Three Bean Salad - Cults

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

Megan from Bremen sends beans a-yappin’ about cults this week. It proves to be an episode packed with jaw-dropping revelations, not least of which is Henry’s confession to a major personal creed-shift.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLive-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/Get in touch:[e-mail]@beansaladpod

Can you hear those birds tweeting and stuff? And that hammer? How many birds tweeting? And that hammer, you're taking to the birds. Hammer, but I've been forcing swift avian justice with it. We needed you during lockdown, you kept us going in a way, but those days are over. It's the old red kite mallets. Yeah, numbers are up. Numbers are up, time to take the edge off. Drinking aside, there are too many red kites. Are those the ones where you go, oh, look,

it's a noble eagle. A wondrous fault. Itrous fault. It turns out, it turns out it's a good kind, I think. It's another effing red kite. They're not majestic, they're not wonderful. Stop looking at it. They don't count. Is it one of those? Well, a source of, yeah, they used to be majestic and wonderful because being majestic and wonderful just means rare, right? Yeah. In the same way that if, if you'd never seen an ant before and you came across it, you'd think it was majestic and wonderful. Okay. There used to be barely any red kites at all left in the UK. And if you saw one, it was absolutely amazing. And then there was this huge effort to conserve them and reintroduce them and bring them back. And certainly in parts of the

country, i.e. midwales, the m4 corridor, they are absolutely everywhere. And as a result, I think they're no longer special. They're no longer special, which then brings in, and this is the cycle of life, is it then brings in the culling, the culling years. The hammer, the hammer, the hammer, the hammer years where culling is in culling. People up and down the country are hurling hammers into the sky all the live long day. That's right. Volly upon Volly of Hammers. And you can actually see flocks of hammers sort of arcing across the sky. That should quite be beautiful. So they catch it at dawn when the light catches it. Yeah. A nation united finally. We just needed a common foe.

So it was been divided for so long. And then of course that supplies the economy. That helps the economy. Hammer industry. I mean half my family's working in the exactly industry these days. And of course you need us keeping us afloat. Would you make hammer with slightly smaller hammer? So obviously the slightly smaller hammer is saying really well. Then you have to do things and hammer factories. I think that hammers obviously those are made by tiny hammers or carry on. Of course, but of course leaves to the question how did they make the first hammer? Nobody knows that. Because how is it hammered into shape? And that's what's keeping our education system alive right now. Is that question?

It's that question. Yeah. Yeah. pondering that question in great depths. The high brain on it. But now that thing with the red kite, that's exactly that's the same thing. Because I've had that as a city lad, I go to the country, it doesn't take much to impress me. So I'll quite often say things like, oh, that's a fabulous red kite.'ve had that as a city lad I go to the country doesn't take much to impress me So I'll quite often say things like oh, that's a fabulous red kite. No, that's a fabulous bird of prey. No, it's just a red kite Yeah, that's some fabulous sort of swamp swamp creature. No, that's that's our teacher. I head teacher What you've drawn to school, you Back to square one, I do talk. You just started again.

You're really over that B in A level up. I remember. Don't ring up. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my I didn't get a deal, if I got a deal, I could have claimed, but I was actually a great artist, I wasn't understood, but the time to be just means, what, beeps, dance of banal, sexual isn't banal, boring, beverage, mediocre. Yeah, this work is, on the one hand, it's not a realistic portrayal of a jug, but also, nor is it a bad enough portrayal of a jug to ferments societal change. of a jug to fume and societal change. LAUGHTER

You're taking on Picasso that he was so bad, but he became also that he was always trying to paint jokes. LAUGHTER I think that is what happened to Picasso. He was just desperately desperately trying to create a realistic human face. That was all, secretly and I was all, yeah, I wanted to face. I was that old. Secretly, that was all you ever wanted to do. What was Gernikamem to be? Well, like most great works of art,

what he was aspiring to do was to portray a bunch of dogs playing snooker. Because that's where the money is. That's where the money is. He was a commercial artist. You've got to make ends meet. You've got to draw dogs playing snooker. Yeah.

So you can see the one that they've interpreted as a sort of screaming bull to represent the Spanish identity going through the torture of civil war. That's actually just supposed to be a pug trying to do a snooker, trying to get a tricky black. Chinese the spider. Nitsy, that's what I'm supposed'm so serious. I'll go to the country. Quite often I'll be over-impressed by stuff. Because this is what happens. I've got the classic London

of City where I see you to the country, which is, visit it for about a day and a half. Get terrified by a cow. But before that, I'll get terrified by a cow. But before that, there will be a moment where it's like I'm sort of high. It's like I'm just wondering I'm Glastonbury, you know, on Spangled Up and that. Oh, this is so wonderful. Look at the, it's so beautiful. It's so amazing. I could live here. I could, I could, I could, like at 100% live here. And, and this is all of you from the M4. So, from the M4, I can say so stunning. Look at these Virgins, these stunning little ways. It's happened. That's all the fact.

Does that happen by itself? It's extraordinary in these miniature shopping centers that have sprung up. But yeah, so I'll be over-impressed. And then people will point out that what I'm looking at is into press. This actually used to happen to me as a kid. The red kite equivalent, I see it's from my mum was,

I'd go, oh look to look at a lovely butterfly. Look at my mother, beautiful butterfly. And she goes, no, it's not Henry. It's a cabbage white. It's a dead sparrow. It's a dead sparrow. Put it down, put it down Henry. It's a...

Fundamentally, there's no reason why a cabbage white is less or more, I mean, it is just the most boring looking one, because it's just white. It's like, it's like when that hasn't been painted yet, isn't it? But all animal, there's a weird continuum of rainess that makes them more exciting. So I recently saw an offspring. Very good. But they're on a handful of offspring in the UK, or certainly whales, there's like 10 or something. I've just googled it. It's a form of, it's a form of leather bat, sort of handy daybag. It's a form of daybag.

It's a form of daybag. And to watch one of those fl- areking through the air. Incredible. It's extraordinary. As it's being thrown as a red kite. It's top flap billowing, so you can see the handy, the handy extra pockets that's got on the inside.

