Three Bean Salad - Whales

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

Ben from Cardiff (WE KNOW RIGHT???!!!) submits the topic of whales and the Beans waste no time getting into some radical new theories of aquatic taxonomy and evolution. If you’re wondering whether or not they’re qualified to handle that stuff let’s not forgot that Mike’s got a biology A-level, Ben lives a mere 4 hour drive away from the Rhyl SeaQuarium and Henry can draw a ruddy good haddock. This episode also contains a dose of the Old Testament which never did anybody any harm.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLive-stream tickets for our live shows at London Podcast Festival:16th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-16-09/17th September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-streaming-three-bean-salad-17-09/Get in touch:[e-mail]@beansaladpod

So, um, no, I was just saying, because, um, you were pointed out that I'm coughing quite a lot. Um, well, we just, you, you appeared on the zoo and you coughed at, that's a real one. Yep. But it doesn't, it doesn't seem that real. Sounds a bit effective. No, no. You wouldn't be sent home from school with it cough, for example. Well, no, I think the reason I'm feeling a bit... Because you pointed out that, essentially, I'm having to drink a lot more coffee now

because of the pretz... Because you get your pretz... It's a bit of a deal. Because of the pretz subscription. Because the press subscription, so for example, I'm coughing a lot. So, and I'm having a lot of convulsions. And palpitations, palicatex. Yes, three ticks, but they're all,

they're all completely internal, so you can't see them having a convulsion. Yeah, okay. But I am convulsing right now, for example, but it's purely internal. Quite a lot of acid. I've got quite a lot of acid going on. I've sent you, I've got a...

To catch people up on it, I've... Oh, I've joined 2023, in a way. I now subscribe for... I subscribe. I stream coffee. I subscribe to Pratt. Isn't it? It's the Netflix of of the hot beverages now. This is what's happening. What it means is I have to hit those coffees hard. Pratt is open bloodierly and it closes quite late. It's open for 12 hours. And this bit of recording is one of your fubits of respite, isn't it?

Yeah. But even then you got them stocked up. I think I could see at least 12 land up in front of you Yeah, I've got I've got I've got the 12 No, so you know, I'm just getting a lot of yeah hot sweats nice nice sweats nice sweats in the day actually It's a nice bit right now I've got day terrors So I've got some terrors happening right now. And obviously delirium trimmens. Is that a thing? It is a thing.

Isn't that to do alcohol withdrawal? Is that a drink? Alcohol withdrawal, yeah. Giving you alcohol withdrawal. That's quite a strong coffee. Well, that's the syrup. That's the amount of syrup I'm having to. You went for the caramel trimmings, did you this morning? Caramel trimmings come with a warning, really. So, yeah, so within three days, you can't

tolerate coffee. That's the irony of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, of the other coffees. Yeah, well, that's why the business model works so perfectly. Yeah, exactly. I watched a video in Line Henry where a man hadn't drunk water for three years. Okay. So it was the imbibed liquid but it had never had drunk water for three years. Then his friend forced him to drink some water because they found out that he hadn't drunk water for three years. And he suddenly started drinking, he just started spewing. That's what that can happen. No, that's the good because your body rejects what it actually needs at that point. Yeah, well, I feel like you're probably in a similar situation.

If you weren't Cole's, Cole Turkey on the hot coffees having day and day out, it would be worse than what you're currently experiencing. So there's no way out is what you're saying. Sorry, so I'm sorry, just what I'm saying. I'm sorry, but what you said just in reference to Cole Turkey has reminded me that I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but what you said just just just into in reference to cold turkey has reminded me that I'm also having to start eating their Christmas sandwiches now. They're only in Canada, so from June to August, and then from February to March, is that right?

That's right. That's it. I've got to get them in now, and obviously they buy, it's okay, this is all the way I'm protecting their financial model, which is they buy way too many tackies and they'll need. Well, they slaughter year round, don't they? They're famous for this, they say they'll be around. They slaughter three, six, five. I don't know why they're proud of that.

Yeah. It makes for good slogan. It seems you interrogate, it doesn't make any sense. They also say that somewhere within the pretentifier, a dagger is always falling. That goes always into the back because they knife them in the back, don't they? It's a very unconventional slurver house. Fucking hell.

Jesus, sorry. So I'm not crying. Basically, you're out of your mouth. That's right. Essentially what happens is the, why I have now is a constant sort of royal, a royal-ing acid. You don't seem to need glasses though this morning. Is your vision good? I know.

My vision is clear. Again, this one is clear. So you're an alkaline eyes. Alkaline eyes. So my eyes, that's never been so good. In fact, I can see through cross long. To the next cross long. The next cross long. Yes, so what happens is the the the oiling acid every day, that's getting a bit higher up my

So what happens is the the the oiling acid every day that's getting a bit higher up my um, not my esophagus. Yeah. So which means I then need more more crossholes to to temper it down, obviously cross holes are at alkaline. So eventually a bung of crossholes is going to be fired by lukewarm acid directly into the base of your skull. That's instant death. Well, I've already, yeah, they've prepared me. I have, they've provided me with prep counselors

who've talked me through those final stages, but yes. Very, there's a leaflet. I've seen the leaflets. Yeah, there's a leaflet. But in the meantime, I'm having to keep, just to manage the asset I'm having to eat the pastry so, so I didn't know if you've been to a prep, but the pastries go up in alkalinity from the left to right.

Okay. Well, the pH levels got from raisins worlds on the left. Mm-hmm. They're pH four to the bicarbonate, oh, chocolate on the right. The pan-o milk of magnesium. That's right. And then eventually the cinnamon bismol. Which is just a shot, you take.

Yeah. So, what's that been? Sorry. Ben didn't say anything, that'll be one of your auditory hallucinations. That's kicking me. Yeah, that'll be an auditory hallucination. That'll be an auditory hallucination. Might make the podcasting quite hard.

Yeah. So I've been told that I will see three of most people talk to one on the left and or the one with the biggest cross-on hat If I delete those are the same if they're the same person the less has the biggest cross-on hat You need to get a pound raise our down you win the next half an hour or or you're you're in deep deep deep trouble. Yes, I'm um Yes, it's kind of like, first, it's, you know, I think these are the, either the birth pangs or death throws of me entering 20, 20, 30, I think, in terms of, in terms of the way the economy is now structured.

Isn't it, which is, I think what's happening is I'm, you're subscribing to death. I'm, I'm, we're all subscribed to death, Mike. That's true. It's the one thing you can't unsubscribe from. Yeah. But Henry's getting it in HD. He's getting it for OK.

