Threedom - JonkupublicroomBA!

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

Lauren, Paul, and Scott discuss dentures, doctors, and September 5th before playing Rated Scenes. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com. Subscribe at cbbworld.com to listen ad-free!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode of Freedom is brought to you by Makers Mark. You may not know that Makers Mark co-founder Margie Samuels was the designer and genius behind the original label. And it's Women's History Month, so I would like to shout out another amazing woman I admire, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who hosts the show Wiser Than Me, which every episode is amazing, also here on the Lemonada Network. And I am honored to be a part of a community of strong women, and I want to pass it on. I got a fun, personalized label bottle from Makers Mark. So cheers to you, Margie, I want to pass it on. I got a fun personalized label bottle from Makers Mark. So cheers to you Margie and cheers to you Julia. This month order a free label and let a spirited woman in your life know just how special she is to you. Head to makersmark.com

personalized. Makers Mark makes their bourbon carefully so please enjoy it that way. Makers Mark Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey 45 alcohol by volume copyright. Makers Mark Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey, 45% alcohol by volume, copyright 2024. Makers Mark Distillery Incorporated, Loretto, Kentucky. Join us on Archetypes, a dynamic podcast hosted by Megan, the Duchess of Sussex, as she digs into the labels that try to hold women back. In each intimate and candid conversation, Megan is joined by guests like Serena Williams,

Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Issa Rae, and Trevor Noah as they delve into the roots of countless common descriptors of women like diva, crazy, dumb blonde, and the B word and redefine and reclaim each identity along the way. The complete season of Archetypes is out now wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Freedom! Freedom is the name of the show that we're on Do one of your raps come on. Okay, I'm rapping Hey, wait a minute I'm going to the box office. Excuse me. Yes, sir. Can I help you? I'd like the ticket price refunded please. The whole ticket price? Yes. What's wrong? Wait, the price that we... Wait, wait, shouldn't you be on stage?

See me doing this and that. I get it, I get it. Okay, here's all your money. Thank you. Here's all of my money. Thank you. Now let me on that stage. Okay, come on up here sir.

Freedom is the game. Now rap for us. Hey everybody, it's time for some rap. Zimba da ba doo ba ba dee doo da ba ba dee. Excuse me, I want my money back. You know what, you're right here. Okay, come on up here, sir. Now rap for us. Hey everybody, it's time for some rap. Excuse me, I want my money back. You know what? You're right here. Okay, cool. I'm rich.

Oh, she's on her phone. And I'm done. Hey everyone, welcome to 3Dim. The show where Lauren's on her phone. I vowed to never pick it up again. I vowed to never pick up the phone again. I am not a phone user. I did not pick up that phone.

Lauren was doing the JFK voice and the Bill Clinton thumb. And not a crook. They should combine every president into one and be a super president. That would be so much easier, because we wouldn't have to vote. We would just be like, it's that one. This guy is every president combined. All 40.

I'm every president. Would All 40. Every president. Would it be all 45 of them? That's right. I don't consider the 46 Biden Biden. He's not a real president. Don't Brandon. Dark Brandon. Would every president combined be a very tall thing or like a big boy?

Would have to be tall like Lincoln. I pictured a big head. No, I mean, if it's all of them. It's mainly a head with like a- I mean, like a giant, like all this Godzilla size thing with like a body comprised of all of their bodies. Yes. How different were their bodies, you know,

if you're really making it like a caricature, they're all basically the same arms, torso, legs. I think you have to be a regular president. Regular sized. I'm not regular size legs. Well, my torso looks different because it has tits on it. Haven't yet seen a female president. And yeah, we are going to talk about that today.

Well, I hope when there's a female president, we just talk about her tits. Well, you know, it's got to be a point of conversation because we've never discussed it with the men. But her tits! But her tit nails! But her tits! Hey, butter tits, your president! Butter tits, she's stunning. She's perfect from head to toe. Her tits are disgusting. They are disgusting. She is the most attractive one I've ever seen. But her tits are disgusting. Her tits are revolting. She's about her tits.

I think it would have to be a regular size human with the qualities of every president. Oh, the qualities. Stovepipe hats. That's not a quality. That's something. Are they going to say like integrity. Not able to tell a lie. Yeah, yeah. The cherry tree ax.

Wooden teeth. Wooden teeth. No, no, let's talk about that. If you had, let's say you had to get all your teeth. Okay, in the Amish community, they will preemptively remove all of your teeth and give you dentures. By the way, Lauren, this has been a long Roman Spring.

Are you gonna go back or not? I'm thinking no, because I love meth. This has been five seasons of this show. I love meth, I'm not going back. Okay. You love meth too much? We don't have it there. Just take some meth back with you. Or Mountain Dew, let me just say.

What about playing cards? Let me just say, we don't have Mountain Dew. We don't have Mountain Dew. The cows don't make that out of their pussies. Jesus. Ooh. That's true, can't argue. They don't. Mountain Dew. We don't have Mountain Dew. The cows don't make that out of their pussies. Jesus. Ooh. That's true, can't argue. They don't.

Can't argue. Now I'm thinking about that kid who listens to this with his mom. Anyway. Um. Okay, but I was gonna say, in the Amish communities, they will, and I watched a video.

Breaking Amish. The docu- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Reality show. The docu-reality doc. Yeah. Where it was really great. It's a bunch of these teens that they're following going on their rum spring as and so forth.

But they would were preemptively remove their teeth sometimes so that they don't deal with dental care and get them dentures. I chop off my arms so I don't have to break one. Yeah, it is smart. But then this poor teen girl has no teeth. Oh, let me get an introduction. Okay, you disgusting fuckwad. Who does this? One of the Amish people? It is an Amish thing. An Amish dentist? Look, they're not listening to this to correct me. So I can say it. But they, they, why can't they have dental care because of drugs? It's, uh, novocaine kids will get kicked. Novocaine.

But they like, they like barn raising so much. They're like, let's make everything wood. I really don't know. They take up, but then she ever said that he even wouldn't teeth. Well, it came off coming from there, but the, the, the, but the, the dentures don't always fit perfectly and they have issues with their gums. And they've, of course that's going to be very painful. Where do they get the dentures? Look, if you're exomish and you want to write in, call us at

hadclaims8.com. Yeah, please. I would love to hear from a former Amish person. Take one day off. So it must be exhausting. It must be. Gotta be so. Even just putting on a jacket with all the hooks and eyes, the whole fake beard. Sometimes I think about dentures though.

You have to spend all that money on spirit gum. When the Foley fly system. When in our culture, typically it's senior citizens who have dentures. Sure. When does that become the thing where you like, do you transfer slip into some dentures? When do you cross over? Like you do then pull all your teeth and just do, I'm like, when does that, cause like my grandma had dentures,

but I wasn't really aware of that. Right. And then. They would just slip sometimes. I never saw them. No, no, no. It was only when she was near the end of her life that I was aware that she had dentures, but it was like.

