Threedom - Threevisiting: Hey Man

Episode Date: September 3, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss their episode descriptions, neighbors and frogs. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail asking us a questio...n at hagclaims8.com. Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.com Grab some new Threedom merch at www.kinshipgoods.com/cbbwSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:01:13 in high-risk patients. The Cologuard test is available by prescription only. Freedom! Freedom! That's the name of the show and the show's called Freedom, folks, and we're here right now recording live from Dodger Stadium. We are three yellers in a stadium alone. No one is here and we are screaming at the top of our lungs. Guys stop everything. Stop everything. Lauren had an announcement that she wanted to say. Yes, this was this is pre-roll. She said she said this right before we started the show and I said stop everything. Let's start the show and talk about it. Got to get this on the box. This is Lauren's topics. You guys are not going
Starting point is 00:02:02 to believe what I saw on Instagram. Okay, so this is a... Oh, on Instagram. I know, it wasn't real life. Yeah, I thought you said it was in real life. I said I saw a pizza making... I saw a robot making a pizza. You saw a pizza making what? I saw a pizza making someone sick.
Starting point is 00:02:16 I saw a robot making robot. But it's a... It's in Rome and it's a vending machine that makes a pizza from scratch. It makes the dough, it smashes it down, it puts the sauce, it puts the toppings, it bakes it, and then it comes out, and it looks pretty good. Wait, it makes the dough?
Starting point is 00:02:33 So this is a long process. Yeah, I don't know how long the lady was standing there. I don't know if she sped up the video at all or what, but it looked pretty good. And I'd be willing to sit here for 15 minutes. I scrubbed through it, so I can'tbed through. I think there were like hidden edits like in the Janet Jackson video, you know? Yeah, sorry.
Starting point is 00:02:49 We're in rope. Fucking 1914, what was it? That movie? Eight, 19, 19, 19. 19, get the jello, put it in the pudding pot. You. 19 going on 90, that movie. Oh yeah, I love that one.
Starting point is 00:03:05 That's a huge, oh my God, that's such a missed market. Body switch movie, extremely old person. Yes. With a young person. Yes. That's fucking funny. How young are we talking about? I'm saying I wanna see a nine and a 90.
Starting point is 00:03:20 Nine and 90, okay. Nine and 90. Nine year old who finds a cell phone. And a 90 year old who finds the cells And then 90 year olds shriveled up. No, but maybe 19. There's a 90 year old never want to go back Yeah, exactly. Yeah So it would become like a like a battle between them where the 90 year old had to scream When you went like this and you went like you were gonna clap but then you didn't what what were you doing? I was I was imitating you was I doing this. Yeah. I mean we were all just kind of like doing
Starting point is 00:03:51 Laura you're doing that you were doing that for like a solid minute Okay, I'm not talking you you weren't answering. I'm not well in the brain I what I think what would happen is they so then the when the 90 year old finds themselves in the 19 year old body, or 9 year old, they realize I have to run away, I have to get away because whoever is going to be after me. And then it's like a chase around the world. It's like it's a mad mad mad mad world, but instead of just across California or in the US. Well, because there's usually the thing of like the young person being so excited to be in the older body because they get to do things they don't normally do, but it'd be the old. Like, glad to get a nap?
Starting point is 00:04:33 No, but I'm saying in the other ones where it's like 13 going on 30, it's like, wow, I'm 30. I can do everything. Wow, I finally have freedom to do what I want. I have boobs. Yeah. But then when you're 90 becoming 19, then you're like- My boobs are down to here. Well, you're just becoming 19, then you're like, my boobs are down to here
Starting point is 00:04:45 Well, you're just excited to you know, get out on the town again. I can't wait to go to bed at 7 p.m Yeah, I mean the 90 year old would be I don't have boobs awesome Why would they not have boobs if it was a woman? Double the second nine year. Well a nine year old did that bring the room down? When do when do women get boobs? Oh, I thought it was about 1990. Well, nine-year-olds are not women.
Starting point is 00:05:10 I think we can be very clear about that. You're the one who said it! You said, when do women get boobs? Because you were saying they would have boobs! And it was a nine-year-old. You don't know, you don't know, and now you've been exposed. You don't know what boobs are. You don't know what boobs are.
Starting point is 00:05:26 You don't know what boobs are. He doesn't know what they are. Not like what it happens, but he doesn't know what they are. Just asking that question alone proves you don't even know what they are. That was the thing that bothered me about the 40-year-old Virgin is because it came, it was inspired by a sketch they used to do at Second City. And they kept in original dialogue when he reveals that he's a virgin to his poker buddies. One of the lines is, yeah, and you touch it, you touch the boobs and they're like bags
Starting point is 00:06:00 of sand. And then everybody's like, what? But it's like, that, come on. You could be a virgin and not. And still kind of assume that tits aren't like sandbags. You could, you have touched boobs. Look, I was a 19 year old virgin and I touched boobs, like four boobs.
Starting point is 00:06:19 But he's 40. Four sets? He's gone, he's never done anything. So it's more than that. But they show him in a later sequence, they show him his almost attempts at having sex. Which you gotta figure, the boob got touched before the end of the bases. God, I haven't seen that since it came out
Starting point is 00:06:40 at the Arclight. Me neither. Sherman Oaks, of course. And my fury remains undimmed. Wow. I remember laughing like hell at that Kelly Clarkson part. Sure. Oh, right. Oh, at first I thought you were saying she was in it.
Starting point is 00:06:54 I was like, Kelly Clarkson? I don't know, the woman who's replacing Ellen? Is she? No, she has her own show. Yeah, but it's moving into Ellen's time slot. Moving into Ellen's time slot. Oh. Moving into Ellen's slot. I love Kelly.
Starting point is 00:07:07 I think she's so great. She's one of the best singers in the world. Absolutely. She's terrific. She's having something of a, I feel like I hear people talking about her more. I mean, because she never went away, but I feel like gradually people are talking more and more about their love for her Does that make sense? Because we're getting to know her more because now she's in the she's got a show. She's being herself. She's out there talking
Starting point is 00:07:32 You know the best American Idol Contestant ever and the first the first I mean first winner when she sang that you're all I need It was just incredible and we all rooted for her and we loved her and Justin. But let's not forget about Justin Guarini. He was the runner up. He was the runner up. He was gorgeous. Rubin stuttered. Usually it was the second runner up who would be, or the runner up who would be the real breakout star. Yes. Back then when it was Kelly Clarkson, she actually was the one to have the lasting fame.
Starting point is 00:08:07 But I feel like for the years after, it was always the second person. Yeah. Because they weren't locked into that contract. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jennifer Hudson was fifth. Oh my God, Scott. You always...
Starting point is 00:08:18 And then Daughtry. Oh my God. Daughtry! I secretly like some Daughtry songs. David Cooke. Sure. I met Daught I secretly like some Dottre songs. Sure. I met Dottre, he was great. Nice dude.
Starting point is 00:08:28 I've met two American idolists, I think. Whoa, which ones? I've met David Cook. Really? Where'd you meet David Cook? I remember watching him win in Palm Springs. On VH1's Best Week Ever. We did a skit together, and then, um, uh, oh, what's his name?
Starting point is 00:08:46 He tours with Queen now. You're calling things skits pretty loosely, I would say. I don't know why I started doing it, and it's making me laugh. It makes me laugh to do it. Because I just want to make sure, because I felt that it was out of character. You're going to start ironically, and then you're going to move into just saying it.
