Three Bean Salad - The Trojan War

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

Definitely a cursed episode this one. No one’s fault. Worth knowing going in though. If you’re brave enough to take the plunge you’ll discover that Rowan had the beans grapple with the Trojan War and you’ll probably say to yourself “That shouldn’t present a problem to the beans although I bet they end up being a bit reductive about calzones” and you’d be right.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch: [e-mail] @beansaladpod

I'm just up with two apologies. One is to the listener and to you both in a way, I'm absolutely riddled with the novel coronavirus. You've never looked better on it though. Ben you do actually, I've you do actually, I've got to pick my guy upon that. You're coming across as absolutely classic or almost RSC ill. Yeah, I was speaking poison with two tongues. Yeah, that's what bank goes ghost. You wish it was bank goes ghost is on his feet mate.

Yeah. He's vengeful. He's he's spectral, but he's he's absolutely full of beans. It's with a Victorian child, isn't it? Very much background. Yeah. The theatrical background artist. Yeah.

You'd have to you'd be in a pretty confusing, I can't finish that sentence, sorry. Well, that's a problem. I think that's because Henry's gone straight to RSA, which you're not up to today. No. Think of whoever they've put upstage left in the back of Lameys. Okay. French Orphan. You're looking quite French orphan. If this was your rather audition, Ben, and you were going for French orphan, you'd smash it. They'd be like, you're in. They're dead even by the finishing there.

I've got to say, Henry, I think, when you apply for drama school, that's right, you don't apply for a specific role which you then learn for the entire time you're in drama school. They don't need it. Oh, I see. All right. Sort of just general characters.

Isn't it mainly just racking up a good store of drinking stories that you can then tell on the sofas of chat shows throughout your life? So you need to really get those in through the radios. It's all about the networking anecdotes. It's networking anecdotes. But also you do learn the ability to be able to breathe through any part of your body so you can see the breathe from your shins. Now breathe from your shins.

Say that line again, but from your calves. Speak from your calves. You don't have to suit a leotard as well. And if you're a bit dry on anecdotes by the end of the year, you can go off and appear in rep and clean the orbs and boost the the anecdotes to boost it up a bit. Yeah. Mike's video has gone to I think first golf war on the ground news footage. No. So it's hang on. I can do anything with the old. Yeah. I mean he's now talking in the back he's golfing the background we can see his face in the present while in the past now his face is disappeared. Ben is really ill. Ben, I mean, it's got a step right now over it, isn't it?

Really? We've not had a fully cursed step for quite a few serious issues, but I think this is a cursed step. I'm also suffering from quite bad stomach acid. I mean, I know no one really cares right now, but... No, that's an interesting thing, so... Yeah. What have you been eating to cause this? I think possibly too many rennies, and I've gone around the other end.

I've gone around the other side. You're so anti-assid that you've... I've become pro-assid, because the pH tape, obviously the pH number is eventually, I think reset and start back the meaning of it. That's right. I'm back. I don't really know what's going on with that.

I should be an optimal wife on my zone. I'm in the living room. Mike, your voice and your face have no relationship to each other whatsoever. Oh, but the sound, it sounds like a rather, your audition's going really bad. Radam PhD level stuff. That's the sound.

He's done the full voice face de-association just to prevent fordries. Is what it is. Is a anti-piracy method? Oh my god, I've got such bad stomach acid. This is a kind of step, Mike. Oh no. Physically, Mike, have you got anything going wrong?

I feel tremendous, but I've got absolutely nothing to say. But also, but your voice and face have got those like they've never met. There's nothing. So just explain never met. This is nothing. So just to explain to the listener, what this is across our online system. Mike's internet is a bit slow, so he's, it's not keeping up with him necessarily. So my face is maybe coming through my Devonshire internet,

with my voice might be coming through the old telegram wires. It's a little bit faster. But the color coding, the color contrast is coming from the first goal for me. I mean, I'm being saying that. And the light is being posted. Yeah, the lights on snail mail. My stomach acid is trying to come out of my mouth.

I've never had to call it. Why have you got stomach acid? I think it's actually because of the slow rots of the pret subscription. It's just, it's constant caffeine now in the system. It's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a rolling, the, the Mayanate, the heavy juicy Mayanase content of the pretz sandwich isn't, isn't dampening down. It's not enough anymore. It's not allowing the caffeine to disperse.

God, who'd have thought that eating solid, preta-monger jade meals for the four months in a row would actually lead to a degree of indigestion? I know. But it's a rolling boil of acid I've now got. I've got a real B side super size me phenomenon going on. Yeah, I've got, I've got the middle part super size me. You could never make a documentary out of it, but it is horrible to watch. But now because of the sort of roiling acid that's down there, you can basically just, you can lower anything

basically down your throat and just immediately get a blisterated. Yeah. Yeah. So you could, you could eat now a bag of nails and be free. Yeah, yeah. It's a party trick because I can put a nail, I can put a nail on a string, I can lower it down there, bring it up again, and it's clean. You could be one of those guys that eats, eats a plane for the Guinness Book of Records.

What eat a plane? That way every jackal also someone eats a plane, do they? Yeah, they do. I think you're a friend to the French plane eater star of the mid 20th century, Mornch 2. So he went by. That's what he went by. He was Mornch 2.

And he really did, didn't he? He really did Mornch 2. He ate, he ate a plane. By think the caveat was, it took him absolutely ages. Well, they say, don't you cross across an average human life, you will eat a plane without notes. That's right. In your sleep. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Seven o' night. Well every time you go on a plane, you breathe in bits of the plane. Yeah. So that counts for quite

a lot of it. If you live under a flight path, bits will fall off, aren't they? Yeah. But it's only once an agent generation that someone ships out I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this.

I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this.

I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I was an Aberist with Art Centre. Performing? I was performing a shit. Oh God. In this anecdote.

Okay, you're in the Lou. Yeah. Okay. Digestive track talk. We are. I'm sounding a shit. Alright, yeah, we get it, we get it. Yeah, yeah.

Very much Covid's really taken out your nuance, isn't it? It really has. It's one of the first things to go. Any sense of nuance whatsoever. Anything's a verbal playfulness. Absolutely. Come out the window. Well, in the old days, you just said something.

