Threedom - Threevisiting: Me So Phony
Episode Date: June 6, 2023Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss best friends, family photos and play How’s Yours. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail....com. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).
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3-0!
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho- You must not have been listening to that shit that just happened. I guess we're back. Gizmo. Gizmo.
Oh, what?
Oh, guess.
Gizmo, the Gravelin.
Wait, you don't sound like him.
I don't know.
What does the Gravelin sound like?
It's been so long since I've had a very...
He does this.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Wait, but when you feed him, what do they sound like after that?
Tony Randall.
Oh, hello.
That was my initial attempt at Tony Randall.
There was a woman to lips very sexy.
She was, oh, that was, can you imagine
that grandma slapping on your dog Lauren?
Oh, I could.
I mean, can you stop imagining it for two seconds?
Welcome back to the show.
This is three dumb.
I'm Scott.
I'm Paul.
I'm Lauren.
That's all the three dumb.
That's check, check and check. I'm Paul. I'm Lauren. That's all the freedoms. That's check, check, and check.
Present and present.
I think we should say that we received a great gift.
Okay.
And the person even went above and beyond
by getting the Amazon gift wrap, which cost $5.
Whoa.
That's right.
We don't need to do that if you're gonna send us something,
but it was good.
But it would be not.
I mean, if you're gonna send us something.
It add a lot of profit to us.
Rimp on the gift wrap.
The good of said does something. Why? Keep on the gift wrap. Look what I said to something.
Who wants to give me a gift wrap?
I have a question.
And you can answer this in Twitter.
Do mesophony people hate crinkling a bat?
Mesophony!
Oh, mesophony!
Oh, mesophony!
Okay, well, we were sent spanking pens.
Oh, yes.
They are pens.
I'm gonna get a picture of each one.
With attitude.
They're little hands on the ends.
They're different styles.
Hold on, let me unwrap them.
Yeah, you should.
Right into the microphone.
There's no way not to.
Why are you unwrapping?
You don't have to unwrap every single one.
Every style.
Every style to get a good picture shot.
Okay, all right.
That's a theory.
These are, and they are actually pens.
I can, I don't see the writing implement part of it.
I'm just kidding, within the fat base.
Oh, fat base.
Okay, Lauren's taking a picture.
Thank you to whomever sent us those.
I'm sure Lauren has the info.
It's about a spanking fan or whatever, yeah.
Yeah, the fan of spanking.
It's fans of spanking have found our podcasts.
They don't even like us. Probably a parent. I'm a spanking is fans of spanking have found our podcasts. They don't they don't even like us. Probably a parent
Spanking fan also we want to say sheaven is back. He's over here anyway. Hello. Hi
What okay, have we taken care of all of the business? Yeah
Lauren is also back Lauren has been away for a while. I know we know this is our third
This is our third episode back, but we have not seen,
yeah, we have not seen Lauren since our last episode
for a long time.
Yeah.
It's good to see you.
Did you miss us at all?
You know, no.
You're in the busy and Hawaii.
You're in the busy and Hawaii.
Beautiful land of Hawaii.
I was, I will say, I was so busy that it made it hard for me to get homesick or feel like I wanted to get
out of it. Were you in a hotel room? Yes.
Or a house.
A hotel's, but we moved like three.
Were you in a hotel room in a house? No, it was a hotel room.
Were you in a house?
In a house, in a little tiny house that was built inside of a hotel room.
Basically, that's what a hotel room is.
We're in a Wales, Belly. Save it for the game.
But it was really fun. Basically, I put a hotel in a Wales belly save it for the game
But it was really fun. Yeah, really say you want us to save this for the game I mean you want to end the conversation, but I just saying it was really fun. Yeah
It was I one of my favorite experiences what
I just had a great time. I was very challenging for me as an actor in a good way.
I felt like I got to really be myself.
It was very fun.
You know, of course, there's no predicting what happens next,
which is what something I've really learned about me.
I don't know what you're talking about right now.
Yeah, that, just you don't know if it's gonna be good or bad.
Yeah.
I definitely had the experience of having a lot of fun
and then something being bad, but I really, yeah,
everyone hates this.
But I'm very excited that just to have this.
Are you accepting me to award right now?
What is going on?
I'll say thank you all for making me.
Okay, they're playing you off.
No, they're not.
That's about how you start talking.
Anyway.
Finally, my accompaniment.
That's all I have to say about it.
Okay, well welcome back.
What if somebody was getting played off in an award show the music started
They just started singing
Oh
Oh
Oh
I'm sorry I had to fire you I stand with
Talk about what we were talking about right before we started? Yeah, well, I don't even remember.
About your wife being your best friend.
Oh, okay.
So you mentioned your friend thought something about you.
My friend, Bill W.
You mentioned your friend thought something about you.
It's such a weird, big way of describing everything.
I started and then I was like, I don't have permission to talk about what you talked about.
My friend, Casey, who is the executive producer.
And the Sunshine Band.
Is he tonight?
No, she's left with Sunshine Band.
She and I used to work together on Best Week Ever
with Paula F. Chompkins.
And the Sunshine Band?
Yes.
The Sunshine Band was a house band for that show.
That would be amazing.
Casey would not appear.
Just the Sunshine Band?
Just the Sunshine Band. That's cute. Yeah. It's easier with House. It's not appear. Just the sunshine band. Just the sunshine band.
That's cute.
Yeah.
It's easier with us.
It's named in front of it.
Yeah.
Casey.
Yeah.
We all said the Hermits without Hermann.
Lauren's patience is out of the end since he's got what?
Where is the Mahalo feeling?
It's there.
I'm just all tired.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I'm here.
I know how to be as family. A lot of these things. It's there, I'm just all tired. I'm here, I'm here! I'm here, I'm here! I'm here, I'm here!
I'm here, I'm here!
I'm here, I'm here!
I'm here, I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here! I'm here!
I'm here! I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here! I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here! I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here!
I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! colored jacket. And that that affect that vocal affect like grossed her out. Yeah.
Grossed her out. Yeah. It sounds like you swallowed a Cadbury egg hole. I wish I had.
So she was she was a Cadbury egg. She got nauseous from this or it's like it made her teeth
itch. She was repulsed. She was repulsed. She's repulsed. She was repulsed. So she is repulsed by you now ever since then.
Well, no, if I do that voice.
Oh, it's only the voice.
So that didn't trigger it.
No.
She didn't realize he was.
Trigger warning, snowflake.
So it's not like a grandma.
No one knows what I'm talking about.
No one must ever know.
Please don't do anything.
Only your real best friend knows.
My wife.
But you mentioned your friend,
and I didn't hear who you were talking about.
I said, oh, Jayny.
And then you were like, that's not my friend.
That's my wife, but she is my friend.
But then it led us to talking about this whole new thing, which I think is about 10 years
old now.
No, it's older than that.
Is it older than that?
Yes, yes.
But it's so like some, at some point a decade or two decades ago, people thought it was
invoked to start saying.
It was going to be 10 years ago.
It was, I mean, it was pretty much 2009.
Could be 10 years and two decades?
10 days and two decades?
10 years and 20 years.
So when she was on.
We're holding.
