Threedom - John Squibb

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

Lauren, Scott, and Paul talk about pottery and lost dogs and play Jitterbug. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Freedom! Oh, yeah. Who was the first person to do a vocal run like that? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Do you think caveman saying yeah, you think for sure they did I three part her name. Yeah, wow Why do we think why do we think they grunted why do we make the why do we put that gravelly grunt on their We know what they sounded like Wasn't that that video of the what King Tut sounded like? Wasn't there a Jesus one too? That video.

This is so funny. I loved every variation of that. Oh, what's it like? Ah! Hi, I'm King Tut. It was so funny. But have you seen that video where they have the caveman skull and they tried to determine

what the voice would sound like? And so they have this like vocal expert-y dude or whatever that they're saying, okay, now pitch it higher and then the voices sound like. And so they have this like vocal expert-y dude or whatever that they're saying, okay, now pitch it higher and then the guys go higher. It's like it's more like received pronunciation. British two. What? What?

Are you playing a game? Oh my God. So he asks them to pitch a higher. The person, the anthropologist was looking at the skull and saying, it's like somebody who's like a linguist. And knows some skulls and how voices would come out. Here's how it would reverberate throughout the skull or whatever.

And so this guy that's good at duplicating sounds, just duplicating. Just like an actor, but he's like very proficient with his voice is, is following the instructions and he's just saying one, two, three, and then adding in the adjustments as they're giving it to him. And eventually it's on like 123. And that's what all cavemen sounded like. Yeah. Lamuff! He loves everyone!

I do want the cave! One, two, three! There should be some band that samples that as the intro to their song. There should be three bands that sample that. Yes, that's right. There should be eight bands that sample that. There should be nine bands that sample that.

I think all bands should sample it. If nobody samples it by tomorrow, they need to stop being a band. Music has ended. Ha ha ha. Catastrophe. In an edict issued by Lauren Lapkus, no bands have taken up the challenge.

Hey everyone, welcome to 3Dom. My name is Scott. My name is Lauren. My name is Paul. That's right. That's what your names are. Yeah. I was wondering, it's been so long.

What is the longest you've gone, not knowing somebody's name, that you would see names are. I was wondering, it's been so long. What is the longest you've gone not knowing somebody's name that you would see regularly? Oh, so, I mean, yeah, very long. There's one person in particular that I think of that I started seeing when I first got into comedy and I know he must have come up to me and introduced himself at one point and then it's just like,

it would be very rude to ask anyone what is his name for decades now. It's so weird when it goes that long and you don't even overhear it from somebody else. I know, yeah. It's never said. Yeah. Yeah, I've definitely got a few of those.

Too afraid to ask. Yeah, I'm not one of them, right? Your name is, wait, don't listen for a second. Okay. Is his name? No. Your name is, wait, don't listen for a second. Is his name, is his name, Dalen? Dalen. One, two, three. I'm like pretty sure it's Dalen.

It's something like that? Okay, you don't know either? No, I've never known. One, two, three. He says something at the start of the show every time. Yeah, but I don't, I tune out. I know I think it's dylan Okay. Hey guys. What do you guys? Nothing dylan

The last time where was I I was on a set and I was saying... Paul occasionally acts in shows. This was not acting, I was appearing as myself. This was on After Midnight. Okay. And I was, I decided... It's called After Midnight now? Yes, it's called After Midnight.

I did not catch that. It's technically called At Fter Midnight. That's right, At Fter Midnight. And I, look, I used to be great with names. I never forgot a name or a face. And then just as time goes on, you just keep meeting people. I used to never forget either.

I used to know everyone's name and their whole deal. Yeah, you meet all the people you're ever going to meet by the age 25. That's interesting. Don't you think? And then you just cycle through them. That should be like a Tuesdays with Mori kind of book. Yes.

In what way? You should meet everyone you're ever going to meet by the age of 25. And then it's a book about how to live your life. So fast. And people would be clamoring to give it as a gift. It would go into paperback. Then it would go into many people.

Do you want a ghost right this morning? Give it to people. Wait, are you an actual ghost? Yeah. Oh, no. How did you die, Paul, in between the last episode? Boredom. Yeah.

And we didn't even pick you up off the ground. Because I missed my friends. Oh. That is nice. Wait, what the fuck? So, oh, so the thing about, there are certain situations where maybe you see the same group of people every month or something.

Sure. There are situations like that. It's like just long enough where it's like, I've forgotten everybody's name that I met. Right. And spend a day with them, had a great time. Maybe I never expected to see them again. My brain just deleted those files.

Sure, you don't need that kind of thing. I took a pottery class recently for six weeks. Tell us everything. Congratulations. Thanks, I'm really cultured. Did you make anything? I did, I made a pottery class recently for 60- Tell us everything. Congratulations. Thanks, I'm really cultured. Did you make anything? I did. But here's what I did,

is I was saying everybody's name all day long on the set. Oh, okay. Like Tom Cruise. Exactly, my old scene partner. But it does work when you say, actually, what they tell you is, when you meet someone, you should say their name back to them

because that actually will do a lot to cement in your brain. If you don't say it out loud, you're really not giving yourself much of a fight. But I think everyone you meet someone, you should say their name back to them because that'll actually do a lot to cement in your brain. Yes. If you don't say it out loud, you're really not giving yourself much of a fight. But I think everyone you talk to, you have to assume you're never going to talk to them ever again. See, I think on a set, everyone should have name tags, and I don't mean that in a... I think so too.

I think it was helpful. We stood on a bajillion, and it was great. Yeah. It was great. Because then you really just know everyone's name. Yeah, and after a while, you didn't need the name tags. Yeah. Yeah. Pottery class. So Mike, can just know everyone's name. Yeah, and after a while you didn't need the name tags. Yeah.

Yeah, pottery class. So Mike, can you take a pottery class? Pottery class. Pottery class. Lauren took a pottery class. Get on the head and fell in her ass. Pottery class. Made a bowl, made another bowl.

Now I got two bowls. That's a good song. I first took the, so I'm in a little group called Class Club with two other friends of mine. You're in Class Club. I don't know that one. And we do a different class every so often when we've done a cookie decorating class,

we did a sewing and mending class. Just one off. Cookie decorating class seems like, you're just gonna eat the cookies, so why bother? It's fun. Oh, it's fun. And they're all one off. Cookie decorating class seems like, you're just gonna eat the cookies, so why bother? It's fun. Oh, it's fun. And they're all one-offs. Sowing and mending class.

Just a few hours, yeah. I did a Sean and Mendes class. Where you put Sean and Mendes together? Yeah. And then what came out? Charlie Puth. And then he appeared. What?

I was like, whoa. What did you say? You put Sean and Mendes came out and what came out, Charlie Puth. Who is that again? A singer. Shawn Mendes. Don't you roll your eyes at me.

I can't explain everything. What a disrespectful child. He's your elder. And we also did a pottery class and just a one off. And then we liked enough that we decided to sign up. So it was me. So you re-upped? Well, so yeah, so the class,

one of our class club members wasn't there for the pottery class, but it was me and Mary Holland and Lauren Ashley Smith. By the way, for new listeners, Mary Holland will never be on Freedom. Yeah, she'll never. She's mentioned a lot, she'll never be on the show. Because Freedom is the three of us.

