Threedom - I'm Punk Punk

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Scott, Lauren, and Paul discuss Halloween, Old Maid, and plus ones before playing Half Life. Get Threedom merch at comedybangbangworld.com/merch. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hi everyone, let's chat about therapy. Therapy is essential. It's non-negotiable in your self-care routine. When life gets hectic with activities and projects, it's easy to lose sight of your priorities. That's when a therapist can be a total game changer. Like my therapist has been for me, and I really mean that. I love you, Dr. Linda. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Freedom today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Freedom. I was being witch sort of.

Wasn't I? Don't you think that I was? a witch, sort of. Wasn't I? Don't you think that I was? It was so witch-like. Don't you think I was being a witch a bit? Do you remember the witch from the Bugs Bunny cartoons? No. Yeah, she was super green.

Yeah, super green, and then when she would run off screen, hair pins would, bobby pins would fly in the air. Oh, why? She was in such a rush, I guess. Her hair bun fell out. Her hair was a mess. How would a witch even fit into the Bugs Bunny universe? Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's so grounded. But I mean, it's like they didn't really do Halloween.

I understand a rabbit tunneling to another country. But no, but you know what I mean? Like his adversaries are like Elmer Fudd, a hunter. They got tired of that shit, man. Do you think that's like when they were drawing them, they had like a whole wall of baseball adversaries. Adversaries. Taz. Here's some adversaries.

Here's some adversaries you can pull from when you're drawing bugs. Yeah. What about a witch? What? That would be so weird. We've already had a big orange monster. Yeah. What about a witch? What? That would be so weird. We've already had a big orange monster. Did you ever watch the movie, The Witches? No, I've never seen it. I've never seen the version of it.

Oh, the old one. Is that The Vitches? Oh no, what is it? It's The Vitches. That's just The Vavitch. The Vavitch. What's The Vavitch? The Witches is the Roald Dahl movie from like the 80s.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no It's really scary and I loved it when I was a kid Is it really? Well as a kid Is this scary? I mean it's still creepy Boo! Jesus Christ

It's still creepy as an adult That scared me But there's a part at the beginning they explain what witches are and witches have purple eyes Oh that's what they are So you can see one if they have it well they look like you and me But they have purple eyes. Oh, that's what they are. So you can see one if they have, well, they look like you and me. But they have purple eyes. Like Elizabeth Taylor. And then they rip off their actual,

they rip off their heads and they actually have rat ugly scabbing. So are they wearing masks the whole time? Yes. If I was a witch, you couldn't pay me to wear a mask. I'm an anti-masker. Yeah. The practical effects are really good

when they rip off the mask. I also like the new witches. Okay. Those are just things about me. I only saw part of you Scott hasn't seen. I've seen it though. I haven't. It's just about you?

Yeah. So now it's just any movie you haven't seen. Yes. That's what it's always been. You thought it wasn't that? I thought there was some guiding hand that No, it's just whatever. Thought Scott should see these movies.

It's whatever Lauren has seen that I have. Whatever I offhandly mention. He's thinking he thinks I haven't seen that. I can make money off that. I saw part of the new witches, I think, on a plane. Yeah, why is somebody else watching it? So I just saw it with that mid out sound. Oh, well, I liked it.

It's cute. It's cute. Thanks. And you're funny. Thank you. What a great. It's fun. Thanks. And you're funny. Thank you. What a great day. Halloween is almost here. Oh, it's so close. It's so true. Just a simple six weeks or eight, nine, 10 weeks.

It's officially spooky season. Something like 10 weeks. In the middle of August. Yep. It's the next big one. I'm so close to putting up my Halloween tree. I'm gonna wait till the end of September. What's the official date?

You have the end of September? Well's the official date, the end of September? Well, we were discussing yesterday, and Mike said October 1st, and I was like, September 27th? I don't, it feels like October 1st. October 1st is, I said that's the acceptable time. September 27th might as well be October 1st. September 27th, I could start pulling things out.

October 1st is a Tuesday. I think you could do it on the 28th or 29th, and you'd be okay on the 29th. That's a good, yes, on a Sunday. Take the weekend. Yeah. I think you could do it on the 28th or 29th. That's a good, yes. On a Sunday. Take The Weeknd. Yeah. I think it's gonna be fun. Trick or treating, take The Weeknd, trick or treating.

I'm gonna do that. I can't wait to go trick or treating. He needs a win after The Idol. Who? The Weeknd. The Weeknd. Sorry, The Weeknd. The Weeknd man.

The Weeknd. That show was so bad, it made me not like him anymore. I've never seen that. I was a fan. I understand, I have not seen it, but I get that. I love to watch things that are bad, and I like to enjoy them, but I think sometimes you hear something that's bad

and you're just like, I just don't have time. That seemed also unpleasant, which is what prevented me from watching it. Oh yeah. It was a tough sit. But as Mark Renney said, it's Sunday nights on HBO. I'm not gonna watch it.

I do miss those good old days. You miss what? The good old days, Sunday nights on HBO. I miss the good old days too. TGIF, you know, when television mattered. Paul, do you miss the good old days? I do miss the good old days. Yeah.

By the way, days. Yeah. Why the way Glamella plays. Zows will make the truck a race. Zows will make the truck a race. What do you think the words are? Zows will make the truck a race. Like the day the truck was made. Put the tits in suck the bae.

That song celebrates the first truck. Shrek. Shrek. He said Shrek. I said Shrek. Oh no. I wish you'd said truck. Can I say this?

I hate Shrek. I hate Shrek. I hate Shrek. I hate Shrek. I hate Shrek. I hate Shrek. I hate Shrek. He said Shrek. I said Shrek. Oh no, I wish you'd said truck. Can I say this? I hate Shrek.

Why? You probably said this last time. He loves you and Donkey. I don't, it's, I think it's a Mike Myers thing. You know what? He farted. No, no, no, I used to think that I didn't like Shrek either, okay?

And then I watched it with a child and I can actually appreciate it. Through the eyes of a child. The wonder of Shrek. Yes. Speaking of child. Yes. What is Holly going to be for Halloween?

That's the question. And what's GT gonna be? Well, cause I think that's gonna be a group project. Really? So you're all four of you gonna- Whatever Holly picks will probably go off of that. You'll go around that. So she has agency now in what she picks.

Yes. She had agency last year. She did. I mean, I suggested a couple of things and she picked, she wanted to be Boo. She loves Monsters, Inc. and she really was into it last year. But this year, I don't know, we're gonna have to see-

She wanted to be Boo? This little girl from Monsters Inc who gets put into a monster costume. From Monsters Inc Prime? From the first movie? Yeah. Did she want the two costume changes? Her name is Boo.

Where she would be Boo Prime and then Monster Prime? Monster Boo? I should have had her wear Boo clothes under because she took off the costume as we were approaching Trick or Treat. Like it was too hot. I got really good pictures. We both were Mike Wazowski and Sully. Oh really?

Yeah. You were Sully? I was Mike Wazowski. You were Mike. You're not short enough to be Mike. I know. And Mike's name is Mike? I wore a really long stretched out jumpsuit that had an eyeball on the top. Honestly, in terms of height,

Holly should have been like. Yeah. That would have been funnier. What is Emmy gonna be? I don't know. We were last year, she was Little Red Riding Hood and I was the wolf dressed up as granny.