Starting point is 00:08:59 That's the problem. It's like, remember when Greg Barron started saying, hey, man, like Sammy Davis Jr. to everyone, and then we all just wandered started saying, hey, man, like Sammy Davis Jr. to everyone, and then we all just wandered around saying, hey, man, like about a year later, like everyone just said it like, hey, man. Yeah, remember that? Like you said it normally?
Starting point is 00:09:14 But we weren't all imitating Sammy Davis Jr. No, we started imitating. We were just saying, hey, man. No, we started saying, hey, man, to each other. Hey, man. I kind of remember that, yeah. Because we all went to the Museum of Television and Radio and we saw that Rat Pack thing that Johnny Carson was part of.
Starting point is 00:09:29 Do you remember that? Like, Johnny Carson was replacing someone. Was it Snatcher? I can't remember. Yes. And so and then- Or Dean Martin, maybe. Maybe Dean Martin.
Starting point is 00:09:38 Or perhaps Joey Bishop. And then Greg- Perhaps Peter Lofford? And Greg would just, anytime he would see anyone, he'd go, Hey man. And then we started kind of like imitating him going, Hey man, to people. And then it just, it's segwayed into, Hey man. Yeah. It just became a regular greeting.
Starting point is 00:09:54 And no one had ever said, Hey man before. Not I mean, not in the nineties. This is like 95, 96. Think how much they say it now. Exactly. I say, Hey man. Right? You're welcome. Hey man. Wow. We should exactly. I say, hey, man. Right? You're welcome.
Starting point is 00:10:06 Wow, thank you guys. We should bring back, hey, man. Hey, man. Yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that. I'm going to come out of COVID, like, times and just like see everyone again going, hey, man. And I'm just like, what the fuck? I haven't seen her in a year.
Starting point is 00:10:20 She got weirder. Who? Hey, man girl. Oh, you. Hey, man girl. Hey, man girl.? Hey man girl. Oh, you. Hey man girl. Hey man girl. Hey man girl. Hey there man girl. No.
Starting point is 00:10:33 We should be the Rat Pack. The three of us. We should be. We should be the Brat Pack. You know what I mean? Like we should, here's what we should do. We should all go on tour. We each do an hour separate.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Right. And then we come together for the last hour It's a four-hour show. We're each gonna do this way too many hours What how many hours do you want to do? I want to do I want there to be one hour max We each do 15 minutes alone 15 together. What if we all do our hour at the same time? Yeah, and people okay, we're in different rooms and people can choose they want to see yeah like a sleep no more. Yeah You can wander in more and you're gonna get're gonna get coming out of my eyes into your rooms I'm gonna I'm gonna have the biggest best room. I like my chances
Starting point is 00:11:13 I think I get some people in my room like mine Paul. No you shouldn't it's definitely me then Paul then Scott How did I become the person you all make fun of? Yeah, it's true How did I become the person that you all make fun of? You started it! Yeah, it's true. You saw what you reap. You put yourself in that position. You reap what you sow, I should say. I know it's good podcasting, but it hurts my feelings.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Come on. We don't mean to be- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Starting point is 00:11:42 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Can say whatever the fuck they want about each other when you're online go fuck yourself? That's not Tall John sending Todd so Todd Barry What is he doing entirely? Why is it so funny that it's Todd Barry, too? It's very funny to mention that detail is makes it well. It's funny because okay. Here's what happened so Todd Barry Comedian extraordinaire he was probably doing something on he's a real hey man. here's what happened. So Todd Berry, a comedian extraordinaire, he was probably doing something on the Fox Burgers. He's a real Hey Man.
Starting point is 00:12:27 He's a Hey Man guy. Hey Man. Hey Man. He jokingly, it's part of his personality to say to people, like, to act like a big celebrity. So I think he was saying, he said to Tall John, hey, on the way to the airport tomorrow, could you send me a stretch Hummer? And in the morning, a stretch hammer was there for him.
Starting point is 00:12:48 And it had those lights inside, like those neon little laser lights. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So funny. And then he had to hit a crawl in that. I just think that's hilarious. It's so great. You know, speaking of New Zealand, as we were last week, when we were there, we a bunch of us got in a, like an Uber type van to go someplace,
Starting point is 00:13:08 and it was like a party van, but it was way too small. So it was just like all these disco lights and everything. We were all like crammed in there. That's awesome. That's awesome. Party lights are good for any occasion. I love, look, I love party lights. We joke around on here a lot, but I love party lights.
Starting point is 00:13:25 That's the one thing about Paul. We will not joke around about it. And that's the one thing you wanna be serious about, right? Like for all the hours we've done. They've all been a joke. That's the one thing in your 15 minutes that you would talk about. Yeah. Yeah, because Paul's is a TED Talk.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Yes. And his 15 minutes, and my 15 minutes are gonna be kind of like a silent sort of just like signing autographs. Silent signing autographs. And I'll give notes on scripts that people bring. What if people start to talk? Will you will you do anything or? They can talk I just won't.
Starting point is 00:13:56 Okay, will you acknowledge that they're talking? Not necessarily. Okay, that's good. And Scott, when you give notes, are you going to read the scripts or you're just going to give notes? I'm Scott when you give notes, are you gonna read the scripts? You're just gonna give notes I'm just gonna give notes by the way it looks like how thick it is The character names that I glance on the first page. Can I say that the other day? I all of a sudden Got excited for Christmas Cancel it out of no, what do you mean?
Starting point is 00:14:24 What do you mean? No! Christmas is the best one! Why don't you want it? What do you mean we just did it? We're exactly the halfway mark. What, Lauren? We're at the halfway mark. We didn't just do it. Yes, we're at the halfway mark. Exactly, Scott. It feels like we just did it. I was just watching Wonder Woman 1984 the other day, it feels like.
Starting point is 00:14:42 Wow. That's how I mark Christmas, too. I did watch it on Christmas. And Soul. I watched that too. Back to back. My dad went to bed before. I watched back to back on Christmas. We were watching Soul, Mike and I,
Starting point is 00:14:55 and my dad like fell asleep during, I've always called him Soul Mike. And he went to bed. We were watching Soul Mike, he did it again. Remember that movie Soul Man? Yeah. Well, and then my dad came back out near the end of the movie and we were like sobbing
Starting point is 00:15:10 and holding each other. Oh! He was like, what is this? Oh, what is this? Like watching a cartoon, like crying. Did he like, do you think he was disappointed? Like this is what I've raised? Honestly, we were like, this is so good.
Starting point is 00:15:26 And he was like, I'm going back to bed. All right. So what are we going to do for Christmas? Oh my God. I am very excited. I'm looking forward to, we should go to the Tam Oshantar again. That was such a fun trip.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Oh, that's the one thing I got excited about. I didn't get to go. I know. I thought we should go to the Tam O'Shanter again. That was such a fun trip. I would like to. I got excited about. I didn't get to go. I know. I thought we should make reservations. And I thought that since you were not there last time, Lauren, we should probably keep it that way. Okay. That feels good.
Starting point is 00:15:55 It just, I don't know. The group just gelled. No, no, no. I totally get that. Why don't we go with Betsy though? Yeah, Betsy, Siddhar, okay. Yeah, you got all random. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:04 So you got Betsy coming, but not me. Great. Right., Betsy and Siddhartha, okay. Yeah, you can go all random. Okay, so you got Betsy coming but not me? Great. Right, but we want Mike to come. Oh, okay, so Mike can come. Soul Mike, we need Soul Mike there. Soul Mike and Betsy, that's a combo. Soul Mike at Christmas, you gotta have him. Love Betsy, Betsy's the best.