If she came out here, it would throw off everything. We would have stopped talking. We would stop talking. Yeah, maybe Paige Davis eventually. Paige Davis, did we cut her loose? She wanted to come on. I think that we solved her responsibility. It was past the self-idea. She doesn't want.

And then it was Reggie Smith? She doesn't know that she doesn't want to come on. That's right, Reggie Smith of the Indiana Pacers. He can come on. We're waiting to hear from him. We're waiting to hear from him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So you re-upped your pottery class and what happened? So, okay, so the class, my class club is Mary Holland, Kerry Barrett and me. And Kerry couldn't come to pottery, we had Lauren Ashley Smith come with us. But then we did, decided, you know what, let's sign up for six weeks. And Lauren couldn't do it.

So then we had Mary and then Carrie and her boyfriend and then me and my husband, Mike. And we took this class and it was really fun. It was downtown. And there were different, but the kind of the thing of, you know, you're seeing these people every week. I did learn everyone's name within that time period. I only know two out of three now.

You know, it's like that kind of thing. So they're meeting the people you didn't know in the class. You learned their names. Because is there a lot of interaction? Not really, but it's a lot of like walking by each other and being like, hi. And you know, some small talk of, I learned a bit about their history. Some people talk more though, you know, in a class environment like that, there are some people who are gonna just talk to everyone or the person next to them.

And I was really focused on trying to learn this skill, which... How are you as a potter now? I made some things that turned out okay, but I think my feeling was I don't care. You don't care enough to make them... And I never went on my free time because you're allowed to go to the studio

and practice and it just was a lot for me to go do that. I was like, I just didn't really have much time and then I also just didn't really want to. Because everyone thinks pottery, oh, it's gonna be so great. You know, like I saw the lamorous. I've seen ghosts. Oh wow, like someone's gonna come up behind me.

It is really fun but there was- I'll see you man, suck to hell. There were certain parts I didn't like. I was sucked to hell once, oh my God. This is so good. That's so nasty. There's like so many steps, and so each week you're learning kind of a new step.

By the way, now that you're a second mother, are you like now approved? I'll never ever talk about dick sucking again. In a negative light. No, only positive, baby. There's so many steps to pottery. Yeah, what are the steps? Take us through.

Oh, God. One, gotta get some clay, put the clay on the wheels. You get the clay, you weigh it. You need it out, which has a word I can't think of right now. And then to get all the air bubbles out. That seems like the most annoying. Then you make these like balls that are about the size that you want't think of right now. And then to get all the air bubbles out. That seems like the most annoying. Then you make these balls that are about the size

that you want and they're right weight. Lauren, by the way, is miming cupping. Cupping Hagrid's balls. What about working the shop? I don't want to. Wait, so you were a potter, like a Harry Potter? Yes. Feel the ball, Lucia.

Feel the ball, Lucia. And then you, wedging, that's when you get all the air out of it Do it kind of like that part and then you like And you do all this there's so many steps so much to it's like can't you just walk into a store and buy this you could But wait, so the first lesson you enjoyed enough to take a second lesson Oh, yeah Well the first the first lesson is just you make a bowl, but they kind of like lead you through it pretty quickly. You don't do all the steps.

And they kind of- Because they want to hook you into that feeling of like, look at the bowl I have. They do touch your hand in a way that makes the thing come to life better. Like it's like, oh here, just put a little pressure here. Oh no, it's a bowl. It sounds pervy.

And you're like, oh I'm amazed. It sounds pretty pervy. Yeah, it's really a bowl. Sounds pervy. And you're like, oh, I'm amazed. It sounds pretty pervy. Yeah, it's really horny. And then I made this cool. So what I said. I made two bowls in the class. Two bowls. Suddenly I think I'm a bowl master.

Two bowls of lapkis over here. Then I have to make them myself. You know, it's kind of a different story. But I did have fun. There's parts of the end. How many bowls did you make after? Trimming and things that I don't like. How many bowls did you make after the two bowls

that you made with assistance? In class, I think I ended up, I threw a couple in the trash that were honestly just. No, that's wasteful. I was like, I'm the kind of person who will keep this for the rest of my life. Right. So I better throw in the trash now.

I do not want this. And there are enough that I made that are usable to put some nuts in or some balls and just different things. Some gonads. to put some nuts in or some balls and just different things. Some gonads. So some people just drop by your place and put their testicles in here. Testicules, yeah, I do think it was.

Astrate, yes. Wait, so the first week. Mike made an astrate that was really good for his friend. An astrate, the first week you make a bowl and they sort of cut corners so you can get the feel for it. So that's a separate class, that's like your one-off class. Okay, so that's a one-off, and then you can sign up for this.

So I would say first week you're starting from scratch is if you never took that class, because they don't care if you took that class. They even say that they don't care. So if I understand, you said that the first class, you do end up making a bowl with their assistants. And then they glaze it for you, and you come back to get it.

But they skip a bunch of steps. And then I like glazing. And then sure. Sure, we all like glazing. Yeah, who doesn't. And then the next lesson, they're like, oh, you think you made a fucking bowl? Guess what? It's a piece of shit.

You don't know how to wedge. You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what anything is. They break. So why break you down? You suffer. And you don't. People just take the one-offs classes because you leave there with two good balls. You don't people just take the one-offs classes because you leave there with two good bolts? Well, because then you don't actually

know how to make anything. Who cares? But what I will say is that by taking the class, one thing I learned is I like doing the activity, but I don't like listening. Yeah. Oh. In case you guys haven't picked up.

The freedom story. I really felt like I was at school sometimes, and I was like, that's the worst part of school is feeling like you're at school. You know, we're going like, I could be doing anything else. I chose this. Yeah.

And I'm wondering why. And I- So I've looked into, I've looked into college classes just for like certain subjects that I go, I have to and they always tell me to leave. Yeah. I open physically.

I open the door like, what's going on here? They're like, get out of here. This is the door like, what's going on here? They're like, get out of here. This is the ladies locker room though, to be fair. Ah, I just do lockerly talk. What is this, gym class? No, I've looked into community college.

I just see like, oh. Plug it up, plug it up. Could I learn more about history or whatever? But then that's the fear is that I'll just feel like I'm back at school again where it's like, I'm gonna have to stick in this. There's, I think there's two things at play here. One is, I think it's very rare to be a captivating teacher of adults, right?

Number two, I think it's very hard for adults who don't have to be in school anymore to like sit still for this shit where it's like, I don't, this is more steps than I thought it would be. I liked when they would set me free to do my thing and then give notes and help me and that was all really good. So then I've said like, okay, well, I like reading books. Maybe I could buy a book on the subject

and I'll learn more about it. And then I can't find the right book. Okay. You're also never gonna read that book. I know. But I can just die without knowing the stuff, right? There are some people who love being students. They love taking classes. Mike has an auto-didact.. There are some people who love being students. They love taking lessons.

