Threedom - Moontears

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

Lauren, Paul and Scott talk about commercial jingles, airplane bathrooms and play Mirror Mirror. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

Freedom! [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Freedom! Yeah! Can I sing a song? Yeah. Please, this is inspired by my travel mug. All right, let's hear it.

For people on the go There's wow-wow food market fast fast shopping night and day That was that's a really really good Fucking mug. Thank you. Now it looks super 80s. I love it. I think we should post a picture of it I'll take a picture now throw it away on. I'll throw it away. Wait, what? It's so good. I want to throw it away. I don't get that.

Take a smiley picture with your mom. D-B-D. Got it. Take a smiley picture with your mom. D-B-D. Take a smiley picture. Take a smiley picture. Take a smiley picture.

Take a smiley picture with your mom. Don't do that. We will all go out to meet her with her mom. We will all go out to meet her with her mom. We will all go out to meet her with her mom. We will all go out to meet her with her mug. We will all go out to meet her with her mug. We will all go out to meet her. We will all go out to meet her. We will all go out to meet her. She'll be riding six white mugs when she comes. Mugs mugs. That was the jingle for Wawa. No, I thought you made it up. I was growing up. That's good. And it's funny how jingles, they have their sound in person in the era.

Yes, that's why you know what? But nothing gold can stay. Don't always do that game where they play the fucking commercial. And you guess what year it was from. Okay, that's my swearing. By the production style. How are you supposed to style. They what what about months? They play the commercial and then you hear it and you go, it's 1984 bitch. That

seems impossible. I'm not a commercial and I'll try to play. Okay. Okay. Name a commercial McDonald's, which one? There we go. Well, that's the classic one. There we go. No, what year it was. I remember this game. You'll know it from... No, but that's the fun of it. You can just play it here. You can kind of tell like that sounds like it's really crispy.

Okay, first we have to get through this red fin ad. I'm going to say this was 2023. With a savory filio fish. Well, and a fish. My goodness, that looks fish. Well, fillio fish. Much chicken. My goodness. That looks good. Okay. Then give us give us. Oh, wait. That changes everything. No, this is from this year. Brian.

Yes. By who is he gambling debt? Why did he do that? I've never heard that. He's doing five hundred. I was going to go way in the past. Then I heard that music and I want that's current No, but see this is what happens. See if you have this is if you're in his position you get your your your You get offered a bunch of stuff that's so easy to do why would you not do it? You just get billions billions to give to your grandchildren. Yeah. Yeah. The grandchildren. The grandchildren.

That grandchildren. Who will inherit a burning cinder in the sky? Yeah. Totally. Totally. So you love that bug and you take it away. I do this is a gift from my brother sister-in-law. It's really nice.

And I cherish it. Oh, wait, we're giving brother or sister-in-law gifts now. Well, yeah. Shit. You know. I just say thanks giving brother a sister-in-law gifts now. Well, yeah. Shit. I just say thanks for being my brother-in-law. Thank you for being my brother-in-law. Did you hear my little hitch? I was like, do you work commit to the time?

Yeah, you work. I should have come. Thank you. It's kind of like, just stop mid-sign. I genuinely almost want that. I don't drink just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, Let me look at the whole of Wawa food. How much is it spent on this? Is that a coffee? I would say coffee tumbler. Tumbler? Travel mug. Travel mug.

Okay. What's the tumbler? Thurmose? Yeah, thermos. It's a thermos. $16. Nice. Wow.

You. I know things. I don't want you. Oh, wait, right from Wawa? Right from Wawa. Direct from the source? Yeah. I don't see it on their site.

Maybe they're not selling it anymore. Wow. Let me get a decision. This is a more valuable. Yeah. They have a whole bunch of ones, but not that one. But that one, I really appreciated it. They got me like the retro one because this is what I grew up with.

And that's really good. And you loved going into Wawa. I still do. I still do. Was that what the coffee cups slice like when you were there. I think so, though. At the time, I was not drinking coffee, but this is definitely what their logo was. This was the vibe. Yeah. I went to Wawa a few times with you and another time that I was there. You took us through one in Philadelphia. Philadelphia. And you

were just like your cock of the walk. You were, oh, I want to surround me. People are back. I, here at the hotel. I think I have this thing in my head where I sometimes think Philadelphia is a state. Like it just, it just sounds like one. I, it's almost more famous than Pennsylvania. You know, like how much other stuff in Pennsylvania besides Hershey, of course. Like Pittsburgh.

Okay, fun. There's a lot. There's a lot. There's a lot. What's Q rating? It's like what people think of it. is a lot. Cureating is pretty low. What's Cureating? It's like what people think of it. In a nutshell, but yeah, you're right. Pittsburgh and or Philadelphia are like more famous than Pennsylvania.

Yeah, I think I think it should be Pennsylvania Philadelphia. It's not one of those places that has a state identity. You're right. And like New Jersey has a state identity. Yes, exactly. Like Pennsylvania, if you go like I'm from Pennsylvania And I guess I'd wonder if you were Amish Yeah, you wonder if I'm am I do wonder that honestly just I

How are you the answer at the end of this episode? I thought about it. I've wondered because of just how scared you get when I turn on the lights Scared. Ah! Scared. Hey, uh. He tells me I'm a witch. I, well, I was okay. Hey, hey, hey. I know what I have to edit.

No, I have to edit with his new England. I'm like, no, New England is a, it's a region. It's not actually a state. Uh-huh. Well, that's because of like New England Patriots and stuff like because they're trying to like yeah, they're trying to like, oh, we're we're the football team of like eight states. Yeah, you have like the Midwest cougars. Is that what it is?

Wait a minute. I like it was cool. Yeah, I'm causing that. Yeah. Okay. So I was in Chicago. Here we go. Is that exactly? I go. I'll use my actual humanities performance. Yes. It was in Chicago. Here we go. Is that exactly. I'll leave you guys your humanities performance. Yes, it was very nice. Talked back.

I did a two hour signing afterwards and I met a lot of people who said, But you don't know the sign language. Are you one of those fakers? He's so offensive. I've been faking it. I've been faking that I don't know it. Oh, that's interesting.

That's actually hard. It's hard. Like try to speak fake English. Not easy. Zipzapzababoo. He did. Didn't sound like English. But it's so big. Beersower English. That's just English with the next. Beersower English. Newt Gingrich. Do you think Newt Gingrich was when someone was trying to speak English. Bad. They were suffering. English. We name you New Gingrich. I always think New Gingrich is a state too.

Yes. New Gingrich. Have you ever heard that song? It's an Italian song where they're mimicking what English sounds like. Yes. Oh no, what is it? What song do you hear? I cannot pronounce this. It goes like this. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-, but they were saying, but I, three of them is my favorite podcast.

Oh! Oh, we met a piss pig after our show. A lot of piss pigs. Oh my God, I love it. Only one person who said, I don't like being called a piss pig. I said, well, you voted for it, so. Yeah.

What? And he said, I did vote for it. I don't know why I don't like it so much. Yeah, yeah. This is what I don't understand. You guys voted for this. That's the thing. But see sometimes the thing, you know, even with like the president understand. Yeah, you guys voted for this. That's the thing, but see sometimes the thing,

you know, even with like the president, for example, you'll vote. Yeah. And the person you didn't vote for. Well, a lot of people were voting for Pisspeg to vote against the other Nickname. Right, right. Well, that one was more. Yes, that was much worse.