Starting point is 00:16:19 We should make reservations. That's the one fun thing that's Christmas is when you go somewhere and people do things for you. Yeah, you gotta pay them. But when you have to do things for other people, ugh. What? I'm a Scrooge. You are a Scrooge.
Starting point is 00:16:35 You gotta Scrooge. You're gonna, what if you got, seriously, if you got visited by a ghost, would it change your mind about anything? About him? Probably about the existence of ghosts.? About it? Okay, okay. Probably about the existence of ghosts. Ghosts?
Starting point is 00:16:47 Number one, absolutely. Yeah. But like, if you literally had your ghost of past, present, and future come, I think you'd be pretty fucking weirded out. And you'd be pretty much put on a straight narrow. Wouldn't you think it was a dream? Unless you were like, oh, I'm definitely asleep.
Starting point is 00:17:01 Or, I don't know, I watched a Muppet Christmas Carol. Definitely a ghost. I watched a Muppet Christmas Carol at Christmas this year. Yeah, I'm definitely asleep. Or, I don't know, I watched a Muppet Christmas Carol at Christmas this year. Yeah, I remember. Did you ever watch the song I said they cut out that I read that big article about? I think I did. The song that the children died in factories.
Starting point is 00:17:15 Oh. But some of those ghosts, which one is it that's so creepy, that sort of creepy one? Probably Future. Yeah. Because I've never really seen that movie. I've seen maybe once before.
Starting point is 00:17:27 Wait, you've never seen any Christmas Carol adaptation? No, I've never really seen... The Muppet one? The Muppet one. Maybe once before. But you would know that... I've never seen it either. You would know the Future Ghost is the creepiest if you've ever seen any other version.
Starting point is 00:17:39 Just the way that it was made, the puppet, is what I'm talking about. Not the idea of it. So the construction, the puppet, is what I'm talking about. Not the idea of it. So the construction of the puppet. Yeah, the vision that they had for what the puppet was. Because, yeah, I've seen Christmas Carol a hundred times. A hundred times? I've seen it on stage a hundred times. Believe women, Scott.
Starting point is 00:18:01 You have to believe women. I've seen it a hundred times, end of story. I was in it a hundred times, I think. You have to believe women. I've seen it 100 times. End of story. I was in it 100 times, I think. You were? Well, I mean, I did one production of it. Well, we had a run at Christmas, and we did it 100 times in December. It was exhausting. Something like that? That's insane.
Starting point is 00:18:19 That's a lot. You'd have three a day every day for the month, plus more. I mean, we did eight a week, so at least. It either eight or ten a week. So that does not equal a hundred There's no way that adds up to 100. All right, two months Say it was ten a week for eight now. It's two months. That's 80 Yeah, all right. So you lied. So you lied 80 is not under I got there in August And what was your rehearsing and I think we I think it started playing in like right after Halloween. Who were you?
Starting point is 00:18:48 And you were Bob Cratchit? I was Fred and young Scrooge. Oh, Fred Scrooge. And young Scrooge, OK. Yeah. Wow, big part. It was good. And that's where I met Maleva Barbula.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Oh my God. I haven't heard that name in a million years. Back to Sacramento where I met her. Oh my god! I haven't heard that name in a million years. Back to Sacramento where I met her. Malava was an actress that we knew way back in the day. We were all part of a big circle of friends. And she was roommates with... Hey man, hey Marlena.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Hey man, Malava, hey man. Hey Marlena. She was roommates with Karen Kilgarafe for a while. I picked Karen Kilgarafe up from the airport because Malava was like, hey, my friend needs a... My friend is moving here from Sacramento. And is Malava your girlfriend? No, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:19:36 We were friends. But she got me into comedy because she knew Mary Lynn and Karen Kilgarafe was like, she was like, hey, you should do comedy at the comedy store. So she put in an award for me. And you did comedy at the comedy store? That's where the weekly show was that, that where I started. Yeah. Windows 95, but it was 95, which it was 1995 and it was called windows 95 for the next two years.
Starting point is 00:20:03 I believe that was Marilyn Rice Cove and Craig Anton I think hosted that. CJ hosted it with Marylin. Okay. When I started doing it. I just remember Craig and Marylin sang some song and I can't remember what the song was I just remember the tune, because then I started singing to Mary Lynn, Windows 95, Windows 95, you're my baby, don't be maybe, Windows 95. And then she started opening the show with that song. Well, I remember they would go, Windows 95, Windows 95, and they would dance around saying
Starting point is 00:20:40 Windows 95. I mean, when it was at the Comedy Store, no one cared because no one from the Comedy Store gave a shit, but then when it moved to bars. Yeah, it was in the Belly Room upstairs. Yeah, when it moved to bars, then it was bad because the bar owners and the people in the bar would be looking at what's going on, and going, what the hell, why are they doing this?
Starting point is 00:20:57 I'm trying to watch the sports. Scott, what did you do in that? A friend of mine and I did a sketch the first time I did it and went over really well, so they said come back in two weeks. And then I did it in two weeks and that one did really well, and then CJ and Mary Lynn were very nice to say hey you can do this whenever you want. Cool. Yeah, it was very cool and that's where I got to know everyone. I had sort of met Bob before, but that was where I got to know all uh uh young Paul F. Tompkins. That's right. That's where I got to know everyone. I had sort of met Bob before, but that was where I got to know a young Paul F. Tompkins. That's right. That's right.
Starting point is 00:21:29 Marilyn was just on Doughboys and she was very funny. Oh, I have to listen to that. It was nice because she's in that movie with Mitch. Oh, she's in that movie too? Oh, great. Yeah, yeah. Oh, awesome. I can't wait to see the movie. What restaurant did they do?
Starting point is 00:21:44 Hold on, I got to think about this. Michael Barbaro. What restaurant did they do? Go into your memory palace, awesome. I can't wait to see the movie. What restaurant did they do? Um, hold on, I gotta think about this. Michael Barbaro. What restaurant did they do? Go into your memory palace, Lauren. Go into your memory palace. I know, I'm like, where was I? Her eyes are rolling back in her head. La la la la la la la la la la la la la.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Uh. Hey, ma'am. Hey, ma'am. Wait, okay, wait. I know that her location didn't have... Ah, it was Auntie Anne's. Oh, my Auntie Anne's. Oh my Auntie Anne's, oh fantastic, fantastic. Did they go to the airport?
Starting point is 00:22:11 No, but she went to one that had none of the good toppings. We should start reviewing restaurants on this show. Yeah, why not? Yeah, let's do it. Why not? I went to Menchie's today. Oh, you had your Menchie's today? All right, be to Menchies today. Oh! You had your Menchies today? All right, be your Menchies. I went to Menchies and... Is that the ice cream place?
Starting point is 00:22:33 Yeah, it's a Froyo place. And I've lately been having a craving for some original tart, okay? Oh! And I've been going there kind of like regularly. But I went to one that I haven't been to and the COVID protocols with these places, it just is such a bummer. Like I walked in there and the woman,
Starting point is 00:22:52 like everything looked like it was open for me to do it myself, but the woman was like, I have to do it. But she seemed like really sad about it. And then I told her what I wanted, but that's like, it would be a cool job to have a bookstore. Just stop I can't all the I think bookstores are
Starting point is 00:23:11 Nostalgic okay, but all jobs suck. I understand that as carrot top one said work sucks. I understand But anyways they have all the toppings in little plastic containers. Then she just collected the ones I wanted and I put it together later. So you don't get to just put them on yourself and then they do it by weight anymore? No, no. It's all just based on how many toppings you get.