Mike has an auto-didact. Oh, really? He does love to learn. That's an Abraham Lincoln impersonator? Yes, and he's really good at it with a big, big hat. And he... Could you excuse me for just one moment, Lauren? Where did that come from?

I don't know. It has no connection. First thought, best thought. I was really racking my brain. Just sounds like it. He loves to learn and he's always learning something and it's very cool. And he, but even he-

I think it's admirable. It's great. He was a little bit like, when's Potter gonna end? But he was getting good at this. The auto-didact himself? Well, because somebody else was didactic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He did have a lot of fun when he got to go in by himself and just do it. Do you think that he's good enough at things where like, he. He did have a lot of fun when he got to go in by himself and just do it. Do you think that he's good enough at things where like he could just go into a, like a pottery class without any teacher. And by the end of it, he would have a bowl and be like, I don't know how this happened, but I made a bowl. No, it's pottery's not pottery. I want to do a few steps.

Pottery is really specific. It's amazing when you watch the teacher, because they'll just like create something out of nothing. It's like amazing to watch people who are really good at that. But when you're trying to make something, you can fuck it up so easily. It's like you really need someone to explain the basics

before you can, I mean, I think before you can start. I also took puttering in high school. We had it at my school. I did it at a, it was a sort of like program at our local playground that had like an arts program. Me too. Yeah.

And all I remember is making ashtrays. I made like a bunch of ashtrays. I remember making ashtrays. I made like money but. And it's like no one smokes at our house or anything like that. They smoke at my house. Oh okay.

But isn't it weird to be like a seven year old child and then everyone going like, here make an ashtray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are the days. But those are easy because they're flat. How, again a seven year old child to make you an alibiray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are the days. But those are easy because they're flat. How, again, a seven-year-old child to make you an alibi when you're cheating on your wife. Whoa.

Don't go too far. No. I'm far enough. I'm far enough. I gotta hear more about this. Go further. But yeah, I don't know. Ashtrays, I had one in my, my mom doesn't throw away

anything either. I just remember it was there for years and years and years. She has like old tissues and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That's weird. All the garbage. She's gotta throw that stuff away. I have all the pottery I made in high school, which is horrible.

You gotta bring it in for us. Yes, really good. Please, we wanna see it for us. And I have every like card and letter up to a certain point. We wanna read all of them. Once I got to a certain age, I went, you don't need see it for it. And I have every like card and letter up to a certain point. We wanna read all of them. Once I got to a certain age, I went, you don't need to keep them all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know, it's hard to throw away cards. Yeah, especially when like someone, even if someone writes something really nice, I sit there, I look at it, I ingest it, I take it in, and then I'm like, I have to throw this away now, otherwise it will just sit on a desk forever. I'll keep a card for, I still keep many cards, but I try to go, let's whittle this down.

Have you ever had like a box of old stuff and you look through it and there are things in there and you're like, I don't know what this is or why I've kept it? Yeah. Like a ticket that just says ticket on it, like a honorable ticket? Oh yeah.

Like I don't fucking know. No, I have like, I found a lot of, today I probably talked about this, college papers that I found, I think I told you guys this. But that stuff, I was like, why am I saving it? But then I didn't even throw it out once I found it. Cause it's kind of funny to look at.

It's absolutely, that stuff for sure. What I did the last place when we moved out of, I found a lot of that stuff and I just took pictures of it all. I think I even sent you a picture of something that you sent to me in like 1995 and I sent it to you. That sounds familiar, yeah. You should take pictures of them,

print the pictures out like the size of the thing and then like put it in a box. Put it in a box, yes. All right, we have to take a break. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, Lauren, I'm just gonna cut you off. Oh, okay. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You know, Lauren, I'm just gonna cut you off. Oh, okay. Because this is important.

I think a lot of us suffer from decision paralysis. I was deciding whether to talk or not, and I got paralyzed by it. Yeah, like we all wish we had more time, but when we actually find time in our schedules, we don't know how to spend it. Well, sometimes discovering what matters most requires a bit of reflection and support and

that's where a therapist can be absolutely crucial. Therapists, what are they? Well, they- I don't think we have time to go into that but I will say they can help you look plainly at how you spend your time and figure out what's actually making you happy or helping you progress towards a goal. Me? I've always loved therapy.

Always? Well, since you were a baby. Before I did it I was scared of it and then once? I've always loved therapy. Always? Well, since you were a baby. Before I did it, I was scared of it. And then once I did it, I loved it. Yeah. Being able to do a weekly step back with a professional means,

getting perspective on your own life you didn't have before, allowing you to see the decisions you're making more clearly. Therapy has been such a huge game changer for me. This is a fact about me. It guided me in figuring out to actually structure my time,

which helps me live my life to the fullest. Now you're Batman. I am Batman. Look, learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash freedom today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.

H-E-L-P. Dot com slash. Freedom. B slash three. What's that sound? Electricity. Oh my gosh. Are you Nikolai Tesla? Yeah. What's up, everybody? It's me, Nikolai Tesla. Well, I have a question for you, Nikolai. Shoot. How much do we three love e-bikes? Wait, you include me. Yeah, I love them Me too. We love them a lot. Did you ever think that this this thing that you helped invent or maybe invented?

I don't know your resume all that well. Did you ever think it would lead to a bike version? No The bicycle the velocirped is now electric. Yes. It has been electrified This is great news for me. From commutes. Commutes? Oh! Can you tell I'm reading this for the first time? From commutes to adventures.

I thought I said commutes, and then I just saw it was a T in the middle of the word. You could ride a electrified bike to Commune. From commutes to adventures, riders of all abilities can explore this new year with electric e-bikes. I love it. E-bikes are absolutely the best way to get mobbing, and maybe even discovarr. Some new neighborhoods around you.

Walking? I actually read it's bad for you. Don't do it. Bike instead. Yeah. Cruising around my neighborhood on my electric e-bike has become my new go-to little self-care ritual whenever I have a free morning. It's one of the most comfortable bikes I've ever ridden and I love how much they let you customize your ride. Oh, I love this electric talk.

Nikolai, take this part. Explore 2024 with electric e-bikes. That's like electric, but without the E at the front. The most accessible and adventurous e-bikes ever. Visit electricebikes.com to learn more. And be sure to mention that Freedom sent you in the post-checkout survey. That's L-E-C-T-R-I-C-E-Bikes.com. We tried to say something very quickly. Yeah, see who could say it the fastest. We timed it. Oh, hit lap. It was Butcher Baker, Canile Stickbinker.

Butcher Baker, Candle Stickbinker. That was slow. That was so slow. But very enunciated. Butcher Baker, Candle Stickbinker. We need to do another taste test. I think the people want that. If Janie gives me a card or a nice note or something,

I cannot throw it away. I save everything. I can't do it. It depends on how. That's meaningful. It depends on how throw it away. I save everything by great scheme. I can't do it. It depends on how. That's meaningful. It depends on how detailed it is. It is. Yeah.

If there's a whole page written to like a whole side of the card. If a friend writes me a nice card. I can read all that. Yeah, I hear you. TLDR. If a friend writes me a thoughtful card, I keep it. If it just says Merry Christmas signed by so and so, it's in the trash.

