Threedom - Threevisiting: 3-D Yum
Episode Date: April 4, 2023Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss getting bad haircuts, reality dating shows and play We 2 Not U. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to three...domusa@gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).
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Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum 3D yum. Oh my god, 3D dimensional ice cream cones. 3D dimensional yum.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Of course this is what we should do.
I didn't even know until now.
I'm tired of eating 2D snacks that taste like paper.
No, I'll eat paper.
And that are paper.
Don't eat paper.
Don't eat paper.
Welcome to the show.
Don't eat paper. Don't eat paper. Don't eat paper. Don't eat paper. Don't eat paper. Donate paper. Donate paper. Welcome to the show. Donate paper.
Donate paper.
Donate paper.
Donate paper.
Hi, young friends.
Welcome to the show.
Scott Ockerman here.
Paul Laptopkins here.
Lauren Laptopkins here.
And we're all present and accounted for.
That's right.
What if we were doing a show and then suddenly
someone wasn't there and we were just like, Lauren?
Hello.
Can I just say I have the iPhone 8 Plus.
It's large.
Yeah, you can go ahead.
Bragg if you want.
So I want to say, um, I feel it's a fact on my wrist.
Really?
I feel that I am getting like, I feel it.
I know of it's called, it's like Carpool Temple.
Which hand?
My right wrist.
That's your bean flicking hand.
It's my jerkin working
Jerkin working That's all you seem to do
But I can feel the difference. I think that's just the first step in human evolution
We're all gonna be like have fucked up necks because it's your neck as well. You're always looking down
I know well you know
I've talked about this before but I have a pinky divotot from my old phone being smaller and it might would rest right here.
Should you go to PD?
Oh my god, I don't have it on the other hand.
It's really creepy.
Yeah, I have a tail.
Yeah, same.
Mine never got to cut off.
My heart's on the outside.
Yeah, my brains in my ass.
No kids.
And that's her nose.
There it goes.
Brain fart.
Yeah.
Don't tell me about that. Don't't tell me about that.
Don't ever tell me about that.
Don't you fuckers, Evan?
Oh, you bugger, fuckers, Evan.
I didn't want to sing, go on a you motherfucker.
Is that from the comeback?
I don't wanna see that.
I couldn't watch the comeback.
Are you fucking kidding me?
He doesn't have HBO.
I just, you thank you, Scott.
Thank you.
He'd can't afford it.
Wait, you don't like it?
I watched the first series when it was out.
Okay, I follow.
And then I think I watched the first episode of the new one.
And I had a hard time with what felt like,
and this is not, I'm not saying it's a bad show.
I had our time with like the ritual humiliation
of the character.
Yeah, because you feel that in your own life.
I'm like, I watch TV to escape.
Well, I mean, in a way, yeah, it's like it's not,
it's not, there's another show I can.
I go to escape rooms to just sit there until they kick me out.
The scenes, the scenes in love where Paul Rust is at work.
Get a word.
And I'll read it.
The scenes in love where Paul Rust is at work.
And everyone is just so horrible to him.
Yeah.
I found those scenes really bummed me out
because it's like, I don't like them.
Because it replicates our relationship
when he was working on the show.
He based all those on my relationship with it.
I just did an interview where I had to talk about something.
Lauren, Lauren, talk about everything.
Where I talked about something that was underrated. What's underrated? And you said something, talk about everything. Where I just get a press conference where
I'm just underrated.
What's underrated?
And you said something to talk about.
I was going to say the comeback, but I felt
that it's not underrated.
I feel like people were.
It's appropriately ready.
Well, yeah, so I'm saying.
So then I decided to talk about episodes.
Have you seen episodes?
Yes.
Yes, Jamie loves it, right?
Yeah, Jamie's a huge episodes fan.
Yeah, I love it.
Well, I just wanted to say.
I will say the comeback in the episodes
are two of the only shows that like
can be taken very literal their titles, you know?
Like episodes, there literally are episodes of them.
And the comeback was off for many years and then came back.
There's no title more literal than 60 minutes.
That's very true, 120 minutes maybe.
With Matt Pinfield.
What about... What about... Don't you think it's very derivative of 60 minutes? Yeah minutes maybe. With Matt Pinfield.
What about?
Don't you think it's very derivative of 60 minutes? Yeah, maybe.
What about the news?
Not news.
Welcome to the news.
What if someone copyrighted that title, the news?
And they don't get everyone.
And just do the pants on them.
That's fun.
And then every anchor had no pants.
But you couldn't see it because they're behind that. Part of the cell. But they'd be all. And then every anchor had no pants. But you couldn't see it because they're behind that
part of the cell.
But they'd be all panicky inside knowing they had no pants.
They'd be all yogi bearin' it behind those desks.
Paul is making fun of me because I'm touching my hair,
but it looks like you're holding a rat tail
that doesn't exist.
If I had super long hair like you were in,
Oh, your rat tail, it doesn't exist.
Like it's like long.
If I had super long hair, I would constantly be doing that. Yeah, fun. Yeah, fun. are. You are. You are. You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are.
You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. You are. Like my mom just it was a way. It was very cute and then with bangs and then when I was
In high school I cut it kind of a kid's haircut because I thought it was exclusive to like the 70s and 80s for our
Gen. Oh, well, maybe it was also like no I don't assign at the time
I think that well our generation had
There were like little kids that you'd see on TV that were that had like like Adam like Adam Rich on AID is enough, that had like a really long bull cut.
That's what I had.
Where it was like, you had a,
like just like your face peeking out of this helmet of hand.
And I had a, it's like a circle.
It's like a motorcycle helmet.
And then straight across the eyebrows.
That's so funny.
And that's what I had all the time.
And then.
I think of it as that one character on Fat Albert,
dumb, Donald, the guy who had the weird hat pulled over. Oh, yeah, yeah. So funny. And that's what I had all the time. And then- I think of it as that one character on Fat Albert,
dumb Donald, the guy who had the weird hat pull over.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if you just cut out the front of his hat,
and we're left with that, that would be there.
If you just cut a hair hole.
Hair holes.
I holes in your hair.
Great show written by a wonderful man.
Hair holes?
No, no, no.
Fat hole.
But the last time I had a short, I was in high school,
and I cut it like a hair, like,
mid to way through my neck. Yeah, she's pointing at her- At my butt. So I cut it like a here, like, mid to way through my neck.
Yeah, she's pointing at her.
At my butt.
So I cut it in here.
I was down at the floor.
No, but it was like about halfway down.
Or her chin, just pointing at her knee.
And it was.
She pointed her back to toe.
But I was too making scissors.
Didn't really know.
I didn't really care to style it.
I was not really concerned with such activities at the time.
I was not concerned with such activities at the time.
And this is a great trial.
So I was not concerned with such activities at the time.
And so you're speaking like a police officer
who has to de-escalate a situation.
I did not wish to stop my hair on that matter.
So the perpetrator.
And so I simply walked away and didn't do anything to it.
