Three Bean Salad - Zero Bean Salad Non-Episode

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December), but if you want to extra bonus content you can sign up at our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

I've just spotted a little squirrel going past my window on the inside. I think it's cold at the moment then. It's winter, it's not going to be outside. It's actually unseasonably warm. We've had a St Luke's summer, haven't we? Is that a thing? It's a thing. Yeah, when you get sort of unexpectedly warm weather around the time of the feast today of St Luke.

Is that right? I think it was a few days ago. I've never had that. So what was it you say? We're having a St Luke's summer? I think we've had a St Luke's summer. Unless we've gone past it in time now. But I think it's mid or late October.

You know what gets me? The way the supermarkets put out all their St Luke's stuff earlier and earlier. Ridiculous. It's in the middle of the real summer sometimes, isn't it? These days. It just gets confused. Wimbledon's barely over in the TV. He starts piping up about St Luke's day.

Yeah, playing all the St Luke's songs. Yeah, all the kids getting dressed up as St Luke and his various different sort of characters. St Luke's cat, St Luke's centaur. Obviously, if you can write a St Luke's hit, you know, the royalties, you never have to work again, do you? But yeah, quite annoying. They're the only songs that people don't stream on. They're the only ones you can only buy on CD.

You can only buy them on the CD, yeah. Yeah, on, yeah. This is what I call St Luke's. Oh, I wish it could be St Luke's every day. Yeah, yeah, everyone. Well, the traditional St Luke's outfit, isn't it? You see the kids wearing it earlier. It's, well, it's the clothing we need.

The horse hair shirts. The horse hair shirts. The itching powder wire fronts. And the full tonsure. The full, the full tonsure. The full tonsure. Which, I mean, to their credit, you know, they do. It's going to take weeks and weeks to grow out.

Months to grow out. Well, the rest of the year, pretty much. By the time, as far as the usual classic thing is it, by the time your St Luke's tonsure is gone, you need, yeah, well, yeah, grown over, you need to tonsure it again, didn't it? You need to get the old circular, you need to get the old circular head stencil on. Yeah, your parents are getting that out of the back of the cupboard, yeah?

Getting up on the other side. Cover the top of your head. Have your head in lighter fuel. The blackened deck of tonsure. Yeah, well, and you'll burn it off, don't you? It's the quick, well, it's the best. You burn it off? That's the, I'll say you get the cleanest tonsure.

Yeah, that's how we do it in our house, yeah. You're going to use the last of the previous year's St Luke's liqueur. So you put that on. Lightest Luke's liqueur. Just like a double fermented brandy. Yeah. But made from dandelions, I think. And then, of course, you use the burnt hair in the St Luke's cake for that year.

Yeah, yeah. And if you're lucky enough to be the one that when you bite into the cake, there's a, well, a portable battery powered head shaver. Then you're the tonsureman or the tonsure master or madam. And you shave the family the following year. You shave the family the following year. It's one of the traditions that hold this country together. I'm going to say something bold.

I think Luke is the name that's the most, it's a mainstream name. Okay. So it's not something bizarre. It's a mainstream name with the fewest, famous people with that name. Oh, come off it. Luke. Are we counting Skywalker or not? No, I don't think we possibly can.

Is that why we just can't think of anyone else? Are we counting cool hand? Again? No. Fictional. I can think of one, but I can't remember his last name. So I can only remember the name of the name. What does he do?

I'm thinking of Owen Wilson. Does he have a brother called Luke Wilson? Okay, right. So even Luke Wilson, when people think of him, they actually think of his more famous brother instead by mistake. Has there ever been a Pope Luke? I don't know. King Luke.

Okay, Ben, Ben, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ben. They're coming back to me now. Some of the things, Luke. These are just off the top of your head, are they? Yeah, and I probably, I tend to mentally, I tend to order things alphabetically. Okay.

And the clickety-clackety thing we just heard coming from your end? Mike, it's 2022. Obviously, I'm clickety-clackety. I'm on multi-platforming all the time, Mike. You're doing a Q&A for what's the other podcast you're on? Alfuckas. Oh, yeah. Don't pretend you don't know Alfuckas, Mike.

It's all you think about. It's all either of us think about. A nice attempt to undermine me there by pretending you couldn't remember the name of Alfuckas. Dream on. Yeah, I've got some great banter going on with, yeah, we're doing a, well, I'm live streaming a home, well, a pellet, we're launching a product called Pellet On.

So it's a pun on Pellet On. Yeah. Which is you can... You bench-press a series of larger and larger pellets. That's right, yeah. In your own home. In your own home. And it's...

And is that with any of the famous Luke? So are they getting involved in that? Well, you know, we might. I mean, we might tip into where do you start? You know, we could go for Luke Abbott, couldn't we? We could go for... Sorry, you have to remind me who Luke Abbott is. Is that as in Abbott and Costello?

No. Who's Luke Abbott? Come on, he's the English electronic musician, Mike. I mean, Luke Abbott, I mean, obviously he's Australian. And is Australian rules football, is that in line with the Alfuckas sort of ethos? I'd say probably is, yeah. So we'd consider him.

Come on, there's got to be an actually famous one. Where do we go down the Luke-Babbitt route? I think, I mean, there's only one Babbit I can think of, in which case I think the others know, isn't it? Probably. You're not thinking about the guy who had his willy-chopped off. Oh, I'm thinking of Bobbit. That's Bobbit.

