This Past Weekend - Limited Breadsticks | This Past Weekend #181

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Back from New York, Boston, and Atlantic City. Recapping Barstool and my first theater shows ever, and reminiscing about Beverly Hills 90210. Upload a video question for this week’s guest, high profile lawyer Mark Geragos, to our Dropbox http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline This Episode Brought to You By MeUndies For 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to: https://MeUndies.com/Weekend Postmates Use code “WEEKEND” for $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days when you download the Postmates app Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn “All the Ways” - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wkgnx8qjlKQ Hit the Hotline [phone] Things I Hate About Gunt Gunt Squad To Join: https://www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Wayne Anselmi Adam Cox Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Amelia Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Harlan Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Baltimore Ben Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Streit Brad Moody Brandon Hoffman Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Chad Saltzman Christopher Becking Christopher Stath Cody Cummings Cody Hanas Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh COREY ASHMORE Cort Adams Dan Draper Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Gill David Christopher David Smith David Wyrick Donald blackwell Doug Chee Felicity Black Felix Theo Wren Ginger Levesque Glasford Productions Grant Stonex Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Haley Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Johnson Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jerry Zhang Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Joseph Wuttunee Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kevtron Kiera Parr Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Leighton Fields Logan Yakemchuk Luke Danton Mark Worrilow Matt Kaman Matt McKeen Matthew Azzam Megan Daily Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Butcher Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell Passenger Shaming Peter Craig Philip James Qie Jenkins Rachael Edwards Ranger Rick Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Ryan Hawkins Ryan Riley Ryan Walsh Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Sean Frakes Sean Scott Season Vaughan Shane Pacheco Stefan Borglycke Sungmin Choe Suzanne O'Reilly Taylor Beall The Asian Hamster Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus todd vesterse Tom Cook Tom Kostya Travis Simpson Tyler Harrington (TJ) Tyler Shaver Victor Montano William Morris William Reid Peters Zach Zak StufflebeamSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Okay, I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far hello it's Monday hello and my mind is somewhere else but when I find it I'll patch up where it's been come out just on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna tell you a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself on and that's that right there that is Bishop gun with shine and that's a song right there by that band and that

can you imagine those boys from Natchez Mississippi right now are out there touring in Europe and that can be some of the beauty of music man it hits people's ears and and then it hits her you know because the ear goes directly the ear bone is connected to the hard bone and it hits their ears and just goes right into their heart and then that feeling man and they want more of that feeling and that's what those boys are doing Bishop gun is a band and they are in Europe right now performing different areas I have speaking of that I'm not sure I'm gonna go I mean this is crazy I can't even believe I'm gonna be saying

these words I'm gonna be going we locked down a date in London that's crazy man just to hear myself say those words that I'm gonna be going to I mean where Americans came from let's be honest about it you know America started because shit wasn't going that great in England you know people were being mean to each other in England they had bullying people was doing bullying and the next thing you know people said you know what fuck you bruh I'm out and they got in a boat and left and and the people in England were like where you going and they're like we don't even fucking know so things must have been hairy if

somebody left and didn't even know where they're going that's when you know you you just got to go but I'm happy to be coming back to that original homeland over there America 1.0 England excuse me and I don't know when that'll be yet I do know the date but I'm not looking at that they're gonna be other dates around it you know there will be Scotland and Ireland and fuck dude I can't even imagine dude that's so crazy I'm gonna be going over there so anyway I didn't mean to make this myself about myself out of the gate but I just you know I am excited and I deserve to feel feel good sometimes and I'm excited

about that who's listening out there that's what I want to know who's listening to this this podcast to this past weekend thank you guys for being here with me who's listening who who are you I want you to hit the hotline [phone] are you a you know we used to have a lot of postman a lot of postmen would hit the hotline and let us know and you know we had a lot of drivers I remember we had a a FedEx driver that you that you know but who who are you who are you listening hit the hotline and say hey you know my name is this and this is what I do for work and this is when I listen to this

past weekend I would just love to know that you know like hey my name is Theo and you know and I listen to the podcast in the morning when I do stretches on my floor in my bedroom that's what I do I mean that's just definitely a little bit you know something a tender gentleman would say but that's when I listen so hit the hotline I just want to know who's out there listening I want to know you know always hear so much you guys always hear so much about me I want to hear some more about you what's going on a lot you know I just got back I flew back this morning from Atlantic City we had I went and did some shows and

they had theater shows and I'm talking theaters boy you know theaters you know and if a lot of times when you are if somebody's talks real fast they even say my name like that oh that's theater instead of theater they're like oh that's theater right there and we did the shows we went to Medford and that was the first one it was a and the crazy thing of theater I didn't go look at the stage in advance and the lights are so bright you can only see about first two rows of people and there was maybe you know I don't even know how many people were in that place I mean it seemed like a damn community college it felt like that

shit was pretty big and people were doing you know smelled like weed and everything so yeah very much like community college and and I didn't know like how deep it was man I was it was kind of scared it was like I felt like a like a hamster that had to also you know like a I felt like oh did you ever seen a prison movie where's the prisoner gets out and they have the big spotlight and they're shining it looking for him I felt like that guy like that prisoner but also what if you gave that prisoner a microphone and while he's running off he have to tell jokes so that's how I felt and man it was it

but it you know it was a crazy just three three nights and then did two shows at the Wilbur Theatre in Boston and then a show in Atlantic City and we took planes and trains and automobiles and we didn't have anybody to host for any of the shows so a couple hours before I'm just asking people like hey do you know anybody that lives in the area that can do comedy and next thing you know we found a host you know a young fellow named Andrew who came out for the Boston shows and that dude is sitting there you know at his home probably you know I'm not saying do a masturbation but probably doing a little and next thing you

know he's on stage in front of 1500 and so he you know and he did a great job you know we just hit up literally like we're asked does anybody know anyone in this area that can do it and then the same thing for the Atlantic City we just got you know does anybody know anybody in the area who can drive over here and do some comedy for ten minutes at the beginning of the show but man it was wild it was um man it was awesome it was scary though I felt pretty scared because I just don't you know it's like being in a new place it's like um I'm trying to think of exactly how it feels you ever you ever go remember if you've

