This Past Weekend - Never-ending Walmart | This Past Weekend #216

Episode Date: July 22, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Theo talks about feeling restless at night, starting a non-profit, and listens to some voicemails. This episode is brought to you by Manscaped Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code THEO at https://Manscaped.com Hit the Hotline [phone] Music Intro Sweet Child O’ Mine Cover Tiny Sandhu Outro “Makin’ It” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/MakinIt_BishopGunn Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alex Wang Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Annmarie Reilly Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brad Moody Brandon Kirkman Carla Huffman Charles Herbst Christian Coyne Christina Peters Christopher Becking Claire Tinkler Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dakota Montano Dan Draper Dan Perdue Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook David Christopher David Smith David Witkowski Dentist the menace Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Donald blackwell Doug C Dusty Baker Fast Eddie Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jim Floyd Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lauren Williams Lawrence Abinosa Leighton Fields Luke Bennett Mandy Picke'l Mariah Marisa Bruno Meaghan Lewis Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mona McCune Nick Roma Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell OK Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Robyn Tatu Ryan Hawkins Ryan Walsh Sagar J Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Sean Scott Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shannon potts Shona MacArthur Stephen Selph Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Travis Simpson Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Victor Montano Victor S Johnson II Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

All right, what is it, dude? All right dang dude Man, I look like a freaking Coam my hair with a damn shovel Alright I have one pants with um And I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but I'm I've on pants with sandals

Pants with sandals and and every time I do that I Feel my feet feel Like they're just up to no good, you know my feet feel like they're My legs feel like they're being normal and my feet feel like they're being naughty Just because I guess like the cold air kind of hits them and You know and they're just so damn exposed if you were in damn You know you got your damn toes out there you're freaking your little dangle pieces out there at the end of your feet Because your toes are just like almost like ten small like little floridas just hanging off your body

But yeah, when I have pants on and sandals, I feel oh and then a doll comes up and licks your toes I Mean let's be honest, bro. That's the dark arts right there Yeah, yeah, man I I That's that intro hitter right there That's a signee that's a signee signee. That's tiny sand who?

Putting that sound paste on your damn hearing when you're hearing brushes and And if you guys don't know who tiny is tiny's a you know, he's that rare earth element Tiny sand who is a man, you know when when this pod, you know when we first started doing this he he he he would send us Sounds and he records deep in the earth. We don't know where he's from. I Mean if you took a damn if you quit, you know quit combing your hair with a shovel and Use the shovel naturally and it's natural locale into the earth. I Bet somewhere down there. You'd find a damn treasure box and you'd open it up and Inside of there be tiny sand who a small man. We don't know how mean nobody's seen him and

he'd be playing a little bitty a Little bitty. We tie, you know But that's him. He hit me through email years ago and every couple months. He's sent in something and This message came from him and this is all truthful and this is all honest He said a man. I've been living a different life in a different dimension for a while But fuck that man. I'm back and coming through with that interplanetary hitter a cover of sweet child of mine and That's it tiny sand who and that could be Middle Eastern. I'm not sure what he is

but But we're gracious for that hitter and We're hoping to have a new website up here in the next two weeks and then people can submit their sounds music Melodies and this and that to be a part of the experience and And and that'll be that what's going on? Not much man What did I do this weekend really? You know, I got my nieces and nephews are coming out here in two weeks to go to Disney

See the mouse, you know it and I remember when I was real young You know They had a man next door kind of an older guy and I don't want to say a pervert, but he always said his zipper on his pants didn't work well, so You know, you can kind of You could get a dang you could get a stencil and some markers and draw young conclusion on that but

This man he would always say come see the mouse, you know Y'all want to go to Disney World come see the mouse and you get by I mean hey He had a little mouse in his hand a little bitty mouse, you know Reminds me that circus mouse on Green Mile. Remember that movie? Remember that movie that killed the big black guy that killed Michael Clark Duncan? And they got the man on there with the circus mouse that little white kind of shifty guy Look like look like his eyes are playing like in a little bit of a um

Like look like his eyes are always kind of shooting at each other a little bit He got that little circus mouse, you know, he goes. Oh, it's gonna be a little bit of circus mouse. Remember that But I could see myself. I don't know if I could train animals. I could actually I could You know, I don't want to doubt myself. That's one thing recently. I've been tired of just doubting myself You know, I want to believe I want to just start to just believe that I could do what I want to do Or I could do anything. I could train animals. I could You know, I could be a high diver You know, I could

You know, I could hold my breath for a long time, you know, just different it could be anything man It could be really anything and I just I guess I want to start believing in myself more What else was I thinking about oh, I went to look at a car You know, and I'm looking at a Jeep Grand Cherokee and Always wanted to have one and so they about treating myself and getting something like that You know, just that hitter you out there that little, you know, that little And you got that vehicle in your cruise and I love that

Dude, remember when you were young brah and you left the house for the first time in your car? I I remember looking back at my folks and me like man, I can't believe they fucking let me go They know sure fire. I'm about to go get me a little bit of John's, you know And it was I don't even know what holiday it was Thanksgiving Dude, I'll get a couple damn turkey John's and just Just huff them things and just get my lungs off Frickin, you know cornucopia cooked out brah. I was just Literally I drove 200 feet to my neighbors bro and drove there and got some weed