The number of hammers you can pack in and off spray these days. It's one of the few birds of prey with a laptop pouch, yeah. Let's turn on the beam machine. Yes, please. This week's topic are sent in by Megan from Bremen. Hello Megan. Is cults. Oh, you two got me under quite a good cult pot. Curriculum. Oh, the very British cult. Is that what it's called? Yeah, the lighthouse thing. Yeah, that was good. That's an official three-bean recommendation. Ding! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ex-five hot beans. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

It's rare that we give five hot beans to an- Very rare to get five hot beans from an unbundcast. But it was good. It was on BBC Sounds. It's called a very British cult. And it's definitely not. I'm sorry. But it's a soggy chickpea. Waa-wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, wap, you know, the current global podcast scene, which look, can I just say, just sick of

this stuff? We did not start this, guys. Do you know what I mean? Come on. Yeah. I had a moment in this week that I shared with you on WhatsApp where we got into the top 12, which means you're kind of on the front screen of the iTunes comedy charts. And I don't look at it every day to see where we are. Of course you don't.

No, no, no, no. Come on. Just to think, oh, the off-shars, you might be at a brag in the middle of an episode about. Yeah, no, no, no, you wouldn't do that. It's just simply not you to do that, is it? No. So the fact that I mean, how on earth, that kind of one interesting, how on earth did you

find yourself in situation where you're looking at that data and that you're able to work to kind of that data? How did that happen? It's normally straight out of the studio after recording any of it, into the Breckenbeekens on your, when you're folding back on you, that's what you're normally. Yeah. Might give them their proper name, they're now called the Bannai Brachijn-Yog. Of course. Yeah. I'm also giving it, it's a give them their problem name. They're now called the Banai Brakainiog. Of course. I'm also given it's given it's it's proper name. It's a it's a Hyundai i10

Foldable fully foldable first fully foldable high-end ii 10 Extraordinary technology. They haven't mastered yet. It's currently big. It takes up more space Doesn't it? It's folded up form because obviously, yeah, they fold out for some reason. It folds out and it's heavier as well than the folded form. That's right. Yeah. So you fold it out and obviously, what that exposes all the engine parts, doesn't it? All the very, very hot. Fantasticly cumbersome piece. Usually dangerous and hugely cumbersome. Red hot, isn't it?

The temperature of the inside of a home dies. Red, all the red hot liquids are leaking. They're leaking absolute. Brains. Brains. Can't stop the wheel spinning, Kenny, when you all the red hot liquids are leaking. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest.

They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest.

They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. They're leaking out, so I'll be honest. when you are a high-un die premium club member, isn't it, you get to test the beat of stuff, don't you?

And public ambassador. And public ambassador, thanks to the guys at Hyundai. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, why are we talking about that? Because that's what you would normally be doing rather than just just never. You would be sat in the dark in your little Garrett

staring at a computer screen, Googling yourself or looking up where you're charting this week. I tear a bend pouring over that kind of intimation in some detail. It's absolutely absurd. There's no way it happens. I'm sorry. And it's certainly not true that my other podcast, Be From Dairy Network, is languishingly the bottom out of the top 100 now and sort of deep into the 200s. That's not happening. That's not happening. And B, if it's happening, you don't know it's happening because you're simply not interested

in that kind of data. And that wouldn't be possible anyway, because you slave over that one that involves a huge amount of work, the soundscaping, the editing, the writing, their performance, to recruit and direct rather than just a couple of guys talking to us. But that's the, you know, that wouldn't be more popular than something you've poured blood, sweat and tears into. Well, yeah. A bit close to the bone here, Mike.

That's quite the fact that, that's the fact. But the fact is, it's more cool, isn't it, though? To be honest. It's been popular, yeah. Yeah. It's more, because that's, you know, that's got a dedicated following of people, absolutely love it.

Whereas this is a cult following, could you say, on topic, basically the three bean salad in terms of Ben's output, three bean salad is cold play, Ben is the drummer in cold play, isn't he? And his solo and his solo album. Have you heard the drummer in Coldplay's got in the album? No, I haven't. Just drums. Just drums.

It's just drums. And his second album is just sticks. It's quite fun to work out which Coldplay song he's playing actually. Oh, is that yellow? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's just, I think it's just the stool. The drum stool from yellow, I can't. But you know what't know. I think it's just the stool.

The drum stool from yellow, I can't. But you know what I actually know? I think the better, the better analogy is cold, I think, three beans out of the bend is when Anthony Hopkins turns up in a sci-fi, it's essentially it's paying the bills, it's the, but you've got to do them, it turns up, you say yes, you do it. Oh, it's another free beans out. I'll do it. But the project you really cares about, essentially, your Howard Zend. Right. Is the beef and dairy network, isn't it? Yeah, but Howard Zend was also really popular. It's more like what Anthony Hopkins really cares about is the small painted figurines he makes and tries to sell on a website. Yeah, absolutely. did figurines he makes and tries to sell on a website. If you don't even know about it.

Yeah, absolutely can't. Because it accidentally hasn't managed to get the website up online and he doesn't know that. He's literally just looking at a screen on his laptop. He thinks it's online. It isn't. He can't find it anywhere. It's completely off-grid.

It's just a JPEG made by his nephew, Stephen Quiet. Do you ever know what these things are? He says it's a JPEG. Is that right? I don't know what these things are, he says it's a J, he says it's a J, a J peg, is that right? I don't know, pegs or things you hang things up with, I don't know. But he, it's terrible in brushing that. Awful.

Also, he has your worst. But also, that was actually how he got the performance in how he got his performance so good in science of the lambs, that blood-curdling sort of chill, is because he's thinking, he channeled how angry he is about how few how few figurines he's selling. So think about it. Think about it. You'd have a quick look at the figurine data and a print of it. Well, famously the director just for those scenes where he needed to really channel it would spit into his face. You're figurine to shit. Action. Action.

