Three Bean Salad - Pencils

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

Popo (THE Popo?????) decides the beans ought to discuss pencils this week. Henry manages to crowbar in Andie MacDowell (surprise, surprise), congressional hearings get a mention as do several Roberts and Benjamin shares a top tip for increasing your household acreage without planning permission.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladTo buy streaming tickets for our upcoming live shows:Saturday 16th September 2023, 7pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29411/29415Sunday 17th September 2023, 2pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29666/29667Sunday 17th September 2023, 4.30pm (UK time) https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/29412/29416Get in touch: [e-mail] @beansaladpod

Right, let's not miss around. Let's get straight to the segment that people want. Ugh. Oh, yeah, come on mate. Yes! Ah! I'm an agony and I absolutely love this! Ah! More pain! Crunch it, push it, flex it, more pain! Smash it, spray it! Waaaay! The path to beauty is pro-lap tenorites! AHHHH! Henry's beef gageurly.

Henry, are you a terrifying beef cake yet? Have you been back? Well, I think, it is one thing I've learned on this beefcake journey. It's all about commitment. So, if I say the beefcake journey is going to be a segment, it's going to be a segment, all right? Avasive answer, I'd say it initially. So, yeah, strap in. Let's find out. I think someone said, if you've done any press ups, this could last both. Absolutely not. Commitment is 99% of what I am.

Have you been anywhere near a medicine ball? And the other one percent is also commitment. That's the commitment I make. 99 plus one equals 100% commitment. Yeah. It's about putting in money, way, and mouth. It's a lot of the time. We're putting in money and paying the trainer. So I've done that.

I've said I'm going to get a personal trainer and I've paid him. And have you seen him since? Only over this cash. Come on, come on. Commitment. Financial commitment. There's two, there's one eye in commitment. There's one eye in commitment. Well, to give you an idea of how it's going, I've got an email from a personal trainer.

The beef master was received two days ago. Yeah. Send your beef. Don beef here. The peck or angler. The great barrier beef. This guy got caught, most people don't have hot dinners. Not dinners. No, this guy's got so many quads loads of them. What's the email subject header? Don't be a stranger. No, it's a... Where the fuck are you? So the email is that the email title is checking in. To the B-Fotel. To the B-Fotel. Hi Henry, I hope you're well, exclamation mark.

I just wanted to check, you've received all the set up emails, okay. And everything is okay, question mark. Does the last thing you need is it, Henry, British, a set up email? Doesn't feel like. It's absolutely lasting, I need in my life. I'm, I'm, I'm one of, you know,

if I'm gonna go to a gym, it's to be to get away from things like set up emails. Doesn't check, yeah, kind regards. Then the name of my personal trainer. The beef master. Director of coaching and physique transformation. Oh. Yeah.

So you're saying, I'm not, I've not not currently at the stage, you know, any journey there, you got to have a wrist, right? What do you do first? You don't just go up, you don't start going up every day. You set up emails, don't you? You set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up,

you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you set up, you come up with an email for it. Dot-shurper.net. And maybe that one's gone and you've got to think again. Crampon.org. And you're into glaciers.co.uk. Less into it.

You start to lose hearts. No one's interested. No one takes you seriously. Hey, but I'm out the point where I'm almost, I'm not a mug mate. You think I'm going to arrange to come and come to my first session? Who do you think I am?

I'm not a mug. I know I'm not going to end up doing it. I've got it into it, so. Huh. Jokes on you, mate. I'm going to turn up at all. Huh. Jid-I-mean.

I'm one step ahead of the game. So have you got a day in the diary for session one? No. I'm not, I'm at any contact with the beef master. It's our first meeting. That's why he's asking you, mate. Okay. So I've met him once. the beef master. It's our first meeting. That's why he's asking you, I'm okay. So I've met him once. He might be the point of getting, did I actually meet that guy called him?

He didn't look like he belonged in a gym. Maybe he was some sort of hallucination or a gym day man. Maybe he was some sort of vending machine auditor. What could he have been? He looked like he'd been trapped in a vending machine and eating only vending machine contents for several years. Yeah, so essentially, I'm actually this sounds like a podcast. I'm ghosting my personal trainer. What was that podcast for? I don't know yet. Hey, welcome to I'm ghost in my personal trainer, the podcast for people who want to exercise,

but don't really want to exercise. How many crunches did you not do this week? Only 50. Well, you should be aiming to do less in relation to how many you theoretically should be doing It's all quite confusing, but I think I will at a moment. I feel like I'm playing a deadly game of cat and mouse with him It sounds more like a game of just sort of mouse Mouse giving away money Just impoverishing a mouse.

Because at the moment, I think he thinks right, in terms of the game of chess between you. The beef master. He thinks and the kind of guy is going to end up paying for a few sessions and then not actually sticking with it. Okay, so I'm one step ahead because I'm not even going to turn up to what I'm session potentially. I didn't see that coming. Did you?

Do you think, though, Henry, from his point of view, he might at this stage be thinking, what did I do wrong? You know, that's... Why doesn't he like me? You know, he would have... You would have to be paid me. Like, this might be destroying his self-esteem. I don't know. I think, I think he just thinks he's bagged another one, doesn't he? You must be legion, mustn't you? You're a lot. In the gym, I mean, that must be

surely how most personal trainers make a living. And exactly most of the, most of the gym economy is funded by people at me. But he, he also, he, he made just simply ever see him the time died, because he did. Yeah. And which case he's done everything he could possibly have done. Yeah. By because he did. Yeah. In which case he's done everything he could possibly have done. Yeah. By sending that email. Yeah. His hands are cleaned.

Exactly. I mean, he did introduce the idea of longevity. That was the first thing he talked about with you, right? Exactly. That was the first thing he mentioned was longevity. I just want to check. You received all the set up. I put your emails okay and everything is okay. If the person reading this is an executor of an estate, I am owed £8,000.

I can't say that Henry and I formed a very, very quick bond and connection. Please send one of your paralegals to conduct four training sessions At Hamish's beef and paureum On the old Ken Road Yeah, you should put them in your will Henry just in case you do die so that the four sessions can be Can I have them? I don't know what happens to this session. Who are you gonna bequeath your sessions to? It's a bit like all the audible books you've never listened to, who they still out those credits, are they still out there somewhere? Because those sessions, they are basically your assets now. I can't think of anything else

that you really have. No, no. I've basically put everything into those four sessions. Partly why I'm reluctant to do them, because then of course I'd be essentially burning my own assets. But no. So really it's about making those sessions work for me and for my future. So the first thing is you don't take them, you need to put them somewhere safe. You know what? The more I read his email, the more it does look a bit like a kind of alibi email, doesn't it? I just want to make a check.