Cute. And it was very cute, but I don't know that she will know, I can't quite tell if she'll know the concept of Halloween because her birthday lands so close to it. So Holly was a few months older. Yeah, like two and a half or something. It sucks when your birthday is so close to Halloween

because then people are like, this candy is for Halloween and your birthday. I know. Yeah. And you have to go to church. She wasn't two and a half, but she was into movies. Yeah, she was a centphile. Yeah. She was a cinephile. Not a Cenobite. No.

No. She's not a Cenobite, right? A Cinnabon? Yeah. Is she a Cinnabon? She's as cute as one. Can I find her at the airport? And only at the airport?

Yeah. She lives there. Do you think Cinnabite is a play on Cinnabon? What is Cinnabite? Hellraiser. Hellraiser. Pinhead. Maybe you've heard of him.

Hellraiser. Hellraiser. Hellraiser. Hellraiser. Hellraiser. Hellraiser. And only at the airport? Yeah, she lives there. Do you think Cinnabite is a play on Cinnabun? What is Cinnabite? That Clive Barker was to, Hellraiser. Yeah, Hellraiser. Pinhead, maybe you've heard of him. Oh, okay, what's Cinnabite? The fine line between pleasure and pain.

What's Cinnabite? That's the creatures. Is it a race? Yeah. It sounds cute. It does sound cute. Sounds cute, that's where they get you. It's a combination of Cinnabun and biting,

which sounds delicious. Well, if your Cinnabun and biting, which sounds delicious. Well, if your Cinnabun bites back. Uh-oh. Wow, you should be a horror writer. Okay, here I go. What if you put a Cinnabun in it? Here's the poster. That's the first line.

Here's the poster. We used to always start with a poster. Of course. Yes. Poster is a Cinnabun. Okay. And then you, the poster has to move. It's kind of a gift. Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's good. This isn't the movie. Okay. It's not the trailer. This is easy. And it's not the trailer. No, it's a moving poster. Or maybe it's a series of four posters next to each other.

Yeah. Okay, so the first poster's a Cinnabon. Hold on. Typical, typical. My mouth is watering. Yes. Hold on, hold on. Maybe it's lenticular. Yes. What does, typical. My mouth is watering. Yes. Hold on, hold on. Maybe it's lenticular.

Yes. What does that mean? I love that guy. He's so ticklish. Lenticular is that thing where you look at an image and then when you move slightly, it's a different image. That's kind of what I was picturing. Okay, so when you're on the left side of it,

it's just a Cinnabon. It's just a Cinnabon. It's just a Cinnabon. And it looks delicious. It looks yummy. Is anyone around it? It smells really good. What's it on? Oh wait, it puts out a smell?

Yeah. This is great. It smells like a Cinnabon. So you're seeing odor lines? No, no. You aren't seeing that, you're just smelling odor. You're just actually, the poster is putting out a smell. Oh, the poster is actually putting out a smell.

When you smell a fart, do you see odor lines? Those odor lines, it was in a crossword recently I did, they have a name and I can't remember what they are. I've gotten into crosswords a little bit. Have you? Well, I'm just trying it when I'm, you know, up in the middle of the night, feeding Gigi, and I'm like on my phone.

I find them pretty frustrating. You have to sort of learn the clues that are repeated over and over and over again. That's what bothers me. And it feels the same as Scrabble to me. Yeah, it's like, you have to know the tricks. I don't like Scrabble because I feel like Scrabble, if you know the two letter words, then you're-

Well, you think of it as a word game, but it's a math game. Yeah. And honestly, spelling bee is- Well, points in general, I think should be abolished from all games. 100%. You just think everyone should win? Basketball, football,

it should be judges sitting there and they at the end, they confer and they say, I think this person won. I have a difference of opinion. It gives more jobs too. Yes, we're job creators. I think all games should be, they go on until one person walks away.

Yeah, and then that person's a quitter. That person's a quitter. Honestly, that is how my brother and I used to play games. Monopoly, you know how long it is. Whoever would get the most frustrated and throw the board over and go, fuck this. Absolutely. We would go like, you're a quitter. That means I win. And they would go, well, winner puts away the game, because that was the rule

at my house. And you go, God damn it. Winner puts away the game is a good rule. It is a good rule. Yeah. Because then the loser doesn't feel so bad. Yeah. I was trying to teach Holly Candyland cause she got it for her birthday. I have a couple of complaints about this for now. Let's list them and hopefully Parker and brothers are listening. I don't, I think it's Hasbro.

I think shit's gotten taken over. What about Has... Woman. That's my first complaint. What about Hasgirl? Hassis. OK, this game, first of all, they are making it. They have they have taken away any artistry.

Really? Is it too simple now? The box is so flimsy. And they have taken away any artistry. Really, is it too simple now? The box is so flimsy, the game is flimsy, the pieces are flimsy, the cards are, they're not even like a good card stock. But you remember them as being more sturdy. It was all, it was a long rectangular box. Now it's a third of that size.

It's made really mini. Wow. The game folds up a ton. The cards have to punch third of that size. It's made really mini. The game folds up a ton. The cards you have to punch out of a page. They're just like crummy. That does seem crappy. And then we were playing, but I was explaining, my mother-in-law was in town and I was saying, when I played this game when I was a kid,

I always would try to get the Queen Frostine card. Queen who? Queen Frostine. She's who you're getting to at the end. She's like beautiful. I've never played that. So ifine, she's who you're getting to at the end. She's like beautiful. I've never played- So if you pull that card, you just go right to the end?

I don't know, she's not right at the end. She's near the end. Oh, okay. You're getting to the candy castle. Not the final boss, but close. Yeah, yeah. I gotta say, that's a flaw in a lot of those games where they have like one card that you draw that makes you win.

Yeah. I don't like it. Well, so I always would try to get that card because she was so pretty and I just loved it. Right. And so I sometimes, in games I would like fold the card so I would know where it was. Oh wow.

And then I was like, oh, that's so fun. And then the cards they have now, they don't even have her on the card. They just have a picture of a lollipop that represents her spot. Fuck this. And then, but interestingly, Holly really wanted that card and she stole it.

What? So it still had the magic powers. Did you have her arrested? Yeah. I don't know where the fucking card is. We'll never be able to play again. Have you asked her where it is? Um, no. I've been curious to see what she says. It's probably under the couch. Under the couch. That's where the lint is. You see the floor there, there's nothing more there. When we were on, no I'm done. Okay. When we were, I completely ran out immediately. When we were on tour, we were doing meet and greet.

Somebody asked me to sign a card. It was like a playing card, like from some kind of game. And it immediately looked familiar to me. I couldn't place it. It was a guy, a lumberjack on a log in a river and his name was Login Larry. And this person was saying, would you sign this for a friend of mine?

This is her lucky card. Login Larry. It's a log ramming up his ass. It's a guy and he has to remember his code. That's right. So it's double. That's exactly right. There's a log in him and he's also has to log in.

Yeah, he has to remember the code to get the log out of his ass. Yeah. And it was really- Like a shit log or? No, it's a literal log. It's an actual like tree log. Yeah, don't worry.

Okay, thank you. Well, cause they don't want to be like confusing. Because people call shit different things. They wouldn't necessarily call it a lot. Yeah, they can't. All cultures call shit. It's a game for kids, so they can't put actual shit on there. They just have a regular log in his ass. Hey, these kids games, they're making games based around poop.