Yes, sweetie. So much. So it's sweeties. Oh, yeah. But no, we met a delightful Pisspeg after our show a couple weeks ago. A lot of people wanted me to Call them a piss big when I made the book out. Oh, yeah, but I love our piss pigs

Really cute. I also met an artist Amy Trummer who gave What is this magic the three of us? Okay, so wait she made this is based on the title of one episode Oh bother where art though, it's mixing up. We need a poo and a brother where art thou outfits. Well, I think this is amazing. It's tremendous. It's basically our heads on George Clooney and

who else is in that? Friends? George Clooney and friends. That was so great of movies just were built. George Clooney and friends. John Turtero. Yes. And then Tim Blake Nelson.

Tim Blake Nelson. Yeah. So our heads, our heads on their bodies, but then wearing hats from Winnie the Pooh, wearing Winnie the Pooh. I didn't know if I didn't know what it was. I was like, never heard it said like, what if I insisted? It's John Turtero. I'm half a time.

It's Turtero. She gave these to me and said, will you really take these home with you? And I wanted to prove on Mike that I would dang. He's just gonna just word a there in our hands and soon to be in the trash can. Oh my god. I'm hitting. Oh, wait. I'm putting this in my bed. I have that. You're gonna sleep with it. Yeah. I found this one. You're gonna cuddle it. Oh, okay. wait, wait, wait, here, here, here. You got the ox? Yeah, you guys talk, guys.

I have a red everywhere. Hurry, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lauren, we had a fun time last night. Yes, we did. We did a fun show, the Untitled Improv Show at Dynasty typewriter every Sunday. Yes. You can go to that.

The monologist was Doug Jones, the tall thin man who does all the monsters. He also, I know him best from Hocus Pocus. Of Billy Bath case. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Wow with the last name too He was he was great and his stories were really fun. Yes, his name is not Billy Bath. No, okay Here we go. You the cold maze, say one, Breezing calling. Cold in ancient I choose. Oh you the cold maze, say one,

Breezing calling. And tonight you all are right. Isn't that almost haunting? Oh, yeah, fake English. Yeah, here comes. So this is Italian people doing fake. Yes, okay Right, and we're gonna have the sims

Is this the fake English yeah Yeah. Do you understand it? No, this part right here, that's the fake English. The horns? Yeah. That's what they think we sound like. I did years ago at my variety show, I did a fanatic version of this with My Rudolph. Oh, really? Wow. I had, I listened to it a million times.

And John and John wrote down what the words sounded like. Wow. That's really fun. When I was in a band for like covers we would do. Sure. You'd have to like get one line, jot it down, rewind it again, make sure you're on it, right? All the, yeah. Remember doing that for girls on film,

which is like so hard down here. Do it, it's Lino! Now you just look it up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Everything. Oh, kids have it so easy now. Thank you, just look up, whatever lyrics they want. Hey, you dropped your, uh, dongle. King. Your dongle's out. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You dropped this king, it dropped your, uh, dongle. King. Your dongles out. Ha ha ha ha. You dropped this king.

It's your, uh, your dongle. Yeah. You dropped your dongle king. But a lot of people were saying that they love freedom because of the chaotic energy and it makes them feel like, uh, what their own head feels like. Oh my God.

So I actually really like that. I like that. I relate to that. That gave me a chill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What it is? I mean, this show. I like that. I relate to that. That gave me a chill. Yeah. Yeah, it should. What it is, I mean, this show is Pure Chouse. Pure Chouse.

Absolutely. It's your chouse. I love a little, little chouse in the morning. In the morning? Yes. Nobody thinks that. People are still doing that sometimes. I love the smell of blank in the morning.

I know it's so old. I love the smell of blank in the morning. I know it's so old. I love the smell of it's from 19. It's from 19. He's kicks in the morning. When did apocalypse now come out? 79 something like that. Yeah. So it's been now 44 years.

We have to stop saying. Got to retire it. Some of the raptors. Some people are still saying where's the beef? Well, that's crazy. But I mean, that doesn't bother me so much. Okay, you always say that. Well, because of Clara Pellar. Look, I love the lady as much as the next guy. It keeps her alive. I feel like when we say it, you have to think that us talking about her all the time. Her ancestor,

ancestors, no, her descendants, descendants. Your ancestors might be listening. The ancestors are all listening. Oh my God. Maybe they're all around us. They're all in the walls. No, her descendants have to love it, right? Yeah. They have to love it.

I think I think we need shirts that say, where's the beef? I think we do our next, I think we do our next photo shoot. I think we do our next photo shoot in shirts that say, where's the freedom? No, no, no, where's the piss. Oh, where's the, oh, where's the freedom? No, no, no, where's the piss? Oh, where's the three? Oh, where's the piss? Oh, it gets better and better. Yeah, where's the three? No, where's the piss? Pigs. So we have to turn around. Where's the three? No, back says, where's the piss? What is the shirt said? Where's the beef at? Yeah, where's the beef at? That's not a cover. A lot of fat. Beef fat. Where's the beef fat?

Beef fat. Beef fat. It's like meat's foot oil. Meat's foot oil. Fat face. Meat. Meat. Learn you're wearing a hat today.

I am. So, my hair's a lot of control. It's out of control today. What's going on? I just, you know, I woke up. It looked crazy. I didn't have time to deal and then put the hat on. Oh, I wanted to say, okay, so, so I was in Chicago speaking. Right.

Why, I was late today, because I finally opened up here at seven after. Wow, and I was in a few minutes. You were a few minutes after that, but, yeah, so I was, so I zoomed into Chicago for just a day. Oh, it was just a day. And then it was just a day. Yeah, the zoomies. I had the zoomies that ran around the venue several times. And then there's a jewelry. He has the zoomies. You just got to let it out. So yesterday, I

did nice leisurely morning, got up, had, you know, ordered room service breakfast, and then then went to the airport for a 12, 45 flight. Civilized. Left at 11, it was nice, took a taxi, got to the airport, and TSA pre-check. All no one in line, it was so beautiful, put my phone down on the scanner, and the guy said, are you with the right airport?

Oh, that has happened in Chicago. Did not realize. I mean, it's been so long. It's been so long since I've traveled because we always drive through there that there's two airports there. I know, well, real quick pop in is that one time I was taking my cat, I was flying my cat to LA

before I moved officially. And your cat told the taxi driver the wrong. You know, I was in the car with my dad and had my cat in this bag that was too small and it was like that was kind of chaotic already. She was like losing fur by the second, just like freaking out. And like, and then we're like almost to the airport

and they go, they don't have Southwest at O'Hare. It's a fucking midway. And then my dad's like, okay, you do now because that's where I was. Southwest at O'Hare? At O'Hare now. Oh, they never used to as fucking midway. And then my dad's like, I do now because that's where I was. Southwest at O'Hare. At O'Hare now. Oh, they never used to as always midway. Interesting.

Yeah. Well, that was how I knew I was wrong. And then my dad knows the city so well that we actually got there and got there. You got there and done. Yeah. Well, I was like, he goes, I said, oh, what do you think I should do?

And he was very nice, he has age. And he said, well, it's about a 40 minute drive. I said, no, I'm not going to make it. He said, well, go back down to Southwest. Go back home. Go back and see if I can change it. And see if that can change it. So I basically turned into a month, 14 hour on a single day.

Why was that so crazy? Why couldn't you get on another? What happened? They just didn't have anything. Everything had a super long way. Oh, why was that so crazy? Why couldn't you get on another? What happened? They just didn't have anything. Everything had a super long way. And there was no chance you would have made it to other. No, because I was, I went through security

probably at 1205 or something. And it was a 1240. Yeah. So, my God. So I basically just like hung out in two different airports, Denver and Oh, hair, just like watching out in two different airports Denver and Oh hair just like watching movies on my iPad sure so so long that my ass really hurt from sitting down As massage back. Yeah, so anyway. I got here really late last night and

So thank you all of 14 hours That's crazy. Yeah, it's insane. It's actually mentally insane. It made me hate the fact that I went there. Well, it does make it super annoying. You're trying to pop it and pop out and suddenly you're doing this bullshit. Yeah, that's hard.