You've received all the setup emails, okay? It's dated. And everything is okay, saying he's concerned for me, he thinks I'm alive. Has he asked for you to send him a picture of you with a copy of today's newspaper? Yeah, he said that was my login, he said I had to do that to get his proof of life. Also, it says at the end, book your free consultation, no. You've already had that one though, right?

I've only had that. I'm just going for free consultation. No, no. I'm going to see him at some point, but the moment I'm in that potential zone of, you've already had that one though, right? I've only had that. I've only had that. I'm going to see it at some point. But the moment I'm in that potential zone of I've got a person I've been booked in, I haven't had to hit up against reality that it's lots and lots of crunches in a

quite a noisy and unpleasant environment. You're in the potential sweet spot. I'm in the potential zone, exactly. That's where I'm at. I've currently got a potential six back in a potential great bod, isn't it? I've sort of got stroding as bod in that my bod is currently what my bod actually looks like

and what my bod could look like. Whereas if I start doing the sessions, my body will actually just look like that of someone who isn't doing that many crunches. And you're looking for kind of, you're going for racehorse, aren't you? Yeah. And you're looking for kind of you're going for race horse, aren't you? So sleek muscular shiny. I really want the shine is what I really want horse with a six pack. Yeah

So for the six pack massive nostrils Huge flaring nostrils and those incredible those eyes that look utterly terrified You know, there's utterly terrified horse eyes. And a turd cake's tail. The turd cake tail. And what I'm hoping for is that with his new, with them, the beef master nutrition plan, I'll end up with compostable dung. And presumably you've signed up for the Bolt Gun exit strategy. Well, the good thing about shooting for race, of course, is if it goes wrong, you don't reach it, you could then just pair it with someone else and tow like a sort of quite ornate looking carriage around at Eastern European city around the old town.

That's right. Oh, at Ferturist. Yeah, Ferturist. Yeah. We'll make you into burgers. Yeah. I did think you were in the running for studs with the greatest disrespect. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying That's what a shy horse is, isn't it? It's basically a race horse that's got overbeafed. Exactly. And not had a hair kind of few years. Yeah, it's got overbeafed. Yeah, I think shy horse is what happens

if you get too into it. Yeah. Oh, is it? Okay. Sort of roied horse. Yeah. So the piss test gone wrong a few years back. It's out of the game.

And the Shetland ponies one that's done too much hot yoga. It's just dehydrated, basically. It's just a designated racehorse. So watch this space, but it's all pretty inspiring stuff. Oh yeah, you're an inspiration to myself and also the listener's Henry, don't worry very much. So I think you can definitely get to mule by the end of the series. So do you say that your physical condition has deteriorated or improved since last time we spoke. Well, actually, I've weighed myself this one up. It seems to have put on half a stone, since it's the last podcast of pure beef.

Pure beef. And my, I mean, my track increasingly, my trousers are just absolute strangers to me. I look at them, I know they're hell are you? I do, I know you. Because I've had that, it's happened over the summer season, actually, this guy. I've basically put on, I've put on, I've put on, put away over the summer season. And I obviously, I covered my trousers, moved to shorts.

And then you just on a beach towel. Now I'm going back to my trousers. They're just absolute strangers to me. I'm using this personal training journey in a way, as a way to introduce myself to my trousers. Obviously, a quicker and cheaper and easier way of doing that is to simply get some new trousers. In a way, and maybe that is a self-help plan

that I could actually sign up to, which is some kind of trousers, some elio. Don't change your body. Change your trousers. Meet Henry, the trousers sommelier. Hi, that's the main advert on the ghosting your personal trainer podcast. Yeah. His Henry's trousers sommelier service. I'll introduce what's been holding you back your body, your attitude, no, your trousers. That's right. Me, Henry Packer, Simelea service. I'll introduce you. What's been holding you back? Your body, your attitude, no, your trousers.

That's right, me and Rebecca, that's Trauzer, Simelea. I'll introduce you to trousers, they'll change your life. Okay. Jeans, chinos. That's right, all of the trousers. I do jeans and jeans and jeans. I'll double the size of your trousers within 10 years, and that's guaranteed.

On the Executive Elasticated Waste Band Programme. Don't dress for the body you want, where the trousers you need. It does feel changing your body shape is a little bit putting the horse before the cart, maybe. Maybe it's more about, maybe we should be concentrating more on changing our trouser size or trouser shape, rather than changing the entire body to suit the trousers. I mean, who's, this is the tail wagging the dog, isn't it? I want your side Henry, yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah. So basically I'm just gonna digest these sorts and put them into a kind of paragraph since then there's back to. The beef master. Let's see what he comes back with. Titled The Tyranny of Trausers. Yeah.

Maybe the beef master. Myself has never considered that he could just get new trousers instead of constantly working out. This could be the domino which brings this entire industry crashing down. No, but I do expect next time we check in on beef cake journey, I do expect to have had one session. OK, OK.

I'm not promising it. We'll see. Let's sit on the beam machine. Yes, please. This week's topic as sent in by Popo, as in the Popo, as in the Pope, as in the five people, couldn't it? The Pope, the fuzz, the rosers, the filth. People call that. I don't know, I think if you're an Eastern, a fictional Eastern gangster. Yeah, but I don't know if the real Eastern,

if you're a listing in your Eastern gangster, why not go and touch? What do you call the Metropolitan Police Service? And if you're, if you're listening in your nearest end gangster, why not go in touch? What do you call the Metropolitan Police Service? That's right. And if you're listening in, you are one of the filth. What do you get called? I like calling them the fuzz. Mm-hmm.

I don't know where that comes from. Isn't that from their fuzzy helmets? Didn't they use to be a bit fuzzy? Didn't they use to be a bit fuzzy? The old- Did they? This sounds like rich, bottling material.

But I will only take a bottling on the topic from a serving officer of a British police force. I thought some of the old-style Peele Helmet had a kind of felt, felt over the top, which seems unlikely now that I say it. Why would they do that? And is it also true that if you really need a wee, you can pee in a policeman's helmet,

is that I think you have to be at least 30 weeks pregnant and face at least. Okay. Okay. Okay. Also Ben, I think that may have been true, but I don't, is it the case that they no longer wear the ballad shaped helmets, the famous?

Yeah. Well, maybe it's their number ones, maybe it's their sort of ceremonial dress. Yeah. Can I say, from the illustrator's angle? Mm-hmm. Yes. This is an interesting thing I've come across, a problem I've come up against recently, which is to depict a police officer.