ever gone to look at an apartment or a house and you go in and there's no furniture in it and you're just going to check it out you know maybe to see if you'll move there or um or you know or something and you go in and you you're going in the different rooms and just kind of it feels new it feels different it's the first time you've ever felt the space and felt your body react to the distance between you and the walls and just the space and that's what it feels it feels like that going on the stage but so you have that kind of feeling you're in a new space but then you also at the same time have a you know some

responsibilities and so yeah it was just it was a different animal you know I'm so used to being in just in a comedy club and and I'll still be doing a lot of clubs it was just it was just kind of how the weekend worked out but thank you so much everybody that came out you know we had a couple of brothers that came out actual brothers people that were you know womb mates and also a couple of black gentlemen we have one young fella look like I thought it was Sean Kingston and he came out to one of the shows I don't know if you remember Sean Kingston he I think he might have killed Aliyah with that damn Seadoo or

whatever but he came out what else did we do dude it was a crit like so I went to the bar stool sports and people say bar stool you know they have you know they're basically people they put stuff on the internet you know say if your aunt does a hit you know does a couple of whippets and accidentally gets fucked up and kisses her son or something like that like at a foosball tournament or whatever then they put that shit on bar stool videos so that you know I went to their office and it was pretty crazy I rolled in there and they got an older black gentleman sitting right there and he was polishing off a little bit of

rib meat or something and this dude was you know he was half a cage deep into some fucking ribs but I don't know if you know if you don't have any black friends then you never seen how black men can really get into some ribs do black guys should be orthopedist or the ortho ortho bone doctors or something I'm surprised there's not more black surgeons because you see a black dude get into a thing of ribs brah like dang dude yeah I didn't even know they had all of that in there a black guy'll crack a rib open and do they got meat in there so if you never had a black friend you white if you first of all get a black friend

and then get order him half a rack of ribs and see what he does that mother that dude will have them bitches dry at the end of it not a meat not a not a gristle you could dip that thing on a black man could dip a rib that he ate into a fish tank and not even a little fish not one fish will swim up to even look for anything because there's nothing on it so you know when it comes you know a black guy you know will really put that gang bang on a rib he'll fucking tighten that thing up to the fullest so this guy anyway I'll roll into the office at bar stools the man is sitting in there and he's supposed to be the guy

that like checks you in downstairs at the bottom of the deal at the ground floor so he looked up at me like he was pissed that I was there so I was like fucking bro you know you don't want to do your job you know whatever so I went past that guy went up to the third floor and the elevator doors open and there's like maybe 50 dudes you know a lot of them look like maybe they played you know half of them kind of look like maybe they played lacrosse or something for not Duke you know not that you know the sexual team but at least you know at least maybe UNC or NC State and and then yeah they got it next you know there's a

camera guy pops up and they got a lady cutting up a grapefruit and they have a couple little studios and it's just it was wild to see because you know it it's like seeing behind the internet it's like at the doors open and then there's like you know 50 guys sitting at computers and and it was a good vibe we went in there and did the radio show and then I stopped I went that night and it was it was just a good vibe man I had fun in there and and if you haven't let if you get a chance to go listen to that episode when I was on their radio it was a lot of fun actually so I really enjoyed that and then what else

happened trying to tell you what happened this past weekend oh then I stopped by the comedy seller that night in New York to see some different comedians and just say hey I got to watch David tell perform so that was awesome man that guy he once referred I heard him refer to he referred to peanut butter as as oh he referred to hummus as ISIS peanut butter and I thought that was pretty much right on time so that was it and then the next day we did the the next morning I went to Boston did the shows at did the shows at Medford the guy Francis this big guy white dude you know pretty rich bro like even his breath kind of smelled

like cologne a little you know the kind of guy that has breakfast and probably has a little bit of fucking you know some um you know a little fan you know some s-day lauder scents or something on his pancakes the kind of dude who have a nice you know a couple of omelets and wash it down with a fucking mouth full of you know garnier fruit teas or something one of those you know a fancy deal so Francis was there and first of all if you named after you know Francis what you know Francis that's crazy you got to be rich to really have a you know kind of a by gender name and be a man this dude was a handsome guy to look

like one of those Winklevosses remember the Winklevosses who almost beat up that guy to Facebook kid him so we he came on and did the shows with us and it was just blast man so many people came out so many people came out um here we got a call we got one guy right here he came to the Medford show let me hit this uh and this guy left a voicemail on the hotline so let me see what he had to say yo what's up man my name is Jared what's up Jared thanks for thanks for calling sir I'm a little tired you have to forgive me today Jared onward Connecticut I saw you up in Medford man awesome show super grateful that you

came out I appreciate you you know staying after to meet with everyone after the show you know I'm the gentleman that had the match in Mississippi mudflap in the flannel you know oh yeah bro you had that tight tight cut and you had that full that back splash on the neck dude and you had real short that short short front hair you know almost going out of business in the front but still partying in the back you know you had that real um like if you see like a young young kid who has a kind of a mullet haircut him and he's kind of standing on the side of the road and none of his parents are with him and

he's kind of throwing rocks into a ditch or something you had that style that old-school neighborhood style that I grew up around let's hear more you know I thank you for your encouragement man on my recovery man just celebrated 19 months clean and um I love you know I love how you were giving me some motivation man and love the podcast my boy and I listen to it gets us through the week gives us something to talk about and just don't want to say thanks again man gang gang man thank you bud and congratulations dude 19 months think about that dude a lot of stuff happened 19 months anything could happen you could

go to jail for a you know probably a manslaughter if you had a good attorney and get back out anything could happen you could have a 19 month old child so man congratulations dude I'm glad that you're I'm glad that you came out man and yeah I remember that haircut I definitely you had that fucking like a lesbian that really she's you know devout lesbian like she sometime in her life she's gonna find a way to really sprout a dick you know if she wants to it's gonna be up to her and I do remember that cut man that shit was beautiful and you know I notice a lot of guys sometimes about growing the long

