Threedom - Threevisiting: Hale Bopp Sneakers

Episode Date: February 27, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss their high school reunions, child actors and Heaven's Gate before playing the Picnic Game. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

Yeah! We're back! Wow, we did it! Can you believe it? It's another week. Can we believe? You know what? I don't know if I mentioned this before it's somebody posted On our on like a reddit, which I don't always check by the way. I typically don't actually I actually cut out the habit almost entirely What is reddit again? It's where you go to have is that that place that complains about stature premiums the full page of the internet

But people were someone speculated that we recorded a bunch in a row. I'll tell you what, we can't, we cannot do more than two at once. We can't do more than two at one, but we do do do at once. We can't do more than two at once. Do do, do do. But we don't always do two at once. Do don't, do don't. Do don't.

But we do do do do. But we do do do do. Do do do do. Boop boop boop boop bo da ba da. Ba da ba da. Ba da ba da da. Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop. Welcome to Freedom for another week. I'm Paul. I'm Paul. We're all Paul.

All Paul. All left Tompkins. Today we are all Paul. All left Tompkins. Paul five Tompkins. Paul 500. Paul 500. Paul 500.

That's right. Indy 500. Indiana Jones. You're doing it. You're almost there. Paul, do you dislike- You're two away. Dr. Jones, Dr. Biden. Yay! I got there. You did a kill. Five degrees of Dr. Biden.

Paul, do you dislike it when someone leaves out the F in your name? No. Not really. It sounds like Paul Tompkins told me. No, I don't mind that. I don't mind that. You're just glad they're talking about you. All right, I'm like Oscar Wilder, somebody. I only mind it professionally. Like if you were doing a show and someone's like,

Paul Tompkins, you're like, it's not Paul Tompkins. Yes, so someone introduced me that way or if... Or if your build... Has that happened? Because it comes up on IMDB. It's happened occasionally, yeah. Also known as Paul Tompkins. Aka. Paul Tompkins. Aka.

Paul Tompkins. Aka, Bka, Fka. Fka, Twigs, Shia Labouf. Topical. Now I'm Twigs, currently known as K... Cka, Twikens. CPA Twigs. Formerly known as Twigs. Do you know when I first joined Twitter,

my Twitter handle was Twitter Kim's And I wish I'd never changed it really. Yes. You wish it was still that yeah, I do why I do Because it's not because P. F. Tompkins is not my full name At the time Paul was that too many characters? I think at the time it was too many characters Like your your name counted as part of the amount of characters you had. I think it's too late now. Just because people tagged you. But I did snag Paul the handle Paul F. Tompkins after that. Nobody else had it thank God. But thank God. Oh God that was a close one. I'm so glad you said that. Sometimes I wonder though if I... You guys are making fun of me.

If I deactivated finally gets it Couldn't somebody take my name. I'd like to take your name. It's a good question. Oh my god A freedom wedding dearly beloved Like cool up you're out Wait, you guys marry each other. Yeah, you've performed you're out. You guys marry each other. Scott, you've performed a wedding ceremony. I have performed one wedding ceremony.

I have performed a few wedding ceremonies. Yes, I was at one that you performed. I genuinely hope to never do that. Why? I don't like that kind of attention. You know what, you get, it doesn't feel like attention. You get an erection. I don't want to be.

It feels like a responsibility. I don't like that either That part is tough. I don't want to be able to be like I'm in the sort of side I'll sit wherever I want, you know kind of just do my own thing I don't want to have you like to do your thing. Yeah, it's kind of just my deal Yeah, and you get on the mic at the reception say I like to do my thing. I would never make a toast I don't want I don't. I would never make a toast. I don't want any. You would never make a toast? Not who's?

I have, I have. Oh, you have. I just don't like it. It makes me really uncomfortable. Yeah. I will say there's a different kind of nervousness that comes on you when, like, for me, that is. If I'm doing a live show,

I'm usually hiding behind a veneer of sarcasm or whatever, but when you have to be that... That's true. When you have to be that sincere in front of people, there's a little bit of nervousness of like, oh no, now I'm being judged as myself. Not only that, but you're being judged as a comedian. Like it's both. I wasn't being judged as a comedian for the wedding I did.

I didn't make people laugh. But I'm saying like, if you got up and made a have a meeting at a toast. Oh, I got mine. If you got a meeting at a toast at your friend's wedding, people are expecting that to be funny. During my wedding, eight shit so bad at our wedding. He was trying to be so funny. He's a comedian.

And he was trying to be so funny. I didn't think it was that bad. Oh, he, it's legendary. They're, He ate shit. I don't remember it as him eating shit. He ate shit, felt embarrassed, and then Coolop sister came up and then destroyed.

And it's like, because he was trying too hard. Yeah. There is a classic story in the improv community of somebody doing that, but I can't remember the details. So there you go. Thanks. I love stories about stories. That's all my stories are.

I can't remember the details. I've been there so many times, right? And it feels so bad. I was like, you're reminded of the feeling that you had of the story that you know. Oh yeah. And then you bring it up too soon. And then it's like, I actually don't know.

I actually don't know anything about it. I'm gonna say, I do that all the time. That happens with stories about myself too. Where I'm just like, who are the people about myself too, where I'm just like, who are the people that you performed? Cause I was at one, definitely. Sarah and Gino, you were at that one. Oh, but I didn't get to see you do it.

Who's that? Oh, that's right. You got there late. Because we, I have never. Some other friends of ours, love. You have other friends? Well, don't worry about it. I've never been to a wedding that started that on time,

where it was like eight o'clock. It was wild. and it was literally We got there at 825. Yes, and pulled up and they were exiting We're like fuck driver on the block. They'll see us it never happens that was wild so that's crazy So who then who were the because I was at I was a I feel like I was at Laura Because I was at, I was at, I feel like I was at Laura. Milgen. You feel like you were at Laura. Oh yeah, well that was, they had already been married.

Okay. But you did a ceremony. I did a ceremony after they did it. They had done a justice of the peace one. That was the first one I ever did. And I was very nervous about that. And I think I was trying to be, I think I might have taken it too seriously.

Oh, interesting. But then I did, so I did, Sarangino I did my friends Aaron and Krista. I did Mark McConville and Christina Rogers. Oh my God, you've done a lot. I've done a few, I've done one baptism too. Really? What did you have to say?

For the baptism? Yeah. Get ready. I had to make it seem religious, but it was not religious. We gon dunk this baby. I don't think I would do it for anyone that I wasn't close with. Yeah. Oh, no, absolutely. We got a request to do it for for fans or whatever.

