Three Bean Salad - Cruises

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

It’s only a matter of time before the beans’ merch empire knocks the competition into a cocked hat with the launch of Beantopia: Three Bean Salad’s very own maxi cruise ship experience. Prebook for the maiden voyage of the as-yet unbuilt vessel now to enjoy a floating paradise replete with an all-you-can-eat bean buffet, ocean going velodrome, manmade desert, Punch and Judy musical flume experience, secret Stanford behavioural psychology experiment and super realistic waste ground with suspended building works. Thanks therefore to Becky of the Bremen Borough of Barnet for feeding “cruises” into the bean machine and giving the beans a topic they have a real passion for.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Tickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Festival can be found here: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2024/three-bean-salad-three-bean-salad-podcast-live-2/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: [e-mail] @beansaladpod

You're going to break quite a Henry, is that because you're not speaking to the Michael because you're speaking into a cup? It looks like you're speaking into a cup. How do I sound? How do I sound? It's better when you're not speaking into a cup, even if the cup does have pictures of penguins. I like speaking into a cup because I want this whole, I want our podcast to have that vibe of a film where lots of divorcey, you know, divorced ladies get together at a country house in Maine. You know what I mean?

And talk about, just talk about their problems and just bomb them. They've got huge cups. They have huge cups that they talk into the whole time. They're really beautifully made, sort of, beautiful earth and where cups, which you can buy at the end of the film. It's the first film to be tied in with a ceramics company. Starring Helen Hunt.

Helen Hunt. Helen Hunt. Emma Thompson. Emma Thompson. Striep. Striep. Striep for sure. Exactly. And a younger one made me an Emma Stone. You might get a yes. A younger one in there as well. It needs to be one, the younger one. Yeah. Diane Keaton, I think,

is absolutely pivotal to this. Diane Keaton is going to be in there. And also, there's who's one who's a singer as well who did, um, strizoned. Yeah. Well, strizoned and share, I think, are in it. There's a little comedy duo with a nice green band that pops up halfway through. Yeah, exactly. Plimmons? Jesse Plimmons? I think Plimmons does turn up.

I think Plimmons is queuing redwoods down in the garden a lot of the time. Huge 600 foot, 4,000 year old redwoods down in the garden a lot of time. Huge 600 foot 4,000 year old redwoods. He's just doing it for fun. He's just doing it for the bloody hell of it. Just knocking them down. Yeah, just knocking them down. Well, after tether. Bet middler.

Yes, yes. Bet middler would be a save point. It's going to be a save point. This is going to be box office. It's going to be huge. Bet middler. Yes, Bet middler would be a barrens in that movie. This is going to be box office. It's going to be huge. There are some restaurants and places you go to now, or cafes that do brunch and stuff. And at the end, you can buy the bowls and the mugs and the ceramics.

Have you ever seen a film at the end? You can buy the ceramics. You can buy the hune, the rough buy the the hune, the rough hune Redwood the ruts You can buy Jesse Plymouth's hands By Jesse Plymouth's hands or at least the hands that he used in the film. Yeah So maybe in the film Plymouth is not just taking down Redwoods. He's also a sexy potter He's a sexy potter. Yeah, that works very nicely, doesn't it? He has to be doing both.

That ties in beautiful. He's completely self-sufficient. The over looked sexy bachelor next door. Sexy bachelor. He can't just be a divorcey. I think he needs to be a widow, possibly. He's a widower. But several times over.

Oh, yeah, he's a serial widower. Several times over. And all his wives have died in plaid factory accident where the pla... Because he plaid... He plaid... is that the word? He plaid all his own shirts. Yeah, obviously plaid.

Everything about him is plaid. But he plaid them himself. And any wife of his has to be able to work the plaid mechanism where all the different fibers, you know, to create a plaid, it's not easy, there's lots of different fibers and you can easily get corrupted. Easily get corrupted within the fibers. So, you know, which of those new? What is the film called? It's a film called something like the plaid factory coffee break, something like that, is that?

It's called the planned factory, coffee break, yes. Of course it is. So the one working the planned factory? They don't have to because often the titles can be a bit peculiar with these art house films. They don't have to necessarily relate to the main characters. They all have different jobs because they haven't got together for years. Ah, of course. Yeah.

One of them's got a big high-fly and job over in the city, Central Zone. Oh yeah, yeah. The big city and main, which of course is Maineville. The big city. The main, main, mainville. The mainville. The mainville. She works in the top floor of a multi-story building.

Yeah. One of them is a writer. Possibly had a bit of withering feedback for her last novel. I think she did. That's why she needed to retreat and get all the girls together. Yeah. In the cottage, she writes romantic books. They're a bit mils and boonies. She'd like to write a proper, you know, she'd like to write a serious novel one day.

Will she have the guts to do that? And will having a really, really hot fuck with blemines help her find the news. That's the question. That's a question. I'm just gonna put out there. What are the make surfboards for blind dogs? That's share. Yeah. But she has to, she has to blind, she insists on blinding the dogs herself. She's going a bit of trouble herself, isn't she? She has for that, because there wasn't enough of the way enough blind dogs had turned out for a typical viable business.

So she had to, if you can't get the market, you make the market. One of them's a future, Tim. That's right. That's right. And in fact, Ben, I misheard you by think, that's given me a great idea. One of them, Betmidler, is a future-tive. She's committed grand lasty, grand theft time machine theft auto in the future.

Yeah, because it needs a siphon to bring in that bit of the audience that would otherwise be reluctant to turn up to this major cinematic event. Exactly. You've got to... You want... Yeah, husband and a teenage son to come along to this. You've got to get a sci-fi. You've got to put a transformer in it.