And you're pretty COVID-19, you just said something like... Attending to my ablutions and bidding well to the haddock of Cardigan Bay. I don't call my shits the haddock of Cardigan Bay, Mike. I was in a sense chewing overnight with my ass. Something like that. Something really, really lyrical. I was doing my daily crossword with my ass. Nice.

Okay. And I, after that I had concluded, I opened a cubicle door and literally within a millisecond of that happening, well I opened it and there was a man looking directly at me. And he said, Benjamin Patrick. God. That's not what you need, is it? And it was a man called Charlie. Okay.

I have to say, it was very nice to meet Charlie, as it's always nice to meet a listener to this podcast. But he's not just any listener. He is the listener who created the sort of Led Zeppelin track including Henry's vocals. He's also sent in a member of X and Thinjy. So it's really nice to meet him. I met his dad, who I think is also a listener. I met his two-year-old son, where was the dad? Who's in the next cubicle or peaking on the cubicle wall? This is all lovely again if it wasn't in the toilet. This is when we'd repared to the lobby. So that was already nice actually.

So it was very nice to meet Charlie. Hello Charlie, thank you for being so nice. And then the thing I want to apologise for is, but I can't quite work out if I need to apologise for this. Is that when I, who rewind now, when I was taking the shit again. Yeah, so when I was taking the time back to that moment, well Ben's got such a good read of what the listener really wants to hear about, doesn't he? So you're sitting as usual side-savvall on the toilet. Yeah, in a full cowboy outfit.

Yeah, because the cowboy outfit is very clever because it faces the front. So it looks like you're facing the front, but you're actually side-savvall. A little box of sugar plums on your left knee. You dressed up the toilet as a little like a stallion. Yeah, a little holster for your it looked like a stallion. Yeah, it'll holster for you, Winchester rifle down its side. When I went into the toilet room, I thought I had the room to myself. Oh, no. So when whilst attending to my shits, I got a message on my phone saying that a podcast appearance of mine on another podcast on which

I've been a guest, I had been uploaded and they'd uploaded a clip to Instagram. I thought, oh, listen to that, see what clip they've used to see and that's come out. So I essentially sat there shitting whilst listening to my own voice. Then I finished up and when I opened the cubicle, there was a man standing there, which was Charlie. So I think there's a chance that he essentially heard me shitting whilst listening to my own voice. He can only conclude that you're an absolute monster. You'll have a very low opinion of you. Don't meet your heroes, don't because.

Because sometimes they can only launch a bowel movement from the sound of their own voice. That's what I would have concluded in his position. They can't even be bothered to sing with their own bells that they have to use recorded sound. It's very messy. Oh, the blessed relief of knowing that I'm out there in the media are relaxed.

Yes, relax and go, go, go, go. Yeah. I'm getting out there in the world, and you're getting out there into the toilet bowl Just like I'm getting out there, but my voice I have to have a voice at both ends both of them Flourishing and flying go toilet brush that can scrub me off the airwaves go Yeah poor poor Charlie So you've really been through it, Alben.

What about you? Yeah, Paul Ben. And you're growing pain by the second, even as I'm looking at you. So you're deflating. Ben, you are looking tiny. Your clothes are too big for you. It's in a world-of-week. Dry it out, husk of a man.

It's a car step. Abandon hope, all ye who continue listening Maybe it's quite good in terms of like sort of karma gying gang balance Maybe those people who listen to the app Perhaps the way the fact we're sucking up all the curse maybe that Maybe they'll have the best day of their lives. It's a kind of spiritual enema for them exactly. Yeah The old audio purge. No, obviously there's a bit of an issue, isn't it? At this stage in the podcast, of a curse step. Yeah. Because obviously the protocols are slightly

different. You never know what's going to happen if you turn on the B machine during a curse step. It's also turning on the B machine when there's a live virus in situ. It's got a heart risk as well. Double trouble, isn't it? I mean, my attitude is, essentially, it's the medieval approach to these things, which is when you're in the valley of the worm, you keep plowing. You declare fealty to the worm. You get in your knees in front of that worm.

If it's Satan's bread, we end up making. That's better than not being bacon. Does that make sense Ben? This week's topic, Ascent in by Rowan, is The Trojan War. Oh, crumbs. The men that ask him a throes. I mean, that's Game of Thrones. Welcome to Trojan. Estrogen, a place? No, try.

Try, of course. Welcome to Trojan. Welcome to try. Troj is real. I don't know. Why does it is real? Is it real? Sort of turkey, isn't it?

I don't know. Why did it get real? Is it real? Sort of Turkey, isn't it? I don't know. Possibly. Thought it was a bit of mythology going on. I think it's somewhere in between the mythology and the history zone, isn't it? I think, yeah. I think maybe. I don't know. But Turkey, though, right? I mean, you've got the Turkish heritage. And they say you can talk us through us there. You're basically Trojan. I'm basically Trojan.

I'm basically Hector. Yeah. Helen of Troy. Yeah, Helen of Troy. Face at the launch of thousands of ships. Very good. So was it because of her? Because she was, did she have been kidnapped or something?

Paris Nabda, but I think it was consensual. Isn't it my memory is that it was a consensual napping? An elopement perhaps. Oh. Of Paris and Helen. I think off they go to Troy. And then the Greeks were very cross. It's Paris Trojan, right?

We call Paris, which is confusing. And she's called Helen of Troy, even though she wasn't of Troy. What? She was of Greece. It's the classic thing. It's like Chan Cross Hospital is actually in Hammersmith. It's like Leeds Castle is actually in Kent. It's the usual, it's the, honestly. And it's been going on forever this, right back to Homer.

Gosh, I want them to have wimbleed an F seat at Milton Keynes, isn't it? Oh, very non-mic reference that I love hearing Mike say. Bloody hell, where did that come from? Nice, did you like that? Was that right as well? Was that correct? It's because I lived in Tooting for five years when it happened and it was, that's what everyone was talking about.

They were really chased off. Well, it's very similar to that, isn't it, the Trojan War? Yeah. One thing I will say about the Iliad is, I think it is in the category of books that I've read about 2% of. Okay. I think I did, I think I did, I did have a stab at it at one point. It's quite, It's quite long.

Okay. I see your two percent and I de-raise you by two percent. I mean, I love a myth. Don't get me wrong, but I think my myth intake has very much been childhood books of Osborne's great Greek myths. Right, I've looked it up. Troy is in modern day tech. Is it?