Oh yeah. But if a friend gives me a thought, even a friend's card I can eventually part with, but if Janie, I can't throw away anything. I have a couple of things that were written to me from people I barely know that I have kept, that I keep looking at going like, should I respond to these? That's where I am.

You're not supposed to write back to a Christmas card. No, no, it's just like a nice note that someone sent me that I'm kind of like, Oh, like you're supposed to say things for the note. This could be the end of it. Or should I respond? And that I'm kind of like, oh, like you're supposed to say things for the note. This could be the end of it. Or should I respond? And that's why both of these things

are just sitting on my desk. Should I respond as why I have over 1500 emails in my inbox? Yeah. See, I think. You should, by the way. We went back, some of the earliest ones, 2017. You still had it in your inbox? I can't remember.

I wonder what the earliest in my inbox is. Oh my God. It's whenever I got to email. wonder what the earliest in my inbox is. Oh my God. It's whenever I got you now. The earliest in my is 2023. There's no, you just are deleting emails. Oh no, I mean in my inbox, inbox. Inbox, inbox, inbox. No, but my old box.

Would I, would I? My out box. Old box. What do we call it? Inbox, inbox. Parallel was like, joke my friends dad told me. Oh, absolutely your friends dad told me. For sure.

It was really specific to my experience, but then everyone knew it apparently in this room, so it's not. It's a joke. It's a joke. It made the rounds. It made the rounds. My Gmail is very full, but I delete years at a time. You delete years at a time, right?

I'm always afraid someone's gonna get a hold of me six years later and be like, hey, remember me and then I'm not gonna know who they are. So I always need to refresh my memories of who they are. Do you see them coming out of a shadowy alley? Yeah, it's usually Batman. Remember me. I used to like to have every moment

because then I would search. Batman said remember me. Let me look you up in my G-Map. You know what it was handy for? Batman at Batman.com. Oh yeah, I remember. I would absolutely pretend not to in my G mail. You don't want to be a handy for. Batman at Batman.com. Oh yeah, I would absolutely pretend not to know who he was. You know what was really handy for? When you had an audition in person the way it used to be,

and then you'd search and go, oh, I did meet this person already in the little one. No, that's a lot of what I, like meeting people. And just reminding yourself that you've met them. Yes, yes, exactly. I, yeah, I now just kind of go, let's just let the dice fall where they may. The dice are falling.

The bodies at the floor. The bodies at the floor. I thought about, I really wanna set up my- I thought about some bodies hitting the floor once. It was a beautiful- Can I say one more thing about deleting years of emails? Yes. So I also used to say-

Can I also say, you made it sound like you were keeping up to date with your email? I am. But by del- but you're letting years accumulate. No, no, no, no. I've read and responded to every email. And then when they're in my, you know, all-all mail section, Oh, yeah.

I'll delete years at a time. I'll go, okay, let's just get rid of 2005 to 2007. Let's just get rid of 2007. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I can't do it. Let's just get rid of 2005 to 2007. Let's just get rid of 2007. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I can't do it. There are old like romantic emails, things that I go.

That I've sent you. I had revisited, you know, in the few years after that, whatever, like look back and be like, oh, what did it be? What's that guy? Mr. Darcy? I don't want to see that. Super Valerie chairs.

You feel like them being in your inbox is like poisoning something. I just don't care. I just don't care. It's not that I, I'd rather save a physical card, but I also throw those out from people like that. All right, Paul, what were you gonna say?

I feel like I'm mediating. What was I going to say? Two, a couple therapies. Oh, I wanna set up my, I've been threatening to do this for years, but set up my Twitch channel because I do like all the things that you can do on Twitch. And one thing I thought would be fun and motivate me

is to do like a, maybe a weekly thing where I just stream myself answering all the emails in my inbox or deleting them. And you're gonna read out loud what they are? I will give information that is safe to share. So you'll say this one's coming from someone talking about some money that I owe. I'll give the dates for sure.

You're like, this is from 2017, I owe this guy 50 bucks. I'm not gonna reply. Do you guys owe anyone money? Like meaning like are there people in your life? Like a friend or somebody. Like a friend from, even from like two decades ago or something like that. Oh, probably.

Man, I never paid that person back. Probably. I'm sure that's happened. I have guilt about people buying me dinner and then me never buying them dinner. Really? Sometimes I really don't like that imbalance and I feel really uncomfortable depending on the person.

Other times it's fine. But there's sometimes I don't like that. I remember when I- Where I feel sort of like I owe them or something or that it was weird that I didn't pay or something. But they offered to pay. Yeah. Yeah.

My old roommate I- Just weird interactions. My old roommate I definitely paid everything. You know what it boils down to? Just weird interactions. Speaking of roommate roundup, I definitely paid my last roommate that I ever had. Was it roommate roundup?

Yeah, didn't we do a roommate roundup? We're never completing that. There was restaurant roundup. Oh, okay, roommate, what was the roommate one? We did do roommate recap or something. We were going to do all of our roommates. Yeah, we started, we got like three in. We were going to do all of our roommates. Yeah, we started. We got like three in.

We got pretty far, but then I felt. But my last one, I ended up paying everything. So I like wiped this lake clean. But there are things like when I was up doing theater at a certain theater company, and they would let you stay with like a nice couple for like a few weeks. Like the phone bill that I like ran up, you know,

calling my girlfriend or whatever like that, and then never pay, you know, like skip town before paying and stuff like that. They're a little, little like- You should find them. Have you ever lent money to someone knowing I'm never gonna see this money again? Oh yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm eating a mamba. A black mamba? Oh. It's poison. Oh no. Yeah. I'm eating a mamba. A black mamba? Oh. It's poison. Oh no. Okay, guys, I wanted to tell you something else that happens. I know that I alluded to this on our text chain,

but for the listener, they haven't heard this exciting story. You've heard my stories about finding lost dogs. Yes. I had a great interaction recently where we found a lost dog with someone who was in Hawaii and the dog was being taken care of. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Acting surprised.

And we coaxed the dog out. I'm just half listening. And it was very frightened. And it was so good because I'd had, previously I'd had two, rather three experiences. Previously on Dogfinder. I had three experiences. I had three experiences with finding lost dogs

that were, the people were not very generous or gracious. Two of which were down the street. And I've talked about these on previous shows where I've found this scared little dog outside of this person who lives down the street from me's house. And I've knocked on the door and I've found this scared little dog outside of this person who lives down the street from me's house and I've knocked on the door and I've said, is this your dog? And they go, yeah, fine. And then they grab the dog and I've always been like, they need their dog privileges

were since. Yes. And I've always been like, okay, twice to find the same dog twice. It feels like this is now your fault. Cause how many times did you not find it? Exactly, that's how I felt. Okay, so during the break in between seasons of 3Dom, I'm walking down the same street, I'm walking my own dogs.

