This Past Weekend - Valentine's Day Special: Bobby Lee & Khalyla | This Past Weekend #174

Episode Date: February 15, 2019

Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Bobby Lee and Khalyla sit down with Theo Von to talk about their relationship & the Slept Kingdom pledging allegiance to Chris D'Elia, as well as to give listener's advice on their own relationships. This episode brought to you by… Mercari Download Mercari in any app store or at https://mercari.com Ridge Wallet https://www.ridgewallet.com/theo Use code “theo” for 10% off your order SkillShare https://skillshare.com/theovon Get 2 months of Skillshare for free Grey Block Pizza 1811 Pico Blvd. Santa Monica, CA http://bit.ly/GreyBlock Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/MakinIt_BishopGunn Gunt TigerGunt www.patreon.com/theovon Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Stein Adam White Adriana Hernandez Aidan Duffy Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alex Sideris Alexander Contreras Amanda Sherman Amelia Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Andy Mac Angelo Raygun Angie Angeles Anna Winther Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Hall Ashley Konicki Audrey Harlan Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Baltimore Ben Beau Adams Yoga Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Ben Limes Benjamin Streit Big Easy Brad Moody Brandon Hoffman Brian Martinez Brian Szilagyi Bryan Reinholdt Bryant Combs Bubba Hodge cal ector California Outlaw Campbell Hile Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Casey Rudesill Cassandra Miller Cassie Wilson Chad Saltzman Charley Dunham chris Christian from Bakersfield Christopher Becking Christopher Stath Clint Lytle Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Corey Ashmore Cory Alvarez Dan Draper Dan Ray Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Gill Dave Engelman David Christopher david r prins David Smith David Wyrick deadpieface Deanna Smith Dirty Steve DoMoreKid Donald blackwell Doug Chee Dwehji Majd Dylan Clune Felicity Black Felix Theo Wren Gabriel Almeda Garrett Blankenship Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Gunt Squad Gary Haley Brown Hayden Chighizola J Garcia J.P. J.T. Hosack Jacob Ortega Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James banks James Bown James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Bragg Jason Haley Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Johnson Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jeremy West Jerry Zhang Jesse Witham Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Desrosiers Joey Piemonte John Bowles John Kutch John Slade Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Joseph Wuttunee Josh Cowger Justin L justin marcoux Karen Sullivan Katy Doyle Kelly Elliott Ken Comstock Ken Melvin Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kevin Fleury Kevtron Kiera Parr Kirk Cahill Kishalin kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Briesemeister Laura Williams Lauren Cribb Leighton Fields Linsey Logan Yakemchuk Lorell “Loretta” Ray Luke Danton Mark Glassy Matt Eckenrode Matt Holland Matt Kaman Matt Leftwich Matt McKeen Matthew Azzam Matthew Price Matthew Sizemore Matthew Snow Max Bowden MEDICATED VETERAN Megan Andersen-Hall Megan Daily megan Wrynn Meghan LaCasse Michael E. Ganzermiller Michael polcaro Michael Senkpiel Micky Maddux Mike montague Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mike Sarno Mike Vo Mitchell Watson Mona McCune Natalie Stanley Ned Arick Nick Butcher Nick Rosing Niko Ferrandino Nikolas Koob Nyx Ballaine Alta Old McTronald Old Scroat Mccrackin Owen Lide Paddy jay Passenger Shaming Patrick Gries Paul Flores Paul Lococo Peter Craig Peter Shea Philip James Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Rashelle Raymond Renee Nicol Roar Hanasand Robert Doucette Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Ryan Alves Ryan Crafts Ryan Forrest Ryan Garcia Ryan Hawkins Ryan Jordan Ryan Walsh Ryan Wolfe Sam Illgen Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Scott Scott Lucy Scott Swain Sean Scott Season Vaughan Shane Pacheco Shannon Schulte Shawn-Leigh henry Shona MacArthur Sonja Prazic Stacy Blessing Stahn Johnson Steez Stefan Borglycke Stepfan Jefferies Steve Corlew Steven Stoody Sungmin Choe Suzanne O'Reilly Taylor Beall thatdudewiththepaperbag The Asian Hamster Thee shitfaced chef TheGremlin Cafe Tim Bonventre Tim Greener Tim Ozcelik Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus todd vesterse Tom Cook Tom in Rural NC Tom Kostya Tom Reichardt Tommy From England Tommy Redditt Travis Simpson Travis Vowell Trevor Fatheree Troy Ty Oliver Tyler Harrington (TJ) Tyler Shaver Victor Montano William Morris William Reid Peters xTaCx Stretch Zak Stufflebeam Zech JohnsonSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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That's Ridge wallet comm slash Theo get that hit her Love is in the air Who is that? It's someone in love who is that? Today's episode is a is a pair of beautiful people a young man that has been kinder to me Maybe than any other comedian In my career maybe in some ways I'm grateful to know him. I'm grateful to have him. I'm also grateful to have his beautiful lovely co-host and And girlfriend. It is the slept king and the awake queen

It is Bobby Lee and Calyla from Tiger Belly. Bro, if I didn't care what y'all would never be racist here Oh Yeah, when you say when you say y'all y'all gooks and I won't say y'all Ching chongs. Whoa No, I'm sorry. I don't want to start. I don't want to start. You know what dude? I we were late I felt frustrated about it. Hmm. It's raining. I I'm in a bad mood. Are you really like I'm snappy I'm very irritable and so I want to reset my um Chi in The word core your core to ye

You definitely got to work you seem like a nice lady. I am. Thank you And I'm in an okay mood. Are you really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I want to say this to you guys happy valentines I do have you started yet, huh? You know you are starting. Oh my bad start over because I'm then I'm gonna put my um podcast mile on Look Jesus I was hoping it was something different than that. Just yeah, I had dinner at Craig's last night guys

I guess, huh? What? No Craig's the restaurant. Oh, I thought it was a guy some guy named Craig or no Craig Okay, and also I got this hat from somebody named David Spade. So Hmm Did you did he really give you that? He gave me that's pretty cool. He's a good dude. Yeah, he's a nice man Is he a munchkin? Um, he's little. I don't know how big he is. Yeah, he's like proportionally a dwarf Well, if you see a smaller person Do you feel like you guys like you know stuff that they know like is there any sort of like well? No, no, no because when I see it depends on what race they are

Is it like any like paquito symmetry that goes on when you see small people? No, but what I am no But if I see like a white dude, that's like my height. Mm-hmm. I get really sad for them Oh, I see that yeah, because you know genetically they should be delia style. Yeah, right? But then if I see an Asian my height unlike just like Normal shit, do you know? Do you know if I have somebody's Asian or not? Like is it the same like on this guy? You have no idea Yeah, we have you know, I'll tell you how we know we have fucking eyes. Yeah, well That's crazy even tell like I know my my Korean best friend

She can tell the different the different gates between a Japanese yeah Korean how they walk and you know like the Korean men The older men they walk with their hands behind their back Oh, yeah, yeah, but that yeah, that's final so I can always tell money instead of buying a back brace a lot I'm just like well just put this right here. Yeah. Yeah, even like the Keanu Reeves Asians They're like 10% 15% the capacitors that sells off as white. I can tell and usually I can go. Yeah, you're fucking 12% long. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now, you know, you know, how do you know? And they get all excited, you know who's sneaky is the lay oceans. Why they sneaky? Well, because you don't know who they are. You're like, are they Filipino or they Hawaiian? What are they doing?

Are they juggling? Are they faking it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then they're actually lay ocean And then when he's sweat you can smell like pineapple juice. Oh my god It smells like the fucking lobby at a at a Ramada in Kauai, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, beautiful scent Yeah, so love is in the air you guys have been lovers for how long and this is our six six years 11 Wow, yeah, yeah, and when was the first time that you guys if it's okay to talk about it When was the first time you guys had sexual intercourse? Probably two months. No, that's not true a month into our really month and eight to go a month But he had to drive. I mean the long beach road every day

Did you really? Yeah, I want she she didn't even come into my place for a month. Did he Uber? Did he drive? I drove to fucking Long Beach every day. I'm asking the woman He drove down there. He did and and what would he do when he came filthy there. He didn't try to he didn't try He didn't clean his car. He had piles of like bottles and just dirty underwear everything Oh, my dad bro. It's so gross. I was like, okay Well, I respect that this is his baseline and he's not trying to front like he's anybody else. Oh, that's pretty cool Yeah, so there was no bait and switch, huh? Mm-hmm. Did he there were a few but more of a More of a maybe an effort thing not really a cleanliness thing from the get-go

I knew he was a he was a pig hide hide, you know hygiene wise. He was a hygiene risk. They call yeah Yeah, for sure hepatitis risk. Oh Yeah, yeah, definitely. Wow. Are you a sleeper away? I had to get my booster shot. Did you really? Yeah Oh, definitely. Yeah, he seemed like that guy who's definitely got that fever in him. You know, he's got the potential for He's got the potential for fever liver fever. Oh, if you look I couldn't even imagine seeing one of his blood cells under a microscope Who would even know it's probably just sitting there fucking vaping, you know So you guys the full one month and you guys got in a sex now How did that kind of start cuz I'm where was the first date? Let's cuz I just want to learn about love

It's Valentine's. I want to learn about gels of love We can talk about love Are you did I feel like I'm on a yellow mirror? Have you seen that show? Yellow mirror was very good and I would have give you I would have give you more of a laugh If I wasn't so enraged right now Oh, yeah, yeah, let me say something right now. Okay, that was fucking funny. Thank you. All right, but listen to me Okay, yeah, don't talk to me that way. I won't do that. Okay, because I'm here as well. Yes We fucked a month in okay, and it was not

We I go let me just stick the tip and did he say that really no, right? She's spreading it. Just let me just into like Hit training. Oh, yeah circuit training. Oh, yeah, we did a little we had stations And you guys went to an actual place. You just made it up in a row in my apartment in my apartment Living room. Yeah, we had stations. That's where you do the air guitar, right? Yeah, that's where you know, we do this and over here, you know, you can put just the tip in right? Oh, wow I stuck it in and I took it and took it out, you know, I stuck it in stuck it out. Yeah, but she wouldn't let me stick Keep it in there. Oh, wow. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, that's I did it

