Threedom - Threevisiting: Belly Washer

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss fax machines and Scott's Restaurant Roundup, before playing Rhyme Time. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Um. Um. Uh. Three uhs? What if you said um that loud when you were trying to think of something? Um! Um! Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Three uh. What if you said um that loud when you were trying to think of something? Um. What if that was your curse and you had to because a witch made you? Um. You couldn't do anything about it and you couldn't tell people that you were cursed by a witch. No.

You never can. Have you guys run into any witches? A gentleman doesn't. What did you ask Scott? Have you run into any witches in all of your travels? Yeah. You haven't? And broomsticks, of course.

Have they cursed you or is that like a chore for them? Is that like work? Scott, don't be naive. They curse when they have to. Yeah, if you do what you love, you'd never a day in your life and they love cursing people. Welcome to Freedom and Point of Order, we should mention we are not in the backyard. All I want to do is zoom zoom zoom zoom in the boom boom. We're over Zoom due to weather concerns.

Just shake your rump. And also, one thing we should mention about last week's episode that was done in the backyard is that many of you have asked us why there was music playing during the last, I don't know, 20 minutes of it. That is because my neighbor, it was a weekend and my neighbor was out by the pool and just started blasting music. And I am Scott's neighbor, full disclosure. That's right, yes, Paul and I live next door to each other. You just immediately went to your pool. I went from Scott's yard to my yard, turned my music up as loud as possible, then came back to do the show. So there's like a little pause in there where you can't hear Paul and that's what he was doing that entire time.

Scott, do you blast your music that loud? Yeah, probably. Yeah, no one cared. Like, no, usually no one cares. But the other thing I wanted to say is that when we sent the episode to our producer Josh, who's now on his Zoom with us, he's usually not in the backyard with us. He's secretly spying on us. He told us, he told us no one would hear it and it wouldn't be a problem. And then every comment was like, I'm really distracted because I'm literally singing along to CEO while they play the game. Oh, Josh is on camera. Now Josh suddenly comes on camera and wants to talk. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, or the news, if you hear music in the background of something.

If you hear music on the news, it's fine. Yeah. So you're telling me- They're just reporting on SIA. That I could go and stand behind a news reporter and blast my recording of a song. Yes. And then they would be like, it's in. Yeah. I think, actually, weirdly enough, I think that is, that has happened

with Saturday Night Live is they have that, that particular license where they can play songs much like the news does. And that has- So do they just like pretend that the musical guest is someone that just wandered in? You're saying much like the news does is if this is a common practice

that the news does on purpose. A football game, yeah. No, they have a special license. You know how during a football game. No, I'm going to just play a little bit of celebration by cooling the gang under this next report. Well, during a football game, when cheerleaders are dancing.

Oh, go on. Your favorite part. Oh, so Paul's interested. All it takes is cheerleaders. Honestly, when the cheerleaders come out, that's when my dick gets hard. The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders come out, Paul. America's team and America's cheerleaders.

Remember when the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders were a big thing? They would be on the love boat and, Lauren, take a breather. Lauren, Lauren, they really, this. Lauren, they really... This was... I'm out. They really were. They were treated like a single celebrity.

Right. They like, guessed it on a bunch of shows, but other teams had cheerleaders, right? Yeah, but... They guessed it on the love boat? Yeah. The Dallas subway cheerleaders were... GoFundMe was all excited. Were I guess...

I guess America just all decided they were the hottest cheerleaders or something. And they had a good PR person or something like that. But they were the most famous cheerleaders in the world. At the time, they were the only ones with matching outfits of the other cheerleaders. They just brought their clothes from home. They were like Grateful Dead t-shirts.

I believed you for a second. I feel like cheerleaders, you know, you find out that they get paid like 30 bucks a game or something. And it's just like, what are we doing? They all became famous. Well, that team became famous. She was for the LA Rams. Was it? I thought she was a Laker girl. Yeah, that's pretty crazy What? Was Paul Abdul that whole time? Paul Abdul the end. She was Paul Abdul the whole time

So she took off her mask of Laker girl Revealed it was Paul Abdul the whole time She was like just a cheerleader and everyone was like we're all cheerleaders And then she was like I actually have a lot more skills and I'll be really famous. And then they all didn't believe it. And then- I can also barely sing. So get ready for that.

Well, now she's on the mass dancer, isn't she? Who are the cheerleaders who have become famous? I think Tony Basil. Tony Basil. And Paula Abdul. And is that it? Also the woman who sings, hey Mickey, you're so fine. Yeah, she was a choreographer.

And that's why her video is just a cheer video. That's exactly right. Right. So she was a choreographer who did like talking heads videos and stuff like that. And then she spun it off much like she was the proto Paula Abdul. She was Paula before Paula was a thing. PPA. I think Dr. Joe Biden?

She was the cheerleader who became famous. Did you guys like her Valentine's Day decorations? Oh no. No, what were they like? They were sweet. Well, first of all, I thought they were, I thought they were photoshopped when I first saw it. I didn't understand what I was looking at.

She put big hearts on the like various sizes and pinks and reds on the White House lawn. Big, large, small? Yeah. And they said like- The three sizes big, large and small. They said like peace, hope, love. No mediums. Where were they?

On the White House? Yeah. The White House lawn, yeah. For Valentine's Day. Why not just put a giant heart over the White House? Yeah, you're right. Scott, you're right. But no, but it's like, Paul, you didn't like it.

It was so... Isn't it a place of, it's a workplace, why would you have... Isn't it a place of worship? I feel like it was corny. Yeah. And I mean, um, I feel like, yeah, it's okay for old people to be corny. You know what I mean? But when I saw the picture, it looked bad. It didn't look good.

And I think what it was, was that the hearts had no dimension to them. So they looked, no dimension. They were just very... No dimension. They looked like little cartoons. It was weird. And then, but what I liked about it... You thought they should have been realistic hearts with the ventricles and that? They should have had some sort of depth to the paint on them or something, but they looked

like they were just clip art or something. It looked very homemade. Wow. But I thought, this is really sweet and we need this. Can you I mean I get I get I totally get that feeling of like a little corniness is welcome. Yeah. Right. It's you know I don't know. But it also seems like such a putting a bandaid on a gunshot. Well of course because it's like hope. Well what else are she supposed to do, Paul?

I don't know. But she also was seen at the bakery on her Instagram getting sweets for her and Joe for the Valentine's Day celebration. I hope she got him an ice cream cookie. He loves ice cream. He does love licking last cones. I think anyone celebrating Valentine's Day

with a celebration, you know, I mean, it's like you're not in, you're not in fifth grade anymore. Oh, wow. Oh my god. Shots fired. But don't you usually go out to dinner? Well sure, but that's, that's like a thing that you do with your loved one. It's not a thing where you decorate your house, you know, and go, Hey everyone, we're celebrating

Valentine's Day together. Hey, you know, and go, hey everyone, we're celebrating Valentine's Day together. Hey, you know what? I like, first of all, I didn't decorate for Valentine's Day, but it's not beneath me. I would happily do it. Valentine's tree, sure. I actually have Starbucks getting a Valentine's tree because I have my Halloween tree now

and I have two Christmas trees. And one of my Christmas trees is pink. And I thought, well, I could put it in the front window and put hearts all over it and make it a Valentine's tree. Of course I didn't do that, but maybe I will next year. Of course, I didn't do that. Of course I didn't. That would be insane.

But I will next year when I've legitimately gone mad. What if you put it up February 15th? Yeah, and I'm just like, what of it? Come at me. Come at me. It's a Christmas tree anyway. No rules. You don't even know this is a Christmas tree, idiot. You fucking idiots.

Scott, do you, you don't give the cool up little, the hearts and things? Oh yeah, maybe, I don't know. Flowers are coming. We're taping this right before Valentine's Day, but it'll come out right after. So that is what that is though. You're getting her flowers, you would go to dinner.

No, but I'm saying it's not, like, if you were to go to work, I'm saying this is a workplace. If you were to go to work and your boss had decorated everything with like pink hearts everywhere and hearts. Yellow moons. Free clovers. Green clovers, yes. And they were hanging from the ceiling

from strings and stuff like that. You'd sort of be like, okay, I'm trying to work here, right? Like I'm not in love with any of you people at work. Pfft. Pfft. I? I?