I'm in here. That's right. And Strisand is entirely CGI. Is that right? She's CGI and she is able to turn into a sidecar. That's right. In fact, but she can't control it. So she'll tend to slide going, it's not needed.

So that's her. Each one has to have a little journey. So I'm going to have a little floor as well, isn't it? Like a floor. It could be seal. Yeah. And again, all the ceramics are available in the cinema lobby. Yeah.

Who's doing the soundtrack first? Oh, good question. I think it's probably Anya. You know what? I think it's probably definitely Anya. You know what, I think it's probably definitely Anya. Anya, in her first collaboration with Deaf Leopard. Orinoco steel. It's the feel good and feel sexy hit of the sci-fi summer.

Yeah. I think there should be a multiverse element. So it sometimes cuts to scenes where a very similar thing is happening in Vermont, is it? Very similar thing is happening in Vermont. But in that version, all the women inside all have lemons is face. And lemons is the redwood. And lemons is the redwood. By a and plemons is the redwood by a mistone, a mistone, but no, by sort of mutant Emma Stone, who's got all of the head and hunts heads and all of the various different ones, but again, the ceramics are available. If you see a ceramic on the screen, in fact, you can guarantee, maybe if you're wearing

Google glasses, we can make it so that you can actually select it. Buh-duh! 3D, 3D selection. I'll be ready if you're on the parcher. You'll be waiting in the boot of your car. Waiting in the boot of your car, and empty your billing details, and you'll be pauses in the film with that.

Well, there could be bits of the dialogue as well when Clemens is doing the pottery, and Hannah Hunt goes, oh, that's such a lovely part you're making there. And then he would go, yes, and only for 12, 99. So just keep, you just want to see the prices. You want to see it in the movie now, man? It would be personalized for 15, 99 if you're as a gift.

Yeah. Yeah. Free delivery, if you order before the final act of the movie, you're the final act of the movie is when the, the FFBI, the future FBI, come through a portal to pursue Betn-Middler, the future Tiv, and there's a huge bazooka fight. Nice. That starts the final act of the movie. Yeah, a cross switch. Streisand is looking into the middle distance because she's finally found peace. She's finally realised that she is enough. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha on the bedside table. Also available for purchase. Good fun. She looks to her left. We expect it to be plemmens.

It's not plemmens. It's not plemmens. It's plemmens. It's plemmens. It's paddington. He's up for it. She's up for it. And he's not sure whether or not he's got a bar with penis but he's promised

to look it up. I mean I think we've got ourselves a hit here people. Well it's all about the the the mergers isn't it these days. It's all about the bean machine. Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! First of all, a big thank you to everyone who's been to enter the B-Machine.boat and added your topics to the B-Machine and it's time to crank that B-Machine!

Oh lovely! This week's topic, sent in by Becky from Bremen. Thank you Becky. Hi Becky, thank you. Well she describes it as the Bremen borer of Barnett. Nice. Okay. Is cruises.

Ooh. Have they been on one? Have they been on one? No, I've never been on one. I find that when you see them in the wild, they're quite terrifying. Just because of their size. They're huge. Yeah, so you see them in the wild, they're quite terrifying, just because of their size, they're huge.

Yeah, so you see these cruise ships, they've got multiple swimming pools, that haven't yet. But the sense you get from what I've seen is a sense of absolute just the toxicity of the water in the pool, just a sense of toxic infected. Well, someone has tried to build paradise. They're vision of paradise as it turns out, it's just an awful lot of flumes. And I agree with them. Essentially, when I look at pictures from groups, there's cruise ships. I just get this kind of smell of urine coming off it.

It's just the amount of people, the amount of piss, the amount of chlorine, constantly, it has to chlorinate flumes to deal with the amount of piss being produced by all these humans. Good to mean. There's a sense of infection and colds going around and legionnaires disease, legionnaires disease flying around and syphilis and trench foot and a lot of sort of quite old, you know what I mean? Because you've got the early COVID outbreaks were on cruise ships, weren't they? There was that one that was off the coast of Japan that they wouldn't let dock. Yeah, right. There you go. Because some people had COVID and then everyone on the ship got COVID.

Yeah, exactly. It's an infection and hotbed, isn't it? Absolutely. And just the amount of plumbing that's having to happen and the sense that the swimming pool and the flumes are just an extension of the plumbing. Everything's just just so your contention Henry's that the reason that these ships have loads of water slides and flumes is that it's the only way to sluice out all the piss that's yes it's about it's about piss sluice you just got to keep the piss moving is that what is this if it stagnates that's when you're in trouble I think there was probably sort of algorithm a sort of mathematical equation whereby you couldn't expand a cruise ship beyond a certain size because the amount of human infection would make it unworkable.

But, you know, we know how venture capitalism works and we know the insatiable appetite of the shareholders and they would have found a way, I think the solution was, okay, okay. The problem we've got is we're seeing people and infection as separate things. See the people as a form of infection. Only by curing the infection can we expel the pus in a verticalmer's money from the host organism.

We sluice the clients. So essentially you combine the two. So the swimming pools are the plumbing, do you know what I mean? We keep the people moving through tubes of water. We can then we can solve a problem. We didn't see plumbing and people are separate anymore. We see the whole thing, the whole the whole ship as a sort of over to you Mike. As a flush, as a flush, exactly. The whole ship is in a pertinent permanent state of flushing. But great show, great show on the evening though, great show. Oh, yeah, but still a great show on the evening. And I know how people still snobby about them. Like the modern crews.

People snobby about the modern crews with all the bells and whistles and the flumes and the... Because you think when you think that when I think of the snobbyness of cruises, that to me is more like the sort of home counties retiree Who at most wants to do a bit of curling on deck mostly a bit of bridge and look at a bit look at a few order from the distance And then is it but those are the same guys that are getting involved and you know in the wave machines and the and the flume Flume parties, are they? No, what it is is I, the snobbiness that comes from people who are like, no, no, no, when I go and hold it, it's all about the authentic experience.

