This Past Weekend - Think Differently | This Past Weekend #93

Starting point is 00:00:00 Have you heard of this new movie called Dear Dictator? Well, it's a comedy starring Michael Caine, Katie Holmes, Odea Rush, Seth Green, and Jason Biggs. Michael Caine plays Anton Vincent, the dictator of an island nation who becomes pen pals with an American teenager named Tatiana. Tatiana is played by Odea Rush from Lady Bird. When political turmoil forces Anton to flee, he seeks refuge in Tatiana's garage in the suburbs and teaches her how to start a revolution to overthrow the mean girls in her high school. Man, we all wanted to do that. Naturally, mayhem ensues. You can watch Dear Dictator now on DVD or on iTunes.

Starting point is 00:00:47 I watched it and I enjoyed it. This episode, as always, is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza. Gray Block Pizza. It's that comfortable Italian, you know, regularity that's beautiful that you put into your face. You can get all types of different toppings, everything, special types of pies. And they also have the famous salad pizza. You like salad? You like pizza? Well, guess what? Both of you can enjoy yourself. Gray block. Get that here.

Starting point is 00:01:17 All right, man. Welcome. And lady, welcome. Let's go. I'm popping right back with the same song as last week. Corner Stone. Man, this song gets me, man. Cornerstone Man, this song gets me, man Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found out I can feel it In my bones

Starting point is 00:01:53 But it's gonna take A little time For me to set that parking brake And let myself unwind. Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my story. Shine on me. If I will find a song, I will sing it just for you.

Starting point is 00:02:28 Find a song and I will sing it just for you. I will find a song and I will sing it just for you. You know, sometimes people do that in your life. You know, when people, you know, it's rare that I find that I feel, you know, that it's rare that I find when somebody does something and it's just for me out of just genuine, genuinenosity. And then, you know, it's funny when somebody does something like that, hit you with that genuinenosity. Then I notice, wow, that's what that's like. It reminds me, man, I got to, you know, I got to genuinenize. I got to genuinenize and I need to do a favor for somebody

Starting point is 00:03:11 or do something for somebody and not even tell them, not even, you know, not even say, hey, you know, look at this, you know, vest I just bought you or, you know, look at these roller skates I got your cousin, but just do it. Send a box of unmarked, an unmarked box of roller skates to somebody. You know, sometimes you gotta just, you just gotta do, uh, you gotta do something for somebody else. Sometimes you gotta, and, but I noticed that when somebody does it for me. Anyway, I don't know why I started off right there, but where else are you going to start?

Starting point is 00:03:46 Except in the middle. And that's where I am today. Happy day. Happy day to you. Thank you guys for joining me. Man, that song just gets me, dude. Right there, bro. That thing.

Starting point is 00:03:58 When I find it, I'll patch up where it's been thrown. I want to, that thing just, ooh. This feels good, man. This song feels good, dude. You know, and that's what sometimes when I wish I had a little bit of urbanosity in me, when I had some urbanness, you know, when I had a little bit of, you know, bit of urbanosity in me, when I had some urban-ness, you know, when I had a little bit of, you know, when I had a little bit of maybe some Afrikaans down in my veins, because I just want to hit them. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:36 You know, I want to hit, I want to feel it. You ever see or hear a black lady or black man, they hit those notes and you're like, my Lord, that sound, where did that sound even come from? That's Steph Curry. You know, that volume is Steph Curry because that thing's coming from deep. That thing is coming from deep. And I wish I had that ability. You know, I got these, but you know, I got these. I have this small rib cage.

Starting point is 00:05:05 And I got small lungs. And the doctor said that when I was born. That I had the rib cage of a large cat. And that you know. And what goes inside of those rib cage. I got smaller lungs. So that's where I'm at. You know physically.

Starting point is 00:05:22 But thank you guys for joining me today. I hope your day is good. I hope whatever you're doing. You're doing day is good. I hope whatever you're doing, you're doing it. You know, I hope whatever you're doing, if you pissed at somebody, let them know

Starting point is 00:05:31 and get it out your life because we going forward today. What's up, dude? I started a shitty diet and I don't even mean that literally. I just started this diet. I'm on this paleologist. Pale, let me see.

Starting point is 00:05:49 Paleos. Paleos. Paleos diet. And paleos diet is, you're getting back to the caveman ways. Because inside of us, even though we're all newfangled, we're running around here with cell phone and with North Face coats and with kitty litter and all of these fancy 21st century technologies. Inside of us, there's still caveman inside of our genes. You can't deny that's in you.

Starting point is 00:06:25 That's limbic. That's at the root. You know, there's that root of your humanity that is in the base of your brain. And that's that limbic system. And that's where you have those caveman tendencies and cavewoman tendencies. And look, let's be honest.

Starting point is 00:06:43 Back in the day, cave man, cave woman, probably exactly the same, really. Because you had to think that body bush. I mean, that body bush on a man or woman, you almost had to get up there and part that hair. You had to get up there and search for that pheasant to see what gender somebody even was. I mean, now you see somebody in the distance,

Starting point is 00:07:06 you can mostly guess. Unless you got a man running around wearing lipstick or putting glittery lotion on his neck or anything like that, then you might think, oh, that could be a woman. Or if you have a woman who's, you know, trying to have a special type of, you know, what was considered or used to be considered a predominantly male hairstyle.

Starting point is 00:07:28 You got some women have a fade. I've seen women that will shave a lot above their lip trying to grow out that mustache. And I've even had women hit me up because I'm rocking this gender neutral style. And I've had women hit me up about my hairstyle saying, how do they get it? And also a couple of ladies asking how they can grow a goatee. And I'm like, look, you know, I'm not, I'm not, you know, I'm not out here Frankensteining, you know, I don't know how to add parts or, you know, adjust the, you know, the genetic makeup of your chin, but, you know, I can give you some I can give you a couple of ideas

Starting point is 00:08:06 on how to catch some of this fade. I mean, it's just a one into a two. And then you got to kind of fade it out towards the back whenever you get right at the middle of your ear. You got to fade it out. But yeah, what was I talking about? Yeah, but back in the day,

Starting point is 00:08:21 I'm on that paleo... I cannot get this computer to work. On the paleo's diet. Paleosity. I'm on it. And what it is, is you can have meat. You can only have a few things. You can have meat.

Starting point is 00:08:34 You can have grapes. You can have anything in the Bible except for bread. So, you know, it's not a biblical. It's not a, you know, a God-fearing diet. You know, you're not eating in the whole time, you know, looking around for lightning bolts if you fuck up, but it is a, you know, it's just basic kind of stuff. If you were, if you wanted outside of a cave, things you would find, you could find, you could have fresh meat, you could have berries, raisins. Um, you could have honey. Uh, can you have honey? Nope. You could have berries, raisins. You could have honey. Can you have honey? Nope. You can have pure maple syrup. That's just got to be straight out of a tree, boy. So, I mean, look, and you'll get hungry.

Starting point is 00:09:26 bent down behind a tree. I ain't sucking no dink back there, you know, or I ain't eating no crunch. I'm back there probably trying to, you know, trying to slurp a hit of maple out of one of your, uh, out of one of your, out of one of your fine pieces of woodwork in your yard, you know, cause you get hungry. That's the thing you get most hungry for. I find is sweeteners, you know, cause I'll make it through, you know, you can's the thing you get most hungry for, I find, is sweeteners. You know, because I'll make it through. You know, you can have eggs. You can have asparagus. I mean, you can have, actually, they had one kind of ice cream you can have, but it's, it has charcoal in it.

Starting point is 00:09:57 This shit sounds, some of y'all are like, fuck that, man. But I did it. I just wanted to kind of challenge myself with the paleos and see if I could handle what it was like to be a caveman. You know, could I could I do it if, you know, if suddenly everything shut down and, you know, my, you know, my apartment turned into a made out of rocks and my carpet turned into dirt. Could I handle it? What would I go eat? I mean, you could, you know, you'd have to try and catch birds. You'd have to have probably a little bit of rat meat, but paleo's diet, you know, you can get those things and you get those natural accoutrements that just cater directly to your body. So you don't feel a lot of, I'll tell you a couple things. I don't have a lot of indigestion. I don't have a lot of body gas. Because I'm that type of dude. I'll be honest with you, man. I was, you know, I lacked, I was lactic acid. And if I had lactic acid, I was lactose intolerance. And if I had lactic acid, I was lactose intolerant. And it's not, I know some people think it's like a Black Lives Matter type of thing.

Starting point is 00:11:08 It's not. Lactose intolerance is, you know, lactose isn't a race. It's something that's in milk. And if you have it, your body doesn't like it. And so your body doesn't have a lot of ways to yell at you and say, hey, I don't like this. So your body will make body gas. And so if I had lactic acids or whatever, milk, things like that, heavy creamer, then I would

Starting point is 00:11:36 have body gas. And that would make me and everybody, you know, just, it wasn't fun. But on this paleo's diet, boy, nothing. Bro, you can monitor my little browser hole all week and you won't hear it say a peep. So I'm really keyed down and I'm dialed in on this paleo's diet and I'm feeling, you know what it makes me, you know what it does for me? I'll say this. It makes it so, say if I want to go have a snack, I can't just go eat whatever is readily available. You know, it makes me think before I eat.

Starting point is 00:12:10 That's what it does. It makes me look at a couple of look at the ingredients, look at that, you know, and so that's really one of the best gifts about I've only been on it for five days. But you can still have fish. You can have salmon. You can have salmon. You can have celery. You can have, what else can you have? You can have eggs. I think I already said eggs. Oh, you can have meat. So you can have meat. You just can't have bread. you just can't have bread. So you got to, you can only have the middle part of a sandwich.

Starting point is 00:12:46 So you definitely seem like a fucking pervert. You know, they had a dude, one of my dad's friends, this man, Larry Dunn used to, he would have a sandwich and he had a, this dude had the longest tongue ever.

Starting point is 00:12:58 And he hated us. He come over to our house and he hated us. He hated everybody. And I think the, you know, the Lord just filled that man with hate. And if he, he, if he was, um, if he was a piece of luggage and they opened him up at TSA, it would just be a bunch of, uh, just hate blocks. And they'd be like, oh, okay, this is just hate blocks. We thought this, that you were, you know, running, um, you know,

Starting point is 00:13:21 trying to cross, you know, move oranges or produce across state lines. You're good to go with these hate blocks. And Larry Dunn had it was just all hatred. But anyhow, if that man got a burger, he didn't like the bread. And it's one of the reasons why his first wife left him, actually, because he wouldn't eat bread. And he would just get his tongue around and just get it that meat. And it's almost like watching a dog. If you've ever hidden something from a dog, like a toy, it's under the couch, watching a dog get in there like that.