Starting point is 00:23:37 And it's just, and then it also feels, like it feels like COVID, you know what I mean? Like it's like, I feel like there's something about- Menchies has to get back to the way it was. But the other munchies, they do, they put all the toppings on for you. So I didn't know why this munchies puts them in little buckets and all this shit.
Starting point is 00:23:52 I don't know. Look, I just missed the before and I wanna go back to how it was. We gotta get back, but you know. Sorry, this is the future. This is what it's like now. It's just like what movies we saw of what the future would be. Everything's in a little container and that's like now. It's just like what movies we saw, of what the future would be, everything's in a little container, and that's food now.
Starting point is 00:24:10 Paul, would you, if you were on a spaceship like the Enterprise, would you like to eat from the food replicators, or would you say, no, I would prefer to eat real food daily? Here's the thing. Wait, specifically real food daily? Yes, and only real food daily. Those are your two choices. The replicator every time. What is real food daily?
Starting point is 00:24:37 It's a vegan restaurant near West Hollywood. Oh, yeah, I knew this was familiar. Oh, yeah, I knew what that is. Here's the thing. The only people that ever complain. Hey, the thing the only people that ever complain Hey, man, the only people that ever complain about it did something military man the only people at Star Trek that ever complained about the replicators are people who have never encountered one before or They're like is so incredibly old or something. Well, so what's a replicator the replicator?
Starting point is 00:25:01 It just makes like a microwave but instead of heating something up, it just makes whatever you want. Yes. And that sounds good. It just makes it appear. But you never hear like the people on the enterprise saying, oh, this food, this fake food sucks. I feel like occasionally there's someone going like, it's just not the same in the replicator.
Starting point is 00:25:17 Mostly they say that about booze. They do say it about booze, but then like, if there's ever a character like the chief of or not chief But they have deep space nine who like likes to cook He's oh, yeah. No, you got to do it yourself. It's not the same in the yeah I know, but that's they just do that when they when it's convenient for them to do that, you know They made replicators here on earth would you
Starting point is 00:25:42 Like say it tasted fine. Mm-hmm, and you were like it's nine percent difference, say it tasted fine? And you were like, it's 9% difference, but it's fine. What's the like vitamin quality? All good, everything good. Like why would I not have that? But how often would you eat with it? Would you be like, you know what? Every day, all meals.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Even a 9% difference. Every meal. Every day, all meals. I don't get what's... So I could go up to my little microwave and I go, mm, Burger King, you know, whatever. And then it makes it. I mean, I don't know that it would do the Burger King wrapper. It's packed with vitamins.
Starting point is 00:26:16 Yeah. I know, I know why I picked that. Okay, so I'd be like, salad. You'd probably have to say, like, burger, you'd probably have to say, like, Smash Burger with this and this and this. Earth burger. I'll have a 1989 earth burger from.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Earth burger. Paul, how long did your Star Trek podcast, aren't there like a million episodes that show? Yeah, but it's not a watch along podcast. It's not based on the season or anything. Exactly, yeah, it's just it's it's an umbrella. Trek is the umbrella topic, but we talk about all kinds of stuff. So it's not tied to a specific series.
Starting point is 00:26:54 Yeah. And we're going to do a third season where I'm very excited. We're going to turn the show into that show by talking about Star Trek on it every other episode. Lauren, I bet of all, are you generally not into sci-fi stuff at all or is it, are there some things that pierce that veil? There would have to be like a baby switching bodies with a 90 year old for you to be. Which is technically science fiction. There are some things I like that are kind of, that fall into that, like I love Black Mirror, that's like sci-fi.
Starting point is 00:27:25 And like, I don't think a body switching is sci-fi ball because it has to be based on science, doesn't it? Sometimes they can be. That's magic. Well, is what they step into a wormhole and suddenly they yell wormhole. Yeah. Yeah, they go in the wormhole. Yeah. I'll come in the fly. The remake of The Fly with Jeff Goldblum, he gets mixed up with the fly. But in the original, there was a little. So in the original The Fly, there was a guy with a big fly head and then there was a little fly with a little guy
Starting point is 00:27:58 head. And how come they didn't do that in the remake? Because it would have been funny if Jeff Goldblum's head wasn't a little fly. It would be like that SNL sketch I saw recently, like back in, I think it was October or November, where there was a fly on the vice president's head. Wow, because you know what they're doing there is they're lampooning how it really did happen. They're like, we gotta talk about this because people saw it happen. People saw it and we gotta make them see it again. I feel like, look, am I not, shouldn't it have been like a worm or something?
Starting point is 00:28:33 Just make it something else. In the SNL sketch? Yeah. Make it a worm? Like make it like just like another. Okay, so Mike Pence has a fly on his head during the debate. You tune in for SNL, you're like, how are they gonna lampoon this? Suddenly it's like, hey Mike Pence, you have a worm on your head.
Starting point is 00:28:50 I like this idea. Like doing a parody of real life. Not doing, not like making... Like I don't need to know exactly what happened. I saw that. I want to see a worm on his head now. Yeah, this is a sketch about the Titanic, but it's made out of ice and it crashes into a woodburg. Or he has like a squirrel on his head and everyone's like, the fuck? And it's just sitting there and then it's like, you know what I mean? I mean, I can understand heightening it.
Starting point is 00:29:14 People would be like, the fuck? It starts as a fly and then like other woodland animals come in. But just to go like, look at that worm. Look at that woodland animal. But I think of the woods, I think fly. So what about, you know like in Cinderella when the flies help her make that dress? Now that would be good. It would be good!
Starting point is 00:29:32 That would be good. The fly meets Cinderella. That would be the perfect movie. That would be like if Cinderella, if you did like a parody of Cinderella where she was like in a garbage can. Finally they're gonna parody Cinderella! Have you heard about this? I'd love to see her in a garbage can.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Yeah, put her in there right now. I'd like to see, oh, yeah. That reminds me of when Neil and Paul, Paul Rust and Neil Campbell. Oh, not Neil Armstrong and Paul Newman? I went to go see their, I think a sketch show that they were rehearsing, or maybe I was going to be in it or something like that.
Starting point is 00:30:02 And they did a James Bond sketch. And they, years later, they were like, it was so funny when you said to us, finally James Bond is being parodied. So funny. They loved it when I would insult them. Okay. Is that your perception? Yeah. You don't think they're being sarcastic? Oh, Paul loved it. But Neil, did he love it too? I don't think they were being sarcastic? No, Paul loved it. But Neil? Did he love it too?
Starting point is 00:30:27 I don't know. He's inscrutable. We'll never know what he likes. It's hard to read. It's hard to read, Neil. It truly is hard to read, Neil. Who knows what's going on with that guy? I saw him eat like a bowl of chocolate pudding and his face never changed.
Starting point is 00:30:39 Chocolate pudding! Oh no. He put the pudding in his mouth and his face didn't change. You say it! First you't. At his face. Did it change? You say it. First you say it. Then you do it.
Starting point is 00:30:49 I wonder when he'll pass on. To his reward? At the gates of heaven? Saint Peter's like, Bill! I'm waiting for you! I do the best impression of you! Do you think Saint Peter calls you by your first name when you go to heaven?