Really, it's only been maxed 20 years and people have said that.
No, I imagine a stick before.
No, no, no, no, I just remember, I remember before, by the way, we haven't even said what
we said, but basically it's invoked now to say that your wife is your best friend. And
I'm not your husband. Your wife.
I don't think I'll be the other way.
Women. Sorry. Sorry. Very clearly do not say my husband is my best friend.
No, no. I'm thinking of myself, so I'm saying, but, run of his truth. Yeah, but I remember it almost as if it were yesterday.
But it was 10 years ago or more.
It was somewhere in 10 years, because back then, people would just say,
like, oh no, this is my wife or this is my husband, I love them.
And then suddenly, people started saying this of like, well, you know what?
She's also my best friend.
Yeah, it's like, no, I have a best friend.
Let there be categories in your life.
Yes.
Your wife cannot do it all, people.
Yes, women cannot have it all.
They can't, okay?
I feel like you're, it's forbidden.
I feel like your spouse is your de facto best friend.
Yeah, you say to me,
I can also have a best friend, please.
You've been, you've implied that you love the best friend
level because you want to be around them all the time. Yeah, you've been fighting them. I'm not married to my best friend, please. You've been, you've implied that you love the best friend level because you want to be around them all the time.
Yeah, you've been fighting them.
You've been saying my best friend.
No, why would you?
I've heard my wife.
I mean, I love her the most.
If I've heard my best friend, it will be a disaster.
How long have you been friends with your best friends?
Huh, well, how long have I known you?
Oh, it's two years.
Two years?
Yeah. Well, how long have I known you? Oh! Oh! Two years?
Yeah.
Um, I, the guys who are my best friends,
I've known since the late 80s.
Yeah.
Ladies.
Hey, late 80s.
Um, I, I'm not one of those people who,
I still keep up with people from high school,
but I'm not one of those people.
And people take such pride in that of like,
oh no, my best friends have been my best friends
since I was eight years old.
It's like, come on.
My best friend has been my best friends since I was five.
Really?
Who's this?
Natalie is her name.
Oh, hi Natalie.
Hi, she's not your best friend.
Now there's only so much she can do.
Right.
Is she not gonna send us gifts?
She's definitely not.
Oh, sorry. I like this
Natalie. Listen. But yeah, that's my like longest best friend of mine next. My second longest
has been my friend. But did she? Let's break this down. I know this is a recurrent relationship
for you. So it may be difficult for you to talk about. Sure. She won't listen to those.
It's fine. Okay. So she is. Yes, she's your best friend. Are you calling her your best friend simply because you have ever since you were five?
Like, is she taking that best friend slot right now?
Is she performing the duties of best friend that a best friend would do?
Yes.
And she lives in Chicago?
No, she lives here.
Oh, all right.
And you guys see each other all the time and you talk all the time.
Pretty regular, we text all the time, but we see each other like every couple of weeks.
Okay. But that's how much I see anybody really we see each other like every couple weeks. Okay.
But that's how much I see anybody really.
Sure.
Does she know who we are?
Yeah.
Okay.
Why have we never met her?
Because she doesn't, I don't know, come to the things that you guys do.
Does she like that you do comedy?
Yeah, but she's a painter.
She's in a totally different way.
But here's a painter.
I'm not sure.
No, she's a painter.
She's in like that art way. She's a pain in the ass. I'm not sure. No, she's a real pain in the ass.
She's in that art community.
It's totally different.
I only know certain things about her community.
It's just kind of a, there's not, our crossover.
Do you think, if suddenly a new person came into your life
where you're like, I think this person's my best friend now.
I definitely have people that I think are my
other best friends.
Right.
Do you think you could not say that to her? because it's like, look, we've been having
this going since we were five.
We cannot stop this train.
Here's what it is.
She will always hold the place of my best friend.
Like, I introduced her as my best friend.
But I don't introduce like wild horses as my best friend.
If I'm introducing like, here's my best friend, Mary.
Here's my best friend, three people.
I just say, yeah, I'm just like, this is my friends.
These are my colleagues. But I, with her, I will introduce her that way to like if I should meet you I would probably say she's my best friend
Well, you don't need to because well now you know
Best friend is a weird term anyway, isn't it like where are we qualifying?
Here's what I say about her. I like it because it contextualizes her
Well also it is I'm bringing her into a comedy party or something.
I'm like, this is my best friend.
Like, well, she's not part of your regular crew as well.
So it's good to, yeah, like let everyone know the
deepness of her relationship.
Yeah.
She's not just some random person who I said.
Here's why she is worthy of being here.
Yes.
Yes.
I feel like it's, it is such a, it's a thing you say when you're a little kid.
Yes. But as you get older, you realize that really is a true thing.
It's a way that you feel about certain people in your life
that you're like, these people are my best friends
and there's no other way.
I can't not think of it that way.
Lauren, how did you meet Natalie?
Where in how?
Why?
Kindergarten.
Who?
The reporter's questions.
Actually, we met on the first, we saw each other on the first day of school because we
were going into different kindergarten classes, but we had the same haircut.
And you just grabbed this haircut.
A moha?
No, it was just a blonde bob with like straight across bangs.
Okay.
And we both just had the same haircut.
And no one else had this haircut?
I don't call any of them.
This is pretty standard SOP for children.
Was this like one of bird season itself in the mirror?
It was kind of weird.
I thought that we looked alike.
And I wasn't looking in the mirror.
But there's a full wrap.
Mike, my mom took a picture of me on the first day of school and she's like in the background.
We've what kind of a camera
Some bullshit fucking Wendy's camera. So it was it wasn't a phone
It was like she actually like brought a camera. I think I'm eight
I don't know
We've never talked about it. We
Regular cameras. Can we can we talk about very briefly? You're not eight years old. No, I'm not. Okay.
All right. I'm just wondering if it was like a disposable if it was you know,
any like was it a real real real camera real camera? Cool. That she would develop the film at
Osco. What year was this? This was 1990 period. Period. Oh, period. Okay. So, 1990. Yeah. I remember cameras back then. Yeah. Okay. Good stuff.
And we became, we're in the same class in first grade that's where we really became friends,
and there you have it. So, you guys, what do you remember talking for the first time?
No. I don't remember any of my conversations from that age, dude. You don't? You don't have
transcripts? I don't have transcripts? I remember.
I don't write them back.
I remember many of my kindergarten
training conversations.
I do remember my first conversation
with my friend Doug.
And how old are you?
I still talk to you.
Well, this is when I moved to my new school.
So I was third grade, I was eight.
What's this new school?
I moved.
Do you know what you're doing to school?
I wanted to tell them. I moved. Look, I grew up,
as everyone knows, I grew up in Cyprus, California, and I was right there on Beverly Drive. Was it
drive Beverly? And when I was eight, we moved... Can I tell you something? I didn't know you grew up in
Cyprus. I never would have said that. We all know this. As we all know, I would have said orange County jump around listen. Yes, you were born in Georgia though. Why are you always
Do you always deny that down there?
You make Scott to make Scott
The devil went down to Georgia to make Scott
To the end
There was no battle. No, I moved away from Georgia when I was six weeks older. So moved to, I think Los Angeles.
