Threedom - Threevisiting: 32 Toothless Vegetables

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss parties, birth certificates and prison. For their feature segment, the gang plays 32 Toothless Vegetables.

SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! SREDO!

SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! SREDO! Hey! Hey!

I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire! Do you think people are listening to this on their high fives? I hope so. I hope so. I have to. Have a nice hopefully, have a show. Welcome to

three, three, two, and I know we didn't say that last episode, but hey, we're back. Yeah. And this is our final episode. Do you need us to hold your hand every time? Yes. Final episode of well, every episode. Final episode so far.

That's what I mean. But this is this is the final episode of far. That's what I mean, but this is the final episode of the season. And the season. And the scum, I'm Scott. I'm Paul. I'm Lauren.

And we're doing it. Scott's last name is Ocarman. Yeah, sure. Paul's last name is Tom Kins. And Lauren's last name is Duky here. Scott, that's my nickname. Hey, I never explained I have parties, by the way. Five parties. I have parties.

I have parties. The threat. A phantom thread from last episode. I just saw your phantom thread the song. Sam, let me see. Did you ever see that Bob Newark Cisco pilot? Bob Newark, was in that? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Remember. So I've talked about my roommate bagel. Yes, you can. You can't. That's Cumella. Cumella, it's the cat.

Yeah, they used to be roommates. They still have a cat. Me and the cat used to be roommates. I gave it to Cumella. You talked about bagel on a different stage. Oh, OK. On a live show when we did bajillion improv in Austin. So what do you mean?

I had when I went on, when I went when I lived in a house made of food and my room was a big one. I was big. I went to when I went to college, you know, I was in an acting school with like 20 25 other people, right? Right. And we are living situation. I've talked about my original living situation where I slept on the couch instead of in my bed. Yes. And then I was alone for a while. And then for the second half of the year, I moved in with one of my classmates and his roommate was Bagel, who had moved up to. That's a person. That's a person. It was his nickname, I guess. I just got to nail this down. Bagel is a person. One time a guy named Pockets tried to make me's a person. That's a person. It was his nickname, I guess. I just got to nail this down. Bagel's a person.

One time a guy named Pockets tried to make me smoke OPM. What? This is way more interesting than what I was talking about. No, go ahead, Bagel. Now you're a bagel. Go ahead, Bagel. Finish your story. So Bagel had moved all the way out to the middle of nowhere

just because he was good friends with my roommate. So he, they were really good friends. My, where was this? It was Santa Maria, California up in Central California. My roommate got accepted to the school and his good friend, Bagel, moved all the way out. I'm so saying, it's normal. Did he have a real name that you ever found out?

No, I must have known it, but it's been so long at this point that I don't remember. I just remember bagel now bagel belongs to the interesting, but my roommate, who I will not name, what took like this all the time, I think it was from Hawaii. Brian Posse. But he, there was, there was a party we were at where he was complaining to no one liked him. And he was like, what is he who would like me? Oh my God. Hi up parties.

And so anytime anyone says they are having a party, I think in my head, hi up parties. What a knowing person. But he did what there was one time when these two, this is his other catchphrase, these two door to door magazine salesmen who were like 20 year old girls came to the door to try to sell us magazines. And he was like, hey, come back tonight. Um, we're going to have party.

And his other is good. Is this work? So we had an impromptu party so that's hoping they would come. And the, my roommate, Lord, the cute one in quotes into his room by saying, Camille, I want to show you something. Oh, no, boy. So we would say that all the time. Camille, I want to show you something. But this made bagel so upset. That's also someone's worst memory. But this made bagel so upset. That's also someone's worst memory. He gets it.

But inside dope for you. So they had sex in the room. What? Was he attractive? Yeah, he was pretty attractive. So they had sex in the room while bagel had his sight set on that one and was really upset and he was drunk at the time. So he cried and he, there was a cupboard where we kept the mobs and the trash can and he went inside there and said I'm just gonna stay here in the trash where I belong

Are you from that's I remember that story So ridiculous come here. I'll show you some Just the most okay the most artless Pick up line I ever heard in my life and it worked. That's disgusting. Who's doing something? Oh God. Oh!

That's what I wanted to show you. But you're right, it could have been a terrible experience for her. Yeah, I sure it was. Well, yeah, my story is much quicker because I don't really remember much of it. Pockets. Yeah, I was at a party. It was completely dark except for like black lit things. And then a creepy white guy with dredds who was like really nasty looking came up to me.

I know. I was like, he came up to me. I was like sitting on like a futon on the floor. And he was like, if you could imagine it. Well, you know, we just picture. We're also putting food on. I was in college. Well, he just like, he was gross. Okay. And this guy was like, If you got to imagine it. Well, you know, we just picturing. We're also even put food on. We're not in college. Well, he just like, he was gross.

Okay. And this guy's like, Where are you hanging him from to see like my name's pockets. They call me that, they call me that because I don't have any. What? And then,

I want to murder this guy. He called out a baggy from my guess, his butt because I gave him a pocket. I would call it baggies. Of, of what he said was opium, or what do you say piece. Of what he said was opium. Or what do you say?

I guess he said it was opium. I don't really know what certain drugs look like. But it looked like leaves. And then he was like, you want to smoke opium? And I'm like, no. And that was the end of it. Were you by yourself? I'm sure I was with a friend, but I was just like, what?

No. And that's the thing. Pockets. Did you ever find out who pockets was with? No. I don't even remember whose party I was at. This is insane. Did I tell you about the holiday party I had that you guys were at that?

Why would you tell us about when we were there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but. Ah! Ah! Ah! Paul, you remember the dude who was smoking indoors? Yes, that guy.

You told us about this on the show. Yes. That's the one that's smoking indoors? Yes, that guy. Are you talking about this on the show? Yes. That's the one that's in here, the one big hill. That's the one story we've caught that we know. We've told the facts. That was probably episode one, too. Full circle. Don't go a step further.

Because they're sick of us by now, or beating the same thing. We would have parties in that apartment with Bagel and my roommate where we also, the people who were upstairs from us had the winter school with us. So we would have team parties with them where we were very proud of this.

