This Past Weekend - State Wars March Madness w/ Bryan Callen | This Past Weekend #183

Episode Date: March 22, 2019

This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp https://Betterhelp.com/TheoVon Bryan Callen joins Theo to choose who will advance in round one of This Past Weekend's State Wars March Madness. Get his new special Complicated Apes http://radi.al/BCallenComplicatedApes Subscribe to his new YouTube Channel https://youtube.com/bryancallenlive This episode brought to you by… Uncommon Apothecary https://ua-cbd.com/ Use code THEO at checkout Blue Chew https://BlueChew.com Use promo code THEO Capterra https://capterra.com/THEO Grey Block Pizza 1811 Pico Blvd. Santa Monica, CA http://bit.ly/GreyBlock Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/MakinIt_BishopGunn Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Wayne Anselmi Adam Cox Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Amelia Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Angel Perez Angelo Raygun Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Harlan Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Baltimore Ben Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Streit Brad Moody Brandon Hoffman Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Chad Saltzman Christopher Becking Christopher Stath Cody Cummings Cody Hanas Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Cort Adams Crystal Dan Draper Daniel Chase Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Gill David Christopher David Smith David Wyrick Donald blackwell Doug Chee Drew Munoz Erin Weatherford Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Felix Theo Wren Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Haley Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Johnson Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jerry Zhang Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Joseph Wuttunee Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kevtron Kiera Parr Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laura Williams Leighton Fields Logan Yakemchuk Luke Danton Matt Kaman Matt McKeen Matthew Azzam Megan Daily Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Butcher Nick Lindenmayer Nick Roma Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell Passenger Shaming Peter Craig Philip James Qie Jenkins Rachael Edwards Ranger Rick Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Rohail Ryan Hawkins Ryan Riley Ryan Walsh Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Sean Frakes Sean Scott Season Vaughan Shane Pacheco Stefan Borglycke Sungmin Choe Suzanne O'Reilly Taylor Beall The Asian Hamster Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Travis Simpson Tyler Harrington (TJ) Victor Montano Victor S Johnson II Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Zach Zak StufflebeamSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today's episode is brought to you by gray block pizza gray block pizza get that hitter Today's episode is also brought to you by blue chew if you like sex well put a little bit in your mouth Blue chew is a performance enhancement for the bedroom Wouldn't you like to last longer and go extra rounds? I personally wouldn't but I'm lazy Blue chew calm makes the first chewable with same active ingredients as viagra's and Cialis and at a lower price than those other two Chewables work faster than pills up to twice as fast. Oh, what are you chewing on the opportunity to fuck? That's what it only takes a few minutes to fill out a form online

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My line of work since he got here or since I got here since I met him That's when and he is the popular host of one of my favorite podcasts called the fighter and the kid one of the first podcasts I was ever a guest on and He's always been supportive. He's absolutely hilarious. He has a new special out right now called complicated apes Which he says is his best work but more importantly than all of that in A time when states are really starting to take back their stronghold from unified America We decided to have a March Madness

Where every state is up against every other state in an all-out war? We've built the brackets on the back of our producer Nick Davis. We got little Gianni in here to freaking giggle in the distance We put together a March Madness this past weekend state wars bracket and who better to help us Break down the games and advance that the the states forward then the Just really one of the smartest guys. I know but I don't know that many people. Mr. Brian Callan Do you think there's gonna come a time where there's that cutoff line and I was just talking to Joe about this the other night Where there's a cutoff line where there's people that can live forever and there's people that can't Yeah, and there's gonna be well because money money will be the delineating factor

Oh, wow when you can download when you can get a chip and you can download certain things in your brain You'll buy the software to learn how to fly a helicopter Hmm or to get to get your black belt and jujitsu You that's a fact and the more money you have the more skills you'll have but then the question becomes to what end it It I wonder how fun it is when you have that skill base and you can speak a language fluently Whatever that language might be right, but but you didn't work for it. Yeah, he didn't work for it, but you have that understanding I'm not sure. I'm not so sure. I wonder what kind of Benefit you get from that like do you do you glean the same kind of

Satisfaction because it takes a long time to be good at something. Yeah, do you have any like? Well, yeah, you get an understanding you develop understanding from from practice. Yeah, you get you develop understanding from Spending a long time at something you understand like you know what I mean Well, that's because you're young my son now come sit on my lap. Yeah That's that class-action lap suit I've gotten a couple of emails about it. That's exactly right But no, that's it. Yeah, it's like if everything just becomes it's almost like a universal basic income idea It's like if everybody has it is there any value or you're gonna care You're just gonna put the Spanish chip in when you get fucked up to be at a party and I'm Spanish

Yeah, well, you have that Jaco Willick book here And so why do you like Jaco Willick when you look at Jaco Willick you go well? The guy was he's a black belt in jujitsu. Sometimes he taps Dean Lister so he's really good at that he worked really hard at that the art and and Intricate system of jujitsu. Oh, yeah And got downloaded enough of the the moves and stuff to be able to kind of cut you off before you make your move Whatever he's strategic that way. We also know he's a tank. He's 240 pounds He's the San Diego double dragon. He's the double dragon

I like that and you can't double leg him because his legs are tree trunks, but then also he was a seal They found an owl living in one of his legs the other day. I believe it Yeah, one of those wood owls endangered spotted owls Yeah, man, so so you you respect a guy like that because he's got scars because he's gone through some shit His skin's a little thicker. Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? So you go, yeah, his ears look broken up and that's attractive for To a human being who's been through the fire a baptism of fire you find yourself drawn to that Yeah, because they have wisdom you don't know why that's why you go to him to it for advice, but not the 21 year old who's

Real good looking nothing yet. She's been she's been easy for us I'm fucking little stem cell junkie. Yeah, some guy just fucking hanging out. I'm drinking his own blood. Yeah Dude if I were 21, I'd be up all night yirking off in my own mouth these days Honestly, you're not in a what mouth my own Well, you can get I think you can get transfusion stem cells think about that You can get blood you can get blood transfusions from young people they do that right see that's what I think it's gonna be That's gonna be that line. I think the young like you're saying it's gonna be money. I think it's gonna be farming the young They're yeah, well, I think that that the one thing man has always wanted. What's the one thing man's always wanted

What's the one thing man loves? This is from Socrates. What do you think it is good close close? I like that and we do like horses, but we use them as tools. Yeah, what is the one thing? Man universally everywhere wants women. No What do you think it is contentment? No, it's to live forever. It's immortality. It's why we love our children They push our genes forward. It's why we love our work because we leave a legacy behind Man does whatever he can to leave a mark. It's why being significant especially for males being significant is so fucking important and whenever you compare yourself like you get depressed and you go I don't know

I feel like a weak work harder because you don't feel like you're significant You're not doing anything that makes you feel like you leave in a mark that sometimes I don't know if that's true But sometimes that could be the case. You want a good book. I've read that but um There's all that shit that that kind of um that that comes into it. So Immortality, we've always wanted to live forever. So now with new longevity drugs and technology. Holy fuck. It's on the horizon Yeah, man. I fucking see you in 3010. That's what it is But then what you know what I like about living forever if you told me at 50 I was gonna have the same energy as a 21 20 year old which I do. Yeah, which I fucking do

Oh, your Fitbit dude of the other day just fucking blew right off your wrist bro. You saw that right? Yeah I don't run a sprint. All right, and a lot of times I run with sand Yeah, two buckets of sand and a bamboo pole over my fucking back and I run hills you bitches Somebody said you that you had four shoulder blades. Is that true? No, it's not true It just looks that way cuz I got I got muscle on top of muscle. I'm the first comedian to develop muscle on top of muscle You understand that's why the doctor goes I got nothing to say. Oh, yeah He wrote on my chart immortal. I don't know if that's good That's good, but he looked at my blood panel and goes well guess you're never gonna die. Oh, you're that hemoglobin bad boy

That's what it is. That's what it is That's why you could sell my plasma on the black market for as much as rhino horn goes for you know what I'm saying Jesus Christ, man. Are you getting into that? Hell? Yeah, I could cut a diamond with my dick right now. Damn, dude Yeah, we can do that. Yeah, I stretch up Yeah, come over and sit on my lap. No way. All right, whatever Fucking baby. This is a fucking obvious. This is a manager in a chucky. Um, okay, we have you here today, Brian obviously Thank you so much for always having me on fighter in the kid and

And for you guys always you're an original so so we were talking about me and rogan We're talking about you yesterday. That's nice. We were talking about how great you are as a comic You we were talking about you and who the fuck else were we talking about about being? Truly unique voices. That was me. That was your older peers. That was two fifty two-year-olds talking about you young man So bow the fuck down and you're welcome. Thank you on rogan. Thank you Serious props. I don't even know what to do. I don't want to see you beat yourself up. All right back to you I'll do that. I'll tell you back to you back to you back to you. Thank you We need somebody who's educated, bro, and we looked across the field of comedians and tough to find it

There was just you really it's a wasteland out there. You know me and duff david off everything else is a fucking waste Yeah, and duff david off who we can't you know, I'm not gonna know a special mating call to even get him to show Yes, sir. He's he's hiding in New York City. He's doing he's doing real estate deals He's a he's a real estate mogul. He can give a fuck about everything. Oh, yeah He's on the 30th floor of his dreams right now and you and I are down here fucking around but we need somebody who's educated It's March Madness So we and I firmly believe we're headed back towards state governments, you know cuz states are so different Yeah, that in in five years ten years we could see states, you know

Just building their own kind of walls or just delineating their own things that fit for their people So we want to March Madness if these states went at it Who would win and we want to get to the final four We're gonna go through at least the first outer round today, okay and And let's start Nick is gonna be our referee and I was the selection and committee as well That's why some of these states got buys, but yeah, yeah good. Okay. What were the buys based on? population the first we split up the regions into west Midwest South and East and

