This Past Weekend - Make a Choice | This Past Weekend #141

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

Back from Appleton, Wisconsin. Subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-past-weekend-w-theo-von/id1190981360?mt=2 Subscribe to our clips channel for highlights, compilations, animations, and more https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Follow Theo on Instagram www.instagram.com/TheoVon This episode brought to you by… Skillshare https://www.skillshare.com/theo 2 months unlimited access for $0.99 with this link Grey Block Pizza http://bit.ly/GreyBlock Music “Celebrate” - Spencer Jacob https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRfasFYePJo Hit the Hotline [phone] Or upload a video question/comment to our Dropbox http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotlineSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I have a Halloween episode, and you can send pictures of your costumes. So I can, I guess I'll roast them maybe, or just, I don't know, look at them. Just whatever. You can email them to producer at theovon.com, and that's for next week's episode, pictures of your Halloween costumes. What's up, you little flannel-wearing spunk ponies? How are you, huh? You arguably adorable little muffin munchers. You ready? It's October. We did it. It's late October. We made it this far. How does that feel? How does that feel?

Enjoy it. Celebrate misery You know that soon we're gonna die Let's have some fun while we all die Celebrate our days Celebrate by Spencer Jacob Grau. And that is our intro music. Happy October. And I am. I'm here. You're here.

This is how it works out. This is how it works out. Made it in today. Back here into the studio, exhausted. I mean, I feel like my skin just wants to just crawl off of my body and just go hide in a bedside table or in a little secret drawer or secret trap door. I mean, my skin is just like, are you really going to carry me around and do something else with me?

Because I can't handle this. I just got back from Appleton. We just got back from Appleton. I say we sometimes. I don't like to feel alone, so saying we kind of puts me in a, in a group think space in my head, Appleton, Wisconsin and Wisconsin. That's, you know, that's dairy. That's the dairy belt. You know, you, you, uh, you'll step on, you'll, you'll, you'll step in something outside and you're like, Oh, what is that? And it's just nothing. That's a little bit of 2%. You'll see some stray yogurt, just, you know, a chunk

of yogurt just kind of rolling down a hillside. It's kind of baffling. You know, you'll be talking to somebody and suddenly just, you know, some skim milk will just fall right out their mouth. Or a cheese curd will just, you know, a magician will walk up and just you know pull a cheese curd out from behind your ear and that's wisconsin that's up there and that's those dairy uh the that's the the dairy people and they love dairy up there and they love to just i mean like you and i we probably would look at a cow and just think oh that's an animal

but those people up there they look at a cow and just think, oh, that's an animal. But those people up there, they look at a cow and they'd be like, oh, look at this motherfucker right here. This little milk jug with hoofs. We had all sold out shows, all sold out shows in Appleton, Wisconsin. And thanks, thanks, thanks for the joining. People, you know, a bunch of different people come out. Fat Steve came out. I think his name was Fat Steve or Fat Chris. I can't remember.

But this gentleman sent me a DM, and he goes, Hey, man, just letting you know I'm coming through Saturday night, and I'm going to be the fattest fucking dude you'll see all weekend and I want to give a checkmate to that man because he he honored his word I mean this guy

dude I patted him on the back and then I had to tell him I patted him on the back because he couldn't feel it I mean this dude was huge and beautiful and he wore a big kind of bright bright green you know safety green the funny thing is when people get, and I'm not saying this to shame this gentleman at all, he was in a good mood about it. And so, and so we can laugh with him. And he said, look, I'm going to be, you know,

I'm going to be the fattest felon, you know, I'm going to be the fattest sugar hole in the enamel. You know, I'm going to be the fattest cavity. And he was. And he came out with his daddy. And his daddy looked, you know, like somebody from, you know, The Hobbit a little bit. Kind of a handsome sort of older gentleman, you know, very Midwestern. Just a smile on his face.

He had a built-in smile. You know, like somebody was just kind of like, you know, like the Lord was just kind of tickling him under his chin. And they came out. And they enjoyed themselves. And that big fella, he was wearing a bright green. Because if you notice, sometimes when people get real large, a lot of the colors that they can wear are safety colors. Bright orange. You know, you'll see some black people that will be real large and they'll wear bright orange.

You know, or, you know, Shondresha, she'll have bright, bright green. And you're like, dang, what size is that? And this fella was no different. He came out, and he had that safety green, kind of like emergency kind of green. You know if there's police at night by the side of the road, and they have flares and stuff, and something bad happened, and then also they're wearing green vests, he had that color green. and something bad happened, and then also they're wearing green vests, he had that color green.

Because when you get past 3XL and stuff like that, all the colors they put on you are safety. Because I think, you know, it's – because you're probably a little bit of a health risk. I think it's certain, you know, it's certain poundages. But it was good that he came out, man. You know, it was good that he came out because everybody enjoyed it. Man, and it started to get chilly. It snowed.

It snowed one day. So that was really awesome. But Fat Pete came out, Little Nolan. They had these dudes that, this kind of like, I don't know if they were fraternity dudes that spit in each other's mouths at like point blank range. So they said it was like a, that they did, but I didn't see the real... It didn't seem like too much trickery to me. It just seemed like a couple dudes just spitting in each other's mouths. It seemed like a bit of a dark art you'd find in one of the, in the crevasses of the internet.

But yeah, Little Nolan came out. Vixie, this gal Vixie came through. Who else? That lady that kept crying. There was a lady that kept crying for no reason after the show. And she had, I think she'd been, you know, drinking and eating at the same time. Which is popular. And I, you know, when I used to really, you know, ingest booze, I would do it.

And she was drying her tears with a hamburger bun. And there's something honestly sexy about that. When you see a lady's emotions just flowing out of her face. And she just dabbing them bitches up with a top half of a crescent roll. Yeah, man. Erection. Erection town. That's where I'm headed.

Who else? Oh, some twins. I met some dudes that were twins. And I'll say this. You know, I've talked about twins before. If you're twins, fucking fight it out. You know, so many times you see twins, they're both living. They're both just kind of carrying on with their existences.