I'm getting it for OK. I'm getting five free coffees a day. I've got a question for you, Henry. Yeah. So obviously I was made last week aware of your subscription to coffee. Yeah. From Pret. Then yesterday you did a, I saw you doing a tweet of your subscription to Coffee from Pret. Then yesterday I saw you doing a tweet which is quite rare for you. Yes.

And I thought, I thought, here he goes, how are you trying to go viral again? Yeah, I was, I was looking for you trying to go viral. Yeah, I missed that. I missed that. That didn't appear on my sort of twice-weekly tweet looks. Well, a spoiler for Mike, it's gone hugely viral. We're talking two retweets and about 14 likes. This is big stuff.

So we're talking double figures. Yeah, I tried to go to, but Vendor, did you, I didn't know that you'd spotted the tweet. Did you join in with, did you give me some support there? The older. Did he jump in with A? Well, I tell you why I didn't, Henry. Yeah, Henry. Yeah, boss.

Because you thought the content was quite lame. Well, should I have a look at it? Got it. Well, genuine question. Before I got to the question I had. So what the tweet was was, a picture of a bicycle that Henry had rented from a street sort of rental service. Yeah, great start. Yeah. And he secured his coffee in the kind of

basket area with some bungee cords. We could say, this is so 2023. Isn't it? Everything you're saying, a London higher bike, a coffee, a bungee cord, bungee. It's so tech guys on this way to a tech meeting, isn't it? It did genuinely make me feel a pang that I slightly missed city living. Exactly. That's exactly what's, that, to be honest, I think that's what my tweet was, it was probably on some level of humble brag about, I am just loving my city life at the moment. So old, battersy, old Suthak, Strater, Voxel,

Tuffinall Park, Barnet technically, Madden Tussort, Busseller Talf, Halfless, Zone Five, So, sir, at half? Half-lives. Zone five. Mind the gap between your provincial existence and this metropolitan utopia.

Next stop, urban enlightenment. The glamorous London life of Henry Bagger. Hang on a second. Is that Saranjoo Lloyd Webber? No, it can't be. Because you're Saranjoo Lloyd Webber. Bahahaha! I know!

Bahahaha! Yeah, it's London. I'm addicted to hot coffee that is slowly destroying me from the inside and the outside. Yeah. Anyway, the thing that I was sure about was there were three images of this. Was that too many? But they were all the same thing.

How did you think I just can try it? Did you think it was like a butt tweet? Like butt guy, I was like, he can't, he can't admit this, his butt, I don't know if I meant to do this. Was it too many, um... Oh, I wanted to, it was too many photos, wasn't it? It wasn't good enough, it wasn't interesting enough to do. And then it was a eating strap the coffee,

it's trapped the coffee to a bike, and then what's the, what's the, is it, was there, text to accompany this? Okay, I found myself in a situation where I'm now sort of addicted to prep coffee. Or it's hard to tell whether it's a psychological addiction or a physical addiction or a financial addiction. You're addicted to bikes so you can cycle between preps. Exactly, so I've had to rid, so when you've drained one, so I can drain one on the way to the next one. So I'm constantly having to pop out and get preps now during the day. So I've worked out, like, in higher one of these,

a Santander, by the way, great bikes, and even better investment portfolio. I tell you what, when I put my bike back in one of the docks, I didn't just feel like I'm securing the bike, I feel like I'm securing my and my family's future and the Spanish economy. And we're importantly than that. I bear in finance. And of course that means more ham for all of us, doesn't it? Eventually. Rebuilding the Armada. One account at a time. And just to rub it in, siphoning money off the very people will be invading.

Yeah. So anyway, I found myself in a situation where I had an iced oat latte, which I find I can tolerate again. I couldn't do so. I couldn't do so. Yeah, drink this up. So I've got a question about the iced oat latte. Yeah. You looked to me as if you'd bought it from a shop that wasn't pret.

That's a good point. It wasn't pret. I forgot that your eye wasn't. Oh my God, what's happening to me? I never need to buy that one. I've got a free one. What is wrong with me? Well, that's what I was thinking. I thought he's subscribed to Coffee,

but he's now going to other Coffee shops to buy auxiliary coffee on top of the already subscribed coffees. I find it so hard to deal with the press subscription that sometimes I just need to try and relax and just get out and have a coffee somewhere else that isn't preta and just try and gather myself. Okay.

So I can face the next pret. Yeah, you're right, it was a non-pre... Anyway, I was trying to cycle at home. I've realized it's very hard to cycle and hold a coffee. Same time, especially with a baguette under one arm, especially with a baguette under one arm. And of course a prep barista on the back because I now have a prep barista assigned to me. Who, I'm, follows me wherever I go. Just a monitor, the data flow. Exactly.

Because it's the data that they really, that's what really matters to them obviously. It's how long will it take me to die? That's information they can then sell to Santander. You can use it to help there are modern mission. Yeah, so anyway, so each London Santander bike comes with a little bit of a bunch of cable at the front which you can use to secure, I don't know, something like a laptop, a Falk Raven bag, other 20, 23 stuff

as as N. Diak calendar, Louis Capaldi. Louis Capaldi. So I genuinely thought the weight there really saw the sea. I'll time a coffee to the thing. I thought I was very unlikely it was going to work, but I created a kind of tension thing where I bent the bungee cord around itself, twisted it loads and loads and sort of yanked it back and created a kind of tense kind of cradle. kind of cradle, attention cradle. I inserted the the ice latte into it. Can I say this is definitely the way I'm thinking, the way I'm talking about this is someone that's deep into their pretzelscription, it's just absolutely unhinged, isn't it? I'm talking about creating suspension cradles for coffee. Would you crazy to kind of self trebuchet of hot coffee?

Well cold coffee. Well that's what I thought it was going to be. It was going to trebuchet into my face. But of course, now that I'm on the press subscription, I'm drinking more coffee than could be sustained by a whale, a tiger, any of the big five, spari animals. So when I was doing that, I thought, God, I'm so 20, 23 at the moment.

Society's going to love this. I'm just going to shove it down. This could be the viral text. I'm not even going to be the tweed on it. For a text to go viral. You've got to send it to a the viral text. I'm not even going to be the tweed for a text to go viral. You've just got to send it to a lot of people. That's mostly known as a leak. I think that's a leak.