hair out the back it's like a mane it's just like a little it's almost like it's like the only thing we can do these days you know or not the only thing I shouldn't say that but as men it's like something we can do to express our masculinity because I do feel I can some ways you know masculinity is just it's not at a crossroads but it is at a time when it needs to be tempered in some spaces because you know it it's it's not fair because our environment our society is becoming a lot more structured a lot less primal and so it you know it you have to you have to temper the flames of that wild masculinity back

in the day do think about when you know 1700s you could take your wife for a hike and never bring her back and that was nothing you know you could shoot your neighbor and that would you know oh where's my fucking rake you know mr. Daniel and next thing you know pop-pop and that's it so it's just a different time so now it's like we got a temper it out a little bit and and yeah so one thing that men can do is grow is you know is just sprout that spout grow that back hitter and go fucking hard in that neck paint or actually go soft in that neck paint you know because my shit guy do you touch it back on my hair it

feels like fucking nine babies look like it feels like nine babies just rubbing little chamois cloths on each other just soft soap in each other's shoulders dude it's like nine babies in a fucking soft pile with butter on them I'm at could you imagine putting butter on a baby god damn bro you know I'm not a um a cannibal but if you put fucking butter on a baby brah I wouldn't be surprised if I can take a little bite out of that guy but man congratulations man and I'm happy that you and your friend find some joy in listening to me and and I found joy in it and you guys haven't come out man it's good I had fun dude I had so

much dude the first show in Boston I had so much fun in in at the Wilbur the first minute I mean all the shows I tried my best but that first Wilbur show man I had so much fun I just and then the second one I think I got a little you know I got nervous the crowd was rowdier and the med for when I think I was just a little scared I did my best but I was just a little scared but but it was overall it was a great experience I mean it's just a learning experience to be in that space I'm glad that I had people every the people after the shows were super supportive but that's second to the late show in medford I in at the

Wilbur you know if I could have one back that I could just do some parts of it over or just I don't know the vibe was just it wasn't bad and it had nothing to do with the audience it just it just I could I was just I don't know I just wish I could do it again but you know I'm hard on myself and that's okay sometimes that's okay sometimes what else happened this past weekend man I'm trying to think oh I got my back waxed that felt pretty good I didn't get much sleep oh my gosh so one of the guys from white snake was on the plane back with me to Los Angeles and they're the ones who did the fire at that building

and a lot of people died RIP from that white snake fire back there in your provenance a long time ago oh man what else what else can I tell you about I can tell you about this episode is brought to you by gray block pizza gray block pizza 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach gray block pizza get that I want to tell you this the guests we have coming up mark Garagos and he's an attorney he's that Atticus Finch you know he's that fucking that gavely bad boy he's out there you know he's out there shaping truths and bending lies and he's represented Michael Jackson Colin Kaepernick Scott Peterson the man that

killed everybody Chris Brown and and you can send in your video questions about about any questions you have for that man for Mark Garagos he'll be in here I thought he was a swimmer that almost died of HIV when he hit his head on the on the board but um anyway he'll be in here and we'll be putting some swipe up so you guys can swipe up and send in a question for him as well we have Brian Callan will be coming in so we're gonna be doing we're gonna be doing an episode we're gonna we'll ask for some submissions from we're gonna he's gonna take us through like a March Madness version of the state wars like if all the

states got into war like if it became all the states became you know it was an ununified America ununited states and there were state wars like March Madness style with brackets and they all fought off against each other and who would win and Brian Callans is a very smart man and that's um Brennan Shouse daddy Brendan is the man that does king in the sting with me and he's the sting and um and so so his daddy is Brian Callans and he does I think he was in I don't think he was in Vietnam but he was in Korea you know when he does a lot of stuff like that AARP does the conferences and so he'll be in here because he's very smart

and he's gonna help us out and and take us through that that's gonna be he and I episode so if you have a video or you can there's a link in the YouTube if you think why your state would do well in the state wars what they have to offer why you know you know you could say oh I think Nevada's gonna win because you know they have you know troops could get up you know you know they could take all the gambling money and buy tanks or whatever so but whatever your reason why you think your state will win you can hit the hotline [phone] and we'll add some of those some of those parts in to the episode and and and we'll

use them as we go through the states oh man yeah dude this weekend was kind of scary in some ways you know I sometimes like you know sometimes I feel like I don't like talking about some shit because you know this set before the second Medford show man I was sitting in the back of the of the place and I was just like kind of just got real emotional man I was sitting back there and I just felt scared I was just sitting back there by myself and I just felt I don't know I didn't feel good man you know to be honest I was real teared up and you know it's called it I just didn't feel okay you know and I called a couple of

friends and thankfully somebody answered and I was able to talk to them and I was trying to think about why I didn't and I think you know and I think it was because sometimes inside of me there's a thing where let's like I'm afraid to feel good about myself because it's almost just such an unfamiliar territory that it makes me scared or it's like if I feel good about myself then it means I'm being selfish or something you know I and I just I was like excited about the theaters and and then I just I don't know I just I don't even know you know part of me doesn't even know and maybe I'll talk a little bit when I go to my

therapist this week I'll try and talk to her about it and think about it more but yeah I was just you know I just know I was sitting there and I just felt like I just didn't feel good you know I just didn't feel good and some of that goes back to just you know that's kind of like my alcoholism or my thing inside my lack of self-confidence that's inside of me somewhere it just it's almost like this little gremlin that even when things are good it wants to pop up and and control the show it's like this little dirty little man who's got a whip and he's you know he's probably doing dirty stuff and being like a maybe even a

homeowner that's a mean one you know and he's you know just gets in there and he just beats all my good feelings with a whip and makes my good feelings feel like they're bad or they've done something bad so I got some of that and I don't know what the deal was but but I got some of that going on but then you know I was thankful you know I talked to a friend and they and they made me feel better and then I was and then I was okay and then I was okay so anyway that's yeah I don't know I'm kind of all over the place man I didn't get you know I flew home I got off the plane I went home arrested for 40 minutes and then I came over here and