And I was a I remember my mom could even see me from where I drove down. It wasn't I Lied do I said I'm going to get something you know, I'm going to the market or I'm going to get some gas And she said you have a full tank and I said, well, you know, I'm gonna top it off Because it was my first time that first experience right there But I remember that and I drove just about 200 feet into my neighbor's driveway and bought weed right there In front of my mom my mom said damn you're an idiot And she was right she was right about that one that time now I have evolved since then but But she was right about that

But remember how shitty everybody's car was when you were a kid? Unless you were rich then you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about But Remember how shitty brah? I don't remember one dude They had this guy in our town this guy big Samuel and he had a van and it wouldn't shut off So that bit you had to constantly be putting gas in it. It would be a lot of gas and it would be a lot of gas But you had to constantly be putting gas in it. It wouldn't shut off, dude There was no like on off. It was either when the gas was in it would start up and when it was out of gas It would stop. There was no I think somebody either stole the ignition

Or something happened Sorry had me a little sip of that coffee Hmm, dude coffee, let's be honest. That's like damn cocaine for your lungs bruh Right when you bring that cup to your mouth It's like your lungs just pulled over under you know off the interstate and bought a you know bought a swift You know bought a couple just a wet wet brown gram of a of joy What's going on dude I had this I have this crazy kind of thing That's been kind of milling around in the background. I want to share with you, but I don't want to like jinx myself

Do you ever get like that? Like you want to share like some news or something, but you don't want to like jinx your own life. I Get like that sometimes I Was at the comedy store this weekend. Everybody was in Montréal for the um comedy festival and I was just by myself and And um Man, I get this thing at night where like I get You know I down like everything was good in the next you know, I downloaded snapchat and you know snapchat should be shut down I mean anything can get through snap. It's like our borders basically. It's like

Whatever here's they got a meal. They got you know, snapchat is very It's just so dangerous. I know I've talked about it before but I didn't really realize this You know, I get this thing at night when I'm by myself and it's just like I get like restless like I just I don't know I just get restless I want to do something You know, but I don't even know what I want to do sometimes. I just don't know what I want to do But it's like I want to like growl at something or I want to Growl at something or I want to

I just I want to just I want to just you know, just nibble on something a titty or something. I don't know what it is Something I just want to do something. I have this thing at night. I get restless And maybe it's just uh You know, it could be like a sign of the times Like because we're going from such an era of just human human to electronics You got to think about that

I mean, you know 30 years ago the the only volts going through your body was a heartbeat That was it If you wanted to check me for some type of rhythm or a voltage or something heartbeat that was uh You know that systole and diastole brah And those were also a couple of uh, kind of redneck brothers in my town. Um Twins, you know systole and diastole Harper was the last name

But that's also, you know, that's part of your a orders Because your heart just is like a Your heart's like a shoebox, but the shoes are all blood And um, anyway, but if you check somebody's body, that was it the main frequency rolling through them was that heartbeat That you know that Or if they went for a jog, you know, it'd be that Or if they was doing a little bit of coke, it would be like Or if they had just bought a shark, it would be like

So but that was it that was your only vibe was that your your only vibration inside of you that your You know that nature's drum the heart And then Now you got all of the you got there's electric waves going everywhere You know, I just wonder sometimes if my angst is a side effect of Just all the electricity and stuff that's in the air all the vibes that are out that are just cruising I mean dude, there's an email if you send an email Where do you think it goes bro through the ground dude? No

through the air That's a damn word bird bro. That thing is So if you're chilling if you're chilling the next thing you know, you feel something You know, I wouldn't be surprised one day they crack a guy open on a death bed And he got a bunch of damn best buy emails clogged up in his body or something or some You know, who knows is what i'm trying to I guess say about um So that's been that I guess but yeah, I guess at night sometimes I get kind of

I don't know. There's this thing inside of me and It just wants to act out It's almost like a just like a It feels like a little gopher that won't brush his teeth or something He's just hiding like in the base of my neck and in the back of my wiener And he wants to just be out there and he wants to be naughty man. That's how I feel sometimes I can't I wish I could explain it to you better, but that happens to me at night A lot of time by myself. I get that

That naughty gopher just milling just I mean that thing is just fucking loitering around in the back of my nuts In my nut sock, you know it And in france they say nut sock And that's nut sack But it's kind of beautiful, isn't it? um What else but yeah, dude fucking big Samuel had that van and that bitch wouldn't shut off So you had to keep it rolling. You had to just go get more gas. You would siphon gas

I don't know if you ever siphon gas or ever, uh, you know giving a blowjob to a um mechanic But you get that hard hit and then the gas is coming up fast You got to get away from the hose And if you don't get away from the hose real quick, then you can't uh, then that gas will get you You get bit by that gas. It'll jump out of the hose and bite you in the face And you can't have a cigarette for about a month after that Because you'll cook yourself out Oh

What else happened? Oh, I went to a church this week and actually went to a church service It was real cool in downtown in los andos. I hadn't been to something like this. It was like a big event and It was You know and i'm not You know sending any, you know It the thing that I love about an environment that I loved about this environment was just seeing people All types of people

Just being fearless kind of fearless to like believe in something other than themselves You know And I don't even know if it was denominational. I don't think this I don't even know if this if it had a uh denominational It was called voo v o u s conference And uh, I it was downtown in los angeles and um And it just was you know, because sometimes when I think about You know when I think about like religion and stuff and I think about faith and And I used to not believe in anything, you know, when I was young I didn't believe in anything