Starting point is 00:31:07 If you're famous. Does he have to check the book? Only if you're famous? Yeah, it's kind of like that overly familiar thing of like, oh, it's Bill. You got it. Podcast famous though? But he must have, in the book,
Starting point is 00:31:23 there must be everybody's first and last name. I mean, it can't just all be first names. Yeah, and maybe pronouns. It's probably middle and social security. With what's going on these days. You're so woke. Oh, I hate listening to this show. It's so woke.
Starting point is 00:31:37 All right, we have to take a break. Bye for now. See ya. I think there's a reason they call it a health journey, right? It's because these things take time and any program you're on should not be selling some one size fits all fix to all your nutritional questions. Weight Watchers has been the trusted authority in this space for decades. It's because they want to help us all towards building healthier habits.
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Starting point is 00:33:40 And check out Noom's first ever cookbook, The Noom Kitchen, for 100 healthy and delicious recipes to promote better living. Available to buy now wherever books are sold. This message is brought to you by the Cologuard Test. The Cologuard is a one-of-a-kind way to feel more in control of your colon cancer screening through a use-at-home test, with none of the prep that's required of a colonoscopy. The Cologuard Test is the only FDA approved, non-invasive screening test that looks for both altered DNA and blood in your stool. The American Cancer Society recommends
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Starting point is 00:35:12 I would like to mention that I'm back and please put me in a little container. Yes. Yum, yum, yum. When we do this show finally together again, we should do it back to back. What do you mean? Like we don't look at each other? Yeah, in a trio of back to back.
Starting point is 00:35:26 So we don't see each other? No, so that we can keep an eye out for intruders. So we don't see each other. Oh, keep an eye out for intruders. Now you're talking. Why don't we do a mirror cat style where one of us is above the horizon and looking out for predators. The other two are hunkered down behind the hill. I'm going to be on the lookout for your neighbor who's mad at you.
Starting point is 00:35:42 I don't know if the neighbor's mad at you. If he's a listener, hey, we love you. What if he is a listener, he doesn't make the connection between you and the show? And the weirdo who's in the backyard. Oh, I hate dealing with my stupid neighbor, now I gotta relax with my favorite podcast. Oh, I really relate to this story, the other side of it.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Little did he know he was so mad at us and we were recording his favorite show. I'm probably a bad neighbor, who knows? No, I don't think you are. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Who, I have no idea. I mean, like, what do you do that's good?
Starting point is 00:36:18 Well. Cause if you're not good, you're bad. You just keep to yourself. Keep to, well, keep to myself. I don't go knocking on anyone's door. Mild mannered serial killer. I don't say like, hey, my plants. Hey man, my plants need more sun, man. And what would your neighbor have to say about that?
Starting point is 00:36:42 I don't know. I'm gonna need you to move your house, man. My plants can't get any sun, man. Oh my God. What are we talking about? Doing that voice to your neighbor. Hey, man. I know we've had our differences, man.
Starting point is 00:37:05 But look. Hey, man. I'll turn on the music, man, if you move your house. Hey, man. I know we never met before, but can you move your house? My plants gotta get some sunlight, man. Ha! Ha!
Starting point is 00:37:16 Ha! Oh, God. By the way, can we talk about, Lauren and I were commiserating the other day and Paul you were You were off in dreamland on the text chain, but about the descriptions of these I love them We discussed naps. Naps! This show couldn't sound more boring. I mean, it's accurate.
Starting point is 00:37:46 We did discuss naps. Absolutely. OK, let me just go back to a few. Scott, Paul, and Lauren discuss Easter. It's not Kim's shit. Already I'm out. If I saw that, I'd be out immediately. Discuss Easter?
Starting point is 00:38:03 The most boring holiday. Their quarantine phases and celebrities they could be friends with. Why stop listening to the show? God, why would anyone do it? Scott, Paul, Lauren discussed their dreams. Monopoly and chip clips. Chip clips. What? Chip clips?
Starting point is 00:38:25 Scott, Paul, and Lauren discussed clones, gender reveal parties, and unnecessary holidays. I mean that one actually sounds the most interesting out of them all. Yeah. Okay. Scott, Paul, and Lauren discussed driving murder. Murder? Driving, it's funny. Murder mystery dinner theater in the mayor of Easttown. Paul and Lauren discuss driving murder. Murder? Driving, it's funny.
Starting point is 00:38:45 Murder mystery dinner theater in mayor of East town. What if we could talk about when it came to driving? Do we do it? How about this one? Josh just said he's very proud of these. Yeah. They are very norm core. He's tries to make them as boring sounding as possible.
Starting point is 00:39:01 Scott, Paul, Lauren discuss road rage, garden gnomes and stove by paths. Stove by paths? Jesus. But here's what's... What? Huh? Lauren, are you okay?
Starting point is 00:39:17 Franny? How'd you get out? Woof, woof. Hold on, wait, I gotta go seasoning, one second. Oh, okay. All right, all right, Scott. Hold on, wait. I gotta go seasoning. One second. Oh, okay. Alright, alright Scott. Um. Alright, what's up?
Starting point is 00:39:27 Ha! Whew! I mean... Are we gonna mention that she doesn't have a dog? We gotta mention this. Now she's talking to the dog. Now she's talking to her imaginary dog. She's saying, I didn't know you were coming home.
Starting point is 00:39:40 She thinks the dog has a job. Ha ha ha! What kind of job does she think this dog has? What kind of job does she think this dog has? What kind of job does she think this dog has? I don't understand. Here's what I'll say about the descriptions. I think they're great because they don't give any jokes away and sometimes descriptions for podcasts will give away things that are like, well, now it's frustrating to me. I agree, I agree. No, it's nice.
Starting point is 00:40:06 It's nice to have no idea what's gonna happen, but they do make me laugh. I now am into it. Anytime one is sent to me. Here's what I'm like. I'm like, less, less. Scott, Paul, and Lauren discuss Lauren's topics, Sesame Street, and the electric slide.
Starting point is 00:40:21 It's like, is this show three minutes? Running time must be a mistake. Maybe they just record a lot of dead air. So funny. And I guess this episode, we discuss other episodes. They discuss episode descriptions. Has to be in there. Scott Paul and Lauren discuss fast food, bad haircuts, and prank calls.
Starting point is 00:40:48 And then we have Scott Paul and Lauren discuss dining out post-COVID naps and Raya. Raya! And we're all married. We're all married. Yeah, I mean I don't know anything about Raya other than like, one friend is on it. One friend is on Raya. And one friend is on it. When friend is on the ride and when the sun grinders there should be a...
Starting point is 00:41:14 I like this one where we discuss Billy Eilish, Star Trek and Grey hair. All at the same time. No, this is the one that really got me when I texted Scott. Scott, Paul, Lauren discussed having lots of siblings, beanie babies, and combs. Combs, combs. Combs. What did we say about combs? That really made me laugh.
Starting point is 00:41:36 There should be a Raya for friends. You can say you just wanna make friends on there. But you know what I mean? Like, I think this was- But everyone, they're all lying though. Yeah, of course, nobody needs- I think that, for also like same sex friends. Friends you'd like to fuck, filth.
Starting point is 00:41:52 Filth? Filth? Filth? Friends I'd like to fuck. But wait, you wanna- This dude's a total filth. You want an app for making friends with guys? Yeah, there should be like a, and not Facebook, not MySpace, just like, oh, you swipe through
Starting point is 00:42:13 and go, this dude looks cool. Yeah, we should go to a ball game together. Is it called Dorkus? Wow. See, this is how the show works. I throw out an idea that I obviously don't believe. You made a face! For comedy. You made a face!