Last thing she did was took them through. Yeah. I just didn't really think about it, but I'm like, I'm sure many people who are 90 have dentures, but like my dad had dentures. When did so what's my question is, when do you go from regular teeth to being like, let's just call it and just go to dentures? Let's get them all. Let's get them all out. I don't know. And I imagine it's,

it's the amount of teeth that can be preserved because he did not like have a full set of dentures. It was like, they fit in between other teeth that already exist. Yeah. Well, he, I think he had, I think he had back teeth, but he didn't have any more front teeth. Because they got too weak or something. Yeah. Yeah. That's so sad. Because I think the teeth can, the infection can, whatever, can, the rock can spread. This is why I don't believe in God is because like, if there was a God, he would make teeth

last forever. So why are there, why do we get rid of baby teeth and then suddenly we have adult teeth? It's like too confusing. I'm a little mad at you because I asked you to let me guess why you don't believe in God. I'm so sorry. Spoilers. And we've been saying for years. I felt like I was really close to. He was getting really close. It was kind of 20 questions times a minute. Yeah. What did you narrow it down to?

I narrowed it down to why do we have nightmares? That seems unfair. Can we just sleep? Can we have just like pleasant dreams? Yeah. We always say sweet dreams. Yes. Right before bedtime to each other and the platypus. Oh, yeah. The platypus is like, what's the point? It's a weird combo. It's extinct. But it's not. It should be. What's the deal with ants? We don't need them. Question. We don't. I think we do. No, we here's humans don't. I know. But here's what everyone

says. Ants, bees, all this shit. They're always like, well, we need them because they kill the other thing. Let's exterminate them all. And that way there's no need for something to kill the other thing. Well, I've long said we should be developing synthetic bugs. Yes. Don't that leave us alone. Yes. But AI controlled bugs. They take care of everything they're supposed to do. You used to scream that on street corners. Yeah, it's a big sign. Little tiny mechanical bugs that are like Roombas

that clean up everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll have- Oh, no, we're saying different things. Oh, why? I'm saying replace the bugs that bother us with robot bugs. That's what I'm saying. But not to clean our homes.

No, not to clean, I'm saying they're like Roombas, but Roombas. They're like Roombas that clean up the other mechanical bugs that are bug, you know, the ones that they're like, if ants kill whatever. I don't want this all happening in my house. Sure you do. No, I don't want to see this. There is an ecosystem. I want to sell you some bugs. Exactly. I want to, I don't want to see the ecosystem. What's it going to take to get some bugs in your house? Mechanical bugs that I sell you. I already have all the bugs that live in my eyebrows and eat whatever.

Ah! Isn't that crazy that you have bugs all over your face right now? I don't respect that. You don't respect that? Respect it! I don't respect that belief. They're there.

You better respect my thoughts. They're just eating away at your face right now. They're micromites. And anytime you like kiss another person, you're eating their bugs. That's insane. So don't kiss anyone. Okay. Now you took science class from a seven-year-old. Is that correct?

Sure. I caught one. I know. I'm going to be a kiss on when you're eating their bugs. When you eat the bugs, those are somebody's face. So you get the, of all the bugs that they have. If the girl puts their hand on your pee, then she gets pregnant. We should introduce ourselves.

It's 10 minutes into the episode. Please allow me to introduce ourselves. My name is Paul F. Tompkins. My name is Lauren Lapkus. And my name is Scott Aukerman. This is freedom. You know what it is. You love it.

Come on. Come on guys. You know what this is. John Q. Public. That's like a, that's like a For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son. Yeah. That's from the bio. Oh that's John 360. I'm sorry. Is that just like a John Doe thing? No, John Doe is someone that is anonymous. What's John Q. Public? That's the average person. A term, yeah, the people at large. Joe Lunchpale.

It's actually, I don't think it's the average person. I think it's like a collection of junk you public is everyone. Oh, the public. Yeah, the public. You think it's junk you public? Junk you public. Junk you public, Roomba.

Oh my God, a demon appeared. Oh no! Jump to public rumba! Jump to public rumba! Jump to public rumba! Then I pull your heart out of your chest. God I wish. You wish?

Oh I don't want it anymore. It hurts too much! Too much love. No I have a heart attack. No no! I have a heart attack. Ongoing. Oh, I don't want it anymore. It hurts too much. Too much love. No, I have a heart attack. No, no.

I have a heart attack. Ongoing. Doctor, I have a heart attack. Oh, can I tell you about this doctor I went to? Sure. Please. Oh God, I'll tell you about something that happened to me. Oh shit.

I don't have one. Okay, you know how a year and a half ago, over a year and a half ago. A year and a half? A year and a half. A year and a half ago, over a year and a half ago. A year and a half? A year and. A year and a half, Chunky Public Room Bar. He's creating his own language. You know what he's saying? He's not saying anything.

He's like Esperanto or something. It's crazy. Why won't you come to your senses? Gotta do, do, do. Reminds me of Seinfeld, of course. So a year and a half ago, I broke my foot playing pickleball. That was tough. Previously on Freedom.

That was tough. Previously on Freedom. Ow, ow, my foot! My fucking foot! I was trying to play this little dumb game. Are we gonna continue the pickleball game? No, I gotta keep trying. Let me dig the dunk.

That guy broke his foot! He did. We even, we went to the Hollywood Bowl when I had the broken foot in Denali. Oh wow. Walking around on it. That's horrible. We did you see Steve Martin?

Yeah, Martin Short. So anyway, I broke my foot. I was in the walking boot during the entire. Too scary. No, I was in the walking boot and then I got it off right before the tour and I was in a brace for the entire tour. That's tough I was in the walking boot, and then I got it off right before the tour, and I was in a brace for the entire tour. That's tough. Return of the walking boot.

Yes. Return of the walking boot. And then, then I was in physical therapy and stuff. Okay, so I had- Let's get physical. Physical. So I've had this issue with it the entire time where any time I point my toe as if I'm- Doing ballet.

Doing ballet, exactly. And during the physical therapy... Or when you're trying to show cool up, oh, it's over there. Yes, and I point with my foot. Because pointing with your head is rude. Walking downstairs or climbing over something... A load of repairs. ...will trigger it. But I would feel the nerve on the top of my foot twinge.

And so for a year and a half, I've been going to this podiatrist or foot doctor and I've been saying, you know. Thanks for translating, because I had no clue what a podiatrist was. This is the thing, he doesn't call himself a podiatrist. So, I don't mean- Podiatrist? Sure he doesn't.

Roomba. He calls himself a junk you, public Roomba. He has devil horns. So. So I've been describing these symptoms and he would be like, well, it'll go away. Oh, that's good. It'll it'll go away after time.