Starting point is 00:13:50 You know, if you've ever seen a long-legged, a long-tongued, you know, Weimaraner or something, or French Bulldog, or anything like that. If you've ever seen it use its tongue to get under the sofa to get something. That's how Mr. Larry Dunn would get around. And he'd just get his tongue up in there and try to get whatever meat was in that sandwich. And that shit was I mean, watching it now, I would honestly say that shit might be a bit erotic. Not even in a homoerotic way or in a homosexual way, but just in the way of that, you know, watching somebody try to tongue the meat out of a sandwich without eating

Starting point is 00:14:34 the bread. That shit is, damn boy, that shit's sexy. And we might actually have to make a YouTube. Maybe we'll see if we can get some seniors to try and, you know, to try and excerpt the meat out of a sandwich tongue only. And I know that sounds pretty bizarre, but that would be a way more unique type of pornography. You know, instead of watching all this vulgarity and people, you know, holding each other's butts open and, you know, hiding silverware in each other's, you know, booties and all of this and, you know, tying yarn around each other's tits and all kinds of stuff they're doing on the dark net. tongue a couple hits of mortadella cheese or something out of a, you know, in between a couple of pieces of honey wheat without eating the bread. That shit sounds crazy, but also sounds

Starting point is 00:15:35 really, really captivating and mildly sensual. And that's ways that we need to think. We need to think different. You know, we need to try and think a little bit different if we can. And that's what this, and that's what this diet does for me. I've noticed. I just really, just really realized it because I don't like it. You know, I go, you know, I'd go up to Burger King. I'm like, fuck, I can't have nothing in here. Unless I have them cook a piece of meat and just give me the meat in one of those little cardboard to go burger thing, just meat only in there. You can't have ketchup.

Starting point is 00:16:08 You can't have a lot of sauces. That's the thing. So if you're a real condiment jockey, if you're somebody out there that likes to wake up in the middle of the night and just squirt a couple hits of that Dijon mustard into your jaw, then this isn't for you probably. If you're somebody that wakes up in the middle of the night and likes to hide a couple hits of blackberry jam in your jaw,

Starting point is 00:16:33 then this might not be for you. But if you're somebody that wants to try something different, then maybe it is for you. And so I've been trying it, you know, and you can have meats. You can have, I mean, there's all that gluten-free. So you can have all of that stuff, but it just has to be that way, you know. So, but basically you're staying real lit. You stay in real, you stay real keen.

Starting point is 00:16:57 So now when I go to the refrigerator, I got to think what I eat before I eat. And that's what I'm noticing is the greatest little gift. Even if I only do this for five days, I might not, you know, you telling me I'll never have another piece of wedding cake in my life. Well, I'm telling you that I'm about to hack you up with a dang saw because I will have that. But in the meantime, I'm just trying it. It's not a life sentence. You can have oranges. You can have pears. You can have all types of stuff like that.

Starting point is 00:17:30 You know, you can basically have anything that's good for you that you could find in a forest. And so that's why I'm at them on that paleo diet. And it's been it's been an adventure. I do feel, you know, I notice I'll be honest with you straight out the gate. I notice less bowel activity. You know, my bowels have been more honest with you, straight out the gate, I notice less bowel activity. You know, my bowels have been more low-key, probably because I'm not eating as much junk. I've noticed a little bit of less inflation in my body. I have noticed, and you know, and I've already mentioned, I've noticed a lot less body gas.

Starting point is 00:18:01 And so, and that's enjoyable, man. I mean, you know, I'm not trying to be vulgar here, but sometimes people like having body gas and sometimes people don't. You know, it's fun every now and then if you're on a plane and people think you're taking a nap and you've, you know, you launch a little air baby and watch that thing learn to crawl around the room under people's snouts. I mean, that is just a joy. But also sometimes it's not a joy. When you got a date over and y'all snuggled up

Starting point is 00:18:31 and y'all watching, maybe you guys are watching Wally or a league of their own with the bass turned up. I used to do that sometime. I'd have chicks come over. This was one of my moves with ladies. First, you have a lady come over, right? And look, you meet her outside, but make sure all the doors are open. Make sure your face is well lit.

Starting point is 00:18:56 Don't be that crazy dude meeting a lady by a dark tree or some kind of shit like that. It's not safe. So you meet a lady, maybe meet her out front, but meet her, you know, where she could see your face. Don't take a candle out there by your face. That shit is old school. You know, this ain't Abraham Lincoln dating. This is new age dating. So you just want to be in an area that's lit either naturally or lit by some type of street lamps or porch light. But you meet the lady outside, let her know you're safe. So then you have the lady come over, right?

Starting point is 00:19:28 And you have a, you put on a little movie, something that shows that you're cool with ladies, a league of their own. That's about ladies playing baseball. And some of them not really experimenting with lesbian, but no, it's not like that. It's more ladies playing baseball. Some of them not really experimenting with lesbian, but it's not like that. It's more ladies playing baseball and wanting to hold down the fort while their husbands are away defending

Starting point is 00:19:52 their country. That's a great movie. I'll turn the bass up. A lot of people don't think this. If you got some speakers at the house or if you got car speakers but you don't have a car right now because you fucked up on payments or whatever then get your shit, get your speakers, put them in the house.

Starting point is 00:20:12 And you know get a couple 12s or some 20s or whatever and turn the bass up. You put a league of their own on with that bass up, man you starting, you're going to unleash a real fuck fever in the air. Because there's a League of Their Own. That's a movie that lets a woman know you safe. Another movie you could watch is a movie called Up. It's about two grandparents and one of them dies and one of them, his house is almost getting repossessed by balloons.

Starting point is 00:20:46 And I guess it's like a way that Disney or whatever, Pixar, kind of shows you how a mortgage can work. You got balloon payments, you don't deal with it, your house gets taken away. But what it is, is you can play that and put the bass up. Because bass, that's foreplay. That's electronic equipment doing foreplay for you. You know, because we don't know. You don't always have a lot of time to touch your lady, right?

Starting point is 00:21:13 So you need to use sonic abilities like bass. Like bass, because that thing, that's feeling's feeling all you know you get the vibrations going that's touching your lady everywhere a little bit lightly and next thing you know her nipples are stimulation you know full body if she has body hair standing on end and that's you know and then a lot of the activity she's alert she got body alertness she has body alertness and she has heart trustworthiness because you're watching up or you're watching League of their own. You got that base turned up and that shit is savage, man. And that's a good way to meet a lady and, you know, get a lot of the that way you're getting free.

Starting point is 00:21:58 You know, you're getting a lot of free sensuality occurring in the room because you got a sexy movie on something that's sentimental shows you're supportive of women and at the same time you got the bass turned up. That's creating that sensuality, that sexual environment. That's creating that caveman. There's no crying in baseball. Ball, ball, ball. Fucking hire a DJ.

Starting point is 00:22:30 Remix that shit, boy. Still well, still well, still well. Live your life. You can do it. And that's a great way to have a date with a lady. Right there. But yeah, back in the paleo days, think about that. If you were a caveman, everybody looked the same.

Starting point is 00:22:51 Everybody had just bush. This was full. There weren't any haircuts. The only way you could get a haircut, rip your hair out of your body. And you might do that on your chest or something maybe on your beard or something if you were about to get married or if you were really close to the fire.

Starting point is 00:23:08 But nobody's straight ripping crotch hair out of their body. So if you wanted to know if somebody's gender back in the day, you had to get up close and you had to look around for that pheasant. You know, you had to go on that two-handed pheasant hunt, get over there, moving that pubheasant. You know, you had to go on that two-handed pheasant hunt, get over there, move in that pubic hair. And that pubic hair, that stuff will hide everything. Dude, you could hide it. Dude, you could hide anything you want. They had a brother used to live near me and he had this huge frode. He was frode up. And he would hide a small stack. He would hide a fucking bankroll up in his pubic hair. So that's

Starting point is 00:23:51 a real, that's a serious turf. And back in the day in paleo's times, you had to get up close to somebody to get to know them and to see if they were man or woman. And that's, so that's kind of, you know, and so I think sometimes when I'm on this types of diet, it makes you think about, well, it definitely makes my senses more alert. And a lot of people know, I talked about this on Joe Rogan podcast that, you know, I took, I talked about this on Joe Rogan podcast that you know I took I did a cleanse like

Starting point is 00:24:25 what was that three years ago two years ago and I was on day five of it I was at a Best Buy and I was I was fiending for anything to eat I mean I

Starting point is 00:24:42 could smell somebody's breath from 11, 12, 13 feet. Did they have roast beef? I was just alert. I could hear somebody fold a piece of bread from 60 feet away. Like, what the fuck? Was that right? I mean, you get so, because your body wants to eat. Your eyes can see clear. Your senses come alive because your body is thinking, I need to survive right now. And so I remember on day five of that cleanse, I was on the lemonade hot pepper cleanse. And you drink lemonade, just have some syrup and cayenne pepper.

Starting point is 00:25:26 And where I'm from, dude, that's a fucking hell. That's a damn, that's a dessert. You know, I had a couple of black friends growing up that were raised on that diet. So,

Starting point is 00:25:35 you know, that them boys showed up for real every day because that diet will, I mean, it made me so alert because my sense, I need to survive. And I remember being at Best Buy. And I started to zone out. And there was a Vietnamese gentleman there.

Starting point is 00:25:53 And he worked there. He definitely did. He worked there. Because sometimes people walk up to an Asian person in a Best Buy and just start talking to them and asking them. Shit, I've seen this happen 50 times. And they're like, I'm just, I'm a customer. And this gentleman worked there. I saw his name tag. It said Ben. And right when I saw that, I'm thinking, you know, vanilla, I'm thinking foods, beignet. I'm thinking, um, you know, I'm thinking,

Starting point is 00:26:21 I'm thinking you know I'm thinking I'm thinking just foods and his name was Ben he started talking to me I asked him a question about something I was looking to buy he started talking to me and next thing you know

Starting point is 00:26:33 I can't even hear him and I started thinking I could it's going to sound crazy but he was Vietnamese very small I thought I could eat him that's how hungry I was

Starting point is 00:26:41 I thought to myself if everybody else in this store right now turned the other direction for 40 seconds, I could fucking eat little Ben. I could eat him. And that's when I realized a couple things about myself. One, that if you have to, you will. If you got to, you will. That could be anything.

Starting point is 00:27:03 That could mean anything. If you got to, you will. That could be anything. That could mean anything. And in this case, it was that my body was telling me, my brain was telling me, that limbic system in the back of my brain was telling me, if you need to be a carnivore, a humanivore, or you eating humans, or you snacking on neighbors or whatever, if you need to be that, you can be that if you need to be. Because there's stuff inside of us that we can do if we need to. And that's why I said, I'll eat the fuck out of a little bin right here. You know, right here, over here in this, in the frigid air section.

