Threedom - Threevisiting: Out With It!

Episode Date: January 10, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul and Lauren discuss puppets and play Press Conference.

3D! 3D! 3D! 3D! 3D! 3D! 3D! 3D!

3D! 3D! 3D! 3D! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! Hello! You look like a Pixar character. Welcome to 3DM. My name is Lauren Lapkas.

My name is Paul F. Tumpkins. I'm Scott. Are we officially 3DM now? Yeah. Oh yeah. We spent one whole episode debating the name, which we already knew was 3DM. We keep referring to it as that.

I guess it's like in the calendar. Is there another 3DM on podcast.com podcast dot com podcast? That's what it should be podcast.com hi everyone welcome to show. Do you imagine that millions every single person who ever looks for our show? Would a guest that come we guys start this. We get I'm scared, geez. Laura, let's explain what the show is. Because I think at this point, at this point, episode eight, we should let people know if they're just,

if they're starting with this episode. Okay. I'm Paul, this is Lauren, this is Scott, we're friends. Uh huh. We work together a lot, and we hang out together a lot. Is there enough information for you out there? Well, in case it's not, here's a little more.

Okay. Out with, we outplay, outlast. Out with it. Out with it. What if that was the fourth thing on Survivor? Out with it. Out with it, you have to tell a secret. Every single person has to tell their deepest, darkest secret before they're handed to

check for a million others. We're just an embarrassing secret. Oh, okay. Yeah. Every single person has to tell their deepest darkest secrets before they're handed to check for a million dollars. We're just an embarrassing secret. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like one time I wet my pants and my car. Hey, you did? And that sounds true.

You know what? I probably have. I've thought about it. You've thought about it? Like, it just left us out. It just left us out. It's really bad. I'm just like, what am I going to do?

I think on a trip to Vegas, there was, you know, that big stretch of desert where there's nothing. There were, you know, you just pull gonna do? I think on a trip to Vegas, there was, you know, that big stretch of desert where there's nothing there was, you know, you just pull off, like who gives a shit? But I, but I think there was a lot of that. It's easier for us to go out than it is for Lauren. That's true. It is true.

I remember when I was in Girl Scout camp, well, I went there one time. Two minutes later, Girl Scout camp. Did you hear the original demo? No. Just came out. Anyway, go ahead. Well, I was in Girl Scouts and we went camping for one weekend in cabins.

I don't know what the situation was. But I- Sounds like normal camp situations. I'd rather go to Girl Scouts glam. Me too. I don't know, pee outside for some reason. That's what makes me feel like I don't remember all the details about this. Well, it was that was the that outhouse, like outside,

or where there was, or where there was, I had no, I was peeing over a, like, a log. And I remember I peed like all over my stuff. Jumped up and had no sense of like angles. So I was like 10 and I'd never done that before. Was that the first time you figured out like where are your pees goes? Yeah, I was like, no, I'm gonna inspect my vagina.

I mean, what? I got my dental mirror out. No, I was like, oh no! And then I just didn't tell anyone to place my P for the rest of the day. Did you like hide them under the bed? I don't remember that, but I, wait, did I tell you this story before

because I was just thinking about the silly day, I, speaking of hiding things, I had gotten that same year when I was in fifth grade, I got like all of these books about angels out of the library because that was very curious about them. Sure. And I believed in them. And then the books started to scare me so much

that I hid all the books in my closet. Whoa. And like, didn't return them for a long time and then I was really worried about the fees. It turned into like a whole thing. So you were scared of the possibility of angels? I don't like that you glossed over that you believed in them.

I was very curious about them, because I believe in them and I had such a belief in them. I want to learn more than I learned too much. I felt so scared. What did you remember what it was that you learned that you didn't believe in? I just felt like it was too real. It was almost like ghosts or something.

It just felt like really scary. That was a weird, there was a weird period in this country where people talked about angels a lot. I feel like I was like, what was I in getting the books about them? Touched by an angel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, Dr. Angel, what am I thinking?

