Three Bean Salad - No Bean Salad Non-Beanisode

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June), but if you want to listen to new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

Well, what to say? We're, we're not here. Well, we, yeah, we're clearly, we're here for this, but we're not here this week, because it's our, it's our little, it's our little recess month, isn't it? We do like to give ourselves a mouth off, don't we? Well, we lie fallow, don't we? It's to regenerate. It's like, it's like a field system, isn't it? I plow phosphorus back into my body for a month. I'm, I am just, I'm just grazed upon this month and shot upon.

I am veritably invaded by worms. Yeah. You often have a festival held on you as well for this month, don't you? Yeah. Which is, we, I don't know, I keep telling you it's an absolutely terrible idea that's going to do real damage to your topsoil. It's worm con 2022, isn't it? It's, it's, all the worms come along and have a good time. All the worm genres. All the worm genres, all the worm.

I think it's too broad, personally. Yeah. You think you've always said, isn't it just, it's either worm rock or it's worm jazz. Yeah. Worm fusion is just not, you don't think it's. And is it family centric or is it not? Because again, that's very confusing, I think, from your, from your literature. I think just because you've got a death metal worm band on doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to eat a good taco at the same time. That's, that's my attitude to.

Well, that's been, that's been the key to your success, isn't it? Yeah, that's been. Your willingness to be completely penetrated by hundreds of thousands of worms. Yeah. It's the fact that I didn't mind that. The way I see it is the more aerated, the better. You know, that's what, that's what worms do. They do it to soil, they do it to people. Of course, the major downside with your, with the worms is once the, the crows, ravens and

magpies start to realize what's going on. Oh, my word. Well, that's. They're very much the hell's angel of the worm festival scene, aren't they? When they, when those guys swoop in, you know, it's like bloody hell. The sixties are over. The sixties are over when they're playing tug-of-war through my body with worms. Yeah.

The number of times the sixties have been over in your body as well. Yeah. Takes its toll, eventually. It really does. By the end of that weekend, the worms are like, I don't know what that was about, but it's time for us to get proper jobs, start families. Gonna cut my hair. I'm going to cut my hair. Bi-buic.

Bi-buic. Yeah, move to a commuter town. And just start coaching softball. Just give something back. Yeah. In Eugene, Oregon. And so that's what we'll be up to. Yeah.

So what we're saying really is that there'll be no three-bin-side episodes this month. However. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Here it comes. There is. Waiting on the Patreon feed for those who've signed up. A brand new bonus episode. Which you can access at patreon.com forward slash three bean salad.

I think you can also get all the old extras there as well, right? Presumably they just sit there in perpetuity. Yeah, if you sign up now, you'll get every bonus episode we've ever done. Including a Beatles special. And a Henry Art special as well. Henry Parker's ways of seeing. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

There's some really great content. It's almost like a kind of... Sonic Netflix. You go on there and you just... There's something for everyone. Well, I try this, well, I try that. It's a bit like that now, isn't it? It's almost like, oh God, I don't want to choose.

Do I want to be entertained? Do I want to be scared? Do I want to be informed? Yeah. Do I want to laugh? Do I want to watch Squid Game? Which you can do while listening to our Patreon. There's nothing stopping you if you've got a Netflix subscription.

Good. So, yeah, enjoy that if you fancy. If not, we'll see you in June. Yes, either way. And if not, thanks for listening anyway. And have a great early summer. Is May early summer or late spring? Have a great late spring.

Also, we'll see you in a month, which might feel like a long time, but remember, when a month has passed, it'll feel like it was probably quicker than a month, because that's what people generally feel about time. Isn't it? So, actually, it's already pretty much, in fact, you'll probably go. It feels like yesterday, a month ago. So, in which case, it's actually tomorrow.

So, really, we'll be back tomorrow in terms of how things feel, and that's the main thing. Quick, everyone, go to bed now. And also, enjoy. Obviously, people, you know, we have to be tactical when we think about when we're going to have our mats off. When we're thinking, well, in May, people are doing the May activities, aren't they?

They're dancing around a pole. Yep. They're getting the hinges ready. That's right. Yeah, preparing the hinges. There's a lot of flower garland action going on. Crowns of daisies. Creating daffodil wine.

And pushing anything and any one that don't need any more off a cliff. And then finishing them off with a big old mallet. And a jug of fungal poison. Oh, I didn't tell you, I meant to say, when we were recording an episode the other day that I bought, I recently bought my first medium-sized rubber mallet. Did you? Yeah.

What are you going to whack with it? I'm going to put together some metal shelves, and it said, we recommend you get this medium-sized rubber mallet. Obviously, you had a jumbo rubber mallet already. Well, I had a big inflatable mallet, yeah. That's for comedic, just for making your day-to-day life more funny, isn't it? Exactly, yeah. And I had a tiny iron mallet.

But medium-sized rubber mallet, feels like a big step. I don't know if I have the view of taking that step yet to get yourselves a medium size. I've had a rubber mallet for a while in the back of the car, but that's because one of the wheels is sort of rusted on. And if you need to change the tire, it won't come off unless you get under it and mallet the thing out, which feels very dangerous when you're doing it. I think probably is.

Do you think if the police were looking for a murder suspect and they pulled you over and you had a mallet in the back of your car, they would begin to put two of you together? Oh, no, I wash the blood off every week. OK. I'm very, very careful about that. And have you got a rubber mallet, Henry? I don't have a rubber mallet.

I thought mallets were supposed to be hard. What's the point of it being rubber? Doesn't it bounce back at you? The point is you can hit something with it without that thing denting. I'll pop around yours, Henry, later. I'll be there probably by eight o'clock this evening. I'll mallet you up and down. OK.

No one will be able to prove a thing, but you'll know about it. So I'd have there'd be no injury marks, but I'd be dead. Is it what happened? Internally, you'd basically be a soup. Yeah. But from the outside, you'd just look like... I just look like a perfectly normal healthy dead man. But inside, it's just a Henry pack of soup.

So is that something coroners can recognise, is it? When they make the first incision and you just kind of drain off. Piping hot tomato soup. That's why the coroners, typically, they'll spigot you first and see if you drain out the whole contents, then they know exactly what's happened. And then they'll put it into a bowl, and there's a very tense moment, isn't it, where they drop a crouton in.

And if the crouton floats, does it float or not? If it floats, I'm dead. If it doesn't, you will be soon. So, yes, so enjoy your May activities, your mallettings. Remember, if you're malleting someone or something, remember to use a rubber mallet, medium size. Thanks a lot. And the police can't touch you.

Lovely. Thanks a lot. See you soon. Henry's still going. Until next time. And in terms of your gardening... I think we've stopped Henry. Get that crow poison down and we'll stop now.

Stop him. Stop him, Ben. Shut it down, shut it down.