Clarice. Action! Haha! Clarice! Haha! Haha! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah That glass cube was there because of the actor and the Hopkins. There was nothing to do with the character. Well sometimes they'd show him to get him really angry. They'd show him a figurine that Ian McKellen had painted in 15 minutes and sold for 10,000 pounds. And that would rival better. That one doesn't count to its fecharity. Of course people would paint a thousand pounds for two. And I don't do space orcs anyway. Fuck you McKellen. So that's true of the glass, the glass enclosure. Obviously they thought it was see-through so they wouldn't drop on film. That was the idea. Yeah. And also same go. You know the outfit he was wearing

where he's got the hockey mask, the hockey mask and he's attached to a trolley. Yeah. That's his figurine painting. So he doesn't drop nose hairs onto the hard acrylic paints. Just when they're tacky, they're going to absolutely disaster. You're back to square one. Because obviously he was working on the figurines as soon as it was a cut. He was back in his trailer working for the figurines. He gets straight in the air. He's got a full again about.

He's shifting his figurines, he'd been the outfit. And there's no way McKellen bothers with the mask. He doesn't have the level of perfectionism I have, but he's perfect. I don't understand anything. The love I've put into this, this, uh, well, he's a dwarf, he's a battle dwarf. He's a battle dwarf.

I know how, can I say, can I say battle dwarf? I know how you feel. I know how you bloody feel. And of course, when Hopkins was then given an Oscar for that performance, he was essentially been given a figurine made by someone else because absolutely livid. Absolutely livid. And I did a docksit to a penny machine made figurine. Which everyone was very excited about. It is one colour. It's not even painted. Couldn't have been more angry. He's gone too, I think.

Poor man. How's he? Yeah. Oh, it's a thumb in the eye, isn't it? So what's he won them for? He won them for science of the lamps. And for, I think the father? Oh, that's correct.

Did he win asking for that? Well, if he didn't, he should have done it. He seems to have Made the bold decision move which is to just simply not not to die and and just just keep going And he simply just becomes older sort of slightly smaller and rounder and more more sort of whittled or kind of Transportable or transportable. He's becoming more pebble-like as we've discussed before I wrote Ventually time in erosion turns everything into pebbles. He's becoming quite round five years time You'll be able to sling him. What?

Skim him across a millpony. You could. The weird thing that Hopkins has, he has actually got a passion, hasn't he, that isn't what everyone knows him for. So he does paintings, yeah. Oh, it does he. He's one of those people that thinks himself primarily as a painter, I think, which is a classic really. Really good acting. I think it's just the day job.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. You get to a level of fame where you can do the thing you actually want to do, which is never the thing you're actually doing. You know, Mike is a podcaster in this respect, but dreams of being a band-aid player. That's how he sees himself. I see myself as the, the air to earth scrugs really, a West country old scrugs. Mike, I know we don't often do this, but we've had a lot of emails about old scrugs.

Have you? Can I, have we? Well, it's for you. Oh, all right. What is a rare? What is else, grugs? Well, here we go. It's a rare.

This is such a significant bollking, It's happening outside of the email section. Rogue bollock. Oh, right. Okay. A bolluck is through the perimeter. Repeat. A bolluck is through. A bolluck has breached the perimeter. Accessing listener bollicking. Bollking loading. Bollyking loaded. Right, we've had three emails about this very topic. I'm going to read one of them out,

and you can choose which one. Do you want subject title banjo-bolic from James? Okay. Do you want Zavias banjo-bolic-bananza? Oh, golly. I like the way some great branding happening with these bollocks, by the way. They put the work in, don't they? What's number three? Number three is from Bug, and that's simply a banjo, lowercase, uppercase,

bolloking. Well, lovely. I'd love to get creative team to sit around and just come up with some logos and some visual ideas for this stuff. They think they've all got like really nice parting points. They're playing with fonts, they're playing with, like, you know, capital, pageant, capitalization, and I love it.

Great, great stuff. Yeah, which one's grabbing you, Mike? Well, I feel nervous. I feel like I'm going to yank off the plaster, and I'm going to go for the bananza. Banjo-bolic bananza. It had to be. It had to be. So Xavier from Glasgow writes, dear beans, I thought Mike to be a knowledgeable fellow when it comes to banjo styles. But after him, after hearing him speak of a Scruggs style claw hammer in your tier. So it appears it isn't so. As Henry will be delighted to hear, claw hammer is practised by the picking hand moving freely over the strings with the index middle fingers curved into the shape of a hammer's back claw. Hitting the first four strings with the back of the fingernails, dropping the

thumb onto the fifth string, which will then pluck creating a drone effect. Scroog style on the other hand is named after Eul Scroogs, who developed the effective three finger picking technique. They're mutually exclusive. Have you people ever actually enjoyed what music is about? The idea that the phrase, was it the claw of the backside of a hammer? That should be applied to music. Music is about transcendence for me. It's about reaching a higher level. This is absolutely barbaric.

He could any as well. Many Pioneer Banjo plays have blended different styles together. This is absolutely barbaric. He continues, while many pioneer bandier players have blended different styles together, it remains that claw hammer and the three fingers Scroog style are wildly opposed in terms of hardware and technique. The community is incredibly divided over it, and Scroog style players often shun claw hammer players. Please find attached a recording of an attempt

at claw hammer version of your email jingle. So we'll use that later on for the email jingle. Yeah, that's okay. But yeah, it boiled down. Yeah, you made a huge mistake, Mike. My ignorance has been exposed. Yes, I'm sorry, I am, I am banjo ignorant. I've been banged. I've been banjo ambitious. I once, I think I rewarded myself after completing a series of exams by buying myself a proper five string banjo ambitious. I once, I think I rewarded myself after completing a series of exams by buying myself a proper five string banjo and I ticked yourself banjo book and deciding that I would master it within the year. And did you get more than 7% through that book?

It did not get more than 7% through that book. It's probably 8% is where they explain the difference between the two techniques. So I am, I am Banjo, I'm Holy Banjo ignorant, and I apologize, Xavier, and I apologize to the Banjo community at large, Bollocking Bananza, fully accepted. Bollocking accepted. Mike, what's the kind of, what's the incentive to get, you know, like at the end of this process,

I'll be able to pay the banjo. Yeah. Oh yeah, keep talking. How all that, I'll be able to pay the banjo. Yeah. What will that do? Oh, yeah. Keep talking. How will that... How will that help you or anyone else? You know, like, what's the kind of... What's the upside of that?

