real are you kidding that's just off of

culver boulevard that is brother damn all the red dots are touchers yeah that's a shake shack baby everywhere is a shake shack oh my god i'll say shake shack shake shack because i really do like that hamburger i like that hamburgers have you ever seen so many hot teachers touching? I know. Is it a story every couple days? Am I right? Yeah, what is that? What is it you think?

Because something is, do you think something is going on, or do you think that it's just now it's a popular story? Always been, and I think the internet has made everything transparent, and I think it's always been happening, but now everything, you can see everything. Was there a teacher that ever tried anything with you or did something? Because you were tall. You're a tall guy, so you probably had that. You had an opportunity.

So that height helps, right? Oh, nobody's. A teacher's not touching a fucking short kid. Adam's apple. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you're short. So I don't want to name names. Okay.

First of all, I used to do this joke, which is true, which I was on Ultra Boy, and I was never even touched, which made me feel like I wasn't cute. Yeah. So I had to join the Boy Scouts. But here's the thing, is that we did have a teacher who was a nice guy, and he would take me and my buddies out to Burger King like once a week. Remember those? Was he handicapped? No, he was normal. Oh, because I knew a handicapped guy that would do that. He would do that in the Philly area, but that's a good

observation. So he would take us out, three of us, and we would just eat those Whoppers and we'd get fries and he would really let us order. And then, I didn't think anything was weird until because we're from philly so philly we kind of like turn the tables on the touchers we like touch the touchers

yeah yeah and so he we used to eat jawbreakers that was a big thing in eighth grade seventh grade and beautiful candies too yeah and they were hard to deal with but good yeah and they were big and they would these things would puff up your cheeks. So when we would eat them in school, we would get in trouble. So in order not to get in trouble, we would make him eat it. And the game was how many jawbreakers could you fit in your mouth? And so we had him put about three and three in each cheek. I mean.

This old guy? This middle-aged nice guy who took us to Burger King. And he's like, I can fit seven. And he had that accent, and I wasn't knowing what he was. He goes, I can fit eight. And so. What accent is that? Asian?

You know what I'm saying? I can fit seven. But you know that area of the world, whatever that is. The soft accent. You know what I mean? Soft Texas, wherever he is. That cotton throat. Cotton throat. world whatever that is you know what i mean soft texas wherever cotton throat cotton throat and we

jammed them in there to the point where we're putting them in at the burger king jawbreakers in his mouth he's like i can get more and this stuff was like you know charlie chipmunk and it wasn't till i was probably like you know 23 and i'm sitting on my couch you know like you know just after a taco bell audition i'm like damn maybe that guy had ill intentions but but nothing happened ever weird but the more i'll just say the more we jammed in his mouth the happier he was beautiful so whatever that was that was my it's almost like yeah i grew up with people like that oh that's like a fourth world country, man. The more you put in their mouths, the happier they are.

Yeah. And I'll say this, man. That reminded me of a story of this boy. I used to know this boy named Michael. I don't know if I can say his name or not, but. Oh, don't put him on blast. Oh, I don't think he'll. I don't even think he could hear.

Okay. But this boy named Michael Rutsch was his last name, right? And. Rutsch. Yeah, Rutsch was his last name, right? Rutsch. Yeah, Rutsch. Love his accent. Well, here's the thing. So what happened with Michael Rutsch was he had extra salivary glands. He was always just leaking out of the sides of his mouth.

He was real damp just up in that fucking face hole. He was just sweating out of his lips all the time bro you know like it would be easy to get dna off of him yeah i'm saying like yeah you just swab it you can take some on your finger put it okay you could save it he just had he gave it all so he was a drooler yeah he was a drooler gotcha well they had this man um his his mother used to date one of her students who was a substitute teacher. And she dated this boy that was in her class who was 16 years old. His name was Clint.

Like clit, but with an N in it. Yeah. And so she dated him. So he would come over to the house, and they would hook up inside. The substitute teacher, she was probably 30, and this boy, Clint. And meanwhile, me and her son, Michael Rutsch, would sit outside in Clint's car. And Clint had a ham radio, one of those CB radios you get on there, you know, breaker breaker, you know.

Jawbreaker, jawbreaker. How many can you fit? Jawbreaker, jawbreaker, how many can you fit? So we'd sit out there. One time we'd get talking to some man on the interstate. He drives off the interstate. No, this is before Catch a Predator. Yeah, this is way before.

This is before MSNBC. This is when they weren't catching anybody. No, this is like a live, yeah. Yeah. Live version. I got you. This is a live version. I got you.

This man shows up, and then he's got me and Ruch sitting in his truck, right? And he is having us put Tootsie Rolls in each other's mouths. You guys are doing that to each other? Yeah, he's like, you guys should see who could have the most Tootsie rolls in each other's mouths You guys are doing that to each other Yeah he's like you guys should see who you know Who could have the most tootsie rolls in their mouths So it's like similar so this jaw breaking thing Was probably happening at the same time So this is jamming stuff in the mouth

Yeah where's that on the map Where's the stuff a mouth at So wait so how much did you get Because those things can get stuff Oh this boy could get Michael Ruff. I mean, that's the thing. He had those slick doors on his face. You know what I'm saying?

So he was hiding 14, 16, 17 in there. But. Wait, the long or the mini? Oh, the minis. The minis, I got you. God damn, bro. 16 minis. But what?

How old is he? What a pervert, dude. The long ones. I'm saying because, well, there was a better bargain. You got like four of those for like half the price of that long one. I'm just saying. Got weird. That got weird.

I mean, so we, so yeah, no, the minis. But thank God he could hold so many because at one point that guy, Clint, came out of the house, saw this dude, and beat that man's ass. Wow. I saw it ended good. Yeah. No diddling there, no diddling there. No, nothing wild. But yeah, it was popular in my neighborhood if you got molested.

We had a school teacher that took us to Marilyn Manson and dropped us off in there when we were 16. And he went to jail for pedophiling. It was more popular. But what's going on now? Because now it's women with boys uh what's going on ah well they're living the dream these these young students yeah definitely tell me if some teacher hit on you when you're 16 oh are you reporting and then if your mom catches and says this is terrible you go mom don't cock block. Are you saying that?

Yes or no? Am I wrong? Stop me when I lie. Oh, I bet there's so many students. Some students are like, mom! Dude, these girls stay with me, bro. They're not just sleeping with them. Yeah. They're taking them down in the Priuses behind the damn basketball court.

But dude, they're not only doing that They're running trains They're bringing intramural sport athletes Doing two three at a time All aboard they're running drills dude Dude straight up tip drills London bridges And they're getting reports and then they're

Documenting it the teachers are Documenting it One lady had a sketch artist come and draw pictures of them fucking how crazy is that is that real yeah it's like and then the husbands will find out and the one dude i'll never forget this girl had four she had four and it was like two at a time two at a time with toys three at a time four you know dale taco break you know and they're in high school so you know they can go a couple rounds oh and so she went and the husband says for easy serve in high school yeah the husband said i know

that she's sick and we're gonna work through it wow which is i just think a cuck yeah oh you think he was watching it no i just think he was he liked it he was a cuck you know i call it you know right now it's all that's going on with men. You know, it's good that the women are cleaning out the creeps. But, you know, being a man is a little hard in certain areas right now. Like the alpha male is getting a little bit, you know, it's a little. Oh, yeah. It's risky to be an alpha male, dude.

I thought about cutting off my hands. Yeah. Yeah. So it's beta. I call it, you know, the betas are coming in. I call them the beta broom boys. Oh, them soft boys. Yeah. Which, you you know which a woman really like it's like you know they want somebody some of the women not all women i'm not saying don't get mad but it's like

they want a guy that if you're if you're a strong woman you want a guy that you can you know take care of take take care of but i those guys that signed up in the corner you know these some of these guys why the woman is getting done. They would like a broom up their butt. They want the full activity. Yeah, right? And he's like, I'm sorry, mistress. That's a known thing. You can Google that. That cavity search.