Yeah, Dr. Angel. Medicine Angel. Medicine Angel. Angels really are like, Medicine Angel. Medicine Angel. Angels really are the ghosts of the sky. Well, there was highway to have where there was an angel. Yeah, with Michael land on. No one there was Michael the movie about an angel. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he was like a Slob angel. Yeah, he was nasty. He got against the snob angel. Yeah. Slob versus the snob. Gabriel. The snobby is angel. Yeah, Gabriel. He's the snobby, just angel. So it just was something where it's like, oh shit, they're real and they're all around there watching me. But I would hide things often that I didn't want to deal with. Like I had a sandwich that I didn't eat and then I put it in my closet and then it was.

And smell. Green dust by the time I get head had just been like so molded. Wow. And it was just you didn't want to take it to the kitchen. I couldn't tell him that I didn't eat it in my lunch or something. And so I just, because I was hiding, you're hiding the process of eating it. Yeah. Wow.

And then did you forget about it? Yeah. And then I found it. And then I was like, oh, no. Was it in a baggie? Yeah. But it was just the most disgusting. Were there worms and stuff?

It was just a most disgusting. Were there worms and stuff? It was just a peanut butter sandwich. So it was really just like covered in moss. Wow. From the mozzles being in the closet. Hidges. And I also thought that my dead, great-grandfather was in there a lot of times.

In the closet. Yeah. I remember that's why you put the sandwich in there. It was all scary things. He did. I like would be in bed and just, if my door was open to crack, I just felt like I could see him in there. It was all scary things. I was like, would be in bed and just, if my door was open to crack, I just feel like I could see him in there.

Cause it was the only dead body scene. Oh my God, that's the Jesus. You saw his dead body? Yeah. Did you kill him? Yeah. Yeah. I know I was like four when he died.

And so then I was the first flick funeral that I remember, and then so I remember seeing his body. And then, and I feel like took photos. You know, that was a thing, I don't know. They took, is that proper? That used to be common practice. We take photos that I think funeral to send to our Greek relatives.

Oh, okay. Which is very weird. It was like, stand by the grave and do I smile? I, I met somebody recently who was a friend of a friend we were at. We were all at dinner together and the person had to tell the waiter, I am deathly allergic to olives, which I'd never heard before. Is it poppy?

He got divorced. Like, don't even break one of those. I was like, don't even. Don't even. Don't even break your mouth. I just gotta give you a shoe or poppy. I'm gonna give you a lot conversation to do your famous impression. But she, I like, she can eat olive oil,

but she can't touch the outside of an olive. Or so she was ordering a glass of wine. And she said, could you please tell the, Lauren sneaking a bite, by the way. She, she apologized. She said, I'm sorry for what I'm about to say because I know it's very annoying, but could you please ask the bartender to watch his hands before pouring wine if he's handled any olives?

And she said, I'd never heard of this. She said, yeah, once I went to Greece and I went into a restaurant and I told them I'm allergic to olives. You can't go to Greece. Yeah, the person said, the person said, why did you come here? What? Really? You wouldn't be able to do anything

like everything would have been touched by that at some point. Every, every, touch by an olive. It's drenched in olive juice. Wow. Mm, yum. Dr. Olive, medicine juice. Wow. Mmm, yum. Dr. Olive, medicine olive. Dr. Olive. Dr. Oz.

Dr. Oz. Dr. Oz. I like Dr. Oz. Speaking of which, your first lunchpale, Wizard of Oz. I had, I remember that from last episode. I had a Marvel Superhero's lunchbox. Did you? Yeah.

Like a lower the superhero, Who were the superheroes on it? The Fantastic Four, of course. All four of them? All four. They all, they got them all together. Wow, that's like when I, to pose for this lunchbox. That's like when I saw Buster Rhymes

and he brought out the entire flip mode squad. I couldn't believe it. Did you carry your lunchbox in your hand and then wear a backpack, or did you put it in your bag? I honestly don't remember. I think I carried it because I think I was proud of it. I don't think that I had a backpack.

And it was like a little suitcase. Yeah. You didn't have a backpack? Yeah, it was almost like you were a little businessman. Yeah, I'm doing a briefcase. Should you have a bookstrap? No, I don't, I think we kept everything at school. Oh.