In each region the top four roughly Populations got a buy sometimes it was a little different so we kept some matchups We had to see in the first round like North Dakota, South Dakota The North North Carolina, South Carolina We really want to see those if we would have so there was some some liberties taken by the selection committee, but here we are Okay Finally Okay, cool. So let's start with that. I don't know. Oh, dude

I was looking at that poster, but I love that that that painting the road to the strap goes through the rat Yeah, man, that's just you guys. You guys made the belt man. I like that man. That's only freakin sent rap a port up the river, bro Yes, we just was done after that. Yeah, you put his gum under the table He put all of his ideas into a piece of gum and just stuck them under the well He should if you need rap board. He's in the back of my sock drawer Okay, so where we starting Nick, let's rock. Let's start in the upper left here the Midwest Number five Wisconsin verse number 12 Minnesota. Okay in a war. Yes. Okay. Here's the thing Yep, I'm going with Minnesota a couple reasons

They're both basically the same people The difference is Wisconsin's got a lot of Irish and a lot of other things a lot of whiskey going on a lot of cheese and a lot of junk food So they're not moving as quickly. Yep, Minnesota's land of the Giants If you know anything about the history of Minnesota The people from Scandinavia, especially Norwegians a lot of Swedes settled up there now They they take to wheat and they take to milk and they take to farm and right good Yep

And they're not afraid of those cold winnesot, Minnesota winters on top of the fact that they're super organized Why because they're an agrarian people and you're not ready for the winter and you don't have a sense of time and organization You don't understand how to fucking follow rules, which means march in lock step Lock and load when you're told to and let loose when you're told to if though if the cold does not bother them and they got big Scandinavian hands that can hold Swords and guns and clubs and whatever else they need. Yep, and they can carry a lot of provisions Yep, cereal. That's correct. And they and they do well on cereal There's no gluten intolerance up there

No, they live on meat and wheat and potatoes Minnesotans Fuck yeah, and by the way gays to you. You want a lot of gay men there and women that'll survive a winter We're not talking about these summer. No, no, no, there's no dancing there No, no no movement in the hip. This ain't no Billy Elliot boy. This is willio This is William Iliac. They walk from the from the shoulders. They walk like bears. Now. Here's the other thing You don't know about Minnesota. All right, Wisconsin those winners are brutal Minnesota has has some food that grows out there In the water, you know what that is. I know what it is rice goddamn, right? Wow, so good wild rice and now you're starving

But don't worry about that because you go and you go and rake that those ponds and now you got a bucket full of rice You can swim with your mouth open rice is a correct sir. You can swim with your mouth open rice is a fantastic Carbohydrate keeps you going in battle Minnesota all day against Wisconsin in a war Wisconsin has Police they have a lot of policemen there my dad's from Wisconsin Was he a policeman want to raise in Milwaukee? So I got respect, right? But my dad's a tough guy, but he's got too much Irish got German and I was mostly Irish too slow Moves he moves like Frankenstein built like Frankenstein, too. Yeah, he doesn't have that Norwegian

You know Norwegians tend to be more V'd out. Yeah an easy bone structures Oh, they can sleep with their eyes open a lot of these people Let's go to what we had a video submission from someone who has an insight God, what up Theo? So I think Wisconsin would definitely win in a war just because we've got a ton of serial killers, man We've got we had at least Jeffrey Dahmer. We have Stephen Avery We've got that smiley face killer deed. We also have badgers. You put a badger on a leash You send that thing after someone you're screwed man. Minnesota has badgers to motherfucker. Yeah, I think Wisconsin would definitely win Wow, okay, man. Those are good points. They are good points

Serial killers are you can't control them and they end up killing their own troops Here's the problem. Oh, they wake up at night and they see all their all their buddies sleeping Yeah, all they see is throats waiting to be slit And they can't help it so the next thing you know Jeffrey Dahmer's eating everybody and cut everybody's throat Yeah, you cut everybody's throat and you catch them drinking everybody's blood you like dude You just killed your entire fucking platoon. He's like, sorry. I couldn't help it Yeah, I didn't do it like God damn it shoot him right now. Yeah, and by that time my Minnesotans have moved in. Yep, Wisconsin. You have Ron Dane and Nick Davis is from there

What do you have Nick? That guy mentioned the smiley face killer Yeah, that's just a weird conspiracy because in my hometown in La Crosse, Wisconsin over the past 10 to 15 years 10 to 15 Drunk college guys have just wandered into the river and ended up drowning and now there's like documentaries on A&E Is it a is it a killer dragging? It's all bullshit. It's it's you're from La Crosse, Wisconsin Yes, sir. Is that where La Crosse was invented because it was a Native American invention It was definitely yeah, it was Native American land and it's actually a place where three rivers meet So a tornado will never touch down a triumvirate. Wow. No, it's like you call it La Crosse. Mm-hmm. That means the cross

Huh la cross la croix la croix, which I think means in French the cross and I speak French Okay, keep going. Okay. Um, I you know what I think if I had any thoughts on that I think you even just said it people are drunk wandering in the rivers when they're supposed to be learning That's a huge juxtaposition right there, bro You're here to learn and you fucking can't even learn a stat of a river when you've been drinking I'm killing killing drunk people's who wins in a war between the states. Everybody chimed in 52% Wow It was neck and neck there Minnesota. I think gets the nod guys. Sorry Nick. All right Nick's only state is fucking already I did live in Minnesota for eight years and went to University, Minnesota

So, oh, there you go. I got we got Kentucky, Missouri next We're actually we're gonna move to a next thoughts on that. Okay. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Well, I mean, Missouri Missouri is all good, but see Missouri is basically It's kind of like a state you forget about all due respect Yeah, unless you like more it's kind of a state when you think of Missouri think about wide open fields You don't think about a lot of people you think about people spaced out St. Louis do where they shot that kid terrible town It might be the worst town in the world pretty true. Yeah. Yeah, and and and there is there is a lot of racial division there Oh, yeah, you're not gonna get you're not gonna get black people to be like hey come fight our war

They're gonna be like I got my own war to deal with What I want to support you you haven't been so important to me so kiss my ass Yeah, I'm thinking off nine people by this hardy's over here already. Yeah, man. They've been in a war So shit ain't easy. So Missouri's just not organizing up now. Here's the thing about Kentucky. Oh, yeah Now Kentucky is where the Hatfields and McCoy's come from. Don't forget that Kentucky is where it was settled by the by the Highlanders of Northern England. Oh God by by shepherds, which comes from an honor culture. You solve your problems with violence Kentucky was basically in a low-grade civil war. I mean the Hatfields and McCoy's

Came from Kentucky. Yeah, you had a good chance of getting killed in Kentucky if you came from somewhere else If you weren't polite God help you if you got it on with another man's woman Oh my god Because you solved your problems with a knife or a gun and that goes back to the beginning of our country in Kentucky Beginning of time and those fucking hills in the hills of Kentucky. You want to you want to you want to get yourself a big Old Army. Yeah, everybody has guns. Yeah, they can't fucking wait And all they need is a common enemy to get together. Yeah, cuz when you're from Kentucky everybody else is from somewhere else Yeah, you know what they say Kentucky can fuck you up

That's what they say now keep in mind. They are they always have some whiskey in their body at all times Good point man, you know from the south. Yeah, but Missouri Missouri. They're a little more God-fearing See Kentucky God doesn't touch down. He does they'll go to church me anders They'll go to church, but it's a little bit like taking a stone and dropping it in a well Yeah, you can keep that stone in the well for as long as you want when you break that stone open Water is only on the outside. Amen. You understand. Yeah. Yeah, I see you understand Yeah, God doesn't much permeate into the hillbillies. Yeah into the bill hillbillies heart. Yeah, the lawyer honor Territory honor and loyalty. Yeah loyalty to your family and your clan

Oh, so do not fuck with people in Kentucky because they will fight you right now. And by the way They have at least 25 kids. It's it. I mean every kid short kids They put them on each other and just give them a long gun for the yeah, man So you're fighting the entire families, bro, and you know you fight for your family. Yeah So Missouri doesn't have a fucking chance In fact Kentucky goes to war with Missouri and Missouri becomes Kentucky Missouri just disappears So it's a hundred to zero in my book I'm gonna say again

I was in East St. Louis and there was a Ramada and while I was there it got taken over by I don't even know what it was Kentuckians. I mean, it could have been anything. Oh, if you hear a lot of that The way I don't know in the morning suddenly there was just a bunch of you working at the front desk I didn't even work there. It was fucking very dead. That's home of the hillbilly home of the hillbilly I would have to say Kentucky too on that one man and the and the wow the listeners agree 72% went Kentucky There you go. Now, but Missouri has that river access man. Well, that's you so with river access You can ship mercenaries in but mercenaries are never loyal Kentucky just turn around and go hey guys don't have much money, but I got all the whiskey all the moonshine you need

It's true those mercenaries are like fuck this. I want a drink and fuck. We got hot women. We got hard horses, dude You want to watch them fuck? It's two bucks. There you go. You know, there you go, man. You want to watch them fight It's four. Mm-hmm. That's right girls will take it for the team too. Oh a lot of tall women there, too Listen, I've had I've had some good times in Kentucky. Just know that they got the best bourbon in the world Mm-hmm, and I've had some I've had some good times in Kentucky. Damn. You understand me Oh, you seem like now watch how my voice goes now now listen up. I've had some good times Do you ask me how how well how good a time ask me ask me what I did. What'd you do in Kentucky, buddy? Stayed busy Wow, you've been eating gravel, huh? Yeah a little bit. Damn. I got a special place in my heart for

Kentucky I can hear it. Yeah, sometimes I call it cunt. Tucky. Oh, yeah Because I'm a cunt crazy fool. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you understand. Oh, what's that in those hills? Oh, that's cunt. Yeah Yeah, that's cunt cunt tucky. I secretly say that in my among my friends, you know Yeah, I know nobody's listening right now, so I can say this to you. Oh, this is safe between you and me That's it. That's it cunt tucky cunt tucky. Yeah, it's gonna. Oh, it's gonna Cunt their way right into the guy got fearing girls only on Sunday though. Oh, yeah I mean they're done kneeling in church. Oh, they got that Chick-fil-A plus. That is correct. You know, that is correct Kentucky this thing's only open six days a week, you know, mm-hmm. You better shut it down and put pickles on it