And then, yeah, get into that for a second.
Okay, you have, okay, you're, I don't remember Georgia.
You're a young couple.
You have, you're, you're, you're, you're,
you're the oldest sibling?
No, so middle child.
You are, the parents are a young couple.
You're a young couple.
Yeah.
You have a child already.
Yeah.
You now have a six week old baby.
And you have to move.
You have to move.
Well, it sounds horrible.
It sounds miserable.
My father was in the armed forces.
And so thank you for a service, God.
Where you've never said that.
Hezzy, you can never ask me any questions about myself.
That's not true.
That's not true.
That's not true.
My father, my father, we did know there.
But there are a lot of things, Scott,
that we have to wait for you to tell us, okay?
My father was in Vietnam, okay?
Okay.
He went to Vietnam and he signed up before the draft
in order to get a good seat.
You want to be?
He's Southwest.
First on the play.
I don't know if it's anything.
I went first class to Vietnam.
No, he wanted to, he knew that the draft was coming,
so he wanted to fly helicopters,
so he heard that if you signed up before the draft,
that you had a better chance of flying helicopters.
So he signed up, flew helicopters in Vietnam.
My brother was born in 67.
So I think while that was going on,
I'm the dates of Vietnam are sort of fuzzy for me,
but the like late 60s, early 70s, right?
The fifth to the 30th of May.
Yeah, Vietnam.
It was quick.
And so my belt long, my brother,
I didn't know.
My brother was born in New Mexico. Okay.
Hello.
I'm talking to you.
Then got stationed in Georgia. I was born in Georgia. Then I think he was out of Vietnam.
And so we moved away to California where he grew up and met my mom back to LA. Then then got to invite your mom after having you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no it's a lot, no one cares about all this stuff. I do. I'm actually.
Well, anyway, we literally asked questions and then you're deflecting.
He moved down to Orange County because from LA, he's looking for a soul to steal.
And because the, the, the, what do you call it?
The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the of course not Air Force base the National Guard Station was is there in Orange County and he got he got a national
guard fever. He had to have it baby. And he he got accepted there. He got a job there.
He worked there for many years. That's and that's how I grew up down there.
Oh cool. I also just discovered that these pens can bend.
Wow. This is more exciting than my story.
I said, cool to you and the pen at the same time.
And I meant them both equally.
You can ask me.
And then he was in the, as I've talked about on my other show,
he was in the movie King Kong, because he flew those helicopters.
That's awesome.
Yes.
I did have a follow up.
OK.
Now, do you feel, which side of the war was Yana Vino?
Oh, well, that's very important.
He was with Charlie. Do you feel like he almost was killed? I will say I found that out recently.
I we had a long car trip where I was moving them out back here to California. And at the
variant. By the way, here's something. I was going to kill. I took the I took the opportunity to
ask him like questions about the
work as I never really heard any of it.
And he did tell me a story about flying a helicopter and suddenly there was a combatant
who picked up a machine gun and pointed it right at him as he was hovering there and
it jammed as he was firing right at him.
And so in your life flashed before his eyes.
I'll never have to
got. I got to get back there. I got to get back there. The M. He's needs me. Well, that's
kind of leads me to me to question. What is do you feel? Did you ever feel like a pressure
to follow in his footsteps at all? Or like, even just from yourself, like, oh, I should
do something like that, like because it's so serious. Well, I think there's a small bit of pressure of like,
when you grow up in a family that's in the armed forces
where it's not even like, I mean,
my grandfather also was in the armed forces.
So in World War II, so.
My grandpa too.
My dad.
Really?
Really?
Oh, amazing.
But I don't think it was, you know, being the third generation.
I don't, it wasn't like I had pressure to like, you should be in the Armed Forces too,
because I don't think my dad ever even necessarily wanted that for me. I think it was more of like,
the culture of like Armed Forces like, manly stuff. Yeah. You know, and my dad is a guy who likes art
and and and stuff. So it's not like he's like, you know, what are you doing? Look at the paintings or whatever, but it's just more, more like, you know, hey,
can't you like sports or a little bit more like that, but not too bad.
Yeah.
You know, back, boy.
My dad, because he was so much older, like military service was not a thing I ever thought about.
My older brother was in the Navy.
And he was lucky that he was in it before all of our current wars.
You got in and out.
That's like back when you could actually do it to get money for college.
Right.
He was like, later, there's very little danger of you being destroyed over.
Was this pre like 90, or before the,
before the first Gulf War.
Okay.
Before the Falklands.
Uh,
Reve, or I think it might have been
pre-Falklands as well.
Okay.
So like mid 80s or something.
This is a good question.
I wish we didn't.
Honey, I can't,
I wish I had an answer for you.
Could I just be in their country
and be fine with it?
And stay there.
And don't try to come into our course.
Of course.
I remember my mother used to say she thought that every,
every, I think every, every young man should spend some time
in the military.
Interesting.
I mean, that is a point of view.
It is a point of view.
If you're not, if there isn't like conflict going on,
but it's like you're what, you're just getting trained
on how to be like,
punctual and like,
yeah, orders, a beaker person.
And bounce a quarter off a bit.
My brother and he's like any listens to the show, right?
After all those workouts.
Let's change the subject.
Oh, let's not say we do.
My brother who does listen to the show.
Right.
Hello.
Hi.
I would say,
His name is Mark.
Hi, Mark. Mark F. Tomkins. Mark. Yeah his name is Mark. Hi Mark. Mark. Mark.
Mark F. Tomkins. Mark. Oh, that would be great. It's not my middle initial. Our last name
is F. Tom. Tom. He, uh, you, you were not, you know, he's a good guy, but it's not like
you would say, well, he's not the greatest. He's the man he is today because of the
Navy. Right. Right. You know what I mean?
Would he say that though?
Would he say anything to the effect of like, oh yeah, taught me.
I would say the two years, I'm sure he got a lot out of it.
The two years I spent, you will let me know.
In theater school, I learned how to be punctual because at the theater school that I was
at, they drilled it into you that being on time was five minutes early.
And if you were ever, they would lock the door
to the classrooms at the literal stroke
of when it was supposed to start.
And the first time that happened,
you were sent to the office,
and the second time it happened,
you were kicked out of school.
Boo!
So,
I was laughing because I was like,
did you, I was thinking,
did you like being drilled into?
And then you said the literal stroke.
And then I was like,
Ah, man. I know, I couldn't get him in.
You're too orange.
I didn't know.
You're very horny to get it.
Actually, what I am, no.
And what I am is, hold on.
I'm in the middle of a freezer.
You're the freedom.
And I was also letting you finish.
So I'm not even in it.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait.
Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait. Do you make so many sex jokes because you're horny all the time? Yeah, baby. It's like awesome powers.
Oh, but I wonder if he would, I wonder if Mark would say, oh, those two, how many years
was there?
Two, three, something like that.
15.
15.
Oh, no.
But I wonder if he would say, like, oh, yeah, I learned, you know, like 40% of my personalities
because of that.
Wow.
My personality.
40% of my personality. I think before he was basically a shell, then he. Wow, I'm my personality. 40% of my personalities.