I don't think we had homework until this is pre-giving kids homework when they're seven. So I didn't have homework till junior high, I think. Which is why my grades were great through elementary school and the minute there was homework, I started getting little things. You don't have homework until junior high? I don't think so. I remember it was always homework, yeah. No, we would do stuff like you'd get a project or something you had to do at home occasionally But it wasn't like every single night you had to or maybe you had to read a book or whatever. Hey projects. I hate projects. I grew up in them Just looking out of the window

I'm watching the asphalt grow. The worst part about a whole lot. They got a shout out one. The worst part about a prod. I ran out of lyrics I knew, by the way. That you have, I was trying to help you. That you have to have. Help me help you. Like the four sites like plan out your schedule

so that you do a little bit at a time. I would always be doing it all. I would do it all the weekend before. Yes, of course. It was hell. Of course. There's no other way to do it. You had like six weeks, as a man.

But does any adult ever do anything with that kind of foresight? That's the thing. Why are they even giving kids stuff to do months in advance? It should be like, you do like this is the real world. You get something to do that you have to do all weekend and cram for it. But it should also just be you, they give you an assignment like, hey, the end project is this thing. So this week you have to prove to me that you did this part of the project.

Right. And that would actually train the brain to do stuff like that. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I had a, I had a Muppet Show lunch box. And I remember there was a thing where if you were a guy and you had a female on a lunch box, people would make fun of you and say you were in love

with that person. And I had muppets and there was one side had Miss Piggy on and everyone was like, you love Miss Piggy, you want a kisser, you want a barrier. Did you? I did. I loved your. You're fucking hot.

I'm hoping I run into her. Isn't it strange to think that there is someone who's sexually attracted to that puppet? Yeah, there's probably is. I mean, adults. They're absolutely. Do you think that they are then attracted to Frank Oz as well? Like, I bet they have to think about it. I bet they have to.

Do you think they're also attracted to Yoda? Yeah, they're definitely attracted to Yoda. I'm Grover. Sure. I mean, they are. There are people with every fattish. Both finger. Both finger. He directed it.

I don't get it. Frank asked directed, both finger, Lauren. Okay, now I get it. Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I guess there are like puppet fuckers out there. Yeah, for sure. Yes, there's furries.

Well, you work on a show with puppet. Yeah, do you ever hook up with any mom? But he's not that anyone saw. When everyone else would go to lunch, what if what if you were to say a little hot dog? I'd say behind just like a minute. What if you were attracted to puppets, but it couldn't be if your own hand was in the puppet.

It had to be someone else's hand in the puppet. That would be very difficult. That's a very specialized, prostitution, where it's like, I need somebody who's really, I need a prostitute. And I could, and you couldn't bring your own puppet either. Like you have to bring, you have to bring a puppet.

Yeah. You say to the sex worker. The sex worker provides the puppet. Yeah, like I'm sorry, it doesn't work if I bring a puppet. I'm too used to it. I also need to see the puppet in advance to see if it's going to be. One of the I am attracted to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of situations. It's a lot of fun to put it. Too much people go to the puppet. You're the puppet. No puppet. No puppet. You're the puppet. You're the puppet.

I'm going to be very careful about how I answer this. From what I understand, no. Like you meet them outside and then you... I think there's a lot of like you are told the person looks a certain way or you see a picture and then they show up and it's a totally different person. Oh, you think there's a lot of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it depends on how much money you are paying. And I think that if you are, if it's like the less way, the less you pay, the better you get. Really? Because they're hungry or for it. But I mean, it's like, if you're, if you're paying a lot of money, like high-end call girls

or whatever, I don't know, you would probably be able to order very specifically. This is what I want, and you'd be happy with it. I had a friend, and I'm sure they have pictures online, and she would probably be able to. Me saying all this reminds me, I had a friend who was interested in purchasing the services of a sex worker.

A friend. Okay, here's the thing. And then I had another friend who worked at that on the side. As a sex worker. As a sex worker. And so I was like, oh, to my friend, I was like, oh, let me ask my friend how these transactions normally occur.

And as I was talking to my friend, I realized she just thought that I was asking for myself. You know, but I purely was a middleman. I didn't even hook them up. No, no, not them up. Oh, you just got the information. He just wanted to know like, how does anyone ever even do this?