I have gone to the wrong airline. Where, for whatever reason, oh, if it's like like sometimes if somebody else is doing the travel for like, you know, festival gig, whatever, every once in a while, it's two different airlines. Yeah. Right. And so on the way back, I just go to Delta and it's like, no, it's American.

And then it's, you may be fucked. It's humiliating your lady. It is you. It is. That's humiliating your lady. It is you. It is you. That's the way I was a word part about. I felt a masculated. Yeah. I felt like less of a man.

Yeah. Yeah. Everyone. I think everyone knew when they saw you watching your movies, they're like that. It makes you feel like a little boy. A little boy. It really does. A little boy who's being punished. Yeah.

Like you don't deserve the responsibility of an adult because you fucked up your cab ride. And now I'm taking where your skateboard. Yeah. That sucks. It sucks to make a mistake. No Xbox for you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no described it? Okay, so on friends, they had this thing. There was this guy. The naked guy?

It was not him. It was his neighbor. Naked guy neighbor. And he had this obsession with soup. But he would have this like dominatrix come and tell me couldn't have soup. And she would slap him and say no soup for you. Ooh, like across the face.

Or the ass. Hmm. But this was like prime time. She would put soup into like plastic baggies and slap him with the face. Or the ass. Hmm. But this was like prime time. She would put soup into like plastic baggies and slap him with the plastic baggy of soup. Yeah. That actually sells kind of nice. It does, it sounds good.

If it's hot, that sounds good. Have you ever been to like the Russian massages where they slap you with like branches? I have not. Oh my God. That does not appeal to me at all. It was fine. Have you ever been to the Korean spa

where they like, they get scrubbed you down like a seal? No. Basically, basically it will. Do they make you bark like a seal? They do. No, it's like the place that I would go in LA before the pandemic. It's like a, like the women are all the women who are doing the massages are in like a broad. Massage. They're in brawn underwear. Yeah, it is that. Like it's not a bathing suit. It's like a brawn underwear. Why? Because they are going to get all wet.

They're like dumping out or anyone screaming you down with assaults and they just like scrape scrub the shutt. But what? And then you have all this bathing suits. Yeah, bathing suits are the brawn underwear of the sea. I don't know, but it's not bathing suit. Mattias, can you hear me? Yeah, but you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I do. It's the around sea we see. sea. I don't know, but it's not bathing suit material. It's not asking to hurt me. Like, you know what I'm talking about.

Yeah, I do. It's not on sea with sea. Right. No, I know. Yeah, but I've heard about this. Well, I guess the hot underwear is more breathable, so maybe it's like they just change a bunch of times a day. If you're wearing a bathing suit all day, every day I'm getting wet, that's not good for

your vagina. What is good for your fair? What's the best thing for your vagina? Put a trash bag over your clothes. I think it was the swimmer in trash. We're crop top and shorts, put a trash bag. And Daisy Dukes. Yeah, now you're talking.

Yeah, yeah, that seems good. And high heels. All right, we have to take a break. Okay. And we're back. Wow. What a break. That was so much a really good break. We had a race.

Oh, and we ran around. We all got the zoomies. Now I'm tired. Here's what was right though. It was a three way tie. We broke that ribbon at the same time. Well, yeah. So cool up was holding out a ribbon with two hands.

It was actually kind of tricky how she was doing because we just ran right into her. I felt bad about it all the time. Yeah, we knocked out two over teeth. I know. She's dealing with it now. And I'm not too worried. I'm not too worried either.

They're the front teeth. It's not your problem. No, and she seemed to find, she really, you know, she didn't want to make it our problem. Yeah, there are the two front teeth which are the easiest to replace from what I understand. Are they what? you think that is? You can order them in bulk.

So the dentist has a bunch of them in a drawer. Got it. And they're just chicklets, right? Yeah. The good thing about using chicklets for teeth is that when your breath is bad, you just chew your teeth. Exactly. And then you just replace them with, it's cheap.

When I was a kid, I loved chichlets. I loved it the way they looked. They were very tactile. I loved the name. The flavors. I like biting into them so fast. They're like, they're crispy. Yeah, crispy.

And then suddenly gummy. I love the word crispy. Crispy. Yes. Yeah. And I love things that are crispy. Yes. Like what?

Let's run them down. Fried chicken. When I was a little. Yes. Yeah. And I love things that are crispy. Like what? Let's run them down. Fried chicken. When I was, When I was, It's what I think of when I hear the word crispy. When I was, Crispy chicken. Slang word crispy.

Oh, well, You would be, say like if you, if like you burn someone, you'd be like crispy. Oh, yeah. If you what? If you, if you, I feel like it was like your bird.

Kind of think like before that, like crispy. Yeah. We got, We got to start doing that on this show. I don't know if that was. Tell me if that was local or universal. No, I think it's universal. Well, maybe not really. Do you really?

I think it was relegated. It was an animation wide. Good point. Good good catch. I think it was probably just earth people. Yeah, we'll see. I don't think Neil Armstrong ever said it when he was on the moon. He might have said crispy if they asked him if he wanted a crispy sandwich.

Hey, when you get back in the rocket. Michigan girl, this is Michigan girl. Do you want a crispy sandwich up there? He's like, crispy. We're going to send another rocket up there with a crispy sandwich to you. And instead of saying yes, he said crispy. Like it doesn't make sense. That's right. He asked his a-

Yeah, he asked it. So maybe it's more like, excuse me, what do you want for, do you want some sort of chicken sandwich? Yeah, and would you, man, make a Chris? I get sad when I think about him still being up there. I know, because it's so, it sucks. We never brought him down. Why didn't they plan it more?

They didn't have enough gas. No, it was, truly, they forgot. They thought they, they thought, they thought there would be gas stations on the moon. Because I thought it was documentary about this, they thought they thought they thought there would be gas stations on the moon. Because I thought it was documentary about this. They thought they brought them back. And when they looked back in the back seat, he wasn't there.

It was there. Nobody was in there? No, I mean, nobody. Important. They're mine. They're mine. They didn't, they might have named them. I don't know, but yeah, he wasn't there.

No, nobody above the line was back there. Right. And so people forgot and they didn't have, as you said, they didn't have a fuel to go back and get him. That's what he said that. Don't put that on me. As Paul said, as Paul's point, as Paul made such a great point that they didn't have enough fuel. Lauren, I did not say that. And then in this documentary, they were saying he's...

How long was this documentary? Like three minutes? about three minutes. He's been crying for the whole time. Moon tears. But the moon tears, they come out like gems. That's the name of the duck. And they make little stars. And that's actually when you see the big dipper, it's, it's his, yeah, Neil Armstrong.

Yeah, he didn't know his last name. Did you? I knew it. I know. I know. This is how you can remember it. Because he had such strong arms. He pulled himself up to the moon.

Okay, Neil's strong arms. Neil's strong arms. Yeah, there you go. That's also Popeye's real name. Neil's strong arms. Oh my God, I got these little ones. That's when he enlisted in the name. I got Holly these little when I was pregnant.

I bought these vintage pants for a two year old thatold that have pop-eye and olive oil on them. Is she finally big enough? Yes. I noticed when I found them in the closet, I pulled them out and the elastic was all crusty because it was all crusty. And so I took it to the dry cleaners to have them replace the elastic.