Before he was basically a shell, then he went in, got 40% there.
He was an amorphous blob, and then Navy made him into a human being.
Yeah.
And he still wears a sailor suit everywhere he goes.
Well, that's just cute.
But Pamela's like, daffy-duff.
It's filthy.
It's filthy.
It doesn't matter anymore.
It doesn't matter anymore.
The only has one.
Yeah, I love that.
When I was 17, about to turn 18. Yeah. When I was 17, about to turn 18.
Yeah.
When I was 17, about to turn 18 in high school, the Army recruiters, we'd come around all the
time.
You were 17 going on 18 and they would take you.
Are you strong that one guy along?
Yeah, they would take you out to lunch to join up.
You told us to.
Wow.
So, Shavans coming at show with a spanking pin.
Come on, chef.
I feel like you saw these pins.
I got to get these up my butt.
You got to get up, chef, and you're wasting time.
No, hold on, hold on.
What do you mean?
Hold on.
The whole spanking thing, let's reexamine this.
Why?
Because of me, too.
Yeah, we're like, what if, What if Chevin doesn't enjoy doing this?
Chevin do enjoy it.
Look at this big smile. Who loves it?
It's not about a joy.
It's not about joy. It's about his job.
It's not about his companionship.
Yeah, because I mean, I don't enjoy it with a party of my job.
It shouldn't be part of his job to you.
You came up with this.
I know.
Fine.
If he doesn't like to do it, we should-
Spank yourself.
I will spank myself.
And I'm gonna take a video.
No.
You have to get done with this.
No, I don't want any video.
No one will be serious.
Just a still photo.
Just a still photo.
No photo is no video.
A boomerang.
It's funny.
It's funny.
Hold on.
Ah!
Oh, the cap flew off in the thing
when Flannier crossed the room towards Lauren.
Okay, I call that a spanking fail.
What have been different of Shem and Duh?
Spanking fail.
Oh, that's a great playlist.
Okay, guys, we need to take a break.
Do we?
We're going to come back and then we'll talk about Lauren being in the Armed Forces.
You're in the Israeli Air Force.
I was.
Briefly.
Okay, we're going to come right back.
We'll be right back with more.
Three, two, one. I was briefly. Okay, we're gonna come right back. We'll be right back with more. Three-dap!
[♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪
Welcome back to the freedom!
Welcome back!
We did it!
We love you.
One thing I did want to say about the helicopters
because my grandfather flew them
and my father flew them.
They both flew me in helicopters growing up
ostensibly as a treat sometimes
and I would get very, very aerosic
and that's where I really felt like I let them both down.
Right.
Because I just,
This is like their thing.
This is their thing. They're like,
hey, you know, I mean, it is kind of it.
I remember we went to Texas to Carlsbad to the caverns and all that and my grandfather
Fluis there and I was just like you got grandfathered in I got grandfathered in Texas
That works and I was just like try to go in without a grandpa. I dare try I fucking dare you
I was just like
grandfather And I was just like, Oh, grandfather. Oh, what?
It's a hard time.
You know what?
Do you ever say,
you're worse than I am?
Did you ever,
oh, this is an interesting question.
But he's worse.
Which of you is worse?
Whose mind has been wrecked worse?
That's worse because it's sick when he does it.
Yeah.
Do you ever, does it,
never, did that ever make you think that you are not your father's son, that your mother
had an affair?
Because you're sick.
I will say because you're gross.
My parents gave me, my parents gave me the 23 and me stuff the other day and that leads me
to believe that, that I am truly their child.
Yeah, you would, because I don't think you get that from your parents
unless you, I don't know if you read that.
They're not gonna give it to you.
They're not gonna be like, let's show them the facts.
Yeah, well, I don't know if there was some Twitter thread
about a woman, I believe, who gave everyone
in her family 23 and me stuff for Christmas.
And suddenly the mom started like panicking and going,
oh, we don't have to do this.
I think one of us can do it.
Like, we'll just do it.
And then it's a waste of money if everyone does it, right?
And then suddenly, like, win upstairs
and started having like loud conversations with her husband.
And then finally, after a few hours,
came downstairs and let them know that they were adopted.
Oh, wow. But they were like, were they adults? They were adults, yeah. And they did not know that they were adopted. Oh, wow.
But they were like, were they adults?
They were adults, yeah.
And they did not know that they were adopted.
That's not right, I don't think.
I mean, maybe not.
I don't know, I guess I can't say that 100%.
Yeah.
It feels like something that you should have the right to know.
It never occurred to me that people would not tell their kids
at some point that they were adopted.
I think it was like that was just a sad or a thing.
It was maybe.
It was maybe.
Now feel that I shouldn't say that blanket.
I guess you don't have to.
Yeah.
Well, I started,
actually, it's my right not to.
And then I had to like,
I started thinking about the,
I started thinking about the major life changes
or things in life that could be incorrect
that you just assume about.
And I started thinking about like,
oh, I,
technically, I wonder if I could have a kid out there.
And I started like going through every relationship
that I had.
And you got to two and then you're like done.
And then you're like, oh,
oh, the niggle!
But I started thinking about like, okay,
have had I seen them after nine months after we stopped
dating and I have I see you know and I and I
I think there's like maybe three hanging threads out there that like technically I
could have like a 25 year old kid out there somewhere but I think it's very unlikely
I think so yeah I think so but I know Lorden like that you wouldn't have that
experience but no because I have a vagina
Really, I would tell us more
I don't know
I don't even know what you mean. Yeah, but I mean like are there any but that's one of a
You couldn't have children
I would know if I did
That's one of those experiences. I mean of like oh are your parents actually your parents?
Yeah, it's crazy because my parents did 23 and me
and I just read those results and that was like,
I'm 50% of this or I'm 50% of that.
Yeah.
We did a Janine, I did a two and it was very,
it was disappointingly unsurprising.
Mine was exactly what we've been saying forever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was like, I was convinced though,
it was gonna be something different. I don't know why on my dad's side. I was like, I don't think we're as Irish as we claim to be and then it was
I
grew up okay. I grew up saying
Yeah, I grew up saying I was German and Polish and I remember always having like deep shame about the Polish part of it because of all the Polish jokes when I was growing like that was a big thing. I would tell. Yeah. Well, for some reason that was really big in the 80s.
I had a book. There's a book. Yeah, you could buy it at like airports.
I remember having a book that was it was a no one remembers joke books, but joke books were a big deal.
There's a truly tasteless joke book. Yeah. This one with there were a lot of ethnic joke books were a big deal. There's a truly tasteless joke book. This one, there were a lot of ethnic joke books.
I remember one that was, it was an Italian joke book on one side
and then you flipped it over.
It was a Polish joke book on the other side.
And the joke part of the joke being that the covers on the wrong side,
because it's the Polish book.
Right, right.
And I was like,
it was so weird.
Literally, it was two books. I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying.
I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. a metrop, maybe it was more of a metropolitan area type of thing or certain areas, but like we, people would tell Polish jokes when I was young, even though no one we knew was Polish.
Yeah, I've heard things like that, but I don't know why.
I think I understand it as being a part of the culture.
It's really weird, and it's weird how much of that was just like, oh, yeah, that's
fine.