And so I was, so I asked her, I was like, how does someone do this and she gave me the whole step by step, which I then passed on to. I'm like, my friend will really enjoy this. My friend's getting hard right now. It seems I will say it seems like a nightmare to me, like just someone you don't know. But that's what some people like.

I know what you mean. I was watching some documentary thing about, what was a bunny ranch? Where it's like all the, and then there was one story of this, they were following this one guy who was very socially awkward and just didn't have anything in his life that could slowly.

Any intimacy. Yeah. And so he had this relationship with this woman at the bunny ranch. And then he would see her like, once he or she had to say, oh, all his money, because it was really expensive.

And then they would spend the whole weekend just like, fucking, I guess. And then like, doing activities and stuff and just hanging out and he just wanted to hang out with her. Like outside the ranch? Probably just in the room, I'm guessing. But then like, he talked on camera and he was like,

it's the best time of my year. And like, it was nice. Yeah, I know, it was kind of, it was just, yeah, I don't know. I go back and forth, I don't know whether it should be illegal or not. I think if people are, if the woman wants to do it, then it's fine. Isn't it weird that you,

that the women are mainly arrested for it? Instead of the, but sometimes there, I mean, there are a lot of people doing it against their will. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, where it becomes complicated because you don't know. If it were legal, there would probably be less of that. Yeah. Yeah. That's well, that's the why you legalize anything is to regulate it, I guess. Yeah, but I also feel like prostitution is not is a thing that I don't think that I would ever use, but makes perfect

sense to me. You know, it's like, why not? It sounds good to me. The prostitution. It sounds good to me. That's the new campaign. It's just like regular people. There's a camp.

Like housewives. It sounds good to me. Do you think the commercials would get better for, like, what do you see of those call lines? Yeah, those call lines would do like so. Come on, we can make better commercials than this. There are so many bad commercials still being made for like just local companies. We're like, how did everyone say this was good?

Or that person should be the one on camera? Do you know what I find kind of? I, I, this, it makes me weirdly happy is how the end of like infomercials is still the same. It has remained unchanged like that blue screen with that white and yellow and a little box. Yeah, it's, it's remained the same forever and there's something really comforting to me about it.

Yeah, you think like it would have evolved where people would just start using comic sands or something. Yeah, but somebody's like, no, this works, this works. This is great. Well, I bet, I bet what happened is, and this happens in sketch comedy a lot, you put up something that's slightly different, and you're like, no, it has to be the normal thing. Yeah.

Otherwise, people aren't gonna get it. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, people need to recognize it so quickly that you need to do this. It's gotta be a royal blue screen. Yeah. The number is in yellow.

Yeah. All the other type is in white. And then there's a sort of hazy glowing box around the item that we're selling. I bet the editors have like tried other things like this looks better, right? And you go, no, you don't recognize it as a thing you should call your fire. You're fired. You're fired. No puppet. You're the puppet. No puppet. No puppet, you're the puppet. Oh, Lauren. Lauren, tell us about Chicago. What do you want to know?

You know what I just found out that I'm really excited about. What? Is that Lena Weith went to my high school. I read that. And only two, she was in the, we were at school at the same time. Who that? She created the shy, which is a new show on Showtime. That's what I was thinking.

What that? She's on. She did the very famous Master of a new show on Showtime. That's what I think she's done. She's on. She did the very famous Master of Non-Episode about Thanksgiving. Oh, let's not talk about that. Well, she can talk about her. And she's amazing. She's talking about her. She's just really talented, but I've been admiring her

and I've listened to her on a couple of podcasts and just kind of following her. And she's younger older than you. She's two years older than me. OK. And I was. So would you have been at school at the same time? We were in 10th grade. Oh my god. I know. And my friend older than you. She's two years older than me. Okay. And I was, So would you have been to school at the same time? We were in 10th grade.

Oh my God. I know. And my friend told me that and I was like, that's amazing. And she's on a NPR fresh air talking about moving to Evanston from the south side and how it was like say by the bell to her, I went to get to that high school. Was she, I haven't got to listen to the whole episode. Was she one of the drama people that you mentioned were really good at it?