Or existence-i. I'm not sure what the term is, but fucking fight it out. If you're twins, fight it out. Be, you know, obviously, God wants y'all to compete. And especially this time of year, fucking figure it out. You know, two people enter, one person leaves. Turn the holidays into a real, you know, into a real fiesta. I just think that a lot of times twins these days, back in the old days, if you

saw twins, you'd see them fist fighting. You know, I remember you'd drive down the street and they'd see a couple of twins over there. Fuck, if you saw triplets, they'd have swords out in the yard because people, it was more about, you know, survival of the fittest. There's no way three of us are going to just meander around town. Just each of us, you know, taking a eight hours, you know, an eight hour shift at the same life each day. No, you got to just, you got to have your own life. So it's time to cut corners. So I'm just saying, if you're twins, figure it out, figure out figure it out you know I wonder sometimes I was

in the bathroom I noticed I was in the bathroom at the airport and I noticed that I noticed that I get a little this is kind of how territorial I get you know I'm not a real bad boy you know I'm not that real baby cat. But I was in the bathroom. I was at the urinal. And some dude was in the toilet stall. He was in one of those little duty closets. I'm sure they have them in the women's bathroom. I've never been in there.

But I've been in the men's bathroom probably 6,000 or 7,000 times. And they have these little duty closets in there. They have urinal. Urinal by the wall. They have individual urinals you can go up and pee all by yourself. And I don't like dudes coming up behind me. So I'll pull. A lot of dudes don't do this.

I'll drop my pants right below my butt. So if you see me at the urinal, you're going to see my ass. And I've done that since I was a child. And that's the way I learned to do it. When I was young, young, you put your pants all the way to your ankles. And stand there and pee. But, you know, then a lot of people got to perverting and inverting on each other. And so people now, they only pull just their wiener out.

But not me, man. I kind of meet in the middle and I'll still pull my pants just below my ass when I pee at the urinal. But if you don't want to urinate and you want to do something stronger out of your back area, then you can go into one, in one of the, in one of these little duty closets, you know, special areas and they got a lock on them, you know, because people don't like to be bothered while they're trying to, you know, be shit.

So anyway, anyway, I'm in the urinal, I'm at the urinal, and I'm just doing number one out the front. And some dude cleared his throat in the little cage, in the duty cage. And it was kind of, you know, this is a little gross, I guess. And I ended up, I just farted. You know, I farted. I just pushed loud air out of my butt like my butt was a horn. And I noticed that I did it, like, in retaliation. Like, this dude, like, cleared his throat, you know, like.

And then, like, to show territorial, I, like, you know. I was like, oh, you think you're going to clear your throat around here? Well, I'm going to freaking, you know, I'm going to sound that butt alarm. And I'm going to set the mood. And so I guess I just realized, like, and it was involuntary by me. It was like a territorial type of thing. So when it comes to territory, you know, in the old days, a man, you'd fight your territory, you'd fend your your territory off you'd protect your ground at all costs and that sort of thing but we're not really having to do that right now in the history of the world and so so now what you're doing what i would apparently where i'm at

as far as territoriality is if i hear somebody clear their throat you know then i will, you know, do a body gas, um, in order to kind of set the tone. So, but that, that, that's what happened. I was in Appleton. People were nice. It was, you know, I saw a snowfall. Um, they had a breakfast place. I went to eat breakfast and the breakfast place was in a, uh, the breakfast place was in a, it used to be a funeral parlor. And now they got, they got them omelets. And now they have omelets and they have, you know, they got all kinds of things you want to have at breakfast. Omelets, blueberries, French, French toast and, you know know pancakes and all that and i was enjoying it just living it up and uh and it's just wild to eat breakfast in a place where the deceased

where they used to have funerals so that was one pretty cool thing that was in appleton um that's it i saw the leaves changing color know, mother nature just doing her last, you know, putting on her, you know, some last little fancy evening gowns before the, before winter sets in. And I'm trying to think of what else I got into. That's it. I'm just grateful that everybody came out. Somebody brought me a quartz rock, a magical pink quartz rock, and they said it have special powers in it, so I'm gonna hold that, keep that on the shelf here, what else, somebody brought me up this piece of wood, that they chiseled something in it, you know, a little bit of wood chiseling,

of wood chiseling and uh and that's it man that's it halloween's coming up i'm going to phoenix this weekend i'll be in phoenix friday and saturday night at the orpheum so i'm really i'm stoked about that uh then i'm going down to um i'm gonna go have uh the holidays with my nieces and nephews for halloween you know and get to see them going down with my nieces and nephews for Halloween and get to see them going down to New Orleans and Baton Rouge. Speaking of Louisiana, we have Dustin Poirier will be in the studio. He will be on the guest episode this week. He is the number three fighter, I believe, UFC, and he's from Louisiana. And really a unique character and an honorable young man.

And I'm excited to have somebody from my home state who is doing something much braver than me, man. That guy's out there. I mean, he's brave to be a real fighter. You know, he can fight with his body, you know, and I'm out here fighting, you know, I'm out here going to self-help therapy and all of that. So, but we're all doing our own stuff. And so I'm honored to have him in this week. He'll be coming in, but yeah, I'll be in Phoenix and then I'll be in Buffalo the week after. If you have friends in Buffalo, send them out. You know, tell them to come on out and get a little bit of daddy's hitter. I was thinking, man, the spirits are all, all the spirits are going to be coming back because of Halloween.

And that's pretty cool, you know, because, you know, it's wild to think that when you, when your body leaves here, when you die, When you die, your spirit is just kind of just milling around, kind of like the smoke coming off of a cigarette. You know, your spirit is just like, it's like the universe. You know, it's like the, it's just, you know, your spirit is just this warm kind of full body-body gas that's inside of you. And whenever you die, it seeps out of you. It comes out. It kind of peels off your skin. Because it's real, real tight.

Our spirit is real, real tight inside of us. And Halloween is that special time when all the spirits get invited to the school dance. And everybody comes out, all the spirits. And you'll see spirits over in the distance. You know, a couple of spirits out back behind the gym smoking a giant. You'll see, you know, you might have a spirit, you know, touching some, you know, trying to, you know, undo another spirit's brassiere. And trying to grab on to those spirities. You feel me?

You just have spirits being spirity. And it's that time of year. And so I was thinking about people that I lost. They had a buddy of mine, Lil Freddy. And Lil Freddy, he was a manager. He did management, supermarket supermarket management and assistant management. And he passed away this year, you know. And he had a, he was a buddy of mine down in Baton Rouge.