I I think it's too. I think it's too big of a responsibility to do it for someone you don't know all that well. And I also think that if you're a fan, you shouldn't want that. You should get someone you're close with. I was once asked to do it for a couple that I did not think should be getting married. Oh!

And I... No, you didn't do our wedding. And I... And I said, by the way, I wanted to do it. I was not tall enough. I was told I was told we want somebody. We want somebody who's at least six nine. Did did you say no?

And then did they get divorced? Yes. Wow. And he turned out to be a real piece of shit. This guy. Whoa. And my friend. No, you love him. And I was I felt really bad about it, but I was like, I just feel like it would be wrong.

God, I wanna know who this is now. Is this someone I know? No, it's not. It's not, it's not. I want some gossip. Guys, do you have any gossip? Hey, if you've got hot gossip about people we don't know, please send it in.

Please send it in. We are starving for gossip. There's nothing going on during the pandemic. Emily Heller, who's a very funny comedian and writer on Instagram Live said, what was the gossip, what was the big piece of gossip from your high school? I did see her post about that and that was really fun.

And it was fun to just read these, like essentially blind items about people you don't know. But it was funny to hear the stories. Some of them were like, oh yeah, that happened in my high school too, but some of them involved murder. Whoa. But it was gossip. I had to hear the stories. Some of them were like, oh yeah, that happened in my high school too, but some of them involved murder. Whoa. But it was gossip.

It was gossip. I had to zoom the other night with some high school friends. I haven't really been doing any social zooms this whole time. Who do you know that's in high school? I feel like I have such a nice time on a social zoom, but I never do them because I am on zoom all day. Yeah, that's how I feel.

I feel that way too. We've had to do so many shows over zoom That and now I do my weekly one with Jason Manzukas But at the beginning we did show with Jason Manzukas. No, not a weekly show, but a weekly zoom Because he's by himself and and you know deservedly so But we did one Paul Janie and cool up and I did one and it was really, but now I'm just like enough of the zooms. I feel, I know, I feel that it's the same thing.

Every time I do it with someone, it's fun. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm so excited to see this person. Right? Yeah. I wish I've had some sex that was boring. Oh man. I'm trying to make him boring sex. You're trying to think of it? Yeah, I don't think I've ever had boring sex. I'm trying to think of it sex. You're trying to think of it?

Yeah, I don't think I've ever had boring sex. I'm trying to think of it as getting me half. Oh, shit, it wasn't boring. What's going on? Boring sex is bad sex. But then it's not, if you like it, then it's not boring anymore. But one thing, we may have talked about this before,

but one thing that always makes me laugh for some reason is when people talk about sex as fun. It's really fun. Hey, that was fun. Like fun. Hey, I had sex the other night. It was fun. I feel like it's its own thing.

Like it's more than, yeah, it's like fun. It just seems like a weird word to me. Fun. I think makes sense. It was really fun. Oh. But I was going to say that my high school friends and I were trying to come up with some gossip about people to kind of, you know, entertain each other.

Right. It's hard to come by, it really is. We had a couple little news stories. Like recent gossip? Yeah, like, cause we're like, then like the last time we did it, which was at the beginning of the pandemic, we ended up Googling some people on a share screen,

which was pretty fun. Like, oh, where's,, what are all that guys? You think of someone like really random that no one remembers or no one's been in touch with. And then you try to figure out what they're up to. I think my college, people I was in college with, we all kept up with each other for the first 10, 11, 12 years. And then...

13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 21, 12. We're still in touch. And we're very close. No, but I... Here they are. We were all on a zoom at the beginning of the quarantine and I don't think there's any gossip anymore but it used to be like anytime you'd see anyone from college

you go, okay, give me the gossip about this person, this person, this, well guess what they're doing? They're doing this, this, this, and now it's just like everyone's just boring and doing it. He's an alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah. The hot items I feel like in recent years for my demographic are like someone getting

divorced, someone getting engaged, someone having a baby. That's usually the gossip. So it's not that exciting, but it's interesting. Do you ever think about the person, was there somebody in your high school that when you think about them now, you're like, oh, I should have, that person I should have tried to date.

Like I didn't think about dating them then, but when I think about the kind of person they are, I'm like, oh, she was actually really cool. I should have tried to date her. I feel like I did have a tendency to like people who I wasted time liking weird people, but like people who were wrong choices, but I had a good boyfriend.

Like mad boys or just you liked weirdos and you should have liked normal people. I liked a mixture of weirdos and very normal boring people. Like norm core people? Like just the worst like, Norm core. Just the worst type where they're just like not, not good or interesting and they're not.

I went to a bar with George Went once and they shouted norm at him and they slid a beer over to him immediately. And it was a bar he'd never been into. And he just said, thank you. And then drank it. That does happen to him. All the time, right?

All the time, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Famously we were unclipped together. You were famously unclipped. Mm-hmm. But yeah, I just, I don't know if there are people that I am like, oh, I should have, I don't think so, not in high school.

In high school, I feel like it was more like I tried to date a bunch of people and no one wanted to. And then, so that's it. For me, it was like I was hung up on people. So like- That was me too, I wasted my time. Yeah, there was a girl, we had this on again, off again thing. It was very dramatic and very tumultuous.

And it was like, you know, of course, it was like that was my world at the time. That was everything. And when I think about it now, I'm like, oh, that other girl was really cool. She was normal and like, it would have been, we probably had a nice time. Yeah, it would have had fun sex.

Yeah, I will say it might. Maybe I would have had sex. It would have been fun. At my 23 union, I will say one of my classmates as I was walking away with Coolop, we were just about to get married, shouted like she was with her friends and was like. One of your classmates,

you were walking away with Coolop, you were just about to get married. Sorry, I'll say it in order. I was walking away with Coolop, away from one of my classmates, who was with a bunch of her friends. Coolop's friends. And she shouted something at me like, like, no, like,

We should have been a, come on. Like, Scott, you were my backup or something like that. Oh, fuck you. You were about to get married, like you were in a suit and she was in a bridal gown. Cool App and I were gonna get married in like three months at that point. The story is so confusing. Is it really?

Cool up, and I were going to get married. That's the confusing part. How did that happen? This is how it started. I was walking away It was at my reunion I never said my 20th reunion Paul. Here's. It's got goes my shoes were going in this direction My feet were in them then keep going up to my head. That's where my face was pointed in the direction of my shoes Cool up and I were about to get married. I was walking away Everyone please Please write to Lauren at big

Yes, thank you cool up and I were about to get married and I was to Lauren at Big Grundy tweets. Yes, thank you. Kulup and I were about to get married and I was walking away in this school. Come on. This is how it started. The listeners know, Lauren, you don't pay attention to anything. That's not true. And this was the way you told us first.

