Three Bean Salad - Elvis

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

It’s widely accepted that if Elvis Presley were alive today he would have made a really decent podcaster. Where better then to discuss his life and legacy than on a podcast which, at the time of writing, is ranked as Finland’s 245th most popular sleep aid? Thanks to Dan (presumably of Bremen) for feeding The King into the bean machine.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch: [e-mail] @beansaladpod

So where? Banta is Go. We took a make a task just then. Well we were because we were trying to be quite sensitive to you because you were out of the room. Okay. We were waiting. Because being the sort of Go Getter you wanted us to meet at a crack of half past nine

today. It's now knocking on the door of 10 past 10. Where is it? We're in the door. We're in the door. We're in the door. We're in the whole. We've been invited in. And it's that point of, um, do you put the codes in a separate room? Do you get a shoe rack? Do you get a little bowl for your keys or is that suggestive? Is that suggestive? I need nibbles. I need nibbles with the next minute or two, I'm going to have some sort of panic attack. Do you get a whole fridge? What do you do? Chris Pzenke's in the bowl, perhaps. Chris Pzenke's in the bowl, everything in the bowl. Henry, thanks for coming. Do you want to tour the house? You know what, I'd love that. Is it shoes off, shoes on, one shoe off, your shoes on?

Just shoes, just wear shoes, only shoes on. And if you can, walk in your hands. Can I just say, and loads of our listeners will fall into this category. People who wear their outdoor shoes around their house are animals who shouldn't be allowed access to the NHS. Right, that is my family and it's entirety. Yeah, exactly, that's what I'm doing. Do you want me to contact my parents who are both in their 80s right now

and tell them the news about the NHS? Can't talk of contact with them. One of my family works in the NHS. This is going to be quite hard to... Yeah, I do. It's going to be quite hard to go. It's very, very difficult. It's going to be very difficult to navigate, isn't it? Yeah. So, what are your policies, Mike and Ben?

Where shoes, wherever you like, any kind of shoes, whether shoes way you want on your body? Yeah. It could be a soiled desert boot. Yeah. That's fine. It could be a slick wet wader. It could be a ballet shoe. We don't mind. We don't mind where it's been

stable stable moccasins. A stave moccasins are also welcome. There are no boots, scrapers anywhere nearby. Can I can I ask you a second question? Not that I asked the first one I like that going straight in on the second ball. That's very unsettling. That's a very good sort of move rhetorically. You've got a sort of see group police move, I think, the Tarreration move. Or it feels quite bullying then club to me. It's quite sort of debating society. It may seem wonder if you've already answered the first question by mistake. You've got it wrong. So, you got us. Okay, I guess I'm going to make a second proclamation and let's see if you fall within that proclamation as as Mike did for the first one. Yeah.

There's something that I see quite a lot that happens in American television programs where somebody will get on their bed wearing their shoes and that makes me think not only should that person not have access to the NHS. The NHS should be working against their health somehow. Hang on, but are the shoes dangling over the edge, crucially? Or are they getting into bed? No, they're like on the doof. That can be...

No, that is gross. I'm on board with finding that gross, because I'm doing it. I'm not sure that I necessarily find it gross. I think I find it peculiar, because Pam doesn't take her paws off when she gets into bed. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, dog does it. Ben's debating skills are completely skewed you again. He's completely cornered you. I can't even see it. I can't think of anything that would be wrong. If a dog can do it, then I think it should be fine. There we go. You have to adopt that position. I'm entrenched. Ben's forced to do the only way for you to

continue this argument is you're completely entrenched. In dog Prime Minister, yes, we should be able to have a dog Prime Minister, a dog to have the drive. He should be able to eat a cow pat during National and yes, that should be able to have a dog by minister, a doctor at the drive. He should be able to eat a cow pat during national and yes, that should be fine. Dog law enforcement, that's right, the dogs, it should be Sniffer humans and the dog is in charge of the human and Sniffer humans should be in all the airports in the country. Marshall by delightful spaniels,

who have to stand up right, using special calipers for which cost absolutely fortune. We can have to make them. Well, we're going to save money by cutting out people from the NHS who wear shoes, indoors, and then, so the whole thing becomes actually costed that way. Hang on a minute, this actually might start to work. It might be that, because when Ben takes you on in this way, either nine times out of ten he beats you,

but once in a while, you come up with a society changing idea. Is this Ben's manifesto? Is that what's being snuck in here under the radar? Once in a while, you come up with a society changing idea. Is this Ben's manifesto? Is that what's being snuck in here under the radar? Am I there? Folk Bonderman. Shoes for dogs. Horses already have kind of shoes in the form of hoves, right? So you don't have to worry about hoes.

Well, Henry, they have shoes in the form of shoes. But any indoor animals should be wearing shoes outside or slippers inside. Slippers for horses. When they're in the windows. When they're in the stables. And for daddy long legs, if they come into your bathroom. Crocs for crocs.

And that was good. That last one, wasn't it? Didn't like it. Big glib, sorry. I just mind it. No, it's a bend, but here's my position on this. I've gone through a few different phases, actually. But generally speaking, I think it's okay to use indoors.

I think I've got this from my parents, but my main argument, because I've cut out, I was a bump top against people who don't agree with that. My main argument is always, but you don't go around licking the floor. It's quite good. Yeah. You don't go around any hands and knees licking the floor. Whereas Mike's point of view is much more, a dog will lick the floor, I will lick the floor.

Haha. Just stand by. I'm only ill. It's three out of every 12 months of the year. People actually ask us don't they with the podcast, why do you take a month off every two months? And it's the floor link. Because at that point, Mike has built up enough bacteria in his body that he kind of just, I'm overwhelmed. Yeah.

Yeah. It's my little mini-sepsis sabbatical. And obviously you have to have one of those cones, don't you, around your neck when you're on? I do, I do. No matter what's wrong with one of those cones. You get used to them, though. They've got quite got acoustics. Yeah.

For the podcasting, a podcast into the most. You find the possesses, I think, to Rory Stewart in this kind of amazing, so I'm saying. Politics. Think about politics, is that the things I've always said, that's a very political pot. Is that quite good? That's very good.

That's quite good. It's the days instead of days, isn't it? The thing is that I'm trying to make a political point here. I don't want it. No, no, no. He's a very soft consonant, doesn't he? He's a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very cool guy sort of transatlanticist continent at some point is trying to deposh himself and it's it's backfired and it's stuck. What was it he can't say the way political, which is the way he has to say the most often on his podcast. For listeners not in the UK, worry Stewart is our equivalent

of Obama. Yeah. Yeah. There's a former he's fairly central leaning Tory MP who is charmed the nation. Yeah. He's just former, he's a fairly central leaning Tori MP, who is Charmed the nation. Yes, Charmed the nation. But he's just got to think, just his unbelievably posh voice, but he's incredibly, occasionally, I'll say a word in a really weird way. And often it's political, political, political, political.

