Threedom - Threevisiting: Cactus Hoose

Episode Date: May 9, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss takin’ ya to the movies, test out some spanking tools and play Monologue Thief. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures a...nd emails to threedomusa@gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

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Starting point is 00:00:00 3-0! 3-0! 3-0! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hi, welcome to three big a big way Read up asking the musical question three them. I did a monster. I get a monster Hi everyone welcome to three time. Well welcome to three time Paul. I Who am I'm Scott that only leaves Kevin. Oh my god. I'm Kevin Wait, no one's Lord no Lauren this episode. Sorry, too dumb Lauren is on assignment Lauren this episode. Sorry, doodum. Lauren is on assignment.
Starting point is 00:00:44 What is assignment? What is assignment? What is she? She's a real piece for us. Yeah. Hi. This is Lauren Lackis outside the Capitol. Reporting live from Carson Yolas, whatever,
Starting point is 00:00:58 in Cafe Cordialas. Oh, hi. It's freaking out. I close. What? Yeah, we talked about this. We talked about this talked about don't Don't worry because I feel like I'm gonna forget every time that it closed
Starting point is 00:01:09 It closed down because Scott didn't work there Why would it close in their greatest hour of need you? Would you kill? That's an impression of okay, so when I was in college That's an impression of, okay, so when I was in college, you're in pressure, you're always like a people, specific people. That one's fun. But here's where it sounds familiar.
Starting point is 00:01:32 It's good, it's good. I'm going from this person I knew. I will say it to my other friends, and it will crack us up. That's one other friend. That's it. It's someone else. No, okay, so when I was in college, we did a, we did like a 30 minute crossover
Starting point is 00:01:49 of Romeo and Juliet and West Side Story. Oh, God. Where the scenes would enter. Oh, no. It was actually really good and left everyone in tears, but, and we were like, We were like, make it so fast.
Starting point is 00:02:00 From stuff like laughter. No, but we would like go to high schools and do it and stuff. Anyway. You like, this is a tradition. Yeah, but we would like go to high schools and do it and stuff. Anyway, you like this preption. Yeah, yeah, we traveled locally, locally. If it happened to the school, it's educational. But there was the guy who played the priest. Oh boy.
Starting point is 00:02:15 No, it wasn't the priest. It was whoever is in West Side Story playing the priest. The drugstore guy? The drugstore guy. I feel like we talked about this on R&M recently. But he, notm. recently, but He not this particular story, but okay, he had a voice He had a he would he would say all this lines like this
Starting point is 00:02:34 Why do you kill So like a currently lion she don't find out about you and you said him You also sound like Cameron calling fair or being Ferris Bueller's dad. Oh no, I'm Peterson. No Peterson. Why would you kill? Why do you kill? Do you know if I know that he was shutter?
Starting point is 00:02:53 I watched the scene. Like behind the scenes thing about Ferris Bueller, that was actually pretty interesting. Really? Yeah. The main thing was interesting was that John Hughes looked like a psychopath, while he was filming.
Starting point is 00:03:06 Because he had this like, mullet and weird sunglasses the entire time. And every interview he did, he was wearing sunglasses. What is in this box? But this your main takeaway? Yeah. Yeah. Well, because now when you watch movie,
Starting point is 00:03:18 you could picture who was direct to get. And he was like, being weird. I think he was a cocaine head, wasn't he? Was he really? That's, uh, I's a, I think so. I think so. I got sent a bunch of R.B.X. bars.
Starting point is 00:03:29 R.B.X. bars. R.B.X. bars. R.X. bars. A per-per-per-per-prescriptional? Prescription food? I have, look, I have worms. It's why I have to eat this prescription food. Wait, so all these worms?
Starting point is 00:03:44 You have fat worms? I have fat worms. Fun allergic to them. He feeds his shit to them. Someone was just telling me that a chop to them up to say they would have friends. They're child. The kid is now much older, so I feel like it's very okay
Starting point is 00:03:59 to tell this story. This kid was like, my butt is just my butt is just. And then the dad was like well no what you're fine or whatever and then this went on for like days or whatever and then the kid finally was like complaining about so much that the dad opened the kit will open the kids but you just mamed by the way like parting the kid but she eventually I got he got a look the kid was five he got got a look. He got a sneaky key. What is that right up to that eye?
Starting point is 00:04:26 Got a tell us who was loop. Tell us go. Do you want to hear a slope? And it was like a baboon's ass and he had to strap in his ass. Wait, I didn't know that was baboon's ass in what way? It was puffed out. Oh, it was. And it was strap throat in the butt.
Starting point is 00:04:44 But he attracted a lot of mates. Yeah, strap butt. Strap butt. Strap throat in the butt. But he attracted a lot of mates. Yeah. Strip butt. Strip butt. Strip throat. I didn't know. Strip anus. Strip anus. Strip throat. Strip throat. In the butt. Strip throat. In the butt. That's a lot like a 80s rap song. Don't you know the song What What in the Butt? Oh yeah. What? What in the? Yes. It's a terrific song. I can't remember the name of the artist right now artist shavin His name is chef Shavin what do you got who you're I see you turning your mic up? Sam well Sam well
Starting point is 00:05:27 Sam lord of the ring This is a song of course inspired by Frodo the hobbit Sam well what is this epic opening? We gotta be good with the organ I began with the organ and it was with the butt I said what what in the butt I said what what Let me see it so I forgot I feel like I said what what in the butt. I said what what let me see I forgot I feel like I know what what in the butt as a reference, but maybe you've never even heard it
Starting point is 00:05:49 It's a beautiful song. Hey my butt. Let's do it in the butt. You want to do the watch in my butt? Oh, yeah, this guy, but then he I like that he agrees Like first he's like I bake your pardon and he's like okay So he's convinced rather early you want to do what in my butt? Oh, I bake your pardon and he's like, okay, watch. So he gives consent. Because he's a little convincing. Rather early. You want to do what in my butt? Oh, I thought you said something else. That's fun.
