Threedom - "He's Cucking Your Dad"

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

Scott, Paul, and Lauren discuss Bluey's house, Christmas stress, Lauren's Topics and play Pitch a Sitsong. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode of Freedom is brought to you by Makers Mark. You may not know that Makers Mark co-founder Margie Samuels was the designer and genius behind the original label. And it's Women's History Month, so I would like to shout out another amazing woman I admire, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who hosts the show Wiser Than Me, which every episode is amazing, also here on the Lemonade Network. And I am honored to be a part of a community of strong women, and I want to pass it on. I got a fun, personalized label bottle from MakersMark. So cheers to you, Margie, and cheers to you, Julia. This month order a free label and let a spirited woman in your life know just how special she is to you. Head to MakersMark.com

slash personalize. MakersMark makes their bourbon carefully, so please enjoy it that way. MakersMark Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey 45% alcohol by volume. Copyright 2024 Makers Mark Distillery Incorporated Laredo Kentucky. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Yeah! And that's what our theme song sounds like if you're new here. And we shout along to it. We don't have to, but we do choose to. We choose to. Kind of our thing. There's already shouting on the theme song, but we shout over it. Why do we do that, by the way?

I don't know. I can't ask these questions years into something. It's our energy up, doesn't it? Yeah, it does make me feel present. Stenors us. I feel pumped. Because otherwise I'm thinking about whatever I want to think about. I think about Santa Samthing.

Think about Santa? I think about Santa Samthing. He's this guy in my neighborhood. Weirdo. No one's really named Santa. No, I know you would think such a popular guy, Santa Claus, and yet no one names their He's this guy in my neighborhood. Weirdo. No one's really named Santa. No, I know you would think such a popular guy, Santa Claus. And yet no one names their kid after this.

This is my son Santa Claus. Hey, Santa. Yeah. People love him. He has a great reputation. Yeah. He's never been made to. No negative connotations.

People named their children Jesus. Right. Yeah. So what's going on here? Santa, come on people. Hi everyone, welcome to Freedom. Let's introduce ourselves. Great idea, Scott.

Oops. Spoiler. What about you to my right? Who are you? My name is Lauren Lapquez. And I'm sitting here with someone to my right. Yes. Who are you, though?

Oh, I'm an actor and I'm a comedian and we've been doing this podcast for... Six years, I think this is our sixth season. Jesus Christ. That's a long time. And yeah, I mean, do you want me to give my credits? Yeah, every single one. Start at the beginning, high school plays.

You can find me on IMDB and you'll be able to learn all about it. And high school plays, I didn't get into any of them. I've talked about this on the show. That's right. By the way, this is part of three to talk about things we've talked about on the show before. It's an integral part of the company.

All right, and who was that who just said that? Hi there, my name is Paul F. Tompkins. My home's website is IMDB.com. That's your home page when you go open your computer. I played the barkeep in Oliver Twist in my freshman year. Then I played Pawnee Bill in Annie Get Your Gun, my sophomore year. And which one did the teacher kiss the student?

Oh, that was South Pacific, where I stayed the role of Luther Billis. Luther Billis. And watched my Italian teacher kiss a contemporary of mine. That's so... She was a contemporary. Yes, she was in my class. And years later, I still think about it

and I don't understand why that was allowed to happen. I'm sure she does too. You can't even say it was a different time. He was still a man and she was still a child. Yeah, yeah. My name is Scott Ackerman and let's see. Carousel in the ninth grade, I played the star keeper. I was Jigger.

That's right. Who was the villain a jigger. That's right. Who was the villainous person who... That's right. Yes, who got Billy Bigelow into a lot of trouble. That's right. And then he runs away. That's right. Never to be seen again.

Never to be seen again. Never winds up in heaven up there with Billy. Ordeal. Yeah, that's true. Maybe he's just not there. And the reason that the three of us started doing this podcast many years ago is we're all comedians. We all went on the Comedy Bang Bang Live Tour

back in what year was that even? 2016. We did every show together. We traveled around the country and to different countries. We went to Australia and Canada and England, although Lauren, you didn't go to England. I had had a nasal surgery on my deviated septum that was causing slug-like blood to leave my body

and eat my food from my nostrils. Not enough blood is slug-like. It was just, you know, I was scared to get on a plane and have that start happening. It's a big deal. Yeah. So we all struck up a friendship and we decided to do a podcast together.

You're saying we didn't become friends until the tour? No, I think probably halfway through the tour. Wow. I think that's true. I think our friendship... No, we were already friends. We did chip deep into it. That's why we did it.

Of course, once we saw each other in our glasses... There's no turning back from that. I do believe the night two of the tour, everything got real because back say, we were in the middle of two shows in Boston and Backstage you just like I did start downloading my life problems You're like look this is gonna be a boring tour unless we really Get to know each other and be real with each other. So I there

Remember this at all. I was going through a personal life change. Yes. Yes. Anyway, so things got real between us He did and we decided to do this. We stopped being polite. Yes. Anyway, so things got real between us. They did. And we decided to do this show. We stopped being polite. Yes. Things started getting real. Yeah. And so what is this show, if you've never heard it before, it's just the three of us talking

about stories from our life. Yeah, we share stories from the way past, the more recent past, and even things that are to come. We... We are... We can see the future. Well, I'm a bit of a soothsayer, they say. Stop saying sooth.

We are typically, we're appearing on the show as ourselves. We typically are in characters on other podcasts. Some people I know us from, Lauren and I do many characters. Scott does a version of himself, I guess. The more annoying version of myself than even this show. That's some more annoying? Wow, wow. I had that calibration different. Yeah, I guess. The more annoying version of myself than even that show. Some more annoying? Wow. Can you imagine? I had that calibration different.

Yeah. I'm confused, honestly. And so, yeah, it's just silly. It's just silly. It's just silly. We have fun, and then at the end of the show, we're going to play what we call a 3-Ther, which don't tell anyone is actually a game. It is a game.

And sometimes we play a game. Sometimes we play a game. And a lot of times there are references you might not get unless you listen back to all It is a game and sometimes we play a game. Sometimes we play a game. And a lot of times there are references you might not get unless you listen back to all one million. But look, we're gonna tell all these stories again. Oh yeah, I'm sorry for scratch. We're erasing the past.

We will tell all the stories again, but new in-jokes. We're not gonna do any in-jokes from the previous six years. That's tough. It's tough, but we gotta do it. We just did one, just so that's clear. Yeah, that's true. This is episode 182 for new listeners. What I like about that in-joke is that

we never even explained it on the show. We never explained it on the show. That is purely an in-joke from our lives. Yeah, no one will ever know. No. Are you playing a game? That's the type of in-joke that we have that we'll never explain to you as a listener.

And that's what's fun about friends. You don't need to understand it all to have a good time listening to the conversation. Does that sound good? I think it sounds great. So let's get into it. All right, so we're back. You know, we've had a brief hiatus.