OK, yeah, so not that weird. Nasty, nasty boy. By the way, poop? Phew. I do think poop is stinky. I'd love to hear what you're going to say. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. I'll tell you in a minute. I'll tell you in a minute because it's nuanced. So I stared at this thing, it was really freaking me out. Like, why do I know this? What is it from? It was real, it was so familiar to me.

And so when I got back to the hotel, I looked it up. You didn't ask? The person didn't know. Oh. I don't know, this is her car. Just two people who don't know something. And that's an exact impression of how that person spoke. Kind of a metaphor for online.

And so I got home and looked up, it's from fucking Old Maid. Yes. Old Maid. I haven't thought about that in a million years. I used to play Old Maid. We gotta play Old Maid together. I don't remember how it's played. We've got to play Old Maid on the podcast.

Yes. You're basically trying to avoid the Old Maid card. You don't wanna be stuck with that at the end. Right, right, right. But what do you do with the other cards? You got to pull, you draw from each other. I think it's like a go fish type situation or something. No, it's not.

You pull from the person's hand. Pull from the person's hand. And then you make a match. You pull from the person's hand. And so then you go, if you pull their old maid card, they're like, fuck. And they're like, hee hee. So this is gold fish.

No, go fish is actually different. Gold fish. Because go fish is, do you got any twos? And they say no, go fish and you pull them out. If they do have twos, they have to give it to you. This is no asking. This is random pulling. This is not consent.

Yeah. No consent. I mean, I think there's consent because they're agreeing to play the game. Yes. Oh, really? So if two people are in a situation where they've decided to be together, there's just implied consent? You know what?

You are one of the scariest lawyers. I'm punk. I'm punking. I'm punk punk. I'm punk punk. I'm punk punk. I'm punk punk. I'm punk punk. I'm punk punk. Hey, I'm punk punk. Give me a break. I'm punk punk. Hey, I'm punk punk. Give me a break, I'm punk punk.

I'm punk punk. You suddenly have no teeth. I'm punk punk. Then he transformed his face like a little shrunken apple. He became the old maid. The concept of an old maid is just so funny. It's a 35 year old woman who's unmarried. Yeah.

And that's the end. I think she's like a grandma on the card though. But that's the end of It's a Wonderful Life, which is just so funny to me that that perfect movie in every other respect. What is the line? He goes to visit his wife who he loves so much. And then he sees her like in a library with glasses on. She doesn't need glasses in his universe.

Because he didn't exist. She became a loser. He goes, she became an old maid. Clarence, she's an old maid. He doesn't say that. He does? He must say that. He does.

He doesn't say she's an old maid. I'm gonna look this up. What does he say? Okay, good. doesn't say she's an old maid. I'm gonna look this up. What does he say? Okay, good. It's a Wonderful Life Old Maid. It pops up. Well, anything pops up. You Google anything,

it's gonna pop up. Here we go, ready? Here's the clip. Okay. First we have a Hulu on Disney Plus app. Some tragic ad. Mary, don't you know me? All right. She's wearing glasses.

She's wearing a homely hat. Mary. Homely hat. Mary. Mary. Now you're not allowed to talk over it and say it because you want it to be in there. Mary.

Mary. Mary. Mary. Mary. Mary it's George. Don't you know me? What's happened to us? I don't know you let me go.

Mary please don't do this to me please Mary. Help me. Where's our kids? I need you, Mary. Help me. Let me go. Let me go. He's chasing me. He's gotta stop him. Tom. Ed. Charlie. That's my wife. Mary! I love how they make him look insane. Yeah. Which is great.

Yeah. Okay, here it comes. Here it comes. Clarence! He hits a cop, runs away, but that's okay because they have... This cop is firing into a crowd of people. Yeah. Just proves that they were... They never...

Now, how far away are we from Mary at this point? Yeah, when do you think they'll say the line? Well, this was titled Mary the Old Maid. the line? Well, he's going- This was titled, Mary the Old Maid. He's falling asleep and he's like, she's an old maid. Because that's the concept. That must have been so fun to make. It's a wonderful life.

Yeah, like with the scene where then he doesn't remember what's happening, then she gets to be like a different type of character instead. Exactly. But why does she need glasses? Cause she read so many books, because she wasn't bone in her husband. Yeah, she was hunched over in the dark library being a nerd. She didn't have to be vain anymore.

Oh, that's good for her husband. Yeah, she actually can't see anything. Yes, and the nice timeline, she's blind as a fucking bat. Yeah, timeline's nice for him. Well, that's really, that is really heartwarming that she doesn't want to wear glasses around her husband because it would make her look uglier.

Isn't that nice? She doesn't want to wear glasses. All right, we have to take a break. We'll be right back. I don't care. I'm going to tell you something that's important and I need you to trust me on this and also look in where you realize it's true. Finding ways to unwind.

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If that line were in there, I would hope that they also wrote Clarence saying, yeah, I know. I can see it. No, I think Clarence says it. No, Clarence says that's the concept. Oh, no, I think Mary says it. It comes up so much that I think someone has to say it. Why? They're showing you that she's an old maid.

I think Clarence says, you don't wanna go over there, George. And he goes, why, what's going on with fucking Mary? And she goes, you wouldn't like it, George. She's an old maid. I swear to God. Maybe that happened. You shouldn't swear to God.

Maybe that happened. You're being very cavalier about this. I am sorry. You should not swear to God. I that happened. You're being very cavalier about this. I am sorry. You should not swear to God. I'm sorry. Where's the, I need the dialogue. What if you got to heaven and God was like- It's a wonderful life.

You said swear to God too much. You're going to hell. You're going to hell. Like, no, I was, I was on your side. It's one of my rules. What does Clarence say to George Bailey? I have seen lots of people. No man is a failure who has friends.

Why, he said E.T. E.T. No man. You see George, you've really had a wonderful life. You see George, you've really had a wonderful life. Oh, that's good. Thank you. You should be that for Halloween.

Clarence? Or, yeah, Clarence the Angel. Yeah, you should be Clarence the Angel just in a night shirt. Yeah. Sopping wet. Yeah, absolutely. That would be a lesson. Does he rescue Clarence the Angel. Yeah, he used to be Clarence the Angel, just in a night shirt. Yeah. Sopping wet. Yeah, absolutely. That would be a lesson. Does he rescue Clarence from being,

like being in a river or something? Yeah, he was drowning. He was drowning. Yeah. Or appeared to be. Yeah, so just a sopping wet night shirt. Just walk around Halloween and go, do you know who I am? Yeah.

No kids around. He used to go, hey kids, do you know who I am? I just go from door to door. No, we don't. Do you know who I am? I don't need candy, by the way. Do you know who I am? I just wanna see if you know who No, we don't. Do you know who I am? I don't need candy, by the way. Do you know who I am? I just want to see if you know who I am. It's just see-through because it's wet.

That's so creepy. Yeah, like in the movie. Yeah. You know what you could see his nipples in the movie? A what? No. They were hard as a rock. What did you say?

You could see his nipples. It was the first instance of a nipple in a movie. You could see his butt cheeks. But because he cut holes in the back. That was the whole reason. He did that on purpose. It was a surprise instance of a nipple in a movie. You could see his butt cheeks. But because he had holes in the back. Yeah, that was the whole reason. He did that on purpose. It was a surprise for everyone on set. He was pranking the crew,

but then they only filmed him from the front because they were like, that was the only costume we had. And then he saw the rushes and he's like, but I'm punk punk. I'm punk punk. Please send us the part, I can't look it up while we're in the middle of the show.