I remember reading in some book of facts that the same jokes that are Polish jokes to us
in France are English
jokes.
Right.
They're just English people.
Yeah.
Every culture has like the culture they hate.
Yeah, they must demonize.
That they say is stupid.
That's right.
But anyway, so I always have big shame of like people to say, what are you?
I would go out German.
And then if I felt like you're finding I would say, oh, a little bit of Polish, but I guess
because my parents did the 23 me,
it's mainly Swedish or something like that.
Oh, you look Swedish too.
Yeah, anyway.
You can see that.
I did not do my own because if I ever murder someone,
I don't want that information up there.
Well, that's not, it was not,
it came out though that like,
then they were gonna use the DNA for like,
all sorts of stuff.
So it's incriminate people for murders.
I mean, that's kind of good.
I don't know, I don't like it.
But that's a murder part, but the,
I'm just the concept of murder.
That's kind of good, people can't do it.
No, what do you think about it?
It's pretty good.
I thought they were using it also for like ads and like shit
like that where it's like they're basically using it
as sort of a like way to like demographic.
Yeah, okay.
But I'm like using your data for like information.
Oh, they may be, yeah, I don't know.
But like, I, but it's all evil.
I think finding a murderer is kind of a good thing.
I don't really know who should get away with murder.
So do you think that the government?
You don't?
Except for?
Do you think the government
is a very childish world, dude?
I know who should get away with murder.
And I think anyone, any thinking person does.
Lauren, do you think the government
should have a database of every single person's DNA? like the moment you're born, you get your DNA
on file?
So that kind of thing.
No, it's a big brother bullshit. We are now we're using our eyeballs to check it on
a plane. Like that's weird. It is weird. I have, you know, we have an Alexa at home. We
have, we've done 23 in me. I've given my, my fingerprints, you know, for
TSA pre-check, the, the, the final thing for me is the, is clear.
Yeah, I haven't gotten cleaned.
Because I feel like ejaculate for that or what do you have to do?
I'll be able to clean it.
No, you can. You can go clear.
So you have to drink lots of fluid.
Yes, and you also have to become a sign of the substance.
They do a retinal scan.
And it's like, I don't know why I'm drawing. I've given you. You've given it every time.
Already.
But I really draw the line at that.
Well, TSA pre-check is enough of a pass through things like I need to go so fast.
I got to look at something and then walk through it.
It's like, where am I going?
Like, I'm always early for the airport.
It's fine.
Like I don't know.
Well, maybe you could come wait one day and then just look with my eyes and get on the plane.
I think I'm a time you could say.
That's great.
I don't know. Yeah, you've, I kind of feel like
the older I get to, it's like, you want it, go ahead and have it.
This stuff is worthless.
I know, all I info is worthless.
It's the soft surrender, you know?
It's like, yeah.
But that's why I'm saying I think it'll happen.
I think it'll be a thing where everyone's in a database.
I don't think they can.
I think the government, I mean, it's the freedom.
When he's having psychopaths and charged.
The problem is is we're giving it willingly. That's, that's, well, that's, yeah, exactly. You know, like we're giving up all of our's the freedom. When he's having psychopaths and charge. The problem is we're giving it willingly.
That's, that's, well, that's, yeah, exactly.
You know, like, we're giving up all of our freedom
and speaking of it.
Well, because of our egos, I mean, like, 23 and me
is like a fully like ego based project.
Yeah, well, exactly.
Well, also, also over.
I don't know what I am, like, now.
All over social media, we're telling everyone
where we are and what we think all the time.
Yeah, so I'm saying it's all part of it.
Is this the Joe Rogan podcast?
Look, I'm not saying I'm gonna stop doing any of that stuff.
I'm just saying I'm aware.
Do you remember Dan, I don't know if you were there for this conversation.
Dan Adute from Bajillion.
I'm from Dan Adute, yes.
Yes, he's in Bajillion.
He's in the other part of me.
He's Iranian of Iranian descent.
And he said there's like in Iran, he's, uh, he's Iranian of Iranian descent. And he said, there's like in Iran, there's different jokes about different regions,
you know, like, like you would tell Polish jokes, like, tell us and jokes.
And so there's like one region where people are really cheap.
There's one reason where one region where people are really dumb,
but there's also a region where the thing about them is they're scared.
I'm scared.
So they're easily frightened.
Yeah, they'll make jokes.
They'll make jokes for the book slide is like this person from here is scared.
That's funny.
I have a friend in elementary school who is from Iran and then she moved back and we
used to wear pen pals for a little bit.
And she cut her hair to look like a boy.
She'd like to like kind of get a like, I don't even know exactly what.
Was this like a bullcat with bangs?
Essentially?
I mean, you're describing my cut.
No, all children's haircuts are exactly the same.
I did a bullcat. I had a bob.
A bob, okay.
The bullcat is way more like.
That's what I used to.
Yeah.
Um, anyways, but I just remember like very vaguely this like letter, where she was talking about,
she had to pretend to be a boy
To like get through and do certain things in her town
I know I can't remember I'm sure I still have the letter so I'm gonna pretend to be a boy to a stand-up to be I'll find the letter
Anyway, you'll find the letter. Yeah, you had a lot of impals. I did and I I saved every single
Where do you keep them?
My parents house, but my mom would love it
if I would take them all so.
I have a lot of them in my house now.
How, but it's a hassle.
How many, is a hassle to take it out of your parents house?
Yeah, so heavy as shit, like.
But where are they boxes?
Yeah, I have a lot of boxes, like big,
like rubber-made containers full of stuff.
Could you digitize them and...
That's more work.
But I should actually, you know what I should do?
I should send it to one of those companies
that does it and then just have that.
Sure, I'm starting a company.
You are?
Yeah, $100,000.
You want to digitize my...
I'm not a deal, man.
Family discount.
I did do legacy box for all my home movies.
What is that?
Somebody had an ad for it on a podcast.
And so it's, they take your home movies
from another format and get turned into it.
Yeah, I need to format it all and photos and everything.
Great.
And so but I sent in, I had all these like home movies
that were on like VHS and also like those small camera tapes.
Of you as a child or you just sent it around
or you just had a home, yeah.
Anything that took place in my home
No, I didn't even know what they were really because we didn't have a camera my aunt had the camera
So she gave me all the videos about your mom had a camera. This is a photo camera
We did a different kind of camera. I'm taking off those you make movies
We have a video camera. We have a camera. There was a potato. Oh, you learned about it in science class. I saved
them all for Christmas and showed everyone on Christmas the home videos. Oh really? How long was it?
I wasn't able to edit it because my computer kept freezing. So I just like was skipping around
the parts that I marked. Oh, okay. Cool. And um, the dirty parts. Yeah, the dirty parts.
The dirty parts. Um, dirty pop. And it was very wonderful because I had never seen any of them.
And I didn't even know what they were going to be. And so it was wonderful, because I had never seen any of them, and I didn't even know
what they were going to be.
And so it was really cool.
You know, like sometimes I think people have homoies that they've watched over and over again,
like throughout their life, because it was like a special.
We didn't have them ever, so I never even knew.
And there was so much cute stuff on there.