Yeah, but I don't have any teeth. Don't you worry about that? Yeah, that didn't give a fuck about teeth Yeah, that's okay. I'm kidding. I've seen some beautiful women cunt tucky And the man though, I feel like coming a little bit The women are really the prize over there women are the women can fight in Kentucky Oh, yeah, and the men can too and they will the men sniff the air there's no talking Yeah, the men in Kentucky will go. Yeah, they're you're raised to to go. You understand. Oh, that's the instinct belt Oh, yeah, let me tell you what a man in Kentucky does. Yeah, when you come at him. Mm-hmm. He meets you halfway. Oh, Jesus Yeah, you don't need to go all the way there. He's all easy. I meet you halfway Jesus. All right, and it's just out of it's out of

Kindness you're on place. I've ever had a guy try to fight me for no reason. Wow. Yeah, by the way, I was ready Yeah, I was in a threesome one time in Indiana. Really? Yeah, how was that? The one that great one girl pretty cool. Yeah, her friend not cool Not very attractive, you know, not that that matters, but it also matters And she look kind of looked like remember back in like vaudeville the vaudeville weight lifters like those people are where the one strap and the thing And it said a thousand pack kilograms on it, you know, she looked like that like that old-school bodybuilder You know, well my she was on the side of the bed doing fucking like I Don't know what she was doing burpees or something while me and the one girl were having sex

And they didn't even really know each other that good. Yeah, so they were also trying to get to know each other. It was fucking awkward It was horrible. My friend had a scale and one of those old school scales where you can measure somebody's height He brought a girl home. He's a big guy played football and She was thick. Oh, yeah thick thick and I respect a man He's not afraid of someone was thick. He put her on that scale and he called me up next day and he said She came in at 5 3 184 And and she looked up at me and I looked at her. I said those numbers are not good But I'm still attracted to you. Wow. So I appreciate that. He went back in for seconds. I appreciate that in a man

Oh, yeah, sorry. Anyway, that's that golden corral now. We now we got Oregon, Idaho and Montana That's like when your van breaks down outside of a golden corral. You got to eat there a couple times, you know Mm-hmm, or are there any other first-round match-ups that you really have a strong inclination on? You talking about oh, Iowa and Nebraska Now now now listen man. This is a tough one very similar that good wrestlers You got good wrestlers and tough farm boys out of both places. Oh damn. Do you ever you might have to go? I'll tell you how you make this decision. Hmm. I I went to Brassica very simple now. I went to wrestling camp in Iowa. Oh, Dan Gables camp. Oh, yeah, David was a champ

Hardest thing I've ever done in my life. All right realize that if that was what D1 wrestling was I didn't have it You were D8 and I didn't want to I was D8 brother. Yeah, I'm an actor. Yeah, I was crazy Did I go back to my high school and crush it crush everybody my senior year? Did I lose only once? Yeah? I think that's I think that's probably true. Yes. I think I lost only once, but black high school wrestler This is not about me No, he was a he was a white now now now No, but Iowa Iowa's got some crazy tough people Nebraska and Iowa. I need to see this how you make this decision Hmm. I need to see who has the bigger population

Wow, and whoever has the bigger population is who you go with in a war But I want to also know with the land elevation of both Can we look into both of those now? I like your I like that You know why because when you got higher level elevation, you got better wind. Yeah, so I'm enjoying that So so Iowa has way more people you go with Iowa 100% they got over a million more people. Wow So of course, it's Iowa. Sorry to interrupt this state fight But I have to ask is there something that interferes with your happiness or that is preventing you from achieving your goals If so, better help online counseling is there for you

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Help others, but if you do need help, I just wanted you to know that better help is an option Simply fill out a questionnaire to help them assess your needs and get matched up with a counselor You'll love that's betterhelp.com slash Theo Vaughn and now back to the anarchy But the population alone yeah, you got to go Iowa you got to go Iowa if we go population for all the matchups It's gonna be a quick quick March madness. So right, but it's not might have been that might have been a bad Yeah, and so I'm only using population in this instance because they're so similar. They're so similar I don't give a fuck how much how many people Missouri that all the people Kentucky still kicking their ass Well, here's the thing if yeah, if you were in Iowa, they got the same stuff in Nebraska's got you know

Except people in Iowa say they're in Iowa and people in Nebraska say they're in Nebraska Mm-hmm. That's the only difference. It's what happened there. Oh, Iowa 41 Nebraska. Wow 59 we have the corn huskers. You have the Hawkeyes. You have more Hawks in Iowa Yeah, so you can have more things, you know that air teams more winning. I don't know I don't know you got BJ Armstrong came out of Iowa state. You got some tough kids from Iowa boy, but Nebraska dude It's got brass corn fed corn fed boys corn. Yeah corn is not good for eight spikes. You're insulin That's true. Actually, so you got a bunch of diabetics over there. Exactly. Who yeah, who's got the cow? Oh Dude when you get fucking Milo and oh, will you give Milo when you're fucking elbows? It's a rat

Now you need you need to go with Iowa that that stats wrong. Yeah, well, I'll rock Iowa there All right. Yeah, that's because a million more people's a lot. Oh, fuck. Yeah, it's a lot It's a lot of people. Let's round out the first round in the Midwest, North Dakota versus South Dakota Well one of them has the black Hills pop I think you go North Dakota because they're colder and people from colder climates are a little more hearty They are also closer to Canada though. So they're more polite. Yeah, so they say sorry after they punch you probably You know, there's some Canadian some Canada juice rolled into the North Dakotans Oh, yeah a little bit of that seeping down a little bit. Yeah, soft syrup that simple syrup

They call it dude. We had regular syrup then we went up to Canada and got a little simple around there Yes, where are the badlands you got itself the badlands? Oh, yeah, or where I think they are you go North Dakota Yeah, you don't get a name like that from just fucking having regular lands, bro These bad these lands have fucking been an after-school detention. Correct sir bad land South Dakota Wow I'm going I'm going South Dakota. Yeah, cuz I could see some of that You know that kindness from Canada slipping in. Yeah, you got South Dakota right there the badlands. Jesse James was from there Jesse Jackson. Yeah. Oh Yeah, Jesse the guy that was on the Bachelor. I think it was from a lot. Yeah, yeah, he's my let he was from there if you ask

Everybody named Jesse and Jesse. They're all from that area. Yeah, dude. That's the misspelling country I don't give a fuck how they're spelled. They lie and I'll do whatever they got to do to fuck you up Yeah, they'll fake an injury and sue. They'll do whatever they have to do. Yeah, and one of them's no Dakota and one of them So Dakota you go so Dakota. Yep So Dakota. All right, that doesn't for the first round of the Midwest. Let's move over to the east quickly a stake in fall It's amazing to see that It's amazing to see amazing and this is what it's like bro. Even at a government level It's a couple of fucking moonbeams sitting around on top of Eddie Bravo's fucking darkest dreams

Just pointing fingers and deciding who does what man? You're right. That's all that is Look in and Delaware look into it. We're in the East. Well shit, I mean Is Delaware a really a state? I mean, I know it is but I've driven through Delaware took me five minutes to drive through. Yeah, like Tailwind yeah, the thing is Delaware could be just taken over by Maryland and you would never notice

So, I don't know if I'm even I think Delaware Delaware is more of a province of Maryland Yeah, they call it the honky Puerto Rico dude. Yeah with Delaware's barely silverware Delaware It's not even really named after much. I feel like we got it. We got it. We got somebody live on the scene here Maryland would easily win the state war bro. We got Michael Phelps most athletic guy in the world No, he's not Lewis. He murdered someone once and got away with it, bro. He'll do it again. Yep. We also have the white house is in Maryland Trump will nuke every single state that tries to fuck with us. We literally cannot lose periods. Hey, you're hey Hey, you fucking dummy. Hey

Not the most athletic person in the world and and fucking How dare you say the white house is in Maryland you non-american get that ISIS plant Off that screen. Don't ever bring that guy up again. Well, this is his buddy here. This is stepfather Don't ever send him how that fucked you do a video lying there like a looking all cuddly and cozy Bro, this is you when you were young. We got this out of a time cap. So you did in high school Delaware So I Delaware would just kind of hide hide in the corner somewhere like under a table and then when When the coasts clear they pop out

He makes a point. He's like I've got all swits. Where's that guy fucking sitting there? Why is his right hand all curled up on his chest like a little cutie pie? That's polio Oh, man, if they got polio in Delaware, dude, he's holding the hanky or his little silk that little piece of silk cloth His mom gave him probably the guy was only this big. He's about that big. He's got a little blankie a little baby blankie Maryland you have baltimore the opioid epidemic. You have the it's the Baltimore alone walking zombies. Oh man, and they got guns to enforce the law Dude, you got lobster and guns baltimore alone. You get those gangsters in baltimore and they'll take over Delaware They will annex Delaware. Bro. You get a couple sisters hopped up on some fucking lump crab and give them a fucking grenade

They'll chip some nails. They'll chip some nails. Oh, yeah So I think that's an easy one for me man. Delaware. Good luck Um, but also silverware Delaware. You're a product hardware. You're not even I agree, bro They barely got you in correct. But god bless you guys Connecticut and Rhode Island Um, Connecticut as Hillsman Connecticut is basically Britain. It's like a little Britain. Yeah Here's the thing about Rhode Island people don't realize Providence, Rhode Island is the last gangster town Providence, Rhode Island is so mafia heavy and so so heavily run by the mafia