I've heard about that. There's a lot of men who are searching their own cavities with all kinds of accoutrements. Broomsticks and shovel handles. Everything. There are. With all kinds of accoutrements. Broomsticks and shovel handles, everything. There are. You don't think there are?

Oh, for sure. Well, you know, you learn stuff. Oh, yeah, dude. Well, I mean, I didn't learn until you could jerk off. When I was 28, I learned you could jerk off like that. I didn't. Oh, the other way. Yeah, just like a reverse twisty. It took me that long.

Dude, I used to do this thing where I would tape both my hands together with duct tape, right, and have my brother tape them. And I would say it was for like school, for science. That's what I would tell him. Yeah. And then I would tape like a hole in my hands like this. And I don't know what I thought the tape was for. And then I would go masturbate with both hands at the same time. Wow.

And it was stupid. Wow. Yeah. But then the crazy part was you had all this tape you know and you had like semen on the floor wherever or something yeah and you had this tape on your hand so then it was like this real whodunit like this kind of harry houdini you know goes to the bunny ranch kind of fucking scenario and you're you know and somebody's beating on the door and you've been saying you're in there you know shit and like i must have taken so many shits when i was 14 years old

how do we get the shit just because i was always having so many shits when i was 14 years old you should wait how do we get to shit just because i was always having an excuse while i was in the bathroom oh okay okay i mean i was in the bathroom my office an hour a day when i get home from school wow a whole hour oh i'd masturbate so i was weak in the legs dude i remember dude the first time i ever masturbated i climbed up a shelving unit right and found some um pornography they had pornography magazines and a fifth of alize with uh just swamp water just like colored liqueur you know just a real big brother sipper it was orange flavored or something and i took a swig off of that and i was jerking off from the shelves just up on the shelves just couldn't even

get down that's how enamored I was by masturbation and addiction, addicted to that. Wow. You were doing, you were like, Oh, I fucking just fell off the shelves after I came. I couldn't even keep myself up. I couldn't even handle myself. You were like drunk, but also euphoric. Yeah. But that's how much it meant to me, like to go and masturbate, to go have that armor. I would bike five miles across town. My buddy's dad had some pornography magazines in their bathroom and I'd bike five miles to get there just to jerk off and then bike back yeah do you know what you told me or before we started the podcast you got a lot of dms from those lonely men oh yeah man i think that's gonna help this cause this story right now you're gonna

have another thousand i love jerking off and driving five miles for a beaver shot. Yeah, your DM's blown the fuck up. Oh, like yours ain't getting... Put another shower break or I'm a mile. How? I was the victim. I was trying to get bees, bro. Sure you were.

I was trying to get bees and seeds. You know? 72s. But how do we get... But yeah, the ladies, man. We went off. It's, man. We went off. It's hot ladies. We went off.

Man, it's good. All right, where are we going? It's hot ladies now with these young men. But do you think that there's something else going on? Because this is what I start to wonder. Is there something else going on in the... Ether? Yeah, in the ether.

Like men haven't been, you know, women are feeling like they, that older men are too, you know, that they're affected too much or that they missed out at a young age. Like, do you think there's any, and that's why they're going for these young, you know, these boys in their classrooms. Do you think there's any of that or do you think that's crazy? I'll say this. I don't get how teachers, if you're a teacher, you're supposed to have a level of intelligence.

If you're going to do something which is clearly illegal and immoral, not only are you doing it, but you're doing it and documenting it and having a digital footprint, which is psychotic. Why do I think they're doing it? I think because if you do that job, the little bit I've been reading about, I mean, there's a story every three days. I think something about you, you like to be know center of attention look at our job control you know maybe some of these guys are 16 but they look 20 i don't know fantasy i don't know there's a lot of

fantasies man but i just think people get caught up in the moment i don't know i think some of them probably have issues obviously it's all right no i like that i mean the fact that they're documenting it too that tells me something else because if anything like back in the day you would maybe a creepy dude would do something like that they would hook up with the young girl they would document it that was like something you would see on an early season of criminal minds you know like that was enough of a plot like that was real stuff but now it's like if these women are documenting it that shows to me that they want to they want to keep it for some reason. That they want that treasure trove of little artifacts they can go back and look at.

But they're going to go back for the bank. Right. They're going back to, you know, that's a spank bank maybe. Yeah. But the bottom line is it's crazy and it's happening more and more. But if I was in high school when I was 16 and my teacher was flirting with me, I would think that was a good thing, but it is illegal. I think Jamie just hit it. I think these kids, these guys are hearing about these stories happening,

so they're getting more emboldened, and they're making a little pass at the teacher more than they would. I had a senior Spanish teacher when I was in freshman year, and I loved her, but I just never thought it was a possibility. Later, I found out she was messing around with a senior. I could have had a chance the whole time, but I didn't think it was a possibility. Now these kids know it's real. Wow.

No, some of these teachers are coming hard at the guys, number one. And number two. Yeah, what's number two? I forgot my point. I know. I always do that, bro I fucking forgot my point But wait

Okay, so number one was what? That I forgot number one now I'm talking about that Number one was that the teachers are coming hard Yeah, they're coming hard Yeah, the teachers are coming hard now But I agree

That's a great point That Yeah, because I Dude, I was just jaw-breaking it Yeah But that was You were just hanging out with a fucking senior citizen I was getting a free whop was just jaw-breaking it yeah but that was you were just hanging out with a fucking senior citizen free whopper yeah jaw-breaking it you know you know what was the

big deal with me tickling yeah these guys you like to tick they like to be tickled just a little you know tickle them that type of stuff but i wasn't doing anything and i wasn't getting it yeah i know hot teachers i had nothing i had jawbreaker That's all I had. But I could see you, you know, if I'm a hot teacher, I'm not going, I mean, I think a tall guy

would have more, but were you like tall and lanky? Were you tall and you were lanky? Yeah. Nobody's fucked. A teacher's not fucking that dude. A teacher's fucking like the jacked kind of like backup quarterback

type of dude. Really? You know? Yeah, no offense, but the tall lanky dude ain't getting fucked by the teacher like that. You know what I'm saying

That dude might Why? He's you know Just because You don't know what's going on with him Like one day his head's real long Or his chin's real long Oh his growth spurt

Yeah those growth spurts I think are scary to people Around that age Yeah Like you meet a kid And he look you know One day one of his arms Is going longer

And the next day It's just too much sprouting You know Like you're really you're doing too much like one day your friend would have a fucking the longest neck in the world you're like what the fuck terrence we get in trouble we talk about this stuff the world's scary right now no this is a world that we live in we can't hope that we live here dude we didn't even put ourselves on this planet i know but do you ever find like because we do comedy

it's like i do jokes about it man it's it's the most, as we do comedy, it's like, I do jokes about it, man. It's the most intense time to do comedy in terms of political correct, right? Right. You agree with that? I think it's getting better, though. I think it's on the way back. Okay, good. Pendulum swinging back.

I do notice that 100%. I've had three different times at three shows in town. Two times and then one time out of town. People have approached me and asked me why I did a certain joke. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. And was it always a certain topic? Was it what, like joking about molestation?

Was it joking about? I do a joke that I say, you know, I read by myself on the internet and I read something that said, people say Jamie Kennedy looks as if Bradley Cooper, Matthew McConaughey raped Bradley Cooper. So it's a rape joke. So it has rape in it. It has the word rape Bradley Cooper. So it's a rape joke. So it has rape in it. It has the word rape in it. Yeah. But there's no rape happening. It's imaginary. It was written about me as a blog.

And those would be your parents if that did happen. Exactly. They're not bad looking parents. Yeah. And you can't make fun of your own parents? No. And so they went, the people went off and said, why are you endorsing rape culture? I'm like, I'm not.

It was written about me and I had a whole dissertation. Wow. So I just listened, man. I'm not. It was written about me, and I had a whole dissertation. Wow. So I just listened, man. I just listened. Yeah. Well, the heckler, I feel like, I mean, you did the documentary, The Heckler. Yeah. And The Heckler these days is, was that with Michael Addis?