We had a heaven and hell party where upstairs it was heaven and we were hell and it was decorating. Got to give it up, that's clever. That's clever, clever. That's clever, that's clever. That's clever, that's clever. That's clever, that's clever. That's clever, that's clever. That's clever. That's clever. That's clever. That's clever. That's clever. That's a good party.

60s 70s party where you get to. Upstairs with 60s downstairs with 70s. Because the time gets more when you go down. We did an up and down party where the upstairs was up and the downstairs was down. We did an up and down party. We did an up and down party. We did an up and down party.

And the upstairs was apartment and the other one was a second apartment. We did an upside down party where the downstairs was the upstairs and the other one was the second apartment. We did an upside down party where the downstairs was the upstairs party. The upstairs was the downstairs party. And we did a party where the party was a party where the party was a party. Out. I actually had parties all the time in college, and I would invite everyone in the improv community to my parties, and they would be really good. It was always the best. I had a really long

apartment. It was like, it had a very long hallway and then two big friends at the end. And I would just post on the improv message board and say whoever wants to come, and then it would be full. It was always the best time, and the cops would come. It's very funny. But then now now I think of it and I'm like, I wouldn't go to a 20 year old party if I was like 30. Yeah, come hang out my long hallway. Yeah, I mean, but it was a different time. It was. I know me.

We got the place where I yelled at the guy, where I yelled at the guy where I yelled at my neighbor that is fucking TV off. That same building I had, there was a unit over my house and it was these three young women, they were in their 20s who worked, I think two of them worked at that, that weird clothing and like jewelry store that's on Franklin, next to the UCB. Oh yeah, I've never gone in there. Yeah, it's so, it's so weird that there's that one store. It's been there forever. I know.

I think they did a shutdown and they put in ice cream. No, that was a different place. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was a different place, I think. And so they, they were, since they were like these young women that were like in the prime of their life that were going on having fun on time, they almost exclusively wore high heels

and they had obviously no carpeting to speak up. Oh my God. So we were here then walking around all the time, but there was something that was weirdly reassuring to me about it because I was like, I was about to enter my forties and I thought this was so like I just loved them. I loved the idea of them. They never bothered me otherwise. That was

just that. You used to drive jane crazy. It would drive me insane. I can't really understand people who want to wear heels all the time. I have a hard time. But if I were short, but if I were short, I would do it. Because there are so many cute shoes. I take it all back. Cause you're out, Holly, five, 10. And then when I wear heels on like six one,

it's just like over, you know. It's over. Forget it. Over. I'll do it. I'll do it. But, you know, if I were short, I'd probably wear them all the time.

So, fuck it, I get it. Parties used to be a very big deal. Yeah, I don't want to go to a party now, real. I, it takes so much for me to go to a party. Even though I always came to my party. It's a good hot, Scott. I was gonna say that was one of the few parties that I looked forward to.

Of course. That I thought this will actually be fun, but a lot of parties. It's a good mixture. Yeah, thought this will actually be fun, but a lot of parties. It's a good mixture. Yeah, yeah. We have to go to a lot of baby showers now. Yeah, that was never a big deal. Well, because for men, you never had to go out of this.

Yeah. Everyone's co-op. Baby showers for men. But baby showers also used to be like maybe six people, right? Right, and it'd be like a daytime thing. Yeah, yeah. And there's also with people who want to have babies too. That's kind of, you know what I mean?

No, I would say it's like the close friends typically like traditionally. But isn't there an un-set thing of like, you're only gonna come to my baby shower if you're interested in having a baby if you're not? Well, I think the day that was just a flop baby shower. Yeah, it was what was expected of you from society. Like of course you were gonna do that for now. Yeah, I feel like as a woman you just go, I go to things like that. Yeah, it was what was expected of you from society. Like, of course, you were gonna do that. Yeah, I feel like as a woman, you just go,

I go to things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now it's like, now it's not only co-ed, but it's a gigantic party. Right. Where it's like, I don't, you know, do I have to go all the way out there and, you know. Everything's so much energy.

Yeah, everything's so much energy. I'm amazed whenever anyone goes to anything, like coming to shows, I'm amazed that people would do it. I'm just like, hey, thanks. Well, you also say, hey, thanks. You live in the middle of nowhere now. I know, I'm moving though. I can't take it.

It's fucking annoying. Because you almost got wiped out in the mug slide. Yeah, well, I can't deal with it. Good, by the time this comes out, I won't live there anymore, so no one will come find me. But yeah, so I did experience that and it was horrible and I don't want to live far away from people anymore. I was saying at the time I loved it because it's so quiet.

There was like a lot of other like, and the house is really cool. But now my street is all trucks going up and down every day taking away mud. It's like a freeway. It's the most, and we can't, yeah, beep beep. And we can't park on the street. I have to walk up a hill.

It's a nightmare. We've been learning what different vehicles are. So he's excited. He knows that I'm trucking him. Oh, truck is a beep beep. Okay. It's really obnoxious and I'm planning to move some more flat. Mm hmm.

Flat is a pancake. Flat as a pancake. Flat as a pancake. Camps. We are canzels. Is that a caramel? Yeah, caramels. Oh, caramels. Oh, caramels.

Oh, caramels. Oh, my God. Did, I used to have an upstairs neighbor that was deaf, like, or old, super old, so she would blast the TV, which doesn't bother me. And so that was the greatest,, or old, super old. So she would blast the TV, which doesn't bother me. And so that was the greatest, because she could never hear. Why doesn't that bother you? I don't know.

It's just never bothered me. It's so annoying to me to hear what anyone else is doing. Absolutely. So I don't know, it just never, but I can, I can deal with like someone's TV blur or whatever. It tries to be crazy. But it was great for me because I could blur whatever I want and she couldn't hear it at all.

Sure. That's so cool. So it was, it was perfect for me. Well, sheare whatever I want and she couldn't hear it at all. Sure. That's so cool. So it was perfect for me. Well, since you had a turn on the closed captions, I let you alone. Of my apartment in New York where I lived in three apartments within 15 months due to annoying circumstances. But I was, I remember my mom's fall. Can you give me the numbers again?

