Three Bean Salad - Fifth Wednesday Calendar Abberation Broadcast

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday March and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of human rights, the will of the moon and natural justice)

Hello. We aren't doing a normal episodes or indeed any episode this week. No. Why? Because the people at the Gregorian calendar are still not listening to us. Are they? We're sending so many letters to those guys. We've written so many letters to those guys. Email after email, just to VaticanCity.org. We've tried, we've tried VaticanCity.eu, we've tried VaticanCity.gov, haven't we? We've sent them in the form of Gregorian chanting. Yes. Which we thought they'd like. Yeah. But we've still got this Fifth Wednesday issue. Ridiculous. They are saying that there are just too many Wednesdays in a year and they've got to put them somewhere. Which is ridiculous. Yeah. They're not interested in rebranding those

Wednesdays. As Bean Day. As Bean Day or as Not Bean Day. They won't do it. They won't budge. It's a piss tank. But here's the thing, guys. We make four episodes a month. Just because there's a Fifth Wednesday in a month doesn't mean we're making five episodes a month. Yeah. We keep it lunar. Yeah. We very much keep it lunar. We keep it lunar. Because what is the moon other than the ultimate celestial beam? Yeah. Exactly. I'm actually using the Napoleonic calendar. Every day has 10 hours. There are 100 days in a month. There are 10 months in a year. Yeah. Your name is 0.8. I'm 0.6 and Mike is 0.4. What calendar are you on, Henry, these days? I'm actually on seasonal vibe.

Okay. I'm on seasonal veg. Are you on seasonal veg? Interesting. Okay. So you're looking in your veg drawer and if you're seeing a swede, you're saying it's... Well, today's the ides of turnip. Right. Okay. So that's... Which means I'm happy to record. This is an extra thing, isn't it? But as soon as you get into early gooseberry season, then... I can't activate any electronic equipment, obviously, for obvious reasons. So I have to be off grid. So of course, everything in extra is seasonal veg base, isn't it? So what are you meeting up? Oh, yeah. It's next Loganberry, isn't it? I'll see you next Loganberry, that kind of thing, isn't it? For the harvesting, for the gathering. Yes. That's right. Whereas I, as a Londoner,

I measure the seasons by which drinks are available in Starbucks. Is that what you meant by seasonal vibes? Seasonal vibes, yeah. So currently, it's pumpkin latte. It's not still pumpkin latte. I don't know. It's something like that. They operate on fully synthetic pumpkins, presumably. Yeah, they can do me around in Starbucks. They can have pumpkin syrup whenever they want, can they? Exactly. Extraordinary. I wouldn't like it. You wouldn't like it, Mike. The asparagus grew woody in the fields. Yeah, so no episode. So this isn't an episode. And that's why hopefully we've been clear.

But we wish you well. Yeah, have a good sort of end of March. Use the time. Use the time. It's quite a bad time of year, I think. Nothing was ever achieved at the end of March. Yeah, use the time to not use the time. That's what we're saying. You're not going to get anything really useful done. So don't beat yourself up about it. You never do. You never do. Yeah. So what you can do, which is quite a trendy thing I think these days is it's called self-composting, where essentially you compost yourself during this period. So you lie down under some old leaves, some old bits of bark. Yeah, some discarded radishes.

Discarded radishes, et cetera. Old tea bags. Old tea bags. Yeah, very good. Yeah, coffee grounds. Very good. Old bits of printer paper, grey area. Jen, then just introduce the worms, is it? And then just introduce the worms, yeah. And just break it all down. And as you feel yourself breaking down, you will be releasing a rich, woody smell and the promise of regrowth ahead. So that is an opportunity. Providing nutrients to those around you.

That's right. So just give yourself a pat on the back for that. Otherwise, you know, take it easy. Yeah. And I feel like April is going to be big. Yeah. For us. I think April is going to be massive, isn't it? For Britain. Yeah. For Britain. So make sure you're well rested for Britain. Yeah. Well, we'll all be doing our pre-coronation

preparations, won't we? We've got to be coronation body ready. That's right. For May. So April, yes. Are you wearing just some speedos of the coronation? The dress code is just skimpy. The dress code, we've had this from Royal Insider has told us this, isn't it? The dress code is going to be skimpy. And just have fun with it. That's the dress code for the coronation. Because he's trying to freshen things up, isn't he, Charles? Yeah. That's what he's doing.

Yeah. So yeah, that's what he'll be doing. And it would be quite embarrassing for him if no one else does. So I think... Let's go for it. Just crown only, is it, Finn? I think it's going to be crown only. You've both received your invites to the coronation? Yes. Because I haven't had my way through. Well, I do have a plus one for the... I'm on the Zeppelin. I've got the bird's eye view.