and I want to try to hit an a meeting tonight so but I'm I am grateful to be here with you guys and I'm and man so many people came out it was crazy I mean people came out a guy gave me a nice shirt I didn't even get to unpack my bag and bring it in here somebody made oh some dude they had a Vietnamese this this beautiful pair of vets you know they made a shirt and it said Vietnamese are people not food and I thought that was great because you guys know almost a bit into that kid at a best buy at that time oh let's get into the news a little bit here Alex Trebek announced in a video

that he has stage four pancreatic cancer Trebek is 78 years old and has hosted Jeopardy since 1984 said he intends to fight the disease and work the rest of his contract through 2022 that's crazy man it's you know it's really scary when people start passing away that that are part of your life or that are part of your childhood or just in your periphery of existence you know it starts to remind you how just how real life is and that gets scary you know life is this very you know it's just very it's like this very real dragon kind of and you know sometimes it hibernates for a while and it's not there and and sometimes

it you know it's just fucking out of nowhere just wakes up and just black you know just burns you with that fucking face heat that popper and and it's just it you know sometimes you just kind of cruising down the road of life and then life's like guess what motherfucker right turn surprised bitch you know intersection without any stop signs just you know shit like that and it gets intense and and that's the kind of thing I start to feel like when people are passing away or people are getting you know sick and older and like it's like you want these little things that are in the periphery or periphery of your life

these staples to always kind of be there and just but it just keeps moving on man but then that's the same thing that adds value to it you know that's the same thing that adds value to it is that it's not a forever thing you know you don't have unlimited life this shitting bread sticks at Olive Garden dude you know this is like at a place where they just give you one or two breads and they don't have extra if you want it I mean life is just one or two breads you know now they can have as much flavor in them as you as you want to taste for you can just try and take you know you can eat them fast and that's

it but if you really want to get down to that dough and get yeasty you can pop off and really enjoy I mean you can break that those one or two breads down every fucking ingredient and suck the egg and the salt and the flour and the rise and the yeast and the and some of them they might be cinnamon bread raising breads you can you can really enjoy all of them tastes in there or you can just gobble them bitches up be on through it but it's not unlimited breadsticks it feels like it is or it is when you're real young and then it's not man I don't know what I'm talking about former teen heartthrob and star of 90210 Luke Perry

passed away at 52 after suffering a massive stroke and dude I remember watching 90210 when I was young it was like the first show that I got to watch it was called Beverly Hills 90210 and it was about rich kids and some poor kids that all went to school together in Beverly Hills and and I remember doing that that was like the first show where like there was kind of some you know people were having maybe sex or talking about sex and I would sit there and like and I my whole my brothers and sisters we would all watch it I think my littlest sister wasn't allowed to watch it but we'd sit there dude and I would be just erect as

hell you know I'd be why that was the only TV show and sometimes I have to face the other way and then turn back and look at it you know and watch cuz I didn't want people seeing my body getting all hard in the middle especially I had that AP bruh I had that fucking rocking job you know I had that fucking DeMarcus cousins you know weiner even as a child I had that big fucking baby whale you know I had that fucking that Will Sasso that thick hitchhiker you know it was like you ever seen a mitten but the thumb is twice as big as the finger part that's kind of how like my nuts and wiener even as a child you know

I had that cat daddy and so I would you know it'd make me so nervous because I would just have on little shorts or tight you know children's television pants you know little um what were those things called little whoa you remember those it was like a onesie and they had a little trap door in the back in case you had to do a duty real fast or something or in case it was a fire in the you had to get out of the whole onesie they had that little fire escape in the back in case somebody threw a match on the front of your pajamas and you had to fucking wiggle out of them bitches they had that you know the you know that reverse

biology just a way you could just say bye bye right out the back of your own short you know your own that onesie and you could just you know you could save your own life but but yeah I remember dude those things and suddenly I get so erect the fucking rest of the onesie would get real tight on my body because I didn't have a lot of room in that bitch anyway you know I got that body top I fucking fill a onesie you know but you know I got that limited neck you know only got about an inch and a half long neck but I did see this little neck stretcher thing on Instagram the other day so I might look at that I don't want

to thank everybody that sent me links to that as well I had about 60 people that sent me different links to that what else man yeah but that show dude that show was the first show where you would see people kissing or smooching I mean you had like somebody had a convertible car the only other dude I ever knew with a convertible this dude named Eddie Joe man he was like I think 16 or fucking 40 and he lives in our neighborhood and he had a couple of these girls they had these two girls and they were sisters or you know twins they might have been fucking conjoined I don't even know bruh but these bitches was really kind of

unraveled a little bit you know it wasn't I think there was premature babies and premature twins you don't know what's gonna happen dude you you know sometimes you'll take a you know you take one pie out of the oven and you have in you're like oh man it was good but it could have been better you've take fucking two pies out the oven dog oh then you you know you letting the devil fucking live in the dessert and so that's the end sometimes he would he would get these girls and they both even have the same name I think Janet you know double Janets or whatever and because the mom probably had a limited

name choices you know she wrote down one name she might have been on a couple of lewds and then seen it twice on the sheet and said fuck it son we're gonna take our chances and name both of these baby girls a little Janets and dude so this guy Eddie he had this 5.0 Mustang and I think it was even a 6.0 dude I think he wrote a wrote a six or put a six made out of like you know well like a caulking or something over the five so he was rolling in that 6.04 Mustang convertible top and he would give these girls he would get them um you know dackeries or something little milkshakes and he would just be rolling

these double Janets around town and one time he was out front just flexing and talking and we were out by the street just talking to him and just burning shit in the ditch you notice you know just enjoying the summer and he floored it in both of those broads rolled right off the fucking back boy and man it was it was awesome and that's when you knew they were twins they had that I mean they both rolled off exact because they were sitting on the back on the top of the backseat with the convertible down so then they're sitting really on the back of the car almost on the trunk with their legs into the car and they were

just flexing and sipping on these little dackeries little these little you know cherry slushy throat hitters and then he floored it or I think he I think he was trying to hit the brakes and he hit the wrong break the gas and those bitches rolled right off the back dude fucking double Janets right on to the fucking concrete and it was pretty cool man it was I mean it wasn't the Olympics but that shit was pretty legit I mean it was the closest thing I'd ever seen the like I don't remember if you remember the 1988 Olympics they had that little girl what was her name I think like Yacht Yanamogadishu or something and Yacht