You know, I only believed in myself really And as I get older, you know, I want their And I don't even know if it's as I get older as I get more willing You know, I want there to be something else I want there to be You know, you ever go to walmart and you think it's just gonna go on forever remember that You go to walmart and first you up front they got the candy and they got a couple pound cakes or something Um, that you know, they they didn't make quite a pound or like three quarter pounds instead of defective

They got those defective thing areas up front 40 cents for a pound cake and you got that bad bitch, you know You pick a couple up of them sweet sugary freaking breads, you know And then you go and they got children's clothes and then they got you know stuff dinosaurs and board games and then they got Lotion and then the food starts up and they got damn watermelons and they got the awe What are the things, you know, you sit down in them and you're not sure yourself and you can almost get trapped kind of but Um, but you're in hawaii or something. Um, not mannequins hammocks So you got, you know, you got

you have these You know, you keep cruising then you got tv dinners, then they got, you know, liquor They got vodka and gin and everything Then they got 700, you know different types of orange juice And you think walmart's never gonna end man. You just keep going and going You're running through that thing and you just they got milk and then they got live animals and they got guns Then they got uh genesis and they got exodus and then they got, um Um, you know next thing, you know, you're in a terminator three like there's just so many different sections of walmart

But then you get to the back of it. You get to the wall It's like, oh man, this it ends, you know You notice some toilets back there and there's like a uh There's like a thing that there's like literally like 600 signs that tell employees to wash their hands Which is bizarre. I think like gee like what kind of problems are we having? You know, if people aren't washing their hands that much You know, especially if they're handling everything everything from board games to bison jerky to uh, you know adult suppositories

and And uh, what was I talking about? Oh, this was it and I think that's what I think about life, you know, I don't want there to be Or not life existence, you know, I don't want there to be nothing else I just don't want there to be You know, I think it'd be real scary to let go of like the life of the existence that we know but You know, I think that You know that God is like an origami. He does origami and we're the paper and he'll just fold us and put us out into something

And you know here he fold you got folded up into a human and then next time he put you he'll make you down A little raccoon out there or something and you're in France or you're in Japan Maybe he'll make you. You know, he'll fold you up and you were uh You were just a Like a pack of starbursts or something out there You know anything you could be a fireball. Maybe a you you know, you work for a dragon. You're a fireball But it's like I want to be folded up into something else when I'm when this is done. I just And it was just interesting. It was great to see people just together all different types of people man. I mean they had

They had this one little guy this little uh You know, he was like kind of like asian and mexican this little kind of vietnam and vietnam and you know vietnam next this vietnam mexican this little vietnam mexican this dude was You know, he had these pistola. He had his hands like pistolas And he was just just kind of almost twerking this little guy And he might have had a back problem And if you have a back problem then everything you do is kind of twerking a little bit

And you know that and um And anyway, he uh But I was watching him just sing these songs and they had everybody just fired up and dude I got so much joy out of just watching somebody else have fun So it was it was a anyway, it was just it was a neat experience It was just a neat experience to see people not being afraid to admit that they

Want to believe in something other than themselves Because that's where I have a tough time with a lot of things in my life I'm finding recently. I just want to do things myself. I don't you know, I want to believe in things myself You know I just it's hard to let go. It's hard to just really let go But man it looked when people do it and they It looked fun man. It looked joyous to see people just Really just surfing on that beautiful vibe vibe

Just being free man. They just people seem free But yeah, if you get to that imagine when you get to the back of the Walmart when you hit the wall It all kind of just body yogurts, bro You know, they'll have about 40 yards of yogurt off of there off to and uh in like a big kind of You know milk kennel And they got I mean and they got peach yogurt and the damn uh I mean, they got so many types of yogurt man. When are we shutting this shit down? Do we need to build a wall around some of these cows udders?

Because the types I mean they got I mean every type of yogurts coming in man You got a lot did I the other day I saw lime yogurts, bro Dude, you can't have lime and dairy What What kind of cow is it? It's like the stevo of cows. You can't have that Lime and dairy that they are They're arch rivals

And they have that They had the other day they had a Spanish yogurt What the fuck is that dude? That's just yogurt So it just seemed like there's a lot going on out there when you get to the back of the Walmart but when you hit that wall it just I remember as a kid. I thought it went on forever I thought I'd be able to keep just running past the frozen foods

Past the big huge thing of the beach balls You know, maybe get to England. Who knows next thing, you know, I'm underwater next thing. I'm dating Ariel Next thing, you know, I got 101 Dalmatians and Cruella is fucking dead, bro And I'm living life letting them puppies run over my my body Just letting them pup pups just just paw print all over daddy's fucking naked back So I don't know man. I just I don't know dude I you know what I do know actually I don't want there to be nothing and I don't think there is I think life is too much of a of a of an experience

For there not to be more man, you know more will be revealed. That's what I want And I believe that you get what you believe what you want. I believe you get that If you want to be a salamander when you when you die you next thing, you know You're gonna be swimming for a long time. People don't think about that Some people are like, oh, I want to be a fish when I die A fish when I die. Well, dude, have you ever I swam for nine minutes, dude at my cousin's birthday party Almost around Almost around

Imagine swimming fucking 24 hours a day And fish can't even sleep really A fish because if they you can only sleep on the banks, you know They can only sleep on the bank and if they jump on the bank they can only sleep for five or six seconds or eight seconds before they get Real nervous because there's no because it's air Then you fucking swimming again That looks hectic What else I had some sushi this weekend, I don't know if you guys have ever