What's the worst haircut you ever had?
That's probably not.
Oh, but you know what?
A few years ago, I had one that I hated.
It was like 2012 or something.
I cut my hair above my shoulder.
But it to me.
Right above your over the shoulder boulder holder.
Exactly. But to me, Right above your over the shoulder, boulder holder? Exactly.
But to me, it was just a horrible length
because I just think I either need to have longer hair
or short about, I don't know,
I'm too afraid to go short anymore,
but I don't, I think above my shoulders is dangerous
because it kind of falls in this weird way.
I hated it so much that I went straight in it every day
because I thought it looked so stupid.
And then that I hated too.
I just hated it.
I just had to wait for it to grow up.
But I wanted to take a risk,
but I didn't make a big enough one for it to do.
Anything you just became an annoying.
I remember when I was 18, my friend cut hair,
my best friend at the time.
And I think I'd had a very similar,
well, I did cut my hair like Anthony Michael Hall
in weird science when I was
16 or 17. So I had kind of like, like, what was that kind of, like, what you instructed the
person to do? So, well, sort of, I had it like short on the side and back a little bit, but it was
like droopy kind of in the front, you know what I mean? But then, but then I remember, my friend
was like, oh, let me cut your hair for you, because I think he was concerned for me.
And he was like, well, what do you want your hair to be like?
And I was like, you know, who has like kind of cool hair
is like Neil Finn and Crowded House.
And he like, he's like, let me take a look at a picture.
And he took a look at a picture.
And he's like, oh, yeah, just short, but like put up.
You mean, I was like, put up.
What do you mean?
Because every haircut I have is like, because you weren't putting stuff in it. Yeah, I wasn't putting stuff in it so he's like
well let me just give you a short on the sides and back and and you know slightly longer on top
cut and then we'll put it up and you'll see what it is and I did it and it would look great and
was like oh you can do this to hair. Yeah, I think like well, that's interesting because I felt like it was like a California
attempting to know stop deescalating the situation.
That's the same.
I think like nobody I grew up with put shit in there.
Like no dude.
I really did that.
I was like, maybe it's very Midwest to not do that.
But like there was a small, heterosexual or something.
Or just no one cares.
Like, yeah, there was like a good.
We're from Chicago. we all look dull.
I gotta wear my winter hat, I don't give a fuck.
But like, there was a point.
From Chicago, we all look dumb.
I didn't think.
But the only time people did it was when it was really popular
to do like that little flip in the front
where it was like just a triangle.
And then people would be putting their gel in
and stick straight out.
Is that like Jimmy, Jimmy,
well who might be a cartoon character?
New trunks.
Oh, I thought you think you have Martin Short when he was like,
oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, who I dressed up as
when in high school.
You know Martin Short.
No, I've never met him.
Have you met him?
I have met him.
Yes.
I love him.
He I've always been very fond of Martin Short.
I was.
I was.
I would put it out in every interview
where they would say,
who's your dream guest?
Like, that's the one question
to every interview ever gave.
So, I would say him.
Yeah, although I would,
I think I would say Pee Wee
her mid- and tell Pee Wee moment.
He did it to try to make sure that
it didn't have a movie theater.
Did you ever have a bad haircut, Paul?
I had a bad haircut that lasted for a complete year
because I kept trying.
They did it for a year.
I kept trying to correct it
and I went to different places,
three different places that all ignored
what I told them to do.
And they did the same thing
that the original person did.
So they're working off the blueprint.
They're like, this guy doesn't know what you're talking about.
I'll just give him the same thing. Yes. It happened, but shorter.
It happened on the Sarah Silverman program, where I played a cop sometimes. And this one
hair person for whatever reason was like, yeah, a copstone I've hair like that. And then like,
cut my hair. Oh no, it's so scary when you start messing with your looks. Yeah, but then also for this thing, I'm here for a fucking day.
What is that?
This show isn't like, you know, it's not a drama.
What do you do with it?
It can be anything.
My hair was a problem on both episodes I did to the point where people were mad at me.
Oh, you looked insane.
You had a buzz cut.
They died my, the first time they died my hair, jet black because Sarah felt like the character
would have black hair.
That's very stupid.
And so they died my hair, jet black.
It was like, all right, because I was a cop.
Or I was like an FBI detective.
And they died, died.
They died at once, brown.
And she's like, why would it have to be black?
She came in and said not dark enough.
And they died it again. Jet black.
And then the second time they were like, they didn't put in a washout color.
They died. They died. They died it.
That is so weird.
And then the second time I came in, they just cast me and they said, um,
you, you're playing someone who's mistaken for Jay.
And I said, okay, but I have really short hair right now.
And I think Rob said, oh, yeah, it's totally fine.
He came and took a look, he was like,
yeah, we can fix it and then Sarah flipped out.
And was like, why are we casting him?
He doesn't have hair like Jay anymore.
And so they put on like a wig or something.
But then weren't you on again
with super short blonde hair as a cop?
That was curvy enthusiasm.
Oh, that was CYE.
That was just my regular hair cut.
Shoot.
I've seen that. Yeah, I've seen that my regular haircut. Sure. I've seen that.
Yeah, I've seen that.
I've seen photos.
I've seen that.
Yeah, but no, it was so crazy to both experiences
on that show where I was happy to do it and like,
oh, wow.
And then I beat John Hamm for that part for the first one
before he was on Mad Men.
Wow.
And it was like, oh, great.
Oh, I got this part, yay.
And then immediately to be on set being yelled at.
I just weren't. I just worked on something yesterday and I might end up all your troubles were so far away.
I remember that.
I just got a part that John, him, what did I freeze you in your tracks?
It's fine.
This is what we do on this show.
It froze my blood.
The blood.
It's so you died of blood.
I died of blood.
They got off my balls, I died of blood.
Well, it comes out.
So I was very excited to do this show.
It's a show that I like.
I don't know if it doesn't matter.
I don't want to embarrass the person that said this to me.
Yeah.
But I was very excited to do this.
And then, and it's going great.
I'm having fun.
It's a really fun role.
And the shooting is a ball. And it's like so, you know, it's going great, I'm having fun. It's a really fun role, and the shooting is a ball.
And it's like so, you know, it's like a testicle.
Falling out of a soft and sloppy.
You know, it's not, it's not always like that.
Like you don't, like sometimes it's like,
I'm grateful for this work, but it's like,
this is actually fun.
And sometimes it's hard.
And sometimes you gotta pretend you don't understand.
So, um, so it, it, like,
we're almost done. And then the guy, I, he's like, thanks for doing this. He was like,
um, he said something embarrassing. He was like, p p girl, man, my being home. Oh, I told
you the story. That's what you want to say, but show? Yeah, he said he'd be going my big hole.
By the way, Paul, thanks for doing this.
He'd be going my big hole.
Yeah, I just wanted to tell you guys that, but I don't want to embarrass the person.
He told, like, I think one of the writers said it's so cool to have you here.