To then understand... Understand life, the universe and everything through the medium of the banjo. Okay. An enlightenment of sort, a fire-string enlightenment. The hardest bit about learning the banjo is when you have to build the large wooden portrait in front of your house, isn't it? Which is always the first 3% of the book. You can get really bad porch calluses. You can see them on experience players. Yeah, I didn't quite manage the full, I managed a stoop as far as I could get.

And obviously the metalwork needed to create that swinging sofa thing. That's quite a lot of welding and hard metalwork. And then trying to change our residential, quite built up residential streets into a mud track that comes off a swamp. That's difficult. From which you can't see any other houses or buildings, or certainly any emergency services. And to then cut off any sort of phone lines or mobile phone contact from the area. That was exhausted. And you're just one of the chances that you will get attacked by a crocodile? Well, it's just, it's not high enough.

There's a pipe dream. There's a pipe dream. Because what you really want, ideally, is a dog. What you need is a dog and a crocodile, where the dog is small enough and the crocodile's big enough for either of them to eat each other in a pitch-street battle. To the tune of foggy mountain break. Exactly mate. Anyway, the reason why we started talking about this was because for some reason I can't remember what it was. I started talking about the podcast charts. I was because Mike was talking about the podcast, the very British cult.

But is that podcast? I really enjoyed it. And it's brilliant, but it sort of makes the point that there is a cult on your street. There's a cult around the corner. You know you might be walking by someone who's in a cult. And I really enjoyed it. And it was fascinating. But the cults that people get really excited about are the cults that are quite hard to

get up and running in Britain on the whole. The ones that have got a tank. Yeah, there's a tank, there's military level hardware and you are in the middle of a massive, you're in a factory so big you can invent your own town, for example, or a forest. We don't really have the space to be. We can manage an island, maybe a sort of tiny, hybridie in island. Again, I mean, the habitable ones, there's already some people on there that might have something to say about it. The National Trust already is out, aren't they? Exactly. The ultimate cult. The ultimate cult. Well, they are cult in a way, aren't they? Because they try and entice you in

with lemon drizzled cakes. Tick, tick. And that's what you're trying to say. That's the kind of recruitment thing, isn't it? Is the the moistness of a lemon drizzle cake in a national trust tea room? Yeah. You don't have one lemon drizzle and never return. That's you locked in. Before you know it, you're subscribing. You're signing up family members as gifts. That's what happened to me this year. I got signed up as a gift. Did you? That's what you to me this year. I got signed up as a gift. Did you? That's a trust. Recruited, isn't it? Pretty soon, Ben, you'll find yourself, you're looking the mirror one day, and you'll

realise, I'm looking at myself in the grey dusty mirror of a large stately home. I'm in the pantry of an old British daily home. I stand here for eight hours a day, occasionally fielding questions about where the toilets are, stopping children touching the harps good. Don't go past the rope. And occasionally telling people about the wonders of crenellation, of crenellation in the 17th century pantry setting. That's what my tell-all after the cult book would be called, it'd be called Beyond the Rope, Leading National Trust. My life behind the rope. So yeah, Mike, that podcast did make an interesting point where they spoke to somebody from like a cult group, NGO type thing. And they said the big thing is that even though we think of them as being these kind of wild and loony things, they are everywhere. And there's one in your town and there's one in your neighborhood. And that was the most interesting bit for me.

I just thought, that maybe we really like, it's quite chilling and look around, you know. I thought it was very good. that thing of a British cult. Although there was one thing about it though which I thought I didn't understand, which is they never said anything about it that made it very British. I don't think it was very British and the head of the cult was South African. Like it was literally nothing in that cult that was very British. Like, what was some of the contributors were British?

It happened in British. It happened in Britain. But I think there wasn't like an element of like, I don't know, what would be a very British cult? Are they saying, it was because there wasn't a great deal of fuss made about it. Well, well, they made the bomb cut. Well, they made the bomb cut.

Well, they weren't burning effigies at all. I'm sorry, there was nothing very British about it. It was well, they made the bomb toast and they weren't burning effigies. I'm sorry, there was nothing very British about it. It was quite superb. It was a South African guy who was conning people that telling them that he could make them a lot of money through investments and stuff, right? Classically British. What's more British than that? Tell me a more British tale, Henry.

Then what's more British than that? Tell me a more British tale, Henry. And, you know, so that, that, that, that cult in a very British cult. Yes, yeah. So what was, what was it again? I forgot, what was he actually offering? Like, how did it work? He was supposed to be like, I said, a self-help. Oh, that was it, yeah.

Time thing. And you, paying in, you'd get Zoom tutorials about how how to how to be the best you can be and all that kind of thing. Achieve your dreams when your plans five year plans give us a bit more dosh and we'll give you even more secrets about how to invest. But a lot of the time is invest in lighthouse, invest in this, invest in that. And then you have to go live in a house with some other people. Yeah. And then just sit on zoom listening to him talking to you all day. And that's it. And if you've got a senior enough, then you might spend a bit house with some other people. Yeah. And then just sit on Zoom listings him talking to you all day. Yeah. And that's it.

And if you've got a senior enough, then you might spend a bit of time zooming over other people to get them. You know what? I'm just remembering something which happened during that period to me, which feels like it's me trying to crowbar in doing an accent, but it's not actually. And please do say that because it doesn't feel like that now. It was around about the time I was listening to that. And I started being haunted by the ghost of Sean Connery.

And... And... Yeah, so that copy... So it was around about the time I was listening to that cult, that that show about Vibrigrigic cult about the South African Man, he ran a cult In Britain, but because there was lots of bits of him talking He was saying things like it's not about profit. It's about love you put yourself into the business and you're not about greed

It's about and then the benefits will come to you. Yes. Was that kind of thing? Yeah. Because hugely six hours of triple million a year by the time I was four years out. Yeah. You don't understand that. I understood that. I did all the usual business things and I realized what I

said. 11 years old, I had a little piffy and I realized that the wife to manage a business. Now listen, I was a big deal about about community. They understand community. You're listening community. Listen to me. Yeah. There was a lot of stuff about his business past since I was a big hitter. Oh, it was in the top rooms. I was, if there was so room

with business happening in it, and I wasn't in it, and the room was not as well, not if it's certainly not, if it's me in it, but not the window room. By the way, I'm staying above the free. What was... Oh, no. So I am... Yeah, so he'd be like, yeah, I was a corporate finance. I was there, I was the top man. I, people would come to me for all of us. And then they sent a journalist there with director to investigate his actual financial past. And it was like, yeah, we're thinking we're sold one peach.