Gotten involved with this damn I mean, it's really the dark arts what they're doing to these fish man the Japanese man It's uh I mean, basically it's really sushi is pretty much about the it's about the freshest Chinese food you've ever had so I mean, I'd rather pay him, you know, I love Chinese food You know, dude, you give me an orange chicken a little bit of cinnamon on that You give me that frickin that uh

That sergeant pepper chicken or whatever it is a little bit of orange chicken Throw a little bit of cinnamon on that bruh sprinkle that cinny on that fucking on them vitals, baby come on Ah You know finish that hit her off maybe polish it all off with a little menthol ciggy You could find me with the lord brother, that's that lord's meal But yeah, I mean sushi it's basically look I'd rather I'd pay him two extra dollars cook the shit You know

And they're not here's the deal for me They're not even I've never heard of any of the fish. They gave a box the sushi box about 50 dollar 50 dollar for the box You think it's a board game and you open it up and it's damn fish, you know It's like, well, where the hell's balderdash? Why you know It just can very confusing and the fish you've never heard of them Tamarindo, what is that?

Where is that I've never heard of that, you know why because nobody has And then they got you know, they got the they got salmon in there. They got the macky macky Dude, I want the hard polish. I want the where's the where's the good shit, baby. We're the bass We're at least throw a couple cuts of fucking fresh bass in this bastard You know At least carve me a little carp you feel me car pay carp daddy It's like get put something in here that I that I can deal with or just cook it Because sushi man, it's just I don't hate it, but I don't get it

You know, and I don't know a lot of people that do it's good, but what is it though? And why aren't why aren't they cooking it? Look into it. That's all I'm saying Oh, I don't even know I'm talking about today. What am I talking about? I don't know. I got my hopes up I got my hopes up And uh, and we'll see, you know Who knows life is so wild

Um, dude, how about uh Oh Tanya Milosevic that we had in Unbelievable, wasn't it? And if you haven't listened to that episode she's young blind lady that came in and just man, I You know, I've been having trouble. I was thinking about not doing interviews anymore because I did the Jordan Belfort one And I don't I didn't like him honestly

I didn't like him and I hate to say that, but I didn't I didn't like him And I didn't but I didn't do a good job of trying to Figure out what was going on with him Or figure out like what made him, you know seem greedy or behave a certain way or Or just I don't know. I feel like I probably could have tried to do a better job of connecting with him Um, and so I don't know. We're gonna try and just look at a different way that we can do Interviews and who we interview to make it more of an experience that I can be comfortable in and enjoy

And want to engage in You know, I wish I would have asked him, you know, we're talked about greed and what I think about greed and Where I find greed in my life and how I could have related it to him or I don't know. I just felt like, uh, and I'm not being hard on myself. I just want to do it. Well, I don't want like wasting people's time You know, if you think about time, then you can't even think about it forever because you'll run out of it So it's You know, it's that tricky tiki

It's that tricky tic tic tic It's that tricky tic tic tiki, uh, but I thought the I thought interview talking with her was so cool, man. It really just You know, it just made me It made me want to learn more You know, it made me want to believe that That I can be That I can learn more and that I can you know, just

It made me believe that there. I don't know. It just made me think. Oh, well, there is a way that I can do this and enjoy it There's more out there You know, there's a there's a Walmart that goes on forever, man I'm talking about never ending Walmart here Uh, and I know that's what Nick's going to call the episode as well um Nick picks out the episode titles if you don't know that uh, just filling in on that. Oh, I do have some really cool news. So Uh, we're gonna do single mom's night out in san francisco if you know a single mother

um Who you'd like to nominate you can hit the hotline nine eight five six six four nine five zero three um You know Don't um, you know, just be care be careful about it. We don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or anything like that So but yeah, we would love to uh to do take treat us a single mother out to the show one night And then I'll do something nice for them and their kiddo or kiddos, but

We are Uh, it looks like anyway, we're gonna be able to start an actual nonprofit. Um, or that's the goal. So uh, gonna be Having someone work full-time not full-time part-time. So sometimes on building that, um You know helping out single mothers or Uh helping out single mothers who are

You know financially Unstable financially troubled and that that all of our single moms haven't been a lot of some of these ladies It's all it's a different types But in order for it to be an actual nonprofit you have to it has to be charitable. That's one thing I learned So we have to make sure that we will help out people that are really struggling um, and so anyway, we're gonna Uh, we're gonna be able to look we're gonna work on that we're having somebody look into that and really kind of move that forward And apply for a non-profit or ship. So pretty cool

Pretty cool, you know, I have visions of like a you know having like um places like where these where moms can live and Just take a little bit of stress off of their lives Uh, so that they can You know just create more of a Hopefully create more of like an emotional Well World for them and their And their kiddos man that cool wouldn't it be cool?