We haven't done an episode since September with each other. Do you remember? That's long. I sort of remember. The last episode we did in September. In September? Yeah. It was a time body up

What buddy? Oh, buddy? Oh, what are you doing? I don't know He's just saying body. Oh, why are you saying body out to you guys? Body out of you, of course body out of you Body out of you, that's where I went to college This is the show That's where I went to college. This is the show. Turn my microphone off. I thought you just wiped your headphones off.

You want your entire microphone off? Yes, please. Disconnect me from the show. Well, since September, you know we've had a lot of... Oh, you had a story that you want to tell me. I do. I've been saving this. Are you kidding me?

This almost drove me bananas because you and I went to the Bluey House. Yes, okay, so let's rewind. To say what this is. Rewind! After the first of the year. Now Lauren and, And this is three of them rewind. Yeah, that's it.

Lauren and I have children. Yeah. Not together. Not together. That they know of. We announced though on Lauren's topics quite a few episodes back, we announced the fact that my wife and I had a child.

Yeah. Which we'd been trying for about a decade. Well, and I have a Lauren's topic. Yes, you have a Lauren's topic. You have to tell you off over that important sentence. Yeah, well, it's time for Lauren's topic. It's one of our most cherished segments. This is a topic where we only talk about whether

I'm having a baby or someone else in the room. I am having a baby. Yay. in the room. I am having a baby. Yay. This spring, I like to leave it vague for the strangers of the world. And then you'll just see when it pops out. Yeah. Oh, really?

We're gonna see the video of that? Yeah, yeah. I'll post that on my live. Has any baby ever popped out? I don't know, but my daughter does say baby's gonna pop out. I will say my- And we're gonna catch it.

My friend, his wife was pregnant for the first time. And she- According to, as far as he knows. He's the secrets you're afraid of. And she said to him, oh, I feel like I'm having contractions. And he said, oh, okay, well, let's drive to the hospital. They like, mosey to-

Sounds very calm. Mosey to the car, nothing really weird was happening. It was about a 20 minute drive, they drove 20 minutes. They arrived, they walked into the hospital, they like, Mosey to the car, nothing really weird was happening. It was about a 20 minute drive, they drove 20 minutes. They arrived, they walked into the door, she had the baby immediately. Wow. Just like came right out. Like in the lobby of the hospital.

Like practically, yeah, she just went, oh, I think, and then they, she just like went. She said, wing, wing. It was like a TV show where like, where you get cut off in the writing and you just, you don't keep talking. Oh, I think, and then the baby comes out and is like, I guess I can't finish my sentence.

Like she was gonna say, I think I'm having the baby, but it's like, you know on shows where like they write it, where it's like, you're like, no, no, no, I'm trying to explain and the person just talks over you so you don't get it out. And you're like, if you just kept talking, they would have to hear your explanation. That would make sense.

And then you'd be like. It's the cheapest way because the drama is essentially people keeping secrets from each other. And so it's the cheapest way when someone, when a character is like, hey, I want to tell you this thing. And then someone interrupts, I'm always frustrated. Yeah. It's so cheap.

Well, circle back at least. One of the secrets they're keeping from each other and like eight is enough. Well, there's nine of them. I don't know if you knew that. Eight is enough is not a drama. What would you classify it as? Isn't eight is enough?

Oh, no, I'm thinking just the 10 of us. By the way, this is a big part of three of them is Paul and I knowing shows from the 70s. That's right. And Laura knowing shows from the 90s. Yeah, 80s. I guess 80s, yeah. Because we're not that far apart.

We should meet in the 80s though. Yeah, show me. Yeah, you'd thinks? Yeah, 80s. I guess 80s, yeah, because we're not that far apart. We should meet in the 80s, though. Yeah, should we meet? Yeah, you'd think. Family matters, Erkel. Yeah, obviously. Did I, dude? Did I, did I? It's funny because that's an area where

I didn't watch Family Matters, but of course I knew what it was. So it was back in three channel days. These were Matters big hit, you know. Regarding this particular family. Yes, and I felt like, well, that's not in my business. Sure. These are family matters.

Leave me out of it. I'm not in their family. Yeah, they are family matters. Thank you. You gave me such a platform to say that. So anyway, Lauren, I haven't had a chance to say to you congratulations. Oh, thanks.

You did ignore me when we saw each other every time since this has happened. But that's so. Paul, have you said it? I don't know if I've actually said congratulations. I've expressed my excitement. Well, thanks. And happiness for you. That's great.

Why are you withholding with your congratulations? I think that's a sacred thing. And I don't think you should just spread it around like wall. So you don't think this deserves it? That's fine. It's on the line. It's on the line. I don't.

What do you consider to be congratulation worthy? I don't mean it. Graduating from school? That's congratulations. It's on the line. It's on the line? What do you consider to be congratulation worthy? I don't need it. Graduating from school? That's congratulations. Oh, you got me. Oh, no. Okay, so what?

I did say to my congratulations. Okay, good, okay, that makes sense. Conmomulations to you as well. But so that's happening, by the way, in the middle of this, in the middle of our episode. So just one week you're gonna hear Lauren's have the baby and we're not gonna mention it for a while. That's true because we're banking the episode ahead of time.

Yeah. What if it happens during a recording like we get trapped in here, like on a sitcom? Oh, that would be really bad. I think I wouldn't like that. Who would you prefer to deliver the baby, me or Scott? Cool up. But no, what I'm imagining is there's an earthquake

and all the exits and entrances are blocked. I'll just do it myself. Don't do it yourself. Just don't look at me. That even in a mirror? What if I just held out my hands and I turned my head? That's fine, that's fine. And we prefer to pop out.

Yeah. So we went to the Blueie House. So let's give a little backstory on this. So Blueie, if you're not watching children's TV lately, Blueie is an Australian cartoon about a dog named Blueie. Well, she's a sheep dog. What is it? She's a dog.

I don't know. I don't see breed. Yeah, so she's got, it's her mom, dad, sister. Very open mind that I forgot. And they have, it's a very cute show. It's a very good show, it actually is good for adults. Adults love it. One of the rare ones that it's like.

I have actually not heard that. Adults love it. Many people I know who do not have children enjoy bluey. Yes. Wow. I actually think that some of it might go over kids' heads a little bit. They do a lot of things to nod to adults Which is always very sweet. It's like they're often be like little storylines about the parents

We're like, oh, it's so touching that they're getting a divorce Cool up the cries at every single I cry a lot watching the show Meanwhile, I sit there angry and stern Touched with my emotions little trivia about bluey Bluey. Really? There was a real Bluey. Really? Yes. Bluey, 7 June, 1910 to 14 November, 1939, was a female Australian cattle dog.

She's a pretty easy. That's an old ass dog. What? Yeah. 1910. Well, here's the thing. No, 1910. She held the Guinness World Record. Why does that make any sense?

She held the Guinness World Record as the oldest dog to ever live. We really teed you up for that. That's a really old dog. That doesn't make any sense. It can't be that long. She won the Guinness World Record. And you actually told me that the other day.