Who was that with? Yeah, it was Michael. Nice. I just saw Michael the other day. Yeah. But that documentary, I feel like The Heckler now is the media, kind of. The heckler now is the media, kind of. Well, what we did when we did that was I was just working on my first hour.

Right. When I did that, I was in clubs. And I would get heckles. Not so much crazy heckles. I was getting heckles, but it was more like drunken, emboldened people. And they were hilarious. And my comebacks were pretty damn good, too. And we started documenting it which was filming me to get my bits down yeah and it ended up becoming i'm like

dude this is something here and he agreed and that's what heckler started how the heckler was a live action person right so it was somebody in the audience no matter what the event hey you suck right then i was around 0506 when it happened and there was blogs or the rage right and that's when people not the new york times or la times were reviewing your movie that's when you know this is a waffle movie.com it's a real site how many waffles zero out of five waffles does your movie get yeah and i was getting you know not a lot of waffles yeah two waffles yeah i got a waffle waffle and a half damn and i'm like that you waffle house yeah you know you know i gotta have two right so i'm like who the fuck is this guy and then that shit started springing up and like

you know eggplant.com three eggplants and i'm so everybody started having this voice and i realized heckling wasn't just the people it's it was now bloggers now it's the media yeah but it's gotten even crazier bro which is which is you're right it and then you know i'm not gonna suck my own d but the movie was a little early ahead of his time but now there's something what i call cannibalism where i mean artists are straight up heckling each other only like comics or you know heckling each other or you know music people are fucking having twitter wars or that's crazy to me really 100 well what's crazy about it well oh okay good this because i this business is insanely difficult. It's so fucking hard.

And the fact that you're in this business means that you're not exactly well adjusted. So it's painful. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay. I didn't come here because my life is happy. Right. You didn't stay here because you might have come here with your dream, but it does start to change.

Yeah. And it's, it hurts full. It's hurtful here. And it's, it's, it's, and it's,

but it's a, but it's beautiful. You know, those 10, 15 minutes I have on stage or that five, you know, 20 seconds to say my line before they said cut. That's,

that's where I'm happiest. I love it. You know, people's reaction. I love it, but it's, it's, it's But we're in a fraternity, a brotherhood, and I feel like people, I don't fuck with anybody

because I know how hard this journey is. That's my opinion, and I grew up where my heroes were like you know 50s you know 60s I understood what Hollywood you gotta read Marlon Brando's book

and he would say that there would be a premiere of Man's Chinese and it would go from Man's Chinese down past Gower you know how long that is? that line that's like a mile Chinese and it would go from Man's Chinese down past Gower. You know how long that is? That line, that's like a mile for a premiere. And Hollywood

was beyond, beyond special. And to get in was insanely difficult. You had to be past the gates. Now what's beautiful is all the tools to do it yourself, you can get in. But it's no barrier to entry, and there's issues there.

Does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, there's a couple different topics in there. I mean, for one, it's like anybody can get in here now for sure. And I think you almost have to create your own way in these days because i don't think it says prevalent you know it's um there's so much nepotism now the business has been going on a couple more generations you know or another generation it's like it's just it's really hard to get into this business unless it's easier now right but unless you create it's

it's hard to get into this old business but if you create your own way then it's easier and then it's your own business. You know, I think, like, you know, it used to be the big three networks and Fox, you know, and are trying to get into a movie. But now all of that business is so, like, it's so cutthroat and jaded over there. If you just try and wait on these casting directors to meet a producer at a coffee shop, that shit's not happening anymore. So,

you have to create your own shit so that they come to you now. Yeah, 100%. But wait, you were surprised that I said I don't heckle other artists. Why are you surprised? What I'm saying is that the media is the heckler now.

That was my thought. Now the heckler used to be that man sitting in the front row. I can deal with that now. Now the heckler is like, I mean, well, the comedy is kind of divided. And I feel like there's real comedians. And then there's also like joke writers who are on stage. And I feel like this, the industry caters a lot more towards writers. Wow.

When it's like, what do you mean? I could listen to that offstage. People are going to hate that like, what do you mean? I could listen to that offstage. People are going to hate that you said that, but boy. I could listen to that offstage. What makes this person interesting? Just that they got up there and they're just writing and then reading it on stage? Wow. I'm not saying it's not entertainment.

Damn. But I would watch a guy like Sebastian Maniscalco till my ball skin falls off my balls. 100%. He's an entertainer. Because he's an entertainer. Entertainer. Chris D'Elia, I'd watch him. Entertainer.

Yeah, you go write down Maniscalco stuff or D'Elia's stuff on paper. It's whatever, maybe. But you watch them do it, and it's electricity. Electric. Totally agree. Entertainers. That is an amazing note. And I think they don't have them anymore.

It's like half these people, it's just like is this entertainment even if it's not even great i'd rather it be like mike epps like one of his specials that came out like two years ago got a bunch of bad reviews and stuff but i thought it was at least it was entertaining yeah you know he's not a writer mike epps is a performer bro i'm the same way i feel like i'm a performer you're a performer and i'm sometimes we'll go out there and go blah and people be like oh he's big yeah you know what i mean but it's like yeah he's got energy but it's like but there's times when i'll be low energy but it is like i agree my performing is much stronger than my writing but i dude you're saying some fucking gold now people are probably gonna hate that but i agree with you. And you know what that has to do with? Charisma. Yeah. Charisma.

Yeah, why don't they... Charisma is what you're saying. Entertainment is saying. Why doesn't the industry go after charisma anymore? It's like you could sit in the comedy store for one night and see so much fucking charisma. It's just like, how everybody in this place doesn't have some... isn't...

You know. Well, there's a lot. Right, there's a lot of successful people in there. That's a good point. But yeah, it just seems sometimes like we've gotten away from entertainment and they've just tried to. Here's what I want to say on that point. And we're talking about what I said I don't talk about, so I'm a hypocrite. Yeah, no, look, we're all hypocrites, man. We're just trying our best.

But what I do say is this, though is that fuck me and lost my point again is that is that i do feel this when like you put yourself there's something that happens sometimes in comedy not all the time and and maybe entertainment But people are being cool. And cool is the death of entertainment. Yeah. The coolest people I know are fucking real. Yeah. And they're not cool. You know what I'm saying?

So I feel sometimes what you're saying is like, when I go on stage, I can bomb. Shit, I had some tough sets last week. But I try to be vulnerable. Right. I had some tough sets last week, but I try to be vulnerable. Right. And I feel that sometimes people don't want to do that because they don't want to seem like, ooh, I can go fail. Right.

It's more people just saying that they're vulnerable than it is actually being vulnerable. Yeah, no. Like straight up vulnerable. Yeah. And I do agree with that. And that's what there's, I think Hollywood sometimes looks as vulnerability as weak. Yeah. You know, like my dad used to say, just because I'm nice doesn't mean, you know, I'm weak, you know. Right.

Yeah, just because I'm nice doesn't mean that I'm weak. Yeah. So it's like, I do feel like, I feel that I do feel like the town feels like, oh, he, you know, there's snark, man. The town got snarky. Oh, it's a snark town. The town got real snarky. And that's why I think that's, you know, I think there's going to be a new Hollywood. This is a perception of mine.

I think in the next 10, 12 years, you're going to have a brand new Hollywood that's going to form maybe 15, 20 years or a separate Hollywood that's going to perform. And I think it's going to be based out of Nashville. And I strongly believe that. There's a ton of artists there. There's a lot of money there. Tons of people moving there. And it's a place where people get not as infected. I mean, i think a lot

of hollywood there's just so many ages so many writers now it's like the the sons of writers and grandsons of writers it's just all the same people it's like they've never even lived anywhere outside of you think nepotism is that bad i think it is well you can't if you're not good you know they're not gonna last for acting and stuff you can though i think you can get away that in that industry a little bit more i think you can yeah these days with they don't even let you really do that much on screen these days it's like it's all like this cut to that cut it just seems like a lot more that's what i feel like i feel like you mean an explosion no it's like i feel like a lot of times on the screen they don't let it breathe oh for sure yeah you're talking about i feel like a lot of times on the screen they don't let it breathe oh for sure

yeah you're saying get to the shit and that's how yes now it's more get to the shit where you used to be able to kind of you you fell in love with the character more a little bit because you got to see a little bit of them well dude you're talking about like chinatown you're talking about you know cuckoo's nest that shit that's all netflix i mean they're what movies have you seen where you're like this is an adult thriller movie yeah when have you seen that there's not that many dunkirk is the only good movie i've seen in about three years and uh and it was good and um well you don't like there's other types of movies you don't like you don't like any superhero movies oh i oh i saw ant-Man. Have you seen that?