It was so, I mean, really sad.
I mean, you feel really sad.
I mean, you feel really sad.
Because it's just like growing up is, it's sometimes just so sad.
It's so sad.
I could just cry.
Please don't cry, right?
It's just so sad. Please don't cry, right? It's sometimes looking at like nostalgic things. It's so sad. I could just cry.
It's just so hard.
Sometimes looking at like nostalgic things is like,
don't I get a vote?
Okay, yeah.
I would love it if you cried, right?
Okay, we need a tie break.
Here we go.
Wait, we're tied.
I said, don't cry and you said cry.
And suddenly she's crying.
You guys stop.
Stop fighting.
I don't know.
Do you feel that way when we look back at things like that?
I feel wistful for youth that you wish you could go back there and you don't like being
older.
I feel wistful for it, but I also just feel like just looking at everyone.
It's just like, oh, everyone's getting older and it's like crazy.
And then the my nephews who are like the age I was in the videos and I'm like, and they're
going to be looking back at the videos.
I can't, it's like too much.
Are you not a nostalgic person in general?
I'm very nostalgic.
Oh, but I feel much.
That's the problem.
Yeah, I think I like really, I'm like,
oh, if I see, we didn't have any home movies.
We had no home movies,
but there's obviously pictures when we were little kids
and more pictures of the older kids and fewer
pictures of younger kids.
No, yeah, my brother had a ton of pictures and then I'm the middle.
So I think I have like a few babies and then I jump to six.
Yeah, but then I remember there were and I think I may have talked about this before.
I remember I've heard they've heard it.
I got a pen ready.
I remember I've heard the part of the remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen. I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen. I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen. I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen. I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen ready. I remember I got a pen. I got a pen ready. But we would forget about it. You don't know about it.
That's like six years.
I'm like, where's the picture?
You know, I do think it's weird that little kids now can immediately see the picture and
they want to.
Yeah.
I think it's weird.
I think it gives you a weird sense of yourself from a young age.
You probably will be really free.
I should feature because it's like just because we grew up having to develop pictures.
You think everyone should have to know.
No, not to develop them.
But don't you think
that there's something about the way
your self-esteem is.
Take his strong stance.
No, but the way your self-esteem develops
without having a ton of mirrors, cameras
that you're watching the video back and forth,
like pictures that you can look at directly after
they take them so you see what you look right now
instantly.
So you think that your self-esteem develops
without having any concept of what you look like
to other people?
I think it's better.
I think I thought I was gross and that's fine,
but I had to do it all the time.
Should you know your gross?
Is your gross?
I don't think it would have been helpful
for me to see a bunch of pictures
as when your brain is really like developing
when you're really little.
Like babies, well, we're never wanna see it.
I'm like, why do they understand
what the concept of their being?
I hated pictures of me.
We had five or six family photos.
Like every three or four years,
we would go to our church friends who were,
he was a photographer.
We would go to them, take the posed family photo,
and we put five of those framed in the hallway
leading into our house.
And I hated having people over because it was like.
You knew anytime I had a friend over they would go through that hall and they go,
ha ha you look like a dork.
And I hated those photos and it wasn't until you get all of you go,
oh those are fine.
They're just like, you're younger.
They're capturing them up, but because you're like three years younger.
Weird thing.
Oh no, it's so embarrassing.
Like baby pictures and stuff when you're a kid still.
It's like, don't look at that.
But I also, we went to Sears one time.
I can find a problem with that.
I don't know what it is.
I was a cute kid.
I don't know what it is about me or whatever.
It was just beautiful.
No, a lot of kids felt like that.
I think what they did.
Oh, it's so embarrassing.
My mom has all these pictures up on the walls.
Yeah.
But why would other kids make fun of the photos?
Because you look like a doork.
I know. It's fun.
We had one where we went to like Sears or whatever
and my brother and I look so,
we look so dorky.
It's so funny to me.
And it was the only,
we hated that we were so mad.
Why are you a glasses of it?
I do, actually, I think I didn't have them yet.
No, I didn't have them yet.
Oh.
But my hair looks dumb and like,
it's all like done or whatever.
And are you sort of like?
And I'm like,
I had like a way really big over by it.
My brother was like hating it and he's like smiling like,
like in the teeth like, yeah.
Well, I also hated about the family photo part of it is like invariably,
I had poor relationships with every single member of my family while we were
taking the picture.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I have to act like you like these people is just exhausting.
Or you like it.
Oh, wait.
What?
Gammie.
What?
We did some Sears session where SS.
We did a cool.
We did a cool.
A real blitz. We went and I haven't seen from the session the entire family, but I've seen a picture
of my mom with my three sisters and my dad with me and my two brothers.
And in this picture, my dad looks furious.
Really?
It is chilling.
I hadn't, I'd forgotten about it.
Did you see the whole role in these theories?
No, it was just like...
It was just a snapshot that was in
with a bunch of other pictures.
Wow.
And I looked at it and I'm like, oh my God,
why is he so mad?
It's not good.
But who knows what happened right before that?
And I'm like, I'll wait to get it out.
And I'm gonna put just one.
I have a vague memory of it, but it's like,
I think I was, I think it was like after high school,
like I think we were all like young adult adult like my brothers and I were young adults.
It's it's weird, but he looked at that.
It's just one photo. That's why anytime you see like a photo from the White House or something like that where people are like
staring at the president and they're, oh, you can tell he's hate him or whatever. Yeah. It's like it's just one image.
It's a second.
Two seconds later, he's probably smiling.
Right.
But yeah, I hated going to those things
and the poses you had to do and the put your arm on this
and put your arm on this.
But now they're fun and ironic.
Yes.
Although I think there are 10 people who still do it for real.
Right.
I never liked the school photographer.
Like the hell.
That's the hell.
Because I was embarrassed of my teeth
because I had a gap in my teeth and I had
a broken tooth for a long time.
I had a broken tooth for the longest time.
And so I didn't want to smile with my teeth.
And so the guy would always whoever it was every year would try to make him smile.
Smile.
I don't want to do it.
And they have their stupid jokes.
Is there bonuses if you smile? There are some. I mean, I think it's or is it just if I do they get bonuses if you smile?
There are some, I mean, I think it's,
or is it just if, if they get complaints,
if you don't, yeah, not enough people's time.
Do you think now they do like a thing
where you can pick which want,
like give you three digital options or something?
Maybe.
I hated that it was like,
they still have one and done.
And if you didn't like it,
like you could do retakes,
but that's your only other chance.
Here, I have, I did it.
There was one for my senior portrait
that I actually see this this. There we go.
You're so handsome.
Oh my God, I love it.
Give me that phone.
Oh, you look great.
I wish I looked that good.
Did you hate it?
Yeah, I did.
What a good picture.
I did.
That was not like the one that got printed up.
This was like a proof.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hated every single year.
The photos I hated when they. The photos. I hated when
they would come out. I hated when people would make fun of you after they come out. I mean, and it
was kind of nerve-wracking. I felt like that was that was unique to me, but maybe it's universal,
but I don't know. I just felt I felt ugly. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't help that every single
kid I went to class with told me I was ugly and said that
and it was just accepted that I was like the nerd and the and the and the least desirable
person in my class.
