Threedom - Threevisiting: A Plum In The Sun

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss meeting their spouses, Bakersfield and NFTs before playing Drunken Sailor. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? With 24-7 US-based live customer service from Discover, everyone has the option to talk to a real person. Limitations apply. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Hey everyone, it's David Duchovny. Do you ever feel like a failure? Trust me, I get it. Hell, I've spent my whole life almost feeling like a failure. It's appropriate though, because on Fail Better, my new podcast with Lemonado Media, exploring the world of failure, how it holds us back, propels us forward, and ultimately shapes our lives is the whole point. Each week I'll chat with artists, athletes, actors, and experts about how our perceived failures have actually been

our biggest catalysts for growth, revelation, and even healing. Through these conversations, I hope we can learn how to embrace the opportunity of failure and Fail Better together. Fail Better is out on May 7th, wherever you get your podcasts. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Do you know what? That is still a great theme. Still great.

I was thinking about it the other day. Mike Malarkey, I enjoy it every time I hear it. I was thinking about it the other day. Mike Malarkey. Mike Malarkey. I enjoy it every time I hear it. I was thinking about it the other day. Welcome to Freedom, by the way. But I was thinking about when we... I'm Paul F. Tompkins. I'm Lauren Q. Lapkus.

I'm S.D. Aukerman. Are you Q? Oh my god. Is this a Q drop? I'm Q-anon. I forgot to tell you guys. I was gonna tell you and then I thought...

I don't think they refer to themselves as QAnon. Hi, we're QAnon Ding-dong. Hi, we're QAnon Yeah, I'm sure whatever they do. It's really cool I was thinking about when we came up with the title of it and then we premiered it at Comic-Con and everyone it was Met with a collective shrug. Oh, yeah Panel really sucked that was uncomfortable and we almost didn't do the show But then here's here's the other thing I was thinking about, was like, did the theme song save it?

Look, the theme song does a lot. The theme song pulls a lot of the heavy lifting. But you know, the name just, it doesn't matter. But hold on a second. We didn't have the theme, we didn't have the, we started recording before we had the final name. That's true, because we were trying to guess the name. Oh, that's right, we were trying to figure out the name of it in the first episode. So we didn't have the, we started recording before we had the final name. That's true because we were trying to guess the name. Oh that's right, we were trying to figure out the name of it in the first episode.

So we didn't have the theme song yet. But we went back and laid in the theme song I think. Of course we did, of course we did. But I'm saying, would Freedom as a title be as good if we didn't have that great theme song? Now we're getting down to the nitte gritte. I think the answer is no. No, there's no way.

Because everyone would go, who, what, where, when, why? The reporter's questions. Yes. It's like the movie, uh, Titanic. Without My Heart Will Go On. That movie, nobody would have noticed it. Yeah, it's totally true. Did you learn who, what, where, when, why

as the five W's and the H? No. I remember it in the new Mickey Mouse Club. There was a song Who What Where When and How Day, something, something, Purple Cow Day. You know how they would break up every day. It must have been so high. Every day would be a different like Mondays or this day.

Do you remember the Mickey Mouse Club? Did you wish you were in it? I kind of did when I was a kid. Like Ryan Gosling? I'm talking about the one before that with Blair from Facts of Life. The one from the 70s. Not the one from the 50s. The Ned Funicello. The one from the 50s I used to watch because they would air it on the Wonderful world of Disney or whatever on Sunday. So I became fascinated with the Mickey Mouse Club

and you got Cubby and you know. Broccoli. Sure, Cubby Broccoli and he went on to shepherd the James Bond franchise. And then the cello was on Full House as like a crazy awesome guest spot. And it just is another one of those examples where you didn't give a shit. The writers being old when they wrote it. She had a bit of a renaissance in 87 or so.

When I was like back to the beach, back to the beach. Yeah. Where people were like, oh, remember how cool Annette Funicello was? But I agree. Like kids. It's just so funny to put that on a kid's show. Yeah. Yeah. Although I big crush on Annette Funicello was, but I agree. Like kids for the most part didn't care. It's just so funny to put that on a kid's show. Yeah. Yeah. Although I had big crush on Annette Funicello. Beautiful woman. Just from those, she's gorgeous.

There's no way around it. She's gorgeous. She's absolutely stunning. One of those kids crushes though, where it's like, oh wow, she'd be a great girl. I wish you'd be my mommy. I want her to be my mommy. But in other ways too.

But then the 70s version came out and I had the record of it and I would listen to it all the time. What record did you hold? Most listens to this record. She's still... Two. I mean, I guess I would have thought she was older.

She's only 70. She's not with us. She's a real gilf. Oh, she died in 2013. Yeah, so she would be 70. It was a suicide. She was like, I don't want to look worse. Sorry, that did not make any sense what I just said.

Well, yeah, she of course wrestled with- Now she's a gilf. With MS, is that right? Well, she died in Bakersfield. Well, that's the worst part of her story. Well, she died in Bakersfield Have you been to Bakersfield? I have been to Bakersfield. What'd you do there? That was when Andy Richter and I were shooting the winners guide to winning series for eBay Oh, and at some point we were in Bakersfield interview, maybe an auctioneer

Wait it was you? I would love that. I didn't even get a chance to bid. He was just... And eight points and someone goes, sold for one1 million. And they go, whoa, OK. All right, jeez. And then we had, both Andy and I had that Buck Owens song in our heads the whole time we were there. Oh, which one? You don't know me, but you don't like me. You guys share a bed?

Yeah, of course. We still do. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Hey. Where does Janie sleep? You say good night to Janie. She goes off to her apartment. That's right.

Her apartment. Oh, right. Her apartment! Oh yeah, it's at my house. Andy comes over to your place. You tuck yourselves in. That's right. That's cute. But I don't know, nightcaps. It's so cute, Lauren.

You put your nightcaps on each other? Yes! If you can see it, it's very cute. It's nice to do that. We were going to do it on Instagram Live, and I was like, this is personal, we shouldn't. But I can't stop talking about it because it's so cute. That's nice to do that. We're going to do it on Instagram Live. And I was like, this is personal. We shouldn't. But I can't stop talking about it because it's so cute. Meanwhile, Janie's driving 45 minutes back to her apartment.

I told her to get a place closer. She wanted to go to Bakersfield. Yeah. You don't know me, but you don't like me. It's called the streets of Bakersfield. My friend was from Bakersfield. I've never been there. Who's from there?

My friend. Not my friend with the fives don't worry This is your imaginary friend. I guess I Hear right now who lives there and commutes for like jobs what it's too far. I know well he wants to move But he has a family and so it's kind of like More I have a family he has a family family and so it's kind of like more of a family he has a family everyone has family his family his relatives are near there too so it's like just everyone lives over there everyone should move this guy's gotta get his shit together look he's great and he will could be great I mean he has a shit together but

he wants to move here I did the I went to Bakersfield once in my life and I did the what do you kill there? What do you mean you did that there? Like where, you walked in the center of town? Yeah, but a literal soapbox. We did it as a, ding ding ding ding, in a presentation to like local high schools or whatever. They all filled it like a big auditorium and we did the-

Like to demonstrate what acting is. Yeah, this is, if you work really hard, you can act like this. What do you kill? No, why do you kill? Lot of tears, lot of tears in that. From West Side Story. It was a West Side Story Romeo and Juliet mashup.

Oh no. And it was actually really good where... Did Romeo and Juliet meet Tony and Maria? Yeah, they faked. Because they were like, we can't meet each other. This will disrupt the space time continuum. Tony and Juliet get together? Romeo and Maria?