Starting point is 00:06:10 Ha, ha, ha. Oh, good old one. So how do you cure strep anus? Uh, you have to spit on it. Okay, wait, I am spit on it. This just reminds me of you. Oh, oh, no. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:06:24 I want to play this video that I remember now. Oh, no. I want to play this video that I remember now. Hey, I want to play this video. I remember now. Do you remember this? My turn. I wanted to take it to the movie, Shoday. I want to take you to the movie, Shoday. And it's this homemade music video.
Starting point is 00:06:42 It's just great. Hmm. let's go yeah you boy banks and this track did I get it all the lyrics out there but I like to go to the movies you know especially you guys I love ladies you like to go to the movies especially you girl You will be my baby Let's come and just be by my side I got a fuck off of the world
Starting point is 00:07:07 I feel like let me take it to the moon See you later, I'm too old And you will be Wow, more music videos Have a map of the continents Of where everyone's taking place I'm just sitting in, I'm just doing I'm just sitting on
Starting point is 00:07:21 You really looking nice Let me take you to the movie Cause I know you like You get nothing to worry about Hold the popcorn and the ring Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Okay, I'll do everything else. Oh! You've got nothing to worry about. Other than your responsibility, so hold this popcorn. Oh my God, so good. God willing, the movie will be enjoyable. Speaking of great music, I wanna give a shout out.
Starting point is 00:07:53 Yeah, and Brandon. I think my good friend Tyler Durdon, who's been here for every episode. It's pure moods, the CD. Pure moods three, isn't it? Pure moods three, he's for three dumb. Pure moods three. He's for three dumb.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Pure moods three. With it, and, um, Read the most, can we read the most? Okay. Dear Scott Lauren and Paul, you're diving to the music of the pure moods discography was something I never thought would pop up in a modern podcasting, congrats.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Modern podcasting. Now sure, old timey podcasting. Sure, of course, in the 90s. And closes the copy of Pure Moons 3, dumb. I couldn't tell if saiding this would be funny or not, but here it is anyway. Personally, I thought there would be more. Wait, hold on, hold on. So he didn't know whether it would be funny or not. Let's take a look, let's take a look at it. Is it funny?
Starting point is 00:08:40 I don't think it's necessarily funny. Are we laughing? I'm not laughing. I'm laughing. I'm kind of laughing. But I'm really delighted by it. Personally, I thought there'd be more Anya in joy. I love freedom. The connection you share is so pure and happy. It pours through the speakers.
Starting point is 00:08:58 It never fails to put me in a good mood. And good moods are hard to come by these days. I wish the three of you continued success in happiness all the best. Oh, Paul and the Notkissing. We got, I love you, Paul. Not here. He said, all the best Tyler brands, PS, PS.
Starting point is 00:09:13 I burned a copy of Pure Moods 3 to my computer. Hope you don't mind. And of course we don't mind. Hope you don't mind. I think he'd explain all of it with the whole brain. So it's not special anymore. But this is so great. And I'm really excited about that.
Starting point is 00:09:23 That's a very nice message. At the risk of you guys getting spankings, what is pure moods again? So pure moods is like, it was a commercial that was on TV. Okay. Oh, fuck you. I'm trying to get you spanked.
Starting point is 00:09:34 I didn't understand. I can't put up a spank. I'm trying to get you spanked. I'm trying to get you spanked. You got nothing to worry about. By the way, we have speaking of spanking, you guys bought some stuff. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Well, here's the thing. So I'm a dumb and. I'm a dumb. Oh, you're a dumb. I thought you were saying, I'm a dumb. I'm a dumb. I'm a dumb and my subs love when I buy them things. Wait, do I have this relationship correct?
Starting point is 00:10:04 Okay, so we both unbeknownst to each other, acquired some spanking tools. Because, if you're just listening to us for the first time, there's a rule on the show where if you tell a story that you've told on the show before. On the show, not on other shows. Not on other shows. Like the way I've been spanked.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Not in life, you get a spanking. You get a spanking if you repeat a story on freedom. And honestly, I don't know if we've ever had a justified spanking, but we've spanked a bunch. Yes. So none of them were correct. We still haven't exactly nailed down when you get one. Yes, there is no justice.
Starting point is 00:10:39 But the way the spank, spankings I've had in the administration, the way the spanks of a minister are by Kevin or I don't know why, but when you did that voice, I imagine do you like with your on your knees, with your shoes on your knees? Like Dorf? Like Dorf? Yeah, Dorf style.
Starting point is 00:10:56 Dorf style. Do you know Dorf Lauren? No, I don't know if I can put her. You don't know Dorf? I know the fencing, put a pin in it. And it might be by the way. Yeah. So. I haven't looked might be, by the way. Yeah. So, Kevin, look up Dorf by the way.
Starting point is 00:11:06 Kevin didn't want to touch anybody, and of course. Of course he doesn't want to touch our butt. Rather than use his drabiness. We all have drabiness, we're baboons. Rather than use his open hand, he took a sharpie and he would give a spanking. A slight tap. A slight tap.
Starting point is 00:11:22 Yes. And we realized, well, that's an inefficient spanking. That's inefficient. That's not preventative. It's not a spanking. A slight tap. A slight tap. Yes. And we realized, well, that's an inefficient spanking. That's inefficient. That's not preventative. It's not a spanking. We like to do much. So, Lauren bought this little hand.
Starting point is 00:11:36 This little rubber hand. I was at a bookstore and these were labeled as Trump hands, which to me, not funny, over done, we get it. But as a spanking hand. But as a sharpie hand, if it's perfectly a sharpie, to become a spanking sharpie, it's gorgeous, it's a really nicely made hand. I'll take a photo. Yeah. We'll post it. And you are very excited by you are pretending to spank. You want to do a boom ring? I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that.
Starting point is 00:12:07 It's beautiful. And then I bought these, I searched for on Amazon, fly swatter, shaped like a human hand. And this is at the same time we were buying these things. Probably at the same exact second. Probably, probably, yeah. And you got five of them, Paul. They're multicolored. They did not come in a single. Probably, yeah. And you got five of them, Paul. They're multi-colored.
Starting point is 00:12:25 They did not come in a single. So, all five of these have their shape-like hands. They are drawn-like hands. They smell like hands. They feel like hands. And they are hands. You can use them for anything hands can be used for. They sound like hands.