No, I didn't, I don't think she was in theater because I didn't know her and I pretty much went to the whole episode. Was she one of the drama people that you mentioned were really good at it? No, I didn't, I don't think she was in theater because I didn't know her and I pretty much went to the show. New all the time. Yeah, but I could get in these. Yeah, I was like, no, watch them, I guess. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. But I just thought that was so cool.

My school has a lot of amazing people that came out of it. So I feel like that was a really good one. I had to go to the show. And do you mind just has me? Well, good for you. Do you love attention? Do you hope that like you'll be known as a recognized alumna alumnus?

You know, I already am recognized for you. I see. Did we talk about this? Yes, did it. They invite you back to do a show or something? Yes. And there is a Wikipedia of notable alumni. And I look at it every so often and see who's been added.

But you know, who also went to my high school, who I just learned when I was looking at it, Audrey Neffanager, who wrote the Time Traverse wife, which is a book I love. There's a lot of people at them. Was that a movie with Dom Gleason? The movie is not good. Okay.

But the book is amazing. Okay. But also it's because I liked the book so much, maybe I don't like the movie. I don't know if people who didn't see read the book liked the movie. Dom Gleason is my crush though. Who's your crush?

Dom Gleason. Is he really? Even in Star Wars? I never seen that. You've, wait, any of them? No. You? Yeah, even in Star Wars? I never seen that. Wait, any of them? No. You've never seen a single Star Wars movie? I think I saw the one with the Ewoks when I was little.

And you're just... Paul, she's never seen Star Wars movie. I heard. She never seen Star Wars movie. She's never seen Star Wars movie. She never seen Star Wars movie. She never seen Star Wars movie. She never seen Star Wars movie. You're just not. She's Star Wars movie. She did it. She did it.

You're just not interested? I just don't want to see that. Okay, so you're not interested in sports? Not really. I can go to a sports theater. You're not interested in Star Wars. I just want to see that. What do you, what do you, what do you, what do you,

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That's what we're talking about. Things that you do for fun. What are you watching movies as a job? The things that you do for fun. Talking about a watching a Star Wars. And then go to the Star Wars. and then you buy a pint of milk. Featured prominently on three wishes. Here's the thing listed by Amy Grant.

Here's the thing. I am listed in the notable alumni for my high schools Wikipedia. But my name is spelled wrong. Oh, does it link to your actual page? And now it does that. That's annoying. And mine is annoying because it says I'm most known for being on Are You There Chelsea, which I don't think is that. Not at all. What do you want to say?

Podcast Superstar. No, but I mean, that is what you are. Maybe a show that people are aware of what it is. Maybe Arranger Daniel is. Maybe aren't you, that never like, maybe, Cracker. Yeah. Yeah. Um, if anyone wants to go change that,

I change it. Everyone wants to have some, I'm alerted to someone sends us to me that someone in Congress or something keeps changing the comedy bank and Wikipedia page. Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

Yes. Yeah, because anytime they, there's a member, there's some member of Congress or somebody who works in a congressional office who's updating the comedy bang, bang, bang, wig, wig, wig, wig. Because why it says who did it? Because I think when you, yeah, because it like says, I think any time, any time Congress does something like the government does that.

Yes. Yeah. So shout out to whomever. It's Donald Trump. It's Randy's rap. Probably Steve King from Iowa. We all listen to three people we hate. You think I do for love.

Would you guys ever get into politics? No. No. I feel like I've said so many. I mean, I'm first. I don't know if'm not a matter anymore. This is a bad thing to bring up, but Al Franken, all he had to do was basically just say,

like, I was a comedian, I said some things that were offensive, that I found funny at the time. I'm a serious person now. I don't stand by those comments. I don't know if you did something like that. I don't know. It's true because now we're in this theater so many. Look, I was a comedian. I grabbed people's asses,

I thought it was hilarious. And it was, and everyone liked it. Everyone liked it. That's what they don't talk about. We are in a weird time where so many celebrities are becoming these people that everyone has a known past. Yeah, yeah.

So that I think you could get over, I mean, when I was at the White House, they were saying Oh, when I was there they were saying I'm bowling I really did I'm the fucking I'm the only person here wasn't been to the white. I got a strike I The first boy I didn't want to go. I saw I didn't go the first ball the first ball I bold was a strike And I was like well, I can't get better than that. So I just didn't continue. That's cool.