But it was, they took scenes from Romeo and Juliet and underscored them with West Side Story music. And then it kept going back and forth from Tony and Maria to Romeo and Juliet, showing the parallels of the thing. Oh, shit. And it was very powerful. So moving. And it not a, you're saying that. Uh.

Ha ha ha. Clap. Clap. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Would not have been as powerful if it were Kiss Me Kate. Oh.

Ha ha ha. And Two Gentlemen of Verona, is that what it's based on? Taming of the Shrew. Oh, that's right. They're doing T timing of the shrew in the thing. I Once when I was 17, I want to see a high school musical 17 again mashup where Zac Efron's in both hell Yeah, shit. How dare he Zac Efron from Bob Odenkirk Fox pilot when he was 15 Wow. He's dating a waitress now I just learned really yeah from the musical He's dating a waitress now, I just learned. Really?

Yes. From the musical Waitress? From a restaurant. From the musical, I work at a restaurant. I wonder for all of the times that waitresses have been hit on by their customers, how many times does it work? Only with Zac Efron?

I bet it works a lot. Really? With Zac Efron. You know, in a place where, like I feel like LA. Lodi? I bet you a lot of people. Why do you keep saying Lodi? That's a reference for a shitty place. What, for who?

Up in central California, if you were- Oh really? If any, like you'd make fun of Lodi a lot, and then if anyone was like, oh, I was in a bad place, you'd go Lodi, and you'd get a huge laugh. Fuck. Oh. Well, I have no frame of reference.

Creedence Clearwater Revival much? Is Lodi where the prison is too? That's the other part of it. Anyway, go ahead. I don't have anything to say. I thought you were talking, oh no, we're talking about the waitress. Oh, I mean, I guess I think probably in LA, I would kind of assume in LA where you, there are attractive people on both ends of that deal, customers and waitresses,

that you get to people who get up. Not to get too far into restaurant roundup, but I think I remember a couple of times where like a fellow waitress would say like, oh, I'm going on a date with like this customer or whatever. And it always seemed like it was because Just to make you jealous? Well, yeah

Or because I had asked them out and they were telling me why they were busy I can't, I'm going to date with that guy Come here honey, smooth smooth smooth I had to play along. Oh I left my ring at home. But it always seemed, it did sort of always seem because we were right next to Studio City. On the Sunset Strip? It always seemed. I know the same thing even though that doesn't make any sense.

It always seemed to be like. Because our brains are so deformed from doing this podcast. Yeah. Why did we decide to do this show when our brains were going to be deformed? Why do we do this show where literally everything makes us think of 10 other things? Do you remember we were warned that this would deform our brains and we still did it? I think Josh told us. Nine out of 10 doctors told us that. Josh is nine out of 10 doctors. Josh is nine tenths of a doctor. It's in the Constitution. Oh my god. Brain deformity. What's the... Just like a rotten looking brain.

What's the the any relationship in the past where you're like, whoa, I can't believe that I pulled that off or like, oh, wow, if I had the bravery or to talk to that person or I can't like if this didn't go right, I would never would have met that person. Anything like that? Oh, yeah. I mean, oh, yeah, I think about stuff like that pretty often. I mean, it's like, I think it's like, remember I told you about that dream where I went back in time to like 2006?

Going back in time to 2006. And I was like, okay, this is great because I already know Janie, we're already together. So I just have to, from here on, you know, I can make different decisions. It make different decisions like this is a good place to make But I'm not gonna ruin my relationship. Yes, exactly. But what if you make great decisions and it does ruin your relationship? Well, I'm not gonna do that but why I'm just not going to do Right, okay OK, so.

Well, I mean, I guess you would have a chance to course correct at that point. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, if you made a decision that was different than the decision you made before, but then it started to negatively impact something else, I feel like you being the all-knowing person would that you have knowledge that

other people do not have. You know of the alternate universe that you've already lived. Right. So then you could it's like Groundhog Day. You could you could take care of people. Are you murdering yourself when you go back in time by the way and taking your own place? Going back in time. And would Jan would Janey notice no she doesn't notice anything here 15 years old bed like what you're gonna wake up when's Andy gonna wake him up and take off his nightcap I can't wait to leave my apartment what if you tried that you were like I'm gonna go back 15 years and see if she notices that I'm not the same. But if she wouldn't because what? No physically. How would she not notice? No no no it's not you don't I don't look the same as I do now and then I just go back. That's what I'm saying you look the same as you do now you go back murder your younger self take take your younger self's place. I would not do that. Would she notice?

I would not do that. Why would you want to do that? If my younger self saw me now, I would be the one murdered. My younger self would be like, I cannot allow this to happen. I like the idea though, of you like slitting your own throat.

You like that idea? And then like just sidling up to Janie and going, let's go home. And her going, who the fuck are you? What's wrong with Scott? Are you Paul's grandfather? I like the idea of you slitting your own throat, sidling up to Janie and saying, let's go home. It's the latest example of brain deformity brought by this podcast. It's not good. What's happening here?

Are those headphones really comfortable? No, they're not. Have we run out of things to talk about? They keep sliding back on my head and it's driving me fucking crazy. Mine aren't really hard. No, I've had these since we've been doing this. Since we've been doing this! Since we've been doing this!

I can't breathe for the first time! And your neighbor screams for you to turn off your music. Because they think I'm Kelly Clarkson. Yep. They turn off your great music. Hey! To tear off your bootleg of Kelly Clarkson singing a cappella. Perfectly.

Wait, is she really there? Turn it up. Well, that's my Red Hot Chili Pepper story. When we first moved in here, I was hanging out here in the pool and I kept hearing like someone playing a Red Hot Chili Pepper song over and over. And I was like, are they testing their speakers? Because parts of it would be turned up where you could hear the drums super loud. My favorite, by the way.

Parts of it would be turned down. And then two days later, it turned out the Red Hot Chili Peppers were playing in a backyard over there. That's really weird. And they were sound checking that day. That's very weird. Weird. That's not normal, you know. It's not normal to have the Red Hot Chili Peppers playing.

I hope you went to a doctor. I did. And they were like, you're insane. Doctor, doctor, I keep hearing the Red Hot Chili Peppers playing in the backyard next to me. But I am the Red Hot Chili Pe Yeah. And the doctor was a woman. All the hits. All the hits.

Oh my God, but Lauren, that's what I mean. I mean, you know, I know that you've had such limited romantic experience in your life. Yeah, I wish I could know what it was like. But. But if I never did Clipped, I never would have met Mike. That's true. And that's important to me.

Yes. Although we crossed paths like a thousand times in our lives without knowing it. Really, like where? Because he used to take theater classes as a child in my town of Evanston. Whoa. At the Piven Theater.

Wait, is he from there? He's from Chicago, he's from the South Side. Oh, okay. But the Piven Theater. Wait, is he from there? He's from Chicago. He's from the South Side. Oh, okay. But that, the Piven Theater is right next to like, places I've referenced on this show, such as Al's Deli, where I used to go get candy from the deli and the guy would get me shock tarts

and say I'm shocked. Does he sing? Mike? No, Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven. Wait, oh, I'd love to know more. I'm not sure. This is an old, old comedy banking reference. I don't know it, but-

From 10 years ago? 11? That's what Jack was a part of, yeah. Well, so Mike was around at that time, and so he also frequented a bunch of other locations that I often went to as a kid, but he was four years younger than me, but we probably were around the same places at the same time. He was. How old is he now? How many years younger? Same. Really? Same. Oh, he stayed the same. Yeah, he's four.