It's very, what's mesmerizing. But he's got that because he's got the incredible posh man life of every day he's flying to a different country, often in the Middle East. So he's like an international person, right? He's an international person exactly. So he's sort of... Jedder, Kuala Lumpur, Bazarur, and Hitler Hill always said, and we've never heard of, he never heard it said, so he was in Bazarolos. And he's also because he's so posh that he's always been, he's always had the most incredible week. Yes, when they catch up, because when we catch up,

it's normally like, something's happened with Ben's high and die. Not that much. I just like off-mic shoes. I'm still struggling to get in touch with my personal trainer. And we're now in week four, Henry Beefcake journey. But whereas, before we stood, it's always like, yeah, yeah, I was in, I was in Sunsabor, and I was meeting was really like,

just really interesting, like political meetings I wasn't having, and he's always been having meetings and he's always just the most incredible thing he's done in the last week. He's always met someone extraordinary as well. Yeah, so he's always, he's a reformed militiaman, or Lord. Yeah, or campaigning tribal leader.

And also he'll also quite often casually introduce a new hobby that if I did it, it would take my whole life that he's deeply into. So I was, yeah, I was restoring some cave paintings in... I mean, he's railed. In Israel. And it was really interesting. And there's a really interesting political,

political scene there and there. I do, I was thinking about him because, so there's a really interesting political, political scene there and... I do, I was thinking about him because so, for I listen to the suit, don't... No, he does a podcast that I think we all listen to occasionally. I like going off, but I dip in it out. It's called the rest is politics. The last thing they need is a plug from us. I've got it. They're huge.

They're super huge. It's always true in us to gamble, but always true is this, it's sort of weird, posh man who lives a life that no one else in the world lives. He's very casually lives just an exceptionally mindble. I mean, one week, I would be dining off for the rest of the minute, the stuff gets up in one week.

But what I was thinking about him is, does he ever have to like tie the up his kitchen? Like the stuff I seem to film all my But what I was thinking about him is, does he ever have to tidy up his kitchen? The stuff I seem to film all my time doing, which is just like, oh yeah, tidy up your kitchen. I've got to put this over there. I've got to pick this up and put that over there. I know, and I think about that kind of stuff sometimes. But I think I've gone too far the wrong way.

I think I take too much comfort in the fact that I have to take the bins out once a week. That's why I'm not really getting anything else done. Yes, because it takes you six days, doesn't it? It takes you six days. By the time you've actually taken them out, you've got to have almost time to restart, because you alphabetise all your... You probably don't need to alphabetise it.

Well, it doesn't say that I don't need to anywhere on the website. It doesn't say you don't need to. Or on the bed itself. It says it on the weather isn't even a website. Because I've kind of managed not to advertise that. Well, it doesn't say that I don't need to anywhere on the website. It doesn't say you don't need to. Or on the bed itself. It says it on the weather isn't even a website. Because I've kind of managed not to do anything this week, but it's okay because I did have to move, I've left it from Virgin Media that I've left on the stairs up into my bedroom where I have a little folder for those things.

Well, you could not read it. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the last week. Okay. That's for my good. If I either of you just heard a very, very loud, yes mechanical sound. Oh, of course, yeah, huge, huge interest.

It's where we stew on a tiny helicopter. So that's the last week I was, I was riding a, a, Central London with the Render Modi. I was painting a portrait of Harold Millin on an egg. It's something I do. It's something I just occasionally do on Thursdays. Yeah, he never, when does he say, yeah, last week, I moved my oven gloves from the kitchen side to the sort of mini towel rail thing

you've got attached to an oven, and I slotted it through. Yeah. I went to the dry cleaners to pick up that suit that I'd left there eight months ago to see if it was still there, and it wasn't still there, and it didn't mean to me. So that is it.

Henry, is it, sorry, is it possible if you did close a window or something? Or to shoot down robbery. Yeah, I actually got shot by a bull podcast last time. I'm actually suck at the bullet out of my leg using a technique I learnt from Gordon Brown. Okay, give me a sec. Mikey showed all the hallmarks of just carrying on. Very much so. Here we go.

Henry now has found treated podcast booths. How does it sound? No. It's still pretty loud, but it's audible, but not overwhelming. People doing things to bushes, there's nothing you can do about that, I don't think. Not in this country, not yet. No, I need a scratch. That just reminded me of the time when I left a shirt in a dry cleaners for a whole year

in Edinburgh. And I went back the next year and got, did you get, were you not involved in that, mate? For the following festival. That does ring a bell. I think you didn't pick it up for me or something. That does ring a bell, mate. Or maybe I asked you to. That sounds like the sort of thing that, yeah, that you would have get someone like me to do for you. Yeah, it's a classic mic type.

So you'd probably too busy living up the levier logo at the time. Exactly, it's about. Yeah, mics are good egg. It will, uh, mics fantastically dull and probably do. Yeah, it's fine. It's supernably dull. You'd probably be, you'd probablynated because it'll be given the opportunity to go to different bit of energy that he's never seen before. He'll probably chuckle under his breath. I mean, I feel more Henry. He'll pull out. Silly sausage, but partly I'll be thinking, I wish I could be a silly sausage like that.

I can barely straight down the middle sausage. LAUGHTER I mean, I'm serious. A solemn sausage. A solemn... LAUGHTER And a solemn sausage. Hello, I've got a ticket here for a shirt that was dropped off over a year ago.

So, any chance you... LAUGHTER That person must have been a late character and make yourself said. Oh yes, he's a silly sausage all right. Yeah, on top of silly sausages in Scotland. Oh, I see no. Just maybe think of blonde sausages. Who had a blonde sausage?

A square. Yeah. Yeah. I want a Saturday. I want a Saturday. You have a sausage. A square. Yeah. Yeah. I want to have a sausage in Scotland. I want to have a fried in Scotland, a full Scottish. For our listeners, wherever you are in the British Isles, there's a full English, full Welsh, full Scottish. You always have one variation on the central

theme. Central theme, the Constans are, what egg beans, bacon, mushrooms and a lot of the mountains out, and then what are the variations again? Lava bread and Wales. Lava bread and Wales. Sort of. I mean, no. I would say there isn't really a full Welsh, it's a not a full Welsh. Well it's aimed at the English tourist I think on the whole. It's aimed at the English tourist in a little rain soaked air being being a full world. Well, it's aimed at the English tourist, I think, on the whole. There's a semi-to-the-English tourist in a little rain-soaked Airbnb in Aberystwyth. But I think in Scotland, in Ireland, you get the potato-file, I think it's called, which is like a...