But no, they were saying that they were going to invite, they were having an event with YouTube people. And there was a certain. Bono? YouTube. Oh, my dear boy, they. You got to go because you're a vlog. All your haul videos.

Hey guys. Unboxing videos. I just got new barkbugs from my dog. We're just going to pack it here. Okay, so this is so... Oh, this is a squeaky toy. So they were having an event for YouTube stars and they mentioned a certain YouTube star that they couldn't invite because of...

PewDiePie! ...because of a video they had done. And I said to them, so how does that work? Do you have to watch, like, do you read about certain videos they've done or they say anyone who comes here to meet the president, we have to watch every single video they've made or listen to every single thing they've ever done. No way.

This job cool up you, Stan. Yeah, they have a lot to do with the log it. Waste of time. Yeah, and because they have to make- You're saying everything we say? They have to make sure that it's- they're not putting the president next to someone who's going to have controversy or whatever. And I was like, can I ask you a question?

Why am I here? And they said, well, if the president really wants you here, we just don't bother with it. Oh! That's like, thank God, because I started to get kind of freaked out about it as I was getting there that I would be turned away at the day. Well, they have really strict rules, because I was there for a comedy festival, and a bunch of people went to go bowling.

And a woman was turned away because she had a DUI from like 15 years at the flu. Why? At the at the door. Yeah, because we had to go through a security check once you get in the door to get into the place. That was my fear was like at the door, they would be like, oh, by the way, we just found,

you know, whatever it is. It's a bowl, but I saw that. I was like, geez, I had no idea they would even, first of all, why do you care? Cause that doesn't really matter. What does that have to do with anything? I'm not saying do you have to do great. No, but like, yeah, but you're not driving there.

You, yeah, I don't know. You're not doing like getting behind the wheel of a car in the White House bowling alley. That'd be fun. It was a special day at the White House bowling alley. That'd be fun. It was a special day at the White House. We're going to drive cars and bowl. Okay. Hey, don't you should watch if you haven't,

is that David Letterman interview with Obama? I haven't seen it yet. Yeah, I want to see it. I want to see it. I really like it. But that is my ultimate fear that, sort of like when I was going to Vancouver that time. Oh, yeah.

That just turned away at the actual border of something. I get going to Vancouver that time. Oh yeah, that just turned away at the actual border of something. I get so nervous about that shit and I have nothing, there's nothing. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But I still, I just, well order, crossing a border makes me so nervous.

Me too. I had a warrant for my, I would occasionally have warrants for my arrest out there for years. It's the occasional piece. Give reasons to be afraid. For not paying a ticket, basically. That's like really extreme.

And it turns into like you don't pay it for so long, it turns into, I mean, I have- Why don't you just pay it? Well, I have all the- You couldn't gamble at Vegas now. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is after all that. I have these theories about like, you know, how- Ju-

Excessive. You don't support the man giving tickets. No, excessive tickets and stuff are all designed to keep poor people poor, right? Sure. And it just compounds as you don't have enough money to pay them. It just compounds and they can just basically just keep you down. Anyway, so I had these, I had these tickets for a long time that were just hanging over my head for years, and they would go away at the seven-year mark. They go away, but I would just be just really

nervous about being pulled over for years at a time, because if they pull you over and it pops up, you go to jail. And so for five-year stretches, sometimes I would have these things hanging over my head and then something would happen where I would get a ticket for something else and they'd go, you have a warrant, you need to pay this and then I would have the money or whatever. So anyway, so going to other countries or whatever,

I remember I once went with Andy Dick to Vancouver, he was gonna say, no boy. He was gonna. Romantic getaway. He was gonna do a comedy death ray show that we had booked up there. And so I was on the same flight. And we were, we went through the airport. We got all of our luggage, all this kind of stuff. And as we're walking out, someone taps him on the children and says, oh, right this way. And we never saw him again. I remember that. You were there? Yeah. Well, they knew who he was.

I don't understand. They took him into another room and kept him there for three hours. But so because they knew who that was. They knew who it was coming because they pulled him up. That's the thing I could never understand. I'm sure they was flagged.