Starting point is 00:12:43 They have opposable thumbs. That's great. If you're making love, you can grab your making love. What do you pretend you do, grab titties? Posititties. Lauren is needing some famp's and all the tips. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You like this? You like this? I like this. I like this. Miss, miss, do you enjoy this? You like this lady?
Starting point is 00:13:08 Ya kill, why do you kill? Why do you kill? Why do you kill? Norm, please. She's seen a photo to give a son. She's a photo to give a son. She's a photo to give a son. She's a photo to give a son.
Starting point is 00:13:21 I would like to say, I think we should put in the new studio a hook on the wall where we can ping this. Yes, absolutely. She'll have to be a little plaque over it. Yeah, and it should be, the tape like, it splines what it is. It should be shaped like Captain Hook. And maybe the hook is Captain Hook's nose?
Starting point is 00:13:37 Okay, yes, the hook is shaped like Captain Hook's nose. And coming out of it is like a, Captain Hook has like, coming out of his nose. Captain Hook, it's a cactus dress like captain hook. Yeah, right We always see the nose We see a little speech bubble that explains So cactus hook is talking out of his nose.
Starting point is 00:14:06 Cactus hook is cactus hook is cactus hook is cactus hook is cactus hook is now. So cactus hook is talking out of his nose. And he says, okay, I'm going to tell you something about these fly swargers. They're actually butt swargers. Does he start by, I'm cactus- I'm cactus, I'm cactus, I'm cactus, I'm cactus. I'm thing, I'm a cactus in a swatter. I'm a cactus.
Starting point is 00:14:31 I'm a cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus.
Starting point is 00:14:39 I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactus. I'm cactused I couldn't get spanked. If I told the story, if you're begging, well, it's a punishment. It's not a treat. No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:14:48 Well, it reminds me of when I was in college and we did this West Side Story Romeo and Julia. Scott. If you, okay, here's the problem. I know what you're doing. I'm going to introduce a new rule. Okay, new rule. I'm gonna try to get spanked.
Starting point is 00:15:00 You get punched in the face. You get punched in the face. You get punched in the face? You get slapped with the hand. Why the baby hand? You really want to use that baby hand. Which would you rather it be? I mean, I... What do you think the official one is?
Starting point is 00:15:15 The baby hand or the... This can be like the desk version and it's kind of like a symbol of us recording. And this one is like the official spank. I think we need to test them out to see what hurts more. What's good about... Should we test them on Shavin? Yeah, that's what I'm it. He's ready. No.
Starting point is 00:15:45 Okay. What are you gonna boomerang this? Or are you just videoing it? No, I'm doing it as a video. All right. How many do it? Do I just give one swat? How much time have you been spanked on Justly?
Starting point is 00:15:54 I feel like I've been spanked on Justly three times, Shevin, what would you say? Yes. Three. Oh, yes. I'm imagining this video being shown in a courtroom. I'm gonna try first first the fly swatter, then the baby hand, then a combination of both.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Okay. All right, first the swatter. First the swatter. One. Ow. Oh, God, this is creepy. And now the hand. Two.
Starting point is 00:16:18 And now a combination of both. Three. What, okay, now sit down, down Kevin and tell us about your experience. I can't sit. Jesus. The hand hurt the most. The hand hurt the most. Just the hand by itself.
Starting point is 00:16:34 It's heavy. Heavy is the hand. What I think is good about the fly swatter is it provides more distance. Yeah, I think it's more appropriate. It has holes in it so you can really build up some speed with it. Yes. Yeah, I think it's fair. You think it's fair.
Starting point is 00:16:52 It's tough of fair. It's tough of fair. It's a cactus who's... I don't want to say it's not about speed. Cactus who's... Oh, cactus who's... It's a cactus door. Oh, a door, okay. I'm glad you remembered remembered you know Tim Conway from the old Carol Burnett
Starting point is 00:17:09 Car open that show you remember that show where they did like Curtain rod instead of address of course I remember that's the only way I can know what you're talking Mr. Tudball yeah sure Dentist can't stop laughing. That's right the dentist who can't stop laughing that wonderful I used to when I was a kid I love those when they would break up all the time. I know. And then later I realized how unprofessional. Truly. Well, there was, well, I mean, there was so little joy in the 70s. They, there's like to see anyone enjoying themselves. Quailudes. I feel like I only talk about infomercials,
Starting point is 00:17:41 but there are infomercials for Carol Burnett. That's like a 30 minute infomercial. And then they show them just like laughing 30 minute info marshall. Yes. And then they show them just like laughing the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Tim Conway had his own thing going for a while. How do he would do some self-show? He would do some self-show, maybe.
Starting point is 00:17:53 Well, maybe, but he would sell them his videotapes. Yes, he would. But how did he start? How did he start? How do people know what the character was for him to be able to sell these videotapes? I only knew it as videotapes. So this character, Dorff was Tim Conway kneeling on a pair of shoes.
Starting point is 00:18:08 I think I've seen this. Yes. I want to go. And then he had various. No, Sarah's already Googled it. He had various things, various activities. Dorf on golf. Dorf on this.
Starting point is 00:18:17 And so Dorf on golf was him trying to play golf. But is the name of offensive? It's the name of offensive. What do you think of it as? It's the Dorf. Oh, do- Oh, you know what? Yes. I never thought about it's? It's offensive. What do you think it's offensive? It's offensive.
Starting point is 00:18:26 It's offensive. It's offensive. What do you think it's offensive? It's offensive. What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? It's offensive. What do you think it's offensive?
Starting point is 00:18:34 What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive?
Starting point is 00:18:42 What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive? What do you think it's offensive He also had Dwarf on fishing, and I remember that being advertised late at night and me being drunk and ordering that ironically because it came with a floating keychain, like a foam keychain that's the brand of it with Dwarf on it. Did it look like Dwarf or did it just say Dwarf?