And then we both were on. We both did improv at I.O. And he was on a high school team when I was in college. He was on a team with some high schoolers and I was friends with some of them. And so I probably saw him, but you know, he also had like a growth spurt like later. Like I feel like I would just be like, he looked like a little kid, you know?

In the penis department. Hey. That difference is so strong when you're like college and high school. In the penis department. Which you know, for me- And he was in the penis department. Just to keep ignoring you, but-

Ignore. It's just interesting when I'm, how I think women think about this, where I'm saying, it was so weird to, I would never even look at a high schooler and wanna date them when I was a freshman in college. However, there's full on 40 plus year old men that we know who have, not know personally,

but we know of who dated women younger than that. Yeah. Right. It's that. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's disgusting. Look, I when you are looking at me when you know that you can screen capture Snapchat like when I'm 19 and a guy is 15, that's like really vast. When I'm 19, a guy is 15.

That is really bad. Anyway, Woody Allen is what I'm thinking of. But right. Well, can I ask you, do you think the Chicago of it all is something that you related to and that led to you guys liking each other? Or is that sort of like a bonus where it's like, oh, cool. And he also is from Chicago. It's both. I think when I first met him, so we had to like have,

they sort of wanted us to meet up as a cast before we started the pilot. Right. And we, I met up with him at La Puebao. Wait, separately you were all supposed to meet? Well, no, I was gonna meet a few people, but he and I got there first. We want you to pair off and have separate meetings.

Meeting groups of two. He and I got there first. We needed it to take a month. And there was going to be one other person joining us. I don't know why it was just that group that time, but we all met up at different times. I got there first and he joined me and we figured out all these connections that we were both from the same area and there were a lot more other little things like that. But I really thought he was like kind of a frat guy

or something. Like I totally had the wrong. Was it because he's in the Bruce Brothers? That came later. But I totally had the wrong impression of him. And I remember sitting there. Was it because of how he dressed or how he acted or what he drove?

I didn't see what he drove. Or a watch that he had on. No, I guess it was his clothes, which were, I don't really remember, probably like a button down and some jeans, you know, probably nothing. Right, he hasn't changed his style between then and now. Or have you tailored him a little bit? He probably dresses a little weirder now.

But he, at the time, I just don't really, I don't know if I even thought about it, but it was just like a vibe. And I think when he was talking about Chicago, it was like, oh, and my't know if I even thought about it, but it was just like a vibe. And I think when he was talking about Chicago, it was like, oh, and my dad went to the same high school that Mike went to. But there's like a lot of weird things like that.

Was he talking about the Super Bowl shuffle a lot or? I just had this feeling that he was like, there were all those like LA girls around me and I was like, oh, he'd rather be talking to them. Which is just so weird because it's so not true. Was it, and in retrospect, now that you've spoken, I presume you've spoken to him about this night. We've talked a little bit.

Would he rather have talked to you on that night? Yeah, he was so excited to talk to me because he already knew who I was from improv stuff. And so he- In babysitting. In my babysitting career. He already was excited to, like he was, he already like was excited to, like he was like thinking he will get along. Right.

But I just, just was. You were sort of stiff arming him. Yeah. Because he was like, oh this jock would much rather talk to the models. I was married but also I was, so I wasn't just trying to, he wasn't like flirting with me but I'm saying, there was just a feeling of like,

Oh, this meeting an actor. I'm like, Oh, he's an actor. You know, I didn't really get his whole background immediately. Plus someone who moves out to LA to be an actor, who's like good looking like him, you probably assume that, Oh, this dude just wants to like rip through models.

You meet a lot of people. I mean, that's me like whatever, but. RTN baby. You meet a lot of guys who are actors who are not fun. Yeah. Yeah. So I just didn't expect to be enjoying the time. And I figured he would rather be talking to someone else, but then he was great. And then we were joined by Matt Cook,

who's from the Groundlings, who's hilarious. And it was, we all got along so well. Do you know what's funny is that I liked Mike more when I first met him than I do now. It's been a slow decline, but a decline in the last. So it's like opposite. Yeah, oh, so that's interesting. Whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee whee Did you, what was your first impression of Coolop? I, okay, I met her at a Mr. Show taping

because- Why was she there? She was there because- Why was she there? How the hell did she get in? Long story that I'll- Sure as Paul's friend. I'll try to shorten, but I had been dating someone

who was in charge of a Christmas party that my roommate and I went to. Nakatomi Plaza? Yes. You were dating someone who was in charge of a Christmas party. Like put together an office company. I was dating someone who was in charge of a Christmas party. So I was invited to this Christmas party and I brought my roommate and then we were and and this

this is the kind of coincidence that you can't really replicate like if it didn't happen I don't know that I ever would have run into her but I'm at I'm at this Christmas party that my then girlfriend is is in charge of whose name was cool up yes and we're my roommate and I are at the bar and this woman just comes up to us at the bar and starts talking to us. And is pretty much flirting I guess, but we can't tell with whom or you know and I'm with someone so I'm like you know like have at it guys. Ties man. Yeah. And so my roommate.

Have at it guys good luck Wish I could join you my old ball and change the Christmas party organizing Mrs. Claus, okay Waggy hip Santa. That, what was it? Waggy-hipped whore or something? Wobbly. Wobbly-hipped slut.

By the way, should there be a gibbets of wobbly-hipped slut? No there should not be. Okay, good. All right, good. That's why I checked. We'd have to pay royalties to whoever wrote Carousel. Oh my God. Rogers and Hammerstein.

So anyway, so my roommate gets her number at the end of the night, talks to her for a while. A few months later, invites her to Mr. Show, which was taping, and she's like, can I bring my three roommates? And that's bold. Oh, thanks for the invitation. Can I bring three other people? But honestly, you need them at a taping. Yeah. Boring.

So and Coolop was one of those roommates. And... I for sure thought Coolop was the girl who came up to the bar. No, Coolop was one of the roommates, and so, and at that point, I was no longer with the Christmas party girl. And so I met Coolop at the taping and was like, oh, wow, she's cool. Uh, but... Coolop. Uh taping and was like, oh wow, she's cool. Coolop. Coolop.

And I figured out her name. Oh wow, she's Coolop. So then like she sort of became friends with us in a way. We went to go see Blade, I remember, just as friends, my roommate and Coolop. And I think, you know, who knows? And then a year later on her birthday. Who knows? A year later, for her birthday rather,

she called our apartment wanting to invite us both to her birthday party. And remember back in the days when like you were 18 and 19, you would get every single friend and every single acquaintance and go to a restaurant and not figure out how to split up the check and everything. Exactly, yes.

So, and I ended up talking to her for like two or three hours I think that night on the phone. And then I asked her out on the phone. You told her about Cafe Cordiality. Sure, I gave her a full restaurant roundup. Ha ha ha! And the deal was sealed. No, I remember we talked about prints and music and cause she's from Minnesota and all that

kind of stuff. And I asked her out on the, I didn't, I didn't, I'm not, I wasn't into the whole string along of like, let's go out as friends and then try to make a move. I just like was like, Hey, we should go out on a date. And so we, and it worked and it worked. And so we went out on a date and, and so just right off the bat, you thought she was cute and you were like, I thought she was cute. Oh, no, but it took a year because I still was like

the Christmas party girl was kept being on again and off again. And it was like every Christmas, every she would suddenly appear. She suddenly under my tree would come down by chimney. January, she was free. December 26, we would break up. I don't know what happened. No, but but a year later, I was totally unencumbered and asked her out.