That's Bobbit. There's a murderer, isn't it? Is he? Oh, no. I'm thinking of John Wayne Gacy. No, Bobbit. So Ben can think of Luke's, but they're not called Luke's. I just can't think of any Luke's.

Obviously, there's Luke Bambridge, the British tennis player. Luke Beveridge. There's a lot of Australian rules footballer. That's a good name. Luke Beveridge. He must have got some bounce in that. There's got to be an actually famous Luke on there, though. Hang on.

There's got to be still on base. Luke Bowden, Luke Bodnar, Luke Braderton, Luke Burridge. Don't do this to us, Henry. Luke Cornwall, Luke DePulford. Luke Donaldson. Luke Erickson. I wonder if it's quite a modern... There's no one from the olden days.

It's quite a new name. Well, Luke was in the Bible. Oh, was it? Oh, yeah, of course. There's the Gospel according to Luke, right? St. Luke. Luke? Is that...?

He's a Luke. There's a guy called Luke, then Ming, in Invertecoma's Flanagan. Luke Ming Flanagan. He was an Irish politician. So, I'm on a website called Ranker. What is that? R-A-N-K-E-R, not R-A-N-C-O-U-R. Oh, I see, yeah.

And it ranks things. So, this is a list of all of the top celebrity Luke's in the world. Oh, thank goodness. Okay. Number one. From Exeter in the United Kingdom. Yeah. Luke Newberry.

What? What? Who the hell is he? That is incredible. Do I live next towards Luke Newberry? I didn't even know. Am I Luke Newberry? Hang on a minute.

He's not on the... He's not even... Oh, Newberry. Yes, Newberry. He's an actor. Yes, he's in In the Flash. I do know him, actually. I recognise his face.

He's an actor. But I mean, yeah, if that's the most famous Luke, you know, that's... He's not mega-famous, I don't think. Oh, I know exactly who that is. In the Flash, yeah. Yeah, he's very good. Yeah. He's a young man.

Yeah, he's a young actor. There's a Papua New Guinean rugby league footballer. There's a lot of Australian... I tell you what, Luke is obviously a big name... In Australia. In his Southern Hemisphere name. There's a lot of anti-famous... Oh, hang on, I've got one.

Yeah. Isn't there a Hemsworth called Luke? No, Chris. Yeah, but Chris has got a brother, isn't he? Yeah, but lots of people have got brothers. It doesn't mean he's famous. He's his brother famous, too. There's loads of Hemsworths.

There's a Luke. There's definitely a Luke. There could be. Oh, guys. Sorry, guys, we've made a mistake. We've overlooked an obvious one. Yeah. Luke Pollard.

Luke Pollard. Of course. Who is, of course... Luke Pollard is a member of parliament for Plymouth. He's a Labour MP. Shadow Minister of the Armed Forces. Shadow Minister. I think, maybe for the first time ever,

I think that's a big call that I made, and I think I'm right. I think I'm right, am I? Yeah, I'm just... Sorry, I got distracted there because I've just gone to the same list as you have, and this isn't a very good listening, is it? It's extraordinary how many Australians there are.

But, I mean, isn't listening to me saying how amazing it is that how many of these people are Australian? That's quite real, isn't it? Isn't it? It's quite... You think that's not going to be entertaining? I think it's the sort of thing that will probably... This will help our listeners think that, yeah, it's probably good that we take a month off now.

So, it's probably quite appropriate for what we're doing right now. Luke Yates, Australian rugby league footballer. Yeah, if you're not aware of what we're doing listening, this is an episode to tell you that this isn't an episode. Yes. This isn't an episode because we would never... We wouldn't...

No, you couldn't broadcast this. There's no way you could broadcast this. So, this is a... This is just to let you know that there's no episode this week and we're back in December, which takes no more than maybe 20 seconds to say, which is why this episode, this not episode, will probably be about 20 seconds long.

Yeah. And if you're a Patreon subscriber, you should have had November's bonus episode. That'll be on your feeds. And also, your subscription payments are paused for December. And if you're not a Patreon subscriber, then you could be. And if you were to sign up, you'd be letting into a pretty hearty backlog of extra stuff.

Well... It's not just us discussing which people called Luke might be famous. No, we would expand on Patreon. We might discuss how many famous Steves are there, for example. We would expand it out. I'm sure we've done the Tims at some point. We've done the Tims and basically...

Don't get too much away, but every week we will take on another name. Martin. And really put it through the grinder like we did there with Luke. Sometimes they're quite Jasper, for example. That was quite a short episode. Yeah.

Things though, there are more famous Jaspers than Luke's. Yeah, Carrots. Conran. That's the topsy-turvy world we live in. And genuinely, if you think you can think of a more mainstream name that has fewer famous people than Luke, do get in touch. Anyway, until December.

Yes. Yes. Have a nice break. And yeah, I mean, well, they probably won't have it, but they'll probably be working. They're not having a break. It's probably quite hard. It's not of other days, is it now?

We'd also be working just on other stuff. That's true. Right. Shall we wrap it up? Yeah. So, yes. So, we'll see you in December when the lights in the trees will kiss your cheeks.

In the meantime, thank you for listening. Consider a Patreon. And hopefully see you in December. Cheerio. Bye. Bye.