And then he said something that led me to believe I was like the like the six
no what do you think it was like yeah it's it's our you know it's funny how we end up with people
on the show because you know we'll have like I forget how do we end up with this person like we
went out to this person and then all these other people said no and then this person no no
is like always that the story you tell the actor?
It's one of those things that didn't hit me right away and then like as he's still talking
you after a few seconds, I'm like, wait a minute.
Yeah.
You always, I mean on dang bang, I don't think we ever, unless it was like a last minute,
hey man, someone dropped out, can you come here and do us a favor?
It was, we always said someone was our first choice to do it.
Oh, yeah, you can.
Of course.
Of course.
Of course.
That's just consulting for no reason.
Yeah.
I mean, when I got married, I was like, yes, I wanted to marry you.
But.
But just so I said, no, no, I just said, I don't, I leave that part out.
I say, yes, you're the person that I want to marry.
Yeah.
It's polite.
It's just polite.
I don't want to hurt their feelings.
There, there's never a better day to be polite than on your wedding day.
Carol, if you're out there, Carol, you come to me.
You come to me in the night.
What if Carol came to that guy?
Carol came?
Carol came? What if Carol came?
Carol from the movie camera.
I love Carol came.
Yeah.
She's cool. She's so cool. Yes. I love Carol Kane. Yeah.
She's cool.
She's so cool.
You're like a modern day Carol Kane.
You are like a modern day Carol Kane.
I'll take it.
And also I just realized we are not talking about Carol King,
which is what I was thinking until just now.
No, Carol Kane.
She's so funny.
Carol King is funny too.
Carol King is hilarious.
You know, I mean, if like have you ever heard really tell a joke?
Have you ever heard of Lyrikshire Sox?
They're how they're holding girls. I mean she's saying that song.
I do that. It doesn't she sing that song?
No, she did the Gilmore girls.
I'm serious.
What?
If you're out on your own.
Those are the same in the show.
And so cool.
What is the difference with your different girls?
All you have to do is sing a song. the same show. And so cool. What is the difference with your different songs, A Girl?
The same show.
And I'll be in it.
On that next train.
You got a friend.
If you threw a party.
And that's sung by, actually, know this.
Well, sure, you host, Ray's by TV.
I know, but I actually used to do a sketch about that.
This would be embarrassing if you can't remember.
No, I can't right now.
Sue something.
What was the sketch you did?
It was pretending that that singer
was our favorite performer and we were at the concert
and then that was only song.
It wasn't like a great sketch.
I, but I think about that a lot.
Like people, one hit, one hit.
It's gotta hate it though.
Who have like one big hit.
I didn't say it was good, but it was funny. I've heard this many times of bands that had one big hit and they would open and close
their show.
Oh, yeah.
With that song.
Yeah.
So it's like, okay, here's the song.
Here's the thing that's going to give you some energy throughout the reservoir bullshit.
99% of you are here for this one song.
Yeah.
Here goes.
I would do it.
Guess what?
We'll play to the end too.
I want that.
I wouldn't go to any any concert. I want to hear their best song twice.
I would love it if they did in the middle too.
I'd love to hear three times.
How amazing would it be to have written something
that everyone knows?
You know what I mean?
I guess so.
I think about that with songs.
I'm like, how crazy.
Why don't you just ask me?
You're playing.
You're playing.
But even if it's like, you know,
Hey man, you're an all-star or whatever,
like just the, just the, everyone knows that.
Every single person in the world knowing it,
or at least the night.
So that's amazing.
What if you had to pitch songs before you could record them?
And to, yeah,
what even the idea of it?
Yeah, it is like a record company.
Yeah, it's like, so the song is, it's like, it's encouraging.
It's saying you're an all star and, you know,
maybe somebody called you a loser, but you're not a loser and,
where's that water on?
It's kind of something that'll be played a lot
in like movie trailers, we hope.
But don't you think, even if you write a song
that everyone thinks is annoying,
you're still amazing?
Yeah, no, just a rule.
It's like, you wrote some of everyone in a memory.
Who knows what confluence of events of Paola versus luck?
You know, what's Paola?
Paola.
Paola.
What is Paola?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to send you a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, No, I'm gonna send her a link to a thing that she's she's okay. Why did I send you a link to my mouth saying to Lauren?
Here we go. I'm sending it to her
Is this from a game HQ?
I started playing that
Yeah, I just I just sent you a thing that'll explain all of pale
started playing that.
Yeah, I just said I just sent you a thing that'll explain all the pay all of it.
Oh my god.
Don't rickroll me, bitch.
First of all, I didn't even look at it.
You're a plush.
That's the point.
That's what rickroll is.
You never sent it.
I just said to you.
He didn't.
He sent it to me too.
I'm saying the rickroll.
It's up this rickass.
I'm like, wait, who did I say to do?
It's not a terrible Rick Roll.
Link, Rick Astley, never gonna give you up.
It's like, did you accept or?
Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you did.
Well still.
You're playing this song.
Never gonna give.
Never gonna give.
I feel like that's Rick Rolling
where I'm like looking for something
and you're like, what are you hearing?
It's like a Rick Rolling.
What are you hearing?
But you understand what I was doing now, Paul, right?
So what's Paila?
Yeah, I just know I got it.
Okay, if that ever happens again, if it's just me, I'll know.
Okay, of course, of course.
Okay, Paila's where they would-
Do you guys know that song?
Why is everybody always picking on me?
Um, Charlie Brown.
Why is everybody picking on me?
Why is everybody always picking on me?
Always picking on me?
Or doing properly? I got a snows like the Cosm.
But there's a lot more wrong with you.
So back me up Bill, yeah, you're ugly too.
So what if I just...
I don't know the sign.
Oh, sure.
It's from the, what is it?
Who's that by?
Does it sample that old song, Charlie Brown?
No.
Why is everybody always...
It's for the Bloodhound gang.
Yeah.
Who did like, I want a...
New drug.
Fuck animals or whatever the fuck they say.
I want to fuck animals.
You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals. I want to fuck animals. I want to new drug. Fuck animals or whatever the fuck they say. I want to fuck animals. You and me, baby.
I want to fuck animals.
I want to fuck animals.
I want to fuck animals.
The thing about being a pretty fly for a white guy.
They did not sing that.
That was offspring.
offspring.
Yes.
You're right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Paleo.
Paleo is where record companies would basically give money off the books to disc jockeys to ensure or to radio programmers
To ensure that they would or to janitors who worked at a radio station
I don't care anymore to play the songs which would turn them into hits no
Excuse me, but this says the practice of bribing someone to use their influence or position to promote a particular product or interest
What the fuck did I just say?
It didn't sound like a bribe when you said it.
I have that way about me, so you don't think it's a bribe,
but you're actually being bribe.
Here, let me say.
Well then, how do I know to accept the money?
Let me send you something.
What do I say to your dealer?
I don't know, okay, anything you send me ever again.