I'm not just arriving on a ship at these places. And I say, I'm going for a month, and I'm meeting the local people and getting involved in the local pottery scene. I'm getting my hands dirty. I'm learning about the clays, the deep, solid clays of the side of this place. Who's that fascinating old man over there,

whittling a spoon out of quartz? I'm going to do a rubbing of the side of his face. I'm going to do a rubbing of the side of his face. That's the thing. Stay still, man! And every year we return and they greet us like returning cousins, and they support her a goat, and we eat it in their rustic parlour. And it's a wonderful experience. Yes, I'm shagging the mare and so it's my wife, we're all shagging the mare. That's how you get to know these people.

And I think that those people really are kind of kidding themselves that they're having a slightly more authentic experience. Right. We're not actually the realities. Whereas on the other hand, there's people going, I'm jumping into a huge, fatful of piss. From which I can see the outline of Bergen. In my peripheral vision. It's hard to see straight with as much piss in your eyes. Come to tonight's chlorination balls. Alright. Come to tonight's chlorination ball,

starting at 7.30pm. It's true. Yeah, which is the realist, Leibn? There's something honest about the cruise, isn't it? Yeah, you're just being a tourist. It's what you're doing. I have been on a holiday once in Madera. have been on a holiday once in Madeira. Right, right.

Because there, which is a place where, where cruise ships come. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, so there are sometimes you go to a place and suddenly you'll look up and the sky has turned black. Yeah. The, the air is filled with the stench of, of stale piss. Exactly.

Suddenly it's like, oh wow, I didn't know they were filming. I didn't know that they didn't know they were making a new cocoon and they didn't know they were filming it in this hotel. I don't get these reference. Suddenly everyone's really old people. It's suddenly swarming with delightful silverhead folk. But because they've swarmed in off a cruise, so the cruise is coming and I have some stop-offs. Suddenly the town will be swarmed with... Completely swarmed.

No one's spending any money because they've already paid for full board on the boat, so they'll wait. Thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't let a single thing pass you on mouth, Marjorie. We've paid for our food. We paid for a prawn breakfast and we're going to eat a prawn breakfast. If you're bored, pull that fresco off the sand and that building and shot up.

I guess it's part of that thing is that people feel like those people, they turn up and they're kind of on rails, right? They just go to the places they're meant to go to and they see the things you're meant to take off? And they're not going to the wonderful beast roads. If you go to the back street, it's wonderful. You go into the back streets and they greet you like a brother. And you know, it was full of locals. When we went to the absolute least. And you eat where the locals eat.

And it's wonderful. It's absolutely wonderful. You're eating olives off a very dirty plate. Very dirty. Very dirty. And sometimes the restaurant is, you know, You're eating olives off a very dirty plate. Very dirty. Very filthy. And sometimes the restaurant is, you know, laugh, sad ass.

It's wonderful, isn't it? We're having such a great time, all of us together. And he gave us this wonderful local dish, which, I mean, it looked like he'd got his eldest son to cough onto a plate. And they were all laughing. And there was obviously a tradition, wasn't it? And I asked for, I mean, obviously, I know, I know,

a bit of balair expansion. I did my best and I tried to order a chicken dish. And in the end, he just gave me a plate of tripe and a snickers. But I knew it must be a tradition because the smile on his wife's face. We were having such a good time together. And you know it's local because there was a bite in the sneakers. So you know, well, it's a local is taking a bite out of that. So it's good enough, and local, it's good enough for me.

And all the, actually, we've got special treatment because the other locals were eating something which looked much more like normal chicken. And we were actually getting special treatment, which shows how much they do respect us and how, and how, and how, they're such a wonderful, wonderful, simple folk. Aren't they? Yeah. So, yeah, that's right. I do think there's something sort of a bit honest about just getting off the cruise ship

in your bum bag. Yeah. Getting on a bus, being taken directly to the kind of showstopper thing you meant to take a photograph of the Mausoleum, whatever it is, you go. Get out of the bus, take a picture, get back on again. Get back on the boat, eat a really, really extra hot lambuna. Get straight back in the pool. Yeah, chuck your guts out over your toilet and you little, comical toilet in your little cabin.

And then press the flume button, the whole thing tends to flume, you're shot through and you're in the pool to 20 seconds later. Oh yeah. Landing with the legs around the captain's head. Perfect. Exactly. Then he waddles you over to the lamb call the bark. They've got a lamb call the bark, and most of the pool's floating. You have floating lamb call the bark.

And it's... You can have a lamb callca cocktail, can't you? If you have a lamb, a coca cocktail, yeah, yeah, get your juices flowing. And if you shit yourself, don't worry, because the whole thing can then re-flume, and then you shot, shot through and you end up, it's just rebranded. It's just rebranded. There's a shit flume, don't they? Just for 24 hours. It's happy. It's the happy hour in the, and it's, um, what's the megatoil, isn't it? It's just become the happy hour. Yeah, they might have to double sluice for a couple of hours.

That's right. People understand it.'s become the happy hour. Yeah, they might have to double-slose for a couple of hours. That's right. People understand it. Double-slose it. Yeah. And the last resort, the captain and presser button, the whole boat just turns over and everyone gets a nice salt water wash. Isn't it? The whole boat flips. You get a nice salt, which is, you know, how nature disinfects things, isn't it?

It's very bonding. And also, the other thing, which is why it's written on the front of the brochure, is, piss is a disinfectant. You can't be dirty with piss. It's impossible. There's also a thing with cruises where it's somehow I've never been a one but it's an honor for some reason to to die in the captain's table. Yes, that is a thing, isn't it? What is going on there? Because the captain is just a man who's trained to pilot a ship, right?