Three apartments in 15 months. And it was horrible. Yeah. Really stressful. Did you move three times in the numbers again? Three apartments in 15 months. And it was horrible. Yeah, really stressful. Did you move three times in the first month? I moved, I lived in one place for eight months, and then I moved somewhere for a few months, and then somewhere for a few months. And then my neighbor was like a kind of cute guy.

I don't remember what it looked like, but my wall share, I shared a wall with him, my bedroom. Was he like sort of like a screech type? Yeah, I guess so I was very attracted to him. And I heard him jerking off one time or something, but I'm really nosy with hearing noises I heard putting my ear to the wall. Hearing the way people jerk off?

Well, I just love overhearing something. If someone's having a fight, anytime my neighbor is my last place, we have a fight, I would be like, ear to the wall, I wanna hear overhearing something. Like if someone's having a fight, like any time I neighbor is my last place who have a fight, I would be like ear to the wall. Like I wanna hear what's about. I love that. Give me, give me. So when I was just trying to hear him,

and I didn't hear enough. What was his style? I didn't hear enough. I had a grunt style. Well, because I was trying to figure out if he was with somebody. But yeah, you know, I like to eat his drop. Eh.

Uh-huh. Did you ever try that thing of putting a glass up against the floor? I have tried that. I haven't noticed any significant difference with that. No, I've never been sure which way you're supposed to put the glass. That's part of it. And I've tried both ways, little, little closed ends to your ear. That's what I thought.

Yeah. But I tried it both ways, it didn't really make a difference to you. Yeah. I think I was able to hear who you listen to my brother I think I loved spying I was little yeah, would you be a professional spy if you could No, but what was I just okay? I was just watching oh citizen Rose that Rose McGowan thing on me They showed like the first episode, but they're gonna show the rest in the spring and

She had a spy following her. Oh, yeah. And it was a woman whose job was to spy. I mean, fun, fast naming. She's just a fake, has a fake name and then sits behind somebody and just fucks with shit. She'd take like, gather dirt on her. She gathered dirt and I think she had something to do with. There was a claim that Rose had left something behind on the airplane that had narcotics with it, but it was planted. Now, is this like Harvey Weinstein? Yes. How is this person? And he hired someone to steal her book before it was published, and they got a copy.

They got it to make sure that he was. I don't know what he would do with it, but. I think it'd be fun to be a spy. Although from everything I've heard, it's just like a lot of waiting outside somewhere. I think the part that would suck, if you had to be like, have a fake identity and like pretend to get to know someone, I'd feel bad. Right.

The part I don't like is like. I think I would probably fall in love with them and then there'd be a big argument after we fell in love. Yeah. Like, oh, go lie to me. Tell you it's because. Oh, actually, go lie to me. Tell you is because. Oh, actually, I'm actually mixing up two stories about Rose.

I don't know where the spy was, but there was one point where she was spending time with the spy, like hanging out with her and spent a whole day on the boardwalk with her and told tongue-to-tongue all these personal things. Wow. I don't like that. Yeah, I don't like it. I, there's a thing that drives be crazy on cop shows where the... Bang bang.

Is that what inspired the name of your show? You love for cop shows. You love for cop shows? I love cop shows. I love cop shows. I was catching a bag, guys. It was a barn bag. It was going to go big bang.

But it's funny. Well, it's like, they do this a lot where, like, one of the characters will have... The cop will have a wife who's mad that the police work seems to be taking so much of his life. And that's the only thing that cops wise can be mad about it seems like. But it's also over your life and I never know

if I'm gonna get the call. But I feel like in real life, you know that that's what this person's job is. Yeah, and you probably have had it. Oh yeah, like you wouldn't be annoyed. Yeah, like, oh, you're doing more police work? It's just what it is. We were supposed to go to the movies.

Yeah. You probably would have had a conversation too, like, Hey, what's your schedule today? Oh, being a cop from, from seven till, or it's like, was the cop getting a call at dinner? It's like, I gotta go. And the wife's like, oh, I made this dinner so many fucking murder but I even think of like acting it's like that you can't be annoyed if your spouse gets a job they have to leave when

you know that's what their whole yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah their job is unexplored like you would get emergency acting all the time just trying to help you in your relationship. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah, okay, okay. Yeah. If Bill Cosby, everything we know about him now, okay. What I did, what I did, if he looked like Mark Balgau's. No, if he, and just be totally honest, if he called you up and said, look, this is Bill

Cosby. Obviously, I've been in the news, everything you've heard about me. Will you come over and have dinner with me? Would you do it? Why the fuck are I doing that? First of all, he would never call. He would never call. Don't make me so mad yourself.

He would never, what I swear. No, he wouldn't. No, you're pretty. No, I just thought about that. Don't call me. It's about the time. He got the call like when I was like, look. I know I've been in the news a lot lately.

Hey, can you have dinner? Am I having dinner? I've just had dinner, bring your own beverages. I mean, that's as insane as I'm doing comedy. It's such a little warren saying to call random people first. Yeah, it's exactly who he doesn't know. Listen, I will say that, that right before this whole story broke, someone I know worked with him,

I don't wanna say, I wanna give any clues. But she reached out to shake his hand, like hello, Mr. Cosby, thank you so much for being here. He reached around and grabbed her bra strap. What? He grabbed her bra strap. And gave it a little like a snap. Yeah, but he was like using eighth grade.

Yeah, so disgusting. Well allegedly he did that. Well, I believe her. Believe women. Believe the women. No, this woman I won't identify. I'm sure she's the best. I'm just saying when I meet women

and I want to get out ahead of the story that a lot of times from introduced to a young lady, what I will do is I will reach up and I will unfasten one of her earrings. Okay. And I will show it to her and then put it in my pocket and walk away. Okay, so it's a trophy.

What is it, Joe? It's a Joe! It's a joke, I'm just kidding around. What do you do with it? It's a joke fee. Well, I mount them on. Post-aborder and I put them on my way. I split my penis

Do a prince Albert I put the earring inside and then I show my penis back up It's like a safety deposit box. Yeah in the body is the safest place. I know you've been hearing the safest place I know But seriously bill cut I love them Do you think a bank has ever burned down and everyone's safety deposit boxes were burned? Yeah, probably, although they're metal. That'd be so bad.

That'd be so bad. That'd be so bad. Do you have things in the bank and safety deposit boxes? I've never had one. My mom does that and I have a key to it. And what's the number? I'm not gonna tell you're there.