I did like five or six of those very new and literally that's all we did. Oh, wow the first time So it wasn't really it was sex, you know on paper it was sex, but it was I just want to see if it fit You know like a meeting it was like a gap. You're trying on, you know, yeah Okay, the second time was even a bigger Second time was a disaster. Why? Because I didn't realize our height differential at that time Yeah, and he was trying to you know, we were trying to do it Doggy style. Oh, yeah, and it turns out his thighs are actually really short. Oh, yeah, so He tried I thought it's like a yam. He's built like a yam

So he would have had to done a half stand in order to get there Oh, yeah, and his thighs apparently were burning. So midway through he was like, I got to go home I got to go home as he just left and he just rushed home. He didn't even explain burning thighs It's very so the next the third time we did a prison style, which is straight flat because it's the only thing That's all the only style I can do burden burning thighs hidden dragon. That's my I can't do I've never done Doggy the normal way. Oh, wow because I'm so shut like short my legs and stuff So I just go lay on your stomach

Right and then sometimes I have to like squeeze their legs together like that. Oh, yeah Yeah, so I can you know tighten the situation. Yeah. Yeah, do you know was it do you remember being a kind of sensual? Had you guys been drinking or was it? No, we don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink That's true. Yeah, yeah, did you do but now had you been drinking and you had maybe some tea or something Or what does she has to be drugged out to fuck me or what is that? We have to be in some sort of state a drunken state for me or a coma or something for look She's gonna let some guy drive down a long beach in a fucking dirty car. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a fucking You know a couple of fucking Mick ultra's breath. What a fuck

Yeah, but I also couldn't just say this though with Theo is is that? Let's be clear about this is that she's kind of she's aware of who I am as well, right? Okay, so you have that you have that now she's not a huge fan Mm-hmm, but you know, it's not like I've done more than YouTube, right, right very true So I can get above YouTube with what you know, right? It's not like you have to fuck Who is that? That girl Gail Did the arm with the puppets you know I'm talking about puppet Gail is that?

No, what was her name? She had a TV show went on to eat eventually Yeah, get um, you know, I'm talking about went on to eat entertainment or VH one or something Brenda Brenda. No, it was on I honestly don't even know what the fuck you're talking about YouTube. What was the lady's name blonde hair Gail bent? Gilda Gail Bennett Hilda night time with And she she played with puppets gritting Maybe not puppets makeup or something tutorials. She did all of it. Let it sit down. You know, honestly

Just let it go. No, you know, he'll come up with it. I know you're talking about He's great teen Christine. Yeah, right. No, she does her own deep do-it-yourself show on Netflix Oh, she makes cakes and then she talks to puppets. Mm-hmm. I like that though. Okay. That's cool No, this was Gail. I think or Brenda or gay girl Hilda Helga her to Blondie anyway, can I just say something? Yeah, you guys got I love about you right now, dude Is that you have some new clothing because I've been analyzing your clothing for the last year really? Yeah And you look like you have some new shit on those pants. I've never seen you wear. Thank you. What are those other sweats?

Yeah, somebody mailed these into us and what what brand are I because I want to get a pair of those I like how they thin out in the bottom like that. Are they Nike or what? No, no. Yeah. Yeah. Some guy makes these Okay, we could just do it after all maybe While they're still looking for this lady blonde hair girl. No, Gerda. Um, Helbig grace Helbig. Oh She had puppets. Yeah endeavor endeavor. It's called endeavor. They just I just get some pants like that You look nice. Oh, yeah, green socks. It kind of goes along with the thing. Yeah. Thank you, man Uh-huh. So do you see you guys had sex and after that then what happened because then you would do we

Was there love in the air already? Was there pretty strong love or were you guys still kind of figuring it out? Do you think I'm just curious about love and like in the big in the big okay? I'm gonna be completely honest with you. Wow. Somebody's getting more. Yeah, I'm gonna be completely honest with you right now Okay, is is that I met her on Tinder? Yeah, right and I was smashing Smashing crap. Wow. Smashing grabs on our first date. He was showing me other tinder dates. Yeah. Yeah. Wow It was like that uh show a supermarket sweep. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then you smash smash and all of a sudden you I found Kailah, right? I drive to Long Beach the first time I see Matt meter at a coffee shop in my head. I'm like, oh fuck

This could be a project. Wow No, no, not a project, but you know that it's gonna be I'm gonna know her for the rest of my life Oh, wow, that's pretty. Yeah, I say you knew there was something different about her There was something different about her. You know, I liked her forehead. Mm-hmm. I liked Yeah, I liked her the way she walked and moved but here's the thing about her and she's a swimmer. She's hot, right? But what I hear is the thing that made me love her is because you know how like mythological I am. Oh, yeah, I'm pigeon-toed That's part native of that's yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but my body is like, you know Unclear of what it is. Oh, yeah, dude, you know, like my body can't decide

It's like an amoeba. It's like an amoeba, right? Oh, yeah, you're fucking like a grizzly Rubik's Cube. Yeah Right and I have eyes. I look at myself in the mirror Oh, yeah, and I don't go a like Fonzie. Yeah, I just go, you know, I mean But like and so when I was at that coffee shop with her the first day It was a long couch She was sitting on and she was really close to me and she just locked eyes with me And she was literally interested about everything that I was saying. Oh, I would scare me Yeah, and she was a hot too. So I was like, oh, this is what the fuck, you know, I was hard. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, my dick got hard. It's hard now. Oh, that's you can't tell through the jeans. You can't tell Yeah, I could I couldn't imagine telling at all, but I think that's cool I like to if I'm hard I tell people in the room now because I don't want to crime I'm not uh, I'm not doing right, right, right. You'd be able to tell with those pants. Oh, yeah I'm not your junk is pretty clear, too. I got that fucking sleeping bird. Look, you know Yeah, that's how my dick rolls down. So when I met her, that's what happened and then um, and Then here we are six years later And what do you guys do to keep it fresh these days? I mean, I know you guys have like it's we're having a little thing

Yeah, I would imagine you there were 50 other better couples to bring on a Valentine's Day episode that you know I mean, oh, I don't know anybody that's even in a fucking relationship except you guys really You know, yeah, I mean, I'm 80 days off pornography. That's the one of the longest relationship. Yeah, 80 days I can't that's what I need to do not even photographs or pictures or anything So like if he grazed his finger on your dick right now, you'd come. Oh, I wouldn't come. You don't even get hard, bro I'm probably right. I'm really good at that though Yeah, I'm raising fingers. I'm fucking that I have a black belt. They call him grazing Bobby Yeah, I make him know is that I go. Hi. Yeah, I do that whole thing too. Let me try it. No, dude. All right, bro

Yeah, I do think we'll be allowed to touch themselves in front of other people though I do think people should be allowed to touch themselves in front of other people as long as other people in the room know that They're doing that. Yeah with the clothes on. Yeah, right. You can't just pull it out and touch yourself Yeah, and um, I still think it should be illegal. Yeah, just show your dick and to touch yourself in public Yeah, that Louis CK model kind of you know, yeah, that was crazy Have you ever had a man do something like that where he just pulled out his junk and just started horse? I'm a woman right and is it cool is it scary? What was the vibe when you were involved in it the first time that happened to me in America?

It never happened to me when I was living in the Philippines surprisingly. Wow But when I came here, I was on the one country fail, you know, I was on the 181 bus from from Pasadena City College Hard to Altadena and it was 9 p.m. I was with my swim bag and some guy just and the whole bus was empty and Some guy came into the bus sat right next to me pulled out his huge dick and just started stroking Like she was kind of testing a lot like a fucking lava lamp to see if it was like a expensive, you know And another time there was this guy who seemed like he was in a he seemed like one of those like Ministers like a religious type. They come hard and

He had his dick on the bus again and he had he had his dick in between like his Bible like or a book I'm not sure if it was a Bible. It looked like a Bible. Yeah, he was just ever so Delicately jerking himself off with it with a book. Wow, dude. It's like using his Psalms, you know That's pretty cool. Now. I'll tell you this now that happened the first time I ever even it masturbated really I go to the public library and And they had these, you know, they would have these art books books of art and they would have Pictures people had painted Ruben ask women lying in the by the river or lying in the woods

Remember that and they'd have a wolf in the distance kind of like an apple You know, this is like Peter Paul Rubens and stuff like that if you look that guy Can we see some of his art Nick and and I would get the pictures, bro And it would make me so hard because you could see breasts they painted them, you know nice breasts And so I would literally I remember close. I would be so hard bro could barely there was there was barely enough blood To like keep my eyes open and stuff. See find the breast one Find something with a tit in it. No Yeah

I used to masturbate to Joel Peter Whitken. Oh, well, I'm looking at look them up Joel Peter Whitken Some really great earlier Joe Peter Whitken. Oh Yeah, that's my shit right there, dude all day every day. Look at that shit right there It's definitely put a beak on that. Yeah, dude. That's my thing right there. That's on my ass Yeah, dude, that's my thing right there who is that's Andy dick. What is that Andy dick? Oh You know the fourth time we had sex we get it to my 600 pound life remember that Oh, yeah, yeah, we watch my secret. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I come to A&E, bro. Yeah. Yeah Here's the thing though, dude

Yeah, that's my thing was TLC. I love it Yeah, I don't bust it You know what I used to do back in the day is like if I like I would meet a girl at a comedy club, right? And you know, you're on the road and then you're you you're in the hotel room and some Older comic told me to do this and I don't know if it's illegal But when you make it and then you you know, you think it's gonna go further and they're like, yeah I just don't know you and then I would ask can I drink off? Yes, you can do that. That's illegal Yes, and if she says no, yeah, then what if she says I don't know

You then you have to clarify you got to make up your mind and you have to wait until she gives you a firm answer Oh, really? Really? She says I don't know or I'm 50 50 on it. You can't take a risk You can't it's like let's make a deal Yeah, yeah risky. Yeah, it's like I'm on the fence about it and then in my head I was like, I would just go go I'd go for it. Yeah, and that you would jerk off like this And then if they said you can Can you like jizz on them or no? I would only do that if I knew I had a decent amount of jizz in me

If I've been masturbating that week or something. I'm not doing something like that. It's not a big jizzer He's like a little baby tiny dollop. Oh, yeah, like a couple of guys like a truck rolled over and a couple guys No, it's not that's a lot of water. He doesn't drink a lot of water and I just and also I masturbate so much It just comes out like viseen drops. It actually just doesn't even shoot out. It's just kind of it cries. It cries it out Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I think it does a little weeb like a little like you just like you like you played ski Baldi's but this one to take it. Yeah, yeah like that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's sad Now have you ever? Have you ever done like a three symbol with two dudes and one girl?