Rhode Island can get any kind of weaponry they want now now Connecticut may have a couple pistolas Rhode Island Trebuchets they got trebuchets over there. They got trebuchets. Yeah, which is a fancy word for catapult Thank you for the for the French you bet the over you like it trebuchet because you you Cajun I got a little bit man We had this little trebuchets and you put it in front of you and just shoot a little bit of dessert in the amount Correct. They got trebuchets. See they can get grenade launchers. They put a bomb in your car So they kill the entire so Connecticut has their generals and their upper brass

Rhode Island just puts a hit on all of them. They blow them all up in their cars. So Rhode Island is mafia Providence alone. You're not getting into Providence because they run it from Providence. It's the mafia. You're fighting the mafia They fight dirty. They already got inroads. They already got your house bugged. They already got your fucking car Your stone wall. They have a lot of stone wall. They got everything. They know everything about you before anything happens They you're done. You're done. You got water access. What about Hartford though Hartford? Yeah, it doesn't matter. Hartford's just a big the Hartford's about insurance. Yeah, it's insurance. Connecticut's gonna need insurance After Rhode Island's done with it. I go with Rhode Island all fucking day. Connecticut's one big forest. Anyway, I used to live there Yeah, I saw deer and forest and ticks. Is it? Yeah. Oh god

Yeah, I saw a guy get bit by a dog in fucking Providence, dude and uh And yeah, this seemed dangerous, dude not as a lot of street lights. I would go dogs everywhere in Rhode Island Stray dogs packs of strays. Crazy dogs, dude. And there's a dark dog underworld over there too, dude Rabies and everything. The mafia I'll go with Providence bad boy Rhode Island. I'm good there. There you go Sweet, West Virginia, Vermont. Not even a question. Yeah, this is West Virginia. Just them red necks Will take Vermont. What Vermont is the home of Bernie Sanders. Ben and Jerry's though. Exactly. We Ben and Jerry's weed And they're socialists driving around in Volkswagen's listening to the grateful dead pumpkin pie

The whole fucking nine. Yeah, they are too high and too liberal To do anything. I could go in and take over Vermont alone. I could beat up that whole fucking state alone I need a small club And uh, I don't know a piece of meat because they'd run from it. I would love that movie Brian Callen versus Vermont You gotta make that movie. I'll beat them all up. I'll beat that whole state up Well, fuck that place. I like Vermont, but fuck it as well. It's too liberal for me and fuck Bernie Sanders There I said it. He's fucking socialist. He went to the soviet union on his honeymoon. Did he really? Yes, he did. So fuck that guy. Okay, that guy's not an american. He's a communist. So kiss my ass

He's a closet communist and so are all vermontins. All right. Wow. By the way, I've been skiing and all I lived I went to high school up there. I know vermont very well My sister went to Burlington. My first love was from Burlington from Lake Champlain the whole fuck in nine yards I know all about uvm that liberal the sun's rays. Holy shit. Are they liberal too liberal too progressive Go fuck yourself. Not a gun to be found that whole state. Yeah And I know there are people out there that are you know, they're they're they're farmers out there But even the farmers to hate each other. They're like hey out. Hey out. That's how they talk When they say ask ask me a question that that ends in yes where I gotta say yes. Oh, man

Do you have a lot of different senior diseases? Hey out That's how they say yeah Hey out Hey out, so it takes that long to say yes. Oh, they're fucked. Are you locked and loaded? Hey, by that time you're dead So the west virginia those fucking those rednecks and rest virginia They they come into vermont and they you're done. You're fucking done. Yeah, everybody has a gun in west virginia They shoot at planes. Oh, yeah, they had somebody. What? Yeah, there you go 74 percent. Wow over 26 percent motherfuckers Humanity has spoken dude in me west virginia. West virginia

Get the fuck out of here if you fart in vermont and everybody doesn't smell it a little it doesn't count Oh my god, you get you get a citation for polluting the air That's crazy, man. Oh vermont my god the people's republic of vermont You out of your mind the catamount shit, man They had that good coach and they fucking let him go. They got statues to lenin Yeah, they want to bring back the soviet union lenin who lenin grant Well, well, yeah, vladimir lenin who is essentially the founder of the communist revolution. Yeah Fuck that debt left shrimp. Maybe bro, but nobody else bro. It's as far fucking foreign as I go

I'm right with you, brother. Who's next buddy new hamster verse main to close out the east Oh, now main I'm gonna start out with main bro. You got first of all, you got a lot of celebrity money living off the coast up there Kirstie alley has a summer home up there John Travolta sneaks up there with young men from the mainland. You got a lot of you got goonies out there That's the fucking you got whaling. You got whaling. That's where the oh, that's where the whalers Oh whalers the people who used to whale they come from main. That's a hardy stock They got the black bears of main main main all day in this fight 60 different berries that will fucking kill you And they got the coast brother. They got they got they got the sea bro. They have rock beaches

There's pictures of people laying on fucking sharp beaches in the summer main all day They got access to the sea everybody's got a navy Yeah, and they can shoot over their own state and into main with those hell with those fucking submarines They got dude and first of all, how do you even get to main? You know harder is going to be to get there to fight them. Yeah, you can't do it New Hampshire though, bro What where yeah Six people live in New Hampshire I used to go to again. I spent my summers in New Hampshire. Did you glad you were everywhere?

I was I was I went to summer camp up in lake winna-pasaki. Oh, it sounds like that that lake was so clean You could drink out of it again another progressive state another state that's so clean as ridiculous Which a clean ass leaks. I'll I grew up next to that tuberculosis sipper that you funk the river, baby That's what I'm talking about. By the way, the people agree 64 percent. Oh, yeah When you grew up you can you jump in that water you can catch chlamydia. Oh, do my buddy jumped in bro He got out. He was four years older I believe it dude. That's four years fucking older. You got an std and you got eye infections for the rest of your life Oh, yeah, how's your eye better, right? It's okay, dude

But can you get pink eye from your own butt or not? Probably Hmm, I gotta look that up. We'll look it up after this. You can't be digging around your in your butt and I wasn't I wasn't So that does it for the east region first round some interesting matchups in the second and little gianni over here Who's a fucking he's gonna be in a movie with Olivia smart coming off actually. Is that right? Yeah, you an actor. Yes It's Octavia Spencer. Sorry the black Olivia smart. Yeah, are you in are you in my special complicated apes that's now everywhere? You can render by I am. Yeah. Oh good. All right. See Johnny in complicated apes Number one. I number one album on itunes. I love the fact that we call him Johnny too now. That's fucking good But that you know, they spell it where he's from around gia in and hi, uh, Johnny you're Italian

You're from Rhode Island. Yeah, there you go. So, you know, you know about provenance rich bro Look at the stem cells in that little motherfucker. He's a young kid with a full mouth Dude, I suck at this just to feel better, bro. Damn, right. It'll cure a cold wrestling or anything Uh, I I do boxing you do boxing. Yeah, I played I played hockey growing up a lot like for probably 18 years. Where do you box? I box and burn and Brentwood would tell you see you don't do any sparring A little bit not much because I'm an actor with Brentwood shawl over there. He goes In the morning come over to glove works. We'll get you moving around Pop pop account take you out a little bit

See what happens. I want to see what your patterns are about see if you fall for certain things I'm not gonna beat. I'm not gonna. I'm not. I'm not. I'm gonna mark you up a little bit. I'm not gonna hurt you But I'm let you know. I'm gonna let you know. That's all dude's favorite patterns. Burberry, bro This guy's no fucking dude. First of all, we're skating on fucking water when there's people who have no water Correct. You put up some numbers, bro Uh, how much do I weigh? No, I'm talking about you putting up some numbers. Is this hand? Let me see how he punches You put on ours. All right. Oh, you got Tommy good. You got that fucking aids You got some speed, but I'm I'm I'm I'm not liking where your hand is when you're throwing

I'm I see too much of an opening. Yeah, but come right up under. I'm gonna catch you there I'm gonna catch that. All right. Good. You got athletic athletic weights on your on your front foot a little bit too much But that's I like the way you're leaning forward there, but that's all right Yeah, Dustin Poirier would beat your ass though. He might he might but the kid's athletic Yeah, he's good. He's got a strong upper body So if he ends up in a wheelchair, he's not a pussy. He's not a pussy. You were a hockey player. Yeah. Yeah, you're an athlete All right, I appreciate that Dude, it's easy to get around when you can slide on the surface. Yeah, what sport did you I want to know what sports do you play?

Grown-out basketball and I was outdoors all the time. I heard you actually dunk. I could at one time. That's pretty impressive. Thanks, man Got that tailpiece. That's why. Yeah, it was all ass, bro. They called me the fucking the flying ass. Yep That fucking cheek meat hitting the air cheek. God boy pink. I was my fucking defense That's what I'd give people. I watch his ass. He doesn't wipe. Fuck. They're gonna my eyes Sorry to interrupt, but you know how I do today's episode is brought to you by uncommon apothecary CBD you've heard of it. It used to be the central business district But now it's from the hemp plant, but unlike its sister married CBD contains less than

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capterra that's cap te r r a dot com slash teo Software selection simplified All right, let's move on to the south region bro. Come on, man. This one's gonna get sticky It gets sticky because you got a lot of you got a lot of cortisol in the air. You got a lot of testosterone You got a lot of rope burn. You got a lot of homestad Virginia, Tennessee Oh man, I'm going to Tennessee because Tennessee is even more southern

Tennessee's Kentucky with a hat on. Yeah, bro. They got guns. They got good whiskey Tennessee you got Knoxville. You got Nashville. Oh, Tennessee. I've spent some time in Tennessee. I spent time in Virginia too Yeah, you went to elementary school. Yeah, but Virginia. Remember, I believe alexandra alexandria virginia is where the cia has their headquarters So now we got to take that into account and it's the capital of the confederacy. I believe is in Virginia So, you know what virginia? I might have to go virginia because they got the intelligence They already got all the intelligence the topography of Tennessee. They know everything about it. That's true that they That's true. They got all the books and virginia also has the most presidents buried in any graveyard as in virginia So they got those presidential ghosts. Yes. If somebody's able to