Send us the part where someone in the dialogue says the word to Old Maid. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It must be in your other timeline. Ah, I swear to God he says it. Mandela Effect.

It's the Mandela Effect. It's the Mandela Effect starring Nelson Mandela. Hold on, Mary says it. No, that's what you always think it's starring. Mary says I'm an Old Maid. It's not actually starring Nelson Mandela. Listen to this. You think it stars Nelson Mandela, Hold on, Mary says it. No, that's what you always think it's starring. Mary says I'm an old maid. It's not actually starring Nelson Mandela. Listen to this. You think it stars Nelson Mandela, but it doesn't.

It stars Winnie Mandela. Yes. George Bailey, Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me? Mary, to keep from being an old maid. She says it. Wow, you've proven your point. That's airtight.

So that's actually how- She says it in the movie, so I'm right. But here's what you are missing. When it gets that part, it's implied that she's an old maid because that phrase has been said earlier, but he never says it and it's never really about that part. Lauren, I would love, believe me, I wanna agree with you, he's right.

I'm right. He proved it. Because I'm embarrassed. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, I have to say something. I don't care. But that and the game Old Maid were the only times I've ever heard that expression, Old Maid.

You've never heard it ever other than that? Never. Yes, you have. Nope. I'm telling you you have. Maybe on this show right now, but other than that. I've said it to you every time I've seen you. So it's stuck in your head.

In what context? In various contexts. Give me one. It comes up a lot. Remind me one. You would say like, we're gonna meet in the lobby at 10.15 to go to the airport. And I would say, Roger Dodger, old mate.

He did a thing, so Paul does this thing that you've never noticed, that whenever he's talking to you, he has this sort of like has this ventriloquist kind of voice come out of his lower register. That's like. Oh, cool baby. It's almost imperceptible. Okay.

And his mouth doesn't move. I studied that throat singing, the two of them throat singing. You kind of think someone's like coughing. But I only use it to say it like me. At the same time as I'm saying other things. I'd like to study that. I think it would be fun. Why don't you do that?

I think it would be a lot of fun. Why don't you go get a degree in that? We should do it all together. Study throat singing. Do you think it would be a lot of fun? I think it would be so fun. We should do it together. What do you think would be the funnest part about it?

I think like. I think watching you guys try to do it would be hilarious. You're not gonna do it all of a sudden? I'm not gonna do it. I mean, we're gonna watch you do it too. I try to do it would be hilarious. You're not going to do it all of a sudden? I'm not going to do it. I mean, we're going to watch you do it too. I'm going to do it privately. And then I'll just come perform. Private tutor?

Yeah. I'm going to do a private throat singing too. How do you slay that to Mike? I'm going to have a private tutor who's going to teach me throat singing. I have a throat tutor. What if you kept it from me as you'd get a surprise for his birthday? That'd be really... I'm just assuming what it sounds like.

And like when Cool Up sang to you for your wedding. Yes, beautiful. What did she sing? She sang, to make you feel my love. Wow, did she sing? Beautiful. Or was that just a... Jeremy Piven?

What about Jeremy Piven? That's an inside joke. I'm a p song that has been covered by, I believe, Billy Joel and Adele. Bananas in pajamas. Bananas in pajamas. I think I only know it as Adele and I didn't know it was a cover. It's Bob Dylan. To make you feel my.

I'm only gonna accept that if I hear Timothée Dadajana Maysa. Tight connection to my heart. Remember that song? Which one was that? Tight connection to my heart. Tight connection to my heart. Did she cry?

While she was singing, no. That'd be hard to do to perform. She's a fucking pro, at that in that situation. Yeah, I mean, yeah, because she does karaoke a lot, but it's not like she's on Broadway and like, oh, I'm gonna sing for myself. Doing karaoke a lot helps with that. Yeah.

Well, that was kind of part of it, wasn't it? Was that it was a sort of, it was a vulnerable expression of love. Yes, a sort of non-singer singing a song. When I say non-singer, that doesn't mean she was bad at it. I just mean like- She's not professional. Not a professional singer. Yes, it was not her main thing.

Yeah, it was very nice. But she's saying, I love you so much, I'm gonna sing a song to you in front of everybody. And then what did you do to say thanks? I dipped out in the middle. He was fucking on his phone. He was fucking on his phone? He was fucking on his phone. And he kept going, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Yeah, uh-huh. Oh, what'd you say? Yeah, that's a good cool-up. No, my love? Yeah, right. Good cool-up. You're gonna feel my, it's good cool-up. Oh, good. You're gonna feel my what?

It's good cool-up. Okay, great. Okay, that's a good cool-up. What did, I mean, I wasn't at the ceremony, but did for either of you, but what did your partners do? We had vows and at our wedding reception, which you were at. I was at that, yes.

Dan Mangan sang a cover of a song we requested and he's putting that song out onto an album. Oh, really? I'm not gonna say which one it is just yet. Maybe I'll post about it. That's exciting. But I thought that was really cool because it's a great cover. Yeah. It was amazing.

It was great. At our wedding, we just did our vows. Did you keep them, by the way? Oh, yeah. Good. Oh, good. I printed my- Oh, I by the way? Oh yeah. Oh good. I printed Mike's vows out and my vows out and I was going to frame them on this cool thing. I don't know where I put that paper. Huh? I think I had to use the... No, no, no, no. I remember I left them in the UCB office for some reason. What?

That's weird. Susan gave them back to me. Hey, I think you left your wedding vows here. I printed them in the wedding book that we got made, which is kind of nice, because I'm like, it's nice to be able to revisit those words. Yeah, I don't remember mine and I didn't like them. Oh, really?

I didn't feel like I was able to like put my thoughts into words the way I wanted to. I don't remember what I said. I remember some of Mike's and Mike is very good at that. Yeah. You got to renew your- Do you remember Janie's? I do remember Janie's, yeah.

You got to do a renewal ceremony now. I'd like to- Oh my God, do that, I want to be there. Well, I want to do that. Oh my God, do that, I wanna be there. Well, I wanna do that. I've said this to Janie. I don't think she's into it. I think I could work on her though. I would like to do a renewal ceremony

with the people that are in our lives now that weren't there then. I don't talk to anyone who was at our renewal ceremony. Why would you? We've cut a few. There's some people I was working with at the time that I never saw again after the next month, but happy to have them there then.

We don't have too many cuts, couple dead people. That's tough. What are you gonna do? There's no way around it. Most of them were old though. That's good. Yeah, there are people like in our lives who are great friends of ours now, who for various reasons couldn't be there, Hmm. Yeah, there are people like in our lives

who are great friends of ours now, who for various reasons couldn't be there. Like Casey Wilson was, just got SNL and had to immediately be there and all that kind of stuff. So yeah, and I couldn't go to Paul's because of work and I keep forgetting why. I know we've talked about it. Yeah, I don't remember why either, but yeah.

But anytime I look up the data, I'm like, oh, it's because I had to do this. I know, I always forgetting why. I know we've talked about it. Yeah, I don't remember why either, but. But anytime I look up the data, I'm like, oh, it's because I had to do this. I know, I always feel bad. I missed a good friend's wedding for a work thing too, and I feel like, I always feel like, oh, I really wish I was there. It never feels like it was worth it. The work thing?

Yeah. Yeah. It's always like some dumb thing. I know. It's like, I missed an important moment for that. I know. But what can you do? That makes me feel sad. Yeah, I know, but look, this is life.