That's right. And I didn't remember. This is a big part of the show. Is us not remembering what other people say. She was surpassed by Bobby from Portugal in 2023, who also recently passed away. Although there is a, I don't know, Fred Guinness knows this, but there is a lot of controversy

of whether that is- Who's Fred Guinness? Never mind, that's a different show. But anyway, there's a lot of controversy as to whether that is a real thing. I heard that Bobby might not have been that old. So that's interesting- So they lied. It's kind of a Munchausen situation. Do you know what that means?

Well, like, I do know that with that story. A young person had a dog that was old by proxy. Lauren said that with such delight. He didn't really soaking up a lot of gypsy rose data recently. Right. And she was led to believe that she was younger than she was. So I just was kind of playing off of that, that her age, this dog's age was a mystery given the parents were saying,

oh, she's old, she's old. The whole time she was young. How does this fit in with the mysterious case of Natalia Grace? I have to catch up. There was an update on that that I haven't caught up on. Yeah, it's horrible by the way. That whole situation is so dark.

Yeah. I don't know what it is. I don't want to explain it. It rhymes though, so it sounds whimsical. Yeah, you can Google that if you care. Okay. Bluey. Bluey is a-

Very sweet. And they had a pop-up house, which I think is still a thing. It's moving to Chicago soon. It's kind of going all over the place. Yeah, it's going all over the US and maybe, because it felt like people from Australia were there. Like guiding it. Yeah, a couple of the people in charge seemed like people from Australia. there. Like guiding it. Yeah, a couple of the people in charge

seemed like they were from Australia. Oh, I didn't catch that. But it's basically an immersive experience where you go into Bluey's house, they bring the house from the cartoon to life, and there's a kitchen and a television room and playhouses and bedrooms and all this kind of stuff. And then when you walk in,

well, first of all, when we walked in, they put you in the gift shop, which I was like, oh God, because it was, everything was enticing. I couldn't believe we made it out of there. What I didn't realize is they don't, you don't end in the gift shop. I thought that was a huge mistake because I expected to hop out in there.

I was kind of like, oh, we'll get to this at the end. And then we, it just plops you out into the street. Because you don't want to buy the stuff right when you're gonna walk around and do that. I don't know, so whatever. Yeah, so we never went back into buying anything. But when you, so when we walked in, you said, I said, how was your Christmas?

And you said, I actually have a story about that. And I said, great. And you were like, I'm not gonna tell you right now. I wanna tell you on the show. I was like, when are we doing the show? You're like, I don't know. And I was like, so I just don't get to hear a story now. And then that was it.

That was it, yeah. So you've been in suspense this whole time, but let's talk about blue. I want to. You're very withholding. And he uses it. Just like you with your congratulations. Well, I've established why I am that way,

but you use it as a means to control us. Yeah, I was under your thumb for that whole. So are you only doing this season of three of them because you wanted to hear this story? I need to know what it is, but. And I'm only doing it because I need money. We went into Bluey's house. For what?

To buy candy. Okay, there's some right there. That's right. That's not my candy. Oh my God. I never touched the podcast candy. I said they have Mambas. We're at Scott's house.

They have Mambas. It's not like someone put that. Hey. So, wait, Bluey. Let's talk about the Bluey experience because. I to, because you go in the house and they say, oh, Blui and Bingo are playing hide and seek. You have to find them, go in their house. And you're supposed to be there for 45 minutes or so.

Like that's your time slot. And there is no sign of them, okay? No, there is. Well, those little cartoons. Yeah, they keep popping up like in a cupboard in like screens And they'll be like ha ha and if you catch a glimpse of them then they go away to me that didn't count because My child never saw that no your child was very upset because She wanted to find bluey immediately. She was focused on the task

They said you gotta find them and she likes hide and seek. She's like, let's go find them. And then she's like, where are they? And then she was having fun, but then she would go, we have to find them. Where are they? She's two and a half. It's a 45 minute thing too. And they're not prepared to have Bluie come out

to see you until the end of it. So she was getting a little frustrated. 45 minutes is a lot. I mean, how long until Bluie comes out? There's slides, 45 minutes. Solid, solid. That's too long for her. I mean, how long until Bluie comes out? There's slides, 45 minutes. Solid, solid. That's too long for her. I actually agree.

I felt that you should get to end it when you want to end it. I didn't think that was... That's setup, yeah, that's ridiculous. Cause I was like, she was getting bored at a certain point and she really just wanted to find them. Everyone's on a 15 minute though rotation where they take people out after 45 minutes and then every 15 minutes

a new group comes in. And then they were like three groups at a time. And then they were feeling bluey me in a private room. Yeah, where you take pictures and stuff like that. Which was very cute. Yeah. The whole thing was, she had a great time and I felt like it was stressful a little bit.

My child Emerald was, she knows what bluey is. She really loves the theme song. And that's like, she'll watch it maybe but not knowing what's happening, She really loves the theme song. And that's like, she'll watch it maybe, but not knowing what's happening, but she loves the theme song. So I think she was just happy to be in a place where there were slides and there were like, places to play and stuff like that.

They have like dance contests and stuff like that. Like it's certainly there's a lot going on. I stayed away from that. But I do think that Holly. Why are you so ashamed of your dancing? I just was like, you know, it just felt COVID-y. Because I. You're like a ballerina.

I'm a beautiful dancer. You're a prima ballerina. Yeah, but I. You turned into a swan that time. You've done all the major roles before you were 21. Well, of course it. You have to. But being pregnant in this tight space

with a bunch of little germs, and then it was dancing and screaming. That's what you call the children. Yeah, I was like, I'm just gonna move over here. Cause then there were points where everyone was kind of corralled into one room and it was like, you could just go to a different room and be alone. So it was like, that's great.

So in any case, it was- What's wrong with that? It sounds, when you say everyone was corralled into this little room, it sounds very grim. No, it was loud. It was like they were blasting music and doing like crazy. It'd be better. Yeah, that'd be a crazy dance contest.

If you were five, perfect. Yeah, sure. It was a little overwhelming for the year. They were stacking like, you know, all these foam things and into statues and stuff like, and then knocking them over. It was like work. Yeah, it was just a ton of stuff.

It was a little stressful to me. No, it's a lot like, like construction job. I definitely was like. I was like, I see that ton of stuff. It was a little stressful to me. No, it's a lot like construction job. I definitely was like. I was like, I see that Monday through Friday. Yeah. I don't need to see. I was like, this would be where I worked for sure,

like when I was starting out. Right. Like I would be like, this would be my job. This is the pre baby sitting years? It would be part of that. Or by the way, it's two jobs. Baby sitting and then movie start. That's right.

So inaccurate, but it, well, it's not that inaccurate. But I also was in commercials. It would be- And wouldn't still do them? Yeah, I still do from time to time when they pay well. Oh, okay. But the activity of leading the kids through this, I would have been a side job I would have had,

for sure, where I would have been, because it seemed pretty fun and easy for, as far as if you're a performer. And it's like, I bet it paid pretty decently for me. But at the end of it, we go into a room and there's Bluey and Bingo, I think. And we all took a picture. Who was that?