Arouse the dead to enforce the troops. They're gonna have leadership like no other Yeah, you got evil ghost power and that's hollywood cemetery. I think it's actually called a hollywood cemetery. Can you look at it? Yeah, I'm going virginia all day long. Yeah, you got alexandria virginia You got department of defense. You got all kinds of shady shit that goes on there, man Yeah, you got a lot of universities in virginia too. You got a lot of young blood. You got rad for virginia tech So you got good ideas You got you got a lot of brain power in virginia. Yeah, you have a lot of brain power or brain power and the cia

Yeah Virginia all day, but then you look bro. If you go to tennessee, man, my mother used to live in uh In tennessee and you they got rivers. They have the land. They have the uh, you can hide You you can get into some guerrilla warfare in the blue hills tennessee. Yeah, okay The smoky mountain the smoky mountains You get you get you get in at some of them smoky mountains and here's the thing Damn, you're right hollywood cemetery. God damn beautiful cemetery, man, bro. It's impressive It's a little bit it now. Here's the thing tennessee puts up a defense

They put up a defense but they're living in the woods But you got virginia virginia now virginia just kind of what they do What is when you're in the woods fighting you got to leave your kids and your your wife behind They just corral them up and they just put them in a camp and they say listen We're not going to feed them until you guys come out of the woods That's what they did in the boar wars of the british did to the boars. Did they to the dutch in south africa? Yeah So here's the thing. That's how they that's how you break a guerrilla resistance

Yeah, with a man you go through the heart virginia loses to tennessee. They're looking at the wrong things But that's between them we choose Yeah, we they're they're wrong. Yeah, the people are always wrong and we're here to correct the people It's not their fault. Yeah, we're here to correct the people go virginia. Wow Look at them writing it in. That's just how it's done. That's government guys. You want to know what government is like? Okay, that's socialism. You all vote for something. But then some fella Sitting by an american flag next to a piece of electricity Tells you na na na. That's a typo

I know bang bang. This one's a tough one alabama miss sippy miss sippy's got that river Oh, yeah, you understand and when you got a river you can move provisions. You can move forces up and down You have to get that gulf of mech the gulf goes right out Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot of advantages to missis sippy But they got to go through louisiana to get to the end of the river first of all So they're gonna have to deal with a little bit of louisiana missis sippy. You have um severe Education issues

Severe education issues and it's the fattest state in the union. That's the pork rind bell, dude Yeah, so you got some fatty pants. You got you got some obesity to say the least They used to have a lot of good football players, but not as many as they used to now alabama You have nick saban first of all could be the coach of your entire army. I'm going with alabama, then Yeah, I'm going you got nick saban. You know, he's a field general You you know his strategy. So nick saban takes over and and and you're done. Yeah now There are more alligators in miss sippy, but that just means More of your guys are getting going down. Yeah, you're trying to sneak around bam snack. Don't plus you got malaria when the whole grid breaks down

Oh, yeah, you know, there's more water in miss sippy. So everybody's got malaria You got malaria jackson over there too, dude. I think I went to middle school with her Let's hear. We got a white guy something to say. All right. Yo gang gang theo Jordan here just want to start by saying man my home state Of alabama would most definitely win if there was ever a war to break out between the states Reason being man. We got kay avi as governor old grandma cooking in the kitchen. She's got that vodka underneath the counter We got nick saban man Look and really we have some of the hardest workers

You'll ever find in the state man. Some of the most down-to-earth people want to give you the shirt off their back But also we'll understand up and fight for their values But we love our god. We love our guns and we don't drink beer on sundays I'm raising that sweet corn. No, no We were raising that whole milk And that biscuits and gravy get with it. I like that kid. That's american. See that fucking kid. Yeah That kid is a mayor now. I love that boy and that boy's right talking about nick saban. I love that kid So he's right that you want to fight dudes like that in alabama. Yeah, no, no, that's a good kid

Right there, but don't push him. He's got his boundaries and he knows exactly He knows exactly what he's willing to fight for a man defines himself on what he's willing to fight for and alabama has no problem No problem establishing what they fight for i'm going with that kid Yeah, i'll go with that kid. You give him the shirt. He'll give you the shirt off his back, but Don't push him. Don't take liberties. You understand. He'll give you the shirt off his back dude But if you want to scarf, dude, you're gonna get your fucking ass. We don't drink beer on sundays. God bless that kid Good christian living. Yeah. All right. That guy's got the lord in his veins and mr. Sippy I think just still a little too much too much of the devil down there, man

It is too much of the devil a little too. Dude, there's still people some guys, you know, think they're still Uh enslaved down there. I bet you most people can't spell mr. Sippy down in Mississippi. Oh, they made way too. I don't know Is that many s's and peas they made it way too hard? shit But very good recipes, but that kind of stuff just gonna get your troops. They'll never make it out of the mess hall Man, they're all got diabetes Yeah, that's a diabetes belt. That's that sugar belt. Yeah, you know a lot of sugar lizards down there A lot of old school money a lot of young people getting on opioids because the daddy owned the cotton this and that and the kids

Aren't doing much a lot of uh, you know a lot of their best assets a lot of times leaves to go to other places to have opportunity You're right. Unfortunately and hopefully that changes and I think it is but not today. It's not Alabama. Wow. Look at that 76 wow, I can't believe 24 of people thought Mississippi. That's that education. Yeah That's true. Yeah north carolina south carolina. You gotta go south carolina more aggressive Yeah, I mean, it's just more southern. I guarantee there see the more south you go the more guns there are That's just a fact. Oh, yeah a lot of guns in north carolina, and I love both states But I'm going south carolina man. I think you right now in north carolina. You got xion wiliamson over there Do you have university in north carolina? You have duke you have wake forest you have a little bit more education

Um, but then they they're less to have to fight. They're more up to reason That's it, but they might fight more strategically though now But I went to school in uh, charlson south carolina for a semester And um, I hitchhiked up there actually from a boating regatta down in beluxy mississippi It slept on a man's couch for a while. I almost got arrested petting a cat on some lady's porch. Is that right? Yeah And don't do that, dude. That's when you're at that fucking moment where you're like, who am I? You know you're standing outside of a sleeping woman's window petting a cat, dude That's a problem. That's when you thankfully put the cat down. I fucking left

She thought you were a peeping tom. Oh, well after that there's not much left to do except crime. That's true, man That's true. I didn't know the cat now. You shouldn't have had your pants down around your hand That's where she probably felt a little now I wore two belts when I went over there just so I'd have to think twice before I did anything But I'll say this man south carolina you have a lot of sailing and stuff over there You have you have total access they used to have one of the largest um indentured servant markets was right there in charlson You have the battery in charlson. You have cannons already lining the walls there

You have climpson, you know, they pronounce it with a p in it, but it didn't even have a p in it Damn climpson, but they call it climpson. Yeah, and if you don't say climpson, they get pit They get pissed, bro. They do and it doesn't have a letter in it, bro So that's the kind of psychology you're dealing with damn. I'm going south carolina Wow, you can convince somebody or something. Yeah, man. I'm going south carolina. Fuck this never happened Um, what did what did the people say? What do you guys think nick give any thoughts? I mean, I think you just you gave a really compelling argument. I had north carolina before but after all that I can't even I was just thinking about all the colleges michael jordan athletes, but you got michael jordan

You got his blood still running in the streams over there. Yeah, jordan. He's a shooter Jordan like arty lang said it best about michael jordan his will to win Was second or not. He said if michael jordan had been on the titanic it would not have sunk Wow, he would have been plugging holes with his own hands. Oh, yeah so You know if if if michael comes back to to run his army I don't know. Yeah, because well, he bought the stroller bobcats and they fucking saw it too. Well, they didn't do well

That's why that's why and that's why i'm going south carolina all day I'll go south carolina two on this one man with the upset Wow Again, people don't know shit. That's northern elitism right there. It is and you know, there's a lot of yank Is there's a lot of fancy kids that can't get into some of these the ivy leaguers. They end up in these bootleg schools Pretending that those are ivy league. UNC is one of them. You know, god bless the heels My mother went to duke and I respect them but and that's not really one of them but also

Cornell or you know, they'll put them out or a university of india and they'll pretend like that's uh, you know, not where the klu Klux Klan started or um, There's just other schools that they use a lot of times, you know, right? Louisiana, Louisiana, Louisiana and arkansas. Oh stuff one see now arkansas again A lot of farming tough people but farms you get the hills though. You got the bottom of the rocky mountains There's something about lou louzana. Yeah, Louisiana is home to nom's Yeah, voodoo. I was about to say I was about to say the dark arts of voodoo. You got sank. What is it? Santarilla

And you got voodoo. Yeah, right? And there's an under tapestry. You got rats. You got those Nutrias. Yeah That that are african rats. They're the biggest rats in the world. There's shit in louisiana. You don't even know about Yeah, they got every poisonous snake in the world including cobras probably Dude, they have a rat that can catch a frisbee there and that's a nutria right there. Look at those fucking things And look, you can eat them dude. If you want to die, you know, you can I heard they're good eating They're like a beaver, right? I mean, look at that fucking thing

I mean, here's the thing. It's the only place they are from and yes, they came over on slave ships, man It's fascinating and they're french actually. Yeah, beautiful french rat. That's a beautiful french rat. I like nutrias Here's the thing man. You got you just got to go to louisiana Because there there are see I'll tell you what there's an underworld in louisiana too arkansas doesn't have an underworld That's true governor edwards david duke. You got a lot of dirty minds bubbling up. Yeah, bro And there's there's like there's like veins under the sea when you go to louisiana you see louisiana But there's a there's a network of of there's an artery of tunnels. Yeah artery of evil Yeah, like there's an artery of shit that gets done on where you don't see things