Well, that's very hurtful.
So you say, this is why you do this.
Maybe.
I remember picture that being being a weird combination of excitement and dread.
Like I was very, I liked the idea of like,
I'm wearing a different outfit than I have to wear every,
because I went to school where we had a calendar.
And there was something about it that was like,
I liked the idea.
I was, you like peacocking.
I like peacocking.
So I wear my very top hat.
I like the thing.
My goggles.
You're steaming pump goggles. I like peacocking. So I wear my very top hat. My goggles. Your steam pump goggles.
That's right.
You do card tricks.
It was like a day where you'd be like, oh, I got to wear my coolest shirt, like the shirt,
I look the best.
And I would end up being a teeny black and white.
Also, I didn't know how to dress.
And my parents didn't know how to dress me.
So it was like, okay, let's go get you an outfit for picture day.
And I never felt like I look good in them.
They didn't, you know what I mean?
It was, yeah, it was.
That's a very specific childhood thing too.
When you are, you're trying to figure out your own style.
And also my dad.
It was like a little kid.
My dad cut my, I know that I don't want to wear this thing.
You want me to wear it.
My dad cut my hair until I was, you know, 14 or whatever.
And then I, then.
Did he do like a buzz cut?
He would do bowl cuts, he would do buzz cuts, he would,
yeah, and then I think around 14.
Bees cuts.
Dees nuts.
Both bees, these nuts.
Around 14, a super cuts opened up on my block.
And I was like, oh, let me try to go in there
and I went in there and they gave me like, okay, haircuts.
And then when I was 18, my friend who cut hair was like, gave me a real haircut, finally. When I was in college, he was like, oh, let me try to go in there and I went in there and they gave me like, okay, haircuts. And then when I was 18, my friend who cut hair was like, gave me a real haircut
finally. When I was in college, he was like, why do you wear your hair that way? I remember
you. Yeah. I talked about this. So finally, you finally, yeah. So finally at 18, I remember
I was working in Notzbury farm and I just graduated high school and I saw some girls from high
school and I had my new haircut and they were like, wow, you look really good.
It was the first time I ever felt like I actually looked to do it right.
And it's like you could have been looking good.
Yes.
This is a thing.
Parents, I don't care that you don't know anything about fashion or whatever.
You just don't understand.
Higher a stylist for your children.
All I'm saying is higher a stylist for five thousand dollars a month.
If there's one month, then what a kill you to get a publicist for your child?
Yeah, I know what it was.
What's the point of taking those pictures if you're not going to get them out there?
Hopefully.
The people want to see it.
Yeah.
All right, we need to take another break.
We'll be right back.
Welcome back to three back to you and me.
As time for us to play a feature.
Look, we have no choice.
We have no choice but to play a feature.
We told you we will do it every time,
so we gotta do it.
So we gotta do it now.
This one is called house yours.
I beg your pardon.
I'm lost.
House yours.
Lord, just give me.
Lord, just give me a look.
Like sort of rolling her eyes, but then also like,
can you believe I said?
Can you believe it?
Art is stinking.
Oh, I can't believe I'm a little stinking.
Cream colored track.
All right, in this game, a feature, it's more of a feature.
More of a feature than a game.
A group of people, that would be us.
And everyone knows the distinction.
This is going to be two against one. We team up against one guesser to give clues that strike a balance between two easy and two hard. It's kind of like 20 questions, but the only question
the guesser can ask is, how's yours? So here's what'll happen. One of us will leave the room.
I'm guessing it'll be Paul.
Paul leaves the room. Or I could cover my ears and hum a tune, it says.
Yeah, good, but I want you to leave the room.
Meanwhile, Lauren and I will come up with something
that everyone, the three of us has, owns or has.
A few examples might be an email account, a passport.
I'm assuming we all have a passport.
Oh, that's right.
I think we've all been out of the country together.
We all do have a passport. That's right's right. I think we've all, yeah, we've all been out of the country together. We all do have a passport.
That's right.
We were on Australia together.
Austria or Australia?
We were down under.
A refrigerator or a degree.
Well, why would everyone have a degree?
That's a little rude.
That's rude.
Elite game.
What are you going to elite game?
Once we've decided, Lauren and I decided, Paul comes back in and approaches us with or one of us.
A great trepidation.
He approaches scared, like someone from a certain neighborhood in the Iran.
A certain neighborhood in Iran.
We take you now.
So you approach us with the question, how's yours?
The question person, I guess that would be, you come to one of us, gives a truthful clue
that will eventually help the guesser figure it out,
but nothing to vague or nothing too obvious.
The guesser is only allowed one guess per clue given
and the guesser can either go around asking
in a fair circle or pick on people
indiscriminately for clues, why?
There's only a couple of us, so.
They could clues like minds made of matter,
or minds pretty good, are pointless,
because the guesser will never get any closer.
So, minds made of matter.
Who would say that, nerd?
It's got.
If your clue's too obvious,
and the guesser guesses the object on your clue,
then you lose and you're the next guesser.
If the item is a passport, for example,
you probably don't wanna say minus full of stamps.
What place?
Why would you say minus full of stamps. Why would you say that?
That would be minus full of stamps.
Why?
Because that'd be not giving you anything.
That's not what else is full of stamps.
My stamp container.
A box of stamps.
You're there at that pretty fast.
Better clues for passport.
A bunch of tramps.
Here's their examples of better clues for passport.
Mine might have been worth something in the black market or mine has an expiration date.
All right, get out of the room.
Get out.
So now, just to review, the only question I'm allowed
to ask is how yours.
And you have to ask it to an alternate,
and we're just gonna assume you have it, okay?
It's like, you might not, but just assume you could.
It's something common that most people have.
We're not gonna say it's something that all three of us are.
Yeah, it's gonna be a pass.
It's gonna be a pass.
So I can only ask, the only pass.
Yeah, no!
I just wanna make sure the only things I can do
are I can ask how's yours.
How's yours, that's it?
I can make a guess.
Yes.
I think you guess every single time.
There's no consequence of you getting it wrong.
Get out!
Get the fuck out of there!
I'm gonna come for a while.
Okay, it's not gonna take long.
Passport?
Should we do it?
No.
I was thinking I could DVD player.
Oh great.
Is that correct?
It should be a DVD Blu-ray combo or...
Sure.
I mean, sure.
Okay.
Or could be...
No, just save it. Okay, okay. Because we've hit on something sure. Okay. Or could be. No, just save it.
Okay, okay.
Because we're, yeah, we've hit on something good.
Okay.
Damn, it's all thing.
Come back!
Yeah, turn those lights off too.
Oh my God, make it more romantic in here.
Yeah, turn the lights off.
I like that.
Yeah, I like this so much better.
This is so nice and cold.
Yeah.
I don't know, but now I try to tell everyone for years.
You did.
I don't know, but now I try to tell everyone for years. You did.
How's yours?
It's, she was looking at me Lauren.
I don't care.
I was so clearly.
I thought I was at the group.
I didn't know.
I was so clearly looking.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I get where you're a simple thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
I think it's all about me, baby.
That's the problem.
