Three Bean Salad - Fifth Wednesday Precaution Alert

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of hard won workers' rights)Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: [e-mail] @beansaladpod

Hello, dear three bean side listener. Hello. Hello. You may be probably beavering away on your PhD. More than likely. More than likely. Well, perhaps drilling into some Arctic ice for evidence of, I don't know, looking for Atlantis or whatever it is people do up there or looking for the the the top the top down passage isn't it that's what people

that are the last unmapped part of the globe the spiral staircase the spiral staircase down the cartographers have have dreamt of haven't they? Yeah, since, well, since cartography began, then in the eighties. The late eighties. So word of mouth before then wasn't it? But yeah, the top down passage, which would give you a spiral staircase from the Arctic, all the way down to the, well, the

what's what's talked to us as the potential internal French ridge, which is a, as a ridge that goes across from France, all the way to the other side of the globe. Said lava Riviera, isn't it? The lava Riviera. Yeah. And it also it comes out then at the counter France. Yes, the counter France Yeah, yeah, which is a front where everything's backwards. Yeah, which is theoretical but at the moment France can only be explained if there does exist a counter France. So

Theoretical but it's sort of like dark. It's the dark matter of France, isn't it? Yeah without it France is impossible Yeah, but at the same time no one's actually seen it. So, well, good luck if you're drilling down into that. Yeah. Can I interject with the letter, an email we've had? Yeah. Because we have had an email from an uncle Paul, who is a senior lecturer at the School of Earth and Environmental Sciences, St Andrews. So he's probably spending quite a lot of time looking for the County of France. I suspect so. he's got a bollocking for Henry. I just thought we could maybe just open with the bollocking. Well listen, this is not an episode. This is to let them know that it's fifth Wednesday, so there's no episode. But I think there is always time to squeeze in a bollocking for Henry. I think our listeners will get behind that. Yeah, I can't deny that.

Dear Beans, in your recent episode entitled haircuts, Henry Packer intimated that, and I'm paraphrasing here, no one who has climbed the Andes or visited the Louvre has said the words chalk and limestone. And before I move on, is that something you stand by? It's good that these things are scrutinised, isn't it? Especially by someone who's from the School of Earth and Environmental Science. Yeah. But it's also great that we were talking about this in an episode about haircuts. I stand by that. Okay. Well, Paul writes, perhaps Henry would like to take another look at the Lady of Orks

Air, a statue displayed in the Louvre, which although relatively small, brackets 75cm high, is made of Cretan limestone! Bloody hell. Or perhaps he'd like to go walking in the Andes of southern Peru, where he might encounter the rocks of the Juan Carne group, which you've guessed it, contain limestone beds. Oh God. You've been had there, Packer. Wow. I've been had. He's got you on the hook.

You knew about those things, didn't you Henry, but you assumed I would have been asked. And that's why he's fallen hook line and plonker for a classic false flag, bollock entrapment scheme. With a side salad to fuck you. With a side salad up yours Paul. Drizzled in hot, creamy, moist, tepid, cold and warm, double choc mint chocolate. So that last one is literal, not metaphorical. That's literal. Yeah.

Okay. Oh gosh. I mean there's a bit more here. He says, in fact, the peaks of many high mountains, including the famous Mount Everest, are made of limestone and contain fossil shells. I feel that limestone, brackets and its relative chalk have been unfairly besmirched by old woolly backpacker." Oh, what? That's a hate crime.

Come on, Paul. That's a hate crime. Paul, this was highfalutin to start with and you've gone straight into personal remarks. Blimey. And I, and the rest of the geology world, await an apology. All the best. You guys are great. Paul. Listen, thank you, Paul. May I say, I know a couple of geologists, I don't think geologists are the sort to be throwing personal appearance stones around the place with respect.

Because people in glass houses, right? He's got woolly palms, probably, this guy. He's basically just a huge sort of clod of damp wool with some like some of those googly toy eyeballs you can get stuck in. Probably quite calloused fingers. Really calloused fingers. So what I would say to Paul is, so the first thing which obviously I have to do is obviously challenge him to a duel.

So that's the challenge is there. The gauntlet is thrown down. The choice of weapons is between quartz and a sheet of slate. Quartz dagger? Quartz halberd. What's a halberd? Don't know. I've never known.

I might even be saying the word wrong. I'll be wearing a slate. Um, sort of jerking. What's a jerking? I don't bloody know me. If you scratch the surface of this podcast, none of us know what we're talking about at any moment. We're just some people who've experienced some words.

I'm happy to regurgitate them in a panic. We're just some people who've experienced some words. You know, you see when you see a burnt out crab, a shell of a burnt out crab that's been set fire to by some teenagers. After they had a joy crab. Joy scuttle. Such a senseless waste. After they've been joy scuttling up and down an Aldi car park. It's just left there. You know, like from a distance you think, Oh, that's actually a crab. You come up to it and you go, Oh, no,

it's just a burnt out shell of a crab. There's nothing in it. That's like us as a podcast or a bit like when you see a packet of biscuits, but it's just a burnt out bag of biscuits, but it's just a burnt out packet of biscuits. But it's just a burnt out packet of biscuits. There's some teenagers who've enjoyed dunking the night before, but they've inflated the packet to look like it's full. You know what I mean? You come up to it.

So we've just got that surface knowledge, the kind of, we're just carapace, no meat. You know what I mean? We look at it. It's potentially worse because those teenagers, they would also, they would fill that burnt out ask of a biscuit packet with with turds wouldn't they they'd find turds and they'd yeah they'd find yeah and it might it might even be a flame and you'd stamp it out you've got turd all over your

shoes and that's very much the listener experience that's the listener experience isn't it yeah um you've got a phd and turd on your shoes and no biscuits. So Henry, you've thrown down the gauntlet. Yeah. So, so challenge me. But the other thing I, the other thing I'm going to say is I'm, I'm, I'm not accepting the Barlick. So the statement I made that Paul is disagreeing with is that no one who's visited the Andes or the Louvre has said the words limestone or chalk chalk and limestone has said talking.

Now, if you go up and look at that lady of OXF, which I'm doing now, you're in the Louvre as we speak. Yes. As usual, I'm, I'm podcasting from a roped off area of the Louvre. I'm an exhibition called podcaster. I'm an exhibition called podcaster. I'm an exhibit called podcaster. I'm just looking at the side. It's quite good, isn't it? Yeah, it is good. But I'm looking at that. I'm thinking workmanship. I'm thinking craftsmanship. I'm thinking what she called again, the lady of Auxerre, the lady of Auxerre. I'm thinking

I quite like her hairstyles. Quite cool. It's kind of like beaded dreads or something. It's just, of Orcsair. I'm thinking I quite like her hairstyle. It's quite cool. It's kind of like beaded dreads or something. It's just it's got like an Egyptian vibe, isn't it? It's got an Egyptian vibe. Big hands. Nice belt that's really setting off the belt sort of setting off the shoulder pads. I don't know. Just a cool, cool looking lady. I'm certainly not thinking limestone. Do you know what I mean? I'm looking at the craftsmanship. I'm not thinking about what it's made of. So people can look at that statue. But I didn't

anyone saying limestone. Do you mean it's made of limestone? I'm saying that I'm dragging the family to the blurb where it's going to say limestone somewhere. I'm reading it out to them. You're saying you're saying limestone, limestone, you're saying limestone. Yeah. But you're not you're saying limestone limestone you're saying limestone yeah but you're not going to the louvera no i wouldn't go to the louvera exactly that's a thought experiment that cancels itself out it's not going to happen it could happen but it won't i'm talking about whether things happen or not it doesn't happen okay well if taking that as

red what about the Andes then? Yeah, same goes for the Andes. What there's a chalk, there's a chalk bed in the Andes. limestone bed. There's a limestone bed in the Andes. Again, you're in the Andes, you're going, I'm in the bloody Andes. This is great. You're not going like you're not talking about the limestone bed. You know what I mean? And presumably, the bed is quite deep under the Andes, I'm guessing if it's a bed. So again,

I think, you know, you walk up Snowden, you don't say granite. Yeah. Here we go. It's just gonna be another bollocking. It's gonna be a professor from bangers. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you walk around Buckingham Palace, you don't say mahogany. You didn't always say what things are made of. You meet Henry Packer, you don't say 90% water. 10% beef. Just because you're experiencing something doesn't mean you're saying what its component parts are, would be my argument. I think that's a solid argument. Yeah. Sounds like a classic reflector bollock to me. Sounds like I think it's a reflector bollock. Reflector bollock.

Take that Paul. Yeah. You do it. You know, you have a meeting group with a politician you don't say 95% lies. Oh, what they made of in a way. Lovely change change of government. No, no change of the swinging satire. There was a swinging satire stays the same government change. Yeah. But the jokes stay the same. Three main satire stays the same, governments change, but the jokes stay the same. The three main satire jokes stay the same. A. they're all liars. B. it's all spin these days. Three sex things. Sex things. Ladies and gentlemen, please pray silence for a moment of satire. Jonathan Swift. Holding institutions to account.

Mark Twain. Speaking truth to power. Chaucer. A core part of any healthy democracy. Chumbawumba. Can our jokes actually change government policy? Of course they can. Quiet! Please respect this important mode of humour.

So as Mike said earlier, this is not an episode. No, it's not an ep, I'm afraid. We do not create an episode for the fifth Wednesday of a month. So yeah, Paul, you can decide whether or not that reflective bollock counted even, therefore. Yeah, maybe it doesn't. Yeah, maybe none of it counted. Yeah. Well, if a bollock is reflexo-bo bollocks in the woods and it's not an episode,

did anyone say chalk or limestone? So if you listeners to chill on during as you summer, because we were all, we're all summering now, aren't we? But we shall return once we've summered. Yeah, we might have some southern hemisphere listeners Mike Okay, who are overwintering they'll be hibernating yeah, that's true will be summering with me it will be summering They'll be wintering while we're summering. Yeah, exactly. So they'll set that happy Christmas Auckland happy Christmas to us on the southern hemisphere listeners. Mm-hmm. And in Auckland. Happy Christmas to all Southern Hemisphere listeners. And of course in Southern Hemisphere the clocks go anti-clockwise don't they? Into your bath plug. If you flush them down a toilet, yes. So good morning and hope you sleep well. We'll see you last year at the same time going the other way.

Right, bye! Bye everyone! Bye! See you in September, don't go anywhere, bye!