Your brain is broken. I know that, but I'm saying. First you said, Kulup walks away, I follow after. First you said, Kulup. I started in media res, perhaps, but I did. But before anything I said, this is at my 20 years. Please start in situ. You said as I walked away, Cool Up and I, marriage and lady.

It's not confusing, everyone knows what I'm saying. Okay. Okay. You know what, I know it. You're right, people know it. I'm sorry for everything I ever did. So this broad is like, hey Scott, you was my backup piece.

Something like I think she was hoping to come to the reunion and then I also had another friend or classmate. Oh wait, wait, wait, wait. Now tell the story. Now that we're past the confusion part. Oh wait, no. She was hoping to come to the reunion.

Where were you? Like hook up or something? I don't know. We were on the Queen Mary. Oh. And she was like, she was kind of saying. Let them all talk. I was hoping to come to the reunion. Where were you? Like hook up or something, I don't know. We were on the Queen Mary. And she was like, she was kind of saying. Let them all talk. I watched that. I enjoyed it.

It was fun. I felt that I really liked where it went. Yeah. Yeah, England. But there was another, I don't know, these things are so fraught with emotion. Like one of my classmates got really drunk and was talking about her divorce

and started crying about her divorce. I would love to witness that. And then intimated, like maybe we could get into a threesome. You and the husband? While crying, me and Kulab and her. Maybe we, you and the threesome. Maybe you guys suck in fucking weed, dude. And then the 10. Anyway, do you guys want to fucking weed, dude. And then the 10...

Why do you guys want to have a freedom? The 10 year, everyone is so concerned with their place in the world. Yes. And everyone's kind of trying to say they have more going on than they actually did have going on. I'm the president. I'm actually starting a sock company. I do believe I'd just been nominated for an Emmy at the time, so that was nice.

And you'd like it with that. But the greatest was there was this really popular girl, and this kind of ties into what you were saying. Really popular girl in high school who had everything going on and really pretty. And when I saw her, I was like, hey, so what's going on? She's like, well, I don't have a job, I live with my parents and that's my life right now.

And she was just so like telling it like it was and not trying to put on any errors. I was like, she's really cool. Was she still pretty? Yeah, everyone was at the 10. The 20 is when it starts to get dicey. Yeah, everyone starts to play dice. And then we had a 30, by the way.

And I asked my mutual friend who was a great above me. I go, have you heard anything about a 30 year reunion for us? And he goes, oh, let me look into it. Oh, yeah, it's next Thursday at 1.30 on a boat. Like it was a booze cruise in the afternoon a week out and they didn't tell anybody Yeah, so who's gonna go no, I don't who knows I mean I'm not on Facebook So I don't know whether like everyone knew about it and I just didn't but yeah, it was bizarre Maybe they'll live on that boat. Maybe they do they were just like let's just celebrate at 130

It was really weird. Anyway, have you gone to any of yours, Lauren? Have you? No, and I might have mentioned this, but I do feel like we might have talked about my- Spanking Pen. Let's get it. Where's Shavin', he pops out of the pool. Like that!

Like a commando. Like the lady of the lady. Spanking Pen in his teeth. My reunion happened and I wasn't invited and I saw something about it on Facebook for my 10 year. And I was like, huh? And then that was that. And I think I wouldn't have gone, so whatever.

My school was really big. I don't know that I would have known most of the people. It's hard to say. I haven't kept in touch with anyone. I don't know really, well, there's one guy from my high school that I am still in touch with anyone. I don't know really, well, there's one guy from my high school that I am still in touch with and that's it. And I just don't feel like I would have,

I don't know what we would talk about. Like I don't, there's people I can't remember their names anymore. Like it's been a long time. And honestly. Been a long time, been a long time. Been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely a long, long, long, been only, only, only, only, only time. Is there graduate and high school?

My friends on my Zoom that we had one a while ago and we were talking about some people, we could not remember people's names. And I mean, it hasn't been that long. Did you solve your yearbook? Yeah, but they're in, I don't have them here. But my friend couldn't remember the guy she went to prom with.

Ooh. Wow. She couldn't remember his guy she went to prom with. Ooh. Wow. She couldn't remember his name. And then we all tried to figure it out and we tried to Google, because he was like, he was only at our school for like a minute and then it was hard for him.

I feel bad. The first time I went to prom, I feel really bad, but I went with someone who was a- Hitler. I feel bad, but he needed a date. I thought he was nice. No, I went with a friend of mine mine who I guess had a crush on me and I didn't know it until she asked me to prom and she asked me like this, hey, would you do me a favor?

Sure. Do me a favor. Would you go, oh, you'll go to prom with me? I was like, oh boy. Right, weird way to do that. Yeah, but I had, I, you know, look, hey, it's, you know, 30 years on, you wish you were more in touch and we're better able to express your feelings.

Yeah. I wish I would have, I don't think so. But I wish I would have known how to communicate like, oh, you know, if you're thinking this is a thing. Hands off. Yeah. Keep it above the belt. Idiot dreams. Yeah.

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine. But instead she, Jim Jay, bullocks me. Oh, no. I think there's, I have so many stories from my past like that where I'm like, oh, I didn't know how to say the thing right. Yeah. And be clear. Absolutely not.

But how, either way, you know what I mean? Like I was bad at it all the way around. But what's weird is no one, I mean, my parents certainly didn't ever teach me how to do that. How are you ever supposed to learn it? Oh, hell no. You know what I mean? From movies. That's definitely what I was trying to do.

Yeah, that's why everything was so fucked up. I was like, why isn't this working like the movie? It's like the movie, actually, it goes badly for a while too. Yeah. So eventually you'll be in love with me. Yeah. I mean, as parents, shouldn't, if you end up being a parent, if a person ends up being a parent, shouldn't there be a point where you say to your child,

oh, by the way, there are going to be situations you're in where someone who really likes you that you're not into is going to ask you out. Yes, I do think some people really are good at explaining that. Right. My parents, it was more like you're not even going to date, so don't even worry about that kind of thing. I feel like it's like, I imagine that it gets better and better with generations that like the more in touch we are as we go through life and like the more the next generation like goes to therapy and the generation after that starts to like utilize

what they learned in therapy. Like it's like we start to actually disperse this information in a really usable way, but like it's so hard. I agree with that, but I do think the slow, the spread feels very slow. Yeah. Because there's still a lot of people that are cl I do think the slow, the spread feels very slow. Because there's still a lot of people that are clinging to really old fashioned

ways of doing things. And it's just like, you're perpetuating this dumb shit that we need to get rid of. Because you think it's a black and white world and this is the way things are. And it's just not that way. But I don't know, I wish that I had had some guidance in that way because I just was so bad.