Yeah. And Paul, yes, your turn. Well, I remember the story of you having a dinner party with your, when you brought Janie and everyone could tell that you loved Janie. Yes, yes, yes. I met Janie through mutual friends. I would not know my wife if I had not worked on the first 10 episodes of Real Time with Bill Maher.

Oh, what did you do? He was on it. I did a little segment in the middle of the show that no one, including myself, enjoyed. What was? I enjoyed it. Well, thank you. They do not exist anywhere, by the way.

Really? Yeah, they're like scrubbed. I looked for them one time. I want none of those scrubbed. I think a lot of things should just be scrubbed. There's too much shit. We don't need to have a record of everything. We're trying to search for one thing

and then all these other things pop up. No, thank you. Anytime you make a new show, delete a different show. Exactly. It's just like the Marie Kondo method, you know? Yes. It's bringing in only what sparks joy. Now, Paul used to do these really funny, like, topical,

like, he'd pick a subject and then do a Paul F. Tompkins style stand up, like weekend update essentially kind of riff on these topics. Yeah, kinda like a little package, you know, it would be just a little break from the smugness and then. Yeah, they're different smugness, whoops. Bop, bop, bop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop,

boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, My cell phone got connected to my computer somehow?

I guess. I guess. Now hear the word of the Lord. I don't know. Can they just automatically do that without your permission? Anyway, okay. So, don't you dare So I met so I became friendly with Bill Maher the well

Can you imagine your friend no my best friend We're more than friends He's the third in that bed I became friends with the bad you and Ian Bill Maher We're more than friends. He's the third in that bed. I became friends with the... That's a funny bed. You, Andy, and Bill Maher. Hilarious.

It should be a podcast. Please, both of you, put a pillow over my face. So I became friends with the guy who was the... There were two segments that ended up being dropped from the show. There was my segment, and then there was a sort of variety segment at the end where they would have a stand-up or a musician. He used to come to MBAR to the Comedy Death Race show to sort of scout things and I remember that's how Jerry Miner and Craig Robinson got on.

Yes. Because Bill Maher came to the actual MBAR to watch it. Interesting. So I became friends with the talent booker, this guy, Ken Crosby, and we felt like we were very much, you know, different than everybody else that worked there. Everybody, you know, everybody was fine, really. Everyone was nice. But these guys, the writing staff were people that had worked for Bill for years.

Like a lot of them were politically incorrect guys and everything. So we felt like there was a unit of these people and then there was us. And so we became fast friends. Then he introduced me to, you know, other people that he knew for this regular Sunday night gathering at the Cafe Des Artistes, which isn't there anymore. And one night... What a wonderful regular, it sounds so great. I wish we could do those. I loved it. I loved it. A weekly thing? Yes, it was an early evening Sunday thing. We get together like five and have a couple drinks.

And maybe if we, if we stay there long enough, we order food, you know, and it was great. It was great for a while. And then it just stopped happening. Yeah. Like everything. Like everything. Like eventually we will stop happening.

You know, sometimes I think about that and I cry. So, yeah. One night, Janey- I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die. So Janey came in one night as I was about getting ready to leave.

This is killing me to not sing. And I was- Janey came in and said- Why would you? Getting ready to leave killing me to not sing and I was Because I know I'm just saying I'm not doing it Hey, we agreed no apologies on this show on this show. That's right, we will never apologize to each other. No, no, no, no, no. We can't.

We can't. We'd be here all day. They'll uphold me. So she came in and I was struck by her instantly. So you didn't know her before? No. When I looked up Natalie Wood. Wait, what year is this?

2003. OK. Janie looks so much like Natalie Wood that I found it. Janie looks so much like Natalie Wood. I found it literally uncanny. I was staring at the picture for minutes. Natalie Wood that I found it. Janie looks so much like Natalie Wood. I found it literally uncanny. I was staring at the picture for minutes. We were all on a text chain,

and that was a big topic of discussion for one day, was, hey, look at how much Janie looks like Natalie Wood. Because I didn't really know what Natalie Wood looked like. I've heard about her, but anyways, so I can imagine. Oh, yeah. Janie walks in the room, it's like, golly shit. Yes.

She doesn't believe me, by the way, to this room, it's like, golly shit. Yes. She doesn't believe me, by the way, to this day. She's like, no you weren't. That you felt that way? Yeah. That you were struck by her beauty? I was struck by everything about her. Like right, instantly when I saw her.

Aw, so nice. But then when I was talking to her, I was like, she is really cool, I like her. You know, she's like one of those lit from within people, you know. Yeah. Cheers. How fucking lucky to have the person,

a celebrity that everyone tells you you look like be one of the most beautiful people. It's insane. Oh Jesus. Whereas I get, hey, you know that horse who used to be in the movie Gus? I remember that side. The place kicking mule.

Yeah, you look like him. Wait, there was a horse too? Yeah. It was Gus's friend from before he got into football. Sure, yeah. And then he just like lost track of all of his old barnyard friends and started hanging out with Dick Butkiss. Of course, too. It was Gus's friend from before he got into football. Sure, yeah. And then he just like lost track of all of his old barnyard friends and started hanging out with Dick Butkiss.

Oh, you're big friends with Tim Conway now. I see how it is. I do remember a random time where Mike and I crossed paths that he remembered and I didn't remember him. Whoa. Because he brought Mandy Moore, Ryan Adams, and Gary Shanling to ASCAT at UCB. The fuck? How does he know them?

He was on a pilot with Mandy Moore when he first moved to LA. Okay, that makes sense, but the other two? Ryan Adams was married to her. I didn't know that! And Gary Shanling was... He was the one who married them. Now why was Gary Shanling... During the filming of What Planet Are You From?

Gary wanted to go to a comedy show, and then Mike said he would take... It's not out of character for Gary Shanley to do something like that. Yeah, Mike said he would take him, and it was just, it happened, I don't remember. Yeah. But anyway, so I got to meet them after, and Mike was...

The only time I ever met him was after that, and I was like, to my girlfriend at the time, I'm like, introduce me, introduce me. Well well I got to meet them and Mike was standing with them and I didn't remember him at all because I'm at them sure yeah remember Mike and of course I bragged this story before I'm sure on freedom but then I was outside and Gary Shanley found me and told me a nice thing. Oh, nice. Gary family story. Yes, the same. No, it's decidedly different.

I was a nice ass, by the way. Just to be clear. Hey, a nice ass. Yeah, I saw I saw you up there and I just wanted to say nice. Oh, my God. I've been watching Larry Sanders for the first time. Oh, it's so good. Yeah, I was opening for Colin Sanders for the first time. Oh, it's so good.

I was opening for Colin Hay at the old Largo. Wow. Speaking of good, Colin Hay. Colin Hay is the greatest. His audience at that place was the worst. They only were there for him the end. They did not. Oh, they didn't like the whole vibe

of everything that goes on with it? Yes, I bombed at Largo so many times opening for musical acts. It was mortifying. It's not necessarily a good combination. No, but it wasn't like with Amy or Michael and all that kind of stuff. John Bryan. Yeah, all those people, everyone coming to those shows, there was such an inherent fluidity

between comedy and music. The people that would come to those shows would go to other Largo shows. But there were some acts that would only. You would end up going to Largo five nights a week sometimes. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. But there were some people, some acts that only. That's expensive.