Hollywood Boulevard. I see the world. Street of Dreams. I see the world. Stepping on stars left and right. But don't step on me. There's Chuck Woolery. There's Mamey Van Doran. I see that on stars left and right, but don't step on Maybe Van Doren, you know like these are the stars that I'm stepping on out

So anyway, so I see the woman that I've returned the dog to twice and she is packing up her giant truck She's got balls and what Why did you say that and like that? She's got a big truck just the one with a big truck she's the truck nuts is that what you're talking about truck nuts sure She's Chuck Crock. She's truck. She needs truck crocs So she's loading up her truck and I see behind her. With dogs. I see behind her the dog that I've found twice. I see this dog looking up at her, not on leash,

and looking up at her quizzically and I'm thinking, does she know that dog's there? Is this a situation where she's let the dog out and he's not. We wondered who did it. Yeah, but the Baja men and turned out were the culprits, but... They let the dogs out? Them.

Them. Baja men. Do you think the dog was playing a prank on her? That could have been it. Yeah, so I'm just, I'm across the street, I'm trying to ascertain what the situation is. This dog is looking at her. She's not giving the dog the time of day.

Can you describe the dog because I have a picture in my mind of what the dog looks like. She's not giving the dog the time of day. Can you describe the dog? Because I have a picture of my mind of what the dog looks like. He's very tiny. He's brown. He's got like long fur. This is what I was thinking. This is what you were thinking of?

Why do you think this? You've seen it? No. I just, he's been visiting me in my dreams. I never, you know that? Yeah. You saw me. Yeah, I've seen you in the corner skulking saw me in your dreams. Yeah

When you describe the dog looking at her all of a sudden I had a picture yeah Yeah, so it's just kind of looking up at you to black and white dog with like ears that were like, huh, huh? The ears were saying that yeah, they're like well So she gets into the truck the dog is is sort of trying to get her attention, goes behind the truck. The woman starts her truck up. Jesus Christ! The dog is directly behind the truck off leash.

I run across the street, I'm waving my arms with my dogs on my leashes. So the dogs are flying all around. And yes, it's chaos. So I'm waving my arms to try to get her to stop before she runs over her dog. She is not even looking in a rear view mirror. Just like starts to go backwards.

Then a, does screech like sees me waving my arms. She gets out, she's like, what? And I say, your dog is directly behind your car. What's your obsession with my fuck? You're about to run over your dog. She gets out and goes oh Oh my god and comes over and and as she's going over to go pick up her dog This dog then attacks my dogs what and starts to bite my dogs. This is pure chaos. Who are on their leash. I'm trying to get my dogs away from this dog who is now chasing them and biting them.

And she's like, the woman is not going over and picking up her dog, because it's like she doesn't want to get in the middle of it or something. So I gently, as I can, am using my foot, which is my only appendage, to like sort of like tap the dog back, to back it away from my dogs.

She eventually goes and grabs it and is like, oh man, sorry about this. But ever since we got another dog, this one's acting out. Is the dog in the yard? No, no, there's a squirrel that had a huge... I saw that. Something from a tree. Tree corn. Really?

Oh, okay. Pine cone. Pine cone, maybe? We're overlooking a tree here in the studio. Sorry. See a tree. I love a squirrel. It's raining hard.

So she's basically saying she got another dog and now this dog is acting out. So she has two dogs that she's treating this as. It's really bad. The other day I was thinking about this experience I had, which I'm sure I've told you, but this was like 10 years ago. I was just driving in like on the west side somewhere in some random streets, but you know where like things start to intersect

and it's crazy and busy and like big, big intersection coming up off of some like city life residential streets. Yeah. Huh? I'm just driving along in this little. Oh, I forgot you were a country bumpkin, Paul. Oh, so there's like trucks and cars and they go on these things and high buildings what tall building yeah

taller than one story high what word did you say? Sibulae city life Sibulae Sibulae of course Sibylite. And I just see this little tiny baby head walking down the street. I could only see the head of a person. Of a person. Of a person.

Of a baby's head. It was like a toddler. I could see just the top of their head from my car. It sounds pretty cute. Just walking down the street towards huge intersection alone. So I pulled over. And this is not an episode of Old Enough. No. this child has not been sanctioned to do this task. And I got out of my car and went and helped this baby

and walked back and the mom was on the phone unloading groceries in her driveway and had not noticed. Oh, that's shielding. And she was, but she had no reaction. It was so weird. I was like, your baby was just down the street by the corner here. And then she was like, your baby was just down the street by the corner here. And then she was like, okay.

And she's like grabbing groceries. I was like, that's... Drop the groceries. Crazy. Stuck in me forever. Cause I was like... But you get it now. Well, yeah.

So I was just one her off. If I hadn't gotten out of the car, I'm like, what would have happened? Like it was just so scary. What if you had said not my problem? Right. Like Spider-Man. For example, like baby's day out. Like it was just so scary. What if you had said not my problem? Right. Right. Like Spider-Man.

For like baby's day out, like he's just, just baby's just narrowly missing construction beams and. Yeah, it could have been funny. Can I say that fucking baby's day out. It's a rip off of Mr. Magoo and they won't admit it. They won't acknowledge it. Oh my God, they don't admit it.

Oh my God, they don't admit it. Yeah. I have to say, I want to address this We will have talked about this already on another podcast, but On my other podcast the neighborhood listen People send in we read Posts from next door and we use them as improv you guys have both been on the show And sometimes we you know we encourage people to send them in

if they have an interesting one. And somebody sent one in that unfortunately turned out to be a good chunk of a sketch from I Think You Should Leave. So someone sent in a fake neck door. They did not realize it was fake. Oh, and they didn't realize it was the premise of a sketch from I Think You Should Leave. Exactly.

And so you guys did improv based on what ended up being the premise of a sketch from I think you should leave. Yes. What was it? It was 55 hamburgers. No, it was not. But that figures into this tale. It was they're planning a baby shower and what should we bring for the baby shower?

And Tim Robinson is like, what about like a bunch of fedoras? What about, I got a thousand little plastic meatballs. But so what's the next door of it all? Like they're like, my neighbor was talking about this. Somebody posted in like, cause there's a Fasail, Fasail in free section. Fasail. Fasail, if you got something for sale.

So somebody said, I'm selling a thousand plastic meatballs. It looked like a little piece of shit or whatever. And we were like reading this post like, this is too good to be true. And it turns out it was. It was too good to be true. But then people were saying like, how could they not know? Like they quote, I think you should leave all the time.

And it's like, we quote one sketch. I don't remember every. Oh my God, he admitted in 55 one sketch. I don't remember every. Oh my God, he admitted in 55 years. I don't remember everything. Maybe I remember a sloppy stakes sketch. I forgot about that, so you just said it. Yeah, and I don't remember that one with the meatballs. I remember the.

I watched it again and I didn't remember it. But here's what I'm brand new to me. They go really fast. The episodes are like 15 minutes and you're like, you're not going to remember. You just kind of have like one part that sticks out. Here's what I find interesting though, is like I think it would be interesting to watch

a sketch show where a premise is given to two different teams. And you see how they both write the sketch. And it would be wildly different and it would be, they'd be two totally different sketches with the same premise. I think it would be really interesting. Which is kind of what happened here

because the guest was Drew Voodee saying and then he didn't catch it either. And then he had to come up with a reason why this guy had these things and was trying to sell them and the wording of it and everything. Yeah. That would be a fun live show.