That's a leak, something. Yeah. So I thought, I'll shove it on Twitter. This could be the viral one. Will this make it how? Will I make it home with a coffee? And I thought, a bit like that woman who got on a plane to South Africa,

sent a tweet, got on a plane to South Africa, arrived in South Africa and realized she'd been canceled. I thought I was gonna have the opposite. Get on a bicycle, cycle 50 minutes home, you're gonna be made. Made. That I made. And I was expecting, I didn't even know what happened.

Ben knows, Ben's done viral tweets, but I didn't even know what happens to your phone. You know, lights go off, you see there's numbers spinning like a sort of spinning like a slot machine, don't you? The numbers going, different colours start appearing. Money falls at the phone. Non-fungible tokens start firing out the bottom of the phone. Someone has to do a free cocktail.

Yeah, but none of that. In fact, I had so little interest that I thought, do you have this? You try and send a tweet that goes viral. It doesn't get much interest. Anything? God, I'm just gonna delete it. How did it compare stats to the old Christmas cutlery tweet? How did it compare stats to the old Christmas cutlery tweet? Erm, more traction. I think I think less.

Well, anyway, the main reason I did that tweet was it was on his tweets ask a question. So it was like, well, I'm actually get it, get it home. Okay. And I didn't literally no one then asked because I didn't arrived home and took another photo. Of me having arrived with it successfully literally known in the comments asked, did you care, okay? Not only that, and you know what? The internet and everyone else out there, if you want to see that now, you can't. I'm not going to show it.

No matter what happens now, I'm not showing that photo. Were there any comments? Or was there just an advert for Betfred or something like that? There might have been a Betfred ad. I don't think there were any comments last time, I checked. Also, not only that, this was arrogant. As I was cycling towards the docking bay, successfully with the coffee, I actually filmed a short film, which I thought, you know, obviously once it's gone viral then there'll be subsidiary

interests, you know, things like subsidiary films and mini mini features so Fine, okay, I did a little TikTok dance thing. It was just me Singing the coffee made it to the tune of final countdown The coffee made it No spillage I thought they'd be a nice message in it. I put a nice message in there. I was already reaching out to a lot of mental health charities and stuff. I thought this was going to be ethical capitalism. You know what I mean? Obviously, I'm going to make money out of it. I'm not

going to pretend I'm not. But you've got to think about the brand at the same time, haven't you? The brand needs to be sold on the brand. These days, people want their brand to actually have social responsibility. So, um, these days, people actually want their brand to pretend to have a social responsibility as well, don't they? That's the thing I like. Exactly, yeah. Yeah. So, um, but it didn't, um, wasn't to me, so, so I do have a short film on the phone. It's me cycling along with it, go, syncing you up to it. And what would it take for you to release that?

Okay, if we can get it up to, what's the minimum, what's the minimum amount of likes or something to be viral? Good question. Good question. Does it have to be in the millions? No, surely. Oh, how about trending?

I don't know if that's it. You'd settle for trending, would you? I'd settle for trending, then. What do you think? I think we might have to reach out to some influencers and try and get them to push it for you. I do think I can name an influencer, apart from Andrew Tate, but I don't think that's where the route we wanna go down. I think he's in prison now, in Romania. You can't imprison Wi-Fi, can you?

You think there's great Wi-Fi in Romanian prisons? I think there is. I think as long as you're online, you're in the world. Walls can't contain the kind of influence I'm gonna have. I'll say right now, I will be prepared to visit a Chinese factory as well. Sorry what do you mean? Okay, what to give you a positive spin? Or I'm prepared to be film visiting a Chinese factory if it helps. Glad handing with the people's party elite. Yeah, guess a couple of Chinese babies.

Yeah, I'll do that. Because it's obviously going to be, it's going to be pan-global, isn't it, once it does go massive. It might end up being a bit like that folk musician guy who became huge in South Africa and didn't even know. Yeah, I've got his name. Glimmerman. What do you mean Glimmerman? I've looked it up in the Pantene Glimmerman's an American Buddy Cop Action Comedy Film

from 1996 Starring Steven Segal. Yes, huge and huge and As a folk band as a folk band. Yeah, it was interpreted as a folk band in South Africa They span a folk band out of the body cop action comedy, didn't they? It's quite unusual. Yeah No, there's a really good documentary about a guy who's my cute lover. It's really like boring Sugar man searching for sugar man No, there's a really good documentary about a guy who's, my dude love it, it's really like boring. And to do good sound hours. Sugar man, searching for Sugar man. Oh, okay.

Yes, I know what you mean, I've lost it. So he came here, Jay. So I'm not getting involved. Yeah, it's really good. But I am disappointed about that coffee tweet there because I did, sometimes I do it tweet and I think this is what the internet's about because it's like it's lighthearted

but it's got this kind of silly quality to it, which is, will you get it home? Will you get get home or not it's like it'll be a real relief to people like tech people talking about it people working people talking finance they're job is so serious Mike where's this a little bit of lightness in the day a little bit of light a little bit of sleep from this doing a mean and literally no one gave a shit they were people who work in tech who saw it and they went fuck that. That's maybe, if anything else made me more stressed about tech and about data mining. If I see a cycle past Silicon Roundabout,

I've got a lot of bloody outlast here that's faced my 14th floor window. Right, right in his face. Yeah, and in fact, let's invest more in the outlast a canon and the old, the spillage. Hello, 2023, yeah, we'll get you home. British Airways and partnership with OmniBunjiCord. With OmniBunjiCord, Santander and Henry Packer Tweets in corporate. The first tweet to be so viral, it's become its own company. Henry's tweet didn't go viral, and neither will you.

With debt all. But how will people know what that's about? Because they won't know that if my tweet didn't go viral, they won't know what they mean. Stop joking holes in my idea! Bringing the boys back home, just like Henry's coffee, the British on it. Ben made a good point actually while we were off air, which was one of my mistakes. That tweet was I said, did I tweeted did the coffee make it back home? I should have tweeted will the coffee make it back home? I should have tweeted, will the coffee maker

back home to make him more of a line? Were you over it? Exactly, I'm not. Oh, no, I'm not. I'm not. Well, fixating on this. But I do, I do have a set of, quite tragic. I have a set of photos in my phone,

I've just seen of me arriving cramp, and they were there. I've just been looking at them and the video. So that video will be really, I think I get over stuff, right? You didn't, no, just look at this. I didn't get any interest. You're triple photographed twigs.