And he had a little mustache. And one thing I'll tell you about Lil Freddy, man, he loved that mustache. It was like a dachshund. It was just like a dachshund just living, that was constantly just sleeping right above his lip. And he loved that mustache, man. And dude, I would catch him, bro. He'd kind of do this, dude. A lot of men now do not know how to treat their mustaches.

You know, you'll see a guy eating yogurt with a sharp spoon and putting it right up by his mustache. Or you'll see somebody, maybe they're doing arts and crafts and cutting and doing some clipping or something. Doing some scrapbooking with the scissors right by their mustache. And they'll cut some mustache hair while they're trying to make a little ornament or something. But just men that don't know how to treat, you know, that front body, that front body little, that third eyebrow, you know, the mustache.

And Freddie, this man, Freddie, he treated his mustache well. Dude, he used to do this thing where he would put, he would put like Neosporin, he'd get like a quarter tube of Neosporin and just put it all on it. I mean, just look like he had just given a blow job to a damn, uh, uh, Banshee or something, you know, look like he just given a blowjob to a damn Banshee or something. Looked like he'd just given a blowjob to somebody that worked at Slumber J or something, or one of those big oil companies, Petroleum. Because he'd have a whole quarter tube of Neosporin just lodged up in that mustache and let that thing

soak up at night. And then in the morning, he'd clean it off. And my God, that thing just fucking glistened. Boy, it would be hard pressed right up against his face and real slick looking. You'd see him in the front yard with a hose washing his mustache. And people don't do that. People don't do that at all. But he passed away, so I'm sure his spirit will be out and about soon. And that's what I'm starting to wonder. I'm wondering, like, you know, like what spirits are on deck to come back this Halloween when the gateway opens? You know, when the devil stretches his arms out real wide, I wonder who's going to come just sneaking into our world.

It was good to be in the Midwest. I'll say that. It was, you know, it's nice to be there. I can just call a woman sweetheart or lady or love bug or something like that if I want to without getting looked at all cross-eyed like you do here in Los Angeles. In Los Angeles, you call a girl sweetheart. There's women out here that they, instead of wanting to be in love, they've decided they just want to be mean. They just want to be mean. I just want to be mean. And I'm not saying it's all

women, but it's become like a fad out here. It's become like, and you see a lot of young people, I see, you know, a lot of these young girls, I feel like get led into that. You know, it's like I can't even explain it, but it's like, I can't even explain it. But it's like, they just are waiting, all they're doing, the only reason they even want to spend time around a man or even listen to a man is just to call him out whenever he says something. It just gets ridiculous. So it's nice to be in a regular place in America where I can say, oh, thank you, sweetheart, and a woman isn't

going to berate me. Because what I listen for when I talk to people, you know, I listen for the sound of what's in their heart. And I hope that they would do the same for me. And usually people know. You know if somebody's being mean or somebody's being nasty or somebody's trying to pull the deepest whisker that's just tied into your, you know, just tied deep, deep into your nuts, into that nudie nudie bag.

People know. And I just try to be nice. And it's nice to be in a place where you can just be friendly with somebody without saying young lady or ma'am and just getting looked at like you're a piece of shit. Just because somebody's so lonely that they have nothing better to do than look at you that way. And that's just what you see a lot about here, I feel like, in Los Angeles. look at you that way. And that's just what you see a lot about here, I feel like, in Los Angeles. You know, in LA, it's a lot of people whose dreams aren't coming true, and so they get upset. And so they figure, well, if I can't be, you know, if I can't be, if I can't be happy, then nobody else is gonna. A lot of that out here. But it was nice to be in a place where that's not what's going on, you know.

But a lot of great people came out in Appleton. And it just felt good, man. Man, we had a great, I don't know if you listened to that Maurice Claret episode, but that was awesome. It was nice to be, you know, that's one thing about this podcast has been neat has been just the just being inspired around people you know we got to have a conversation in here Maurice was in here and uh and it was great man we had a conversation about race we had a conversation about um you know you heard a lot about learning uh you know just hitting lows but coming back from them and finding your own power. Man, it just brought a tear to my eye just listening to that guy.

His story, I mean, it's just so powerful. It's so powerful. I think Maurice should go into politics. I don't know if I've met a man, really, that I know who has such an uncanny ability to articulate his emotions and to listen and interact without judgment. He really stays away from judgment, and that allows him to see what's going on so much better. It was just fun, and we talked about different stuff, you know, I mean, I thought the conversation, I was kind of surprised it got into race, but you know, you never know when that's going to happen and that's okay. But hopefully we'll have,

have him back and have, you know, those guys from business and biceps back again in the future. will have him back and have those guys from Business and Biceps back again in the future. What else, man? I'm so tired, man. I'm sorry. I want to be more funny sometimes. I just can't even think that much. My brain sometimes feels like, have you ever seen one of those gumball machines? machines and nobody uses it forever

and the gum is just sitting there, sometimes that's what my brain feels like. Just like that machine. Dude, and sometimes, you know what? Remember when that rumor came out there were roaches in gumball machines? And people lost their fucking minds. It was right around the same time that the rumors came out that there was a snake in all the ball pits at the McDonald's and Burger Kings. And that's when they started getting rid of a lot of them. Man, they're taking the fun out of the world. Remember that though? There's a snake.

There's a snake at the dying McDonald's. And it was some fake story like, oh yeah, Big Rhonda was eating a double-double and a king snake bit her. Yes. She got bit by a king snake at the Burger King. You're like, what? This shit sounds fishy. Oh, she was having a filet of fish at the Burger King and got bit by a king snake. Remember that shit, though, dude?

People were fucking losing their minds. Everybody, lawsuits out the yang. People were getting bit by snakes at their house and then saying they were at the McDonald's trying to get that money. A lot of fucking people out there cutting corners, man. Cutting corners. Let's take a couple calls that came in, man, from the hotline [phone]. You can always hit the hotline. And I want to also let any young men out there know that live in the Los Angeles area, if there's some experience that you are having trouble with, if you are struggling with something and would like to be possibly involved in figuring it out in real time on this past weekend and doing something in person, maybe hit the hotline [phone] and let us know about your struggle.