Assume that the assumption is that the captain has got, that they've got some really red hot anecdotes. About the time when the flumes got so encrusted, they had to, the only way to get them out was to declare all of Tunisia and hopefully Tunisia and Cruz missiles would sort it out. Which as a seafaring captain, you can do, you can declare a war on Tunisia. I'll let me give it a perspective.

Completely, yeah. Legally speaking, you can do the works. Well, I think about being the captain, right? You talk about the captain's table, Ben, and Mike, your reference anecdotes. I think, I think like the way maritime careers work, it's quite a dark and mysterious world, certainly to me. I didn't think it has a standard career progression,

like say marketing or standard comedy. Or standard comedy. So I think to get to be, I didn't think there's a classic way as a graduate or whatever, that you go, I want to be, I want to captain a cruise ship. I think you have to essentially, you have to have been bopped over the head in the Philippines somewhere. You've been bopped on the head or you've been orphaned, something has happened where you've decided to seek a life at sea.

Yeah, you've been caught up in an apoleonic event. Exactly. You've taken a lover who is the wife of a rich aristocrat. Right? Yes. You've had to essentially lie low and find a client. Because it's kind of like a parallel other world, the seafaring world.

Well, lawless as well, famously. Completely lawless. It's the law of the deep, isn't it, essentially? Neptune's law. It's Neptune's law. Let me put it this way. Neptune is not handing out slap rests and warnings. Neptune is small state. It's very, very, very small state. Very libertarian. Very libertarian. Yeah. I didn't know how you'd end up being like Captain of a cruise ship. Would you have started off in like military naval staff? I'd be interested to know if any of our listeners are high up in the maritime world.

We've got a Submariner. That's true. Oh yeah. Not quite the same thing. They don't do cruises on a submarine for good reason. Not yet. Yeah. But we must have some.

The thing about being in the captain obviously, the one thing that everyone knows about being a captain, well there's two. One free-feefringers. Free-feefringers. And you can marry anyone to a fishfinger. You can marry your own to a fishfinger. Along the fishcake is the mattress I release. What is getting at those that you have to go down with the ship, which is I think a downside?

That's a huge downside. That is why I think that's why they have Beard's Ben, which ties into last week's topic of disguises. That's why all the captains have a beard. As we discussed last week, the beard is the easiest, it puts you in a strong disguise potential situation because we have to just shave the beard off. You're no longer the switch captain, no one knows who the hell you are, and you inflate the dummy captain. Could remember to take your hat off as well. Hat or flip the hat becomes, becomes your new outfit, which is Madame Jambalina.

Okay, okay. A, an Austrian Ares. So, brightly coloured sort of tartan or something like that. Tell me the other side. With a brightly coloured tartan beret. An eccentric Austrian Ares. Who's very much first on the boat, first on the life boat, right? First on the lifeboat, exactly.

Air S is, they always get first dibs. You pull out, you pull out your special fish fingers, which you keep under the normal ones. You're recently betrothed. And you stick them on your fingers, but because this air S, that's crusty orange fingers. She's rumored to be coated in bread crumbs from the neck down, isn't she?

But no one really knows. She has a crusty orange skin complaint and oddly oblong fingers, but that's how the skies work, Sven. The detail, that's breeding though, that's breeding. That's breeding. It's breeding because she's so well bred. Her great grandfather was a cod. That's what they say. So then you shave off the beard, you put on the cod fingers, you flip the beret and then you inflate the dummy captain, elbow your way past any of the children who are panicking on the side, trying to get onto the lifeboat. Matham Jambalina coming through.

It struck the boats into launch it, don't hang around. I think we can fit another 36 people onto this, launch the lifeboat. Madame Jambalina has spoken, launch it. to this launch the live boat. Madame Jummelina has spoken launch it. The future of Prussia depends on the continuation of my bloodline. And then you're off. You're off in your way, that's what you do. There must be more children with these fingers. It can't die with me. A true unifying European peace treaty can only be taken seriously if it is signed with big chunky oblong bread crummy looking orange fingers.

Don't you understand? It's one of the first rules of diplomacy. I'm engaged to the air of the Tata source family, don't you understand? And that's right, yes, the design on my hat isn't need a Tata Tata tongue. Yes. That's why it is a Tata Tata tongue that I wear. And that's right, yes, the designer, my hat, isn't it a tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, tar, that's where. Yeah, that's crucial. That's got to be, yeah, it's the only approach, isn't it? But it's true, going down with the ship, that's the one bit about that job,

we're like, oh, really? I mean, also, here's where, I feel sorry for Captain's where, air. They've got to go down with the ship, but basically, it wasn't their fault. I mean, come on, give me a break. It was Dave's fault. Yeah. Well, Dave, the cabin boy, it was Dave the cabin boy, or whoever, you know, if it was someone else's fault, he'd be a bit like, oh, really?

Maybe this is old fashioned, but it's like that kind of thing where responsibility lies with that person, even though they had nothing to do with it. The buck stops with that person. Kind of like a government minister, you know, it's like they probably didn't, they weren't really involved, but they sort of have to take the fall. But they have to take the resignation. But you know what, I would, in that situation, I imagine there must be captains who, when the ship is sort of, if you have to be the last of the ship, it therefore follows that,

you want everyone to get off the ship as fast as possible. The earlier that you get off the ship, the better, yeah? Yeah. So essentially, one thing is, if I was the captain of the ship, if things got even a tall chopper, I'd be, I'd be hounding people, I'd be hounding people off the ship. You'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd be calling your band ship three or four times a day. I'd It's a bit windy, it's a bit windy. Get on, just, it's okay, I can throw your child for you. Give him here. I think you might have seen a Coke can floating in the sea. 300 yards away. Got to ship another ship.