Starting point is 00:27:51 You know, I'll take this dude down between a couple of fucking dryers you know and i'll have some by you somebody passed me a side of zatziki sauce and i could i think i could digest a vietnamese gentleman back here behind these whirlpools and that's where i was in my brain i was like i gotta get out of the store before i fucking bite somebody so it's just you know you don't know where you can go. And that's what I like about trying this thing is because it's making me, I'm feeling new things about myself. I'm noticing new things. I notice now, if anything, this teaches me to, oh, look at the labels. Think for a second before I just, oh, have that.

Starting point is 00:28:20 Because trust me, I'm an addict. And when I want, I will have. That's where my brain is. And so now it's neat to be able to challenge myself a little bit, even a little bit, just by doing some of this paleo, some paleo diet. And you don't get all the junk. Like there's a lot of things. I don't get them anymore in my system.

Starting point is 00:28:43 You know, there's samsorbic acids. You know, stuff that's in candy. Yellow number 70 or whatever. Chichen Itzas. Fucking whatever. You know, unnatural shit. Cystolic. Cystolic. Cystolic acid. If you look on anything,

Starting point is 00:29:10 it's all just a bunch of acid. You're like, what is all this? And then I just have it and it's in me. And then I'm running drugs, man. Fuck, I'm a drug mule. But for some preservative company. You ever thought about that, man? Who am I a drug mule for right now?

Starting point is 00:29:27 I'll tell you, for Pfizer, definitely. You know, I'm sure I got a couple, you know, milligrams of Cialis or something. You know, bought some Levitra from India. That shit makes my fucking legs sweat. Makes my ass kind of ashy, my hips a little bit ashy. But at the same time time makes me spring up so it's a trade off but I'm definitely, I'm drug mulling for Pfizer right now

Starting point is 00:29:52 you know I got antidepressants in me I'm on Lexapro or whatever I'm a, you know, I'm definitely a drug mull for samsorbic acid, whatever else is in a lot of this shit I don't think I have any unnatural food around me right now or whatever, any non-paleos. And look, I'm not condemning you. If you eat all that stuff and you can be okay with it, that's good. I'm just trying something different.

Starting point is 00:30:16 You know, give me two weeks and I'll have a fucking box of runts in my mouth. You know? I'll be, you know, I'll be having other snacks. I'll be you know I'll be you know I'll be having other snacks I'll be having gas station snackery but right now I'm just trying that so I'm just sharing with you what it's about I'm not saying I'm different than you or that I'm better than you for doing

Starting point is 00:30:36 this shit that's just what the fuck I'm doing this week so and I'm telling you some experiences I had on it man that there's a lot of downside of these things. They don't tell you that you might, you know, you might eat a Vietnamese dude at a Best Buy. I'm, praise God, I don't have a roommate. If I had a new roommate that I just met off Craigslist or something, gang, gang, bro.

Starting point is 00:31:01 I hope you don't mind silverware. dang, bro, I hope you don't mind silverware. Because if I was on a cleanse, the lemonade, pepper, syrup cleanse, and I had a new roommate off Craigslist, I would carve that cat up at night. Because that's one of the side effects. You get so hungry that you don't know what something inside of you will do. You don't know what something inside of you will do. You don't know.

Starting point is 00:31:31 And that's kind of, you know, and that's, what's almost exciting because I get to feel these things. What happens when I'm not satiated? Huh? What happens when I'm not, you know, some of this inflammation leaves out of my, my neck and. What happens when I give it a break? What happens to me? Who do I become? Do I have different thoughts? Is it easier for me to get up and get motivated? Yeah, I do notice some of those little things. It's easier for me to get up in the morning. There's a little bit less thought in my head. Oh, maybe rest a little more. So just little things, man. And I think it just comes from just trying something, you know, just trying something.

Starting point is 00:32:11 Try something. That's it. But yeah, I'm on that paleo, and I'm not running around with all these. I'm not drug mulling this week for all of these, you know, companies that make all these preservatives. I'm not drug mulling for them right now because I am on paleos. Paleos.

Starting point is 00:32:29 Whatever the fuck it is, this shit. What is this? Sorry for the bad language. I'm starving, bro. No shit, dude. Dude, if somebody were in front of me right now, we're eating a damn muffin, I'd curse them out. Dude, if somebody drove by an ice cream truck,

Starting point is 00:32:46 I'll pull that motherfucker out. I'll beat that dude with a bomb pop. Okay? I'll hide a Chico. Dude, I'll take a Chico stick upside some, upside a couple of wild bitches head right now. That's where I'm at. So also that's another thing. You know, with these

Starting point is 00:33:01 diets comes propensity for violence. I'm out here like a stepchild right now. I'm out here like an angry stepchild. So you know where I'm at. But that's something that I'm doing, that that's going on with me. That's what, you know, part of what happened this past weekend. What else, man? You know, I met two cool people at the comedy store this weekend.

Starting point is 00:33:24 I met a couple met two cool people at the comedy store this weekend I met a couple cool cats uh I'm going to I don't know if I want to tell you this I might be going to Australia in uh in a week damn

Starting point is 00:33:35 I don't even know if I wanted to tell you but I just told you so I don't know yet but we'll see uh we're figuring it out and they got some comedy festivals going on over there

Starting point is 00:33:44 and also one of my favorite entertainers ever Lives there And his name is Chris Lilly And if you've never seen the show Summer Heights High You need to go watch it I missed it somehow And it's my favorite

Starting point is 00:34:00 It's my favorite type of entertainment It's just really funny It's really funny. And go check it out. You can find it on YouTube in some different areas. It's hard to find, but it's called Summer Heights High, like part one or pilot or what, start there. And it will be the best show you've never seen

Starting point is 00:34:21 if you haven't seen it. And the lead, the star, the man, the creator, everything is this man, Chris Lilley. And he's in Australia. So if anybody feels the need, if they know him or if they or anything like that, reach out, you know, hit him up. You know, because I'd love to interview him while I'm there. And maybe if he gets enough pressure from people, he'll do it. But I don't know if there's ever been. I mean, he's just like a he's like a diamond.

Starting point is 00:34:51 He's like a humor diamond. And he's just that's where he lives at in Australia. What else? That first song that we let in on today with that was Shine by Bishop Gunn. And it was the same song that I played last week. And and I just like hearing it. And it just lifts me up. You know, I'm going to go back into it right now for just a second.

Starting point is 00:35:13 Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found. I can feel it in my bones that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you

Starting point is 00:36:00 That's it, man. We'll put the link to that again in my bios and stuff like that. You know, again, I had the pleasure of one of my buddies who passed away, who was a mentor to me, who used to let me work on his farm. His son is a drummer in that band. And, yeah, my buddy passed away of addiction, you know. And he was a special person, man. He, you know, he sometimes you just need somebody to just reach out and just like, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:36:36 Sometimes there's just something nice about somebody reaching out out of nowhere or taking you on, you know, saying, hey, let me tell, you know, let me do something for you with nothing in return. That's what the man did for me. Give me a job at his farm. And guess what? He didn't need a worker. He didn't need a worker. You know, he gave me a job on his farm and and it changed. You know, it changed.

Starting point is 00:37:04 I mean, it just was nice. It was like, oh, I got somebody, you know, it changed, I mean, it just was nice, it was like, oh, I got, somebody, you know, cares, and he didn't ask for anything in return, and that's, that's the magic of the world, you know, that's the magic of the world, and in that spirit, man, we talked about Trick Long Mickey last week, and we've had a relationship with him, he called into the hotline a while back, and, week and we've had a relationship with him. He calls into the hotline a while back and you know, we've been in touch. I got a text from him today. He, and this isn't definite, but I shouldn't share, but you know what? I'm going to share it and keep some hope out there. He is on, he is scheduled to get some lungs tomorrow. So how crazy is that boy? He might get them new ballast, bruh. He might be running around on them new freaking

Starting point is 00:37:46 inner titties. You feel me? Them air titties, them lungs. And so he said, he'll know definitely in the morning. I'll read you the text that came in. He said, bro, I just read what, oh, no, he goes, surgery scheduled for, oh, donor just came in, man, crossing my fingers, new hitters. That's what he said. I said, no way. He goes, surgery scheduled for tomorrow, barring that they're safe for me and that no one else may need them more than me. And that shows you what those transplant lists are like. I mean, here he is, goes to bed and, you know, and he don't know if when he wakes up in the morning, if somebody else will have come along and something will have happened to them.

Starting point is 00:38:27 And now those hitters won't be there for him. And guess who it is? It's a man who OD'd, who overdosed. We're living in a wild whirlpool, aren't we? We're living in a wild whirlpool. But thanks so much, man. We had so much good feedback from that episode last week. And I just wanted, I just wanted to give you guys an update on him and we'll keep you posted, you know. And also I wanted to let you guys know that on behalf of our Patreon group, we do have a Patreon where we release, you know, extra footage and where, you know, I would do like behind the scenes stuff that's going on with me.

Starting point is 00:39:07 going on with me. We put out an extra episode each month on there that is just on Patreon, and that our Patreon donated $250 to Mickey's GoFundMe. So I'm not trying to get into the GoFundMe universe. This isn't a world of like saviorship that we're creating here or anything like that. But, you know, this thing just kind of expounded with Mickey. And so I just want to say like if you, you know, we're not trying to get people to donate for him or anything like that. But I do want to let you know on behalf of all of us that this past weekend we dropped 250. And you're like, damn, you couldn't go 300, Theo? We ain't got it. But we dropped 250 and you're like, damn, you couldn't go 300 Theo. We ain't got it, but we dropped 250 on trick lung Mickey. And, um, and you know, as things go forward, we'll see if there's other ways that we can, you know, be supportive. But, uh, but we,

Starting point is 00:39:56 meaning all of us, because that Patreon comes, uh, from our Patreon supporters. So thank you guys. Um, let's get into this, man. Let's get into a little bit of this episode. We had some calls that came in. We got some unique stuff going on. Let me tell you guys right now that Grayblock, this episode, you know, is brought to you by Grayblock Pizza as well. This episode is brought to you by the Ridge Wallet. And the Ridge Wallet, you got to start to wonder what is in your carry, in your everyday carry. Do you have that? You still got that booty lump? You still got that old stagnant, you know, that stagnant butt pouch?