No Way You've never done that watching some guy fuck dude. I've done that so many times with other comedians. Have you really? Oh, yeah, about some of it. Yeah, you drive down a commerce casino you and the boys. Yeah Yeah, and um, you should tell a story about how that guy how you gave some guy Conjunctivitis. Oh, yeah, so I was at the comedy store one day and I was doing my first headlining in Las Vegas and The guy that ran the room was Steve Shripper. You know who that guy is

Mm-hmm, right. He's he was in the Sopranos, but back in the day. He used to run Riviera, right? Mm-hmm, and dice clay used to call me Ching. Mm-hmm. He didn't even know my real name, right? So Everyone else started calling me Ching. That's the guy. Oh, there he is. He died. You know, he's alive But Shripper called me and he goes a Ching you headline I got my name is Bobby. Whatever Ching, you know, they used to call me that. Oh, yeah They used to come back in the 90s give a fuck right if we saw when we call them that I Mean not if you're standing there, but if you're driving back, right?

So there was these two open micers Brian Keith Etheridge and Aaron Cater. Oh, I know Aaron. You know Aaron, right? Palestinian. Yeah, that's right. It's like the last Palestinian. He's like the loose one The rest of me. Yeah, he's up outside of Israel. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's the only trust with everyone. I know is he? Yeah, I'm joking. He's a really really nice guy. He's a great guy. He's also cute as fuck. He's a hard worker. He's cute Oh, he's beautiful too, huh? His eyes are beautiful. His eyes not curly hair What is it about the curly hair nice eye combo that just makes everybody will come to that? What about the straight hair slimy eye? I Mean, it's an acquired taste brother. You know what I'm saying? Look if you're in a plane crash

Yeah, you are definitely the first one that's gonna get fucked a bro or eaten Fucked or eaten or just oh you seem like a you seem like the kind of like little dessert boy That gets kind of fucked in prison, but only around the holidays, you know Yeah, like the rest of the year this little fucking, you know, I will this little lemon tart is off Oh, yeah Dude, I would be a loose I would just be a walking hold in Bro, but I would have a lot of cigarettes and side stuff because I would whore myself to the point

We're had all the staff video games tattoos. Yeah, like if you were in prison, I go you want it You want a twinkie? I got one because I fuck with Tyrone. You want to come get this? Yeah, so anyway, I so these two open micros driving to Vegas and we're in Las Vegas Boulevard And we stop at a stoplight and there was two redneck sisters One was like 300 pounds. The other one was 62 pounds. Oh, wow, wasn't one toothless. Yeah, they all know they're both toothless Okay, wait, hold on and they had teeth, but randomly. Okay, so they had estranged teeth People don't toothless people don't hang out together. There's one person with teeth and one person without Yeah, that's the rule hang out with a toothless person, right? But a toothless person would never never hang out with a toothless person

So there's a tooth person. I would hang out. No, no, no a tooth first toothless would never go double toothless Oh, but I would hang out with a toothless so I could brag every once in a while. Just go like this. Yeah, you know Yeah, let me smile like really like in that song where it's like, let me see you grill Let me see you what and then you pointed him and like Yeah, yeah, so we stop at a stoplight is and One of the sisters rolls on the window. She goes we think you're cute to Aaron Cater Oh, yeah, cuz they size curly hair. Oh, yeah, he jumps out of the fucking that's Denny and brother a lot of chicks love that fucking Yeah, yeah, yeah, and this is uh, I think this was pre 9-11. Oh, yeah, so, you know, they do what you want

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know I'm saying this Matthew so he disappears, bro We don't know where he is so I get to the Riviera and I tell Brian I go but first of all so Brian Keith ethridge Look him up ugly as white dude that God ever made But is he a family man now? I don't give a fuck dude. I'll say to his face Brian. God fucked your face up No, I think he didn't even try look at that. Oh God didn't even try look at that hair. No chin. Oh My god, was he in a um was he in a was he in the military? That's the only photo you can see to the one in the very far Right, that's him right there. I think he's cute. Oh, he's looking for you have no idea, baby That guy was the king of incels. He's the big first one. Yeah, and he does two first names and then a lesbian, right?

So I tell Brian I go hey, I'm gonna go do a set list I'll see you because I had to do the midnight show in the Riviera So when I show up at the show dude Brian Keith ethridge and Eric Cader were with these sisters, dude Mm-hmm, and Brian comes up to me goes. Hey, man, if you're funny and These girls are racist. They told us that they don't hate they hate chinks. Oh, wow They said if you're funny that they would blow you. Oh, wow. So I'm like, that's a very gummy blow job, dude Yeah, yeah, right. Thank you. That's indecisiveness too. We hate you, but if you're funny Yeah, so I have a good set and then afterwards they they go. Yeah

So us five we go to my art hotel room and it's like six hours of debauchery fucking to That oh as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's like I came like 12 times. It was a craze. Oh And like nightmare. Yeah, two on one one on one. It was crazy, but I like But around four in the morning. I want to see that four on one The other four does criminals but check it out, dude

So at four in the morning, I'm with the fat one, right on my bed and I'm doing her doggy style Oh, yeah, yeah, but I have her, you know a big dog, huh ever, but she she's so hot I'll let clean in the kennel, baby. And um You know I'm saying the lunch box So I look around like taking the school And I look around and I don't know where Brian is. Oh, yeah, right? I know where Aaron is Aaron's with the other girl. Yeah, so I'm doing a doggy style. I don't know where Brian is and so a couple of minutes past

And then all of a sudden I feel something tickling my butthole. Oh, yeah, and it feels like a feather. Oh, wow Yeah, yeah And I turn around There's no one there So now I think is it paranormal, right? Mm-hmm like a Nate like a Nate like a Native American ghost or something Or why yeah, but the feather. I'm saying though. Oh, that's right. I'm gonna be like a white. Yes I'm like a writer for the 1800s. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so I keep going but then now I know it's not a feather now. Oh, yeah, it's it's like some sort of flesh

Oh my rectum. Oh, yeah, right? I got scared as You do Yeah, right if you don't know where your bro is something you're with a girl here And then you feel something something happening on your anus. What it is There's right. There's a there's something right. There's a man with a little feather over there I love that song. It's a good song, right So then I go and and then all of a sudden I look down Right. Mm-hmm, and he had crawled underneath her. Oh, yeah

And he was eating a vagina. Oh, wow Wow. While I was doing it. It's like Michelangelo paint like from you know, yeah the ceiling or whatever Yeah, and you were like, yeah, yeah doing that roof work. The roof work, right? Yeah, even this thing Did he do that? He did that thing. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So I in my head you don't know what to do because I'm about to come but also this is gay Yeah, so you're caught in a situation like what do you what do you do? Yeah, like what would you do? There's a man with a gun over there Right

So my my thing was speed fuck and get out. Oh, wow That's that Carl Lewis, bro. Yeah. Yeah, power fuck it power fuck it Power fucking's insane. Delia told me dude. If you're a power fucker. Yeah, shut it down, man. That shit is so old school You know, we're in the railroad. He's a slow fuck. He said he's a slow guy. Yeah. Yeah, and I always believe him I always power fuck because I think the girls gonna change their mind Right, so I just go put a bunch of so I can cover you know before they go Yeah, I've decided not to you know, so I was doing it I start power fucking her and then something happened where he

You know kind of adjusted I adjusted a little bit Mm-hmm, and I try to stick it back in and he got he came up like this No, and my penis rubs his eye. Oh, wow, right when you when you stick your penis in another man's eye It's a party stopper Yeah, I could see it ends it ends all the vibe I could see some definitely somebody been like hey, I'm gonna grab some ice, you know, yeah, yeah, definitely It was uncomfortable. Wow. We stopped I didn't come and then I just everybody you guys want to eat breakfast And it was like yeah, so we go down to the buffet

Now it's like five in the morning eating with a group of people if you all have been fucking sounds Way Native American, bro That shit sounds like pygmy style. Let's all fucking then go get it and then go fucking And pheasant, you know, you got to tighten up. Yeah, so then what ends up happening is more happened Yeah, more if you get it's not even done so we're at breakfast bro and You know, I'm trying to cuz I need to sleep. Yeah, I'm tired And I you know, I'm talking to the people that I mean in my bacon, you know, and I look at Brian and

His there's a yellow. Oh, yeah film. Mm-hmm. They had dried Over his eye. Oh, wow, and it was Infected. Oh, yeah, he couldn't open it. Right. Oh, yeah, that Polynesian hush puppy. They call that When that thing gets all fucking flared up and shuts down son from From group So now I'm now like I'm tired and I'm like, you know, I'm like just I mean my head I'm like, just let it go. Don't even tell him about it. Oh my right. Just go, you know, just let just go to sleep He might lose the eye, but that's his bag. Oh, yeah, right? But then my other side was like you got to say something

Right, so I'm like, I just got I got your eye, dude He's like what I got you're clearly you can't see through that eye, dude, right? He's like, yeah, you're right Right, like he should have known that like I can't see Yeah, but I yeah, he forced me to call him out. What an idiot. What an idiot, right? If you can't see, no Yeah, me too, doesn't he wear glasses, right? Yeah Yeah, I'm like, so what do you want to do? Like, you know, what do you want to do about it? Yeah I was hoping he was like, you know, no, this happens all the time if I take it so we go to sleep. It'll be better That's not what he said. Yeah, he goes it hurts. Oh

Oh, it hurts real bad, right? It's infected. It's sad. So now we have to go to the hospital Now I'm mad, right? We got that black. Yeah. Yeah. So now imagine how I'm feeling. It's seven in the morning now six in the morning You're driving in the hospital and you haven't come yet. Did you come or not? I've come a bunch of times before the act. Oh, that's disgusting And so we go to the hospital and Brian, you know was like, hey guys, I'm really embarrassed So you can't say that you have your dick in my eye. Yeah So I go, what are you gonna say? He's I'll come up with something brush by fairytale So we go and the doctor comes and he goes what happened and then Brian, he's a comet