Yeah, there's all kinds of shit that goes on that you don't see and Oh hui hui p long who was supposed to be the next president-elect possibly Uh was gunned down in the state capital man in the in the 60s there You have a lot of famous politicians have gone to jail there for crimes. By the way, look at that. Wow louisiana 85 to 15 Arkansas hasn't been good since they had norm richardson running shit over there, you know We'll wait at least got busted this year over at louisiana state university are fucking bringing in the best illegal players ever I didn't know that because arkansas is one of those states. I always forget about all due respect. I've been well

I say give it to palestine, man. Well, you know, uh, it wouldn't be a bad idea with it It wouldn't be a bad idea. You know what if they're not going to help you over there. We'll help you over here guys That's a good point, man. I like the new home. Yeah, they got a lot of tunnels there too. All right. Well, yeah Palestine that does it for the south region first round Time for the west palestark and saws wouldn't that be good? But yeah, that's a long name though. It's all right It is. All right, uh, oregon, Idaho, montana I mean montana's the last frontier, man

Idaho's great, but it's a lot of rich people Is it? Yeah, now people are moving you boys. He's beautiful sun valley boysy You got charlemagne. You got all kinds of places where people go Idaho has become the playground for the rich So montana's still got cowboys still got tough people Oregon man, you still have though you got nike. First of all, everyone is going to be fitted to the fat It's a bunch of white people with bad tattoos and sensible shoes Oregon, Oregon, I mean, I mean, it's so liberal and progressive portland. Portland is too much out of here

Plus it's always raining and they're depressed. Yeah, some homeless guy If a homeless guy falls asleep on you, you can't wake him up in portland. It's true It's so crazy because they might be dreaming and you're gonna scare him. San Francisco's the same shit. Yeah So oregon for me is like a place that um, again, it's just too liberal. Yeah, there are people kick your ass in oregon I mean, yes, it's the logging town. I mean a lot of blue collar dudes, but overall you got to take into account It's just too progressive to fight a war Because they might not all agree to fight. That's the problem. Yeah They'd have sit-ins and they'd have to deal with their own fucking protests, but they're tough though logging

I mean, bro, you back in the day. They were tough Yeah, but now you have inadvertent logging like your loggers Even if you don't want to be you'll have to be having dinner and a fucking log Or just fall right off a mountain roll right through your kitchen. That is true. That is true But that's that's old repository from back in the day Like Oregon is basically guys with fancy beards and waxed mustaches and they're into beer Like that's a good point that like, you know, they have beer tastings and coffee tastings. Fuck off Yeah, every other beer you need to make a fucking knife homie. All right, you're gonna get your ass beat in this war

They're always waterlogged, bro But look where they are though, aren't they in the top left? Yeah, look at Oregon, dude It's a lot of Patagonia models. I I'll beat up that whole state dude. Yeah You could be the sequel your sequel. I mean, I'm just saying I mean, look at those guys. They I don't I can't hang out with those guys Yeah, a lot of glasses a lot of people dress like they're looking for gold but not looking for gold They're just going to work. Yeah, man with your dumb beard and you're stupid. It's all good. I mean, it's like working. I like it It's not I like Portland. It's a cool town, but it's just too waterlogged

I mean, I don't know Montana. First of all, that's where the war begins And between those guys because Oregon's just gets squashed, but Montana see both states are real Sunny so they they got a lot of Energy and a lot of vitamin D. That's a good point. Yeah, it's very healthy healthy doctor pearl mutter Yeah, but Idaho has got too much east coast west coast money And just too many pussies Whereas boy's estate member boy's estate the blue field Yeah, bro, you know that guy proposed to his wife one of their best plays was a guy proposed to his wife on the field

Dude, I've been hunting up in Montana zero points for that. You've been hunting where I'm sorry in Montana the Missouri breaks I've been to Montana three times. That's the last frontier. Is it Montana beats the fucking shit out of both those states, bro Yeah, you're not Montana's the winner there. You cannot Everybody hunts everybody's got way more than one gun and we're not talking about pistols. We're talking about ak-47s We're talking about ar-15s. We're talking about modified ar-14 15s We're talking about every pistol you can think of and every shotgun you can think of in every hunting rifle You're talking about guys who've been shooting deer and everything else through a scope. So so you got snipers in Montana They've taken out your whole fucking front line and your command structure. That's true from so far away, bro

They have scopes passed down from generation to generation. They have poroscopes kaleidoscopes all stacked together, bro They'll shoot you when you're in fucking Idaho. Yes. Yes, you know, you'll be fucking bro You'll be filling your uh, your your fucking little mule bag up with water. You got scopes the scopes monkey trial They got all of it, man Oh, bro, they'll shoot the fucking nuts right out of your fucking body Yeah, you're done and the sack will heal on the way out. That's how fucking capable they are 100% What do people say do just some limitations of instagram? We don't have a poll for this one. Jesus Can only do one verse one. All right, Utah

Nevada, Wyoming My choice is gonna surprise you guys. Okay. I'm gonna start with this one So Utah first of all This is the we're talking sun burn. We're talking people that are looking for the lord We're talking. I want to go back to Idaho and Montana for a second. Let's go back. There's one little caveat Idaho grows potatoes potatoes Are they live in the ground? Which means that's that's a crop

It's hard to destroy Needs a lot of water but that's a crop that That feeds you like you can live on cheese And potatoes. Yeah, okay. So you can feed your army Yeah, but you got to feed them potatoes or grotton It's true and that takes a while to make so let's go back. Let's fuck it with let's stick with montana I had I had to bring it up. No, you actually, you know what I'll say this about Idaho as well since you say that

They also have the second largest They make most of the sugar in America comes out Idaho from beets. They have sugar beets there So you got to think of the crops that I don't know what what's montana growing tobacco They got that one guy smoking in the commercials. Now montana. You got to kill your own game Yeah, that's a problem It is a problem dude. You gotta look at food supply. Oh, it's huge. What are you gonna eat? Okay, now what what did they grow in montana? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Hey have these montana fucking Cherries now. We'll say this. They have great cherries in the summer. Cherries don't keep you sustained though, but there you go

Taters do okay taters. Do you eat them with the skin? They're super nutritious. What is the uh, uh They could go to population. I think you might be right. Hold on apples bullshit potato. Okay. We got some stuff We got flax. Do we yeah, we got beans and potatoes. I'm good. I'm good and some game. We're good. You're good stick with montana Wow, I'm glad though. You brought that up. All right now. I don't think you brought it up. I think Utah, Nevada, Wyoming. Go ahead All right, I'm gonna say this man Nevada has too much money going around in it to go easy Wyoming it's like, uh, aren't they just montana? Are they gonna combine with montana or some of those people gonna slip over there? Cheyenne Jackson hole. You got a lot of fancy people moving up there to ski

It's become the new Utah in a lot of ways like rich people moving out there hiding It's so cold up there. Why? Oming people say that, you know, they're not sure. No, you're you know, Nevada You got a lot of that money now Utah, dude. You have people that went there. You got religious People that are motivated by religion and that is powerful Yeah, most of the movements in the world have been Religious motivated movements. I think that's a good

I think though Uh, you got Utah. I like what you're saying with the Mormons They're already a team, but then Nevada does have Las Vegas And that there's a lot of money See, Nevada's way wealthier Here, then I would imagine both states. Yeah, the Mormons have a lot of money in the church though And the Mormons have banks and the Mormons, bro I've been there. So like city you pass through the Tabernacle area, bro

You can get married to any fucking body, bro. Yeah, if you if you say you're Mormon, they're Mormon, bro I've seen fucking a four-year-old marrying. Here's what you don't. Here's the other thing you don't know about Utah and Mormons They recruit heavily in Tonga and Samoa. Wow So you got a shit load of Samoans and Tongans. Maybe the toughest people ever the dark parts, baby Enjoy that shit. Enjoy fighting those guys. Oh Enjoy fighting an army of men and women Because Tongan women are stronger than the average white European man. Yeah, that's a fact They'll beat the fuck out of you. Dude. I saw a Tongan guy get hit by a spear, bro, and he giggled a little

Said it tickled Tongans are not to be fucked with They walk around all of them are are way over 220 pounds. They can sleep standing up. They're just crazy thick That's insane, bro. Sometimes at the airport if their flight gets late, you'll see 60 or 70 of them sleeping in a group Just standing. Yeah, it's absolutely crazy. I mean, you got to be quiet when you go buy them Obviously out of fucking sheer kindness. Look at that one in four Tongans in us calls Utah home Utah hands fucking down, bro. Religion is not playing, bro. You think people aren't gonna fucking go to bat Utah hands down Utah hands down. Good call. Let's see what this girl says So Utah uh, because you got the volunteers

And not just for fighting but also for meal prep A large-scale meal prep pretty good at that The ability to organize not just gatherings, but also, you know, any construction projects we would need to do Uh, we could just do construction on all the roads into Utah and then no non Utah drivers will be able to get through it Um hiking lots of fucking hiking Very fit active hunters Hunters got the guns know the terrain So no state terrain would be in foreign battleground to us. Um, you're new wife. You could say it's for god

The religious jealousy of that could arrival the crusades, maybe she's thinking she's the same one Uh, and if the Mormons are on it, then, you know, we got the funds. So She hit it. She's getting every point and gang by bro. Did you see in the and I could see her looking out at the Just millions of Mormons in front of her as she made that video. Yeah, and they march in soldiers of god Enjoy that she really summed it up and you can see she didn't help that she blinked twice in a minute and a half That one then that is a Mormon woman. She's ready to go to big beautiful dark eyes. God congratulations. Good. God. Um, Sorry to mention another podcast on this podcast. No, I want to talk about firing the kids. No, I said congratulations. Oh, sorry