Starting point is 00:42:34 Right and then Paul insults me and I take it! I insult you! And Lauren laughs. I think it's a good day for the app! It's really funny. Is this the latest that we've ever recorded? Maybe, well, except for a live episode. Yeah, it's like, just everyone knows, it's so late that the sun is still beaming
Starting point is 00:42:59 through my window. I know. We did talk about, I did jokingly talk about with Josh that we should do a slumber party episode where we were on Twitch all night long. Yeah, we locked the doors. Would we run out of things to talk about? I mean, I feel like we do on this show. I mean, we're supposed to talk for 24 hours,
Starting point is 00:43:22 just the three of us? No, it would be like, it would be like. We can talk about combs, Paul. I mean doughboys just did it but yeah, but they had guests No, I know we'd have to we we can never have a guest We'd have to do restaurant roundup. Well, yeah, we'd have to start from beginning. Absolutely. Of course my trends Lawrence topics you would have to announce Yeah, I mean I could have a new announce that you're pregnant again. Yeah, I mean I can have new topics. What, you're pregnant another time?
Starting point is 00:43:49 I got two in there. Hey man, I think you should be able to revisit old topics. Yeah. As if they're new. Yeah, so we have Josh compile a list of all the boring ass shit we've already talked about and then we just talk about those things and see if we cover the same territory. Okay, let's talk about combs though, because I don't remember talking about combs at all. I do want to get serious about combs. I used to get one every picture day. I remember that.
Starting point is 00:44:12 We know this. Is that what we talked about? I think that's what we talked about. And I think- Did we talk about the switchblade? I don't remember ever sharing that with another living soul. I used to get one every picture day too. I feel like that rings a bell for me. That ours would be?
Starting point is 00:44:24 Yeah. And I think I may have talked about how it was a popular birthday gift up until you were like 10 or something. It was, yes. And do you use combs now? No. I use a horse comb. I'm a brush man.
Starting point is 00:44:35 What's a horse comb? I'm a brush man. It's one of those, it's like circular and has a bunch of spikes. Oh. Once I switched over to that, it's really good for my hair. Obviously not right now because I- I think your hair looks terrific. Your hair has had lots of body lately.
Starting point is 00:44:50 I've noticed that. Well, it's longer than the, I got one of those COVID haircuts on my porch and got a follow-up. I've never gotten a follow-up on a haircut where they- What, she was like, how's it growing out? Hey, did your hair start to grow again? No, did you like your haircut?
Starting point is 00:45:05 Oh. Check my box. I've never gotten that either. I feel like, you know, in the moment you say it. You always say it because you can't say no. You always say it because you're there in the moment, but it was nice to receive a text the next day of like, well, did you like it though? Like, is it still looking good?
Starting point is 00:45:19 Yeah. I think there's like, it's such a hard thing for me, at least when I get a haircut and I kind of don't like it, but I'm like, I know it's gonna look better when I wash it and stuff and I can't, I don't like how they styled it or whatever. And then I feel like self-conscious and weird and then I leave and I'm like,
Starting point is 00:45:38 I don't even know who I am anymore. And then sometimes I'll see pictures of myself with my haircut at like some event or something that I went to right after. And I'm like, it's not even me. Like it doesn't even look like me when someone does my hair. It's like, it's just like the way that it is when it's just been freshly cut and done.
Starting point is 00:45:52 It's a whole different thing. I remember I, it- Sorry I bored you. There was like, we moved on to haircuts by the way, from combs, I just- Well, there was only so much to say about combs. There was a barber that- And I think we covered it all.
Starting point is 00:46:03 That used to like put stuff in my hair after the haircut without telling me he was gonna do that. Like all of a sudden he just put a bunch of gel in there and like, what the fuck? You're sure there's gel? I don't look like this. Scott thinks it was cum. Like the dentist. Scott?
Starting point is 00:46:18 Are you like a, like a, there's something about Mary sort of situation? No, like that dentist who was doing it. What? It's not a good story. Look it up, Lauren. Look it up. We can talk about it in Lauren's topics next week.
Starting point is 00:46:33 Okay, so I'm going dentist cum. Tell us what comes up. Dentist cum story. Cum story. Drilled at the dentist. Sex dentist oral blowjob eating out. This is a dentist tale. The legend at the dentist sex dentist I just read tell you off Mike. This is not a three-to-one. I just read porn So I just I don't want to see this topic in the description But I just want to say I just learned something I could just put the most random things together
Starting point is 00:47:05 Just and read a story about it That was just Expecting to find that I thought if anything is that a random random man Why don't you know but I put story? Oh, that's why there you go. That's why Put squirt in there. No! Oh, come on. If you put dentist sexual assault,
Starting point is 00:47:31 there's too many things that will come up. Yeah. Really? Yeah. There was a story of a dentist that impregnated women, right? Oh, when they were out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Oh my God, people are sickos. Well, you don't know, you wouldn't have gotten pregnant. Is that noise Lauren's computer? Is it? Yeah. It's so weird how it does that. But my mic doesn't appear to be picking it up. Is your computer making a pizza?
Starting point is 00:47:59 Make a pizza. Make a pizza, man. Man. I'm gonna go like this. Would you, so you would eat that, if you were in Italy, you would eat that pizza. Circling back to the pizza. Make a pizza, man. Man. I'm gonna go like this. Would you, so you would eat that, if you were in Italy, you would eat that pizza. Circling back to the pizza. Well, like this is the thing.
Starting point is 00:48:09 If you were in Italy, you would eat that pizza. Yes or no? Even if there was a pizza restaurant right next door that was delicious. Even if the robot had hands that it did not wash. I think I would try it, like, as one of those sort of random things in the middle of the day, late night thing, you know,
Starting point is 00:48:25 but the best food ever is in Italy. It would feel silly to be getting a pizza out of any machine, but also when you're traveling in other countries, it's like really fun to have any machine food because it's different. I have to say that if we were on tour and remember all the times that we've been out of luck because every restaurant is closed,
Starting point is 00:48:42 how awesome would it be if the hotel had a pizza machine? That would be awesome. That would be awesome. See, it's the kind of thing that, it will never happen in America because we can't be trusted with a pizza robot. What do you mean? Because they would never-
Starting point is 00:48:55 We'll use it for war. They would never put a pizza making vending machine on the street, anywhere in America. I feel like, don't you think that would just never happen because we were just all- Why they put Redbox in front of 7-Elevens and stuff. Do they still? Yeah, I think.
Starting point is 00:49:11 I don't know, I haven't been to a 7-Eleven in 20 years. But Redbox is very different. Like a DVD- Wait, you don't measure yourself? What? You can measure yourself in 7-Elevens? I go to 7-Eleven to see how tall I am. When you walk in, cause there's that numbers on the side
Starting point is 00:49:23 that are like, see how much you've grown since you came here last? Exactly. How have I never noticed? I write my name next to my height. Because they're so used to getting robbed Scott they have a height marker on the door so they can catch people on the camera. That's interesting. So that when is that why when you rob a 7-Eleven you're like get on the ground and count to a hundred until I leave. I'm six two. And you tell the camera, don't look at me.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Don't you fucking look at me. Yeah. I don't like the face. What? It's a reference to This Boy's Life. Oh, okay. Very terrible reference. Which boy?