Who was that other big dog? Bluey I recognized. And there was a brown one. But we all took a picture with them. And was Holly excited at that point? I think she was, but she was also really confused because they're big, they're huge. They're bigger than they should be.

And they're human-sized. She was looking at them kind of like, huh, but then she was excited, but in the picture, she's not smiling. Yes, in the picture, my child is also not smiling. But then cut to two weeks later, she went to a child's birthday party the other day, yesterday, where there was a giant Elmo.

And she's only been watching Sesame Street for one calendar week, and she blew her mind, and she ran up in a hugged Elmo. Unlike what she did with Bluey, she was a little reticent about Bluey. She just hugged Elmo and would not let him go. It's so cute.

Yeah, very cute. So in any case, that teased us up for this story, but we have to take a break. Wow. I just really quickly. Do you think that she was more responsive to Elmo because he seems less powerful than Bluey? Yeah, I think power dynamics were definitely a plan.

You know what it is? Bluey seems more in control of herself, right? Right, yeah. And Elmo seems definitely a plan. You know what it is. You really seems more in control of herself, right? Right, yeah. And Elmo seems like a child. The blueie that you meet is hard. Yes, meaning to the touch. Where I think Elmo is moving. Oh, not like plushie?

No, it's like a foam kind of hard. It's a big round. Maybe almost fashioned out of cardboard or something. It was, it was. And then applied with paint. It, you know, it just wasn't squishy, it wasn't huggy. Yeah. Yeah, meanwhile Elmo is just like a rock. And Elmo is just pure fluff. Yeah, exactly.

Pure fluff. Okay, we have to take a break. When we come back, this exciting story of what happened to me on Christmas Eve. Wow. I really have no idea what it is. Yeah, you'll be blown away. We're gonna take a break, we'll be right back on Christmas Eve. Wow. I really have no idea what it is. Yeah, you'll be blown away. We're gonna take a break, we'll be right back with more freedom.

Bye. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, a common misconception about relationships is that they have to be easy to be right. But sometimes the best relationships are when both people put in the work to make them great. That's right, Lauren. And we're doing that constantly, the three of us. Our show's kind of like therapy. Paul is here, by the way. He hasn't spoken yet, but yeah,

there he is. No, because I'm waiting my turn because I respect you guys. Exactly. Yes. So what do we mean by work? Well, I'll tell you, we mean that healthy dose of perspective and self-reflection that comes with therapy. It's all crucial because on the other side, you both come out as wiser, more evolved versions of yourselves. That's how you lay the foundation for a truly healthy relationship. No, I'm a huge supporter of therapy.

We all are. I speak for Scott and Paul when I say that. Yeah, I told her she could say that, by the way. Thank you. She's not speaking without my consent. Exactly. I told her she could speak for me on any topic. I have assigned affidavit a Afo, what do you call them? David?

Paul doesn't believe giraffes are real Therapy is an excellent place to work the challenges you face in all of your relationships Whether it's with your colleagues your romantic relationships or your friends the friends like us because you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be stepping back friends. The friends like us because you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be stepping back, gaining perspective on all of the ways you could be working on yourself, you know? If you're considering therapy, check out BetterHelp. It's an entirely, I'm gonna say extremely online platform. It's an entirely online platform. It's as online as you can get. Yeah, exactly. It's an entirely online platform tailored for convenience, flexibility, and your schedule. Become your own soulmate,

whether you're looking for one or not. Visit betterhelp.com slash freedom today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H-E-L-P. Dot com slash. Freedom! You did it by yourself.

Shh. Hey everyone, this episode of Freedom we wanted to tell you You did it by yourself. Hey everyone, this episode of Freedom we want to tell you is brought to you by Makers Mark. And we also wanted to tell you that you may not know that Makers Mark co-founder Margie Samuels was the designer and genius behind the original label. And now, in honor of Women's History Month, Makers Mark has partnered with the talented artist Gail Cabaker to hand paint a beautiful label which you can personalize with the name of a spirited woman you know, someone who makes an impact on you or in their community. In honor of this Women's History Month, I want to shout out an amazing woman I admire,

Julia LeWie-Dreyfus, who hosts the show Wiser Than Me, also here on the Lemonade Network. It is a great show I highly recommend. I'm honored to be a part of a community of strong women and I wanna pass it on. And as part of this woman's month, it's not just this woman's month, it's all women's month. Every month is women's month according to me. Wow, that's a great attitude.

I got a fun personalized label bottle from Makers Mark. So cheers to you Margie and cheers to you Julia. And you know what? You can join in the fun. I'm not talking to you Lord because you've already joined in on the fun. I'm actually, I'm whooping it up. You swiped your microphone away.

I didn't want anyone to hear me. Cough. Well, cuckuckuck cough. That should best out. All right look, join in on the fun, okay? This month order a free label and let a spirited woman in your life know just how special she is to you.

Head to makersmark.com slash personalize, fill in the details, and then shout out the woman you know who's making a difference. I'm gonna send one to the Statue of Liberty, my favorite lady. Makersmark makes their bourbon carefully, so please enjoy it that way.

Makersmark, Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey, 45% alcohol by volume, copyright 2024, Makersmark Distillery Incorpor carefully, so please enjoy it that way. Makers Mark, Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, 45% alcohol by volume copyright 2024. Makers Mark Distillery Incorporated Loretto, Kentucky. You memorized all that? And we're back. All right. Now, can I guess what the story is? Yeah. What if you told the whole thing?

You caused Santa Claus. You caught him kissing your mom. Yeah. And I tied him up and he's in that room over there. Oh what it's funny that that little rat in that story in that song Yeah, they're saying I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus like implying that it was the mommy's idea Well, also also, I think he's trying to say like mommy was cheating on daddy There's the other side of the equation, his Santa Claus is cheating on Mrs. Claus. He's cooking, and he's cooking your dad.

He's cooking your dad. He's cooking your dad. He's cooking your dad. Is that the title? Okay, so this, so we haven't seen each other. Oh, by the way, Lulishers, the episodes have titles. Yes. So we haven't seen each other as a group since September.

Wow. And we're on tech. No, no, I'm sorry. We went to dinner. And we had a holiday party at your house. That's right. We had the holiday party. So we've seen each other a bunch.

And you were alive. Twice. Is a bunch to you? Twice is more than the other. Oh, here's a bunch of bananas. Two bananas. Who can eat more than two bananas? I'm sorry.

Don't you not see people a bunch usually? And two is a lot. What? This is a lot of times to see someone between then and then. Agreed, agreed I think. Okay, so here's what I- Cause I also saw you at Bluey. That's right.

So in between what I was in there? In between our house. Was I in the costume? That would be so weird. I'll never tell. Can you fucking imagine if I- You took off the head and it was bald?

I would feel the back smoke comes out. I don't even know what my reaction would be. Hello, my friends. What a great, oh man, I gotta figure out how to do that to somebody. You need to do that now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We know so many people love kids now.

Yeah, you would know someone in the group, so just do it whenever you can, and I'm sure you'll kids now. Yeah, you would know someone in the group. So just do it whenever you can. And I'm sure you'll know. Well, anytime there's a child's birthday party. And it terrified the children. What? If there's ever a child's birthday party, just like. If there ever is.