Fact. In terms of ancient cities in Turkey, you know, there's a city called Ephesus that I've visited in Turkey. There's an ancient city and there's loads of them. There's like Ephesus, one Ephesus, two, it all worked to seven because they kept on basically. As far as I understand it as a child, whenever the tide changed, they were like, oh no, we've built it in the wrong place and they kept on having to rebuild it. Well, I'm just sticking this up and there were nine troys.

Oh, but they're nine troys... Yeah, this is the thing. And they're up to. They keep on rebuilding. Well, I'm just looking at where all the different troys were. Yeah. They seem to be in the same place. Okay. So pretty much on top of your job, they're just in similar area. We've spoken before, right, about how I can't understand how old towns and cities get buried beneath Earth. Yeah, it doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't get it doesn't make sense.

Well, we're not, you know, there isn't constant earth rain, for example, that we have to deal with. Yeah. And I've had lots of emails about this with people basically saying, when idiot, but then when they try and explain it, it's never that convincing to me. No, I know. Well, because the only theory that works is a lasagneurine, as Mike said, a lasagneuring of the earth, which means the earth is a kind of circular lasagna. Okay, a, that's impossible. The nursing would be a rice ball and arrangini.

Right. And no one's suggesting the arrangini in the world. That barely abays the laws of physics as it is. Exactly. It's already impossible. It's an impossible snack. The arrangini. It doesn't make sense.

And we think it was created when an Italian chef and Einstein fell into a black hole together. It's the only thing to have emerged from a black hole. Yeah. Is it an Iron Jeanie? Yeah, it's the only plausible explanation for Aaron. How are you expanding Calzonees? Stop the podcast. Stop recording the podcast.

We've got two deep. This is two dangerous bent. Are you willing to go, if you want me to answer that question, Ben, are you willing to go on the journey that goes with it? Because take my hand, my friend, I'm leading you for very, very dark country with excellent catering though. That's food is super well-e going, but everything else about it is awful. But it feels incredible.

Does that make Italy? Calzone, is that when... It's a tectonic smushing. Is that when you take a pizza and you imagine, you know, that's that science thing where they go, imagine an ant on a tablecloth. Now imagine if we fold the tablecloth onto the ant, that's time in the back hole. Except they've never done that with an ant. That's the only thing I'd say to that.

You've introduced the ant. There's never an ant. Well, there is an ant, it's there by mistake. There's an ant on a table, I think it can happen. This is impossible. The theory should be robust enough to deal with an ant being there. If all it takes is an ant for your theory to get on the toilet, then maybe it's more than worth the paper it was written on.

Now. So is that when they take a calzone and they go, imagine a calzone, if that was a ant on the calzone, and you fold it in half, that's why I was in a black hole. Well, that's an ant calzone. they go imagine a calzone if that was if there was a land on the calzone and you folded it in half that's why I was in a black hole. Well that's an ounce calzone isn't that calzone? Is a calzone, whatever's inside is the topic? It's a calzone, a pizza's been folded in half. Yeah. I mean some people would some people would try and make out that is that simple, yeah.

I didn't mean to. I've just actually infuriated the calzone chefs. I didn't mean to. I just actually infuriated the calzone chefs. Listen to the podcast. There's a sort of GCSE level explanation of the calzone is where we're up to as society. No, but I'd say in our own genie is in the same it's closer to a Scotch egg in terms of being hard to explain. I mean, how the hell do you explain a Scotch egg? Well, Scotch eggs are created in the molten heart of the Earth, aren't they?

Well, they were created at the same moment that the universe started, we think. And they're just knocking about, there's still quite a few of them knocking about. They've accumulated around pubs, something to do with dark energy, they've accumulated around, well, the nicer ones have accumulated around gas. The fact that miniature Scott Chch eggs are becoming more prevalent is a troubling sign. Yeah, to think of business, end of days, stuff. Well, isn't it that Mike has the universe constantly expands?

The Scotch eggs actually save the same size. Everything else is expanding in size. So it's the other theory, isn't it? Yeah, of course. The Scotch egg is the constant. Yes. Exactly. And when a Scotch egg is the constant. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And when a Scotch egg is the same size as a molecule.

Scotch zero. The Scotch. We reach Scotch zero. Scotch zero. Which at the moment is predicted to happen around about the same time as Scotch's independence, probably the latest happened. That's it.

What? Is it? What I can't make out is whether you think that means it's going to happen soon or in a long time. I don't know. I just something to do with the fact that Labour won that by-election means that something to do with Scottish independence is looking less likely soon or something. I don't know. And what's her name? Hasbund as ****. Yeah. Bob Sturgeon.

This is called Bob Sturgeon. It'll do, is that what? It'll do, that way. It'll do. There's a good chance he is. We Bobby Sturgeon. Oh, we a little Bobby Sturgeon. Again, is that a libel thing? Me saying is...

Not if we got the wrong name. I've looked at Bobby Sturgeon. Bobby Sturgeon was a shortstop in the second basement in Major League Baseball who played between 1940 and 1948 for the Chicago Cubs. Why me? So how do you meet Nicola? Crumbs from there to ****. Oh, Jimmy.

Our foreign listeners might know this. In Scotland, there is a independence movement. It is led by the SNP, the Scottish National Party, the leader of which was Nicholas Sturgeon, and there's a suggestion that Nicholas Sturgeon's husband, Bobby Sturgeon, we Bobby Sturgeon. F*****. F*****. F*****.

That's disappointing. So, at least, glamorous bit of f*****. So, that happened. And it's also the shame that the future of an entire nation ends up sort of hinging on f*****ing terms of, isn't it? They could have done it, were it not for that f***ing? Yeah. It's all classic curse stuff, isn't it?

Well, I'm worried that I'm asked to just paste in the words allegedly over and over and over and over again, allegedly. And also you might have to cut in the words for the topic and today's and today's topic is rice balls and the cholesterol. You have to do today's topic is we Bobby Sturgeon. I like the feeling of a cast app, you know, I really feel like the flip flops are off and the feet are in the sand. You're going to pumice your verucus. Let's pump some down.

God say it's really interesting watching, watching Henry and Shackle from any feeling of like, he just knows this is guilt free. He doesn't shackle from responsibility. To which he is very loosely shackled in the first place. I would say. He's absolutely loving it, he's loving it. Well, here are the main things I remember about Troy. Yeah, yeah. Gone. Achilles. And his famous heel.