No, I've never find it. I don't have anything to keep in there. I feel like. I feel like I would do that with like documents if I had the wherewithal to make a whole deal. Copies of documents, yeah. Yeah, but it is. Copuments.

Copuments. Well, is it with your birth certificate you can only get like two in your life? Like I got a new one. I don't know, you know, that that was the big problem for me when I was trying to propose to Kool-Oppies. Oh, right. That I that I was trying to get my passport

because I was doing it in Vancouver. Yeah. I got my birth certificate sent to me by my parents and then showed up at the passport office and they took a look at it and said, this isn't your actual birth certificate. I get to copy. This is a copy.

Yeah, I had copies of my whole life. And then I got the real one like a few years ago. But then they said you had been like, they said you can only get two. Or it was some limited number in your life. Why? I don't know. It is, yeah.

I had something for years that I thought was my birth certificate, but it was not. It was just sort of like a, I don't know if it was almost like the Obama situation or it was like a certificate of love. You're from Ken. I had something like that too,

but it was like, how to seal on it. Yes, it did. It was printed. It was real forever. Yeah, it's the same thing. And I forget what I was trying to, maybe I was trying to get a passport and they're like, this isn't a birth certificate.

Right. And then when I saw my, when I got my birth certificate, I was like, oh yeah, this is like, this looks very official. My birth certificate that I got printed now looks. I was like, oh yeah, this looks very official. My birth certificate that I got printed now looks like a thing you would get in fifth grade as like a prize. Like it's like a blue eight by 10.

It looks like not special. Yeah, it's weird. If SAG were to say, hey, if they had when you became SAG, if they had said we already have a Lauren Lapkiss, would you take Lauren Cosby? Would you have done that? No, but I know what I would have done.

What was you have done? I would have gone from my other middle name. I would have been Lauren Allegra. Lauren Allegra. I always thought it was a nice name. It is a nice name, but although I will say it sounds sort of ethnic, so you may have been in the past. Diversity hires.

Well, geez, I wish she didn't. It would have been type cast Well, geez, I wish she didn't. We're being typecast. Typecast is what? You're always playing maids. Look, we have to take a break speaking of maids. Okay. Jesus, I'm sorry.

Well, you can't talk to you. Can I talk to you? You know what? Let's do this in front of everyone. Let's do this in front of Lauren and everyone. Yeah, what? Are you gonna get married? Let's get married.

That's where I'm going to be. Where is your poster certificate? Oh no. Oh, Lauren. We're in Vancouver. All right, we'll be right back. How about you? I'll be.

I'll be. I'll be. Hey, welcome back. Lauren is, she looks to be wearing a prison uniform from the way stuff. No, that's Scott, that's not true. That's not true. It's a beach outfit.

Oh, would you, first of all, this shirt, the stripes are horizontal, not vertical. This is a vertical stripe, button-down dress that I've just seen in London. Not a stretch in London. Oh, yeah, that's one thing. Yeah. OK, I didn't just get out of one. Would you? What is if you had to go to prison?

Would you have to do a bill cause? What's the, like what amount of time mentally would you be able to say, I can handle this. This is gonna be, I mean, it'll probably be... Like, what's the maximum amount of time? Yeah, like, at what point do you think you'd be like, I just can't do this? I think I could handle two months. And then I'd probably start to really...

Because two months? Worried. Yeah. Two months is like... I'm sure I could do longer. I think you mentally your brain just adapts to things. Two months is like doing a stint in the big brother house or something. But months can feel really long.

I don't know. If you're, I mean, especially if you're in jail, where especially if you're doing January, what do you see a face? Like for me, we, 15 minutes. Well, yeah, I know. I'm, no, no, no, no. I'm saying realistically, you've done something wrong. Okay, we caught you for your thing.

Yeah, I'd have a hard time. Okay, but how long could you really go before we're like, get me out of here? If you're talking about just confinement, I could do that easily, I think. Not so much, or easily. But if you're talking about everything that being in prison entails, there's a lot of stuff that I think I would have very hard to get.

I mean, I think I would get my ass kicked. I have you watched a lot of like lock up raw or anything like that? Like when MSNBC at night on the weekends. Yeah, I watched that. So I'm just trying to do it. I'm trying to do it at all. I watched a lot of that show. It's pretty good.

But like I just think there's so much politics going on that you would have to figure out and be a part of it. But so Paul, this is my question. Like you've done something wrong, you have to go. I got 15 minutes. Right. You think what would you do then?

Well I guess, I mean, say it was a two month sentence. They're like, you know what, I'm sorry, but you have to spend 60 days Right like when would I get used to being? Probably I can you know try it out on you before you go Yeah, what you listen Just surprise me

Yeah, I mean, when I... When I think of jail, I don't even think of it in terms of like, oh, it's, I'd be locked away from society. I just think about it as being in constant fear that you're gonna get fucking... I guess I would get my, I feel like I would be afraid of getting beaten up. But what if you could just, you know, you, you see all those prison movies like Shawshank or whatever, there's always like an older dude who just keeps to himself and plays chess with the pigeons or whatever.

Like, couldn't you be one of those or whatever? Like, you know, like, after, you know? I'm like, fall in love with someone, so it's not bad when you hook up. No, but I mean, you know what I mean. I am a romantic. Yeah. It's like, it seems like all the bad stuff that happens in prison on those shows and everything happens in 20s. It happens in your first 10 years,

and then after a while you just get used to it. I, you know, it'd be the scariest thing I think is being locked up abroad. That show is crazy. And then you're in a jail where you don't speak the language and the rules don't really match. Yeah, they're, you don't have the right to speak. Yeah.

Yeah. So everyone just, it's awful conditions, right? No, be so scary. Do you want to experience it though at some point? No, what are you talking about? I mean, there are those shows where you can voluntarily go to jail There's that one show where they're like you try out how you would do right jail edition Yeah, it's just there's so there's it's such a big part of so many people in this country's experience It's just there's so there's it's such a big part of so many people in this country's experience I think there must be something to it. No, but That jail is a thing it sounds so like

I think it's your Me spankings. Yeah, give me 20 spanking so I never do Why don't we do the canings like they do in that where was it? But it is so crazy when you think of all the people, I mean, this is not, whatever, to who are loved up for doing something so dumb and that it's not a matter. Oh yeah, my drug offenses. Yeah, and they're in there forever.