And then he would prescribe me like this. When you're dead. Yeah. Yeah. THC cream and stuff like this. Come on. I would get. So it's getting.

My foot was so big. Yeah. Yeah. THC cream and stuff like this. Come on. I would get my foot. So it just has never gone away. So he said, OK, you know what? Let's go to this other doctor and get a nerve test. And I was like, OK. And I scheduled it. Didn't think about it at all. I was just like, I'm going to this doctor.

What is it? Oh, it's a nerve test. I get to the doctor. He's like, so do you know what's happening today? I'm like, no. He goes, you didn't look up what you're gonna be doing today? Oh, come on. These motherfuckers, they tell us not to look anything up. I know. They do?

Yes, doctors are always like, don't Google. Yeah, it'll freak you out. Disconnect your phone. Unplug your modem. Touch grass. Yeah. He's like, youem. Touch grass. Yeah. He's like, you didn't look it up? You don't know what's happening?

I'm like, no. I'm starting to get really nervous. I'm like, no. What are we doing? He's like, well, we're doing a nerve test. He's like, OK, well, reactions to this can be either very mild or you can be riding around the floor in pain.

So we'll see what happens with you. Um, but basically I'm going to be attaching these electrodes to your legs and foot, and then I'm going to be sticking, uh, needles into your feet. And did he say writhing around on the floor in pain? Something to that effect. Yeah. So you picture at least, Yeah.

And I'm going to be sticking these, these needles into your foot and activating around on the floor in pain. Something to that effect. Oh, okay. That's what you pictured at least. Yeah. And I'm going to be sticking these, these needles into your foot and activating the nerves like they're electric shocks. And I was like, Oh, okay. Okay. And so I got this done. Can I see your credentials, please? You didn't look up what I'm doing.

It's called crazy poke ya. And I'm going to poke you with these noodles. I said, I'm going to poke you with these noodles. So he put a poke in my nose. And I'm going to poke you with these noodles. So I'm going to poke you with these noodles. So he put a poke in my poke ya. And I'm gonna poke you with these noodles, Roomba. I said, Roomba. I'm gonna poke you with these noodles. So he put a bunch of noodles in my veins. I'm gonna poke you with these noodles.

Put the noodles in my veins. That's a bunch of little pasta. So he started doing it and thankfully, I think because in physical therapy, one of the things they were doing to try to cure this was wrapping my leg up in this thing that would give me electric shocks and you would turn it up as far as you could take it. So you could lose weight in your foot.

Yeah, I'm sort of remembering I had, when I had plantar fasciitis. Plantar fasciitis, noodles in the veins. When I had plantar fasciitis, darling, you have no idea. Plantar fasciitis, whatever. They did some electrode thing on my feet. Right. That would be like something, sounds cool. So you would turn it, they would say,

this is gonna be 15 minutes, turn it up as high as you can in order, where you can still take it for 15 minutes, right? So I would turn it up as high as I could. So I think because of that, he's basically like sticking this needle in my thing and making my nerve go Yeah. And then that's a needle in your thing. Yeah. And that sounds my needle. But so is that, is that to see,

do you tell the difference? Is that to see which nerve is being activated? The pain you're feeling. Also he's, he's, he's sticking a needle in it and hearing like the, the echoes in it and stuff like that. It would be like, eh, like I'll put it in the last. He's like a dolphin. He's like, it's like connected to a computer with like these sine waves and stuff. And it's like going,

and so that's your foot noise. Yeah. So he's trying to figure out which nerve is the problem, right? And so he does all this and he goes, all right, well, go back to your, I'll send the results. You didn't ride around it. I didn't, I was fine. I like literally just-

Did he seem disappointed? It would make spaz- Yeah, I think he was. Yeah, he wanted to be like, oh God, Duckwood hurts, it hurts so bad. He's like, okay, tough guy, go back to your little house. Yeah. I presume your little like, okay, tough guy, go back to your little house. Yeah.

I presume your little house for a little tough guy. So I was fine, I was just like, didn't make any noise and just was like, oh, this is, I mean, it's uncomfortable in the way of like, weird that it's happening to you because you're having spasms, right? But I was fine. So then I went back to my foot doctor and he's like, hmm, these results are inconclusive, go back and get it redone. I hate that. So then I went back to my foot doctor and he's like, hmm, these results

are inconclusive. Go back and get it redone. I hate that. What the fuck? Didn't that guy know that? I don't know. So I went back the other day and said, you know, I guess we got to redo it because he doesn't know. So, so, so he had me redo it again, but then he's like, okay, I think we're going to test out what nerve it is. He goes, you didn't drive here, did you? I'm like, it's Santa Monica. Yes, I did. He goes, you're not driving back though, right? I'm like, no one's giving me any instructions.

I drove here. So he's like, well, we're, what we're going to do is we're going to block your nerves. So your, your driving foot is going to be numb. So I'm like, nonsense. So I call my coworker. How does he know what foot is your driving foot? Yeah, you might be a left-footed driver. Exactly. Like me. Do they make cars for left-footed drivers? You make cars? I do. Wow. Can I buy one? Do you want a left-foot car? Just for the days where I get my nerve. You had this issue with before with this foot where you couldn't drive.

Well, I drove the whole tour. Yeah, you weren't supposed to. Yeah, they said no. So your nerve says otherwise. Oh, you fucking got it. Let it rise. Right. You're the architect of your own misery.

That's true. So I call my coworker, the baker, and she takes an Uber to Santa Monica at four in the afternoon during rush hour. She drive. Because she's gotta drive my car. I understand now. Yes.

I understand. And he injects lidocaine into my nerve. Nice. And trying to see if that's the one. And he's like, well, just write to me tomorrow and tell me if it helped. Write to me? if that's the one. And he's like, well, just write to me tomorrow and tell me, you know, if it helped. Write to me? Send me a postcard.

It was a letter. It was like. Enclosed $1. And a self-adjusted stamped envelope for my return. And I'll send you a sticker. By the way, by the time my coworker arrived, I was like, my foot feels fine. You didn't need to drive here and I could have driven home. But anyway.

Oh, great. I'm sure she loved drive here and I could have driven home. But anyway. Oh great. I'm sure she loved to hear that. The good news is. You should have really played it like, oh my little foot. Oh my foot. The good news is that was the nerve because it felt great for.

Yes. It felt great for about 15 hours and then the symptoms returned and he's like, yeah, that's perfect. That's when it wore off. So we found the nerve. So. Now what? This guy sounds like he's fucking making it up as he goes along.

But what happens next? Well, next is they're going to put steroids into it and then it may go away. And if not, then they block the nerve, which is like an operation. Oh God. And, and, and so he goes, I go, he goes, can you just take it? Can you just survive with it? Or do you want to do this operation? I'm like he goes, can you just take it? Can you just survive with it? Or do you want to do this operation? I'm like, well, how involved is the operation?