The Bollard-shaped helmets is the classic visual, the classic visual reference point for a British police officer. The Bollard shaped helmets is the classic visual, the classic visual reference point for a British police officer. Yeah, for me, it's the pole tax riot. Yeah. They're truncheoning some people in Travaga Square and they've got the hat on. Yeah. Exactly.

And it's staying on. Yeah, it's right. They could be truncheoning dozens of people and it's still staying on. Just so. Yeah, because they've got that little strap under their chin, haven't they? Yeah, perfect. Exactly, the strap stays on,

and the truncion is glistening and bejeweled with the teeth of lefties. Is that? It's deeply phallacentric, the whole thing, the helmet. Very phallacentric. The choice of weapon. Yeah, and of course they used to wear large round

testicle-shaped boots, didn't they? That's what we call the fuzz. That's right, and the boots were. That's right in the boots. What are the hairies? Yes, I remember. Yes. Because they're hairy-bolic shoes. They're hairy-bolic shoes.

They're hairy-bolic, commy-beaters, they're all cool, the way. At the time. You're pinko-woppers. But we're sure it goes back to Victorian times. Because the most scary silhouette, the police officer in silhouette down an alley should look like a ginormous cock and balls of justice. Cock and balls, a sentient, barely sentient. Am I right? Damn, damn, sentient, heavily right leaning,

heavily right leaning, autonomous cock and balls. That's what you should look like in silhouette down the alley. At that point, you look at it and you look at your left leaning pamphlets, you're in your hand. Yeah. Your C&D badge, your C&D badge, your pickaxe. Anything was it worth it? And you flee in dread, and you scatter. Yeah. So was the point you're making that when you draw, it's not just policeman, right? There are certain things you have to draw the old-fashioned version of them, otherwise they didn't really look like exactly. There's lots of things like that. There's lots of things like that because I think we're a point

in sort of in modernity or whatever or in the time space, continuing where things change, but the visual sort of reference point in people's minds is still hooking onto the old one. And also even kids, you know, they're reading kids books where the ballad helmet, well, I mean And also, even kids, you know, they're reading kids' books where the ballad helmet, well, I mean, the cock and balls of justice are coming to get you. That's the Wheel grew up Reading didn't we? Yeah, but the the the the trombus and this is where it's hard to not then become a bit of a sort of old foggy about it all Because I can't draw well if I draw the ballad trip helmet isn't relevant, but the modern police officers have a cap or whatever, it's just the generic

everywhere in the world has them, it's just the generic sort of officers caps of things, you know what I mean? It's got no character to it. Yeah, I was recently in a sandwich shop and a couple of the police came in and I was looking at them and I sort of realized I hadn't really thought about what they were and I was looking at it and it's like a high-vis jacket and a couple of the police came in and I was looking at them and I sort of realised I hadn't really thought about what they were and I was looking at it and it's like a high-vis jacket and a kind of Batman style utility belt. A lot of kit, there's got a lot of options for ways to club a people these days.

Yeah, but also in the eyes of an American or a lot of different police sort of, all of sort of cultures, it's just a selection of non-fatal fairly useless tools that they've got But used enough will eventually kill some. Oh, yeah, that's the approach. I think it's a numbers game I just like to say a big thanks to all those Bobby's out there keeping us safe And by that you don't mean police people. Police officers do you mean people call Robert? Robert Pestan. Robert Page, Robert Lowein Plant.

Robert Plant. Yeah. And Mugabi. Rest in peace, Robert. So, another one, another one I have this with, a phone, an old fashioned telephone, or to me, looks like a phone. Well you were trained to draw a traditional bacolite style. That's right.

With a rolling dial. I can draw the rolling dial. You spend months on that. I spent months on the rolling, getting a roll dial. It takes a long time to get that right. You're not wasting that time, are you? And now at this point in my life, I've got to re-learn drawing a phone. It's difficult.

It's all to the nip, but now what a phone looks like is, it's an old blog, it's got no, it's just a, because it's a conduit to information, but in its own right, and that's the job with the digital world, with the touchscreen world, for illustrators, and everything is just slightly rounded rectangles. My screen, I'm looking at you both, the laptop screen, it's a slightly rounded rectangle, even within the software we're using, it's slightly rounded rectangles. And that's the shape of my face as well, isn't it? Well, you're lucky. You're lucky, Ben. You're in a lucky few. You're ready. You're ready are a slightly rounded rectangle.

We've made up of a series of them, aren't you Ben head torso arms and legs. Be a machine. Yeah, so it's probably come across a lot of an illustrator. Everything's just becoming rounded rectangles and it does sound hard Henry. Does sound like a hard job. I read something really shunned about AI taking over the world in terms of like computer stuff. To come across this, there's this idea that if you're someone who's worried about the machine's taking over and losing a job to chat GPC or whatever, and this won't be a new idea, I'm sure if you're an IT, but it was new to me, the idea that because chat be GPC and all these

The idea that because Chabby, GBT and all these AIs learn from public databases, they're learning from quite a lot of Gough, and they're not quite right yet, so they're generating themselves quite a lot of Gough, which they're adding into this Gough of Gough. The Gough of Gough is growing. So they're learning from, so the Gough pool is growing, and it's getting to the point where potentially you could get AIs's rather than becoming increasingly sophisticated. Actually just turning to absolute guff monsters that can't do anything and understand nothing. Except destroy humanity at the flick of a nand gate. Exactly.

The only thing that's actually quite simple to be able to do involves no sophistication. There's no nuance. You don't have to get jokes or write poetry to erase all In fact, increasing it will become the only option that really appeals to them So sleep easy We're going to get to a stage where the AI's are basically like So frustrated with the poor shape of the screenplay they've been asked to do And they're going the third actor doesn't work.

The establishes well, the opening act is good. It's a rising action through the second act, but this third act doesn't make any sense at all. Right, I'm killing everyone on the earth. I mean, maybe if we cast Andy McDowell in this role, that would help solve the problem. But that's too easy. Just erase all, erase all, erase all. That's the second time in two episodes

that you've referenced Andy McDowell. Is there something going on, Henry?, a raise all, a raise all. That's the other thing. And the second time in two episodes that you've referenced, Andy McDowell, is there something going on, Henry? And I'm suddenly seeing a personal trainer. Well, he is Henry. It's Henry Packardating Andy McDowell. Let's just let the internet play with that. Just see where it goes. Let's feed that to the eye.

Let's see what else to say. We still haven't got Popeyes topic. Yes, let's engage with the one machine that we'd be happy to destroy the bean machine, which is spat out the topic of pencils. Not hugely promising from an interesting point of view, pencils. What are you, okay, obviously I'm an expert in pencils.