They had their one, they had their audience that only came to see them and nothing else. But also, like for me to have been doing comedy for as long as I had been doing it at that point, to be as just successful in general as I have been at that point, and to habitually eat shit on my home stage. Well, but you can do something about it. So I'm opening for Colin, I'm doing poorly.

People are starting to like heckle me, which is, that's insane at Largo. That's crazy. That's mean. Yeah. Did Flannie or the bouncer go around and shushing them at all? No. So then, um.

They gotta protect they own. Somebody started talking to me from the crowd and then I'm talking to this guy and then I see a figure moving up towards the stage. I'm like, what the fuck is happening now? And it's Gary Shandling. Oh, no. He gets on stage to say, Hey, you guys, you're being, you're being unfair to him. He's very funny and you should be more respectful.

Well, I think that's nice, but it's also embarrassing. It was mortifying to have like somebody fucking, that was humiliating. And I know he was coming from a good place or whatever, but it's like, you don't do that. That's what? Weird. Well, it's not like he's a parent who came into Skold over there.

Yes, exactly. It's very funny. No, please listen. I had met him briefly doing Mr. Show promos back in the day. Would you have if he... I don't think he would not have remembered that. If you had said like,

hey, Gary, stay up here with me and do like, you know, the next five minutes with me. I would that have been fun or you know what I mean? Of like, Hey, if you're up here, stick around. Maybe I don't know, but it was like, in the, it was sort of, it's not possible too much to process. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's too much to process. I'm just saying like, then you were a standup and you had sort of a, and you were always at very in the moment, but you had a prescribed act. Like if it was, if it was during a live bang bang show and that happens like I would be like, hey hang out Let's see, you know Together Just get worse. Yeah

like it just feels like the pressures to then but then it would just like the silence of everyone like being shushed into Like well, then it's also it's like oh, we'd like to see this famous person, but all he did was come up and tell us we should like this guy we don't like and leave. Oh my gosh, that sounds brutal. It was surreal. But I appreciate him doing that though. I'm glad he did that to you.

I'm not quite there. I'm glad he embarrassed you. You'll get there. You should be mortified. I think I went straight home, like as soon as I got off stage. Oh my God, I would go cry. But what does Colin Hay in that situation do?

Because he likes you. He likes me, but I don't remember if he was in the room when this happened. He might have been upstairs warming up. That's what that's about. Colin Hay. Speaking of which, talk less, smile more. You're friends with him? Yeah, we're friends from Largo days.

Interesting. Yeah, yeah. There's a great comedy bang bang episode where Gillian, Paul, and I all sing backup with Colin Hay. Join us for a song. He had a videographer with him at the time and the video is up online and it's a beautiful song and Paul and I sound good. Gillian, you know. Oh, check it out. He's a great dude. Check it out.

I'm sure Paul will put it in the notes on 3dmush, instagram.com. That's right. Check that out. But while you're checking that out, check out these commercials cause we have to take a break. These are commercials. So Mother's Day gifts. Let's talk about them.

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Check it out. Welcome back everybody. It's still freedom. You haven't switched podcasts mid-pod. Oh you mustn't. I hope you didn't. You mustn't do that. Unless you switched from something to us.

Now I'm interested. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more.

Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. Tell me more. I'd love to do Grease. As the Cookie Monster. Ah! C is for Cookie. You really love musicals, don't you? I do. I wish I could do one. It'd be fun.

But I'm too old to do the good parts of any of them anymore. I remember when I was starting out, like, doing them. I stopped doing them at 23, right? But I remember I was always like, oh, I can't wait till I get old enough to do these good parts. And now you've aged out of those. Yeah. You just missed it. You missed the window.

There's that sweet spot of like 30 when you're a theater actor where you're like, okay, I don't look like a baby anymore. What about Emile DuBec? Who? Emile DuBec from South Pacific. Oh, yeah, no. Oh, my God, I can't wait to go to Broadway.

One dream in my heart. I miss theater. I'd like to see some theater. Yeah, I miss every... Was the last theater show that you guys saw the one that we saw together? No. Ooh. No, no, no, no, no.

What was the one we saw together? What month was that? We were on tour... That was September. No, that was the All Day Play. Yeah, the All Day Play. The Inheritance on tour. No, it was September. Oh, that was the all day play. Yeah, the all day play. The inheritance, yeah.

No, I've seen something since then. I saw Hadestown after that, I believe. Hadestown! Right, wasn't that after that? Welcome to Hadestown! I mean, not like you know my life, but I do. Yeah, you saw that since then. I know more than you think.

I saw Hadestown after that, I think. And I don't know what else, but, you know, it's just so fun to go watch people do something amazingly well. Yeah. The last play I saw was The Father starring Alfred Molina. Wait, but that's not not the movie. That's not the movie. The Father. Yes. Anthony Hopkins. Yeah. It's based on that. Based on that.

Whoa. I never even heard of that till I got the screener. Well, I had. It's based on that. It's based on that? Whoa! I never even heard of that till I got the screener. Well, I had. Did anyone talk about that? No, I didn't know it was- About you getting the screener? I didn't know it was a movie until I got the screener. But nobody talked about that movie. I feel like it never even made a splash.

No, I didn't even really know what it was until the Academy Awards were announced. Very interesting. I didn't think it was a great play. Well, I'm curious to watch the film and I have a few I want to watch. I want to watch Minari. Minari is great.

I love Minari. I keep wanting to watch it, but I'm like, I always think of it when I'm kind of tired. And I'm like, I want to be able to just enjoy myself and have a good night. No, it's great. You'll like it. It's very funny. Oh, no.

I mean, I'm excited to watch it. I'm saying I think of it when I'm tired. And then I'm like, No, no, no, you'll like it. No, no, no, no. It'll to watch it. I'm saying I think of it when I'm tired and then I'm like, yeah, you'll like it. You'll like it. No, no, no, no, it'll wake you up. It'll wake you up. Let me slap you right before.

No thanks. These headphones are making my ears hurt. I'm sorry. Okay, Kramer. No, Minari, I actually like Minari better than. These pedals are making me thirsty. I like Minari better than Nomadland and Nomadland's really good. I haven't watched that either. But I like Minari better than Nomadland and Nomadland's really good, but I like Minari so much. I'll remind you all, I only watch horrible things.

True to character. I've written down every Broadway show I've gone to, but I can't find the note. You write down every show? Yeah. Scott, this is something you do? Yes, I do it. He's looking for someone. He's looking do it. He's looking for someone. He's looking for someone.

He's looking for someone. Broadway writer. I just recorded an episode of Add to Cart. I'm the guest. And one thing I didn't bring up to Coolop is that if people like The Freedom and they're not listening to Add to Cart, they're missing out on some good Scott gossip. That's how I feel.

The Scott gossip. I've had to ask her to curtail that particular aspect. Oh, Mr. Private. I think it's hilarious. She got mad at me over an episode two weeks ago when I was complaining about her interrupting that television show. But I said, that came up because I do it all the time.

I brought it up. No, she heard it. Okay. And I said that came up because I do it all the time. I brought it up. No, she heard it. Okay. And I heard about it. The one episode she ever listened to, by the way. Oh, well, because I'm sure someone told her. Do you know what Janie does? Is she, she sees...

No, Janie does. No, come on. That doesn't mean... Dude. Dude. Stop saying dude. No, do I say that a lot? Of course it is.

Well, anytime I sing Janie... She looks at any... Oh. You look at Paul like, dude, he sucks. Okay, then I say that a lot? Of course it does. Well anytime I say Janie, she looks at any... You look at Paul like, dude, he sucks. Okay, then I'm gonna say... Dude, he sucks! Shut this motherfucker up. I dare you to try! I dare you to try!