He goes, it's- You didn't look it up? Yeah. He goes, it's simple. Well, then I want to do it, bitch. But this is the- I don't like being told to do like this. I don't like this guy at all.

This is so rude. But this is the, this is the other doctor. Remember the last operation I had? Try and remember. On your balls? Yes, the drain your balls. Operation. See your bees.

This guy was like, it's a simple operation. It's outpatient. He goes, we'll just numb you and snip and do it. And it wasn't. And it was horrible and I passed out and they got the smelling salts and then I was out of it. Oh yeah, I forgot all the details. Then I was out of it for a week.

So this is what I'm afraid of. This is like, they can do an operation that blocks the nerve. It's like it I was out of it for a week. So this is what I'm afraid of, is like they can do an operation that blocks the nerve. It's like it's simple. Which is like a reset. Just cut your foot open. It's a reset of the nerve. It's simple for me.

I was like, do they put you out? He goes, no. It's just a simple operation. Well then, yeah, sign me up. That's how I feel. But what if it's like this ball operation? Exactly. What if they go through your balls to get to your foot?

Oh, man, I hope so. What? Oh my god, well, you want to hear my foot? Oh man, I hope so. What? Oh my God, well, you wouldn't hear my story. Yeah. Oh wait, we don't have time. Oh, that sucks. Let's take a break, but Lauren has a very important story on the other side. Great cliffhanger.

Okay. Okay. Hi there, it's Julia Louis-Dreyfus. You may know me from my podcast called Wiser Than Me, where I talk to older women and get their wisdom from the front lines of life. After season one aired, I was amazed by how many people told me our show made them look forward to getting older, which is why I'm here to talk about season two of the show. Sally Field, Billie Jean King, Beverly Johnson, Ina Garten, Bonnie Rae, just to name a few.

And of course, my 90-year-old mom, Judy. All hail old women. Wiser Than Me Season Two is out March 27th from Lemonada Media. Think about a moment in your life that changed you, where one day you were yourself, and then the next day, poof, you weren't. I'm Stephanie Whittles-Wax, host of the show Last Day,

and each week I sit down with a new guest to explore happy, sad stories of transformation. Some last days are hopeful, some are tragic, but on the other side of every last day is a fresh start. Come laugh, cry with us. Listen to Last Day wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm June Day-Ann Raphael. And I'm Jessica St. Clair.

And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on The Deep Dive. From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and loss, we are just two best friends who process life together and with you guys. Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness and get ready for unfiltered conversations about life, love, and everything in between. And nails! We

talk a lot about nails. Now community is everything to us at the Deep Dive. We believe in the power of connection and the strength that comes from supporting one another and we would love to have you with us. So be sure to join us every Wednesday on the Deep Dive from Lemonade Media, wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Okay, so I was helping Mike because he had a number of doctor's appointments that were getting confusing. Where do I go? Well, they were tech diffusing different texts. Anyways, like they're like your appointments at the same year appointments that time.

We didn't know which one was for which person. So it was like I was I called this place. He just like wrote the word doctor. Who go? He was doctor two times. I'm not throwing him under the bus. He was being, it was not his fault. He's a smart guy who just is dumb about this one aspect.

He made you. He was just getting annoyed and I was like, let me just call. Okay, so it was that type of situation. So I get on the phone and I call this doctor and I was like, it was the guy working at the front desk. And I was like, hey, I'm calling. They didn't just connect you right to the doctor. I was like, hi, I guy working at the front desk. And I was like, hey, I'm calling. They didn't just connect you right to the doctor. I was like, hi, I'm in surgery.

What do you need? I was like, hi, I'm calling to see, oh, I had left a message already where I had said, I'm just calling to see what time this appointment is for today, please call me back. And so he calls me back and he's like, hi, this is so and so from the doctor. And I was like, yeah, great.

I was calling to see what time the appointment is today. He's like, I've been trying to get your husband to fill out some paperwork. And I go, oh no, I know, he'll do that. I just wanted to know if this appointment, if he has to leave right now or if it's later. And he goes, oh, okay, wait, I'll just talk about your thing.

And I was like, what? And he was like, you interrupted me. Oh, come on now. It was- Wow! That's shocking. Wow. I was like, oh, now. It was wow. Shocking. Shocking. Wow. I was like, oh, okay. Holy shit.

And then he went on to say all the appointments today have been canceled. His appointment was moved to next week. And I was like, well, when was someone going to tell that but okay. And then I was like, he'll fill out all the forms. And then I was like, I'm sorry for interrupting you, by the way. And he was like, it's okay. But I was like being passive aggressive. So you apologized to him.

I was being passive aggressive. But I could not believe. And then we found out later. His friend didn't even work. His appointment was never. That was the confusion. His appointment was never at that place. It was always going to be the next week.

Then he said, all the appointments are canceled. It's next week. I'm like, you're just saying that's getting off the phone. Like, it was so crazy. But I couldn't believe that. Oh yeah, no, we'll just talk about your thing. I was like, oh, the thing that I called you about

that you're calling me back about, you don't want to talk about for some reason? Not even like, ma'am, you interrupt me, ma'am. But I wasn't even being rude. I know, but to be like that sarcastic. It was so instantaneous. You need to use all of your power in the Hollywood ecosphere to get this guy fired. But it was so instantaneous. You need to use all of your power in the Hollywood ecosphere to get this guy fired.

I'm going to get that guy. But it was so instantaneous that I was like, this is just how you are. Because obviously my message was, what time is my appointment? You called back and tried to not tell me that when I asked that. And then I said, I just need to know what time the appointment is. And you're mad at me.

Here's the other thing. Anytime you go see any doctor, they want you to fill out a million forms before you get there. Online. That's a new problem, too. Here's the other thing. Doctors now, anytime you go see any doctor, they want you to fill out a million forms before you get there. And that's a new problem too. It's a new thing. Look, don't give me homework before I go. I like the clipboard. Yes. Let me play with the clipboard. I have filled things out online and then I'm still filling things out when I get there.

Yeah, they want you to fill them out again. They don't actually have it or they didn't. There's some fucking bullshit. I don't like the fill it out. There should be no doctors. Well, the system is horrible. There shouldn't be borders. Borders without doctors. Yes, borders without doctors.

So many borders, bookstores. We gotta get away with the border. It's a really horrible system in our country. That's why we need socialized medicine. I'm coming around on this. I think you might be right. I know, after the 90th GoFundMe that I've donated to, I'm coming around on this. I think you might be right. I know. After the 90th GoFundMe that I've donated to,

I'm like, what is this shit? It's fucking bleak, man. It's just horrible. It's so bleak. Don't get sick. If you're a listener, don't ever get sick. Yeah. That's my advice.