Oh, okay. Nice way to enjoy it. You know, I haven't decided who I'm going to bring with me. I've pulled some strings and I've got myself very, very, very, very close. I'm going to be watching it from inside the throne. Oh. Which is the best seat that... Nice. The best seat in...

You've got the moth's eye view. I've got the moth's eye view. So let's say the best seat in the house is the seat in the seat. So obviously, because the throne is the shape of a seat already, it's not that hard to secrete a seat within it. So I'll be right there. I'll be right there in the thick of it. So, Mike, in terms of whether I can get the plus one... Yeah.

Am I in... You're probably weighing it up at the moment. Am I in the top 10? Oh, you're definitely top 10. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Top three? I do. I don't know.

Well, there's immediate family to consider. There's Nigel Havers, obviously. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of people to consider. Ex-Archbishop Rowan Williams. Well, I do also wonder if I should be just giving both of my tickets away so that Cormac the Onion Child can be there, accompanied by one of his parents or his older sister to see in this occasion, and just for safety reasons,

just to reassure the public that they know that the Onion Child is floating about in the sky above such a major event. Yeah. No good point. I'm wrestling with that at the moment. We'll see. Now, also, because of the Fifth Wednesday, the parents of Bobby Ewell wanted to shout out Bobby in the Sean Bean Lounge because it's his birthday. But of course, there is no Sean Bean Lounge this week.

So we're just going to let's just show our appreciation for Bobby Ewell. Bobby Ewell. Well, we're allowed to. I mean, ordinarily, we're getting big trouble for that. But Fifth Wednesday, as we know, is quite a lawless environment. And it's very murky gray areas. So we are allowed to celebrate a Bobby Ewell if we wish to, and we do wish to. So happy birthday, Bobby Ewell.

Happy birthday to Ewell. Happy birthday to Ewell. Happy birthday, dear Bobby. Your full name is Bobby Ewell. Probably the first time he's encountered that. I expect. Yep. And it's going to be a lifetime of just more of that, isn't it?

But it's probably already bored of it, but still nice to. Bobby will be 12 years old. Grums. Such a lovely age, isn't it? Such a lovely age. Congrats. Peak press ganging age as well. So look out for that, Bobby.

That's true. Yeah. High seas. If the life of the high seas isn't for you, then you want to be wearing a, ideally, a motorbike helmet or a. Right. Put a cycling helmet at all times. Yeah.

The next couple of years. Jack Ewell writes, he's listened to every episode so far and quotes chunks of it at every opportunity. We've had to encourage him to alter the words to the Regal Zone song when bellowing it in Plight Company to say, listen not to the horse and the shopkeepers. Some excellent parental judgment there. You're in safe hands, Bobby.

Nicely done. Yeah. So happy birthday, Bobby Ewell. Happy birthday, Bobby. Happy birthday. You could give your coronation ticket to Bobby Ewell, Mike. Although, obviously, sounds like quite a nude event if Charles is going crown only.

Quite a sensual, quite a sensual experience. And I think Gary Lineker is going to be pouring sacred oils onto his face. Yes, which you need to be very careful about, because don't forget that those oils are there. Some of that is going to seep through the whole street and into you. Yes, I'm going to have to. I don't want to become anointed. No.

I don't want to become accidentally anointed. That's, I was very, very clear about that. So we've had gutters and channels built into the chair, which should siphon those off. And to you as well, I think. Yeah. Yeah, we wouldn't want an accidental King Henry situation. You don't want an accidental anointment.

You don't want an accidental King Henry the Ninth, because then we're looking at fishers through this great nation. We're looking at, we're looking at civil war. We're looking at, you know, there's every chance that on this podcast, we wouldn't all be on the same side of that civil war. Exactly. Golly, there's a thought, isn't it?

Well, it's not, we are overdue one, aren't we? You know? Yeah. It's been a while. With the nation. Crumbs. Yeah, food for thought. So yeah, wrestle with some of those questions, I suppose.

Yes. And we'll see you in April. Big April. April's going to be huge. I can't wait. Absolutely massive. And if you can't live without us, you could join our Patreon. Good shout.

Patreon.com for just three bean salad. And we've just released this month's bonus episode. So that's, that's up. How's that for? Excellent. Advertising. Very timely done. Game along, he said, give me just one more.

Say no to the fifth Wednesday, no. Say no to the fifth Wednesday, no. Don't let Spurbsie have his way. The fifth Wednesday. The fifth Wednesday.