So he goes he's skull fucked me and that's in the store. Oh But he got antibiotics and he can see out of that eye now. Oh, wow. Yes, it's a good story See if he has eye in the picture Can you tell me in that picture that anything's wrong with them or something? I think that's photo was before the eye Yeah Well That's crazy BK. You've never you've never been with it Like if you and I if I was single and you and I were on the road and like the hardest chick was like I'll fuck both of you

You wouldn't do it with me. I guess I would do it if You one of us would have to like wear a sheet or something. I feel like or wear like a like a clansman No, no No, no, I'll dress like I'll dress as a cleanser I'll think she's the poop book a little hole Right. I mean, you don't have to say cleanser you to say a ghost. No, I know I want to go Dude, I prefer the term ghost that because I'll have the purple the purple I'll have the purple thing on and you know, I mean, and yeah, I'll be the Grand Wizard. Yeah

I say ghost. It's not for everybody But you would know you would do it if I was like had sheets on if you were in an outfit or something cool I'm not gonna sit there and you're fully naked and I'm fully naked. We're both trying to keep erections up, you know Yeah, but you don't realize the um, the the Vietnam war kind of bonding that we could have though Yeah, I've been to a Vietnam war memorial museum So, yeah, but you weren't in the Southeast Asia. So what I'm saying is that if you and I did something like that It would make us like war buddies. Bake, frump, fried, frump, you know. Yeah. Yeah, like that. Where's my leg? That was a great movie. Gary Sinise is the best, huh? Sinise is great

But it's just um Even watching it now and you he's sitting on that the retarded guy is sitting on the couch or the bench and you see that feather Floating it's really nice. I don't say you can't say retarded, right? Oh, you can say it one What was it? What was it for us gum? Was he? He had polio You had polio really? No, he didn't have polio. He had autism. He just had weak legs. Yeah, so he there was no mental Yes, there was a delay. There was a developmental, you know, he had like Developmental. Yeah, he was struggling now. What about this? So but if you would just I have the last question if they had such a delay

How can he play ping pong that good? Because you're not really because his response his motor skills and mental response time is Off the charts, right? Right. So does that make him? He could run and carrying a black man with no legs in nom. I mean, you can just do a lot of things Yeah, anyway, all right, maybe physically is abnormal or something. Yeah, I think if you have your motor skills seem fine It's the rest of them, you know, it's the non motor and Autistics often have like they call them like eyelets of competence. They're autistic savants So they can do like a lot of other things weird. Well, like count or do math

We're like Rayman Rayman Rayman. Yes. Oh, we had we had this boy Autistic one named Lance bust autistic Lance and he could throw a fucking javelin. I swear to God almost probably 100 yards that was his thing. Oh and hit a fucking balloon son. They call them Lance a lot. Yeah Yeah, and maybe they know you've said he's that's real maybe they named him because oh it is real Maybe they named him because they knew he was gonna do that. I don't know if one of his parents was like a four seer. Oh, right Right, but he What fuck happened to him? He was an asshole, too I mean he had skills and then he was also an asshole, but what about this?

So you got this beautiful dime here. Yeah, when you're gonna take that thing to the bank, you know what I'm saying, brother You're gonna take that thing to the bank you little fucking chimchurri You little fucking Pokemon gone Sorry Fell asleep for a second and sometimes I sleepwalk. I'm sorry to interrupt this Valentine's Day episode But I got to know something is your home like mine Cluttered with stuff you don't use anymore Clothes and shoes you don't wear taking up valuable closet space old phones hiding in drawers

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That's M-e-r-c-a-r-i Mercari the selling app Now back to the episode Well, what about this? I'm gonna just say this though is um Thanks for that gig though. You bet man Bobby and I went and did a gig. Did he tell you about it? No. Oh well millionaires house must have been real important Oh, yes. Yes. I do remember Bobby. I went to a millionaire's house and I'm gonna say this right now. I

Have never eaten a dick I mean, yeah part two, right? It was I am I know dude I had never been on stage We're in my my life and I went no one is listening No one likes me had finished her dessert and then we're like trying to get the rest of it out of the side Yeah, you can feel them like scraping the ceramic part of the fucking bowl. I mean it was baby. I was eating it Sweating was just some rich kids. No, but the guy before his buddy who's like he's not even uh paid regular He killed it

How did you do he did good? Okay? He had a yell out a lady though. When you yell at that lady I'm like, I should have done that I fucking told him to shut it down. They're rich and I've never liked the rich and I fucking told him to shut it down Son, I'll burn this motherfucker down. I'll go to jail for four years max. Yeah, and I'm out at 40 But dude, it was like it was number one. I needed it It really does when you're when it really does that kind of bomb Pumbles the fuck out of you. Yeah And so I was like sweating and I got off stage. I'm like, wow, that's I remember

Back in the day, you know, you just bomb all the time, right? Bomb all the time and then um, I give a fuck somebody yelled chink while he was up there Yeah, yeah, I didn't give a fuck and said that they had dropped some silverware and I was like, I don't think I Bro, and I stood up for you there. I know you did. Thank you so much And I was holding it down in there and I stole some fucking shit from those people too, dude But I ran into the guy two weeks later. Did I tell you that line? No, I was in Arizona, dude Arizona and he would this millionaire, right? He had flown to go see

Um, what's the LA team not the Lakers? Clippers clippies. Yeah the clips and the suns suns play and he had like boxed the seats or whatever And so I was walking he goes, hey, Bobby and I turned around and there he was I gave him a hug And he goes and then he didn't know what to say And he was coming out of his mouth. He goes Great job at the partial Yeah, and I knew that he didn't mean it

So it was and then I go like that. I go, thanks You didn't mean that no It was a go really weird to see if he's a nice guy Can I get water man parts, bro? Yeah. No, I got my girlfriend's got my girlfriend's got his back Um Yeah, man, that was really tough and already did do better than both of us and we were but it was the worst part Is after a show when you really don't do well and you still have to stand around like to get paid and shit And you're just like kind of fucking standing there. Yeah knowing that people

Do not want you there Yeah, it reminded me of back in the day when you would do like a triple run back in the 90s There were these shitty gigs that you would do at like a holiday in in visalia Oh, yeah, right and you would eat it and then you would that wait until the very end of the night To get an envelope of a hundred dollars. Yeah, but you needed that hundred It felt like that because if it was if that gig was a hundred bucks, then you and I I wouldn't have done it But um, unless if it was I wouldn't have waited. Yeah, but it was such a pretty good money. Yeah that I waited it was But at the end of the day again

I like I love I do Honestly got to say anything about you is is that um Now I'm gonna I'm gonna get emotional Not really, but um, I do I I truly um, I truly love you. Oh, thanks. No. No, look at me You don't like intimacy did I do like no I give you compliments and stuff and and I look in your eyes and I get really I get really like Emotional and then you just brush it off So just look at me right now, dude. Okay? Yeah, I

Okay I'm so happy for your success. Thank you. I'm so proud of you and I love you Thanks, buddy. I love you too, man. Look at me though when you say it. I love you too So, okay Yeah, you're always nice, man. I mean look you help me get an agent if wasn't for you I don't want to in this town nobody else has even done anything for me in this town really I mean people have done some stuff, but Bobby's really helped me Well, I mean you learn like, you know, Jeff Ross, I give you Jeff Ross, right?

Jeff Ross is one of those guys that whenever he was ever on a show. I remember years ago He had a fox talk show that he was trying to develop And he called me and he was like, you know, they don't know I mean they they're you did mad and the people that are there now don't know you as well But I really want you to work for me and work on the show Every show that he's ever been on like, you know, whatever the burn or whatever he might do Mm-hmm. He he always calls me into work. Oh, wow. Jordan Peele. He gave me a last year He goes, um, hey man, you want to do a commercial for a huge amount of money for really little work

And I didn't have to audition was it for best buy? No, it's for um, booking.com. Oh So my point though is is that, you know, there are comics that make it a web power Who will never help anybody? Oh, right? They hoard it, right? And um Um, they're miserable, right? And I you know, I've always there are guys out there They have really like like, you know, I think rogan does so much for comedy. Yeah to get people on his show To give them his audience expose them to his audience Yeah, and they're just people out there like that. So it's like I'm just like, you know, I just want to try to make myself You know more available for

People there, you know, you're a nice guy if you were an asshole Fuck it. I would not help you. All right, but you can it's a no-brainer with you. Yeah Like I saw Trevor Noah in, you know, south africa and I called it mac leg Aca and I go, you got to sign this guy And he's like, I'm not going to go to south africa I go, you should because this guy is that good. Wow. He's young He is so prolific and he's so fucking smart So when trevor came to america and went to vegas and performed matt went and flew out and saw him. Really? Yeah, and they signed him

But like, you know, he was but trevor's a nice guy, but he's also You know, you said it's a no-brainer. Right, you know, when you look at you your voice and your point of view and shit It's like, oh, yeah He's gonna regardless He's gonna make it, you know, it might take a longer or whatnot, but you can clearly see it Yeah, and then there are those that you see and they're just So bitter And they have such anger and rage inside them that you just kind of go past

Oh, so you see so a lot of that anger really keeps people down keeps people from other people seeing them The scene that they could really bring joy into people. It's not only that it's this dude. It's fucking it's it's if they're like that When they're not famous What are they gonna be like when they have money and power? Yeah But sometimes people are ugly when they're not when they're struggling And I think that when they finally make it the feeling of that aggressive Competitive nature sort of dissipates a little bit I get I don't know. I've get more chippy than you're right in the past couple of months

I've been a lot more like just stressed out. I think and just like short about things that I've ever been in I could tell that with you though a little bit It's I really I really have you know, but I know that you're busy and you have but dude This is a real exciting time for you. Yeah, even for me. It's like, you know, I have a lot going on, you know, and uh You're gonna fly the fuck of Hawaii Tuesday, and then I gotta fly back to do Irvine Like I'm shooting a movie and then that night when I shoot I have to fly back Are you in the samur's movie? Yeah, yeah, you are it was just like a couple days, but that's cool I was supposed to go they try to get me a part in it and then did they offer you one? No