Oh, yeah, lovely. It's like a bread potato sort of rammed through it. Yeah. Bloody good that, I'm saying so far. And Scotland, you get the lawn sausage? Well, yeah, and also they'll give you that pudding and stuff sometimes. But I once had a full sausage in Scotland.

I always go for the lawn sausage. I like it. Square, which is a bit weird, because it's the same as the shape as bread, which is a bit odd. So in theory, you can line it up perfectly on top of your bread. It's a sausage burger. Is a sausage, yeah, and create the sort

of the perfect sausage burger? It's a sausage, but is a sausage patty isn't it? A square-doll sausage patty and a square of sausage patty? So what do you say? Yeah. But it also has a grainy texture to it. I don't know what that is, but it's got some grainy in it.

Sand. Probably sand. Yeah, a bit of grit. Ass fault. But anyway, I once had run and there was like, I went for the long sausage, but there was like seven of them on the moment. It was just her own, okay.

Because there was seven long sausages on my plate. Seven? Yeah. The thing was, at the end of the day, I thought, oh, you there were seven lawn sausages on my plate. Seven? Yeah. The thing was, it's the end of the day, you look a bit of a character. Cool. We got a special, with people like you, not like that. Who is that? Absolutely, a mustacheo drip.

It's not like that right now, you know. Do you feel sorry for you? Can I say, I admire you, I admire you for what you're doing for that man. Yeah. You take a few sausages on that. I can do it myself. I can do it myself. I don't do anything.

You'll never guess what I, you'll never get off. I'm struggling here boys. You'll never get to lean in. You'll never get to what they found them doing earlier in the toilet. He was lapping from the ball and I said, what are you doing? He said, if a dog does it, I do it. Let's try this. You see that's not eccentric. That's just strange.

Whereas you've got the balance just writes and just write. That's why it's the people who have Scotland. So for the time, I'm just going to take my travel. Mummy travel. I'm going to get my travel. I'm going to get my travel. The dinner's just sort of serial killer. I know, it's time for you to meet Mummy travel.

I'm going to take my meet and I'm going to chop you off a nice seven tails of a lot of sausage meat for your troubles. At that point I was thinking, I wish I was in the toilet right now, I was drinking from the bowl. But I wasn't next thing. But it was all piled up on my plate, right? He's a monster. And there's a peculiar, I didn't know what the evolutionary explanation is, but there's a peculiar thing I've noticed, which is food through sheer quantity can suddenly become disgusting, you know, like repulsive to the human body. So I once made an omelette that was so big.

It was an abomination before God. I was an abomination. No one should have made an omelette this big. Who do I think I am? God. I mean, obviously God makes om, I was almost fucking time. I was on holiday with a friend in a cottage in Cornwall. And I thought, and I thought, you know what, I'm going to be, here's sometimes you're on holiday and you think, I'm going to be the holiday hero today by cooking one of my classics and doing a really good job of it.

And I was really into it. I thought, I thought, I know, I know, I know to make a good omelette. I saw how to do it on tether. Little bit of butter. Little bit of olive oil. Heat it up well hot in the pan. And then you crack the except for the olive oil, whisk them up. Do I need to do this? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, was by the holiday by snake bites. Snake bites, tsunamis, the tsunami. Bouts of gastroenteritis.

Yeah, it works for everything. It works for everything. Twice is big, twice is good. Anyway, so I made this colossal omelette. And it was packed full of mushrooms, onions, chopped up tomatoes, cheese, there may be some leaks in there. But what happened was, actually, you know what, we're back to the old, the fact that you

can't have ants that are ginormous, paradigm. That's what I'm waiting for. That's too big for the pan. We collapse under its own weight. Collapse under its own weight, essentially. Because essentially what happens is the filling of the omelette, it's bigger and bigger and bigger, but the sort of skin, the egg skin, the egg skin of the omelette doesn't expand in the same ratio or whatever. So does it end it up, I put it on a plate huge. It was like a big old, like size 12 trainer,

like an old shoe, like in a cupboard, but I made a egg, that's what it looked like. Is it sat on your plate? Because it's huge, I gave everyone a huge chunk. What kind of shoe are we talking? Sort of mid 90s high tech. Like a sort of Jerry Seinfeld white trainer. I'm thinking like a knackered old high tech trainer that it'll be nearly

through it away at a point, but you kept it for doing the most toxic jobs. So cleaning out of bin, cleaning out of bin from the inside, out of the dicing trash, kicking a turn down the bog. Yeah, so just like a toxic task trainer, but there's become bloated with time and moisture and sort of floppy. So it's sort of sat on the plate in this really unappealing way, and then it's in and spilled out like a very sort of wet, unstructured burrito. Old seal carcass being said. Old seal carcass. Yeah.

Punctured by a beak. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's a vibe. But instead of seal innards, it was, it was mushrooms and various, some mixed veg and cheese spilling out. Possibly a bit of league. Possibly a bit of league if you've been paying attention. Anyway, that was when I learned that day

that just shit quantity can make something gross. And the same thing happened with these lawn sausages. There were so many of them that I freaked out. And then, the trouble is I'd created a nice rapport with the woman in the cafe. So I thought, what the hell am I gonna do? I've got seven bits of lawn sausage. Now this actually, I had a, I had a,

I had a similar problem. He didn't want to be one of those Southern English words. Exactly. There's a lot riding on it politically. Politically. A lot of political, a lot of political. There's, I don't want to be on the exact

Southern English twat that we're neat there. There's sausages. Maybe it was a way of testing me. Anyway. You've taken everything else from this country. You may as well have seven lone sausages. LAUGHTER See how you're have seven lawn sausages. See how you like seven of these. I should tell them a seven barons tonight there will be no links for

them. For the English you have taken it. Oh yeah one of them's quite nice, yeah. Two, maybe a de push. Three's a bit much. Seven. Oh, you poor little pretty fool. Seven for the seven men of the Macdonald clan. You fell at your hand at Bunock Bun. Seven for each man. Seven for each man.

Seven for each man. Seven for each man. Seven for each man. Seven for each million people that watched Braveheart on its first weekend! I'm sorry Scotland. A deep and heartfelt apology to everyone listening in Scotland. I've been in that situation before, but another time I was able to solve it, which was when I was at Hay Festival. You finally found a place to hide the sausages. Inside Margaret Atwood's hat. Add some room in Hay where I was taking it in a bed, being with it with, not with it like for Lord Lady, it was the B&B of a, of a delightful Lord Lady. And she gave me breakfast. I had a similar thing which I sometimes have, which is... Did you ever have this, which is a sudden meat freak out? Which is like, yeah, there's meat in front of me. I'm sort of contractually or socially obliged to eat this meat.