Anyways, that's my story. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe how weird. I can't believe that is a shocking story. My head was spinning. I wish I'd had the balls to be that rude when I worked retail. Yeah.

When people would call and be assholes. If it had hats in the belfry? But see, I wasn't even being an asshole. I was being very polite. I don't think I ever had an asshole on the phone with hats in the belfry. Yeah, if you're calling hats in the belfry, like you're- Do you have a Bowler's cap?

It really was. Bowler's cap? Oh, here we go. Yeah, that's like- Do you have a Swimmer's cap? Asking if I have a disease. Do they have Swimmer's caps? Do you have Bowler's caps? What is the word I'm looking for? We did not. Bowler's cap. Yeah. That's like a swimmer's cap. If I have a disease, do they have swimmer's caps? Do you have bowlers cap? What is the word? We did not sell swimmers cap. You should have. That would be fun. Yeah. Yeah. Mostly it was just people saying, do you

have this kind of hat? And I'm trying to remember like what, what's the most specific question? Did you have to know every type of hat? Would they ask about certain sizes? Did you naturally know every type of hat? Oh my God, one at a time. Paul, over here, over here. Did you naturally know about every type of hat already? No, no, no.

Was it innate to you? People would call about the hats and every time I would say... Are you doing Biden? Yeah. Yeah, the hats. He trails off. Every time I would say you doing Biden. Yeah. No, but like, is it was there ever a like a super specific call would have been like, you know, like an Abe Lincoln had like shit like that. Right. As for stuff like that.

And you have like a jester hat. And did you? We did. Well, but they were but were they more like it's for someone who likes to dress like a jester. It's a it's a leather jester. It's not it's for someone who likes to dress like a jester. It's a, it's a leather jester. It's not for someone who doesn't want to dress like a jester. It's not for a costume. It's not for a costume. It's a, this is a lifestyle. Yeah, this is mostly nude. I have a question. This is going to be a, like a daily hat for him. It's not going to be like, it needs to

be durable. We did sell a lot of, we had, we had like regular hats on the shelves and then we had costume hats on the walls. Right. Hanging up on the walls that we got down by means of a long stick. And we also sold the classic plastic helmet with the beer can holders. Wow, beer, oh that's so cool.

With scrolls. Beer hats. So it was like a funny store. It had a whimsical side, but you could also get just a regular old hat there. I almost think they were doing too much. Could you order? I beg to differ. You felt like it was just right.

I felt it was just right. If someone came in and said, like, do you have this specific hat and you didn't have it, could you say like, we're going to get it though to you in four weeks? Or like if you're like an independent bookstore, you're like, we'll get, we'll order that specifically for you. Cause we love to. I think it was just based on what they had always carry. So if it was something we had, you couldn't like just name something and then

we'd find it, right. It was like, if it wasn't the internet, no, it wasn't the internet. Sweetie, this was before the computer. Yeah. I would tell people you want to get on an information super highway. Would they give you free hats? We've never talked about this, Paul. This is a question that all of our listeners have had. We've talked about this store so much and never have I learned what types of hats.

We've never drilled down on any of the details. I've been dying for a deep dive on this story. So let's do that. I knew someday you guys would come. We're coming coming around the courage to. Yeah, we're coming. We've been cowards. We're coming around junkie public new room.

Now. Noodles in my veins. Noodles in my veins. Noodles in my vein. Noodles in my vein. Noodles in my vein. We would get a discount. How much? One hat for every ten hats you bought? I really want to... The store is right by those monkeys.

You know, what store do you think or what place do you think is the best for getting like a really good discount on the thing or like a free service if you work there? I guess anything involving food. I mean, when I worked at Marie Callender's, you know, obviously restaurant roundup, I would go home with like three pies every night. That's great.

And I thought that was every restaurant. Oh, that was special to them. And so then when I were going to another restaurant, I said, give me three pints, get out wearing ski mask and hold it free. No, but when I worked at like Baker Square, then they would throw away all the unused food in a dumpster that they would lock. Yes. So that unhoused people could not eat it. That's so gross. And I was always like, well, could I just take it home?

They're like, no, because if you get sick from this, you can sue the restaurant. I was like, but Marie Callender's three pies. Yeah. Baker's Square French silk pie. So good. Ooh. Yeah.

That sounds good. I like a French silk. I don't like a French silk pie. From a dumpster. I only eat it from a locked dumpster that I break into. I love a poisonous pie in a locked dumpster. I only eat it from a locked dumpster that I break into. I love a poisonous pie in a locked dumpster. I love the legal system. But this store, that Hats in the Belfry location

where I worked. They had more than one? Yeah. Oh. There was one. Was one called Hats in the Belfry 2? No. Do you think they number all the, like the J.Crews?

But you know how there's like. J.Crew number 225. Was one a parody of Hats in J. Cruz? But you know how there's like. J. Cruz number 225. Was one a parody of Hats in the Belfry? You know how they do like. Like Hats in the Belfry? Yeah. That's in the Hell Free. There are places that say two. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, man.

Like the there's a bar, right? Isn't there a bar that has. And I wouldn't equate Hats in the Belfry to J. Crew with thousands of locations. Well, you've never been there. Okay. They have thousands of locations in Philadelphia alone. Wow. Was this purely Philadelphia or were they British?

No, no, no. I think they were also in Baltimore and they were on the East Coast. Whatta. Whatta. What are you doing? I don't know. I'm trying to say water like they do in whatta.

Whatta. No, they do in Philadelphia. Okay. W-O-O-D-E-R. And in Baltimore, it wouldn't be more water. I don't know. I don O D E R. And in Baltimore, it would be more Warder. I don't know. I don't like these places. This is disgusting to me.

So the location where I worked, this is before the other location happened in Center City, which I think was the last one in Philly and I think it recently closed down. Oh no. People keep me up to date online. Recently, they lasted a long time. Yeah, they really did.

So there's no hats in the Belfries any longer? In Philly, I believe there are not, but here's what happened at this location. It went out of business. No, not enough hats. And the manager, yeah, not enough hats. They didn't order enough hats. The demand was too high.

The manager at the time said, the store is closing, here are your paychecks, take whatever you want. Wow. Wow. And I took a bunch of crazy ass hats. You would really benefit from this. And I did. But not every, did everyone who worked there love hats?

No. I definitely loved hats more than anyone else. So how many hats did you take? I took like half a dozen hats. Did you take a jester hat? I did not take a jester hat. Half a dozen sounds like more than six. It just feels like- Yeah, I bet he took 20 hats.

Half a dozen, like just a phrase. It's almost like when you say like a quarter of a million, it's like, so what? It's a quarter of a lot of things. It's not a million. Why are you saying half a dozen? Just say a handful, because that's five. Just say six.