Starting point is 00:19:00 No, it was like, it was like obviously a regular old foam thing that you would have if you were fishing So you wouldn't lose something. You know, it would float and then they just slapped the word dorf on it Works for me. So what do we got? What do we got in terms of Dorf? It checks out Do you want to do you want to hear the video of Dorf on golf or do you want to know what Dorf means? I want both Yeah, okay, Dorf is golf or do you want to know what Dorf means? I want both. Both, yeah. Dorf is German for village. Okay, that doesn't help. That's not what I thought that was,
Starting point is 00:19:31 that's not where I thought that was it. I thought it was like a team kind of explanation for what it means. Yeah, like it's an expression. Dorf on the test of the two really. I'm not a job medic at all, David. The sport combining beauty. You know, this is losing a lot when we can't see it.
Starting point is 00:19:48 A sport demanding eye and hand-closeness can't either. By the way, there's a man who can fly a ball together for you. The man who can help you help your gay. What? What do they get rid of this? How do they get rid of this real speed? I think it just directly, but I'm just an idol, that one. I think he was actually committed to having a good fight. I think it just directly happened. I think he was actually committed to having a good fight.
Starting point is 00:20:08 Especially because of Vincent Chugali. The meme goes to the goal. In the golf, the optic of the game is to get this tiny little weeny ball into that tiny little weeny hole, away down there with as a few strokes as a possible. So he's got sort of a, like, in the Hitler mustache. What did Hitler mustache? with the zafu strokes is a possible so it's got sort of a into the last to my
Starting point is 00:20:25 the most of she loves to do bad wigs bad to pay right but for me of all skive ellies playing the cat is that because he's very tall
Starting point is 00:20:34 he's very tall isn't the mean goes for us yeah very tall and he was wasn't he married to uh... wasn't married to agnes from moonlight is that right
Starting point is 00:20:44 i've seen enough shavon i think so maybe who is vinson shevelle who is the vinson shevelle who is he married to who is he married to giveli who is he married to shevelle
Starting point is 00:20:59 shevelle get that answer for us garros mccollion and Alice Beasley. Alice Beasley. Alice Beasley. Who's that? Who's that? Alice.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Oh, at least, oh, at least, she was in moonlighting. She was agnus, right? Some walk by night. Some walk by day. Yeah. She was Mr. Pesto, yes, Mr. Pesto. Agnus Pesto, yeah, in moonlight. She was the like the third.
Starting point is 00:21:24 She was the third building. Moonlighting. Would you say she's not Moonlight? What if she was in Moonlight? What if Bruce Willis just showed up and said did someone say Moonlighting? What if the film makers, Moonlighting was a TV show with a cybershopper and Bruce Willis? That's why we have Bruce Willis. And why we have cybolar now?
Starting point is 00:21:42 No, she was famous already. Yes. She was in American horse Yes, he I mean he was in a couple of things but moonlighting made him a star so much so That by the end of the first season he was like, and the first season was only like 10 episodes or something, he was like massively huge and being thrown movie offers. Wow. Here's the trajectory.
Starting point is 00:22:13 He did moon lighting. He did commercials for Seagrums, Golden Wine Coolers. He did die hard. And then he did his albums. Bruno, the return of Bruno. The return of Bruno. The first was just the return of Bruno. The return of Bruno. First was just the return of Bruno. The first he put out an album called the return of Bruno.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Who the fuck is Bruno? Nobody knows Bruno. Yeah, that was his musical alter ego though, a lot like. Yes. Whatever Gavin, who might have given Garth Brooks? Gavin McHenris. Gavin McHenris is Garth Brooks's The proud
Starting point is 00:22:51 I mean you're gonna have to be more Fucking nailed it. That's absolutely the perfect description. Yes. He is that guy who's got punch in the face outside of the thing Diddy? No, he didn't yeah, he did no, no, that's Richard's best. But I think Did he? No, he didn't. Yeah, he did. No, that's Richard Spencer. But I think it's also got him. I think he got punched too. Yeah. Um, yeah, it should happen. I hope so. Bruce Wes is a legitimately good harmonica player though. Okay. I think you look at honestly, I don't believe you Bruce Willis. I won't accept that harmonica Saturday night live. And and we'll hear it and feed. Yeah. We've talked about feed before. Oh, yeah. Hey, we're not done talking about that.
Starting point is 00:23:33 I'm all over that wiki. Are you really? I wonder if I am. I have a good raining day. Are you really? Is it just women? Where is it men too? Oh, on there?
Starting point is 00:23:42 I don't know. I've only really searched my friends because I'm like how creepy is shit. Is it just women? Or is it men too? Oh, on there? I don't know. I've only really searched my friends because I'm like how creepy is shit. Oh wait, and you have to look for me. I mean female. Oh, okay. What do we have?
Starting point is 00:23:54 Any harmonica videos? Do you want to see if you're on there? I'll Google it right now. Yeah, Google it for me. We talked about that backstage at a spontaneous show. The idea of like, are there female foot fetishes? Right, who love male feet? Yeah, I wonder.
Starting point is 00:24:08 It can't be possible. All right, what do we got? This is him playing it on Letterman. Okay, that's good. No, but linked me to Cool Up's feet. Oh, oh, that's nice. Where are they? You're probably in one of those pictures.
Starting point is 00:24:20 Like you're dumb sneakers in there. It's just, Look at him go! That's pretty hot. It's been... I mean, it is impressive, isn't it? I'm honestly, I'm saying it's hot. I mean, I know, like, half a minute is just getting one that's in the right key. You know, but still. It's all pictures from, like, Irwell, where she's wearing, like, sandals or whatever.
Starting point is 00:24:53 I mean, people are just, like, maybe a couple from home, or she would. Why? Why would anyone like a foot? I, you know, it's, it's, I have to come to terms with this because, I don't know, it is weird and I feel like I have void posting anything where my feet are shown because I know that the picture's not on there. Oh, that sucks, you don't think about that. I know, it's weird. But it's also like, it's also like,
Starting point is 00:25:15 you're sexualized, get the fuck away! Yeah, sneak into pics down there. My gild is thrown. It's difficult. It's difficult because it sexualizes the body part that you're not used to being sexualized, but also it's like fine because I don't really care. Because who cares if someone sexualizes it,
Starting point is 00:25:32 but the thought of someone like splarching looking at pictures of you. But the thought of that is anything else that is of me online is also gross. So it's just gross. Yeah, what else do you got out of it? I'm gonna tell your ass. Okay, we need to take a break.