And then suddenly something in my body goes, but is this meat okay? And I have a complete meat freak out. But it's almost like the more the social pressure to eat the meat, the more like I am to freak out. Have you had a similar thing, Ben? And no, my meat freak out is I have like a little moment of being like, I think I should be a vegan. This is awful. What the hell are we doing? Yeah. I can see little weird glands in this.

Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, and then you're like, what am I thinking? It's perfectly fine to have my entire body injected into a hog and eat it from the inside. Eat it from the inside out on my birthday. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really.

I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really.

I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know what your phone's you really. I don't know'm going to tell you about. So sometimes they'll be meeting in front of me. So I had it with this BMW old lady in Hey. I was looking at the bacon and was like, hang on, I just got feeling this bacon is totally rancid and weird. I don't think she knows it's weird.

It could be that it's been in her family for years. It could be like, I've been passed down for generations. It's come from a great angle's ladder. But so what I did in that situation was literally as if it was in an episode of one foot in the grave, and literally fed it to the dog wash. Every time she turned to look out the window, I gave a bit to the dog. As she watched you from the perfect reflection of the double glazing? That she'd had installed just for that purpose. Yeah. I'll just see what you think.

You're on a funnel beans down the dog's face. The point of cup of tea, a full cup of tea. Just a good measure. They're rolling up a cup into the financial times to push them into. And the other time I had that meat freak out, weirdly, was eating a burger at an Elvis Presley look like festival in Wales.

In Portugal? Yeah, Portugal. Did you go? I went to that. It was happening in the area and I thought, I'll go to that. I mean, yeah. And again, I got a burger there, which I just had a meat freak out. I had there, which I had a meat freak out. I had one bite and I had meat freak out. Is it because Elvis, you know, Ata Berger and they died on the toilet?

Is it? I think it, yeah. And it was the Elvis, the Elvis death burger toilet, a van. It was wrong. Was it when I watched death burger era Elvis as well Yeah, as well. It was being impersonated. Exactly. Have you been to that festival, Mike? No, I mean, I would go there like a shot. It is wonderful. It's very cool.

It's very, very cool. I remember I went on to a garlic evening where different Elvis' came out, representing different eras of Elvis. Lovely. And the final Elvis was kind of like slightly corpulant Elvis, you know, 70s Elvis. And he was really good. Almost the point where you're like, I'm almost suspending disbelief here. Like I can.

Wow. Yeah. I'm sort of getting into the idea that this guy is Elvis. He's that good. So this is brilliant. He lives. Yeah. And then he started with like a three songs in a row.

And then he finished the third song and went, thank you very much. Thank you. Right. Who wants a fridge magnet? in a row and then he finished the third song and went, thank you very much, thank you, right? Who wants a fridge magnet? And so I'm joking, fridge magnets of himself into the crowd. And it was fair to say that the veil of disbelief returned. Because obviously Elveth had someone else to sell his fridge magnets, didn't he? That was like,

you had a whole team, whole team in the lobby where we lobby, wherever we start throwing fridge magnets into the crowd at live shows. Oh, that's not a bad idea. It was not a steal that I love that. It's quite a high risk thing to toss into a crowd, isn't it? But I can see why the crowd would go wild for that. But why didn't he conceal his

bolt an accent? Like why? I'm just going to quickly round off the lawn sausage story just just for completion sake which is that the solution I came to was every so I sort of timed how long it would probably take a normal person of my build to each definition I like to about a sausage to finish eating a tile, a tile of lawn. And I, so every five or six minutes, I wrapped one up in napkin, went out into the street and popped it in the street then and came back a bit later, but another one in a... So you left the breakfast table sort of six, six or seven times?

I think I did it in a couple of journeys, yeah, actually, yeah. Not one and one guy that would have been suspicious. I assume after you checked out, she went out to that, been retrieved the lawn sausages, brushed them off, and they were ready for the next day. Let's see on the B machine. This week's topic as sent in by Dan is this is a bit strange because you've already mentioned this man already on this podcast. Oh yeah. Old snake hips himself. No way. Rory Stewart. No. Elvis Presley. What? That's the second time that's happened, I think.

Is it? When we've been talking about something and then it has become the, um, I feel like it's happened a few times, yeah. But is so is that chance or is that, are we somehow algorithming our own minds or is there come some kind of bondramin puppet mastery of it? Are you saying is there something rotten in the state of bondron in dendrails? Have you seen me mechanized dendrails?

Duck. The bean machine, and I do want to clear this out, because some listeners describe us as picking the topic every week, and they email in saying, can you put this in the bean machine? I hope you pick it. We don't pick it. No.

Is random? Would we have picked pencils? No. Absolutely not. That's true. The idea that you can get one over on the bean machine. We don't pick it. No. Is it random? Would we have picked pencils? No. Absolutely not. That's true. The idea that you can get one over on the bean machine. The idea that a human mind could...

Yeah. It is. The bean machine, isn't it? But then, in terms of how it works, from a function point of view, it's every bit as magical, unpredictable as a kind of a version of the glamour of a Monte Carlo casino, doesn't it? Or an Excel spreadsheet. Or an Excel spreadsheet. Or an Excel spreadsheet. And a random number generator on the internet.

Yeah. It's got a bit of that about it as well. But you know, for me, it's very much, snake eyes, everything on black. Shirley Bassie, House always wins. Shirley Bassie. Or Sarah Shirley Bassie always wins as well. Well, around the house, normally split it, isn't it?

It's a cappuccino at 7 a.m., or 8 a.m. You know, both, eh? You don't know why not? Why not? When it Rome? This is sounding a bit more Las Vegas casino than Monte Carlo casino, I think. Yeah.

Are you going for the sort of, the trash yet? It's like, you know, it's people wetting themselves as they play more money into it when I'm banned it. Yes, I think it is more, that actually. The pint of coins. With the pint of coins. Those people are integral to the beam machines working. So they're wired up to it, aren't they? We've got, once they die, those people, they can, for a pint of coins, donate their spine.

Their spinal fluid is emptied into the beam machine. That's right. If you want to watch that process, there is actually now a viewing platform, isn't there, that can take up to four or five coach loads of school children from an education point of view. You can't actually watch that process happen. It's amazing when you watch them look up at the teacher and say, one day, do you think I could donate my spine?

It's a lovely thing. It's all there's to know there's another generation coming through. It's all worth it, isn't it? Yeah. Although a playing football cowboy was dropped by one of his children down a duct was a net couple of years ago and you've been nagging the ever since. It's got snagged in one of the slew sprockets, I think. It has.

Well, it's not reachable. No. There's a buildup of pressure inside, actually, which I think. It has. Well, it is not reachable. No. There's a buildup of pressure inside, actually, which I have to try and vent. But it's going to be there forever, I think, because it costs so much to deconstruct it, to fish it out. You'll need the bonus gravitational pull of Haley's comet to come and just loosen it, just over so that's right.