Yeah. I mean, Holly's is probably coming up. I mean, in the summer. Sure. Technically coming up. Just come by as bluey. Christmas is coming up. Yeah.

And Lauren will think that Mike hired him, and Mike will think you hired him. Oh It's like when Jesus it's like when Joseph and Mary lost our Lord in the temple. That's right. Yes I always think about that What happened on the eve of Christmas, okay, so Christmas day We had a we were gonna have a lot of... So we're just skipping right over that story. Well, no, this is still Christmas Eve.

Yes, I understand. I'm having fun. I understand, I'm not. It's tough. Sometimes we get contentious. Textbook freedom. So on Christmas Day, we were supposed to have a lot of people over, a lot of family, a lot of friends.

Like two. Yeah, a bunch, two people. And so Coolop tends to go, I don't wanna say overboard, but she does a lot on these holidays. Thanks to everything. I'm gonna say President Benjamin. Sure, yeah.

And these are Goldie Honmoises. She's a great host. She's a great host. She is indeed. She knows what the people want. She really enjoys it. She really enjoys it. She really enjoys it. She really enjoys it,

but she doesn't farm out a lot of this to other people or even like order food. She wants- And you guys have a live in farmer. That's right. He's so bored. But it's worth it for us. You just have him out there in the del.

Yep. Dude, you're getting a del is what we said to him when we hired him. And he was like, oh, it's perfect. I heard he was what he's like. I love that reference Farmer wants a wife. Farmer wants a right. Farmer wants a right? Farmer wants a Matt right? Farmer wants Matt right? Maybe that's the title. That might be the title. Let's go back to the wrong crap. You know what good they should be disappointed Let's go to attack the wrong crowd. You know what? Good. They should be disappointed. So we go to sleep on the night before Christmas Eve.

Oh, it was the night before Christmas Eve. Yes. All through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Cool Up has just made... And all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Something like that. You know it by heart. Stop like that.

Yeah, it's good. So the night before, Cool Up has made a big huge to-do list of what she has to do on Christmas Eve. And it's like to the every half hour of like, I need to put this in the oven at this point. Wow. No, this is why I don't cook. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It sounds so confusing. Plus I'm horrible at it. Plus I have no desire. You really got a case. Plus I have no desire. You really got a case. So we go to sleep at four in the morning, Kulap wakes me up and says, I hear jingle bells. I think he's in the room. Close, she says, why is the room spinning?

What's happening? Why is the room spinning? Oh no. And I think she's having a dream. Yeah. And so I'm like, it's okay, honey, it's okay. And she's like, no, no, the room is spinning. What's happening?

And I'm like, oh, something actually is wrong. I wake up, we turn on the light. I'm like, what's, I ask her to describe what's happening. She's like, the entire room is spinning around me right now. I like look up on the internet symptoms and vertigo comes up and I'm like, this sounds like vertigo to me. Like you have an inner ear problem.

Vertigo essentially is like, it's the same reason you get car sickness. You have in your inner ear, you have like a gyroscope, and if your eyes are not seeing what your ears are experiencing, it's why you get sick on the Harry Potter ride or whatever. I don't. I do get sick on that.

I don't. I wanted that one time and I was like, this is the most nauseating ride. Yes, nothing. I ride it with my arms crossed. Oh, they have? No, not since, like the first week it was open, every single person who went on it threw up.

Oh my God. Nothing. Okay, what's up? I'm in the picture just reading a magazine. You're just bored? Yeah. So, I go out every week. So she's...

That's so lame of you. I think it's cool. So I look it up and I say, I think it's vertigo. I'm looking at the symptoms and I see one of the symptoms is, or one of the things that can happen with vertigo is having a stroke. Oh God. And I'm like, I think it's just vertigo.

I think if you close your eyes and go back to sleep, you'll be better. So she goes back to sleep. And then at seven in the morning, I wake up with a baby and I'm taking care of the baby. And about nine in the morning, she comes downstairs and I say, how are you feeling? And she says, I think we should go to the urgent care.

On Christmas. Christmas Eve. Oh, oh, oh, okay. Yeah, so I say, okay, I'm trying to figure out what we do with the baby. We call a cool up sister who's able to come over, you know, that's really great. So we get into the car, I'm like, how are you right now?

She's like, it's still is spinning. So we get into the car, I'm like, how are you right now? She's like, it still is spinning. So I find an urgent care down the street. We go to it, we park. I lead her inside, I sit her down in the waiting room. I go up to the front desk. Sorry, at this point, what is she experiencing?

She's like kind of crying and has her eyes closed. Is it still like everything's spinning for us? Yes. Okay. So scary. So I say, I check in and I say, hey, I tell the symptoms and they say, okay, well, are you a Kaiser member? And I said, no. And they go, well, you can't be here. I swear to God. And obviously, it's not, I mean, everyone knows, but it's just so many things are like this. Yeah. So they say, go to the ER down the street and they show me a map. And I say, okay, so I go back to Coulop and I say, hey, we have to go to a different place. That's all I say to her. She goes, okay. And so I lead her back to the car and then we find the ER, but they don't have parking.

So I need to drop her off. Great for an ER. It's so insane. So I need to drop her off. So I say, here, honey, go inside. You know, this is the ER. Go inside and sit down. I'll find parking and I'll be back. Parking is three blocks away. What? So I like...

Do they have a lot that is full or they just don't have a dedicated space for people? No, the directions to the parking... Like there are signs that say parking this way and then they don't follow up and say which way you're supposed to turn after that. So I went, I made a right and it was a left to a closer lot. That's so annoying. So anyway, I run back in and I sit down with Cool Up and she says, what are we doing here? Oh my God.

Jesus Christ. And I I start to freak out. And I'm like, we're here for your vertigo, honey. And she's crying. And I go, did you check in? And she goes, no. And so I like, I'm freaking out and I'm flipping out thinking like something's wrong, something's wrong because she doesn't know where she is. So I go to the front desk and I explain the situation thinking

that they'll rush someone in they're like okay we'll fill out these forms. This is my experience I literally was bleeding out and saying I'm gonna ER by myself and no one cared. It's crazy. Yeah. Nobody hopes you. So I'm like can't we like oh by the way I'm behind someone who's taking a million years and I'm like trying to get the person's attention like this is an emergency, but I guess everything's an emergency in the emergency. Yeah, but it's like, have some urgency. Yeah.

So anyway, I feel it. I'm like, fuck. So I fill it out super quick and I give it back and then he needs to make a call to Kaiser. They're like, did she ever come in when her address was such and such? Which would have been in literally 1999. Oh my God. I'm like, maybe that was 25 years ago. Who cares the fuck?

You know, they call, verify. Like what does that even have to do with anything? I know, they verify her identity and they go, okay, we verified her identity, okay. And then they make. They verify it with her license. Yeah, yeah. Then they make a call to the person

and thankfully with urgency and the person comes right out. Okay, good. Take her into the other room and start examining her and asking her questions. And one of the questions they ask, they say, how old are you, honey? And she says, 41?