Starting point is 00:25:43 We'll be right back. Lauren has an orange or is that a tantarine? It is, ehm, what is this? Clementine, Mandarin, what the fuck is this? What the fuck is that? It's a seedless little citrus. You're a seedless little citrus. Get out of my house. And into my car. And thereby into my dreams.
Starting point is 00:26:20 I don't love the flavor of it though. You know what, well, I mean, I would imagine it's tangy. It's not tangy, you know. I would imagine it's juicy. Stop. What are you just scribing? Stop. This is getting me all flustered.
Starting point is 00:26:34 So what do you guys wanna talk about? What's the hornyest you've ever been? We've finally read it. So I asked the question. What's the hornyest you've ever been? I guess what she Bruce Bruce was like that. Wait, wait, wait, wait, what does that mean? Like, the Hordeist you've ever been in, you couldn't get it out.
Starting point is 00:26:52 You couldn't get it out. You couldn't get it out. Couldn't get it out. Just like, you got stuck in a staircase. I'm just getting horny, I don't know what to do. What's the longest you've ever gone being in a state of Horde-ness? What? It comes to me at night.
Starting point is 00:27:04 It comes to me at night. Horde just comes to me at night? It comes to me at night. Horde just comes to me at night. My balls. Swirl up to the size of babooning. Is this? Shut the fuck? The size of a babooning. How big was it?
Starting point is 00:27:17 Like is it babooning? That should, yeah. So the smaller than a bread box, definitely. You could put that in a bread box. We, is that, you know that, what is it you held a koala? What am I thinking of? It's a koala.
Starting point is 00:27:32 And a wallaby. And a wallaby. Were those the only animals you've ever held? Like, do they ever let you hold in? Do you mean exotic animals? Yeah. They ever let you hold anything in a zoo normally? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:27:41 That was very special. I feel like it, the little little little little way. We're talking about by the way, we were in Australia. We were in Perth and we went to a... Well, thanks for the animal. Animal, thanks for the animal. Oh my God, but it was amazing. We saw so many amazing things.
Starting point is 00:27:54 I mean, ostriches that pegged you on the head. Oh, we'll be right back. We'll be right back. The ostriches pegged you on the head. I remember everyone said it was an e-mo when I talked about it because you were in Australia, it's an e-mo. And I was like, nope. And I showed the picture and it said ostr you were the head. And remember everyone said it was an e-mo when I talked about it because you were in Australia, it's an e-mo. And I was like, nope. And I showed the picture and it said ostrich on the video.
Starting point is 00:28:09 You're like, bitch, it's an ostrich. Bitch, it's an ostrich. Bitch, I got the big walks in my head. Bitch, it's an ostrich. Bitches and ostrich. Oh, but I loved that experience. What do you think? I want to go feed kangaroos who were like right next to us
Starting point is 00:28:23 and stand next to them. I wasn't little freaked out by the kangaroos because you walk into this, I know we talk about eggs, the jump. Well, they were injured by like cars and stuff. Yeah, these were animals of the scene. They all had tire tracks on them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:37 They were all on crutches. They had big bandages. But yeah, being so close to them was kind of weird to me, even though obviously there are around people all the time. Like this is their gig now, it's like they hang out, and you can walk right out to them, but it still felt like, I guess because I'd never been that close to this animal before.
Starting point is 00:28:59 I was like, I don't know what he's gonna do. That's how desensitized to it, I became of like, oh, I guess it's cool just to be around these animals that when I went over the ostrich, it was like, yeah, it's obviously safe to be next to this ostrich and then it pecked me in the goddamn head. It's got a standing in front of a fence to get this picture taken with the ostrich
Starting point is 00:29:15 and the back right now. A selfie with the ostrich. Didn't you capture it when it pecked? I literally got him in a live photo. I'm taking it. Yeah, the live photo feature. It was perfect for God. Just bonked me right there.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Yeah, it was so good. Those are amazing to see up close. I don't think I'd ever seen one like, and they were running so fast and circles. Oh, man, they're like six five. What did they tell her in that problem? They're probably seven. No, I think they were like seven feet tall with their necks up.
Starting point is 00:29:37 They're great with their, don't you think? One heels, they're like, why did they make them wear those heels? Well, this is sexy. No, don't get me wrong, I was turned on. Honestly, if an ostrich were wearing heels and you came up behind one, you would mistake it for a woman. Like a woman in a, like a Victoria Jackson style dress.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Wow, wow, wow. Victoria Jackson, I'm asking you to wear the poofy dresses. Isn't she like alt-right? Yeah, she's insane now. Yeah, I don't even think it's alt. There's nothing alt about it. It's not alternative comedy, right? She's like a crazy religious right.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Yeah, great. Great, great. Religion, hey, did you hear about the church of Latter-day Saints? They wanted to see Timefly. I know, really? Is this a joke? No, no, you hear the one with the church of Latter-day Saints? You can't, you can't. They don't want to be time fly. I know. Really? What is this a joke? No, no, you hear the one with a church letter. You can't you can't get in tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:30:27 They don't want to be called Mormon anymore. Well, too bad. I still feel like you're like Johnny Carzinger. They don't want that one. Apparently they know them want to be called this is true. This is this is absolutely true. None of them want to be called Mormons. No, you're supposed to say Jesus.
Starting point is 00:30:45 I still think you're gonna say, they're the Church of Jesus Christ of Christ. A letter day since. You can't say, they don't want you to say LDS, they don't want you to say, Oh, we can say LDS, we can't even say LDS. No, why is this?
Starting point is 00:30:54 They don't like the contational point. Because it came to him in a vision from God. I know a person who, his relative was one of the people who connected with God. Like one of the- Who had a direct line? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:11 Hotline. Yeah, hotline to God. Mm-hmm. And how often would God talk to him whenever? I don't know, I didn't ask about that. It was just someone I knew from growing up and he went on a mission for two years to Amsterdam, we were a pen pals.
Starting point is 00:31:24 I had a lot of Penpals. You did have a lot of Penpals. Yeah, tell us about one of them. What was the blood type? Okay, I'll tell you. No, I'll tell you about a different one. Okay. I grabbed this pen.