Oh no, you cried Wolf Scott.
No, just look at this.
You cried Scott Wolf.
Whoops.
Party of fire.
It's next.
I thought I copied and pasted something,
but it was the last thing.
I thought I copied and pasted you the Rick Roll link,
but I sent you instead like something
something something something from my to do list.
How did you end up sending me the Rick?
He is. Yeah, right. something from my to-do list. How did you end up sending not your own penis?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, right.
What is the yeah, right?
Like I can't achieve it or.
Yeah, right.
This is the best.
I actually love that just happened because I always have that fear when I copy paste send.
I'm trying to do it so quickly because we're on my camera.
I've done that like sending the wrong thing but it could be so dangerous. Yeah, that feeling of,
I got to find the perfect stupid,
stupid to send.
To send it immediately before the rhythm
of our conversation is over.
So, but another text will come in to negate the thread.
Exactly, yeah.
I mean, my life is hard.
That's what I'm saying.
We have so much disposable time.
Speaking of disposable time, We need to take a break
Well
British Woo-hoo-hoo! British Firetruck.
British Firetruck.
Wait, Lauren sent us something.
Oh, it's a little gist.
My British Firetruck.
Oh, Rick Astley, my dear woman.
You've been re-crolled.
Not really. You've been re-crolled.
You didn't make me click on it. You just sent me something I had no choice but to look at.
You always have a choice.
To what I'm never going to click on
to our text thread again.
Yeah, that's your choice.
You opt in every time you open it.
Lauren, and then will you pass me
that bottle of water?
Oh, and then you need to juice up.
I need to juice up.
It's a bottle of steroids.
You want the last bit of the cookie?
I do.
Wait, I want.
We can split it. Split it I want. We can split it.
Split with Paul.
Can't split it, can't split it, can't split it.
Can't split it.
I can't split it, can't split it.
Paul won't want cookies.
I'm going to get the chocolatey part.
You have the cookie part.
There's some chocolate in there, so I'll have to do it.
I know, I love you, son.
I'm going to put a brand new down.
I'm going to run around and desert you.
He's handsome, right?
Yeah, it's not a dorkway.
Oh, she fucking got him.
You like dorks, no.
Rick roasted.
Fucking like cool guys, dude.
Do people in Chicago like,
like is there, dude,
different towns like certain types of guys?
Does that make sense?
You know how people in Jersey show are they like? I was like certain guys, dude. Does that make sense? You know, how people in Jersey shore are they like?
It's like certain guys.
Doodah, doodah.
I think it's different now with the internet.
I do think the Jersey shore,
like there are certain areas that have like
very specific types of style.
I mean, there's definitely a look about certain,
like the Midwest dude that exists there.
Do the men in the field.
The Midwest dude.
Really, hitting all your buttons today.
I know.
I don't need to speak.
I don't need to add any.
But what would you say the Chicago guys like?
Hmm.
You know, like flannel shirt and like don't give a book
kind of thing.
Yeah, no gel in their hair.
Yeah.
Sometimes doing the little triangle that.
Yeah, but then there's like the like city like
a banker kind of guy. That's just like that. sometimes doing the little triangle. Yeah, but then there's like the like city like
banker kind of guy. That's just like that.
But like, like, it's kind of like the New York version of that,
but there's like,
there's a body type, you know,
how the Jersey Shore guys are like massive muslim.
There's, I wouldn't,
I guess like, you know,
people not really working out feels accurate.
Oh, really?
So like, so like if they're in the park on a Saturday.
I mean, tons of people are very fit.
I think it was the fourth of July.
I'm saying, I guess I'm thinking about like,
people eye-hanging out with me.
People laughing, people dancing, a man selling ice cream.
There's definitely a lot of,
people are gonna argue with this.
Of course, there's every type of person in Chicago.
It's a big, a tromperist.
Yeah, of course.
But there's something in it.
But there's like the Wrigleyville douche bags and Lincoln Park trick C's.
There's only different types.
The Wrigleyville douche bags.
What are Lincoln Park trick C's?
Like Cubs fans are like a certain type of douche bag.
And then like Lincoln Park trick C's are like the girls that I went to college with in the
college.
Lincoln Park trick C's.
What is it though?
It's like girls who like, I mean, I don't know how it would be to find right now, but when
I was in college, it was like short skirts straight in your hair.
We're like a sports t-shirt and go to Cubs game and be like, I don't know if I'm getting
drunk and like just be walking around with that.
That sounds like me.
Yeah, it does.
But I didn't fit in with them.
Oh, you went to college with all of them, but you didn't fit in with them.
What was your personal style?
Improv girl person.
What is that, is that like, what, like wearing overalls?
She has a t-shirt.
She has a t-shirt.
Okay.
I mean, I liked my style, but like, I, um, there's a certain difference.
I mean, Kevin, agree?
Why are you looking at Kevin?
Because he's from...
Don't look at him.
Look at us. No, I want to look at Kevin. Wait, where are you from? Don't even say Kevin. Yeah, Kevin? Agreed? Why are you looking at Kevin? Because he's from... Don't look at him.
Look at us.
No, I want to look at Kevin.
Wait, where are you from?
Don't even say Kevin.
Yeah, Kevin.
He's from Chicago.
Yeah, good to meet you.
Yeah, good to meet you.
And Kevin, you don't look at anybody.
Kevin comes to me at night.
He gives me his instructions, which I anticipate with great relish. So, but you feel like you didn't...
But you feel like you didn't...
Well, no, I mean, I fit in with my friends, but there was, like, my dorm was a lot of
girls that I just didn't become friends with.
But I think it was partly because I was in my own world with my improv stuff and I didn't
really try to make friends at school.
I only had a couple of friends at school.
Around here, it was because I lived in sort of a beach town.
It was more like surfer guy.
Was the California, that was what everyone was always like.
I think like yeah, Frat guy is definitely a look and style
in Chicago and certain neighborhoods.
Like it's like Frat, douche drunk dude.
Like that's like the people I'd be walking through
every night going to do an improv show.
I was, I was wonder like,
did you watch Big Brother by the way?
Recently.
No.
Okay, so, but on the Bachelorette or Big Brother,
anytime they interview them before they're going on there,
there's one thing that pops up all the time that I'm always
curious about, because they always say like,
okay, what do you hope is gonna be there?
And the women are always like, you know, tall, dark, tall, dark is like one thing.
One thing, like they mean guys with with jet black hair like me and the Sarah Silverman
program.
I mean, I guess I've kept it.
I think tall, dark and handsome is like from what is it from romance novels?
It doesn't feel like anything that anyone actually
subscribes to.
Like wouldn't tall blonde be just as fine?
They don't or they don't.
I mean, I think people,
what do you think about tall blonde?
Yeah, Paul.
Paul literally is going in.
Paul is like getting me out of here.
I was just wondering, see if you guys noticed I was still here.
I think, um,
yeah, we're desperately trying to keep this afloat.
People on a dating show.
What do you mean interruptions?
Excuse me. Have you watched the proposal?
Yes, ma'am. We talked about it on a previous episode.
So have it.
I haven't watched it yet.
Get out the dreidel.
No!
Yeah, the man.
The man.
The man.
The man.
The man.
The man.
The man.
The man. All right man, Phil, man, Phil, man, Phil, man.
All right, bend over, baby.
Hold on, it's not the filming is not happening yet.
Shevin has the dreidel and say action, Paul, remember.
Speed, sound speed.
Ow!
Ow!
I forgot to press.
Close for nothing.
I forgot to press record. Oh, you forgot to press record.
I forgot to press record.
Oh, you forgot to press record. He was so excited.
Oh, yeah. I was so excited.
I won't do that again.
It's only one spanking per.
Look, you missed it. You missed it.
I'm the videographer and I say,
Did that count as,
say, thanks for the form.
I'm sorry.
I think if you don't, if you even ask like,
did we talk about the real?
Here's my question.
You're asking after I've been spanked.
That's not fair to say.
You wanted to be spanked.
I was, I honestly tried to and you handed me your phone
to video.
I follow rules.
You were like, no, mom, don't slap me again.
Can I post it?
You were like trying to get in there to explain.
No, I'm saying that you're like the person who wants to explain
and wants justice.
How dare you?
And it all comes back to that one element from your childhood.
It's so fascinating, Mom.
Yeah, that was like a proust-meda-land.
Um, uh, it's, it's, what about the proposal, though, my dear, since you've already been spent, you've
already been spent, you should bring up anything you want.
Um, I just wanted to say that I think that people, you know, when you're on a dating show
like that, you're kind of hoping that there's a general look about the person.
Right.
And I think there's a safety sort of, uh, default setting of human.
I don't know what I guess, I guess that people tend to say they like human. I don't know what my best name is.
I guess that people tend to say they like,
but they don't even know really.
They're just.
Because I would think that anything that pops up,
you'd be like, oh, well, that's.
My feeling is if you're on a show
where you want to marry someone
within either three minutes or seven weeks,
you can't be that picky about who the fuck it is.
Because you are desperate. Well, yeah, that's insane.
Yeah.
Like, if you're agreeing to do that in the first place, that's just nuts.
Yeah.
And then the people on these shows, I just feel so bad thinking that there are these moments,
especially on the proposal because it's even less time in the bachelor, where they're just
standing there going like, you're the kind of person I've been looking for they've asked them like three questions
Maybe and they don't know anything about them
They've never heard them like talk for a
A period of time. They've never had a great conversation like this and like where it's just fire in the room and everyone can feel it
Yeah, it's just the electricity
They're just going like I always wanted someone like you and I like like I'm so excited to be with you. I was like, you don't know. What has happened in your life that you think you need to be married?
You need it right now and you don't care to know the person.
What is a realistic, I'm not even saying like, oh, we should be married within seven weeks.
But I don't want to marry you at all.
But don't you like tall and blunt?
No, what I'm saying is, is like,
you can know, can't you know,
within seven weeks quickly of like,
you know what, I could get married to this person,
barring, yeah.
Shit that comes up or whatever.
Yeah, but I could, I mean,
I think that they don't spend enough time.
Actually Kyle Dunning and I were talking about this,
that they should have a timer on eat on the bachelor on each guy.
And then whenever he starts talking to the bachelor at right.
Right.
He should have to shut up.
No, it timer goes to you just know by the end how many minutes they've actually spent
together.
Right, because it seems like it's three minutes.
Yeah, and they have these really tidy conversation.
If it ain't he's probably like seven hours.
Yeah, probably not that much time anyway.
Well, that's what we're not getting from those shows is we're not getting like all of the
boredom and just random like conversations between them of like, oh, so what do you, you
know, what are you?
What's happening?
Yeah, I'm so desperate for that.
Yeah, where the cameras are not rolling that that seems like when you go like, I have
no idea of these people would like each other from just this date you showed.
Have they talked about religion?
Have they talked about politics?
I mean, just things that
like you're going to be dealing with.
Mm-hmm. They're not allowed to talk about politics, I believe. Is that true?
I just heard this. That's awful. Imagine you pick somebody and they're like, I just heard
this on some other. Maybe it was on throwing shade or on their, their premium show, where
somebody was talking to some producer or some former
contestant that like during that election, they were forbidden to talk to each other
about politics, which is such a fundamental thing you need to know about.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, so much of what they were talking about, probably, I wonder if they were able
to talk around it like,
no, I love abortion.
That'd be a great way to get it out.
Like, just be able to say that
and you could tell right away if you are a match with somebody.
That's the only question I need.
Like, I'm gonna go on.
Do you love abortion?
Yes or no?
Do you love abortion?
Yes or no?
Do not add another word to that sentence.
Those are your only choices.
Or no.
Yes. Answer it. Yes. or no? Yes, or no?
Answer it.
Yes, or no.
Or no.
What are you getting what?
Yes or no?
Just say it.
Yes.
Do you want one?
Do you want me to perform?
No, I really don't know how much we've talked about the proposal, so I won't go on.
But there wasn't any episode.
But there was, yes.
Well, they didn't air one because the guy I was abusive to somebody, he assaulted somebody
in November.
I think it would be fun to go on one.
I mean, people, you know, they don't have people that look like me on these shows.
I mean, even though the proposal seems to be scraping the...
It's a little better with like real people being on it.
It's not like everyone has a six pack.
Well, yeah, that's, I mean, I would like to see a-
Remember when the bachelor was fat?
Yeah.
They had a fat batch.
I don't know who that was.
It should always be.
It should always be.
It was Bob, he had such a great personality.
But he was fat.
That's the thing.
It was a good personality.
But you know what I mean?
I would like to see a bachelor type show
where it was regular people.
Well, yeah, because when I watch the bachelor now,
what I think is, okay, she's getting in a hot tub
with this guy who is like ripped more than anyone
I've ever seen.
Yeah, you're just gonna be like,
oh, go go go go.
No, what I'm thinking is, that's all he fucking does.
Yes, I have to do it for.
I had a friend in college who, he was in acting school with me and he was ripped like that.
He was like so ripped and I was like, and I know and I was never into this or working
out or whatever.
I just had pretty much, you know, the same body type throughout high school and college
or whatever and I asked him one day, I was like, what do you, I mean, you don't work out
every day. Do you? He's like, what do you, I mean, you don't work out every day, do you?
He's like, oh yeah, every day.
I'm like, in my head kind of going like,
well, not for a long time, like, what do you do?
Like, 20 minutes?
In my head was like a long time, and he's like,
he's like, no, I'm there two, two and a half hours
in the morning, and before acting school,
and I was like, dude, we're in acting school 12 to 13
to 14 hours a day, why?
Yeah.
And he's just like, look at me and look at you.
Yeah, exactly.
But that's what it takes.
On me.
Yeah.
And it sometimes takes two of those.
And I admire people who care about them, their bodies,
and want to do all these things.
But just so many of those guys,
I'm like, they are not more interesting than that. They don't have more to say than that.
Like, you can tell. They're just fight with each other in their own.
Because here's the thing. If you want to see a bachelor with just, you know, normal-looking
people, average-looking people, yeah. But are they just the same level of dumbness as the people
on the show? Because I think they would be more interesting.
No, I don't know.
Let's not to say that good looking people
are not as interesting.
No, no, no, but I think that average looking people
are inherently more interesting.
First of all, let's just say a lot of people
on that show are average looking,
but they work out really hard.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
I would rather see, I would rather see just as pretty
or whatever people who just don't work out all the time.
Well, but here all the time.
Well, but here's the obsession.
But I think that it's like if you want good-looking people who are interesting,
those people have made other choice.
They have a relationship.
Yeah, they've been able to make other choices in their life that does not lead them to being on these shows.
I guess, although I don't know, I think that is that discounting people who are just like, I don't know, I want an interesting experience.
I don't know when I look at the-
I'm sure there are some people like that, but I think-
I want an interesting experience.
And if that is-
I want to see, oh, it goes on the bachelor.
That is not as good as your girls on film ones.
I just think-
Oh, are we judging these people?
Yes or yes?
Oh, okay.
I'm sure there are some people who are on there just, they're interesting people
and they are trying to have an interesting time.
But it doesn't feel like those are the people that create the content that they want on
the show.
And so we don't see a lot of that.
We see it edited down to be people being like, dude, oh, no.
Well, no, like the first season of, uh, of, uh, what's the show that I started talking about?
The Jefferson's?
The Jefferson's.
No, big brother.
Big brother, yeah, was just nice people who were boring
and they were like, and America voted out
the ones who were yelling
because they were like, I don't wanna see people yelling.
That was back when America voted on it.
We've changed.
And so they voted out the people who were,
and it was from another country,
and they were baffled by this.
They were like, well, in other countries,
we keep the interesting people who are creating conflict,
but in America, we wanted things to be just.
Like that's the thing about Americans.
They want everything to be just and for justice to have happened.
So they're like, this person is yelling,
they do not deserve this, and they vote them out,
which makes for Porte.
That actually seems, that surprises me. because I would think in this country, they would
want to keep the fucking weirdos.
No, that's before we were all reality TV obsessed and like, and started getting so
in a D that we couldn't watch something.
Yeah, back at the time, it was like, no, I want things to be fair.
That's the one thing about Americans is they always want things to be fair.
I think.
American. Who knew? Who am I to talk about? Take that beret off. That's the thing about
Americans. He's just wearing a beret. That's the thing about Americans. But no, I just
you see it in so much of life of just like, you know, I always feel like that's how we
feel about, I don't know, politics in the world and stuff like
that is like we're like, it's not fair. That's our biggest problem with it. Is that the liberal
snowflake cook perspective? It's not fair, baby. No, that's what I mean is like when you realize
that life is generally there is no justice and there is no karmic scales of balance at the end of it.
Well, but I think the reason we get upset about that is because that is up to us.
Like, I'm not talking about karma, but in terms of things being just run just in this country,
there's so much we could do to ensure that it is.
And we know what those things are, but people don't want to do them.
Sure.
Sure.
But here about Cuck, I think it's, you never hear that anymore.
Yeah, but I haven't heard it.
I haven't seen it in such a long time.
It's so random.
Is it really?
Where did you see it?
I don't want to say.
Oh, okay.
You're Twitter.
Yeah.
I'm a Cuck soy boy.
No, don't, you're fridge it all.
So I feel like soy boy has sort of a clips did a little bit, but it's the same thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, new thing is they say that or they say they're not what is it's tea like to testosterone is
they're low tea because it I guess soy increases your estrogen or something. Yeah, so they
so so they say that anyone who is not manly enough is a soy boy and that's the yeah it's
so stupid. Bless you. Was that who sneezes? I'm reading the 21 things they don't want you to know about the bachelor.
Okay, 21.
But I do know a lot of these things, but some can spend thousands on a new wardrobe for
the show.
Some contestants spend thousands on a new wardrobe for the show.
How's that one?
That's your best one.
Thank you.
Really?
Yep.
I did not feel it.
That's cool. Okay. This one is good because I've always wondered like that. The food on dates goes to waste because the contestants already ate.
It's always like, why are they eating?
Yeah, that's interesting.
So, one and one next.
So, talk to me about food going to waste.
I wanted to go to ass.
What?
It's your food goes to your waste.
Oh, I get it.
One on one dates will often end in some sort of dinner
or dessert component, which is laid out romantically
with gorgeous candles.
Yet the guests are just curious.
And they're just curious.
That turns out the producers fill them up
before the date even starts.
So they'll do less chewing and more talking about how
I'm going to say love each other.
That makes sense.
OK.
They also don't think it to watch TV on one day a week.
Like, they have one day off and they get to watch TV
that one day. Oh, I've never heard that. I think they watch content. No, but they can't have any TV's or music on
in the house because it's copyrighted and they would be able to broadcast it. But so I think that they
they they film six days a week and then they give them one day to like watch TV or do whatever.
It can be hard for contestants to stay in shape since there's no gym in the mansion. And this moment says, one day I ran laps
or on the outside of the house.
Cool.
My workout time was cut in half, Courtney Robertson says.
Oh, from zero to zero.
I would push myself more in the 30 minutes of time I had.
Sometimes I would get more if someone didn't else
didn't schedule their yard time.
So these people are now complaining about not being able to.
The cameras are filming 24 or 7 7 I didn't know that because
They don't have footage of certain things I feel like like people sleeping
That's what I want to see
Okay, what if this show where it was just as asleep one week
Wait, this is a good one. That's a good paid right the overnight fantasy sweet dates don't happen back to back
That's good because I always thought I was going like, are you a fucking kidding me?
Wait, they're not like on successive nights?
I always thought they were.
What is it like?
So in other words, the star of the show isn't saying goodbye
to one man or woman before welcoming another contestant
into a sweet later that night.
The stars need time to take a breath
and think about their relationships.
For their balls.
For their pussy to get ready again.
They need time for their balls and pussy.
Condoms are not provided in the fantasy suite dates.
What?
What?
They have to buy them?
They're provided at the fake dinner.
Wait, cut up and you're going to get tested.
There's a bunch of rubber shoes.
Oh my, oh my, this is insane what I'm reading.
Everyone gets tested.
Everyone gets tested before the show and this one says I was on the pill. Maybe we're little bit in the moment if I had known I was the last one to get a fantasy sweet day
I would have definitely thought about it more because it's like are you tested between eat well?
I guess everyone's tested so you don't have to test again
But the idea of what the person raw-dogging three women in a row
That's just as very
Erotic. Oh crazy
That's so crazy. That is? Oh, crazy. That's so crazy.
That is nuts.
Oh, wait, these are nuts.
We need to take a break.
But you're nuts away.
We need to take a break.
All right, bye.
And we're back.
And it's time for a feature.
And I've got one here.
It is from Twitter from Max Sozna Spear at the Moravvini GM.
Are you Bertation right now?
What is happening?
My Bertation.
Are you Bertation?
The Merro Vingian.
I don't know how to say this name.
Merro Vingian. Okay,'t know how to say this name. Merrow Vingian.
Okay, the game is called We Too Not You.
The game where each pair, Lauren and Paul,
Lauren and Scott and Paul and Scott,
have 60 seconds to find as many things
they have in common as they can.
But if the third person also has that characteristic,
it doesn't count.
Lauren, for instance, is trying to keep Scott and Paul
from finding anything they have in common
that she doesn't also have in common with them.
Her score would be the total number of things
Scott and Paul managed to find
that she doesn't share and low score wins.
Oh, that doesn't share low score wins.
I'm confused.
I would think high score wins, doesn't it?
Because if you find...
Most games high score wins. No, but if you, well, other than golf, I would have... Other than golf, I would think high score wins, doesn't it? Because if you find... Most games high score wins.
No, but if you...
Well, other than golf, I would have been good.
Other than golf, I would have been good.
But, you know what I mean?
If Lauren finds a bunch of things and doesn't have them in common with Paul, then the more
things she has, so it's high score wins, I would think.
Yeah, let's play high score wins.
Let's try to understand it.
Okay, I think I get it.
Yeah, yeah.
So, do you want to do it with me first?
And you're trying to find out things that we have in common
that Paul does not have in common.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, and we'll, and don't say you have it in common,
or should you say I have it in common while we're doing it?
What do you think is the best way to do it?
Or afterwards Paul does.
I think you should say so that we can get it in the middle.
Yeah, so that, because it'd be too hard to, yeah.
Okay, hold on a second.
So if you have this in common with Lauren and I.
So if I say a fact about us and you're like me too,
that's cool, it has checked me too.
You're just asking me questions.
You're just gonna be confusing, right?
Hey guys, we're playing this game.
Use this hashtag.
You're just asking me questions.
You're not guessing at things about me.
Right.
You're just like, hey, have you ever done this?
And I know something that I've done and say, okay.
Or some fact.
Is it just broadly anything?
Yeah, anything, anything,
anything at all.
Anything, no, it's anything at all.
Anything at all.
Yeah, and but you can't have it in common,
which is what is the, yeah.
Ready, 60 seconds, right?
60 seconds from the clock.
And Kevin gives us the thumbs up that,
yeah, 60 seconds of the clock,
he has not turned his
phone on or is looking at the clock app at all and realized it.
But you are right.
That's 60 seconds.
It should be on the clock.
It should be on the clock.
Okay.
He just gave me the full confidence.
Like, yep, you got it.
60 seconds on the old clock.
And go.
Have you ever had a cat?
No. Yes. Wait, I don't have. Yes. Wait, I have to answer. Have you had a dog? Yes. We both have dogs. Yes. Paul doesn't. Okay. Good. That's fun.
Yes. Me. No. No, you're only asking. Yeah. Okay.
Okay
Blond hair. Yeah, we both are in a special as children. Yeah
Well, maybe it is both of us because we're a pair. Yeah, okay. Yeah, did you ever have red hair? No, okay
Do you ever put lipstick on? Yeah, I do yeah, yeah, yeah
You ever kissed a dude. Yeah, you do in a a play. Yeah. Oh, damn it. Um, okay, have you ever, um,
you ever, uh, have you ever done? Oh, shoot. Yeah, you ever owned a Britney Spears CD? Yes. Yes.
Ha, ha. Have you ever done double Dutch? Yeah. Oh, okay. Um, have you ever, oh, shit. That's 60.
Okay. How many do we have? Put a noise on the thing. We had four. Have you ever, oh shit. That's 60?
Okay, how many do we have?
Put a noise on the thing.
We had four, maybe a low score,
maybe a low score.
Come to down from 60, so it'll go off.
Maybe a low score does win, I don't know.
Get her.
Low score, maybe a low score.
Maybe a low score is really the thing.
It's like as few as he can say.
What?
Yeah, maybe let's do it three ways
and we'll see if the low score should be.
Okay, yeah.
So now it's me and Paul.
Okay, ready?
Oh, yeah.
You ready?
Yeah.
Are you?
I think it, no, it should be high-score, like as many as you can get out.
Okay, fine.
Okay, ready?
Are you a guy?
Yes.
Yes.
Have you ever spent the night in a hospital?
Yes.
Me too.
Have you, do you have a penis?
Yes.
Me too.
Have you ever had a hospital. Yes. Me too. Do you have a penis? Yes. Me too.
Um, have you ever had a mustache?
Yes.
Yes, I have too.
Have you ever had a beard?
Yes.
Have you ever shaved your facial hair just so you look like Wolverine?
Yes.
Yes, I have.
So I have a hair.
Um, have you, uh, have you ever engaged to a woman?
Yes.
Have you ever married a woman?
Yes, I have. It's not married a woman? Yes, I have.
It's not fair.
It's not making it plural.
It's not making it males, Edward.
Have you ever played horseshoes?
Yes, yes.
I have, too.
Okay, have you ever gone kayaking?
No.
I have.
I have.
We should have done that.
Have you ever been in a fist fight?
Yeah. Me too.
Okay. Have you ever played baseball on an actual team?
Yes. Okay. Great.
I have you. Over.
Over. Over.
Over.
Okay. Well, that was great for you guys.
Now, our turn. Okay, well, that was great for you guys. Um, now, okay, okay, ready? Count it down, chef, chef, chef.
Count it down, chef.
Chevrolet.
Okay.
Have you ever been in a commercial?
Yes, I have.
Fuck you.
Whoa.
Have you ever, um, developed your own film like in a photo, like in photo like in a lab in a dark room?
Okay, ask me something too.
All right.
Have you ever written in the front of roller coaster?
Yes, I have.
Of course.
Okay, of course.
Have you.
Have you ever thought you've seen a ghost?
Um, yeah.
I haven't.
Have you?
Have you?
Have you ever, um, have you ever, um, have you ever?
Supposed to be things we haven't common.
Have you ever volunteered, um, to help people who are less
forged?
Yes.
Well, yes, I am.
Have you ever donated money to a charity? Yes, she is. Well, yes, I am. Have you ever donated money to a charity?
Yes, I have.
She is the thing on my great things.
Have you ever shes...
I think I know what it means by low score wins.
My low score, because I'm the one outside of it, would win.
Right? I don't know. So so in other words, who has,
what team has the highest score?
You in Paul.
What team has the lowest score is what I mean?
What team has the lowest score?
Yeah, so I win.
Oh, okay, yeah, I get it.
Get it, get it, get it, get it.
Do you wanna play again?
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's play again.
Are there things left?
There's no, of course there are.
I can't, this is a random thing.
This is a terrible game,
because it's like this one of the things where I blank. Trying to say good things. Oh, of course there are. I can't. This is a terrible game because like this one
of the things where I blank trying to say things.
Yes.
OK.
All right.
So do you want, is it you and me now, Lauren?
Yeah, because we started.
OK.
OK.
OK.
And wait, are we going?
Oh, sorry.
Can you start over?
I didn't know where you're going.
OK.
3, 2, 1. Have you ever, sorry, can you start over? I didn't know we were going. Okay. Three, two, one.
Have you ever dressed up as a woman for Halloween?
Yes.
Yes.
Have you ever worn contact lenses?
No.
Oh, sure.
Have you ever cut someone's hair?
My own. Does that count? Have you ever cut your's hair? My own, does that count? Have you ever cut your own hair?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Have you ever, do you ever have a brother?
No, no, do you ever have a sister?
He has a brother.
He has everything.
Do you ever have a brother?
Do you ever go to the driving movie theater? Yes. Yes. both. Um, do you ever have a brother? Do you, do you ever go to the driving movie theater?
Yes.
Yes.
Damn.
Have you ever gone, um, have you ever, have you ever, have you ever gone on a Labor Day
picnic?
No.
Damn.
You ever body, uh, what, what are the other day? We're out. Oh my god. We have one day out one. I just only got one today. I found out Lauren's never been with Liberty
Paul you might win
You might win Paul you only have one we'll see all right, so now it's me and Paul all right
Okay, let us know chef
Have you ever been nominated for an Emmy?
Yes, I do.
Oh, damn, I forgot.
That's fun.
You have another writing staff of the TV show?
Yes, I have.
I have not.
Have you ever been on Mr. Show, the television show?
Yes, I have.
Sorry.
Have you ever been on curb your enthusiasm?
Yes.
Yes, so have I. Fuck you. Have you ever been on Brooklyn night you ever been on curb your enthusiasm? Yes. Yes, so have I. Fuck you.
Have you ever been on Brooklyn 9.9?
Yes, I have.
Yes, I have too.
People think I'm Joseph Wright.
Have you ever been mistaken for DJ Quals?
Yes.
No, I have.
Oh, neither have I.
Have you ever been a Jurassic World?
Meaning the amusement, the ride in... No, the movie. Have you ever been in a World, meaning the amusement, the ride in...
No, the movie.
Have you ever been in a Jurassic Park movie?
No, me neither.
Oh, I get it.
For a wide game.
Have you ever been to Universal Studios?
Yes, I have.
Yes, I have.
Me too.
Damn.
You ever been to Magic Mountain?
I have.
No.
Yes, I haven't been to Magic Mountain.
Wow, okay.
Over. Over. How many of you, do we get? Six. Magic Mountain I have no yes, I haven't you haven't mountain. Wow, okay
You're over over
How many do we get six? Well, Paul you're gonna win
In less I can have all of them in common with you
Okay, it's yours to lose at this point
Let's see have you ever done a voice on big city greens? Yes, I
Haven't yes Yes, you did. I did?
Wait, did you run an article that said you were on it?
I maybe I did.
Okay.
I did a couple of shows.
I don't know what they are.
Oh, that was a...
It wasn't out yet, so.
Oh, okay.
All right, I guess I am.
So I could have gotten on with that, but I didn't.
Have you...
I might win.
Time to slip it.
Have you ever had somebody rob your apartment?
Yes.
No.
Have you ever had your car towed?
Yeah.
I have to.
Have you ever gotten a... Have you ever had to go to court
for a ticket?
Yes.
Yes, so I buy.
I knew that.
Have you ever been arrested?
No.
No, neither have I.
Have you ever, no, I have.
I know.
Freaking out, I can't.
Oh, man.
Have you ever had a haircut?
Yes.
I win.
I win.
I can't believe it.
It's a hard game. I can't believe it!
It's a hard game.
I don't know if that's how the winning happens.
Because you guys couldn't come up with anything in common that I didn't also have in common.
Dammit.
Okay.
Yeah, so I had the lowest score.
I see.
I knew it.
And you only had one and oh my god.
So you're really riding high right now?
Oh my god, I feel so fucking good right now.
I can't believe it.
Oh, this is like doing heroin.
I love it.
So wait, when I was winning, it was because of why.
It was because she and I could only come up with one thing
that you didn't have in common with both of us.
Okay.
That whole 60 seconds, we could only think of one thing.
I can't remember what it was, but we only had one thing.
And so it was yours. You only had one thing. And so it was your...
You only had one thing in common?
In common that you didn't also have.
That I didn't have in common.
Yeah, and we could only come up with one thing.
And so it was yours to lose because we only had one.
Then when you and I were doing it,
we came up with six things that we had in common
that she didn't have in common.
So she wasn't ever gonna win.
So then Lauren, I have nothing in common
that I don't also have in common with you guys.
My only connection to you is him and Big Satan.
I know.
Other way.
Well, we're not in this room together.
I forget that you exist.
Same.
I find it's great that we're all on Big City Greens
whatever that is.
Yeah, I know.
You played like a podcasting bug or something.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's the thing that came out the other day.
Yeah.
Oh, okay, I do know what that is then.
I don't know, I did a cartoon recently
where they said, oh, you're gonna be in 10 episodes
and all this kind of stuff.
And it was literally two years ago,
I recorded the first one and then I never heard back.
And I went in to pitch another show to them recently
and the head of the company was like,
hey, by the way, you're back on the show.
Oh my God.
What happened with it?
Some animations just so long.
I have not been called forward since.
But anyway,
so you did one day that they split up into 10 episodes?
No, I did one episode.
It's like your job love is team thing.
Yeah.
You just say one word and they'll fade out every episode.
Speaking of fading out, fading out, we gotta fade out.
I gotta go.
This is it.
Lauren's gotta go.
I gotta go.
You got any songs for us before we go?
Yeah.
You know what I do have a new song that I really like?
Yeah.
Do you know Mason Jennings?
No.
He, I loved him like when I was in college and he has a new album
I have no idea. No, that's shooter Jennings and the song is called cursive prayer, I think cursive
cursive like like hand ready. Mason Jennings. I can play it on my phone if you want to play. I would rather you sing it
No, I'll ruin it
cursive Jenningsnings playing shooter McGee.
Heratos.
Taste.
3.
Get into my car.
The sun is sinking down.
We've got a bout.
That was a nice way to go.
That was a nice way to go.
To rip off Billy Ocean.
Yes. Oh. That was a nice way to go out. That was a nice way to go out. To rip off Billy Ocean, yes.
Oh.
He was the first person to say get in my car.
I know.
He's got, you know, get out the bus to pay by.
He would have been impossible to have written that song
like in the early 1800s.
Yeah, he'd be like, get on to my horse.
Get on to my horse. Get on to my horse.
Um, we'll see you next time on, what is the name of the show?
Three!
Three!
See ya, bye!
We're love