Three Bean Salad - Non-episode-isode-isode-isode-isode-isode

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September).Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Hello, this is not an episode. We're just quickly popping into that. It's not an episode. Uh, because we are having August off as we always do. Yeah. I mean, I'm not actually taking the time off. I'll be working on other more worthwhile things. Oh, really?

You're further furthering the solo career. My manifesto. Okay. Oh, project 2026. You're standing for president of the United States. That's right. Biden has stepped aside. There's room on the ticket for a, for a maverick choice, isn't there?

There is room on the ticket. Well, by the time this goes out, they would have, I imagine, decided or certainly, I don't know, actually, will they have worked it out? I don't know. It's in August, isn't it, sometime, but I don't know when. But yeah, as we record, Biden has jest this moment. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep John Sople is literally wetting himself 24 7 with it. We've had to, they've had to put the soap on nappy on back on. Cause he's so excited. I literally don't know anything about any of the people who Gavin Newsome. I like that Steve boot booted Jake guy. Pete booted Jake. Is it Pete? I think of him as Steve. Do you like him less now he's called Pete? No, I think I like him the same. Again, Pete doesn't sound very American, does it? He should

be called Chuck Beaver. Exactly. Well, if I think if he were to change his name to Chuck Beaver, then I think he'd bring both the people together. My sister came up with a great idea yesterday. She saw that the one person that could actually do it for the Democrats to the point where it would just be like, it's all over, would be the rock. And he did no security detail. Exactly. Because he could just take everyone out himself.

Yeah. What about Paul Giamatti? Oh, now you're talking. Now you're talking. On a double ticket with Plemons. Imagine. And maybe a sort of Sarandon. Secretary of State. Yeah, Secretary of State Sarandon.

Yeah, I'd donate to that. Or set up a troll farm or something. A pro-Sarandon troll farm. Different sovereign state. Why not? You do what you can. You take an interest. Get involved.

Um, yes, sorry. Anyway, so we're not, we're not, we're not here. So none of this is worth listening to at all, but we know that we miss you and we'll be back soon. Yeah. And if you, uh, if you want more three bean salad, you can find it on our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash three bean salad. There's loads of hot content on there.

And not so hot. There's hours of hot content on there. And not so hot. There's hours of the stuff now, isn't it? Hours and hours of it. So if you fancy it, get stuck in. Either do that or if not, we'll see you in September. Lovely. Oh, say can you see? Defense. And here's a little taster of a bit from our most recent Patreon only extra beans episode. It's an extra bit from our episode about archaeology. Enjoy! Oh, and I should say, it's a little bit racy.

So you know, if you're listening with children or a vicar or a maize and aunt, just spare that in mind. I think archaeology is a really hot, hot, hot area. We're discovering this. You know why? Is it because everyone's bending over all the time? There's two things. Uh oh.

Lewd content warning. Lewd content. Content. Content. Hoi! Hoi! Hoi! I think, I tell you, it's the bending over, it's the little shorts. It's the fact that you have to dust something very, very gently in the same way that you might dust the thigh of a lover very gently with a little brush. You've put the little shorts in, by the way. That's something you've imposed on the situation.

A little khaki, little khaki, little shorts, a little pocket, little pockets on which didn't really have to serve any purpose. Slightly dusty buttocks. Slightly dusty buttocks. Dusting off those buttocks. Slightly dusty buttocks. Dusting off those buttocks. Declaring it of ours. Also, let's face it, being bored. When you're bored, you're thinking about food or sex. Food or sex. Or the Roman Empire. For a lot of people. Well, that's how you know if you're an archaeologist because you're taken to a dig and they say

what are you thinking about food, sex, other, and if you are thinking about the Roman Empire, then you're in. You see, that's why the rest of us wouldn't be able to do it. But Mike, what I would ask you is why are they thinking about the Roman Empire? And I think what's happening is with digging, so with digging, you work at, you probably work at university, it's a fairly dry environment and and you're living in a Judeo-Christian sort of value system, right? But what you're doing is you're digging down to the filth zone of human society. Pre-Christian, we're talking Babylonian shit, mate. We're talking Nebuchadnezzar, yeah?

We're talking orgies for breakfast. We're talking about a breakfast orgy as standard. We're talking a thousand conc orgy, as standard. We're talking a thousand concubines. As standard. They're trying to dig themselves to a Babylonian Soho. Exactly. We're talking a thousand concubines means you're basically single. I think that's what they're digging down to, they're digging down to a more filthy, everyone's

in tiny little leather skirts, no one's got any morals. Everything is just about looking good, eating grapes in a sexy way. People sit down and eat grapes. Eating grapes today is I would say a completely sexless act. You're standing in a, in the corner of a Pret a manger, you spent £3.50 on a little plastic bowl with like seven grapes in it. You're effed off and you're worrying about the meeting you've got coming up or whatever. There's no Shays Long. There's no Shays Long. Contrast that to eating grapes while sitting on the toilet in a room with 20 other people

on the toilet. Exactamundo Ben. Waiting for the anus brush. And yes, I'm grilling as your final bloody tooth falls onto this shit covered floor. I think that's part I think there's some truth in that I think that's why there's a sort of there's a sort of obsession with ancient cultures in the kind of like uptight British university sector. Picture your average British academic Dr Timothy Plimpington. He's horny as hell. He's recently been sacked.

He's clad in, he's obviously clad in tweed clad at all times. He's completely bald. The nostril hair on this guy is interfering with the tweed lapels on his trousers. And 5G. You cannot get 5G during this guy's seminars, which means it's almost impossible to Google, is this appropriate? Do you know what I'm saying about archaeology being a bit hot? Totally. Yeah. It's a bit like if we if we dig down deep deep enough we'll get to a whole different value system, where I can actually be the real Dr Harold Nimblington.

Wherever he is. You know what I mean? Primal fish with legs level of sex. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking 60,000 concubines, more than I could ever possibly even meet in my own lifetime. That many concubines. And not just women, concubines as well. Concubines and concubines.

Was that a baboon concubine? Oh god. I'm never happier than looking at the glowing red arse of my conkaboon. That's my favourite conkaboon. And there's no value system to tell me that this is wrong. Cos I dug deep enough.