Then there'd be a very unusual unique maritime legal case where everyone had got off the ship except the captain. Because it actually might be the by-time ship's right, it's just me on the ship. But technically, I haven't broken the law of being lost off. So that'd be interesting. Quite difficult to operate on your own though potentially. Especially if you want to make the most of the flumes. Yeah. Do you know, do you know the captain ever sits here and goes?

Flumes, flumes everywhere, but none that I can really use without losing my sense of authority in front of the passengers. Damn, damn. Do you know what I mean? I think as soon as the passengers disembark, he's straight on the flume. Flume time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, crew.

Yeah. In fact, imagine being a captain, because at the captain's table, I think you're in a strong position aren't you to flirt with people as a captain, because you would like, you know, when this cruise is over, I could give you a solo tour of the flames where they're at their filthiest. Just because of the little gap between the end of the cruise and the disinfectant squad coming in.

There is a window. You can barely see that the blue one is blue. It's just covered in skidmites. Bits of toenail caught in the joints. They say it's a nearest thing to being inside a giant human piss on and turd. That's too much. That's not going to be hard. See over there on the side of that flame I've written something, I've scratched something into the urine encroachment. What is it you've scratched in? It's quite hard to read because of all the fumes coming up and my eyes are so bloody blood

shot. I can't tell if it's the chlorine or the pest. Hahaha. Hahaha. This has been a really gross episode, isn't it? But that's okay, it's Christmas. Music Would you like to hear the names of the top ten largest cruise ships in the world? Go on then. Yes please.

Number ten, Pino Avia. Avia. The British elegance. Elegant. Mm on then. Yes please. Number 10, Pino Avia. Avia. The British elegance. Elegant. Nine. Gostatoskarna. An Italian tribute. Oh, a tribute ship.

It is a... It's a tribute ship. Then how that works? I've googled on it and there's people in Zorbs. So... So... It truly has captured the essence of Italy. That's peeping sorbs on a massive day.

That's quite a high risk on a boat, isn't it? You could sort of off the air. Geals high risk. By the way, the first one I mentioned, piano, arv, yeah, I'm just having a quick look. It's got a crazy golf course. Excellent. Number eight, the MSC World Europa. MSC's world class wonder. Looking at it, it looks quite

classy at one. Number seven, a lure of the seas. A racist class elegance. That means nothing. It's literally a meaningless set of words. A racist class. Does that mean that Liam Morenoll will be there at any one time? You can always go in with one or the other. Yeah, or possibly, I mean, although if you look at the small print, it could be bonehead. It's generally bonehead. And you're going to ask him about it. He'll be really pissed off. He goes, yeah, I'm just here because there's some illegal thing to do with the name of this cruise ship. He's living in a fallout with the Gallagher brothers. Absolutely.

Dwarf's. You know what I mean? He'll say something about that. I've even forgotten the name of the bassist. Genuinely, don't know what it's called. Paul. Was it Paul? It's a good bet that it's Paul.

I think it better. It's Paul. And so, oh god, number six is actually a wasis of the seas. A pioneering mega ship. So I think on that one you more like to get the actual brothers. That one's got someone snorkeling in a swimming pool on a cruise ship. Is that a weird thing to do? What you're going to see?

You can actually see piss formations. Look at the way that there's a school of piss over there. Look, look at the way it's almost intelligent. There's ice skating. I'm seeing ice skating. There's a woman on a, what those kind of high-wire things that you attach yourself with your hands and it's fun. Is it quiet? Is it quiet? Is it quiet? Where does it stuff you have to do on holiday?

We've got harmony of the seas, number five, a symphony of luxury. A symphony of luxury. A symphony of luxury. A luxury. There's a lot of similar words going around. An oasis of luxurious symphonaters. LAUGHTER They're all just disguise words for its things of this, aren't they? Welcome to your rhinos.

LAUGHTER Named after the ancient Greek god of piss. LAUGHTER Float through our anchored acid fritz. Watch the thick fog of anchored gas rise from the quarter deck. Sleep on a six foot urinal. And believe me by the end of the trip, he'll know why it's called the poop deck and he'll wonder why it's not called the poop and some quite a lot of piss deck. Number four, Symphony of the Seas. There's so much symphony. There's not much imagination going on, is there, within?

Symphony of the Seas. Royal Caribbean's crown jewel. There's a lot of regal languages in there, a lot of symphonies, a lot of musical, classical regal. Ooh, blind me, it's got a production of hair. It's got production of hairspray. I've been happening in it, genuinely. At all times. Twenty-four times, you can...

Yeah, you can enjoy any point in the show as well, it's going. They need at least three or four hundred of them to be going at the same time. you can, you know, start the beginning, start the middle, start the end. You won't miss one second of hairspray. In the Royal Symphony Art about the crown jewel in the scepter of our legal symphonic concerto package. there's Black Friday cruise deals. Go on, book us on. Book us on. Here's another thing which goes with cruise and seafaring language is the she will be sailing. Of course.

Three and four night sailings from Port Canaveral when she launches with each sailing calling a perfect day, Cockoke and Nassau. The wonder of the seas, the flagship of royal Caribbean international, and the largest cruise ship globally. God, that must be a hell zone. The exact same size as Milton King. But with twice as many rhymines. It's sort of like living in Milton Keynes, but on the seas, isn't it? It's like just living in a small town.

With a decent leisure centre. Yeah. The only cruise ship with its own dual carriageway. But it's almost like living in a compulsory leisure centre, I feel like, isn't it? Because then the leisure is even more leisurely. Utopia of the seas. The ultimate weekend away. You topier, they're aiming high there aren't they? Bloody hell.