Yeah, too many photos, fine. No, it's good idea, because there's a very few people bothered to put an aerial view. Do they have their, of the object they're tweaking about? I thought, side on, top view, I thought people would be interested. Anyway, I've got the video, I will release that video. If I get, you're sounding a bit rancid to me now, Henry. If I get, I'm not making threats to anyone, but put it this way, I won't hurt any of your fancies if I get 100 retweets.

I'm not saying I will if I don't, but saying I definitely won't if I do. So 100 retweets triggers the video, is it? 100 retweets triggers the videos it hundred retweets triggers the video that goes online For the what for the world to see well speaking of things that are Hell together why bungee cord it's time to turn on the beam machine This week's topic, as sent in by Ben from Cardiff. What? From the past of future. The concept of place travel. What?

Ben I will hand you down and stop you. They can only be one. Yeah, this wasn't from me. It's from another Ben from Cardiff and this is this week's topic, which is Wales, but the animal. Okay. Pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Is that the word? I don't know. I don't want to show off too much, but I've seen a porpoise. I've seen a porpoise. I've seen a dead porpoise, which I said. I've seen a few seals.

The seal doesn't count. No? I love a seal. How is a seal related to a whale in any way, apart from being underwater? It's an aquatic mammal. Mammals? Yeah. I guess masters of the ocean.

Yeah, but the idea that a whale is a mammal is one of those things where you're like, quite a bit of mammals. Yeah. I guess masters of the ocean. Yeah, but the idea that a whale is a mammal is one of those things where you're like, yeah, I know it's a mammal, but it's not a mammal. Is it? Come on, it's a fish. It's a great, big floating bar of presope. That's all it is. Yeah.

Because a seal has got a face, right? A whale's another face. I think to be a mammal properly, got another face. You do think a whale's got a face? It doesn't really have a face. I think to be a mammal properly, got another face. You do think a whale's got a face? It doesn't really have a face. It's got one on each side of its head. But so is a horse.

So you put the horses' eyes on the front as well. They all want to draw them. The front, um, well, I can. A horse can have blinkers, so does that suggest they're on the side? Yeah, you can blink. You could blinker a whale,, you could blink real well, but you could only visor a seal. Ha ha ha ha.

Or second glass is Mike. Yeah. So that means only a seal could be employed safely and legally as a welder. All last Vegas group here. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Did you know that all whales are descended from wolves?

It's true. It goes the other way around with those guys, does it? It's true. So, so C slug crawled out of the oceans and turned into a wolf and then one of the wolves decided to get back in. Yeah, basically. I was going to ask that, actually, which way around did it go in terms of, did they start in the water? Well, everything started in the water. Is that why a whale was able to bite off Captain A. Habs leg?

Is that what it is? They were in the sea, they then became wolves, then they became aquatic wolves. Yeah. Yeah. And then they became whales. Yeah. And I'm not bullshitting you, this is true. Okay.

And you can tell because in their bodies, they've got like, what's the word? Things that are left over from when, say, you know, we've got like a vestigial. A vestigial. Have they got vestigial howls? Is that all listening to a well song? Is there a vestigial howl? Oh, rings that lead. Oh, yeah, that is quite howl like.

Well, that's extraordinary. Are you checking that's true? I am. It's not, I thought. I feel like a, this could be bollock, this could be bollock and McGadden. You do a self bollock. Well, not yet, but I thought I would just turn on Google

and it would like just be like, yes, you are correct. But, is it quite complex? Here we go. It's actually a little more. Well, analyzing the relationships of ancient Metising mammals in 1966, however, the evolutionary biologist Leavann Vaelin was struck by the similarities between an extinct group of land dwelling carnivores called Messonichids and earliest known whales, often called wolves with hooves.

Messonichids were medium to large predators with long toothy snouts and toes t wolves with hooves, messa-nicids were medium to large predators with long toothy snouts and toes tipped with hooves. So they came from a hoofed wolf. It's a big dog. I mean, you look at it don't you know. I'm sorry, it was the 60s. It was the 60s. Why wasn't this guy having fun?

We were, that is fun. That was his form of fun. It was 1966, think they were winning the World Cup, and what was he doing? He was chopping open a old hoofed wolf. So hoofed wolves, and these sweet mollusks, it does sound like potentially some quite acid and fused evolutionary biology, isn't it?

And it actually sounds like a bat sort of, yeah, like a 60s band that maybe didn't make it huge. The hoofs wolves. Imagine a wolf, Gallup pig. Or a whale for that matter. I don't know how to do that. Imagine a whale Gallup thing. So the way evolution works isn't it's so accident. So does that mean a hoofed wolf would have been probably like I mentioned they would have been because as soon as you're hoofed you can do versions of dressers Kanye they would have been sort of prominent and I didn't have any brushers one of what one of them fell over the pier but because of the mutation that growing up with a blowhole that he didn't know what to do with. Everyone else in the packs been teasing him his whole life. What he had been using is a fire-a-pink pump while out at the end of the act,

which he found demeaning. And what do you know? Lands in the water, splosh, and he's away. Yeah, because that's how evolution works as far as I'm aware, isn't it? Yeah. And then his children didn't have hooves anymore? Yeah. That works. Yeah, that's how we were immediately vestigial. With it away. But we've talked about this before.

This is what I don't understand about evolution, right? I know it takes millions of years, but there are weird stages aren't there where you're a hoofed wolf that's somewhat well-liked. Well, so the offspring that doesn't have hooves is born as an because of another accident is born born without hoos, actually thrives, because they're not getting the hoos snagged and keelp all the time. Yeah, but that's the guy. They're not giving away their location to the plankton, they're hunting, by clippity-clopping along the sea bed, and that becomes the sort of alpha, and then the most successful breeder. It's nonsense. I don't think evolution is real.

the most successful breeder. It's nonsense. I don't think evolution is real. I don't. I'm saying it. It is a lot easier just to stick with the old testament, isn't it? It's a lot easier sometimes. Speaking of which, we've not covered Jonah, have we? Oh, big whale. Big whale guy. Oh, big whale guy. What was the story there? He was in the sea. He fell off a boat. Was he saved by the well? He was thrown off a boat by the the fellows sailors. Come on Benjamin. What had he done wrong then to be thrown off a boat? He was fleeing God. Oh, because God had told him to preach to one of Israel's enemies. Carman Buhoo. Iran? Iran. Has Belah. God has done it to preach to Has Belah.