And for weeks, the woman, I thought they for sure lost these little pants. They're so tiny. And they kept me like, I'm popping the fee for sure lost these little pants. They're so tiny. And I kept being like, I'm popping in to see if my pants are ready. And she's like, oh, I'll call you. I'll call you.

And she kept putting me off. And she had to take to do something like that. Literally, I'm in it. That's the kind of the question. And then I had also, but I have a theory of what happened. I had also given her a big blanket. She's like, you pay when I find the, oh, not fine. She's like, you pay when the pants are, oh, not fine. She's like, pay when the

pants are ready. I'm going in, I'm calling, I'm checking out. I'm almost being like, really annoying, but I'm kind of like, where the, just tell me you don't have them. Just tell me their loss. I have to mourn this loss because these are so cute. Yes. And then they appeared out of nowhere. They appeared. She never held repaired. No, she called me the next day. She's out calling the sky. She called me next day and said, I have the pants. They're ready. And then I said, great. I went in.

She, I wanna hear your theory because I think I know what happened. Okay. Okay. But she did repair the pants. She did and they're great. Okay. And they look so cute.

My theory is that she didn't know what to do because she thought the pants were for you. And she thought she was like, I'll never get elastic big enough. She's like, what's a fit around you? She can't wear a John Herc. They want to go on her foot. Yeah, and then one day she happened to see you

pushing Holly and her stroll. Yeah, and it all made sense. Yeah, the first time I came in, I didn't have Holly, the second time I came in, I did have Holly. Yes, okay, oh, thank God. There you go. What's your theory? My theory is she thought they were brown and she was saying, she's not there brown. Well, she remembered them as being brown.

She sent them off in a bag to somebody else to do it. She kept saying, look for the brown pants, they couldn't find them. I called the day before she said, look for the pop-up. But the day before she called me back, I called her and said, I'm looking for those pants. They're red, they're a little pants, they're red, they're red, red, red, red. Then she next day she finds out. I bet she's colorblind. She thought they were brown and Popeye blind. Wait, is the director of her dog? Yes. Oh, well, and she licks them clean, but somehow dry. Do you want to see the pants? Well, because they're dollars rather. I didn't realize these were pop my pants. I didn't do land.

Really cute. They're very cute. Do we get handed these down? She has so many. You can borrow them. I want them back. You will have to go through the same process that Lauren went through.

Pop my pants in a neat T-shirt. Yeah, I know. She was really cute on that day. Wow. She was already wearing that when I got home from the drag cleaner and I said, get these pants on. I think, Emmy feels enormous to me where she's wearing one-year-old clothes.

Is she wearing one-year-old? I think so. Oh my gosh. I hope she's a big fat baby. I mean, she's so cute. I don't mean fat necessarily, I just mean she's so cute. No, I mean fat. She seems big.

Yeah, I mean, she might be. I don't know. She's like always in the 90s. I think me. At just mean she's. No, I mean she seems big. Yeah, I mean she might be. I don't know. Do you think she's like 98th percentile for at least big. Head. What does that mean again? And is it 91? It's bigger than 98% of other kids. Like out of 100 kids, only two would have a bigger head than how? Or be taller or whatever. Right? I believe that's how I would explain percentile. Wow. I've never known what I meant. I guess I just, yeah. I guess I've just come to that conclusion. That's what I think it means. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because Emmy is in the 90s on height and weight, but 80s for head, which I think is good because I've been seeing a lot of like big headed babies out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When do we stop measuring things like that? Like do we know what percentiles we're in? We should measure each other's heads. Yeah, because at this point, right. Get a big protractor. Protractor. I thought that I have kind of a bigger head than I thought because I bought this hat online and then I guess hat size is one way to do it.

Yeah, it required a measurement to pick out which size, and I was like, yeah, I have no idea which one I'm being. I know what my hat size is, but I don't know what percentile it is. But I mean, do you know what that's a big head? Yeah, it's technically, it's a large. Yeah, because it might have, it's large.

But I had too small of a head. Was that too big? Mine was bigger than yours, I feel like. I think so, minus seven and three eighths. Yeah, my hat size Your hair off like a hat. I was wearing a hat all day yesterday in the airport And so I like you pulled your head off. I will look at the neck hole Oh, it's about a seven and a half. Yeah

Where is my where is my where is my hat? Oh? Fucking monkey came down from the tree. Oh, I forgot that was silly. Yeah, I measured my head and it was bigger than average. I guess we were not average. It just went that I had to get the medium large size as opposed to the small mediums. Wait, why did you get this hat? What was the best?

I really wanted it. I wanted it. I covered it for about a year. What was it? It's a it's like a What's the word? It's like a bucket hat made of pilgrim hat woven What's the word like a Terry cloth? No, no like a basket. Okay, Jesus Jesus Christ is a can a can go a can go red Yeah, yeah It's not a can go I'm not semi-liled Jackson

No, you're Kangles. Hello, cool Jay, where's the buckets? I'm your old Jackson, where's the cap? He doesn't wear the bucket anymore. Unless he's doing it in a bucket. No, I don't get you. You're the one who brought a lot. I didn't picture him in a fucking bucket. I pictured him in a paper boy hat.

Who? Samuel. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I know. He wears what we used to call a Jeff Cap. Why is it called that? Because of the friend Jeff used to wear them. We always call them that.

That was like a universal thing we were called Jeff Cap's. I always called it a different way of cap. They're officially called Jeff Cap, I think. What? Yeah, because I'm looking it up. There's a Brooklyn style Jeff Cap on sale. Ask why? Philly Jeff I'm looking it up. There's a Brooklyn style Jeff Cap on sale. Ask why?

Filly Jeff Cap. Ask her why. This sleek six panel duck bill shake. Google. See the six panel. Yeah. No, it's a fit. There's a ton of just Jeff Cap.

The thing, the thing, these types of caps have so many different names. We could be names. Flag cap. Flag cap. Officially called, but. I think I might have known that, but I feel like we call it a paper boy hat, but is that also right? Well, there's newsboy newsboy newsboy newsroom.

And parlance. That's probably what I mean. Whatever is right is what I mean. Newsboy cap skipper cap. Smart. Uh, skipper cap in Wales is known as a die cap. Uh, in Scotland, it's a die cap. Come on, Scotland. It's a bonnet.

Oh my God. Boney. You did it. It's pretty cute. I love patty cap in Scottish and Irish accents. In England. Well, that's racist. Yeah, it is.

It is, isn't it? It is. Yeah. Patty cap. Well, maybe they're talking about like patty cake. Maybe. Cause it is, that is convenient to wear during patty cake. Yeah, because you don't have to hold it on your head.

Well, I've got to have you up to hold, yeah. I get so awkward. I wear your wearing two hats that are too big for you. Really? Cause I'm holding them all the time? Yeah. Well, cause when the wind comes, I'd be there blow or they do. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what are you gonna do, I'd be their blow air they do. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? I saw, I don't know if you saw this tick talk. What, who, who I sound just went away? What? No, not a point.

Paul, we can hear you. You can't hear yourself. I'm not a good man. Mutual friend, a mutual. A mutual. And maybe to you as well. This woman,

I don't know how I'm mutual. Well, saying I lost my hat in the wind mutual friend, so you told me and maybe to you as well, this woman, I don't know how I'm mutuals. Well, saying I lost my hat in the wind and it went so far into the sky. And she's describing how like the wind whipped it off her head. It was a big wide brimmed hat. And then she shows a picture of the hat, which is indeed a very wide brimmed straw hat. And then a video of this

fucking thing is, it is traveling. It is so far in the sky and she zooms in and it's just going higher and higher and higher. How did this happen? This is like, I think it was the perfect like shape. Yeah. And, and, uh, I don't think they make airplanes in this shape. That's so sad. And wait, why don't they do that? Because airplanes right now are just sitting on the ground. They should be floating, floating, floating. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

Hi, hi, hi. Oh, wow. What are airplanes going to get better? I feel like what? What are you doing? What are you doing? You know what? You know what?