Yeah, it would. It would be a fun live show. Nobody steal this. Wait, wait, you get the premise live and you have to write the sketch in front of everyone? Like, yeah, like I feel like, no, no, no, no. Including lunch order? No, like there's other things that happen during the show

but like people get sent off to do that task and then they come back and perform it. Yeah. Yeah. Or they come back from the previous week and then you have the previous week performing. So then why is it live? Yeah, everyone lives in this place, right? Right. So they know each other. They're all roommates? Yeah. Or it's like, okay, it's improv and. Yeah, everyone lives in this place, right?

Right. So they know each other. They're all roommates? Yeah. Or it's like, okay, it's improv and. All right, okay. We're like, no, but improv is kind of similar where you could like.

Well, like one team leaves the room and you give the team the prompt. The same opening line or whatever. And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then. And everybody could do it. Everybody have fun doing it. Yeah, and people would pay to, and then, and then, and then. And everybody could do it every, have fun doing it. Yeah, and people would pay to get in

and we'd all be rich. And we're gonna make so much little money. So much little money. So much little money is gonna be flowing on my coins. That sounds like an I think you should leave. So I made so much little money. Guys, I gotta go back to the dog thing and just ask two questions.

Yeah, one, meeting you. Does, yeah. One who wants. Me questioning you, you questioning the floor. One who to wear. What? Does anyone, I don't wanna be a narc, but does anyone need to get involved

in this woman's dog situation? I don't really know what the deal is with that kind of thing. That seems like she. It doesn't sound good. It sounds like she lives like really carelessly. A careless life. Okay, here's my other question. I was sort of after all this where even the dog

is biting my dogs. I'm kind of like, if I ever see this dog again, what do I do? If I, do I save this? If it's the exact- You gotta ice him, you gotta ice him. No, but if the exact same thing happens and I see this dog is about to be run over,

I'm probably gonna have to go save the dog again. But it just feels like it can't happen four times. I don't, like I respect- It sounds like it could. I really respect the saving of dogs on the street and I have many friends who are passionate about this. Oh, so I'm not special. There was this dog in my neighborhood

who was like just a puppy and it was in this yard, front yard with a fence and like I could tell that these people didn't care about the stall. That always makes me sad. All I had to eat was a ball and I was like, I'm gonna save it. Yeah, it was a Rice Krispie ball. Wait, that's stealing.

Hmm? Ha ha ha ha ha ha? So you stole a dog. I mean, I took it out of the yard and now it's mine. Did you give it a ball? Yeah, what was it? What's he eating now? Well, food. Okay, what shape is this food?

What, mashed potatoes? Yeah. Is it spherical? Yeah, balls of mashed potatoes. You can't only use mashed potatoes. I use an ice cream stupor. Why don't they call them ice cream slash mashed potatoes? Do you get that? I didn't I I'm being dumb. Yes, I Always get worse we got it

But I was I moved on the worst one. He said rice crispy ball, which was not the premise. Yeah Wait, which was the dog was playing with a ball. Yes. And I was dumb enough to think that was its food. Yes. I liked it. I enjoyed it. Thank you. I thought it was very clear. I was trying to build on. There was no confusion. He gave me a little confusion. I know I'm trying to protect him and you. Don't protect him, protect me. Protect me Lauren. You're both being protected by what I'm saying. He got it. He did a good job. He got it. He did a good job. He got it. You did a good job, he did a good job.

We all did a good job and I'm proud of us. Yes, and we can do it. And we can do it. All right, we have to take a break. And we're back. Oh boy, are we. And man, is it time for a three-chir. It surely is. There has hardly ever been a time

that's been more time. As sure as the earth spins round and round, it is time for a three-chir. Is the earth spinning around and round? I think it stopped actually. It stopped one day. I think you're a stop. When? I think like in the 60s. Oh, when we went to the moon. Oh fuck. That's right Oh, we pointed the space laser at it and it stopped. Oh, I didn't hear that part. Yeah, what? What's that we pointed the space laser at the moon and then that made the earth no from the moon That's where we kept the space laser. Oh, and then buzzes guys. Can we see a three chair sure? Well, it's time for it

Sure as the earth's around wink wink jitterbug. Yes. This is Lauren's time for it. I'd love to hear it. Sure, it spins around. It's called Jitterbug. Yes, this is Lauren's request. This was originally submitted by Yoni Gordon. Yoni Gordon. Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. Yoni Gordon. All right, so the way, so you're all familiar with the song by Huam UK called Jitterbug.

No, it's not called Jitterbug. It's called Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. Yes. Wake me up before you go go. I'm a fan and I'm going with your love. It explicitly starts with people snapping their fingers and saying Jitterbug. Man, I tell you the first time I heard it,

I was confused and then I was like, I don't know, it just makes sense. The first time I heard it, I said this is inexplicable. The second time I heard it, I thought this is explicable. Yep, and you explicted. I did. And you know what? It makes the sun shine brighter than Doris Day.

That's right. So our world is better for the fact that this song exists. It's so sweet. It's so sweet. So we like to play a little game called Jitterbug. Would we just? If only the tyrant Napoleon could have heard the song. Have to say, words that fill the syllable count

of the word jitterbug in the time allotted. We're going around in a circle. We're going around, I would say clockwise, although Paul, as discussed on the show, you don't quite know what that is. He doesn't understand. No, when we're sitting in this configuration, I do not know what clockwise is.

Yes, meaning it'll travel to your left. That's, I don't get how you don't know. Like imagine Scott Smith. Oh, you don't? Imagine Scott Smith and you're three. I'm after midnight. Okay. Watch me on CBS in 1230s.

Okay. Does that do anything for you? No, what are you, dear? Three? Yeah, I'm supposed to be three three nine Okay, I get it. No, you don't liar Hold on hold on Paul gets it and you're and you get that he gets it. Yep, okay, I understand I respect I like that we're doing this now, this is good. We need the third person in an argument

to be asked to play Jitterbug. We have to fill up 20 more minutes, Laura, and so you rushing us to play Jitterbug is not gonna make it go any faster. Possible. It's possible, it's probable. It's possible for a plain country pumpkin and a prince to join in marriage

From Cinderella starring Brandy. Oh, Brandy. She's a fine girl. Is that the Rogers and Hammerstein version? I don't know. Well, my oh, why don't you go home? Hold a second hold a second no Lauren doesn't know and you understand that she doesn't know it's not her fault. Okay, yeah. You're right, good guy. This is good, this is good. This is the way we can keep the show going. Otherwise, this might be the last episode.

Oh. We come back for two episodes and then we're like, I've never seen any of those televised thingies where they do the Disney things. My ex-girlfriend was Cinderella in this version, I believe. My ex-girlfriend was Cinderella. Your ex-girlfriend's not Brandy. That's what I'm talking about, Brandy.