Hello, we did enjoy our time on the cruise. But we don't believe that it reached the heights of you topier that you promised. So we will be asking for a full refill. It's got a food court people. Of course it does, yeah. It's got a food court. It's got a food court, people. Of course it does, yeah. It's got a food court. It's got a park. Can it have a, it's got a park.

It's even got a noodle restaurant in the park called Izumi in the park. Blimey. The ducks in that duck pond must be so confused. Poor poor things. It's got a boy riding a, what, there's like a small, something in between a car and a bed, down a bright purple sort of tube. And an area of woodland in which we've reintroduced wolves.

LAUGHTER The first rewilded cruise ship in the world. What a wolf taking down an elk. As you tuck into your lamb boner. Indicate to the wolves which elk you would like to eat. They'll take it down for you. By giving it the Mark of Death. Please pick up your Mark of Death paintbrushes at reception.

Number two is Wonder of the Seas. The ultimate luxury. We took utopia and we made it better. This one has one of those giant chess sets on the deck. Oh, that's a bit of a step down, isn't it? It's got a swimming pool which I can only describe as looking like a clown's nightmare. So... Well, which has a world in which all the circus is

a shutting down. Good path to safety legislation. Yeah, it's a man having to, it's a very, very small man with a very, very high hat having to release a bear back into the wild. Of course. Of ethical worries. No, no, it's a kind of clownish, with a very, very high hat having to release a bear back into the wild. Of course. Of ethical worries.

No, no, it's a kind of clownish, it's kind of clown pool. It's a swimming pool full of giant brightly coloured objects. It looks like hell. It's got yellow, twisty slide, full of lights and colours and just an absolutely hellish looking swimming pool. It kind of looks like a slot machine. It looks like a fruit machine, something halfway between fruit machine and swimming pool. I think they've gamified pooling. And then number one, icon of the seas, the world's largest ship breaking barriers.

Oh my god, I'm just looking at a picture of the back of the icon of the seas. Have you got a bit of it? Yeah, it's extraordinary. They look like it's a back, it's migraine, it's juicy. It looks like a bunch of board games have been scattered. You know, it looks like it's a quite a coincidence. It has a lot of hazardly as well. It looks like a whole thing. If someone sneezes loudly, it's going to collapse.

Yeah, yeah. There's a kind of, there's a stage show happening on this icon of the C's one, which just sort of unbelieve. There's a kind of huge sort of tube. it's a very tube heavy, isn't it? Cruise world. It's got a huge, it looks like they've built the London Eye, it's got nine whirlpools. It also has the tallest waterfall out sea. There we go. They can't be much competition for that. That's what I'm looking at. What looks like they've done is they've basically taken the millennium down, somehow they've

stolen the millennium down, put it on the boat, they've died it purple, and they've filled it with a kind of tube of water that's cascading from a suspended, like, glowing ring in the middle of the ceiling. I think that's maybe this largest, largest waterfall thing. It's kind of, it kind of looks like a portal to a different universe that makes it extraordinary. So you're gonna check out the portal to the evening.

Yeah. I said, we never done a zombie movie on a cruise. No, that's quite right. No, but we will now. Starring, streep. kick, had a nut, bit of midler and a stone and playing madam jumpalina, Jesse Plyments. Are people are saying it's almost too much of a cynical bit for an Oscar level.

You're always going to get considered for a jumbling, that's like roll. I think that's cruises. That's cruises. Time to read your emails. When you send an email, you must give thanks to the postmasters that came before. Good morning, postmaster. Anything for me? Just some old shit. When you send an email, this represents progress. Like a robot, chewing a horse.

Okay, time for your emails. Thanks to everyone who sent an email to threebeen salad pod at gmail.com. Thank you. First of all, an email from Matt with the email subject header. I have been Q jumped by Sophie Ellis Bexter. Oh, strong. It is time to flip the script. Let's flip it, flip it, baby.

Now, before we go, I've not read this yet. Obviously, he's claiming that he's been queued up by Sophia DeSpectre, just to explain Henry himself did queued up. Sophia DeSpectre in the past. That's correct, but in my defense, it was only for a couple of plums. Indeed. Is it possible that Sophia Decs has started doing this, having had this happen to her?

Hurt people, hurt people. Exactly. Anyway, that's what he has to say. I have been queued by none of them, Sophia Specs, and it was on a professional scale. They were buying food in bulk and run those mega supermarkets you get for people that run restaurants and small hotels. Be your cash and carry.

That girl. cash and carry. That goes. Yeah. And she was merely buying two kilograms of plums. You're right. It's my family and I, the front of the queue, for a swingy, spinny around ride at Chessington World of Adventures. When to our shock, we were asked to wait as the barrier closed in front of us.

We watched as a small security team escorted a family past the queue and straight on to the rides. That being the family of Sophie Ellis Bexter. This is huge. That's a outrageous claim. This is absolutely huge. That is outrageous. I think legally we cannot condone Sophie Ellis Bexter's behaviour there.

Can we? She. She is a monster. No, no, we can't, I mean, I'm joking, we can't, we can't, we can't confirm or deny that story, can we? Because that is heavily libelous. We need to get a belling cat on the case. I think the way to see if that can be verified or possibly a whistle-bower from within Sophia Leicester's own family or from Chessington World of Adventures. He writes, we had to watch as they rode around on their own. For me, and I think my parents would agree, that was when my childhood ended.

Well, I'm not prepared to spend the rest of my life living in the Bolivian Embassy, so I'm not going to comment. I think this is a very, very, very hot, very, very sensitive area. I want to know when this happened. So Matt, I assumed Matt was talking about, he was escorting children, but he was the child. He was the child in this scenario. Yeah, so it could have been at the height of her fame.