Starting point is 00:31:34 I had a male Italian Penpal when I was in like, like, six grade or something. Did that seem exotic to you? It was, but it was like, it was harder to know what to say to him. So I really fell off quickly. I was much happier with my female pentals.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Oh, because you could. I didn't know what to write about. Female issues? I don't know what I was writing about, but it just felt like, oh, what am I gonna say? He's a boy. Did you ask him if you like pizza?
Starting point is 00:31:59 Oh, hey. Well, you like pizza? You're where it was born. You like meatballs, you like pizza you're where it was born You like meatballs you meatball I like hamburgers except for America What's the most American food I don't Pienuts and cracker jacks apple pie Apple pie. Yeah, I don't I never had although I wonder if apple pie. know pretty good. I don't like a fruity pie. I had to eat
Starting point is 00:32:26 two complete pies Lauren I Used to like you that's interesting. That's uninteresting to you Hold on we're talking about something. It would I tried to stop you before it got interesting I didn't want to miss the interesting part all right go ahead Lauren I used to be like you. I didn't like fruit pies and now I do Open to it. What happened?
Starting point is 00:32:47 I was acting in a scene and I'd dumbly in the first take, eight, like two bites of pie, and then I'd replicate it. I had to replicate it and I thought, well this won't be bad. I'm doing four takes of this, and I think we did 28 takes or something like that.
Starting point is 00:33:04 And then, a pie-cramer. No, I didn't keep fucking up. I kept falling out of your mouth. No, they just wanted to cover it from every angles for some reason. So the prop master came up to me afterwards and I said, how much pie did I eat? He said, too complete pies. Wow. Yeah. What do Yeah, what do you write down? A code. Oh. Well, why did you... Because he was wondering.
Starting point is 00:33:31 About what? I don't remember. Oh, never mind. Oh, I was looking at the other thing you were. No. Oh, yeah, yeah. But have you ever had apple pie with cheese? No, I never would.
Starting point is 00:33:43 I've never had that either. I remember being in a, I think, a Marie Calendars, and they had in the napkin, on the napkins printed on the napkins, a rhyme that said, and apple pie without the cheese is like a hug without the squeeze. Ew. You know what's got? You've told that story before.
Starting point is 00:34:05 Have I? Yes. On the show? I don't know if it was on the show. Are you fun? I don't. Seven. Is that it?
Starting point is 00:34:12 Seven's gun shy, by the way. Right, ridiculous. Okay, you've never heard it. It's already. You've never heard it. I don't think I have. I don't know that it was on the show, but I've heard you,
Starting point is 00:34:20 because I've never heard that anywhere else. But I have a horrible memory. I had never, I have a good memory. I had never heard you because I've never heard that anywhere else. But I have a horrible memory. I had never... I have a good memory. I had never heard of anyone. I think part of it is I say I have a horrible memory. You're not here. It's good.
Starting point is 00:34:33 Also, you get high all the time. Okay, that's not... I don't think that's the blame. You're burned off the brain? Please talk. No. Please! It's not what happened!
Starting point is 00:34:43 What happened? It's not talking. What happened? Not talking. What happened to us? You're not talking anymore. No, Scott. Come on, Scott! Gotta do it!
Starting point is 00:34:53 Wait, this sound like I'm from like this Sandlot. Come on, Scott! Do you know I've never seen that. I've never seen that movie either. It's after my time. Yeah, I guess I would have been weird. But I talked about, on stage, in Brooklyn one time, I talked about not having seen it.
Starting point is 00:35:07 The audience was like out-ranged. Oh, good. And she just children's movie. Wait, I have a thought that I was just thinking last night about this. Like when you have these movies that are like, everyone's still on. Cultural touch time.
Starting point is 00:35:19 Yeah, I haven't seen a bunch of them, okay? Yeah, neither of them. And I think ghost, pretty woman. Sure, I haven't seen Scarface. I don't know what the fuck, God for the two. I mean, people shouldn't be like, oh, they should be like, oh good, you got to see it sometime in the future.
Starting point is 00:35:31 And I also think I'm gonna die at some point. And I don't care about that movie. Why do I have to fill my brain with that and then die? I don't, it's just, but do you know what I mean? It's like, what do I care? I don't have to see that. There's I mean? It's like what do I care? I don't have to see that there's no end game to that Yes, who cares? But you probably know the references from Scarface without having seen Like putting you putty little mouth
Starting point is 00:35:59 Say hello to my best friend Hello to my best friend Porter you're pretty little mouth Say hello to my best friend You probably know the pretty woman stuff maybe what test me big mistake. I don't know that I don't know what that is That's what we did in front of Bubba gumpston hawaiston. I didn't know that's right. I know it from that. Okay, you had to explain it to me. It is from when she goes shopping and they won't help her when she looks like a street worker.
Starting point is 00:36:35 And then she, a sex worker, a sex worker. When she comes back in, a sex worker, the sex walking dead. She's certainly rich from her man. Just sex workers zombies. You work on commission, don't you?
Starting point is 00:36:51 That's somebody. You work on commission, don't you? Big mistake. Big. Oh, cute. So she's shopping or something. Yeah, she comes in with all these. Okay, what else is there from pretty woman that people know?
Starting point is 00:37:00 When he snaps the ring box on her finger and she's like, Oh, I feel like that was incommersial. So I saw that. And that was improvised. Yeah, because what kind of lunatic would laugh like that when she knows she has to laugh? Okay, wait, so Richard Gears snapping that box and startling her was improvised?
Starting point is 00:37:18 Yeah, good, good improv, Richard. Yeah, I mean, it's famous. What are you not seeing? I'm not seeing dirty dancing or top gun. Okay, nobody puts baby in the corner. I'm sure you know, I know what that is. Although is her name baby is that way? Yeah, they say. Yeah. Okay. Which also is like so weird. Right. Yes. And she's strange. Someone literally put her in a corner or what what happened? Uh, or or they're saying they they're gonna pass her over or something. If he's saying it to, is Patrick Swaisy saying that to her father?