She's a fine girl. So it's not the Rodgers and Hammerstein version. However, I do wanna Google that. I do believe it is the Rodgers and Hammerstein version. But she was not Cinderella. Who was she? Brandy was Cinderella. What? What? What are you talking about? I'm saying my... are you pretending that your ex-girlfriend was Brandi because Scott come on saying my ex-girlfriend was Cinderella in a stage version of the Rogers and Hammerstein fucking Cinderella

Now who's gonna mediate me Cinderella Brandi? 1997 Why was that long ago shit doesn't say a word about Rogers and Hammerstein Let me do a bet oh it does say it on the on the post Right above the name of what Cinderella Cinderella's yeah Rogers and Hammerstein Cinderella Yep, yeah, so it is that and Whitney in that? Was she the fairy godmother? Whitney's the fairy godmother.

I got Whoopi Goldberg. We got Bernard at Peter's. I got Brandi. We got Jason at Alexander's. Who was the original one? Because I think it was written for TV. Was it your girlfriend? No.

Shut up. I just don't know. I'm sorry. I don't have all the answers. I'm gonna look it up. Okay, Rogers and Hammerstein Cinderella. The first version of it, it was written for television and then adapted to the stage.

It was originally broadcast on March 31st, 1957 as a vehicle for Julie Andrews, who played the title role. Julie of course, Julie Andrews. Why wouldn't you have her in it? You know how many people watched it when it was broadcast? 27 billion, million trillion billion billion. Very close. 100 million people. That's so much.

Can you imagine that many people watching anything now? Jesus Christ. It was subsequently remade in 65 and 97. The 65 version was Leslie Ann Warren. Oh, nice. And then the 1997 version, of course, Brandy Norwood. Leslie Ann Warren was in Clue? Clue?

I think she ran for Senate. Ms. Scarlett? Did she really? No, I don't know. It just names sounds like something. Elizabeth Warren? Yeah, that's why. And then there was also Leslie Ann Down.

That's right. And she ran for Senate. I don't remember what she did or what she was holding. She was an actress, right? I hope so. It's a good life. It is a good life. Oh, it's so great. If you can make a go hope so. It's a good life. It is a good life.

Oh, it's so great. If you can make a go of it, it's a fine life. Even just doing random little acts under fives. Oh yeah, even random acts. Oh, you mean my career? Yeah, you've had a good life. I had a good run. Paul, you are so self-deprecating,

but you have such a great career and you have so much more fun to be had. I did. That's beautiful. I have had a great career. you have so much more fun to be had. I did. That's beautiful. I have had a great career. I've had a lot of fun. Yeah. And I guess it's like, but there's always the worry of like, oh, it's over.

No, in fact, I am going to make a prediction. I think you're going to get on a show and it'll be the first actor ever to win an Oscar for a TV show. Wow. Oh, that started out fun. And then. Wow, oh. That started out fun. And then I realized this guy's crazy. Oh, you think I'm crazy? Fuck you, you're crazy.

No, I think you'll be on a show at some point. It'll be a popular show. That happens all the time. I think I'll be an old man and be on a show. That's good. I think so. I'm fine with that. To be a sassy grandpa.

And it'll be like a June Squib situation or something like that. Oh, I'd love to be a male June Squib. John Squib. And it'll be like a June Squib situation or something like that. Oh, I'd love to be a male June Squib. Yeah, John Squib. Yeah, John Squib, and he has Squibs where he's shot every episode. I should change my name. Yeah. To John Squib.

It's a good stage name. I think it's been so long since I've had an audition that the turnover has got to be that it's all new people. Yeah. So I could be a new guy. Yeah, you're just a speed man. I'm with John Squib. I'm with John Squib. I'm John Squibb's ex. Yes, I have spent a lot of time treading the boards.

That's why we probably haven't met before. I'm always treading the boards. Just back and forth. There, by the way, speaking of a John Phil in the blank, I was reading a nice children's book. Okay. That is a segue you could really apply to anything. Yeah, why not?

Reading a nice children's book called Good Night Gorilla, I don't know if you have- Holly loves it. Great book. Beautiful illustrations. I looked up the author who's Peggy Rathman, I believe. Yes. She's married to John Wick.

What? Isn't that crazy? That is crazy. I look up a lot of authors when I'm reading these books because I'm like, okay, let me guess if they're British or not. Yeah. That's one of the ones I like to play. And usually you can tell from the photo.

Yeah. But a lot of times they aren't, but they'll have mum or something. And I'm like, why is it mum? Canada. They do mum and kin now? Yeah, and Massachusetts. Is that so? Why in Massachusetts?

I don't know. Interesting. That's how Mitch says it. Yeah. And is that when you're saying mom, or you know how they say mom for ma'am as well? They say it mom. They say mom.

Yes, mom. Mom. Mommy. Now is that just, are they saying mom, or are they saying ma'am, but pronouncing it ma'am? They're saying ma'am pronouncing it mom. And when that guy says mother about his wife, he means to say mom.

That guy, you mean Mike Pence? Yeah. Oh my God. I honestly could have remembered his name and I was happy. Yeah, honestly. If we could memory wipe ourselves the last eight years, it would be so much fun. And then we could do this show over again.

I know, I would all be new. All the stories would be new. Wait, oh, no. What are we talking about? Well, we were talking about Jitterbug. Mommy, Jitterbug. Massachusetts. Mom, Massachusetts.

OK, well, we're talking about Jitterbug. We were about to play it, originally submitted by Yoni Gordon. And then we've talked about the song. How it goes, Jitterbug. We're going to go in a circle clockwise. And we're going to go. I know what that means. We're going song how goes jitterbug We're gonna go in a circle clockwise and we're gonna know what that means we're gonna start with jitterbug and then we're gonna go clockwise and We're gonna have to say

Things and phrases that fill up the jitterbug the meter the meter and it has to the meter it has to work It has to it it has to work We can work and we can do this we can war we can do this but it has to work and But it can work. And we can do this. We can do this, but it has to work. And it can. And it can. It can. No, I swear. It can.

No, I swear. But it's not a guarantee. Come on. We can do it. That's a guarantee. Yes. Let's do it. It has to work.

That's up in the air. It has to work. Okay, here we go. What do we say? Jitterbug first or we snap first? Snap first. Okay. Jitterbug. Jitterbug.

Jitterbug. Jitterbug. Who goes first, by the way? I will. Jitterbug. Here we go. Pretty pick. Rose and Crans.

Gildenstern. Got to. Got to. The Hamlet Boys. I'm going to go with the Hamlet Boys. I'm going to go with the Hamlet Boys. I'm going to go with the Hamlet Boys. I'm going to go with the Hamlet Boys. I'm going to go with the Hamlet Boys. I'm going to go with the Hamlet Boys. I'm going to go with the Hamlet Boys. I'm going to go with the Hamlet Boys. Parking lot. Meeter made.

Traffic cop. Orange juice. Milky squirt. Diner food. Coffee cup. I'm a little bit of a fan of the Hamlet Boys. I'm a little bit of a fan of the Hamlet Boys. I'm a little bit of a fan of the Hamlet Boys.