Starting point is 00:40:38 Looks like one of your butt cheeks has a big dip in its jaw. Do you have that? Because I'll tell you A1, that daddy moved on to that Ridge and that's that front pocket carry. And what's neat about it is, and this is true, look, at first I got this, I was like, I don't know. Dude, three days into using this thing, so easy.

Starting point is 00:41:00 And it just simplifies it. I'm not carrying around all this extra stuff. You know, I put my insurance card into my phone, the number of it into my phone. I still keep it in my wallet, but you keep everything easy in here. It's the Ridge wallet. And this thing, much less chance of getting pickpocketed. Not that people are really getting fucking pickpocketed, but dang, if you live in that area where people are, you know, out there checking the back of your Levi's to see how they can come up, then that can end. And that's that RidgeWallet.com slash Theo.

Starting point is 00:41:31 The link will be in the bios and all of that. And that's a beautiful. This thing is a special. It's made out of carbonite, spacecraft material. So this is the kind of shit you see in space. made out of carbonite spacecraft material. So this is the kind of shit you see in space. So if you got your Ridge wallet out and somebody that works for NASA walks by and they look over at you,

Starting point is 00:41:49 now you know why this carbonite polycarbonate, you know, everything RFID blocking, they can't see you. People don't even know what's going on. This thing stop a bullet. So that's Ridge wallet right there. And you can get 10% off by using our code. Now,

Starting point is 00:42:05 that's a pricey item. I don't want some of y'all thinking that that's a regular, you know, that's a pricey item. It's not for everybody. But I will say this, that I actually use this and I really do enjoy it. And they got other stuff there as well. If you want to check it out, RidgeWallet.com slash Theo. Thank you guys so much. Coming up, some dates. Australia is not definite yet. If so, I'll release it on my Instagram, but it's close. June 1st through the 3rd, I'll be at the Civic Center in San Francisco, California, and that is part of a comedy festival. And that festival is called, sorry, Cluster Fest. And there's a lot of huge artists on there.

Starting point is 00:42:50 Jim Jeffries is on there. Jon Stewart, Amy Schumer, a lot of different types of comedians are on there. And finally, they letting the dog on there. So let's go out there and show these clowns what's up. Now, just know it's just going to be like a 15-minute set, but there's a lot of other comedians there you can see. So if you want to get out there and see all of that as well, I hope to book some dates in San Francisco

Starting point is 00:43:13 in the area coming up in the near time. June 15th and 16th, I'll be at Yuck Yucks in Calgary. And Calgary is in Canada. And it's a beautiful city and I've been there before. Calgary and Calgary is in Canada and it's a beautiful city. And I've been there before June 23rd. I'll be at Timbler Brewing Company in Bakersfield, California. If those tickets are up, we'll have the link on my website, July 6th, 7th and 8th. I'll be at Levity Live in Oxnard, California, July 20th through the 22nd. I'll be at Charlie Good Nights in Raleigh, North Carolina. I'm still trying to add a Chicago night here. And we may be doing some stuff in rural Illinois again this

Starting point is 00:43:51 year. I'm waiting to find out. Just a lot going on right now at the moment. All right, let's get into a few calls. You know, we had so many wonderful calls and messages that came out. I just want to say thanks. Thank you guys for helping create this little universe we're doing here. I had a gentleman reach out about emailing, about being able to help donate his time as an intern. It's hard. I'm trying to facilitate a lot of this stuff. I got some help from Chris Perez, one of our producers, and Nick Davis, one of our producers.

Starting point is 00:44:29 It's a lot. It's a machine. We're trying to keep it going. We're trying to manage everything. At the same time, I just feel fortunate that you guys have been patient and that we're sticking with this. When I first started doing this podcast, I didn't know what the F I was going to do. You know what? I come in here today, and I don't know what the F I was going to do, you know, and you know what? I come in here today and I don't know what the F I'm going to do, but, but we keep doing it, you know, we keep doing it. And so here we are. Um, let's get into this.

Starting point is 00:45:06 Yo, Theo, what's up, man? This is Jack from Cincinnati, Ohio. And we got Jack from Cincinnati, Ohio calling right now on the hotline. And the hotline number is 985-664-9503. And that's just a number made up of different numbers. And you can call that number and hit the hotline if you have questions, comments, thoughts, or responses to anything that involves This Past Weekend. As well, you can go to thispastweekend or you can go to theovon.com. And there's three different ways to submit. You can text, call, or send a video question in to This Past Weekend. Let's hear more.

Starting point is 00:45:39 Thank you for calling, Jack. I got a crazy story for you from this past weekend. Okay, as you know, we have the This Past Weekend contest where every month you can call in, leave a voicemail, try to keep it at about a minute, and tell us what happened your weekend, something great or something bad. Make sure it was an eventful weekend. Don't call in with some shite-ass weekend. You know, you didn't do nothing. Y'all out there just, you know, you and your boys smoking a joint, looking at a lava lamp. That ain't, that's not a crazy weekend. That's really just a gateway to homosexuality.

Starting point is 00:46:12 But every weekend we'll give out a prize package to somebody who had the best or worst weekend. And Jack is sitting in his right here. Here we go. So I got involved in what's called a vasectomy. Ooh. Vasectomy, boy. That's when they cut your nuts off your dog, man. Let's go.

Starting point is 00:46:33 I decided I'm done with these children, and I don't want no more. So I saw a doctor. I had a procedure done. Pretty normal. Got done with that. A few hours later, I'm getting settled in. I'm thinking I'm in for a long weekend of chilling out. And the whole thing went

Starting point is 00:46:51 pretty, pretty south on me. Ooh. And it started south on you probably, bro, if it's around your nuts. You know what I'm saying? Nuts are really, that's the Florida of your body. Your genitalia, that's basically Florida. Because it's on your body, but it's kind of hanging off and it's sweaty. And, fuck, probably a good place sometime to, you know, you might find some cocaine

Starting point is 00:47:14 on you. But, wow, so you had the vasectomy and then you're saying that things went haywire here. The belt was called a hematoma. Ooh, that sounds bad, bro. In the ball region, that's some serious dark arts

Starting point is 00:47:30 where your balls blow up the size of a bowling ball. Oh. As you're saying that, I'm thinking of the girl Hilary Swank in Million Dollar Baby just hitting that bag, just hitting that purple bag, bro. Oh! Dude, you're making my dick crawl around right now. Let's hear more.

Starting point is 00:47:47 And you have to go in and get another procedure done and get laid up for, oh, three or four days in the hospital. Be careful with that vasectomy. Watch out for those hematomas. They will mess you up, man. They'll make you think, and you don't want balls no more. Well, you still want balls, and that's not where your brain should go there, brother.

Starting point is 00:48:06 I'm not trying to correct you. I know you've been through a lot. Obviously, you know, you can't have – in one week, you can't have children, and your balls are trying to, you know, your balls are trying to just metastasize out of your body. But you can still have children. I mean, you can't – you know, here's the thing, bro. Maybe you need – you shouldn't be cutting your nuts up. Just come somewhere else, dude. You know, and I hate to jump on you like that. And I appreciate the call, you know, out of Cincinnati is tough sometimes living around

Starting point is 00:48:39 Cincinnati, you know, or even right across the river there in Covington, Kentucky or across that. Yeah. But, you know, maybe just keep your seed like it is and just take better care. You know, dude, it's not that hard. The only time you can get somebody pregnant is when you ejaculate. So it's not like you, you know, you know, a shepherd has to watch a hundred sheep. You just got to watch one, you know, mil shepherd has to watch a hundred sheep. You just got to watch one, you know, milky sheep that shows up occasionally. So, you know, I look, I feel you definitely. I mean, it sounds like the worst weekend somebody could have had because that's what happened to you. Uh, and we'll put that into the contest, man, for sure, man. I'm sorry about that though,

Starting point is 00:49:24 put that into the contest, man, for sure. Man, I'm sorry about that though, man. I'm sorry. I can't, bro, you, I wonder if you thought that maybe it was like a higher power telling you, man, I got to shut this. You know, I can't be, I shouldn't be cutting my nuts up. You know, I shouldn't be cutting my nuts up. So, and I'm sorry for even saying those words altogether. I'm sure it's making a lot of people out there pretty queasy but thank you for calling and thank you for hitting the contest actually I got to let you know as well who the April winner was because the April winner was Paul from Boston who his tinder date who brought his tinder date to a Joe Rogan show. And actually, we actually thought that Paul, it was an alibi because he called and said his date went missing. She ruined the show.

Starting point is 00:50:09 She was yelling out. She had to be escorted out. He had to be escorted out. And that was his weekend. So Paul from Boston, we will hit you up on the hotline and send you out some This Past Weekend stuff. What else is going on?

Starting point is 00:50:24 Oh, I saw this Kanye West stuff. You know, everybody's all on Kanye West and he was, he was talking about, you know, first of all, Kanye is, he's almost like a lab rat in a way. You know, he's a, he, he has that mental, you know, he, he shows up and he talks about mental health and you can't tell sometimes where he's coming from. He's caught up in that Kardashian universe. You wonder how much of that weird influence or how much of that influence is really just shaping him or unshaping him. He obviously has some Jesus complex at times. He's also been hailed like a Messiah in some ways, a hero.

Starting point is 00:51:08 You know, he has a musical genius and a creative genius, really. I think some people are just creative geniuses. Like I've said this about John Mayer before. I met John Mayer a few times and I've had some good conversations with him. And I think that John Mayer would have been a genius in anything he chose to do. It could have been painting. It could have been comedy. He would have excelled at it at the highest level. He just chose music. Some people have that. And maybe Kanye had that as well, or has that. But one of the things that they got on Kanye or that, you know, a lot of people said about his remarks about slavery, about looking at slavery as at a certain point that are people just enslaving themselves by continuing to make that part of the discussion. And look, I mean, mostly he's talking about black slavery, African-American slavery. And I don't, you know, I don't know. I mean, yeah, from my perception, sometimes I'm like, you know, if we keep getting stuck on, if we keep reminding ourselves of only the negative parts, then, you know, is it possible to fully evolve?

Starting point is 00:52:24 then, you know, is it possible to fully evolve? You know, it makes me think, I mean, I get scared saying some of this kind of stuff because, you know, I mean, you know, Kanye, the crazy thing about this is Kanye's not even allowed to think without being reprimanded so much in the public eye. Like, let the guy think. Let him, so, you know, oh, he's a genius, but the second he says something that people are like, ugh, or that the media's like, ugh, suddenly he's not a genius. He's crazy. You know, it's like, well, let him think. So, what if he's wrong?