I was like, I didn't realize until much later that I was like terrible with stuff like that, like so bad. And I don't mean like awkward. I mean like I was, I caused pain for people, you know, like I I made things miserable and and tedious and heavy because you know, that was that was the turmoil that was going on in me. And like all all I got was like, I remember my mom saying like, someday this won't matter. And it's like, I can't you can't someday me.

This is the whole world right now. Right. Like, That's not helpful. No, it's not. And I mean, I get, I get that impulse though, because of course when you see somebody, when you see kids, when I would see like my nieces or nephews

or cousins or whatever that are younger, go through things like this, or my friend's kids, it's like, you can't believe you want to you you have that urge to tell them like yeah this doesn't matter like you're not gonna remember this it's not gonna matter but it's like they just can't hear it well there's there's no point in that because that's they literally can't think beyond no moment and this is all they've experienced and that is this the stakes are that high and all the shit that's happening to them. You know, like, physically, literally. And they don't even know what's going on in life. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you didn't either. No, but I knew what a 401K was. Yeah, at least you had that. And you invested in Apple. That's right, when I was 17. And Tesla. And it would be so awesome. You're a Tesla-nair now.

A Tesla-nair! All right, we'll be right back. ["Test linear"] And we're back! I wanted to say that the young lady that I took to my senior prom, her name was Noreen, years later, we did not keep in touch, years later, I saw her name in the credits of the Sopranos. She was on the crew of the Sopranos Interesting. Yeah, it was really wild interesting. What do you remember the job? I don't remember her title, but

Reading the credits so intently on the Sopranos. I hope I see no rain. I hope I see no rain It's not so much of those reading the credits. I'd never known her to be interested in show business It's actually the opposite that all of a sudden, I saw this name. My eye is drawn to this name, this very specific name that I knew. Yeah, huh, that's crazy. And then did you say I miss her?

I did. I said I miss you, Nori. I miss you. You were my platonic prom date. I found out a girlfriend passed away. Oh, it's horrible. Yeah. And we hadn't kept up, so.

How'd you find out? On, I found, I was, you know, doing one of those. A body in my living room? That's right. I mean, standing above it. With a statue. I mean, I was, you know, doing one of those. A body in my living room. I need standing above it. With a statue. I mean, I was dead asleep.

In my hands. I woke up. I don't know, I don't want to say anyway, but it's... Wait, was it, did you find out, like, in a weird way? No, no, no. Just someone told you. Yeah, the normal way. And it was just like...

Raven came to my door. No, we didn way. And it was just like, oh. Raven came to my door. No, we don't. What? No fucking way. I better get over it. No, but it's such a bummer when, I don't know, it's all good. It's horrible.

Well, I saw somebody, the reason why I asked how'd you find out, because I saw somebody post about reason why I asked, how'd you find out? Because I saw somebody post about someone who died on Instagram and then the person commented like, oh no, this is how I'm finding out. I was like, that's kind of horrible. Yeah. I feel like I've seen that a lot. I don't like that. I had about one girlfriend of mine passed away years ago

and we had a terrible relationship. It was like a very fraught and- Was the sex fun? It was a- It was a blast. It was silly. It was just silly. We just had silly sex.

That's so fun just to be able to laugh. Yeah, we laughed all the way through. Ha ha ha! It's so fun! God, I can't imagine. It's so insane! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

This is killing me! By the way, I'm miming having sex while I do it. Yeah, it looks really cool. I found out through a text message, somebody texted me and said, have you heard this news? And it was weird because... Have you heard the news? It was a voice memo.

It was a voice memo. I was like, where is this going? Then it didn't even rhyme and it was bad news. But I, because our relationship was so bad and it was a really terrible relationship that I never wanted to be in, but I felt she, it was like one of those things where all your wrong buttons are pushed and you feel like you have to stay

in this relationship even though you don't want to be in it and so we were together for a year It's all a year and I it was never like a relationship that I wanted to be in. Yeah, it was it was weird It was a weird psychological Fucking crazy like the marshmallow experiment. It was like I If you have a terrible relationship with me now you can have two great relationships later on and so I thought like, I felt weird because I was like, oh wow, this isn't affecting me.

And yet like, the first thing that happened was I left my phone, I was in the back of a cab. I left my phone in the cab. I'd never done that before. And I realized like, I think there's some stuff that I'm processing and I don't realize. It was like, I knew that I was somehow processing it

but I didn't know, I wasn't conscious of processing it. But I was like, something's going on. Do you go get drunk with your cousin? I have something like that happen. I don't know if I mentioned this story because I feel like- Did that happen after your mom did it? No, it didn't.

You didn't know why you were doing it. That one I figured out. I might have mentioned this when you talked about that because it just made me think about it. But I- I have this banking pen out. Okay. We'll see.

When someone died, I was like, I like took a shower, but I like accidentally left my underwear on. No, you never told me that. What? It was like really, I was just really out of it. Huh. Wow.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say so. Wow. And how did you, did it take you getting out to realize it or? No, I realized it when I was in there, but I was like, what?

It was just like a weird sort of thing. What is happening? Why am I doing this now? For me it was, I had to really think about what, I kind of feel nothing about this and does that make me like a weird monster. But it was not, it was weird because this is a person I did not have a good connection person I did not have good,

a good connection to, did not have good feelings for, it was never good. Yeah. And so it was like, That's a weird one. Yeah. And I talked about it on stage once and then our, we have a mutual friend, April, who came up to me after the show and said, that's not weird. When my, when my biological father died, a guy who

was never in my life, I didn't feel anything because he was just like not a part of it. Like you would think that, oh, it's my father. I should feel something. But she didn't because he just wasn't there. You know, but she, she said she went through the same thing of like, does this make me a serial killer that I don't have? Right. The empathy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah. Yeah, interesting.

Yeah, but I mean, I think with, that makes sense to me to like, if you had it only sort of bad. That sounds good to me. Yeah. I wasn't like happy about it. No, well, but that you'd go, oh, okay. Like it's not like you're gonna be right.

Were you like skipping down the street after you got out of the cab? I wouldn't say skipping. I mean, I was whistling. Were you tipping your top hat to every pretty lady you walked by? Yes, I was. I give kids change. And you said I got a little bit of good news.