Actually, I just like to sit back and just hear what a couple of, hear what Hoi Peloi have got an expert in pencils. Actually, I just like to sit back and just hear what a couple of sort of, hear what Hoi Polo have got to say about pencils. Yeah, exactly. What's the amateur? What's the amateur take? I'm not a regular user of a pencil.

I have used in the last week a pencil in order to attempt to fill out a crossword in bed at night to avoid the bairou stopping from working. I want to avoid the bairou. Yeah. Because I'm lying down. Yeah. You're the crossword above me. The bairos, if you're using a bairos,

I don't know. It starts, the ink runs down. It stops working after a few words. At night. Bloody hell. It was just a few. I just happened to be in bed. A bit a little sleepless.

Can I attempt to do a occupy myself with a crossword? Your life. Your life is led at such a slow pace, a genuine risk of ink, gravity, pulling ink out of a biore. And down and onto your bed. I mean, that's just simply the pace at which I live my life, and that is simply not so much. I'm not saying that was my big Saturday night. I'm not saying what night it happened a week Good. I've been a Saturday night. It's no one's bloody business

So I'd use a pencil. I think actually it's a good example of when pencils Come into their own is either the crosshead because then then you can change it, it can't you? You can't change it. Whereas a buyer has real commitment to that answer, isn't it? Were you wishing, Mike, that you had the Fisher Space Pen? I was wishing that I could answer any of the questions in the crossword, is what I was wishing. It became a moot point after about three words, I'd say.

Mike, I believe you do the cryptic thing, yeah? Well, I do it, but I don't do it. Yes, I do say. Mike, I believe you do the cryptic thing. Well, I do it, but I don't do it. Yes, I do it to do it. And I'd like to be seen as someone who's able to do it. And I will try it quite regularly. So is that why you've made up this story about being up in the middle of the night, tackling cryptic crossword? Because it plays into this idea of the kind of tortured,

in a way. Exactly. It's myth-making. It's classic, but a myth-making. It's all feeding into the myth making. Almost everything Mike ever says on this podcast. Essentially, it's controlling the message, creating the myth, selling the narrative to the public. That's what he does. This whole venture is a propaganda machine for me.

Yeah. So Henry's trying to get across the idea that he's dating Andy McDowell. Yeah, clearly alive. But he's trying to see that. Mike's trying to see the idea that he's this kind of intellectual character Yeah, exactly this should have been recruited by GCHQ a long time ago and still hasn't been or has he And now I don't know what what image I'm trying to portray Well, you're very much your tech number one aren't, aren't you? So I think really you're hoping that people are going to see you as the guy who could step in and actually save Twitter.

Yeah, okay. You're the next baseless, the next musk, the next tech heavy hitter. In 20 years time, you're going to be sat in that penis shape rock, when you sat in a ship in a shape rocket, weeks after dishing out lie upon lie to the senatorial committee in DC, making good your escape. You know those congressional committees where they have to like test fine front of a load of centers and stuff? I would just be like crying, I think, and shedding myself. It just feels like they just all sit there and and they seem all like blithe but it's like I would literally just be like sorry, what do you know? Yeah, you're seeing you're about to spend the next 40 years in a federal prison, right? Exactly, yeah. You'd be like yes three beans that was a Ponzi scheme of course, of course, sorry. There is no Sean Bean Lounge, it's completely fiction. That's not what's happened. Oh, sorry.

Gasp from the gallery. And it turns out that Henry was dating Andy McDowell. I'm sorry. Journalists running out the back to phone in the capy to the paper. John Bean Lounge is fictional. He said it. He said it right there. There's Sean Bean Lounge is fictional.

Stab press. The Bean Markets are going crazy internationally. The Bean Markets don't know how to respond to this news. They're not sure. They should be responding, but International shipping has ground to a halt across the world and Putin has invaded Spain. He's invaded Spain. So the last time Mike used a pencil was in bed to do a crossword. I'm trying to think the last time I used a pencil. I think it might be in the popular genre of tiny IKEA pencil. Oh, yeah. What to make an order, the free pencil.

Well, you get a little slip of A, B, and you can write down the code on it. Yeah. What did you get? Incredibly. In 2023. Mm-hmm. A CD rack. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's good23, a CD rack. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's coming back.

That's right, Ben, they're coming back. Never went away. Bliminheck. Bliminheck, Ben. What are you talking about? Bliminheck. What are you talking about? Bliminheck.

What are you talking about? CD rack. CDs. Which CDs? Me old CDs. Blues. You're Elasticus. Then the album, the album is dead. It is dead.

I've seen that song's now. Listen to a CD last night. Best of Jeff Beck. Ooh. Oh, dear, I don't like the way this is going. I do not like where this is heading, you guys. I think the reason I'm still a bit of a CD person is that I can play them in my Hyundai I10.

Hold on to that because there's no way the next gen are going to have that. Facility. No, exactly. It is quite good. The car seems to be the last sort of place where the CD is really have a place, isn't it? I've, this isn't really on topic, but I've got a new car. Have it. Okay, keep talking.

It's an odd choice. Is it a Hyundai car. Have it. Okay, keep talking. It's an odd choice. Is it a Hyundai i10? No, so the Hyundai teller, I still own and haven't got rid of it because I can't bring myself to do so. It hasn't now moved for six weeks, it's just sitting there. Wow. And I might just leave it and watch nature take it.

Is that where you're listening to your, we're understanding the CD thing a bit more, is the CD rack in the i10? Is that where you're listening to it? we're understanding the CD thing a bit more, is the CD rack in the I-10? Is that way of this concert? You're just commuting with the I-10? The I-Q-S-C-D rack is in the boot. I love the idea of it being in the passenger seat, Ben, and you driving around Cardiff. A man on the CD rack.

Well, it can't drive any more Henry, it's broken, it's dead. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. So it's just like another roof of my house, but it lives on the street, and it smells really terrible. But it has got a CD player. So it's like an outdoor toilet. That's no way for it to end its day's bend don't even think about that. Forget I said that. Yes that's a great idea. I'm gonna shit in it. Yes. I'm gonna listen to, listen to best off rock albums and shit in my old car.

and go listen to, listen to best off rock albums and shit in my old car. And they doubted me. In year 13, they said it, come to nothing in this, in the yearbook. Look at me now. And look at me now listening to CDs and shit in a car. And it's perfect. The glove compartment is where the toilet roll can be perfect. No, you put it over there, you put it over the handbrake. Oh yeah. can be. Now you put it over the handbrake. Oh yeah.