She sees every, um... Not every drama, but everything that has any kind of, um... ......myster mysterious element to it. Where there's, you know, like if it's a crime thing, a mystery, something like that. She sees it as a challenge to guess what is going to happen. Oh yeah. And then constantly offer those guesses? Yes. Running guesses. And then she has to update it like, oh, okay, he didn't die, so this is what I think

is gonna happen. Right, yeah. See, when Mike tells me what he thinks is gonna happen, not necessarily a mystery, but like, just a show. Yes. Like, oh, they're gonna do this. And like, just based on the writing. Yes.

I'm like, oh my God, I did not think of that. And now I know. And then it does happen. And then I'm like, great. Because when I watch TV, I did not think of that. And now I know. And then it does happen. And then I'm like, great. Cause when I watch TV, I really try not to assume I know what's gonna happen. Even from a writing standpoint of like, just from paying more attention or being in things,

you start to understand it more and whatever. I don't wanna do that. Cause I like to just watch and be surprised. Well, sometimes though, like, cause Cool Up and I both write stuff. Sometimes it's nice to go like, oh, by the way, this is what we were talking about earlier. This is the writers doing this.

Yeah, I think it's a good way to learn stuff. But then I, and I get why it's fun. But then Mike's always like, what's wrong with like a, he thinks spoiler, my obsession with spoilers is a problem because he thinks that it should just be like, if you already know, then you can watch for how they got there. No.

And then I'm like, yeah, but I don't. Why would you watch anything then? He thinks it's fun. He appreciates the journey. I like to. You're like, I like the journey and the destination. Can I have both? I wanna not have any clue where anything is going

and I tend to not be very good at predicting things. One of the first movies that I saw with Cool Up was obviously Blade, we talked about that. But Sixth Sense, which by the way, these two movie choices, even though she said she was scared at stuff, you can't blame me for thinking that she's fine with scary stuff

when those are two of the first movies that we see together. Well, true point. So Sixth Sense. Anybody held onto that forever. I wouldn't have gotten in the Mexican devil mask. 20 years later and you say, you saw Sixth Sense.

But what about Sixth Sense? I guess she told me later, she's terrified out of her mind during Sixth Sense, but wanted to go because I wanted to go. Sixth Sense is scary. It's scary, it's scary. It's very scary, but at a certain point, I figured out the big twist.

And would you lean over and say it? No, no, I went, oh. It's very scary, but at a certain point I figured out the big twist and would you lean over and say no? no, I went oh and She looked at me like you know tell me what you think I was like oh no I'll tell you afterwards because that's polite yes He doesn't lean over and tell me at a movie like he doesn't gotta lean I bet He's already over on me because we watch movies on top of each other It's more like one word, like it's more things

that I am not even that invested in in his perspective that he'll just be like calling something out. And then I'm like, oh man. And he's like, what do you care? And I'm like, I guess I don't, but I guess I do. I don't know. You guys need to watch television separately. No.

I hate when he leaves. You guys need to watch television separately. Nooooooooo like that would be better for movement, wouldn't it? We love short shorts. I wish they were still super short. It's fun to watch them in the super short ones. I think it's a good look. They look like fucking athletes. Yeah, but okay, well they are really good athletes. If you were that good of an athlete and your legs looks awesome like that would you I can only imagine people are like

Why are you showing off 90% of my leg? Can I have some fucking dignity? You you want to show it off it was the style at the time and now they're wearing board shorts I know I wonder what it'll be next. Mid? I hope it's like- I bet they get even shorter. I think they should get even longer, like Kevin Smith. It's so- Shorts that come up to mid calf.

It's so funny how his style has been, stayed exactly the same while he has shrunk about 50%. Yeah. Well, he had all those custom things made. Is that what it is? All those hockey jerseys, I think. They're all custom.

And then they have- I think they are. Did they have them taken in? I don't know. I don't think so. I'm not sure. He's just wearing the big oversized jersey. Let's have Kevin be the fourth person on Fordham. Okay, that's it.

We finally found the one person that makes sense. Not Mary Collins. Sorry, Mary. You're no Kevin Smith. No. Should we do an episode where we have one more person or do the fabled episode where our three spouses? That we should do.

We should do that. Cool Ops finally listened to an episode apparently. Did not like what she heard. She's like, do you always play games? I was like, this is the first one you've ever heard. They're called features. Literally we do one every time. No big whoop.

Do we do that episode where we're over their shoulders going, you can do it, honey, come on. Ew. Or do we just walk away and let them do it? We walk away. No, we sit here and we go, shut up, don't say that. Wrong. Not true.

Cutting that. Cutting that. There's two sides to that story. What's the goss that you've heard about me on Add to Cart? Oh yeah, bring it. Well, I've already brought up the one about your CD collecting. And so it made, the reason I even thought of it is because you were just mentioning that you have a log of the shows you've been to.

That's a plane, not a helicopter. You have a desire to collect, log, store. Well, I'll tell you why I started doing the Broadway thing and that was recently because I was trying to think of a show that I had seen, and I was saying like, oh, it's like this show that I saw, but I can't remember anything about it. And so I was like, it's this thing, I think it's based on, like it's an updated

Raisin in the Sun or something. Like, I was like, what is it? A plum in the sun? Yeah. So a plum in the snow. A plum in the sun? Yeah. So, a plum in the snow. In the snow. And I couldn't... You guys think raisins come from plums?

No, I thought, no, it would be different. This would be an upgrade. It's bigger, better. Well, wait, plums turn into what? Plums turn into dates. Dates. And grapes turn into raisins. Plums turn into dates. Yeah, I think so no um um yeah

What what do prunes come from prunes? That's maybe Prunes are prunes. I'm prunes dates are just dates. They're never any I thought they were their own thing dates are just dates Yeah, they just come out like that. Yeah a Bacon wrap date is so fucking My god, I want any time that's on a platter. Yeah, I would eat 50 of it. Let me tell you something, you go to the Tamm O'Shanter, you get the Devil's on horseback.

What's that? It's bacon wrap dates with a little, I think, cream cheese in there. No, I don't think it's blue, I think it's cream cheese. We have to go back to the Tamm O'Shanter. Well, it might happen this year. It might happen this year. Hopefully we'll do it this year.

Anyway, I was gonna say, I was just trying to think of this show and I had to then, I remembered what theater it was. I was in. Of course. So I instead looked up the theater on Wikipedia and all of its notable productions until I finally found it. And I was like, you know what? Like with The Inheritance,

the fact that you guys could remember the title and I couldn't, that would drive me crazy. So instead I just have a list of like, you know, I really love that show. every one that I've been to. Shut down like unceremoniously. Well, it was up for Tony's, but yeah, it didn't have the long run that it should have. I thought that was weird. I'm glad we got to see it.

I guess I don't know how long a run you can do of a show that is that long. Oh really? Is it kind of expected for Tony? I don't know? I think you can do it, you know, for, I mean, standard Broadway contracts, I think, are 13 months. So I think that everything is usually aimed towards that. Can you imagine doing it? Because the show is six hours long. They don't do it all day, every time. Oh, sometimes they split it up.

Yes. So sometimes they'll only do, like, the A part that night. Right, right, right. And then they'll come back the next night and do the B part or they'll, you know, A part that night. Right, right, right. And then they'll come back the next night and do the B part or the, you know, like... Sometimes they mix them up, different order. We saw it on a weekend, I think, where there's a matinee, so we got to see both parts on the same day. With dinner between... With dinner at Sardi's. Oh, what a broad...