And he said, I don't want to do that. And, uh, genetically unwise decision to try and run away from God on a boat. Yeah, it didn't get the omnipotent bits to me. No, big storm follows the boat. The sailors know someone's up. They think we think,

you're the reason there's this big storm and lusy moth Ice and god rescues him by sending a A whale on a you know, it's the precursor to the r and l i And he's got a lovely three days just to chillax in a whale's belly in a sort of in a sort of early air bnb days just to chillax in a whale's belly. In a sort of early Airbnb. It's an early Airbnb. It's a bit like a sort of a sort of night train cabin.

That kind of thing folded down. Yeah. Cozy turns into a bed. Probably a free, quite stale, cross-hunt first thing in the morning. I'm pleasant, instant coffee, but it's definitely better than nothing. And it's romantic, is it? The idea is romantic. The idea is romantic. The idea's romantic.

It's nice chat fuel. It's a very much a bring your own boggrel situation. But a lot of whale music as well, being like. A lot of very high volume whale music. That was the thing. That's what turned it around for him. Yeah.

I mentioned it's also one of those ones where it's very hard to get all the lights to work out which has to send all the lights on. There's one button which turns all the lights on at the same time, isn't it, in a whale time in a well, in a well. But there's individual ones for each side of the... There's the problem is there's a bedside light of the bed. The bedside light is right next to the light for the lights for the entire room and the room next door. So if you switch the right one... Yeah, yeah, that's actually... It takes a lot of while to...

...experience the people next door and they're banging on the wall from the next well and it's... Yeah. And they have a volved day, they they have it they have evolved an internal volume knob haven't they which is a kind of a kind of bony protuberance but but you can only turn it up so you can only turn it well and you can't you can only raise up so so so so yeah which is not the only way at the song the only way is up is about exactly but you and you think it's you think it's good for money but then they hit you with the cleaning fee

he lost his deposit for sure. So, you know, their pros and cons aren't there, but I'd say overall, well, sometimes it's just about getting away, isn't it? You know, it doesn't really matter where you are, does it? Sometimes it's just about guessing away. Do you guys know? You know, chill out. And obviously, what's nice is that you are self-catering.

No, you've got that control. You're not in a hotel. Well, every so often, a ton of krill just arrives, doesn't it? And obviously what's nice is that you are self catering. No, you've got that control. You're not in a hotel. Well, every so often a ton of krill just arrives, doesn't it? Yeah, exactly a ton of krill. And what you can do with that krill, you know, you can friccate, you can have a roar.

You can cement it in some whale stomach acid. If you're feeling experimental. Well, that's the thing, because you do get people complaining about the fact that the krill is being sl crills being slowly digested. Yeah, and so are your trousers. You know, you'll read these reviews on Airbnb going, and actually on day three, I realized that I'm me and my family are slowly being digested.

But my trousers are always entirely gone now. And under my trousers, there's just me. That's it. That's the next layer. And you sort of get a free anal bleaching treatment, don't you? But unfortunately, the whole of the rest of you is also bleached at the same time. So it doesn't really show, there's no contrast.

Yeah. You then gotta put yourself into a tallying salon when you get home so that you can get that bit of contrast. You gotta make sure you've got your anal shaded monocle. So that bit doesn't get tan, so you're back to square one. And then finally, you can actually get back and, you know, perform what you call your annual holiday slideshow to your family and friends. Yeah.

And those are the hidden costs. But if you're looking for a, um, an anti bleach, um, clouded anal monocle, they do sell them in, um, the travel boots and it's travel section of a boots, uh, in an airport, like an airport. There is a mark up though if you get them there. Yeah, if you get them in the airport, you're a fool to yourself because they're more than three to the price. Get them online. But again, I will say, so you know, there's obviously pros and cons, but I think it's that sense that you're in your own space, which is what I prefer it to what I used to do, which is go to,

well, the hotels, a big international underwater hotels, which is what I prefer it to what I used to do, which is go to, well, the hotels have big international underwater hotels, which is obviously three or four hundred blue whales, just back together. Well, the series of connecting tunnels, mezzanines and a jellyfish and mono rail. And you can just feel a bit soulless, can't you? Well, especially when you get there and you think you look at the photos on the website and you get there and you realise the photos of the blue whales, you've actually booked in for a sperm whale and there's no upgrades. So you're almost much smaller thing.

And a lot of the time, you know, the hotel's not actually finished yet. This sperm whale still in bloody pool, just not even evolved into a... I've just got a whole full of it. It's no good to me. I mean, bloody finished it. So what happens Jonah, when Jonah gets puked back out again? Yeah. Is the vibe like, he's, God is great. He's reflected and he's worked out. He's got to do is he's bloody well-talled. So he does as he's bloody well-talled.

He doesn't reflect a bullet guard. He doesn't, but he does carry on getting silky. He's a silky old soddies, Jonah, because he does a job. Yeah. And then he goes off for a beach holiday somewhere. And then he's all hot and bothered. So God grows him up. And I want to say a tree. I can't remember what it is. Tree or a big bush or a rock, something to give him some shade. And he gets annoyed about that. And then God destroys that. Really? Yeah. Those old testament biblical stories quite end up standing a bit like, you know, when six-year-old starts telling you a story.

And it's like, can it get finished now? We've done that the person got saved by the exiled. No, then he went to a piece, he's done it. He's done the fake thing. And then he went in the tree, he was in trouble and he was not able to get told off and he thought about it and he said he was not. And he said, he was sorry, he did what he was supposed to do.

Second chance, tick, done. And then an epilogue about being all sulky actually after all. It sounds like he's in a kind of odd couple relationship with God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they're like cat and mouse those two. I mean, he was asking for a smoting, basically. Yeah.

And how did he end up? Where did he end up? For smiting. I think he ended up. For smocing. Or littering away being a sulky old sod getting bollockings from God every five minutes Balooked by God God and Jonah they just can't get along

One's a sailor and one's an omnipotent being One's a sailor and one's an omnipotent being. Do you like it on? They're having a way of a time. Yeah. And then you're into season six and there's a will they want they element and you're like, ah, I'm trying to do this, actually, I don't know. For it when I kept it platonic.

It's all got a bit soapy now. They're like chalk and omniscient cheese. That's quite, there's a fun thing about the Bible isn't there that there's the headline stories that everyone knows. Yeah. And then often there's a bit at the end of that story that you don't really go into in Sunday school or whatever, because it's just a weird bit on the end. Yeah.

So the bit after Noah, so Noah gets the message and gets a bit unclear. Yeah. So Noah gets, like on the boat whatever the water's recede and they it's time to get on with life again and repopulate the earth I guess. And then it's a bit where he gets off the boat, plants some vines, harvest the grapes, make some wine, get drunk and goes in a tent, takes all his clothes off and then exposes himself to his son. takes all his clothes off and then exposes himself to his son. It's so weird.