Let us know what's going on. It can be anything, anything that's going on in your life. If you're feeling, you know, anything that's got you down, something that's got you off or something that's got you confused or uncertain. Anything out there if you're living in the Los Angeles area. And it's men or women. And that's for both gender. Gen di, actually.

What else? I will be, as I told you, this weekend in Phoenix. Then I'll be in Buffalo, Salt Lake City, Washington, D.C., Addison, Texas, and Lexington, Kentucky. The only ones that are not sold out are Buffalo and Lexington. So, man, it's crazy people are coming out to the shows. What an exciting time. You know, what an exciting time. It's crazy to think how long I've been working at this job and then be finally catching a little bit of breakage.

You know, I mean, like the Lord is just, just busting a nut and it's just laying it all on right here on your boy, you know, praise God, brother. Praise God. Okay. Let's hit a couple of calls. Uh, here we go. Hey, this is Daniel from South Carolina. I just was calling to give some advice for the guy that's in ROTC. Oh, yeah. Thank you for calling, Daniel. Last week, at the end of the episode,

we had a caller who called saying he was considering, he'd been in ROTC at school, you know, at high school or whatever, and y'all know that shit is just children running around, you know, throwing fake grenades at each other and eating MREs behind the gymnasium and shit and playing with wooden guns and all of that.

No disrespect, but you know, fuck it. That's what that shit is. You know, people giving each other buzz cuts and low key closet homosexuality. But the young man that called in and we'll go back to his call in just a second. So I'll play his call for you from last week. He was uncertain about whether or not he should actually go in the military to appease his family. He was unsure about what he wanted to do. You can listen to a piece of that right here.

What's up, Theo? My name is Jesse. I'm an Air Force ROTC cadet in college, and I'm trying to figure out this whole life thing. I'm having a hard time pretty much balancing everything and trying to figure out if going into the military is exactly what I want to do. And now let's get back to this gentleman's response and suggestion for him. I'm just going to say that I was in a similar position. I was at Clemson University. I decided to go the National Guard route,

but I actually decided not to go to officer, and I went enlisted. And to be quite honest with you, I regretted it. You know, just like Theo says, if you have the opportunity, you know, go for it, because that's one of those things that's going to be with you for the rest of your life, and, you know, you serve honorably your country. You know, America's a great place regardless of what people say, you know, and. And I agree with that a hundred percent. America is a great place regardless of what people say. And it's a shame that a lot of people have big platforms and they choose and live in America and make great money off of it and choose to speak so ill of it.

great money off of it and choose to speak so ill of it. And that kind of stuff breaks my heart, man. But let's finish this call that's coming in here. He's saying, you know, if you can go and get it done and you are heavily considering it, then maybe it's worth it. You know, you will have that time. And it is extremely, I do think it's honorable, you know. Of course, I didn't do it. So obviously that's easy for me to say.

But there's something inside of a man, or this man anyway, that will always feel a little less than for not having served his country. Let's hear more. Not a lot of people even have the opportunity to serve their country. And if you do, and especially as an officer, it's going to stay with you. It's going to be a positive thing throughout your whole life, you know. They'll tell you, you know, embrace the suck. You know, you're going to hear that a lot.

But like Theo said, you know, it's not going to last forever. It's going to last a couple years, you know, and then you can just get out. To be in the Air Force, too? I mean, you got it made, man. I mean, you got all the benefits, and and be in the Air Force too I mean you got it made man you got all the benefits and you're in the Air Force so you're one of the smarter guys so I would say do it but again

if you're going to do it go all the way but if you're not going to do it don't feel bad like Theo said again just be happy it's your choice. And make a choice, I think, is the best thing. And Jesse, yeah, I just want to let you know

that we are going to send you, we had about 30 or 40 responses, all from veterans. And I want to thank the men and women who have served. Thank you very much. My job is freedom of speech. This right here is directly because of you guys. So even though you're listening to me, I'm only capable of doing this because of you. And I appreciate you and thank you. But yeah, we're going to send you all of those responses, Jesse, all 30 or 40 of those that came in. So you will have a vast array of suggestions from different military members

and people who have been in and out of ROTC that you can listen to. But yeah, I think whatever you choose, just try and make a choice. That way, you're not just living in that gray area. Because living in the gray can be kind of, it can feel kind of Eeyore-ish, if you will, man. You get Eeyored up. Where's my tail? All right, man. Let's take one more response that came in for ROTC, Jesse.

Hey, what up, Theo? This is Jared. I love the podcast. You make me laugh while I'm trying to do shit like pipette and do lab work. You motherfucking awful prod you. Dude, well, I hope, man.

You know, sometimes in my dark art brain, I will lay there and think at night that somebody's trying to do some real intricate flooring and I make them there and think at night that somebody's trying to do some real intricate flooring and I make them laugh and they fuck it up. So then I picture somebody walking through their kitchen the next day and one of the tiles is just a little bit off and they're thinking, man, whoever did the flooring in this place fucking sucked. But they didn't suck, man. They fucking floored with joy in their heart. And that's that little laughter offset.

That's why that little hitter is a little bit offset. Because we hit them with that giggle giggle. Okay, Onward, take more. Hey, I want to leave a comment for the young man out there trying to get it. Talking about ROTC and not sure about the decisions he's making and all this stuff that's coming from a place of fear of the unknown, and that's natural, but just realize, young man, well, first of all, I'm a Navy Marine Corps veteran. Thank you for your service, sir.

Onward. Working on my PhD right now. You hear that, Jesse, right there? He's working on his PhD now. That's commitment. You know, you get that drive. That's the thing that I've always been jealous of. My friends have went into the military early is that they are up and at them every day, achieving their goals for the rest of their life. Marine biology, and it would not have been possible without the choices that I made way back when to join the military and the discipline that I got while I was in there and, you know, just all those experiences.

But just use your heart and your nuts as your guide, and you know what you want to do before you ever ask for advice. But you can't go wrong with the military. Just make sure you read the contract, pick the right jobs. Medical jobs are cool. And, yeah, good luck. Although you don't need it, because like I said, you can't lose. There you go.

You can't lose, he said. If you're already being aware and thinking about your choices, man, then I think you're already halfway there. But best of luck to you, Jesse. And we'll send you all of them, man. You're going to get all of them hitters, you know, all those response hitters and suggestions from different listeners. Oh, we had some good calls that came in.