You know what? You know what? They're not updating the seats. Yeah. I feel like they're constantly, every time I go on an airplane, I'm like, oh, look at these new weapons. No, no, how about this? They're taking away, Tevis.

Oh, we're talking about coach. They're taking away. Oh, forget it. They're taking away from the train. No, I feel like I'm so sick of this. They want you to put your plug your phone in and put it in a little holder. I'm like, I don't want to drain my battery.

You don't want to drain it. I want to watch the movies you offer me. I feel like planes now other than Southwest, all have TV screens. They all have plugs. Yeah, they're all, they're all good. No, this is not true. This is not university true. The first class is very different than coach.

No, I was on American Airlines the other day, and they were like, every single seed has power and television, so I was like, I've been thinking about switching to Delta as my main. That's my main. That's my main. A lot of people seem to love the main. Yeah, come on, join us.

I think I should. I think I should. Delta is the credit card is the best. I saw somebody in New York. We were having drinks after a Broadway play. Was it Rudy Giuliani? It was not Rudy Giuliani America's mayor. Um, but what play did you see?

I saw a leopold shot. Tom Stopperd play. Oh, that's right. Um, I saw Kimberly, a Kimbo, by the way, and Lauren, you would like it. Really? And I think you would like it, Paul. I told you this already, though. So I, I saw a little snippet of it on the today's show when they were, I don't know,

I don't know. I don't watch that every day, but yeah, I happen to catch that. Okay, you can turn it around. You look to the day when you're like, oh, it's today. Yeah. Yeah, that is. It's how I knew when it was on. But there's something about performing a Broadway song on any show that makes it seem really

lame. Yeah, it was just too close. Yeah, you want a little, you want to be at least 50 paces back. Yeah. Everyone's extremely talented a little bit. The ideal way to watch a Broadway number removed from the show is of course the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Oh my god.

Do you know how the street is freezing cold? Yes. 100%. They're lip-syncing. I love watching that. Yeah. And I love when it's not quite right. It's always so fun.

Oh, it's great. Yeah. They have, they're lip-syncing, but they still have to wear the costumes that they wear in the show. Yeah, no regardless of the temperature. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I guess dancing around sort of raises your body temperature. So it lowers it actually. Does it really? Yes, I never knew that new studies new studies dancing around new studies like temperature. What are you going at? Half. I was doing a parody of true story from the real world credits. Oh, that's right.

True story. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Some of those planes, there's still some old planes rattling around. No, there are, but I love it when you have the power. Have you ever been on one where they go? This is the first flight of this plane. I don't think I want to.

No, I don't think I want to. I've been on that. It's thrilling. The maiden voyage. Yeah, and you're like, they have so many new things. And you're just like, oh my god, look at this. Look at this. What are they? M&Ms for everyone. Okay, what flavor?

Is it the coffee flavor? They're video games everywhere. Oh my god. Video games for the sky. Coke and the water fountains. I have my feet. The my God. Video games. Scott. Coconut water fountains. I have my the toilets full of piss. Oh, I had okay.

Two plane experiences. First of all, on the on the flight back, I only do this on the flight back from wherever I am. You were okay. We were just in New York on the fly back. You take your shoes off on the flight. There you come on. I keep my shoes on the whole.

Yeah, right. I took never shoes off on the flight there. Keep mine. I keep my shoes on the whole. Yeah, right. I took never shoes off on one of them because it was just too itchy. Constantly. It's issues. Yeah. You were those wool shoes. Yep. Yeah.

With moths in them and no socks. I, um, I allow myself my treat, which is a giant bag of M&Ms. Tina but are M&Ms. That's right. Not the giant bag. A trashMs. He's not but a reminem. That's right. Not the giant bag. A trash bag. But like the share size. Wait, wait, wait, I like this sort of like ritual

that it's on the way back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. And as you sort of like, that's my treat for doing the trip. Yeah. Kind of, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was a good boy.

It all went down the airport. Yeah, I like this. Nobody yelled at me. But on the way to New York, somebody had, I went to the restroom and somebody had bellowed the seat. Oh, that happened to me. It's such a nice restaurant. On the restroom yesterday where I go.

You like that? I get off the first plane. I just, no, I walk in. I've got something. There's two open ones, two open doors. Yeah. Both with shit in them. I'm just like guys.

What? What the hell? No, don't you just go. One was, one was diarrhea and one was a circular ball. Come on. Come on. Like, like,

What's wrong? What's wrong with you? Don't ruin those for me. What's wrong with you? Anyone who, like, here's the issue. Has anyone who's listening to this, take it a fucking shit and then there's a walkout. Right now. Just walked out. Here's the issue.

You don't try to sell it. You're self-flushing, it's toilet. They think it's gonna do it. They think it's gone. They never walk out. I never think that. Stay in life. Stay and I look, babe.

And I will press the button. If it's not going, you think people think they're self-flushing toilet. No, because honestly, since I'm sitting here, I never think that. Stay in the, I stay and I look, babe, and I will press the button. If it's not going, people think they're self-flushing toys. No, because honestly, since I'm, No, not on airplanes on, on in the airports,

they have, when you like stand up, they're self-flushing. But that's so does human work. So I think people don't even give it a time. People don't even look behind them. No, no, I think, I think people are just so fucking gross sometimes. Like people are just like,

I'm thinking of this Dennis Miller joke. Okay, let's work. Work on that. That's just made me familiar. We're like, doggy style or something. She's, it's very sexy when she looks behind her shoulder, like kitty carlile and the gun smoke. Oh, I thought it was like a, like an astronaut giving you,

I remember it as like an astronaut giving you the thumbs up, like all systems go, maybe? Okay, you looked that up. Please find that. But so here's the, I wanna know what's the mental state. I am waiting for the light to go off so I can use the bathroom.

And I see somebody, I always see his Dennis Miller obituary. He didn't die. I know, but someone named Dennis Miller did. Hey, just wanna let you know, I have to try to go, Mr. Miller. Someone was saying that they, uh, what just closed down Buzzfeed news that they should all publish their, like death drafts for like Trump and Listicols of people who died. Like why not just, yeah. Yeah. Remember when deadline, Hollywood published accidentally published the pants has COVID story. Yeah, that was exciting. And you know, we did. Yeah. Remember when deadline Hollywood published accidentally published the pants has COVID story.

Yeah. That was exciting. That was great. And you know we did. Yeah. He did. How did they accidentally write it? Because everyone knew we had it. It's not saying like it's that's means it happened. Yeah. Yeah. Just writing it. Okay. So here's what I'm besides they do. They do pre-plan open. So I'm in the aisle waiting for one of the bathrooms to open up. Yeah.

One of the bathrooms that like goes off and this woman like furtively leaves the bathroom. Oh no, this is a bad sign. It's so I don't. Don't to be furtive when you're the oh my god. If you if you're leaving a mess, be casual about it. Whistle.

Just go. Whistle the circus song. So I go in there and this is befiled. I'm sorry. A lady went in there and I went on to what did you do? PPL over the seat? If only, if only this is on the flight to New York. That person needs to be That person needs to be like you to get a citizen's citizen's arrest. That is now to not clean that up. Is that an air marshaling onboard?

It's so aggressive. You know there's only one to two bathrooms of every one. You know that no one's coming in during a flight. Yeah. There's not like a guy that comes through mid-climate flight clean.