So you can only do it every 15 years. Yeah. There's a window. When's the next window? It's 50. Is it? It's only 50 years. Yeah, yeah, a window wins the next window It's 50 is it is head is coming only 50. Yeah I think this one tonight is no all this morning and there's always one. There's always one. I'm sorry Are you overcommit I've had I'm overcome you over the majesty of comments. I'm often I'm actually off

I've had enough of astronaut astronaut all all of those science of the heavens Astronomy, astrology, meteorology. I've had them after all. Oh, it's a lemon moon. Do you know it's a lemon moon? What do you mean? Look up. Yeah, what I can see is my own face reflected in me in a sort of green cloud of of London gas. You can never see the stuff from here. I did this year. You were meant to be able to see the Northern Lights in Wales for the first time in 50 years or something.

And we drove for hours in the dark, the wreck and beacons trying to find a vantage point. Didn't see anything. Got home about 4 a.m. Just totally exhausted. It ruined the entire week from a kind of sleep schedule point. Didn't see anything. Got home about 4 a.m. just totally exhausted. It's like it ruined the entire week from a kind of sleep schedule point. Also Ben, it's just space not. We've discussed this on the podcast. Anyway, the Kekko is my parents just, I'm happy to see it out of their bedroom window. Oh, there you go. There we go. That's life, isn't it? Yeah, but that might have been cataracts as

well. Yeah. Or it could have been that a, an ill-seagull had coughed on their window. racks as well. Or it could have been an ill-seagull had coughed on their window. Very hard to tell, difference. I've never seen anything up in space other than just lots of little white dots which are other styles. Have you ever seen anything beyond that? I still get a bit of child wonder when someone who, at least, purporting to be more knowledgeable than me about these things, which isn't difficult, points at something in such a... that's a planet. I will have a bit of wonder. And will believe them because I won't believe them. I don't know. It's true. I've got no idea of checking. A man pointed Jupiter out to me in the summer, for example. I was thrilled.

It's just a white dot, isn't it? It was a white dot here. I can point out Big Bear. Everyone can point out Big Bear. Big Bear. I can point out Big Bear. Can you do Big Bear? Everyone can do that. The source has been with the long handle. Yeah. Anyway, what are we talking about guys? Come on. Elvis Presley. He will himself is now but a star in the sky. A rhinestone star. Ben, something I do find quite interesting actually is, what is the connection between whales and Elvis? like what's that about? Because when I was at that Welsh Elvis festival, was the place where it was called.

It was called. There's something that's like very like, some reason the Elvis aesthetic, the Elvis music, and Welsh and a certain kind of Welsh aesthetic, it just is the mutton chops. The Welsh are regular growing mutton chops. Is that what it is? It's the mutton chops.

Yeah. They've got a good reputation as singers, right? Ben, that's fair to say, and you've got a lot of gravel. You've got a lot of gravel. He's a big man. Yeah. Is there anything else to it than that? Ben, I'm not. Lots of old people.

It's just big, big sideburn. Lots of old people, big sideburns. It's like Blackpool as well. There's another hotspot for it, isn't it? Or do they just, Blackpool just attract them. And they're not necessarily from Blackpool. It certainly wasn't a thing around my neck of the woods, growing up, Portmouth, Elvis,

in the military south, Portmouth, uh, hang on Mike, he served. He did serve. He said, do you know the only place in the UK where Elvis ever came? Still, looking at our ports, not sterling. Prashedwick, Glasgow Prashedwick, that's it, yeah. He stopped over on the way to Germany

when he was doing his business. He was gonna stop over. Metri'service. Well, for a square sausage. A few words of inspiration. There is conspiracy theory that Elvis is Welsh. I've not come across that. Ah, that's quite a good one. There is conspiracy theory that Elvis is Welsh. I've not come across that. That's quite cool.

Because there is a place called Priscilla in Wales. Which is the name of Priscilla? Is that through Priscilla, Priscilla? Well, no, the thinking is that then in Priscilla might be an anglicised version of Priscilla. And so that going back, he's probably may have been from that area. Okay. How I see, oh, probably may have been from that area. Okay.

How I see, oh, that, I, okay, so that's, yeah, genealogy, I think rather than full-blown, he was actually well-shined concealed the fact for tax reasons or something like that. Oh, I see, like, yeah, history of the name was L-win, conspiracy theory. What, what, what was quite sure of that meant? Okay. So they lay claim, they lay claim to sell this. Yes, and he also had a brother whose middle name was Garon, I think. So it's a stretch, isn't it?

But that's a bit like half the founding fathers of America being Welsh speakers or something. Yeah, and Bob Marley being Welsh as the other one. Right. Have you seen the Elvis movie that was out recently? No, the bio-picky ding dong with what's this chops? One of the worst ones I've ever seen. Who was it that played in my car, remember?

Austin Butler. I see. Can I say, I have a little, a bett noir of mine. Yeah. What's that? Music biopics. Oh yeah, okay. I think that they are bad. Generally speaking.

Bad. It's a bad bad genre the other ones I just I've never seen a biopic or biopic even have to say it. I think I go for biopic But I didn't I didn't I've never seen a music biopic that I liked That's quite a good point. I'm trying to think back through Walk the line was quite good was it okay, but actually that didn't I still didn't even I still didn't, even though I didn't even like that, even though it is good. Yeah. Just because it's a music biopic.

There's a Ray Charles one, something about. I suppose the thing that bothers me about them is it often feels like whoever's doing it, that they've had a moment when they've got the script and they've thought, it's Oscar time. Hahaha. Do you know what I mean? I always find it a bit distressing

when you get a sense that an actor is going, watch this. Like for example, you know in an actor doing that when they're using like an advanced crying technique where it's like, they're crying out of the top and bottom of their eyes. No, when an actor goes, I know. And you know, it's like the advanced crying acting where they've had to, they've had to sort of, I dunno, stick things in their eyes or they're crying out of their mouth. Do you know it like the more... The snot, there's ears snot.

Wax, earwax, everything's being mashed up and it kind of falls. Okay, he's picking it all up. Yeah, this is beautiful. Keep it more mucus, keep going more mucus. We're gonna eye-max the shit on this is beautiful. Keep it more mucus. Keep going more mucus. We're going to eye max a shitter on this mucus. And there's bits of dry eye lash falling into mucus on. I remember that from the Elton John one. That's right.

