Three Bean Salad - Non-episode-isode

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September), but if you want to listen to extra bonus content you can sign up at our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

Mike, you know a few weeks ago you delivered some bad news to us all but I think it affected me more than Henry possibly. Yeah, the high on death. The high on death. Your high onend died. Well, I also have a high-end day at 10. No. No, no. Lining can't strike twice. Please, please not. For the love of no. So what what it's currently with the mechanics.

Oh, don't say that to me, Ben, don't say that! No we all know what that means it's not coming back it's not coming back! It's not it's way to the special high-hand I farm. Oh god it's up to me Mike it's in my hands. Oh that's... Okay, can I say Ben? Can I say... Try and... Obviously, it's a very emotional time. But one thing I just would say is try and be with it, when it happens, if you can be with it as much as possible. When it's sold to a teenager. I do, ideally, if you could be there,

when that transaction takes place. Just holding it and stroking it. And actually, if you'd get in potentially, and just be there with it, when Mike told us about his high end dying, is that official now, Mike, by the way? Does anyone want to say a few words? The words have been said.

Ashes have been tossed into the sea. A flock of doves have been taken to the wing. Henry's trying to pull off his second funeral for it. It's a bit weird. Sorry, because I know I am. You were there at the time. I have a habit of forgetting quite important moments that happened. Major life events.

Major life events. Was I there? Well, I wasn't at the funeral, was I? Yeah. You were there, all right. I don't know. Was I? Yeah Yeah. Yeah. No, it's coming back to me now. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. There was a Hyundai shaped coffin. Wasn't there? And what this whole event has brought home to me is that, you know, Mike presented it to us as if he was completely passive in the experience. The Hyundai died. Rather than I killed the Hyundai.

Is it? Because I've realized now, it's in my hands. I've got a huge bill. I can either pay to keep it going, or I can not pay the huge bill, which is almost as much as the car is worth, and push it into the sea under the cover of darkness. And this is why I always tell people take out pet insurance on these things always.

It's always worth it. And you didn't do that, did you? No, and I've been expressing the fluid for its anal glands daily, but it's not making a difference. You're yourself, you've had to do that yourself, haven't you? I mean, the gloves alone probably cost more than I had a hand, I per year. You have to spend this special gloves. So basically, I need I I need to decide if I want to, you know, keep pouring love into this machine, in the form of

hard cash, in the form of our cash plus VAT. Ben, is there a system which I know they sometimes do with animals? Where they can remove remove the remove the warrior wheels and replace them with support wheels. Or, or, or, or, or some sort of trolley system whereby the front wheels are actually paring. Oh, how do you, what you're talking about? Or maybe you could get it stuffed. What you're talking about Henry is what mechanics do, which is replacing parts on cars. That's what the bet is for.

You can see it's saying that. And, or maybe you could get it stuffed. Get it stuffed and mounted. Maybe in an action pose, like half way up a branch. It's happy as place surrounded by squirrels and other small mammals. Yeah. In the middle of catching a boat. Of course, Trump, as you can see the stuff in

can't you with it with the yeah the windows are a problem. You didn't you didn't have the one didn't have the one way windows did you. Well, the only other way around that is to get Ben inside the car and get Ben stuffed as well. We're in the Ben stuff Ben's stuff as well. Get Ben's stuff, so that's not a bad idea. I said, would Ben be half-a-paper branch as well? They're in the car. I bet in the car, exactly.

I'm a passenger on the driver's seat, and then the car itself is half-a-paper branch. It's quite nice. That's quite lovely. But Ben, you, because I know that when these moments happen, the vultures swoop down. They presumably, you've been talking to some people that have some quite outlandish and expensive options for how you deal with the situation. So, yeah, talk us through those options, Ben. I'm not really sure what you're talking about. What are the mechanical solutions that you could invest in to keep the Hyundai gang. Well, basically, the main problem is that it absolutely stinks of fish.

Have you been filling the fuel tank with sardines again? It's how the Portuguese do it. You fill it with full of sardines. You tell us, I mean, just swim forwards, swim forwards and not carry that on down. That's right. Yes, they won't listen. And instead of putting in live saddings this time, I put in a can of pictures and tomato sauce and it's totally ruined the engine.

So it stinks of fish. Okay. Yeah. Now, I thought somebody's dropped some meat in the car. You know, that's easy to dropped some meat in the car. No, that's easy to do. So, fish meat. Well, or just meat. Or meat goes fishy.

Or meat becomes fish eventually. And then I thought maybe a mouse has died in the car somewhere. It had that kind of smell, do you know what I mean? Yeah, I know what he's talking about. Do you still do that thing where you fill up the glove compartment with crab paste? Ballast. He bit nice and flat and smooth. Because you can be looking at problem. But apparently it's caused by there's some thing inside the car that is cracked and coolant is coming out and the coolant is smelling like fish.