We're not sure. He may have just handed someone a peach. But we know that we know the peach changed hands. But, uh, but it was around about that time I was dealing with a South African state agent. And it just meant that everything he said couldn't believe anything he said because he'd be like, yes I know we think the market is quite a good ton to, you know, to sell at the moment or he'd be saying that and it'd be like, get out of my head. You're banishing his pockets in case there's a peach in there.

I was like, get out of my head. You're not going, I'm not playing your game. It really did affect how I viewed him. Okay, here's the thing during them, there was a period about six or seven years ago, maybe, was it where everything on TV was cults, everyone was obsessed with cults. It was almost like we'd all suddenly become... Because we were all saying the same thing, we were all preaching from the same him sheet, every night we'd go home, we'd be like, I'm gonna watch another thing about a cult.

Oh, almost as if. Yeah, we're a cult of a cult. No, but, because, the drumber there was that period where everything was about cults. Everyone was like, I've got a lot of cool under this, sickly. No, I'm not.

This isn't ringing any bells with me. There was a thing where the water cooler conversation was like, have you watched, it's cult show. Yes, brilliant. Have you had like this other cult show? Is he even better? Oh brilliant. There was a Netflix period where Netflix decided to cut the world country. Wild world country. Yeah, that was the one. Yeah, okay. Well, well country, well country. I think it was double world. That was brilliant. But one thing that came up watching that, That was brilliant, but one thing that came up watching that, which is a conversation people have and have around cults, is, do you think you would start a cult and go to war with the FBI?

The answer is yes. The answer is, where do I sign? Well, would I join a cult? Yeah, the thing is everyone thinks the answer is no, right? But then, and by the way, just a quick one on this topic, through being said, has a Patreon. Yeah. Three tiers.

We've divided it in, we've done all the classic cult things, isn't it? We've divided a hierarchical system. And then there's a new tier called the bean rapture. That's right, bean rapture. Now that is where you sign over the deeds to your house. Yeah. Join us in the compound of your uncle's house.

You can join us in the compound where the day comes. We'll give you a pre-alert, 24 hours beforehand. As long as you're holding a can of beans, at the crucial moment when the earth is destroyed by spurbs, it will be into a huge vortex. And then obviously when bean McGuedden happens, if you're within the compound and we're transported to the final bean in the sky, that's right, we'll be transferred it up to the bean shaped spaceship. But that spaceship is not cheap to run, which is why we all know about fuel

costs running the getting the AAC running on that thing is an absolute night because it's cold powered and that's getting harder and harder as gun by. Well, exactly. The cold power but produces such excess heat that we need even more air condoms. If we're going to keep podcasting after the end of Planet Earth, which is that is the plan, isn't it, that we keep that we keep podcasts and going beyond recorded times, right? Yes. Hoping to crack into that top 10 iTunes comedy chart. Yeah. If, for example, Peter Crouch is incinerated, would that necessarily be a bad thing?

Just chat-wise. Ben, really sorry, but the latest data suggests that even though the whole of the Earth has ceased to exist for the last 20 years, three beans out is still behind Shagd-Married Anoid. We can't explain it. Mystery, but they're still getting a much bigger hit every week. And they're still managing to do an arena tour somehow. I'm not sure.

Because everything is now ash, so I don't know how that's working, but good luck to them. Yeah, but, um, so that's why you're being rapture members. Um, look, the fact is it, it's not a cult. Is it? I mean, that's, that's the truth. It's your last chance to live. It's just, it's just, it's just, we're just trying to save your life. If you want to call that a cult, then, then be our guest.

But, um, but in the meantime, it's all about nurturing the beans and cutting ties with your family. It's cutting ties with your family. Anyone that's for example doesn't like the beans. If people say, for example, say, they say the same thing to Nase, so it's the Nase, Nase, Nase, Nase, Nase, Nase, Nase, Nase, saying program. That's important. That's compulsory. It's compulsory. But if there are people around you, you might you might find they're toxic what we call toxic presences, that's people who do things like tell you that you'd be better off listening to the rest as politics or other podcasts like that. But look, by all means come to one of our meetings, it's in a's a kind of insurance, which is the best thing

that could happen, and we still have a bit of this, is the world doesn't explode. But it is going on the eyes of being in the year 2027, but it is going to. But let's put it this way, even if, so see, it's a second insurance, isn't it? You hope the plane's not going to crash but it is gonna crash in this case. So you wouldn't be insured, don't you? I don't think being insured on a plane crash makes much difference the end of the day. If I wasn't a plane that was going down,

I wouldn't be thinking, thank God I got my travel insurance, sorry. No. No. Thanks to the post office for that. What you'd be doing is going and seeing finally hat. What happened in those little metal tray things they've got at the back. No one can stop me now. I couldn't find it out.

To the slot the meal, slot through the tray to the metal tray. They've slot out the meal, what happens back there? I will take this knife, you're my dad. It's not payment. Okay, so what thing is you don't pay us to be part of the three big things. Oh, no, it's still your money. We're just looking after it. Well, it'll be ready for you in the ink of it as an invasible in a beam ship.

But the beam should say, which has the engine of a high on the I10. That's right. Several. Attempted to call. Yeah. Yeah. The your money is held simply in an account with OmniBank, which is a benevolent bank.

Yep. It's very much on-site, isn't it? We've got members of the community very, very happy OmniBank. And yes, some of that will be invested in their private military contractor program that they've got running at the moment. But they need protection too, don't they? Can't put a price on peace of mind, which is why we haven't. You will never be sold how much of your money we're taking.