Yanamogadishu was she was like the best you know gymnastics you know she was that gymnastic old crazy per you know she could do anything she flipped you off with her finger and then fucking do nine back flips and you know she would flip you off and then fucking flip off into the distance and yet Yana I don't know if it was yeah I know was Mogadishu was her last name and she would you know she could do it all you know she was the kind of girl who when she was born she probably fucking double-jabbed hand spraying right out of them womb you know some people's breach and some people are c-section and this bad bitch probably

crawled right back up out of her you know she probably crawled right out of her mom's throat and did a fucking you know that that fucking right off the top that fucking Filipino shooting star right off the top and just landed it straight up into the doctor's pocket I mean she was you know an acrobat she was an acrobat imagine if you put you know an egg and semen and you know were you imagine you put an egg and seed and a little leotard and a you know a little bit of a hand chalk into a cannon and just shot that shit right out into the Olympics that was her yeah Yana Mogadishu maybe I can ever produce her

out of picture of her to this as well but fuck I don't even know what's talking about man oh but the show 90210 was the first show that it you as a kid I remember just seeing just like adult things that were things that were just ahead of my things that were happening in my world you know like I remember like the kids on the screen they were teenagers they were in high school even though they were in their 30s as you know in real life but we didn't know that as children and so 90210's man it would be on and we would you know Brenda was about to kiss Ryan or whatever Ronald and damn bruh second they I would just

fucking be like this and my sister would just start like her neck would start shaking for no reason and my brother would I don't even know what he would do bruh he would pass out we don't I don't even know what was going on dude I have a little thing of Shasta and I drink the whole fucking can right then like I didn't it was just there was too many you know it's that young time in your life when your chromosomes and your fucking and your nuts aren't even you know your nuts aren't even doing nothing at that point your nuts are just something you fucking kind of you know twist around each other like this

little you know there's magic little time balls or whatever to relax at night before you go to your bed you don't need your nuts are nothing your nuts are just a place you think your body is just storing you know extra fucking molars or whatever you don't even know what your nut sack is at that age and then you you know you're watching this TV show and you see a couple kiss for the first time and you just working I'm fucking drink nine cans of watermelon Shasta and just just get ready to piss in the bed dude it was just that you know it was your what is it called when your body gets so fired up about something that it

starts to metastasize a little bit into something else hormones hormones and they put them in milk too and sometimes I'll fucking have a little milk for I jerk off just to get back to that old-school feeling but hormones man that was the thing you know I'd be sitting there and you know Steven and you know um what was the other girl's name in the show 90210 Steven and oh fuck I don't know Dylan McKay was the one guy he was the fancy guy he was like the fonts he came in with the jacket and he never kind of said anything and he he was always to kind of squinted his eyes and he was always kind of he came up to the

door and the parents didn't really like him and then he rode off on his motorbike he really I think he might have had fucking autism brah and I don't think he probably registered that bike because he was kind of always in and out of this of shit you never knew anything about him Luke Perry his character Dylan McKay and he was in love with fucking Sandra or whatever Jennifer Doherty and they would um and they were always talking about doing sex and when that shit would happen brah because you got a picture man we're sitting there me and my two siblings and you got Dylan McKay you got Janet Doherty they fucking you

know they're 30 in real life but we don't know what his kids we think you know because I was probably 11 my brothers you know 13 my sisters 9 we're all sitting there and this is the program that mom lets us watch that she maybe shouldn't let us watch but you know she wants to put a little bit of lotion on her legs in the other room and floss her teeth and that's her time to be by herself so this is what we get so we're sitting there ready to watch Beverly Hills 90210's and and then they start talking about sexual or you know somebody fucking you see a little bit of a bra strap and next thing you

know I gotta fucking lay down on my bag dude because I don't know what's going on because my hormones are starting to just mingle around my body and get to know each other you know and suddenly my brain my brain is starting to say hello to my dick but on the inside of my body and this is before this is like an internal tender and everybody's fucking swiping right and it's just crazy in your body your neck starts fucking tightening up and you're dude I remember sometimes my arms would go straight out to both sides of my body for no reason I wouldn't even know what was happening because on the screen they

had these young people and you were feeling just sexual you were feeling keyed up and jacked up on your own these little crystals man cuz God puts these little fuck crystals in your body when you're born I guess and they don't really kind of sprout until you start to get sexual and that's hormones and when those bitches start popping off it's like man it's like those flavor crystals and gum it's like you think it's just gum and then bam you hit that bitch and suddenly you know suddenly your dick got your dick's got fresh breath and it's that kind of thing that's them libido poppers though them

internal hitters and that's kind of what happened when I would see these shows we'd sit there and I would get I didn't I didn't even know really what was going on I just my brain would I couldn't close my eyes or blink and I would just fucking drink two cans of Shasta you know man I feel exhausted even thinking about it now what else the two oh I saw I saw this episode the Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey returned to the Joe Rogan experience and brought his executive Vijaya gig vijaya got a who I think one American Idol season two runner up to debate journalist Tim Poole on some of Twitter Twitter's policies Rogan was

heavily criticized for Dorsey's first appearance with many believing Rogan did not ask hard enough questions or cite specific examples of Twitter's perceived bias I didn't see the first episode so I don't know about that that's just what was written on this page here but I thought Tim Poole did a good job of expressing the thoughts of a lot of people you know and I think in the end a lot of it just comes down to you know a lot of media is just is liberal it's very liberal and it's very forward-thinking and it's it's this you know one love and we can't say anything bad and you know we but a lot of media

