Three Bean Salad - Live Beans Announcement

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

The Beans are doing their first ever live show (and livestream) and would like to tell you about it.London Podcast Festival, 2nd September 2021, 7pm (UK time)Tickets for the livestream can be found here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/

One thing we need to do is we need to record a sort of advert for the live show. Oh, yes. That's a good idea. Which is now sold out, but they can still buy live streamers. Also, he's sold out that room quite quickly, which is obviously very pleasing. So should we move up to the O2? It's probably time, isn't it? I think it holds 20,000, which is more people than the number of people who regularly

listen to this podcast by a bit of a margin. But I think we can do it. It feels like you should strike early with these things. I mean, I think hiring the O2 arena is going to be expensive. It's going to be an expensive outlay to begin with. Yes. Yeah. So how does remortgaging a property work?

Is it that you put down a new deposit? They talk you through all this at the debtors' jail. I don't want to worry. So obviously, I'll be mortgage-free once we've done the gig. Yeah. All it is is I just need to cover myself for like a 12-hour period or something for the accounts to clear from the O2 back into my account. So all I need is to get through that period by selling everything I own.

I think financial admin-wise, you're probably looking at doing a little bit of prison time anyway at some point. So I just try and talk to one of your representatives and see if you can get it funneled all into one glut. Okay. Just do a year, negotiate a year somewhere. Right. And then just start from scratch, I think, after that probably.

So you're saying that Henry should consolidate all of his financial crimes into one kind of, I think so. One stint in prison. Yeah. One stint. And yeah, just click clean slate, clean slate time after that. I'd be up for doing preemptive time almost just by myself. It's in crime time.

Yeah. Get myself a bit of leeway for the future, you know what I mean? Almost get it out of the way now. Why not get it out of the way now? And then stick up a newsagents. Well, exactly. Well, then I've just got options, haven't I? I could go out in the world going, I've already done three years of time.

I've got open to me. I've got the option of, yeah, ripping off a post office, doing a bit of tax. A bit of pension fraud. A bit of pension fraud. Yeah. I could light arson. Light arson. I could probably nick a car.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So you've got that in the back pocket. You've also got the freedom to park on double yellow lines anywhere you want. Willy-nilly. That kind of stuff, willy-nilly. Like minor council stuff, park wherever I want. Like being a diplomat.

Mmm. You know, just take shopping trolleys and just, you know, just shove them out into the main road. You know what I mean? I mean, I'm a guy tipping left, right and bloody Sender. Right? Just buying sofas and just dumping them out of the car when you've barely left the car park.

Right? Yeah. So freeing. Sorry, mate. This is one of the runways at Gatwick, mate. What are you doing? I'm having a barbecue. I've done three years in Belmarsh and I'm having some sausages.

You did Belmarsh? I went for Belmarsh. Do you want to just shuffle off and explain to the passengers they're going to have to wait? No, you can't have a sausage. Yes, mate. You cannot have a sausage. So is this still an advert for a live show?

Yeah, by which we mean, please do come and see our live show or live stream our live show at the London comedy, no, at the London, the podcast festival, London podcast festival in September at some point. I think our show is on the second of September, which is a Thursday evening at 7pm British time. British time. And I think it's sold out, unfortunately, but you can live stream your way in. I think to find tickets, go to, it's in a venue called Kings Place, look up Kings Place

on Search Engine Over Your Choice and also put the ticket link in the episode description for this little episode. Don't quite know what it is yet, do we? But, you know, it'd be something like this. It's your chance to see, you know, the next Clarkson, May and Hammond. Yeah. We're angling for Top Gear, aren't we? That's what we do.

This is the long game is Top Gear. Yeah, we've not mentioned that, but now we're on series two. Let's be bald about this. This whole thing was just about. That's what we're going for. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, two of us only know about the Hyundai i10.