Yeah. There's a lot of that kind of stuff in the old testament. Well, people just, well, they're just monks, just sarapticiously slipping in quite good, gritty HBO dramas into the middle of Bible stories. Is that what it was? Yeah, but no, didn't, yeah, did it? Ignore the bit about the flood. Like the actual, they've hidden it. It's in between the bit about the flood

and that guy with the big fish. But yeah, is that, if you read the bit, yeah, that's where it is. That's where episode four is. Of season two. It gets really dark, it's brilliant. Yeah, because a lot of it it is very clear moral message. I understand what the point is of this, get it, get it, get it.

And then it's better for you to go, what is the message here then? It's the original Daermann Harbour. That's what it is. Diamonds in their eyes and diamonds in the sea Come with us and meet the families of Diamond Haban Come and meet the families of Ancient Judea. So what's the more of the journey I think that God is forgiving but you should adult something and he's doing what he says. Yeah, it does. He's really told me.

I'll give you a second chance. Don't push your luck. I think it's quite a good message. Goodbye, Bull. Don't push your luck. That's the strap line. Here, in the depths of the Atlantic Ocean, it's amazing to think that one day all of these majestic whales will be crabs. When you send an email, you must give thanks to the postmasters that came before. Good morning, postmaster. Anything for me? Just some old shit. When you send an email, this represents progress. Like a robot, shooing a horse. Tiff me your horse.

Gawd. Gawd. My beautiful horse. Time to read your emails. We have an email from someone who's called themselves the local Yorkian bean. They're from York. They say, cut your minds back to a year ago, July 2022, when listeners arriving at the Yorvik Viking Centre, we're denied a pompadu discount. So, that's true, remember that? I want to wish my sincere apologies for this as a local

Yorkian and I am disgusted by that behavior. However, I work in the building right next door, the Van Gogh immersive experience. We'll slice your family's ears off for just $7.99. We can so the ear back on. This isn't an ear, it's an ear shaped rubber. Exactly, it's better than an ear. You can erase that with it now. I'll immerse you if you want to get with Van Gogh.

I want to get quite a minute. I mean, is it looking at a real sunflower? A Van Gogh for a Merce of Experience? Maybe someone pushes you into it. In order to bring peace and love back to my disgruntled and disappointed Yorkshire, I shall offer a concession ticket price to the Van Gogh for Merce of Experience, £11 rather than £15, along with a free VR viewing, ad hearing the word Pompadou.

Nice. What's the van Gogh connection to York? Well, it will have to be a connection. Is it that he never went to York? Is that the thing? You famously never went to or heard of York. Anyway, so it seems like we've got a new Pompadue discount destination, which is exciting.

It has tremendous news. However, are you right? Please note that the risk is yours when speaking the word Pompadue, because it entirely depends whether I'm working that day or not. Oh, that's exciting. Roll the dice.

Also, just this person who seems to probably be a cashier, have the authority to issue this discount? That's what I was wondering. Then I read the following sentence, please also do not share my name as my boss already despises me. We're dealing with a maverick. We really are. I can't imagine it's going to win many points with the boss giving away discounted entry

to the van Gogh experience. Sometimes you've just got to feel alive, aren't you? Sometimes you've got to throw caution to the wind. Yeah. So what else do the immersive experience do to you? You've got to go there. I'm going to go and find out. Yeah.

Experience, what it's like to have a brother called Theo by meeting our actual Theo. He was, they'd buy an actor. His real name is not Theo. We just got to investigate. They've dangled the carrot. I'm interested. Anonymous emails, dear beans, she's got a pet in the freezer story.

After we talked about pets in the freezer. Oh, lovely. Nice to end on something like something that's really quite lovely. I had a beautiful African Pygmy head chog. Good start, isn't it? Yeah. Who unfortunately developed wobbly hedgehog syndrome?

Oh no, no. This is a real thing. No, wobbly hedge. No, no. It's not. Of course, she says it's a real thing. wobbly hedgehog syndrome. It's a, I tell you what, it gets a lot less fun after the name. Wobbly hedgehog syndrome is a progressive degenerative neurological disease of African and European hedgehogs. Be noticed with increasing frequency since the mid-90s. What's causing it? Was it the release of the single park life? I did my best to adapt to a Varian. What? Okay. We'll take a word for it.

What's a Varian? Cuntelia. Is that like the name of a... That sounds like it's the name of a hedgehog homemade hedgehog dwelling. I'm imagining a large glass pyramid. It's basically a... It's sort of like a lizard tank sort of vibe. Okay, okay. Okay, so I did my best to adapt her for a variant, but it came to a point where it was kinder to put her to sleep. Around this time, a young lady posted on a head-trog group I belonged to

saying that she was learning taxidermy and the head-trogs are difficult to come by. She understood that people might find it weird or offensive, but if anyone would be willing to donate theirs to her in the future, she would appreciate it. When the time came, I had my lovely little headgear put to sleep, gave her one last cuddle. When we were turned from the vet, I wrapped her up and I put her in the freezer. Now, it's not actually legal to send a dead frozen animal

in the post. It doesn't stop people sending them to us though, does it? LAUGHTER Yeah, we got that huge frozen hoofed wool last week. I did, didn't I? Yeah, that was a nightmare. I've got a bag of cormorants, I don't know what I'm going to do with.

That's my afternoon, John. I ended up wrapping up in a huge bundle of bubble wrap, as well as layers of thick plastic and bound her in with a lot of waterproof tape in an attempt to not let her defrost or seep through the packaging. My heart pounding, I headed to the local post office to Santa via special delivery. Convince they were going to ask me why my parcel was so cold. I spent the evening and the next morning worrying that I would be contacted by Royal Mail and heavily fined for my deception. As it turned out she arrived safe and sound and still frozen despite it being early summer.

Well I mean safe. Yeah to degrees. I, I mean, safe. Yeah, to a degree, safe. I mean, I mean, still dead. Is that safe? Is that safe and sound still dead? I think it's as safe as it gets. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. I'm not sure many people can say they've donated a pet

to a taxidermist, and even less could say that they froze it and stuck it in the post. Please don't read my full name if this makes it to air. It's quite unique, and I'd rather not have the wrath of the postmasters upon me. He'd don't read my full name if this makes it to where it's quite unique and I'd rather not have the wrath of the postmasters upon me He'd don't want that there is no Statutive limitations on frozen animal sending no and sorry. I have forwarded this to the postmaster general You don't want to be in the wing where they keep the the frozen taxidermy you're setting does

the frozen taxidermy, your set enders, the frozen taxidermy posters. Yeah, because those guys come up with some crazy escape plans. They really do. It's usually freezing themselves and then trying to post themselves out of the prison. Yeah, just that. Yeah, just that. Yeah, just that. You show them.