is based out of places where that type of living is more of a reality and when you get into other places they're there the life there and the the the reality isn't the same but if you try to share that your reality from those places then that is looked at as as being you know that it's all labeled as conservative now or it's you know it's some of it is labeled as racist and it's some of it is labeled as sexist and it's and some things it's a mix of things it's a mix of traditionalism it's it's trying to express that there is racism that they do have that fucking sugar racism out there in a lot of directions you know

you got Latinos and blacks and blacks and whites and whites and and whites and blacks and whites and Latinos and you got fucking everybody wondering what Patrick Mahomes you know what is he you know everybody it's just but it's like you got and it's just what to me it seems like one part of the country just can't share the reality and one part of the country you know shares this like ideology and the problem is there's just two different realities going on in America I think or there's more than two there's a bunch but a lot of the media so so far has been based out of places where a lot of the reality is the same

but I think that's what you start to see now that's different and I think you're gonna get to better conversations when when you when you when more realities have a voice and Twitter is really I mean it's a lot of extremists on there I mean the only reason you go to Twitter I think is if you really keyed up to try to see a titty or something or if you want to really argue with people or just throw sometimes before bed I'll say something fucked up on Twitter and just like throwing a rock into a fucking hallway of of of people that don't like rocks and I'll just go to bed brah and just laugh it's just it's an

instigator's paradise if you like just bullshitting you know if you like to leave a turd near the fucking caviar brah then Twitter is your place to be man they got some fun dude yeah excuse me it's bananas out there I think it's hilarious I think it is absolutely hilarious but I think it's a good episode if you want to you know everybody has some of their favorite Joe Rogan episodes and that's one of my man and Joe Rogan's got the best uh he's just a curious listener he's a curious man and he's active and um but I thought it was great I thought this was great I thought Dorsey was a little he come

across a little soft to me but that's my thought but I think that there is a curbing of ideas or not ideas but even even the the desire to discuss like realities in some parts of America traditional views or looked at or immediately labeled a certain way because look I think it would be great if everybody could live in a place I don't think anybody doesn't want to live in a place where everybody gets along and everybody is healthy and contributing I feel like that's everybody's goal I feel like everybody and I believe that everybody can be helped except for some people cannot be helped some people at

some core place in themselves they do not want to help themselves they do not want to contribute they do not want to they really don't want things to be good I think it's few but I think that some but I believe that most people can be helped all of us clue to myself fuck yeah do you know my fuck I need it I'm fucking if anybody's always waving the health flag it's your boy but ah but I thought this was interesting I do think that and when you start to temper that people can't share what their reality is and what their life is because it just doesn't fit with what somebody else's life is and that person has more ability

to has like if one person has a bigger projector and they're able to say okay this is my life this is the world this is the way it is and a guy over here who who probably wants the same life that this other person have with the big projector is running that old-school projector where they got to spin it with their hand they're saying but that's not the truth man that's not that's not the truth don't you see I'm showing you that that's not the truth here but and then they start to tell the man with a little projector you're not allowed to use those projectors anymore or we're not letting those projection when I even

letting you show these images or these idea or even discussions in in this bigger projector universe scary I just don't think that's it just because it doesn't help it doesn't help us get our voices out it doesn't help people get there it doesn't help anybody get there because there's no discussion so I thought that that's some of the stuff that I took from it I would like to have seen more I think the temple guy was interesting I think and also you don't know sometimes these people go in interviews and they say there's things that they don't want to talk about obviously you know Jack Dorsey the guy

you know he's an innovator he's an innovator but yeah if you want to watch a neat episode and see you know if people's voices are getting curbed in those places or what your thoughts are on it but temple man he showed up with a lot of every time every time something's wrong he showed up with a lot of he showed up with a lot of points and he was pointing you could feel his thoughts I'm not so look I'm not saying that I'm buying his fucking you know nudie calendar or anything like that but I'm saying that you could feel that the man had done his homework he came he came correct he didn't sit back there behind

you know he came correct I thought he came he came ready to discuss it seemed like he really wanted to so but then also do what the fuck do I know what do I know brah anyway a little more news Antonio Brown was traded to the Raiders for third and fifth round picks and renegotiated his salary to give him to give him 30 million dollars guaranteed over the next three years and make him the NFL's highest paid wide receiver I you know Antonio Brown was in the payment I mean he looked he definitely had been making money but he wasn't making a lot of money as in comparison to other receivers and he was the on paper he

was one of the top two or three so I can understand his anger and his angst but it was it didn't seem to be just about that it seemed to me over time that he developed a real ego problem and the ego is dangerous I mean the ego is something that lives inside of us you know it's that dark art and that bitch we know you fucking leave a can of of Herschel Williams not Herschel Williams um you leave a can of um Sherwin Williams lying around and that dark artist will start to fucking paint the insides of you it'll it'll remodel the insides of yourself because it that ego man it's got it look it's got all the

brushes it knows just how to stroke you and it's gonna be interesting to see how Antonio Brown does out there in a place where he doesn't have that quarterback I felt like it was too much ego and and I said this before I think a lot of players in these sports now there there's so much more it doesn't seem like anything's about the team anymore a lot of times but then also if you're in a team and that team is making a ton of money you don't think that they're sharing enough with you I can understand the guy wanting his money I just wonder at the end of his life when he looks back you know but hindsight's

2020 I wish him well man I hope he has a new experience over there with his teammates and and I hope we all uh I hope we all get out of our egos if we can I want to tell you this that Postmates is a sponsor and you can support this past weekend other than your absolute best friends who could you ask to bring you red wine at 4 p.m. sushi at 9 p.m. and a breakfast burrito at 8 a.m. hmm Postmates Postmates is your personal food delivery grocery delivery whatever you can think of delivery service all year round they never stop no more trips to the store where you going to the store fuck you you don't even have