Oh Oh Yeah, he's gonna be here today Is he delias? Yeah, he looks up to me. There would be no chrysalis without me He's open for me. You know, and that is a fact, dude And some people have said that now there's a lot of stuff out there, you know, yeah That um, you know different comedians got their vibes from different people, you know Dice says that Sebastian took his style

um, uh Delia took he he I gave him his essence and what what well the bravado I can see from the neck up It's you everything about me. He I was his biggest influence and again Yeah Then and all that stuff go back just hey just go back in the dental all I ask is go back to my early stuff Yeah, 10 minute podcast before that. All right fighting a kid All the way back go all the way back, please. But this is happening before to you is my he's my pup Yeah, I let him out of the nest and I'm glad he's flying. I could shoot him down anytime I want

Yeah, but just understand I'm his biggest influence at the end of the day. I'm his fucking dad. Yeah, I'm his daddy Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, you understand me. Oh, I see it when I think of him I think of him like soaring in the sky, right? Yeah, but then I think of a man if you look in the distance of that vision There's a man on a mountaintop and he has that thing on his arm with a piece of fucking meat in the thing See and you understand that and what you also don't see is a is a very thin piece A fishing wire

That's attached to his ankle. Jesus Christ. So anytime I want to yank him out in the sky When he's soaring Oh, it's not a problem for me when he's out there with his fucking guy a little linochi that guy that fucking bootleg Italian No, she's not even Italian. He's not Italian. He's a fraud. Oh, dude. It's so And that guy's that guy's fucking He was adopted, bro And then returned He was adopted and returned

Really? Yeah, so I'm not saying anything, but a lot of people were just adopted and returned. Yeah, bro They got a bum kid. I mean, I'm not saying anything. All right. Well, you kind of you get a fake Italian, bro He's got to pick his fucking last thing that guy's not Italian You think that guy's fucking Italian, bro Linoch Linochi, bro. It's a funny comic. Oh, he's very funny, dude, but it's secondhand smoke. It's thirdhand smoke Chris is rocking on your puff when he sees craig and he sees linochi and his other buddy He's like, hey, look, hey guys who are extras in a movie. What's going on?

Hey guys who are extras in every single movie you ever see, uh, what's going on? No, he's a hard-working comic man, but not Italian, bro Linochi is not Italian, but he's funny as fuck I want to get him on Fighter and the Kid, but I I would but he's he's but you know, Chris won't let him go. I called him. I go. I can't have you on because uh, You know, just ratings wise. We're with midroll. They'd be like, no I love him. I want him on but look we all want, you know, I even told him that I can't have you on I can't look it. That's the same thing the parents told him that adopted

You know, I want her though. He's funny as shit. Well, he got adopted by a family They still did some light vaudeville kind of stuff and he couldn't hack it So he wasn't good for the circus so back I knew a navy seal who grew up in a circus traveling circus and he goes seals was easy for me He was growing up in a circus that was a mother from All right, uh, two more. Yeah Two more and we're gonna be we'll be uh, and we'll shut it down for this first round man. This is absolutely awesome New Mexico, Kansas now. I'm gonna be in Kansas City this weekend. That's right. He's gonna be in Kansas City

He can start starting Friday Saturday now. I'll be at the Kansas City improv Friday Saturday Now I tell you about my Philly dates the next weekend, but we're sold out and probably gonna add a sixth show And I could tell you about my Calgary shows on the fourth fifth and sixth yuck yuck But I'm not going to do that right now. But how great is Calgary though? It's fantastic. Will I be there? Of course, I will yeah, April 4th, then you should now get your tickets to yuck. It doesn't matter. Here's the thing And I'm sure we'll sell out hurry up That's not what we're here for now. I'm gonna say some things about Kansas. I like Kansas tall people All right, you gotta see over the wheat man. You have to see over the wheat it rains sideways

They got some strong weather. Oh, yeah, Kansas. They call it the fucking white vietnam I didn't know that I didn't know that but it's flat and it's open now Kansas is great. I can't wait to be in Kansas City. Yeah A couple things about New Mexico you need to understand. And Kansas City's in Missouri It is There are two Kansas cities. That's true. It's Kansas City, Kansas, Kansas City, Missouri. I'm not sure where I'm gonna be That's a good point. That's a good point. I'm not sure which one I'm gonna be in because I went bad on Missouri

So find out where the fuck that is. And I apologize to both states Damn it. I'm gonna have 15 people at my show And they're gonna have guns. That's the best part. I'm in Missouri, right? Do bring a gun. Missouri. Yeah. Yeah So fuck Kansas. I'll be in Missouri now. Listen New Mexico has a couple things going for it. Yeah in Spanish American war the one thing that a lot of the Saxon the white American fighters would always comment on the bravery of the Mexican fighter. Wow. That's a fact. Yeah

and There's something in the Mexican And there's something in the Mexican blood that They are They are a brave Hardworking people. Oh my god. I mean they you watch them as they when they box. I talk about this in my special complicated apes Um, or complicado

My monotontos nice easy if I had to fight a man from Mexico and a man from france And I knew nothing about either one, right law of averages has to go with pierre every time, right? Yeah, right? So Mexico like when you watch fight, they don't that I don't I've never seen one I don't think they teach in the russian and mexican school of fighting. They don't teach you how to retreat You just keep moving forward. So you got a lot of that in new mexico. Yeah Here's the other thing you got in new mexico you got um I mean, I mean come on think about how many great fighters are from mexico or of mexican origin

I mean, you know what i'm saying like like Say hudo. Oh, yeah, I mean brian or tega. I mean it keeps going. It's crazy So look at the one. I mean Marquez one of the greatest fighters of all time Herrera the assassin a canelo Chavez the greatest fighters of all. I mean and then forget mma is crazy. I'm a tony. Uh, oh half the whole mma They're all amazing. So so so and you also got one more thing going for you new mexico. I think los alamos Well, they made that nuclear bomb

Yeah, aliens came there. Thank you, sir So new mexico all fucking day Yeah, because also all mech a lot of mexicanos mecanos and we have a lot of mexicano listeners um Are going to go there just because it's called new mexico. They're gonna get the hats. They're gonna get the 100 Fucking jewelry, you know, they're gonna go there and what a party. Yeah, they you read the aquas Yeah, I gotta do Stop from a with j. So you're gonna have a lot of uh, a lot of um, you know, um, you got community got a community

Yeah, come on. Come on. You don't fuck with new mexico and a lot of native americans That's true a lot of native americans. Oh hieroglyphics. I think pueblos I think you got all kinds of like different native americans. I think navajo Oh, dude, I don't know. I don't know a lot of the tribes there, but Native americans still a hoe smoke a hoe. You know, yeah, burn a gram. They got everybody new mexico. There you go There you go. See and you know it but If there's a one place you're still gonna find a lot of hard workers A lot of white hard workers. It would be kansas, I think unless even the farms there have gone to a lot of latino workers

They've gone they've gone by way of the factory farm. So it's all done by machine, bro Yeah, so don't worry about that because I was in the transition and I used to work on a soybean, corn, cotton, milo farm in On the Louisiana and mississippi delta. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, it's impressive and um In my summers from high school to in the college and I remember the last summer that I was there Uh was the first time that they got a mexican worker So it was like you could just start to see it kind of getting into the area that a lot of latinos were coming in Wow and migrant workers, you know, but you didn't have it the the two the two summers before it They didn't have it, right, you know, and then

And then the third summer they had this guy named yemi And he was him and he was yemi. We were sure Oh jimmy, but yemi He wrote it down a couple times and he wasn't even yaguar yemi Yeah Oh, yeah, dude Yaks on view Yaks on view yaks on view yuggling

Yuggling okay, we have the last one Brian counting here today in the first round of the state war's march madness I mean, this is a big one. Hawaii's got big strong Hawaiians But there are also a lot addicted to a lot of sucrose a lot of drugs a lot of weed over there Yeah, crystal you got to go you got to go Alaska. There you go Alaska The last frontier the hardiest motherfuckers on the planet living below zero Imagine that they can they can ride a horse. They can they can do everything Dude imagine waking up in the morning and having to chip yourself out of your own fucking bed

When the ice is I mean, you know, they know how to skin they know how to get they know how to live off the land Oh, Alaska crushes Hawaii because Hawaii is great. But you know It's too much beach too much. You know, it's too easy, right? It's gotten too. Yeah, I think at this point It's gotten too easy. They can't even make their football team is good But the highest it ever gets to be is like number 24 or something. Aloha. Yeah, you know, I mean Yeah, they have it's hard to play with flower. You can't fight with flowers around your neck, dude A lay you can't fight with a lay around your neck, dude and plus Uh

Alaska you can have mittens made out of your ex-wife in Alaska. Oh, yeah, bro Or ex-husband if you go if the Hawaiians tried to go into Alaska to take it over it all die immediately It's like gremlins when they hit water Hawaiians can't handle that kind of cold. They just die Right away. They first of all, they wouldn't even have a dress for it. They get off the plane and it's free to death I mean, they just be frozen right there and they just come up with a statue They just like to keep them frozen and have like the Hawaiian Museum and you just kids from Alaska would walk through that frozen museum of like frozen Hawaiians

Fuck that Yeah, dude Milo and oh Lilo and stitch is their big movie Alaska has call of the wild one dude went out there and tried to read a book and fucking died in a bus Yes, he did but jack London wrote to build a fire call of the wild jack London was a great writer And he didn't even live in Alaska somebody said he just read about Well, he and I made that up. Okay. Yeah, he did live in Alaska. He lived on a worked on a boat He's a great fucking writer. Deadliest catch. That's all for where Alaska. Oh, yeah, bro Dude, deadliest catch. That's an unsafe work environment. Yeah, not the Google cafeteria because somebody wrote

Some stuff about men and women fucking pussies. Yeah, not the Oahu fucking Uh mahi grill that is not a dangerous work environment. It sure ain't yeah And plus your camouflage and why you guys picked the worst camouflage. It's the floral the bright colors. You're fucking You look like a tropical bird All I want to do is shoot you out of the sky Bro, you're gonna get shot on the plane, bro. They're gonna know you're coming. I know So I think all of your hardest hitters have really probably moved on to Hawaii Alaska there you go