All right.
Scott, how's yours?
It opens and shuts.
You can guess.
Suit case.
That's not it.
Lauren Howe's yours.
It likes when you push the button.
Laptop.
It likes when you, that's not a good clue.
Laptop.
I know what it is.
Okay fine.
It's not a good one.
It does not like it.
You're lying.
It's part of these. It's part of these.
It's because it's supposed to be technical.
And these are not anthropomorphic items as well.
Five, it's shiny.
It's shiny.
How is that?
You did them to clues.
What is it?
And what if they're not shiny?
Mine is.
I said laptop.
Is that not true?
No.
It's not true.
Scott Howe house yours. It breaks after about two
years. It breaks after about it's not even true. Have you ever heard of planned obsolescence? This fucking stuff. Yeah, I have! Is it your phone?
Your cell phone?
No.
How's yours?
It's black.
And...
Not the size of red all over my box.
But not the height.
It's black at the size of a red box, but not the height. It's black. It's the size of a bread box, but not the height.
Yeah, what are you talking about?
Two-dimensional properties of it?
Yeah, the width of a bread box.
The width of the length of a bread box, but not the H.
Come on, so obvious. bucks, but not the H.
Come on, so obvious.
From from shiny, don't you notice?
It's shiny and black.
Open some shots, open some shots, breaks within two years.
Cause of planning. I just realized, did they, are they going to keep in the part
where we discuss what it is?
The audience knows.
Okay, okay.
It likes when you push the button.
Yeah, ask a question.
Is it a car? No, no, no, how's yours?
It's provided entertainment for the entire family. Is it a cable box?
Oh no, no, no, so close.
How's yours?
It... yours. It accepts flat rounds. Is it a TV TV? Yeah! Get out Lauren!
Bye!
Get out!
She's leaving!
Cool.
She's going to step flat around.
Not time for love, Dr. Jones.
What do you think?
Maybe...
Is Lauren over penis?
She mentioned of a giant earlier in the show, so we can do that.
Yes, good catch.
Maybe piece of clothing.
Like a boot.
A boot.
A belt.
A scarf.
Okay.
Do you have a scarf?
I have a scarf.
I have a scarf.
Okay, sure.
Why not?
A scarf. Okay, sure. Why not? Star. Yeah, great. Alright.
Lauren is re-entering the room. Lauren is sitting down and placing her headphones.
How's yours?
It's practical.
Is it a pencil?
No.
How's yours?
It's prevented me from catching cold.
Is it a jacket?
No.
Is it a jacket?
Is that your jacket?
How's yours?
It's stylish. I'm so excited. How's yours? How's yours?
It's...
Stylish? Is it a winter cap?
No.
How's yours?
My grandmother made it.
Is it a swata?
No!
How's yours?
It's...
Scratchy. Is it a quilt?
No.
How's yours?
It disguises my aging.
Is it a scarf?
Yeah!
Yeah!
How's yours?
How's yours?
How's yours?
How's yours?
Hi!
Bye! What's making you happy? How's yours? How's yours? How's yours?
Bye!
What's making it really good?
Let's make it really fucking hard.
Okay.
Do you have any scars?
Um, let's make it...um...
We've done clothing, we've done electronic item. Let's make it. Um...
We've done clothing, we've done electronic item. How about like a hamper?
Why not?
Okay.
Yeah, it could be a...
Oh, I'm bad!
He's running around the room.
He's going crazy.
He's like a chicken with his head cut off.
Lauren, how's yours?
It's tall and thin.
Is it a comically exaggeratedly large pencil?
Fuck no.
Oh, we fuck no We listen
Paul house yours
helpful
Is it one of those guards in Bucky and palace?
No
or else yours it's
It protects
It's good for sorting.
Is it the sorting hat?
No.
As a wizarding world of Harry Potter?
Everyone doesn't have one of those.
Just you.
How's yours?
It's used every day.
Sorting and used every day. Sorting and used every day.
Sorting.
Then used every single day.
Can you hear him?
No, I can hear him.
Is it a mirror?
No.
Lauren, how's yours?
It's used by the entire family.
Is it...
Is it?
I kind of... I'm not even going to guess. Paul, how's yours?
No, guess. Well, turning the game on a set, I see.
It's heavy sometimes
sometimes
sometimes
Sometimes only occasionally heavy so if it was fill up with water it would be heavy
I don't know what else could make something heavy. I guess is
Is it a scale?
Some scales are tall, Ethan.
Lauren, how's yours?
It becomes heavier as the weak progresses.
Is it a trash can?
No.
A recyclable, the recyclable?
No, it's here, you're not.
Okay, Paul, how's yours?
I mean, it's, it's handled useless motherfucker. It's made of hand. Oh, me has handles on it. Is that what I mean? Is it the recycling? No.
No, it still isn't. Well, I didn't know if I was allowed at the last time. Because you guys got to work. Lauren, how's yours?
It contains colors of all types and shapes.
Flat rounds?
Flat rounds.
Flat rounds can't go in here.
Flat rounds?
No, it doesn't accept flat rounds.
It doesn't accept flat rounds?
No, no, no, no.
It accepts soft shapes.
Is it the garbage disposal?
No, no, no.
Cause that's not tall.
I get, although my sink's kind of tall.
Cause tall thin sorting handles.
Tall to use everyday handles.
That's the, oh gosh, Paul has yours.
Sometimes it's smelly.
God, this has to do with the garbage.
And no, hey, hey, ask me how it might
is.
Just got garbage on the brain because it
because I can change something that
might change Lauren house yours.
It's not always taught and mine is
taught and some people are short
wide.
Is it bread box?
No, Paul has yours.
It's tall and thin.
It's something new.
It's mine mine has wheels.
I'll give you something now.
Okay.
Mine's hidden away.
This is the garbage can. I don't know what else it's. It's the garbage can of people.
This is a coffin? You know, I don't know if you have a maid.
Oh, wait, is it? Do you mean a toilet?
My garbage can of people?
No!
Wait, a vacuum or what?
The thing that has handles,
when you shorten a wide or tall and thin,
it accepts many soft colors.
It can smell sometimes,
it gets heavier throughout the week.
The vacuum?
No.
Dude.
Give me some, Mel No. Dude. Dude. Give me some milk. Come on, guys.
And when it's empty, you got everything you need for the week.
Is it a shopping thing?
My wife and I.
My wife and I.
How's yours?
My wife and I each have one of our own.
I this is. Mine minor segregated by color.
Sacrification.
Oh wait, is a laundry hamper?
It's used every day smelly. Oh, yeah. The garbage can't of people. Yeah,
where the people put the gun, it's the clothes garbage. I don't use mine every day.
Sometimes I'm okay. You keep your stinky under. Sometimes I lose. Okay, you keep your stinky under the bed.
Yeah, sometimes I wear my head the way on my head.
Okay.
Well, that was fun.
That was fun.
What a feature.
What a incredible feature.
How is yours?
And everyone can play that at home.
You can play that at home.
Very easy.
Play it at work.
Yeah.
It's fired.
See if we can.
All right.
Give me more time to listen. All right, that's going to do it for us. We will see you next time on 3DON!
We love you!
you