No, just say five, because you probably didn't take more than five. Why doesn't he just say the number that he actually took? Six. Why are you lying to us? You're passing my test, which is wonderful. But then that store reopened in the same location. And you needed your hats back, and you had to give them back.

Paul, Paul, Paul. You got the color. We made a mistake. We need the beer can hat. We need the choker hat. You just took six beer cans out because you bought it 12 back the previous day. And then I was mad that they didn't come with beer.

Yeah. I was like, oh, I thought the beer would just appear. Half a dozen hats needs a dozen beers. This is not math. This is not math. This math is not mathy. I think it was a couple of years later that they reopened. I ducked above my mom.

Noodles in my veins. And they did what? They reopened. And then eventually closed down again. Well, as they're- That's unfair. But when it reopened, it lasted a really long time. If a place reopens, it should not be legal to close.

It's 2024 and people don't want hats. Agreed. That's the thing, no one wears hats anymore. Because our heads are warm from global warming. I don't think that is true. If you had to guess what year it is without knowing it all. Wait, let me cover my hands. Do you know what I mean? What year do you think it is?

What year is it? Do you know what, a little bit in your head, it's like a different year. Do you know what I mean? No. OK. What do you mean? I guess if I'm sort of- It's like 17 different year. Do you know what I mean? No. Okay. What do you mean? I guess like if I'm like 1776, it's loosely 2014. 1776. But

like it's actually 2024. 17. But I'm sort of like, you know, like how people are always like, if you want to feel old, 2000 was 24 years ago or whatever. It's like, right, there's a little bit of that where I'm like, I kind of feel like it's not that far ago. But it's it I'm like, I kind of feel like it's not that far ago, but it's, it is. I feel like. Well, Thomas Edison is closer to Urkel, the Urkel bot. Yeah. Than he was to the light bulb. That's right. That makes no sense. No, Thomas Edison was.

It does. Albert Einstein was alive when Pearl Jam was a band and Pearl Jam has been a band longer than Albert Einstein was even alive. Pearl Jam had a secretary named Einstein. Einstein had a secretary. And Pearl Jam is a woman? Yes. And the Pearl Jam was a woman the entire time. The Pearl Jam was a woman.

You know what I always think is crazy? And he better was a woman. I think Picasso's life is crazy. I mean, I don't think so. I thought he had a very normal, boring life. But what are the dates? He was a woman. I think Picasso's life is crazy. Make it so. I mean, I don't think so. I thought he had a very normal, boring life. But what are the dates? He was an asshole.

I feel like he was alive much later. He made other people's lives interesting. Than I thought. Cause didn't he die in the 90s? No, that's what always is interesting to me when you- He died at the premiere of Spice Like Us. I'm sorry, he died in the 70s. Spice Like Us.

He was born in 1881, he died in 1973. And I just feel like that's pretty recent. Did he ever go to Studio 54? Nikolai Tesla, he was in the audience. He was one of the first people to see the movie JFK. Yes, and he hated it. He said, too long. Too long, goodbye.

And then he died. Goodbye. You are the longest movie, goodbye. I honestly, if I, I would I would love to have a president behind. After Killers of the Flower Moon. When I'm dying to say goodbye. You are the longest movie. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Did you, did we all see that? Killers of the Flower Moon? No. I did. I did. Yeah. Uh, I liked that Leonardo DiCaprio was playing a guy who was just fucking dumb. He had like a dumb face. He had bad teeth. He had bad teeth. Bad teeth. Yeah, he was Amish.

If he had nice teeth, he would have been like, Oh, this is taking me out of the movie. Yeah, OK. Well, there's constantly imagining the teeth back. That happens all the time. Yeah. Well, also, he would have been too handsome where they'd be like, just go to go to Hollywood, be a movie star.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't think he's that handsome anymore. I feel like he isn't that weird. I mean, it's like check my boner. Well, maybe we're so used to him. Like as as a how old is he now? Is he like a middle aged man? He's 50s.

Yeah. He just looks for 50. Let me look for 50 looks great. Wood bank. He's a very attractive man. But he doesn't look the same to me anymore. But he also is always sort of uniquely handsome, I would say.

But I also feel like he's one of those guys that looks. How old is he? This is gonna come back to haunt you when you host SNL and he's the musical guest. Of course. He's six feet? I'm in. He's six feet?

I didn't realize he was so tall. I feel like, this is a weird theory, I guess. But I feel like people have- Is this a segment, Paul's Weird Theories? Yeah. Okay, good. Paul's Weird Theories. Paul's Weird Theories.

When I saw, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, and Brad Pitt in that movie, I felt like, oh, this is the age that he's supposed to be. This is when it all comes together. He's never not been extremely attractive. He's been attractive, but he didn't. He has a depth of age. This is the most attractive he's ever had. Check him out in Fight Club when he's shirtless fighting.

Yeah, Scott said that. I've seen it, thank you. I stand by my theory. Okay. And I feel like for Leo, I think he passed that time. He's passed now. Hey, I like hearing men talk about other men's looks. I like to hear men talking about other men's bodies.

You like that? We don't get this a lot. You like us talking about other men's bodies. You like that? We don't get this enough. You like us talking about men's bodies? Okay, not in that way, talk to each other. Hey Paul, I like your body. I like your body. I like the casing around your soul. I like the contours of your frame.

Wow. Wow, I'm enjoying this. It's because because it's it's preferable to us talking about women's bodies on the show. It is probably can we do that? No. This brings me to a question I was going to ask. Women's bodies. I didn't get to. But I don't know if it actually works both ways. But so, you know, a lot of times men will date younger women. Sure. And do you, and so it's hard to, I guess. I will say it's hard to date someone

who's the exact same age as you. Why? Cause it's just hard to figure out that math. Well, I mean, they have to be born on the birthday that you have. Yeah. That is very hard. To date someone who's your exact same age as you. Why? Cause it's just hard to figure out that math. Well, I mean, they have to be born on the birthday that you have. Yeah. That is very hard.

It's the odds are. To date someone who has your exact same birthday. Oh wait. That's hard. It's very difficult. Side note, I just read this thing that Jay Leno like is attracted to people who are born on September 5th. You're something.

My birthday is September 6th. But. What the fuck are you talking about? I have to find this little. Recent Jay Leno news. I read something where Jay Leno is attracted to people who were born on September 10th. Okay, listen, this is what it says.

It's an interview. It's an interview. I don't, excuse me, I don't know what it's from. Jay Leno. Source, madeup.com? Source, X, Twitter, X, whatever. Jay Leno, I've lived with five- Let's call it X.