He was a bit of a ledge, wasn't he? He was a ledge. He was dipped into the river sticks as a child by his parents. Was it by his parents? Bobby Actenborough. Bobby Attenborough. Yeah, Bobby Attenborough. Yeah.

Jennifer Sparta. Jennifer Sparta. They did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did,

they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did, they did which didn't get dipped in, which is why always reverse dip, always remember to reverse dip if you're dipping your children into a magical river. Yeah, well, stop going to the battle in bloody sandals, right? Good bloody point, mate. Put some proper sturdy shoes on, mate. I remember seeing the film Troy with Brad Pitt, very, very boring film. I didn't enjoy it.

And I must have been like 14, something like that. And I went to the cinema. And obviously the kind of denouement of the film is he gets an arrow through his... Growing? No, no. He is, of course, sorry, sorry, he'll, yeah. From Paris. From Paris, isn't it? Yeah. And obviously then that's the end of the film, too much. And the film finished and the lights came up and then I A boy behind me say to his friend you only got shot in the bloody heel They're both like what the fuck was that? They haven't been constantly did it do they do the backstory of the of the heels in the in the film? No, they don't

They're not they don't. They don't. They assume you know it. So if you see in Troy as well, Mike, I have seen it. See, Troy is in a weird, it's a weird category of film now for me, which is, when will it ever be the right time for me to watch the film and try? I mean, obviously, any time before today would have been good, because of the topic.

I think we're talking of a very long-term rehab after a sort of crane accident. Yeah. Because what we're talking about. Yeah. You need to be hospitalized in completely immobile for, I would say, nine months. And at that point, you'll get to the point where you, someone's put someone's going to throw you up in front of your eyeballs. Because then by then, Ben and I have stopped coming in to read to you. Yeah.

Stop. Well, you'd be saying things like, well, he's just not Henry anymore. And the doctor would be saying, no, he absolutely is Henry. He can understand everything. He just can't move his legs. He can't understand everything. He's whips, not his whips, not whips. And you'd be going, he's, I don't think he's actually a Henry anymore. Out of done the memorial after day four, probably. Well, you'd have made an effigy of me and buried it, which some some sort of tasteless

Thank you. Well, I was actually at that point. I was actually my physio stage and my rehab is actually quite quite okay. I was fine Plank tennis again But Mike might went ahead with the old dummy shoe, not a name then you look at about to say something I think he looks like he's about to expire. It was one or the other. We might have been about to hear his death rattle. Or it might have been final words. Final banter.

Final words. LAUGHTER Yeah. Did you know the John Been is in the film Try-Buy? LAUGHTER And... LAUGHTER Not all people say buy at the end. It's nice, actually. Might not a lot of people say bye at the end.

It's nice actually. Nice have a nice. Bye, bye. Put a full stop on it, lovely stuff. I didn't, I didn't remember that about Sean Bean, at all no, but it works. Like it makes sense. It makes perfect sense.

Or throughout the right era for Sean Bean to be popping up in Hollywood stuff. I've not even seen it, I can tell you right now. He's Patroclus, isn't he? I bet he is, any money. Who's Patroclus? He's Patroclus, isn't he? I bet he is. Any money. Who's Patroclus? Patroclus. Friend of a kid like he's friend guy, he's other beefy friend.

Oh, right. No, he is playing. Hello. I'm Odysseus. King of Ithaca. Odysseus. Master of the Minotaur. And fanquisher of the sirens.

Yeah. All right. You got a problem with that. If anyone of you asked a question about me more, for a fucking album, do you understand I'm sick of talking about that? She was a thinner goddess of the wind. No, who was she? Who was it?

Who was it? Is this his mum? She was Margaret goddess of allotments. Yeah. All right. She was a good woman. Though his mum, according to Wikipedia, is anti anti-clear the wife of King lier tees Oh, I was thinking of either pus you said Odysseus, doesn't you? Oh, Mike you wally?

Casdak no Casdak no Casdak no Casdap I'm Odysseus King of Ithaca and cheffield Twins and cheffield the other person who comes up on the cast list I'm I'm pleased about, and I actually remember because at the time I thought it was funny, playing the role of Vellior. I don't know who that is. In Vendra Velcro. I think he's like a sort of elder, like a wise elder.

I have a new way to seal your sandals. Trevor Eve. Trevor Eve. Trevor Eve. I don't remember Trevor Eve getting being in that at all. And also, uh, playing the character of Nestor is a man called John Schrappinal. John Schrappinal? Brilliant name. To me, I says, well, I, what my guess from that name is that that's actually that Sean Bean playing the character, playing another character. He'll make up it because he's so good in these films that he'll want to play several roles and he'll make up a name. He used to double up doesn't he? Yeah, as a John Trappner. So that's the kind of name. That's Sean Bean would make up. And then Sean himself has to have to have to bring out the production and say,

whatever you do, I won't do a scene with John Trappner. And I won't, also, I won't eat lunch with Schrapner, whatever you do, do not put me in the same. It's very good though. Give me a good pay. Very good. Just don't pay him well. Pay him well. Don't put us together. But don't pay him as well as short. Now, paying slightly better than Sean Beiner, actually, although I will, I will share a lift, I will share a lift with him now. I will, I will show it after them, but not that... Well, I? Yeah. I can't remember. LAUGHTER Is it a terrible film? I remember it being quite bad. It's very, it's very sort of a match-show.

Everyone's being very sort of serious about... Spears. Yeah, it's all very serious. That's what I remember is this. It's very... Completely humorless. The thing is they were like, now they would make a sort of humorous version in the kind of Marvel style And that would be even worse which would be sort of wise cracking Greek myth people which I just think would be yeah, is what they do though be some sassy sassy demigods

Yeah, I got memnon saying things like so that happened. Yeah Yeah, did you just say that? I said that. Well, that kind of self-fans sort of like, yeah, to be constructing. Big explosion goes on, he's like, hey, that was a big explosion. Yeah, I'm aware of the explosion being big.

Yeah, I'm aware of us walking away from the explosion. Uh-huh. Oh, with a modern soundtrack. Oh, with Taylor Swift playing. LAUGHTER Thing is, if you give those lines to Jeff Goldblum, it somehow works. That's because he's the greatest actor of all time.