You know that lovely, warm, relaxing feeling you get when you go into a restaurant and you see there's no prices on the menu? That's what we can offer you. And also, we're trying to really move it out to a system, isn't we? We're not paying because it's not a product, is it? We're not a product. We are a solution. So, what the way we think of it is, it's not as much you giving us money as us giving you financial space. Space to think. Space to relax and breathe and be unburdened by the weight of your money. You know, some people's attitude is like, I can't believe these idiots how they fall

for this stuff. Because you know, they'll be like, they'll have like weird haircuts and they've left, they don't talk to their families anymore and they're expecting to travel to space and things. But enough about the world's tech billionaires. to do that. Is that our jingle? Yes, please. Hello. Hi, Henry. I'm just editing the podcast and I've got a question for you. Okay. It's the first time ever that in the edit, I can use one of two jingles and both seem equally apt. Oh my god. So what happens is you say, oh, the thing about these cults is you've got these people with weird hair and they leave their family and they want to go to space. And then you say, anyway, enough about the world's tech billionaires.

Correct, I'm a manager. So obviously the jingles that we could use are the old switch aru because that's the it's a classic switch aru joke. But it's also satirical. Yeah. sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- sati- I'm sorry, I just need to have a seat at hand. Yeah, but cry then. Bye. Bye. Bye. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, The Olds. Sir Tyro Roo. Shh. Okay, yes, I see what you're saying, are you saying?

What? Hey. I thought he was trying to say that. Oh, he's got the other way around. He means that. Oh, that's what he meant. Now what? So, what he said before, wasn't that?

I'm not it. Now, he's got the other way around with it. Oh, God. It's the old Satya Ruru. But am I actually to my sauer's? I think I could definitely be conned to suck it into something up for a card. I think I could.

I think I've got it. In fact, I basically think anyone could. That's my view, isn't it? I think there are a lot, most people I think in their life at some point have felt the cult jinglings, but kind of related something else. So like sometimes someone will really get into exercise to the extent where it slightly feels

like they're getting into a cult, do you know what I mean? Like they're really getting to... They can't talk about anything else. Yeah, exactly. And they're just really into CrossFit, whatever it might be. Yeah. And I think when you meet those people, I think that happens to quite a lot of people and it's quite normal. You go, oh, that's what it is. It's not that far away from the normal stuff. Yeah. Oh, can I say? I've just realized something. Ben yeah this week I have in a way hadn't thought of it till now joined a cult because I now subscribe He's holding up a pret coffee cup to preta-monjee. You've broken from the shackles of Costa. But not that. It's not just that I broke from the Costa shackles.

I didn't know if you understand what I'm saying. I subscribe to preta-monjee. What do you mean? I'm now streaming coffee. I pay a monthly subscription to preta-monjee. And I can'm now streaming coffee. I pay a month of the subscription to Pretta Monge and I can have all the coffee. I can drink, thank you. Wow.

Do you understand what it did? Did you know about that? No. But essentially I have subscribed to to a cult and a former prep and the idea that, you know, one day, I'll be in a cross-h-shapes spaceship in the sky. And you'll be screwed. Two questions.

Yeah. How many coffees would you have to drink a month to be making your money back? You're making a profit. Yeah. Is it worth? So, okay, I can certainly, I've already got a sense of your attitude to any sort of buffet. Eat all you can. I'm going to keep eating, I don't care if I'm being sick at the same time, I'm going to keep eating spring rolls and peaking duck pancakes until this makes financial sense.

Well, I've talked before about how if you get the Boots of Meal deal, the best money back way of doing that is buying a tin of calmants. Which is why you make calmants, bolinets now, don't you? Yeah, so how many coffees do I can... Okay, so I haven't done the maths. It's 30 quid a month. Oh, that's quite a lot. The other thing is, they got me with the 15, they got me with the first month, this half price, classic subscription model. It's what we all do with our phone contracts. They suck you into the

nice deal. They also said, you know, yeah, essentially, yeah, so I get, they get you in, they they tempt you in with this idea that it's, well, it's infinite. No, it's not actually it's five drinks a day, right? But five coffees a day is a dangerous amount of coffee. That's the only thing I can think of. What most people, yeah, it's a little, it's four kills you. So you're dead on foot. They've made it one more than death. So you need an assistant to get the fifth round. Yeah, you're making, you're just making a point. Yeah. So it's five a day.

What I found is, once you're subscribing, it is a bit like, probably a bit like a member of cult, because all I can think about now is pret and if I'm getting my money, I need to have more pret. I need to have more, I need to be pret. And it's like a beacon calling out to you all the time. Also, a bit like a cult, I have cut off my previous, and I won't go to a costar now. I've cut off my previous family, and it was like a family.

A family of indifferent sort of short-term contract workers, who didn't, who never said hello to me or remembered me, but it was still a family. Well, family's a complex, aren't they? Family's a complex. What would happen if you walked into a costanade where they'd just spit at you? Get out.

Get out. You have the mark of pret on you. I can smell it on you. Or they locked the doors behind you and try and save you. I would never go, basically, I would never happen, I would never go into a custom app because essentially I now, it's a complete waste, I'm throwing away double the money. If I buy a coffee and I'm throwing away double the money because I've paid, I've got good coffee, I've paid for elsewhere. They've put me buying coffee here when I'm ready paying, I've got a pay Peterpeater ample, I just want a coffee.

You know what I'm saying? And that mock is just going to taste of betrayal, isn't it? Also, Pratt have kind of got you on the hook for, now you're going in there five times a day. You're going to be buying the breakfast porridge, the posh-shed sandwich at lunchtime. Yeah, you might as well. Can I say, yes, except, yes, breakfast proj but breakfast proj in the sense of the

new pret bacon and egg roll which I've eaten every day I think since I joined since I became a subscriber. And that's not included in the subscription. No you get 10% off which sort of isn't. But so what's happening is I'm drinking so much coffee. If that was why it's feeling unwell at the beginning of the podcast, I had to open the window. It was partly because I've had to, I've had to, this is my second prep, prep coffee of the day that I'm drinking now. Also, last week during a hot spell, I was drinking so many of the iced oat milk latte. So iced oat milk latte, that's the drink of the summer,

by the way. Okay. There's a song of the summer, the drink of the summer is, all the cool people in London are drinking. Here's oat milk iced latte. But I was drinking so many oat milk iced lattes. I was starting to feel sick.