It's just, that's devastating. And you ruin people that way. Yeah. But I think, I don't know, I like one night would you do one night? One more night. One more night. I'm saying two months is assuming I become adapted.

Yeah, that's what I think. I think one night might be actually scarier than two months, because it's like you don't know anything yet. If we're talking about just the idea of being locked away from your life as you know it, right? No, but you're going to hold. You're going to hold. You have roommates.

Who makes roommates? Selma. Hey, Roomy. I thought you were about shitting in your cell, everything. You got the toilet with no seat on it. That's the part that's the worst. Like, I would say, is there a private bathroom anywhere? I shouldn't for anyone.

Really? No! Hey, speak it a shit. Should we talk about the text that you have a day? What? Oh, why can I remember what this is. Wait, can I, can I, let me answer the question. I don't know.

What was it? I, I, I honestly don't know. Oh, yeah. I honestly don't know how long I could do that because the, I, it's, it's a horrible experience and I don't know how, how quickly or how long it would take me to get broken by it. Right. And then you can never, how long could would take me to get broken by it. Right. And then you can never, how long could you keep, yeah, I wonder that. How long could you keep your sort of like, composer of like this is, you know,

you're sense of self. Yeah, there's something on the other side of this. It's just two months. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I'd be so sad. What about, what about the army?

Oh, I could never do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Could you do jail before the army? No, I never do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. Could you do jail before the army? No, I could do the army before jail. I could do jail better. I think I would do jail better because it's really difficult activities.

Jail before army, you're being smart. Army before jail. I got a bad. Yeah. Okay, so this is what I texted, Lauren the other day. So the here's the situation I I don't remember the detail I get a

Somehow the church there's there's two places that have my address Mm-hmm, and I've kept my address, you know very private. It's not public. You've always been this way There's line for us if we come over there's kind of I Mean you drug us won't we leave there's kind of, I mean, you drug us while we leave. There's kind of no way to find out my address. Okay, well don't give people a challenge. But you know what I mean? There's like, because of situations.

Anyway, so the two people, the two places, the two people who have, or the two organizations that have figured out my address are the Church of Scientology. Oh boy. They like send me stuff by name. Oh right, oh right, okay, Okay. Crazy. I don't know and I don't know how that happened. And then now the Republican party is sending me is sending me

stuff and the Trump campaign like Trump himself is sending me fundraising. He sends you letters. He's sending me fundraising emails. Crabs scribbling. I've never donated to them. I don't know how it's happening, but I got this, I got this email the other day from Trump saying like, how much will you donate to make sure Trump keeps his, his thing going or whatever? And so you're a back zero. Well, what I did was, you're being fan-guessing what I did was, and this, and this is what I texted, Lauren, is it funny or too gross to tweet a picture of a Trump fundraising letter I got that I took a shit on?

And I wrote not asking PFT because I know his answer. And I thought it was hilarious, but I didn't know. I don't know if you should post it. She writes ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I use my long hair. Then LOL. And then I did laugh. She writes, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I decided not to do it. And he did see both of our friends. I decided not to do it. But if you had done that, where are you gonna post this? Twitter.

I was gonna send it to him. I like, I got your email, or I got your letter. Oh, you wanted it to him? I got your letter. I got your post on Twitter. Yeah, on Twitter, I got your, I got your letter. Oh, just directly to him. Yeah, yeah, I got your letter.

I wanted to make sure you got a response. Right. Where are you gonna do a DM? Like, please follow back. I was gonna, you was gonna do a DM like please follow back Blackberry was when smartphones were taking over and blackberry like please remember us don't forget about us guys Yeah, they were trying to make They kept saying it black I You are. You really kept saying it. Black balance. Black balance. I had used to you, DBM. I had a black belt.

I loved my little black belt. I had a pearl. I had a pearl belt. I didn't miss it. With a little track ball? Yeah. This pearl is another thing. Pearl.

Like pearl jam. Like comes a pearl. Yeah, like semen. What is a pearl jam? What is a pearl jam? Is a thing like that? Yeah. What?

It means geosome. Yeah. No. Yeah, sorry. Almost any band that exists, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember,

I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember,

I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I just remember, I'm gonna crow yeah any other bad that's all I know those that's the only band you know The beat I got

Like jerking off master Oh, now I got it. Yeah, wait you got you got it before hitting your dick Excuse me, I hit the dick would you hit my dick? Excuse me. I'm gonna hit the dick. Would you hit my dick? Do you have any gray poo hit my dick? Do you think hitting a dick? Do you think hitting a dick? Gray poo.

Do you think like if someone were to come up to you and say, hey, I'll give you $5,000 to hit my dick? Yes. Is that sexual? I don't care. Do they have any cash? Like I think you could divorce it from sexuality where it's just like, it's not sexual. I'm just punching someone's dick. But it's sexual for that person. Yeah. But it think you could divorce it from sexuality where it's just like, it's not sexual,

I'm just punching someone's dick. Well, but it's sexual for that person. Yeah. It's something for that person. So that makes it you're involved now in a sexual act. But I think it's just you're punching someone's dick. But what if you're doing for free? What if you're asexual and somebody says $5,000

give me a oral sex job? And then you're like, I don't care about sex, but this person does, it's nothing to me, but just putting my mouth on an organ. That would be, I think, worse if it meant nothing. Yeah, if it was something that was disgusting to you, you passed my test. Oh, okay.

You were gonna do that? Help me. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You don't know. Yeah. I don't know. You don't know, Scott. I don't know.

You don't know. And you act like you have all the answers. Not yet. We gotta go to a break. Bye. When we come back, we'll have one. Picture. Hi.

Hi. We're back. And it's time. Every episode, including this very final episode, we have a feature of the season, of the season, or potentially ever. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Of the season. We do a feature in the last segment. And Paul, it's your turn to come up with a feature. That's right, I have a feature. Everyone knows what a feature is. Yep. And this is no different. This is no different than any other feature.