About that man that's an ant? It's like about Paul Reiser and he gets... Paul Rudd. Paul Rudd. And he gets in some issues with house cleaning products or something and ends up being...

I don't know. He ends up getting infected with antism. Yeah, he's an ant. Yeah, an ant. But he's powerful because you know they're 100,000 times

their own strength. Which also, who fucking knows how strong that is? They're fucking ants, dude. They lose every battle I've ever seen. Fucking ants lose it. I know. So what the fuck are you right? I don't know.

They're always like, they're 100,000 times their own strength. Well, who gives a fuck, dude? I'll fuck 1,000 of them up right now. That's right. Yeah. That's right. They got good PR, but they have bad. There's no talent there

you know great pr speaking of pr yeah i feel like stds have got a new publicist really damn you drive down santa monica boulevard melrose you see that ad for syphilis oh yeah and it's all these get a check i don't want to see that shit. I just came out of egg slut. I'm already having a slutty egg. Syphilis, they got sores. 7 a.m. I've got a coffee. Egg slut.

Syphilis. No. Damn. Gonorrhea.net. You see this shit? They're fucking blowing up. I mean. They're back, baby.

Bro, they're fifth lead in a fucking Marvel movie back baby oh they'll come their fifth lead in a fucking marvel movie dude gonorrhefilus the new one is gonorrhefilus oh they hybrid that shit dude gonorrhefilus bro bro i mean it burns when you piss but uh herpes is getting in on the game herpes is the big one i'm waiting for crabs like but don't for real yeah what is it why are they promoting this shit hard i don't know man i think they don't want people having it i saw a truck hiv truck the other day and it's i guess it looked like a food truck but it was also like curing hiv i'm like dang they're doing everything now you know yeah it was like hiv away or something.com HIV away dot com

Like I don't think that's going to cure it You know that basic suggestion But yeah Alright I want to give Jamie a gift from us today And this is the Ridge wallet brother Oh dude So you got that hitter now That's that front pocket carry

A lot of people have been carrying their wallet in their back pocket And those people are slowly becoming extinct. Oh, okay. It's got a little metal around it. Oh, that's a couple of accoutrements you can use to tap into that sucker, bro. Wait, is this, what's this do? Oh, that does whatever you want it to do, dude. Give that to your cousin. But look at the wallet,

though. That's that real hitter. Okay, but where's the money go? Dude, you can ply, yeah, with that you can ply Tootsie Rolls out of your cousin's fucking grill, bro. I can also use this as just like, you know, quick stick them. Oh, definitely. When I'm in New Orleans. Or you can stick them up and there's that money clip.

You put the cash in the side, you put your cards in there, and you carry it in the front of your pocket. And you got that little hitter. Okay, I got you. So you could change somebody, the fabric of somebody's life. You could remodel somebody's whole aortas. I that was a different hitter but okay but i still oh you could do that okay yeah well you could chop it up you get a tool for everybody you guys watching or we just listening everybody's watching endless this is like government issue steel that's steel brother yeah that'll stop a bullet dude teutonic So you put that there, but then you got this where you can also change your glasses.

Yeah, do whatever you want. Chop up stuff, anything, vegetables, anything you want. Dude, you can do remodel a small auto. You can do whatever you want. And that's special alloy metal from space. That's space metal. Wow. So other people that own these, Buzz Aldrin.

I'm taking it. Yeah, Space Jam. Anybody that was in Space Jam. So you got one. That's from Ridge Wallet. RidgeWallet.com slash Theo. Get 10% off that beautiful hitter. And look, it took me five days to love mine, and I love mine now.

Use it every day. I think I'm loving mine after an hour. You're going to love it, dude. Get rid of that rear carry and get that front pocket carry. Thank you. And it still smelled like food. I'm like, I can't even, I ain't giving blood in this thing or whatever. You know what I'm saying?

It smells like fucking chicken sausage back here. And I'm supposed to fucking be shedding pints back here or whatever. Chicken apple. Just seedy. Yeah, they shouldn't let some vehicles go from one thing to another thing. You know, there should be, they should just, the government should have a better hold on that. Yeah.

Damn. That's interesting. So, but yeah, man, it's getting wild out there. And if I could go back in time, dude, I'll be straight up. I know I have some people from my hometown that listen to this cast. And dude, they had a couple of teachers, man. They had one named Miss Barnes and she was ice cold, boy. But I try to warm her heart the long way, you know?

And then they had a couple of other teachers, I think. One of them, Miss Brestersen, I think her name was. Stop it. Yeah. Stop lying. Stop lying. You made that up. You made that up.

It's like Usain Bolt. Oh, yeah. I know, right? It's just appropriate. I don't know if that's an onomatopoeia or not, but Miss Bresterson was, dude, I couldn't even, I never saw her head or her stomach or legs. All you saw? All I ever saw was her breasts, bro.

And it was a nice line? I don't remember. It was just this big, huge chunk of warmth that would just be in front of your face, dude. Great way to describe it. It was just, and I think she- You just want just be in front of your face, dude. Great way to describe it. It was just, and I think she... You just want to get in there. Oh.

Nest. Get in there. You just want to blouse up, you know. It was, I mean, I think she was in a blouse or a fucking tourniquet. I don't even know what she was in. Tourniquet. That would mean she'd be on the other truck with the food. She would have been.

Yeah, not a tourniquet then, man. And it just looked like one big, wide tit, you know, and it just was hot. Oh, she one-titted it. I don't know if she did or not, but when I would get closer, there was so much heat coming out of it that I couldn't even barely fucking see, and my eyes would fog up. And I would think I had glasses on, but I didn't even have glasses on, dude. My fucking eyes would fog up. She lensed you? Bro, that's how bad her titties were, man.

She had lenses without lenses. Wow. Your retinas would fog up she lensed you bro that's how bad her titties were man she had lenses without lenses wow your retinas would fog up dude yeah my retinas would fog up what grade are we in the fourth or fifth i don't remember i don't even remember learning after that you nine you single or double digits oh i was uh saying uh no i was double digits bro okay because i remember all the blood would run in my body like my lower extremities and I would faint, dude. Because I had this thing when I was young that my blood would go not only to my wiener, but it would also go to the rest of my extremities, my legs, my lower body. Yeah. And so I had to wear these compression pants.

You ever seen those people wearing them fly? I see them at the infomercial. Yeah. I had to wear those in middle school because my blood would fill up all in my legs whenever I would get sexually aroused, and I would fucking pass out. So they could always, the worst part was people could tell when I was sexually aroused. Because you'd be on the floor. Oh, I'd just be like, oh, fuck, dude. He was erect, and it was just me and my buddies playing hoops or something. Like, damn, bro.

Yeah, wow. That means you got to be working with something. You got to have a door flame. I mean, you got to have. Yeah, I got some width, but it's real. The height is questionable. No, but, you know, they call you tuna can. You know what I mean?

There's a lot. You know, it doesn't hit the back, but the sides get taken care of. Oh, the sides, yeah. You know what I mean? Tear up the walls. But so that means you were filling up. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, okay. And I couldn't even Yeah and I just remember my eyes would just kind of go empty And then I would go down But how's your cap game? You know what I mean? You got a good cap on there? Oh nuh uh

Oh Small penis head Really? Big body Oh okay So it's like One of those trucks that The caboose gets wider

When they add extra wheels on it Oh yeah what is that? And those pickup trucks And they double wide Yeah yeah Triple wide Just at the back It they add extra wheels on it. Oh, yeah. What is that? And those pickup trucks and they double wide. Yeah, yeah. Triple wide. Just at the back, it's got big hips on it. Yeah, so you're kind of like a stealth bomb. Yes.