I got a little bit of good news. I like that song. I got a little bit of good news. I got a little bit of good news. Death. I don't. bit of good news. Death. It comes for us all. It's scary to talk about it. We don't know if it does or doesn't.

What are you talking about? Do you think there's some people who are immortal? No, we don't know if we're gonna die. I know, that's why I don't like it. Yeah. So you're saying as of now, we have no... I've seen these other quote-unquote people die. But I don't know if it's happening to me.

That's how your brain preserves itself. Don't say this when Lauren's wearing her hailbop sneakers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Um... Speaking of hailbop. No, we just came back from a break. Speaking of hailbop. Oh shit, what are Halbop sneakers?

Do you know what's funny is, did you watch that documentary? On Halbop sneakers? No. On Halbop sneakers? I don't know what we're talking about. I'll be back. The Kool-Aid Kool-Aid. No.

Kool-Aid. Yeah, they did drink, I don't think it was Kool-Aid, but they did drink some punch or whatever. Oh wait, Jim Jones? Jim Jones was Kool-Aid. When everyone died with the same sneakers on? Yes, that was Halbop, Heaven's Gate. Oh, that's what hell Bob. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and there was a document There's a documentary on HBO max right now. Oh, what's it called? Um, I think it's called heavens heavens gate the cult of cults. I think it's called another cult

Yes, I know time this one actually is is worth your time. It's it's fascinating I'll say the Bee Gees documentary, it might make you cry. Bee Gees documentary is great. But what if I don't really care about the Bee Gees? No offense. I think you'll still find their story interesting. Great, I'll watch it. It'll make you care about Bee Gees. Hi.

Have you watched the Bee Gees documentary? I've seen that. Oh, that was just on Pornhub. It's about Bee Gees, the but it's just guys getting blowed. Yeah, don't start it. Well, they have a Pizookie. Hey, we love this so much. Let's call our business BJ's.

Oh, God. Oh, God. That was one of the other business owners with the dick in the mouth. They do it to each other. Oh, fuck. B.N.J. Yes. Wait, wait, wait. I want We wait. Wait. So I want to put it.

Okay. Now it's gate. Um, have a look at why are we talking about this? Sneakers and the documentary. Yeah. Hail Bob sneakers. I didn't know what we were talking about. Oh, so at one point they are, they're talking about how it's kind of like in the media when people,

it's older than you think. Like we learned about it in the 90s, you know, and because that's when the tragedy happened. And so that guy was, it had been around longer than, it had been around for 20 years. This is the fucking 70s. Yes. And people were in it for that long. And it got it got crazier and crazier as it went on of like, like a lot of them do. Where first it was, it's a UFO cult and we believe UFOs are out there. We believe they're they're coming and and we're only meant to be here for a short time. We're supposed to go to the stars with this UFO. And they started referring to their bodies as vehicles and saying, like, this is not

truly us. Like, their soul resides within us, but this UFO is going to take us to literally heaven. That's how we're going to get to heaven. This UFO is going to take us there and then we'll be our true selves in heaven. Yes, exactly. And so as it went on, then all of a sudden, part of the thing was the two main people, one of them died of cancer and she was,

their deal was we're immortal. And so we're gonna go with it. Which is great to say because if you're ever not immortal and you're dead who cares Because you're dead you can't get told off. Yeah, but if your partner is sticking around that's the problem And it's like oh, I say to people are more. Yeah. Yeah, we'd say one of us is immortal, right? So what are the dude who who was still there say like how did he cover? He had to like change it and explain like, no, this is also part of the plan.

But it's not like the difference in this cult was this guy seemed to really, truly believe all of the stuff. And it didn't seem like he was scamming people. It seemed like this was truly what he thought. And so he was just like everybody else had to adjust his thoughts. Oh yeah, so he would be like, oh, okay. Well, I figured it out. This is why she died. Yeah. Yeah. So at one point in the in the in the dock,

they talk about how people were making fun of this cult after they all died, you know, because it was all the details around it. All the well, but here's the thing. But it was. Yeah, they didn't get to keep going. This was even All the, well, but here's the thing. Life losers. But it was, this was, this was even, even the 90s was like a less sensitive time than now where people had less empathy. I think. You think the 90s people had less empathy? Yeah, I do because I think there were, I think the majority of people had less empathy

because all of the details of this were so outlandish that it was very easy to go to come. It was very easy to go to comedy. It was very easy to make fun of them. And they showed like an SNL sketch. And then I remember- Yeah, I was gonna say, I remember SNL making it. Yeah, and I remember we did it on Mr. Show. Like we did it like the second season of Mr. Show, we had a Heaven's Gate thing, a parody.

Where it's on brand. Yeah, absolutely. But it's like, oh my God, I was a part of that. I was a fucking part of that. I wish you were in the documentary. I was scared I was going to be. I really was. As they were showing things, different skits.

Wouldn't some of it work? We haven't gotten residuals though. I don't know, this was like a news program. I know, but they still would have had to pay SAC something. But it's wild. I think that if the same thing happened today, I think privately, I would probably make jokes about it to my friends, maybe, because the details are so outlandish, but I don't know that I would make comedy out of it.

I don't think, like, SNL is doing a sketch about the vow. Or are they? I don't know. It's been a while since I've watched. I watch it, but I don't think they have. I think comedies for young people when people don't care about stuff and comedies for the callow Would you young people that's which that's what you do you make fun of those people because you don't think you have feelings I think I think if mr. Show are still around like not like still going after the 90s

but if like the new version of it they would they would make a Heaven's Gate or a you know what I mean? It's all like fair game for the young people who don't give a shit and go, ha ha, dead people. Probably, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Although like that, that, uh, the with Bob and David, you know, it was, I don't know, it's hard to judge. It's like, it was that, it was like trying to figure out, does this feel the same? Does it feel like creatively, does this feel the same? And it just... A lot of it is we don't hate as much stuff these days.

Like back then, back then we would make a sketch just on something we hated. It would be like, oh, here's something I hate. Let's make fun of it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Let's devote four minutes to how stupid this person is. Yeah.

You know, it's like we don't necessarily feel that way anymore. Other than I'm... You don't hate stuff? I may be, but I also don't feel the need to be like, this thing I hate is taking up the world's oxygen. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? It's like Bill Hicks ranting about, you know, fucking in sync or whatever, some boy band, that he has this long rant about, and it's like, do you really give a shit that much?

Yeah, but I think at the time, there was so little media that kind of got made. If something like Home Improvement were out there, you would hate it because it's like, every person I know could do a show better than this guy. Right. And he's the guy who gets it, you know?