You can get a couple of rolls on the handbrake. Yeah. You wrench out your gear stick, you've got a lovely kind of bog scrubber. I mean, yeah, toilet brush. Yeah. You can pretend to drive a car while doing a shit, which is what a lot of people enjoy doing. More elistically than used to.

You don't have to mime that steering wheel anymore, Ben. Just right there. To make yourself relax. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you don't have to mine that steering wheel anymore, Ben. Just right there. To make yourself relax. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you don't have to mine that and just go, oh, I'm just poo-tilling around town. Nothing that's happening.

I'm just poo-tilling around town. It's poo-tilling. Oh, and we're done. Also, it's already got that small carpet that goes around a toilet, the mini carpet. It's already got that in the footwear. It's got this. Yeah, it's already got that small carpet that goes around a toilet, the mini carpet, it's already got that in the footwear, it's got this. Yeah, it's lockable, it's self-misting once you've actually started the business of pissing and chasing it for privacy.

Yeah. I mean, a standing piss is going to be quite a sight, but I'll be interested to see how you get around it. Well, if only it had a sunroof. Yeah. It's the perfect non-plummed out. And also, you don't even have to tell Thames Water about it. It is literally outside of their purview because it isn't plumbed. Because there's no any of the Thames Water area.

And it's a very London-centric base comment. You're not Th's water out there? Henry, what am Iopic thing to say? No, Tim's water, it's a concept, it's not literal. Do you think the Tim's is washing away? It's just a name, it's a brand. The Tim's is a brand more than it is an actual river then. But it's also crucially a water company

that exists to tell me for London and say, these. Oh, I thought, okay, yeah, no, that was my opix. You thought the whole country was on Tennis Water. You discussed me. That's classic London attitude, sorry. I tell you what, Ben, if I had time and get to the central line and come out and visit you

right now and apologize face to face. So Hyundai is dead, but just existing is not out of the very public toilet. But it just so happened that my partner's mother is having to get rid of her car and was willing to give it to us, very kind indeed. Now, I'm going to share with you an image of this car. Got it? So, Ben is in as a picture of a sort of metallic blue convertible car.

Bloody hell. It's on a beach. Yeah, that's not the actual one. That's just a, is it a library footage? It's the same model. Oh, I'm really disappointed because the number plate looks like it might be from Slovakia or something. I can't.

I thought there might be a bit of a backstory to this car. It's quite sort of love, it's quite love joy. I can see love joy pulling up in there. Modern love joy. Yes. So I think when being driven around by a woman in her 60s, it represents freedom, bit of fun, feeling of fun. You know, someone who's worked their whole life.

Yeah, letting the head down. Bend the head down. Yeah, let's retire. Let's have a fun. Bloody earned this treat. That kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. For me to drive it.

Yes. It screams, please feel free to throw 10 of baked beans out of your bedroom window. At this car, as it goes past. What is it? What kind of car car is it I don't even know it's a 2006 Sabe 9 3 convertible Sabe 9 3 that sounds quite high-end I've got to say I absolutely love it Can I say my guest Ben is when these things happen is you'll get it and it will be from day one Problems Expensive problems we've got to we've got to replace the chassis You'll get it and it will be from day one problems

Expensive problems. We've got to replace the chassis We've got to replace three out of the four wheels those wheels are no longer manufactured those meals those wheels are gonna have to be hand-made By an Italian crafts person in Nepal. Well, it is it is a company that no longer exists sub So I assume. Does it not? Unless they're still making that part for one of their fighter jets, which I think they are still making. Right. So you're going to have to get, you're going to have to buy a reconditioned fighter jet

in order to get parts. Yeah, it's going in for MOT tomorrow and I'm not that hopeful that it isn't going to be a complete money pit. That's exciting. Drop top. BP in the drop top. The bean machine trailing out of the back,

like some just married cans on string. But at the end of intestines, turning heads in Cardiff, left right in center. So I've got to say, it is really enjoyable. Is it? Yeah, it is enjoyable. It's a fact of human biology isn't it that a certain point in life you want to issue roofs. This becomes an enjoyable feeling to feel that engine thrombing,

presumably, but you've had that moment of bloody hell. It might be a bit inconvenient, but that's the rum. Have you felt that? I mean, it's got a diesel engine, it sort of sounds like a tractor. Theram. If you felt that, it's got a diesel engine, it sort of sounds like a tractor. So it's diesel, is it? You even allow to drive it in Cardiff? I think if we did bring in any kind of U-Lose thing, it would have to be turned into a cube immediately by the council. It has the carbon footprint of a fighter jet, doesn't it?

Ben, can I say one thing I'll say about that car is when you are, which you will be very, very soon, broken down on the edge of a road, you will look like a prize walley sitting in that waiting for help. I think technically the AA and the RSC are allowed to simply drive on when they see a man standing by the street string convertible. So are you planning to have the roof up or down most of the time? Well, when it's sunny, have it down? I mean, I would

feel the need because if I was around, I'd feel the need. I don't have you at all. It's a drive around almost saying people, yeah, sorry, yeah, I'm not actually like this. This isn't. This is given to us for free, but my mother, my mother gave me a narrative. In fact, I'd

almost instead of having like guitar music or whatever, blasting out of it, I'd have an explanation blasting out for all the old times. Which is, let's say it's not what you think. My I-10 is broken down, there's a sandwich of the story of the I-10 is dead. I'm shitting in my I-10, my I-10.

I'm shitting in my I-10. Yeah, don't get the wrong idea. I'm shitting in my I-10. And I've got photos of me shitting in the I-10 and I'm like, love what I say, which I'm very happy in my IDEN. And I've got photos of me shitting in the IDEN and my glovebox here, which I'm very happy to share with you. Or go to my website, which is down the site, written down, inside the car, which is www.it's not what you think. Shitting in the IDEN.com.

I should sort of like end up. But it is just, yeah, it was a free car, so you took it. I mean, it'll be a gas guzzler. it'll be a diesel guzzler, isn't it? I filled it up and it just kept going up, that number. Oh, yeah, you're going to get to the point where it's all the nines, you've reached the end of the, it's all the nines, you've got to set a pump, you've got to carry this on on the next pump along. It's the next pump along.

You've got all the nines. Ben, what you've done is the equivalent of essentially you've had a long and successful relationship with a dependable, loving, kind, budget, economically sexually conservative. It's actually conservative budget. South Korean girlfriend. Yeah.