Okay, I got you. My dick's got big hips on it. Hip. Hip. That's basically what we're doing. Yo, this thing is going all over the place. Dude, we are. We're just who we are today.

That's what I like that. Yeah, man. ask whatever you want so your aim is to shoot it you want to shoot another special soon yeah i did my first special and it was on comedy central and my second one was on showtime and i have to say i've never had anything i think air more than anything showtime put it on showtime and showtime two then showtime three then showtime 3a then showtime 3, then Showtime 3A, then Showtime Spanish, and Showtime Redbox. I mean, it was on like 17 Showtimes. It must have felt good, huh? It was awesome.

And I can't thank them enough. And it was like for two years straight. But I mean, my ticket sales went up like 8% or something. Like I felt like, wow. Like it didn't help as much. No. And now it's on the spanish network and it's on a lot um and i appreciate that nouveau and so i don't know i don't know who watches what

so now i feel like i get more hits off of podcasts and people will quote stuff i did on a podcast yeah and so now i just want to do one to just do it because I have all this new stuff. And, you know, I don't even, you know, I just want to make it and just get it on the platform. Yeah. And they don't even have to make it because, you know, I think my audience will find it. Yeah. You know, it's just another avenue. You used to have one job, two jobs. You know, I don't know.

Now you do 15 jobs. Everybody's Ryan Seacrest. Yeah. It's pretty wild. Do you think it's because that the networks and that the the production companies don't do what they used to do or do you think because it does seem like a transition of responsibility a little bit or is that just or is there just so many people in the game now it's it's it's so much coming at us every second like Like, I do this podcast at 2 o'clock.

You know, if I don't do another one at 4, I'm out of the business. I'm irrelevant. I mean, it's like, it used to be like this. Like, you do things and you go to the next level. You do stand-up comedy, you blow up in that. Then you do TV, you blow up in that. And then you do movies and you blow up in that. And then you kind tv you blow up in that and then you do movies and you blow up in that and then you kind of stay there and now you do everything because everything feeds everything

and there's so much content that you can have different avenues that are very successful yeah and i just think that also there's just so much stuff that you have to just be out there yeah am i wrong i mean yeah it's weird you gotta stay yeah it's like you have to just be out there. Am I wrong? Yeah, it's weird. You gotta stay, yeah. It's like you have to stay out there to advertise. It's not so much doing it as much as just being relevant. Like, I want to say you gotta be good,

which you do, but I almost feel like being out there is the new talent in a way. Does that make, does that sound right? Yeah, I mean, it definitely seems interesting. You know, I never thought about it like that. Think about it, though. Yeah. I mean...

Yeah, it's like you want to be out there. But if you want to... But if you're... Because some people that I love, I haven't seen in a while, and it's like, is the town forgetting about them? Yeah.

But it's like, you see some of these guys that are doing everything. I mean, The Rock is arguably the biggest movie star in the world. You agree with that? He just got $21 million, which is the top I've ever heard of, up front. And then a million dollars to promote the movie on his social media.

That's $22 million. Jeez. That's the biggest I've ever heard. And he has a YouTube channel. Yeah. That he actively works on. Yeah. That's incredible.

That he doesn't have to do that. He knows that he's just going to hit every corner. I mean, that is incredible. He's going to do that he knows that he's just gonna hit every corner i mean that is incredible he's gonna do it all and he's i believe is the master do you well i mean it's so hard for also anyone especially i feel like more and more these days to stay you can't really stay at the height of comedy like you used to be able to it doesn't seem like you know and i almost think in a strange way that like dane Cook was the last guy, I feel like that, because he really hit whatever people want to say about Dane. And I think he's okay.

He's never really engaged with me much. He always just seems like he does his own thing. But he hit Steve Martin levels of popularity. Oh, yeah. Dane's an icon. Right. He, yeah. And then you can't. He's an icon. Right. Icon.

He was an icon. And you can't stay there, really. There's no, like very few comedians have stayed at a level that's, I mean, maybe Chappelle, Chris Rock. Mm-hmm. They're still there. Yeah. But there's so few.

Mm-hmm. There's so few. I mean, even, I mean, Bill Burr is like, he's not a celebrity because I think he chooses not to be. I think he likes being, I mean, he's the best comedian, I think, to me. I agree. But there's only, it's hard to, it's almost an impossible level to maintain, you know?

I think you hit, you know, I've never hit those heights. You know, I've done well, but it's like you hit those heights. I think done well, but you hit those heights. I think it is. It's like, yeah, man. It is hard to stay there. Do you think that you have something to do with that? Because you've had some good heights in your career. You've been a movie star.

Do you feel like... That I've taken people down off their heights? What did you say? No. That I've taken people down off their heights? What did you say? No, but do you feel like when you're at that level, is there something tangible that you feel like, okay, I can maintain this? Or do you still feel like things are kind of up in the air? It's moves, man. It's really moves.

It's like it's chess, man. It's really moves. It's like, it's chess, right? You like, you know, get a part and then you get another part and another part. And one part feeds another part. And it's literally like, ooh, what about this guy? I just saw him in this. See him in this. See him in this, right? So it's like momentum, inertia.

And then you start moving up and then you get a leading part. And then if that works, then you get another leading part. Was that scary when you started to get those? Was that scary? No, man. I always wanted that. That was exciting. Yeah.

And it's basically like you feel, I'll tell you this, you feel that it will last forever. You definitely feel that. I felt like that. Yeah. Because stuff was coming so easy to me. And I mean, it doesn't mean I don't work hard. No.

I mean, I did a lot of stuff. But I mean, once I was on that grind, I'm doing every talk show. I'm taking every studio pitch meeting. I'm getting, you know, I'm selling every script. And it was like that. But then once, you know, something doesn't work or it's like if something doesn't work critically, but it works commercially, you're good. Reluctantly good, I would say.

Like, all right, we got to deal with them because we can't turn down money. It is against Hollywood's, you know, DNA to turn down money. Right. You know that.'s DNA to turn down money. Right. You know that. And it's business. Yes. But if something critically doesn't work, box office, but it's a critic, darling, you're also good. So if something doesn't work critically and doesn't work commercially, and then that turnover rate, because you think about it, people got to make the lights.

They got to keep the lights on. So it's like, boom, you're not working. let's go to next let's go to next and then if someone else because there's always somebody right there in that dugout yeah right and bam if they hop step in and they get a hit boom it's on and then you kind of kind of you know you go down the farm leagues yeah yeah i mean i've been in the the Ecuador leagues. I've been doing time in Turkey. But, you know, I'm slowly, I'm coming back. You know what I mean? I'm in like a double-A ball right now.

You know, I'm triple-A. I'm playing for like, you know, the Tampa Bay, you know, Grizzlies, one of those leagues. Did you get like- The Troll Daddies. Oh, yeah. You know. I think of Louisiana. Yeah, Louisiana.

Well, what do we have? We have the New Orleans has the Baby Cakes. Baby Cakes. I'm on that team. Yeah, and they're a good team. They have some good fans. They got Wednesday night. They got those Free Franks.

Free Frank night. Free Frank night. Do you, like, what about like ego and stuff when you're at that level? Do you notice your ego changes? Like, I think ego is such this strange thing. It's like out of our control sometimes almost. Did you notice yourself get an ego or do you always feel like kind of the same or did you like what was that some of that like not in a bad way and not judging you i think whatever you want yeah go ahead ask what you want

and i'm gonna answer it was my ego like yeah no i'm not dude i love you man um i think it the first thing that came to my mind when you said that was, I was right. I was right. Because you struggle, you know, and you try to come up, and you're coming up, and you're like, yeah, I am on the right path. Yeah, I'm supposed to do this. I can see that. Yeah, this is working. I mean, I will tell you this. I mean, I guess, yeah, my ego is large.