Yeah, the Elton John one recently is very bad. The Bohemian Rhapsody, the one about Queen is bizarre and bad. You're right, they are bad. You're right, there's a few problems, right. One is being a musician, right? Come on. It's being a pop star. It's mainly travel and repeated gigs. It's basically an incredibly boring, repetitive, grueling job. You just on the road, you're going to gigs, you're meeting the guy,

he shows you around the room, he goes, there's the lighting here. There's no toilet roll in dressing room two, so you swap to dressing room three, but you've already half a packed bag, it's annoying. Yeah, and it's like, maybe you just use dressing room two so you swap to dressing room three but you've already half a factor bag, it's annoying. And it might just maybe just use dressing room two but actually just use the ball and dressing room three. That just attract talk. But the trouble is if you've got friends on manager here and you take a shit in the toilet and dressing room two you'll be able to smell it and dressing rooms one to four So what we suggest you do is there's a service shower you can use

Now we'll hose it down in the morning. What is it down in the morning? And it's just a Stale me a sound engineer, but she will for a few extra Bob cash in there We've done it. Hang on hang on hang on. King were in here last week and they really did a number on that place. So, actually, you might be going over the road. There's a beef eater normally at you in. Just by a starter, if you have beef, you divide it. You have to have especially reinforced bogs, so they can pretty much handle anything as a legal requirement in a beef eater. That's why I always use a beef eater.

We should have sent King over there. They've obviously got Kings. They've got Kings names on the door. All the beef eaters have, obviously, unfortunately no one's heard of anyone in keen. There's a room at the wrong, we know that none of them are called Roy, we're pretty sure there isn't a Roy keen in keen. On that, no one knows. Anyway, in keens schools, so the policy they have to have is they'll allow people in C're Roy. If Keen actually is working out for them. If Keen are playing anywhere in the area. It's essentially Roy's night. Down it. Down at the B-feet.

That's why you will see a lot of Roy's in the same town as Keen's performing. That's why I'm having a Roy convention having the time of the lounge because they're welcome everywhere and anywhere really, particularly at the B-feet. Yeah. Or if there's a corporate event for a Royston's, the crisps, although they've only got an average number of people, got Roy working for them. So, actually slightly beverage, don't know why,

just one of those things. And it's not just getting, you know, it's gig after gig after gig after gig, it's hundreds, to become, to become, and it's say, for, for, was he called, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, Rod, for, what's he called, rotat, rotat. You walk the line guy, what's he called again? Johnny Cash.

Johnny Cash, to become Johnny Cash. Right. You become Johnny Cash, it's you're doing, just thousands of gigs, just a week after week after week, isn't it, of going round, and that's the reality of how you become Johnny Cashny cash yeah but the bio pick has to create some other alternate version of how it has become Johnny Cash. Do you

remember how it has to kind of cling on to some sort of narrative normally involving you were cycling around as a child and a big bully boy pushed you over it'll probably be that normally that's what it is isn't it? A big bully boy pushed you over and you use music to get back in or whatever. So hard that you had to spend four years in a sanatorium during which time you learnt the pursuit. Exactly. Yeah, in the Elvis one, those are very bizarre,

stranding it where they pretend or suggest that Elvis was kind of at the forefront of the civil rights movement in America. Well, he just, I just don't think he was. he was having to reach for a narrative, aren't they? Beyond the fact that all he was was a guy that went around doing loads and loads of gigs. Yeah. I heard an amazing story about the, I don't know if this is true. So I want to preface this with that. There's a story about the Bohemian rap city film, which is the queen biopic or biopic.

And originally, do you remember the person who's meant to be playing Freddie Mercury was Sasha Baron Cohen? I didn't know that. I think he was involved with getting off the ground and all this kind of stuff. And then he dropped out. And the rumor was that he dropped out because he went into a room with the members of Queen.

And the members of Queen had sort of had some ideas about how the film might go. Mm-hmm, sure. And so Brian's there, Rodgers there, and they're talking through the film and then. Brian May and Roger Queen. Roger. Roger Queen. Roger Queen. Brian May and Roger from Queen. What's he called, Roger Taylor? Roger Taylor.

John Deacon would have stayed at home. He's famously now sort of hermit-type figure. And if you want to imagine what their lifestyles are like, there is a previous episode where we've discussed, I think, that these people live in, that they're right-lead, they're what they're right-wing, they've said they're pro-Brexit. And they've got thousands of thousands of laboratories. They've been sorry, thousands of laboratories. And they like to get involved in sort of local politics and sort of express anger about things like bin collection and stuff. Well Brian Mays, obviously the friend of the Badger, that's his thing now.

Oh, is it? Yeah, they develop a thing, don't they? Like, that guy from Blair's into wine now. He's always got a thing, isn't he? Yeah. She's meteorites. Anyway, so, such a brown coat and goes in the room, they clear out the hundreds of laboratories, you know, that takes a couple of hours to coat some wall out. Yeah.

He's in there with Brian May and Roger Taylor, and they're saying, right, and the film will happen and then obviously there's the moment where we release Bohemian Rhapsody and he gets played twice in a row and ready one and then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, then Freddie dies and then and such, Brian said, what to mean and then? Oh, it's two hours about Brian May and his relationship with that guy who did the stargazing or that Brian May got involved in the start of the skydry. Patrick more. Patrick more on how that was actually a springboard into his true passion badges. And really the Freddie Mercury stuff is only about so opening 20 minutes.

It's the first act. This isn't it. Freddie Mercury is the inciting incidents to it. Yeah, a passion play about a man and his love for the badger. Freddie Mercury in structural story terms, Freddie Mercury represents the call to adventure, which Brian may eventually declines. In a rare story telling movie, he declines, and he's said to go and gather data

about the Badger Cal. And this is a good idea or not. Yes, so basically that's it. The midpoint of the movie in their head was Freddie dying. And then it was like, and then of course, we cover how Queen went from strength to strength. Bring out their musical with Ben Elton. Brian may be on Newsnight for some reason. Roger Taylor going back into Dentistry. The guy, the guy who's saying was Deacon buying some Labradors. And finishing medical saw.

I don't know how true that is, but the film does have all the hand prints of this was signed off by the band. So it's very like, you know, that's the problem with all these biopixes that the estate or the family, all the people themselves have to sign it off. Well, the actor always has to talk a good game about how they can have a great relationship with the band and or family and all estate, vaigliet and all solicitor based in Kentucky, who greenlit the scripts. So, there'll be a moment where Brian may come out of the toilet and dressing room too.

All the band are crowned into the dressing room and there's press and you know, sort of lots of people, fans. Brian may come out of the toilet and Britain dressing room too. You hear the flush go and no one complains and then someone else goes in and goes, oh it's fine, isn't it? You're in like, like, burnishing it.

Of course, that's the scene. No, you see, that's the film's the airbrush scene. That's the airbrush scene. You'll notice little things like that when you watch it by a pick. No one will be complaining about the toilet in dressing room too. Yeah.