I feel like mine was like a network thing that they made me do or something, and then later I was like, I could probably go to pushback on that. For the Independent Film Channel. Yes, they were so into film. Mine was- And independence, shockingly.

Part of it was that I would have had to go alone and fly to a random place by myself and do everything alone. And you've never done that before, right? No, it was, I'm fine being alone. Actually, I'm better being alone now than I was then, but I feel like for some reason I would have had to go alone and then that added a layer of like,

well, then I should still do the work thing. It's gonna be a whole, and then I think looking back, I'm like, no, that would have been really meaningful to be there, but yeah. Have you ever gotten the last minute wedding thing where you're like, obviously someone said no, and they've gone down to the next person on, and you're like, you just make the cut like a week before.

I don't know if I've gotten that. I think I may have gotten that. But I'd be happy to get that. I'm happy to get that. I'm happy to get that. I'm happy to get it. I've gotten it a couple of times and it's been really fun. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember, cause we had a couple of those at our wedding too and Janie was worried like, are these people gonna be insulted that they weren't invited before? And I was like, no. No. Yeah. I think everyone understands that it's like,

you have such a finite amount of people that you could have. And then if you have room, you would invite more. It's just, you can't have 100 million people. You know, we were not kids when we got married, so it's like a lot of people have been through this. They completely understand. Yeah, that's more what it is. I think once you've been through it, you get it.

But when you're doing it for the first time, you're like, oh my God, this is so crazy. There was a couple of people who on our wedding, and I will not name them were like They they got they didn't have wives or Steady girlfriends and so we just invited them

I did that the first time and then they then they wrote to us saying hey We just met these girls on Facebook who are coming into town. Can they come to your wedding? And we said, no. And we were like, they said, well then I don't think we're gonna come because these girls are gonna be here this weekend. And we're like, fine. Why are these girls even on Facebook?

Insane. And since then, one of them has gotten married. To the Facebook girl? No. And came up to us and was like, I cannot believe that we did that. Yeah. Yeah, once you understand stuff later,

there's so much stuff like that. I got invited to a wedding not long after I started dating someone and I wanted to take my girlfriend to the wedding. And we'd only been dating for a few months wanted to take my girlfriend to the wedding. And we'd only been dating for a few months. And, or maybe not even that long. Because we didn't date that long. I think we dated for like six months.

So it might've been like a month. So half a year. Tight turnaround on that one. Was that about half a year or so? Exactly half a year. Wow. And did you say Ted Turner or someone? I said tight turnaround on that one.

Oh, tight turnaround. Ted Turnaround. No. That's a real Ted Turnaround someone? I said, tight turnaround on that one. Oh, tight turnaround. Ted Turnaround. No. That's a real Ted Turnaround. Ted Turnaround, Ted. That's no Ted Turnaround with that one. And so I asked my friends, can I bring her to the wedding? And I remember the groom said,

all right, let me ask you something. Is this someone that's going to be in your life, 10 years from now, or I forget what date. Right. And I said, yes, absolutely. Yeah. And of course she wasn't.

You broke up. But then that marriage did not last. So it was like, now. So yeah, get off your fucking high horse. Now look. Hey, is your wife gonna be around 10 years from now? Yeah. Hey.

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. You're burping. What? Sounds like you're burping. I was doing Jesse Pickman from Breaking Bad. I've never seen that. Bitch.

It's a good show. I should watch that. Mr. White. I've had the opposite where you get a plus one just, you know, even though you don't have. Yeah. And then it's kind of like, oh, I can bring someone. And then you bring someone you just started dating.

I remember to my aunt's wedding, I brought someone that I think I had just started dating a month earlier and wasn't dating a month after. You know what I think is better? Bringing like a good friend who's really fun. Like I tend to bring art into things where I get like plus one, where like Mike doesn't care, like wouldn't want to go or whatever. And it's so fun. I tend to bring art into things where I get like plus one, where like Mike doesn't care, like wouldn't want to go or whatever. And it's so fun because then we're just

like having a crazy night being like crazy out there, you know? Yeah, that's fun. Dancing. For my 50th birthday, which you both attended, I asked people, you know, you know, you can bring a significant other, but if you're not actually in a relationship, don't just bring someone. I guarantee you will know people there. You don't wanna just fill the space.

Yeah, everybody that I invited knew at least two other people that were there. Right, so you're gonna be fine. Yeah. So if there was someone that you wanted to invite who only knew one other person, they were off the list. Absolutely. Yeah.

Oh, with extreme prejudice. And so two people asked me, can I please bring this other person, people that I did not know, right? Right. Or one person I did not know. Did the invitation say? Yeah, I spelled it all out. But then why would you even ask?

Yeah. No offense. And so both of those people turned out to be a fucking drag. One guy got so drunk that he had to be helped into an Uber by the security at the venue. And the other one was somebody that I had met before and it's just a fucking pill. Just like, and the only, cause my idea was.

I don't want you there. You want everyone there to be. You want to be all the people that you love. I wanted to be able to walk through that room and be happy to be stopped by absolutely anybody in there. I think this is the mentality for events. Yeah. Like there are people where you like them,

they're your friend, whatever, but then it's like, how about we just keep this like tight? It's all people I'm gonna be like, yes, yes, yes, yes. And also by the way, you took a shining picture, right? Yeah. And so you want everyone in there, you wanna be able to point them out and say, oh I like this person.

You should let some of them disappear in the picture. Isn't that something that happened? No, that's back to the future. That's... That's... Yeah. But the... It'd be great to take back to the future style photos.

It would be. At weddings. Oh, they should make a frame like that. Yes. A digital frame where people can fade away slowly. Where you can't race the husband if you're going to get divorced. Yeah. But it's still to get divorced. Yeah.

But the person who was the pill was the only person the entire evening that was kind of like needling me or whatever, like needling you. Well, just be, it's like trying to be funny in a roasty way or whatever. It's like, I barely know you. You're not even supposed to be here. Why are you giving me a fucking hard time?

That sucks. It really sucked, but it was very brief. It was a wonderful night, very brief, and then it ended with that guy being poured into a cab. We had a party at our old place. You had parties. I had parties where a guy was there and we didn't know who it was.

And then he ended up in the bathroom, puking the guy with like the braids. Yeah, I remember that guy. But I guess he ended up like shitting or puking in the bathroom for a long time. And then we're like, who are you? He's like, I don't know any of you. Like, get the fuck out of here.

He just like wandered up from down the street or something. Yeah. Yeah. And just saw there was a party going on. At my first wedding, there was a rumor that two guys were having sex in the bathroom who were guests of my party. Awesome.

Who were what? Guests of mine. I should hope so. Well, they weren't, but that my uncle walked in. And saw two dudes have sex. I don't know if it's all true. What are you doing in here? I hope so.

Yeah. I like to think that people, like it would be nice if at my wedding, a couple of people hooked up. We had some hookups at our wedding. Well, this was a couple that just was fucking. Oh, great. I like that.

But I mean, a hookup, when you say that, I feel like it's people who just met. Yeah, no, I agree, but it would be nice. Oh, that is odd. All right, we have to take a break. To fuck in the bathroom. Yep, we're all fucking in the bathroom. See you after the break.