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May 3rd and 4th at Carolines in New York City what else is going on with you guys how are you feeling how are you feeling you feeling okay I hope you guys are doing good yeah sometimes I guess I'm afraid to feel good about myself you know I was talking to a friend the other day and they say you know you're so hard on yourself all the time and I say yeah you know I think because I think at some point in my life if I wasn't hard on me it was just you know I wasn't gonna let anybody else tell me what to do and so the only person that was gonna tell me what to do is me and and I didn't really know how to do

that so the ways I'd learn to do that where some of them were healthy and some of them were not and probably some of the ways that were not or some of them that are still you know embedded in me and those are you know that some of that is one of the blessings of of living in a time where we can do a self-examination and you know seek help and talk to friends and I mean we are at a special time where we can delve in you know we're there's drugs out there that people use to get go deep and there's you know there's and there's meditation it's like even though a lot of this has been around for a long time I think a lot

of that kind of stuff is coming back more psychedelics than cocaine you know more meditation than than just relying on things outside of us to to help us excavate within us so I see a lot of that and you know those are things I want to learn about myself and so some of the stuff I talk about sometimes it's just so I can try and think you know I can just try and and not think but feel you know a lot of my life I didn't have any feelings I was just operating out here I just was operating as action and reaction and nothing was coming from a place internally that really was connecting to me I wasn't connecting to anything I was

doing okay but in the inside I wasn't really connecting to anything even to myself and that's not the case for me now and now man you know now you know I've been working and doing some of the work and trying to stay involved in places and groups and around people that that I can have a different experience with myself and a new one I mean it's some ways I feel like a five-year-old you know with all of his emotions in his arms and all of his his inside and stuff just wandering around or yeah but a strong five-year-old you know cuz he bought that fucking he bowed about it man I wanted to be home from Marty girl

last week I really wanted to be there what else can I tell you guys you know I'm just so tired I don't want to do I don't want to you know hold you guys too long I'm trying to think of some other people like him out dude so let me tell you who came out to one of the shows triplets brah you know what I'm saying dude sometimes the womb stutters a little bit and it makes buh buh buh babies you know it makes them fucking buh buh buh buh bad boys dude and these guys it was like there was a little Neapolitan sandwich man I did these boys they were beautiful boys and they all they would finish each other's sentence one of them

would start to blink a little then one of them would blink a little more and one of them would fully blink and I was like what in the fuck is going on and these boys were just a living batch of dark art if you see if you see these fellas they're over there near Atlantic City I think they came out in and they had there was triplets and they said dude we're triplets and I was like fucking what dude the singers and they're like what and they said no we were all born at the same time I said damn y'all that fucking batch y'all that batch and they would do it was crazy man they would you know you tell one of them a joke and the

other one would fucking laugh man even listening to him it was like playing you know conversating with him it was like uh just just dialogue dialogue you know just like dialogical whack-a-mole you know you'd be over here with an answer and then bam the question you know and then you know it was unique it was like playing the shell game you know you ever come out of a supermarket and they got that brother out there with the cardboard and he got the little nutmegs right there and one of them's got a little you know little nugget a coke or something under or a little pecan and he's flipping those things around and

bouncing them or the cards and next thing you know you think you over here talking about shellfish and then bam fucking contestant number three hit you with a fucking conversation about zoning in his area you're like what the fuck and that you with triplets you got to stay alert with triplets you really got it's almost like you got to do one at a time you know you got to do like this what's up the what's up dude you know hey buddy how are you and you so you got to section them off but look they were beautiful boys they all looked pretty healthy and and I told them straight up I said hey look if you guys are like the

transformers or whatever like cuz I'm thinking these dudes are gonna do the do Autobot shit one of them gets into a little set you know a set of legs and then one of them torsos up in the third one fucking morphs into a head and then they wander off just one guy working over there by the fucking you know about a Jersey Mike's or the FedEx Kinko's but it's wild when you meet him if you see if you see triplets man you just let him know you support him do your best that's all we can do I'm tired man I love you I would stay longer and chat with you I want to be able to reflect on more experiences that I had this week and let

me take one or two more calls here they go the number is always 985-664-9503 we do I believe have a single mother locked down for Phoenix and one for San Jose as well so I'm really excited about that we want to do you know we want to do some big things this this year in that space and and thank you guys and our patreon supporters who support who support a lot of that onward here we go it's Anthony from Jersey just got back from your show at the Borgata what's up Anthony oh I appreciate you calling man this is cool onward Atlantic City my first time I show ever man and you and I already killed it so

thank you for that man you guessed on a great show I decided to bring my mom with me give her a nice night out we had a great time man it was cool sharing laughs with her it's not bonding with her we don't get to do that a lot so it was nice taking her out and sharing those laughs you know and then when you you said you're doing the the meet and greet after the show man I was pumped so I'm like you got to look at a wait in the line to finally meet you man and then we were leaving but you one of my mom whenever it's my mom and give her a hug and a kiss and I think you said you know take care take care of your son I was

right that's you know this is nice things a nice thing to say man shows that genuine genuine you are and thought that was cool man I look forward to see another show in the future anyway man be good to yourself man gang gang bro thank you man that's sweet of you to say I think I might remember I do remember we had one woman came out and she had six children and she brought her youngest daughter out she had bright red lipstick on I remember that pair and then they had another man with his mom she had kind of short blonde hair and and I didn't know if it was his date or something because you know they got all of that

stuff online you know you see it with these ladies I thought they you know this might be his school teacher this could be a damn ninth grader and you know she's the lady that does the algebra and they just you know going to the casino for the weekend but um but yeah I do remember that and it's nice man it's cool you know my mother and I've never had that experience I mean she came to the show and I taped my Netflix special and and actually she may be coming to my show in Phoenix in a couple weeks cuz she lives in Tucson now so so I'm excited about that but yeah it always uh you know I think there's

something there's just a look man I'm just glad you guys came and I'm glad to have been a part of it you know I'm glad that makes me feel good to think that you guys sit there laughing together and some of it's awkward and some of it's not awkward and you know in little moments you learn about each other and you know I think for a mother to get to hear her son laugh and a son to get to hear her mother laugh you know that's just I just I can't imagine when we go to like a different place you know after this life that that's not that whatever the place we go to isn't made out of just that sound and that that moment whatever