There you go. We have a lot of Alaskan listeners too. Actually, we're in a lot of video and audio submissions from Alaska. Wow Um, so let's uh And there's the next rounds. We'll put those on the screen We got some good ones. Good. We did well. I think I think we did well too, man Very interesting. Thank you for the uh For the knowledge man. This is a big second round matchup. California, Montana. Yeah, who are some of the big ones? Cali, Montana Texas, Virginia Uh, it's gonna be good. New Jersey versus West Virginia. You even imagined that

Whoa, bro, it's that's aggression. It's going damn, bro. I don't know. That's a fucking tough one Jersey, Oklahoma, Louisiana. Jersey is Italian versus Redneck that's both the toughest fuck. Yeah, we're gonna have to think about a lot of these Video submissions. Yes, send in videos. We don't know if it'll be brian here next time. We may have another famous comedian here I love being here though. Thank you for having me. I'm next door. You know where to find me. Oh, we hear you Yeah, really? We hear you buddy and you just started a youtube channel, right brian? Yeah, brian callen at youtube slash Right youtube.com slash brian callen live. Yeah youtube.com slash brian callen live

And we're gonna give you this man to take care of yourself as you move forward You just pissed off a lot of states. So yeah, I appreciate that and get complicated apes you fucks Yeah, and I'll put complicated apes on my instagram right now Um, check it out. This will go out today Um, and thank you so much to the fighter and the kid for always being so supportive man. You guys have been Uh, we wouldn't you're one of our favorites, brother. Well, it's nice. Let's get that new belt. Don't forget that. Yeah, we're the Fuck did you get oh, we got it. It's coming. It's coming. This is good. It's coming. It's fucking water April

No, no, bro. We got it coming. Yeah, bro. What we'll get interim belt in the meantime. I saw it and I'm very happy with Yeah, sure We're having an order was it a vision you had we had we had to hire a blacksmith. We got an anvil So banging it out had to mine the gold, you know, I'm saying the gems and where's chris delay gonna be at Dude, you know those puppies. He has on his instagram. They're not real They bring him over to his house to use them and then the lady takes him back Chris is a phony and a racist there Oh, definitely. I don't mean to spread rumors, but yeah, holy fuck. Hold on. Is this a knife? Yeah

Check out that blade. I love knives. You gotta be able to get in the box. You're gonna lose to every state Folds in the yeah, there's a lap. There's a latch on the side. Yeah, the side folds up. You don't realize that the side Is I want this knife. I'll take it put in your car very helpful in the car I carry a knife. Well, now you carry him to not dude. Did I have two knives on me right now? Holy fuck. I like this knife, but you know what I want to switch blade. I want a stiletto We'll switch that bitch out. That's a nice little knife, dude I do some damage with that. Well, you can stab 15 people for to fucking be not that shit. I'll unzip a man. I'll unzip you Oh, yeah, that's what I said to a guy go. Hey, bro

You want me to unzip you? Careful, brother I'll unzip you. Yeah, I play for keeps because I've got you like a dog Oh, dude, you want to know how many you want to fucking count your ribs while you die? That's it That's it, bro. I'll open you up and you lose hydraulics in eight seconds. Oh, damn Dude, look, I brought these two little xylophone malice. I did a marines podcast I was talking about that. There's this guy who said if I could start cutting you here and your arms You're gonna you're gonna lose hydraulics in about eight seconds. Jesus. I was like hydraulics. I didn't know

It's so nice. Who gave you this knife? Uh ridge. They do they do space sponsors a ridge. I want a knife You got one that's yours Really? Yeah, man, ridge. I want a knife where I can like the stilettos for real like I want a bigger Oh that I want a bigger one that Richie Valens, bro. Yeah, I want to have I can push up and be ready for real Yeah, send me one. Oh, that's something you break out of it. Can you have me one? Yeah, let's see. They might have those I'm not taking this one from me. Maybe they'll add it to the product line. Just but take that, bro You just fucking told 20 states that there aren't shit

All right, and you're going to two of them this weekend. I'll take this ridge knife. I like this. Thank you But one thing is though, Kansas City is right there on the border, man And you're gonna have people from both walks of life. Can you come out come out one and all come out strong? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Oh, yeah, that's a knife Dude, I'll keep you busy with this fucking knife. I'll keep a fucking Cat busy with my dick. Oh you will but you see what I say is when I pull out my knife and I go I just start picking my teeth. I mean picking my nails. I go like this. I hand teeth and I go Just remember your kung fu is no good here

See what I did you see how I went low just remember You're kung fu is no good here That's scary dude. Dude. I feel like I'm in an outtake for mother will be blood Yeah, you know I drink your milkshake. Yeah, I drink your milkshake Is it different time man? Would you assert what what obviously you're surviving a lot in this time period? But what time period do you think you could not have survived well in? I mean

the problem the thing that people don't realize about most of history is you died of diseases like the pox the plague diphtheria malaria all kinds of diseases so You know you you you and if you didn't do that you get cut and get an infection And get staff and die would go septic Or they have to you know people who have a problem with western medicine. Please look at some old pictures of the civil war

There were mountains of amputated legs and hands and feet and and arms because when you got injured They had to cut your hand off because it was going to go gangrene. Is it going to kill the rest of you? Yes Wow, so you had to lose we didn't come up with with essentially You know things to dress wounds until world world one and after You got you just had to have it lopped off and we didn't really have anesthetic Oh bite down on this fucking on this on this rag and we're going to cut your goddamn leg off. That's what would happen I mean, so we owe much to technology And now we got a fucking bunch of twins out here skating on fucking water people who don't vaccinate their kids man

I mean, I don't know like if you look at history forget the science just pick up a book on literature or history Yeah, everybody was dying. You lost your kids. You buried your kids to shitty diseases tetanus Things that we don't even think about anymore. Yeah a rusty nail dude. You want to lose your son to a fucking rusty nail Because you had a you have a stance on some it severely like outlandish idea. That's the problem That's what's gonna happen in some of these cities but already is already is it's already happening But I mean that's just that's just ignorance. Yeah, you know people just don't trust big pharma and I understand that Oh, yeah, I understand where that comes from but but you can't get your information off of youtube and google only Yeah, leave this site. Just listen to scientists

But dude scientists are in the pocket of the companies sometimes Sometimes but when you when the massive And what it's not even that I'm saying forget. Okay. If you don't want to listen to all the scientists Because I guess they're all evil and they're all taking money. I guess that I mean, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard But if you don't so you're all your doctors are wrong all your doctors are wrong all your scientists are wrong cool I'll give that to you. You got that ready now. Just pick up because you don't do this. I know you don't do this most people Yeah, read any good work of literature Any great play. I mean any

Watching people die of like consumption, whatever it might be Read any history book or we're gonna talk to any historian Who doesn't make money from the pharmaceutical companies right talk to anybody? They will tell you that disease That disease that we now vaccinate for words were the leading causes of death You lost your children. You lost entire groups of people The the spanish flu killed that that's just a matter of historical record. What are you talking about? Smallpox throughout the world. I grew up in those countries in the 70s. I lived there

I saw leprosy with my own eyes. You dumb fucks without tetracycline's without tetracycline. You'd be done I watched people die of AIDS with my own eyes my own neighbors my own friends I saw it in new york every single day Jerry O'Connell saw it too and then they came along with protease inhibitors. You fucking idiots So big pharma saves lives as well I saw what AIDS did if you want to be an AIDS denier go ahead the problem is I saw it with my own eyes You fucks and now they're not dying anymore. Now AIDS is as manageable or more manageable than diabetes And the virus has had to fucking constantly compromise themselves

It's so so much because of these cocktail drugs. Thanks to big pharma and science So if that's the case We know that if you have staff or MRSA Then then go then don't trust big pharma. Yeah, go fix it yourself. Yeah, go fix it yourself And you seaweed and honey you dumb fuck you see how long you live Yeah, but so so it's funny to me that people they use the technology in their apple phones But that's not evil, but they don't trust Other technology. It's confirmation. It's confirmation bias. Yeah, you benefit every fucking day from scientific thinking

Right, you don't you don't bury your friends or your children and your and your parents because of scientific thinking you dumb fucks A little respect where it's due. I'm not saying you have to trust big pharma I'm not saying big pharma doesn't have profit motive and greed and I'm not saying there aren't corrupt people in all these things And I'm not saying there's not a lot of dude named big pharma out there. Yeah I'm not saying that you you should trust your government. I don't right. I don't trust A lot of big pharma. I understand that but when you start going against vaccines across the board, you're dumb as fuck Yeah, and also if you're you're you're an ignorant idiot who knows nothing about history Yeah, and if we are addicted we have a part in that if you're addicted to some freaking drugs

You're the one that's addicted like sure. They're addictive. You got these crazy doctors shouldn't be writing all these prescriptions but You have a part in that as well. We have a part in that as well, you know as users, you know If I you know just because lakeside maple who's not sponsoring us anymore But who we still love and has been a very great small business Just because they keep making fucking maple, you know trail mix It doesn't make them bad people. No, it doesn't make them bad me sitting here fucking trail mix cures smallpox. Yeah They could man. You never know. Yep

Um, bryan callen. Thank you so much. You're special complicated apes Is it complicated video to no video on audio? Yeah, it's doing really well, but uh, it's the best thing I've ever done I think and uh, I think you'll laugh. I think you'll laugh, you know, you're you're you're one of the most entertaining men I know I always say that I think entertainers are making a big comeback on stage. Yeah, you know And you've always been out there, but guys like you Sebastian Maniscalco people that are actually entertaining There's something to hear but also there's something to watch, you know, hopefully I appreciate that's what we love the truth Um, we'll see you guys in the future for round two

Of uh of this past weekend state wars march madness. Thank you. Gianni. Thank you, nick. Thank you. Yeah Thanks, bryan. You're adorable It's adorable stem cells. All right cutie pies. Thanks, everybody Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be Cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take

A little time For me to set that parking brake and let myself Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story You