Okay. Okay. We're all fucking in the bathroom. See you after the break. Caregiving in America is hard work and it's universal. At some point in our lives, we will all need care or provide it. Yvette Nicole Brown, who you might know from a little TV show called Community, is the primary caretaker for her dad Omar, who has Alzheimer's. He's a big part of why she's hosting Squeezed, a new podcast from Lemonada Media and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. It's a show about regular people like me and you, or future you, navigating this caregiving journey at every stage of life, through the hard and joyful moments. Squeezed is out on August 21st, wherever you get your podcasts. Are you a pop culture connoisseur with strong opinions?

Join us on Pop Culture Debate Club, a new podcast from Lemonada Media and the BBC. Each week, two pop culture experts battle it out to convince me, Aminatou So, that their opinion reigns supreme. What is the greatest sports movie of all time? Who made the most delicious on-screen meal? Tune in every Thursday to find out. Pop Culture Debate Club is out now wherever you get your podcasts

from Lemonade Media and the BBC. ["Bad Girl's Girlfriend"] And we're back. And we're going to do a three-cher. Yeah. A three-cher is also a game that we like to play, also known as a buster. Yes. So we're about to do a buster now called, and I think I'm going to sneeze, so take it, Scott.

Half Life. He did it! So happy you did it. Thank you. This is called Half Life. This was originally suggested by Ezekiel Vazzo. At Ezekiel Vazzo. And what this is, is we're all going to do an improvised scene based on the suggestion of a place with a two minute time limit.

And then we repeat it in one minute. Then we repeat it in 30 seconds, then 15 seconds, then eight seconds, then four, then two, then one. Wow, it's so many. Can you imagine doing all of this? Can you imagine? How are we gonna do this? That doesn imagine? How are we going to do this? That doesn't seem possible.

Doesn't seem possible. You do the whole scene in one second? One second. No chance. All right, so I guess I'm going to time this because I'm the only one with my phone. Guess who? Who made this? Huh?

This is a real game. Guess who? Comedy Bandit. Oh yeah. A fan made a comedy band real game. Guess who? Comedy bank. Oh yeah, yeah. A fan made this. A comedy bank version of Guess Whom. How fun. Oh, that's so cute. You're so cute.

Oh, thanks. And you're in it, I would imagine. Let me flip this game over. All right, so. Also known as a buster. Oh, there I am. Always thinking about what he wants and just sits on his progress.

Song written by Candy Burress from Real Housewives of Atlanta. That's right. Is that true? Credit where it's due. Credit where it's due. When you got a credit, gotta give it where it's due. Credit where it's due. Credit where it's due. When someone gets a credit, give it where it's due. Lauren, I'm gonna ask you for a place.

A jungle gym. Jungle gym and go. Hey, I was climbing here. No, you weren't. I was here first from yesterday. You've been here since yesterday? Yeah, I got lost. Excuse me, kids.

Hi, this is a private jungle gym. Why are you wearing a wet nightgown? It's Halloween, of course. Oh, who are you supposed to be? Have you ever seen It's a Wonderful Life? That movie where... No. Oh, about the Old Maid?

Exactly. Oh, the Old Maid movie. You should have said that first. Oh, OK. Anyway, I'm sorry, but very rich children are going to be playing on this jungle gym in a second. So, but I'm logging Larry. You're logging Larry. Yeah. What's your password? I can't tell you. And I'm garbage Galena. Why do they call you garbage Galena? Look at her. I stink. Look at those odor lines. What are those called again?

You did the crossword. Yeah, that's a good point. I have one right here. Odorlenes. You know, you're kind of creepy. Why would you say something like that? Well, look at you. Well, you have assless chaps. I don't own a mirror. You can't look at yourself? No, I've never been able to look at. What do I look like? Can you describe me? Goblin? Goblin. Wet night gown. Bald? I'm bald?

You look like you're from the witches when they take off their masks. Weird pushed in nose. Pushed in? Yeah. Am I handsome at all? No. No.

Really? Yeah, no. Sorry. I don't have a problem pulling chicks. Really? Must be nice. But probably't have a problem pulling chicks. Really? Oh, must be nice. But probably like fours and threes. I mean, California fours and threes.

You wish. Indiana 10s. Indiana Jones. Oh. You thought it was Indiana 10s? Indiana 10s. And the cradle of destiny. Cradle of destiny.

Anyway, kids, you gotta scram. I'm gonna climb on this jungle gym. Me too. Out of solidarity. Hey, hey, pushing you down. This is a revolt. This is the longest minute of my life. Jesus Christ. I honestly can't believe that was a minute.

I thought it was supposed to be 30 seconds. Oh. What? It was two minutes? Yeah. Two minutes later now we're doing it for one minute. That sucked. Okay, ready?

That sucked. That was a minute. That was two minutes. Oh, what? That was two minutes. Yeah. Two minutes later now we're doing it for one minute. That sucked. Okay, ready? That sucked my ass. One minute. What is that? I haven't been climbing this jungle gym.

No, I haven't been climbing this jungle gym. Excuse me, children. This is a private jungle gym. Who are you? Are you sure you're supposed to be here this soon? Why are you wearing a wet nightgown? Because it's Halloween, of course. You're ugly.

Hey, man. You're disgusting. Get the fuck off my jungle gym if you're gonna act that way. You look like a goblin, you have no hair, you are ugly. Pushed your nose. Am I bald? I can't be bald. You are bald. Come on.

And you can't even get a woman if you tried. Oh, really? Because I am pulling lots of chicks. They must be threes and fours. Threes and fours. Sure, California threes and fours. But the Indiana 10s? It's Indiana Jones.

What, Indiana 10s in the Cradle of Destiny? Yes. You're creepy. Hey, you gotta get out of here. These rich kids are gonna be playing on the jungle gym soon. No, I'm climbing this gym. I'm climbing this gym too. I'm pushing you off. Whoa!

Oh no, he broke his neck. Oh on purpose. What? So you're fine? This is what I wanted. So now we add it to it. We didn't get to, we went too fast. The scene got further? Yeah I don't know how that happened. Alright, 30 seconds and go. I'm climbing on this jungle gym. Me too. Hey kids, you can't be on here. This is a private jungle gym. Why do you have a wet nightgown? Because it's Halloween! You're ugly, you look like a goblin, you got a push-in nose and you're bald. Oh no, I'm bald?

You can't even get a girl if you try. Oh really? Well, I'm pulling lots of chicks. California 10s and 3s, I doubt it. Indiana 10s! Yeah, right. And the cradle of destiny? That's right! It's Indiana Jones.

What do you have, assless chaps? I'm climbing here. No, I am too. Hey, I'm pushing you. Hey, watch out! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh no, he broke his neck! I wanted to!

That part, that part stays. That part makes it through. All right, 15 seconds and go. I'm climbing here. Hey kids, get off of this. This is private jungle gym. Why are you in a wet nightgown? Because it's Halloween. You suck.

I'm not bald, am I? Yep. Well, I still pull chicks. Yeah, right. Count the three to fours. Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones. That's why.

Cradle of Destiny. Why is your butt out? Hey, I'm climbing here. Didn't make it. Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones. The cradle of destiny. Why is your butt out? Hey, I'm climbing here. Didn't make it. All right. Eight seconds and go. Hey, get out of here.

Hey, why are you the one making that? Indiana 10s. You're disgusting. I wanted to break it. Push. All right. Four seconds. Go.

I'm climbing here. I'm not bald. I'm not bald. My neck. My neck. All right. Two seconds. I'm climbing here. I'm climbing here. I'm climbing Go. I'm climbing him. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Wasn't in the original two minute scene. Two minute feed.