And so you feel like that life is unfair. And now everybody gets a show and you're like, all right. It's just. I can't complain now, I got a show. And everyone has one television show. Yeah. And they can waste it when they're two years old.

We already know. If you wanna do it one year too, you can you can you can but you don't get another one And it's not gonna win awards your parents also should I feel like you guys are talking about something specific And I don't know what you're talking about on this show The idea that everyone gets a pilot everyone gets one pilot my god. Yes, and your parents should be able to One pilot. Oh my God, yes. And your parents should be able to nix until you're 18, should be able to say, no, you're not ready for the pilot. Cause some kids might be ready.

There could be a kid that could really crush it. Some kids are born stars. Also some parents shouldn't force their kids to make their pilot early. Yeah. You know, like stage moms. Here's a question. If you had a kid and the kid was a star,

like you just could tell, like this kid is so talented. It's just so outgoing. So wonderful. Would you let them become a celebrity or would you be like, you have to wait until you're 18? This is tough, cause everyone says the child stars are not happy, but that's only because the famous ones aren't

and there probably are other ones that were perfectly happy. And so I don't know, you know, I mean, I once on Mr. Show had to audition a bunch of kids for a sketch that I wrote. And, you know, and they were all, for the most part, like all into it and we were having a good time. And then one came in and was just so bummed

and didn't want to be there. And I was saying, okay, say your line. I remember the line was it's pumpkin inny. And I said, and at the end you have to like laugh and hold your mouth like I can't believe what I just said. And he's just like, it's pumpkin inny. And I go, I go, well, you have to laugh at the end. And he's like, I don't feel like it.

And I'm like, I go, oh, do you not want end. And he's like, I don't feel like it. Oh! Yeah, I'm like, I go, oh, do you not want to be here? He goes, not really. I go, is your mom making you be here? He goes, yeah. I'm like, oh. Oh, skin. They're all like four or five, something like that.

It's a little. I'm just like, oh, you should say you don't want to do it anymore, like if it's not making you happy. But it just is like. That's rough. If my if I had a kid and they wanted to do it, I mean, obviously I was sex. It's fun. I would say it's hilarious.

You should do it for sure. It's a gut buster and a nut. Are you going to laugh? Um, I would I would have I would definitely give them like a talk about showbiz. Yes. And you know, blah, blah, blah. The talk. The, what we call the talk here in Los Angeles. The white people call the talk.

The white people call it the talk. Do you want to, do you want to start a pilot or not? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? You know what I think every white parent has to face this at some point, you have to talk to each child about it. They want to pile it. But if they really, I would stress, like, if you really want to do this, you know, I'll support it for as long as you want to. But here are the challenges. Yeah.

Your life will, you'll have a lot of attention paid upon you at a very young age, and then you have so much life to live after that, that it can seem like a letdown, you know. I know somebody, I had that talk with somebody who was a young adult friend, it was the sibling of a friend of mine, and she was thinking about getting into comedy

and asked me for advice. And I said, you know, I basically gave her that talk. I was like, if you really, make sure you really want to do this because the lows of it are... Crush it. They're bad. They're really bad. And you gotta get used to it.

You gotta be like, eventually you don't, you don't think about it so much anymore. Like it's a weird amount of rejection that you have to absorb. Yeah, to a point where it's like suddenly you won't even remember it anymore. Or you'll be like, oh, did I audition for a thing? Or did I pitch a show?

Oh yeah. Oh, they said no. Oh, okay, I'm not even thinking about it. Oh, I guess I didn't get that job because I never heard back from those people. Yeah, who cares? I'm on to the next thing. I said, you have to really, you have to want to do it so much that you, when you're not

making money from it, it's fun. Like you're enjoying doing it just to do it. And she got into, she got into improv and did it for a little bit and then got out of it. And it's Lauren. And I was, and I was like, oh, okay. I guess she didn't, you know, it didn't click for her. Then she got back into it via writing and is now a very successful TV writer. Oh, good. That's great.

Never heard from her again about it. Hey, thanks for that advice. Wow. But I always wondered, I always wondered like, did like that resonate with her at all? Anything that I said. Wait, have I told you this story that I was like, I was- And I'm very happy for her by the way.

Yes. I was doing Pilates at this place. She wrote that's a Prano's episode that your old girlfriend was in. That she was in. And the teacher of the Pilates class was like, hey, I saw Pilates. So Pilates, what if- Why don't we have sex? I saw a video, so I saw a video or I saw like an interview you did.

I watched this interview you did. And it was about, it was, um, Sam Jones, that guy who does. He's great. Yeah. And then he does these long forum interviews anyways. And she had watched it and I was like, Oh, cool. And then she was like, she said, you said that, and I can't remember what I said exactly, of course, cause I don't remember anything, but she was like, oh, cool. And then she was like, she said, you said that, and I can't remember what I said exactly, of course,

because I don't remember anything, but she was like, you said that people should stop doing improv. Because there's too many people doing it, who aren't good. And that is something I believe, but she's, and then she's- I thought you were gonna say it was a joke,

but no, it is actually a very quick thing. No, because my point was more that people shit on improv because they see a ton of bad improv because there's tons of horrible people doing it. And it's like, when people are really good at it, it's really good. And when it's bad, it's... I also think they don't see a ton of bad improv. Do you know what it means? You think they just don't see any?

Yeah, I saw a ton of bad improv coming up. I think it's stand-ups that are on these writing staffs making fun of improv. That's true too, but I mean, I think people went, yes. But anyway, whatever. And I was getting like nervous as she's telling me this because I'm like, you don't usually get confronted with your opinion.

And then she was like- No one should do that, by the way. You should be able to say whatever you want and no one should ever call you honey. No, and she was was like and I quit improv Well, she goes I realized that I actually really wasn't having fun from you saying that and then I Forcing myself to do it because I thought I was supposed to but now I take acting classes and I love it And I'll go great because that's the point not everyone's good in improv

And it doesn't it's not the only way to do something and in many cases It's not the way to do something. It's a weird route to getting anything. So you helped this young woman slide. I was relieved ultimately, but I was like, she might, she actually did say, at first I thought you were a bitch. And then I said, and then I realized, yes, she was like, at first I thought you were, I don't know if she said bitch, but she was like, at first I, it was something like that. I was like, oh, and then she was like, but I thought you were like it was just a bitch, but she was like first Like that I was like oh and then she was like

But then I realized it was because I actually like didn't really like doing it And so I was kind of offended that you said that but then I I'm not really right for it And I shouldn't do it and I'm doing acting class and it's going really well And I was like that's great, but I also was like I'll never look at you, you know her name Kate Winslet We have to take a break, we'll be right back. Bleh, blah. Oh, we're back and guess what? It's time for a threacher. Whoa.