So thank you so much to everybody that supports this podcast because Um, it's slow. It just takes things take a long time You know, it's like the government kind of things just take a while Uh, but we are doing it we can do this and and I'm just starting to try and believe that in my life that That if we want to change the world or do something different that we really can That sounds crazy to say that sometimes but I was laying in bed a couple of weeks ago and I just had that thought I was like, man, we could change the world

You know Because what I'd rather believe that than that we couldn't you know, then that we stuck out here You know that that you know that it's all just super glue and that I'm not super Then I'm stuck So I think we could do I mean, it's crazy. Maybe I sound like a crazy person, but you know what you have to You gotta but you know, somebody's crazy before they're crafty You know somebody runs up on you in a park and is like, hey brah, you know, I'll blow you right now and you're like no way buddy

And then next thing, you know You know so First they sound crazy, but then it could be crafty, you know do what you got to do Um today's episode. I don't even know what I'm talking about today. Uh man Do my neck starts hurting like 25 minutes into these episodes. I got to get a a new neck Oh, thank you to everybody that came out in los angeles two weeks ago

I want to thank you so much that came out at the impromptu. It was fun, man. The first show It was so much fun Uh, I mean, it was just a real real hoot And that was a joy and I just want to thank you and uh everybody that came out to king in the sting last week with uh Me and brennan schaub. We did a live show and it wasn't live It was just me and it was just stand-up comedy But we're going to be working on a live show and I'll see you in san francisco this weekend um

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That's our only ad today and that cool man Isn't that cool when it's nice when there's not a lot of ads? Let's get into some calls some great calls came in. Um You know, I've been struggling recently to kind of like feel a lot of my own feelings and I just want to share that some You know, I like to come on here sometimes and talk about what I'm feeling and stuff But honestly, I've just been so things have been so busy recently. It's been hard to have a lot of feelings You know because you need more space for those and uh And I'm gonna try to get some more of that going in my life

You know, just go to more meetings um more to more 12 step and go to um And what else go to uh And maybe do some meditation So I'm gonna be looking at that man Get my chakras, you know, give them a little bit of a rest Uh, we got some calls that came in as always the hotline is 985-6649503 and uh And I do want to say thank you. I don't know if I say it and I want to say thank you so much

For just being a part of um of this and for paying attention sometimes and for coming out on the road You know, I really uh, I get to live my dreams right now and it's crazy You know, I get to live my dreams And sometimes I'm still agitated, you know, but that's just me. That's just who I am. I'm not going to change sometimes um and You know, and it's different like uh, it's just I don't know man You know, it's hard like

You know, I don't sometimes feel Like I know I've done enough work and stuff in my life and in stand-up comedy to be able to Have the ability to entertain people when they come out to the show I know that I've done enough of my homework So that I can apply it now on a regular basis But still I feel uh I think there's always a part of us that feels not

Deserving And some people say well, no man, you deserve it this and that's and I appreciate that But I want there to always be a part of me that feels a little less deserving. Um Because I need that part of me, you know, I need that part of me to keep me I think I need that part of me anyway to just kind of I don't know. It's just like a thermostat. It's like I know the setting And sometimes the setting doesn't leave me feeling great, but it's still the setting that I know the best And it's a setting that I can operate at

Um But I I just I'm so grateful man. Thank you guys so much for I mean, I get I mean, I just can't even tell you it's like I always kind of believe I always believed in myself. I think but I never You never really you you just don't know You know, you don't know you you just don't know what's gonna happen and And I'm not saying like I haven't I'm not walking on the moon or I'm not no Danny DeVito or anything like that or

You know, Ronald Palmer or anything, but I I'm having like an opportunity to live out some of my dreams, man And I'll tell you this man, it's awesome Um You know, it's really really cool It's really cool when somebody comes up. That's that's just like me from where I'm from or that's different than me says, hey, man, I you know, I You make me laugh or my wife and I had fun or you know, I can relate to you and um

Like it's wild I don't feel like I deserved that and nobody kind of does but I'm happy I do want to be do my best to be Be able to be a part of You know, like I don't know man. I just You know, I want to feel like I I mean, I do feel like I don't know. I'm just thankful man. I'm just grateful and so thank you very much. Um And and and and uh, and I'm excited about um being able to just be a part of

Whatever's going on in the world and hopefully bring, you know, bring some joy out there Let's get to a couple calls man. Here we go. Hey, what up, Theo? This is drew from just south of portland, Oregon. I just finished the podcast with tanya You're a amazing blind lady that you found and I just thought that you should definitely tell her that she needs to start a podcast because She just filled with every question that you had without a hiccup. You know, she just she took it all right on the chin And I just really appreciated her ability to not flinch and just you know, roll with the punches and and answer the questions And I think it'd be a really interesting perspective here in her gang getting much love Appreciate that man. Yeah, like I said mentioned earlier, man, it was incredible

You know, she made me feel like I wasn't doing anything with even all the capabilities that I you know with You know, the the gifts that I have inside of me. She made me really feel like that and Yeah, man, she just really is just a isn't it interesting That she's I feel like she's such a gift to the world and she can't even see the world That's wasn't that wild man And I hope her next life if she wants to She gets to see it all man and then imagine when she realizes what a gift she was and how she handled herself like I mean, she's the thing. She's basically the princess Charles of the blind. I feel like or of any of any impairment

Man, it's so inspiring and you know what? I'm gonna send that call this voicemail to her so she gets it, man. You're right You know, you're really really right And I hope uh, I hope I'm there And I hope uh, I hope I'm there after in the you know, and whatever's after this man I hope it you know, we're at the you know, we get to go to the endless wall, you know, there's a behind the wall You know behind the Walmart or whatever, you know that that never ending Walmart and hope there's an eye where it's just you see like people That can't that have an impairment and they get it They get given the gift, you know

Man you imagine that Jesus Sorry Could you imagine an aisle like you, you know, you close your eyes for the last time and then your spirit just takes off and like a never ending Walmart and And every aisle has something special in it, you know, and in one aisle there's like uh You know, you see a blind person who gets a gift of sight man and they can see And then, you know, God shows them or some higher power shows them or the spirit the entity, you know that puffed of you know Puff the magic dragon whoever it is do she raw whoever it is man, you know chief Gillespie whoever it is