Could have been. In which case, what a choice that is. John, I mean, if she's, if the golden rope twixed the stanchions can be lifted for anything in the nation at that time. She's chosen. The curly, early swoopy ride at Jessington. It's interesting. But also, did it happen after the grocery store incident with me?

Was she over her to say something like, well, it was good enough for the plum bastard? The only thing given me slight pause is the idea that maybe she was with somebody who had kind of access to needs, which is why they got to, you know, skip the queue. So there's a possibility that she was tricky. And that might be the way that her legal team spins it. And then that's true. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, this will run on run, I think. But it's good to see that things are starting to bounce off. Maybe that, and reason the world's worth-basted. Can I make something? I think the, as I hope it will one day become known, the couple of plums law, if I might refer, they're on the normal general and to the couple of plums law, that kind of thing will be heard. You imagine that is going to get past the House of Lords in this nation, you mad. is going to get past the house of lords in this nation. You mad.

They do have bigger fish to fry probably, but I think, um, but, but to me, in, in my utopia, there would be a situation whereby if it is just for a couple of plums or equivalent, for example, you're queuing up at a shot, you're queuing up at a clothes shop, the person in front of you has got like 50 pairs of trousers. They're buying. You just got a couple of plums. You've just got a couple of plums. You just got a couple of plums.

You should be allowed through potentially. No, that's your utopia, maybe that's my living hell. But let's reframe that Henry. Say that law is passed. It's really seen that puts it through. In the Chess and Timorod of Adventure's context, if Sophia and Specs had been holding a couple of plums, would that put it to the front of the queue to get on the spinny ride? No, I think I'm the weather legal legality of it work. Technically, she'd have to go through and it would have to be

just the plums that went on the ride. So she'd be able to watch the plums going over the way. So it's not, it's not an access all areas, land yard holding a pair of plums. So if it's just four, a couple of plums, then it has to be four of the plums. I see. The plums would have to go,

we have to be able to find your plums for a couple of plums, right? Well, exactly. Well, that's certainly hard have to argue it in court. So in that situation, though, by all means, get those plums go,

go pro-dup, get a couple of go pros on them. And then your family, you know, her and her family could still enjoy the ride in a virtual sense from the sidelines. Okay. I mean, some people argue that the ten items or less Q is actually something that already exists in supermarkets to cover off this problem. Yeah, which leads to me thinking that we maybe don't need to go down this statute route. Yeah, because that road's already been gone down. Covering up the precious time of the legislature. What I think is that the ten items or less section of supermarket, that could be expanded

down, arguing beyond just supermarkets into other areas of life. We've had an email from Rob with the email subject title, I'm Radioactive. Okay. Dear Beans, I'm currently writing to you from the ward where I'm being consensually imprisoned for the next three weeks as part of a medical trial. The trial began when I ingested a small vile of liquid that tasted of ranted advark pissed. At which, by the any cruise context is?

The captain's Port. From that point on, I've been whasding into a jug the size of a Jerry can and shitting into a series of buckets, the size of an extra large mug. The jugs of urine are stored in a communal fridge along with my fellow volunteers. The highlight of my day is a game of roulette I get to play when rummaging through the piss fridge to find my joke.

Suffice to say, the liquid I consumed on the first day contained a radioactive isotope. As such, I'd love to be awarded the recognition of being your most radioactive listener. Well, congratulations. I think we have a winner. Don't wait for that. In that category? Yeah, I mean, if anyone else is more radioactive than that, do you get in touch? Don't take steps to make yourself more radioactive.

No, please don't do that. Please don't. Rob is clearly, yes, is furthering mankind's progress. Thanks for doing that, by the way. Rich for the radioactive piss. He says, I'll be out in time for Christmas and so in tweeting the whole thing, is a kind of festive present to myself. The way I see it, at bare minimum, once I'm on the other side, I should have newly found abilities to cling to most services,

easily flip over the average family car or at least mildly glow in the dark. Yours radioactive rob. Thanks Rob, I mean, that's incredible. Thanks for doing a good work for science. It's time for Listen to Bollicking of the Week. Uh oh. Accessing listen to Bollicking of the Week. Uh oh. No, I'm low. Accessing listener, Bollicking. Bollicking loading.

Bollocking loaded. We had a lot of these in various formats, but I'm going to read this from Lee. It is with an Atlas stone sized heart. I must have Bollock Mike about Jeff Capes. So the Bollockings here, they go into two categories. They're from both me and Mike. So, yeah.

Let's start off with Mike's Bollocking. Gone. So Mike described start with Mike's bolicking. Gone. So Mike described him as a wrestler. He was not a wrestler, but the world's strongest man in 1983 and 1985. He's also an international athlete winning numerous medals in the shop put and a policeman. The policeman is that is that a now defunctal in big sport? He was a policeman. Oh, I see. He wasn't. He didn't win the medal was a policeman. Oh, I see. He was a policeman. He did in the middle of the police. I thought you mean there was like you

tossed a policeman over a wall. It's like he won the headlet at the shop, but I'm the policeman. And the police. Yeah. I guess I heard it. Well, yeah. He was a policeman. Yeah, so not a wrestler at all. A baby. A baby. A baby knew his way around a wrestling ring. Yeah. A fewe, a bae. A bae knew his way around a wrestling ring. A few people wondered that we'd maybe got mixed up in our heads with giant haystacks. I think that's might be probably the very much on the same shelf as two. He was a bit of a maverick policeman I heard. In fact, he was the only policeman to actually tear the book in half before throwing it out of the

window. Is it throwing the book at you rather than at the window? How do you throw it out of the window and then tearing it off? They tore it in half first because he used to tear big books in half, didn't they? Are you supposed to tear it in half throughout the window and then go all the way down the stairs and then? Just trying to have a bit of fun in there. Some people aren't up for fun sometimes and then good luck to you. That's what I say. Good luck to you. So Mike, do you accept that part of the ballad king? I will absolutely, yeah, out of respect to Jeff Capes in particular, I will accept the ballad king.