So did you leave the bathroom and say, here, here, here, you, this woman. Well, that's the thing. I was like, I'm not, I'm not taking this burden on myself, but I don't know, I do my business, and then I leave. So you're not touching this, when you say, do you do business, you sat right down in it. I just, I just laid down on it.

Just put your head down and take a little nap. Now wait. I'm watching my hands, please don't let anybody be. I think it's you. Yes. Of course. That's why you have to clean it a little. And that's why before you do your thing,

you have to say to the flight attendant, I'm sorry, someone just, I'm not doing shit about this. No, no, no, no. I wanted to say to the flight attendant, I'm sorry, someone just, I'm not doing shit about this. No, no, no, no, but here I wanted to say to the woman like, yeah, I didn't do it. It wasn't, oh, because she wasn't like waiting right there. It was like, I opened the door, nobody was there, great. And then she like turned around the corner and went in there. It was like, is it don't scare? Who's a don't scare?

So wait, we think that the woman before you was the one who messed it up. Judged it from the way she left. Yeah. It made me think that. Now, was there poo poo on the seat? Yes. That's so crazy. What did you think I would say?

Well, those ones could be period blood, could it be there's like, Oh, Jesus, no. Well, who poops on a seat? A monster. Like, I'm like, if you have, somebody who has no, you have your own, I know the month, right, blood can end up on the seat. Not good. Not good, but who poo. I'm like, you're just standing the shit that at that point.

You're just hoping that she's like, yeah, yeah, she's worried that there's germs on the seeds. Yeah, she's standing above going like, I'll just drop fucking, like, diseases on this shit. So I tell you about when I was at Comic Con and there's so few bathrooms like public bathrooms there. And so it's like, you know, guys long line and I was like, Oh, God, I have to do a dookie. And so you're waiting there for a stall. You're waiting for a stale to open up. And this guy comes out of a stall. I'm waiting right there by it. He gives me a look like, I'm sorry.

I clock it, but I go into the stall. It is just such a mess in it that I do a complete 180 and I go, ah! Ah! Right in front of him as he's washing his hands. You threw up? I dry heaved, I was just like,

Oh my God. I know, I can fucking flush. Okay, wait. When people dry heave, I wanna dry heave. Yeah, of course. Yeah. That's great. No, it's great.

So, this woman goes in and then I'm like, fuck, man, she's gonna think that I did that. And I swear to God and she's gonna recognize she's the best week ever. Did you have a mask on? I did have a mask on. That helps. But she came out.

But it was a polyphtomke. She came out. Yeah, it's just like my face. Yeah. She came out and I feel like she immediately knew where I was sitting. I she looked right at me. No.

That's. This is terrible. So you there's got to be a better way to do this. You have to alert. I think I should have said like, hey, maybe wait for the other one. This person before me, but if you use that one, know that it was not my fault.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like had the whole thing. It wasn't me. No, I know that you had that conversation a hundred times in your head while you tried to go like, that wasn't me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm so mad at the person who did it.

But the amount of times that I gave us a description, maybe I could draw her. I'll do an artist's rent. Well, I only saw the back of her head. I just figured that drawing of this. She was good. What is running away? What it looked like.

So it's brown head, brown head, fast. Remember that drawing of that lower crown that someone drew was like, oh, I guess. Oh my god. Let's see. Oh my god. Oh my god, it looks just like her. A restaurant.

Looks like one of the Pac-Man ghosts. It does. Is that her behind the back? Oh my god. Let's see. Oh my god. Oh my god. Looks just like her. Arrest her. Looks like one of the Pac-Man ghosts. Is that her eye? Yeah. Does the Pac-Man. She did not have that. Maybe one of the minions.

But I want to know, I feel like women maybe do this more, I would guess, because I end up doing this a lot. I'll clean P off the seat that's not mine. Yeah. Because it's so gross to me that even as I'm, and then that I'll make sure I clean my own stuff. I'll come in even when I'm not using the bathroom in an airport, I'll just tidy up. But I think men can be just general eyes.

Paul Washington, Paul, I was thinking, I've not cleaned it, but I have invited people in there to assess the situation. Right. Like, I've gone into a stall and it's messy and then I'll call somebody and say, what do you think? What do you think?

What would you do? If you or me, all right, we have to say a break. Okay. And we're back. And we're back. It's time for a little thing we call three chairs. And this one was submitted by Aria Mann, I guess he's probably from Florida. Mirror, mirror. So my three-chair idea is called mirror, mirror. Two of you play talking mirrors. One can only tell the truth and one can only tell lies.

The other person is trying to figure out who are what they are by asking the mirrors questions. The mirrors cannot answer with a simple yes or no. So it doesn't have to be a celebrity. It could be anything. It could be a well, maybe we should make it a celebrity. Yeah, let's make it celebrity. The answer is 10 questions for each year. Rather than somebody who went to school with it. Yeah, I just mean like a flower.

Yeah, like an object. 10. Oh, okay. Like 20 questions. Like an elephant. Yeah. The asker gets 10 questions for each. And now we're holding a flower.

Oh, I like that. It's almost like Dumbo. Yeah. And I just finished reading. Yeah. They ask her, it's 10 questions for each. And I'll allow her to hold in the flower. Oh, I like that. It's almost like Dumbo. Yeah. And I just finish reading. No. The asker gets 10 questions for each mirror before they must decide who or what they are

and cannot ask the same question multiple times. The two mirrors decide the identity of the person. This step has to happen first, so I should have put it earlier, but oh well. Okay, you could have just gone mad. God, Jesus. Oh my God. Okay. The mirrors will, if the question asker guesses wrong, the question asker wins if they guess, start identity correctly, and which mirror is lying in time? The truth. So we'll go. Other than that have fun with it. Also, start

each question with mirror mirror on the wall. No, no, we're not. That will take forever. So we're, so the very first question will do that. Sure. So we'll get it going for area man. coming. That'll take forever. So we're, so the very first question we'll do that. Sure. So we'll go for area man's sake. Yeah, we'll do this three times and I'll count up the points. And we'll see who wins at the end. How's that sound? Sounds like fun.

You get a point if you guess it right and you get a point if the other person gets it wrong. Yes. So we got points every time. You go to the amount of points at the end. You get points no matter what. Okay, so Paul, you're gonna be the guesser. And Lauren and I are going to decide,

do you wanna text me or should I text you? You're texting, you text me his identity. Yeah, and then you text me whether you're a liar or okay. Well, you send it first. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Got it.

Got it. Mirrors, mirrors on the wall. A question I have for you. That's my call. Okay. You mirror. Hi. I have for you. That's my call. Okay. You mirror. Mm-hmm. Hi.

Be I a man or a woman? A woman. Mm-hmm. You mirror. Mm-hmm. Be I a man or a woman. You can't do that. That's what you can't ask the same question twice. Otherwise, then you know.

Mirror. Hey, don't ask me. You ask for it. I have to switch off. No. No. No. Mirror. But this is my second question. Yeah, no shit. Mirror. Hey, don't ask me, ask her. I have to switch off. No. No. Mirror. But this is my second question. Yeah, no shit.

Yeah. Be I alive or be I dead? You be dead. Mirror. Yes. When did I die? You're not dead. Hmm.

Mirror. Yes. Did I get married. Yes. Did I get married? Yes. Mirror. Who am I married to? You are Ben Affleck. I'm Ben Affleck?

No, you're married to Ben Affleck. I thought you just gave up. You are Ben Affleck. I thought you just gave up. You are Ben Affleck. Mirror. Who did I use to be married to? You've only had one partner. Okay, this seems impossible. Keep going.

We'll see if it's impossible. It might be. Let's just keep going. We'll see if it's impossible. It might be. Let's just keep going. Okay. I'll tell you if you know who's lying and you know who's telling the truth, it's easy. Yeah, I know that. Keep going and you might get it might get more clear.

I'm trying to figure out how to determine that, right? Maybe you might get, it might get more clear. I'm trying to figure out how to determine that, right? Maybe you could say, like, just maybe, I'm just trying to go get it. I'm remembering the myth now. Okay. Okay. Okay, how did it go? If I ask the other mirror,

If I ask the other mirror. If I ask the other. I feel like this is you're trying to game the system instead of that's how this works. He can ask whatever he wants. Okay, you know this myth. I know the myth. I don't know. I don't know. That's how they figured it out.

I know. All right, well keep asking some questions and you can work on the myth as you go. Oh, I don't know, just keep going. It's going great. It's going great. It's boring to me. I'm not bored. That's good.

I'm glad. Yeah. Mirror. Am I holding a phone? No. There you go, motherfucker. Was that gaming the system? Yeah, I feel like it is. I don't mind.

It's what I was using. I feel like these questions should be celebrity based, but anyway, go ahead. What do I mean? Next round, we'll see what happens. Let's just try to get through the first round. We not- Okay, if you have a better strategy of question asking,

I'm interested. I'd like to try. I'm, I'm, I'm, I try. I'll be horrible. All right. Mirror. Who am I married to right now? Her name is Jessica. Her name is Jessica. Sure, last name.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Jessica. Sure last name. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Um, what did I have for breakfast? Seems like you could ask me questions about celebrities and I to help narrow down knowing that I'm wrong. Mirror. What did the celebrity have for breakfast? Shit! Okay, that's not true. Okay. Mirror, do I have any children? I believe you have two.

Mirror. Am I a person? No. Mirror. Am I young or old? You're been alleged. What? You'd say old? Yeah. All right. I don't guess I don't know how old he is. Mirror, what's your favorite movie of mine?

Top Gun Maverick. Mirror, what's your least favorite movie of mine? I don't know. I wouldn't be able to pick a least because I love everything you do equally. Mirror. You can narrow down who the person is. Yeah, I know. But like, ask a question about the person.

By the way, like, how are they running out of questions? How they're known. Oh, yeah, how many is their limit? How many? There's 10. You're only supposed to ask 10. Oh, I must be. you must be a check. Yeah. What's who's your guess? I asked me like a really like basic question about this person to kind of like narrow down like 20 questions type question like Are you a TV or you know, yes? Am I a movie star? You've been in movies

It's not what I asked you've starred in films. You've started in movies. That's not what I asked. You've starred in films. You've started in B movie. Not really. Am I Jerry Seinfeld? You are. Why don't you know that when you just was talking about me? I'm sorry. Let's try it again.

Let's get your guess. I'll guess. Keep track of the amount of questions. Well, also, I feel like we need to go back and forth because with the asking several of me. Right, right, right. Just so that I'll make the little, yeah. You plan, I'm gonna do it.

All right, so do you wanna say the person, and I'll say who's lying or not? Sure. Okay. You want to say the person and I'll say who's lying or not? Sure. Okay. And dead silence comes over the pod as Paul types out the person that Lauren is going to embody. Meanwhile, I am texting which one of us is lying and which one of us is telling the truth.

We are ready. We're ready. Okay. Okay. Are you starting with? I'm starting with Paul. Hello, Mirror. Hi.

Am I a movie star? Yes. Hmm. Hello. Hello. Am I a woman or a man? You are a woman. Okay. Um, hello, Mirror. Hello. Am I, um, do I tend to do no, let's see am I considered a comedic or dramatic actor dramatic Okay Welcome back drive we know you have many choices for mirrors. I'm so glad you chose me. Okay Do I am I alive or dead you chose me. Okay, do I, am I alive or dead? You are dead. Okay.

And when did I pass? You have yet to die. Hmm. Okay. And do I, what's my biggest film? Gross or culturally? Culturally. I guess culturally.

Jurassic Park. Okay. Yeah. Everyone seemed to know that rule when I tried it. Okay. I'll let I'll let you go back to. Okay. I'll ask a different question.

I'll ask a different question. Um. Uh. Uh. I don't think you're allowed to ask until the very end. Okay. Yeah. Everyone seemed to know that rule when I tried it.

Uh. Um. Okay. I'll let I'll let you go back to. Okay. I'll ask a different question. I'll spare you go back to. Okay, I'll ask a different question. I'll spare a further, different question. Um, uh, this is question four. But you said I'm dead.

You said one. Um, and what I was just lying. I know. I'm kind of confused. Um, if you do want knowledge more, you must ask me question four. Am I married? I don't go. It's my dad Bruce Dern. Yes.

Okay. But that doesn't make sense because you said I was dead. So not Lordearn. Okay. Okay. So you're telling me. Question five. If the game is still alive, you must ask me question five.

Okay. What's my big, what's, have I done sequels to movies that I've done? Yes! Okay. Uh, does, does, does, is, am I, am I a man? No. Okay. Is that 10 questions?

No, that's five. 25? Five a piece, yeah. Also, I think you asked that already questions? No, that's five. 25. Five a piece. Yeah. Also, I think you asked that already. I asked if I was willing. Well, but I asked him twice. And I also, as he's trying to keep track because now knowing I'm lying.

Yeah. Well, not made it clear. If you want to get your kicks, you must ask me questions. It's. Okay. Thank you, but I you for the joy. I'm glad you're joining. Am I?

Is it my? What's my big? What's my? What's my role that people most know me for? An interesting question. How do I answer without giving it completely away? Describe the role. The name of the role is Bruce.

The name of the role is Bruce. Did I study? Okay I'm okay, you don't know how many are okay. Okay. I'm okay. You don't know how many are there. Back to me. Okay. Do I have children? I don't know either.

How far is this person so mysterious? If you want to get to heaven, you must ask him questions seven. Okay. Do kids today know who I am or is it more like an older generation, be more familiar with this? Kids today, no of you, yes. Okay. How old am I?

Am I, oh no, am I, how old am I? I don't know. Okay. How old am I? Mid-leaged. Okay. This is impossible. I'm a man.

I'm a movie star. My dad's not Bruce Dern. Knowing I'm lying. Yeah. Like narrow down. I'm trying. The way it works is he will always do one thing and I will always do the other thing. I got that.

I got that. Also wear mirrors. Okay. Am I funny? You're asking me about it. My funny. I would say you're very known for being funny and your roles do not have any light humor in them. Okay, so it's the opposite. I'm known for, I'm known for not being funny, but I play a lot of humorous parts. This is my fucking sense.

But you the one who fucking asked it. Okay. Oh God. If you're hot, that's not full levied, you may ask me question eight. I think her heart's for eight. Um, am I involved in political stuff? Yes. Do I play a political role like a character that's in power?

Of course you do. Okay. Who the fuck is Bruce? Um, this is question nine. Um, okay. Would you say anything mirror? Is it my turn? Yeah question nine. Even if you're feeling fine, you may as big question nine. If in fact you're feeling fine you means because you're nine. So our hearts are full of hate. We've established that and maybe she's feeling fine. Well, what's the last name of my character Bruce?

Almighty? Maybe look in the phone book It's not honest. You got to be honest. The name is synonymous with items of heraldry. Bruce Paper. What's heraldry? The newspaper? What's herald the newspaper? What's Haroldry?

Bruce paper You can ask me what the definition of Harold what is the definition we hear in time of the wrong one What's the definition of heraldry? It's not the system of which coats of arms and other memorial bearings are devised described in regulated or colorful ceremony. What? Bruce Flagg? I don't... Okay, this is your last question.

Who am I? You can't ask that. Okay, this is your last question. Who am I? You can't ask that. Okay, fine. Has Paula Tomkins or Scott Ockerman ever met me? I can only say one of them has not. Okay, that's not what I'm talking about. Paul. Okay, and last question, why are you such a fucking asshole? I don't know.

That was hard, Paul. I see it from your side. I see it was really, really hard. Who was it? It is Mark Ruffalo who played Bruce Banner, the incredible. I never, ever, ever would have gotten that. However, I don't think he's, I don't know if he's married. I don't know if he has kids.

He might have both. I think he probably has, and he probably does. He probably has both. We don't know too much about I don't know if he's married. I don't know if he has kids. He might have both. I think he probably is. And he probably does. He probably has both. He probably has both. We don't know too much about his personal life, but he is political. Well, he's not funny, but he had been, he's played funny stuff.

He's played funny stuff. Yeah, and as the Hulk, he's sort of funny. Yeah. The thing is about this is that he's married to Sunrise Cognet. Is there any more? What? He pulled Sunrise Cognet. Is there any more? What? He pulled Sunrise Cognet? He has three or four kids.

Three, four kids. Do you like to fuck? He loves it. No, maybe two. Oh, you know my grandma hates it. Maybe three. Oh, dude, maybe three. It's okay.

I think the question needs to be more along the lines of like 20 questions or something. That's how it works how it parameters on it. Yeah. I feel like it's just like any question. Yeah. So like yes or no, you're saying no, but but I, well, I mean, we could switch it to yes or no's.

Mm hmm. I don't know. I just don't know. I feel like using the lying person to try to narrow down stuff is just as important as using the right choice. I know, but I feel like it's really confusing. Are the movies, I think you should try one. Let me try one. Because you'll see how confusing it is,

but I think we should make it only five questions each. Just kind of, let's just kind of, it's just a little. Yeah, blow through it. All right, here we go. It's fucking fly through this. Have you guys, okay, so I'll text Paul a name. And if I'm only getting five, you can't be totally obfuscating the answers. Right, okay.'ll text Paul on name. And if I'm only getting five, you can't be totally

obfuscating the answers. Right. Okay. Like, be as clear as like, band. So I'm going to send you a name. Name being sent immediately. Name has been sent. Name received. Okay. Status received. Okay, begin. Oh, begin. I'm going to Lauren first. Okay. Hello, Magic Mirror. Hi. What do you want to ask me? Am I a man? Nope. Hello, magic mirror. Am I a movie star?

Absolutely not. You said I can't. I can't. I can't. Just happen. I am a man. I'm a woman. Okay. You're a woman. Oh woman. Okay. Am I married to a famous person? Yes, you are. Am I in Marvel movies? Yes. All of them. Okay. I know. There has been anyone who's been all of them.

Stan Lee much. Not the latest ones. What if it was Stan Lee? So I know I'm a movie star who's married to a famous person. I'm a woman who's, am I married to Ben Affleck? No. Am I known for rom-coms? Yes. Am I known for action films? You've done some that would be considered, but I wouldn't say that's the main.

Okay. Am I a dramatic actress? Never. Okay, this is my last one. Have I been nominated for an Oscar? Yes. I think we can keep going because it's going faster with the way we're doing it. Yeah.

Oh, you can keep going. Okay. Okay. So this is my fifth to you. How old am I? Am I, sorry, am I, am I, am I over 50? No, you're a spring chicken. This version is, it is better. Am I over 70? Oh God. Let me know. I'm telling the truth. So let me just see. Let's see. Nominated.

No, you're not. Okay, so in between 50 and 70, if a mirror looks it up, there is poison in your cup. No, no, not poison in my cup. Don't drink it. I'm not poisoned in my cup. Don't drink it. Dramatic actor who has done, but I know Meryl Streep has not,

is not married to a famous person. Between 50 and 70. Oh, nominated for Oscars, known for drama. Oh, man. Ask another question. Yeah. Have were my movies popular most popular in the 90s? Oh absolutely. are my movies most popular in the 21st century? No. Okay, eighties, then I would think. Uh, eighties dramatic actor.

Fucking shit. Um, have I been nominated for an Oscar more than once? Oh, yes. So just once. Hmm. Can I give you a tip? Yeah. Ask more about the movies because I think the word you're using is wrong. Okay. Am I a dramatic actor? Yes, but it's a very specific, you're known for a very specific genre. Oh, okay. Is the genre that I'm known for with my movies?

Is it animation? Absolutely. What is oh does it have to be? What is the what is the genre that I'm known for? Ah okay uh uh were my parents famous? No. Did I just win an Oscar this year? Am I Jamie Lee carnage? Oh, I'm gonna success. Oh my gosh. All right.

And that's how we played that game. Oh, wait, I didn't grow up for time. I didn't count up the points. I think it was zero and one. It was a one, one, zero, and zero and then one zero zero. So I have a very I have three learn as one Paul as one. Okay, well, it's over. So it doesn't matter. Yeah, who cares? Well, just because you have three of the losers clean up the game. Okay, I'll wipe it all away right now. Listen, if you would like to send, if you would like to send us a

feature, why don't you send it to three of us say at gmail.com. Why don't you do that? If you'd like to leave us a voicemail, the kind we're going to listen to on the next episode. The next episode. Hold us. Why don't you call us at hag claims eight.

Hag claims eight. And the hag will claim the eight. The hag will claim the eight. Hag claims eight. And the Hag will claim the eight. The Hag will claim the eight. And you can follow us in social. After you say, and listen, if you want to hear ad free versions of the show, you can listen on Citro premium or CBB world dot. That's right. And hey, we, uh, we all three wrote some stuff for the CBB book, The Comedy Bang Baby Book,

which is now great. And a lot of people have been getting signatures with the three of us. Yeah, also, you know, someone brought one to the show last night, which is something you can do if you come and come to one of our shows and we assign a book. That's right.

Yeah, why not? And listen, I don't, this comes out when. Thursday. Okay, folks in Los Angeles, I don't know why this is happening, but there's still tickets left for my May 14th show at Lodrum. It is varietopia. It's a great show. We got great great because that's the season finale succession and knowing it's mother's dad and mother's father. I thought it was what? But then there's still four more after that. The seeds of finale is the 28th. Not four more, but the seeds of finale is the 28th.

Oh, how many episodes are they doing this year? I think it's like 10, eight or 10, I can't remember. But I thought, I looked, when I first looked it up, I thought it was the season finale. Oh. And then I looked it up. That was the wisdom.

Again, with like slightly different wording. And it's the 28th. It was like, hey, stupid. When is the season? Yeah. Quit fucking around. When is the season? Stop playing with me.

So here's what's gonna happen. We're gonna have a great show with great guests and then immediately afterwards, we're going to screen that night's episode of succession. So you can have both in one place. And if you've never watched a show like that in a group setting, it's actually kind of fun. We're not gonna be like,

mystery, secret. We're just gonna watch it together. You'll laugh together. It's a lot more watching a movie where like, when you go see a movie like Fast and Furious, you're not seeing they're roasting it and shouting at the screen. And it's a, that,

that Lodrum has like a big screen. It's gonna be fun. It's a climax there. Go to, well, Scott, don't lie to them. I'm the mirror who always lies. Go to PaulF Tompkins.com slash live and come on out to that show. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Lauren. When is this coming out? Thursday. Wow. So Thursday, I guess, what do I have going on? You know, I just don't know. Just do whatever you want. Okay. We'll see you then, bye!

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