Shows them what a good job they did Or or at least sits down or even for you know, they got another role and it's people that was murderers or people that was uh Not flushing the toilet and people, you know people that's being dirty And they got it, you know God's sitting there whoever You know coyote John or whatever that guy's name is um Not punks a tiny fill. Who is it yogi bear whoever's running the the walmart to sit there? They've got the hand on their shoulder and they they show them why you know X's and O's on a piece of paper why they shouldn't do murdering And the guy's like oh, I see now

You know, I just hope there's I hope there's just I hope the aisles keep going because I want to I just I believe they can and I think if we if enough of us believe that that that something else could be there's something bigger out there than us And maybe everybody else has been and I'm the one who's missing some of the boat sometimes by trying to think too much to myself And want to control it all myself You know and some people don't like thinking about religion or talking about religion, and I don't know if I'm really talking about that But I also don't want to be afraid of what I don't want to be afraid to think or talk about stuff on here You know, I don't have to be right. I'm not here to be right to you

Hell I'm not even here to be right to me, you know So I don't even know I'm talking about Jesus dude. Why do we keep doing this every week? Let's take another call man right here gang gang. Thanks for the call too and thank you for that sweet message to Tonya Yeah, what a gift that we got, huh? Well, yeah, she was so eloquent and how she man, she made me think like if Blonde People seem like they're not interested. We're sorry. We sometimes just don't man She she could see her part in everything that was going on in the world and and Man, it was incredible

It was really really incredible. Dude. I listened back to it yesterday. And it was the first time I've ever done that You know, it was really really incredible Here we go. Hey, Phil. This is Bill from Dubuque, Iowa Big Billy boy out there and Dubuque and I do Dubuque has um It's beautiful over there, man If you like, Iowa and you like Dubuque, then you really Then you're right then you're gonna love it That midwest hitter gang, bro

That fucking Mapa Dactyl son right there in the middle of the map And a lot of people want to you know, say this and that about the midwest about certain areas How about that Louisiana Purchase Papa that LP? Buying okay, well, you know Buying okay, we bought a third of America for what? $80 brah Greatest deal ever son shing shing boy Shing shing boy that ricky davis daddy gang onward just giving off work

I work for FedEx the living of residential packages. You feel me? Oh, I feel you You freaking Resi Arnaz, baby. Uh honey your gift is home Yeah, you hitting them residentials Dude, I'd be fucking peeing in people's side yards daddy. I'd be laid off the first day I'd be laid off man And you also borrow big Samuel's van, dude You got to keep unlimited gas in it Dude, we used to have to tape these big tanks on the side of it of just gas

So it would just be unlimited gas Because you couldn't turn it off man, and you couldn't turn it on once the gas went in and went on Let's hear more man. Thank you for your service, baby Uh, I listened to your podcast on the way to work Shit, I listened to it the whole time while delivering man. That's what I'm saying boy From you and Brendan Schwab I appreciate you guys. All right. Keep on keeping on Gang gang buzz buzz brother

Gang gang man buzz buzz Yeah, Brendan's a nice guy man. You know, he's got a big heart and You know, I just read this weekend, man I was just feeling so lucky to be in some of that circle You know, I wasn't feeling good about something and I needed some suggestions some advice and I called Brian Callan and he you know, he's just so helpful You know and for him to just be so helpful to me and like You know, I know we're you know, we work in the same business, but

I'm just so uh And maybe we all we all are we all are fortunate to have somebody You know and And if you don't have somebody man, uh I'm sorry man, but I think you just be patient, you know, some somebody will You know, there's somebody out there looking for you to be your friend. I believe that You know, and sometimes we don't even notice the people that we have You know, sometimes we just really need to notice

And sometimes I don't even want to notice the people that care about me because I don't want to You know, I'd rather just say and say it's it's easier for me to sit there and say nobody cares nobody cares You know, it's just easier to do that sometimes man It's harder It's harder sometimes to just stand up and say yeah, you know Here are the people that do care about me and I and if I go And I'm going to thank them, you know, I don't know. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm just I don't know man. I've been having like a lot of weird feelings. I've been

I've been adjusting my medication a little bit, but You know, not in a bad way. I'm safe and all but I would like to one day get off of these antidepressants So I'm not doing it But I cut my the amount I take down some because I would like to one day Not take them You know, I'm reading this really interesting book. That's uh, that really talks about that and I'm hoping to have the author and one day Uh, let's take another call. Who's listening? Hey, Theo, this is Eric over here in Utah But studying for the Texas bar exam just finished law school

This past car. Oh, yeah, you finished law school, huh? Them torts, bro. You've been eating them lemon torts, baby. I feel you Congratulations, man studying for that bar Study for that Roseanne bar, bro. Grab your crotch and sing the national anthem, dude gang past semester and uh, I'm actually watching your Episode 214 now You're saying something about, you know wanting to know who listens and I gotta tell you man

I've been in you know, like I said in law school for the past three years with these Crazy-ass rich kids. I'm a factory workers kid. My parents are fresh off the boat gang, bro You like a Rudy Rudeger, dude That's what you are people can be yelling Rudy Rudy and you can be like quiet down We got a cross examination going on You're gonna be the only one in the courtroom wearing a jersey, dude in a cast on your arm and getting everybody fired up The judge is gonna be like approach the bench, please. You can't wear a gold helmet in here, sir

