Three Bean Salad - Time Travel

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

How did scientists explain theories of time travel to laypeople before the invention of paper napkins? This is just one of the many questions surrounding this week’s topic of time travel (courtesy of Ben of Horsham) that the Beans simply don’t touch. Talc makes an appearance though. Content warning: contains audio of the podcast’s first partial nude.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLive-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/Get in touch:[e-mail]@beansaladpod

Welcome to 3BeanSanit, the show where three comedians take on a different topic every week, assent in by you, the audience. But first, a bit of chat, Mike, what have you been up to this week? Very good, Ben. Very good. That's really good, Ben. Very good. That's really good, Ben. Yeah. I like that. That's a long gown.

Now, as well, you don't even need to say that every again, just spath it out each time. We can just play it at the st- yeah, absolutely. One take wonder. All the way from Exeter, it's Mike Wozniak. All the way from London, it's Henry Packer, and in Wales, it's me. Oh, BP. You're very good at that. It's Michael Wozniak all the way from London. It's Henry Packer and in Wales, it's me. Oh, BP. You're very good at that.

You're very good at that, but is it, I'm sensing that it's just part of bit of an image revamp that's going on with the revamp. You're making a bid to get on radio too. I have employed the services of a image consultant. Okay. I'm just trying to change things out of it. He's saying more nasal this guy, whoever it is.

Henry, what's the latest on the traffic? I think you're supposed to say on the text quite a lot. Oh, and okay. Yeah, yeah. Also, you've got to say Keith from Worcester. That's the Keith from Worcester. I think you've also got to imply that Henry's in a chopper, okay. Yeah, yeah. Also, you've got to say you've got to say Keith from Worcester. That's the Keith's protest. I think you've also got to imply that Henry's in a chopper. So yeah. And the traffic you can see all the traffic all the time. Over to Henry and the eye on the sky. And what you're doing quite well, Ben, as well is you need to sound very

slightly not not perturbed, but just very slightly harried, which you're doing over to Peter with the traffic. Well, that's the Jeremy Vine thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's the Jeremy Vines. There's so many issues to urgently get on with. Yes, the traffic is important. Yes, the weather is important.

Yes, what Keith Muster says is important, but there's the issues, issues, issues. Issues, yeah, yeah, but I'm still keeping it relatively smooth, smooth enough to play some Barry White. So you're dealing with topics, you know, you're talking about Urzila van der Leyen and then when one breath and then the next breath, you know, you're teeing up Bluthe van der Ross. Oh, the gear shifts are smooth as. Yeah. Yeah. But the way you maintain that harried emotional state and voice, the way Jeremy Vines does it is to Jeremy Vines. Basically, Jeremy Vines. Well, any of the Jeremy vines out there.

I see that I can't do that with one of the group. Come off it. No, you can't do that with one man. Jeremy's vine. So there's the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the

the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the And a fresh one is popped in the studio every morning. That's right. So they're clone, they're clone bread. If you walk past that vine, it's an amazing sound. You just hear them going things like, do you buy your dog a birthday present? Please email him. Can Gibbons ever be trained to recycle? Yeah, that's sort of thing. My favorite every Jeremy Vine story was people ringing in to talk about.

The question was, have you had trouble burying your pet? Because there's, I found out recently, there's a trend of people instead of burying them, putting them in the freezer to what end? Because they can't face burying them because it's too emotionally hard. I see. So we're not talking about, do you live in a sort of high clay soil area or something like that? No, no, no. They just can't think of themselves to do it. And it was just basically like, Joe, if I'm going, have you got a dog in the Orphareiser? Ring in. And it turns out loads of people do have a dog in their freezer. It's fertile ground, is it? So every time they're going for the fish fingers, whatever,

they just they open it up and they're like, there's prints. Oh, I must I must sort of have prints. I suppose that it's suppose it's when the defrost happens that you can't because everyone has to defrost their fridge. What? Every year or 15 years. 15 years is the standard. Yeah. When you can't close the door more than 45 degrees. That's when we bounce. When ice crabs are scuttling in and out, happily going about their business. Ring the icy crab bell. Yeah, and Jeremy Vines, so Vine, for people who don't know, is a,

well, he's a radio DJ, isn't he, that effortlessly swings within news kind of fairs and light, light listening, like music. Yeah. He can move together stories about Brexit and do your and your own with complete seamlessness. Yeah. And that's what I was hoping to imbue in this episode a bit, guys.

Yes. Well, what you'll do, that's why I wanted to explain to you, Ben, is the way to do it. The way to achieve that kind of calm, but slightly harried tone of voice, where your voice is slightly compressed, which you're doing,

is what, good night's sleep, but an ITG-Rs. Exactly, there you go. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha really come into their own actually and actually help a lot of that's why a lot of these deeds so is that what we're hearing through vines voice is yeah a nagging hemorrhoid well that's it because that is the ultimate current affair isn't it that we all have to wrestle with on a daily basis and that's why a lot of these deeds just come into their prime in the hemorrhoid years we're talking 55 to 64 yeah there's anal blossoming at that point plus they're under they're under they're under, their life is under enough control that they can get to bed at 9 p.m. if they, if they need to, if they're performing the next morning. Yeah, exactly. It's actually a blessed relief, isn't it, to lie down? And also it actually helps put things in context in a way. It actually makes

you slightly more even handed in your debating skills because you've got this reminder that at the end of the day grounds you. And you can really empathize with Stricken, Venezuelan, Coco farmers, can't you? Exactly. For that piece, just as you can empathize with someone with a dog in their freezer. And also a Lionel Richie song, or any of those sort of easy songs, or almost the exact length it takes for you to perform a emerald bleed. Which are we wanting to do? Just going to snip another one off during Hello by Lionel Richie. That just attract talk, we are.

And that's why the Jeremy Vine, not only was he genetically bred on a kind of ghastly, fleshy semi-organic vine in laboratory conditions, but he also of course produces a daily harvest of ass grapes. a daily harvest of our scrapes, which contain the genetic material which is then processed, turned into wine for illuminati services, the maintenance and so on. Exactly. The Midnight Radio 2 Communion. But it might also explain a true story about me and Jeremy Vine, which is I once saw Jeremy Vine.

Here we go. Is this at a urinal? A lot of these, no, a lot of these are urinal based stories. This is not a urinal one. Well, there was one where he was, he was in a car in a London park and someone pissed. So they're not necessarily after urinal, but they're always pissed. But there should, there is or should be a urinal present. That was dreaded. That, that, it's why you're a lot of, that's true. Actually, do you run into celebrities a lot in, in, you're

a lot of, so well, battered scene, old South-Ak, straight-over, voxel, tough-nought park, Barnet technically. Madden two swords. Busson at half. Halfas. Zone five. Mine for the gap between your provincial existence and this metropolitan utopia. Next stop, Urban Enlightenment. The glamorous London life of Henry Vagga. Hang on a second. Is that Saranjoo Lloyd Weber?

No, it can't be. Because you're Saranjoo Lloyd Weber. Hahaha! I know! Hahaha! No, the one in Hamster, that was, that was, that was, did we bleep it out? What he made a big song and dance about not telling anyone

who that was. So we're gonna have to pick that again a bit. I think there's enough water under the bridge for all of us including, I'm yourself. Is this a big reveal? Could he, could he, could he sue me for anything? Deformation?

I mean, anyone's alert. Are you allowed to piss in a car parking hamster? I'm sure. Can prove that he doesn't piss. Everyone knows that about... That's true, yeah. Yeah. So you're in big, keep trouble.

LAUGHTER Now, we have a court case, they weren't it. When he has to get up and literally show... Literally not piss. Literally not piss. For two days. In a courtroom broadcast around the world. He'll be trying to prove that it was Mark Reilans in a f*** mask.

Biggest one. The one man who can play me convincingly. I saw it on me, Vines. Fine. Pissing? No, not pissing. Um, he was, he was riding a, uh, a, a, a unicycle. No.

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I think resistance from the gap that I've ever had. How are you going to navigate it? Well, is he going to concede and say it was a bicycle or a tricycle? Or is he going to press on with the unicycle? Or is he going to realize it was a dream? Can I, okay, I'm going to offer you like a sort of a temporary chit-y that allows you to tell this story on the bay. I can't pretend that I think this is true. I guess to grease the wheels. I'm completely on board by the way, Henry. I can't pretend that I think this is true. I just degrease the wheels. I'm completely

on board by the way Henry. I'll believe anything. Go. I saw Jeremy Vine in Richmond Park. Richmond Park? No, no. It was a park. It was a west line park. I'm company you're losing Ben or are you still recording? It doesn't matter which park it is. Why is this a dearest pivisol? Why is it falling down on the part? I tell you what I did was I saw a bloke on a unicycle. That's what everyone saw. And when you looked a little bit closer, you realized it was a double whammy. It was a double hit, which is A, bloody I was a bloke on a unicycle.

B, is that Jeremy Vine? It's Jeremy Vine on a unicycle. It was a sort of double whammy. Double was a double rainbow. It was a double rainbow moment. He was wearing special gloves, leather gloves, with wheels on the end. With little wheels on the end. So if he falls over forwards, he can turn it into a kind of free wheeler wheel and save face. Literally and figuratively. I think the only way, I think every surface of his body really was covering wheels, he had a large wagon wheel, that was back. Aaronic, the vehicle wasn't just had one wheel. That was it. The vehicle itself had one, so I think it was compensated with this close.

And he had sort of goggles on and a sort of, essentially, he had a kind of slightly steam punk sort of look. He had a sort of, he did sort of call fire jetpack on his back. Call fire jetpack sort of vibe. So he had sort of, he had extremely very, very tweed trousers, like a triple tweed. It was a really deep tweed. It was one of those tweeds where there's a tweed pattern, be looked deeper and even within the tweed pattern, there's more tweeds. It's made of tweeds. Yeah, made of tweeds. Only the finest tweeds, tweeds, could make that. goggles or it might be in two molecules, but it was like, it

was like, I'm on a day out, I've got a steam punk Victorian vibe. Naked Midriff. Completely naked Midriff. A bit of flavour. Pit Helmet. Well, take your pick. There was loads of helmets. Yeah, there's helmets upon helmets. Some of them were pets, some of them were wild or two, both sides. Mining.

Mining. Yeah, there was a lot going on. But that isn't a silly true story. It's entirely true. The bit about Jeremy Vine on the encyclist tree and the bit about him having a slightly Victorian steampunk looked his clothing is true. And actually I've subsequently seen him again on a encyclist like better year or two later. And I'm just Googling in. If you found it, yeah.

You talking to it? Yeah, I'm just Googling. I'm Googling. Oh. Oh. Dreams. How is it? You don't talk to Google.

Oh. I still use the ask of jeepsist. I ask the internet for help. You bid something that's the best way to go. Every day. Yeah. Yeah. I've actually drawn a picture of the jeeps

butler on my laptop. So he's always there. I still believe that was the best way to approach these things. Guys, when you talk into the microphones, yeah. Do you hear yourself in your head as well? And that's fine for... Pompidude section.

Pompidude. In my ears. Through my headphones all. Now I am. I've just pressed direct monitor. Completely different vibe. I'm then controlled with my voice now. I don't know what I was doing with my voice. Was it having a California woman in the 70s? That was a kind of far-of-force it thing going on. Yeah, I do a far-of-force thing. And there's Goldie Horn for it. First wave of West Coast yoga, those stars.

Recreational canvas cigarettes. Bit of that. Yeah, that vibe. And shagging dentists. It was that period where dentistry was still an ultra glamorous profession. Millionaire, Californian dentists. Yeah, yeah. I'm making love to my dentist at the moment.

He's incredible. You should make love to him as well. That's a great voice you've got there, Henry. Yeah, that's quite a good isn't it? It sounds a bit like who's that, the woman who started Th's quite a good isn't it? It sounds a bit like who's the woman who started Theranos and his name in prison? Elizabeth Holmes. Oh yeah. Yeah, she had that kind of vibe as well. With a single speck of blood, we can test you for every disease known to man. You see, she believed in stuff, Ben. She did believe that Jeremy Vine is buried.

She's all right. She did all right. So, yeah, no, so, have you Googled it? Jeremy Vine, what am I Googling now? I haven't and I won't. Is that because you want to keep it as a mystery? I think so. I don't want to burst the bubble.

At the moment, I do believe. I'm just Googling Jeremy Vine on a unicycle wearing steam punk clothes that have wheels all over it. And he has a bear midriff and he's wearing all sorts of different helmets. Two monocles. And two monocles. The bear midriff had some 90s sparkle, by the way. Just some 90s sparkle stuff on it. Yeah, a transfer tattoo.

A richman's park, but maybe not. Richman's park. That's the old Google comes up with. That's the old Google comes up with over 75 billion results. That's such as trending currently. Concerctious trend. It doesn't matter. Weirdly, because the internet is so pervy, I'm just getting loads of pictures of women with bare midriffs. Your algorithms have sifted out the bit you're really after. That's what has picked out of all of those words.

Oh dear. And then there's also a picture of sting. It's a good backup, isn't it? Because everyone's always a bit interested in sting. And what sting's up to and what sting's done. Yeah, exactly. It's a good plan B. Sting 70 reveals the secret to his washboard midriff

and the secret is he performs a perpetual crunch. So, so does he mean perpetual? So all you have to do to achieve Sting's body is to live a living hell. The worst possible life you could imagine. Imagine that pain, that moment, a completely unbearable pain, where you tell your PE teacher that you have to stop now, or you're sure. White to your hands. Yeah, your PE teacher or personal trainer, if you're over the age of 13,

that level of pain, the all that's keeping you going is the fact that you know it ends. Forever. Yeah, that's unappealing. You can even imagine it. That, your life would be... But yeah, Henry, does that explain the sting place voice? Duh-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du- I wish you get this down guys, this sounds quite good. That just seems screaming in agony. In last week's show Henry, you referenced the bit in the Bruce Spring sing song for Adolfia.

And actually last night I thought, oh I should listen to that to see what Henry was on for a delphier. I-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- But he doesn't go What does he do and neither did I just now? You punk ass motherfucker you want to do this right now? No, I want to dance kid is Henry's other American I could dance kid you punk ass kid you want to dance now? I'm fucking a dead this tier. I'm a fucking dentist What you're listening to is the real Henry Bacchair. Everything we listen to the last eight or nine series has been an expectation. Real Henry Bacchair is a punk-hast street dentist. Down down Detroit. You are crowns. I give you crowns. You piece of shit.

He's been set off now. Yeah, Goggle and this.'s been set off now. Yeah, gogal on this. He's gonna be difficult to read back. Gogal on this, you fuck. We may need to take a short break to rein it back in. Thank you for your patience. You piece of dirt, you wanna do this private or cost you 500 more? I can do it NHS though, you fuck.

You fuck. You telling me you're floss, you don't floss. I floss with your mask, Michael's out of the voice, God, the voice is gay. I know I've always got a time to lay on these things. It's very, very hard. That's why Scorsese finds it so hard to work with me.

They've had to animatronically use that face technology to add Robert Nero's face onto my, and Al Pacino's voice. And Al Pacino's voice create a lot of those movie man. A lot of those magical movie moments that we did create together. Yeah, I take the voice as gone. I'm making love to my dentist. He's making love to, he's making love to her. I'm making love to a pilot. And the pilot is making love to a dentist. Sometimes it's very difficult to organize our diaries.

I've lost some of which is what I... You were going to hear about havers by the end. I was going to hear about havers, everything. I remember it reversed the havers main eventually. Havers, havers, havers, havers. Sleek, glossy hair, supple, you have to firm, muscular, cheer. Take me to the Louvre.

Slender biceps, pure thoroughbred. Nigel Hayes, equine tail, shins of alabaster, so-pend monogrammed luggage. And the next drink of a hyena. Nigel. He's a luxury prince. But yeah, too, he'll be, too, he'll be,

he does go to be, too, at the end of the song. A bit. What are you saying it goes, Ben? He goes, NAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMNAMN Do you want to vote? Is it Dooby Dooby Do? Or Mimimimimir? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, let's turn on the beam machine. This week's topic as sent in by Ben from Horsham. Thank you Ben. Hi Ben. Is. Oh I've realised I've started singing this, that of the casual T-themed.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, which is not that helpful for what the actual topic is, which is time travel. Oh, I was trying to do a sort of... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just think of casualty. I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of...

Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm gonna do a sort of... Yeah, I'm four seconds in the future. It's all we could afford on the baby's eight budgets. Do you want to put your cup of tea,

so I've spilled the tic-y-y-s, it's very hard to pour me tea because I'm four seconds. I've already tidied it up. I've already tidied it up. Whoa. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Buk-dub-bum.

Okay, so obvious questions to kick off with are any of us from the future? We're obviously going to say no Ben, either way. So we can't actually establish that one. Morely obliged to answer that question to the negative. I mean, we are now to the audience in the past speaking in the present. That's true. And in a way, every week we time travel. Yeah. And the question I was going to ask, if you could time travel, if you were given the time machine and you could tap in one date, what would it be? That's an absolute classic out on. I think this is one of those ones where, it's a good way of assessing how well you know yourself as a person, because I know there are people,

it's a bit like what's your favorite film or something. I know there are people out there who know the answer to this question, but whereas I feel like I don't really know, I'd sort of probably judge the room in terms of who I was with and sense that if it was more of like a crowd that were interested in the Georgian period, for example, I think towards Georgian, if it was

more of a 60s crew then I'd probably say 60s. So then which 60s? Do you know which 60s? Yeah, they're not all the same. There's loads of them. 10-60s, six. Big year. Big year. And obviously the way that history repeats itself. Well, there was a Hendrix at the Battle of Hastings. There would have been a Hendrix. There would have been a Beatles or they just would have been called the Yee, the Yee Tools, or something. Essentially, trends come around. The 60s is always the slightly more countercultural era of any given century, isn't it? So the arrow that went in howled in, in fact, there was a strong argument that was actually a splyph. The norm was a firing splyphs on the British. What on the bio tapestry was the original take me to your dealer poster?

Yeah. It's on the bedroom of a teenage Norman. Potentially, yeah. Or just very, very long rolling paper. There's different theories. And so that, you know, you can see in the, in the bio tapestry, you can see Haley's comic in the sky, can't you?

Yeah. That's just someone throwing a bifter, isn't it? That's just a bifter, yeah. Head with a confessor, to do what he confessed everything when he was high on a bong. He told you everything, everything. So I got that name. That's you got no filter, that guy when he's off his tits.

Do you know the answer to this question, Ben? Have you got a, what, when Henry should go back to? Yeah, well, I think he should go back to, his buddy, University days buddy University days and stop playing Abe's Odyssey so often. Fully his finger out and read some DOSKER Fski, whatever it was meant to be doing. Well, actually Finnish Abe's Odyssey properly, with cheat codes that became available in the early naughties, but were not available at the time, which is probably why I got an

average degree. Well, I don't have an obvious one. I think the obvious categories are dinosaurs, ERO. Yeah. Okay, guys, go kind of stuck there quickly. So Ben, you say the dinosaur time. By which I mean, 1994, the release of Jurassic Park. Very good. To be at that premiere. Very, very good. Well, that's the thing, time travel often assumes that you're, that you're triple A, right? That you're access all areas.

I mean, how you get into that premiere? Sorry, I've got to say, with this time machine, wherever you are on in the time of the universe, you are inside the body of Laura Dern. Okay. You're inside the body of Lloyd Webber. Lord Dern. Because back in the Jurassic Park, I mean, he was only in his mid 50s. I mean, he's old.

He's old. We'll get old. Change just happens. What about the political dinosaurs that currently running this bloody country? And what about the political dinosaurs that currently running this bloody country? Ladies and gentlemen, please pray silence for a moment of satire. Jonathan Swift, holding institutions to account. Mark Twain, speaking truth to power. Chorseth, a core part of any healthy democracy.

Jumbo number. Can our jokes actually change government policy? Of course they can. Quiet, please respect this important mode of humor. I don't know, I'd like to send Boris Johnson back to the 1950s, so he could up-date his values. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha his values. I don't think anyone thinks the voice of John

is as big too old-fashioned. I don't know if it's the problem with how. I don't think it's the joy it, Ben, just enjoy it. You can kill anything. You can destroy anything way of analysing it. Take a butterfly. I like a butterfly. It's beautiful.

What did you take a butterfly? You stick it, what you trying to push it through a sieve. See what it parts? How the different parts function? Oh, yeah. Well, see what they've got, how they're different parts function. Oh yeah. Well, good luck having it land on the nose of a puppy now. You have to rub it into the face of a dog. I've also put the puppy through the sieve as well.

The puppy's gone through the sieve anyway. He can barely distinguish it, but what I know is that... The children haven't had a good day at the park. We've got a very gunked-up sieve. Actually, that reminds me of one thing I did learn from school The children haven't had a good day at the park. We've got a very gunked up sieve. Actually, that reminds me of one thing I did learn from school, is that you can... ...piss a wasp in a whole puncture.

What? What do you mean? What do I mean? What do I mean? You can't fit it. Or you can't... You mean what do I mean? Yeah. You can... Oh no, I mean, no, you mean? You can't visit it. Or you can. What do I mean? Yeah, you can. Oh, no, I mean, no, you can punch a hole through a wasp.

No, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can punch a hole through a wasp. Or, but from all the, although the wasp community might not agree with that statement or, or what's the purpose of punching a hole through a wasp to put in your folder? You can file it, along with your other dead tortured creatures. No, I didn't do that for someone in my school did it. So I would go back in time, bear in mind you're in the body of Lorden or Android,

you can choose. You go back as Lorden and save the wasp. Henry, put the whole puncher down. It was Henry. Was it Sion? It was called Henry. No, I didn't do that. Sounds like it did. And it does, doesn't it?

Increasingly. Welcome to Wasp Park. Welcome to Wasp Park. We spend so much time thinking about whether we should, that we forgot to think about whether it would be an entertaining park. So this park ethically checks out, but it's boring as shit. Welcome. The Wasp Aquarium has failed. I'd probably buy a pair of those failed.

That's what I was doing. But the aerobatics show is something to behold. The Wasps are genetically identical, so the wasps you have at home. They are, to the finest molecule identical to actual present day, 2023 Ross. They're not actually indigenous to this coral at all, so they have decimated all the indigenous species, unfortunately, so it is, it's otherwise a bit sparse. It is just us.

It's just you and Wasps, I'm afraid. It's sort of a bit like a dystopian future where there's just Wasps. And the Wasps that are ruining your lunch, those aren't our wasps. Wasp world is like most other places in the world, just suffer from an infestation of wasps as well as, we are dealing with, we've got the guy to deal with the, with the nasty, he's destroying the nasty as we speak. Yeah, but it was very hard to distinguish between our wasps and the infestation wasps because they are identical.

Identical. So teething stuff bear with us. The new wasp sequel to the Jurassic Park franchise is an absolute snorfest. Ten stars. So, sorry, when would you go back to you? You're hard, I was saying. I was trying to stop you. mean, you're hard, I was saying, say dinosaurs is a lot of the way.

I was trying to stop you. So, the thing is, people always say dinosaurs, yeah. But what they didn't put people ask, when would they go in time? But they always forget to specify where would they go in time? Because, Ben, We're even how.

We've dealt with the mention of direction how sorry We've got this machine that puts me in the body of Lord Lord Dylan Yeah, yeah, but you see you'd find yourself in the past you'd find yourself in you know Jurassic Britain Much like present-day Darby probably never been I see you've you've gone from satirizing the The former prime minister just the people of Derby. Just like punch them. Attack against the provinces.

I punch up a punch down. I'm a good honest and true people of Derby. Crime free since 1964. A better standard of living than Oslo. If you're the mayor of Derby, I like the specs and sea of 197 years. LAUGHTER As you can go, the mayor of Derby, owner of the Derblet's. LAUGHTER He's back in vocal crew and on tarage, impressed with the Derblet's.

What's happening mate? You're saying that you can go back to time, you can't control where? You didn't aware because like, what if you're just, we're just just landing a dung heap? You probably just landing in an area in a dramatic... And your actual posture. Exactly. The fact is, on most of the surface of the planet,

stuff doesn't really change over the centuries. If you're in Egypt, 2000 BC, you know, you probably still went and been near a pyramid. So what I'm saying is don't just think about the time coordinates, think about the spatial coordinates, because you're going to find yourself, you might just find yourself in Jurassic Britain. You're in a field, essentially.

A bit of woodland. You walk around, you see a couple of squirrels, you know you're in a timer, after two hours, you explode. Yeah. There's no, you can't organize things like time travel without major. We were reporting back about the squirrels, there was no, exactly.

With some Jurassic mega squirrels, people are going to want to know that. Well, they're just big ordinary squirrels then. That's the thing, maybe just squirrels. You'd be trying to, you'd be sketching and say but to squirrel. You'd be convincing yourself that either slightly sharper and more bendy than a present day squirrel,

they're not probably exaggerating it in your sketch work. You're thinking, fucking hell, I've come all the way here. This has cost billions of pounds. We've had to, basically, the entire British economy's had to go on a war footing to fund this.

But you know what I mean? Like, you wouldn't, you'd probably just be there and nothing would be happening. You just, you know, so you'd need to make sure you're in an action spot. Because it's a kind of fallacy of science fiction films that you go back to the Jurassic Area, you open the door of your craft,

and there's T-Rex literally wrestling with Stegosaurus in front of you. That is not what happens. You get out in an area of woodland. Yeah, there'll be fairly recognizable mice, they might have like a shark's, and mini sharks fin or something on their back. But you know what I thought. There'll be things that are just slightly different, but it won't be that

exciting. I know what you mean. For some reason though you've created this completely arbitrary two hour figure, which does bolster your argument. What if I was to say you can be there for two weeks? Well, you know how it is on a holiday? Suddenly you're like, oh my God, it's halfway. I've not done anything.

I've not anything like, might as well just hang out. Might as well just hang out now. We've got three days. Go to the same pizza rear again, because we know we like it. And you know how it's Thursday, it means you've got one more full day by the Polar Cartoon and Joyless.

And you sort of use basically sign off from the whole day halfway through it. Just get it, just full three, I think, because then don't come back from the past and not to have seen a dinosaur, Ben, please. Sign up for that excursion. Go on the boat. It's worth. Go on the glass bottoms. Teradactyl boats, whatever it is. Okay, here's the thing. I do think about going back in time, sometimes. I do think about which here. I think really, year-oldy would be quite cool.

To play a bread. To play a cake or to candy. Different era. To candy is not in that long, though, is it? But different era. If you want to go to the candy and just take a drive to Derby, that's one I've heard. Okay.

Good point. I tell you what, if you want to travel five years in the future, just travel 500 years in the future and then visit Derby because at the rate of changing Derby, it probably, it'll take that long for it to catch up with how we are in the rest of the world at five years in the future probably. Do you see what I mean? Quite confusing, no one. That's the reason that one.

That's pretty torsious. And literally never been to Derby. I went to Derby and I was with my friend. Well, you know him, Henry Widdickham. And somebody intentionally vandalized his petrol cap. And then he couldn't fill it with petrol, so it just hang around in Derby. And then I think as we drove home, we managed to finally sort it out. We hit an owl with our car.

Oh no, bloody owl. It was just like a cursed sort of journey. It feels like an act that is going to bring calamity upon you to kill it. It does, doesn't it? It does. I didn't say kill, but I could have said hit at 60 miles an hour. So we don't know. Well, that's even worse, because it's senior. And it's still a car.

It's got your number plate. I wish I could go back in time to that day and not go to Darby. But still hit the owl. Just hit the owl in the convenience of my own area. I just quickly, that's just my name and something. You know, I had an incident with a bird which would just cost me the podcast quite a while ago. Hmm. Oh, where was the bedroom? I was in my bedroom. I was a young man with a bird, which we should just custom the podcast quite a while ago. Where was it when I was in my bedroom?

It was in my bedroom. I was a young man with a life ahead of him in my pretty early 30s living at home in my parents' house. And yeah, there was in the bird that came indoors. I couldn't deal with it. Well, as soon as the bird comes indoors, all birds are off. Everything goes crazy. Rules change. Outers in, up is down, left is right. And a bird goes from being a sweet, a cute thing that brings joy to all of us, to a horror creature that is as horrified itself as it is horrifying.

And the more horrified it becomes, the more horror it bestows on everything around it. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I was in Holland, France. I came across the bird indoors. It happened again, there was a bird in the house. Same one. Same bird. Same Mary dance.

Same Mary dance. say Merry Dance. Say Merry Dance. No, but I, I, there was this moment of, it was still in the kitchen. It was a small brown bird. It was very similar to the one that happened years ago, my childhood. It was a small brown bird. Okay. And your battle tested now, right?

You're a veteran of this sort of situation. Yeah. Your childhood being your early 30s. As a creative person Ben, I'm perpetually a child in a way that's not annoying. Do you mind if I take my top off for this story? I'm very, very hot. Jesus. What's underneath your top? Another top. You'll see then that my entire body is made up of 400 small brown birds that just fly off. Is this how you're going to break it to us that you've had a tattoo, Henry? I've had an incredibly realistic tattoo of a middle-aged man who's slightly gone to Seeds body.

Put on some actually surprisingly buff and trim body. Go on, I said, well, look, I don't mind you taking it off, of course not. Okay, go for it. Oh, no, sorry, I'm really sorry. Now, okay, I am sorry about this. You've never seen my body before. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I think I have a pale, isn't it? I'm just really hot. I was getting the sweat, the sweat, the sweat, the sweat, the clags, I was getting that, that, the T-shirt was getting bad.

Well, you've got quite thick hides to be fair. I do, I do, I do, I know. I've got a surprisingly thick, I've got any. Yeah, you fair. I do, I do, I do, I know. I've got surprisingly thick, I've got, I mean, yeah. Yeah, you're a silver front. I'm a silver front. Yep, I'm now, I've got a blossoming silver frontage. Yeah, it's, um, I tell you what I look like, is imagine a sort of wise old dog.

There'd be imperfectly tended to a human by a witch. OK, but I mean, you might also be this might be your time, tap, your time traveling suit, right? If some fiction is to be there's a lot of naked time travel goes on, isn't there? No. Um, what I, it's not inappropriate. Is it for listeners, I'm top of it? I think luckily there's already an e for explicit warning on the show notes. Okay. It's a bit fine.

Yeah. I will say it's the thin end of the wedge though. I think it does feel like we do. I'm slightly regretting that. I think I might be wrong. If you transgress the norm, as Mike says, this is the beginning of a kind of slide. The thing is, I've, a thing happened to me recently where I genuinely reach what is quite a nice enjoyable point of not caring about sort

of certain things. Dick out in the ribons. No, not that level yet, but just changing rooms I just stick here, do you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm in a space in which I've got to that point quite a while ago, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've always been at that point, I think. In a changing room? Easy to me, a while. Don't be coy about it. Get out. We'll close.

Towel your anus. With impunity. Challenger stranger to a wrestle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just play for a slap of the slap of the time. Come on.

It's a bit of fun. Guys, let's just wrestle this out. Let's just wrestle it out, but we're not disagreeing about anything. I know, but let's wrestle it out anyway. I don't actually know you've just come up to me. And so let's wrestle this out. Well, let's wrestle this out then.

Let's wrestle out whether we should wrestle it out. Just wrestle me. Slap on the talc. Slap it. Ooh. Slap, slap, slap, talc. That's the sort of thing. Talk me. Slap on the talc, slap it. Ooh, slap, slap, slap, talc. That's the thing. Talk me, talc. So I'm fine now, talc, I get my clothes off.

I start talc, and I talc before I go in the pool. Ooh, wow, that's so. It gets pasted, it's getting pasted. So you can find your way back. I can find my way back. What are you swimming? I will never get lost doing length again. Because I've got a trail of chalk sediment, of chalky tank paste.

Bob and about behind me in my wake in the slipstream. What happened? Oh yeah, the bird. So I thought, okay, there was quite a moment right for me. The bird was there and I was like, time has given me second bite of this cherry. There's another bird. And Mike, you joked, was it the same bird? And I choked that yes, it was. But in a way, it was the same bird, because it was the bird of fate, the bird of the bird of life, the bird that we all have to tame, clasp strongly but gently. The bird of blind panic. The bird of blind panic. The bird of balls to the wall teeth grinding fucking blind terror.

But the bird was stood there quite calmly, right? And I looked at the bird and I was like, okay, breathe. Maybe this is my chance to make this good. And I approached the bird and the bird was kind of, it looked nervous, and I thought poor, blessed, blessed thing. Winged child, oh mine, befeathered some. My feathered son in a way. You're both naked in this situation, right?

Both, completely naked. Both completely naked. Well, the bird was wearing trousers. It was naked from the way stuff. I thought, do you don't understand this kitchen area? You don't understand this open plan, delightfully restored, original door-doying farmhouse kitchen area. You don't understand what an Airbnb is.

You're not in your element. You were just as confused as I would be, you know, up a trio, however. So it's actually my duty to help you out of the situation, my duty. I think that was the problem I had the first time around. I felt this bird was impunity on my space. The bird was an invade that I had to get out. Rather than trying to teach a house operator in that space. Yeah.

Well, this time I saw the bird as a guest, who I was going to politely ask to leave. And I had a picture of my wife, you hold you cup of bird, don't you? I mean, Mike does this kind of thing four or five times of week to even talk about it. Mike cups the bird, don't you? You're probably cupping one now, are you?

You're a cup of bird. I'll cup a haddock. I'll cup, are you? A cup of a headache. A cup of anything. Yeah, a cup of baby ball. What I was going really. You can cup things that are bigger than you. Oh, yeah, you can cup a shark. I can cup an ostrich any day of the week. Yeah. So you know, so I approached it with my hands like this, ready to cup it like that. And then the bird took off, flew at me, and I fucking pegged it. I pegged it out of the entire cottage. So that's not something I did the first time around. First

time around in my early 30s, childhood, I hid under the bed. This time I thought exit the entire cottage, and I was out in the field wiggly into his into the birds realm I then had the idea of Trying to trap it under a huge Seed on the end of a stick Which was a pool cleaner because I was assuming called this place But that and then a bit by the time I got back in the only other thing I had in mind was it basically turned out The net didn't have enough depth to it, so it was a container bird, I then had my

towel idea, but the towel thing was the towel I did again. Well, when you throw a towel on it, then stamp on the towel. You told you about it before. Yeah, what you do then, sex. That felt inappropriate, so it's too high a genus of animal to go through that. It's got too much of an internal spine. It's got too much of a spine, exactly. So, and then someone else also did it out in the end.

But I certainly felt that I could have dealt with it. But you didn't. I didn't. What a journey. What journey. What a journey. What a journey. What a journey. What a journey. What a journey. Time to read your emails. You must give thanks to the postmasters that came before. Good morning, postmaster. Anything for me?

Just some old shit. When you send an email, this represents progress. Like a robot, shooing a horse. Give me your horse. My beautiful horse. Bought emails. Hi Ben. There's two me. Okay. To throw your own phrase back at you, Hi Ben, there's two me. Mm-hmm, okay. To throw your own phrase back at you,

you fucked up hard on your leal trip. Oh, oh dear. Is bought from leal? Well, let's see. Yeah. From your account, I can only assume that you barely made it 500 meters from the train station and therefore found yourself wandering around the uralial area,

which does, as you say, contain pretty much nothing but a westfield and some quantity of poles. How do you venture it into a vial? You would have found some lovely side streets, quaint beer houses, and all the mule freets you can consume. What you've done is essentially the equivalent of having a transfer at Heathrow, spending your spare hours wandering around Hounslow, and then thinking, God, London's a bit shit, isn't it? Or the equivalent of you've entered Heathrow and then you've took a train to Derby and spend the weekend Derby. Very sorry to any Derby, basically. Really sorry to any Derby. But I think once you've started on something like that,

you've just got all the internet and you've got to go all the way. I think in a way Derby. I really got it. But I think we, once you've started on some of that, you've just got all the way into it and you've got to go all the way. I think in a way Derby would respect us for that. It's a bit like, you've insulted a Roman general. The Roman general will want you to then, to then to stab him and stab him to death now for his honor, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So we'll deal.

So we'll deal. So yeah, Boat, I don't know if he doesn't say where he's from, but he's defending the honour of Leal at town I besmirched. Is that a ballad king, Ben? Feels like one. He doesn't say it is, but it feels like it smells like one, it sounds like one, if it quacks like a duck, you know. It's probably a duck's ballad.

It's a duck ball. But it's also water offered duck's bollock for me. Yes. Who's it? Okay, because I want to say I did go to Vierleadle. Oh. And the thing is it actually was quite charming, but I was very hot and tired.

Ah. And I'm blaming Leal for that. You'd also spend quite a few weeks in Vier Europe. Anyway, hadn't you? So you've been, I mean, you'd been charmed up to the eyeballs, right? Exactly. Maybe you were at Quaint Old Street overload. Yeah, I need more than a charming square.

Also, I went to a creperry. They said, you can, you can come in, but you can't sit outside because all of the tables outside are booked. You can sit inside. I sat inside. It was too hot. Yeah.

It was above 27 degrees. This is really cool. It's a lot of fun. If you're within, you know, you're, it just inches away from the crap ovens, aren't you? Exactly. That's horrific. And then as I left having paid,

there was still nobody sitting outside. I could have sat outside all along. And I was angry. You mugged off mate. Also, it was really expensive. I had a very small beer that cost me something like eight quid. So I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you've poked the sheba there. Yeah. But I think because he hasn't officially designated it a bollock,

I don't know if I can bollock back. What am I reflecting here? You know, it's a gray area legally. It's a mirror reflecting a mirror, isn't it? It's infinite. It just recedes forever. It's a bollocks spinning down the corridors of infinity. Never finding a home. Why is it, by the way, that small windy streets

are charming? Why is it? It is true. I'm not saying it's true, just why? It probably would have been quite a deadly back in the day, presumably. Small windy streets full of night soil and cutthroats. Would it's because it's like, what's around the corn? What could it be? What's around there? There's a world of opportunity and possibility by in those corners, right? Right, yes. Okay. It could be a charming ballonjury.

It could be a charming local gift shop selling a series of bottle openers themed about the town. It could be tourist shops where you go in and you hold those bottle openers, don't you? And you use the phrase, under your breath, mark up. A bloody mark up. A bloody mark up on that. A little maiden Taiwan sticker.

Look at this, made in bloody Taiwan. Imagine the mark up on this. Unbelievable. But that's how I relax. Are you right? You have a message from you and he says, in the early 90s, I spent my compulsory year out as a language assistant in Leal.

It was a post-industrial hellscape. I never time it was being dug up for the coming Eurasian star gobbins. Basically, I had a breakdown and I'm wildly delighted to hear you say it's shit. That sounds like it. So I think the truth lies somewhere between those two poles of break down indecently shit on the you and bought spectrum. Exactly. Yes.

Graffiti Jinger which is power to your ball look back. And what's that mean exactly? No, no, because you've had a ball back boost there, haven't you? He sort of boosted you. Oh, I say he's added power to my ball back. He's added power to your ball back. Yeah. Yeah. He's the ball look abolic back. Yeah. Yeah.

He's the bollock at my back. He's your wing bollock. If your wing bollock is the greaser of your bollocks elbow. So I think, you know, the status of Leo remains up in the air. I thought I was a little bit, I was probably a little bit too harsh on Leo, but then you and came back and, you know, I'm thinking about it again. So. And again, interesting to consider isn't it? Why is it that small windy streets are charming?

Just why? Why is it when you were the fact that they can hang washing from one side of the road to the other makes you look up and go, oh this is this is so great to stand now we're going to take a photo because because this street is small and there's no one to mind. We've had an email from Sam with the subject title, Rear Attack. Oh, we're entering the flightless bird zone. It's been a while. Welcome to the flightless bird zone. No, please, not my face! Dear beans, I recently went to visit my parents while they were staying with my grandparents.

What? As an Airbnb in rural Devon. I think you've stressed that if you put the stresses on them. No, the heavy, the stress on my made it very confusing though, I think it was pretty clear without it. A Sam capitalized the my. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, making the local towns and villages un-inhabitant for the last driving up the local bombing action. One flat at a time. This property was located on an old farm which seemed to contain a handful of chickens, a small herd of alpacas and one rear. A security raid potentially. My son, who is

two, was delighted with the rear and and stood by it its enclosure, clapping. In a moment of inattentiveness, I blamed fully on his great grandmother. The rear approached and pecked his foot. Shard only in sandals, his toes took the full force of the attack and the rear drew blood. Oh, bet. Now, whenever I hold my hand up and make a comical sort of beak shape with it, he shouts Rhea! Briefly holds out his foot and then sprints away.

Thank you, Rhea, for helping us make these wonderful memories, all the best sound. So really good way of reframing trauma. So turning it into a fun game. Hmm. Well, just ask it, Rhea, isn't it? It's just nature's gets. Isabel emails? Hi Beams. I happen to be listening to your last episode while also toiling away on a pottery wheel, which I have never used to fashion a fallace. Yours isabel. Yeah, good. That's a breath of fresh air in the pottery community. That's lovely to hear. Sounds quite radical.

Yeah. It's time to pay the ferryman. Patreon Patreon.com Forstash 3D Salad. Thanks for having me signed up on the Patreon. Thank you. We can be in our... We make a monthly bonus episode.

You can get an entry episode and if you sign up at the Sean Bean tier, you get a shout out in the Sean Bean lounge where Mike was last night. It certainly was. Because it was the... Was it the Sean Bean lounge ice-deaf pod? It was indeed. It was indeed working really into our ancient Welsh balance. Yep, and long form Oads. And here's my report. Last night we sat together for the Sean Bean Lounge Ice Death Fod under the auspices

and for the pleasure of Sean at Bryan, aka the Prince of Sheffield, aka Sean Bean, aka Anton von Hearden from the movie Windprints. The event was pre-proclaimed a year and a day in an hour and a minute beforehand by Wuth Medallion, and as a mark of respect to the Ice Death Fod of Old, all thus and lyrics, having been written in English, were translated into Welsh by Phil Williams, who'd borrowed Welsh's fan off of Scott, who'd found it in the glove compartment of Lawrence Fienys High and I-10, who'd been using it to swap Adam Brockman's moths which had infested the car after they'd nested in Olivia's Kashmir Barak clava. After Shurine actor had borrowed it for Joe's bank robber themed marriage vow renewal service

and failed to take up leckys offer of a seatable necklace before getting it wet in Dan's Robbie Clark-filled bobbing barrel at the after party. At which point Dan and M. Honeywell claimed to know the best place to dry the Barak clava, which was Lloyd Farrell's Highendai I-10, but they got the wrong one, after which they were translated back into English by Kev Johnson using Google Translate. There was an early victory for Teddy Humphrey who took the Druidic Du Blanc-Tom, or a prize. Alex Dunford took the agricultural love ballad gong and was gifted an engraved hard drive smelting furnace, and Becky Thomas' epic mega-ode was so 80 it had to be read out by five

Truba Dores. Other awards included Cynthia, Sharing of the Bard, Ryan McLeod, Crowning of the Bard, Epic History TV, Shaving of the Bard, and Reed Murphy, Larding of the Bard. Rebecca, Scott Peters, Stephanie Argent and Elliot Bishop won the Welsh Male Voice Choir Lip Sinking Contest. Part-up Davis, Steve Hayes, Peter Jensen, Kerry Smyth, and Sunifer Elise, Gellissvik Anderson received a commendation for their radical steep incline promenade therapies, celebrating Andrew McCabe's brand new Rom The Based Trousershop, which supplies special chinos for those with Welsh Hill walkers thighs.

Adid Healthan's silent Mabinogion disco was a smash hit, in which guests were given individual headphones, enabled to boogie-woogie to any Mabinogion classic of their choice. Ian Morgan, the onion child, moved the crowd to tears, with his rendition of the Pompadoo section jingle performed on a triple harp he had woven himself from the sinews of Alex Dave Riley and Gumberduck. Becky Donner attempted to dissuade Lizzy Martin from trying to follow that with a cover of Robbie Williams' rock DJ on a traditional single-readed leg bone pipe horn. But her schedule's a schedule, as Lizzy says, the performance went ahead and truly stunk out the joint. That said, the vibe was rescued in the evening round it off wonderfully by Jasmine Garing's

famous improvised blues on it and Benjamin Faircluffs one man burlesque, Caratigian Clogreal. Thanks all. OK, that's the end of the podcast. We are going to play out with a version of our theme tune made by one of you. Listeners, this is from Benjamin from Teoana. Oh. Here are its hellow beans.

I have a weird talent to be able to make a pretty good trumpet sound with my mouth. Mm-hmm. It has always gone over well at parties, and so I hope that when paired with some accapella, mm-hmm, hi-hat and bass, it can make one of the, if not the best, at least strangest versions of our theme tune,

to hit the air. Thanks, Ben from Teoana. Thanks, Ben. Thanks, Ben. And thanks everyone for listening Goodbye I'm not sure play the piano. I'm not going to play this. Tt-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay.