Three Bean Salad - Fifth Wednesday Warning Broadcast

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday January and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of cosmic health and safety)Join our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad for bonus episodes.

Okay guys, it's Wednesday. It's not just any Wednesday though, is it Ben? No, and I, well, I don't want to say it, Mike. It's... Yeah, because we shouldn't even be doing this. Well, no, because it's a fifth Wednesday, which we should be observing. Vile, vile day, vile five, vile five.

It's like, it's like waking up, opening the window and looking into your front garden, seeing a crow just vomiting toads all over your bins, isn't it? In terms of bad omens. It's just wrong. It shouldn't happen now. It has happened. We should be in our homes turning all the electrics off and self-flagellating for the day. That's what we should be doing. That's what we should be doing to try and beat the day out, beat it out. Do not let it in. Drawing pin flip flops. All of these things. Drawing pin flip flops. Draw the curtains.

Two hot bath. Have a two hot bath. Two cold tea. And an under poached egg. That's all you can eat all day is a horribly under poached egg. Yeah. The snot egg. The snot egg. Still translucent. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, for anyone listening who's not quite sure what we're talking about. Most months, so we do four episodes a month. And normally in most normal months, you can do one a week on the Wednesday and that works out. But on some little pernicious little disgusting little, it's a sort of it's a kind of admin Gregorian admin error, isn't it? It shouldn't be there, which we're hoping to overlook. We are lobbying for a new calendar. Yeah. So hopefully King Charles, I don't know, the Chuckian calendar, hopefully that will be launched soon. But I mean, he's not well,

he's not responded yet, but we are lobbying. It's not exactly an institution famous for modernising, is it the British Royal Family? And nor is the other institution we're dealing with, which is the Papacy. Those are the two institutions, the only two institutions that can help us with this. And they're both Papacy, because they print calendars, don't they? They print the calendars. Most of their money.

That's yeah, it's almost all the calendars. It's the same way that cinemas make most money from popcorn. It's not what you expect. Same with the papacy, it's from calendars. And this isn't, this isn't the conspiracy theory, because I think this is, well, this is kind of a conspiracy theory. The Pope uses that fifth Wednesday to go skiing. And that's why he's holding onto it. It's the only day we can go skiing. And that's why he's holding onto it. It's the only day we can go skiing.

And before you ask, yes, he does have an adapted Pope and Beale, which he skis within. And it's more like kind of what you'd think of as a robot suit, isn't it? A robot ski suit that he wears. A mech suit, I believe it's called. That's right, it's a mech. It's a tecanoid mech suit. Which is three separate thermos flasks attached to the chest.

Tea, coffee, holy water. And yes, the holy water is mould. That's right. Yeah, he can't control it as such. He just goes straight down the mountain. So if you're family or a kid, you're an adult, whatever you are, you are getting absolutely steam-roaded by him as he skis straight down the mountain.

And he just screams, it's God's will! Through a tanoi, yeah. In different languages, it translates as it says, there's always shouting, it's God's will in different language. Yeah. So that's why the, yeah, the papacy are very slow to move on this, unfortunately. Absolutely dragging the heels on this, aren't they? I mean, many of you listening will be at work today, on a Wednesday, that's disgusting. On a fifth Wednesday, shouldn't be happening. Shouldn't be.

You shouldn't be. And some of you will be taking the day off today, which you also shouldn't be doing. You should be somewhere in between, as it should be in a state of discomfort. Yeah. Yeah, you should basically be wasting a day off. You should be wasting a day off.

Yeah, that's how it should feel. It should be a day if you looked forward to for a while, but then you had to stay in to wait for a parcel because you ordered some trousers off the internet. Yeah. And they said they were coming between 10 and two, they don't come until 4 30. Yeah, yeah, come on quite concentrated on anything you don't have anything decent in the fridge. You feel irked until bedtime. But there's lots of if you're missing the beans, there's

lots of extra stuff on Patreon. Yeah, that's not for a fifth that's not for a fifth Wednesday.'s not for a fifth Wednesday. Oh Unless unless you're determined to not enjoy it in which case you can listen to it on a fifth Wednesday But if you're gonna enjoy it don't listen to it listen to it today, but yeah, I think you are allowed to download it today deep cuts album tracks B sides Secret tracks at patreon.com forward slash three bean salad. Right, what next?

When the universe was created. Many millennia ago. Each month. Had four Wednesdays. Five. And the world began to burn. And every animal turned in the direction of crab. When we are all crabs, there shall be no Wednesdays at all. Every day for a crab is a new and brutal Monday. Right, time to say goodbye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.