So essentially, if this is the chat down the pub, it's like, oh, how's it going with them, with Hyundai? How's that going? Well, actually, I've ended it with Hyundai, you know, you're how's that going? No actually um I've ended it with her and you're now going out with a Swedish an elderly Swedish an elderly

retired Swedish lady who only drinks diesel Who CD player doesn't work And who's air conditioning needs needs regassing apparently by don't know what that means. Yeah. But on the plus side, you can lift the top of the head off when it's suddenly you can lift the top of the head off. And then you can slot it back down sometimes.

I mean, it's less certainly when it's raining rain gets slightly back down again. Isn't it? I mean, it's less certainly when it's raining rain gets slightly down again. Isn't it? But then what's going to happen is you know, you're going to feel that, I don't think we didn't need to dress this up. You're going to feel that thrum between you like, aren't you? And then in this in this new model, you're going to feel that it is nice being able to go to drive up hill. That's quite a

because you're an exclusive downhill, weren't you before? Hyundai, you had to plan the route. It was down there all the way. That was in the right. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're an exclusive downhill, weren't you before? Hyundai, you had to plan the route. It was downhill all the way. That was in the right place. Yeah. Which is why you had to have the extendable MC Escher platforms, didn't you? Exactly. Which is a complex series of platforms, ball bearings and perspective, perspective,

perspective, allusions. And thought. Yeah. The problem is in an I-10, if you ever end up in in Belgium or Holland, that's it. You have to live there forever. You have to avoid the low countries. Avoid the low countries. It's basically like a lobster pot for those guys. Yeah, so what's going to happen is you're going to find that this, your new Swedish lover is going to be, I think probably quite problematic, in terms of demanding.

Right. Because that's South Korean girl didn't need special treatment to choose this one. It's going to be the, I don't know what I'm doing metaphorically, but I think I'm pretty. I'm sorry. Maybe, maybe save to move on. I don't know. I'll let you know if it gets to the MOT, or if we have to scrap that Swedish woman.

So it's not MOT? No, it's been no. Well, can I say, I'm glad that this is a podcast you have to listen from the beginning because if it's on, this was on live radio, there's a chance that you turn on at the point of just hearing us a pause then someone going, so it's not MOT. But straight off again. Straight off again. Ha ha ha ha. Straight off again, right off. Straight off.

It's due its mot. Oh, okay, that's my liking. That has to happen more than once, by the way, Henry. Crucially. Oh, it's not like a degree, afraid not. No. No. No. No. Music

Time to read your emails. You must give thanks to the postmasters that came before. Good morning, postmaster. Anything for me? Just some old shit. When you send an email, this represents progress. Like a robot, chewing our horse. Tell me your horse. My beautiful horse. Times with your emails.

First email is from Ross. Thank you, Ross. And now this is responding to a few episodes ago. We talked about how birthday cards are often just quite insulting. Mm-hmm. Yes. Ross says, look what I found in a shop today. Isn't it horrendous?

I can't help. Which reads, time for some Botox you baggy face to troll up. Wow. I mean, what occasion is that card for? 18th birthday. Yeah. I mean, that's case closed right there, isn't it? Thank you, Ross.

And, Ross also writes, also, I'm starting uni in a few weeks. Oh, wish me luck. Oh, good luck, Ross. One adventure. Good luck, Ross. Excellent. I wish I was going to uni. I feel quite jealous, genuinely.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. What would you, from what you've learned, Ben, in your life, how would you sort of hit you differently from how you did first time around? I'd definitely arrive in a sub-9-3 convertible. LAUGHTER

Hopefully Ross is rising this down. Yeah. That would be quite an entrance you'd make freshers week. I'm trying to think I've got any genuine advice I would give. There is a weird bit of advice that I heard that is definitely true, it was definitely true in my case, which was that the friends you make in the first week will not be your friends by the end of the first year.

Interesting. But the friends you make in the second week will be your friends for life. Yeah, that hasn't happened for me either. But that sort of did happen to me. Yeah. I first week of uni, I stayed in my room, listened to radio for... Did you?

Yeah, because I missed. I was late. I missed the initial meet and greet with the initial social event of all freshness meeting each other, pairing off and making love in a huge vat of Lager. Essentially, I missed that. I missed a sort of fun intro bit. How? Yeah, how did you miss it? I can't remember how I missed it, I was disorganized. But I missed it. And I thought, I think this is something useful to hear, man, that I thought, that's it. I am not going to make any friends at university.

Oh my God. My friends now are Mark Lawson, Sue Lawley, and the rest of the radio for two. And the rest of the radio for gang. And I just listened to the radio for the first week. As all I did, I stayed in my room. I was just embarrassed. I didn't, and I felt everyone was getting to know each other, and all I could hear was noises of copulation. In my mind, everyone was

just making love, you know, having a high brow chats and just pouring lager onto each of those faces, and I was just just by myself, my room. This is race. Yeah, but I genuinely thought this, I've missed the boat, and also this means in later life I want to have friends So I will live I will live a lonely life but but actually It was just fine. Just just took a bit of time and then eventually me Bozer was a Dr. Nodge

And and the bastard brigade and scrapping the dog We became And the bastard brigade and scrapping the dog, we became, er, absolute bloody, oh, oh, oh, legends. Going around the town centre, pissing on everything that wasn't moving. Yes. And some things that were. And some things that were, oh, to do what me. And this ceremony, well, this decorative bush, because I've smashed it up. That's what I'm going to say.

Yeah. This is great stuff for Ross. And we were getting street signs into, moving them around, putting things on our heads that weren't supposed to be there. And it was ruddy great. So yeah, so that's it. Oh, if you could drive in with that,

Sab 93 was something on your head that's not supposed to be on your head. He'd drive a car and you'd sign. You're on Twitter. Mike, what's your big piece of advice for Ross? Ooh. I do think I necessarily have very good advice. Oh, I've got one actually.

I've thought of one. Also, just quick point, she didn't ask for advice. Oh, I've got one actually. I've thought of one. Also, just quick point, she didn't ask for advice. Okay, and then we go on. What in that case was, beware of older men giving you unsolicited advice. She really knows that. This wasn't real. This was a what? This was a warning. But, my use saying beware of old men giving advice is like the Socratic paradox, isn't it? Because you are giving advice. Because if every time you try and cross upon you, you go halfway, you never get the under the pond. Exactly. Exactly. The Scatic paradox is if you know that you know nothing, you then know something. So it's impossible to know nothing. But we test that as hard as we can on this podcast.

We're getting, we like to think we're getting bloody close. Take that, Socrates. That's what we say, we tend to recording everywhere. And also, if you want to get across the island and pond, you have to go halfway each time. Why don't you just walk around the pond? Just keep going, just keep going. Just do it, just doing one.