That's the one. Now again, they bred cron themselves, trying to smuggle themselves out as a massive fish finger. That's far as it goes. Okay, so I'm for listening to the body here of the week. trying to smuggle themselves out as a massive fish finger. That's why it goes. Okay, so I'm gonna listen to Bollicking of the Week. Accessing listener, Bollicking. Bollicking loading.

Bollicking loaded. This is a classic. We've had lots of bollocks on this topic, a full constellation of galaxy of bollocks have come in. I'm just going to pick one at random. Of course, some of these bollocks, they look like bollocks, but actually, they're so they're imploded just millions of years ago. Yeah, they actually didn't exist anymore, but they still shine their beautiful, albeit judgmental light on us. Matt writes, high beans in the latest time travel episodes, Henry describes how it's important to specify location alongside a date well time traveling, as you wouldn't, for example, travel to the Jurassic Period and open a door and see a T-Rex wrestling a Stegosaurus.

Yeah. Good points so far. Don't see any issues here. He's technically correct. Oh no, is this about Jurassic heroes? I've got to feeling that there's a risk of this leading to a 20 minute rebuttal from Henry. Right.

I'm ready for it. The way it is, see him gearing up. He's like a cold spring, isn't he? I suppose I think there should be a bollock amnesty for topics like time travel. Even the greatest scientist of our age. He sees already. Here he goes. He's like like time travel. Even the greatest scientist of our age. He sees already. He knows.

He's like, we've been volunteering at the greatest scientist of our age. I'm talking about people like Robin Inz and talking about people like the guy who does the... Brooks doesn't have to be taxing those ads. I'm talking about... That was my rescue, wasn't it? James Cameron. I'm talking about Henry at least wait to be

bollocks. We know that if you travel as fast as the speed of light, you go faster, the light race coming off you are faster than you, which means you're behind your ears. Technically correct, but not for the reason he intended. As any casual dinosaur enthusiast will tell you, Stegosaurus did live in the Jurassic period, but the T-Rex lived in the Cretaceous period. I don't think you knew that. Hence, a semi-bolic is an order. I don't know why you're calling it a semi-bolic mat. That's a full-bolic mat. From that, you're an intellectism mat, whereas mine is shiny. Boom. Yeah. Boom. Okay. But because.

Well, although he's saying different periods, it's two eight. Well, one thing is too long ago to be sure. B. Also, even carbon dating doesn't even really make sense if you think about it. Because everything's made a carbon, so it all deteriorates at the same rate. Anyway, see, I feel like dinosaurs feel a bit far fetched at all. Do you know what I mean? They really do feel far fetched. You've hit the nuclear button here. It's like literally there was a sci-fi, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're

trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say,

we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're trying to say, we're, you know, the case for dinosaurs. Yeah. Yeah. The earth basically used to be coming in Henry. How can you be sure even that this bollocking exists? You know, how can you be sure that Ben and I even exist? Well, we didn't have to push it that far, but we could and I can and I might.

And I have in the past, but in the column for for dinosaurs existing, right? Here's what we're being expected to believe. Oh yeah, and the earth used to be basically a sci-fi film, covered in huge, mussely animals that were constantly attacking each other in a very sort of sort of frosting kind of like action film. Ah, wait, interesting, that sounds like a sort of sci-fi film or a kind of fantasy film that what kind of people are talking about the theory and no lots about it?

Oh, quite slightly doy-be. Slightly doy-be. Slightly doy-be men. Who also like fantasy films? Things where there are muscle animals, EG Godzilla. Is that offensive? LAUGHTER Is it a bit offensive about doy-be men?

No, I follow your logic. OK, follow the logic. So essentially it was sort of strong argument. It was like a big sci-fi film, a big fantasy, animals wrestling, mussely, mussely, you know, winged beasts with scales on them and stuff, with phallocentric, calcified weapons on their heads. Thank you very much.

Lovely. When did this happen? So we can analyze the evidence and stuff. phallocentric calcified weapons on their heads. Thank you very much. Lovely. When did this happen? So we can analyze the evidence and stuff. Oh, sorry, it was really, really, really long time ago. Ages ago, actually. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right.

What bow in a different era was it before? Yeah. Oh, that's a coincidence, isn't it? Oh, we can't actually have that many organic remains. It's just the bones, which anyone could make, Coincidence, isn't it? Oh, we can't actually have that many organic remains. It's just the bones which anyone could make by collecting enough bones from eating chickens. It's boiled down chicken. After eating a chicken, you're boiled down the bones.

You can craft that into new and then anyone could do that in this fair time. It's not a big deal. How many chickens per brontosaurus leg? Well, we're splitting hairs, aren't we? We're talking about eras of these things. A, they might not have existed. B, it's ages ago. C, chill out mate. I was going to come to your A, you tend to read. Oh, thank you. Sorry, I've, you've kind of disgraced yourself, so. I've taught myself. I've taught myself.

Sorry. I was going to meet an email. He's an A-B-C-D. Well, I was on my second A-B-C-D by the end of the day. He did. I did several A-B-C-D. So I didn't know how they relate to each other. So what was that then?

Well, Georgie emailed, is this the same Georg? As... As the initial email, the one from the giant peach. That's James the giant peach, you fool. Good, let's change it. Let's get the focus on the mic. You idiot. Oh, I suppose that's the new additions of...

They've had to release a new addition of roll dolls now, where... It's actually called George, case I read a called James George, in case I read a called George is reading James and right, Peter goes, why isn't the character called James George? I mean, it's a really, it's a really, it's a really story books now. I know you can get the characters name, whatever you want. They've had to release an edition. What the hell's happening?

George writes, deer beans. You may receive a number of attempted bolkings from inattentive listeners regarding Henry's description of a T-rex wrestling as Stegosaurus. I love it when this happens. They may protest that the Tranosaurus is from the Cretaceous period and is indeed closer in time to humans than it is to the Stegosaurus which was in the Jurassic period. Okay. That's interesting to me. Nice stuff. However, Henry clearly stated just before this image that he was speaking in the context of science fiction fantasies. Come to Mama. Please deploy this anticipatory dinosaur reflectabolic if required.