It just doesn't happen. It's as if it wasn't there. Even though dressing room serving, you can hear absolutely everything and smell absolutely everything. Well actually what it was was in the film, there's one of those hotel rooms where there's a glass panel instead of an actual door in front of the toilets. And then Freddie says, I see a little silhouette of a man. Oh my god, I've had this great idea. Having a shoot. Having a shoot. Can you? I think he's eaten rented mango.

Okay, time to read your emails. And we'll use a version of the email Jingle sent in by listener Finn. Oh, great. Thanks, Finn. Beans, I hope this email finds you brimming with lukewarm banter to go fucking on and on about for over an hour straight. Thanks, Paul. Oh, thanks, Finn. Cheers, Finn.

Is that with one in or two? Two. Yeah. If it does not find you well, however, I do not give a shit. Quite frankly, I have much more interesting stuff to do. Nice one, Finn. I think he's nagging us. I feel like I'm being gamed in some way.

Yeah, it's working. Well, here's the punch. In close, you'll find a break core slash jungle, in some way. Yeah. Yeah. And it's working. Yeah. Well, here's the punch. Mm-hmm. In close, you'll find a break call slash jungle slash extremely unfaithful rendition of the email jingle. Enjoy it or don't. I couldn't care less. I think just wants to watch the world burn, doesn't he? I think there was one too many I couldn't care for me in that. Do you think actually maybe? I think that's okay, but he's struggling to

express it through Drunk Finn crack open that hard carer pace and show us that crab mate. Let us squeeze lemon into it because I've got a special fork. Yeah, I'm going to scoop it out. I'm going to eat, Finn. And it's gonna taste lovely. Is that what Finn needed? I think that's what I needed. So here we go, here is Finn's email jingle. You know what's the future of technology? A marker of humanity's un-holy global decline

and you know what? You know what's the future of technology? A marker of humanity's un-holy global decline. And you know what? I'm a little bit crying in the world In a deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep deep Humanity and ruin Humanity and ruin Humanity and ruin Humanity and ruin Humanity and ruin Humanity and ruin Humanity and ruin

Humanity and ruin Humanity and ruin Humanity is the future of technology Among the revolutions, other void-loving minds Humanity and ruin Humanity is the future of technology. I'm not a good man, I'm a voidlo with man, and you're a... My beautiful horse.

Oh, that was very good. It was quite sort of like a banksy, that felt like a... If banksy did music. I think. Yeah. It was, I mean, it was clearly very good. Finn is clearly a very capable junglest. I mean, for me, unfortunately, just jungle. I mean, that just clearly very good. Finn is clearly a very capable junglerist. I mean, for me, unfortunately, jungle,

I mean, that just transported me back to it. It made me remind me of, I don't know, it felt like I was a sort of 16 year old out of their depth that a party he shouldn't be at desperate to go home. It's what it made me think. I had a very similar feeling, which was, I think, jungle, I was never into jungle.

It was too, I'm sorry, I think it was just too many. Even at the age of like, you know, 18 or whatever. I was like, there. It was two, I'm sorry, but it was just too many. Even at the age of like, you know, 18 or whatever. I was like, there's just too many beats per second in this, sorry. That's how I felt about jungle. Because there were so many beats per second and there was like, what the, too many. But thank you, Finn.

I mean, I don't want to sound ungrateful. But you know what reminded me of it? It reminded me of thinking, feeling, oh, I don't really belong in this club Yes, you know, it's it's it's it's the late 90s. I'm in a club. I don't feel like I belong here I wish I could just be with the bookish people discussing novels but also at the same time I really struggled to get through the big novels actually frankly

Is there is there an asterisk book club? I do like asterisk book club. I do like asterisk although I can struggle sometimes. A lot of boxes per page to wait through often. A lot of characters have similar names. It's quite hard to really, and that's why I actually spend a lot of my time at university going on local shopping centre and buying scratch cards. Thanks, thanks, scratch cards. Yeah. What about you Ben? Big, uh, big jungleist.

It's just speeding up drums in it. Yeah, yeah, we go. It's just overly sped up drums. Thank you, Ben. I didn't maybe it was, perhaps it was the, because you sort of neged us so hard at the top, and maybe that's why we're being openly a bit critical of your chosen job. I don't know, but we appreciate the time. Yeah, thanks, Finn. It's got really awkward around Finn's offering, isn't it? I think Finn made the atmosphere awkward. He's essentially, he's done a sit down in dressing room too.

And it's not our fault. If we would quite thanks would rather be in the B.F. eat across the road. Here's an email from Lawrence, dear beans, may I present myself as someone who is listening to your podcast from the smallest country. Oh nice. Here we go. This is another geographical record. That's good. Someone go, yeah. Well, not the smallest, but is the Pope really a listener? Doubt it, no offense.

Nice. Nice he done. Reference to the Vatican city being a country. Technically, is that right? Yeah. The Holy See. Everyone knew that, but I thought I'd say it. Just, yeah.

Thanks to a recent trip, I have listened to the pod in both Lichst and Stein and San Marino. The sixth and fifth smallest countries in the world. Very nice. While I'm setting myself up to have this record snatched out of my hands, I would like to claim it for now and relish in my glory, all worship with the smallest bean. Can I also suggest a category of the longest time spent

listening to the podcast either outside or inside the Pompidoo Centre, my record zero hours. Nevertheless, I also claim to be the winner of the category until someone else gets in touch to defeat me. That's strong work, Lauren. That's excellent. The lectern style, I think, I think you can also claim a category is, here we go, is my only geography fact. That's one of two double landlocked nations in the world. Double landlocked? What's double landlocked mean? Surrounded by landlocked countries.

No. Double lock. That's why it's so safe for banking, is it? Exactly. Double locked. And podcast listening. And podcast listening, you're completely impregnable from the sea.

So unless someone has managed to listen to Inos Bechistan, which is the other one, I guess, which is the other one. Right. Yeah. So does that mean the cast being seen as a proper sea, I think? Oh, that seems like a big glowing loophole mic. Yeah. Come on, mate.

Then you take the cast being seen as an autopsy. I think it's technically, I think it's more of a quite salty lake. I don't like that. You don't like it. I think well I think Lishenstein will be the only one then. Okay. It's called the Caspian Sea. It is called the Caspian Sea but I think there are some people who think that's a bit brassy. Is it like how Pluto isn't really a planet? Exactly yeah. And tomato isn't really a tomato. It's actually a cute gum, but it's a squat cucumber. So yeah, I'm happy to say that Lawrence currently wins or holds the record for the smallest country listen to.