LAUGHTER Oh yeah, yeah. Goldblum stands, of course. We've called out of it. We've engold from turds. It's the title of his masterclass. It's almost too easy to do an impression of him. That's really good.

Is it? I don't know. Is it? Is it? Good, good. Is it? Of Jeff Goldblum or not? Is it?

I don't know. Oh, is it? Isn't it? And then breaking to Jazz Piano. Do do do do do do do do do do. Welcome to the Jeff Goldham. I think we should do something with horse in the, you should go in the horse with the people and give it a present to the dry jeans.

Was that too much? There's too much. Is somewhere between Goldblum and Trump doing the sprint with some hurdles. China. China. China. China. Odysseus is the one who's clever. That's his thing. He's kind of the horse, do they? Oh yeah, oh, classic. Yeah. That's what we used to do on Bolton, when we needed to get into a pub that had a lock in,

we weren't letting us in. We'd all dress up as a horse, and then just beat up the guy on the door. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, so this is comes up with that pan. They break it. I mean, that's why the phrase is, don't accept a horse. That's the phrase, isn't it? It's probably quite a good rule of thumb, isn't it? If you weren't expecting it. I think the 99.9% of people in the world don't accept a horse. I mean, if I accepted a horse, it would be absolutely unmanageable to up to down Territory

House. No car port, tiny garden, that's not going to happen. Exactly. Don't accept a horse. No. It's also there are a lot of work. I mean, that would have been a slower way to bring the Greeks down. Just give them loads of horses because there are a lot of work.

Just destroy the economy. Just give courses an economic weapon. Exactly. Isn't that what China does? This is for real, which is that they'll gift you two pandas. And you go, oh, brilliant, thanks for that. And then you realise that you have to build like a 50 million pound pandering closure and it costs millions to keep them alive. And also all the writers and comedians have to spend all their energy coming up with new jokes about how the

pandas aren't having sex, which creates a huge brain drain. A lot of the kind of, a lot of the nation becomes concentrated on trying to come up with fresh takes on the panda sex joke. When they, when you're normally becoming up with the ideas for new kinds of weapons. Yeah, the horse gift. Obviously, there's been a lot of talk about the horse gift

is that it's a bit of a weird gift. I like the idea of a version where they give them more of a traditional present, which would be a huge box of chocolates, right? It's a massive box of chocolates, they leave outside. And this is, oh, you're sure I'm being hiding in an strawberry cream? Oh, I'm not going in a bloody, so-and-strawberry-o-litey, to-ity cream.

Stick me in a chocolate nut. Alright, a chocolate. And, no, one thing is, you know like when you get chocolates, certainly in the 1980s, you get chocolates as a gift You eat the top layer then they go is there a second layer? Is there a second there lived out Sean Bean? It's all warriors all warriors with a horse and a hand-hors as well Yes, a long story short Ach Achilles eventually fights Hector. Achilles kills Hector, doesn't he?

Yeah. Drages him round. It's like a big soap opera that I just haven't seen. It is sort of like a soap opera, I think. But there's a certain kind of person who knows all of this stuff. Mary Baird. Well, classicists. Well, it annoys me because on university challenge, right?

Yeah. I'm quite good at it in general. I can get a lot of questions right. I'm quite smug about it. Yeah. But that'll always be the mother of Achilles, which, but I'm like, no, no, no, no. No.

That is, the irony is that's your Achilles heel. Very nice. Do you still pump quiz? Thank you. I do when I get in here, absolutely. Because you stood to do as Neen and a lot. The new back in the day. Me and Neen and one one. Only a couple of weeks ago.

We won 50 pounds. Oh, blind me. I can tell you I've never won a pub quiz in my life. My experience as a pub quiz is going, oh, send us a pub quiz in this pub. It's really ruining my evening in this pub. Happened to me just last week. I think I'd like to be send is a pub quiz in this pub. It's really ruining my evening in this pub. Having to be just last week. I think I'd like to be good in the pub quiz. But I think I've enjoyed pub quizzes,

but I'm the guy around the table who's got nothing to offer. Nothing. There's no category with like, Mike, what do you say? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a mic. Doesn't happen. Yeah, it's more Mike.

Can you get us some more points and just shut up? Yes. You've absolutely cracked it. Yes, that is exactly what happens with me on a pub quiz. But what I do in a pub quiz is I'll go, I'll always have an energy about me that suggests the next round is probably my chosen topic round. So it's a kind of like, okay, this one's for you guys, but yeah, coming up again. No, no, no, for now, this will be for you. And then you just keep that going to the end of the night and then it's a kind of like, okay, this one's for you guys, but yeah, yeah, coming up again. No, no, for now, this will be for you.

And then you just keep that going to the end of the night and then it's picture round. And then for you know, it's gone. You've claimed your part of the prize money, you've taken your time. You move on to the next city. And you move on to the next city. And they'll never find you.

They'll find you, they'll find, oh, they'll find your fake face. They'll find that lying on the pub car park. They'll find, oh, they'll find your fake face. They'll find that lying on the pub car park. They'll find the fake face. That bastard. That absolute bastard. And look, he was wearing a, and look, we should have guessed he was wearing a classic traditional wise face.

No, no. No wonder he agreed to let him onto our team, even though we had never previously met him and also agreed to split the the bright brasmony within. We should have smelled a rat when he gifted us that horse. Right, how amongst us is going to look after this horse? What am I going to do with this bloody horse? Oh, after just trying to get myself cast in a historical or battle based film with it

again. I wonder what other parts I can play in this one and what fictional names I can make up for them. Gary Schrapnall. Derek Workbench. I will not put Sharer's scene with Derek Workbench unless one of us is green screened for it and it's done in post. Sadrick Wealy bin. But if it's going to help you fund the film, I'm a big dick wheelie bin. But if it's gonna help you fun the film, I'm prepared weirdly. I'm prepared to share when a beer go with

said, not to be in a scene with him. We've got a very peculiar relationship. We both like the same sort of pizza. So if you just send a point, I'm aware that you've got a cost look out for. So if you just send us one pizza, we'll share it. I will not be in the same scene as him. And only one of us will attend the cast party, not me, mate!

And for God's sake, let's hope we don't both get nominated for Oscars. I'm not Mrs. Dacqufiring the Oscars again. And if one of us gets Covid, we both tend to get it the same time. Don't know why! So we should be the same time. Don't know why! So we're showing the same pizzas. Well, is that the Trojans? I reckon that would be the Trojans.

I mean, it was specifically the Trojan War we were asked to talk about. Was this meant to be the Trojan War? Yeah. Oh, down it's too late now. We could call it a little bit. Oh, we could... We could... We'd known that was the angle to take on it. Because how many of you are one of the foremost experts of the Trojan War, aren't you?

Oh, yeah. I'm up there with all the others, Mary Bid. Derek Sideburns. LAUGHTER An Al-Janon bloke. LAUGHTER Yeah, I could have done, but instead we've ended up obviously just talking about an analysis of Trojan society and Trojans in themselves. Probably on the Patreon extras, they'll be some extraordinary stuff about the actual Trojan war, I expect, or... or... or... or not.

Nice time to read your emails. We're not going to play our version of the email jingle. We've got one in from Will. Brilliant. I recorded a version of the email jingle based on the loop and arrangement of a song I wrote with a friend many years ago. We called our duo, Downlands Cancara, who was the horse from the Lloyds band-cadverts. We're also right, it's PS apologies to all German listeners for butchering the names of the urban districts of Bremen. So I think they're going to feature somehow in this music. So let's see. Here we go.

Thank you, Will. Brilliant. You must have thanks on your own, but not you. I'll never have those mistakes you'd came I won't let you go, but not you. But I'll be in your side, believe in me, make it happen. I'll be in your side,

believe in me, make it happen. I'll be in your side, believe in me, make it happen. I'll be in your side, believe in me, make it happen. I'll be in your side, believe in me, make it happen. I'll be in your side,

believe in me, make it happen. I'll be in your side, believe in me, make it happen. I'll be in your side, believe in me, make it happen. I'll be in your side, believe in me, make it happen. I really like that. That was absolutely really like that. Really was the... I got into that. I was in a different place. I wasn't even... What place did you genuinely enjoy that? Was it Bremen? I got into that. I was in a different place. I wasn't even... What place do you... genuinely enjoying that? Was it Bremen? I think it might have been Bremen. Or my impersonal inner Bremen.

I would listen to an album of that, of whatever that is. I would... If that was on Spotify, I would go to radio of that. Thanks, Will. That's fantastic. Yeah, really enjoyed that. Thank you, Will.

That was brilliant, thank you. Now, we asked a few weeks back about people submitting trying at the record for the most relevant location in which to listen to the podcast, Kiarra emails, dear beans, I submit for your consideration the most relevant location to listen to the podcast. I listened to the Bicycles episode from within the Brompton factory. Wow. I'm just picturing the Brompton factory. It's basically a Wallace and Gromit sort of. Yeah. It's a Wallace and Gromit contraptions.

And at the end of the day, it folds up into its own smaller mini factory. Killing all the people inside. Yeah. That's pretty cool. I used to Brompton about. I used to be able to get my Brompton out in less than a minute. That's a quick draw, Brompton. Now, actually, I think I'd probably head down to the 30 seconds or less to transform it

so conveniently. In one moment, you could be cycling around on a sort of what felt from the cyclist point of view, like a semi-adapted sort of Pogo stick. I don't know, like a sort of pogostic with shopping, trolling technology. I'm carrying around just with absolutely no, no real sense of strong balance or anything, just a really like, just one second,

you can be teetering about dangerously on a busy road. And within seconds, you could get off it, within seconds, you could transform that, that essentially mobile sort of death trap into extremely heavy chunk of metal, the heaviest chunkiest sharpest briefcase imaginable. Absolute shin mash-er. That thing folded up.

Mashing up shins hither and hither. Like a sort of Greek chariot, actually. Ones with the spikes on the head. Ones eyes. Yeah. Like a spike to chariot. And all for only 14,000 pounds. You may remember us talking about Henry cutting in front of Sofielle's backster in a green grocers. Yes. There's plums on the dance floor. I better not that I keep on trying to come up with a good way. It's quite hard to do, doesn't it?

It's hard to want to spin yourself out of it. There's plums just on the grocery floor. It's not a good few reputation, is it? No. But then a couple of weeks back, we heard from Chris, who too had Q jump, Sophie had his backster. Yeah, that was a good one. Anyway, we've now got a new Sophie had his backstreet mail from Joe.

Brilliant. I'm afraid to report this isn't the only food-based scandal that Miss Bexter has embroiled herself in recently. And I feel some context may exonerate Henry from his hurried plum guilt. Oh, brilliant. My partner and I were both performing at a festival in August, wonder who this could be.

Yeah. Bit vague. I mean, I'm thinking the pet shop boys comes to mind instantly. Did, by the way, was email signed off of the pet shop boy? Or, or, or one of a pet shop boy. Just Joe, I don't think either of the pet shop boys is called Joe. Just Joe. On the Saturday morning, we awoke to find Miss Bexter's touring bus parked a few meters

away from our tent. After she and her crew devoured a complimentary crew breakfast, we were alerted that Miss Bexter and her family were still hungry. This is where we courageously stepped up to the plate and personally delivered three and three-quarter sausages, a pile of overwhelmingly salty bacon, at least half a 50 gram tub of anchor butter, a bowl and a butter knife to the ravenous band. We were more than happy to provide such services, however, but transpired my shock you to your very core. Are you ready? We never received our bowl or butter or cutlery back. It was tricky to hold back tears as her

tour bus disappeared into the night with our items still on board. Now, I would hate to suggest that Ms. Bex to travels around the country, pilfering sundries and crockery from humble working artists and performers, but unfortunately there seems to be little evidence of the country. She simply must be stopped. Yeah, no one's written in with an anecdote about when Sophia Spekster didn't steal their bowl. Yes. An anecdote about Sophia Spekster returning crockery and serving plates have been thin on the ground.

Is this a pattern? So I think the sense from Joey's that, you know, none of us have a morally clean copy book, do we? No, that's true, but what we don't know is the timeline, is it this August? When was your plum, Fandango? That's several years ago. For a while ago.

He's dressing that that is her Bruce Wayne's parents getting shot in the Ali origin stories. Yes, I'm suggesting that is when she was bruised. And in lieu of dressing up as a bat because that has been done. That would have been her first instinct. She instead has vowed to go on the road, puffing butter. She's gone dark. Yeah, she's not become a vigilante. She's become the opposite. She's become a Joker character. Just chaos, crime for its own say. Yeah. Because we know she doesn't need that bowl. She doesn't need that bowl.

She's got a bowl. She's got a bowl. She won't have for that bowl. She's probably got some really bloody nice bowls. She's got five or six bowls of match. I'm gonna guess. Yeah, I bet she does here. I imagine they're probably non-one-a-one.

I think you probably can, Mike, great, actually. I think you can. I think they're decent. I think they're what's proof. You can dishwasher. I think they're what's proof. They're what's proof bowls. I think the decent, I think the water proof in dishwasher. I think the water proof balls. The decent, they do the work. They're probably aesthetically praising as well as people.

I mean, people like us, we have to just get by with our non-water proof balls, don't we? Which means? My balls, well, my balls, I don't know, they're okay, but I can't, they can't go deep, it's 10 meters, my balls. I'd be aware of, is any bowl or mug, which has little sparkly things on it which is often non-micravable. If you then put that in the microwave to reheat something, pick it up, you get horribly horribly burnt. Your iron bowl.

Your studded bowl. I've got a full medieval Iron Munger's Crocry. It's all started Iron. The Sean Beanrage. Now introducing the Chainmail Walk. They said you couldn't make a colander out of a battle axe. Well, that's before they'd come across the Sean Bean range. Now, John Lewis. But the Sean Bean Mace today, it turns anything into a colander.

Just swing the mace into the item. What have you got? A colander. Tenor colgona's into a colander. Ten is sibling into a colander. Tenor table intoolander's into a calendar. Tenor-Sibbling into a calendar. Tenor-Tablin to a calendar. The Sean Bean Mace Colander. Because a calendar isn't an object, it's a process.

LAUGHTER You're bastard. LAUGHTER I'm kind of say, I will not do demonstrations of any of this crockery with Elvis Crampton. Well, I do feel free to pay Elvis Crampton, please, to appear in the advert just we cannot be on set together.

The end of the I will insist is directed by Marjorie Earning board. Please don't make a comment about her voice, because she's very sensitive about it. I won't take direction from her odd and set. But by post, she directs by post. It's post or so, it's post. It's post. It is pretty recording voice builds. I can't show him when a big go with her and Elvis Trump. I'll do enjoy the same flavors of yoghurt. So if someone is starting putting this out,

it's a long time to please, please, but just one big yoghurt. And we'll share the same spoon. It's no problem. Also, if you're looking for extras, look no further than the Jambalaya Twins. The thing is though, I will not be on second Jambalaya Twins and actually each individual Jambalaya Twins will not be on set with the other one of the Jambalaya Twins. But they are very close, so the can-shut is then with a bigger go. It's to do with, you know, the relationship between twins is very close, but it can be very, very conflictual.

Actually, if one of them gets ill, they'll all get ill. Now, in terms of lighting crew, have you ever come across Alfred Pancake? You won't, no, you won't see him on IMDB, you won't. That's because it mostly does a lot of commercial work, corporate videos and so on. Now Alfred Pancake, by the way, is not the same person as Dr Pancake. I so I recommend for catering. You're drunk. Dr Pancake and the meat brigade are superb.

Now, no one on this production can be on set at the same time. That's it. Karan Moustache can come out and set up the lighting, just she can put back into the mirror. Then Bob Carpenter will come out and set out the set up the microphones and so on. So, but we, I think we can get it done, but just all individual. As a group, we're less than some of our parts, together we're awful, but individually, we're brilliant. Right, so if you have ever lent anything to say, if you had a specs day, and she has returned it, please do email in. We've had an email from Fenn and Diego. Please do email in.

We've had an email from Fenn and Diego. Very good. No, this refers to our live shows. You may remember we have an email from someone who went to our live show. Then went to Pret afterwards. I, yes. And witness someone's phone exploding, I think, in the Pret. That's right, yeah. Anyway, this is from Fenn.

I was an audience member at one of your recent live shows. It was the Sunday, the topic was Moustache. You asked me to stand up in the audience, and in a fit of Starstruck madness, I claimed my beard was a Moustache. I do, I remember this. Very good. Ben also played the American jingle for my friend Diego. Now, in the show, I think in the live show,

Henry might have talked about a Hoisin Duck rap from Brett. Sounds like the sort of top draw live content that you get from this podcast, yeah. I'm tasting. I had to eat an entire Hoysin Duck rap in quite a hurry before the New York Times. You didn't care, you knew it. Was brazen with it, yeah.

So they write, following Henry's talk of a Hoysin Duck rap from his beloved press. Hoysin Duck rap. Sorry, you've got COVID, I should let that go. What did I say? You said Hoysin duck rap. Sorry, you've got COVID, I should let that go. What did I say? You said Hoisin duck rap. Instead of Hoisin duck rap. Hoisin duck rap.

Hoisin. It's actually pronounced Hoisin duck rap. Hoisin duck rap. Hoisin duck rap. Hoisin duck rap. If you're looking for a leading lady, look no further than Hoisin duck rap. Hoisin duck rap.

Hoisin duck rap. I'm really questioning how I'm saying Hoysin Duckrap. No, sorry. I think you said it fine, actually. Well, he said it the same as you. Following Henry's talk of a Hoysin Duckrap from his beloved pret, we sheltered after the show from the rain in a nearby branch to try this discombobulating duckrap. Yeah. Diego's American travel charger blew a few seconds after we took a bite.

Hang on, is this the same story from a different angle? I think so. Yeah, we've gone around the other... Next week, it'll be from the point of view of the duck. Yeah, so we had a previously manner about the phone exploding. So it was Diego's explosion. It was Diego's explosion and it was because he was using an American travel charger. And there was probably some kind of voltage mix up, wasn't there?

Wow, wow. That's extraordinary. Is that like a self-containant anecdote which kind of is infinite? Like, because it was all triggered by the hoisting duck, wasn't it? Well, what I want to say is, if anyone else has an angle on this story. Yes, we're open to all the angles. Yeah. Maybe you were a health inspector who was in the room.

Maybe you were working in that practice. Maybe you were the fire brigade, arse and investigator that had to go and examine that burnt socket. Yeah. Maybe you were flying over London on the way to Marbeye and had a bird's eye view of the whole thing from the sky at the time. Getting touch.