And I've had to then just completely stop drinking them. But I was drinking three a day. And I started to kind of feel this sickly brown, sweet sickly. There's all this brown, I have this sense of all this brown sick. You probably sort of a stank of baby sick. I would have stank of, you know, sort of milky sweet. I had a really baby sick vibe to it. So it was that sickly milky, claggy, sweet, sweet brown,

too much brown sweet stuff in me. You know, like nutty hazelnutty, chocolatey brown, all that kind of things. And I started to feel sick with it. And like a baby, you would throw your arms around someone and just puked on their back, couldn't you? It's puked on their back. back. And also, I've been going to pray so much that, say for example, today, something that's never happened to me in my life,

I was the first customer in a prayer. At about 6.30 this morning. That's 6.30. You've got to start. You've got to start hitting those coffees early. I'm sorry. Oh, I agree. We need to stage an intervention of some sort. So I was the first person in the Pratt. And that meant that I got to see you as a special boy.

I was a special boy. I got to break through the pastry carapace over the door. I got to break the crass, the morning crass, I'd break through. It was me. I got to see things crust, the morning crust, I broke through. It was me. I got to see things I've never seen. So they were laying out the sandwiches. And also because it was so early, I got to see, I got to glimpse through a bit of the

prep I've never seen, which is I got to see into the kitchen bit, which you didn't normally see. I got, because clearly this sort of setting thing up. And it wasn't what I expected to see at all. You expecting some fresh rows of French bulanges. I was expecting it like a busy French Brasserie kitchen. Rustic wooden benches. Wooden benches.

Hams, aging, hanging from the ceiling, fesant. Rather than the back of a lorry spewing its components into a warehouse room. Exactly. I think you put it to a giant microwave. It was a kind of a metal, it was just a very metal. Yeah, it was actually weirdly, it was a bit like that the metal bit, that those trays at the back of a plane,

it was like a sort of metal unit with just kind of trays of paint, you know, trays of dough, trays of differently shaped dough, trays of another shape of dough, just it was very mechanized, it was a trays of dough going in, trays of crossholes going out. It wasn't Ben as you say like an apple-cheeked boy as you say, like an apple-cheeked boy, munching the top of a cross-aw while having his hair toubled by... by a... A flower-covered wench.

A flower-covered wench. In her turn, having her ear nuzzled by a... a French member of the French Razi stars. On the back of a shy horse. On the back of a shy horse. The shy horse, of course, was a double agent, and all of those people ended up being handed everything to the official authorities. And that's why you've got to be so careful.

You've got to be so careful. I've been subscribing to a count. Time to read your emails and instead of using the usual email jingle, we've had a version of it sent in by Xavier who earlier dealt out to Mike the Banjo-Bolic Bonanza, which Mike so humbly I would say, accepted. Thank you for giving me a fee on the grounds of you. Well as well as sending us the Bonotteblanzer, he also writes, please find attached a dreadful recording of an attempt to say Chlorhammer version of your email jingle using my trusty old 1970s

framass long neck banjo in standard F tuning. Lovely. Thank you. So we'll be edified as well. Let's give it a listen. Thank you, so be edified as well It's a double-leaf shite. When you're singing it, it's right on to your face. Like a melody of shilling out. Nice! So nice.

Lovely. Enjoyed that? There's a weird thing that's there with that jingle that jingle where obviously the genre in which I wrote it, you'd describe as, I don't know, bossan over, bossan over, future clash. Then I'd love to see the documentary one day about how you wrote the jingles and I hope like all music documentaries will feature you sitting by a piano quite casually just with a finger just tapping a key and talking about how it came to you. I know that way people do because what they like to do is in music documentaries they'll go what came to you first was just was just two notes. And then I started to feel it was more like, then they're

sure of doing it relatively, really beautifully. Will you do that then? Yes. And then it cuts to, then it cuts to talking head with Niles Rogers. You've got to have Nile's Rogers. Is that what he's called? I think he's called Nile Rogers, isn't it? I think he's called Nile Roger. I always get the singularity of names wrong. I can't do anything about that, Mike. It's Nile Rogers. Nile Rogers. It's Nile Rogers.

Nile Rogers. It's about time actually that we publicly acknowledge that our nodules is writing one of the Yeah And of course Bernie topin writes the the words to the listening I'm not sure who Bernie topin is he writes all the words for Elton John Of course, and I think it's for now it's to open. Okay, Bernie topin It's pronounced torpin. Okay. Bernie torpin.

Bernie's torpin. Bernie's terrapin. It's amazing, you think that all of Elton Jones on 90% of Elton Jones lyrics are written by Bernie's terrapin, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, the fact they're written by a terrapin will explain some of the lyrics not making huge amounts of sense.

And I suppose crock, or at least crock, I'll rock. I suppose, as a terrapin, crocodile's ass, something you think about. The same thing you worry about them. Michael from London writes, dear beans, the other day I was listening to three bean saddles on a train heading into Waterloo. In the episode Henry says the word, Nile Woll, a few times. However, his pronunciation of Nakhwoll, However, his pronunciation of naqwal. Naqwal.

Yeah. Made me chuckle quite a bit. Naqwal. Naqwal. Yeah. I started to say naqwal out loud, which brought me immense joy. Good. After a few seconds of genuine fun, I noticed a mother move her child to another set

of doors away from me whilst they out loud. Let's just head this way dear. I can only imagine that saying, Nakhwel out loud out of the blue caused a fair amount of concern slash distress for a young parent. I'll be careful not to say it again on any more trains. Best Michael from London. You lean into it Michael, if that's what gets you through the commute, you go for it. Paul emails, dear beans, on holiday in the lecture streak this week,

I curled up in a puddle of sunshine on a sofa. Oh, it sounds nice. To listen to the latest episode of Three Beans salad. Soon I was overcome by drowsiness. It has been known to have that effect. The past. Enhanced somewhat by the puddle of sunshine. I'll say.