Nope They will they didn't But it was for yeah, yeah, I just say this oh, huh It was for someone young. It was like a young kind of Mixed guy that had been in a fire And I guess maybe you got it It was for kind of like I think it was like a Hawaiian Frederick Douglass ever going

But with like a glue cut glue kogen issue a glucose issue But what yeah, I don't know who got it. I gotta say this though is that I For 22 years have auditioned for every Adam Salome and I never got him I came close a couple of times But like, you know, so that's what I'm doing But anyway, I'm you know, there's a lot going on and you've got a lot going on and I know it could feel Overwhelming and whatnot, but at the end of the day, dude, it's like You know, you have your sober guy. Yeah, you're a good dude. You work hard. You're very very fucking funny

It's a lot to give you. Thanks, bro Well, no, I think it's you're always nice. Oh, you know what? Yeah, that's the last time You know what he's good at talking his way into people, isn't he? He's a sweet guy Uh, yeah, I think so. I you know, it's weird for somebody who gives so many compliments. He can't take him No, he can't even hear you sometimes when you try to fucking worse though. He's untouchable emotionally in a lot of ways Yeah, I'd say so Yeah, yeah, I can't I don't know what it is when people go good job at them now Yeah, well, you just can't even but the problem is you hear but you it doesn't really it doesn't land in

Honest sometimes as comedians. It doesn't It's like it's like it's the thing is is that I don't do it for that, right? Right, it's just you do it because that's just what you do. I think eventually I mean back in the day was about like, oh, I'm following my dreams and taking risks and you know Putting one foot in front of the other and you know when you take a risk other doors open or whatever, right? And you work really hard, but what and it shouldn't I it's when I yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's like yeah, but then eventually you do it because this is what you're you do, right? Yeah, it becomes um Just a part of your everyday life

Show business. Yeah. Yeah, and then and then what happens is that you forget You know the excitement of it and why you did in the fucking first place Yeah, like when you were the first time you you killed Like you legitimately got a laugh in a club. Yeah, and then you got off stage and some random person said Whoa, dude, you're funny and then that night you would go home lay in your bed And just and just dream. Yeah And you're so happy because You're so happy because you know, I mean you didn't know that you could do that, right?

And and it's it's like, you know, it's an otherworldly kind of experience You're like fuck I can do this. Yeah, and you're laying in bed and you're like like anything is possible And then years go by you get a bunch of shit and then you become angry guy It's fucking weird. It is weird. I gotta be able to find I gotta look at my life and look at what I have in my life and go This is it. This is it This is it. Everything that I ever want is now, right? I couldn't no one wanted to fuck me back in the day, dude And then look at her I was un-fuckable. I was un-fuckable

Back in the day. Yeah, you know, I don't think you were ever un-fuckable. You probably had a really shitty attitude Yeah, I could see you being fully yourself and also, you know thinking dan I'm daniel day cam or whatever that guy's name was. I would never ever thought I was daniel day cam Daniel day lewis. That's who I meant. Yeah But they like oh look at me like I'm baby, you know, you don't know you say that a lot I'm not saying that because I'm a trap house yellow boy out here flexing, you know, like we're wearing gold chains or doing I could see you. Yeah getting flossing down there. You're lower my civic. Yeah my Honda Civic put rims on. Yeah, yeah, yeah Turn up a little buck cherry and fucking crazy. I like them. Yeah

I like them. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you right now. Kaleila. I was I legitimately was Un-fuckable. Wow I think that you I'm not saying you weren't but I don't think it was from your physical appearance I think it was from the inside. Yeah, the inside was broken. Oh, yeah I had no confidence and and what stand-up did for me was give me confidence Like I said, it's like I know the outskirts. I could I could have been Deled a better of me a better hand, but I was I have fingers and very handsome, right? Yeah, thank you I think you're a handsome guy. Thank you. There's nights. I see at the comedy show. I'm like, oh, wow Bobby's looking handsome

or the knee has been and um And that always is exciting, you know, and I think but what about this that I'm curious about is Would you if you had to let Because I know that you obviously have sided with crystal Lee. I heard you guys say I didn't say anything Theo It was all out of this guy's mouth. Okay. Well, I heard a little Robby over here in Switzerland Okay. Well, I heard a little Robby over here fucking say That if he had to side with me or Delia

That he was with Delia till the end Listen friend A friend now. Yeah. Yeah, listen friend. All right. Let's hear it. Let's watch a little bit of it though Can we see exactly what was said Nicholas? Mm-hmm. Thank you very much because this kind of stuff. I feel like is Where people draw lines, you know, but what do I know? I'm just a young man making his dreams come true so Where your name came up. Okay. Let's take let's hear that clip

I'm gonna say something else to you and I want you I want to look in your eyes. Okay. Okay And that's bobby. He sounds like a cat with like a little bit of emphysema Not that there is one But if there was ever a war Between you and Theo von. Yeah If there was ever a war you laughed You you have my assurance. Yeah, that's the slept kingdom Mm-hmm my and they call him a slept kingdom because he sleeps 21 hours a day

and um Yeah, the queen lady obviously taking advantage of his freedom here in America. Let's hear more my people the papayas We'll back you. I like that. You're the king of the north. That's very cool. You're the king of the north Yeah, the king of the north couldn't land in st. Louis. Absolutely unbelievable king of the north can't even get to the midwest And my clan and my my people clan. Did you hear that? I don't use that kind of terminology On your team. Thank you. Fuck the rat king. Alas. I love him as a person. That's where the truth hit. That's good. Wait Did you just say what I just said that?

I love I love him like a what? Like a bob or on your team. Thank you. Fuck the rat king. Alas. I love him as a person Yeah, that's not right. I love him as a person And that's the truth in that I believe that part You do believe that part right? I just want to know when the fucking shit hits the uh, well that that scenario Is literally never gonna happen when the shit hits the rss feet. I want to know who's pod you're fucking rolling with son Right, but what I'm saying is is that I'm just I'm just stirring it up But why are you pick him because he's taller

Who would you let bank a lila? Sorry All right, now we're getting into it now. We're getting into it. Okay. Yeah, all right. I want to say this too You should choose who I would bang. Yeah Yeah, go ahead. You should choose first. You know what thio? I've always had a great relationship with you If ever you need something you always you know, you're one of the few people who still leaves voicemails Nice lengthy thoughtful ones. Thank you. So I would choose a look. That's why they don't know any better 150 percent. She said okay of sex. Thank you. Okay. I want to say this. I want to say this. Okay. Yeah

Oh my god, I'm so angry that my insides are like making noises. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the deal, dude You cannot tell me right now in terms of sexual. Is that what you're saying? I want to say thank you again. I was just thinking about it. In terms of sexually Is that what you're saying sexually? You are? Yeah Okay Okay, I'm just saying it's it's like this. It's like seeing um This is let me let me finish. It's like seeing it's like comparing like uh tom hardy

Who'd you fuck tom hardy or simon peg? Who's simon peg the dancer? No, no, no. He's a good actor dancer wolves. Yeah, no Not dancing. Well, that's fucking Kevin Costner Son of the dead. I haven't seen that. Yeah. Yeah All right, you're both mission impossible. Oh, there you go mission impossible. Yeah, you're both cute, right? But you there he is simon peg Not that cute to me. Is he british? Yes, I could see that

He's super talented though. He's super talented the lords. Uh, a little bit of the lords You know, honestly, no teo, you're very handsome. Thank you. He's just got a little extra elements He's got more shoulders. I don't see it. He's got more shoulders. Hmm. His parents are right, dude He was basically that's they mated. They've his parents these grandparents mated his parents Yeah, so that they would have children of healthy skeleton and you know occipital areas. Here's another thing. That's not fair Yeah, I'll tell you and I'll tell you why and and also at the end of the day I'm just fucking kidding. I was got money. I would never choose sides and I love you so much crazy And you know what also theo he grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth

So he doesn't know the blue collar struggle. So that's why I would choose you just based on the whole Louisiana, you know, uh Okay, I want to say this very similar to philippines. Yep. Yeah by the water Look at that helping each other out neighborly. Look at those shoulders. Huh? Yeah, look at those shoulders, dude That's that right there dude is shape of water, bro You want to talk about shape of water right there, dude shape of water, dude? That is shape of fucking fresco, bro That dude. Yeah, look. He has dexteria, bro. Yeah, but can I just say this though? You know long he's gonna live probably another four years And look he's wearing colored contact lenses

Okay, do you want to bring that up and his dogs don't even live at his house The lady brings him over for instagram and then takes him back to her house Butters, that's not a pet owner, huh? Yeah. Yeah, and actually there's three of them and only two of them They ever use in it. It's like the Mary Kate national It's insane, man, sweetie. You have it wrong. Oh, sweetie. Listen, it's got Sweetie, you have it wrong Valentine's when I when I was a middle school and growing up. Yes We had money, but when I hit high school my parents won bankrupt. Yeah, that's why they had to sell the house But the house I know but up until you were about 1718 you live I we visited your your old neighborhood

It's a very rich. I grew up in a white area. Yeah, but I had no I have no No control over where we lived. Did you ever have a bus pass? I know no, what is that? Yeah, do you know what the mta is? No, I have a car. I have a car, baby Normal people and you had a computer your whole life. Yeah, we have computers like normally in the swimming pool Have you ever had a black man's hair drip on your lap because you had to sit so close up behind him on a bus? No But I had a gazebo a tennis court and also swimming but he lived in the country club We had a country club as well

And I used to go down there, bro, huh? You're not talking about being in country, bro. You're not talking about the Mekong Delta daddy. Are you? But in the sense though in the sense though of christilia You know as a kid his dad was in show business. Yeah, and when he was a kid apparently They used to call chris into the room and chris would do these like little plays while they're in bed his parents in bed And he would do these funny little plays that he would make up and they would bravo, you know bravo, right? And encourage that they would encourage that right when I did that my dad beat me

Yeah, right when I when I said I was gonna do stand-up They said if you do you don't ever call me again. Wow Right, and then for years he wouldn't talk to me my dad because I was doing stand-up, right? It's only when I did the tonight show in 2000. He believed in it. Yeah, he called me crying. Wow Because I'm so sorry. Really? Yeah, you met his father or not? Yeah, I have yeah, and what does he seem like? Um, his dad isn't able to speak a lot anymore since he's had a couple strokes But his dad loves me. I think I think I bet he loves you because he knows you're gonna take care of bobby probably and you know what I would I