I've lived with five women and every one of them was born on the same day. I can look at a woman and go September 5. I don't know why that is. I don't look for a woman born on September 5. I just wind up attracted to them. Mavis says, when we met, he asked what my birthday was. And I said September 5. He started laughing. I remember it so clearly. I said what and he said on nothing. And then Jay says, I remember I had her in in yeah, what the fuck that would that would concern

Why are you keeping this close? That just sounds yeah, but you have to say something Why are you laughing my birthday? Yeah You're gonna say, come on. I remember I had Cathy Guyswait on the Tonight Show, of course, created Cathy Comics. Created Cathy, yeah. And I said, he said, and I said, I'm happily married, don't take this wrong.

I'm attracted to you, but in an odd way. He said this to her on the show? Were you born on- Call HR. Were you born on or around September 5th? Oh, now it's on or around, get the fuck out of here. And she said, yes, September 5th. All right, I don't like any of this story. Now I'm September 5th. On or around, get the fuck out of here. And she said, yes, September 5th. All right, I don't like any of this story. No, I'm September 6th.

So for me, it just makes me wonder, would he be attracted to me in an odd way? Jay Leno, right, please go to HagClaims8.com, leave us a voicemail, would you bang Lauren? No, it's not that, he's a happily married man, would he be attracted to you in an odd way? And get passed on banging Lauren? Yes, I'm unavailable for such actions.

That's a great way to turn down sex. I'm unavailable for such actions. My question is, so like there'll be times where a celebrity who is somebody I grew up liking, like. Here's what I bet happens. Any woman that he's attracted to comes on the show and he goes, I'm attracted to you. When were you born? And it's always like April 12th or whatever. And he's like, no, but he set up, were you born on September 5th?

So he probably says that to everyone and 99% go no. And he goes, well, I'm still attracted to you. Okay. My question is still coming. Okay. So, oh my God. I know it's been really a huge build up. Okay, disgusting. Okay, disgusting. There are celebrities that I grew up like watching and things and admiring and everything. And then they'll marry someone who's my age.

Where I'm like, so I could have married them. You know, it's that feeling of like, and also even. Like when you were 14? No, like they marry someone my age now. Right. They marry them now. So if you met them before that person. If you would have held off. I could have married them.

Yes, I think we've talked about this about a specific person you've thought that about. Oh, well don't bring it up now. Maybe not on this show, but yeah. Okay, I'll have to ask you about that later. Al Gore. But then the question is, I don't know if it works the other way,

because it's kind of gross the other way. What other way? But like, you know, you mentioned Mary Kay and Ashley, they married people who were older or one of them did. And then I'm like, oh, well that happens the other way too, where it's like, oh, somebody, but then I guess it's gross if I'm asking it that way. It says, don't answer it.

Don't answer. Don't answer. Don't answer. Are you asking us to marry you? No, don't answer it. Do you know what, here's the thing that I am realizing. Somebody asked me like about celebrity crushes and I have a, there's a weird thing now where,

you know how mentally you have not aged in a certain way or emotionally or whatever. Yeah. I still feel tense. I see. You act like it. Fuck you. If I see an attractive, a current attractive actress in a movie.

Yeah. And I'm like, Oh, she's very attractive. And I'm like, she'd find me disgusting. Yeah. I'm old and gross. I'm too old to be having a crush on this actor. Then if you saw that person marry someone who's your age, you'd go, maybe I'm not. That's the thing. I feel bad for them. I think shoot your shot, Paul. All right, we have to take a break.

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Okay. Don't leave a voicemail explaining again. We don't want to hear your rules. You have to type it out. So this is one we played before and it was originally submitted by Kristen Kelly and never submitted by anyone else. No, that's wild. Isn't it?

You think someone would like listen to this show, hear a feature that we played and then submit it. I thought it'd be like monkeys and typewriters. Yeah. And Shakespeare. Who? Shakespeare originally was a monkey with a typewriter. That's honestly what we've been trying to get down to.

He was the one guy, the one monkey in the room who ended up typing out Shakespeare's plays. You don't see that one monkey in the room, you're it. Shakespeare was the one monkey in the room who ended up typing out Shakespeare plays. Yeah, that's why they called him Shakespeare So because the plays were by Shakespeare Who because the plays were by Shakespeare's? Yeah, we're gonna call you Shakespeare. Yeah You seem to be telling us your name is Shakespeare Shakespeare's a name we don't hear off

Shakespeare's a guy. Do you think Coco the Gorilla enjoyed Shakespeare? Oh, I'd love to know more about that whole theory. Do you think anyone enjoys Shakespeare? Or do we just say we enjoy Shakespeare? That's a good question. I think there are some people who genuinely really do. But is it, it's sort of like when you remember Paul, you probably have this experience when you go to the Sunset Five

and watch an independent comedy and everyone would be laughing at the screen going, ha ha ha ha during any joke. To prove how smart they were. Yeah, it's like the Brothers Big Mold. All right, this was submitted by Kristen Kelly and it's called Rated Scenes. What we're gonna do is we're gonna improvise

a two minute G rated movie scene. Right. Might be PG, who knows, it's G or PG. Then we're gonna- What's the difference? You can say shit one time. Let's decide right now. No, it's G. So it's gotta be very G. It's very clean. G, squeaky clean.

Then we're gonna do the same scene again, PG-13. Okay. Then we're gonna do the same scene again as R. Yeah. And then we're gonna do the same scene again as PG 13. Then we're going to do the same scene again as R. And then we're going to do the same scene again as triple X. Triple X. What if we don't want to? Well, we're forced to. I am unavailable for such actions.

I'm unavailable for such actions. All right. So ready? Here we go. Hey, Paul. Hi, Scott. How are you? Ding dong. What's up, plays? What's going on? I just was wondering if y'all were interested in playing fetch with my dog. Oh, that's such a cute dog. I love playing fetch with dogs. Yeah, she's a Dalmatian. I just got her from the fire station. They said she was too good to be a fire dog. Has she saved people? What does that mean, Ding Dong? Yeah, what does that mean? She's just so sweet and loving, and she doesn't

want to work that hard. Oh, so she's lazy? I wouldn't put it that way. What? I mean, too good? Whose words are these, too good? Yours or the fire station? I guess I put the label too good on it.

What did the fireman say? That she didn't help out at the last fire. And was lazy? They didn't say lazy. It's hard to blame a dog for not helping out during a fire. Do you want to play fetch with my dog? Sure. You guys are my neighbors. I love your marriage.

I'm so happy about how nice you are to me all the time. This is a G rated movie I know we be married And I would love for you to play with my dog in the yard. What are we fetching? Can I ask that? Um, you're wait is the dog throwing the question and we're fetching it You're gonna throw a stick and my dogs gonna bring it back. Does the dog know it's a game Yeah, she's really really smart. Okay. All right. So where do we get this Yeah, she's really, really smart. Okay. All right. So where do we get this stick? It's just off a tree. Have you ever,

I'm sorry. Have you never, when every time you play fetch, you break off a branch off a tree. Can't you just find a stick on the ground? You weirdo. Oh, um, look, my mom's calling me. I gotta go. But I just threw the stick. I didn't hear anything. Come on, Fido. Wait, but that stick's over there now. Who's gonna get it?