Yeah, we always do it. Flup, flup, flup, glib. What the fuck? Buggy. for a three-chir. Whoa! Yeah, we always do it. Fuh! Fuh! Fuh! Gwinn! What the fuck? Gwaggy! And also, I just want to say, Gwaggy! If anyone is triggered by me saying

that you should quit improv, you don't have to. Should quit improv. Yeah, but you don't have to. Kind of, I mean, you don't have to. But if it does bother you, think about why that bothers you. By the way, come up to Lauren if you ever see her and call her a bitch. She likes it, apparently. Please don't do that. No, no, no, no. Seem like you're gonna up to Lorny if you ever see her and call her a bitch. She likes it, apparently.

Please don't do that. No, no, no. Seem like you're gonna call her a bitch, but you don't actually call her a bitch. But then compliment me. That's what she did do. All right. We're gonna play a three-chir. This is called the picnic game.

Oh, it's submitted by Matilde G. I feel like I probably did tell that story already because I also feel like I probably had that addendum already. I don't remember hearing that story before. But I don't remember anything you've ever said. Nice. I think you have something wrong with you. Dwarf?

Dwarf? Dwarf? Let's not step on dwarf on golf. Dwarf on golf? Let's not step on Matilde G's big moment. Matilde G, thank you for submitting a three-chir. All right, we'll see you next week. All right, until then, keep smiling.

Keep smiling. Keep shining. Know when you will always count on me. That's your joy. That's what friends are for. That was really good. Here's what friends are for. That was really good. So, here's what she say. One person thinks of a criteria or theme or category of things that their guests can

bring to the picnic. Examples, things that are blue, things that start with a round shaped thing, et cetera. Got it. Then the guests start asking if they can bring specific things to the picnic. If one guest asks to bring something that fits the criteria, the organizer lets them know they can come to the picnic. If the thing does not.

Oh, hell yeah, I'm getting into this picnic. Oh, but there's, watch out for this. What? Yeah. If the thing does not fit the criteria, they can't come. As the game goes on, the guests must try to guess what the criteria is.

The guests shall guess. Okay. No, they must. They to guess what the criteria is. The guess shall guess. Okay. No, they must. They simply must. I want to play. Must. We must. Do you mean the examples or no?

You got it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So are you thinking of a thing? No, I was just reading this shit. So.

Well, too bad. Okay. I have a category. Okay. So you're the organizer. Okay. Hey, Lauren, what's up? Hey, I heard you're having a picnic. I heard you're having a picnic too. Yes.

I would love to come, I have a big sack full of apples. I have apples, can I come? Depends. I would love to come, I have a box of depends. No, you can't come. But you could. They are adult diapers. Are they used? No. Then you can't come.

I mean, I'll use them if you want me to. I have a fire truck I want to bring. No, you cannot come. Oh, I have. And I think you'll probably need this at the picnic, some Calamine lotion. Nope. I have a Kermit the Frog puppet.

No. I have liniment oil. What's that? Pass. You don't know? Cement oil. What's that? Path. You don't know? You don't know? You don't know? You don't know?

You don't know? You don't know? I have... Depends on the apples. Apples are either red or green. Delicious or golden. I have a golden chalice. You can come.

Yes. I have some Hanukkah gelt that's wrapped in gold foil. You can come. I have a Spando Ballet CD. I don't. Their song, Gold. You can come. Yes. I have a particular brand of pretzel. Uh...

It's getting a little bit away from what I mean. What? Are those pretzels rolled? And gold. You can't come. What? With that. And you can't come with that CD either.

Fuck you! You already said I could come. I already made plans. Well, let's get over it. Can we bring the other things that we? Yeah, okay. Yeah But okay, I guess man Wait, but I thought at a certain point we were just supposed to say what it is like. Oh you can guess. Yeah, is it golden things? Sort of that's why it's not right. Is it gold things? No, is it yellow things? Sort of. That's why it's not right. Is it gold things? No.

Is it yellow things? Yes. Ah! That's why you would use the diapers. Rolled gold in the bag is yellow. And apples are sometimes yellow. True. I guess.

They are. Okay, cool. Use diapers, yes, Yellow, I get it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Bring something though. I need you to bring something to my cancer Nick. I'd like to bring This this TV remote I'm sorry. You can't bring your TV remote. I like to bring potato salad. I'm sorry I just I don't want any potato salad at the I want to bring a jump rope No, no jump ropes. unfortunately. I'm so sorry. I wanna bring fear. I'm sorry, no, you have to be, have no fear.

Brave? Yeah, be brave, young ball. I wanna bring a golf ball. No, no golf balls, sorry. I wanna bring a big cup of spit. Sorry, no spit. In fact, yeah, spit before you get to the picnic. Even in a cup of spit. Sorry, no spit. Ew. In fact, yeah, spit before you get to the picnic.

Even in a cum? Cup? Even in a cum? You just hear the word spit and you automatically think cum. Hey man, don't king shame me. I want to bring a flashlight. No, sorry. What the fuck?

I want to bring a flashlight. Oh, I wish, but no. I want to bring a chip. No, sorry. The fuck? I want to bring a flashlight. Ooh, I wish, but no. I want to bring a chip. No, no chips. I want to bring a chap. No chaps either, sorry. I want to bring a kitten. No kittens at this picnic.

I want to bring a dog. No dogs either, sorry. I want to bring a Best Buy shirt. Wait, a shirt you buy at Best Buy shirt. Wait, a shirt you buy at Best Buy? No, at the employees wear. No, sorry. I want to bring a crime.

No, no crime. I need this to be a lawful, lawful picnic. I want to bring a steak. No steak. I want to bring a different game. Sorry, we're playing this one. I want to bring a different game? Yeah. Sorry, we're playing this one. I want to bring a chair. No.

What the fuck? I want to bring a pool. No. Closer. I want to bring a bottle of water. No. I want to bring a lake. No.

Cold. I want to bring an inflatable toy. No. I don't know if you can use this. I want to bring a rectangle. No. Hmm. Can you use this?

Somewhere in between a pool and a rectangle, though. I want to bring a hot tub. No. I mean, that's it. I want to bring a square. Now you're cold. All right. Cold again.

So what was between a pool and a rectangle? Remember the examples he gave. I can't trust him. Remember the examples he gave? I can't trust him. Remember the examples he gave, the types of things that I could be thinking. Which is literally anything. But what were some of the... Something round, something...

Do you want to read it again? No. I want to bring a car. No. I do, though. You got to walk. Or, oh no, never mind. Okay, you were about to give a hint?

Yeah, I was going to give a hint. I want to bring something fluid. No. I want to bring something shaped a certain way. No, it has nothing to do with shapes. Okay, good. I want to bring something that's a certain color. No.

I want to bring something that's a certain color. No. I want to bring something that is a certain hard or soft. What are all the things that are between pool and rectangle, especially in a certain book? That makes no sense. What book? Oh, a dictionary? I want to bring a box of quisp cereal. Please come to my picnic.

I want to bring a queen. Of course to my picnic. I wanna bring a queen. Of course you can come. I wanna bring a quicksand. Yes, I would love to have quicksand in this picnic. I wanna bring a queer, get used to it. Sure, of course. I wanna bring anything in search of Q. Yes.

Sorry, I thought that would be easier, but then you never said nothing Q. It was hard. Yeah, it was hot. It was hot. I should have picked a better letter. Okay, you had 10, pull. All right. Hey guys.

Was the letter Q on the list? No, but it was starting with A. No, but things started with A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Hey guys, great news. Oh. I'm finally-

I'm cancer free? Yes. Yes. And I meant to tell you this earlier, I'm so sorry. Thank you, doctor. I've been funked immediately. And are you gonna say I'm finally able to tell you that Scott is cancer-free Yes, now great that well now we're new business. Okay. Well, I think we should kind of

Celebrate this business. You're gonna like with the new businesses. Oh, okay. It's tied in all right great celebrate Scott's cancer-free diagnosis I'm going to have it my palatial doctor's home, a picnic in the backyard. Fabulous. And I'd like to invite you, provided you can help out a little bit and bring certain things that I need. Oh, okay. I guess. I'd like to bring a-

But you can't come if you can't bring something that I need. I'd like to bring a palm leaf. Sorry, you can't come. I would like to bring a cassero. Sorry, you can't go. I would like to bring a casserole. No, can't use that. I'd like to bring a tomato. I'd rather you didn't. I'd like to bring a baseball.

Don't. I'd like to bring a bed. A buzz. I'd like to bring a snake. Don't do that. I'd like to bring a car. I'd rather you didn't. I'd like to bring a car. I Rather you didn't I'd like to bring a giant notice. I'd like to bring a doll Uh-uh, I'd like to bring dice. Nope. I'd like to bring a basketball. I

Wish you would I'd like to bring an Academy Award. You can't I'd like to bring a Silver Spoon I'd like to bring a devil. Nine. I'd like to bring a book. Niet. I'd like to bring Paul Newman. Oof, uh-uh. I'd like to bring some popcorn. Nope.

I'd like to bring Abraham Lincoln. Eh. I'd like to bring a kilt. No. I'd like to bring a bird.. No. I'd like to bring a bird. What about some hair? My preference is no. I'd like to bring sunglasses.

No. About a tuxedo. No. I'd like to bring a plant. I'm just looking at things now. I know, but no. How about something like a... like a Rubik's Cube?

No. I'd like to bring a fire pit. No. I'd like to bring an umbrella. No. I'd like to bring a zebra. No. Xylophone? No. I'd like to bring a zebra. No. Xylophone? No.

I'd like to bring a trumpet? No. Okay, I don't know if I want to come. I still want to come. I'd love to bring Gladys Knight and the Pips. No. Cheez-Its? No, although if you bring those, The Gladdest Night in the Pips? Nah. Cheez-Its? Mmm.

No, although if you bring those, it might take care of the other thing, but no. Mouse? No. Take care of the other thing. Can I bring Smokey Robinson and the Miracles? No. There'll be no music at the picnic.

What? Wait, hold on. Pizza? Not even anything you're gonna play on? Sonos or the Stereo? Nope. Going to be Dead Silent. Why? No conversation. We have nothing to say to each other.

Cheese is one of the closest we've gotten, but it's still not it. It'll take care of the other thing. Cheese, cheese. Can I bring an elephant? No. Recycling bin? That also might help with the other thing, but no. Can I bring garbage?

That could possibly help with the other thing. Bottles? That could probably help with the other thing. Can I bring a truck? No. Help with the other thing. Bottles of beer? Yeah, I mean, you can get specific if you want, but...

Could I bring a person who runs a junkyard? No, huh? He's fun Still we had sex once no He sounds hilarious. Yeah, he's fun Okay Is this very specific? It is a specific thing. Yes, okay. It's not general. It is a specific thing, yes.

Okay. It's not general. It's a specific thing, not a category? No, it's not a category. Wow. Maybe I should not have done that. So you, there's only one thing that we can say which we can bring. Yes.

Oh no, we're never sick. You probably should not have done that. I've given you some hints. Okay, a recycling bin would help. You probably should not have done that. I'm giving you some hints. Okay, a recycling bin would help. Cheez-Ix and recycling. And a bottle. And bottles would help.

And bottles. Euron? A wind chime? No and no. A homeless person. I don't know where you're going. Cheez-Ix would help a hungry person? Like a hungry hippo?

No. I fucked up. Yeah, I mean, you were supposed to make it a category. It's too specific. It's too specific. Okay, so what was it? Ants. Ants?

Yeah. Yeah. You might as like insects would have been a little more general. Yeah. You're still there, right Layla? Cheez-its, recycling bin and bottles would help with the other things. Well, it's like things that attract ants. Would attract them, yeah.

Yeah. It's hilarious. Well. That's how you play the picnic. It truly is how you play the picnic. It is how you play it. It's wait, no, I'm sorry, it's how not to play it. It's both, look, within that game, we contained how you play the play it wait no I'm sorry it's how not to play it it's both who look within that

game we contained how to play it and how not to play so you have all the information you need so just play this on YouTube next time you have a part of you you fucking imagine everybody shut up I'm gonna play this entire episode Just this part. No, they play the entire thing. That was fun. That actually it's all that story before

Last party we went to All right, we did it everybody Another one in the books Certainly speaking of which I hope you're inauguration day yesterday was good You had a good time. Yeah, you got an auger a day yesterday It was great for you. I know one person who's listening who did All right, we're gonna see you next week we're never leaving we're never we're gonna keep on going we'll see you next time We love gonna see you next week. We're never leaving. We're never leaving. We're never, we're gonna keep on going. We'll see you next time. We love you. We love you.

We love you. Mwah, mwah, mwah. Go have sex this week. It's hilarious.