And I'm like, she's 43. Oh my gosh, it's so scary. And they're like, okay, we're gonna take you and get you checked out, because you're too young to be this confused about things. No, that's rude. If you're older, we'd give you some time. So they rush her into the emergency room,

team of doctors comes in, starts asking her questions. And the doctor kind of shuts everything down and just says like, this is just vertigo. Like we don't need to do the MRIs. And he goes, this is just vertigo. I we don't need to do the MRIs. And he goes, this is just vertigo. You, you, I know you're worried that you're having a stroke. If you wouldn't know if you were having it, you wouldn't know that you'd be worried

that you're having a stroke. You would just have a stroke and not know it. Okay. That's interesting. Love that tip. Yeah. So you never can say I'm having a stroke and it's real? Isn't there something about toast? That's all you're allowed. Because does it smell like toast?

You can't say, I think that means... If not, you're not having a stroke. I do smell toast. I think about it. You don't know anything about what's happening to you. So he's shutting everything down and saying though, why were you so confused? And Cool Up says, no, no, you don't understand. I wondered where we were because I wondered

why we left the other place. Okay, so she wasn't that confused. She goes, I know I was in NER, I just wondered why we left the previous place and why we were at this new place. And she just couldn't communicate cause she was feeling so sick. And she was lying about her age. Well, I say-

She's like, I'm guessing I'm like 41. Buy it. No, I say, well's a come guess, I'm like 41. Buy it. No I say, well what was the deal with the age? Two weeks prior, she and her best friends had decided to start lying about their age. Oh my god. Where they then went around every time they would see each other and surprise,

pop quiz each other of how old are you, what year were you born? Oh my god. What year did you graduate? Are you allowed to tell this story? I think so. So, you might want to check before this goes on. Yeah, this is involving an important ruse in her life. So, she was legitimately like she- Yeah, not that she won't like it,

but that is going to cover. It's gonna fuck up any studies future. She legitimately for the previous two weeks had constantly been asked how old are you and she had to answer quickly, 41, 41. That's so silly. So everything calmed down. They did take an MRI just to be sure.

I was gonna say you should still do that. Yeah, everything. I don't like when they're like, nah, nah, let's not look at this further. No, they just, with the speed and alacrity with which they were like trying to do it, everything slowed down. Okay.

She's still like, they gave her some, something called anti-vert, which is anti-vertigo pills and stuff. And it's been getting better. Sounds pretty spot on. Just show me a lift. Do you want some? Do you have vertigo? I like pills. I'm like a dick to the anti-vertigo pills and stuff. And it's been getting better. It sounds pretty spot-on. Just show me a lift. Do you want some? Do you have vertigo?

I like pills. I'm addicted to anti-vert. I love feeling normal. I love vert. I love anti-vert. Let me take some vert first and then some anti-vert. I'm mid-vert right now. Oh man, I'm flirting so hard.

So yeah, that was, and she was worried about all the preparations and I was saying like. Do you think she was having like a panic in, not like a, I don't know if vertical can be a panic attack or something. It can be. But with the amount of stress of the things she had to.

Dastra, are you particularly stressed in my head? I'm thinking like, yeah, it's Christmas Eve and she has all this stuff to do. She might say no, cause it's like fun, but it's like you actually are thinking about 40 things. Yeah, but also, you know, it can be like, if you have like an inner ear cold or something like that. It can do it.

It's actually way more common than I think people would think. Okay, ask me. You're the doctor. Ask me if I'm particularly stressed. Are you particularly stressed? Always. Ask me. Lauren, are you particularly stressed?

No. Motherfucker. Why don't you always ask me that? What if the doctor was like, and are you interested if I'm particularly stressed? Nobody ever turns it back on me and I just wish someone would say, how are you today? What if every time you had to go into the doctor,

every time you went to the doctor, you had to do the same examination on the doctor? Out of courtesy. Holly did it on her doctor. Open up. Actually, it was so cute. She went to the doctor and we were very prepared because she got like a doctor kit Out of courtesy. Holly did it on her doctor. Actually, it was so cute. She went to the doctor and we were very prepared

because she got like a doctor kit that she really likes and whatever. And so she was like kind of excited. And then she brought her stethoscope to the doctor. And then the doctor, she told the doctor, take a deep breath. And like, it was just very adorable. She didn't tell me to take a deep breath

when she checked my heart. Oh yeah. Really? Yeah. She just had to take short chalibers. She would not say it when she was And then- She didn't tell me to take a deep breath when she checked my heart. Oh yeah. Really? Yeah. She just had to take short chaliburins. She would not say it when she was doing yours. She wouldn't say it, but she did have a special posture

that she would adopt. She was standing with her hand on her hip sort of leaning towards him. And then, yeah, the doctor, she also loves to, if you say how old are you, she says five and she's two and a half. But I don't know.

She's like, all right too. Yeah. It caused a lot of complications. Pop quiz with other toddlers. I mean, went to the doctor the other day, got shots, was fine with it, didn't even flinch. Yeah, Holly didn't know it was happening, I think. But, handing her, putting her into the weight thing to get her weight, she freaked out.

Was it cold? No, I think it was just like us letting her go. Sorry, is this a cool up? Yeah, this is a cool up. Yeah. After the MRI. They put her in the weight bowl. All right, we have to take a break. We'll be right back with a threacher. Welcome back.

Hey, everyone, we're back. It's still Freedom and we are going to play a creature. That's right. People love when we do this and we love doing it. We love it. We can do it. And we can do it. And we can do it.

And we will. Yes. We can. We can. And we're not forced to do this. It's just that we can. No one else is here. It's just the three of us. Yeah, there's there are rifles pointed

We could change this whole last part right now and we're not yeah This room is well lit and comfortable and we have plenty of food and water Yeah, there aren't like laser dots on our temples or laser dots This is a this is an old favorite. We should play that No, I love that next episode. How about that? This is this is called, here's the thing. There's two games that we play. One is called Pitches Sits.

Well, no, for the new listener, we play three countless games. That's true. I did not mean to imply that we only played two games and they're basically the same. I do want that to be clear. Because it sounded like that. And they might not know.

Good catch, Lauren. It could be anything. You can submit a game to us if you have an idea. You can submit a game. That's right. Write to us at thredmusa at gmail.com. Yeah, and let us know what 3-Tur you want us to play. Then you know what?

If you ever want to leave us a voicemail, ask for some advice or something, you can call us at hagagClaims8. Do you think that I'm- Not after the show, but at the end of the show. After all, after everything is done. After we've turned off the recording. When you said that, did you expect us to say it

at the same time? No. Okay. That's my delivery of it every single time. I want to give him his moment, let him shine. Yes. I always think, oh, I'm late. Thank you.

HagClaims8, oh, I'm late, but I mean- That's the other, that's our extension. HagClaims8, extension, oh, I'm late. Thank you had claims a omelette, but I mean that's the other that's our own late extension Yeah, had claims a extension. Oh, I'm late. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Anyway, we're gonna play switcher to pitch it Which is one of the three chairs that we play and what this is is? Two of us play network executives. Two of us play network executives. Parody of the Beatles, two of us. You didn't have to explain that.