I'm a little bit of a fan of the Hamlet Boys. I'm a little bit of a fan of the Hamlet Boys. I'm a little bit of a fan of the Hamlet Boys. milk is milky squirt diner food coffee cup coffee mug hot tea mug Hershey bar Hershey's squirt. Hershey's squirt. Lauren's laughing.

So much that I think she can continue. Keep going, keep moving. Hershey's squirt to me is... Diet squirt. Butterball. Fancy hat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Tater mash. French fries. Large fries. You're out.

I'm out. Diet squirt after her she's. Really? Like a diet squirt. Yeah, it's so weird that that's a soda that exists. It is diet squ's Squirt. Really good. Diet Hershey's Squirt. Like a diet Squirt, yeah. It's so weird that that's a soda that exists. It is. Diet Squirt?

Squirt. Squirt, Justin. Diet Squirt. They have that with Diet Squirt. Honestly, the Squirt lovers out there. Honestly, anything that exists is kind of weird that it does. Squirt. You know I'm high, don't do this.

Okay, I'm sorry, Paula's always high during the show. I'm always high and I don't want to have a bad trip. I've never had that trip and I tend to keep it that way. You're high 24 hours a day, though day 24 hours a day. I love always on a good trip I always Love being high Well guys, that's gonna wrap it up for us if you want to submit a threacher to us and we pray that you do Oh my gosh, if you were ever to submit a threacher, we would be so happy. Now. I lay me down

Oh my gosh, if you were ever to submit a threacher, we would be so happy. Now I lay me down to sleep. Woof. Okay, this is my soul to keep. Ooh, nice little burp. Is that a preggy burp? Sorry. Preggy burp. Boba dee, Boba duke.

Marba duke. Oh, Boba duke's a good one. Boba duke. I should have said that. What is the Boba duke? When you saw him, you were like, ah, and he was like jitterbug. I'd love him. That would still be really scary.

By the way, not to be that guy, but it is pronounced Babadook. Babadook. It is? Because it's supposed to rhyme with book. Yeah. That was very confusing the first time I saw it. Absolutely.

Yeah. It's like, what, this is a book? This is a Babadook. Because you want to say, oh, the Babadook! Babadook! Babadook over here! Babadook over here! Oh, Babadook.

It's supposed to rhyme with book? Yeah, because in the book, in the actual book, it rhyme with book. Yeah, because in the book, in the actual book, it rhymes with book. Yes. Bob-a-book. Bob-a-book. Yeah, there you go. Bada-bing, bada-bing.

Bada-bing, bada-book, bada-do, bada-dee, bada-do. Bada-bing, bada-bing, bada-do. Excuse me, Mr. Bada-doke, I hear. Hey, hey, are you the one with a b here. I'm here with a Babadook. He came over me to say, he said, jitterbug. Pfft. Pfft.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. But if you want to submit a three-chir, here's how you do it. Write to thredomeusa at gmail.com. O-2-1-3-4. O-2-1-3-4, what's that? That's from Zoom. Oh, okay. What was that? Boston Mass. Write to Zoom. Oh, two, one, three, four, what's that? That's from Zoom. Oh, okay.

What was that? Boston Mass, right to Zoom. Oh, the show's Zoom. Yeah, you know that. We're gonna Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom. We're gonna Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom, Zoom. Not to that guy I've ever pronounced Zoom. Oh, no, not again.

And also, if you wanna call us, occasionally we'll take phone calls on the show. Yeah, not live, you leave us a voicemail. Yeah, leave us a voicemail. We have to verify that the message is on the security number. Leave your Social Security number, leave your first pet's name, the street you grew up on,

your mother's maiden name. Which becomes your slut name. Your slut name is your mother's maiden name and your platform digit, so you're so scary. My slut name is my first name and my last name. Wow. You slut. He's a slut. I praise you.

If you want to leave as a voicemail, what is that number, Paul? Hag claims eight. Oops, I'm late. It's so easy to remember because there are a lot of hags in this world. So many. And they all want to, what do they want to do?

They want to claim things. And how many of these things do they want to claim? As many as possible, eight is a good number. Eight is usually enough. I like that we've never tried to just say the numbers. No, because we don't remember them. What if they were literally like 444-5555? That'd be great. But unfortunately, it's had claims eight. Don't leave those people alone. 444-5555. Shout out to all the hags out there. I love you. And all the thingsgs out there. I love you. And all the things you're trying to claim, you'll get them. All your warty noses and whatever potions you're making.

So call Hag Claims 8, Extension Oops, I'm Late, and leave us a message and maybe we'll hear them on this show, who knows? Maybe. What do I know? Maybe you'll waste your time. It could happen. Yeah, I would imagine there are hundreds of messages on this stage. Yeah, I've never logged in. Maybe. Maybe? What do I know? You'll waste your time. It could happen.

Yeah. I would imagine there are hundreds of messages. Yeah, but I've never logged in. Because we hardly ever do it. I was going to say stranger things have happened and then I realized stranger things did happen. That's right. We all watched it. We all loved it.

When I say I've never logged in, someone has and has been listening to them. If you can imagine it, it's been done. Yeah. That's right. There's a parallel universe out there where everything exists. Multiple parallel universes. Yeah, that's right. There are there's a parallel universe out there where everything exists Multiple parallel universes where literally anything that could ever possibly happen in that anyone has ever thought up That's how crowded that's like what it is here. By the way, we haven't We haven't in the new season. We haven't said hello to our piss pigs

I just want to say hello to the post-pastry that have found us here. We're so happy. We're so happy that you are if you are a new listener Again, we've said this before we have to say it every time, we did not pick this. This was the listeners of the show voted to call themselves this. Yes. The name for our fandom is Piss Pigs. And I don't know why they did it.

They had, we weren't even aware of the election necessarily. It was a poll that we weren't consulted on. No. We came to it very, very late and just at the last minute we're sort of like, oh, should we really be called this? And by then it was too late though. We were getting so many emails,

why aren't you calling us piss pigs? Please do it. People were saying, and then I saw people were upset because they couldn't find the voting. It was closed. It was closed by then and we had no opportunity to sort of affect the results. Don't bring it to us, we didn't make the poll.

Somebody out there made the poll. But we are bound by its results. I mean, if that's what they, because we love our listeners, if that's what they want to be, we love our listeners so much. We love our listeners, something you don't wanna be called. Exactly, so piss pigs it is.

They love it, they call it. I always say like fans. It's like people don't identify that way. They want to be called. Exactly. So, Pispigs it is. They love to be called. I always say like fans. It's like people don't identify that way. They're more than that. Yeah. Yeah. You're our Pispigs. So, we love all of you and we will see you on the next episode of Freedom, which is approximately

one week away. Yeah. It's been. It will be. Jitterbug. Goodbye. Bye. Jitter bug. Come on. Bye. Jada bug. Join us on Archetypes, a dynamic podcast hosted by Megan, the Duchess of Sussex, as she digs

into the labels that try to hold women back. In each intimate and candid conversation, Megan is joined by guests like Serena Williams, Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Issa Rae, and Trevor Noah, as they delve into the roots of countless common descriptors of women, like diva, crazy, dumb blonde, and the B word, and redefine and reclaim each identity along the way. The complete season of archetypes is out now

on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.