Starting point is 00:50:03 Tobias Wolf. This boy. Yeah. I'm sure we've talked about this What I have talked about this boy's life. Have we feel maybe you and I have I don't know Who's got a story about a frog a Frog oh I do this is like if I was a psychic and I like a I like a group of people I feel like someone here's got a story about a frog. I'm getting a G over here. Yeah I feel like I've told it before well. What is your frog story? Yeah, but I'm screams give us the highlights Oh, well that that story did I tell you that one about the frog falling on me? Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:50:42 Okay, so but I tell you the reason why I screamed is Because when I scared because I'm When I was 12 I've told you about one of my first jobs delivering the Orange County register. That's right. I was a paperboy and I used to deliver at the apartments on Juanita and... Couldn't be less germane to the story. Juanita and Ball, or Juanita and Orange,
Starting point is 00:51:13 that's where it was. Oh, thank God. And so that was one of my places, the whole apartment complex I had to deliver the... Damn! And one day, I don't know what happened, but I went into the... I was riding my bike, I went into the apartment complex, and I was attacked by hundreds of frogs. What?
Starting point is 00:51:36 What? What? From the ground? I've never seen anything like it ever since. They're on the ground jumping out everywhere. It was not an apartment complex that had frogs all the time, but one day, I don't know if it had just rained or something, but hundreds of frogs.
Starting point is 00:51:55 They were covering the sidewalk. You couldn't ride your bike. They were just covering every side. How did you not see and or hear them before you got up there? I mean, did I hear a ribbit once or twice as I was riding my bike up to the apartment complex? Sure.
Starting point is 00:52:13 You didn't hear like a chorus of 200 ribbits? I don't know what it is. I've never seen anything like it. It was so nuts. It was like Magnolia or something like that. It's like Magnolia or something like that. It was just frogs fucking everywhere and jumping out at me and jumping on me and stuff. And so it gave me like a frog phobia.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Wow. No, I don't like that for you. Yeah. So when that frog, so Yakulop laughs at me about the frog jumping on me. Right. I can't remember if this is a story that we just have talked about, Paul, but not on the show. I don't think I've heard this. When we went to Yosemite. Oh wait, this is another story? Yeah. So it's time for Scott's Lily Pad. This is where he tells all his frog stories. He hops from one to the next. We went to Yosemite and the long and the short
Starting point is 00:52:59 of it is I opened the front door one day and a frog jumped on my hand that was on the doorknob. And how big of a frog are we talking about? Probably Not incredibly big probably silver dollar Okay, okay, so not the biggest frog in the world Just like a silver dollar tiny frog and it landed on my I was opening the door it landed on my hand I looked at it and let out, apparently, according to Coolop, a scream that she thought a woman was being terrorized outside. And I shook it off,
Starting point is 00:53:34 and then went inside and told her what had happened and she laughed at me. And then the next day, I came back to the apartment that we're, or not apartment, but the house that we were renting. I turned the doorknob again and the same frog jumped on my hand again. It's the same frog! It's like a guard frog. And so what I figured out was the frog's like home or something was right above the doorknob.
Starting point is 00:53:56 And if you like turned the doorknob, it would make vibrations or something where it would, or it would get scared and it would jump down. Oh. Right. Oh my god. So maybe it was home Maybe there's two frogs and you helped them get down from a place. They couldn't get down from that's true. Okay That's they were like, okay, at least we can go halfway Yeah Can I say that I while I don't think it's it's great that cool up laughs at you and your fears
Starting point is 00:54:22 You did take her to several terror events when you were dating. Yeah, I apologized for those. After she told you she did not like that. That was all in the past. You almost bought a devil mask. You had to hide that. I did buy the devil mask.
Starting point is 00:54:36 I'm sorry, you did buy the devil mask. You almost used the devil mask to frighten her. Well, you know. You're an interesting couple. Sure. You're an interesting couple. Sure. You're an interesting couple. Hey, when we went on vacation recently, did I use the devil mask ever?
Starting point is 00:54:50 As far as you know? Not as far as I know. But do you bring it in your bag every time? I did have terrible sleep though, so I feel like you might have been haunting my bedroom. I may have done that. Do you have a frog story, Lauren? I don't really have one.
Starting point is 00:55:03 Well, I mean, I dissected a frog in school. I guess. So did I. It's so gross. When are they going to stop doing that? It's really gross. Well, did you also dissect a pig? Yeah. A worm and a frog. A baby pig. It's horrible. A worm? The pig is really fucked up because it's like very human feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I, well, the reason I thought of frogs is because this morning the first thing I looked at on my phone when I woke up was a TikTok my friend sent me. And it was the most
Starting point is 00:55:32 disgusting thing I've ever seen. And it was this frog. This woman's like, she's filming her pool and there's like this string of like two black strings, like really long, going from like the middle of the pool to the stairs. And on the stairs there's like this string of like two black strings, like really long, going from like the middle of the pool to the stairs. And on the stairs, there's this frog and it's like dead
Starting point is 00:55:48 and it has these strings coming up his ass. And then she starts pulling on them. And then the frog starts like coming back to life a little bit. So she takes it out and she puts it on like a log and she starts pulling the strings with gloves on now. And it's so gross. And then it goes on,
Starting point is 00:56:05 it goes on a really long time and she doesn't know what it is. And then she has these two follow-up videos and there's all these people commenting. And basically it was this poisonous cane frog or something and it was having babies and they're poisonous and they are toxic to humans and dogs or whatever. I don't know. She had dogs. They were, people were worried that the dog was going to eat the frog or something. Anyway, it was the sickest thing I've ever seen. It was like 730 a.m. I was like, this is how you start my fucking day.
Starting point is 00:56:33 With this started your day. She sent it to me. And that was my day. Wait, who sent it to you? The woman? My friend, Mariah Smith. Mariah, don't do that. Don't send that that early. Don't send that that early. Don't send that that early. That's nighttime.
Starting point is 00:56:47 It was really harrowing. It sounds truly disgusting. It honestly was sick as hell. Wow. Paul, any frog stories before we go to break? Man, I wish. Hey, man. Hey, man, I wish.
Starting point is 00:57:01 Man, man, I wish I had a frog. I'd like to see a frog someday, man. I'd love to see a frog someday, man. I'd love to see a frog. I've never seen a frog in my life, man. What's up, Flycatcher? All right, well, let's take a break then, and we'll come back with a three-chir. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Elevate your dining experience at home with Cook Unity moving beyond the usual takeout and meal kits. Cook Unity collaborates with renowned chefs nationwide to offer a rotating selection of gourmet chef prepared meals, yes chef, delivered straight to your doorstep. Each dish is crafted with premium ingredients designed to delight your palate and fit seamlessly into your
Starting point is 00:57:47 busy schedule. Go to cookunity.com slash freedom or enter code freedom before checkout for 50% off your first week. I love Cook Unity. We got a trial run when we started doing ads for it and we just kept it. We've kept it going. We get them delivered every week. We love them. The mission style chicken burrito with salsa verde and sour cream. Ah, great. Anyway, forget about the meal prep, cooking and cleanup. Cook Unity offers mouthwatering ready to eat meals that effortlessly blend into your daily
Starting point is 00:58:22 routine. Experience chef quality meals every week delivered right to your door. Go to cookunity.com slash threedom or enter code threedom before checkout for 50% off your first week. That is 50% off your first week by using code threedom or going to cookunity.com slash threedom. Hey Lauren. What? This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I know because the back to school season is a time for fresh starts and new opportunities. You know because of that?