Ballad king exempted. So you might, you put all chunky mussely men in the category of wrestler. Yeah, that is despicable. You know what I mean, that is, isn't it? Wrestler. You could just because of all the wrestling you do, but I don't put you on the same shelf. Exactly, yeah. Why am I not in there?

Just what's an agarrestal? Was he a wrestler? As far as I'm concerned, absolutely. Yes, there he was, Mike. So yes, we should, of course, we should show more respect to Mr. Jeff Gopes. And also, then my part of the bollocking is covered by this sentence. Also, he's not dead.

You're buried the lead there, haven't you? That's almost an alley. Take that. You're going to swallow that. Then you're going to argue. Can Jeff Caps prove he's a lot? Can anyone prove Jeff Caps alive? Let me Google him.

Other than Jeff Capes himself. I think to be honest, I have to accept that one. I think, okay, Bollock King accepted. Yeah, so he's only got a born bit of his, his, in Wikipedia, he's only got born in 1949. Okay. Well, that looks like it was a very well judged double

bollock by Lee, then, doesn't it? Thank you, Lee. Yeah, well, Dend Yeah, well done, Lee. It's rare you get in a one-two-bolic like that. We both accept. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah.

Keeping us in check and we appreciate it. Double-bolic. Double-bolic. Exactly. By the way, you ain't know what this means. I'm looking at his stats on Wikipedia, obviously because I'm someone who is having a hiatus but still overall, I would say I'm involved in a beef a hiatus but still overall I would

turn involved in a big cake journey. I understand some of his stuff. Personal records, bench press, 300 kg in brackets, 661LB, close brackets, raw, which means for that. You didn't know what that means, but that's incredible and also squat 380 kg brackets 836 LB raw again I mean imagine that cooks ready, but raw and then deadlift 454.5 kg 1000 LB from height of 18 inches I mean even in my pump two sessions ago, I wasn't bench flipping anything close to those stats. Even in my pomp, you know, like session three I wasn't getting, I wasn't even, to be honest, I didn't even bench, I didn't even bench, doesn't that many bench presses of that part?

Certainly not from 18 inches, certainly not from 18 inches. Or raw. Yeah. So yeah, thanks everyone for the emails and do the email in on any topic, but I think this week we want people... Oh, if you've had a life at Safe Errors. Yes, life at Safe Errors. How does the career progression go?

The Mariners, please. Mariners. We want Mariners, chat. Of all types. Let's hear from you. It's time to be the fettin' man. Patreon.com Thanks for everyone who signed up on our Patreon. Thank you.

Patreon.com ford slash three bean salads at the place to go. If you want to hear more of us talking about this week's topic or other stuff, we put out a monthly bonus episode also you can get ad free episodes and if you join at the Sean Bean Tier you got a shout out from Mike. Oh, you bet you do. From the Sean Bean lounge where Mike was last night. I was indeed. It was a good night last night, wasn't it?

In the Sean B lounge, wasn't it? Because it was the annual dry feet show and tell. Symposium. The annual dry feet show and tell symposium? Yeah, wasn't it? You bet it was. It certainly was, yeah. Yeah, thanks Henry, and here's my report. It was the annual dry feet show and tell symposium last night at the Chornbeen Lounge. The opening speech was made by success story of last year's symposium Hannah Holland, who went from dry feet to wet feet in just three weeks, using her sister in Laura's patented and Chornbeen approved soggy espadrilles. At the other end of the spectrum was Andrew Stevenson, whose total dryness had worsened

to the point where he has been banned from green belt areas and Casey Trigger's wildfires. In the Sean Bean Lounge operating theatre, Hannah Rob attempted to swap dry scales for fish scales on the feet of David Rostrand, but failed to install guilds, leading them to spoil almost immediately, and the only thing they were good for after that was the chumbucket in the Sean Bean Lounge shark tank. Also in the chumbucket that evening was Gregory Steele for an unrelated dress code infraction. Sean Bean Loungeers are reminded that backless trousers are strictly forbidden in all food preparation areas.

Maria Bach proved definitively that dry enough feet could be used to accelerate the production of cured sausages. A perfect genoese salami was plucked from between the toes of Adam L and a traditional bean-real-style barn dance was performed upon it in celebration by the dry but nimble feet of James Evans. And in the duty-free sales area, Santa Gartan's luxury, fruit-flavored foot-skin rescue pastes were widely seen as an unmitigated disaster. Grace Hilton's humid-or cowboy boots were popular but ineffective, and Emma Copeland managed to sell Carl Sox made a fog. Thanks all. Okay, that's the show. We will finish off with the version of our theme tune sent in by

listener. This was sent in, I think, from New Zealand, yes. Mmm, nice. From Min, they write Kia Aura Beans. Kia Aura. To show my appreciation of the Wimbs call show, that I enjoy, but I'm never really sure how to explain to people. It's quite simple. It's Aemon Homes, Gabby Rosland and me. No holds barred, high octane, adrenalineized. Yeah, true spawns left right in the center. If you made a bar, you had the amount of sacred cows we'd slay in, and in one app, you'd feed a bunch of

people for ages. That's what we say. Isn't it? Because we don't care. I'll say. Isn't that because we don't care. Anyway, they write to show their appreciation I have concocted a little Thereman outro. Oh nice. Hope you enjoy it. Thank you very much. Brilliant. Thank you.

And thank you everyone for listening. Yes. Until next time. Goodbye. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm