Three Bean Salad - Vampires

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

Play this episode directly in front of a mirror and no reflection of it shall ye see because this episode, the first of season fourteen, is all about vampires thanks to Stan of Manchester. Little is known of the elusive Stan of Manchester other than he always travels with 50 boxes of Transylvanian soil. Make of that what you will.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: [e-mail] @beansaladpod

I have just I have just deodorized but have you both deodorized? Always. I deodorized last night. Interesting. Do you not freshen up first thing because we know about your peculiar... Everything you do the night before in terms of this thing. Yeah, so I'm ready to go first thing. Did you have breakfast last night as well? Everything's just skewed by 12 hours, isn't it with you? You're sort of living in Australia.

If you're in Australia, you'd be fine, I think. But aren't you at the point in the day when you're just, you're done, you're completely knackered and you just want to pop open a cold one. What, in the morning? What are you talking about? Well, if you've done everything 12 hours ahead of time. I mean, I'm done by this stage. Must be very confusing for you. Yeah, I've had a can of Foster's. Yeah.

The freshness has gone. Have I had a hot dog? Yeah. Three different types of dip. Because you like to explore different mayonnaise, don't you, in the morning? Different levels of mustard and different combos, isn't it? Chili mayonnaise. Chili mayonnaise. Lasagna mayonnaise. Lasagna mayonnaise.

All of them. And you love anything Hungarian, don't you? A lot of paprika-rich mayonnaise and stuff. Yeah, and I enjoy them all while watching Remains of the Day. That's how I... That's how you start the day. And then just before you go to bed it's travel news, something on weather, politics, just freshen up with some aftershave, bang bang bang bang, ready to go, pull up those socks and sleep. It's the darnedest thing but I'm struggling to sleep with this. I've just sunk a bowel away in coffee and for some reason I just can't relax.

Your thing is very much beat the system, reverse the system, isn't it? Reverse the system. And that's your self-help sort of... You're going to beat the system from behind it. Because the way you describe it in your podcast, reverse your life with Benjamin Partridge. Which comes out of midnight. Midnight GMT guaranteed. Cause you've also, you've got a series of clocks, haven't you, behind you in that, which tells you what time it is 12 hours ago in Milan, Hong Kong, New York.

Is it, it's a global, it's a global phenomenon. They're trying to kick up some, some very unhealthy looking cuckoo clock. Dark grey eyes. They come out our ass first. But Ben, the way you describe it, which is quite a strong metaphor, I thought, is you see yourself as riding in the slipstream of life. If you're 12 hours behind, you're in the slipstream. Follow that slipstream.

At some point, overtake? Well, I didn't think you need to overtake necessarily. You just glide along. Henry, you're in my slipstream. I'm 12 hours ahead, baby. Oh yeah. I still haven't understood the full, I mean, I've only, you've got to listen to the whole podcast. I've got to be honest, I've only, and read the accompanying journals and do the accompanying colouring in books. I draw my line at the accompanying protein shakes. That's where I draw the line. No, it's a hell of a, it's a hell of a concept there. Cause, cause if you're in a slipstream, isn't it, you don't why I draw the line. No, it's a hell of a concept there. Because

if you're in a slipstream, isn't it, you don't have to do the energy. Like for example, if you're driving down the motorway behind a truck, you can basically coast, can't you? And you just get sucked along by it. It's like a wind grappling hook, isn't it? With a wind grappling hook, effectively. And with that energy you're saving, you can use that energy to plan your next breakfast and work out when it's going to be. Well, I'm usually in my car then I'm using that power to power the blender to get the protein shakes going.

That's right. Because lunch is the lunch, of course. Lunch is the lunch. That's what I call lunch. That's how vital I am. You see it as active, don't you? You see it as lunch rather than't you? You see it as lunch, rather than lunch, rather than being lunched, take control of lunch and lunge it. So you'll be doing lunging exercises

while eating and also you'll only eat the calves, calf meat. Of any animal that happens to be standing still in your path within lunging distance. Exactly. No, it's when it goes lunge, as you call it, on your new system, the protein, the protein, because I got the protein, I did order the protein powder. I was hoping you would have treated the insects more. They were very much just insects. It's a very coarse grain. I think powder is pushing it. Powder is pushing it. When you can see faces, then I don't think you can class it as a powder. I think you were trying to make a shake out of the garnish bag. People do do this.

That's the insect face garnish that goes on top. We probably thought the rest of it was just packaging material or something. But the packaging material is the actual... Oh, I thought the rest of it was the foot rub. I foot rubbed in a powdered gazpacho into my feet. Oh, God. Lunch, lunch, or lunch, as a lot of people still call it, is the hinge point of the day, isn't it? Because you swap breakfast and dinner, but lunch, lunch, or lunch, as a lot of people still call it, is the hinge point of

the day, isn't it? Because you swap breakfast and dinner, but lunch doesn't have to change because it's the hinge point, doesn't it? Exactly. Because normally people have lunch twice a day, even if they don't realise it. Is that right? That's when the spiders come in your mouth, isn't it? That's your midnight lunch. That's the second lunch. Oh, God. I've not heard that one, Henry, before. I've heard the idea that you swallow a couple of spiders every night, but not that spiders come in your mouth every night. That's what I'm talking about. Welcome back to Three Mean Salad.

We're going to extreme. Uh oh. Lewd content warning. Lewd content. Hello everyone. It's nice to be back, isn't it? Lovely to be back isn't it? Lovely to be back.

Series? 14! We made it through 13. Unlucky 13, we made it through. And we're back. We're all rested, I hope. We're looking rested. You're looking very fresh, both of you.

Thank you. You're looking quite tanned, I would say. Yes, I have been abroad. It's hard for me to tell the same thing. You've been in the Global South. I've been in the Global South, so I've, yeah, I've, I went to Sri Lanka. Ooh, lovely stuff. I had an absolutely lovely time, yeah, it was brilliant. I may have to say it's very, very hard for me to tell. I think I've gone from, I've got, I think I've gone from like medium egg to darkest egg of the six. I think I've gone from medium egg to darkest egg of the six. The one with the bit of arse feather on it.

The one that actually looks organic. Exactly. You've gone organic. I think I may have gone organic. You've gone from metropolitan to organic. Yeah. But I think also it's the one you eat first in case it's gone off. It might be about to go off. Oh, you give it to your father-in-law.

Give it to your father-in-law. So I was a bit worried about you, Henry, because obviously Sri off, it might be, it might be about to go off. Oh, you give it to your father in law. Give it to your father in law. So I was a bit worried about you, Henry, because obviously Sri Lanka in my head, I don't, I don't, I've never been there. I don't know much about it, but it feels about as different from zone one as I can imagine it's very, very different. You're more likely to get an encounter with an elephant or a monkey. Both of which I did. Did you?

Brilliant. No prets, I assume. No prets. Very, very, very, very, very hard to find a prets. Extreme weather conditions, very, very, very, very heavy heat. Impressive heat. So for that reason, I had to do a lot of thinking about my packing and I consulted Ben. Yeah. Who's a bit of a packing expert, aren't you, Ben? Well, I'm just, I'm a bit of a pack light evangelist basically. I'm a pack heavy evangelist all the way through. I've actually, I'm just I'm a bit of a pack light evangelist. I'm a pack heavy evangelist. Okay, I've actually I've just realized live on pod that I've actually got a bit of a bone to pick

with you Ben. Oh, did you not take any clothes? I went too light. Just took a big bag of Martin Amos's. Yeah, they're our form of spiritual clothing. Yes. So Ben, so I had a chat with Ben, because the other thing which I fell foul of slightly with my trip was I had an evening flight from Heathrow, which meant I thought I can do my packing, Friday lunchtime. So I did quite a lot of last minute thinking, but I remember I talked to you quite late in the day, Ben. Basically, rather than just giving someone a bit of friendly advice, you decided to hard sell your radical packing mantra, didn't you? Did he proselytise? He totally proselytised me.

Oh Ben, I don't even remember this, but carry on. But basically, I went with a ludicrously small amount of underpants. Oh come on, that's the first thing that goes in, Henry. So stupid. Because I had this idea that- It's n plus one minimum. N being? N being the number of days on holiday.

One being? An extra. If you're global south in the summer, I mean it's two n plus one. Two n? So you're doubling n and you're adding one. Just in case there's always the plus one just in case pants. There's also the shit yourself quotient. Exactly. I forgot about this. Exactly. Ben's mattress basically N over two, N divided by two times by hope you don't shit yourself mate.

This is a man who is not dressing for dinner. That's the thing. So what I realized was Ben has a wash as you go. You travel wash. He washes on the holiday before. He washes. He does everything in advance. I'm in the slipstream Henry. You've got to understand that. I'm watching next week's pants. While wearing them. And that's why a lot of those photos of you at the

Acropolis went viral last year. Walking around while massaging fabric softer into your legs. So if I go away, I will take often I'll take three pairs of pants. Wow, that is crazy. For how long a holiday are we talking? What's the end here? Doesn't matter, it could be an unlimited holiday.

See, that's what I take if I'm going out for dinner. Infinite divided by three times shit yourself never. That's mathematical madness. No, it's not. Because you can't work unless you're also in the fourth dimension when travelling, are you? You can wash things, can't you? Well, that's the thing. But do you wash things?

And can I wash things? Well, basically I ended up, so I ended up with, I basically, I went, I went with four pairs of pants and what they meant was I was, I was constantly dealing with washing admin the whole holiday, basically washing admin. And if I, if I I was lucky I'd stumble across a monkey on the way to or from a laundry. We're using the monkeys gambling in the trees to dry your pants. Oh yeah, but it's very hard to get them to gamble to order Mike. It's not a personal

ad, but in that way. And also they're famous for throwing shit and I realized why it's because they love doing it. And fresh laundry for them is just like what's like, what's like putting fresh laundry in front of a monkey. They really go for it. They'll pull up that stuff. Also, six pairs of socks for some reason, literally didn't crack him once. The problem I had was I was going to a hot country that was also moist. And this is what I explained to the woman in the shoe shop I went to on Friday afternoon. I said, I'm going to a hot country that's also moist. To the indifferent London teenager.

No, she wasn't indifferent, Mike, she was angry. You can move people from indifference to anger quite quickly. I can do that. Like fat. I forgot, the classic thing in a hot country especially is you're double panting per day, you fool. Because halfway through the day you come back to your hotel room to chill out for a bit and then you have a shower to then commence the rest of your day.

You can't get back in those guys. You can't get back in those guys. You can't get back in those guys. It goes against everything I believe in to get back in those guys. Can I just dive in? What material are your pants made out of? You know the stuff they make snorkel masks out of. I'm actually in a more hermetically sealed version of that. That's neoprene with rubber gaskets.

If you seal it in now, you can worry about it later. I'm wearing 100% cotton pants. Yeah, that's a problem as well. Is that a problem? Yeah, I thought that was a good thing. What should I be wearing? Cotton's quite bad for heat like that. You either want something synthetic that will wick away. Oh God. Just wick away. So wick away, wick away, wick away, wick away. So wick away your sweat? Yeah, the grot will be wicked away. The gr that's the... Some stiff polyester boxes, for example.

Okay, and where does it wicket to though? A little pouch. Have you got a system like in June where it all kind of recycles around? So that goes into a pouch in your back, keeps your travellers checks moist, and everything recycles back round again and it comes out as a form of ketchup. The little pipette in your left finger. Personally, I'm merino Woolling. Oh yeah, you did talk to me about Merino.

Wool pants. That sounds very brassy. Wool pants. I'm a fan of wool but I've never woolen panted in my life. Change of life. What is this? Is this to atone for sins? What's the idea?

No, it's quite the opposite Mike. This you'll be going to hell for how good your your nether regions feel. I'm guessing. Because isn't it, it's like really ultra softwood, isn't it? Yeah, but it's more that again, it just dries out very quickly. There's no, cotton holds onto moisture in a way that's not very good. Okay. And I suppose that's why you get animals dressed as in wool rather than in cotton, don't you? In a sense. I mean, it's an animal, wool makes sense for animals to perspire and through and breathe through and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas cotton is just a plant, isn't it? Yeah.

It's actually a good point. No, no, I thought I might pull that thread. No, no, sorry. You said it like it was. Now we've got to move on quickly before we think about it too hard. Why is the next David Attenborough? You can see it playing across Henry's face. Am I in the slipstream of David? Me and him should do lunch. Yeah, so yeah, the double punt per day. Do you do that on holiday, Ben? Maybe this is a personal question. Depends on the kind of holiday but

depends on the kind of holiday. Probably not actually. Not necessarily. Because I found myself, because also I was quite active, I was doing hikes and stuff. I was paddle boarding in a big lake at one point. So I'm coming back sweaty, you know, in a hot, heavy, humid, hot, heavy heat country. I'm sweating like a pig. You come back to your room and I'm looking in my rucksack. I've got four pants thanks to Benjamin Partridge.

Literally on day three, I'm basically on my last pants. No, no, on day two, I'm out of pants. It was crazy. I was having to repant, repant and I had all these socks I wasn't using. Every third day none of your travelling companions can see you. It's another laundry day, isn't it? It's another laundry day. Where is it? Sorry, I can't see Siguria. Sorry, I'll see you later. Yeah, I'm doing my pants. You can just wash them in the shower and then hang them up.

Um, I hadn't thought of that, but what, what using the same soapy suds that you're washing your body in, or are you washing your body in aerial? So that was one problem I had, but the other thing was, was footwear. So on the day of travel, Henry sent me a photograph of his footwear. Yeah. Yeah. And it was i'm guessing it's a quite a rugged all-purpose sandal well basically i'll tell you the journey

if i got there yeah you're basically not far off all right so i went to the shop in kings cross on the afternoon of travel i said i'm going to hot wet country um i want some hiking boots because i'm going to be going hiking a bit she said, you can't wear hiking boots because it's hot wet, you'll be trapped, you'll be trapped in hot, hot, hot heat in your feet. Now, basically, there was a kind of atmosphere between us. And I think it was an unspoken understanding that the fungal or the fungality or fungal that was in play that fungus was in play, or could be. But by the way, and I do stress, but I do have the, I think I've just got

national average fungus levels. Everyone's got it. Sure. You live with it, but I thought that's going to be a nightmare for my feet. Being hot, being in a hot, wet country, but trapped with the moisture trapped in. Do you want to sum up what I'm saying? That's a nightmare. Your feet will get so hot and horrible.

I do understand this because I had a man give me a right old talking to. Did you on holiday? Just over, over a year ago, because I was going somewhere where I needed such footwear. Yes. And he put me onto the desert boot. Oh! Is the desert boot breathable? With a thick woollen sock.

What? But you're fighting fire with fire, aren't you? No, no, because it's not like your British hiking boot that will wick. You don't want it to wick. You want the moisture to be able to escape. So where's it escaping? Into the woollen sock? Into the into the into the desert itself? Yeah, what how? Just because it's like permeable and relatively breathable, but sturdy

Okay for some reason that didn't come up in my conversation with her. He sent me on to a genuine like an army surplus supply He was very serious about his travel boots this guy and did you get so I had no choice in the matter? Even though I knew I would never see this man again Even Even though you knew you'd never see that man again, you knew he'd be stalking you for the rest of your life. Yeah. And he's watching you now through a sniper scope. He's watching me now, he knows he's got the boots, so he's not going to do anything. Well, I wish I'd had that advice actually, maybe, because that sounds like quite good advice, but that wasn't available in this shop. I do get a bit confused about water and moisture and

what's waterproof and when you want things to be waterproof or permeable or breathable. I think we got a bit confused over it. But she basically she said to me, what you need is a pair of these and it was a kind of it was one of those moments in life. It was a sort of Rites of Passage moment, a sort of crossroads moment where she was basically saying, Welcome to horrific middle aged footwear. The people that you've seen on trains and sniggered at. Yes. Remember you were in a pub with a friend of yours, you said, look at that. And you called him a twat. Yes, we do report everything for this moment. Yeah. And you secretly took a photo of it. Yeah. Because he thought he looked like such a knob. It's your turn. It's the only way to deal with

hot wet heat. And it's basically shoes which are kind of grotesque. They look a bit like something from like a Marvel film that like an Aqua beast might wear. We're talking leather straps. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no No, I wish. I wish. What we're talking. I'm talking not as a level of practicality where anything aesthetic has simply been completely forgotten. It's literally it's breathable. I want bits of foot. I want bits of foot visible. I want, I want plasticated straps. I want rubberised souls. Oh God.

So it looks like a sort of medical shoe. It's got a medical vibe to it. Yeah. But then I think I sent a photo of them to Ben on my way to Heathrow. And Ben, do you have your comment? Did I call the police? Ben made a slightly snarky comment. Did I?

What did I say? Let me see. Not really, but slightly. He did actually. Because I was like, I've filed, I've done it. It's the last day before the holiday. I've managed to get these shoes. They're breathable.

The water goes through them. Oh, I think I remember what I said. Did I say I found it here? I've done it. It's the last day before the holiday. I've managed to get these shoes. They're breathable. The water goes through them. Oh, I think I remember what I said. Did I say I found it here? I've said. Apart from the stuff that's like, obviously there are little bits of banter about Mike. We always start everything. You just read a little bit of banter about Mike every time. So I said, what are these semi sandals? You said they're waterproof hiking sandals. Although now I come to think of it, how can they be waterproof if they've got massive holes in them? That struck me on the way to Heathrow because I was convinced they were waterproof.

And I think I've managed because the paradox that the hiking community and this woman have been struggling with for decades, generations is how can something be waterproof and breathable? It can't be. It can't be waterproof and breathable. And that's why she gave me something. She kept on saying to me, they're a water shoe. They're a water shoe. They're a water shoe. And I think I mistook that as to mean waterproof.

I then got on the train, had the interaction with you. And then there is, I think, is it the idea that the water, like, if you can't fight water, just let it in. Cause it'll just come in and go. It'll go through just be the. So I would agree with this is that if you have, if you have a waterproof shoe, if water gets in it, it's not going to dry out for ages. Whereas if it's actually just got holes in, it's going to get wet, but it's a hot country,

it'll dry out. Yeah. But also if it is, if it is probably waterproof, the water won't get in, but also your feet will get really, really heinous. Yeah. Yeah. So I think I found, I found the comment I said that maybe you're referring to. Yes.

Mosquitoes will love your sockless ankles. Yeah. Because really, really helpful. maybe you're referring to. Yes. Mosquitoes will love your sockless ankles. Yeah. Really, really helpful. Not at all. Sick with dread. And then what he's thinking, what have I got for mosquito repellent? What if that just gets washed off by this? But the water courses through. Anyway, I got the shoes and my report is 15 stars out of five. I absolutely love them. They were incredible. You can do anything in them. That's incredibly comfortable. You're now going to wear them year round. I don't care anymore, Mike. I'm past caring. It's happened. That's how you become that guy in

the pub or on the train. That's how it happens. It's literally how it just works. They just work. Okay. So you might be looking cool with your mod outfit and your Winkle Pickers, yeah, and your 80s style headband, but you've got serious sweat issues. Whereas I look awful. But you can jump in a puddle with a droid of evil, can't you? Well, you're weighed down by fungal issues. Yeah. And friends and sort of lovers. Also, I still do have a sweat problem. Let's turn on the Bean Machine. If you'd like to put one in, simply go to enterthebeanmachine.boats. That's www.enterthebeanmachine.boats. Anyway,

yes, this week's topic, as sent in by Stan from Manchester. Stanchester. Hello, Stan. Hi, Stan. Is vampires. Ooh, buy me. Good for the good old terminal topic. It is as the as the summer ends, the night's drawing the night's drawing. And the vampires sing their sanguine song. Were vampires invented by whoever wrote Bram Stoker's Dracula? I don't think they were actually. I don't think they were.

I don't know. But wasn't Vlad the Impaler, but he was a bit of a genuine like inspiration. Oh yes, it's based on him, is it? Well Dracula is. I don't know if like the myth of the vampire, it feels like it could be a thing from the thick black central eastern forest. Yes, which we've done before. I think I reckon it is from there, isn't it? Because also I think it's like that local sort of slightly loose man, what's he all about?

The sort of the louche aristocrat. The sort of Romanian Ryan Gosling. Yeah. Because what was the deal? They're sort of sexy. Are they sexy or have they become sexy in modern times? They're sexy. They're big time sexy. I don't know if Vlad the Impaler was necessarily sexy. I don't know if that was one of his things. It's certainly not what he wanted to be defined by. He was very much defined by his impaling of people. Yeah, I think so. And not his papier-mache work, which was always a big sign of him.

His decent watercolours. They are sort of sexy. I've always found them a bit unclear as to what exactly they're... What's their deal? what's their deal. What's the deal? And also what the rules are around them. They're this made up thing, which has a lot of specific rules. Yeah. And people will say it just doesn't make sense because it's a vampire.

He wouldn't be able to, he wouldn't be able to eat a Provence stew. He can't eat Mediterranean, he can't eat garlic, you can't eat garlicky food unless it's in the form of a smoothie, which you can drink because you can drink blood, which I don't, you know what I mean? But only at twilight. Because the thing I don't understand about them is if they bite you, do you die or do you become one of them? I've never understood that. They're a bit deadly with that, aren't they? Yeah, that's a good point. Because sometimes you get turned and sometimes you just perish, right?

Oh, I tell you what, have you actually read Dracula by Bram Stoker? I have. Oh, have you? I went to Witsby on holiday. That's not the same as reading Dracula by Bram Stoker. Sorry. Do you know how books work? It's a step in the right direction though, isn't it? That's where the boat draws in the beginning of the book. So I thought when I was in Whitby, I was like, I'll read Dracula while I'm here. And it will be a really great and every crate you see brought to life.

But I just didn't read it. No, just looked at my phone. Didn't even look at Whitby. Wait, where did you have a good time in Whitby? Yeah, it's great. Have you ever been? Yeah, it's good stuff. I've not been, no.

It's really good. What's so good about it? It's got a big creepy abbey up on the hill. Nice. Gothic. Everything's quite creepy, but it's hard to work out whether you're superimposing that on the place. But it kind of leans into it.

Yeah. Being creepy. Creepy with some of the fun. Yeah, good fish and chips. Is there Greg's? Probably. But a creepy Greggs. Is it blood or ketchup?

It's ketchup, it is ketchup, yeah. There's quite a lot of goths about, which is good fun. Oh, is it? Because it's like a goth magnet, basically. It's a goth magnet. Yes. I went on a ghost walk. That sounds like you were conned, doesn't it?

Because that's supposed to be train, but if it's walk. Yeah, yeah. It's supposed to be train and it's supposed to be vampire, isn't it as well? A ghost walk? They've done it double wrong. That's like going on a Sasquatch bike ride. Paddle boarding with the Kraken. And by Kraken we mean Keith, who can be quite crabby if you talk with him, so please don't

drink at all. Tell me more about the Ghost Walk. So bloke in a sort of leather cape. Yeah, great start. Leather or leatherette. Was this a sex walk, Ben? It was a sex walk. Blokken leather cape and I think top hat.

Yeah. Potentially also leather, I'm not sure. Yeah. So he's not made the effort to make the outfit coherent. It doesn't- Are you saying a leather cape and leather top hat don't go together? From a man who wears waterproof, but not waterproof sandals? They don't go with anything. That's what's great about them. They're universally inappropriate. And how many of you wear them on the walk? Oh, too many, like 25.

Oh, okay. So it's doing quite well. Yeah. You walk around the creepy streets of Whitby and he says, and at one time it was thought that three children were murdered in this house. And I learned that from Google. If anyone's got a smartphone, they could be doing this for free. Spooky. Oh, and I've crapped out of Condu, scary, it's Con! And if you click on the Witch's QR code, special deals for the gift shop. I prefer to take cash! And yes I am on the Sex Offenders Register! So have enough spooky things happening with me to justify the, um, well, no.

So they did a spooky place or is this just marketing? What's going on? It is quite spooky. Yeah. But it's also, but it's also a pretty summer seaside resort town. Okay. But I was there in December. Oh, okay.

Okay. That's good. Yeah. I've been, I've only been in there in the summer. It's a very different kettle of fish. Seaside towns in the winter do have an airy. Yeah, bleakness. Yeah, I would have been there very, very busy streets and seagulls attacking chips and all that kind

of is the usual classic English holocaust holidays by but what you can do is because it's bleak the rest of the year because you look at Whitby go how do we how do we monetize this in the summer? It's it's just unpleasantly noisy. There's ketchup everywhere, everyone's being attacked by seagulls. We try and distract people by still selling really off-colour outdated 1950s sexual postcards. It does seem to be working.

It seems to be working, but the winter is a problem. So what have we got? Skiing. Skiing. Flat skiing, reasonably flat skiing. It's we got skiing. Skiing. Flat skiing. Reasonably flat skiing. It's either flat skiing. Car park skiing. So we've got two proposals here. We've got flat car park skiing.

Bonuses are almost impossible to get injured. Other than by being beaten up by one of the teenagers in there. Or run over by one of the cars that's skidding along the icy car park. So it's actually quite a high degree of injury, but a low degree of the teenagers in there. All run over by one of the cars that's skidding along the icing car park. It's quite a high degree of injury, but a low degree of classic skiing type injury. Which is good because the hospital isn't used to that sort of injury. So they can handle people being run over. Exactly.

So actually, that's two positives in a way. Put it in the positives box, Brian. Put it in the positives, please. Yes, and it helps keep the local hospital busy, which is also good. Keep it busy. So yeah, flat car park skiing. Also, it's very handy for the shops from the skiers point of view, because you're in the car park of a shop.

That's a half a positive. Yeah, absolutely. Convert the ice cream band into glue vane bands. Oh yeah. Sounding good. It's nice. It's all coming together. Um, but on the other side, you've got, if you can't make that work, you've you've got spooky tours, haven't you?

You make a positive out of the fact that it's bleak, cold, dark, dank, gray, damp, damp and dank both. And the setting for Dracula. And the setting for Dracula. So you, you hit it up with ghost tours, don't you? Yeah, it was good. We also went to a, um, carol service, it was Christmas time. I went to a carol service in the ruined Abbey, which was called off because of driving rain. Oh, these things are always called off.

You can schedule as much as you like that. They probably would have scheduled about 17 events, including probably Rolling Stones would have been scheduled there. Beyonce, it doesn't matter. It's the 25% golden rule, which is 25% of people will not get around to claiming the refund. That golden rule keeps places like Whitby going. That is driving the winter economy. It drives it through. I mean, you can't have a car service in Ruin Dabi. Think about the health and safety implications. Obviously it was never going to go ahead, was it? It's got no roof.

Nothing's ever going to go ahead. And with the skiing, you know, if someone's been pancakes between a Citroen Saxo and a Transit van, they tend not to get a refund. They don't get round to the refund. No, those ski passes are expensive. Vlad the Impaler wise. Yeah. I think I've been to a room where he lived in Turkey. Romania. In Turkey?

No, is he Turkish Vlad the Impaler? No. So he was from Romania. Okay. But then it was taken over by the Ottoman Empire and maybe he was kidnapped and put in a cage. I can't remember. That might be bollocks though.

You know, those things that we think it's right. I like it. But it might be bollocks. I like it. I'm going to slightly misremember. Yes. Propagate it. Because I remember in the Francis Ford, whatever it is you say next, film.

Francis Ford Mondeo. In his Dracula film film there's some flounder stuff isn't there I don't know I don't know what that timeline is that Gary is that the Gary Oldman he wears some incredible red armour at a point I think I think possibly that's when he's being glad to be in the bay. He gets bitten in a cave by a right old wrongin doesn't he or something. A cave of scowls. I just looked it up. I think everything I said was wrong.

I think he was in prison, but maybe not where I went. I don't know. Okay, but it was still true in its own context. Ben, so don't don't don't be Ben. I will not have you beating yourself up about this. Okay, it was true as far as you were concerned at the time. Exactly. I will not make a big deal about this.

You know, and I just think we should we should scour over this as far as you were concerned at the time. Exactly. And I will not make a big deal about this. You know, and I just think we should, we should sked over this and know those mosquitoes will play havoc with your sockless feet. Maybe the facts will play havoc with your unresearched bare ankles of ignorance. How were your bare ankles in Shrinkable? Oh, I bet you want to know, don't you? Oh, they'll love your sockless feet. Oh, Benjamin, your heart is black. Did Ben forget to tell you that he always wears knee-length Merino socks everywhere he goes?

Was I right, Henry? No, actually, no, I was okay in the end because I used a lot of spray. Okay. So I was fine. But it's not an issue. I'm glad you reminded me of it and just the choice of words was was unnecessarily callous it was you knew I was on the train to Heathrow at that point who knew there's nothing I could do about it. And so actually on the topic of blood sucking beasts. Lovely stuff.

The Lib Dems. Lovely stuff. The Lib Dems. Because think about it, have you ever seen Ed Davey looking at a crucifix or covered in garlic? Or have you ever seen his reflection in a trap? Coinkydink. Dracula, right? No, to be fair, I read it quite a long time ago, but I remember it as being quite, it's quite a bizarre book. You're the literary scholar. So I read Dracula, you've read Dracula, Mike. I've been to Whitby.

So I remember Dracula. You've been to Whitby. I remember Dracula as a book, as being sort of quite strange. It's not what you expect when you know a lot about the vampire myths and stuff, you don't get a lot of it. It's a huge surprise. No, because it's mostly about a sort of like English gentleman and what he's had for breakfast and his anxiety and maybe sort of, you know, sort of courting. Because the problem is you read it too late, don't you? And maybe back in the day they read it, but we've all seen too much vampire stuff first. So we're like, yeah, come on, let's have the good, let's have the blood sucking stuff. When's he turning into a bat? Why is the bat still hasn't turned into a bat? When is he going

to turn into a bat? And where's the Deadpool angle? Is Deadpool going to pop out of a coffin and the whole thing's like a crossover? Oh, it's the Marvel Stoker universes. That's what you're wanting, isn't it? Now? Yeah, so it's not, yeah, you're you're you're miss sold on it when you read it. But it's mercifully short, at least you get through it. So is it good? I did enjoy it. Yeah. But it feels like it's quite slow. Also, it's weirdly, you've got to readjust, readjust, readjust your settings. But also a lot of it, it's basically about a lawyer. A lot of it's about property law basically. It's a lawyer who's gone to visit this guy Dracula to discuss some sort of

property legal case and he meets Dracula and it's just quite awkward between them. He just freaks him out for quite a long time basically. He's just a really bad host for a while. Have you ever, He's just a really bad host for a while. Have you ever, I mean, I know you both haven't, but have you ever done a yoga class where you end up having your neck sort of bitten off? I've only ever done one yoga class and that was a family yoga class. Basically if you do a yoga class and there's any one teacher or something like for some reason there's anyone there's any one student there well not student I mean I do see it as a study though a form of study yeah. Lifelong study. One-on-one do you mean? The exam, death. Yeah it comes to all of

us but when we part with flying colors because I hope that when I die I'll be able to be folded into a lunchbox. So Dracula's got kind of weird energy then. He's just a bit of a weird vibe. Yeah, he's got weird energy. It's awkward. Like he's very, he's very refined. The guy, a long time to work out that something is really, really off, even though it's clearly off from the absolute get-go.

Cause he's wearing those sandals. Infernal sandals. And then Dracula decides to go to Whitby. Dracula decides to go on a holiday to Whitby. Oddly though, but why doesn't he turn himself into a bat and just sort of post himself in a jiffy bag? Don't know if that's the same way he's... Or fly, Mike.

I mean, I'd fly back. While you're down at Ryman's having a really complicated conversation in remaining Ryman's. I've already flown halfway there, mate. If you can seal me into the envelope. No, no, wait, listen, I can't do that. I have to fold my wings at the front, not the back, otherwise I'll be very, very sore at the other end. Please don't write the address, yeah, don't write the address near where my face is.

Write it on one of the stickers, which I'm also going to pay for by the way, and adhere it before you put me in the right envelope. We'll put the address on before I put myself in please. I said, GIF-y bag, GIF-y bag. Listen, listen, listen. I know technically we should put me down as livestock, but there's going to be a whole heap of custom bullshit. You know what I'm saying? So he put me down as a greetings card. I could be one of those three dimensional ones.

Could be very, very still says that I'm a toy child story. Yeah, it's hurtful to me, but put my put my worth on his lesson 12 pounds. But then we just we skip a whole lot of tax bullshit. I'm fine with it now. Honestly. Please, if you wouldn't mind leaving a couple of dead flies or a bit of apple or something because it is going to take a while to get there. I wouldn't mind. I'll be largely asleep, but I might wake up hungry and I'm very grumpy if I wake up hungry. Could you fit in a virgin's neck in here? I'm just asking.

So yeah, I'd just fly, mate. So he does, he's kind of giving off weird vibes. Then he, then he goes to Whitby. It goes to Whitby. I think he gets the sense. I think the guy, the guy who's three men, half remember Dracula. Welcome.

Yeah. I think the estate agent mentions that he's got, he's got a really nice girlfriend back at home. And Dracula's like, Oh, I'm going to sit. I'm going to take her to the prom. If you know what I mean. By a neck off. Crates himself over. And is it because he tells Dracula he's got a fit girlfriend and Dracula's like,

Sounds good. I've got to go away to I'm gonna create myself to whip me. I mean, just go to some of the local bars. Like he's got the whole of Europe on his doorstep. Try a long weekend in Bucharest. Like it's going to, you're going to find someone you like. Something will happen. It's got a thriving night scene. Bear in mind, you can hover, you know? It's a great, it's a great opener. It's a great icebreaker. But this might have been in Whitby's absolute hay day. Do you know what I mean? So he might have been like, this

is a premium. This is like going to Capri. This is before the ghost doors. This is when all those people were alive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, maybe he's trying to go to a place where there's absolutely no chance there's garlic in the cooking. I want to be able to go to a place where I can say gazpacho and people literally not know what I'm talking about. I want to go to a place where I say gazpacho and they say bless you. Although you say that to me I start burning. Ah, don't bless me. Time to read your emails.

Yes, please. When you send an email, you must give thanks to the postmasters that came before. Good morning, postmaster. Anything for me? Just some old shit. Send an email This represents progress Like a robot shooing a horse Take me your horse My beautiful horse! I was wondering whether to bring this up at all, maybe, I don't know if this will end up in the final podcast because I don't want to criticise anyone sending us an email.

Yeah. But there's a growing constituent of people. So you know how in our podcast, we'll use listener versions of the theme tune, which they compose themselves and record themselves. Yep. And they tend to be wonderful. And sometimes people do that for our jingles. Increasingly we'll use a listener versions of the theme tune, which they compose themselves and record themselves. And they tend to be wonderful. And sometimes people do that for our jingles. Increasingly, someone will send an email going, um, no, I've just made 15 of them for you, but they're just AI. And it's the person writing it in AI.

No. So that someone has like used AI prompts to, to get it to spit out a version of our theme tune. I see. Okay. And I just want to say, I will never ever play that on the podcast. I think that is worth saying, cause we don't want people to waste their time. But I think what we're cherishing is the, the individual human take. Exactly.

If we get to the point where most of our listeners are bots, fine. Once we hit the bots bot, when it flips to over 50%. I don't mean to be rude to those people who sent us emails because it's nice that you sent us an email, but yeah, I just think the whole point of it is that people are kind of applying themselves to it for a bit and recording themselves and making something nice. Personally, I find the idea of playing an AI version just horrifying in a way that I can't even really explain

why. Just in terms of future proofing this, in terms of how history pans out in terms of AI's controlling humanity, etc. Yeah, I'll just say distance myself from those comments from Ben. I actually prefer AI music. And people with six fingers. Six fingers. That may be willing to have a six finger grafted on wherever the computer decides to wherever it wants. I'd also like to say, um, if you feel you need a sort of human touch to

maybe be grand emperor of the bots, just call me. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I'm very much on board. Just a lump of flesh to be incorporated into some hardware as an experiment. Yeah, I'm up for that. I mean, you've already got the right shoes, haven't you? Full utility. No human touch there. No human touch at all. I've got full utility footwear. So let's talk. You know what? Let's fuse. Let's talk fusing. Can you fuse me into

the mainframe? You've got one of the most easily portable scalps in the world. My scalp, you can 3D print this shit. Like that, honestly. You know what I mean? And also I actually don't mind the idea of becoming sort of semi permeated by little bits of circuit board and sort of becoming kind of juddering. Becoming a fan. Becoming a computer fan. Be fan becoming a computer fan becoming like a computer fan but just humming away some they're just saying kill me but also equally if the ai's

don't end up controlling everything yeah i'd like to actually agree with ben in close allegiance to the to the nois hapsburg exactly Hapsburg's, Hapsburg's one family, one truth, one Europe under one blood soaked flag. And after years of inbreeding only one chromosome somehow. That could be seen with the naked eye. By the way Ben, are you sure they are AIs? Because it might be some sort of musical prodigy genius who boshes out 15 songs really quickly. That's Connor. We've got that already. Okay.

I can understand the temptation, absolutely, if you're fiddling around with this stuff. Yeah. The other kind of email that we get a lot of, I don't know why I'm complaining about the emails, because obviously, here's a Pompadou. And now it's time for Pompadou section. I tend to pick which, which emails get read out the ones I never read out. Cause we, and we get a lot of these, like maybe three a week. Ben, can I say you've really shattered everyone's illusions. I was fielding all of that admin.

Object to that. Anyway, carry on. Um, will be someone sends in a picture that they've seen of anyone with a mustache saying, is this Mike? Oh, I don't know how to respond to that. Well, I've probably seen a thousand of them now and I would say four of them actually look like Mike. The rest of them is just a man with a mustache.

There's a lot that come up in hot circulation as well. Aren't they? I get this on Twitter as well. There's quite a few regular. Ben, you sent us one during the break, you lying bastard. But that's what I was coming on to. We got one this week that's actually incredible. I think.

Was that the squash one? That Mike looks like a squash champion called Jonah Barrington. Was that sourced from one of our lists? That was a brilliant one. I mean, basically, I think the bar is high. It's a bit like international Olympic high jumping. Like literally the bar is high. Wow.

Wow. By which I mean, you don't, at the Olympic level, you don't get people jumping the two footers, jumping the three footers. They're out there. You need them there to push people so that they will eventually jump the six footers, the seven footers, the eight footers. As you're saying, those other emails we've had, which is just, it'll just be anyone with a mustache. That was priming us for when Jonah Barrington arrived. Exactly. That's people jumping in them at gardens. It's grass roots stuff.

It's grass roots stuff. You need that so that the true excellence, which is what this podcast has always been about. To get to Jonah Barrington, you've got to hit the Pringles tube first. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Doesn't look like Mike. Doesn't look like Mike.

Jonah Barrington squash champion, I think is Mike. Yeah, look like Mike. Doesn't look like Mike. Jonah Barrington's squash champion, I think is Mike. Yeah, it's extraordinary. If you're listening and want to see this image, if you Google search Jonah Barrington's squash, which is a computer game of squash on the Commodore 64, the cover for the computer game, I think it looks uncannily like Mike. He's got the same facial expression as you somehow. Same body pose. Same body pose. Same body pose.

Same outfit. Same squash prowess. If you'd like to send us an email, please send them to 3beansaladpodatgmail.com. Let's start with one from Rick. Hello Rick. Hi Rick. Bonjour beans. On hearing your previous missives from listeners around romantic connections leading to proposals of marriage, it struck me I had a similar story. On hearing your previous missives from listeners around romantic connections leading to proposals

of marriage, it struck me I had a similar story. On a certain dating app, a lady's prompt for conversation was simply, what was the last thing that made you smile? To which I replied, I'd been grinning my head off to a ridiculous podcast called Three Bean Salad on my way to work. She said, thanks for the recommendation. I'm driving down to Telford tomorrow and need something to listen to. We subsequently chatted, so romantic, isn't it? It's so often that Telford features in these stories, isn't it? It is the Venice of the

North. We subsequently chatted and to my utter joy, dated. It went really well. We met up and had several very nice times together. So you know where this is going. Needless to say, after a couple of weeks or so, when I asked her if she'd followed up my suggestion to your podcast, she said yes. She eventually had listened. It wasn't up her street and she subsequently dumped me. With love from Rick. Oh Rick. You know what? She wasn't a keeper, was she? No, exactly. You dodged a bullet there, Rick.

Yeah. I imagine she's probably more of a Joe Rogan type fan from what I'm hearing. Also, she's on her way to Telford. I mean, do you want to join her on that journey? Both metaphorically and literally. Sure. It's got a great service station. Has it?

It's got a really good historical museum called Ironbridge. Oh yeah. Where you go there and it's like a Victorian town from the Industrial Revolution. That's really good. Okay. It's also the, well, it's the, I mean, from memory, I think it's the administrative center of Telford and Wreck-in wrecking borough, isn't it? So actually it's quite in its own way, it's quite a big hitter. It's taking on the admin

duty for two boroughs, isn't it? So plus when you chuck in access to the river seven, you're actually looking at probably a fairly good, good future with that woman actually. So yeah, you messed up. Also, I mean, I haven't even started to what we have literally haven't even yet. So I think about the m 54. What's the most unifying podcast to listen to them? I mean, if you if you're putting it out there, if you're mythmaking and saying, you know, if you're trying to attract someone else, what's the most sort of what's the honeypot podcast? It's been like that. What's your favorite film? It's a difficult question, isn't it? To answer. And it's like, do you answer honestly, or do you try and second guess what that person will like? Or do you end up coming up with quite a vanilla answer that covers all bases? There's no neutral podcast. It's just everyone likes us there. Well, our fuckers, but also

there's things like the Ted Grubenheim podcast with over 60 billion listens per day. There's normally one you haven't heard of that is the biggest in the world and it's the Ted Grubenheim experience. Weren't you into one for a while when they were selling like loads of diet supplements? I was it was the Ted Grubenheim experience. I stumbled across this weird thing happens on happens on the, on the internet where you stumble across like an obscure sort of little stream of chat and clicking on things. And you end up finding this obscure little place where they're talking about the biggest podcast in the world by miles that you've never heard of and no one you know has ever

heard of the Todd Grubenheim podcast. Interviews Obama once a fortnight. You can interview Obama once in fortnight. You've used Obama once in fortnight. And it's normally about getting up at 4am and Grubenheiming your life. And it's, I talk to the 10 most successful people in 10 different industries 10 days a week at 10am for 10 hours. Today I'm talking to Benjamin Partridge about living in the slipstream. Exactly. Today, I'm talking to Benjamin Partridge about living in the slipstream. Exactly. That's exactly what it is.

And at the end then you'll do a link to your podcast and the whole thing. So that's what we need to get on that circuit really to really boost the listenership of 3B. Yeah. I did listen to Grubinack, but what was he talking to me about again? I briefly got quite into it. It was all about- You got into a guy who was kind of into that, is it called biohacking? Where's that you sort of like you try and live forever by hacking your own arms off, replacing them with bottles of smoothie. A lot of it's about buying powder, isn't it? A very almost always comes down to buying powder because of course powder is so untraceable and it's almost impossible to actually prove what's in a powder or not

because there's so many different bits of it that you'd have to get them all individually labelled. It just can't be done. So it's like they can't be prosecuted. Actually, Mike, we gave you the task of coming up or looking into the official three bean salad powder. They all come from the same place. There's a single factory in Kazakhstan that makes all the powders, all the dietary powders you can imagine. It's all just the same powder. It's then packaging basically. It's just talcum powder and food coloring.

It's talcum powder, a bit of chalk. Yeah. Food coloring and away we go. And then you just package it up. Yeah. Incredible thing, isn't it? Um, but yeah, I've got a good, uh, yeah, I've got, I've got a few leads in with the, what was it with the Kazakhs?

So we can get some, but we're just, it's just in the packaging. It's just Henry. Henry can get around to drawing a design. Which I'm quite busy, but, um, actually actually Ben, there are so many of those funny podcasts. It's always an American guy. He's always called Ted Ferris because that's another one. It's Tim Ferris. Tim Ferris.

That's what I got told. I'd never heard of it. I got told about him in Sri Lanka by like a kind of cool Scottish yoga guy. He wrote a book called The Four Hour Work Week. Yes, exactly. The idea was you outsource all of your work essentially to an Indian call centre for pennies and then just live it up. Because this guy was trying to explain this to me. And I felt like such a silly sausage for not having heard of this guy because he's like, obviously like the Ted Ferris thing.

I was like, what Ted Ferris? He was like, yeah, Tim Ferris. Whatever. Yeah, Tim Ferris. I mean, he's the biggest podcast of probably give or take Ted Grubenheimer. Ever. It's kind of a light a lot of its life hack stuff. So this Tim Ferris, Ted Ferris, Tim Ferris, this guy was talking to me about as if this stuff should be really obvious to me, but it's some sort of life hack whereby it was like buying stuff online and then reselling it, setting yourself up as a sort of false company. It felt like basically that's cool. It's some sort of life hack whereby it was like buying stuff online and then reselling it, setting yourself up as a sort of false company. It felt like basically...

Yeah, it's called dropshipping. So you set up an online shop, you never see the product, it just goes from China to the person who sold it to you. I mean, that is... Oh man, it's quite cold. It's so bizarre and... It's basically like taking advantage of the fact that other parts of the world are quite a lot poorer than us. And leveraging that to make your life better is quite grim.

Having said that, don't stop heading down to three beans salad dot shop. Shop.com. Shop.com. Because that's not a Tim Ferriss sort of sanctioned business, is it? No, it's all based in the Isle of Wight, I think, our shop, isn't it? We're a proud Isle of White business. Yeah. We've had an email, a sad email.

Oh dear. From Aaron. Dear beans, many moons ago, a London zookeeper emailed in to say that they often listened to your podcast with Thug the Pygmy Hippo. Yeah. I remember that. I do. Because I think they offered for us to meet Thug. And that's kind of been on my to-do list now for about three years.

Last weekend I visited London Zoo and their current animal poo exhibition or poo-seum as they like to call it. As you'll see from the photo attached, not only did I come face to face with Thug's poo, but I learned of his passing from the label below it. And there's a picture here of Thug's poo and it says, Thug, Pigmy, Hippo 1996 to 2024. I'm sorry to hear that. 28 years old.

It's a decent run for her. When was he born? May the 5th, 1996. Which of course is the same birthday as... It's Nebworth, isn't it? It's Oasis's original Nebworth gig. He's thinking he might've been conceived there backstage. I mean, things got pretty crazy, didn't they? Things were pretty wild backstage at Oasis gigs.

By a full size hippo and a pig me shrew. By a full size hippo and Oasis's smallest roadie. Yeah. All kinds of shit was going on, mate. Um, Oh, well that's, that's a sad day. Rest in peace, Thug. Well, I hope, I hope Thug is looking down from the, um, through the bars of the massive zoo in the sky, where he will be trapped forever.

Where he will be cared for forever. Cared for forever. By the Celestial Zookeepers. Final email. This is about a number of episodes now, maybe years ago we discussed British Abusive Greetings Cards. Yes. This is from Lloyd from Bremen.

He says, while I was looking for a birthday card for my wife this week, I found an absolutely top tier bit of madness. I found a website that had all the usual cards with things like 35 and still a dickhead. But there was another one that really caught my eye. And he sent us a photo of this one. Happy birthday, grandpa. You ancient sack of shit. You ancient sack of shit. I think you've heard that one before. How many grandfather-grandchild relationships are there where that's appropriate? I think it's because they no longer fought in World War II that you can do that.

Right, it's no longer the greatest generation. No one into boomers anything goes. Boomers, yeah. Wow. So Lloyd says it might be worth a shout out on your pod in case any of our listeners have a grandfather's birthday coming up and complete enough to disdain for their grandfather. All the best Lloyd. I'm just thinking, I'm imagining my dad, if one of his grandchildren was to send, if he

was to open, it would just, it would make them, he wouldn't be able to compute it. I don't know what would happen. If it was like time and space would actually just kind of come apart, I think. You'd probably think it was just right that the world was about to draw to a close. It's end of days. Don't bother doing the next weekly shop. Don't cancel it. Yeah, so thanks for those emails. I'd be interested if anyone can find a card on sale in Britain that is more heinous. And more inappropriate.

Happy birthday, Grandpa, you ancient sack of shit. Good challenge. It's time to pay the ferryman. Thank you to everyone who signed up on our Patreon. Thank you. Thank you. patreon.com forward slash three bean salad is the place to go. If you want more three beans nonsense, there is extra episodes as bonus episodes. There's our semi frequent film review podcast film corner. That's a stretch.

Yeah. I've got a film rec for you. I've already directed to you. I'm obsessed with the film called hundreds of beavers. Oh yeah. We saw hundreds of beavers. Did you see it? What?

Absolutely loved it. It's so good. Isn't it? Absolutely loved it. Where did you see it? It was on your recommendation. They did it and there was the one showing only in the picture house in Exeter. Amazing. So we went to see it. I was on your recommendation. There was one showing only in the picture house in Exeter. Amazing.

So we went to see it. It was spectacular. When you went Mike, was it a decently full cinema? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think that's important because it's kind of one you'd laugh along with I think. Yeah, very much so. Yeah. I'm glad you went. Oh family. Family outing.

Oh nice. So it's in the style of a kind of black and white film like old school. Very, very, yeah. Kind of like a silent movie, yeah. Slapsticky and people are very obviously dressed as beavers and they're like, it makes no excuses. I think you've got it, Henry. Okay, yeah, fine. I need to do this. Okay, great. Anyway, if you'd like all that and ad free episodes, patreon.com, for just a three bean salad. And if you sign up at the Sean Bean tier, you get a shout out from Mike in the Sean Bean lounge you better believe you do and you were there last night when you might I was yeah sure and it was the old throw an external hard drive as far as you can night it certainly was Benjamin thank

you and here's my report it was the old throw an old external hard drive as far as you can night last night of the Sean Bean Lounge, with William Ned Blake and Daniel Gibbons as obverse umpires using modified Queensbury rules. Jason Carpenter opened proceedings well by luzzing a small computer system interface into the beak of a moving magpie. Samuel Polanski, Lizzy Martin and Ben Hawkes adapted a toileting sling harness to carry a solid-state hybrid drive that had 8 million Italian lira worth of bitcoins on it and propelled it deep into Sean Bean's hot ash pit. A canny move as it sent numerous competitors scrambling to retrieve the valuable crypto and missing their throw including Akash Gill, Jason Ernest,

Artie Musk, Crack Frog and Bobby Parry. Eddie Tabaner chose to chuck a serial ACA and managed to send it the length of a football pitch. Alex Morgan managed an American football pitch, Tom Pierce and a table football pitch and Joe Power a small drawing of a full-sized football pitch but not to scale. Each of Ashley Orsak, Will Tomspon and A.D. Styles would have broken a world record had they been tossing a caber but none of them were and Bella and Arlo Clark would have earned a lifetime ban had they been in a welly wanging competition but they weren't. Solomon Quincy pitched a sand disc half a snoot, Joe Mullen underarmed a Toshiba Ultra Slim a full light second and Senor Elliott knuckled ball the Tesco's own brand all the way next door to the Owlfuckers textile-free cold smoke sauna and salmon curing

cabin. Lorne Horne, archmistress of Macuntliff doors and lover of Ian the mid-whales Banksy, leg span an IBM Ramac 350 past the 20-yard line and knocked John Hannan's thumb drive into the ditch. This freed up Harry Yeoh and Luca Lettieri to backspin a magnetic platter into the rink, leading to a tiebreak between them and Guy and Katie Revel Jackson's 1954 refrigerated 78-inch data wheel, which contained a live recording of Christine Aguilera's Genie in a Bottle pirated by David King. That tiebreak quickly became irrelevance, however, when Irini dropped through a parallel ATA which was filibustered by Matt Lilly III to a fair catch by Adam Clark, whose

hat fell off allowing Leodas to take the plunk while Oliver Esrailly substituted himself for an Apple Mac trebuchet disguised as a mannequin's arm. This was used to launch a 1 terabyte Seagate, a city block away by Andrew Styles, with Ruben Beltran de Rio following closely behind, also with a city block, but from a smaller city, for, the kind that only has one branch of boots and no pizza express. And then by Martin Clayton, who is the only person to unintentionally throw a hard drive backwards. At this point, insteps Sean Bean himself, who felt that everyone should have waited for him before starting, threw a wobbly, declared that wobbly to have travelled the furthest distance, and left with the trophy and without taking any questions.

Thanks all. Okay, we'll finish off with the version of our theme tune sent in by one of you. This is sent in by S. Thank you S. And it is described as a Johnny Cash inspired version of the theme tune. That sounds very good to me. I'm excited to hear this one. Excellent. And until next time…

Thanks S, and thanks everyone for listening. Goodbye! Cheerio! Thank you very much, bye!