Starting point is 00:37:48 I think he says it to her. That is one I do want to see. I thought he was like defending her to someone else. That movie I can't remember if I've seen her not. I've seen it, but just like on TV, you know, like it was just, I had a, I had a girlfriend in high school. Not really a girlfriend, but, um, Let's give him the benefit of it. She really, she really liked dirty dancing and I was like
Starting point is 00:38:12 She was a dancer She's that you ask No, um, was she a little fireball? She's stumpy She was like a dwarf She's was real dwarf, does she? She's real like, dwarf with boobs. Dwarf on dancing. No, she was a dancer and she really loved dirty dancing.
Starting point is 00:38:33 And I was being very snotty about it like, no, I have not seen dirty dance. It's like, why not dude, just like play along and be interested in what she's interested in. But I don't have to learn that lesson. I was, and I think I mentioned this, maybe the other day on a different show on REM, but I had a girlfriend who was telling me
Starting point is 00:38:54 about the best concert she ever saw, which was Phil Collins, and this is 1993. I was like, fuck that guy. And I like went into a big monologue about why, fuck that guy. And she's just trying to tell me about a show. A fun time. Yeah, a fun time.
Starting point is 00:39:07 She's like, well, he's a really great entertainer. I'm like, yeah, fuck him because this, this, this. Did he do anything that's like wrong? Or is it not like murder and he didn't do anything? Cause I like Phil Collins. No, he's great. I love it. No, if you were saying like, no, he's like bad.
Starting point is 00:39:21 No, I was saying artistic. It was all artistic. He's like, he's pop whatever shut up, I was saying it was all artistic. It was all artistic. He's pop, whatever, shut up. Yeah, yeah. God, why? You waste so much time when you are younger, trying to be cool. And, you know.
Starting point is 00:39:33 Well, that high fidelity line about, it's not what you are like, it's what you like. You might, I may have flipped those, but that is such a big part of, I think, your 20s of like your taste defines you. Yeah. And if someone doesn't share that, they're not the right person for it.
Starting point is 00:39:50 Right. Well, you're trying to figure things out, but it's also that thing of you go through that purity in life where it's just you are looking for things to despise. You're looking for things to say. Yeah, you're looking for things to talk shit about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, God. No, I mean, I guess you just have to go through that. I was sitting in a diner next to some theater kids a few years ago But they were they were they were like 18 or 19 or 20 or something
Starting point is 00:40:24 But they were, they were, they were like 18 or 19 or 20 or something. And we're 21 or 20. We're 23, 24, 100 years old. But they were all talking shit about other people in their theater department. So hard. That's different. But I was just like, oh yeah, that's right, that's your 20s. You're like, you think you're great. And you have taste.
Starting point is 00:40:43 And you're, and you're the best at what you do and everyone else sucks. Oh my god. And in reality, you're all slight variations of sucking. Yeah, you're reminding me of when I was in Stockholm, like this was probably two years ago. Stagel. It was winter. It was freezing cold. You didn't like it at first, but then after a while, you got to start to be like, yeah,
Starting point is 00:41:01 it was almost like I I was a check home chief. I was at, I was freezing, freezing, freezing cold. But honestly, the coldest I've ever been, went to this like cafe with the head hot chocolate whatever, like it was like a greenhouse sort of, really pretty, it's snowing outside, nighties fun. Then these like college kids come in who are obviously like foreign exchange, you know, from America, what do you recall it?
Starting point is 00:41:25 Setting a broad. Yeah, great country in the world. Setting a broad. And this great, great country in the world. They're talking so loudly and being so annoying, but the worst offender and the most, the loudest girl who was so fucking annoying was wearing shorts. And just wearing shorts. There's just no way you're uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:41:43 Right. It was the coldest I've ever been in my life. Did she take off a jacket, like a long jacket or something and reveal it? Don't think. Wait, now I'm the hornies I've ever been. She just was wearing them and not talking about it and it was like, you're annoying.
Starting point is 00:41:58 All right, look, we need to take a break. We'll be right back. Welcome back everybody. We're still here. Fuck you. Yep. And if you're still here, fuck you too. And if you're still here, fuck out. If you want to fuck this This is supposed to be! Oh! So Lauren, you have a game? Shudden just came up with the game bus to play. I want to give him a credit. It's full disclosure.
Starting point is 00:42:33 Let's go. You know we used to don't give him credit. And we should stop. It's called monologue thief. And the way it works is, somebody starts doing a monologue. It can be in character. It can be as yourself telling a story. And much like a show.
Starting point is 00:42:45 Hello, my good best friend. And much like on the show, we will interrupt you and start telling our own story. But it is, you can continue the monologue, but put your own spin on it. So basically you pick up where it left off and keep going. And we can just go in a circle. Yeah, clockwise, starting with you.
Starting point is 00:43:04 Sure. Go. Okay. I was born on the floor. But it wasn't even in America so nobody knew to celebrate it in just the right way. With fireworks being bang boom everything going off around me I couldn't even believe that was my mother's pussy pushing me straight out onto the loading dock. I'll never forget the first side I saw the special liberty. She leaned out to me and said happy birthday! I got you something. It wasn't what I expected.
Starting point is 00:43:37 It was a beautiful, drinks or puzzle of what ten pieces. Of the map of the United States, which is where I wanted to go, because the Statue of Liberty, she was this person who did it in Times Square. She dressed up like her, but as I said earlier, as I said earlier, this was not in America. This was in France.
Starting point is 00:44:02 I was in France Times Square. I knew it because everybody was speaking about Le Vou Front, say. They leaned over to me and said, Bonjour, Bonjour, Bonjour, Bonjour, Bonjour. I want to get it from you and put you in a shoe. This was a popular song of the time in Times Square French. Now, fast forward to 3,000 AD.
Starting point is 00:44:27 I am immortal. I have not been able to die. Everyone else is dead. I am the only living being on this earth. All bugs are dead. All sharks are dead. All kitty cats are dead. There is one dog.
Starting point is 00:44:42 I have heard about it. I have not seen it. Where have I heard about it? In the newspaper that I create every single day. I have a printing press that I put the daily news in and I roll it off, it just makes me feel normal. But I'm out of paper, so I have to use gum wrappers, so it's a very tiny newspaper that only a mouse can read. So, I got my shelf of a mouse.