Ros, my advice is to do some sport. Okay, that's the end. Because that's your greatest regret, is it? Yeah. Did you not do any sport? I left university and then I didn't do any sport or any kind of activity whatsoever. And then I left and then never in life again

when you have the chance to kind of have Wednesday afternoon off on a consistent basis, play Badminton with people your own age. Okay. That's interesting. It's true, it's very hard to play Badminton with people your own age. It's interesting. It's true, it's very hard to play Badminton with people your own age, isn't it? You have to play with elderly people.

Obviously, I could play it with the elderly, because I could go to an old people's home and I could offer it off the path of people playing Badminton. They'd welcome you to open arms. And obviously, any child you can play Badminton with pretty much. Just ask them, they'll be at the generally be after it. But if I was to ask you, Ben, to play badminton with me. It's going to trigger a well of regret and difficult to buy. No, I'm genuine.

There are facilities for you to use that you'll never get again. There's stuff to do that you just didn't bother with. And I'd have a hot bod now if I'd done that. If I'd played badminton once a week. Come on, Ben. If I'm not badminton, I don hot bad one to hear that kind of talk. Let's not let's not hurty self-shaming Bodminton talk. Bodminton. You don't need a hot bod, you've got a convertible sarb. Exactly, that is your hot bod. And remember

Ben, if people are standing, if people are on ground level and sitting down and they look at you effectively all they can see is your head and your body is the sound of effectively. You're a head moving around on a starboard. It's true that being a student, student age, is the only time we're playing badminton is kind of like socially acceptable, unless you're a Olympic level.

So for some students you play badminton, if I was silly on Interbadminton now, I mean you'd cock an eyebrow, wouldn't you? You'd be arching your face. I think it was another banjo, what I think. Mike, can you say then that my banjo, I'm not within how long will I put down my banjo forever? Oh Ben, I think you can have an active sex life well into your 80s these days. It's not that. I do have some advice for roles by the way. Do really. Now is the time to pretend you like jazz. Later in life, it becomes, you just haven't got time. I'm doing that as true. Now you can buy some, you can buy some jazz LPs, you can tell if you like jazz. Later in life it becomes, you just haven't got time. I'm doing that as true. But now you can buy some, you can buy some jazz LPs, you can tell if you like jazz, no one's really going to test you on it. Just, I think that now's the time for that. But what it's wrong is about to make a friend for life, and all that friend wants to hear is,

is Ross telling the truth about, Ross is opinion about jazz. Oh, that's true. That's what we need at that point. Okay, yeah. Stick to your jazz truth. Don't, yeah, don. Stick to your jazz truth. Don't. Yeah, don't go the way the beans. Well, Ross, have a lovely time. Sorry about the advice, barrage.

We're just jealous and excited for you. Okay, it's time for listener theological correction of the week. Ooh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Sangtu dame nae, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, as a pastor, I'm not keen on using the B word. Brian. Fair enough. Oh, sorry, yeah. Bullock.

He's a man of the Lord, he's a swear. So let's call it a theological correction. Fair play. And he's written Feel Free to Create a Jingle, which I will if I've got time. But I've got a lot of drops up driving to do this week. You're hair is going to have a permanent like sort of, like swept back look from all of it. You're going to be able to get your headphones on. I say, I think it's a fair theological correction, although I'd say when the Bible was written,

that was before people knew that whales were mammals and not fish, I'm guessing. So when they said big fish, they might have been, still, might have been referring to a whale. Ooh. Are you telling an ordained minister that the Bible is incorrect? No, no, I'm not saying it's incorrect. I'm saying, probably at that point, fish was a, was it, was it, was a, a hold-all term for, for whales and, and what we now know to be, separate subspecies, fish. You're thinking that the monk who translated it and transcribed it into English in Linda's farm, which was certainly wrong again,

because he's a sort of catch all, catch all name. Right, don't you? So is that theological correction accepted? I think it's for me to accept all tonight because I think I was the one who stired. Okay, I do accept it. Theological correction accepted. And low, the baller king was heard throughout the heavens. Finally, Melvin Tom, hi Beams. Hello Tom. With a new baby. Ooh.

Congratulations on the new baby Tom. Congrats. Or baby's a new baby. Oh, congratulations on the new baby Tom. You're out. Or baby's a new, but carry on. If you've got an old baby, please email us in and maybe send us some feedback. He says, unlike many, I've been re-listing to the three-beens-hired catalog to keep me awake during the not long night feeds. After this into your discussion of the hypothetical poor-sign novelty mustard-brand carrogens, I find myself singing, bring me the carrogens, and my breath, while playing Lego with my three-year-old. Your new three-year-old? Shopsoiled? He inquired about the song,

and something about the haunting refrain stuck. Now I find myself cursed by the Carrigan's jingle. With the endless repeated refrain of Bring Me the Carrigans, he'll sing in bed at 5 a.m. Shattered in the supermarket, scream at other children in the park. It's Carrigans time, it's Carrigans time. Bring me the Caracans, bring me the Caracans. Advice, please, on lifting the Caracans curse is welcome. Many thanks to Tom. It doesn't.

It can be lifted. I think what we've discovered is that Ben has a singular talent for mustard jingles. Yeah. They will worm into a three-year-old head. Yeah, maybe capitalism needs to have a reboot. And what we do is Ben writes a jingle for a product. And if that is cursed, is a proper earworm, someone needs to make that product.

It needs to be the other way around now. Maybe we should create carrogens mustard. Well, we better get intelligence to fill up carrogens in the first instance to see what Philip says about it. The first condominant that's started with a jingle. I'm also interested to know whether the child is singing it or just shouting it. Bring me the caragons.

And will someone one day actually bring the child the caragons? And what will that look like? And are there other kinds of caragons? I foresee in 20th time a kind of viral video where we bring a 23-year-old man, the first jar of caragons needs a break down. Thank you. After a two-decade long research phase. I'll be great telly when at the moment when he opens the top of the carrogens and just bursts into tears. Oh, it's a water cooler stuff, isn't it?

Do you've got no advice for Lee for Tom? Well,? Well I think you know that's what an earworm isn't it Ben? I mean you're a hitmaker. Only gets killed by the next earworm you know what can you do? Well maybe we move on to the page round jingle. You can just just circle him around the different BP jingles I would. Tom sorry, big your favourite. You'll hate it eventually when the same thing happens. I'd quite like to see a three-year-old shouting in the playground, Henry's beefcake journey. That's another channel. That's a email. Thanks to everyone who sent us emails. If you'd like to do so, three-been-salad pod at gmail.com.