Starting point is 00:53:00 Oh, at least he's braving an idea. You know, you don't, I mean, look, I could think, you know, I grew up in a, I grew up in a white Southern environment. I could sit there and say, I'm a fucking redneck and fuck this. And, you know, and some of that shit I do say, but I don't let that be my whole story. You know, Ben Carson, a while back, who is, you know, he's a while back who is you know he's a republican sleepy black that's what i call him because ben do ben carson was he's the doctor who ran um who's now i believe like the chairman of the hud organization or something or housing and development um he ran in the Republican primaries, etc. And he talked about, oh, he referred to slavery one time as immigration, as to how black people immigrated into America, or some black people, or most black people. And you know what?

Starting point is 00:53:55 I thought that that was pretty brave of him. You know, I don't have a black child yet. I may one day. I don't know. I mean, I could have a half black child. I have black friends. If I had a black friend who was real stuck on that mindset of I can't get ahead, I can't do this, I can't do that, it's all because I don't have a chance because of the color of my skin or because of this or that. I would try and not, I would try and help them not think that way entirely. You know, I don't want them to lose anything that gives them fuel. I don't want anybody to

Starting point is 00:54:36 lose their history. You know, I'll be damned if I'm losing mine. You know, I'm out here every day in this place where, you know, they don't want a poor white kid from Louisiana to come out here who's not a redneck. I'm not a redneck. Don't call me that shit. That shit makes me mad. You know, now do I have a little bit of redneck in me? Sure. But I'm rural. I just grew up poor and white, dude. I didn't have, we didn't have redneck. I wasn't redneck. We didn't have a bass boat. We didn't have a rebel flag. I didn't have any of that shit. We definitely didn't have a bass boat.

Starting point is 00:55:11 The closest I ever, nobody ever even took me fishing, really. You know, the closest I ever came to the high seas was bathing with four kids I didn't know one time. And they were black kids. And they had an old man come over and judge in our bodies. But, you know, that will always be a part of me, but it doesn't define me, you know. You know, I wish sometimes that I had rich family members that would have helped me out along the way. I mean, I have some rich, I have some rich step family. They never helped me nothing.

Starting point is 00:55:44 We got the same daddy, but they never did anything for me. At certain points I hope, you know, yeah, I would want a little help. But the truth is that my struggle is whatever makes me, that's what makes me. You know what I know? I'm kind of just rambling here. And, but, but so what? Maybe some people think Kanye's crazy. What if we thought for a second, you know what? Maybe some people think Kanye's crazy. What if we thought for a second, you know what, I'm not going to think of just, I'm tired of thinking of that. I'm tired of thinking about slavery all the time. I'm tired of being reminded of it by movies.

Starting point is 00:56:21 black immigrant in America. I mean, in some ways, it's almost, you know, taking the higher road, maybe. And look, I get that I'm just a white guy sitting in here, you know. And yeah, we need to have black guests on and we need to talk to them. And we need to get a little bit more information. I asked Dion Cole if he would come on and talk and he never even texted me back. So, you know, I'll try to get some, you know, I'll try to get people that can have more of a perspective for us, but I try to keep an open mind. You know, I certainly can understand what it's like to be poor. I certainly can understand what it's like to think people, you don't have a

Starting point is 00:56:58 chance. You don't have a shot, but that's what also has made, that's the only thing I have sometimes yeah you can have a nice jacket or you can have a nice car but dude if you don't have anything on the inside of you if you don't have your struggle if you don't have where you came from if you don't have your story if those things don't mean anything to you you're not,

Starting point is 00:57:27 you're never going to let them go. But there are times when I have to bite my tongue and I have to evolve a little bit. If I go into these business meetings and I just, you know, and I'm like, oh, I'm, you know, I'm, and I embrace that anger side of me or that side of me that feels slighted, that feels fucked over. You know, nobody ever gave me anything. Rich people weren't driving, you know, rich white people weren't driving through the poor white area and giving us shit. If anything, I felt like rich white people looked at me like I was a pariah. Like I was some, I don't know what pariah means, but I was like, I don't know what pariah means, but, um, but I was like, oh, I'm not, I'm not messing with that.

Starting point is 00:58:07 Whatever. That's poor whiteness. I'm not, you find me far from that. Like I was something like it, like they, if they came by me, they were going to catch whatever I had, you know? And so that's, that's where, you know, so my mindset came from. What if we all forgave everybody for everything? What if a lot of these black leaders and speakers got up one day and said, you know what? We forgive the people that did whatever they did against us.

Starting point is 00:58:36 Damn, that would be the boldest shit ever. Now that would be very empowering. Where that makes it tough to be able to do that is the finances. You know, and it's, and I get it. And that's why sometimes the ideas of socialism look, you know, some of that looks, it just, if anything, the thing that makes me think, you know, and I'm not a socialist. Maybe there's a part of me that is emotionally. But people aren't willing to give up their money. People aren't willing to.

Starting point is 00:59:13 We're still transitioning from a colonial time into a time where people were taking over lands. You try to take over somebody's land now, you can't. You're in court. And they're telling you to get your fucking marmot tent off their property. You know? If you try to plant corn in your neighbor's yard or go over there with an ax, he's going to fuck you up. You know? And they're going to call the HOA. So times have changed. But, you know, I think I just,

Starting point is 00:59:43 you know, I love how the media jumped, you know, I don't, I love how the media jumped on Kanye immediately. Oh, look, he's anti this and he's anti that. Is he? Or is he, if he's a, if he's a genius, if he's maybe here, just hear his thoughts. What if we tried it? You know, and the media just honestly, bro, they live. I'm so sick of how many times they've led me wrong. The media is full of shit. They don't know anything because it's just the same groups of people. They always take the same groups of people. It's always a, you know, they're based out of New York and LA. What do they know? You know, that's where their stories, all these articles are coming from. They don't know. All they know is these small little circles that are getting more and more gentrified. And not just gentrified, and I know that's kind of a white thing like these cities, but

Starting point is 01:00:31 it's a money thing. Dog, you can't even get mugged in Manhattan anymore. Try to get mugged in Manhattan. You can't. You got to stay. Queens, shout out Queens, bro. Queens will still fuck you up, you know, but some of these other places, Brooklyn,

Starting point is 01:00:55 where Brooklyn at, where Brooklyn at, Brooklyn's growing a mustache, dude, Brooklyn's listening to Leonard Cohen, baby, Brooklyn's just gotten all hipstered up, you know, you, you know, and I know, and look, I love that place. I go there and perform at the knitting factory, you know, with those boys, Will and those boys, and they got a great crew. But man, sometimes, I don't know, I guess I'm rambling.

Starting point is 01:01:19 But what if we try, you know, you know, I think in our hearts we all want to do things that are right. But then in our pocketbooks is where we get scared. And the media works from a place of our pocketbooks. And I know you guys are saying, well, you know, what are you talking about the news? But look, man, the news is always, the news is just scares people.

Starting point is 01:01:44 You know, I think the news, the news will say shit's bad. Go outside. Shit's not that bad. The news told us there was Nazi uprisings. It was 200 weirdos in South Carolina. Has there been a ton of other shit? No. I do think that a lot of these stories

Starting point is 01:02:02 that help us make us think and question stuff, you know, the news say everybody's racist and everybody's this and that. And I was just in my small town in Louisiana and I asked the teachers there and they said that racism is not like it used to be in this small school. And that was one of the things that they pointed out. And you know what? I like hearing that. And so, I don't know. Some of that stuff just makes you mad.

Starting point is 01:02:29 I don't know. I'm rambling. Let's go to some other calls. And so, I don't know. I mean, I guess my thoughts on it are, what if we try the, you know, what if we, how brave it is to think differently and to say it.

Starting point is 01:02:41 Dude, you know, especially in LA, it's so hard to say what you want to say because you won't work. These places won't hire you if you speak your mind. And you want to talk about being enslaved? You know, I was told my whole life, you know, like, you know, you leave, you know, you leave a place to, you know, you want to be more liberal. You go to California and you take your dreams out there and you got a chance, you know? And I grew up seeing people like me on television and being like, oh man, I got a chance. You know, maybe I could end up out there.

Starting point is 01:03:14 Maybe I can make people laugh, you know? Maybe I could take the one thing in my life that brings me joy, which is those moments when people are laughing, you know? Because I knew if somebody was laughing that they couldn't be hating me at the same time. And nobody probably did hate me, but I hated myself so much that I just thought they all did. So I was like, I got to make them laugh because they can't hate and laugh at the same time

Starting point is 01:03:35 your body can't do it. So then I, you know, I get into that and I come out to California and they, you know, and then suddenly it's like, if you, if you're from these places, if you're from the Midwest, you're from the South and you know, they just look down on us, but they'll come there and take our stories in a heartbeat. They'll come there and buy our stories, buy our scripts. You know, they'll come there and shoot a duck dynasty show until they, you know, until, until it until it isn't making money for them anymore, then they'll burn it down. You know, they'll use us as much as they want some of these places. So I don't know, man.

Starting point is 01:04:13 Look, I'm probably ruining my fucking career by saying some of this, but whatever. I'm not. I'm going to be okay. Some of it's just frustrating sometimes because you get here and it's not the truth. Everybody isn't welcome. Everybody's story is, you got to fight so hard sometimes to get your story out. But that's the struggle. You know, they'll never take it away from me.

Starting point is 01:04:36 But if I go into some of these meetings and I yell and I say, I'm so, I can't do that. I got to evolve. I got to say, look, life's tough on everybody. Everybody has their story. Everybody has their struggle. I'll keep that inside myself. And I'll just make people laugh if I can. Because that's what I came here for, right?

Starting point is 01:05:00 And so that's what I got to remember. That's been the toughest thing. That's been one of the toughest things for me to remember over the years. I used to get on stage and be so angry. I would be out here and I'd be performing. I'd be so angry that I wasn't getting a chance. and get back into it. But a lot of that overall has been lifted. And that's, you know, that's one of the blessings of life, I guess. Or it's one of the little blessings in my own. I got to be grateful for that.

Starting point is 01:05:34 Sorry for this ramble, man. Sometimes, you know, I just, I don't know what I'm talking about. But I hate feeling like I can't talk. I hate feeling, here's what I hate feeling. I hate feeling like it's fucked up for somebody to share an idea because it's not the status quo

Starting point is 01:05:52 because it's not going to get the most likes on Instagram that day or because it's not going to, you know. Oh, Kanye's a genius until he shares one idea that people are like, huh? Maybe he's a genius. You know, maybe he's a genius. You know? Maybe he's not. I'm not saying that slavery

Starting point is 01:06:08 never happened or that I'm not saying any of that shit. But I thought it was really interesting when Ben Carson said, he referred to, I don't know if I even expounded on it, but he referred to he goes, when black people immigrated to America. And I thought, wow, I's brave of him to say that

Starting point is 01:06:28 because that's brave a way to rethink a way to repurpose the thing that haunts yeah slavery is America's biggest sin you know but to repurpose that and then go forward, the pride it takes to fucking do that.