that is you know and I'm not saying that because I'm part of you know because I work in the laughter business I'm just saying it because you know I just imagine that's something like that has to be the truth you know and so I appreciate you guys coming out and that was sweet of you to bring your mom out and if I didn't recall you guys correctly I'm sorry but onward let's take another call here we have one more a tail my name is Ryan I'm from Florida big Ryan from Florida dude what's up playboy and you out there by the beach you over there in the riffraff country son that riffraff a dactyl boy and if y'all

don't know who riffraff is man this is a dude he's fucking growing tangerines and inside of his inside of his dungarees dude he's that fruit he he's he's that um you know he's he's that pro he's producing you feel me this dude's got fucking veg he's out of that vegetation nation bro he's sprouting sprouts you know he's that guy he's always up to something and he's that lean Jean Oakland let's hear more and you're coming to West Palm Beach Florida but thing is I'm the only 15 years old so dang brah well let me just make sure there's nothing on the shelves or anything that's profane or anything like that or

any of those plastic cocks or whatever I don't know what premature Nick is doing in here during the daytime you know you're only 15 I was 15 once man let me see onward you have to be 21 going one year show so I think I might you know get a little trench truck or something um got so many shoulders and get in that way but don't tell anybody about that I love you love you too man damn for a 15 year old you sound like you got you know you sound like you got a like you probably got some pretty large nuts on you bro and I don't mean that and you might not even fuck I shouldn't have

said that fuck you sound like a healthy male that's what you sound like and I bet you know you see my can you know fuck fuck yeah you can't talk to children like that you know so here's what I'm saying thank you for calling if you do the trench coat look man go deep with a big idea bro you know get some bar some hair off of somebody cut a little bit of curl off one of your Latino buddies or a Jewish buddy you know deep throw him a little bit off the back and fucking you make a beard did I would love to see you slowly evolving into uh you know what what can we do you to make you look like an adult to get you into that show but

you got to do some of the work you know you still got like six weeks so maybe yeah you got to borrow some sideburns or something maybe get a mustache and do different stuff we'll see anything could happen but I wish you were you know I'm happy you're at the age you are and maybe one day I can do something for you know people that are underage and we do a show where there you know there's no profanity or anything like that but if you're looking to have a good time fucking pop into some of those old episodes of 90210 that'll make you feel good also everybody there's this show I want to meet this man Chris Lilly when

I go to Australia and he's one of my favorite entertainers him and Jerry Clower two of my favorite entertainers of all time and Richard Pryor's and if you go look at him um they have a show called summer heights high volume one start there it's on YouTube it'll look a little weird like the the how small it is when you start playing it but you will love that show you will love it it will be the best show you've never seen and it's called summer heights high you can find it on YouTube and then you send that man a DM and tell him I'd love to meet him when I'm Australia and and have him be a guest on here I just want to

thank you guys thank you for coming out in Atlantic City thank you for coming out in Boston thank you for coming out in Medford it was exciting man it was like a first you know and I'm not always gonna be in theaters or nothing like that man I want to be in places where it's easier to meet the audience I couldn't meet people after the first show in Medford because they have to start the second show so there was no time there's no place so some of that kind of occurs and you know I know some of it's kind of impersonal but it wasn't impersonal to me and and we'll find ways to make it more personal in the future

and I want to thank everybody I tried to meet everybody dude after the Atlantic City show man we must have like 300 people man and it was great dude people would have one girl she was she was probably an alcoholic they had this one young lady drove in from New York right after work and and she and I got to get a picture together we had some people that was in the merchant marines it came out we had a young man that was about to go off to boot camp who came out we had this mix they had these three dudes that had the craziest hair I've ever seen one guy he had that you know that he had that Jamaican that hammock

you know sometimes you'll see fellas with that Jamaican hammock hitter and they got their hair all wrapped up and that the next thing you know they on you know they on they fucking untie their hair in a fucking little you know two acres of Barbados falls out and on one of the acres they grow in that puff and he had another friend that had this straight up Frederick Douglass fucking top hitter hair and then their third dude was this little this white guy and he straight up had that that Vince Neil he had that fucking his shit was cold pressed brother his shit was you know it was I mean he had just French pressed

that just flat ironed his hair right it was it was the most remarkable hair trifecta that I'd ever seen man so kudos to those boys who else came out that I can do and I'm not trying to pick people out I just can't remember right now my brain is tired and and I'm gonna go get some rest you guys thank you so much man be good to yourselves I know that you deserve it and and and just thank you man I'm just so grateful like you know I realized the other day I think part of the reason why I was feeling kind of sad is just I just realized I get to live my dreams and like and I want to live like a person that is deserving of that gift

because I know some people may not be able to do that and I want to you know I just want to be you know and I know people tell you all the time hey man thanks for the nice things you do and I know I hear that but if I'm healthy and I am capable and then I want to be able to do all that I can you know and because that makes me feel good when I really think about other things make me feel good you know you know sexual you know you know doing cocaine you know um you know what else slides doing the slides at the park you know watching my fucking friend Daniel Brice saved some money one time dude and and he was gonna donate

blood dude but he fucking took it out at his house and tried to bring it over there and it was like the last hundred dollars he needed and he was gonna get a like a skateboard or one of those um maybe it was like a pogo stick or something and they fucking brought he went over there were like a half a cup of that fucking body you know you know that body sauce and they fucking shut him down they didn't call child services you know so fuck I don't even know what I'm talking about man but I love you guys man be good to yourselves I know that you deserve it man I know that I knew it from the second I met most of you and

I'll always know that you know I will always know that there's that same band Bishop Gunn with their song All the Ways I know the mission with ambition love you guys man be good next they strutin' like a cop and kind of love you know that slow down thingin' round tellin' all about the love she found so hard to get rid of it's funny how that older women can't make a boy feel like a man there's something about that bold look in their eyes