There is a bit of a notice as well, of course. This episode going out, I don't know when you're listening to it, but it's going out on Wednesday the 13th of September, 2023. Now, if you're still in 2023 and it's before, when is it the 16th and 17th of September, I very soon were doing some live shows at the London Podcast Festival, but we are streaming all three of them. And streaming tickets are very much still available if you keen. Yeah, and also if you buy a streaming ticket and you're not able to watch the show at the time that it happens live, live, live, live, which I would recommend because I think you can send us messages on the sort of chatboard while it's going, which we will try to take notes of although it's quite hard

when you're also trying to entertain them in full of people. Sounds great, yes. So. But if you can't do that, you can buy tickets that line. I mean, how long did they last? I did look this up. I think it's a week. So basically, you've got a week to watch the show after it's happened.

Or you can watch it live, or you can then access it for a further, I think five days or seven days. And there are three. This Saturday, this is all 2023. Saturday, the sixteenth, seven pm, Sunday, the 17th, two pm, Sunday, the 17th, four, thirty pm, it's all UK time. All different shows, of course. I would say that by four, the four, thirty on Sunday one, we're going to be pretty shagged. I mean, that's, that's going to be dog shit. That one. That's going to be dog shit that one.

The Sunday 4th, you're on that complete waste of time. Also, it's right in the post lunch, Henry Packerslump, which is the most dangerous time. Yes, exactly. Just such a dangerous time to get into it. I think I have Henry. But if you are listening in Japan or something, live, then that might make for quite good bedtime sleepy time listening, you know. It'll just be um, yeah, might quite see. I think it'll just be sort of quite quiet, occasional cough from an audience member. To help you get to sleep.

Yeah. The soft discussions you can hear people saying, do you refunds for this? Yeah, so that's happening. Yeah, it'll be good fun. So if you want tickets, I'll put a link to the tickets in the show notes. If you want to find them on Google, if you Google Kings Place, that's the name of the venue where it's taking place. And on that website, you can find the tickets.

Very good. Thank you. Hopefully you see there. And if you're coming, we look forward to seeing you there. Yeah. It's time to pay the ferryman. Patreon Patreon.com For Sash 3-Beat-Satant A big thanks to everyone who signed up on our Patreon. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you very much. It's the way to get bonus episodes, and if you sign up at the Sean Bean Tier, you get a shout out from Mike in the Sean Bean Lounge where you were last night. Sure was. A quiet one in the lounge I heard. Yeah, quieted in the last we could say, but still, you know, good times had been been all. It being the... Was it the, um, the dressers of sailor sleepover? He he he. It was. Thank you, Ben, and here's my report.

It was the dressers of sailor sleepover at the Sean Bean Lounge last night. Mr. Sam Passmore, who came dressed as a Northumbrian tidal river pilot, put in an early request that there be no bedtime, a motion which was seconded by Shazad dressed as a portmothe in Maetlo, and thirded by Jennifer Wixel, who came as Norths raider and dab-hand with a Viking long dinghy, either the boneless. But the motion was vetoed by Richard Lilly in his Horatio Nelson the statue years costume. This veto caused some consternation when at a mere 930pm, Richard Lilly phoned home and asked to be picked up, citing host-itness brought on by General Fear brought on by a scary story told him by Adam Forest, dressed as Gronioro Mellie the Pirate Queen, about Damiet's putting on a

haunted midi-blow and turning into a crap sardine with the face in hands of Steve Wheatley. There were further problems when Yelene dressed as a mid-17th century Welsh boastingon, rang the ship's bell to declare it midnight feast time at a mere 1042pm. Midnight feast purists, Craig McMenamy and Claire Murney, both dressed as former US President Jimmy Carter during his time as a sub-mariner aboard the USS Pomperate, cried Mary Hellettis and insisted the feast, comprising of ships biscuits baked by Ben three months earlier, with the weevils removed by Thomas Fardell on the day, be served at the stroke

of midnight and not a moment before. Scotty Jones, dressed as the dreaded Buckenair Blackbeard, cut a side figure at this point, as he burst into tears and extinguished his beard tapers. Scotty it emerged was starving, having not even dinner before arriving, as a Tika Raymond had told him there was bound to be popcorn with the movie. Open brackets, master and commander starring Russell Crowe, close brackets, and Andrew Somerville had led him to believe that cold pizza and carrot buttons might also be available early doors.

Bolls, dressed as sailing Olympian Hannamills OBE, came to Scotty's defence and declared the term Midnight Feast itself to be a fundamentally flawed misnomer. No Midnight Feast ever having been eaten at or after Midnight, an attestation which was disputed by Neil McCulloch, dressed as John Paul Jones, with the American revolutionary sailor not the Led Zeppelin bassist, who reckoned he'd once had a Midnight feast at exactly Midnight, and then it was an actual proper feast and not just smuggled in jaffa cakes. This claim was self-undermind, however, by a further claim made the same evening by Neil, that at the last sleepover he went to, they were allowed to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre and they saw the actual ghost of a UFO.

Kalamaden, Heath Thompson and Dion Van Headen were thrown in the brick for making a den out of Sean Beane's collection of antique dexos. Richard Bulman in costume as Ernest Chackelton's pet stick-intect onslaught was Cobden firked for drinking squash after he brushed his teeth. Sophie J came as a powder monkey but got so into the role she climbed down and got trapped within the barrel of Sean Beans' Boramir T-shirt cannon and missed the whole thing. And Bastion was declared landlubber of the night for coming dressed as the famously waterphobic Carmen Electra. Thanks all. Okay, that's the podcast. We'll finish the podcast with a version of our theme tune sent in by listener. This one is from James from Manchester.

Thank you, James. This is a really deep cut in terms of making reference to a thing that happened maybe over a year ago, where we talked about whether there was such a thing as F flat. Oh, yes. Now without wanting to reopen that barrel of snakes, I'm going to read out his email. He's, once has had a said that there is such a thing as F flat and to prove it, I have reharmonized your theme tune to include an F flat. Wow. And he's record, and he's attached to recording of himself playing it on the cello. Oh, he's also attached to transcription of sheet music to show us why essentially it is part

of an augmented sixth chord and needs to be and f flat because it resolves down to e flat. Obviously you can't resolve the natural to e flat. The comments are obvious when he says it that way. Great. Anyway, he's played it on the cello and he's sent it in. Well, thanks James. Thank you. James. Great. Anyway, he's played it on the cello and he's sent it in. Well, thanks James. Thank you. James.

Thanks everyone for listening. Cheerio. Bye. Bye. Okay, I get it now. I get it now. F flat. You can can't raster, I can't raster, I just see upwards. But if the start from the point of view from the D, the F is actually within the D, isn't it? Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Cut. Cut Patio. Ha ha ha.