Starting point is 00:58:50 Yep. It's the perfect chance to explore new hobbies, revisit old passions, or simply enjoy learning something new, which I don't know if you've ever done. I don't think so. I stopped around seven. I think it was like birdy dirt, dirty worms, something like that. One thing I did want to say though, Lauren, if you would please be quiet for one second. If you're finding it tough to get inspired, better help can help.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Their licensed therapists offer support in navigating interests, overcoming obstacles and finding joy. Therapy isn't just about tackling problems. It's also about personal growth, building confidence, and discovering your potential. With the right guidance, the benefits are endless, and I've experienced firsthand how transformative it can be. Anything is possible with the right support. Excuse me. Oh my gosh, who's this? I'm not a giant, but going to therapy made me feel 10 feet tall. If you've been thinking about starting therapy, why not give BetterHelp a try? It's completely online, which means it's designed
Starting point is 00:59:44 to be convenient and flexible, fitting into your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash threedom today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash threedom. And we're back. Hi, we're back. Hi, we're back. It's time for a three-chur.
Starting point is 01:00:13 This one is called Hitting the Post. We've done it once before and everyone loved it so much that we're gonna do it again. Please cut out my coffee. Oh! This was submitted by John Comdat, who credits Dave Schumka from Stop Podcasting Yourself for the idea. One person chooses a song and plays it from their phone without saying what it is.
Starting point is 01:00:34 Another person has to improvise over the beginning of the song as a radio host right up until the lyrics start. The closer the improviser times the natural end of their monologue to the beginning of the lyrics, the better. If the improviser steps on the lyrics they lose so let's do it who wants to go first I'll play the song if great yeah Paul you want to go oh I forgot we play the song for other people right yeah yeah yeah I'll go first yeah okay here we go
Starting point is 01:01:02 fly 105 we got it coming down. It's almost traffic time and that's when the zombies come out. So everybody be sure to hide under your bed because you will not live to see the morning. But if you do be sure to enter our contest. If you are the 30. Pretty good. That was, what song was that? Broken by Depeche Mode. Broken by Depeche Mode. I'll play a song for Scott.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Here we go. True, that's nice. Okay, ready? Okay. Well, my mother-in-law is a real bat. She's visiting us all weekend long and all I really want to do is drop her off the face of the earth if you have any suggestions please call me here
Starting point is 01:01:51 at the ready shit Lisa Loeb do you sleep? you say I'm gonna turn my volume all the way up ooo ooo alright now I'll play a song for Lauren. You ready? Okay. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
Starting point is 01:02:09 And once again, we are live from Great America all summer long. We're bringing the hits from Under the Roller Coasters. If y'all wanna get ready, get a guh-guh, canna cuck and get a ticket. What I want, you got. Oh, so well known that you knew how to do it. I did, I did. Of course. well known that you knew how to do it. I did.
Starting point is 01:02:25 Of course. The Immortal You Make My Dreams Come True by Philly's Own, Hall and Oates. Philly's Own. Here we go. Ready, Paul? Yes. We're looking at 89 degrees for the rest of the year. That's right.
Starting point is 01:02:44 I just heard from the weather people and they have sealed it at 89 degrees for the rest of the year. That's right. I just heard from the weather people and they have sealed it at 89. So get ready to take off your jacket and roll up your sleeves because it's going to be pretty pleasant out there. And I love you. And I think about you every night. Please don't leave me. I'm talking to one person out there and
Starting point is 01:03:05 she knows who she is. Oh yeah. That was good. Well I wonder by the Smiths. Oh my god. That's you. Who? That you. Okay, ready? Sometimes I get a phone call and I don't know who it is, and so I pick up the phone and I say, hello, Grandma, is this you? And it's never her, but it always ends up being a really interesting person that I love to talk to, and I've made a lot of new friends this way. So Grandma?, Grandma? ["Motivation by Once and For All"] So, Grandma?
Starting point is 01:03:48 The end. That was Cheerleader by Omi. All right, Lauren, here we go. The ghost came back, everyone. I want you to know he's back, and he is still living in the home with me, but I'm doing everything I can to get rid of him. We got a Ghostbuster coming back on the show next week to give me a nice long interview
Starting point is 01:04:09 and hopefully get me out of this mess once again. I can't wait to meet with that nice person who's going to make my life better once and for all. That is the person who will help me. Ghostbuster. I love, you know what? I'm sorry I keep telling you guys about this stuff, but you guys are my friends.
Starting point is 01:04:27 ["Tuesday Morning"] Pretty good. Tuesday morning by the Pogues. Oh my god. The Pogues. All right, one more. Paul, here we go. Ready? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:41 Hey everybody. Are you still having that same dream that we've all been having? I know, our water's been poisoned. I just found out, because my uncle works for the government. I can't say in what branch. Okay, he's a mail carrier. REO Speedwagon, don't let him go.
Starting point is 01:05:01 REO, what a fun game. You wanna do one more? Yes, I do. I thought we were doing one round. Okay, Scott. him go. Really? Rio! What a fun game! Do you want to do one more? Yes I do. Oh I thought we were doing one round. Okay Scott. You know sometimes I'll take a look at old pictures and I'll say to myself, hey who is that cool guy that never really grew up and then I'll'll realize, wait a minute, no, it's me.
Starting point is 01:05:26 And I did grow up. Anyway, this kind of ties into this song and why I wanted to play it for all you listeners out there. Never grow up, always be the young guy that you see in those old pictures. Because this is the song to stay. That was Circle the Drain by Soccer Mommy. Soccer Mommy. Soccer Mommy. That was circle the drain by soccer mommy soccer mommy soccer mommy that's a fun name
Starting point is 01:05:57 Gonna get one for Lauren here. Okay. Okay All right. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Yeah. Okay. I just want to apologize for my previous guess with the network does not stand by any of my co-hosts What that man just came in here and said we actually don't know who that was But we're working on getting him out of the building. Hopefully before we all get attacked. We'll see what happens Alrighty then have a good day That was a cover of the Chain by the Highwomen. Oh, the Highwomen. Oh, it sounded very much like the original.
Starting point is 01:06:49 I know, it's a pretty faithful cover. Yeah. You're allowed. The Highwomen. Well guys, that was fun. It really was. That was fun. It's very hard not to play that game every time. I know, it's a fun game.
Starting point is 01:07:03 Yeah, it really is. It really is. Well, I look forward to hearing what we'll talk game every time. I know, it's a fun game. Yeah, it really is. It really is. Well, I look forward to hearing what we'll talk about next time. Yeah, what a wind down. Save up your topics. Guys, this has been a blast. I loved this episode
Starting point is 01:07:17 and I hope to catch y'all next week. I have just as much energy now as I did when I started recording. I'm having a great time all the time. Remember to buy whatever our T-shirts are or whatever it is. We have new T-shirts. Go to the store. Go to Podswag, podswag.com. Go to the store and get a little crook charm.
Starting point is 01:07:38 We got, get your little crook job. We have some, we have another T-shirt in the works that I am very curious to see who will buy it. Me too. We want to see them on you. We want to see them on you, baby. Show us a picture, okay? We want to see you wearing that t-shirt.
Starting point is 01:07:58 Just take a picture and show us, okay? Just take a picture and show us, okay? Just take a picture and show us, please. Please do it, please. Please do it, please. All right, we'll see you next time. Goodbye. Bye-bye.
Starting point is 01:08:09 Bye-bye. Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of childcare. Poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system.
Starting point is 01:08:34 By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One Is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sam Smith and welcome to the pink house. I love being in the pink house with you. Join me as I talk to my friends and some amazing queer icons about their idea of home, like Elliot Page, Joakim Booster, and Gloria Estefan. Music was always my escape, it was my happy place.
Starting point is 01:09:10 The Pink House from Lemonada Media is out now. You can listen ad-free on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.

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