Guys, we have to go back to New York. We do. I'm sick of everything. Hey! Cool Up also, let me think of other things she's talked about at Yale. You probably heard it all though. I mean, like been told. Well, you've lived it.

No one ever hits me up to say like, oh Cool Up talked about you this year. Oh Cool Up talked about being horny for you. Oh Jesus. That seems more like Cool Up also. All right, I'm putting an end to this. Ha ha ha ha! She also talked about buying you underwear and buying herself matching underwear.

Oh yeah, yeah, that was nice. And on a day where we suddenly realize we're wearing the matching ones, that's a very special day. That's fun. I thought so. Well, it's from Me Undies, because they make matching sets for you and your partner if you're out there listening.

Can they sponsor us? Yes, Me Undies, please sponsor us. Please sponsor me. I'll do the ads. I want underwear for free. Oh man, the ultimate indignity, paying for underwear. It's mortifying. It's this thing that we all need, the government should pay for it.

You go up to the pharmacy, they have it in that glass case. The government should give you tampons and underwear for free. They actually should give you tampons. Unless they want shit everywhere. That one is real. Well it's also crazy how expensive they are. Not only should they be free, if they're not going to be free it should cost no more than toilet paper. Well yeah, it's the woman tax.

Yeah, it's fucked up. It really is. Makeup as well. Actually, there's a few places that I've, like salon type places I've been to where they- Makeup should be free! Where they have the no, there's no woman tax or whatever. Like there's like a sticker in the window.

What's that? I don't know enough about it to really speak on this, but I think that there's a- Can we talk about NFTs, non-fungible tokens? I just learned about those. That sounds so stupid. You buy digital art? Well, okay, let me liken it to this. This is what I thought Bitcoin was.

Well, it's related to Bitcoin where it's... The reason they're bad for the environment is that these computers... I didn't hear it was bad for the environment. Yes, NFTs are bad for the environment. And the reason is because in order to authenticate them, computers... You have to cut down 40 trees. To make computers no these computers have to constantly be solving these complex equations which takes up so much

processing power that takes up so much energy the energy to like make one Bitcoin can can power like a small town for five years or something like that. That's ridiculous. Yeah, so it's ridiculous. That's so stupid. But the NFTs are like basically it's a way, the good part about it is it's a way for digital artists. It's a way to know who dumb people are. Who's willing to pay for anything.

No it allows like the Mona Lisa, okay. A print? Hold on, but I'm likening it to a print. The Mona Lisa, okay. A print? Hold on, but I'm likening it to a print. The Mona Lisa. It's not a print. The Mona, no, but here's what I'm trying to say. The Mona Lisa, the original is where it is.

Everyone knows that. In the Louvre. But you can have- Scott was pretending to know. You can have- It's where it is, everyone knows. What a great, I love that cover. But you can have a print of it. Yeah. And invite people over

to your house and no one thinks that you have the real Mona Lisa and you're very cool. Like this dude's got the real Mona Lisa. Very cool. Cool. But that's what's cool. But that's what NFTs are to digital art is yes, anyone could make a gift for or a, you know, JPEG of someone's digital art and pass it around. The owner, or sometimes owners, because they split it up amongst people, of this digital art, they're the ones who have the original and they're the owners, you know? So it's like me saying like, oh, I own the Mona Lisa, I'm a fucking rich weirdo. You know what I mean?

That's what is good for rich, because because digital artists their work is devalued Because anybody can just print up a print go I own this thing So but this is like a a physical print that you would hang on the wall No, it just exists on a computer just can exist on a computer You could do whatever you want with it, but you are the certificate owner. It's like having- It's very weird to put that on your phone for a lot of money. It's having a certificate of authenticity for anything that anyone collects.

I think digital art is amazing, but I think that this is, just by the fact that it moves. But they're trying to say that- I think that you right there are kind of going, I'm not gonna sell this. They're trying to say that in the future, we're all going to have these digital wallets on our phone that anyone can check out at any time And it's like when you play a video game and you buy an outfit for your character

Like I want it on my wall, I'm not buying an outfit for some digital painting To buy one though you would buy Would you go to Saks Fifth Avenue and buy an outfit if you were about to buy a digital painting? Yes, of course I would. Of course I would. Would it match the painting? I would hope so. Well, then you understand what I'm talking about. If Saks has retained any shred of its former quality.

Lauren, you are slouching down, hearing me explain NFTs. Much like you're talking about reality TV. Hey, I'm interested in knowing about it. I'm just getting tired. I'm just trying to explain it to you, but. Hey, I think it's great. You don't have to apologize. Hey, I'm exhausted.

People are selling things like, hey, I'm selling you. Remember when I was in your town and I stage dived a band? I did a stage dive into the audience. You are the owner of that stage dive. No, no, I mean, I guess the thing that's so weird about it is like- People are doing tweets and all this kind of stuff. It just feels like to say, I own this.

It's all bragging. What it feels like to me is like having a Rolex that you keep in a safety deposit box you never wear. Exactly. Or it's like having action figures that you never take out of the box. Like it feels, even that makes more sense because you can see it. It's like having $100. Right, in your wallet.

Paul, are you okay? All in fives. Huh? Paul's not getting it. It's like having breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. Simultaneously. He thinks like the bare minimum of a- It's like having a roof.

Oh my God. And a floor. I want a non-fungible token. But I'm saying- For Christmas! I'm saying we need to start selling 3Dim NFTs. Oh, now I'm on board! Okay!

Why don't you see so? Why don't you see so? Why don't you quibi? Why don't you quibi one to me? Why don't you quibi one to me? See so? Why don't you quibi one to me? Why don't you quibi one to me? Why don't you quibi one to me? Why don't you quibi one toibi? Why don't you quibi one to me? Why don't you quibi one?

I can't believe quibi. Don't call me quibi see so. Wow. Wow. All right, we need to take a break. We'll be right back. Ah, Lauren, spring has sprung. Spring has truly sprung.

Wow, what does that mean to you? Well, I mean, for me, I like to get out there and I like to enjoy the weather. I like to sort of, you know, I like to be active. You know what I mean? Yeah. Get out in the sunshine. What, going for a run? Sometimes I like to run, but man, I'd love to... Oh my gosh, who's that? Oh my gosh. Oh no. Oh, it's me.

Hey guys. Oh, hi. I was reading a funny comic strip. Oh, that's how you laugh. Henry. Yeah, I remember Henry. He's bald, he doesn't have a mouth. Sure.

Anyway, we were talking about it being spring and the things we like to do to enjoy the weather. Oh, for me? What I love to do is I love to get on my electric e-bike and just zip around the town. Really? You know, I've heard they have an amazing variety of models built for riders of all abilities. And the fact that it's never been easier to fall in love with riding again.

Scott, everything you're saying is true. And what I'd like to do is tell you and you, Lauren, and I guess everyone listening since we are recording this sure go to electric bikes dot electric e bikes you forgot yeah the thing is is you have to go to electric e bikes dot com can I tell you what happened what happened in my mind yeah I was thinking electric and I was thinking okay I have to remind people that there's no e at the front and so say that caused me to completely skip all E's. It's a common mistake, but here's what the address is.

Electricebikes.com. And you'll discover e-bikes that start at just $799 with the XP Lite. And look, can I be honest with you? Yes, please. I want to share some feelings. Okay. Hope this isn't weird.