I think Samarino's smaller. The smallest country in the world, I've got Vatican City. That's probably quite easy because it's a tourist. You can just go there and listen to it. There's possible respect issues though, aren't there of listening to three being talented and some Peter's Basilica? You can even go there and listen to the Rome episode. How about there should be a record or something to do with people listening to an episode in a place which is relevant to the... That's good. It's a bit... It's a bit... There's something in most relevant... Most relevant place to listen to a podcast.

So from the belly of a whale, for the episode very nice example in a bag in the bags episode in no bag in the bags episode whilst being called Jeffrey yet for the Jeffries episode yeah exactly what's Jeffrey museum there's a place called Jeffrey museum in London or have a this at the London Dungeons Museum in the Cavern of Horrors for episode about the current Tory party. Oh about the current Tory party. Oh, a foe! Which we haven't got. Ladies and gentlemen, please, pray silence for a moment of satire.

Jonathan Swindt. Holding institutions to account. Mark Twain. Speaking truth to power. Sure, sir. A core part of any healthy democracy. Jumbo number. Can our jokes actually change government policy?

Of course they can. Quiet, please respect this important mode of humour. So who can go smaller than that? What is there? What else is there that's smaller? We've got Malta, we've got Monaco, we've got San Marino, we've got St. Kitson Nevis, Nauru, Tuvalo, and Maldives. And Maldives. And Tuvalo. Tuvalo. Tuvalo.

In South Pacific, it's an independent island nation within the British Commonwealth. And now I've just set up being there. You're web-splaining, mate. I was. I was web-splaining you. What were you doing in Tuvalu? I was on my way to the Republic of Carabas. Oh, cool. So that's another briefly.

That's quite a rory Stewart, I think, to say Mike. Yeah. That is so rory Stewart. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I was in Funafatu. I was in, yeah, I was in Funafatu, which is the way he pronounces Tuvalo. Yeah, I was doing this thing where I can siphon skin off my feet and turn it into a kind of parachute. Jump off a bike.

The local people come out. I was in Jean-Journal. Or do you call it France? People can sell it by bread. I was in a genre in a lab. Or do you call it France? LAUGHTER Do you want another geographical email? Yeah, I love these, please. David emails. Hi Beans, you are asked if anyone has ever

listened to the pod outside the Taj Mahal. You just outside the Taj Mahal? I'm not outside the Taj Mahal. I mean, every... Oh, I see, yeah. We went, we all of our listeners listening within the Taj Mahal. Has anyone actually known... We didn't know that in the Taj Mahal while listening to this thing, by the way. Because the Taj Mahal is actually crammed with pod fans.

Yeah, yeah. And just outside the park. Ah, yeah. Thankfully for me, it is located half a mile from my front door. What? So after a post-break for Saunter, here is me outside said building. Enjoy. Oh, I see what David's done here.

How is he having a laugh with us again? He's having a right. He's having a right. Okay, David having a right old JPM is a cheeky scamp. You're so what an absolute legend. Absolute legend. Oh God, all my David's in a, a, a picture of him listening to the podcast outside the Taj Mahal Curry house. Yeah. I couldn't tell you which town or city it's in a, a, a picture of him listening to the podcast outside the Taj Mahal curry house. Yeah.

I couldn't tell you which town or city it's in, but most town or cities in this country. Yeah. Have one. Yeah. So well done David. Of presumably Peterborough. Not Agra. I like the, I like the little, I like the job. I think it's not bad. is it? I think, I think, I think it's not bad. It's a bit of fun, isn't it? It's time to pay the ferryman. Patreon Patreon.com For Sash 3 free the sound. Thanks for everyone who signed up on our Patreon.

Thank you very much. If you'd like to sign up for Patreon, you can do so. And in return, you will get ad free episodes. You'll get bonus episodes every month. And if you sign up at the Sean Bean Tier, you get a shout out from Mike in the Sean Bean lounge where Michael spent the evening last night. Oh, did I? He loves it down there.

He loves it down there. Propping up the bar. Home away from home. Is there anything else on being lounge every night? Well, last night was the 3D print your own mug night. I certainly was, thank you Ben. And here's my report. It was 3D Print Your Own Mugnak last night at the Sean Bean Lounge with printing filaments supplied by Dan Abry, and made from a resin that he assured us was food safe

and attested on Daniel Hughes, who wasn't available for comment and wasn't answering his phone, but Josephine W. Reckon she'd seen him looking happy enough on the flumes with Samuel Dickinson at the Sean Bean splash zone earlier, where she'd been snorkeling in search of Adam Butler's 3D printed Varukasok. The event began with some Goldilocks singer Sam Oldwood and Kalamlenix printed mugs that were too small, and a good old and sage printed mugs that were too big, Diane Carver and Lawrence printed mugs that were too cold, and James Knight and Nicholas Magnuson printed mugs that were too tight. Miss underscore Vincent found that just right setting, and with her assistance Andrew Bauer printed a mug depicting Sean Bean as a farmer. Piper Marshall printed

a mug depicting Sean Bean as a white herb, and Olivia Trinch printed a mug depicting Sean Bean as a wet hole in the ground. Elsewhere the consensus was that Patrick Jones' mug had too many handles, and Gary Beckmore's not enough. Fraser Geese in attempted a self-portrait mug that looked like Andy Tene from the nose up, and Eddie Shepard from the eyebrows down. Ash Blake and Colin D.H. Tucker made accidental flaggings that had to be pulverized. Tylea S. made an extraordinary triple-mastered mug and at the time of writing is sailing it to inaccessible island in the hope of rescuing a pig. Tom Davies printed the mug with the words,

You don't have to be mad to work here but it helps and has been stripped of his citizenship and pension rights. Kat made a brace of self-defense throwing mugs. Steve Wheatley whoopsied and printed a clone of himself holding a mug, that clone then fed Johnny Lee into the machine and printed a mug out of Johnny that Alex Block had buried at Canal. And a mous-foot sprinted a mug that anyone who looked at it would immediately decide that it's their new favourite mug and so mous-foot has gone into hiding with the mug. Thanks all.

Okay, that's the podcast. We all finished with a version of our theme tune sent in by listener. This week's is from Mary Ellen. Thank you, Mary Ellen, who lives on a small island off the west coast of Canada. That sounds nice. Deeris Beans. I love the French version of the email theme that you played a few weeks ago. And it also makes me feel weirdly competitive. So despite not really knowing Portra Gis, I've attempted a Brazilian version of the main podcast theme. Oh, ropey waters, we're in ropey waters. So Will Mary Ellen, Canadian resident, bring shame on herself, or will the people of Brazil be proud of this? I'm looking forward to it. Thanks, Mary Ellen. And thanks to you for listening. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Muitilada salada Chiquets, fish or ye

Oh, take them, cause it's not love Chiquets, fish or ye É isso, é isso É isso que é e não te dá Principal Thank you. you