That was fun. Fun stuff. Should we do it again? Yeah, do it again. Paul, do you have a suggestion for a place? Yes, I do. The Millennium Eye. The Millennium Eye.

In London. Okay, we're in London. Here we go. In two minutes, here we go. You can see the whole city from here. This is so beautiful. I'm loving this tour. I'm loving this tour.

I'm loving this tour. I'm loving this tour. I'm loving this tour. I'm loving this tour. I'm loving this, we're in London. London. Here we go. In two minutes, here we go. You can see the whole city from here. This is so beautiful. I'm loving this trip, honey. It's so fun to travel. I love you.

Happy anniversary. I love you so much. Excuse me, are you from America? Why yes we are. How very interesting. I'm Prince Charles. What? You're not the king anymore?

Wait, wait, wait. Or is this in the past? Are you in? Why are you writing in this eye with us? I'm Prince Joe. What? You're not the king anymore? Wait, wait, wait. I contemplated. Or is this in the past? Are you in, why are you writing in this eye with us? And how did we not notice you in this tiny compartment? I've never been up here. I know my ears are quite recognizable, aren't they? And you have your little prince crown on

and your little cape. Yes, they didn't want me to be king anymore. No, what happened? They thought I was doing a poor, poor job. Oh no. Rolling my subjects. Who's king now? Oh, they gave it to the person who was sitting to my right.

It just happened to be Mr. Bean. Oh, that must be funny. King Bean now, they call him. King Bean the first? I bet he does all sorts of silly stuff. I've heard of string bean, but King Bean? I never heard of it. You've heard of string bean?

Oh, string beans are delicious. The comedian from Hee Haw? Oh, I've heard of string bean, but king bean? I never heard of it. You've heard of string bean? Yeah. String beans are delicious. The comedian from Hee Haw? Oh, I've heard of string beans to eat. What are these American delicacies? We like fries, pizza. Hamburger sandwiches. You must take me to America. Okay, let's go.

Get in my bag. Here's a pizza with corn on it to make you comfortable. Oh, it's so comfortable. Well, here we are, Knott's Berry Farm. Wow. May I have the chicken dinner, please? Of course. Go run around with Snoopy.

I want to go on the loop-de-loop. With Snoop-de-doop? Oh, bleh. Oh, I ate too much chicken. You idiot. This is what America's like. We got your ass. I knew this was going to happen.

Still 20 seconds to go. Now he's going to be barfing in diarrhea all night. Go back to England, you piece of freak. You idiot. This is what America's like. We got your ass. I knew this was gonna happen. Now it's gonna be barfing and diarrhea all night. Go back to England, you piece of freak. This was on purpose? Yeah. This isn't even our house. We're just being out by a dubster. USA, USA, USA, USA, USA.

I hate America, I'm going to vomit. What? You're going to vomit? I'm going to vomit, then vomit. He's gonna ruin our bathroom. Hey, man. All right. One minute on the clock and go.

Wow. You can see the whole city from here. I'm loving this vacation. This is so fun, honey. Excuse me. Happy anniversary. That's not important. Are you from America?

Yes. Who are you? I'm Prince Charles. Oh, hello. Did you get demoted? Yeah. They thought I was doing a poor, poor job. Who's king now?

It was the person that was sitting directly to my right. Mr. Bean. What is this little crow? Mr. Bean was next to him? King Bean. King Bean the first? Yes. I love string beans. Yum. St. Bean was next to me. King Bean the first. Yes. I love string beans.

Yum. String bean. Hee-haw. You've heard of string beans. We love string beans in America. We also love pizza, hamburger sandwiches. You must take me there. Okay, let's go.

I want to eat all of it. Let's go right now, get in this bag. Okay. Oh, do you have a piece of pizza with corn on it? We do, if you want to be comfortable. Okay, here we go. Lie down on this piece of pizza with corn on it. Here we are at Knutsberry be comfortable. Okay, here we go. Lie down on this pizza with corn on it. Here we are at Knutsberry Farm.

Wow. I'll take one fried chicken dinner please. Run around with Snoopy. Okay, I'm gonna get on the loop-de-loop. The snoop-de-loop. Bleah. No, he's sick. He's fucking, ugh.

That's the end. When I was a kid, I went to England and we got pizza that had corn on it. Why are you getting so quiet? I'm just telling you. Why did I have corn on it? I don't know. And I always kind of associate that with England.

With England? How interesting. All right, here we go. 30 seconds. You've never seen that again. And go. This trip is so lovely. You see, I love you.

Happy anniversary. Excuse me. What? Are you Americans? Yes, they are. I'm Prince Charles. Wow. You're not King of England? No, I love you, happy anniversary. Excuse me. What? Are you Americans? Yes, they are. I'm Prince Charles. Wow. You're not King anymore? No, I got demoted. I was doing such a poor job.

Who's king now? Oh, the person sitting directly to my right, Mr. Bean. King Bean. King Bean. Oh, string beans are so yummy. We love them. You've heard of string beans? Come to America with us.

Hamburger sandwich. I'd love to go there. Here's some pizza with corn on it to make you comfortable. That's very far. Oh, I'll have one. Fried chicken dinner, please. OK, go chase Snoopy. I'm gonna ride around on the loop-de-loop now.

Snoopy-loop, woo! Okay, that didn't make the cut. That's too bad. All right, now 30 seconds. Do you not have headphones on? No. You're just listening to us? I'm just raw-dogging it. That's crazy, dude.

That was 30? Yeah, now it's crazy. That was 30. Yeah now it's Here we go ready 15 This is a great trip. Yeah, who are you? What's going on? Okay? Thank you press laugh. I think I yeah something happened It was crazy that time that kept happening delete delete delete delete all that Okay, that was Okay, now we go eight and go this is a great trip, honey. Who are you? I'm King Charles. King B? I'm King again. I got re given my job back.

Okay. Four. Apparently the scene changed a little bit. It did. Isn't that funny how that happens? In very dramatic ways. It just happens. All right, here we go. Knott's Berry Fall. Hello, I'm King Charles. He's throwing up all over the place.

All right, two seconds and go. Hamburger sandwich. I'm King Charles. I know, one second. And why won't you work? Here we go. And I'm King Charles. Snoop-da-loop. Snoop-da-loop! I'm King Charles! Snoop-da-loop.

That sums it up. That sums it up. I like how you just. I stopped talking. Laid out for the last few. Honestly, I just was like, there's no room for the woman anymore. Yeah, and that's a good lesson for us as scene partners.

It is. We have to let women speak. Yes. And let them have voices. Even when we're all talking at the exact same time, on that one, you guys kind of didn't talk at the same time, but it's kind of cause I wasn't there. Isn't that we didn't let you talk or that you didn't feel like doing it.

It's a little bit, I didn't know where to go. I was in my head. I was going, what do I say? When it gets that short, let's do it again and you can talk for the first minute, exclusively. Okay. Okay, ready? I like this. Oh, we're gonna pick a location?

I'll do the location. Someday. This is Philadelphia at the Liberty Bell. And as you can see, this is where the bell got cracked. Now, I appreciate you all being on this tour with me. It's been so lovely getting to escort you around town and get to show you all these things. So this is one of my favorite moments is the bell because as you can see, we can't ring it because it'll crack more. So one of the things I wanted to tell you about was

over here is a couple of special things about Philadelphia that I personally enjoy. Now this is a newspaper stand. It has nothing to do with history, but it does have to do with the history of the future. The history that we're making every day as we make a newspaper. The history of the future.