Dude, my eyes are heavy. That's where I'm at. So I'm going to cruise through a few of these and get some rest. I'm going to take care of myself better this week. You know, I had a little bit of juice earlier, and I juiced up a couple of carrots. a little bit of juice earlier and I juiced up a couple of carrots and dude I never look I I don't you know I ain't in all that serial killer type shit or nothing like that right I mean I watched some Dateline and stuff like that but I don't know if you ever used a juicer or not but dude

you start to think fuck maybe I could be a murderer, bro. Dude, you take a whole carrot and just... And it's just spinning and just juicing everywhere. And you can just hear the carrot just screaming, just, I didn't do it. I don't know anything. Then you cut up an apple and just put the slices down there. Just, I already told you everything. And then you cut up a grapefruit and get all them little juicy little, them little Savoir Faire's, them little slices. And you just, you can just dangle it over the little juicer, just spinning, just, spinning, just slashing little juicer thing,

and you can hear the little grapefruit sliver just being like, please, please, please, and then you just drop it in there. And you do that with all of his buddies, too, the whole fucking grapefruity family. and you do that with all of his buddies too, the whole fucking grapefruity family, the next thing you know, man, you're sipping on that cup of Juicy Juicy Hitter. And you're like, dang, I thought I wanted just juice, but I might want to be involved in the dark arts. And that's what I've been noticing about myself when I start juicing. Let's take another call that came into the hotline.

Here we go. Hi, Theo. It's Vispa from Spokane. There was an unnamed caller called regarding being afraid of commitments. And you said you're afraid of being locked into another reality, not wanting to be locked into another truth. Yeah, that was last week. I was talking about commitment and how, yeah,

I feel like if I commit to something, one of my fears of the reason why I struggle sometimes with commitment is because if I commit to something, then my story ends. And I'm locked into a reality. Locked into a way of life. And as a child, I didn't feel comfortable being locked into a way of life. Onward. Have you considered that, you know, having deep experiences with someone else, whether it's a friend or girlfriend, can be...

A woman, at least give me that credit. Onward. Some of your richest memories, you know, because when I look back on everything that's near and dear to me, it's what I experience and share with someone else that is really the best memories to me. I respect that, man. You know, yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. It's almost like something didn't even really happen if it didn't happen with someone else.

If something happened just to you, it's almost sad. it's almost sad. You know, it's almost like the world only really, you only really get points in your heart for things that happen involving someone else, you know? Omer? Not that my happiness is dependent on another. You know, it never is.

That comes from within within but it's still those bonds that make life so fulfilling i want love for you as i have for me as long as you have self-love i don't think you can lose yourself to someone else it only adds to your story and it doesn't lock you down i hope that you find that. I love you, bro. Gang, bro, gang, man. I appreciate that. You know, I think I still have a lot to, like, kind of, you know, figure out and work on in some of that world.

You know, because it's funny because recently I've been thinking, man, maybe I'll, you know, just kind of, you know, maybe I'll just be, you know, kind of a loner in that regard for the rest of my life, you know. And not like in a sad way. I'm not trying to be melancholy or melancholy, whichever one it is. It's like I get tired of dealing with that type of bother to create connections that I really struggle to have sometimes. And so sometimes it's like maybe that's not the best use of my time is to spend on trying to help others and maybe not worry about my own stuff as much. If I find more progress, then maybe I would feel differently.

But yeah, man, look, I appreciate your well wishes, dude, and I appreciate you thinking about that kind of stuff with me. I think I'm a late bloomer. You know, and I'm kind of still, you know, I'm just kind of still learning. I got that tadpole. You know, I got that tadpole in me. So I got that baby heart, you know. I got that baby heart.

All right, let's take, let's hit this other call that came in, Omer. Hey, this is Austin Mullen from Owensboro, Kentucky. What's up, Austin? I'll be in Lexington, Kentucky in December. Thank you for calling Austin from Owensboro. More? And I was listening to your show

and heard you had, heard how you were struggling with cigarettes, man. Oh, yeah, boy. Them little, you know, them little knick-a struggling with cigarettes, man. Oh, yeah, boy. Them little, you know, them little knick-a-dicks, bro. You know, next thing you know, you're sucking on one of them little baby white fucking lamb legs out in the front yard. And, dude, when I smoke a cigarette, I'll start, I'll yell, I'll be yelling, I'll start yelling at children and shit. I don't even have children. I'll be like, you motherfuckers.

You know? Get off. You know, y'all using my damn shiffer robe as a bike ramp. You know, I'll get pissed, dude. I'll get keyed up, bro. I'll roll my pants up, dude. I used to roll my pants up all the way up to my fucking, right by my nuts, man. When I first started smoking.

You know, just to feel that fucking full body pulse when that nicotine hit my arteries bro that shit would fire down my legs dude and you could just feel that blood just that nicotine just running up and down those fucking you know them long naughty naughty white stalks. You know, them fucking Boo Radley goal posts that I called legs. Them pale fucking aficionado, you know, them, just them pale parallel bars that I called legs.

And that nicotine would just, just race down each one of them. You know, like Tony Stewart driving an electrical current. And I'd roll my pant legs all the way up. You know, just to feel that full fucking body fervor of that nicotine. God, you could feel it just ride right back up your ass when it came up. Let's hear more. I don't have any advice per se, i just want to say like i'm right there

with you because like i don't know what to do man because i feel like i'd have to change who i am as a person when i quit smoking cigarettes and like uh i just don't know if i'm ready for that yet but i want to quit because they made me feel terrible man i feel you, dude. Dude, that's the truth. They make me feel terrible. Like, I don't even enjoy a cigarette if I smoke it. I enjoy the first hit of that thing. And the other 17 hits, I don't enjoy. They make me feel terrible, man. Onward. But you know how it is in like a small town man everybody smokes cigarettes and drinks and fucks and smokes weed man so oh yeah that's also how it

is in uh everything politics uh big business everything that's one thing i start to realize man we we kind of like people look at small towns and say, well, can you believe that? Look at all the shit they're doing. Everybody's doing the same shit. But I feel you, man. I will say this. When you're in more areas that don't have as much access,

then yeah, you're not going to be doing as much cocaine, maybe, as you would be in New York City. Whereas in Owensboro or a smaller town you know you might be just you know having cigarettes and liquor more I don't really know what to do so I was wondering if you had any uh concern or comments or tips on how to uh not feel that way like smoking is part of my lifestyle you know I think there is something there like you know part of it is it's know, I think there is something there. Like, you know, part of it is it's nice to go relax.