Starting point is 01:06:49 If you tell me that that ain't brave, bro, that's, that's, and I'm not saying that's right. I'm not saying that's wrong, but I'm not going to sit here and be afraid to even talk about an idea or thought that I have.

Starting point is 01:06:59 Cause then what is this? What is this podcast? What are we doing? We got this call that came in, man. Let's hear it. Here we go. What up, Theo? This is Tyson from Atlanta, Georgia.

Starting point is 01:07:13 Just saying I'm a huge fan. We saw the Man Up show. I got my wife and I watching it on YouTube at night. It's hilarious. Oh, thank you, Tyson. I appreciate that, man. Yeah, that's a special show. If you haven't seen it, you can find it on Comedy Central Digital.

Starting point is 01:07:27 And we're hoping that they're going to give us a series. And we had so much engagement and interaction. I want to thank all our listeners for that, man. It really means a lot. It was a blast. Onward. Just coached my son's softball. Actually, his first grade.

Starting point is 01:07:42 Coach pitched today. And instead of saying the team name on the count of three, we say gang, gang. So I just wanted to let you know that. That's awesome, man. Gang, gang to them, man. To that, to that, uh, that first grade, um, baseball team, man. And that's awesome. You're out there being supportive with your son. You know, that's, uh, you know, when you, when I hear, even hear you say that, man, I mean, it just makes with your son. You know, that's when I even hear you say that, man, it just makes me feel something.

Starting point is 01:08:08 You know, it's nice to know that there's fathers and sons out there just doing stuff. Even if it seems cliche type of stuff, throwing the ball around. But there's something inside of the fabric inside of ourselves that that means something to you and to your boy. Let's hear more. I'm turning 40

Starting point is 01:08:23 on Friday, so I'm trying to deal with that. It's crazy. It comes faster than you think. I know you're a couple years away, but anyway, you feel young, but you're getting old. You know, that's it, man. We do. We feel one thing, and our body's starting to fall.

Starting point is 01:08:38 It's like something else is happening on the outside. But thank you so much, man, for calling in, and happy early 40th to you. Let's hear a couple little bit. Let's hear a little bit more here. Here we go. Onward. What's your name, boy? It's your country cousin, Carson from Texas. All right, Carson. Thanks for calling. I don't have any cousins. Actually, I do have, my brother, my father had some, I have one, I actually have a cousin, but he's lit,

Starting point is 01:09:09 I'm not joking, I think he's 80, like 84 years old. But, onward. I got cousins over there in LA, you got cousins over here in Texas, east side,

Starting point is 01:09:19 you know how it goes. I, I don't really know how it goes, man. I mean, you know, I respect the family tree and I know that that family tree can get a little viney, can get a little viney down there and,

Starting point is 01:09:30 uh, in certain areas, but let's hear more. Houston on to the goddamn Mississippi. Anyhow, bro, just want to say, fucking, I'm driving, driving every day. I'm driving all over the fucking place. It's your spirit that's fucking holding me up. You're kind of like a spirit animal. I think you're more of an arctic fox. Be honest. Dude, if an arctic fox eats occasional Vietnamese people at Best Buy,

Starting point is 01:10:02 if that's in his food path, then maybe I could be part of that program. Let's hear more. But moving onward, I fucking love you, brother. And I just want you to fucking invite the world back to the top because we just got this fucking shitty rap of a bunch of app kickers and wife beaters and shit like that. You know what? I appreciate you saying some of this stuff, man. I appreciate you calling in.

Starting point is 01:10:32 Both of those calls, Tyson and Carson there, sometimes we just want people to call the hotline and say who listens to the show. Because we want to know. I want to know who's listening. Because if I don't know who you are, then how do I know? Sometimes I don't know what ears I'm talking to. But you know what? The South does get a bad rap.

Starting point is 01:10:54 And you know what it is sometimes? And the Midwest does. A lot of places do. And you know what it is? It's people. People are, we are prone to make mistakes. I'm making mistakes right now in my life. You probably are too. It sounds like you might be drinking and driving around actually, Carson. So that's probably illegal. But you know, people are going to make mistakes, but yeah, the South does. It's like, you know, they definitely, it's always, you know, I mean, a lot has been made of racial issues and it's tough. Dude, it's tough being from a place and you didn't do anything.

Starting point is 01:11:30 You know, I didn't do anything. You know, my family on my mother's side was from Illinois. And my family on my father's side was from Nicaragua. So, you know, I'm not coming in like that. My family didn't enslave anyone. We didn't do a lot of those sins of the area. And probably a lot of the people that did are big businesses. People that owned a lot, had a lot of money and a lot of land.

Starting point is 01:12:01 And who knows, those people now probably are, they could be Rothschilds. Who knows where they are? And we do get a bad rap. We get a bad rap of idiots and stuff like that. But I will say this, that in some places there's people who don't want to evolve. And that doesn't help us have a good rap. There's some places of people that just don't want to evolve. And I think that those are people, I think those are both of all colors. I think those are black people. I think those are white people that, there's a white person that wants to sit out in

Starting point is 01:12:34 their small house or their big house or their trailer or their motor home or their mansion or whatever with their money. And they just want to say, oh, fuck these people. They don't want to be part of the problem. They don't want to be part of the solution. They don't want to expand their thought in any way. And then there's black people who want to probably sit places and say, oh, well, I'm fucked. I don't have a chance in the world.

Starting point is 01:12:59 I'm just going to take whatever easy way outs are in the world. And I think both of those people in some ways are guilty of the exact same thing. You know, and I think the mission for the rest of us is, is how do we get a word into these people's ear? You know, and really it's not even a black and white thing, really. It can just be a rich and poor thing. It can be an awake and a closed thing. It's like, how do you get word to that person?

Starting point is 01:13:34 How do you adjust their heart a little bit or adjust their brain so it opens, unlocks their heart a little bit so they could think, just even brave to think a little bit differently. You know, I'm reading this, I'm listening to this book still called sex at dawn. And when I first heard it, man, they were talking like a lot of anti-Christian stuff and things like this. And it, some of it, I didn't want to listen because it hurts some of the fabric that's in me. I'm not, I'm not a devout churchgoer, but I grew up in that world, you know, in that environment where I saw it. You know, I only have a few memories of spending time with my father and one of a couple of those are at church.

Starting point is 01:14:13 And so there's little things that tie me to that. And I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to rustle that fabric inside of me. You know, I don't want to I don't't want to, because you know, that just, I want that to stay how it is and be special. And that's, but I, you know, but if I'm going to think, if I'm going to think bigger and I'm listening to this book and they're saying that, you know, we're not supposed to be monogamous and we're, it's not in our nature, but in my heart or somewhere inside of me, there's this little picture of this family. I always wish I had. You know, that my parents were together and that we were all happy kids. And then I'm sitting there on my dad's knee and my mother's wiping

Starting point is 01:14:51 fucking jelly or some shit I shouldn't have been eating off my face. Because even as a young hitter, I probably straight up took that jelly jar to the dome. But I had this idea that I don't want to alter. And so I'm afraid to think, oh, what if I'm not going to end up in a monogamous relationship? Or what if I'll never get married because it's not what could be true to my core? I don't want to think those things because they fuck with this little Norman Rockwell picture I have inside of me. But now keep listening to the book and all it's going to do is make me think a little bit more. It's going to open up my thinking. That's all it's going to do.

Starting point is 01:15:35 It's going to open it up some. So then I can look at my Norman Rockwell picture and say, well, how could this picture be adjusted so it's not a sentence that I feel like I have to live? And it's more an actual replica of what my real true feelings and heart are like. And so I listen. So I try and listen. But yeah, I feel you, Carson. Thanks for calling about that. It's like, you know, the South does get a bad rap.

Starting point is 01:16:06 But it's like, when do we forgive a place and move forward? You know? And it's just like, you know, it's like, and every place acts like, when do we act like we're not better than that other place? You know? It's like, you know, Hollywood was all during the elections and everything. what it was all during the elections and everything. Everybody's making fun of Donald Trump and

Starting point is 01:16:27 Bernie Sanders and people for being old and being this and being adulterous and stuff like that. Donald Trump's on his third wife. Yeah, he probably... I'm sure he doesn't have any marriage that probably doesn't have adultery in it. He probably stays up looking at

Starting point is 01:16:43 pornography on the internet. But you know what's fucked up? That's probably half the men in America. I think there's a weird place where a lot of people related to him there. Oh, in a weird way, this dude, I can, this dude's on his third. We know he's a piece. Everybody, people know he's a cheat. People know he's a dirty businessman. They all are. You you know i don't know why i'm bringing it to that but it's like

Starting point is 01:17:10 i just when do we start you know when is there a little bit more transparency you know when do we you know stop pointing the finger because how you know we point the finger because we point the finger here in Hollywood, but them fucking shyster, whatever his name was, was jerking off in ladies' plants and shit for movie roles. We're all creeps. We're all creeps. What are we going to do about it? All right, let's hear a little bit more, man. Thank you so much for calling, Carson.

Starting point is 01:17:43 Onward. Theo, Jason up here in Washington. Let's hear a little bit more, man. Thank you so much for calling, Carson. Onward. Theo. Jason up here in Washington. It is Thursday, May 3rd. And just giving you a call, man. I'm trying to let you know you're slacking on your pimping, homie. Thank you for Jason. Thank you, Jason, from Washington for calling.

Starting point is 01:17:59 I'm slacking on the pimping. Let me know more about that, Cat Daddy. I'm a delivery driver. And I look forward to when I first started listening to your podcast was after you were on The Fire and the Kid, which I listened to because of Joe Rogan since probably episode 50 with him and Red Band on the couch. Anyways. Okay, so you listened to Joe Rogan since the beginning, man. That's beautiful, brother.

Starting point is 01:18:20 Onward. Get your ass in gear, because you're letting me down i look forward to downloading your podcast on stitcher and listening listening to them offline in my delivery truck thursday you got nothing up and when i started listening to you you put something up on monday and then thursday okay you're right and i'm just going to stop you right there jason and not out of anger or angst and I appreciate you calling, brother, and I appreciate you being a delivery driver and downloading the podcast in advance so you can have them, so you're not burning up your megabytes while you're out there on the road, while you're out there delivering them hitters. Thursday isn't guaranteed, man.

Starting point is 01:18:57 I try my best. Sometimes what happens to me is if I don't regroup a little, then I don't have anything to say. It's like you ever call somebody and have nothing to tell them. Sometimes like on Wednesday, I feel like that. And so I have to not do a Thursday, you know, and then sometimes too, I'll put a Thursday up on Patreon, you know, Patreon keeps this show going, you know, this, there's no profit on this show as a business. Okay?