Wow, we really missed our chance. Or did we? I guess we have to get the stick ourselves. Should we do it as a team? Sure. Okay. And one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12 twelve paces there we go

Hey one last thing my mom scared me Usually you ring the bell my mom offered to share this pie with you is too good to share with my whole family Too good or too lazy And that's it All right a real g- Yeah, from a great movie. Yeah. It's such a good plot. All right, PG-13 version.

What did I do? Some call it a perfect scene. Everything made sense, it moved forward, and it was logical. All right, and PG-13 and go. Shit. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Ding-dong. Oh hey, ding-dong. I don't know what the fuck a play is. We already had our one fuck. I mean. Is that players? Ding dong, what's happening? Ding dong, what's going on?

I was wondering if you wanted to play fetch with my dog. Oh sure, I love playing fetch with dogs. Shit, I don't know if I have time. Shit, you might be right. What do you mean you don't have time? I'm going to do some drugs soon. You can still play with my dog if you're on drugs. I'm gonna do implied drugs. Yeah.

And implied sex. Look, and sex is implied in this marriage between you two and I'm so- Can we see your butt? What? Just butt. Just butt. No. Is your body unavailable for such action? your butt. What? Just but just but no. Is your body unavailable for such action? My body is unavailable for such action.

All right. Where did you get this dog? Well, the firehouse just let her go because she was too good. Shit. Shit. Is that the only difference? It's worth saying shit. Oh, some gremlins are here. Oh, and she helped the firemen all day long every day and they just couldn't take it anymore. Oh, shit. Anyway, do you want to play fetch with her? I guess.

Yeah, I'd really like to, but hold on a second. Did the firemen say this or you said this shit? Well, this shit was kind of said by the fireman, but not in so many words. They said she left a few... Are you squeezing our shoes? ...bodies behind at a fire and she didn't help. So they had to let her go. All right.

Well, where do... So we're going to fetch this or does the dog throw it? Yeah, just throw one of your guns through the yard and she'll go get it. All right. I'll throw my gun. Yeah. All right, here we go. Bang. Shit.

Shit. She's getting it. Don't worry. She's not dead from that. No. If that's what you might've been thinking. Carrying the gun in her mouth, but there's no violence.

No blood. See, she's perfect. Wonderful. And that's it. Okay, great. perfect. Wonderful. And that's it. Okay, great. All right, and now we do it rated R. Rated R. This scene, rated R.

Rated R. And go. Ding dong in the Dalmatian, rated R. Hey, Paul. Hey, Scott, what the fuck? Motherfucker, what's going on? Ding dong. What's up, players? It's fucking ding dong. Hey, ding dong, Scott, what the fuck? What's up players

Hey, do you want to fuck I hope I didn't interrupt you guys having sex with each other cuz you're married no We're just fucking around we could do it without being married. Yeah, we have anal sex right up the ass We do both kinds of sodomy, it's great we don't show it This is not rated triple X. No I don't think it has to be these days We have dicks, but you can't see them speaking of dicks. Maybe once do you want to throw your dick for my dog? Sure. Here we go. Well, let's all show our tits. Oh Where'd you get the dog? Oh the fire station throughout the window those cocksuckers yeah, they said she's a bad bitch So I said I'll take her I'm realizing the problem Yeah, what else? There's no difference.

Oh, hey, my mom's here. Hi, boys. Oh, I baked you a pie. Mrs. Ding Dong. What's up, players? Can I make it look like I'm fucking the pie? That's what I want you to do. Without seeing your penis, though. Oh, you won't see my erect penis, but yeah, you will see like a pie attached to my groin as if I'm having sex with it Yeah, sure. Okay, let's do that. Okay, you got me straight tripping boo

Okay, no, we're gonna kid my missus ding-dong. Oh, I'm saying that's right. Ding-dong's leaving now fuck that pie Yes, we are here we? No, we're not doing triple X. Yes, we are. Here we go, go. You're stupid. Hey, fuck you. Yeah, you are. Hi, Paul.

Hi, we're fucking right now. Pie delivery. It's graphic. Hey, Ding Dong. What's up, players? I've got a pie delivery. Why don't you get in on this? I don't have any money.

How am I gonna pay for this? Here's how you pay. Suck my dog's pee pee. Dogs? Okay, now this is illegal. Well, triple X. Triple X does not cover bestiality. Also, triple X is meaningless.

It's just X. Triple X is like made up. And scene. Oh, the scene ends when you don't want to do the thing I said. Well thank you Kristen Kelly. Suck my dog's pee. Yeah it just went out of a jar. Oh okay.

It wasn't anything the dog was going to know about. Oh I'm sorry I misunderstood. Just sucking piss with a straw. Suck your piss with a straw. Oh my God. Sucking piss with a straw. Outside the chili dogs. All right, well that's gonna do it for this episode. But remember, you can hear our premium episodes,

which we call 3mium episodes. Fun. Those are every other week on Wednesdays and those are exclusively at CBB World and also Apple Podcasts Premium. That's where we answer your voicemails. If you want to leave us a voicemail, head on over to HagClaims8.com. It's a great place to be.

It's where all people hang out. Follow us on the socials at FreedomUSA. At Instagram. If you want to write to us, Freedom USA at Gmail. And of course on Tuesdays, we do our three visiting on the twos, which is older episodes. We take them out from behind that paywall and you can hear them.

So there's a lot of freedom for you guys. And it's gonna be really great for you guys. And I hope you guys love it so much that it makes your whole day. You guys, we love you. We love you. Take care. You're very special. We're not in love with you because we're in love with each other. That's right. Okay, we love you. We love you. Take care. You're very special.

We're not in love with you because we're in love with each other. That's right. Okay, take care now. Goodbye, okay. No, no, no, no. I want the last word. Goodbye, everybody.

Okay. You are the longest movie, goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Feeling decision fatigue about what to make for dinner? We get it. I'm Jane Black. And I'm Liz Dunn. We're veteran food journalists, and as parents ourselves, we know how hard it can be to feature family. That's why we created Pressure Cooker, a podcast that offers practical strategies for navigating the marketing madness and cultural expectations around mealtime. Each week, we'll check in with the experts.

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Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. time. Each week, we'll check in with the experts. From social media diet trends to baby lead weaning and AI meal planning, we have all your food-related questions covered. Listen to Pressure Cooker wherever you get your podcasts. Join us on Archetypes, a dynamic podcast hosted by Megan, the Duchess of Sussex, as she digs into the labels that try to hold women back. In each intimate and candid conversation, Megan is joined by guests like Serena Williams, Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Issa Rae, and Trevor Noah as they delve into the roots of countless common descriptors of women,

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