You know, it's nice to sometimes sit out and have a cigarette and get you that puffy, you know, and play Magic Dragon with yourself out in the front yard, you know, and look and wink at the neighbor's wife and do that kind of shit. And, you know, you know, maybe pull your zipper down and flash that keck meat real fast or something and be wild. But the problem for me is when I get addicted. When I'm then, but then, so then it's like I'm not just enjoying one cigarette. Then next thing you know, I've enjoyed two cigarettes.

And the third cigarette I'm not enjoying. And the second one, I didn't really enjoy. And the second half of the first one, I didn't really enjoy. So that's when it gets tricky is when it starts to become an addiction because the first half of the first one, yeah, that's me. It's kind of my ideas. Maybe it's part of an identity in the evening. It's a relaxation. It's part of a ritual. But then the subsequent ones, that's not even me making that choice. The one thing that I do find for me that helps me get away from even doing that at all is if I meditate. If I meditate, then I'm not reacting and getting a cigarette. I am instead choosing.

It just gives my brain a little more peace so my brain can be like, oh, I don't want a cigarette. I am instead choosing, it just gives my brain a little more peace so my brain can be like, oh, I don't want a cigarette. Instead of my brain just thinking cigarette, get cigarette. My brain will think cigarette and then I, separate from my brain, will be like, nah, I'm okay. Meditation gives me that space.

It gives me the space between my brain and myself so I can make choices. All right, let's take another call that came in. Onward. What up, Theo? This is Austin from Brentwood. What's up, Austin from Brentwood? And that could be Brentwood, Tennessee or Brentwood, California. Let's hear more. Not the OJ Simpson one either. We got them sweet white corn hitters up here, baby. Okay, you on them corn hitters. Onward.

I'm just calling in about my past weekend. On Sunday, I actually went out to low dive with my girlfriend at the time. We went skydiving, boy. Okay, you and the lady went skydiving. And that's really, skydiving used to be the original going on a cruise. Like if you wanted to kill your spouse, you'd go on a skydive with them and unhook them.

And now people do that on cruises. You know, you get your girlfriend a fancy drink with a cut of pineapple hanging off the lip. And, you know, you tell her to back up a little more, back up a little more while you're taking a picture of her. And then, you know, you throw a little bit of cinnamon in her eyes or something and push her off the balcony. you know you throw a little bit of cinnamon in her eyes or something and push her off the balcony but skydiving was the original um back up back up cinnamon eye balcony trick that that a lot of men are doing on cruises now uh let's hear more it was out of this world we landed and eight years of being uh in a relationship with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me, and she said, yes, baby. Woo!

Gang, gang, boy. So you literally took that leap. Wow, that's a best weekend right there. And this is a submission for our best weekend. More? Spent a pretty penny on that ring, but it was all worth it. Skydiving, now I got a fiance.

Man, I don't know how much you can get much better than that. Thank you, man. Gang, gang, bro. You got that fiance, dude. You got, you getting French, bro. You getting French, boy. When you get French, man, that's when you get that fiance. And you skydive, both of y'all landed. And that's the good thing about skydiving is this is why you go skydiving before you get engaged. Because then you see if the Lord really wants y'all to both be together. Because if he don't, then maybe only one of y'all shoots opens.

You know what I'm saying? That way you know. That way you know if you're operating in the same vein as El Lord. You know, as El Lord of. So that's not a bad idea at all. Go get out there and take your girl skydiving before you pop that ring out. Because you don't know, maybe her thing doesn't open and God didn't want y'all to be together and bam, you can return that jewelry piece. You know, you spend half the jewelry amount on, you know, maybe getting your girl a bad oak box, send her on to heaven and you back out in the world.

I'm just joking, man. Man, I'm getting dark, dude. I got to get some rest. Let's take another call. Hey Theo, This is Parker. I've heard you talk about pears before and how you like pears and how it's an underrated fruit. Oh, I love pears, dude. Pears, bro, make you feel like a vampire. Bite into a pear. Feel that shit run down me a face, dude. Now what are you?

Not a vampire? Think again. More? Onward, Parker. But what do you think about cantaloupe? Bru. But what do you think about cantaloupe? Bruh, what do I think about cantaloupe? I'll tell you, sir. Cantaloupe is the most A bullshit thing I've ever seen. It's underdeveloped, whatever it is.

It tastes like a premature baby watermelon. And then here's the worst part is. Cantaloupe have this dirty, dirty little cousin, this green cousin, El Verde Sucio. And he is like it's unripened fruit. It's basically a chunk of unripenedness. And they piddle that shit off on you. Honeydew melon, they call it. Honeydew melon, bro.

What is that? What is honeydew melon? French? Dutch, dude? So next thing you know, they're piddling this bullshit at you. You go to a lot of these cheap diners out here in L.A. In L.A., they got a lot of these cheap-ass fucking diners, bro. They say it's quality meats and shit. they got a C rating on the door, they're fucking shmeping you

over some, you know, you know, just melon, you know, little melon balls and fucking bullshit, you know, third, you know, you know, you know, fake butter and all kind of shit and just, you know, dipsies, you know, dirty magic hitters and all of that. And that's where they give you the honeydew melon. And that stuff's bullshit. It tastes like, first of all, you shouldn't be eating it. I don't know if you've ever had it, but you taste like your tongue is going to end up

on some kind of list for even tasting it. The shit tastes really, really young. And it's cheap. The whole fucking thing probably costs 20 cents. And they're out here piddling these big-ass chunks of it onto you. And selling you that shit at a premium. Get the fuck out of here with that. Take me to a real diner where they serving pineapple.

These are the things that should be allowed in a fruit dish. Pineapple, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, raisins, bro. Grapes. And that's it. Not this other sheepy bullshit they're serving out here. Not that shit. Let's hear more. I don't hear a lot of people talking about cantaloupe.