I've eaten so much humble pie. I was talking to Bobby Lee about this. And now I'm like, I want to say, I mean, I still got an ego, but I really can't. I've been checked. I've been chin checked. You know what I mean? And it's really good for me because now I feel like, boom, I'm not, I don't want to say this people take it the wrong way but i like hit my bottom yeah you know i mean and there's nothing you can do to grow i've seen so

much and seen so little yeah and so i the only thing i can think of the only what you're saying there is patience at times because you're doing so much you're doing a movie you're doing a tv show you're playing you know 3 000 people out of college and you're like yo i you're doing a movie you're doing a tv show you're playing you know 3 000 people to college and you're like yo i gotta go i gotta go and you're you know flying on a private jet and you're like so it's like you're doing stuff yeah and you're seeing it around and you're just like let's go let's go let's go so sometimes you can be hurt you can be short and people get butt hurt and then but i've always made sure hey i'm sorry but yeah um but i've always i think i've maintained simple thing but definitely your ego hollywood doesn't make you more it just exposes

who you are and generally i'm a i'm a good guy but i definitely have you know crazy moments i definitely live in and and i do think though that you have um creativity though i don't care this is what annoys me where people get the role is difficult and um i think there's times i've had some creative fights with people and other times it's gone swimmingly but it's creative man yeah this is the sandbox and that's what i don't like about our business now people ratting out what's going on a set oh this person this person did this, this person did that. There's a difference between somebody being really difficult for unnecessary reasons and people that are trying to create something great. And when that happens, you know what I mean?

Because we're not there to make friends. We're there to make something great. And if we happen to become friends after it, God bless it. That's what I feel. And there's people like that. But some people get difficult. But then there's other people that are difficult that are super successful. They don't get difficult because they're successful yeah like picasso or

van gogh van gogh was difficult as fuck dude cut off his own fucking ear yeah but he also did great work picasso fucked a 20 year old had a baby was 91 yeah i mean see this is a deeper conversation i don't want to go off the rails down the rabbit hole But it's like people want, everybody has a choice. No, you don't. Everybody's special. No, you're not. Yeah. Okay? People want everybody to be all clean and normal and everybody well-behaved.

No. Kurt Cobain fucking blew his brains out when he was 24. But guess what? You got bleach. Yeah. You got in utero. Okay? Sid Vicious fucking gave you the sex pistols. He wasn't great at taxes. Yeah. You got in utero. Okay? Sid Vicious fucking gave you the sex pistols.

He wasn't great at taxes. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Amy Winehouse, she died at 27. Yeah, but you got rehab. You got, like, so everybody wants everything to be perfect. It can't be. And to me, amazing artists, if they're a well put together person too, God bless it.

The ones I know, most them and I love aren't. Yeah, it's not the way it happens. And that's who they are. But guess what? You get a fucking painting. Yeah. You get just the 10 of us. Remember that show?

Yeah. That was a good one. Remember that TV show? Who was that? Dude had 10 daughters, bro. But I don't know what you're saying. Yeah, you get William Wallace Sure Mel Gibson might be

He might have some fucking racial issues Or some judicial issues Religious issues But you get fucking William Wallace But he's good on horseback You know what I'm saying It's like I'm not Justifying it but am I

I don't know you tell me Here's what you want If people punch me in the face but they're amazing at it he uh it's like i'm not judged i'm not justifying it but i am i i don't know you tell me no look every it's you here's what you want if people punch me in the face but they're amazing at it amazing comedian or a singer go for it like joan rivers said she didn't like rodney dangerfield i read something but she would never miss his set and that's how i am man somebody can hate me call me names spit my eyeball if they're great at what they do i'll still be there yeah because you know right am i wrong is that i separate that shit dude i feel like you've always been one of the nicer people that i've ever met man thank you for sure everybody

says that i feel like really yeah and you're so funny um thank you buddy yeah i just love seeing you like you know just from my little perspective just dig into it like i'm like damn this dude's coming back at you know we're not coming back but he's you know he's fighting back but you're not wrong and i feel like a lot of people think i'm gonna i don't know if they do like do people think i'm an actor doing comedy because i am an actor but i got famous right as an actor and you were young but i did start as a comedian yeah chris spencer's did something he said something he's so funny a couple months ago he's like yeah man he's like it happened quick for you he's like i think you did eight sets which is true but i was doing a lot of open mic

right and then like my club back then was you know i would do the store but only like in the potluck yeah you know and hang out there in the back you know with that one training you know yeah you're always trying to get on and but the improv would have showcase nights and the factory was and i'm telling you once i i waited in line like 12 times in the factory and then jimmy messi was like but i did not mario in and my first showcase like i did get a commercial agent wow so i was lucky and then the improv my third like showcase i did like get an agent so getting on these little showcases that helped yeah so i didn't really work up and then once i got she had a fast rise me did but no i was on open mics for a long time not in the clubs i didn't really get in but then once i started getting successful then i was able to do that

more but then i went right to colleges yeah so i literally started with like 30 minutes in colleges and i had to work on that and then like guys like sag would let me over for him and craig shoemaker and you know um rick overton and they taught me a lot because oh geez but but i did start as a comic and then i just got successful but now i feel like you know there's that oh this guy's doing that it used to be well you're an actor doing comedy but then but now everybody's trying it you know which is yeah good man you express yourself yeah everybody's trying i mean i think yeah i think the ones that stick with it are the ones that are you know uh can do it stay in it yeah you know i find i'm just like anything i go on the road and like thanks to bobby lee and saying you gotta like just do town and town

is hotter than it's ever been that I know of. I think for three years. I mean, the clubs are booming. And every star you see doing 10 minutes. And I feel that it's good for me. And it just makes me better on the road. But I just realized this weekend I was doing killer shows sold out in Tacoma, which was bomb. It's awesome up there.

It's amazing. Did you go to Spokane as well? Oh, yeah. They're the best-run clubs, man. They really are. They do a great job up there. They keep that drawer, those things, the Pac-Man machine, little now and laters, those big tootsies. But as much as

I was having a great time there, I still was like, I got to get back to town because I got to be back to town. Because I got to be in the mix. Right? And that's what I learned. Dude, Harry Basil, he opened up for Rodney Dangerfield for a long time and he told me one time, he goes, look man,

he said the road will always be there. He goes, get out there and make your rent where you got to, make your little money here and there. He goes, but if you want to be in it, you got to be in it. Yeah. And I think there's still some truth to that you know it's like you have a set you just don't know who's going to be in there sometimes i know you just don't know i mean i walked in the comic store one night and and jim carrey was sitting there watching the comedians who were going up and that's how he cast the show uh um dying up here you know and i performed and

i was nervous as fuck dude and it wasn't for them and that's you performed and I was nervous as fuck, dude. And it wasn't for them. And that's, you know, and that was that. And I felt dejected. I felt... Wait, did you know he was there? Yeah.

So it was a special night? Yeah, I pull up and the parking lot guy's like, Jim's here. Was it packed? I'm like, Jim who? And he's like, Jim Carrey. And I'm like,

we'll fucking say Jim Carrey. Yeah, I know. Are you tight with Jim? We've never seen him here before. I hate that when people do that. It's like, somebody did that to me the other day. Well, she's like, you know, Rhonda. And I'm like, who's Rhonda?

It's like, my niece. I'm like, I don't know fucking Rhonda. Fucking give a, yeah. Somebody's like, Jesus. And I'm like, Jesus Christ? Like, yeah. No, the valet. Yeah.