That's like one of the most earwormy ones. Is that what Weird Al does after every song? That was a parody of fat. I hope so. That was a parody of fat. I'm doing parodies of my own songs now. Yeah, you should just... Like the wells run dry.

That was a hat. That was a hat parody of that parody of bad. It should be layers. I wear a hat, a hat on my head. You know it. I think he should do that. What about bats? No, no, because of newcomers.

Batman. Yeah, it's a bat because I'm bat. I'm bat. I'm Batman. Okay, so two of us are network executives playing network executives. We're not actually network, don't send us your ideas for shows. We just got fired pretending we haven't been.

Don't get it twisted. And then a person comes in, or one of us could be a network executive and it's a team, which do you rather play? I think two of us are network executives and then it's usually what we do And then the third person comes in we tell them the title of an existing show We've used I think family matters. We've talked about family matters. We have Yeah, then the the person you're welcome to rewind and listen for yourself. We did talk about it.

The person pitching the show has to switch the words in that show's title. Usually they'll do the opposite. So family would be like. Enemy enemies. Enemy and then matters would be indifference. I think the opposite of family is friends and you guys said enemies.

But say it's their choice. So say it's enemies indifference family is friends and you guys said enemies. But say it's their choice, so say it's enemies in difference and then they have to pitch a sitcom or a television show to the two network executives with that title and then at the end they have to sing the theme song for that show. Righteous, truly righteous explanation. I love it.

All right, so who wants to do what? I want to be an executive. I'll be an executive. All right, then I'll be the other thing that's left. Yes. Yes. And what is my title? Yes, we have to give him a title. Let's see.

Your title is Blossom. OK. No, I'm going to report you. Fine, go ahead. I'm going to. See if I care. No, I'm gonna report you. Fine, go ahead, see if I care. I'm going to, no. I'll report you back. I'll say you did something worse.

You have nothing on me. Oh yeah? What about these pictures? Oh my God, how did you get those? I'm sorry, am I early? What? Oh no. You're late, you're late. We want you in on this.

What do you think of these pictures? Stop showing it. La la. So I posed with this, it's Elmo, but it was my boyfriend. This is not supposed to be. You're dating Elmo? He's not really Elmo, it's a costume.

Is this what this is gonna be like? Oh wait, this is not Elmo? Oh my God. Oh, hi, anyway, welcome. Oh, hi, anyway. You're Phil? Oh, hi, anyway, welcome. What's that?

You're Phil. I sure am. Okay. My name's Deb. Hi Deb, it's nice to meet you. My name's Dub. Hi Dub, nice to meet you. Sure.

Can I be Philb just for the purposes of this meeting? Hey, if you want to legally change your name. If you legally change it in the next six months, I'll allow that you did that. I have the paperwork ready to go, I just have to fill in the new name. Oh, okay. Do you need a witness to notarize it?

Can I get a witness? I don't know what that means. Well, a witness is not the same as a notary, Dub. But you could be the witness, I could be the notary, Deb. You could be a registered notary, Dub. Which I am. Haven't you ever seen my little stamps? Okay.

Ew. We don't have all the time in the world because we both have to report each other for different things. So I need to know what your pitch is. Wait, I'm getting a call. Oh my God. It's HR.

Hi. Puff and stuff? Yeah, hi, HR Puff and stuff? I need to know what your Wait, I'm getting a call. Oh my god. It's HR. Hi. Puffin stuff? Yeah. Hi, HR puffin stuff? Yeah, I want to report Deb. Can I talk to them? Yeah, here you go.

My passphone. Wait, why do they call you? Hey, why are you doing this? Because I'm in love with you. Yeah. I've been wanting to say it for so long. She's cheating on Elma with HR puffin stuff. I'm sorry, I'm getting a text from somebody, HR.

I'm in the middle of a pitch. I need to get this guy out of here. You'll never believe the boring person I'm on the phone with right now. I'll call you back, okay? Interesting. I love you. Click.

All right. Why do you say click when you hang up the phone? You don't? Just so everyone in the room is in because it's your favorite movie? I do love how the remote kind of changes what is going on. Kind of, yeah. Kind of.

That's part of it. That was my one problem with that movie. It didn't change it enough. It just kind of changed what I was doing. It was like, yeah, pausing it for a second. Okay, can you please do your pitch? Can you please pitch your show? We are looking for, we're giving away

We have so many slots on TV. So much money to do this. We need just whatever bullshit you have. We don't really care. It doesn't even have to be good. Just pitch it. Oh no, that's what I mean. I suspected this was how things worked.

Hello, sharks. What I have for you today is a situation comedy. How did he know we were sharks? And it's called. My fin. Oh. Seed. Seed, yes.

And seed is about the inner life of a seed in an apple. And you know, like animated. Yes, it's not animated, but it is in the style of a Pixar movie where we see the interior life of inanimate objects. This is a live action show. It's 90 minutes long. 90 minutes. That's an unusual time. It's the first 90 minute comedy. Wow. Well, I guess movies are 90 minutes long 90 minutes. That's an unusual time. It's the first 90 minute comedy Wow

Well, I guess movies are 90 minutes For a TV show I meant Okay, I'll give him it no so far. We have a 90 minute slot. We have about four hours that we have to fill this is perfect Yeah, this is perfect. Yeah, I have many other ideas longer the better. I'm like so you have other ideas Yeah, but let me get through this one first. Well, I kind, honestly. So seed. Wait, you have other ideas? Yeah, but let me get through this one first. Well, I kind of like we got it. Yeah, I get it.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I got seed. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, there's more to it? There's more to it. Does seed go to school? Seed does go to school with Seed's twin brother, Seed2. Because there's two seeds in the apple.

Oh, there are only two seeds in the apple. Seed two, no, as far as I know. That's like if you had a twin named Phil two. I do, it's inspired by my life. Oh really, so you were a twin. I think you should start with that. I'm a twin and I wish I was an apple. Wow.

Okay. Yeah, human life is too hard. I wonder why you're dressed like that. And I wish I dressed like that. Yeah, you're all in red. Yeah. You're wearing a big puffy coat that looks round. You know, if you see, you like an apple. Yeah. You're all in red. Yeah. You're wearing a big puffy coat that looks round. You know, if you were an apple,

you'd be dead by now. That's what the sign near my apartment says. That's what I first started thinking. Yes, you're right. I wish I was an apple. So seed and seed two, they go to school. They play together. They go on dates together, double dates with other seeds. Okay, now go to school, they play together, they go on dates together,

double dates with other seeds. Okay, now with each other, but yes. Yeah. Do they go out with twins? I always thought that was a little complicated. They do. And I'll save you the trouble. Yes, they do pretend to be each other.

Oh, good. But the other twins also pretend to be each other, so they're dating their own girlfriends. Yeah, that's good, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. That's the situation. Deb, you good. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's the situation. Is it you're exactly right.