I have a feature. This is a little feature called. Wait, is it Christmas Find Out Who Game? No, we did Christmas Find Out Who Game. Who game? Christmas Find Out Who Game. This is a feature, is a brand new feature to the show. We've never done this one before.

Okay. It's a little feature called Toothless Vegetables. That was 32 Toothless Vegetable. That was 32 Toothless vegetables. It's 32 Toothless vegetables. Okay, good. Explain this for me because I don't know what it is. Is it called 32 Toothless vegetables? No, it's from a list of games.

It's from a list of games. It was number 32, but we thought it would be. It was a list of games. It was number 32, but we thought it would be. It was a list of games. It was a list of games. It was a list of games. It was number 32, but we thought it would be. It was a list of games. It was number 32, but we thought it would be. It was a list of games. It was a list of games. 32 funny or if it were 32 well because you have 32 teeth in your mouth. That's true. That's why they need it I'm 32 isn't crazy

Isn't it crazy that teeth fall out when you're young and we just go oh, yeah I got my new teeth in and that never happens to you again. You should have saved it teeth Thought when you're young, but when you're older you put teeth in yeah, oh, do you? Yeah, oh, do you? Do you want to swim, Rob? Which is all. My dad had dentures. Yeah. It was weird, Rob.

It is shocking my grandparents had them then take them out. Yeah, you see them? And you were little? He had them when I was little. Well, my parents were older, because I'm fifth out of six kids. Oh, yeah.

And he had dentures, and he, I would see them in the cup, like within the effort, effort, effort, or whatever, and it always creep me out. I was like seeing the palette attached to it. Yeah, do you get dentures when all of your teeth are gone? Is that what it is? Does that's the all of your teeth? Just some of your teeth.

He had partial dentures. Oh, it wasn't all of the teeth. It was like, The idea of having to get them is so bad. It bums me out, yeah. I never want that. I never want that. I never want that. So scared.

Did I tell you that when I went to the dentist now a year and a half ago, after I finally finished on Comedy Bang Bang, which was in all day, every day job, seven days a week, I hadn't been in three seasons, I think. So three years, I hadn't been to the dentist and I was like, fuck. All right, gotta go. Let's just, and I'd resign myself. I tealed myself. I said, today's the day, whatever happens,

you just gotta accept it, whatever happens, you just, you know, I mean, it's your fault. You just got too busy. I went in, they took a look at my teeth, and I was like, okay, I haven't been here in three years. So what have you got? They said, okay, it all looks good. Try not to make it so long next time. Okay, and I was like, okay, I haven't been here in three years, so what have you got? They said, okay, it all looks good. Try not to make it so long next time.

And I had been so great. That happened to a friend of mine who hadn't gone for 20 years. I know. And then nothing happened. And I was like, that's not fair. That makes me mad because I went after I hadn't gone in 10 years.

And I had a deep cleaning of my gums, which is so, it's horrible. It's, they pull your gums away from your team to complete it in there. Yeah. And it's so painful. It's so painful. And then the guy told me,

you'll have to, now you'll have to go every three months instead of every six months. Uh-huh. So I was doing that for a while. Then moved to New York. We were there for a year. And I never went to the dentist while I was there. I never found anybody.

Yeah. And I just felt by the wayside. And when I came back, I went to the dentist and went to the dentist. I found a new dentist. It was fine. It was like, I didn't have to go every three months. Well, we have the same dentist.

Before right now. They what? Is that the new thing? No, like if you guys- So three times a year. I remember every season was, like a- Oh, then when you to do that. So three times a year. So three times a year. Yeah, I have to go for every four months.

I had been obsessing about it though for three years at that point. Like it had been on my mind and been like, oh, you're making yourself worse. Right. Yeah, you're horrible. And then I went in and it was such a like, all right, later. Because you took care of your teeth. You did a good job. Yeah, I just lost every day.

So that's the one thing that they say is the one thing you should do. Now they're saying, don't do that. Now they're saying it doesn't matter. No, no, I see. I don't think that's true. By the way, we have the, they say coffee's bad for you. They say coffee's good for you. We have the same dentist, by the way, really, and neither of us go to him anymore. Oh, that guy? Yeah. In large month? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that fucking guy. What did you do to you? Do you want to say or no? I can't remember. Oh He yeah, it was something where

He he put in a crown and it fell out like right away or something like that It was something that he it was like some shotty work in his part And I said, hey, this is messed up and he brought me back in and then like rushed me through the procedure Like shot me with Novakain and then immediately started working. I'm like, hey, I'm not up yet. I can still feel that. Oh my God. I'm like, aren't you supposed to wait at least five seconds?

And he's like, oh yeah, you're right. And then just like kept working, it was the weirdest fucking thing. It was horrible. Some people are, that is so scary. Yeah, you know what you did to me is I went in there and he made me wait 45 minutes before taking me and then called me back a week later and said, hey, that wasn't cool. So we're, we're not going to charge you. What?

Oh boy, it was terrible. So I, I like my, the dentist I know, I like a lot. And I, I think about this all the time and I, I don't know if I've ever talked to anybody else about it. Do you have this experience where the dentist will ask you, can I put my, can I rest my stomachs? In my mouth. I had my penis sitting in my mouth.

Do you think I can do it? No, do you have this experience? I have a bet with my dentist. And then they just get on the floor and they just try to do it. I got a guess. And it takes up most of the appointment. Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm gonna try again next time. There's some results here. I'm gonna try again. There's some results here. Wasn't able today. Come back next week. That's okay. So yeah, so you do have that

Yeah, I'm gonna have to warm it Yeah, I do you know you do is no really what they will ask Um, can I put my instruments in your chest? Yes, and I mean your chest Have you had that experience? What about you? Hey, they asked me to hold something these days. The dick. Laura!

No, they're doing x-rays. They go, I'm gonna ask you to hold this. And I thought of this yesterday when I was at the dentist, I was like, is this because you don't have an extra person? The thing that goes in your mouth? Yeah, you know, when they take an X-ray? No, like the little car you put your mouth? Yeah, well, you know how sometimes

you're supposed to bite down and sometimes they want you to stay open. They're like, do you mind holding this? Oh, I've never had that. I've never had that. No, but I hate those things. It's so much. It's like getting into your throat.