I just don't think that's right. I just wanted to hear your thoughts on that delicious melon. All right. Later. Delicious melon, dude? Bro, you know who eats cantaloupes, man? Women in the late 80s, that's who. And they having cottage cheese with them.

And who's even ever really heard of cottage cheese? Where does it come from? Never seen that. Never seen whatever animal it comes out of. But that's how I feel about it. Let's take another call. Onward. Hey, Theo's buddy from Texas. It's a rainy Monday morning and I'm listening to the podcast and I saw you coming to Addison. Well, apparently I missed the ticket sales price. So I pulled up

the stuff pub to see if I could find some tickets. Some assholes are charging $85 to go see you. I'm not saying you ain't worth it, but I just want to get your opinion. I'll tell you right now, I'm not worth it. I'm joking. Here's the thing. The market dictates the price people will pay. I'll say this to you, though. I don't feel like that, that's the rightest move, especially the tickets are not very expensive.

You know, I never try to charge too much for a ticket because I believe that everybody should be able to come and see the show. Now, there will be times where the tickets may be a little more. There may be times where the tickets will be a little less. But I believe that everyone should have the opportunity to come and see the show. So yeah, would I buy those? No. Also, I'm going to be back here sometime in the spring. So I told you that right now. I don't know the date yet, but I know that that is a fact.

So why don't you just wait on daddy, buddy, and I'll come through over there. Just take care of yourself. Don't eat any fucking orange melon or green melon, bro. That's bullshit. What do you think of some assholes trying to charge that much money when we hardworking people are just trying to charge that much money when we hard-working people are just trying to make it, and some assholes want to up the price just to go see the show.

All right, well, now, if somebody bought 20 tickets, and they're doing all that and jacking them up, then, you know, may they get hit by lightning, bro, or may somebody pull a sword on them when they're at a bus stop, and they're drinking a fucking milk or something, or, you know, one of those gogurts, one of them gogurt hitters. Because I'll be damned, bro. It's hard when you got a big milk up to your face and somebody hit you with a fucking sword, boy. Come on, bitch.

Get right. Get right. Let's hear another call. Thank you for calling, dude. And if I don't see you this time, I'll see you next time. Hey, this is Evan from Texas. Uh, so I keep hearing you bring up the bridges of Madison County. Yeah. Cause it's a great movie, Evan. Thank you for calling more. And so I decided to watch it and I cried, but it was cause I was bored to tears. And I was just wondering, is it a joke when you bring that up

or am I really just that dead inside? I just want to hear your thoughts on that. Well, I mean, I don't know if you're dead inside, but you probably are. Because it's a great movie. Well, Jenny, look, do you know anything about love? Evan. Huh? Why don't you put your fingers up by your dang neck and see if you even have a pulse? You little damn garden snake.

Because the bridges of Madison County have Clint Eastwood in it. One of the 30 fucking greatest men ever. He's basically Neil Armstrong, but he never left Earth. It has, um, it's not Gloria Estefan. Who is that lady? Not Selena. Who is it? Oh, man.

Fuck. I don't know. It has a famous actress in it who, oh, Marilyn Street. And yeah, I do get tired of hearing some of her, you know, that political rhetoric sometimes, but she's a great actress. And they're in love, man. It's got Iowa in it.

And it's got bridges, bruh. And it's got side boob, dog. What do you need man you might want to take yourself to the damn ICU and have them hook that fucking machine up to you the beep beep beep and see if you got any upsie daisies in you

or if you just all flat lazy dude cause I swear to God, bro, your heart beats sound like a damn Oklahoma prairie right now. Meem, nothing. No gradient. Get out there and find yourself a soul, son. And here's how I would do it. I would start watching the movie Old Yeller, okay?

Then watch 101 Dalmatians. That's cartoon. Then do the movie Up. It's about a senior citizen that gets his house taken away after he's bought a bunch of balloons. Then Amistad, if you haven't seen that. It's like about early cruise lines. Then watch probably League of Their Own. And your fucking heart will be open.

Let's hear more. Onward and one more call. Hey, Theo. It's Dan from Pittsburgh. Gang, gang, dude. I got pink eye up there in the Monongahela once. And I got a I got a blowjob one time over there behind that Giant Eagle.

That Giant Eagle grocery over there. Out of buckos. Yoy, double yoy. Dang, dang, dang. The Fruit Loop. Old Cardale Stout's blowing people in the sand trap. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Donnie come down from there. It's blowing paintball in the sand trap and it's shingling. Let's hear more.

I just wanted to let everyone know to go out and vote. Voting is really important, especially here in Pennsylvania. We need everyone to vote to legalize marijuana recreationally. I particularly need people to go out and vote because I had that right stripped away from me whenever I got caught selling marijuana and they gave me a felony. So now that I have a felony charge, I can't vote. And this is coming up up and if it passes, I can work on getting my shit expunged and get a clean record.

So please, everyone out there in Pennsylvania, please vote. Thanks, Theo. I love what you do. Gang, gang. Gang, gang, bro. And I hope you get free. You know, I'm saying free weed, baby. That's that dude right there. And they should let you go, man, because you're free weed, baby. That's that dude right there.

And they should let you go, man, because you're just a little guy out there with that pop, with that dope. You're just a plant. You're just one of Mother Nature's haberdashers. You're just trying to fit people with that junk. And you shouldn't be bad, bro. You know? You shouldn't be, you know, just held liable for that forever. So,

yeah, man, I hope that you get taken care of, bro. I hope you get taken care of and you get treated well and the weed gets passed. And you know what, man? I think it'd be nice if from now on we just voted on things that we wanted and things that we didn't. You know?

Quit voting to spend all this money for all these, you know, these Muppets out there to run around. Even though, dude, watching, some politics is fun, dude. Watching all these people get mad at each other online and everything. That shit is hilarious, bruh. Watching a bunch of disconnected people get mad at each other about everything. I fucking love it, dude. I just don't see how at a certain point your ego has to infect. Like, I don't know. Politician is just.

That whole thing is just. I don't know. I just want to wake up in Fortnite. All right. We got one last call for this week, man. Thank you guys for bearing with me. I just feel like I'm not even making any sense. I'm just so tired.