And history, you know, everything you're doing right now becomes something of the past when the time continues. So what, for example, you just nodded. And in the future, I'm gonna say the past you nodded. And future, I'm gonna say, in the past you nodded. And right now I could say it. In the past you nodded. So this is something that I find to be such a fun part about my job,

because of course we're talking about old history, and we're walking through town and looking at things that are historical facts, but we're making history as we do it, because everything we do becomes history. You see what I'm saying? And I see you all nodding along, and lots of smiles, which I love,

because the smiles are feedback. Cause I often wonder how am I doing? And I see a smile and I think it's going well and they're enjoying the tour. Now I do notice a few of you have AirPods in your ears and I would love it if you could take those out because I'm going to tell you something very, very cool about this Liberty Bell.

You see the crack here. Now you can put your finger in it and everyone's going to get a chance. I want to just let you put your finger see the crack here. Now you can put your finger in it. And everyone's going to get a chance. I want to just let you put your finger in the crack. And OK, you first. Yep, see, wasn't that fun? And what's interesting about that is everybody touch. You can go, everybody touching it has created an effect where it's losing some of its bronze

because we're rubbing it off with every time we do it. You know, there are statues around the country where people will touch certain parts of them and they'll start to fade in that area or get shinier, however you like to look at it. How ever you like to look at it. Now that was two minutes. That was two minutes.

I thought you said one minute. Yeah, I thought there were two. I know, but you were doing so good. Yeah, you were on a roll. All right. It was going so great. I just didn't want any help. Now do that for one minute.

Here we go. And go. All right. And this is the part of the tour we're going to stop and see the Liberty Bell now, as you know, this is a very important historical artifact. And I am enjoying taking you all on this tour. One of my favorite parts about the tour

is that I get to show you a couple of things that are just interesting to me. One of the things parts about the tour is that I get to show you a couple of things that are just interesting to me. One of the things that I find so interesting is this newspaper stand over here. Now, newspapers is not historical artifact, but newspapers become historical artifacts as the news of today is the history of the future. Even as I'm saying this, I'm noticing things

that you're doing right now are gonna be things that I will note have happened in the past. So you're noddingding and in the past, I'll say or in the future I'm going to say he nodded, you know, and these things become the past. Everything that we do becomes part of what has already happened. And so that is what's so interesting about it. No, you can put your finger in the crack. Oh, you went right for it. And hold on. Yes, you can go.

Now what's so fun about this is that the crack is gonna get wider over time because everybody's rubbing it with their finger. And pieces of the bronze will wear down. There are statues. That's it. Okay. All right, 30 seconds.

And go. I am loving taking on this tour. This is one of my favorite parts of the tour. This is the Liberty Bell. Now, as you can see, it has a big crack in it. Yes, there's things that happened and went wrong, but one of the things I also like is the look on townness. I enjoy a lot of things about this.

And I can take you on the tour. There's a newspaper stand over here. This is the history of tomorrow, because today's news becomes the history of tomorrow. And I see you nodding. Later in the future, I'll say you nodded in the past. Now as everyone can put their finger in the hole, okay. Yep, you did it.

Yeah, and you can go and that's gonna become a wider slit as time goes on. And 15 seconds go. This is Liberty Bell. Now Liberty Bell is, you don't touch it yet. This is a nice, nice, nice crack in it. History over here is gonna be the future of the newspaper. Stop touching the crack.

I didn't tell you that. You know what? You gotta listen to me. Take your AirPods out. You can touch the crack. All right, eight seconds, go. This is a big, big crack that I want you all to touch. Okay, put your fingers in there.

And then as you can see, it's going to get wider over time because we're going to rub down on that bronze. Four seconds, go. Everybody touch the crack. And you did it. Now, over time, it's going to become a wider crack. Two seconds, go. Touch that crack, and it's going to get wider over time.

One second, go. And that's a wide crack. Yay. That was fun. Maybe this is the, okay man, we got it. Maybe that's the evolution of the game. Yeah. One person at a time.

Yeah, yeah. I like it. Cause I like the challenge of trying to remember what you said. It's harder to remember when it's just you. It is harder. Lauren, thank you. Thank you so much for giving me that opportunity. That was a real monster clause.

Thank you for giving me that opportunity. That was a monster zinc. It was a monster zinc, baby. Yeah. That was a blast. That was so fun. It's a blast and a half, I think. But we have to go at this point.

If you want to send us a buster, write to us at freedomusa.gmail.com. If you would like to leave us a voicemail for our 3-mium episodes, which you do every other week, then you can go to the website, hagclaims8.com and leave us a voice message. And of course, if you want to hear older episodes that are behind the paywall, you can listen on Tuesdays. We call it three visiting on the twos. We're re-releasing all of those episodes.

But if you want to hear the entire archive, just head over to CBB World and you can hear every single episode we've ever done. And then on, even the band one. Yeah. Every other Wednesday we have our Thremium episodes where we answer your voicemails. You can get those at CBB World also as well as Apple Podcast Premium or something. Lemonada Premium. Lemonada Premium.

Are you going to talk about the tour? No. You don't have dates? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in the middle of the West Coast dates right now. Yeah, man. And you can come see us tonight if you're listening to this one. It just came out in San Francisco and then, or Oakland rather, and then we're doing Portland

for two shows, Seattle and Vancouver. And then in a couple of weeks, we're gonna be in the UK and Ireland. And then we have some new East Coast states. We're doing Montreal and Troy, New York, and New Haven, Connecticut, and also Tarrytown, New York, and then Red Bank, New Jersey.

We're doing those in October. Yes, New Jersey. These go on sale, I believe, tomorrow. Fuck. So go see us out there. That's exciting. Go see us out there. Go have fun, everyone. Go have fun. Get out there. Especially in the UK. Don't see us out there. That's exciting. Go see us out there. Go have fun everyone. Go have fun

Don't embarrass us UK. Yeah, come on UK. Oh my god. I wish I could go I know you didn't go the first time. I know. It was like nasal passages. Come on out. Ireland. Come on out Glasgow, Scotland. Come on out. We need you in I'll tell you where we need you the most. We need you in Glasgow. We need you in Bristol. We need you in Manchester. There you go. Don't embarrass us. Yeah.

Come on Bristol. Because we're playing to two people there right now. Ooh, that's hard. That's not good. Are they a couple? At the same venues? Yeah. So they're gonna go, they're gonna follow us?

Yeah, yeah, same two people. Well that's nice. Anyway, yeah, come see us out. Paul and I on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour. You can get tickets at cbbbworld.com slash tour. And those new shows go on sale this week. So fun! That's gonna be great.

We had a great time, hope you did too. This is Freedom. Signing off. Goodbye. See you later. Hi everyone, Gloria Rivera here, and we are back for another season Hi, everyone. Gloria Rivera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through

the lens of child care, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that child care is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season 4 of No One is Coming to Save Us will be available August 22nd, wherever you get your podcast. I'm Sam Smith, and welcome to The Pink House. I love being in The Pink House with you. Join me as I talk to my friends and some amazing queer icons about their idea of home, like Elliot Page, Jo Kim Booster, and Gloria Estefan.

Music was always my escape. It was my happy place. The Pink House from Lemonada Media is out now. You can listen ad-free on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.