And it's being fired out of the sort of blowers into our face. So you get the kind of face of fish every time you get in. The blowhole. Yeah, the blowhole, exactly. Cars are so tricky aren't they? Because if you lose something in a car, it's incredibly hard to find anything in a car, isn't it? If you lose pushing... ...special hand... ...keys or a rat duck. You know, any fresh water fish, that's it. It's gonna, they just dissolve into the mechanism, but then once something is in that mechanism, it's just so hard to get out. But that's what I was worried about,

but so I was able to deal with it. It turns out it's not that. But it was actually a mechanical problem. Yeah. It's a mechanical problem. So Mike, I need your, I need your guidance here because I could just keep paying this beautiful metal horse with it's, yeah, barley, slash pants. But what stage do I, I can't, I can't.

Yeah, I think you're asking the wrong guy actually, because that genuine, generally speaking would, would be my approach. The, the, the, the money pins, irrational choice approach. You go down that route would you? Yeah, until you've been told, you know, this is it. This is it. I don't want your money anymore. Stop it. Stop coming back to QuickFit. Go away. This is barely a car. I think that can be done. Exactly. Now Ben, no one wants to talk about these these potential endgame scenarios here, but I think it, no one wants to talk about these, these potential end game scenarios here, but I think it's important that we do talk about them. If it was time to say goodbye to

that end though, would you consider, would you consider the Viking, the Viking funeral option? Because I can offer you some really, really attractive packages. Now, obviously no one wants this data come, but when it does come, are you short-changing yourself by not investing in the full Viking package? I'm just going to put that out. So this is when you take it to an SO garage, cover it in petrol from the pump, set fires of the car, and the whole garage. And it's what the Vikings would have done. And what they did do all around the fair is.

And then afterwards you go to a local church, ran circuit, take all the estimates, to get a bunch, to get a bunch and you're on your way. I mean, obviously I know Henry, obviously this is doing this podcast as part of your job, but your main job is doing Viking funerals for old hatchbacks, old hatchbacks. Yeah. I mean, the business pretty much runs itself. Packers, packers, packers, packers, packers, packers, packers, packers, packers, packers, packers is now, I mean, I only, I've

never got a place on the board, but it's pretty much an independent concern now. So the idea, I mean, I haven't actually been face to face with a client like this. The glory days of when Packers Pires first started out, which was... We started out as Packers Pires, didn't it? And there's just a slightly mistaken answer on your... On some paperwork. But you have to adapt in business, don't you? Well, we're... So we kept on setting fire to the pie shops to pack us pie. Packers Pires. In fact, our whole thing are actually based on a sun headline, which is packers by is more like packers by is. And she just went with it in the end. And then look on the look on a client's face when their car is on fire and they're thinking,

hang on, I could have sold this for about two grand. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Rather than paying this man a 10 grand. Yeah. And also having two, we have to then pay for the new fire, fire station as well. The new fire station. Oh, especially if you've burned it down in a fire station. There's a very expensive package. It's the irony package. Yeah, the platinum irony package. And then the look on the face of those firemen as they come down the slidey thing actually light land in a fire in a flaming high end I would just be because you've hoicked out the fire engine replacement in a hand I look on their faces honestly just you know Henry the firemen's pole doesn't go directly into the fire engine. Don't tell him, they don't. Well, it's good. There's enough bad news today. Don't tell him. It's not like what is synchrom. The next thing you're going to tell him

it doesn't get him changed on the way down as well. So yes, that's where I am. Anyway, I thought, you know, I'll just have to replace it. I'll get a new second-hand car. I thought, how much can a second-hand car cost, really? Oh, not that much. No, no, then. And then I had a look and I was like, what?

I saw a show. What? Yeah. Is it a piss show? It's absolutely, it's absolutely a piss take to her tree. Would you consider getting a high-end eye? Would I consider getting anything other than a high-end eye? Okay. Because again, this is a bit like when a pet, you know, because if you get another high-end eye, will it ever be the same as that previous high-end eye for you? Would you get it in different colour, for example? Yeah. Just to make sure that it's not competing in your affection. I think, because I had an i10, which is the smallest one, I could see myself going up to

i20. What? You're going to have to be twice a day. Make some cutbacks. It's exactly twice the size of it, in all dimensions, including the steering wheel and the driver's seat. And the better. It's the better.

It's the better. It's the better, the better, the better the distance the better. Bloody hell, that's a ball move. It takes up two lanes. So everything's double. Double car bike face that. You're really going to build up your hand muscles, to operate the radio control knob, stony as well. There you are.