What if your boss was like, I'm in love with all of you. I want to start. a quadruple. Be my Valentine's. I actually think I like that, but I'm I'm a dork. I don't know. I think it's like cute. Well, the White House is not just a place of business. They do live there and they put these out on the lawn for the public.

Yeah, but celebrated in the residence. It's not like the Secret Service is like thrashing through a mobile. Why is this here? This is a good plot for a movie. This is a good plot for a movie. Like a, what is it this fall in? Garbing test, first kid. Gerard Butler movie, what's fallen?

Oh, Olympus is fallen. Olympus, yes. So for the fourth one or whatever they're up to now, suddenly the Secret Service can't get to the president because of all the Valentine's Day decorations. I could not believe how many of those movies they had made. Yeah, there's like at least three It happened to the White House it happened to 10 Downing Street, right or was it the oh, yeah Yeah, Palace and then it happened on a boat the Royal Boat The president the premier's boat of Canada.

Do you know what we're talking about Lauren? You look like you mentally are checking out. Yeah, no, I don't know what's going on. Do you know those Gerard Butler movies? Nevermind. Do you know who Gerard Butler is? Yes, I do. Okay.

Everyone knows who Gerard Butler is. Yes, I do know who Gerard Butler is. Is he in, first of all, I do know who he is, but is he in that movie with Hold on cuz I'm mixing up a bunch of people Okay, it's called Well that part I don't know but there's It's a movie where, P.S. I love you.

And it's Hillary Swank and her husband dies. I think it's spelled P-I-S-S, I love you. Piss, I love you. Scott. Hillary Swank's husband dies and then she gets all these letters from him. Chadlow. And she has to figure out and she has to come into my

restaurant and not watch that movie. What, which one? Cafe Cordiale? No, who cares? Who cares? Me, Marie Callenders? No, me, Marie Callender. I do want a list of my restaurants.

Yes. And girlfriends. Okay. Started. No, started at, uh, started at, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Whittier, Whittier, Marie calendars, Whittier, Marie calendars work there for a year. Uh, moved on to, where did I go? Po folks, po folks.

Oh no. Yes. Right across the street from Medieval Times. Medieval Times. Adjacent to the Hollywood Wax Museum. Medieval Times is so dependent on you not being able to see the food. Is it dark?

I've only been there once. Is it dark? Did you go to the pirate restaurant with us that's over by Medieval Times? No. No, okay. That was, I think, Paul Rust and Neal Campbell and Mike Cassidy and all those people.

I've never been to either. Let me tell you a story about that pirate restaurant. It's a secondhand story from my girlfriend, Nicole Parker. Who's a bit of a pirate? She stole my heart. I mean. Wow. She was on, you know, she was on MAD TV

and they organized an outing, the cast organized an outing to go to this pirate restaurant and they were all going to get in like a van together. You know, they rented some, you know, whatever. We bought a van. Down by the river. We bought a van at Devil's. And the last person to arrive at the van to go to the restaurant was Ike Barinholtz,

who showed up- I'm laughing already. He's funny. ... who showed up in a full airline pilot's uniform, like dragging a little suitcase, like roller suitcase, solely so that he could get to the door of the bus that everybody was waiting for him and say, oh, pirate. Wow. Great.

Yeah, yeah. That's fun. Yeah, that's fun. That was the reaction of everyone on the bus. Did he make the costume department do that for him or did he rent it on its own? I think he rented it on its own. Okay, so that's okay.

So giving the costume department more work to do, that's probably not the right move, especially if they're not invited to this pirate restaurant. Yeah, if you have like the set department, build your house, you can't do that. That's not a bad. Hey, since you're building stuff anyway, you might

Optical they only do it with three walls Flats it's just the inside of the house looks good Looks good when you're in it. Okay, so you then what what happened after that? Oh, okay Well po folks all three calendars folks, the back of PO folks, sorry, Murray calendars, Whittier. If you don't end up at another Murray calendar, I'm going to be mad. Well, this was very important to Matt Gorley. So I'm Lauren L even though there's no other Laurens, PO folks, the back of PO folks was a giant sort of catering place called California Catering. So I worked for both of those simultaneously.

Two jobs at once. Then I went to... Hold on a second. Beth and Beyond? So the front of Pofolks was Pofolks. The back of Pofolks was California Catering. So did they have two separate storefronts? Like if you went around to the back of Pofolks,

would it be like you were walking into a different restaurant? Yeah, so Pofolks is... Oh, segregated. If you've never... Brave of you to admit that. If you've never been to a Pofolks, I don't even know if there's still any around, but it's... Not only never been to, never heard of.

Yeah, I never heard of it. It's a Southern themed restaurant that leans heavily into the Southern part of it to where we had to approach every table and ask them if they wanted a belly washer instead of a drink. Nasty. Yeah. I've never heard that in my fucking life. Well, you're from Philadelphia.

Yeah, but I have my wife. You live next door to the Rocky statue. What's that, are you from the South? I'm from Philly Delphia. Philly Delphia, right. And if you don't like it, come to my office. Right. I just saw a tweet that references that,

and yet I still don't know what's going on. It just happened maybe an hour ago. But- Belly washers? Yeah, belly washers. You had to say howdy. It's like from Deadwood or some shit. Howdy. This is in Southern. This is like cowboy stuff.

Yeah. It was, you had to, every table you had to say howdy and can I get you a belly washer? Are you really or are you tooting? And if you didn't, and we, we would constantly be sort of like scanning the room to see if a manager was around. And if they weren't, you'd say, Hey, can I get you something to drink? Um, but they also had a train. Acrebat, get in here! I think I was reprimanded for not saying belly washer at one point. They also had secret shoppers. I want to reprimand you for saying it now. Okay, go ahead. Make this an HR problem. But they had an electric train going around

the entire restaurant. It's a giant place. It was- Yeah, like the South would have. Yeah. But it was giant because it was one of those tourists, you know, medieval times kind of tourist places next to the wax museum and all that,

where they were just expecting a giant amount of people in every day. And usually they got it. It's closed now, so I guess. To be fair. But so it was a giant restaurant with all this Southern kitch all over the walls, you know. Stop signs.

Yeah, no, there were, there were signs everywhere. It was just- But how is it Southern? This sounds so half-assed, it's making me mad. Yeah. They sold fried okra and hush puppies and all this kind of Southern. So, but in the back, they have this like beautiful

tree lines, outdoor place where they would host, you'd host weddings and parties uh, parties of any sort. Maybe you would. But they, they would use the same kitchen from Pohfolks. So that was a sort of a separate business that was owned by the same people, but where you, like I had to dress up in, you know, not a tuxedo, but, uh, uh, you know, the, the party down. Tuxedo don't? More of a tuxedo don't.

But you know, the party down, like bow tie and white shirt and all that kind of stuff. Right. So party gown at first, party gowns, party gowns on who wants a belly washer and ride on the train. But they use the same kitchen. So you would essentially get like a little more upscale versions or the, or the po folks menu that was the best stuff, you know. Same food, but make it better.

So after that, then I went to college and the, and I worked at Baker square in college. I forgot what we were talking about. Yeah. I forgot what we were talking about. Yeah. And Baker's Square, as opposed to Marie Callender's, where they let us take home full pies and cakes and whatever they had left over. Marie Callender's, yes. Baker's Square was the first restaurant I'd ever worked at where they made you throw away all the food.

Right. And they put the dumpster lock on, right? Dumpster locks, yeah. That's so disgusting. They say because if any homeless person were to eat any of the food and get sick, they would be able to sue them for millions of dollars. Exactly, which is what homeless people are dying to do all the time.

That's insane. What city was Baker Square in? That was in Santa Maria, California. So it's Baker Square Santa Maria? Yes. Baker Square Santa Maria. I don't think I've ever heard of Santa Maria, California. Where is that? Central California over by...

By the way, I should say on last week's episode, I saw indecent proposal at the Azusa Six. It was at the Arroyo Grande Six. Thank you for the... Can you get a lot of comments? I lived in Azusa six, it was at the Arroyo Grande six. So I went to correct myself. Can you get a lot of comments? Freedom regrets the error. I lived in Azusa later. Arroyo Grande is by Santa Maria. It's by Pismo Beach.

Oh, now we're to see? As a Bugs Bunny fan, I know exactly where that is. By the way, next to Pismo Beach is this town called Guadalupe. And my teacher, and it's just the shittiest town, right? And it's, it's so just boring and gross and, and you would never go into Guadalupe whenever you lived in Santa Maria. But my teacher once at a different college down here. You do not go into Guadalupe. It's just crazy that you can just like fuck up a whole town

and it just sucks. That town sucks. There's nothing to do there. There's nothing that you would look for. There's just no restaurants and stuff. But anyway, Mike, I remember my teacher down here in Orange County once like picked it on a map because it sounded beautiful and went there.

And I was like, why did you go there? He's like, it sounds gorgeous, Guadalupe. Just the name. Maybe he just had a crush on someone named Guadalupe. He was like, it sounds gorgeous. Maybe she's there. So yeah, Baker Square, I worked there. And I also worked at Dean Witter with Bill Murray's brother

simultaneously. What? Dean Witter? Dean Witter, which is an investment firm. Restaurants only. What, Dean Witter? Dean Witter, which is an investment firm. Restaurants only. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't wanna hear about your life as a corporate shill. With Bill Murray's brother, you don't wanna hear about?

Was it Joel? It was not, no. Joel is the actor. Was it the one that was in license to drive? No, no, no, he's not. Joel being an actor does not mean he couldn't have worked at Dean Witter. No, true, true. Joel being an actor is not, does not mean he couldn't have worked at Dean Witter.

No, true, true, but this one was like one of the top people at Dean Witter. So like he, that was his career, essentially. He does come from a family of like 11 kids or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And only half of them are actors. Right.

And so I would constantly be looking at him for Bill Murray signs of like, oh, he's acting like Bill Murray now. Like his laugh or his smile. And you'd kind of go, oh, he said that like Bill Murray. But that was where I learned how to fax something. And so I was able to put that on my resume. We're getting far afield.

Next restaurant. I learned how to fax as a kid because my dad had a fax machine and I would fax my aunt at her work at the court. She worked at actually she worked at the mayor's office in Indiana at that point and I would send her faxes and then she would send me really legit faxes from the mayor's office and they were really funny and I have them all still. What do you mean? What?

Why? Well, mine were a child writing messages and then I would send it to her and then she would write back with the mayor's letterhead and then it would be like Something about the front message from the mayor and then a message from her It is illegal to eat your vegetables, yeah new ordinance, yeah, I It is illegal to eat your vegetables. Yeah, what do you think about that? New ordinance. I had a fax machine in the, I want to say in like the late nineties, like faxing was a thing that would happen sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to fax like your sides. You get something auditions. They would fax you sides. You would have to do your picture and resume sometimes. Yeah, some people were. You have to fax like your sides. Like you can get something out of your system. Yeah, your side. They would fax you sides. You would have to do your picture and resume sometimes. Yeah, some people were only reachable by fax. It was such a stupid, short-lived thing that people placed great importance on.

The idea of someone having their fax machine and then like one end is a person who's like sending their headshot through and then the other end is the person getting it and they're like, oh, it just sucks. Did you just describe the process of a fax? That is what a fax was. I'm going to send you this, okay? Great.

Oh, it sucks. It comes through all shitty quality and you're like, that's what he looks like. Oh, my mom used to send me faxes from her job. When I lived out here, she would send like a big font, you know, nice message to me. It was very sweet. That's cute.

We also, by the way, Lauren lived through beepers, which my roommate had a beeper. I did have a beeper. Oh, you had a beeper. I did have a beeper. Oh, you had a beeper? I had a beeper in high school when some people had cell phones, but I had a pager that you would, I might've told this story before, but you could-

I was a doctor. Yeah, so I was a doctor and I was always working and I'd have to go to work. Um, it was like, so you could call and you would leave a message with an operator and then the operator would type out the message to me on my beeper. So it had like a little text on it, but it was always wrong and it always made no sense. Like I don't know if it was an automated thing that was typing it or if the person just kind

of typed whatever they heard and they didn't try to make it make sense, but it always made no sense. And then you have to figure out who it was from and then try to call him back. And I really loved it though. I thought it was really cool. And it was maroon clear. Hmm. Adam Levine, if he were a Scientologist.

All right, I'll see you guys later. My roommate had one and he was always pulling the car over so he could find a pay phone to call the person. It's just like, is it ever that important? I don't know. Oh my God. Wait, was that the restaurant roundup? No, no, I have way more.

Okay, so then- Way more. Yeah. So then Olive Garden in Cypress, California. Of course. That's the one that I didn't have a car. So I had to figure out the bus schedule and take two different buses.

I would have to take a, I would have to walk to the bus station about maybe a quarter of a mile, take a bus to beach Boulevard, then wait around for another bus. And the worst is when your first bus arrives and you see the second bus leaving. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

From the second, and you're always like running after them and they won't stop. Well, that reminds me of a story. Hey! My friend Laura Willcox and I used to do, well, we still do two person improv together. Labcox. Yes, and a long time ago,

we were going to an all female comedy festival in Austin, Texas. And I think this was probably 2010 or something. And we were really broke. And so we shared a hotel room and we bought like peanut butter and bread and we were basically eating like just whatever from our hotel, we would never go out to eat. But I did have a $25 gift card to Applebee's that was given to me at some point. And so we were like, okay, we're going to find an Applebee's. This will be the tree after a really good show. We're going to go to Applebee's and we took multiple buses. It was so far away. We took like a buzz. I mean, it was really fun. Like we have the

agree. It was a hilarious time, but it was just kind of funny. We took a bus really far and then we walked along a highway for a long time, like in grass, like because it didn't go there. And it was like just in the middle of nowhere. And then we had like a shitty meal. And, you know, of course, still had to pay ten dollars on top of it or whatever. We're like annoyed by that. And then took the bus all the way back.

And it was just a time. I used to do the the comedy club in Austin, Cap City, which I closed down and I guess is reopening. But they used to put you up at this terrible hotel. And the reason they put you up at the hotel was it was close to the comedy club, which is where you spend the least amount of time while you're there. You're at the comedy club for 90 minutes, and then the rest of the time you're just in the middle of nowhere. And I remember how hard it was to get around without a car.

You would often be, if you were walking to anything, it would be grass by the side of the highway, just to go get lunch or something at a Denny's. Well, that seems like an Austin specific memory, because there's quite a few South by Southwest walking along the highway. Yeah. Is that just in Austin? That's how you have to get everywhere.

I don't know. I think it's just because it's so spread out, I guess. And like there's concentrated areas where stuff is going on. But if you're not one of those areas, you're just fucked. This hotel, it was a best western that I guess at some point they they busted a prostitution ring that was happening there. I was in a room at the time I smoked. And the tits were in my face.

I got busted. Did you say destroyed my face? No, I said her tits were in my face. That's what you want when you hire a prostitute. Destroyed my face. Put your tits in my face. Then it became a prostitute. You destroyed my face. Put your tits in my face. Then I became a super villain.

I smoked at the time, and so I was in a smoking room, and the guy who was in there, one time, the guy that was in there the week before me was a cigar smoker. And the stench of cigars, it was so unbearable. And there was like burns in the bedding. Like in the comforter there would be cigarette and cigar burns. It's hard to believe that smoking hotels were a thing. Man, I smoked on a plane. It's wild. I heard about snakes on a plane once.

What did you hear about it? On a Monday to Friday plane? Monday to Friday.? Yeah. Monday to Friday. I get it. I get it. Very clever, very good. Gotcha. So do you ever miss smoking a lot?

Never, do I ever miss smoking a lot? Do you miss smoking a lot or a little? I never miss it. I never miss it. Once I was done, I was done. And sometimes I have anxiety dreams where I'm smoking. And I won't realize I'm smoking until after I've started smoking.

And then I'm like, oh no, what am I doing? Oh no, my streak. Yeah, I feel like real shame about it in the dream. I would imagine if you're in the program that you would have stress dreams about drinking as well. Yeah. I think there's anything like that where you're trying not to do something or something has changed in your life

and you have a nightmare about it being how it used to be or something. I still am dreaming about this particular house, by the way, calling back an earlier episode. I've had several dreams about the... Since then? The we talked about it? The house you made up, right? Yeah, well, there's three different houses

that I dream about all the time, and I've made them all up. It's so crazy. It's so fucking weird. You need to go get help. Ha ha ha! Well, why don't you help me? I don't know how.

I dream of my childhood home a lot. I want to ask you a question. That book about not smoking... Yes. a lot. Yeah. I want to ask you a question. That book about not smoking. Yes. I'm so, I'm like, honestly, I almost want to read it. I don't smoke, but I'm like, what does it fucking say

that works so well? I'll tell you, I'll tell you what it is, is that it's, it's very, it uses almost hypnosis techniques in a way. It's very repetitive, but what it really did for me was, early on, like early on in the book, it got me to admit, it gets you to admit- That you don't enjoy it. That you don't enjoy it.

Yeah, that's really what it comes down to, it's like, you don't like this. That you don't enjoy it. Yeah, that's really what it comes down to. It's like, you don't like this. Didn't you say that it says, it says don't stop smoking until the end of the book, but you read the first chapter and were like, I just don't want to do this anymore. No, no, no. I did stop smoking before I finished the book,

but they do tell you don't try to stop smoking and read the book. Still smoke while you read the book. And then gradually the urge fades away. It's remarkable. I've recommended it to somebody. Before people asked me, it is called The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Alan Carr. And I've recommended it to so many people and it works like a charm for most people. I gotta say. And I, and for me, I, I had it on my coffee table for a year before I read it. And then once I did, I was like, that was it.

Do you wish you, you would have read it earlier in the year or do you think that you were just in the right? Oh my, I wish, yeah, I think it was that, I had to get to the point where, like when I first got the book, I think it was that I had to get to the point where, like when I first got the book, I think it was that I know this is not good for me and I shouldn't do it anymore. But I wasn't yet intellectually. Yes, but I wasn't yet at the fatigue point of it where it's like, I don't like this, but I don't know how to stop doing it.

And the book, the book really just kind of laid it all out in a very logical way that in a logical way that also Really zeroed in on your emotions about it And so you were it's like sort of admitting you're just you're just admitting something to yourself And then it all like falls away Do you are you bummed that you don't look cool anymore? That's my one regret. That's why sometimes late at night, Janie's asleep. I'll hold up a pencil and look in the mirror and pretend I'm smoking.

Sort of the silhouette. Maybe you stand in front of a bright window and she's like, why do you have all these golf pencils? And I'm like, don't worry about it. Okay, look, we have to take a break, but when we come back, I'll finish restaurant Roundup. This episode of 3Dim is brought to you by Makers Mark. You may not know that Makers Mark's co-founder Margie Samuels was the designer and genius

behind the original label. And now in honor of Women's History Month, Makers Mark has partnered with the talented artist, Gail Ka-Baker, to hand paint a beautiful label, which you can personalize with the name of a spirited woman you know, someone who makes an impact on you or in their community. In honor of this Women's History Month, I wanna shout out an amazing woman I admire,

Julie Louis-Dreyfus, who hosts the show Wiser Than Me, also here on the Lemonada Network. I'm honored to be a part of a community of strong women and I want to pass it on. And as part of this Women's History Month, I got a fun personalized label bottle from Makers Mark. So, cheers to you Margie and cheers to you Julia. And you can join in on the fun. This month, order a free label and let a spirited woman in your life know just how special she

is to you. Head to makersmark.com slash personalize, fill in the details, and then shout out the woman you know who's making a difference. Makers Mark makes their bourbon carefully, so please enjoy it that way. Makers Mark Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey, 45% alcohol by volume.

Copyright 2024, Makers Mark Distillery Incorporated, Laredo, Kentucky. Hi there, it's Julia Louis-Dreyfus. You may know me from my podcast called Wiser Than Me where I talk to older women and get their wisdom from the front lines of life. After season one aired, I was amazed by how many people told me our show made them look forward to getting older, which is why I'm here to talk about season two of the show. Sally Field, Billie Jean King, Beverly Johnson, Ina Garten, Bonnie Rae, just to name a few.

And of course, my 90-year-old mom, Judy. All hail old women. Wiser Than Me season two is out March 27th from Lemonada Media. Think about a moment in your life that changed you, where one day you were yourself and then the next day, poof, you weren't. I'm Stephanie Whittles-Wax, host of the show Last Day,

and each week I sit down with a new guest to explore happy, sad stories of transformation. Some last days are hopeful, some are tragic, but on the other side of every last day is a fresh start. Come laugh, cry with us. Listen to Last Day wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back and Paul and I during the break were discussing whether it should be restaurant roundup or restaurant ramble because he believes I was rambling. It would be over by now, but

You are clearly rambling. And just to be clear during the break, my opinion was never requested. Ah! Also to be even clearer, the break was two seconds long. That's right, and I prefer to get this on mic. What do you think it is, a ramble? I think it's the restaurant roundup ramble. I'd like to hear about all of you guys' jobs at some point. I only had like two, but yeah, I'll tell you all about them.

All right, well, I'll tell you about every family I babysat for. I was babysitter, then I was in movies. The end. I also worked at a coffee shop for a day. A day. Well, like a couple days. And I worked at a dock for, you know, a week.

A dock? A dock? Doing what? I've definitely told you this story when I worked at the boat tours place on Navy Pier in Chicago. And I had to shout about boat tours. Yeah. Shout about them. Boat tours are great! Yeah.

I had to be like, excuse me, boat tours, 30 minutes on the lake, 60 minutes on the river. Why the river twice as much time? Because it's a great architectural tour of the Chicago river. Okay. No, you snapped right back in. I actually would like to go. I'd like to go to that. No, it's really fun.

Excuse me. What the fuck is going on? Did you have this problem? Is that why you only worked on the dock for a week? No, but I always have this problem as we all know. You're getting too nervous talking about these shores? I highly recommend if you go to Chicago to go on the architectural boat tour.

There's a handful of them and it's so cool because the architecture along the river is really beautiful and they explain everything and it's really fun. I love stuff like that. I love being on a boat and I love seeing a city that way. We did a... Janie and I and our... We took an anniversary trip to Paris, just like Emily,

and we did a boat tour on the Seine. On the Seine? And it was a beautiful, beautiful afternoon. It was wonderful. Well, we talked about this on the tour. Then I got a MRSA infection on my leg, and I. It was wonderful. Well, we talked about this on the tour. Then I got a MRSA infection on my leg and I almost couldn't walk.

You had the MRSA. You had the MRSA, didn't you? We talked about this on the tour, but when the first time I went to England, Cool Up had to sort of convince me to take that bus tour around England because I was like, bus tour? That sounds stupid.

The double decker. It just gave you such a good, the city's so big that it really made me go, oh, I see where everything is, what the different parts of it. So I recommended it to Mike Hanford when we went to England on the tour and he really loved it too.

So anyway. Anyway, not to get off track. And you got rid of him for a couple hours. Not to get off track about these restaurants We are constantly trying to think of things for Mike to do And then he went to the James Bond martini restaurant and hated all the martinis Yes, he is all he likes is vodka straight vodka that tour started with him talking about how he likes martinis now Then him complaining about every martini

Because he had martinis at, then him complaining about every martini he ever got for a week. Because he had martinis at a party, at like a backyard party. And we figured out all it was was just straight vodka into a glass. With like an olive or something? Maybe an olive. But I don't think he had any... What do you put martinis in? Vermouth. I don't think he had any vermouth. He was because anytime he had any martini after that with vermouth,

he'd go, what is that? That was so funny. Cause didn't that happen in Australia? Yeah, we went to that weird restaurant. You can hear about all of these. That's true, yes. On our tour roundup. Tour roundup issues.

Speaking of roundups, the restaurant roundup. Restaurant roundup, Rambo. So that we left off at the Olive Garden where I... You left off! I listened to the O.J. Chase in the freezer where it was being broadcast over the radio. I was going to ask what year it was and now I know. And he drove by on his, in his Chase. You saw?

I didn't see, but he drove on the 91 freeway. You saw? It was- Well, like how crazy, you'd be sitting there listening to it, and then the car goes by, and you're like, that's it? Hey, it's the guy from the radio. It's also where I believe I heard about Kurt Cobain dying.

I'm not sure, but I do remember- Who do you think is the next- They played K-Rock in the kitchen, and I remember the day he died, it was just constant Nirvana songs that day. Who do you think is the next celebrity who's gonna murder someone? Lauren, your sound just got so much clearer.

Oh, I brought the mic to my mouth. Oh. Is that other mic doing anything? The headphone mic is connected to my Zoom. She's recording on that one, yeah. Oh, I see. I don't have it plugged into the computer, but I have thought about this,

and it's just more of a hassle for me, and I don't do it, but I guess I should. Understood. This is tech roundup. Yeah. Pfft. But I'll keep this close to my little mouth, and you can hear every little thud.

And you're keeping enemies closer. To your little mouth. I keep this close to my little mouth or I keep my enemies closer to my little mouth. Well, we were talking about a certain celebrity who there were rumors about them having murdered someone and someone we know and someone Paul is intimately familiar with said that would be crazy.

And I had to bring up OJ Simpson, how crazy it was that he did. And it made everyone kind of go, oh yeah, you're right. I guess a well-known celebrity could be a murderer. I know, we do what I would really love right now. If their head was routinely battered by their job. Do you think that's what it was?

It could contribute to that. I mean, like that OJ Made in America doc. Have you seen that? Have you guys seen that? No, I think I just, I read a lot of the books. Oh, it's so, that doc is so good. It's so well done. And it gives you a real history of,

well, there's no other way to say it, racism in Los Angeles. Right. And it really explains it, not explains, but it sort of illustrates our Draws the line from the Rodney King. Oh, from further back than that. Oh, sure. The Watts.

From further back than that. Yeah. Like everything that built up to what could have caused OJ to be kind of not in a good frame of mind. Yeah. Yeah. I have to say the Jeffrey Toobin and people, you know, condemn him for being a famous masturbator, but his books about the OJ book is great and his Patty Hearst book is really good.

I mean, I heard that. There was stuff in the Patty Hearst book that like the whole fact of Daryl Gates, how he rose to prominence and the fact that when they shot up the Patty Hearst hideout, it was on live television. That was the first time that it ever happened. Whoa. That they had ever broadcast live on TV,

like a police thing like that, which led to car chases and all that kind of stuff. But those books are, if you can look past the fact that every other sentence he was jerking it, they're really good books. We really all moved on from that very quickly, didn't we? Well, his author photo is his penis. Right, we all should have known. I feel like it would be fun,

and I don't mean for any of the people involved, but I always like a good trial on TV, like when you're tuning in to see the trial. And I would like one of those, but it feels like right now it's not really a time for a jury and all that stuff. I mean, ignoring impeachment, I don't care about that. I didn't even think about that,

how they are handling jury duty. Well, cause I've gotten jury duty and so did Mike, and we both never had to go. I'm sorry. cut out all my coughing we both we both didn't have to go like we had to check in online every night and we didn't go and I was like I'm sure they say having us come I'm sure they say like oh we've made it safe or whatever anything about it that's but I wouldn't trust it I wouldn't trust it.

I wouldn't trust it. But I thought it was more like they are just going, we have to go through this system of asking people to come. You have to say you're going to go, and then you don't have to go, and then you get off the hook for a year. Well, maybe it's a Zoom trial. And then everyone goes to jail. It might be a Zoom trial though, too. I don't know.

Zoom trial? Well, yeah. Mary Kate Olsen was getting divorced on Zoom. Nice. Right. Yeah. That was weird Kate Olsen was getting divorced on Zoom. Nice. Right. Yeah. That was weird to see screen caps of someone's divorce. It didn't feel appropriate that they posted that. Who was doing that? I don't know.

Someone, someone who was like reporting on it or something was like, I got to watch this today. Click. This seems weird. Yeah. I don't know why there would be anyone that was outside of that proceeding that would be watching much less anyone in the proceeding saying, I'm going to take a sneaky little screen cap. Yeah. Oh my God. Imagine if you were watching that and then you did the screenshot and it went, kach. Well, they have to immediately go, who did that? I don't like, maybe I've talked about this, but I don't like the fact that 911 calls are public.

So anytime a celebrity calls 911, it winds up on TMZ the next day. Like the worst, one of the worst moments of their own life. So like that's in your head when you're calling 911 of like, I've got to sound appropriately like either composed or not composed or, you know? Do you think people are thinking that?

I don't think you're supposed to have a sociopathic thought about how you're supposed to sound. But it can get in. I wonder if it- That's a real red flag, my friend. Has it ever gotten in anyone's head where they're like, okay, you call because I can't because they'll release this or something. Oh, I hope not. I mean, it does seem like in an emergency situation, you can't I can't because they'll release this or something. Oh, I hope not.

I mean, it does seem like in an emergency situation, you can't be thinking like that. But if you did just kill the person, then you are thinking like that. You go, here, I have to sound composed, but not composed. No, but that's how I feel is it shouldn't even be an issue for people. Like it shouldn't even pop in anyone's head. Well, yeah, it should. But we haven't established that it does. It does.

What do you mean it does? I'm telling you. Have you called 911? Every day. What time is it? I think I'm having an emergency. TMZ is, they have no morals and they don't care. No, yeah, it's disgusting.

And they just will go deep into whatever it takes to get any information that's disgusting. It's in their name, their lack of ethics. And you know what I mean? It's just like- Why, what does TMZ stand for? 30 Mile Zone. Yeah, it's like, we'll get as close to you

as we're allowed to get. I've never heard that. Well, no, 30 Mile Zone refers to the- It refers to- The filming area. The filming area, the zone. Yeah. What does that mean, the filming area?

It's, you know how when you- Is this real? Uh, it's, you know how, um, when you- Is this real? Yeah, it is. It is real, yeah. I forget the details of it, but it's gross. Remember when we were making the Between Two Ferns movie, like the furthest- Yeah! ... places that we would go?

That's like within a 30-mile zone is where all of the, um, all of the union stuff. Uh, like if you film within that zone, then we don't have to pay extra for travel, all of the union stuff. Like if you film within that zone, then we don't have to pay extra for travel, all this kind of stuff. So there are these like weird little towns that are right on the edge of the zone, which is like as far out as you can go before you have to start paying everyone extra. So they call it the 30 mile zone is essentially TMZ is covering this 30 mile zone of like where celebrities

are. Mm hmm. So pretty gross. Yeah, it's gross. Yeah. Do you remember having to call the time by the way, Paul? Morris Day? Yeah, I remember that.

Yeah. And they would say, hold a mirror up to the phone. And I was like, okay, then I would do it. Then there would be a silence and then they would say, okay, you can hang out. No, but do you, was it like this in Philadelphia where you could, while it was ringing, you could hear the other people calling? What? Okay.

So, so this was, and I don't know whether it was California specific, but when you called the, the time, which was you had to call, I think it was like something like 222-1234 or any, or no, it was maybe it was 555 and then the last four numbers you could call any of the last four numbers and they, and it would still work. And it would ring, bring, bring, bring, bring. And then it would pick up and you would hear at the tone, the time will be 6 48 and 30 seconds beep. But while it was ringing, anyone else who was calling at the same time would be saying, hi, hi, can you hear me? What?

And you could, you could hear them. And when I was like 12 and 13, basically what you would do is you would shout your number over it and then try to get girls your age to call you and then have weird conversations where you would try to make dates. This is the Tom Sawyer island of the phone lines. This sounds insane. What are you calling? You're calling the time?

You're calling to find out what time it is Yeah, okay. I do know that from full house, and I hate to bring up full house Well, that's the other thing that we have to bring up we we have to talk about this, but I on full house DJ wears the same outfit as the teacher on the first day of school, and it's humiliating and then everyone thinks it's a fucking loser That's actually really funny. And then she goes... That's a really funny premise. I've never seen an episode of Full House.

That's absolutely very funny. But it's really sad. And then she goes into the phone booth of the lunchroom and she just pretends that she's on the phone, but she's just calling the time for like the whole time. So that's where you know, you never had to do that because by the time that you were cognizant of the time everyone had cell phones or... I just think there were clocks. Yeah, I just had...

Well, no, everyone had clocks. I guess you called the time so you could get the accurate time to set your clock. Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, I never had to set a clock. Probably even in the 2000s, I think, my parents gave me a clock that automatically set itself to the world clock or something like that. They called it the most accurate clock ever.

And then within a few years, they were all out of business because cell phones had times that were exact. This is synced to the atomic clock. Yeah. Yeah, so you had to call the time. but you could hear whoever else was calling the time. And so kids my age, it got around of like, oh yeah, well, I called the time and this girl shouted her number out and I called and I made a date with her and all this kind of stuff.

Little trap. This is psychotic. And also like, you might, the idea of just calling someone blindly and being like, let's go out and like, you know, clue. Oh, it's crazy. And my parents forbade me, you like, I told my parents like, oh, wow, look, you can do on the time. They're like, don't do that.

And, and Well, yeah, I gave my address to somebody on instant messenger on AOL when I was a kid, because we were talking and we were like, let's be pen pals. And then I was like, man, I get a pen pal online. She's like, oh, my God, never do that. Ah, good looking out, Trish. All right, now we gotta pause the restaurant, round up Ramble for just a second.

Yeah, and address this. So we can get into, we can address the controversy. We can teach the controversy. I am, first of all, I just have to issue an apology. I am humiliated. I am devastated. I am known, honestly, I am known for knowing theme songs. I have played games online. You can watch me guess theme songs just with the

spoken word. I know that the fact that I... One such as you. One such as I happen to conflate the family matters and full house themes on our last to the point where I actually said people often mix up these two theme songs and that one was full house. I my face is so red. I could just bury my head in the sand and I really am so sorry for everyone. Ostriches around Scott.

I know on the head. I'm so sorry for everyone I hurt and I'm really sorry for everyone who was confused. And I think Paul even said that was Family Matters and I said, no, it wasn't. Yeah, you corrected him. I don't accept your apology. Paul, how do you feel?

Honestly, I was prepared for that. No, it's okay. I accept Lauren's apology and may I further say that I am proud of myself for putting the Family Matters theme song over the full house opening credits and posting on Instagram when I saw that I was filled With joy because I thought this this team's got my back Fuck all you haters half of the team has your boy. Yeah, sorry. You're only a third fuck the haters I'm fully half of it. Oh We share half of the time.

We share half of it? Yeah, it's me and you guys. Yeah. Oh man. That sucks. Okay, I got to continue with restaurant roundup. It's never going to end. Oh my God, how many fucking restaurants?

So then I moved to Azusa, the after mentioned Azusa, and my manager at Olive Garden recommended me to the Glendale Olive Garden where I worked for three days. First of all I had to take the most insane test I've ever taken to work at a restaurant where they asked me What does pasta look like? No they asked me the ingredients Does olive grow in a garden? The ingredients of the pasta every like you had to know every single thing about every

dish. Which now when you- What's in spaghetti and meatballs? Spaghetti, meatballs. Okay, next. Now that everyone has- What is Garfield's favorite food? Lasagna, go.

Now that everyone has food allergies, it actually makes a lot of sense that you would have to know every, but for most of my jobs it's just been like, Oh, I'll ask the cook and you come back and they know, you know, but you had to know the ingredients of every single thing. I'm trying to cook here. What are you breaking my balls for? And it was the longest restaurant with, with a patio and it was super long, like a train car or whatever. And then your section, which is the most insane way I've ever worked at a restaurant, instead of having six tables next to each other,

you would get- They'd be stacked on top? Yes. That is crazy. You had to climb up like jack of the freaking beanstalk. No, they, in order to make it, because I guess a lot of people liked being on the patio or whatever, and that's the most popular.

So they're trying to be fair. So they divvied up where you would get one table in every single part of the restaurant. And so you had to run around the entire restaurant trying to check on your tables. And it was just, it was crazy. So I already was fed up by this place. And then there was a guy who was 18

and he would follow around this older woman who was like 65 or whatever, and tell her about every Weird Al Yankovic song and what he was parodying and what his parody was. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. These were customers? These were waiters. These were waiters, okay. So it was an 18 year old guy and ayear-old woman were both servers at this restaurant.

They were both servers and he was just following her during the entire shift and saying like, I'm trying to think of one, but like a surgeon, like, oh, you know how Madonna does, like a virgin? Well, Weird Al Yankovic would do like a surgeon. And then he told her every lyric that was a parody and stuff. And she just kept going, well, that sounds funny. And then were you like, I'm going to be friends with him someday. Yeah, I know.

And everyone was like, shut up. And you're like, no, really, I am. No, really, I'm going to be friends with him. So then the final nail in the coffin was the group of- You died there? Yes, I died there. I'm a vampire now. No, there was a group of people my age who were all friends. He died there? Yes, I died there. I'm a vampire now.

No, there was a group of people my age who were all friends and they invited me to go to islands over in Burbank after a shift. And one of the women made kind of a full court press trying to make out with me at islands. Of course. Was it the 65 year old? Of course. It was. And she was like, you sound funny, dear.

Um. Dear. No, but. Dear, I want to fuck you. But she, but it made it pretty apparent that if I were to return to this restaurant, I would have to deal with this and tell her like, Oh, hey, I'm not interested. And instead, I quit after three days of work at this Olive Garden. Right.

Well, okay. And my question is, was there a woman at every one of these jobs who wanted to fuck you? No, I, well, at Baker Square, I was, I was the person who like befriended this kind of 60 year old woman. And so we became friends there. And so we had a nice relationship there. But I don't think so. There wasn't, I'm trying to say the Baker Square, no one was my age. It was all like older women who worked there. That's nice. So, okay, so I went from there, then I immediately went to Chin Chin.

I worked there, and then I went to Cafe Cordial. Immediately. And whenever you were... I immediately went to Chin Chin. Whenever you started a new job, were you nervous on the first day? I mean, yeah, I think everyone kind of is, although I was a pretty good waiter.

In fact, I got poached from Chin Chin to Cafe Cordial because the owner of Cafe Cordial was in Chin Chin and was basically like, hey, I never do this, but you're like one of the best waiters I've ever had. So if you want to come over to my restaurant, which is just like an insane thing to hear. Like, how are waiters really differing that much, you know, but he was just like, you have a job if you want it. Scott, you're being very modest, but. You are the best waiter and I want to fuck you.

Will you please come to Ginger? I'm 65. You're very funny, dear. So how many is that? That's. Oh, nobody was counting. What? How many stories or how many is that that's nobody was counting what?

How many stories or how many restaurants These are all the places, you know, I mean this is your resume and you use it these are my restaurants That's how you got your job directing between two firms. You showed them your resume That was the best waiter at that would be funny. Y'. Keep all your day jobs on your resume. That would be a good bit for like a committee. Everything you've ever done, every job you've ever had. Oh, Manistation, I forgot that was my first job. I was going to say, it's not technically a restaurant, it was a yogurt place.

You pulled that out at the last second because I was going to say, oh, I can't wait to nail him with this. The Christian yogurt place. Manistation. Manistation, where my parents, church friends did them a favor by giving me a job. And then I think I was a terrible employee

and got fired after six. Well, I came to them. That was the first job of them by the time you were at Cafe Cordial and you were the best waiter they'd ever had. So it took all that time and all the jobs to really figure out your way. Although I will say at Cafe Cordial, the owner, the owner's mom who, who worked there, she reprimanded me for not marrying the Ketchup's and...

They're going to say not marrying her daughter. I was like, okay. Not marrying my teenage daughter. If you want to succeed in this company, you'll marry my ugly daughter. And I explained to her that it was not part of my side work. I told her, oh no, that's the other waiter's, like we all divvy up the side work. And then for the rest of the time I worked there, she would give me a disappointing look and say, remember to marry the Ketchup's today, dear. I was like, it's not my fucking job.

I'll pray for you. I'll pray that you remember to marry the Ketchup's. Why is there ketchup at a yogurt place? Oh, that was a Manistation. That was Cafe Cordial. Sorry. Why is there ketchup at a yogurt place? Oh, that was a manastation. That was Cafe Cordial.

Sorry. Manastation was yogurt and then Christian greeting cards. Christian greeting cards. And like it was a Christian, half Christian bookstore. Happy birthday, God. There's a picture of Santa Claus saying it. It was half Christian bookstore and I don't think we ever sold any of the Christian books. It was a failed business.

It disappeared shortly after I half got fired, half told them that I needed to cut my hours back from 20 to five. That happened to me. That happened to me at one of my first jobs. When I was in high school, I got a job at this pizza place. Was it called Rizzo's? Might've been called Rizzo's. And I was a-

Was it Rizzo from Greece? Yeah. It was greasy pizza? Yeah, it was Rizzo from Greece and Ratso Rizzo. They teamed up. And I was, I started out as a bus boy. And I remember another guy from my class worked there in the kitchen,

and was like, yeah, you know, keep moving up, and eventually you can work in here. And as he's saying this, I noticed all the, he has like burns on his arms. Oh my God. I was like, okay. But then I got cast in a school play, and I was like, I need to have all this time off. And what I was asking for- That was mine too, I was cast in a school play and I was like, I need to have all this time off.

And what I was, I was, that was mine. Mine too. I was cast in the school play. What I was at, the time off I was asked for was absurd. And the guy like pretty much laughed in my face. You can't, you can't work here. Like you're asking for like one day on. That's not the way that it works.

Yeah. I think I asked, I was like, well, we rehearse until five every day and this place is only open until seven. I'm like, so can I work from five to seven? And the owner was like, well, I want to talk to you anyway because you're not working out. Oh. Because I think I gave someone,

I didn't check the Styrofoam cup that I put the yogurt in, they were all upside down on top of each other. Dear. And someone came back and said, Styrofoam cup that I put the yogurt in they were all upside down on top of each other dear and someone Someone came back and said there are like spiders My point is that's the sickest thing I've ever heard my point is don't have a dirty ass styrofoam cup laying around restaurant You like how many bites did they take before they realized that the base of it was spiders? I don't know.

Yeah. And cobwebs. How do you even see the cobweb at that point? I also hated cleaning windows. That was like where I was like really clean the glass windows? That's part of our duties and sweeping. I will tell you a story about cleaning windows when I worked at Tower Video on the Sunset Strip. Ooh, yes, I remember these days.

We had to clean the, there were big glass doors, and we had to clean those, and one time I was cleaning them, and the actress Amanda Plummer, who was with someone. From Fisher King. I had a dream. A dream, Lydia. She was there with somebody else, and so her friend was browsing, and she was outside

smoking a cigarette. And as I was washing the door, the glass door, he said, do you clean your windows at home? And I said, no, I don't. She said, me neither. And then when I was done, and I was going back in, she went spanking clean. Wow.

And then she spanked you. Yeah. That's a cute story. Oh my God, what an amazing celebrity story. Yeah, I loved her. One time I was working there and- You loved her? You gave her a Valentine? Of course I did. By the way. I, I loved her. One time I was working there and you ever Valentine?

Of course I did. By the way, great. Here you go, man. One time I was working there and out the window, I saw Diane Keaton walk up the street in full like Diane Keaton drag with like the hat and the gloves and everything. And it was one of the most exciting

things. It was wild. Like you, I, you know, you just instantly know who it is. And that was like, like a lot of famous people came in all the time, but that was like seeing somebody from mythology, you know what I mean? It was really wild, but that image is burning in my brain. Yeah, it was really cool. Were you guys friends at that time?

You and Scott? We were just starting to know each other, I think. Yeah, because when did you work there? And you worked there in 95 or 94? Did you start or what? Because we got to know each other in 95. I think it was 95. I think it was 95. Yeah, you would tell stories about it. I don't think I ever visited you. I worked there for about a year and then I got fired and For taking video tapes, right? Yes, for taking them. You stole them?

What's that, Lauren? You stole? Oh, I did, yes. For a long time, for a long time. Yeah. I stole videos. Like what? Anything.

Anything I was like the least bit interested in, I'd be like, because I was so bitter at that job. I, as long as I ever worked anywhere, and I was so bitter at that job. I, as long as I ever worked anywhere and I was really burnout working at day jobs because I had gone from, um, you know, doing standup in Philly, doing open mics to finally being able to support myself doing standup. Then I moved out here and I had to kind of start all over again from scratch. Yeah. And, um,

it was an affront to you to have to work a day job. Yes. It was an affront to you to have to work a day job. Yes. It was an insult. And I couldn't, I did not have the psychological tools to cope with my situation in life. And so I decided to take it out on the company. And I stole videos.

I think you felt guilty about it, as I remember you talking about it. You felt guilty that you had all these videos. I mean, you were like sort of like, hey, look at my collection, but also like guilty. No, I did not feel guilty about it until I got caught. And then I had like the most profound shame I've ever felt in my life when I got called into that office. And the manager said... Did they realize that you had taken a lot of stuff?

No, they had no idea. They only, I think I just got caught the one time. And so the manager said, how long has this been going on? And I said, I've done it a few times. One day? I lied even then. But I had to return a bunch of videos that I had stolen. Did you take the ones that you didn't even like

all that much? Oh yeah, I filled a bag as if that was it. That's so embarrassing. Oh, it was mortifying. I was humiliated, humiliated. And because I because I knew I was wrong. Like, as soon as as soon as it was and I talk about I've talked about this in my standup. But as soon as as soon as I was confronted with it,

it all washed over me like, oh, yeah, I shouldn't have been. There's no justification for this. Like, I should not have been doing this and this is, this is profound shame. Well speaking of profound shame, I'm ashamed we have to take a break, but when we come back, we'll have a three. I hate when you drag those CBB segues into three hour shows. Sorry. It honestly felt like that so much.

We'll be right back. People love to pretend that there are simple formulas for living your best life now. Eat this and you won't get sick. Manifest it and everything will work out. But there are some things you can choose and some things you can't. And it's okay that life isn't always getting better. I'm Kate Bowler and on Everything Happens, I speak with kind, smart, funny people about life as it really is. Beautiful, terrible, and everything in between. Let's be human together. Everything Happens is available wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm June Diane Raphael. And I'm Jessica St. Clair. And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on The Deep Dive. From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and loss, we are just two best friends who process life together and with you guys. Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness and get ready for unfiltered conversations about life, love, and everything in between.

And nails, we talk a lot about nails. Now community is everything to us at The Deep Dive. We believe in the power of connection and the strength that comes from supporting one another, and we would love to have you with us. So be sure to join us every Wednesday on The Deep Dive from Lemonada Media, wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we're back and it's time for a three turn. Lauren has picked it. Okay, this one is called Rhyme Time. It's submitted by Eric from Chicago.

One person, the rhymer, thinks of two words that rhyme. They then give the players two synonyms for those words. The players must then determine what the original rhyming words are. Whoever wins gets to be the rhymer next. So for example, let's say I give you the words furniture, tail. It's your job to figure out what the two rhyming words are. You can ask me for hints.

So for gopher. No. Because gophers have tails. And then the answer is table fable. You can get pretty clever with the synonyms once you get going, but it helps to start with something easier. So you can ask as many questions,

ask for hints and all that kind of stuff. Okay. So- I'll kick it off. I got one ready to go. Okay, you got one ready to go. And this is an easy one. Well, it will-

This is off the dome? Jump right into it. Ho, ho, ho, Dede. Feline, chapeau. Cat. Cat. That's right, you guys did it. I'm proud of you, dears, chapeau. Cat hat. That's right. You guys did it. I'm proud of you.

We did it. Okay. Um, okay. Let me think of one. Uh, okay. Um, okay. How do I save this? Um, um, I'm trying, okay, hold on.

Can we say more than one word? Because some, some things I'm thinking of don't have one, like a one word synonym. Can you do a two word synonym? Can't be allowed. I don't know what you mean, but yeah. Okay. So here's mine. Here's mine. No, I think you can. Sure.

Okay. Okay. Sleep space. That's what I mean. Hold on. Yeah, okay. Sleep space is a good example. Sleep space, top.

Top? Yeah. Bedhead. Yeah. Oh. How about, dog speech rest area. Bark park. Yeah.

Parking parking is what I was thinking of, but yeah. Oh yeah. Rest area parking. I mean, what else is, what is the synonym for parking? I was trying to think of that. Like. Well, it's like synonyms for like car slot. Oh man.

Have you seen her car slot oh man have you seen her car slot oh that's not funny dear that's not clever dear okay is it me I get oh yeah you you yeah Um, okay, okay. I like where I'm going to this. Okay. Um, I like where I'm going. Uh, Wolf, prey, slumber. Hmm. Wolf, prey, slumber, Wolf prey slumber. Sheep sleep.

You got it. Okay, here's mine. You were just thinking about yours. Not trying to guess his. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Okay. Pale fear.

White fright. White fright. Yes! Wow. This game sucks ass. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Um... Uh... Rectangular follicles. Square hair. This is fun. I can't tell if this is fun.

I'm laughing, but I don't know. Okay, I'm gonna try to come up with one that's, really hard. It's my turn, Lauren, god damn it! She's just admitting she's not gonna be listening to you. I know! Ugh. Okay, I won't even think about mine. Okay. Okay, I won't even think about mine!

Argyle timepiece. Pattern. Plaid. Swatch, swatch, no. Check clock. Do those rhyme? Bok clock. Sock clock. Yeah. Oh, see, I helped, I helped.

Okay. You know what, Lauren, you're as good as you were. You were not thinking of yours, thank you. See, I have to think about it. I got one if you, if you. No, no, I really wanna try. Okay. I got one if you, if you. No, no, I really want to try. Um, okay. Potato seed.

That was the Christian bookstore I worked at. The parable of the potato seed. Oh wait, I thought potato seed was the first part of it. No, potato seed. No, it's just potato seed. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I don't know if, yeah. Just try.

Is it Bud Bud? Yeah! Whoa, wait, oh seed, oh, got it, got it, got it. Bud Bud. Okay, here's mine. Real estate bedding. Is this from Piano Man? Real estate bedding.

House. Sheets. Betting or bedding? Bedding. Okay. Double D. Okay. Lo D. Okay. Loft soft.

No. Should, okay. Do I give you another couple of sentences? House pillow cows? Website. Head. Domain. Um, website. Ahead. Domain. Domain.

This is related to my previous clue. Domain. Just keep saying domain, please. Domain duvet. Like link up the previous words with these words. Real estate website. Zillow pillow. Yay! Nice.

All right, here we go. We've turned the corner into fun. Now we're having fun. Sickly. Dickly. Doc. Dickly. A duck. Um. Sickly, uh, diversion. Hailing, flailing. Yeah, flailing, diversion.

Sickly, diversion. Sickly diversion. Flu askew. All right, new clue, new clue. Yeah. Ailing, fun activity. Sickly ailing, diversion, pastime. No, nothing rise with pastime. Fast time? Fast time, pastime. Barfing Ferris Wheel.

Ake? Ake-y breaky. Is that right? No. No, okay. Hobbled. Limp pimp. That guy's got the pimp limp.

What was the last clue I gave? Fun time. Or no, it wasn't fun. Fun activity maybe? Fun activity. Yeah. So I'm gonna say a hobbled Children's pastime, huh hopscotch

Would you say Lauren sway play Well hobbled is Sway play. Well hobbled is someone cuts off your foot, right? Then what happens? Not necessarily. Sickly play. Lame game. Yes! Whoa! Lame game. Yes. Lame game. OK. Get it.

OK. Giggle. No. Giggle, No. Giggle pickle. Umm... Illuminate Joy. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh uh Are you Googling it? No. Illuminate joy, lighting. Lighting.

Illuminate. Lighting. Joy. Okay. How about joy? Can illuminate lighting? Joy. Okay. How about joy? Flappy happy. Flappy happy.

No. It's not flappy happy. Okay. And that puts me back at square one. Give us another one. I can't think of it. Okay. Um... On Turkish.

On Turkish? On Turkish. On Turkish. What does Turkish make you think of? Laffy Taffy? No. That Laffy Taffy. Give it a Laffy Taffy.

Turkish delight. Illuminate on. Oh, delight. Yes. Light delight. Yes. Yay. Turkish delight.

Yay. I think we did it. I think we did it. I think we did it. Wait, I still have one to go. What? Big Bear presentation. Grizzly Pizzly. Trip Pip. Aspen Ski.

Aspen uh,ki. Aspen... Ski. Aspen... Uh, uh, Revelation. Not Revelation. Aspen, uh, Presentation is good, or Aspen, uh, Display. Snow Show? Very close. I'll just give it to you. It was Snowplace Showcase.

What? What? No. Why not? We were never going to get Snowplace. Because Snowplace is no word. You came right up next to it. You nuzzled up against it.

Snowplace is no word. And Whiz-Bit-Sweet-Nothing's in it's ear. With an actual word that people know, yes. Wheel of Fortune would accept it under their rhyme time rules. Snow place showcase. Under their rhyme time. They would accept the puzzle that they made?

Yes. There are judges for all of their puzzles. It's a bipartisan board. And we've shown these to the tribunal and we're ready to play the wheel. Well, guys, that's it. Thank you so much. I was going to wrap it up. That was I won't say it was fun, but it was. I won't say it was fun, but it was a time had by all.

I met the whole episode. Are you guys talking about that as well? You're talking about the game. No, no, I was talking. Franny, let's see Franny. She's going to break my zoom. Get the fuck off of game. Franny, let's see Franny. She's gonna break my Zoom. Get the fuck off of that. Franny gonna break my Zoom. Do you curse at your cat? Hi, Franny.

Oh, that's a dog. My dog. Hi, dog. Hi, Franny. She's very cute. Guys, thank you so much. We hope to be back in the backyard. By the way, I live next door to Sia. That's why that was a blast. I wanna swing.

We thought the music wouldn't be heard under her wig. I couldn't think of audible. I couldn't think of the word audible. Heard under her wig. Audible, baudible. Oh, that's a good one. Save that. Sia wouldn't to be ya.

Well, we will be back in the yard next time, I'm sure. I'm sure. But thank you for listening. Don't forget that we are, oh my god, don't forget that we are Freedom USA on Twitter. Freedom USA on Twitter and Instagram. And like and subscribe us on iTunes or I don't know what. I don't know what I don't know

Yeah, but wherever wherever you listen if you can rate us rate us Leave a review whatever if you can date us I dare you to That's the challenge we're all married if you if we all go out one night a week if you can manage to date any Of us we all go out to a bar one night a week And if you can sidle up to us next to us on the bar We have to date all three of us at the same time That's right. If you can manage it, we all have to want to date you and we're not a couple together. No, no We will each

Okay, all right, We'll see you next week. Bye-bye, everybody. Bye. Feeling decision fatigue about what to make for dinner? We get it. I'm Jane Black. And I'm Liz Dunn. We're veteran food journalists, and as parents ourselves, we know how hard it can be to feed your family. That's why we created Pressure Cooker, a podcast that offers practical strategies for

navigating the marketing madness and cultural expectations around mealtime. Each week, we'll check in with the experts. From social media diet trends to baby-led weaning and AI meal planning, we have all your food-related questions covered. Listen to Pressure Cooker wherever you get your podcasts. Last Day from Lemonade Media explores the moments that change us. Those times where you look back and say, whoa, one day I was myself and the next I wasn't. I'm Stephanie Whittles-Wax and I have seen time and time again how sharing these stories can change lives.

So do you have a moment in your life that changed you fundamentally and forever? What happened? How did you move through it life that changed you fundamentally and forever? What happened? How did you move through it? And how did you eventually start again? If you'd like to share your story, go to bit.ly slash last day stories, bit.ly slash last day stories. We can't wait to hear from you. 1