Starting point is 01:19:29 So just so you know where this show is, like as far as a business mind, it's a business thing. And if it weren't for the people on Patreon donating money every month, then we wouldn't even be able to pay for what we have going on. And it's been great and it's been good. And I'm grateful. So sometimes I have to give something just for them. So that's where that's at.

Starting point is 01:19:52 But I appreciate you, Jason. I appreciate you being out there getting the job done and working hard. Man, you work hard, bro. I'll say this, man. You work hard in this country. You know, you can have a good shot. you know, you can have a good shot. But it is fucked up when some people don't even get the chance because their environment is so fucked up

Starting point is 01:20:12 that they never get the chance to be at the starting line. And that is a lot of the heartbreak of poverty. And I think that's a lot of the heartbreak you see in a lot for me that's what I see in a lot of poor black and poor white culture in America is you see people that have just never had a chance

Starting point is 01:20:33 you know and I'm not speaking out of context I'm not speaking for anybody I could drive you through neighborhoods that I grew up next to and drive you past friends houses in my old neighborhood and you just know man the odds grew up next to and drive you past friends houses in my old neighborhood. And you just know, man, the odds that somebody in this place is going to have a shot, it's going to be slim. It's not because of the home, but it's because of, you know, maybe their parent, their mother

Starting point is 01:20:57 or grandfather never had a chance. And that shit ebbs, that shit ebbs and flows right down through the bloodlines. It's tough. It's green privilege, man. There's a lot of green privilege out there. But thank you, Jason, for calling. Let's hear a little bit more, man. We got another call coming in here.

Starting point is 01:21:14 Here we go. Hey, sir. It's Colin from the UK. I was wondering about these dark arts, man. This is Caleb from the UK calling about the dark arts. It's a homeward. It's, you know, the cocaine I like a bit. I don't get a coke on the weekends, but not too much.

Starting point is 01:21:29 So it's not taking over my life. So you do cocaine sometimes on the weekends. It's not taking over your life. But, okay, let's hear more. I just want to know when it takes over, you know. I like it. I enjoy it, but I know it's a dark art. So I wonder what you think.

Starting point is 01:21:49 When should it stop, you know? When should it take over? I'm part of the past weekend Facebook page, and we need you over in the UK. What are your thoughts on that? Caleb, thank you for calling. You said you're part of the Facebook group. And, yeah, if you want to join that, there's a great Facebook group

Starting point is 01:22:06 for this past weekend on, obviously, Facebook. And a lot of extra stuff goes on there and our producer, Nick Davis, and myself. And, you know,

Starting point is 01:22:15 we try and keep that thing wily over there, keep it wiling. So yeah, go there and join that if you want. Also, if you get a chance, man, go comment on us

Starting point is 01:22:24 on iTunes. You know, that helps us a lot in iTunes show up in search engines and all of that. Uh, it kept me from things that I knew were more important to me. You know, I have that story that's up out there about when I ended up on the radio show in New York in the morning and I couldn't talk because I was so high. in New York in the morning and I couldn't talk because I was so high. And, you know, that night was fun and fucking crazy and the story's funny. But in that moment, dude, it was tragic because here was a great opportunity, man, to get on the Opie and Jim Norton radio show, you know, two men that I admire. And that night, I went out that night with my friends planning and excited about going the next morning. And then here I was that next morning showing up,

Starting point is 01:23:33 and I couldn't talk because of cocaine, because I couldn't control myself. So that's when I started canceling some work meetings and stuff like that because, you know, I'd gotten in bed the night before at 9 o'clock. Next thing you know, I got a text from somebody to go to the comedy club or to the bar. Next thing you know, I'm at the bar. Next thing you know, it's 9 a.m., 12 hours later, and I'm high in my bed. I've watched all the pornography in the world, and I have to cancel whatever meetings I have that day or auditions or anything because I haven't been asleep. So that's when, when it outweighed something that was part of my original path because my original path was to show up for my day and now I wasn't doing that.

Starting point is 01:24:20 My original path was to be on the radio and be excited and be there and be grateful for the people that had me there. And now, and I'm not doing that because drugs were just, they were that other side of the teeter-totter with that blow cane on it was getting icy. And look, I'm not telling anybody not to do cocaine. If you can do it, you go do it. Okay, if you can manage it well, go manage it well. Handle it, enjoy it. But for me, I could not. For me, at a certain point, I could not. One day, might I be able to again? Maybe so. We shall see if they come out with some light cocaine. You know what I'm saying? Give me a couple grams of that 95% yayo, 95% Dr. Scholl's foot powder.

Starting point is 01:25:09 Okay, man, let's see if we can get another couple calls. This episode has gone on long. And here we go. I talked about not smoking last week. And I went three days, and then I fucking got in an argument a little bit. And one thing led to the next, and I couldn't, and then I fucking got in an argument a little bit and, and one thing led to the next and I couldn't, and I gave up. And then,

Starting point is 01:25:28 uh, but here we did this right here. Um, uh, but then I smoked yesterday as well. So, uh, here we go.

Starting point is 01:25:36 Laura. Theo Vaughn. It's Laura from Philadelphia. What's up, Laura from Philae onward. To show some support for you and your quitting smoking cigarettes. I haven't had one since I think the second week in February. Dang.

Starting point is 01:25:52 So if today is May 7th, second week in February, you're coming up on, wow, about 11 weeks, I think, guessing. And the main thing that helped was finding other reasons to go outside. If I'm out with people and everybody's hanging out, all the smokers get to go outside and go smoke. So I decided why not just go outside and not smoke, go outside, walk around the block. Any reason to just be outside and not standing around smoking a cigarette. Also, I don't know if you have access to a yard or anything like that. A yard? This ain't prison, boo. Where's Laura?

Starting point is 01:26:32 But plants. Get plants. Be that nerd that's outside gardening. It's the best. I started doing it. I have a little patch of land out back of my spot in Philly and it helps a lot. I'm out there all the time. It's a good space to think about things.

Starting point is 01:26:49 You're not distracted by cell phones or computers or anything like that. You're just out in the sunshine. I love it. I love that idea and I love picturing you out there in your little garden out there in Philadelphia in your yard. That's a beautiful picture, Lauren. Thank you for saying this. I used to get jealous of cigarette smokers because when I worked at a restaurant and I was a bus boy and I used to fucking bus, dude.

Starting point is 01:27:13 No, I'm saying they got we need they got dirty glasses over there on table 12, brother. And I was there in a heartbeat. I would out bus everybody, Latinos, anybody that showed up. I was out in those dirty streets. So and I'd finish a fucking dessert in the bag, dude. I go hide in the toilet with half of a fucking cookie and ice cream. Bitch, gang, gang. That's mine.

Starting point is 01:27:37 But thank you for calling. You're right. You know, I think I think the things you really said are just get out, get outdoors. Let that sun hit you. Find a hobby. Find something to put on the other side of that scale. Because if all I got on that side of the scale is a cigarette, I know that, you know, I'm going to go do that. I'm going to, what's on the other side of that scale?

Starting point is 01:27:59 What other reason am I going outside for? You know? And you know what's funny? I think even you, Colin, I was thinking about smoking later on tonight and I think I might not now. I swear to God. Because sometimes you just want to hear

Starting point is 01:28:13 about somebody else's journey and it almost kind of ruined it for me in a weird way, but in a weird good way. By you sharing what happened with you, you know, you can do it. I'm like, fuck. I can't go the rest of the day now. Laura can do it. You know, Laura with them petunias in her yard with

Starting point is 01:28:35 that back, you know, with that little back, that little back, that little back strip of land with them gladioles on it. You know, she out there with them azaleas, with them bougainvilleans. If she can do it, I can do it. So thank you for calling. That is some good guidance. I'm doing my best. You know, I went three full days and in the past two days I smoked at night.

Starting point is 01:28:57 But just in the evening at the comedy club. Let's take one more call, man, and then we'll get out of here. Let's take this more call, man, and then we'll get out of here. Let's take this one right here. All right, Theo. You had a couple of calls from Scotland in the last episode. Wow, we got another Scotsman here, and this is crazy. We're turning into a real international thing.

Starting point is 01:29:23 You know, we got somebody out there in East Texas. You know, we got somebody teaching ball in Atlanta. We got beautiful Laura out there planting them petunias. Planting those smoke-free petunias. And I didn't even tell you congratulations, Laura. Because, dude, I'll tell you this. I've quit cocaine, man. Trying not to ever smoke.

Starting point is 01:29:44 Because most of the day I'll be fine but it hits about 9.30pm, I'm at the comedy club. And that's when it gets tough. And now we got some people calling from other countries. Let's hear more, brother. Thank you for calling. Sorry, inspired me to just phone you. I was going to ask,

Starting point is 01:30:00 are you about to graduate, as you call it? I'm not really sure what to do afterwards and so I thought I'd ask when you were in your early 20s or whatever what did you want to do because I'm always sort of jealous of people who have like you have your comedy and different people do different things and it's one thing to actually achieve a dream but even just to have one seems like it would be it would take a lot of

Starting point is 01:30:28 stress and a lot of things and I don't really have a dream I don't know what I would do man dude something about when somebody calls from another country and he's like I don't really have a dream I'm not taking the piss out of you there

Starting point is 01:30:44 I appreciate you calling, man. You know, I can understand what you're saying. You know, it's tough. And you're young, though. You're a young guy, and so you have a lot of time. And one of the cool things about being young is that you don't have to have that yet. about being young is that you don't have to have that yet. You know, maybe some of the thing could be that in your head, you got this idea that you have to have that. And if you don't have, oh, I'm going to be a lawyer,

Starting point is 01:31:17 I'm going to be this, or I'm going to be that, that makes you feel like, oh, no direction. But man, you know, I love being a comedian these days, but there were, if I could take a year and go maybe to a law school, I think I would love that. You know, I would love to have that, you know, or start a coffee shop somewhere and be a barista and just, excuse me, meet people all day. Man, I think I would just love that. If I could maybe go, you know, to school for therapy and learn how to, you know, listen to people. I think I would love that. So, you know, I think you got to embrace this time where you don't know that's awesome man you don't know anything can happen possibility you still have possibility and here's how you find out you got to try dude seven years ago or actually probably about not maybe nine years ago, or actually probably about, no, maybe nine years ago now, I moved back to Louisiana,

Starting point is 01:32:27 and I got a real estate license, and I did real estate for like six months, and I worked with a buddy of mine whose house I used to live at, my friend Bo, growing up, I used to live over at his house for a bit, he and his brother had a real estate thing, and I got into that for a bit, and it was fun, you know? But this won out. Comedy won out over time. You know, at the same time, I was bartending. I was, you know, tending bar,

Starting point is 01:32:52 basically a Mexican restaurant that also sold liquor, and I broke a fucking margarita machine over there, dude. First day at work, broke like a $700 margarita machine. Damn. And that's also like, fuck, man, I can't. But I worked there for a lot. You know, I worked for six months. Maybe even a year I stayed there.