Hug me to your chest. Hug me to your chest. Mama's chest. Thank you. Thank you. For that. I feel if you'd read that out early, we could have saved quite a lot of time. Yes. Thank you for the interest. I love it. We've got these like sort of vigilante, bollocks or heroes. It feels like it needs a jingle, doesn't it? Like we've got reflect, we've got accepto, but what is this? Is it, it's like a list of ages of kind of Bollock X Machiner saving the day, the White Horse?

Or it's a bit like the silhouette of a bollock. Silhouette of a bollock has been projected onto a sky into the clouds and in a, above Gotham, bat bollock. Silhouette of a Bollock has been projected onto a sky into the sky. Into the clouds and in a... ...and above got them. Bat Bollock. And a Bollock... Is it Bollock Hero? Ha ha ha ha.

Have you been Bollock, but it wasn't your fault? Then you better hope that coming your way. There's a vigilante Bollock Hero. Thank you Bakiro. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Balakboi swinging his vigilante Balak justice through the skies. Thank you Balakboi.

So I think that's been dealt with all by itself then. Yes, thank you George. Yeah, thank you very much. It's time to pay the ferryman. Patreon Patreon.com For Sash 3D Salad. Thank you to everyone who signed up on our Patreon. Thank you. Thank you. Forstash, free to be the sad. Thank you to everyone who signed up on our Patreon. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've realized every week we do this, I always say this in exactly the same way and the exactly the same words. And I fall into that trap of saying the same words every time. So people will just tune out. Yeah, let me try and do it a different way. Hey guys, when they try going to a little URL I've heard about, it's called patreon.com

4sass3beanscelet. Mmm. It's very much in your radio too, mold, isn't it? I wonder what could be found there. I hope that there will be a few different tiers that you could join up for with different things that you get in return. So for example, maybe add free episodes. Bing. A manfully bonus episode, Bing, access to Sean Beans perpetual colonoscopy.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, and what if there's an option to get a shout out from Mike in the Sean Bean lounge, where Mike was last night? Oh, well, there's certainly that, Ben, let me tell you, because last night it was Colony Noscopy Roulette. It's anyone's thank you Ben and his my report. It was Colony Noscopy Roulette at the Sean Bean Lounge last night with Havdi as the shit-smirred Cruppier and Lawrence Jenkins donating his smoothest goldstone as the ball. The first spin was a lucky one and saw Caden Joy walk away with a year's supply of oral purgitives. Anthony L take home two pints of arslube, ethically sourced from recycled bad burgers,

and Adam Jones win a miniature adapted doormat phase anal verge. Rosie Mills Smith risked a phosphate enema on red 13, but one of transverse colon landscape photography course due to take place over all weekend in the Cotswolds in Tom Hiddleston, but traded with Ben Stevens, who'd lost almost everything on black 24, but was still in possession of an annual collection of Mahogany rectal spigots. Some bloke called Ellis James opted for the Lucky Dip Spin, and came away with a robot sigmoidoscopy remotely operated from a nissen hut in Nevada. And Rasmussen, Matt Milross and Freddie Tapner

all felt hard-done by Wyn Luke, Pilko Pilkington, won the capsule anduskabee video experience. Particularly when news broke that the tiny video equipped capsule was to be swallowed by Jordan Fisher, who Matt Glover had described as having a Hadrian's wall for the path of gastrointestinal tracts. But Pilko were sent to Andress Matt

and Freddie being miniaturized by Jonathan Chaffer's man compactor and sent within the capsule. All was well until the three tiny bean loungers parked the capsule in Jordan's billary tract and declared it an independent state. At which point, Daniel Green generously donated the endoscopic retrograde Kalanjo pancreatogram sheet one of Tom Gard in an unrelated game of thumb war. And they were dislodged and incinerated. Toby Herring, bet the house on red and was thrilled to obtain a CT colonoscopy brackets ascending colon only, post brackets, but was excessively insufflated by Jesse Ross, who'd been sold what she thought was Medical CO2 by Meghan Luka, but what turned out to be

a mixture of Helium and Methane prepared by Stuart McDonald for his FTSE 100 agricultural themed party balloon business, causing Toby to rock it into the chandelier bought by Jack Oliver for Sean Beans' Golden Eye 27th Anniversary Party, at which point Toby promptly exploded. And the Welch built his chanzano on the roulette table and was punished with the rigid proctoscopy and internal vibe cauterization without anesthesia. Thanks all. I just say something that's genuinely happened. Yeah, You know, my Santander bike, I left. Yeah. It was a mistake on the sort of porch area outside the house.

Yeah. That's disappeared. Oh. Opening me up to a £3,000 fine. No, no, no, no. I don't know what happens. I've been using them for a bit, but I, I, the dock was so far, no. I don't know what happens. I've been needing them for a bit, but the dock was so far from here that I couldn't be bothered to put it in there and then walk here.

So I just left it outside. I thought it's like, as if I'm hiring it for like the day. I was hit, it was like selective. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Can you see where it is on the or app? Oh, that's interesting. Oh, there's a good question.

There's a button on the app and you press it and it says, air strike. Seems to be making a bit for Mexico. I think maybe Henry just someone else took it and that's what I think. But I didn't think they would start using it. If they work like that, are they ones that you can like, because that's limedike is that you leave them around and people pick them up and use them. Yeah. I didn't know if that's true of Santanderbikes. Do you know Ben? Do you have use them? No, I do. I'm sorry. Yeah. I hope someone's just picked them up and started using it by doing it. No, if that's how it works. Yeah, good. I hope so. Could be that someone's stolen it's using it's on the crime, but then they all think it's you doing the crime because you're linked to the bike. Yeah.

You're a cricket card. Yeah. Oh, it's, I mean, it's a doing the crime because you're linked to the bike. You're on credit card. Yeah. Oh, it's, I mean, it's start of a wonderful thriller, isn't it? It's the start of a wonderful Christian, yeah. Well, well, Henry thinks about that for the rest of the day and while Henry's having a worse afternoon than you, we're going to sign off. Let's enjoy a theme tune.

Yeah, so we're going to play a version of our theme tune sent in by one of you, the listeners. And I think we're going to go for this one from Dom. Please find attached another completely generic rock version of your theme. I mean, that's absolutely delightful news. As far as I'm concerned, thank you, Dom. See you next time. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Thanks, old Chariot. you