When I'm over at his parents house, I feel like I take care of everyone. Oh, yeah, bro, bro. I'm gonna say this The reason why this fucking Filipino lady is a fucking survivor Is the first night because my dad had strokes, right? We we go to phoenix to stay at their house And you know, they don't know her at all and my parents are old school koreans Do they don't barely speak english? They look the same look similar. Yeah, I'll look the same. Yeah, they look similar No, you have the same id. Yeah So anyway

Right, yeah, we spend the night we sleep that night the first night. Oh, yeah Yeah, and that's a prize in the bobby. He's taking a rest, huh? Parents are dying Six three in the morning, dude, I'm I'm way I wake up and I hear laughter in the house She had gone down Help my dad with all the like medical stuff And they're laughing and she's like she's they're already in love with her. Yeah, right? This woman right here is a fucking survivor day Yeah, she'll survive anything bro because most girls would be like, I don't know that well

I don't know what to do, right? But this girl I that's why I'm in love with this girl Amen in every social situation. I could go anywhere like any party And she I know that she will be able to survive any element Even there if there's stars politicians Even if it's just like, you know people that work at home depot or whatever she'd be able to fucking survive it Some girls girlfriends I've had I'd like I can't take her there. Yeah, they struggle They struggle she can survive in every social situation and that's why it's very good to have a girl She asked what I love her and you know, but but she's she's got everything. She's chameleon. Yeah chameleon. She's a bright spot man

She's definitely She definitely has added a lot more to your life Like when I see people aren't like bobby lee anymore they're like, oh bobby and kalilah and it's nice that You got something that is a little more rewarding, you know going on and you it's like the nicest piece of a tire I've ever seen on you is kalilah. You know that But I wouldn't have tiger belly my podcast. I know it's it and it's cool. It's cool to see man. It's nice to see It's inclusive. You guys are via your nobody's vietnamese and it's like You know, it's like, uh, it's exciting man

And I think it is it's fun to see you guys taking on like things together Would you guys ever consider doing like a television show you think? Um, probably not me I'm just not somebody I know I do tiger belly and I do it because I feel like I I set him up well and that's my role in the podcast We have sort of this like antagonistic thing going on but I If I I actually prefer not to ever do what drives me being on camera ever in the podcast world too I was dying when I had to do your um

The little pilot man up pilot. You killed it. Yeah, you did a great job and your dad and your your stepfather did a great job Richard Roger Roger. Yeah, he did it. He was so that was a fun. Do you kill the babe? I know, but I was like internally dying. That was fun. You're like the middle sweep of island gooks. Oh Yeah They call you a meadow sweep But no, I thought you did a great job you and me talking in the fun beginning was funny Roger's a handsome guy. It was nice to see him there. Your mom came out. Yeah, that was a fun experience Dude, I'm dude. I'm saying I'll have the duck. Yeah, that's why

I said, but that's why we're like a family and ship and here's the thing due to Is is that even in now the podcast world like I know now that youth fighter and the kid Dilly, oh, we're all You know, we're all helping each other grow and whatnot, right? But I'm just tired of like now actors are doing it. Yeah The all these actors are now doing it. Yeah, what's his name? Ferris Bueller has one coming out Matthew Broderick. Yeah, was it what's it called? I don't know Yeah, some shit killing people in London. I don't know what did he do? Yeah, you molested somebody. You know, you know, you ran over somebody. No, you ran over somebody in England

Hey, bro, and killed somebody in England. Well, it was because he had stolen that car from his fucking parents It's hard to pay attention to the road, bro. You gotta be back for for six period, bro But no, everybody's doing it. Did he kill somebody? Yeah, he crossed the wrong lane Uh and collided head on with a Volvo Killing the other person in Ireland. Oh in Ireland in Ireland back in 1987 and he killed somebody, right? Two people. Oh my god, a 30 year old and a 63 year old both killed instantly. Oh my you know, there's a famous story of a a comedian name Vance was his name and he was there was somebody had gone was it was uh

Uh Sexually raping women the black guy the black guy, right at different was he black? I don't think it was black No, no, he was a comic that did he was a comic who did college tour Right. Can you find out what he looked like what would he look like? Yeah comedian college tour, uh rapist And so somebody was raping women at different college campuses. They couldn't figure out who it was like What is this and then they realized a comedian had been going was performing at these different schools And that's when it was happening. You were raping people. Yeah. Yeah raping people. I guess like and so at the end He went to he went to on trial. Oh, it's him. So we did when I said black. I am Vince champ when I said black

I was I right? He looks black in these pictures You know, yeah, yeah, Vince champ and um, dude, somebody's got to do a movie about this guy Oh, they definitely show any oh, that's amazing. I did like a dark movie about a guy who doing I imagine a guy trying to give laughter in college campuses, but he's like the whole time He's thinking about rape on one stage. Oh my god. It might have been the guy on the 181 bus from Pasadena City College Look at that He was spotted fleeing the scene on an attempted rape in Pasadena City College

Remember when I told you about the story about the 181 bus from PCC? Yeah earlier. Yeah Was that 1997? And he asked the women to pray for them after he was uh, he was prosecuted and convicted in Kansas Now here's what I wanted to tell you. There was a there's long been a story that he The doctor uh, the the judge said you're gonna get 25 years Right sent him to 25 years in jail and he stood up and goes Thank you your honor. Can you light me at 15? That's what he said So fucked up so funny he didn't say that yeah

Are you be are you kidding? No, that's a that's a that is a story that I've heard so fucking funny Can you light me at 15? That's fun. And that's a comedian for me. Can you give me the light at this time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's really funny. It's crazy. It turns out he was only into butt sex too He ripped butt. Yeah, just just look and always all he he would cover their heads and then Engage in anal sex. It's wow We was a little before his time because this was it's more popular now. I feel like that was probably also No, but sex is on a decline. It is. Oh, yeah Wow, people are getting sick. Well, people are just realizing how just it's once it goes in. It's sort of just an abyss

Yeah, there's no tightening of the walls or any type of like kegel, you know Yeah, there's no real party going on after that You know unless you're into You know scat sex like him I'm sorry. I mean, no, I he likes to smell poo. Yeah, people don't mind a little bit of it You know, also if you've ever been to some of the I mean some countries you go to it's like That's a damn aphrodisiac. Yeah, some of the beltways over there You get over there outside of cyan, bro

And you can't even fucking finish a sandwich without catching a hit of fucking, you know that body purgatory, bro duty It's all I'm really interested in comics that um something like that happened like he did that But then there's that other tape back in the day of that guitar comic snapping on stage I saw that one and then him feeding, you know the guy in the front row with the and every time we go up Piece of the guitar with you, you know me, right? I that was that was so viral back in the day when we were Doing when I was starting to do stand up. I don't do it. Who did that? Yeah, this guy that dude right there, dude I'll say you're not to play. I'll go home. It's okay. It's like, you know, why not be normal man? But I got it. Okay. Can we watch this one?

Well, he's doing stand up, you know, he's doing jokes. So he's angry, but he's still maintaining some of his being professional You know, no really don't mess with me because I'll come down to the bus station Slap the dick out of your mouth when you're working, dude I'm sorry, man. The guy fucking came at me. What do you think folks? Okay, show At least that show is over because otherwise people are gonna sit there and wait for the next act, you know At least he said shows over at the end. What do we what if he was the opener? He's like doing a guest spot dude. Have you ever had a guest spot? Have you ever had an instance like that?

No, and the headliners back there was like, what the fuck, you know, I imagine were you afraid to bring your parents to watch Bobby the first time? No, you're excited. Yeah, my family's very Chill and open and or Filipino. Yeah I'll tell you so we have on the for the man up. So we just did an actual pilot, right? So thank you guys for helping us do you got real legitimate people to do it this time. No, we got Jim Jeffries, Whitney Cummings Those are higher John love it's a higher elevated thing. We were your youtube version. That's fine. I'm not offended Reference we used you for that you used us for the youtube and now for the real pilot use the really bigger stars

I didn't feel use. I felt like we were helping him out Yeah, you guys were helping me out. I did feel that and I did in the end one of this I thought the one of the fun takeaways was I thought it was something cute for Collider owners that they'd have it was really good. Thank you. Yeah, and he did a great job and he said he had fun I remember he did. Yeah, he was really excited. He did. He looked handsome. Okay, he could be a 007 kind of like in a Nebraska Sort of James Bond, you know or a little bit not Nebraska, but maybe like off the 10 near commerce casino But um, here's what I'd like to say is that so when this new one we uh, I had to get we're doing a butler We're some young fella. I didn't he wasn't cleaning up around the house. He's living with his mom

He's 30 So we wanted to take him to butler school So there's a guy that works in my building who cleans like the elevators and the stairs and everything a latino guy It's got him Juan So he and I always try and communicate, but we can't because neither one of us speak the other language But I was like Juan mañana television, you know, yeah To numero so next thing, you know, I got his number one shows up at the place, right? So next, you know, he's in the sketch, right? Oh, wow

So we're all at butler school. Everybody's learning how to be a butler He thinks we're learning how to be 007 like a mafia Yeah, no, really. Oh, dude. So sometimes I would just kind of tap him and he would be like a violence. Yeah Like he had no fucking Yeah, yeah, and he's in the whole thing is so great. Did he um was whitney and jim in that scene No, whitney and jim are in another one about we uh, try to learn about feminism me and jim jefferson. I don't know about that I mean, I I love the fact that you use that guy in the thing. You know, it was hilarious It was far man. He probably also, you know, little things like that

That probably changes his perception of what he's capable of and what he's capable of. Yeah And the funny thing was by the end of the day, no doubt He was becoming like the star of the thing like he started like getting into like even with the language barrier, right? Yeah, like he started getting into it like it, but he was really good like not like his timing was good It was bizarre money gave him some extra. They're paying him like scale and stuff. So no, but how can you is he legal? Who knows man? I mean, you can't but can you do you up when you when you went a tv show If you're if you're an illegal alien Can you do a tv show because you have to fill out all the form? It's california. They'll probably buy him a house, dude

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking california. They're probably fucking, you know, yeah Um, we had some questions that came in and thank you I wanted to say that for choosing me over christalia when it comes to you know, if something happened to bobby And I like chris for the record. I think chris might fuck chris But i'm glad to know that you would prefer to have somebody sent you around who's gonna care about you in case I'm ever having a bobby. I feel like you'd take me out to breakfast the next day. Oh, yeah, you'd be nice I don't have some poy maybe baby. Maybe if I fucking die And i'm in heaven and you you're getting physicalities with the rat king. I don't fuck very much

I'm okay with that. Yeah What if we're like 60? I don't give a fuck. That's the there's many other people holding hands like penguins Yeah, I don't fucking fuck him who fucking johnny rocket Yeah, fucking spicy road runner santino that fucking halfway house. All right, that's fucking ginger craig Huh? Oh, he's so walking rage dude. Dude. How many inbombs does he have at his house? That's what I want to know, huh? So you have questions what kind of questions we got a couple that came in from the listeners Yeah, we because of valentine's day. We had people send in

Uh questions about their relationships and see if you guys can give some advice. Okay, here's to the few What's up, theo bobby kalayla question for you all How do I politely tell my girlfriend that she's bad at telling stories? She's just not very efficient with her words and it drags on and takes twists and turns and Comes up at the end and then is uh, sorry that took forever Thanks Gun squad Gang, bro. Thank you very much for your support. Yeah, what I would do very nice of you is when she tells a story

I would look at her and go that's great. You should write a script On that story But that's no no no no no so that she writes the script. Oh, right, right so that she actually uses it Right, right. So she has a lot on this right. She's on page 70 of the script. Yeah, yeah, even happened Yeah, nothing's happened. It's about a parking. She can get a parking space, right? And and now I set up like I'll set up like industry meetings pitching Right, so now she's in like, you know, I mean NBC, right? Whatever, right? Yeah with grace. We will whatever, right? And she's pitching this idea and they're just staring at her like, you know, I mean, and that's how she'll know and then they buy it

Right and they make the worst thing. Yeah, and the next thing, you know, santino and deli are in it right, right? Yeah Yeah, I ran it and then you and me are there, you know, after this funeral and Looking at pictures of Bobby, huh? It's been a couple years from now. Yeah. I don't know. I What do you think that's mean? I know but what do you do? Yeah, what do you do? I I have friends Girlfriends who are horrible storytellers. You know, I'm all about just keeping keeping things very brief. I don't even like long emails Yeah, um, if you're close enough with her

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, okay. What's the general thesis of all of this? That's my sister always says that actually and she says it in such a Jovial way so it doesn't offend the other person in a joking way. Just be like, all right. Gotta wrap it up like What is going on here? What, you know Point a point b that just keep it quick. Yeah And I think that would probably serve her for the rest of her life You're the closest person to her do her a favor Yeah, like look you tell stories for 30 minutes long when they could be two minutes short

Right, and it's just not fair. It might prevent you from a job opportunity to just give you know You just can't keep going on this. You know, it's just a blind spot You have that you don't notice and I like your stories, but they're too fucking long. Yes I like your story, but they're too long. I'll be patient for like, uh, one of my niece something wrong with her You know, I don't know what's wrong with her and they have you know Um, she would tell stories for forever six six seven Hours but all night keep you up all night, you know So finally I'll be like, oh the story police are here. We're pulling this story over

We need to get an ending to it right now, you know So she went like five minutes to be like story police are here. Whoo. Whoo So you could do that with your chick, man Yeah, drop that spz on a brunt if she gets out if she gets out of line, dude Fucking taser, you know what I'm saying? Taze that bitch, man But but you have great stories, baby, but most Of the girl great stories, babe. Good. Pretty good story. You're like Hemingway. I love it But like that's the only author I know

I never read it, but um all the girlfriends I've ever had I don't know how to toast. Oh very bad, but I've trained myself very to pretend Yeah, and that's what most relationships are right even with your friends Yeah, but if she's not even with your friends like I've been with guys and Like Santino's told me a story where I fake laughed at it. Oh, yeah It went ha ha ha ha that happened, huh? Yeah, but you don't really think it's good, right? But with you and the kind of rapport we have where if he's telling me some Dumb bullshit story, I'll roll my eyes and be like wrap it up. What what are you trying to tell me?

Yeah, and then he'll do the same with me. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, there's a level of a certain point where it's like you're almost past like the You know that each other care enough and it's not going to be damaged like whatever You know, it's not going to be damaging or is in the first couple months of a relationship Or maybe even the first year or two this guy looks younger than us It could definitely be like, you know, that could be break up potential To shut it down. That's an energy vampire Someone who thinks they can sit there and tell a story for 30 minutes and have your ears at all time

That's just rude. Yeah, it really is and that's I mean even as entertainers like I feel bad doing over 50 minutes in a set it's like You know these people paid but I don't want to give them their money's worth But also don't want to sit there and just be up here, you know, like a lot of some of these I mean you do like chappelle show up and just sit up there and smoke a cigarette. It's like, yes, he's great But at the same time it's like Do I have to somebody to be here at 4 a.m. To see your talent? I saw men see I do five hours In a row

Like I was hosting the show I when I brought him up on stage And then I went to the green room and the next thing I wake up from like a four hour sleep Wow And the green room was the green room was dark And I woke up and I didn't know where you know what time it was where I was and I go, what the fuck? And I listen and he's still on stage and I look at the fucking clock and it's like 3 4 in the fucking morning

unbelievable Baffling man, and that is and also this guy right here. I'm saying if It sounds like it's just not gonna work out Right this guy. Yes, I don't know I think it's good if you're if you're if that if it bothers you so much That you're doing a video and you're sending it to people podcasts and stuff But it's sending to people. I think that he that he admires there We have a young lady's perspective here today, which we don't have in all the time. I see that knife

And no, you can't you can hold the case to it and I'll hold this part I think you should show her this episode that'll solve it. Yeah, this episode could definitely help. I mean But I think yeah being real with her because also you're gonna need somebody that you can be real with at some point Man, you can disagree to opportunity for you to be real and loving at the same time. I love you I love listening to you Sometimes I feel like your stories are too or just too long and it's you know It's hard to be to stay focused the whole time You know when there's certain storytellers or certain people who tell stories where they're like was it may was it june?

Was it no it was definitely july and they go into these like unimportant parts of the story Yeah, that destroys me when I when I have to sit there and I'm just desperately waiting for the You know for the gist. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm living my life. It's like I want to be supportive But at the same time I'm not out here just absorbing your shit for an hour when it's not fine Tune take it on stage and get it tight and then bring it back to the relationship Um, what else do we have? What else is going on? We got another question from australia from emma Hi Theo bobby and kalayla it's emma from melbourne australia This little guy is six weeks old and his dad is being an inconsiderate bastard

Um, for example the other day I told him to Grab western in the morning so I could have a sleep in And his response was what about my sleep in and then last night I asked him to Um get he's get ready in the bathroom put his work clothes on in the bathroom in the morning So he doesn't wake me up And he cracked the shits. So he's really being an inconsiderate bastard and I was just wondering what advice you have for him and

Yeah, please help him Also for valentine's day. I got him tickets to your show in melbourne in may You're very sweet. It's not good is it bud West looks like he's about 40 yangang mommy The baby looks like about 40 years old and also the baby looked like he'd been dating other babies in the neighborhood Sexually content. Yeah. Yeah Well, I think you could just even show him this video and let him know a that obviously your wife really cares about you because she

Got your tickets to my show and she's still thinking about the future of you guys and doing something fun together down the line So but in the meantime, she's thinking about some other issues. She would love a little bit more Maybe understanding who knows what other stresses she's under It's also she's the one that carried the baby for nine months and went through all the physical I mean imagine I we will never gonna experience that Yeah, but what do you do with a man who's not able to that type of information isn't able to sink in Look when there's just so wrapped up in themselves and they think their time is so fucking valuable Let's say he maybe let's suppose like he brings home, you know, he's financially more

You know he brings on the bacon. What if he thinks his role is to not do that because I have a friend who has three kids And he doesn't feel like he needs to participate in the kids rearing or helping with the newborn Because he makes most of the money and so you just have to be clear about those gender roles and If you're not okay with what's going on, I think you should just be really clear with him and say hey, dude I'm exhausted. I need your help. That's just the end of it all That's the end of the story. I'm gonna argue against it just for a second though. Yeah, if the dude is a coal miner Right. He has soot on him. He wakes up at six in the morning has to take an elevator to the you know in In a cave the core

And whatever he's inhaling is like giving him lung diseases, right? And he's there for 12 hours Fucking getting iron or I don't know how they do it down there. You know, seven dwarfs Is yeah, yeah, so that love it. But my point is any any any comes home And he's just dark, you know and certain just dirty and like tired as fuck I think that that dude Should be able to just take a bath and go to sleep. Yeah possibly Yeah, it should be because you're working at

you know kinkos Right and you You're in charge of stalking the highlighters Mm-hmm. You you can help out. Yeah. Yeah, I agree and some of these should be I agree I think that there's definitely you things you expect you're like, oh, well if I'm working you think Oh, I expect that she should be able to handle that right, but it should be communicated. That's the thing It's like hey, what's going on? I feel like I'm tired when I get home And she's like well

I feel like I would love to get a little bit rest in the morning because it's a long day And then I stay up at night with you to spend time with you when you get home You know it's um and motherhood is so ice it can be very isolating seems like it And you know, you're you're feeding a baby out of your own body I will say though that there really is no excuse to not be considerate and it sounds like even though this guy wants some He's just not being considerate, right? And my dad was a really You know, he he brought home the bacon

He was a very very very busy man But he was always really kind and thoughtful and considerate to my mom when she had two young babies And to this day, she's like there will be no Better example of how a man should take care of two young kids given that as busy as he was Yeah, and he was 70 years 70 years old. Wow. He was an old guy He had tired bones and he still showed up the same kind of vibe Because your dad was super old. Oh, that's another thing we have in common and her mom dad was super old He was like 60 right when he had you yeah yours was and they were on the swim team, right?

You guys were on swim team. Yeah, because we were, you know, Filipino What last lucky sperm we swam fast. Oh, yeah last lucky sperm we swam fast. Yeah, I like that Um Yeah, I think yeah some consideration could definitely help and if you are doing that just let her know why there's a reason I think you just got to communicate with it and be vulnerable and maybe she's a little bit scared I don't know if women get scared sometimes after they have a kid Do they feel like you know, maybe my you know, like My husband's gonna think different of me or something. I don't know. Maybe there's a lot of fears going on and

But it's obviously that she cares because she's doing something nice that For you for the future to come do to take you to a comedy show whether it's mine or anyone She's thinking about down the road and so, you know, she's not obviously thinking about She just wants a little bit of help in the meantime. She probably just wants some consideration It sounds but she did she tell him these grievances or yeah, I think she did Okay, or maybe this is her way of telling him and happy valentine's day. We like to say that Uh, but a little winston looks cute as hell. Man, my buddy got a little uh Doberman not a doberman, but something some

Kind of real fuck like a little animal little fox or something like a thick fox and the name winston It's real winston is a corgi in our building with um paralyzed back legs. Oh really and he's still alive Yeah, he's he's on wheels winston is on wheels. Tell him what happened to the arty. We shouldn't say that No, why would we end a valentine's episode telling theo about our neighbor that died? Oh No, I never died. Yeah, and it's sad his headboard was against our headboard board And I could feel when he was passing away No way sick. Yeah, and he was in hospice care and I told bobby I'm like, I've just been feeling really heavy and sure enough. I talked to his family

A couple days after and he did pass away when we were feeling it Did he have HIV? No, he died of um liver CA Well, he was nice and not nice, but he was a good dude. Death doesn't turn people into saints. Yeah. Yeah, but it's it's really sad It is sad. Very sad. He was young and vibrant. Was he really? Yeah, very young and fit Fit his fuck out and handsome, right? Very handsome. Jesus. Mm-hmm. And he just had addiction issues No, he just got shitty back. Was he a half asian or full asian? I think he was full asian. He was full asian Yeah, but he was like six three full asian not your kind of five foot

Yeah, not that fucking little worker B. We're talking about a king or a queen Um, yeah, we've got one more so we don't okay. Let's do one more Yeah, that was downer bobby. Hi Theo, Kaleila and bobby. My name is julian. I'm from toronto and I love all of you I love both of your podcasts tiger belly and this past weekend. Thank you. Um, I have a question for you all considering your own relationships What do you do about being attracted to people outside of your relationships and have you ever felt

inclined or the urge or desire to step outside your relationship and cheat? Thanks so much guys. Love you It's a really complex question there. It's an easy question though. What is it? Well, and there's your two answers right there I want to see your answer and then I'll answer based on your answer She already said me not chris. If you go into a relationship thinking that you cannot have eyes for anybody else You're setting yourself up for failure. If you go in thinking that yes, I will always I will probably find 50,000 people attractive in my lifetime, but I choose this person. It's a lot less of a burden to carry

I tell you when I find someone attractive. Yeah, but I would I don't I'm not threatened by that feeling of attraction I just know that I'm allowed to feel that way because I'm human and therefore I don't feel the need It doesn't become a temptation because I own it right It becomes a temptation when you try to suppress that feeling of attraction And then all of a sudden it feels like oh like it becomes exciting that temptation turns to excitement Because you're trying to suppress it. I also I honest honestly, I've only had many many Don't know if it's many crushes. Yeah, of course. We play candy crushed you all the time Yeah, no, but I'll like, you know, you know, I'll go to a certain like

Coffee shop or whatever bath house. Yeah, and there's a girl that's there. That's cute, right? And then they go, oh, you know, I mean, oh, I'm a fan of you, you know, and you go, oh, yeah, and then you go Yeah Sorry, sorry, sorry Go on And so I have these little mini crushes during the day or over the years But it's also, you know, I know that I'm you know committed relationship with her Or it doesn't, you know, I don't know. It's just I just don't cheat. Yeah

And I think those little mini crushes or those little things make you realize. Oh, I still have You know, I'm being at feelings, you know, and um It also makes it kind of exciting and I think that if it makes it exciting to kind of see your partner too And remember that you did feel that same feeling with them But 50 times stronger when you first met them, right? Yeah, and I think you just constantly have to remind yourself that You you you felt that way about your partner now I think that, you know, people have their own rules and relationships and people have like open relationships But it hasn't been hard being monogamous with him even though I was my last relationship was with two men

Wow, I lived in I lived with two men. We had a great relationship for several years. We traveled together It was respectful. It was great. It sounds good. I never want to do that again. It was exhausting. It sounds exhausting Yeah Um, sounds very but I've never thought Fun I know I know it hasn't been an issue at least for me You know, and I love the way you framed it too like the way that you see it like, you know, um That it is sure those things are going to happen and that's totally natural like to have attraction to different people

And if you just see it as that and kind of be glad that it happens that you have that even that function in your brain That you still even can have that feeling that doesn't mean that it's not in you and still towards the other person Uh, for you know, 50 times the strength. I also have a friend. I'm not gonna say his name Who's Mary has kids and stuff who whenever he sees her He obviously gives her fuck eyes. Yeah. Yeah, like he like looks her up and down, right? And if she's turned away, he'll look at her ass and all that kind of stuff You know, have a little smile and I watch him do it. I'm fine with it, bro. Yeah, you know, I get it right She's hot. Yeah, you know, and I don't have jealous

I don't have any and after your shows I see women come up to him. They kiss them on the cheek They want to hug him. They want to flirt with him. It's like, hey, come with us have drinks and stuff And I always I never step in and I'm happy for him that he gets to He's a cute talented man. Why wouldn't why wouldn't they be attracted to him? I was attracted to him, right? That's a good point. Yeah, so funny. It's you know, it's so interesting It's like you would want people to be now you want them to work with it healthily whenever they whenever they get that I saw a girl she opened up a hatchback and she had a bunch of wood chips back there and tried to convince probably to get back Into that a water bottle in there with a little spout coming out of it

And I was like, damn look empty. They had a candy crush like a big size iPad one that hasn't come out yet And he was really tempted you could see him almost get in there. I was at charlie not I was at charlie goodnight's at club and um There's the first time this ever happened. I was started first started dating kalayla, but we're committed Mm-hmm, and she grabbed my wrist. She goes, let me blow you in the bathroom. Oh, wow. And and I went like this I went no Is that when you went home and changed your um facebook status to in a relationship? Wow Was that I knew there was something you were compensating for yeah

I figured you probably got a blow job at this trip. No, I never got a blow job I know but I I'm pretty sure it came close and that's why you went home and you were like, I got it No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no that never happened. I'm and I just I don't know Do you want to hear but he does He has Now we know our boundaries, but in the beginning he didn't know what a boundary was what it meant So in the beginning in our first year together He would do things like text a woman like I want to fuck you raw dog or whatever

And it was like this is postmates guy Or like he would just go out of his way to you know He would take that temptation go a little bit too far verbally. That's what I do That's what I'd done. Um, but then I just made it really clear with them. I said look, um, that's my line You know, you know light flirting, you know innocent stuff all good But to tell her you have plans of fucking her raw dog. Yeah, that's my line. That's my boundary right and You just have to be really clear about your lines with each other in your relationship. I like that. Wow I'm actually learning some stuff today

Yeah, I mean and I you know, I was in a relationship and I didn't do that good of having boundaries and stuff like that And now that I've been off pornography I've felt a lot less tempted to really engage with women as much as I used to Like it used to be like a lot more of a temptation for me And now it's like I don't even that some of that temptation is going away where it's not even it's just like a bad habit almost um, and I don't feel like I have to just uh Cling to any type of attraction that a woman sends to me because it was making it hard for me to you know Even be in a relationship because I was just acknowledging other like attractions that would come in

Yeah, I had this weird thing that if somebody like showed interest in me that if I didn't In some way acknowledge it or return it even like just like a A hug or like a Swinky face or a smile or something then Then like I was like letting them down somehow or something So I think I still have a lot to learn in that space. It's also very difficult as a performer I think so. I think that you guys are in a completely different difficult Um, I've never gotten

Attention in the same way that you guys get attention So I don't know how I would feel if a dick was thrown in my direction You know in the frequency that you know, you guys get it But you learn from you learn from guys like There are faithful dudes, you know, you learn from like great fit Simmons A lot of the redheads bill burr, you know, um Half asians to steve burn. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Al magical. Oh, yeah And guys like that they they're they're pretty

You know Daniel day camp they came to yeah. Yeah monogamous guys. Yeah Especially because they're Burn or A lot of these guys that are married now that used to be players. Yeah, you know, I mean and they Have made a choice and and um, but we you and I also know a lot of guys That don't do that. Oh, that are just straight pussy hitchhikers. Yeah I do think though that men and all and women need to get that out of their system. Yeah, and especially women just

Fuck as many dudes as you can some of it's getting out of your system And some of it's like, you know, these days it's almost like you almost rather end up with someone too that You want to have a partner that it's like You guys can raise a family if you're having a family like some people they get married It's all based on sensuality. It's nice, huh? And then they But then that goes away and then you know, they have two kids and they're divorced and it's like, you know It's definitely interesting to figure out what ingredients need to be in a relationship for you know for you to be then parents And then it's they're never just the same ingredients for every relationship either because I think that bobby and I are a little atypical

And what works for us certainly might not work for somebody else or the can't the we're very brutally honest And some people find that really uncomfortable that we he shares Pictures with prostitutes that he's been with with me. Yeah, you know, he's like, look at this Is when I fuck this girl in the motel and it doesn't really faze me that might not work for other people that kind of just Transparency might not need they call it being very I have weird photos around my house. Like if you're looking drawers You'll just see me with like And like really seedy places on my shoulder. Yeah, give me with I have wings on, you know, I mean, I'm on a mountaintop Yeah, I have really I've done some crazy shit. Yeah, you just gotta love these pants. Oh man. Thank you, dude. Wow

Anyway, that's a great Valentine's. I gotta eat man. Happy Valentine's. Yeah, let's get you guys out of here You know, um Bobby and Lila the slept king and the awake queen. Thank you so much. I love you so much Hey, what are you gonna come on our soon? I'll come on. I can sell one day. Am I on Monday? I think so Yeah, you're on Monday. It'll be great. You know, I'm gonna get to see you again. Happy Valentine's. I love you, man I love you too, Clara. Thank you. Thank you. Now, I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind. I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take

a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you Music playing