Yes. Well, it would be a different show, absolutely. We believe that we could string that out, probably. Henry's got a mini, I think. I've got a mini. Yes. It's going to be quite small car based. And it'll be more from the user interface with the car rather than knowing about all

the internal stuff, wouldn't it? It'd be more like getting in, getting out, putting your seatbelt on. Where's the handbrake? Where's the handbrake? Yeah. What are you keeping in the little side drawers? That kind of stuff. We might talk about why they don't seem to use a handbrake much in America.

What's that little stick on the side of the wheel that they do instead? I've always wondered about that. They're all automatics in America. They're all automatic. I can't drive stick. Oh my God, it's stick. The death of electronic cigarette lices in the modern day car. They've now become USB charging ports, haven't they?

Mm-hmm. So it's this kind of thing. It's quite good. We don't want to waste it all now, because all these things are good stuff. Exactly. This is really good. Right. What's going on then?

Have we laid down some content there? So this is still the advert for our live show. Okay. Yes. Okay. Let's put it this way. I don't want to give too much away, but there's going to be a couple of surprises that are pretty...

I don't want to say too much now. Are you going to be giving away some white goods? Because you should make that sort of promise unless you can really back it up. Henry's raffling off a fridge freezer. I've got a new sea kettle. Burning a hole in my, well, work surface, which is why I'm getting rid of it. In all seriousness, but put it this way, celebrities, a bit of high tech stuff, and... Recipe suggestions.

Recipe suggestions, laser shows, all of these things are in the mix, can't guarantee anything that will happen. Well, laser pens, certainly. Laser pen. I think you can get one on Amazon, there might be, yeah, there may be a laser pen. I was thinking we could sort of suggest there was something surprising happening, then work on that between now and then. Sort of throw down the gauntlet for ourselves.

Yeah, to a self-gauntlet. Well, okay, if I throw something out, then this is something we have to do in the live show. So, okay. You want to see horses on stage? Well, look no further than what Mike's got in store. Because he is going to be, you're going to be calling a Mr. Horse off of it, believe you me.

And do you want to see a real-life Centaur? Then Ben Partridge is your man. Oh, you got me. Yeah, Ben Centaur Partridge is... Oh, great. So, great. I've been hoisted by my own petard there. Now, I've got to graft my torso onto the body of a horse.

Great. I think that's enough these days. It's not enough, is it? I think that needs to be, you need to add in some sort of escapology element. I think once you've grafted on, I think we need to be dumping in a big vat of water or something, chained up. Hang on. You were saying that if I appeared at the London Podcast Festival, having turned myself

into a Centaur, people wouldn't be interested. That's just a filter on TikTok, mate. Exactly. People will think that's nothing more than clickbait. Yeah. There's got to be something else. Okay. What if there's me as the Centaur, and then next to me is the creature that's created

by my human legs and the horse's head, so the opposite is the Centaur. It's very top-heavy, very slow, unwieldy animal. Yeah. It probably can't hold itself up particularly well. Yeah, that might be quite good. The negative Centaur. What's that? Top half of a cow, bottom half of you?

Horse. Cow? Where's the cow come from? What is the Centaur again? It's a horse with the torso, arms, and head of a human. Which is the one that's like a goat? Isn't it something? That's a fawn, isn't it?

Oh, that's it. A fawn, yeah. You know, all these mythical animals and creatures like that, yeah. Which won't be quite so mythical on the 2nd of September. As Henry is converted into El Chupacabra by one stage. The man of a thousand snakes. The man of a thousand snakes coming out of his back. That's right.

What is El Chupacabra? I don't really remember, really, remember, beyond him being some sort of South American horror ghoul, possibly swamp dwelling. So if you want dancing horses, a Centaur, El Chupacabra, you might be over promising here. 2nd of September, Kings Place, London podcast festival, live stream available. Also, you can watch the live stream for 7 days after the show. So if it's the middle of the night for you.

Oh, really? If you live in Wellington, New Zealand, you can watch it at your leisure. That's quite good.