Gang man, I bet your parents are so proud of you, man You know, what's amazing man that's that's unique is that The struggle or whatever that is that's the magic Dude, if you don't have a so funny, I was talking to Dustin Poirier the other day and he made me think Dude, it's so funny. Dustin Poirier is uh, obviously everybody knows I'm a huge fan and he's a UFC fighter And uh, and we're both from Louisiana, but You know he for a guy sometimes he's so in suffering for a fighter. He's oddly so insightful And I guess maybe I shouldn't say that because that kind of like

Puts down fighters, but here's the thing people think there's a general thought out there that athletes sometimes aren't that insightful Well That's not true and I'm probably the one who fucking thinks it so really it's just me that have that have that thought um But he was saying that if you're an underdog, man, the beauty of being a someone who has to go through struggle the beauty because you get that There's no if there's no struggle. There's no That's the if there's no struggle then it's nothing then there's no journey There's no journey You know, you get to make that magic man, you get to be the story

Like once you get to a place of like uh, you know of insane comfort unless you're your kids then they get to they have to make a different story Like if you say you're able to you come from you know from lower means and you get to higher means in your life Then your kids maybe they they give away all the wealth that you that you accumulated You know, I don't know. It's like And not that it gets taken from them by a government or anything. I'm saying they get to give like it's just it's like What is our journey? What is the thing? What is the? Because that's what it that's I don't know, man It's like all the things in my life that I thought like made me

Like not have any value or made me like feel like nothing or Like all my struggle is That's my path man. That's like now I can show people this is my you know, I was Lewis and Clark, man You know, I wasn't freaking uh You know bear brian or whatever, you know, it's like I don't know It's like if you have if you have a distance to go then you have you have then you get to have a journey Imagine being born into an environment. You never even get to have a journey And every but we all have one we have to figure out what it is, you know, and I do believe that as well

We all have one We all have a way that we can Not only inspire ourselves others that we could change the world man. We could I don't know. I'm feeling hopeful but also fucking I think about the house I think about the hat on where it is kind of getting tight on my head, but But congratulations man more, you know, I don't vibe with any of them and then to you know Listen to show man. Here's some some real down to earth shit

Really just brings me back and uh It's really been super helpful for me man. So You know, just keep it going brother gang gang, dude And when I go to jail for something you can come and support me bro. I like your attitude That's cool, man That slow clap with Charles S. Dutton. Remember him standing on the sideline of Rudy Dude, if you don't watch Rudy at Christmas, dude, or after sex, then who are you? That's what I want to know

If you don't watch Rudy Rudiger to help you get an erection I mean, no, if the movie Rudy If that nothing helps you get an erection more than watching that and that's a freebie right there Let's take another call here, man ATO, this is Will from Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts Big Will from Martha's Vineyard, huh? Dang

And I heard Martha's Vineyard's been shaved. You feel me? Uh, that's a old uh, one of them old cooter jokes, onward Uh, today I'm feeling a little down on myself I'm 22 and I feel pretty lost in life, man I got my 19 year old girlfriend pregnant and we met On July 4th, 2018 The baby's due August 17th, 2019 So about a month from now

Feeling pretty down because sometimes after like she might be better off without me She was she had so much potential, you know, like she's going to a really good school I was gonna get into pre-meds and all that All kind of got thrown away because I got her pregnant Well, I'm gonna send you a rupture real quick, man. First of all, thanks for calling them, man You know, I cannot even fathom that It's so wild when you're young, you go from like, man, I gotta get laid, I gotta get laid And then once you get laid and get somebody pregnant, you're like, fuck

That's crazy. I didn't, that wasn't part of the goal And look, you some of these things you I'm already saying you can't put all these weights on yourself, man She maybe she could be better off without you. Maybe you're not ready. Maybe it's not the best fit. That could be true Maybe you could be better off, you know without her. It's like that some of that could be true, man But I don't want you, you know, I can't relate to this story exactly because I haven't had this experience But I don't want you to be, you know, don't put all, it sounds like you already have like a lot. You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself And you don't know if she was gonna go to pre-med. She still may go to pre-med She may be one of the best baby doctors in the world in 10 years

You know, this may be a gift that you're not able to see yet How this is how this toy is gonna, you know, not this toy, but this, you know, this human, this baby is gonna play out in your life You don't you don't know it. Uh, let's hear more. She's the most amazing girl I've ever met. She's always smiling happy But sometimes I feel like I can't be the man that she needs. I don't make enough money to support her in the newborn And I struggle a lot, man. I struggle a lot when my fears are becoming Just like my dad who wasn't around that feeling of uh, self doubt, you know, basically what I'm trying to say to you Now I understand my own father's choice to not be there I just want to break the cycle, man

Not for me, but For my girl and my daughter Well, it's sweetie to call him, man Um, and it's also sweetie to write this down before you called You know, because sometimes you have to uh And uh, you know, like I prefer people to call and just share, but I know it's hard sometimes. Um I just don't like it to not be like real, you know, sometimes I worry that people are just making fake calls and stuff

But I don't worry about that too much. Uh Oh, I could have been a young dad, man. I'm so I can't even imagine It's so scary Yeah, I know It's so scary You know, it's so scary But the cool one thing that's neat is This may be an opportunity for you to reach out to your own father and say, hey, look, this is what's going on in my life

and uh What are some things that you would have done different? You know, because I mean, it's like you're you're saying like your own father left Or, you know, separated himself from the from you Or in your mom if that's the if that's the case the man, uh Wow, you could really I bet you could really make a bridge there. What an opportunity he would have to