Starting point is 01:33:13 And it was, you know, it was what it was. It was good. It was joy. You know, I made the most of it. And so you got to try things, man. That's how you'll know. You got to try things. But don't's how you'll know. You got to try things. But don't feel bad about yourself because you don't know.

Starting point is 01:33:31 Maybe you don't not know. You haven't decided yet. Try and reframe it, man. You know, because you sound like a nice person. And even by calling in, I can tell you this about yourself. You're a person that cares about yourself because you're putting it out there. You care about yourself. So what does that mean? You're very caring. So if you want a little clue, what kind of jobs could caring people

Starting point is 01:33:58 do? Well, people that care make good nurses. And I don't I don't know if, I mean, in American nursing can be male or female. I don't know what it is in Scotland. Or teachers. You know, therapists. You know, people that are caring. You know, shit, you could do lawn care. You know, you could work with Laura in Philadelphia. But you have the ability, you still have anything. And you don't know what that's like, man.

Starting point is 01:34:35 There's a lot of us even sitting here doing, you know, I know I got to go to the comedy store all week at the comedy clubs. And I'm grateful for it because it's what I like to do. But it's still my work. You know, I'd love to have a, man, I would love to go back to school sometime and learn like a new trade. You know, I thought the other day I would like to look, I'd like to go look for gold. They got this man in Arizona or New Mexico who buried $2 million worth of gold out there. And I'd like to go look for that. But I don't have that time. I don't have that luxury. So you have the luxury of freedom.

Starting point is 01:35:11 And you have the luxury of possibility. So I think you're going to do really great things. Maybe try one. So what if you're wrong? You have time. So what if you take six months and take a class and you decide, oh, that's not what I want to be. I don't want to be a town planner. I don't want to run a bar. Good. Now you know two things you don't want to do. So now that indecisive world is a little bit, there's less options to choose from. In college, I didn't know what was going on. I kept jumping around to different colleges because I wanted to travel. And you asked me what I wanted to do.

Starting point is 01:35:47 I wanted to travel. So I ended up at seven different universities and I traveled. And it was fun. And I had like 300 fucking credit hours and no diploma. I took some of the same classes four or five times because I didn't know that that wasn't, you couldn't do it. I didn't fail them. I would just, any class I did good in, I would just take it again at the next school. So then I got to the counselor finally.

Starting point is 01:36:19 He's like, well, dude, you, you know, you got, you know, 60 hours of speech and reasoning level 101. And I'm like, fuck yeah. And he's like, fuck no. So look, man, I think you got a world ahead of you. And, you know, get out there and take some chances, man. You got time. What else, man? I'll hit this one more call right here, and then we're going to retire for the day. Here we go.

Starting point is 01:36:42 Hey, what's up, Theo? This is James Emmerich. I'm from North Carolina, Asheville. Hey, James Emmerich. Thank you for calling, man. I'll be at Charlie Goodnights in July, I believe if you want to come through there sometime, but, uh, onward. And, uh, I just, I love this past weekend. It's a great podcast. Thank you, dude. You know, I appreciate that, man. You know, we're trying to make it good and, and, um, and Chris Perez and Nick Davis, uh, are so supportive and, You know, I appreciate that, man. You know, we're trying to make it good. And Chris Perez and Nick Davis are so supportive. And, you know, we got, you know, my buddy Kevin Best that helps with the shirts and, you know, Laurel down there in Tampa who runs stuff and keeps, you know, listenership up. And there's a lot of neat people who help. But thank you. Onward. Monogamy in general has brought up a lot of questions to me, really, especially recently with past relationships falling apart,

Starting point is 01:37:31 wanting to be more promiscuous and finding other women to be with and share relations with. And, you know, you want that person to sleep with, then you want other things in life too that just go beyond that. Maybe not just sleeping with them, but just a casual sexual encounter. And it's just so shut down and pushed far down under the rug for most people, especially with religious backgrounds, that you shouldn't be doing that. And I just been reading this book by Christopher Ryan called Sex at Dawn. And it just opened up so much more. I'd just like to know your thoughts about monogamy.

Starting point is 01:38:14 Well, thanks for calling, man. I don't know if you already knew that I was reading that book or not. So I couldn't tell that in the call. But that's the book that I'm reading, listening to right now. I'm listening to it. You know, it's definitely something that I struggle with. You know, I do struggle with, heavily with, with desires, mostly of, you know, of like, you know, I don't struggle with desire to love someone else. If I'm in love, I don't struggle with the desire to love someone else. I just struggle with sexual desires.

Starting point is 01:38:54 And almost just a desire to act out. A desire to misbehave. A desire to mess something up for myself. But yeah, sexually, yeah. I think it makes you question a lot because you want this family element and it feels like that's what it's supposed to all be. But do our behaviors show different?

Starting point is 01:39:23 That we do want to be able to have trysts and, you know, still feel that sexual thing. I think it's rare that people can feel the sexual, you know, maintain a lot of sexual energy and still stay in a marriage. I was talking to a friend of mine, Bill, I talked to him a lot. He's up there in San Francisco and, you know, he has that in his marriage where there's still a lot of good sexual chemistry. And, you know, that's a fear that I have. I have a fear that if I'm, you know, in a marriage, will I be able to do that forever? Will I be able to, you know, remain monogamous? And I don't know. If I'm really honest, man, I do not know. If I'm really honest, man, I do not know. But I also don't know if that's because there's something inside of me that is off, that I haven't healed, that it's fear.

Starting point is 01:40:16 Because I know for sure that I want to be in love. No doubt about it. No doubt about it. You know, I mean, I'm spending time with a gal now and it's, you know, and it feels great. You know, but I do worry, well, is monogamy something I'm going to be able

Starting point is 01:40:35 to do my whole life? You know, and I don't know. And, you know, it does tie back in my mind to this idea of what things are supposed to be. You know, and also, is it just too much pressure these days with the technology? I mean, back in the day, the only other woman you saw, maybe you're at the store with your wife and you see a woman across the aisle, you know, squeeze a grapefruit. And you go in the truck and jerk off real quick.

Starting point is 01:41:05 Tell your wife you have to go to the restroom or whatever. You're going to look at the whiskey. But now that is around every corner. It's everywhere. It's all over. It's part of our society. Sex sells and it's out there. So it's, you know, it's tough.

Starting point is 01:41:21 Do I think that I'll be able to be monogamous my whole life and stay in a monogamous relationship I don't you know if I'm really honest with myself I don't but I also don't know if that's because I suffer with you know not only some intimacy issues, but intimacy of the connection, intimacy of trusting someone enough to be able to be in love with Or were that I don't act out sexually because it's me protecting myself by giving me a way to not stay present in my relationship. And by doing that, it'll then trick me into thinking, oh, because the relationship isn't good for you, you know, or, you know, love isn't ever going to work for you. So then my brain will trick me into, oh, well, behave this way over here, or, you know, watch this pornography or do this

Starting point is 01:42:45 or flirt with this girl or act out sexually. And that will just support what my brain is already saying. Or that will give my brain proof. Okay, cool, man. We got to shut it down. I appreciate you guys for being here. Thank you again to Paul from Boston for his This Past Weekend story. Make sure to leave a review on iTunes if you can. Check out the This Past Weekenders on Facebook. That's our Facebook group as well. Thursday's episodes are bonus episodes. We're going to try to get them up when we can.

Starting point is 01:43:25 We got a great guest coming in this Wednesday, and that is Eddie Bravo, the conspiracy theorist. We're excited to have him come on. So hopefully that should be up on Thursday. Thank you to our callers. Thank you to Jack who had the, you know, the gonads that,

Starting point is 01:43:39 you know, got really big, the big ball in out there. Thank you to Tyson, the softball coach in Atlanta. Thank you to Carson from Texas who said we are related. Thank you to Jason for calling and asking about the Thursday hitters. Thank you for James calling in with a question about monogamy and Caleb over there in Scotland and the trouble with cocaine when it's too much for you.

Starting point is 01:44:06 in Scotland and the trouble with cocaine, when it's too much for you, when it's on the other side of the scale, when the heavier side of the teeter-totter has cocaine on it, that's when it was too much for me. I can't tell you when it's too much for you, bud, but that's when it was too much for me. And I do appreciate you calling, sharing what's making you hurt. That's it, man. If you want to call in this week, call in about monogamy, call in about that, call in about how you managing it, call in about what your fears were if you overcame it, if you were acting out in a relationship or marriage or that kind of thing, call in. How did that test your heart? Because, I feel like I was born with a vasectomy that disconnected my nuts from my heart. And so I'd love to connect those things a little bit better because you know, I can feel sometimes it's, it's just so hard. Literally the lights just went out

Starting point is 01:44:57 here in the studio. So if you're on YouTube, that's just because, uh, fucking who knows why, but you guys, um, actually since the lights just went out here, it's a perfect time to listen to this song, Shine, by Bishop Gunn. We'll see you guys hopefully on Thursday. If not, we'll do the follow-up to the calls for next week. But call in. Leave thoughts on that topic or anything that we talked about. Thinking about Kanye, talking about perception anything that we talked about, you know, thinking about Kanye talking about, um,

Starting point is 01:45:26 perception, um, you know, anything we talked about, man, this is our conversation. So thank you very much. I'm just sitting on your front porch Wondering how could I be so far from my home

Starting point is 01:45:55 And my mind is somewhere else But when I find it I'll patch up where it's been blown. Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little time For me to set that parking brake

Starting point is 01:46:39 And let myself unwind Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my story. Be good to yourselves, man. You probably deserve it. Shine that light on me. And I will... Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite,

Starting point is 01:47:02 and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner. The answer may shock you. Sometimes I'll interview my friends. Sometimes I won't. And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head. You have three new voice messages. A lot of people are talking about Kite Club. I've been talking about Kite Club for so long.

Starting point is 01:47:28 Longer than anybody else. So great. Hi, it's me. Here's the deal. Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker. Jermaine. I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry. Sorry sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.

Starting point is 01:47:45 Oh, no! I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me. Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club. Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah? And yes, don't worry, my Brad Pitt impression will get better.

This Past Weekend - Think Differently | This Past Weekend #93

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