It's crazy. And that's what makes this show different. It's crazy. Is that part is that part of the actual show? Or is that off camera? All that happens. We haven't decided yet because a lot of big chunk of the show will be off camera. Do you but the screen was just so dark.

Can you just pause on your questions for a second? Because I want to know if there's a theme song. Oh my God, of course there is. Good, because we only do shows with theme songs. It's kind of a sense, we're trying to bring back the theme song, a lot of people have skipped that part now. Yeah, survive. I know, and I miss that.

I miss that a theme song that would tell you everything that the show was about. Exactly, or even just like visuals, like Survivor used to just be, ooh! That was beautiful. He sang the song originally. I could tell, I thought he was lip-syncing to a recording.

No, it's his voice. But yeah, we wanna- And you'll bring that up any time. Could you give me just a little more of that Survivor theme? The hand, the hand, the hand, the hand, the hand. He always does this. Could you give me just a little more of that survival? He always does this Okay, to do that

Yeah, I wrote it. It's all Jim Risch Anyway, what's your theme song do you want to hear this it goes a little something like this. Okay. Times like these, it's almost like a fuck. I wish I came out of a big tree trunk. I gotta go around life with my best friend, who looks just like me. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I'm an apple and I'm gonna say that I'm not actually an apple. I'm just a seed. In my opinion

Everybody's got what they need Apple seed Apple seed There's too much in this world that is green everybody has to get along better than they do I'm an apple seed and how about you? Okay, so that was the extended version that we'd find on Spotify. No, that's the short version. That's the short version Yeah, I have to feel 90 minutes Deb. The song is a full 15 minutes long. Really? Yeah, so it's longer than Starway to Heaven. Oh, yeah, and is there anything on the screen during that? There is a picture of an apple and then just one of one apple. One picture of one apple.

Okay. Then that apple magically splits into, and then you see the two seeds in there, then you zoom in on the seeds and they say too close, too close. And then the camera zooms back out. So sorry, sorry. Then the apple closes again. Then you hear the offscreen voice say, I'm gonna give her another try. And you have to really listen close because the theme song is playing the whole time.

So the cameras start zooming in again, you hear. Why do you have to listen close? Well, because it's if you wanna hear that. Yeah, I guess you can turn the subtitles on. How do you know you wanna hear it if you ever- No, you can't turn the subtitles on. How do you know- This will not have subtitles.

So it doesn't have subtitles? No. I have a serious question. Hold on. How do you know you wanna hear it if you don't know that it's happening? No, you can hear something, but you can't decipher what it is unless you're listening closely,

because the theme song is loud. I think you should have a disclaimer that says if you wanna hear what the sort of subtle things are, you need to turn it up or pay attention. Should that come before the theme song? I think it's just be said in the middle, but loud. Okay, so how about if we added something in, I like this idea, Deb, and how about if we added something in? I like this idea, Deb.

And how about if we added something in and said, you may have missed some stuff, why don't you rewind? That's pretty good, yeah. You may have missed some stuff, why don't you rewind? Is that at the end? No, no, no, it's right after Deb said the disclaimer would be. So am I gonna say the disclaimer?

Would you like to? I'd love to. Can we hear you on the show? I would love to have you do it. Can you sing a bit of the song and I'll just do the disclaimer over here? Absolutely. Okay. Everybody knows if you swallow and see.

If you want to hear the things that are happening beneath this, you need to turn it up really loudly. You'll pay close attention. Everybody's going to see that you're nuts. That makes me want to grab the remote and just rewind. Yeah. Right? Yeah. That makes me wanna grab the remote and just rewind. Yeah. Right? Yeah. That makes the show last longer.

How much am I gonna get paid for that? I mean, you're the executive, so you determine the sound. What do we have in the budget? Let's take a look at the numbers. I would say a million can go towards that. Oh, factor in your blackmail. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We can give you like a budget of a two to one. Wait, are you blackmailing us or we're blackmailing? I could, if you like. Yeah, sure, yeah, let me, here, here's some pictures of me. Thank you. Oh, wait, if you like. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Let me hear. Here's some pictures of me. Thank you. Oh, wait. Those are me.

Oh, OK. I mean, the Omo costume. You guys realize you have the exact same naked body? We try. We're always checking in with each other every morning to say, like, hey, are your muscles a little bit bigger? Most everything. Yeah.

Everything is exactly the same. We can get a tailor to come in Moles your stomach. Everything is wild. Everything is exactly the same. We can get a tailor to come in and take our measurements. They're always exactly the same. Yeah, we're working on getting our heads to be the same. Yeah. I cut my hair like his obviously. That's the dream. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's how we play. We play, switch it and pitch it. And pitch a sit-song. They're the same game kind of. Kind of, although we'll play pitch a sit-song another time. Sit-song can just do rounds of singing. That's right, yes.

That's true. Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the street. Marry me down the street. In my opinion, he should have said it as young as you. Now, his opinionation award. No. I loved it, though.

We all did. Who were you doing in that? Dr. John. Dr. John, of course. Yes. Dr. John was blossom. Leon Redbone was Mr. Belvedere. Was he really? I didn't know that. Streaks on the China Never matter before oh yeah

when you drop kick a jacket as you enter the door no one there sometimes no one glares no one glares I don't know sometimes things you turn around and no one's there

according to our new arrival, life is more than mere survival. And we just might live a good life yet. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Guys, I have huge news. No one glared. That's what I said. Oh, okay. Oh, wait, and no one spared. Did you say that too? I's what I said. Oh, okay.

Oh, wait, and no one spared. Did you say that too? I didn't say that. Wait, no one spared from what? The wrath of Conn? But sometimes things get turned around and no one spared. Oh, I said no one's there. Yeah.

I think no one's there is a little nicer. I think no one's spared from this fate. That's heavy. All right. I remember there was an episode of Mr. Belvedere where the older son lost his virginity. That's hot. Wait, who is that?

Some dude who I never saw anything like that. No, I know exactly what he looks like. He had the cool 80s haircut. He sort of floppy- Wait, the Mr. T. Moak? Sort of floppy blonde guy. The cool 80s haircut. He looks sort of like a Jamie Kennedy type of dude.

Definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to go. Yeah, we all have to go. We all have to go, this is it. But we wanted to tell you, if you want to reach out to us, again, you can reach out to us at 3DMUSA.com. What is it?

3DMUSA.com, follow us on the socials, 3DMUSA. And if you want to call us, it's Hag Claims 8. It's an easy way to remember it. I would write. Hag, then the word claims, and then the number eight. What do hags wanna do? Didn't we find out that that didn't actually work? Probably.

No, that was ha-ha-la-in-poo. All right. No, this one works fine. You just dial into your phone, just hag, and then what do hags wanna do? They wanna claim things, and how many of them ate? Eight, always. Always eight.

Classic hags. Hag claims eight, you can call us, leave a message for us. You might be able to hear yourself on this show. But for now, leave us alone. Yeah. We'll tell you when we want to hear from you. Thanks so much for listening to this first episode of our new season and we love you.

We love you. We love you so much. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.