Starting point is 00:45:05 I found a skeleton of a mouse and I put some fur on it. I put some skin on it. I tend to take the skin off, put the skin on first, then the fur on top of the skin. And every night I wish to the blue fairy, please make my mouse come to life. Please make my mouse come to life and then. Please make my come come to life. Please make my mouse come to life. Please make my come to my mouse come to life and then Make my come come to life please make my come come to life, please
Starting point is 00:45:29 Please let me give birth to a mouse this real Please I want to come on this mouse won't you let me come on this mouse? I'm magical come on make it real please please please Now it's that steel day! I'm all alone in Paris French in 3,000 AD with my mouse skeleton. I don't know what to do with myself. Should I go out on the town? No, I should not, because what I should do instead is take this UV light
Starting point is 00:46:02 and put it over the mouse to see if I really did come on this mouse or if I missed it every single time. I know what you know you may be wondering. What's my name? Well about to tell you it goes a little something like this. My name is my name is my name is my name is yes that's right I'm in him goodbye forever the end well we did it we did it what a monologue well I I would like it if people were would perform that in their you know high school drama yeah like debate club or we're're for word. Dramatic and turn. What's that called? Speech. Speech comp.
Starting point is 00:46:48 Dramatic and turn. Dramatic and turn. Just word for word, do that. Yeah. And see how it comes out. I would like to see it all written out for sure. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:46:57 Please write it all out for us. And let us know. That was, that was, that was, that was, that was, that was what, that was what we call my, that was the game, it was the game. It was the game, monologue thief. Monologue thief, fuck you. So fuck you and your little friend, best friend. Allow me to introduce my lovely wife of three years.
Starting point is 00:47:18 Phyllis. Phyllis. Phyllis Scarface. There is a store in on King Street in Charleston called Phil is. It's not finally not there anymore, but it was there when I, the first time I went to Charleston in 2006 and then it closed down and then it was just this empty store front for the longest time, and it had the most depressing, like, 80s font, and it was just called Phyllis.
Starting point is 00:47:50 And I think it was a clothing store. Have you been to the- 80s font, what do you mean, like what- What would you like it into? I'm sorry, like a script, but it's like tacky. I saw that font the other day that I was like, why was this popular in the 80s? It's like the chorus line font is the only way I can,
Starting point is 00:48:05 you know, like New York film Academy. It's sort of related to that. This is like that sort of play bill font, but Fatter, do you know what I mean? Yeah. No, have you been to the Burbank Mall? Like that's like. The one with a glass elevator that I filmed in once?
Starting point is 00:48:18 Yeah. Is it a great glass elevator? Is it like near downtown Burbank? We're like, it was like by the old IKEA and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so they have all the weirdest stores there that are all fake. Yeah, because that mall is used to be very popular and used to have the only movie theater in Burbank. Really? Yeah, really? All the stores are like closed time. No, they, I mean, look, I've been around here for, you know, 25 years or whatever. Yeah. So I've seen the trajectory of it. It was like the only movie theater was there. You had to go to it.
Starting point is 00:48:47 I believe I saw a cigarette in the movie. You had to go to it. Was it cool? Like the mall? Yeah, the mall was like, it has this like train down on the bottom floor and all this stuff. And then they built other movie theaters around
Starting point is 00:48:59 and they built up the entire area. And now nothing is there. And every other store is closed. Every store is a weird name that looks fake. Like I wanna take a picture of everyone when I see it because it's so stupid. What's stopping you? I don't know how he's a phone.
Starting point is 00:49:12 But it's just like who's it for? You know? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So Phyllis is finally closed? It's finally closed. Did someone name me?
Starting point is 00:49:24 He became a head shop. Fuck. Oh. So Phyllis is finally closed. It's finally closed. Did someone name it? It became a head shop. Fuck. Oh, selling e-juice? They definitely sell e-juice. Did you ever figure out what e-juice is? No. I still know.
Starting point is 00:49:35 And the old year wolf, the old year wolf, there was a vape shop on the corner that had a banner that says e-juice. E-juice. E-juice. Super excited about e-juice. Now, was that a, was that maybe a, an early vape type of thing? Or was it, were they getting it wrong?
Starting point is 00:49:51 I think we talked about once we never wanted to find out what it was. The electronic. E-liquid. I call it E-liquid, yeah. No, this is the funniest. I have a big one. All right, look, we have to go.
Starting point is 00:50:04 All right, look. That's to go. All right, look. That's going to do it for episode 25 of Freedom in the books. We only have one left next week. Very special episode next week. Very special episode next week. No, if in case you're wondering, we're not going to have special guests. No, we're not going to cry.
Starting point is 00:50:22 Well, we don't know. We might cry. We don't know. Do you think we'll ever cry on this show? I bet you did. No, we're not gonna cry. Well, we don't know. We don't know. Do you think we'll ever cry on this show? I think we did. No, we did. We did. When we were talking about songs, it made us cry. Yeah, we did.
Starting point is 00:50:32 Did we cry, though? I think we did. I did. I did. I will say that I was talking about that song literally two days ago to someone else. You got choked up again? Yeah, I was like, Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:50:42 I feel weird because I am a very emotional person and I feel like a very sentimental and I can cry very easily. I did not cry during that episode. That's okay. I cried on the way here to a song for no reason. We saw. You want no way? It's going to make you confused.
Starting point is 00:50:57 The alpha popcorn? Yeah. Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-bh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you in my brand new car. You know what's up? No, it is. Wait, show your drive. Is it just a Chicago song? Only we only know what to play. Oh, sure. The band Chicago? No. It's a song about Chicago. It's about a highway. Is it because you miss home? I kind of made me nostalgic I guess it's what I was trying. All right well hope you enjoyed that. You're all late for a drive right now. I do want to say. I do want to say. A guy wrote back when I played the Mason Jennings song that he's opening for Mason Jennings and heard it on 3DM
Starting point is 00:52:05 and they're playing the show on September 6, which is my birthday. Whoa, are you gonna go? And since then, how do you feel? Fuck that! And fuck you, we'll see you next week. Fuck you, I love you. you

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