Because we don't think you else... Poor Belly's for Goss and Wheezy, he's in for Goss and what comes next. He doesn't even know that it's the Patreon bit now. This is the saddest thing I've ever seen. Please give generous later the Patreon. I might not have long left. I don't want to go on an all expenses paid cruise to the Norwegian Fjords. The bean machine is swallowing him from the inside. But it can be dragged along the back of a cruise ship,

if the cruise ship is big enough, and he would be able to see the fjords. The cost is immense. And the fjords would go great forever. The cost financially in the cost to mother earth is immense. So to offset that, we need to raise billions. There are just bits of water going in near a cliff. I'm not sure if I actually like the fjords that much. No. I just like the word fjord, goodbye. LAUGHTER

But, uh, but, uh, but, uh, on a serious note, thank you to everyone who signed up on the Patreon. Thank you. It's time to pay the fettied man. Patreon Patreon.com For Sash, free beat salad. If you would like access to our monthly bonus episode, then you can sign up. And if you sign up at the Sean Bean Tier, you get a shout out from Mike in the Sean Bean Lounge. You certainly do.

I couldn't be there last night because I'm isolating, but you were there, weren't you, Michael? I was. I wouldn't miss, wouldn't have missed last night, because was the, was it the premiere of the Sean Bean Lounge movie? It was. It was, thank you, Ben. Long awaited. And I'm amazed you remember that, despite being so unwell. Who made the cut, eh? Which patrons were lucky enough to get cast? Well, what an Attellee all about it. We rolled out the red cleach ace last night at the Sean Bean Lounge for the premiere of the Sean Bean Lounge movie, starring Sean Bean as the Sean Bean Lounge and featuring Alexander Gleckensmith as the Sean Bean Lounge outdoor toilets, Nick Keynes as the Sean

Bean Lounge Bogroll and David King as the Bogroll Holder. A Cash Gill played a very watchable car park and Robert Ellis a definitive trellis. Sean Bean himself was portrayed by Sheney Drifington from the left elbow down, Robert Hurst from the nose up, with the Lee Meyring on motion capture, Bernadette Sisk on left-sided voice, Dan Griffiths on bass, and Lisa Dawood operating the Marriott Hinge joints. Sean Bean's Sean Bean Lounge stunts were undertaken by David Boca while stunts required for the character of Sean Bean were undertaken by Katajena in the Ekkwine category, Scott McMillan in the Broken Glass category,

and by Zoe Abbott in any situation requiring a stunt accompanied by the word bastard. The script was based on the intellectual property of Richard Club, which consists of a memory he had of Mark Shaw describing a dream in which KG and Matthew Rigby got stuck in a hammock made of jewels burner, before being swallowed by Ben Young in the form of Owen Thomas in the form of an Orca with the face of Annie. This intellectual property was then forged into a coming-of-age story by Dan Griffiths, rewritten into a chalk-and-cheese buddy-cop story by Josie Fraser Shaw, before Rob J.N. took the story and adapted it into a rags-to-riches space opera. The first 74 drafts of the screenplay were written by Wolf Medallion and Stephen Galton,

after which there was a complete page-one rewrite by Sean Beam, using the pen name and pen person of Lindsay Robinson. During the screening itself, Luke Opis, portrayal of an animatronic dog, received a standing ovation, although Luke wasn't in the film and performed his act under the fire-scape sign. The score was created by Danielle Ellis and Fiona, with an illustration thing after then-in that looks like a cat's face, but I'm not sure. Using especially created double-readed bell-bottomed beam flute, which moved Alice to Ellen's tears but caused Tom to involuntarily move his bowels. Owing to a product placement deal by Milsie Bonz, Simon White, said Jones and Rachel Farragher,

were required to continually pass through the foreground of every scene in High-And-I-Tens. None of the funds from that deal made it to the extras budget, so all the extras were portrayed by Kevin O'Connor, who thank goodness had the presence of mind to borrow Dave DeVol's reversible jacket. Adam Cooper's reversible hat and Sarah Boyle's reversible nose. The crew was a tight but capable unit and included Timothy Howell as boom gaffer, Tom Wiley as best bully. James Hutchinson as Samoza Transportation co-captain, Karl Johnston as the Honeywack and Fody artist, Sam Pollard as Clapper Clapper, and Ashley Gizzon as Liquid Grip. Tom Ralph's ran the catering but boxed the Bollinets and gave Benjamin Bailey, Vicki

Gregorich and James Balmain food poisoning for which they were compensated with lifelong Bollinets vouchers. Andrew Walter was turned into a new flavour of popcorn, Patrick Flynn refused to sign autographs although in his defence wasn't asked for any, and Oliver Hills is still in the auditorium, hoping for a humorous post-credits scene that will never come. Please note we are not in a position to state whether or not any of the above names are alias as offshore and beam, all we can say is that all those mentioned enjoy the same types of pizza. Thanks all. That's the podcast, we're going to finish off with the version of our theme tune, made

by one of you, the listeners. We've had to finish off with the version of our theme tune made by one of you, the listeners. We've had an email from Graham. Hello Graham. He says, hello there, LaQuatius Lagoones. I like it. Very good. He says, I'm grateful for you for playing my James Bond in the Biode theme tune. Yeah, that was good. Remember that one, that was very good. That was a good one, I remember that. Ever since the episode dropped, my friends and family have talked a theme tune. Yeah, remember that one, that's very good. That was a good one, I remember that. Ever since the episode dropped, my friends and family have talked to a little else. In a desperate bid for further validation, I humbly submit my second effort, an homage to John Carpenter, director of such suspense classics as Halloween, Assault on Precinct 13, and The Thing. The Thing, very good film.

Mr. Carpenter is famous for composing and performing the synthesizer scores to many of his films. And I've tried to replicate his sinister style. That's a great shout. I'm very into that. I know you'll be very into that too. And you love a bit of the old JC, don't you? I do like some JC.

Lovely. Well-judged, Graham. Very well-judged. Thank you. So here we go. This is from Graham in the new forest. What Graham calls Hello Bean. Very nice. Thank you Graham. Thanks everyone for listening. Thank you. Bye. 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1 %, 1 %, 1, 1, 1%, 1%, 1, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1, 1%, 1, 1%, 1, 1%, 1, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%,bc 1 tbc 1 tbc 1 tbc

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