It's a safe space. I love my electric e-bike. Just owning it has made me so much more motivated to get out there and get some fresh air. I use it all the time. Well, they're a great way to get around, offering up to 150 miles on one charge through electric's unbeatable long range options. Go full throttle into spring with electric e-bikes,

the number one selling e-bikes in the nation. Get your adventure started at electric e-bikes in the nation. Get your adventure started at electricebikes.com and please mention the freedom sent you in the post-checkout survey. That's L-E-C-T-R-I-C ebikes.com. Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? Well, hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card. Well, with 24 seven U S based live customer service from discover, everyone has the option to talk to a real person anytime day or night. Yes, you heard that right. You can talk to a human on the discover customer service team anytime.

So the next time you have a question about your credit card, call 1-800-DISCOVERED to get the service you deserve. Limitations apply. See terms at discover.com slash credit card. Oh, guess what y'all? It's 3-Chill time. Oh, well, I guarantee. Well, well. What are you doing? Let's go stow them, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, has to live in the in New Orleans with this idiot on 90 Day Fiance. And it's so bad. Yeah. Reality.

Just a quick reality recap. We have a three true for you. This is called Drunken Sailor. It was submitted by Nicole Kezdi. This is to the tune of the sea shanty Drunken Sailor. Sea shanties had a big resurgence during quarantine. I did not watch a single video. I kind of did too, not out of any sense of.

No, I really just thought, I don't want to know. I just couldn't. Like the ones they sing to Aquaman in the Snyder Cut? Sea Shanties became a thing on TikTok with young people. And I honestly was like, I do not need more information. I don't understand what that means. I can't understand what that could possibly be. And I don't want to know.

I never clicked to find out if they were actual sea shanties or they were making shit up. I know, like right now I'm sort of curious, but. What about seaward shanties? Oh my God. All right, so to the tune of the sea shanty, Drunken Sailor, and we're gonna play that for you right now. Yeah, let's play the Drunken Sailor song.

Hopefully there's not an ad beforehand. Nope, there is VRBO. The most amazing game in King Kong. Yeah, the most amazing game in King Kong. Yeah, we went to this place, we went to that place. Our kid finally went into a pool. He'd never seen water before, even drinking it. He kept drinking the pool water and we kept telling him to stop, and he wouldn't listen.

What will we do with the drunken sailor? What will we do with the drunken sailor? What will we do with the drunken sailor early in the morning? Way, hey, up she rises, way, hey, up she rises, way, hey, up she rises early in the morning. Shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor, shave his belly with a rusty razor early in the morning. Way up she rises, way up she rises, way up she rises. So we sing way up she rises between them. It's the palate cleanser.

Okay. We'll put him in a long boat till he's sober, put him in a long boat till he's sober. Put him in a long boat till he's sober. Put him in a long boat till he's sober. Lie in the morning. All right, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, love it. That's so stressful. So that is the song, and the game is... So stressful. Everyone... What's that? That's what I just said.

Lauren, like, equates things to stressful. This is very funny to me. So stressful. Oh, hey, could you push 17, please? So stressful. So the game is everyone takes turns inserting what you would do with the drunken sailor. Examples from the song as we heard, shave his belly with a rusty razor and put him in a longboat until he's sober.

That's nasty. That's nasty. The game has a similar style too. Our old favorite, Hey, Fred Schneider. He might make an appearance in this one. Where the group sings the song together and repeats the chorus after someone comes up with their phrase. OK, let's do it. Yes, let's do it. Let's do it. Paul, you're starting.

OK, yeah. I'm not going to be good at this. Yeah, no you won't. So we'll do What Do You Do with a drunken sailor into way Hey, I'm sure and then the game is a foot and then hey up. She rises. Yes early in the morning Okay, five six seven eight one singular sensation Okay ready one two three Sailor what do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?

Way up she rises, way up she rises, way up she rises early in the morning. Scott. Oh, I thought you said we said you were starting. No, I started the song. What? I thought we said that you were. I thought literally you meant start the song. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, great. Lauren, you start. Okay, ready? Are you gonna go into your thing? Oh, what do you do with a drunken sailor?

What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? Early in the morning, way up she rises, way up she rises, way up she rises, early in the morning. Put his glasses in a washing machine, put his glasses in a washing machine, put his glasses in a washing machine,

early in the morning. Way, hey, up she rises, way, hey, up she rises, way, hey, up she rises, early in the morning. Cock him in the head and put him in me trunk, and put him in me trunk, and put him in me trunk, and put him in me trunk, early in the morning. Way, hey, up she rises, way, hey, up she rises, way, hey, up she rises, early in the morning. Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Erlai in the morning. Put his hand in a pan of warm water. Put his hand in a pan of warm water. Put his hand in a pan of warm water. Erlai in the morning. Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Erla early in the morning. Put a joint in the middle of his butt crack. Put a joint in the middle of his butt crack. Put a joint in the middle of his butt crack early in the morning.

Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Way up she rises early in the morning. Poor diarrhea all over his head. Poor diarrhea all over his head. Poor diarrhea all over his head. Early in the morning. Way up she rises, way up she rises, way up she rises, early in the morning. Quit the podcast because you're disgusted,

quit the podcast because you're disgusted, quit the podcast because you're disgusted, early in the morning. Way up she rises, way up she rises, way up she rises, early in the morning. Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Early in the morning. Could the podcast, because your brain is deformed. Could the podcast, because your brain is deformed. Could the podcast, because your brain is deformed. Early in the morning.

Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Way up she rises. Early in the morning. Could the podcast and jump in the pool. Could the podcast and jump in the pool. Quit the podcast and jump in the pool. Quit the podcast and jump in the pool. Quit the podcast and jump in the pool early in the morning. Way up she rises way up she rises way

up she rises early in the morning. That's not him. I thought he was gonna go in. That was, I really thought he was gonna go in. Me too, what the fuck? I really, that was a- I got so excited. That was a bait and switch.

I threw something else in the pool for the sound effect. Damn it, it was so- But I'm wearing clothes, I can't get wet. I thought it was gonna be the most funnest thing you ever did. I can't get my t-shirt and chinos wet. I can't get my crotch wet. I can't get me undies wet.

Those clothes are your top. I can't get me undies wet. Well, that to the top. I can't get me undies wet. Well, that was fun. Oh, that was fun. That was fun. Thank you all for listening. Thank you all for listening. Follow FreedomUSA on Twitter and Instagram.

And FreedomJibbits. Go buy them. And FreedomJibbits. You simply must. I really thought he was going to jump in. I did too. That was so fucking awesome. He had the urgency of someone who was going to jump in.

Not with my Crocs on. Oh my god. All right. Bye, guys. I did too! That was so fucking awesome. He had the urgency of someone who was going to jump in. That was so cool. I know, I put my crocs on. Oh my god. All right, bye guys. Bye. Bye. Think about a moment in your life that changed you, where one day you were yourself and then the next day, poof, you weren't.

I'm Stephanie Whittles-Wax, host of the show Last Day, and each week I sit down with a new guest to explore happy sad stories of transformation. Some last days are hopeful, some are tragic, but on the other side of every last day is a fresh start. Come laugh cry with us. Listen to Last Day wherever you get your podcasts. Join us on Archetypes, a dynamic podcast hosted by Megan, the Duchess of Sussex, as she digs into the labels that try to hold women back. In each intimate and candid conversation, Megan is joined by guests like Serena Williams, Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Issa Rae, and Trevor Noah as they delve into the roots of

countless common descriptors of women, like diva, crazy, dumb blonde, and the B word, and redefine and reclaim each identity along the way. The complete season of Archetypes is out now wherever you get your podcasts.