That's what those squishy hands exercise things before, isn't it? You see people squishing them. Anyway, this isn't an episode. Oh yeah. It's not as a, but it's been a useful opportunity for you to event spleen Ben. I don't think we've necessarily helped you with your decision making.

I think you just have to spend a bit of time sitting commune in the I-10, in the garage, wherever it is. And, um, it's come to terms with that. When you get to the point where the garage guy himself is saying, well, you could spend this on it, but, you know, you'd be does the garage person look like they themselves can't be asked to fix the car. Yeah.

Yeah. But I think it's because he has to take, he kept saying, oh, I've got to take the, got to take the dashboard off. That is your job, though, isn't it? Just try me. You shouldn't have got into this game. You should be excited about that mate. That should be what you live for. You served as well, like me and my grateful wife. Think of you as a daughter.

I by high and I, never left this I am drawn Anyway, this is the never-soed. No, sorry. Yeah, sorry. It's not an episode. What is it then? We're just here to tell people that we're not here for the next month. The summer break summer break the crucial summer break August. Oh, thank goodness. Yeah. Important time. Constant barbecue. Yeah, you have to replenish with meat and spicy condiments.

Don't you? Yeah. At this time. Cold slow. Cold slow. Pull side thrillers, you know. Kind of stuff. It's time to charge Grisham's coffers.

And get some new chili sauces in. Oh, there's a new chili sauce. Have you seen there's a new chili sauce? Stand supermarkets, get a new chili sauce to slather all over you. But if you slather them on them straight onto a Grisham. Yeah. Can actually quite a nice, can't it?

And you know that the summer's here. If you can't cope, just get a burger sauce, maybe a relish, or join our Patreon. Yeah, well, there's an extensive back catalog now, isn't there? You can always dip into that. That's true, the audio relish. You're missing the beans. The Patreon, wouldn't it? So that's there.

What else do you need to tell me? Nothing really. Just stay safe. And if you've got an I-10, just love it. Drive it like every day is it's last you never know when it's gonna stop blowing hot fish into your face as you say Mike just be in the now with it be in the moment and close your eyes and just breathe and and if you're in the middle of a busy

motorway open your eyes again and put your eyes again carrot just breathe normally and put in the next leg by and please don't hold the middle lane. Unless you're in a night 20, which goes, you will need to. You will need to. Yeah. And also, if you're almost in the podcast

and you didn't fancy the Patreon, there's, I've been told that, and I swear, simulating the podcast is, listening to the podcast, if you can access the podcast, is if you can access a hot field, like a very, very hot field, which has a a a pig barn or there are certainly areas of Britain I've driven through whether it's a large field, full of little little pig barn, a little mini pig barns. Yeah, it's one by the M4.

Yeah, I don't even mean. So head out to one of those. Get only hands and knees, go in, so barge you way into the pig barn if you can. Don't worry if the pigs attack you. There's not been a pig for salinity in Britain. Do you think? 32,000. Secondly, the last time you suggested this to the public. Well, they all went crazy on the millennium because it was a millennium bug. There was a millennium bug thing, wasn't it? So it was a pig.

It was a pig. It was a pig. It was a Millennium Bug thing, wasn't it? So it was a huge bait to fix. It was a big bait to fix. It wasn't good because it was big. Yes, it wasn't a toaster. Yeah. That should be called the Millennium Pig. Pig Millennium? I don't know, we can work top that after this.

Yeah. But get yourself into that little mini-pig barn. Don't worry if the pigs are attacking you. Um, and if they've got trough in there, if you get your head in the trough and spin the trough, hopefully I'm hoping it's a metal trough, you spin the trough over, so you get your head wedged under the trough, and then once you've got your head in that situation, just set it there, and if you start screaming and screaming really, really as loud as you can, like try and make it a real from the depths of your prime or past

sort of scream, that should reverberate inside the trough. The pixel panic, so then they're definitely attacking you. And if you've got any friends, then I suggest me to get with them later on, maybe for a point or something, or a chat or whatever it is you get up to, just to do them. Just because that's nice thing to do as well. But that's as close as you can get to simulating the experience, isn't it? Yeah?

And we don't give that happening. You know, don't give that away. Now you've told people that they don't need to listen to our podcast. Instead, they can simply get into a pig barn. Okay, don't put this out. Don't put this out. Also, the amount of people to really get the experience. The amount of people you'd have to hire with the kitchen utensils to whack that trough, it's just, it's probably cheaper

to join the paper on the end of that, and easier. Right, have a nice August everyone. Have a nice August. See you in September. Goodbye. Juryo. Bye. you