So wait. But yeah, it's like, you don't know Jesus Christ Like yeah No the valet Yeah So wait So but yeah It's like you never You just you don't know So you want to be in town That's I mean I get nervous all the time When I have to leave town I'm like fuck

What if I miss that set That's you know I guess maybe you do think Somebody could still see you on stage And things could change for you Dude fucking For me Shit I mean

Quentin Tarantino's at the store Yeah I mean That's true He's got one of the greatest movies He's about to make You know so I agree with you But it's And it's also becoming shit i mean quinn tarantino's at the store yeah i mean he's got one of the greatest movies about to make you know so i agree with you but it's and it's also becoming so much like you know improv going up late you know yeah you get to work you know get to do more than you know you're 15 maybe

do 30 yeah the lab or you know the or yeah it's it's just it feels like comedy where it is. I love going up 1231 and just working it, jazzing it. Yeah, you can have a little more free time. Man, I love seeing you at the clubs, man. I appreciate you're always supportive and say nice things, man. I just really appreciate that. Well, I appreciate you, man. Yeah. I think people appreciate that about you, man.

It's a beautiful time, and I just want to do, you know, I want to respect the art and just, it's awesome. I mean, for people out there watching and listening, it's like, I don't know, I probably equate it to Seattle 92. Yeah. I thought you were going to say Cialis, bro. Cialis 92. When you start off on that word, dude. Early Cialis was very fucking, God, I? When you started off on that word, dude. Early Cialis was very fucking... God, I'm glad they remixed it.

Yeah, right? It was too strong? It was strong, yeah. But is that where you were? Seattle 92? No, I'm saying all the bands. Oh, for the grunge bands. Grunge, man. You walk here, Alice in Chains was here, Nirvana was here, Eddie Vedder's over there. Shit, even Silverchair, I think, did a bit. I know they're Australian. Yeah, but they stopped by.

Yeah, right? They had that song, Anna. Who else? bit. I know they're Australian. Yeah, but they stopped by. Yeah, right? They had that song, Anna. Who else? Alien Ant Farm? Alien Ant Farm. Bunch of... But you can go to a local coffee shop. You never know.

Paul Reiser. Paul Reiser was there. So I'm just lucky to... I do. That's one thing where I get grateful just to go on these stages. You seem grateful. Super grateful. Was there a period where you weren't?

Was there a period where you got in the dumps or anything? No, I was just like, fuck yeah, of course I'm going to be on this stage. You're lucky to have me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because it's like if you're in a movie or in a TV show, it's like, yeah, I'll come down. And it's like, whoa. And then, you know, somebody kick you in the dick.

And then you're doing, you know, a half an hour in a bowling alley in Toledo, which I'd done. Yeah. You know, and people get pissed off and fucking throw a chair an hour in a bowling alley in Toledo, which I'd done. And people get pissed off and fucking throw a chair or somebody in the audience. And you're like, whoa, wait a minute. I got to readjust. I'm not exactly where I thought I was. So then you go back and you're like, oh, I'm so happy to be where I am. Yeah.

In here. Yeah. I'm not. Everything has time where clubs are hot and they're cold and artists are hot and cold. I mean, because all, you know, clubs get hot and cold. Oh, yeah. And now it's just everything is gelling and the podcast is so hot.

Netflix is so hot. Streaming is so hot. More comedians are great. And it's just... It's possible. Yeah. I'm just lucky to be... In the stream. Yeah, man. And that's what it is possible yeah i'm just lucky to be in the stream yeah man that's what

it is now and there's a great fuck i don't want to go too down the rabbit hole but i mean there's a great talk you know what the sharing economy is right so the sharing economy is where we were it's basically what's going on right now it's uh uber it's you know airbnb okay it's like owning is is out yeah no millennials are going to disrupt credit cards they're disrupting captain crunch you know you start the millennial yeah he's a first mate now i heard yeah he is string cheese they're not eating string cheese and they're fucking it up right because they don't want to have any debt they want to be cash boom postmates blah blah blah venmo so you share so there's this video damn i wish i could find it i'll tell it to you but it talks about two generations and the old generation was like who's get what you could right and kind of like i don't want to say step on your fellow man but yo get yours limited

resources get this hat. Get four hats. Yeah, get that. Get nine hats. You got one head. You need nine hats. Yeah, and it's out of that recession era, right? And then my generation is like gets that, but is also half.

I got my first computer like 23, and I'm 47, so it's like half my life. Right. So now half of me is like understands the tech and so i'm like get that but also like oh share the old generation the new generation is all like yo a little bit here a little bit there so if you notice it's i've the sense of community to me is bigger than it's ever been in terms of things I see I see more artists collaborating in music

I see community yes and look at the Avengers everyone in those people are movie stars in their own right but the 12 people are starring in a movie together and that's that model of Marvel is a model for,

I think, art in Hollywood. Is that right? Is that? Yeah. It's like, look, let's put our minds together instead of just ride one.

Yeah. And it's, and it's beautiful. And I'm in the middle now, but I'm really going to this generation of like, yo man, jump on. Yeah.

It's not, you know, the Jamie Kennedy train. Right. It's, you know, it's the polar express. Yeah. And we're all fucking chilly bears hang on yeah you know what i mean yeah a little go to this cart yeah yo you got cut out that one part dude we're not cutting out anything i thought this was a fun

conversation did you i'm not sure which party he's talking about but i thought it's all fair game yeah i thought everything was chill what time what time are we at nick uh we are at 3 30 exactly oh man take some instagram questions yeah yeah let's take a couple instagram questions man uh so you mentioned earlier eddie murphy was one of your heroes uh someone asked about working in bowfinger with him and steve martin uh what was that like who was funniest out of the two of them oh come on who's the funny well how about this who was funniest on set that's a totally different thing oh that's from infinitely interesting okay ed so first of all you're talking about icon and icon i mean right he's talking about you know the heist i mean this is steve

martin is the first arena comedian eddie was the second yeah dice was the third and um and dane was like fifth yeah you know so it's incredible um here's what's great about it uh they're both do what they do in front of the camera amazingly well and hilarious and And off camera, chill. And that's, I totally get it. I got it then, but I really get it now. Who had more, do you think they had more, like, who do you think got more hot chicks, you think, out of those two? I think, I mean, Steve Martin said this great quote to me once. I think, I mean, Steve Martin said this great quote to me once.

And, you know, he said that at the height of his fame, he was a rock star without the girls. Because I think he was so big when he meant by that. And so many people were throwing themselves at him and women. And he just would go to his hotel room because it was mania. I couldn't even get an erection of it. If you know somebody's banging on the door while you're trying to fuck it, you know what I'm saying? That would be my worst nightmare. I think that they— People chasing me to fuck.

Yeah, I think they both did well, but I think that—I didn't really ask Eddie, but I didn't really ask Steve either, but he told me that. I just remember that was amazing. He was so huge that he had to be isolated. Yeah. Which is incredible. Which is what I'm talking about, how it's changed. Yes. He couldn't walk down sunset.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Because less avenues, one thing gets it. It's like we're all going for oil. You strike. But now. Now you got to have dinosaur bones. You got to have time. You strike. Pow! But now... Now you gotta have dinosaur bones. You gotta have time.

You gotta have soil. Yeah! You gotta have piping. And then you get oil. Solar. But wait. Yeah, you gotta have all of that. But you hit one.

It's a big spout. But now I feel like people are hitting. And there's some good sized spouts, but there's littler spouts. You agree with that? Yeah, you're just xylophoning. Pipeline is in. It's dispersed. Yeah, dispersed. Paul Reiser. It's Dispersed.

Yeah, Dispersed. Paul Reiser. Yeah, Dispersed by Paul Reiser. Sounds like a point, right? Doesn't it? Wasn't he in My Two Dads? My Two Dads, yeah. And that was good, dude.

That was the 80s. One of the greatest, and also one of the only, that would be like a Me Too warning video now. Two men living with a girl and one of them's allegedly related to her or something. Yeah. She always had the young boyfriends over.

Yeah. That was a tricky deal. Let's take another one, Nick. What do we got? All right. At J Hustle 37, he wants to know some basketball takes on you. Who's the GOAT, Kobe, MJ, or LeBron? Again.

Yeah, dude. Didn't you play in like a celebrity all-star game? How do you know? Because I remember watching that on television. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was not bad from the three. I had a couple of garbage points. Who was the MVP of that game?

Do you remember? I was before Hart. Hart was getting a lot. He was racking. He racked up like four. Yeah, but people were holding him up by the hoop. Wasn't Shaq holding him up? Yeah, he got help.

And then I think Bieber got one. I think this was around 07. I want maybe Mark Lucas. Mark Lucas, look him up. He's a legit baller. He's an actor, but he's on Wake Forest. Who is the better? I mean, what was the quote?

Dude, that's the hardest question in the world, but to me, there's only one. Jordan. Yeah. 100%. Here's why. I don't want to piss people off or whatever. Piss them off. If they don't agree with you, it doesn't mean they have to get pissed and fucking pull their truck over.

Don't pull your truck over. Yeah. But last night, LeBron, he got beat. He did everything in his power. Here's why I think LeBron is just a little off. And he's an amazing superhuman. Yeah, he's good. He lost last night.

His team lost. And he goes, it's not going to affect my life. You know, I'm going to go home. We're going to figure out the next game. It's not going to affect my life. No. That's what I don't want to see. I want to see, god damn it.

Yeah. I dropped 42 points. These guys, I don't want to see. I want to see, God damn it. I dropped 42 points. These guys, I'm on the weak side. I'm on the left side. These guys are good, man. I'm so fucking pissed. I got to go in there and I got to just jam on motherfuckers. That's what I want to see.

I wish he did that. And that's not who he is. But MJ, that's the one thing for me he will eat your aorta bro yeah i heard that motherfucker didn't like to lose in penny tossing like he didn't you know uh you know twizzler he he did quick i mean he would bet this i heard he would a house yeah yeah he will eat your soul and that's why he's the best ever, because he refuses to lose. That, to me, is the most exciting. Yeah.

I agree. I think his mindset was just different. I think it was a different time. I think LeBron is just one of those guys who'd be great at any sport. He's just that big. Yeah. He'd be great at the violin if he did it. He's just one of those people that could be good at almost anything.

He chose basketball. Yeah, he's a savant. But Jordan, I think, I think it was basketball only. I mean, he was shitty at baseball. You know, he played for the White Sox. People try to act like, you know, he wasn't any good. Yeah. He was fucking bad, actually. He had a couple. Didn't he have a home run?

Yeah, maybe, bro. He owned the team for three years. He got every at bat. One game, they let him pitch to himself. Bro, if he sees this, he ain't gonna like that. Well, let him watch it then. If he's watching, we're doing good.

Jamie Kennedy, where can people see you at coming up? This weekend, right now, whatever date it is, I'm at Rochester at the Carlson. You are? Yeah. I can go out. I can go. I can look on it. You want to look on his site and just rattle off his dates, Nick,

so we'll have them? And then next weekend, I'm at the Rec Room in Huntington Beach. Ooh, I've been there. And then in early June, I'm in Ontario Improv. Nice. You want to get those? We'll put those dates, too. We'll put them on the screen.

Yeah, right below in the link, and we'll put the dates up on the screen, too. Dude, I appreciate it. So that people will know them. If you haven't seen Jamie in a while, man, go check him out. Or if you have seen him in a while, go check him out again. Dude, your IMDb is so long. It's crazy, bro. You could almost put two words together, and you were fucking in it, bro.

Slacker cats? You know what I'm saying? Fucking two words. Put in mop. Yeah. It it's like daytime jugglers like you were in every fucking king of the millionaires too this is fucking crazy man you've been in bentley bottom what yeah you were in... Gang, gang. Gang, gang number nine. Yo, man. You were in Sugar Walkers.

I'm like, what the fuck? Yo, Slacker Cat should have worked. It should have worked, man. Well, so many cats are lazy. Right? We were seven and out. Oh, fuck, man. I think I watched one.

You watched one? I watched one, bro. The first one. Were you eating Tootsie Rolls? I was. Dude, look. That was I watched one. You watched one? I watched one, bro, the first one. Were you eating Tootsie Rolls? I was. Dude, look. That was around Tootsie time. Me and Mikey Rutsch, boy.

Yo, Rutsch. Old fucking Slick Jaw Rutsch. Dude, I'd love to see him and your little priest go toe-to-toe. On mouth stuffing? Yeah. Dude, how is mouth stuffing online not a thing? Let's make it. Yeah.

Yo, millennials. Not even millennials now? No, just people that are home a lot. There's the new generation. I think I'm X. And there's Y. I think I might be X, too. No, I think you're Y.

I'm Y, then. And then there's millennials. Millennials. And now the new one, whatever that is, under millennials, you know they're eating ramen out of toilets. Are they really? Yeah, 100%. And the challenge with the Tide Pod and all that stuff, it's like the challenge is can you do?

But they're eating ramen, cooking it, and eating it out of the toilet. That hot batch, boy. Yeah. Get what you want. I remember that a couple of brothers in my neighborhood always cooking dove outside of our apartment complex, right? And so I'd go out there, dove meat. And so I'd go out there and for years these dudes would be like, you want some dove?

And I said, no, yeah. And then finally I had some. And that shit was soft? It was, it was, let me think, let me close my eyes and think about what it tasted like. It was overcooked. Oh. They bread it? No, they didn't bread it.

It was straight dove. Blackened dove? Yes, blackened dove, boy. Double blackened because these are a couple of brothers serving it, too. But it was, I think it was kind of Jamaican, I think, honestly. You know, it was Jamaican like jerk dove. It was jerk dove. I want to believe that.

Oh, dude, you better believe that, dude. You're straight in the Orleans? I'm coming to Louisiana, man. No, but people will eat. Fourth Ward. Oh, New Orleans, they'll eat whatever, bro. You know what I'm saying? New Orleans is a great place.

They'll eat what? And I'm going to make a chart, too. Crime and food, how they merge. Better crime, better food. Baltimore, fucking crabs and cutthroats, son. You know what I'm saying? New Orleans, oysters and fucking body slugs. Yeah.

Catch a dozen of the fucking tongue and fucking two to the chest, baby. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. That's true. Better food comes with murder. Yeah. Because they cook like it might be your last meal. And no offense to the cops, because they've been good to me down there, but they only

move on, you know, if they figure out what's in it for them oh yeah they got some shaky cops down there 4 a.m some of those cops are like what's in it for me i've seen some yelling that cop was like that beignet you know that spot you know they've got paying cash what's it called that cafe du mon du mon they got it that one bite in. That's a thing to run, right? Oh, a lot of cops will hide a gun in a couple of beignets. Just be eating. For everybody that doesn't know, I'm going down there in a month. Are you?

Yeah, I think I'm shooting something. I can't say yet. Nice. And the thing is, you pay cash. Yeah. To waiters. So when you go to Du Monde, it's open all night. Yeah. I was like, what you want, man? Yeah, you pay cash, dude. Cash to the waiters So when you go to Dumont's Open all night Yeah

I was like what you want man Yeah you pay cash dude Cash to the waiters Yeah Because the waiters Gotta pay cash To the owners There's two owners

So people don't know Alright There's two guys That own this joint And they're scared of each Yeah they're fucking each other Over So they each have

Their own cash register So they fucking Hit each waiter Go go go Get him right They take cash and they go, that guy ordered a donut.

You owe me three fucking bucks. The waiter's got to pay. So if the waiters don't collect, they fucked. That's America, dude. That's fucking beignet knowledge.

Beignet for shin-yay. Yeah. Jamie, thanks so much, man. You got to come back. You got to start your own cast, man. I think people would love listening to you. I would love to, man.

I'd listen. I would love it. You're welcome to use this if you need to every now and then you know okay cool you need to take him you know to get that kick off but i think you had i mean if you know just saying i'd like to we've got i gotta see people should hit me up and because and if they like me i'll i'll do it i think people would huh be interesting do a 12 episode run and see how you feel about it yeah but i want to like you know i want to talk different than what I am though. I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home.

And my mind is somewhere else but when I find it I'll patch up where it's been blown Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little time. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club,

a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head. You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else.

So great. Hi, it's me. Here's the deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. Charmaine. I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry sir, but our ice cream machine is broken. I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.