To find some fulfillment To and maybe he can't help you be a father, but he could at least say look these are the things that I did that I wish I hadn't done I mean, what inspiration you could get from that maybe um I mean, I'd be very brave you to call him and do that. I don't know which else relationship is like So I'm not saying that that could be really brave. Um And look, don't it just I don't so want you to stack all those eggs on you On the back of your neck right now, you know, the the woman and the baby and the possible relationships and her future and

Those are all of that isn't what you have to you don't have to all that's not happening right now The whole world isn't happening right now What's happening right now is you can have a child august 17th Or, you know, whatever date you said and And you just have you need to be a loving day you now you are gonna have to be active probably you're gonna have to get active You know, uh, I believe that life is for the active And that um, if you stay active man, you can get you can you'll get wherever you want to go because the only way to get from here to there

activity Or magic And we don't know if magic, you know magics part time, you know, people don't know if it's you know, it doesn't work Most of the time so you got to get active papa. Um, and you can do it. Do you can do it? And uh, and I think this is a great spot. We can put out some calls out to other listeners Uh, and uh, who want to call in all four suggestions who have that experience? Um But look man, I know that there's a lot of love in the world and if you just choose to be loving dude, if you really just choose to be loving

That you'll find the power to do it And when there are moments where you think you can't do it, you can't go to work You don't want to apply for a job. You don't want to ask for help. You don't want to To do it to then do whatever that action is that you don't want to do man. It's so powerful That's so powerful that contrary action, bro There's so much power in that man And then walls will open up. You can't even see positive walls inside of yourself possibilities will open up. You can't even see Because nothing's gonna nothing's gonna change if you don't change the things aren't gonna be different nothing changes if nothing changes

But you know for you to start saying hey, I believe that I could do this I believe that But you have the chance to change a child's life you can you can you have a chance to help shape that child's world You have a chance to You have a chance to if you accept that challenge me you could really you could be that hitter daddy And when those moments I think I should just be out of her life. No, uh You can you can be out of her life sexually could be out of her life as a lover and that sort of thing but But you know, but you can't be out of that child's life dude You know, I don't think you should be

I mean in the beginning you probably could if you wanted to because the kidding and to know anything till it's probably two or something But you don't want to miss all of that by you don't want to miss smelling that little baby's fat on bra Sucking on that fucking you ever suck on a fucking baby's bicep dude a two months old chubby ass bicep, bro If that ain't the fucking if that ain't the Lord's gristle, bro If that ain't the Lord's gristle And a little baby they smell like they fresh out of the you know out of the dang oven They good after you wash them off I'm talking about you know after they put a little bit of that oven powder on them not really You know

But I believe you could do it, man I believe if you if you change that thought if you change you say I can do it You say I'm gonna do it. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna be hard because you're not you might even believe it But if you don't change your perception nothing ever changes around us You know, I sit want my life to change but I keep doing the same thing I go home at night and I jerk off and do a couple of parliaments on the on the patio Then every day and I expect in the morning not to wake up and be tired and smell like parliaments on my hand Impossible I got to change things

And when I do man the work it's bigger man away things get bigger That Walmart gets a little more endless bruh few extra aisles dude Now you could buy a washer dryer. They got frigid airs over there They got them chicken nuggets so you know They got lawn chairs over there They got them chicken nugget sacks over there them 70 piece dog. They got it all They got lawn chairs. They got bougainvilleas. They got you know machetes. It's just You could change it man

We can change it bruh If you have some suggestions for that young man though, you know, he got a girl pregnant and he loves her He doesn't know but I believe you could do it man I believe we all can I really really believe we all can And we just need each other because you know we can't do it alone You know neither can that baby so I got you bruh gang gang man You can hit the hotline nine eight five six six four nine five zero three and Man we're lucky, you know, we're lucky to be here and we're lucky that we have each other and

And sorry if I'm signing preachy or anything man. I'm not trying to I just You know sometimes I don't know what's going on in my life and I have to and and I have to Just try my best, you know, I come in here. I don't have a plan I got the calls right here. The sheet says calls We had a couple two questions from patreoners Jacob Wells and cigar Jay that I didn't get to and I'll do them next week and And so I don't know what I'm doing sometimes but You know we making it bruh

Go right in the Bishop gun here making it Well And congratulations to Bishop gun guys listen to this they will be opening up for the Rolling Stones in Houston Saturday Saturday Saturday Saturday Saturday

Saturday Saturday In Houston Saturday July 27th at NRG Stadium energy stadium in that amazing man Did we know that one went when we pick when we don't know what's gonna happen you think they knew that when Nobody knew that Good time I want to thank Nick and Gianni making uh Making my life easier and always being a part of this show

I'm making good time I'm making good time I'm making good time I want to thank Nick and Gianni Making uh Making my life easier and always being a part of this show But I'm in pretty good shape for the shape that I'm in I'm making it

I'm making it I'm making hope See you right here I'm making it I'm making it I'm making good time Fuck Denny's brother I'm making it

I'm making it I'm making hope See you right here I'm making it I'm making it I make a good time I make a good time I ain't seen home in about a hundred days

I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul Endless Walmart baby We can change the world man Be good to yourselves man You deserve it I'm gonna try to do the same to myself Thank you for always reminding me