Not due to the soprophic nature of the podcast. Oh. But rather because I had done a long walk in the morning, drunk a couple of pints at lunchtime, because I'm a middle-aged man. Just as Mistress Sleep was about to fully embrace me in her loving arms, I was wrenched from ice lumbars by what sounded like someone shouting my name to the tune of I of the tiger. Had I been dreaming, I rewound the pod again, listened again, and confirmed that Henry was not the only one to think that when Ben shouted Lens, Lens, Lens. He actually

shouted, Lens, Lens, Lens. Kind regards. Paul Lens. That's not a super, super, super email. I wonder, we can ask Paulins, if he's an opposition, get back in touch. If not, just simply don't reply. Or a photographer? Or a photographer. Because you do get people, don't you, have the surname that's quite relevant to the job they do? It's called nomative detomanism. Oh yeah.

So, for example, I am a partridge hunter. Yeah. And you pack the partridge hunter. Yeah. And you pack the partridgees for sale. That's right. For the purposes of Wasney Hacking, which is trying to go on a date with Caroline Wasney Hacking. Whose Caroline Wasney Hacking?

If you're a tennis player, I've made up her first name. Yes, so other examples of, I know some good examples of non-hideterminism. Yeah. One is Boris Johnson, because he thought with his Johnson when he was making his policies. Oh, more Saturday, lovely. Someone's in the door. I think it's the satire, please, hang on. Oh my god, I'm just, oh, it's terrible.

I'm reading a terrible thing on BBC News. It's breaking news. The country's gone to Amber Alert because a truth bomb has gone off in London. He's like, that's been, that hasn't come back. No, it was left here, it was gone. Is that, he's like,

he's like, is that what Ben says now he gets me embarrassed when he has to go to the toilet? He says that it's a satire place and goes away for 10 to 15 minutes. Now what's some other good ones? He's sometimes, what's funny is on the news when they're interviewing someone and they have to not make a joke of it because they're talking about the news.

So they'll be like, and now we turn over to our munitions expert, Peter handgun. And then he's got to keep talking and not make a joke of it. Do you know what I mean? Because bees has been through it. He's been through it countless times. Yeah. The hell is going on? I've been had a genuine people at the door. Yeah. Here he is. Hello. I bet, I bet. I'm lacking now after running up the stairs. It's just been the toilet. No, where have you been? The door, well.

I did actually go. Yeah. Hang on, so have you got an upstairs toilet? I didn't go to the toilet. What I have to do with I'm so sorry. Yes. Yeah, that was a double buff, I was testing. So you just pop the door, sign for a bag, and then the toilet and came down, is that right?

He's saying we delivered a toilet to you. Abstets. Was it someone at the door? Yes. It was it someone at the door? Yes. So, how, see, are you in a basement right now, does that mean? No, I'm upstairs. Yeah. Yeah, then you went to the downstairs. Oh, then you ran upstairs.

Oh, if somebody thought you'd run, upstairs, then downstairs, which went either in a basement or your front door was accessed by some sort of crane. But what it's like to us to do is where my toilet might be. Or great questions. It's time to pay the ferryman. Patreon Patreon.com 4-Sash 3-B Salad Thank you to everyone who signed up to our Patreon. Thank you. We've got the various tiers. The top tier, of course, is the Rapture tier. Yeah. The Rapture tier, yeah. And thanks to everyone who signed up with that tier. Of course,

at other tiers lower down, you get ad free episodes, you get our monthly bonus episode. And at the Sean Bean tier, you of course get a shout out from Mike from the Sean Bean lounge. And that's where you were last night, wasn't it Mike? Sure was old, buddy.

And it was a bit of, it was on this sort of health and safety gone mad moments yesterday, wasn't it, because of course, it was the emergency lack of work training It was thank you Henry and and here's my report There was a three-line whip at the Sean Bean lounge last night for emergency lack of work training The emergency lack of work inquiry commissioned by JP with the blessing of Sean Bean and conducted by the emergency lack of work Committee chaired by Jessica Trashel had its first draft report leaked by Kai Pritchard as a favor to Michael

who'd heard from Tetov that he'd been named in it by Alec Crawford as the whistleblower reported upon by Ruth Boyd in the Bean Lounge Gazette who'd claimed that Sean Bean hasn't worn trousers for 14 years, and instead has been having his legs varnished with a chin-o-finish by Paul Roundtree. That turned out to be unfounded, but Jamie Spears, the only person who could be bothered to read the report passed the first three lines, noted that no provision had been made for emergency lack-work in the event of a lack-emergency in the Bean Lounge since 1842. Roll and Young ran this up the flagpole upon which Sean Bean was sitting, lacquering the pole on his descent to be on the safe side, and Sean Bean declared

that a state of lack-abased preparedness was that evening's primary objective. The furnishings being perfect, it was decided that training should be conducted upon Sean being lounges, who Mouli Zero felt were in need of a more glossy luster. Brendan Roberts was sanded down by a Becky I Lucas Jasper with fine grain paper. While Alexander Penny had his holes filled in with grain filler and bits of colline roddock. Brittany's homemade nitracellia lose lacquer was first applied by spray can onto Bryce Ferguson, but the can was too far away and Bryce began to dimple, an adorable yet flawed result. Eleanor Lukas went in too close on Michael Morgan, causing streaking, causing Chris Kailar to nickname Michael the Bean Lounge Tiger, which was misunderstood by Justin Horsberg,

who declared the spot Michael was standing on to be a protected nature reserve. Around which Victoria Sims probably built a 12-foot-eye anti-poacher fence, which was patchyly lacquered by Paul Oltjavi before being sand-lasted and resealed by Cameron Franklin before being lacquered expertly by Rebecca Barton. Paranjou Andrew ticked off a lifelong ambition by opening a Tiger Safari tour company, whose first customer, David Cartilage, ignored the advice about keeping limbs inside the vehicle and was promptly dragged off and presumably eaten. Thanks all. That's the point. And to play us out, a version of our theme tune sent in by Chris in Bremen, hellowbeans, please find the touch of my submission for your theme tune played on my face.

I've not heard it yet, so it's my turn. It's great. Thank you for that. And thank you everyone for the speech. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.