This Past Weekend - Jay Mohr 2 | This Past Weekend #239

Episode Date: October 23, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_    This Past Weekend’s first ever in studio guest (besides Uneven Steven) Jay Mohr returns to the podcast to talk about how coaching wrestling has helped him, nearly being raped by a dolphin, Norm MacDonald, and the NBA’s China controversy.   Jay Mohr Upcoming Dates https://www.jaymohr.com/live-dates October 25 - 27th: Addison Improv November 1 - 3rd: Houston Improv  November 7 - 9th: Tampa Side Splitters  https://jaymohr.com -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   This episode brought to you by   Candid Visit https://CandidCO.com/THEO and use code THEO to get $75 off   MyBookie Visity https://MyBookie.ag and use code THEO to double your first deposit   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Find Theo   Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Music   “Shine” - Bishop Gunn  http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon  Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alex Wang Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Annmarie Reilly Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon Woolsey Christopher Becking Claire Tinkler Cody Anderson Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dan Draper Dan Perdue Danny Crook David Christopher David Witkowski Dentist the menace Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Doug C Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeffrey Lusero Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Joakim Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kaylyn Dudich Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields Madeline Matthews Mandy Picke'l Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Roma Noah Bissell NYCWendy1 OK Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Robyn Tatu Rohail Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Sean Scott Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Vanessa Amaya Victor I tuck back and sit down to pee Johnson II Vince Gonsalves Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

He'll be appearing at the Addison Improv this weekend in Addison, Texas Next weekend at the Houston Improv and the week after at sidesplitters in Tampa, Florida He is from countless movies. He's sports shows You know, he's my brother in in a lot of struggles and And and he was our first guest and I'm happy to have him back here Ladies and gentlemen my friend mr. Jay Moore You Will be doing fine, you will always be doing fine. Yeah, you will always like when I just came in you were like

I Said it's a jungle out there And you're like there's some just it's just dirty dogs. Yeah, I'm like, but we're always gonna win because we're the champion dogs Yeah, I was telling you about like I didn't tell you there's dirty dogs out there, but we're always gonna beat them Yeah, because we're game. Yeah dog fights are always I told you I was gonna tell you this Dog the perception of dog fights in the United States is so misconstrued because of Michael Vick like shooting a dog and electrocuted Throwing in a pool putting in a fucking headlock and did all of that really. Oh, yeah I didn't read all of that. I read the first. They just abused the dogs and people in the United States that have dog fights

They're not good to the dogs, but if you go to places where it's Legal like the Philippines or Brazil. Oh, yeah, the champions the dog feeds a town. He's Muhammad Ali. Yeah So you can't mistreat it like the dog is to cut weight, right? It's got a feet eat the most Spectacular food it sleeps with the handler if two pit bulls are fighting and you go to break them up If you're not it's gonna bite your hand unless yeah, it knows you and loves you so much It would never bite your hand. So you can't mistreat the dog. It would bite you, right? Yeah So people think they fight to the death. They don't What happened in a dog fight? This is from Sam Sheridan's book a fighter's heart

They let the dogs go they fight for a few seconds. They pull them apart. They make the bets They let the dogs go they fight for a few seconds. They pull them apart. They bet this goes on for three hours Wow, it's like a mating dance almost it keeps going. Yeah going like five hours Six hours until one dog doesn't come out The other dog keeps coming out because he's game That's the dog that wins the dog fight the one that just keeps coming right you lose a dog fight by going ready go Like as soon as that dog pauses. It's over. So finally one dog. Just like I'm chilling. I'm done I'm not so sure like he kind of and the owners are like go go go, but it's over

So like it's called gameness. Wow a dog that's game is always gonna win Sometimes they'll die because they're too game. Hmm. They don't know they're losing they just keep coming out They just keep coming out They just keep coming in a good dog handler will take his dog out because he knows the dog will never stop But you and I work we're game. Yeah, we have gameness. That's all we know. It's you just keep coming out It's gonna be fine. That's true, man. You're gonna win. Yeah, I'm almost shoulders first a lot of times I'm just going forward, right, you know, yeah, it's like y'all just keep going right back into the fire People are like, dude, you have Vaseline all over you do we're just in there

They're like, ah, I gotta go back in there man. It's an illegal substance. Yeah I think I left something in there dude, and yeah, I can't believe that's a beautiful thing in Philippine You go there and they got a dog probably sleeping on like a You know they sleep with the owner. Oh, oh, just leave with the handler. That's fucking unfortunate. That's sad But no, why is that sad? I mean, I just think it's that dogs the whole cash cow for a town Yeah, I guess you'd probably want to keep it with you all night then look when that they have to they Make sure no one messes with it. They feed it like Kobe beef and lean proteins. I bet. Yeah, that's crazy They don't get dog food. They're like they're prize fighters. They're actual prize. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you wouldn't fucking just feed all

Evander Holyfield Graham crackers, you know Hey, I got you some salt teens real deal and You want some potato salad and salt teens man Salt teens red scrap. What'd you say? What'd you say Graham crackers crackers? No, I tried the top. It was perfect Yeah, no, it's all things is fun to watch though Because he has kind of darker complexion and seeing a saltine going to his mouth is more of a you're so thirsty. Yeah, it's more of a

Yeah, more of a unique look What's going on man good to see you bro, how's the wrestling going? How's coaching going? It's my favorite thing in my life You look jacked kind of I'm doing good. I wrestle every day. Do you I'm not gonna tell a kid to do Something I'm not doing. Yeah, cuz when I the way we were coached doesn't work. Yeah, like really yeah Yeah, yeah, I'm in high school 84 to 88 and then college for briefly 89 Actually 88 still Where'd you find indoors or outdoors mostly? It was in the gym. It's like, you know You just roll the wrestling mats out in the gym and the wrestling room at Rockers. Oh, yeah

And it's like coaches go my way or the highway you say that now. It's gonna be a real packed highway Those kids will go really? Yeah, they got their phones. They got their apps there. I mean, they're getting laid Wow, like we didn't have any life when we were in high school. I didn't oh, well No, especially wrestling those kids were just beating the acne off of each other It looked like and it's year-round now, too So it's like you're with these kids for four years twelve months of the year like three two hours a day Three hours a day, then you see them on weekends on a tournament takes like ten hours all day They'll get sick of you really quick if you're like my way to highway

Basically, I just coached the way I wish I was coached. Oh, wow. I just try to communicate with them telling my love That's cool, man. But yeah, I'm not gonna go like do this throw the pad front headlock and do and I'd rather just show them Can they do what are some of the new moves people are doing out there? Like what's kind of like the new is there some No, there's no like new moves. It gets a little like we call it funk and once while there's some funk like this new Like thing where you do a weird And it's just it all circles back to the it's you know single leg double leg front headlock spend behind get your two points Half Nelson one-on-one arm bar. It's all you know cradle cradle cradle. It's all the same shit That's crazy man a lot of strategy, huh? It's kind of like high speed chess

Yeah, and like the sooner you can get thinking out of their heads the better they'll be like you want to sense Like if I'm on bottom and a guy's on top I can sense he's too high and I can roll them But I'm not like okay if he gets too hard, right you can't you death by thought You can't be out there with like a um a yardstick, you know figure out where the guy is If he gets too high on his ride, I shall roll him Now is it homework erotic out there for do you see a lot of young is it like a lot of Give any transgender wrestlers or anything like that with you know girls in a room now. That's very popular. I love it Is it yeah, I love it because they're never gonna get assaulted in college. Oh, yeah, that's true

Like you you had a 14 15 year old girl in the wrestling room and you realize every day You're keeping her like you're teaching her and keeping her from being sexually assaulted Yeah, some guy in college gonna be drunk and try to put her on a mattress and she's just gonna be like Later put the put the rear choke and yeah, you're making jokes, right? You can be fully naked and fucking choke somebody out too. Yeah, you know, I love it actually Theo the most cuz Look, I'm an addict. I'm a dad everything's an addiction to me like fishing. I make fishing an addiction Yeah, I don't know what one of anything is but part of being an addict is I like to give with conditions. So if I send you like a thank-you note

I think I might have told you this before a couple weeks go by. I'm like, why didn't hear anything from Theo about the thank-you note Then I start building a little resentment like what's with Theo? He can't even thank me for send him a nice note That's not why you send somebody something, right? So when wrestling in the wrestling room coaching It's the only time I'm selfless cuz they can't give me anything back They can't give me anything back except feeling good about themselves. Yeah, wow the only I found a room two hours a day Ryan Selfless, oh, and I get nothing from it except a kid going. Oh, wow like I am better than I thought And that makes me cry like I drive home sometimes with tears in my eyes

That's cool, man. Good for you, dude. Good for you Good for you. I'll get you now. I'm just say you're my my son. You're yeah to say tall troubled disabled I got like three kids in there with mustaches. Yeah It's a charter school. I got Mexicans. I got kids coming in from South Central I got Johnny's he got a mustache Caesar got a mustache little Anthony's got a mustache a little Anthony always has a mustache Love little Anthony any city you go to a little Anthony has a mustache even if he fucking was Snuck into his fucking stepdad's room and cut part of his beard off and used honey to fucking put it up above his lip Little Anthony's brand-new. He's like 105 pounds. He's a freshman. He talks like he talks like Louis Goose. Man. He's like, listen

Where do I get wrestling shoes? Bobby listen what he didn't probably was like, where do I get wrestling shoes? Like cuz I'm wrestling in socks with the ladies And is there any guys do that any finishing moves or they dance after anything like that? Has it gotten to that point yet with wrestling? No, it's it's really just It's too you know, you can't like dance and shit like that. It's just still mono we mono, huh? When you're done, you know, you shake the other kid's hand you shake the other coach's hand Wow, the other kid comes over and shakes your hand you wave to the coach or whatever

Some kids are bent out of shape about it. That's awesome. Which else team name the Panthers or what is it with the dolphins? Yeah, oh, wow, really palisades Yeah, there's a school chant like Yeah, there's a school chant like everywhere we go people want to know who we are So we tell them every day it makes me laugh. We are the dolphins mighty mighty dolphins and I'm like, really? We can't change up the pally wrestling. Yeah, pally wrestling pally pally wrestling Mighty might because the dolphins not yeah a lot of dolphins and dolphins get caught in a little net, you know Dolphins a gay shark. Yeah

A shark Is a straight, you know a dolphin just like hey Blow dude if they pull if a cop pulled a dolphin over dude I bet it would have a bunch of fucking nuts inside of it a bunch of man's nuts, you know, I wouldn't be shocked Is what I'm saying overall Yeah, man, that's why Dude, I'm so I'm so I'm so jealous in a way. I'm so uh, that's awesome that you found that thing that that you have that place to Be selfless man two years ago. I just did it's two years ago

Dolphins are dangerous animals that could rape and kill your baby. Yeah, if I put my baby in the fucking ocean Yeah, dude one of these nitwits out there with that, you know trying to get the you know that salt water baby Trying to part its hair with a fucking water wave. These people are out of their minds man, but that's palisades, dude No, no, there's some soft batch up there. Is there or some tough cats up there? No, we're tough. Yeah, we brawl Yeah, I like that. We brawl. We're brawlers. Okay. We got a room in brawlers. Yeah, I want to come cheer them on I'll let you know. I think we have one home Dual match this year. Yeah, we wrestled Birmingham High last year. They have a hundred kids. It's in the valley They got a hundred kids in the resting room a hundred

They have a b team before junior varsity. They have two different varsities a b team and then they have jv A hundred kids in the resting room That's more than the reason a football team. Yeah, and we lost by six points Like we brought it next year with freshman and sophomores. It's great. Oh, we play them this year. It'd be great Is it crazy to see like when you're looking back at these children and a lot of them? Because a lot of children go through puberty at that time, you know, yeah, all of them It's got to be crazy on all children Yeah, some of them

Well, somebody graduates in the onesie. We had a we had our kids from our school. I think never hit it Were they hit early? I know these guys never hit a couple young fellow one dude works at the cvs now Over there where I used to live, but he fucking is still swinging for it, bro. Never hit it. I don't know what that's called What's it called when you don't hit puberty, Nick? That's a good perpity perpity You know I ever swim with dolphins have I? Probably I don't know I've been in the water. I don't I mean on purpose like you go Oh, no place go to a dolphin encounter. No, I did it once and I like it didn't go well

Damn really what happened? I brought my mom to the Bahama. Oh, dude, you don't bring your mom to a dolphin encounter No, it was great because you know that old saying she she had uh We knew she had Alzheimer's so I just took her before she was getting bad. Oh, yeah. Tell her it's Alaska, huh? Yeah Climate change mom, I don't know. Yeah, so we go in the water and there's like this 11 Minute video they show you a safety video, but it's fucking dolphin So I just took a nap

And then I'm in the and I'm like what could go wrong. It's a dolphin. I'll tell you So my mom they go uh genie genie you get dotty and like this beautiful dolphin comes out It's like a beaded curtains like prices right like dotty and my mom and this dolphin are like, oh my god You're so precious. Look like they went to high school together like oh my god And they're like you get chipper Oh like the fucking bullpen doors at Yankee stadium open and they play enter sandman by metallica And there's a wall of water coming at me and he's just like Coming at me. I'm like, I'm gonna get cut in half by a dolphin's head

I'm like, he's just I was scared. He's like coming right at me Hits the brakes. Wow rolls on his back and he's floating on his back Across me, but it'll look on his face like you got him. All right, man So I'm like, okay cool, but he's got like a little patch of white He's gray, but he's a patch of white like chest air I'm just kind of like they go you can touch him. I'm I'm rubbing his chest And which his body like soft or what is it? It's real soft

I mean it's like like a kind of a Real hard spongy, you know, it's it's what you I can't explain it, but it's exactly what you think it would feel like I don't know what that is though. I feel like it would be hard hard hard like a car It it well. Yeah, but there's some give to it. It's like a soft hard foam at a water park in the tubes Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm patting his chest and he's like scooching by And what it said in the video that I slept through was never ever under any circumstances touch any of the dolphins below the belly buttons But he's going this way and I'm touching his chest a little lower in his chest

Look, so I don't even realize that I'm like jerking off a dolphin. Oh, that's like a massage parlor I'm like right at his deck westwood boulevard over there. Yeah, like nothing came out But he just goes and he like flips out and he starts hitting me in the ribs with his head In my life vest like dang dang. I'm like, what's he doing? I know what he's doing It was a powerful hitting or yes, it's like I don't belong with this aquatic mammal like I'm a visitor It's like bang. I know what he's doing now I know what he was doing when he's trying to get me in the middle of the lagoon where nobody could help me Oh, wow, then he goes underwater disappears. My mom and dad. You're playing like fucking mahjong. Yeah

And I'm like, what's with this guy? Where's chipper like treat me like a tourist And then I feel like him in my back And I shouldn't know what a dolphin's dick feels like. Uh-huh. I shouldn't know you shouldn't never seen one I've been down some rabbit holes on pornhub. Yeah, I've seen guys holding their pregnant wives head getting trained by Brothers. Oh, I've seen fucking everything you could think of. Oh, man Never seen a dolphin's dick never seen a photo national geographic slide show Science. Oh, I couldn't pick one out of a dick lineup right now. Let me tell you something. Yeah when it's against your body, you know Really? It's the aggression. Hmm. Like he was aggressive. Hmm. And there's a space between my life vest and my back

Oh, yeah, because it was too big and that's where he got his dick Oh Against my back between the life vest How much dick is in a dolphin too much? Yeah way too much Like it's in it's up my back and his head's like here and I don't know if it was just it was like How long I could imagine even being that long and I don't want to see it Nick really long don't put it up there And I don't know how to yell like ain't really long

Did does it feel like a like a long finger does it feel like a like a wiener does it feel like a it felt like he was like Grabbing me from behind but something was between us The ever like a mini it was it I it's still freaks. You just I knew what it was Why were you wearing a big dude? There's nothing shady other than somebody wearing a freaking big life jacket That's too big. Well vacation. They're either too small. You throw them to the side No life vest on vacation fits you Or their xxl's and I float up here meet up things. I give that one a life vest. It's too big I'm you know, I'm looking to meet somebody. You know good to know. Hopefully. Yeah, that's crazy, bro

so I didn't know how to yell like Hey, you're hey your dolphins because the guys are like up on these rocks like Yeah, your dolphins dick is stuck between my life vest and my back because I jerked them off and he thinks it's my pussy So I just floated there and I started yelling dolphin cock Dolphin I swear the guy turns me and he goes dolphins rock. You know it, buddy I'm like, no, no, it's not what I'm saying. Dolphin cock dolphin cock And then So I'm completely alone and they give you an 8 by 10 photo for free of your

Oh, really? So like my mom is bad as her all timers got She'd be like, who are you? I'm like, I'm JJ. I'm your son. Who's the man in the kitchen? That's john. That's your husband. She go. Did I ever show you the picture of my friend dawdy? And right next to it, you could see me sort of with all the whitewash But he's up over my head My life vest over my head like a hockey jersey in a fight God man, it sounds like that Stanford rape case a little bit. It was rapey. No, it was it was straight up a dolphin He tried to fuck me dude. Imagine what he's telling his buddies right now. He's like, hey, mom

That comedian guy was telling me the other day. You think he's funny. I fuck from Little Henry or whatever them, you know, his jokes didn't keep me from fucking him Imagine if he hit my asshole, I would have died. Oh, we are the dolphins the rapey rapey dolphins man Not going through a puberty is called Coleman syndrome. Just to put it in there we go Yeah, Darren Coleman actually I think was the boy's name actually martin actually And he was they named it after him Yeah, man, that's crazy not going through puberty. What does it say about it? Uh, it's just uh, one in 10,000 men have it. Uh, it's wow

And that's high right? Yeah, okay. We only have four thousand in our town. So this guy was like a real entrepreneur, I guess How did he monetize not going through puberty? Oh, I don't know dude. I think he probably Well, you know, a lot of these men will go back to school even after they've graduated To meet younger girls and the like You have a lot of cases of that kind of stuff playing little league world series. Yep. Oh, I'd go back I'd be outside lying back or and just crush. Yeah, so you could do it You could do it do paint your skin brown and get back there Go back to high school and just wrestled like 180

Dude, go to a small town. Some of the people in high school 30 40 years old All right, if I can easily get in there because they're dumb just because the the the laws are different, you know No, no, you have to get out of you have to graduate school The only way to stick around is if you don't get out Do we had a guy this guy mr. Larry that was in our class and that dude had to be his big trick was it was an urban gentleman He could come in the bathroom piss over your back into the uh Into the urn we were using that means he had a boner. Oh, what do you have? Yeah, I gotta have a boat you have to have one to shoot a piss over there

He was a champ brother this guy, but he was at the school for so long He was in I think 5th or 6th grade for so long and finally that it's like you're you know, you work here He got a job as a janitorial How so how old was mr. Larry that you know of in high school like what was the oldest that you can recount? I'd go and this was middle school. I'll be go 18 Was he special like was he slow? No, he was fast fast. No, I mean his brain was like slowly sling blade Some folks call the Kaiser blade. No, I think he just didn't care that much or I don't think he cared at all I think he showed 18 and 7th grade, but he was timely. He showed up for school every day

But he also didn't care once he got there now most people will show will not show up. Yeah, but he was very You know, he was on time and then give a fuck. Did he get laid? No, not really. He had a um He didn't have like that grid of hair and stuff. I don't know I also I didn't I didn't hang out with him outside of school and I was a fucking, you know, I was 13 years old So I don't even know he was an urban gentleman From what I remember, you know And also, you know, the world was in a different front back then there wasn't as many colors back then that's correct, you know It was more it was just Roy G. Bibb, man

Um, I'm going to uh, I want to get my dates in here before I forget. Yeah Yeah, you just sold out in in uh in tempi this weekend. I saw that it was awesome. I've been here in so long. I love this so much Uh, I'm doing Addison improv this weekend. I love that place in Dallas. I love that place. Is the dates written down over there, sweetie? Yeah, Nick's got them, huh? Okay, here we go fired people go like hey, you're coming to my town I have like a 48 hour calendar in my head Anything past that I have no idea people like hey, you're coming to my town in three weeks I'm like, I guess you're like, I guess and meanwhile you're in the town. Oh, I get a lot of dates, man

You got tempi improv october 18th. That's done. Oh, that's done. Addison improv 25 26 27 houston improv november 1st through 3rd and then uh, Tampa, florida side spliters november 7th through 9th, so come on y'all and brayer right after uh After uh, thanksgiving come see me do comedy. Let's do it. Let's fill it up charlotte hollywood Uh, Delaware, atlantic city anapolis Uh, coming up in just fill texas. Let's get texas full up in the spring. Yeah, come out to addison. Let's see who's gonna rally most Dallas or houston what addison. Yeah, I love it too. Trey's a good dude. I love it, man That place is fun, dude. How much trouble you gotten down in tamp. I wonder

I'm okay. Yeah, you know, I like I mean compared to tempi Oh, yeah Like I got done with I didn't bring my phone to the show so I couldn't like be searching for pussy good And uh, yeah, the things you're doing these days to stay out like to try and curb that kind of appetite That's one thing for sure. It's a problem. Yeah, it's a problem It's just validation. I need validation and that's like Whether it's escorts, which is I prefer it. Yeah

Because I know it's organized. Yeah, it's like they're coming over We're gonna do a thing and it's gonna take place in this amount of time And then everybody can be natural. Yeah going about their business It's like going to some club and some girl goes he raped me like what what? Yeah No, you don't I got the receipt right here. I don't go to clubs. Yeah, like I work at a club Right, I go home So I leave right away. I don't bring my phone to the show and then I just like read a book and try to fall asleep

Wow, there's nothing good out there. You're just gonna get in trouble What is that thing inside of us because look man, I can relate 100% of hell my first car was a Ford escort So I should have known right then dude that I was looking for trouble But what did you go wrong, huh? Oh, yeah, I'll wear nothing and drive that bitch around Dude, I remember one time I was driving naked around town right because this is back when people didn't know if you were naked, you know and The cop there was a coffin pulled somebody else over right This is back when people didn't know whether or not you were naked

Yeah, now everybody tells everybody they're like, oh, you know, they'll make a funny video or something back in the day You can drive with no pants on. Yeah, or no shirt nothing and you're like, oh, he's got a shirt off It's hot out. Are you still like Yeah, now you'd be like that guy's fucking naked Yeah, slow ride nice, but now it's like you could just Back then you would just cruise around naked pull up talk to people in their yard and shit. They're fucking they have no idea why because it was It was fun, Jay

I don't disagree. It was free entertainment. Was there any fear of getting caught? No, I don't keep telling the story because you're too good a storyteller for me to be In no, that's back when it was the wild west, dude, you know, you could just hey, how are you guys? Do you guys just move in here to some lady fucking, you know Caught in her kid's hair in the yard and you're just sitting there fucking butt naked, bro Um, would she ever see that you were naked or no, they thought you were just a page. It's a local neighbor Oh, that's nice. You were a citizen You were a citizen. Yeah, you're a local citizen, dude a naked one. Yeah, you were one of the you were one of the many citizens

That did that hit puberty locally and you were fucking living it up just driving around town. You know, I'd love to drive around naked When I had my when I had my escalade I would drive back To orange county every day after I was working And I just I'm like, why can't I just see some lady playing with her pussy in my home? I never saw it You know, I was looking down at everybody's car because that is truck. Oh, yeah, that's nice I went to san francisco when I was crossing the bay bridge. I'm like, everyone's smoking reefer like everyone just In the car like it was like it was the only one not smoking grass in my car. I couldn't believe Different times, man

You sick honey bunny. Yeah, I caught the I caught a cold the other day That's terrible It's the worst man But yeah, man, I've been doing pretty good with the partner. I've been doing real good with the partner I got back on to it a couple months ago. Are you still watching it? No, I'm about two weeks clean right now. I think three weeks. I've never made the effort to not watch it at all Really at all. Dude, you got to get the apps, man

What's that? What apps? There's an app called moba sip that's for your phone and there's a diff one that's on my computer I don't even know what it is anymore. Oh covenant eyes. Dude, once I got the apps What are the what are the apps do they you cannot look up any pornography You gotta just use your imagination. You can't even look up like woman's hat If you want to buy your mom a hat or something or if it's, you know, like a Kentucky derby or something You can't even get that. You can't even get it. I've been thinking about I need like some kind of block Oh, it's a boat and once I did that, here's the funny thing I find out about an airplane looking at porn on my phone

Oh, that's disgusting. I'd rather draw a picture Here you go right here driving around town naked Yeah, but you're young, you know at that point you can get out of fucking jail, dude J more gets busted looking at his yeah moba sip and we don't work for them. I wish we did man. I wish I worked with them I would like someone if someone knows of a pornography app They want to build one and we want to work together to offer a cheaper alternative to people. This one is It's expensive. It's $15 a month Now the value is immense though

Because here's what I realized. I'm too lazy then Like my my addiction my my addiction to look at sexual deviance online It falls off once it's and once it's not easily accessible I give up my I don't have that addiction that's like, oh, you know that young I'm gonna get through this firewall I'm gonna fix it. Yeah, or like I'm gonna drive around naked like I you know, I had when I was young What about dating apps? Nope, I took them all off my phone. Yeah the time suck women just want to be pen pals on those things Oh, yeah, it's a lot of I think

I think it's a lot of lonely women just wanting to yeah Yeah, I got kicked off a dating app. They thought I was catfishing ladies as jay more. Oh really? Yeah, I got an email and everything. I don't it was rhymes with okay cupid Then like do I fight these people and go like no, I am jay more. Let me go see a whole bunch of sixes and fives So I'm like, whatever man And then you're like ladies are fucking up the dating app game like full body shots only I went on a date The girl was beautiful in her photo like full body shots only because you fat fuck you tricked me one time She shows up to the date through the wall like fucking Kool-Aid big fat cell with a pretty face. Oh, yeah

I'm there for pussy. She's yeah with ice. She's there for lunch. Yeah. I'm like Jesus Christ grimace Like what she was gorgeous. Yeah, and then she yeah, she was it's a lot of trickery, bro Right and filters on the photo. They show up. You're like, you're not a panda But can you imagine this though all the trickery then having to show up somewhere they got balls on them Big fat fuck comes in like she was a fucking fat. So that's crazy. Like, you know, you're a fat So mention it. By the way, I don't know if you know this. You've only seen my face. I'm a big fat fuck Yeah, I'm a large. Yeah, I like to get stay large, you know, I don't know if you know this Because you've only on the app, you know, you've only seen my face

But yeah, I don't want you to be surprised or shocked or set back or put off because when you see all of me Well, I'm a big fat fuck, you know, I'm just I could put my hands in my pockets when I'm naked I'm big gal I'm a big gal, you know, I'm chafed I don't know man There's norm. I've been on norm in a long time. Where have you been norm? What's been going on? Well, I've been on these dating apps, you know How about that that bumble? Yeah, that's good because that one scrolls up and down

Not left and right. Yeah. So if you want any information on the lady, I have to go down to the bottom, you know And then where the bottom it says she lives in st. Louis. All right. What am I gonna do? Yeah, st. Louis. What are my Cardinals fan? What the H? Yeah What am I am I gonna take her out for a bush bear? I can go down a rabbit hole. I Sometimes I just can't stop doing that and norm. Uh, some people are saying you're still living with your mother. Is that true? No, that's crazy talk. You know, I may drive around Acutus, Louisiana naked Just because I like that gal that cuts her kid's hair on the lawn, you know. Yeah, neighborly. Yeah, Toby's mom. Yeah

I like these girls on the apps that go long-term relationship only. Yeah, I don't believe that's true. Nobody Theo walks on to a car a lot unless they want to buy a cock Okay Have you been with some pretty bigger gals norm? You seem like a guy that knows his way around a uh, you know a real uh A two bedroom lady, you know Yeah, it's funny to bring that up two bed. Oh my god I don't have to think I'm making fun of him. Oh dude. Everybody's making fun of norm man. Why he's the best No, he's the best. I'm I am hold on. I am not

Making fun of norm. Oh, I don't think you're making fun of me. I know you um Um, what was the thing? Here's something on the dating app. I do do a joke on stage It's like long-term relationship only like really? Yeah, like sure Like that's my joke like nobody goes on a car lot unless they want to buy a cock And I know long-term relationship only dad. How'd you meet mom? I swiped right while I was taking a shit I know, huh? I'll say it long-term relationship only it's fucking tender socket Yeah, do you think uh, let's get this question a question came in from a young male actually and it's uh, norm mcdowne related Oh

Hello, theodore. Hello, jay. This is your friend ryan from aniott california right now I'm supposed to be delivering pizzas, but the pressing thing in my life is asking you guys a question mostly j But hey, it's okay. So my question is is what is your favorite norm mcdonald's story? I have a feeling. I know what you're gonna say But who cares tell the story anyways. We all love it It's the best story ever I don't know what story he's talking about that. He thinks he knows i'm gonna tell my favorite norm mcdonald's story I don't know either. I was at our california pizza, man

Yeah, how'd you like to be at home? Yeah, yeah a bunch of kids. Yeah Big fat wife big fat fuck, you know giving you an ear reading beautiful big guy. You know, I'll take care of everything I'm gonna order a pizza. Yeah, that'll make everybody happy Yeah, that guy is asking questions on the theobahn podcast and his pie seven minutes late Meanwhile that fucking guy's wife digest him You can't give up I go insane doing it. No, it's so good though. My favorite. Thank you. My favorite norm mcdonald's story is probably when you guys don't know It's in my book

Is when he would oh Okay, greatest. I know I think I know what he's talking about. Wow. What was the kid's name? Oh pizza, man uh, ryan louderback ryan louderback From the anteok louderbacks, you know not to be confused with the ones in perump I don't know what's going on

We were writing a sketch Well, I was watching other people write and rewrite a sketch and there's like 30 writers and The sketch was david spade fred wolf wrote it for david spade. Oh, yeah fred wolf and it was a weight loss supplement But it was just pcp and crack. Oh, yeah You put in a milkshake and you smoke it and you just go about your day And then like, you know when they show like a fat person becoming a skinny person It says like, you know 16 weeks like six hours And david spades like i'm gonna help you lose weight. You're like ride the snake

You gotta ride the snake don't let the snake ride you and then they just have all these people like shrinking into like skeleton bodies And because they're just it's just it's all drugs. Yeah, that's drug related. They say drug related and they have farley A pre-filmed piece of farley and a drive-thru window that they're going to cut to in the In the um in the sketch and farley pulls up to a drive-thru window and he goes I'll have he's one of the people that are just started He goes, oh He goes, I'll have can I take you out of here? Yes

I'll have 14 cheeseburgers 14 hamburgers four vanilla milkshakes six strawberry milkshakes three chocolate milkshakes six apple pies And it just goes on and on and on and the rewrite it was like from One in the morning till three in the morning. I'm not kidding. It was two hours guys from harvard brown Yale Arguing over what oh because the guy goes will there be anything else and what he says next for two hours They're like, how about he repeats the exact same order again. Yeah, how about he says all that and goes a diet coke

How about he says all that and goes make that nine apple pies? When I say two hours deal, I'm not kidding from 1 a.m. To 3 a.m. And what we didn't know was norm was sitting on a couch at the other end of the writer's room And it's just going around and it's chaos I could totally imagine that too, but it's like this huge order anything else And he goes yeah, because he was like, yeah Anything else? Yes. And then what comes after he says yes That's the whole crux of the argument

And norm goes we know he's nervous. Hey, you guys we're all jumping. Hey, you guys Got chris going give me all that food like 14 of those things and 25 apple pies, you know And uh, the guy in the box goes, uh, hey, will that be all? Why doesn't chris go? Yes It's the greatest rewrite in the history of comedy Yeah, I don't go like will that be all no I also want and norm's thing was like he had pride like he had control He had to all that fucking food

Everybody goes yes Yeah, one syllable one syllable we were on the ground Rolling laughing And then when they filmed it he's like all day 14 cheeseburgers Um 44 fries and this and 22 cheese milkshakes and this and they have buying the guy goes well that'd be all and probably goes Yes He's proud of himself. It was fucking amazing

It was White hot um One thing that's funny, uh Oh, here he said ask him to write dirty work too. So I worked all day yesterday and finished it This is norm mcdonald twitter just yesterday. Uh, he's working on dirty work too. First of all, it's gotta be a parody tweet Because it's a 500 page manuscript Scripts are usually about 106 pages What's the instagram? Oh, thank you

I think he's actually got some pages out Wait, wait, what did he cross out before he wrote norm? Written by me Oh, okay. He says no, he said dirty work too No, I'm done pranking now. I'm married to a beautiful scientist. Oh, brad pits in it too She's rich and she has a beautiful face and we have a cat named kitty And we love kitty like a child because well march cannot have children because the chemicals in her lab Have rendered her baron

All capitals rendered her baron Well, I gotta go home and read that Do you think one of the reasons that um What did norm do after s&l? Did he just tour he had a sports show on comedy central life briefly People love him. It was really much. I'm one of those people. I'm powerless. He makes me laugh so hard. Yeah, dude He just made me laugh through you so hard That yes was probably the most I've laughed in months, man. That's that's in my book the gasping for airtime book. It was like

Fucking it was a one syllable. Yeah, that was yes Look, we'd argue over what to name a high school Like opening opening shot of jefferson high too urban fucking high school high. Don't don't be too jokie Yeah, don't tip it this like all these things. You don't even know what it means to name it a high school David Spade the other day um was Yeah, funny guy man. He was telling me a norm mcdonald's story where they all went on a plane to do A show somewhere together and he just said one of the ways that norm makes you laugh He'll be like, what what is this and it's just a like a door, you know, and he like or like a chair

He's like, well, David. What is it? You just sit down. It's what the age. Yeah. What is this little ledge here? You he's like, it's a chair norm. It's a chair. Well, what do you do with it? There's There's three of them right here. It's just if I'm not sitting down But he and he and he went on like this five minute monologue of norm mcdonald Asking him what a bathroom door was and it was one of the funniest things that I've ever heard and it was just Yeah, he just says, I don't know if it's his voice or what it is about norm mcdonald that Just makes I mean I don't know. It's just there's nobody like the only thing making that sound right. It's a dog whistle

It's the it's the only dog whistle that I've ever heard Right. It's a dog whistle. It's the it's the only you can only get norm mcdonald with norm mcdonald It's the only sentient being that emits that transmission gang. Yeah, like we all got like All these influences going through us at different times and regional accents and dialers. He's just norm. Yeah And now if I got like norm walked into a place to get work it'd be like, ah, nah, man. Yeah, it's just so uh Uh They've missed a lot of norms. I feel like I feel like there's been a lot of norms over the years. They might have missed I know you want more of

jaymore pretty bad Joke there, but I got to pay the bills, man. And uh, and let's talk about one of my favorite things, honestly the holidays And people think the holidays. What is it? You know, people think holla holla And people just yelling at each other. That's not it It's a seasonal time. It's at the end of the year And I know it's crazy to talk about them this early, but uh, but you don't want to go through another holiday season

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They were in san francisco and uh right before already goes on stage. Remember goes. Hey artie No, no, uh, don't do any of that fag stuff, you know Don't don't do any don't do any of that fag stuff out there. Yes San francisco you can't go out there and do Homosexual jokes, you know and he's like all right. I like to he goes. Yeah, you can't you can't do any of that gay Fag stuff. You get it's not gonna fly here. You know you have to have respect for where you are Yeah, so he goes out this 20 minutes norm comes out his first joke. Hey, how many fags you have AIDS? They say AIDS does not discriminate, but only gay guys have it. That's kind of discriminatory, you know

And I think not discriminating supposed to be a good thing Something like that, but she goes right on stage. Hey, how many fags here have AIDS? Oh, man, that's good Hey, don't do any of that gay stuff. Okay. Yeah, you have to be quiet, huh? Oh God, what a puppeteer man. What a puppeteer. I love him Yeah, I'd love to be in his head for a minute. And he reminds me of like a Midwest and you know of like a You know of like just uh He reminds me of like so many characters that you just don't see

Anymore, you know, yeah, I mean you and you never have seen a guy like that. Yeah, like it's always been off the beaten path Yes, like guys like norm guys like Colin Quinn guys like Like Richard Lewis think of how much they had to bomb Before they found a theater of people that came to see them regularly that mastered that because it's such a finite Frequency like Dennis Miller. I learned a lot like Dennis Miller's off-white album And the HBO special that it was was called Mr. Miller Goes to Washington. I've listened to that more and it's done more for my comedy in my life Then all comedy albums combined because he's making those crazy references and like

You know, two-thirds of the audience don't even know what it means, but the rhythm's still great But the people that do get it, they're never not gonna see him. Right. It's like, oh my god. He said twyla tharp It's just it's insane. So like Colin Quinn stuff and like norm stuff Like when Richard Lewis got going emo Phillips. Yeah, like these guys were so like what what's happening? Like Dennis Wolfberg like way back Guys like like even kinesin like when kinesin started it was like what's happening. It wasn't what everybody else was doing Yeah, it's like listening to poison and Cinderella and then Jane's addiction comes along. You're like, oh god Wow, that's different. It's great. It's new. Right. So then like the fact that they go out that like they just they were game

They kept going, you know, it's so true when you and when I like a lot of times people will submit me like People will submit music too because they want to be they want to be on the front of the podcast Right because sometimes we put new music on there music from different listeners and stuff and and it's awesome And I'm grateful for the submissions, but some of you are like, oh this band sounds just like Right this other band and then I started to think like Yeah, the real way to be Novel is not to be like, okay This is what's going on. I'm gonna do that and succeed with that

It's to find whatever Voice inside of you is different and it's gonna be fucking rocky for a while Because nobody's gonna believe that that's the next sound That that's the thing until you get it fine tuned, you know I think you're I think you're right, but I think you're alongside it And that is not find the voice That nobody else is doing you just have to find your fucking voice Right, and then maybe it's one that nobody else is doing right like Jane's addiction as an example

We were all it was like poison Cinderella motley crew girls girls girls And then Jane's addiction was like all it was all treble and his voice was real tinny and weird and David tomorrow had these like Landscapey sounds like this is fucking evil. What's happening? And like there's very few bands. Yeah, that's he's gotta be true to yourself like in comedy like they go Ever do interviews and they're like, so what's your what's your point of view? I'm like, what? Like from here is my point of view. Yeah, like what is I don't know what that means But I get asked I've been asked it a dozen times. What's my point of view? Yeah, I don't fucking know, dude Where you coming from on stage? Like where you coming from? Yeah, what do you talk? What do you talk about?

Yeah, yeah, people say what do you talk about? Fucking stuff. Yeah, it's like the biggest, you know what I mean? I'm like, yeah, dude, I don't know. Imagine asking like a painter So like what do you paint before he paints? Yeah, because we haven't gone on stage yet. It's different every night Yeah, and that's why comedy is the greatest art form. It's the most art Art form there is. Yeah I forget about that sometimes not poetry not any art form. You can think of comedy blows it out of the water and I can prove the the size every single viewing The materials change the size of the frame changes the way people are looking at it one night

It's a sculpture one night. It's like looks like a fucking Jackson Pollock The length of time it is is different all the time the people looking at it make it different every time It's it's crazy. Like we're it's like a guy making uh making like a yeah, it's like making ravioli in a uh in a matrix or something That's a neat way to put it. Yeah, it's like you're just working with and like we control time. Yeah, we literally bend time You tell a story about when you were a kid. I was watching the cartoon About uh, Halloween in the back of your mom's. Oh, yeah, you know, uh pick up and stuff That's freaking yeah in that station wagon, but if I'm listening to that without the car. It was so funny, buddy I'm so happy man. Yeah, it's so good. Somebody's doing that with you. It's fun

But when you tell that story without that without the cartoon for me to stare at I'm there I'm I'm in I'm picturing the car and the heat in the car you driving around naked and the lady cutter Kids hair in their front lawn. Oh, yeah, little things like that I'm I'm there. I pictured a yard in my head. Yeah, I pictured What the roads look like they're probably weren't sidewalks. Yeah. Yeah, you're probably in like a Ford Granada Or something or you said what kind of car like I actually created a town in my head No other art does that the other art goes. This is what you're looking at

This is blue that's orange and it's all like mischievous and it kind of looks like a guy's falling down Or this is a sculpture. This is what you're looking at. We say shit in the audience Creates what it is in their head. Yeah Yeah, like George Carlin goes the best to me the best comedy and uh best sentence in comedy Fuck Tucker Tucker sucks. He's talking about soft names make soft people. I'm getting sick of guys named Todd And Cody and Dylan and Tucker. Yeah, fuck Tucker Tucker sucks There is no Tucker You have to create your own Tucker in your head as an audience member. Yeah, see why I hate him

To the point of applause Yeah, in this amount of time Now Like fuck Tucker. Fuck Tucker Tucker suck. There's only three words in that sentence. Yeah, cuz Tucker's repeated Fuck Tucker Tucker suck in that amount of time. You have to create a Tucker I fucking hate the guy. I just thought of yeah It's insane. He's a wizard And I'm and fuck Todd and guys that look like Todd and you're like

Yeah You don't even know you'll start cheering. Oh, you'll fire a fucking you'll light an arrow a human being in your head Oh, that's why you put an arrow and gas and light it and fucking fire it into a damn field of tods, bro Team spirit who want t-shirts hit the baseline Um, are you are you watching uh Are you watching any sports you still watching hoops? Yeah, well the season's about to start. What do you think of this chinese fallout? It's a tough hustle, man. It's about them. Look, let's not let's not fuck it. Let's call a spade a spade. Yeah about the almighty dollar

Yeah, and ba's got Billions of dollars rolling in They knew that going in Risky and that's how they're not the first company No to make inroads in china and go like e don't do that. We're making millions and billions of dollars Yeah, this is what and this was LeBron right here talking about it and LeBron is such a Sorry going there. We all talk about this freedom of speech. Yes, we all do have freedom of speech But at times there are ramifications for the negative that can happen

When you're not thinking about others, you know, you're only thinking about yourself. So, um, I don't believe I don't want to get into a word word or sentence feud with Daryl with Daryl Morey, but I believe he wasn't educated on on the situation at hand and um, and he spoke and And uh, so many people, uh, could have been harmed Not only financially, but physically emotionally spiritually So just be careful what we what we tweet and we say and what we do even though

Yes, we do have freedom of speech, but there can be A lot of negative that comes with it Iced tea freedom of speech. Just watch what you say It's hard once you he doesn't like Daryl Morey. That's for sure I want you to become part of because it affected his his bottom line. He's all right Oh, he'll be fine. Like if somebody if like Rob Polinka tweeted that he wouldn't have that take If a Lakers guy tweeted that right, he wouldn't throw him out of the fucking bus. It's family But it's a guy from the Rockets. Oh, that's a good point. Oh, yeah

Like if you're not educated on the issues like what education do I need the fact that they're fighting for democracy, right? Like, you know, but he's right though. They could have been physically like I know people in the Lakers organization that were concerned they that like they wanted them home Like let's are they gonna come home, right? Are they going to come home? Yeah, one of my friends works for the NBA He was over there and he said the second that they'd all kind of went down That after that they always felt watched after that core, you know when Nixon went to China And the motorcade from the airport to whatever like the ambassador's palace

Everybody on the street was an actor playing a person on the street. Wow, not amazing They didn't want anybody getting out of line They hired actors to be the guy with the newspaper walking to his car. They had a lady with a baby. That was an actress Like just people just Nixon looking out the window and find people here. Yeah, they were all actors from that whole route They were all just praying they're doing the roles. Okay. Dude. China doesn't play man. I went to China last year Do you China? Yeah, I went to Shanghai or something or yeah, Shanghai and some comedy there other areas. Yeah Did comedy over there for a lot of expats a lot of uh That's amazing Theo. Yeah, it was pretty cool, man. It was um, it's about to be a year and a half ago

Wow, but China doesn't play dude. China. There was no white people. There's nobody. It's just Chinese people You can't go stay in China. You can't show up in China with no papers and mill around China doesn't give a fuck dude. I've said it before you walking down the street in China. You die They make a soup out of you buddy, you know Ah, and they do it gracefully bra now there's love and there's a lot of like, you know, like but they're moving forward You know I'm saying they're they're like we're using you as nutrients We're gonna go build, you know, do whatever we need to do and stop moving you install some windows or fucking Dude, you got people fucking blowing drywall with their own mouths, bro. You know what I'm saying, bro

You got people fucking Dude, you'll have one guy mixing s bestos and another guy's open mouth, bro. They're not playing games over there, dude I think the easiest job in the world because comedy is maybe one of the hardest ones, right? police sketch artist in China That's gotta be an easy job, you know, yeah, I'll tell you the easiest job in the world police sketch artist in China Guy comes in and go, oh my god Chinese police Help me. I I just got robbed and they go. Hey, we got it five five straight black hair

Marble Reds. Yeah, we we got his photo, you know Oh my god, bro That's fucking awesome, man. I could have just said it was me cute. It's hope. You know, it's uh, that's fucking great I'll say it is calling. I think like the easiest job in the world is probably police sketch artist in China, you know Some guy comes in with a straight. Hey Chinese police, man. I just got robbed. They're like, yeah We know who he is We're on the lookout five five straight black hair marble reds Smushed in those. Okay. We thought he was an Italian with Down syndrome. Maybe. All right

Or that could also be uh, Jim Norton if he has to run to the airport in like an hour and catch his flight Because he gets a little more antsy when he has to go Either way both of them are fucking immaculate. Oh my goodness. What's what's this here David? This is all it's It's like a strong area. It's you know, we've been sitting here over an hour, you know Well, what is this? This big chunk of wood here like This this used to be a tree or something. There's a table norm. There's a table What a table like, um, you know, if you want to set things on stuff or you don't want to hold on to stuff all the time

I may be an old chunk of coal here Yeah, you know and I may have been born at night, but I wasn't born last night But if I want to set things go like emotional baggage For past relationships or regret. I don't see how this Well, what is it called? No a table. It's for a table. Yeah, like if you want to do a puzzle Well, I don't understand it was this wood Yeah, this one is still Well, what kind of wood is your table? I think maple now. Do you have to make a table out of a certain kind of wood or

I'm fucking losing the impression. No, it's good. I'm struggling here. I loved it, man Fuck is close. I forgot to know my bathroom 40 times. Come on here. So well, you know 47th time is the charm is what no one ever says, you know um Do you think with these athletes getting back to the basketball? Do you think with these athletes that? Uh, LeBron is like a business though. It's not even like a person on the court anymore at a certain point It's just you're too big. You can't do he can't say anything he wants to he's not making his own usually does He usually does. Yeah, he's usually very outspoken because the

The commissioner wanted the players to be available for the media in china But the commissioner in the NBA hadn't had an official statement yet So LeBron was the guy that led the players to say, whoa, whoa, you haven't spoken to the media We didn't do anything wrong. Right. You addressed it. We're not gonna go talk to get fed to the wolves So like that's LeBron's power. Hmm. Is they're like, okay, it's media day and LeBron's like, no, it's not We're not doing media because you have not spoken to the media. You're the commissioner. You're in charge. Wow That's that's gravitas, man. Yeah, that's gravity just today the uh Chinese state broadcaster said uh commissioner adam silver will face retribution sooner or later for saying that beijing wanted him to fire

Darrymory So like like that. You can't win with these folks Is this camera on right here? Yes china Suck my dick I'll say it in chinese suck my dick Yeah, like fucking relax china Fucking stop china won't stop dude. I'm telling you bro. They're game. Give us. Yeah, they're game this Bro, they're game and when you when the dog goes in the cage they fucking decorate, you know mean you go to china

We'll fucking clean house Chinese women bro Dude, you can't bro. There's not even You're not cleaning house over there, man. Just make a joke. Oh, yeah. China like There's gonna be ret how do you have retribution to the NBA commissioner like they're gonna fucking slap his neck when he's sleeping You know what they'll do they'll probably get three guys on each other's shoulders put them in a like a warm-up outfit Get them onto a team And just have them doing wild layups and then I think we all know how the chinese are gonna retribution

Adam silver and that is of course three words. So chow young fat One fan raised 43 that one Laker fan raised $43,000 to hand out stand with hong kong t-shirts at the Lakers season opener Because hong kong's like the season opener That's coming up for the not in china No, no, no, no here because they'd be in jail. Yeah Yeah, it's interesting how it's like, um, well, I'm sorry, uh, he raised money to make fucking t-shirts Yeah, it was he send me and feel your money your creeps. Fucking t-shirt man Yeah, people gave him how much 43,000 to make t-shirts. Damn. I was just three dollars each

Yeah They cost two bucks to make Fucking rooms you got taken how many people can even fit in the state in the uh staying 16,000 2022 something So yeah, they got taken but It's just why I think everybody in the stand should be like this Oh Like every time every time there's a free throw everybody just go like

Fuito like every time there's a free throw you see the audience are waving like those thunders sticks What if you just see like some guy goes to the line for free throw? And just he's like, I don't know like 600 people. They're like, oh Fall in the fucking eyes back That's how that's how you fuck with china the protesters might take offense to that too. That's a crazy thing dude It's like democracy or not. That's my right to do it. People are like, it's their right to throw me out of staple center, too I'm not fucking doing it. I'm a company man. Dude. It's um, I'm not fucking on my Lakers relationship But you'll have so many people in america. It's like, oh, we got a you know, everybody has we have to be so welcoming to other countries

We have to be so welcoming to china We've we have to make america more like china so people from china can fit in But if you made america more like china then you'd be making it a fucking it is more like china We have a fucking dictator, but i'm just saying you'd be making it um If you made it more like china, I don't know what i'm fucking saying, bro. Fuck. I hate talking sometimes. Hey, man Not as not as much as I hate talking really. I can't stop I just found out it was bipolar three weeks ago. Did you really do diagnosed at 49 years old am I you think? No, fuck bipolar type two. I need something

You don't feel I swear. Let's just keep talking off air. But you're all right. Yeah It's this town will fuck with you too. Yeah, this town will fuck with you, dude Who's this guy martin here? Is that the lead singer of erasure? I don't know Lips like sugar Theo big fan of the podcast appreciate your work j big fan of your career in general Um, one of my favorites of all time. Uh, it's one that flies under the radar. I feel and that's mafia Um hilarious movie. It's been a favorite of mine for years I would love to know a little bit more about how that came to be made and if you have any good stories

Surrounded that flick. It's an absolute riot to watch Also really enjoyed the doc that you made about hr from bad brains. How did that come about? Super interesting. I didn't know that your background was in You know hardcore punk stuff like that. Do you have any other favorite bands from the genre from the era? Whether it's new york dc gang, bro. That's gang gang That's either you the uh, and we pull up if you go to youtube finding joseph And uh, so mafia is one of my favorite movies I ever did for many different reasons. Hey, I never was in a comedy before That was my first comedy being a comedian like I've done 14 movies

And that was my first comedy But it wasn't really a comedy for me because it's the guys did the airplane and hot shots So everything I said is the lead adventure. No, is that him? No, uh, jim abrams Uh, so everything I said I had to say straight and all the craziness happens around Yeah, you're just the sun like excuse me stewardess. I speak jive like she's not making it. She's not acting like a joke Like an airplane. She has to say it's straight like she speaks jive so It was so much fun

I made good dough and it's the only movie I ever auditioned for that. They told me I had it at the audition Well, I auditioned they go. So you want it? This is great. You want to do it? I'm like, yeah Yeah, how much you want to be paid? I go six hundred thousand dollars. They go great. I'm like, fuck I should have said one million. Yeah Uh, you got you got three minutes. I gotta go to practice. You know, so this is the uh, this is available everywhere This is the documentary I made With james latho's the director he handed me a whole bunch of footage of the band bad brands And we sort of redirected it towards mental health. Do you know the band bad brands deal?

You're about to get educated and this was uh Uh, I'm I'm as proud of this of anything I've ever done. This is about three years ago. We finally got it sold So You'll dig it Greetings in the name of his imperial majesty. Joe rasta farai. My name is ross. Hi, luke. Gabriel joseph aka hr Who is hr? Well, he's a lot of things but number one, he's the best vocalist ever He was the guy who made me feel like anything was possible. Everything was possible when it's on it's on

So if you happen to witness when it was like lighting and striking you got the field It was like you can see that on stage like he believes he's worshiping god He's in it and nothing else matters. That's an it thing that not many people had that rock star it Factored and he so had it We're watching a show He's doing a song and he does a backflip With and he lands exactly at the end of the song and it was like game old And this is a documentary you produced directed. Yeah, I exactly produced it. Wow

That looks good, man. It's fantastic My friend scott'll love that dude. He loves all kind of music bad brains the lead singer. He's the lead singer of bad brains It's they're one of the most important punk bands ever. It's like 1980 From dc a bunch of black guys doing punk bunch of rastas. But they're from dc. They're all like military gets to two of them were How'd you get on to them? I'm punk rock. I like punk. You like uh, Henry. What's his name? Henry? Rollins. He's like one. He's he like bows at the altar of bad brains. Oh, really? I don't know if he bows to anybody. He's he's a good dude, Henry

But yeah, he loves like he was in that scene and then Fugazi came out of dc. Yeah Yeah, these they started all like skinny puppy. Was that one or not? I don't know if they're from dc, but acid bath or no beastie boy sample Bad brains like that's like a break from a bad brain song and Jane's addiction prayer farrell was asked how what their music sounds like and he goes We're across between Duke Ellington and bad brains and his old guy goes. What's a bad brain? It's like some old documentary saw Dude, you're one of the neatest bad brains. I know man. I got good brains bad brains. They're just brains, man

brains Well, what do you mean? I'm gonna do it. Oh, hey, I noticed you have a thing on your head Is your head okay through because you have bananas where your hair should be Yeah, man. Well, what happened? Maybe there's a banana accident. It's like, yeah Uh, yeah, maybe maybe you're a monkey's uncle. Yeah I think that's perfect, man One of the baddest brains I know Jaymore, thanks for coming in today, man. I love you man. I love you too, man

Yeah, that's life sentence straight up You and 24 seven wake me up. You need something. I got it. Yeah, man. They say in hawaii This guy once said to me I was breaking his balls. We were shooting something in the ad was hawaiian and korean Tommy Tommy cho are we doing it? Are we doing it? Are we doing it? Are we doing it? What's happening? Are the lights go on? Well, I was being a dick and he goes, hey if can can if no can no can So if can can

Dude, you know what they say don't come on my back and tell me it's raining brother. You feel me? Oh, yeah, let me know you're coming on my back. So I can enjoy it Well, here's a white supremacist real quick. Let's fucking get this guy in more my question is for you Do you he's in a gym? Bert kreischer currently have beef at night in a gym rumor is you do this guy seems like a rumor why is everybody doing like acting performances for the questions like I'm

supposed to be delivering pizzas but I'm shatner they all try to be Theo a little bit do you and I don't think it's Theo like it's more maybe maybe that one wasn't but you and Bert Krasher have beef I rumor has it what you do no I think I'm doing this thing I got fucking kids I'm divorced twice I've gotten sober twice I given the IRS $700,000 twice like a fucking beef with anybody room by the way there's no room yeah rumor doesn't it first of all rumor never hit that guy yeah I mean I'm glad that guy is supporting the podcast but also that guy has on no shirt and beanie which that guy's

legit are you cold or not that guy can fight he's in his gym fucking put in work and in the middle of working out he goes let me get this question where do you get finding Joseph up where can you get it you got to look it up because with the director of panic and sold it to a lesser distributor it should be on iTunes and fucking Netflix but the director took the like a little more money for it to be on a different platform you can buy it on YouTube that's one place but I was okay but I have no idea where but it's out there Addison Texas do you got to come back again soon man anytime Mondays I'm

always free I've kind of got the ball do you do this every week a couple times a week yeah once we've been doing less guests but I talk to you forever it's easy sometimes come back next Monday you just shelving making an evergreen show some people it's uh we're just come back we'll do we'll do next month I don't I'd love to have you back I'm always we'll talk about whatever if can can if can can can can can hey remember what the fly said when he's walking over the mirror feel that's one way you're looking at it you know I don't know now we're addicted to doing norms like quiet voice I tell you there's this guy you

know and we're like yeah we are going across Ontario and it was like this bad guy you know that like when you really can get an impression if you do the person quiet I love that I'm in I gotta go to practice and change some lives you change mine buddy gang bro gang gang I love you I love you too man get back in the ocean with me I will new paddleboards really yeah it's like an aircraft carrier oh damn do that c 130 on the limits now I'm just on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but

it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself on my shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you I will find a song I will sing it just