Here we go. Hey, Theo. This is John calling from Long Island, New York. Big Johnny from the L.I. More? Just listening to your New Digs episode, and you're talking about how you think about the future. I do that a lot, too. You know, sprinkle a little dark arts in a cigar and light it up.

You start thinking about the future. And I was just wondering if you ever considered, I think about this sometimes, how impactful small decisions that we make in the present could be in the future. That could be in a range of things. I mean, there's a million examples you know solving a problem today a product that you create could change the world however many years in the future and that just blows my mind you know like some dude invented plastic you know and at the time it was the most convenient thing in the f-ing world you know they were like oh we

can store shit man that's just one weird example, but it's crazy how the small decisions that people make and the small inventions that get created in the present day will have such a massive impact later on that we might not even be around for. We might not even be aware of what it could be or is going to be, and it's just mind-blown, bro. Gang, gang, let me hear your thoughts, baby. Gang, gang, John in the L.I. That Long Island, baby. Strong Island. Dude, thanks for calling, man.

You know, I always, you know, part of me always wanted, you know, I like that movie Newsies. And I always wanted to be a New York boy, you know. I always wish I had that kind of heart and that pomp and that, you know, that bravado. You know, and I always wanted to be a part of something when I was young. And I always, I saw it, that movie Newsies is another movie. You want to fall in love with yourself, get out there. Imagine you a fucking paper boy. And you got to sing too in the afternoon shift.

Fucking unreal shit those kids went through. You got to dress up like a 70-year-old and sing and fucking deliver papers, bro. We would fall apart today. We don't know what those men did. Watch Newsies, man. But to get back to your question, yeah. Dude, I think, look, I think we don't know the effects of cell phones on people. There's no way they tested a cell phone on somebody for 40 years to find out what

effects it was going to have. Dude, and some of the effects are so obvious to us. And that, you know, of cell phone, it's like, now our cell phone has become us. You know, try putting your phone down and walking away from it. You feel like you don't have any memory. You don't have any memories. You don't have any ideas. You don't have any

you have no friends. It's crazy. It's crazy. But yeah, do we know? Do we know like the long term effects of things? I mean, and it even could go back to a long time ago. If you think maybe there's a group that had first come to America and they're settling or they're taking over the land or something and they decide to make a road and they make it one way instead of the other way. Just for no real reason.

And who knows if that changed the course of history. You know, maybe then somebody grew up alongside of the road. And the road was, you know, right next to where they had a bear live. And then a baby got attacked by a bear. Or kidnapped by bears. You know, and then next thing you know, the baby's out there getting raised by bears. And then next thing you know, the baby's out there getting raised by bears. And then next thing you know, they got that Jungle Book movie.

But if they pick the road the other way, then nothing. The baby just grows up by a road. So it's just, but yeah, man, it's like, what could happen? What could happen if you start something small right now? What could happen if you make a choice to do something a little better for yourself tomorrow?

What could happen? What could happen if I made a choice to really, you know, commit to trying and being in love, you know? Or if I made a choice to really, I don't know. But yeah, what could happen? What could happen if you made a choice instead of being angry at somebody,

you're angry at to forgive them? What could happen? You know, what could happen? You know, what could happen if you decided to take the news off your phone? That's what I find. You know, I had the news off my phone forever. And then at some point I put it back on. And then I just decided to take it off. And immediately things have been better.

What could happen if I started really believing that the good things in the world could be mine? What could happen? And I know you meant that on some different levels, but I'm just kind of piecing those things together, man. That if we make choices and we move forward, what could happen? Because this is it.

This is life. This is it. You're not going to kind of get through this and then it's going to be. Now, there could be something else. There could be reincarnations where you wake up in different nations. You're reincarnated in different nations. But for now, this is it. So what's your seeds going to look like?

What you going to plant? What you going to create? What are you going to leave around? You know, I thought about that. I was thinking about, man, I want to do some comedy and just do like a rural tour, you know, maybe every year, every other year for a week or two throughout the Midwest or and just in rural areas, people that don't get it. you know, I want to be able to, I want to be able to think about something good that I did.

Something that wasn't to make money or something that wasn't to like advance a career or something that wasn't just something to make people feel good. Not just me feel good. You know? Because I imagine there's people out there in this country that probably hadn't even,

maybe they saw a comedian in their town when they were, you know, because I imagine there's people out there in this country, they probably hadn't even, maybe they saw a comedian in their town when they were, you know, 50 years ago and haven't seen one since, you know, but yeah, there was just a little thought, a seed, a thought seed that passed through my head. But it's interesting, brother. Well, you know, what do we, what seeds can we plant now? You could call someone you've been putting it off for an apology. You could call someone that fucking wronged you and take part in it.

Oh, hey, I know that you wronged me. I know that your ancestors did this to me, but you know what? I'm moving forward. I'm not going to. I'm moving forward. I'm not going to let that shit rip around in my head all day. You know, I'm not going to teach that to my children. And I'm not saying that. Look, I'm just saying that, you know, what seed could you plant? Look, you know, you could plant a seed in your own family. You

know, your son said, hey, years ago I taught you something and I shouldn't have taught you that. Plant a seed of something new. Tomorrow you could get up a little early and go for a walk. Grab your wife's hand before you go to bed. Put her sneakers by the bed. And just say, you know, for 10 minutes before, you know, the baby wakes up, you and me, let's go for a walk. Let's let the Lord watch the baby for a few minutes. And you and me go walk around the block. You know, what can we do?

What seed can we plant? That's a good question. What effect can we have on our future selves? I bet we can. I bet we can, man. We can enjoy it. It's Halloween time. The chakras are open.

You can hear the graveyards opening up. The portals are ajar. And the deceased are returning and whether you're alive or pseudo alive you got an opportunity to celebrate living. Celebrate living. Celebrate misery. You know that soon we're gonna die

Let's have some fun while we all die Celebrate dark days Celebrate all your pain All of your demons exercised Let's have some fun while we all die Have a great one. And be good to yourself. Be good to yourself, guys. It's a special time of year, and you can make it special.

Be good to yourself, man. You probably deserve it. I love you. See you next week. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you.

Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head. You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long. Longer than anybody else. So great. Hi, it's me.

Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. Charmaine. I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry sir, but our ice cream machine is broken. Oh, no! I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.

Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry,

my Brad Pitt impression will get better.