Why has it not gotten better? One time they gave me child size version and it didn't hurt at all. Then they kept giving me the giant ones again. I'm like, it cuts your whole mouth inside. And there's a small version, and that's the same thing. I know my mouth was cut today,

it might be from that. It's like a card going to the top. I can't figure out about doctors. And I went to see my doctor this year, and he's like, all right, well, here's the part that is always uncomfortable and you know, the bill. Oh, the bill.

He's crying. Are you bankrupt? Yes, I don't have been doctor too much. No, but the finger up the whole butt. They have to do all the time for a man. It's all the time. My hope point is like. But it's a standard procedure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my point is like, this would be job one of like fuck curing cancer. If I were a doctor, it would be like that we got to figure out another way to do this. Yeah, if you got to have a tool that can do something. Yeah. Still the best way. Yeah, that's what he was saying. He's like, there's really no other way to do this.

So let's do it. What do you do to take a dukey that may? Do you gotta be cleared out? No, he doesn't, you know what? He doesn't care. It's probably better if you don't. Cause there's a lot more to work with. I was nester.

Left. No. I am lot more to work with. It doesn't matter. What? No. I have to. I have to. What feature is 32 toothless vegetable? Anyway, the instruments on the chest. Oh yeah. I find it to be a...

It's a masculating. No, I have a table. Oh, you like finding the opposite way. I find like a thunder shirt. I like the question because it's so formal and it's so like there's something that's very intimate about it. And it's also very like old fashioned.

Like you don't have a table. You can put in front of me. They didn't put this on. Well, it's like, it's instantly, obviously that's the easiest thing to put them right there. It's like my, it's the shortest distance to my head. Right.

But there's something I love that they have to ask. I don't know why it took it weirdly touches me Shut up 32 toothless vegetables You here's what happens okay players tailless turns Here's what happens. Okay. Players take turns. No, let's turn. Tell me how to play it.

Players take turns. That's not it. To name a fruit or vegetable without showing their teeth. No repetition allowed. So we will go around, we'll name a fruit or vegetable. You have to say it, I guess is distinctly as possible without showing your teeth possible without showing teeth Okay, and if we see teeth we can call it out or what if you show teeth or laugh you're out, okay, okay

So why don't I start yeah, it seems fair okay I'm gonna start with this one That's awesome teeth right then did you, did you see teeth? No, but go ahead, you haven't. Because you smiled. Tonito. I saw one tooth. No, but that was.

You saw one tooth which one? No, it's impossible. So that was that counted. That counted. Okay. All right, you got one on deck? Don't have. Of quarter. Good. Didn't see it. All right, you got one on deck Don't have

Quarrel Good didn't see it didn't see it didn't say it. Okay, didn't say it then say it not gonna see it not guys at No, wait your microphone is so you're blocking it oh Oh, oh my god, it looks so much. Feel a little reed. Huh? Didn't say it, did you? No. Didn't say it!

Didn't say it! Didn't say it! Hmm. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl.

Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro from the very girl. Retro Wait, did you say something? Yeah! What was it? She said lettuce. Oh, lettuce. Oh, no, no.

Okay. All right. Good. Was that grape? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

How many are we up to are we at 32? Correct. Oh, that was really good. Thank you. Yeah, the future is a ventriloquist saying carrot a don't do the twist I see the teeth. I'm working. Well, that's different. I'm doing the show. You're doing okay Now to the teeth, I'm worried. Well, that's different, I'm doing the show. Okay, you're doing okay. Strong, very easy. Hi. No, that's not as a laughter. She laughed after, I heard strawberry. It was an after laugh. I'm still in.

Oh my God, pineapple. Oh my God, pineapple. Hahaha. This is the kind of thing we should be video- Take it, take it, take it, take it, take video take take it doesn't run it. It was game to listen to. Oh, you're full. Oh, my God.

That's a bad idea. That's a bad idea. Oh, I thought it wouldn't matter. Not good. Okay, pineapple. Oh, my God. somebody get out. Roussel's world. Oh my god. Your mustache is helping you.

Okay. I have to say I want to I want to have a fake mustache. Okay. Orange. Okay. Okay. Okay. Orange. Okay. Okay. Try different tactic. Okay. I'm trying to think of... Uh-huh. Um...

Trying to think of a fruit or a vegetable. Hmm. There's only like five left. I know. Grrrr. You were a good grape. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Okay. We're going insane. I'm going insane. I'm going insane. We're going insane. I'm going insane. I'm buzzed away as real last episode. Ah. Always leave him wanting something. Are you giving up?

I mean, what do you think? Are we doing this? Is there any value to this? It's a completely visual thing. It's also, we're not gonna laugh for sure, Steve. We've figured we've cracked the code. Can we come up with 32? I'm running out of fruits and vegetables.

Oh, I haven't. Oh, what do you got? Oh, it's just speed round. Okay. Ton of... Bagel. Oh, what? A bagel.

And that's how you play 32, to the list vegetables. That was funny to me. I'm sure the listener at home, or it worked. Or it worked and doing that. Well guys, I can't believe it. We're at the end of the road here. At the end of the line. I can't let go as I'm going to know. I'm going to let go.

I'm going to you. I wish I knew the song. Boys to men. I mean, I know what it is, but I don't know the words. If I wanted to join in, I felt bad. It's fine. If someone from Philly, it's embarrassing. If I wanted to join in, I felt bad. It's fine. And they're from Philly. It's embarrassing.

Yeah. If Boyce and Men called Paul, they called you. And they begged you to have dinner with Bill Cosby. They said, look, by the way, I had a friend, not really a friend. Somebody went to school with it. Okay, that made more sense. Who, like, was one of these compulsive liar people who would tell the most outlandish lies and you would... You know when, it's so crazy

when you know someone's lying. Friend, they're just lying for no reason. You're like, why do I know you're lying? It's mad, man. It doesn't matter. It's mad thing. But for me, it's like always like, you think I'm stupid?

Yeah. Like, you think I'm a dumb person that would believe it. Do you think that anything that we... This obvious lie that you're doing? Do you think we've been lying during any of the episodes on the show. I've actually lied all the time. That's why I said it right now. I'm done. No, but I had a friend who was like, he swore that the summer before he came to school, the gin blossoms were going through town, the bandhajan blossoms, so it just started having big hits with Hey Jealousy and everything. And their drummer had hurt his foot or something in town

and they were going around town going, does anyone drum? We have a gig tonight and he's like, I play drums. And he had to learn all their songs and play with them that night. And this is like one in a series of slides that he had told. If anything, of course they know drummers. They would just call someone else they know. But the idea that they would just have to throw it out

to the world, is there anyone around here to play drum? But it's something that I've now thought of, because Twitter is around, you can get a hold of people. I want to write to the gym. Awesome. You should have. You should have. Has this ever actually happened?

There was the other, the other weird thing that happened and I, and I think about this and I want to reach out to him and I just have never done it is I was in a video store in Orange County in 1993. And I was looking for the new Twin Peaks video. That's what Orange County was in video stores. That's true. I was looking for the new Twin Peaks video tapes that had just come out on VHS. And I asked the clerk, the guy who worked

at the video store in Orange County, I said, hey, I'm looking for Twin Peaks and he goes, oh, I worked on that show. I'm like, really? Who are you? What'd you do on it? He goes, I'm Harley Payton. I was a producer.

And I was like, really? What? And he worked in videos. And he was working in a video store. And I was like, oh, cool. And for years, I was like, man, I met Harley Payton. That's interesting. That makes no sense.

So, and now he's on Twitter. I want to ask, did you work it? Maybe he did. Maybe he did. I didn't. I didn't see. I never knew he coughed and was a bus boy. Yeah, but I don't believe he was real,

but I just don't think it was him's, but then what an insane lie to tell someone. That to me is a good lie. It was like, yeah, I'm this guy. I knew the name too. So it was like, oh, you're highly painting. Yeah, cool. Like, but so strange.

So I would he know what would happen that you would go from producing like a hit television show to them? Well, Twin Peaks, I'm sure it was filled with just weirdos who maybe that was the only show they ever worked on or whatever, but- You did a way to rationalize it. But I have no, anyway, I want to write to him and see if that it actually was him.

But those are two lies I wanted. But why were we talking about, oh yeah. So Boyz to Men. Yes, if Boyz to Men, you were in Philly. Yeah. They called you were in Philly. Yeah. They called you up and said, Paul, um, we're shot, we're short a member. We've heard you singing on your many podcasts. Um, this is weird, but we want you to sing our concert with us. Um, and we're going to tell you all 12 songs we're gonna do and you don't have to learn our entire repertoire. Would you do it?

How much time do I have? You have all afternoon to learn the songs. No, I can't do that. You have, like they call you in the morning. That's, but two. And the show is that night. But these songs, and they're gonna send you the parts your part picked up.

Right, I would say I would like to do that. You wouldn't do it. I know that I wouldn't have it down by the time. And they tell you, look, to be honest, we're gonna carry you. All you gotta do is come out, kind of, if you ever get lost, just mouth, root a bag of root a bag of root a bag of, why wouldn't I mouth out?

Well, because they know, because they know that's your favorite vegetable from 32 to the same size. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You gotta do it like with your lips. But, Mill, it won't look like you're saying anything. It is one of my great heart breaks

that I am very slow to learn harmonies for things. Okay. And when I've had to sing in public and I have had to do like a sort of intricate, even slightly involved harmony. I've blown it many times. I hate harmonies. It's, I, I, I, I love you.

You have, but you have a natural ear for them, I think. I can't figure out harmonies. It takes me a long time. What if, okay, so then what if it wasn't a singing thing? What if it was a play? Someone called you up and said, Paul, um, there, what was the play that we saw in New York? Hamilton. No.

Oh, yeah. What was that called? The steam. The steam. No, it wasn't so smooth. It was a sweat. Oh my God. I was just staring you.

I was like, I guess it was called. I had no idea. Sweat calls you up. They know you've seen it before. They've heard us talk about it. And they say, hey, do you want to, can you, this actor dropped out? It would be a big thrill if you were to take his place. That happened to me. Really? Yes. And it was, it was a, it was a small part for a, I don't know, a small part. So I think you're lying. Or you're a small man. It's me. I'm a small.

It was the Apple sisters and they were doing a show at Largo and they said, this part's usually done by our friend Chris, he had to drop out, can you do it? And it was the same night and it was fucking nerve wreck. I don't think I could do that. It was really nerve wrecking. I had the lines right off stage. And so I would hastily try to, all day I tried to memorize it. And it was like, you know, it was like a little bit

of evolved wordplay kind of thing. And the timing of it, because there's musical stuff happening at the same time, so that would be precise. And I did like a very, I think I did like a, an okay patchwork job, but it was not my best work. And I felt bad about it. I think it would be. And I still feel bad about it.

Well, oh my God, Lauren. Lauren, about it. I think it would be fun. And I still feel bad about it. Well. Oh my God, Lauren. Lauren. Lauren. No, I'm not okay. She coughed a little with it. She's still down. Do we need to end?

I guess we need to end. We do got to end it. Guys, cough shows the end. Cough shows the end. Cough shows the end. Christmas find out who game? That's a teacher. Cough show the end.

Cough show the end. I want to say thank you to everyone for listening to all 10 apps. Yes, thank you. I know they listened to all of them. Yes. I want to thank you guys for doing this. This was a lot of fun. This was a lot of fun.

It was really fun. This was a lot of fun. I'm glad we finally did this. And it's always so much fun to hang out with you guys. And I hope we do more. I hope we do more too. But you know what? I mean, the audience will be the judge of that.

They need to call the phone lines. Paul, you got to flood those phone lines, guys. And remember, it's text one for us and two for no. Yes, and don't switch them up. So Paul, and while you're on the phone, text one or two. Yeah, look, we're going to be on. Paul, I can say I text one. I texted one.

Look, I'm going to be honest. If you texted two that you don't want it, we think you're probably just fucked up. Yeah, because you got him switched. And you got him in. You wouldn't care that. Yeah, exactly. So we if you texted to that you don't want it, we think you're probably just fucked up. Yeah, and you got him switched. Yeah, exactly. So we're just gonna assume you all wanting your more, so let's do more. Okay, see you next time. Bye.

Bye. No!