Yeah, that's why they don't let not allow you to buy the ticket because like what a drag. Yeah, yeah, get there to the border. Exactly. Yeah. Do you know what you were doing? Scott was gambling. Wow.

Gambling was tickets. Yeah. You like the action. That would stress me out so much to have that going on. Yeah, I would just, I pay tickets like the day I get them. Right. Well, nowadays, yeah, yeah. But at the time when you're struggling for me, when I'm struggling to like every, every $10 counts towards, you know, no, no,

I totally get it, but I would feel. Timberman, Leo's over. Good. I would feel so well. I remember once I was pulled over with, with cool off, I think, and it was within a six year period or something. And I got pulled over on the highway. I was like, I think and it was within a six year period or something and I got pulled over on the highway and I was like, I think I've got a jail now. I didn't know all that stuff. I think I'm gonna jail now.

No. Do. All right, we need to take a break. We'll be right back. Welcome back to Freedom. It's official. Freedom. That's who we are. Freedom. Freedom. You've got to teach me what to say. You know my rest story, right?

Have I told you guys that? No. When I read this, you see. Was this in Filling? This is in Filling. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. You know my rest story, right? Have I told you guys that? No. When I was, this was, you see, you're, this is filling. This is in Philly.

I was like, Philadelphia, not freedom. 19 or two. Oh, don't be locked up. It's so hard to have a conversation with the three of us because any sentence makes us think of a song. Or just some other kind of interruption. Black opera. Black opera. Like three people in the world. Any sentence makes us think of a song. Or just some other kind of interruption.

Like three people with the same disorder. It really is. Trying to get through a story. Sorry, sort of good for broadcast. That for I was either like 19 or 20 and I used to I had to take the, um, the subway to get to work in Philly. I didn't know, I guess I didn't know that Philly had Subways. Yes, we're very modern.

I like Subways. I do too. I love this. Both, I love every kind of subway. I do like both. For a while I was on a diet where I had Subways and which is almost every day. I remember that.

And it was, and it, like Jared, the fucking petapult. And I was, I had some similar things going on diet But it it did make me lose weight and Skandal first of all I love a scandal. I hate that he did it But I get excited when there's some crazy ass thing happening Well, it's it's the it the, I know what you mean. It's the weirdness living. What?

It's the weirdness of the details. Yeah. The subway sandwich guy. Well, I even just like the ton of hardings and like thinking about that. I kind of love when something insane is going on. We'll get to your story in a second. But yeah, I was obsessed with the OJ trial. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. A full year and a half. I watched every day. If that happened now, I would have been watching it. But I re, I made the connection the other day of all the Trump stuff, of like being impeached and all this kind of stuff, of like, oh, it's the same thing for me as the OJ trial. Where I'm obsessed. It's the opposite for me.

We're not going to happen. Well, it's not going to happen. I honestly, I dread every day. I've gotten into the habit now of like, what is it going to be? I know, but it for me, it's the same like new details. I'm every day. I've gotten into the habit now of like, what is it gonna be? I know, but for me, it's the same like, new details. I'm so excited. But it's gonna have the same outcome.

But see, like, I'm obsessively refreshing Twitter, but not in an excited way. Yeah, I know. It's dreading. It's like, what's happening? What's happening? Yeah. Anyway, what's your subway story?

I was, I was, I was, I was 19 or 20, I was working retail and I was headed home on the subway at the Hat Story. Yeah, and hats in the bell. That's in the bell. Hats in the bell. Well, what if it was bats in the bell free and it sold hats and everyone's like, you know, you could have made it half.

Oh, couldn't afford that be. I was I was standing on the platform waiting for the train. Unlike Jerry. So I'm filled. When there's back when I smoked and I was smoking a cigarette and I'd seen people smoke on the subway before. And so, actual car? Yeah, well, yeah, I'd seen people smoke on the train before. And it's just before.

Probably in the late 80s. Yeah, okay. And so I just lit up the cigarette and the train came and I was like, well, I've seen people do this before. What's a big deal? It's like one 30 in the morning, you know. Right. And I, so I kind of cool.

And you look like Dennis Leary. Very cool. I looked like Dennis Leary. Andrew Dice Clay. I had an attitude. People thought I was a rascal. And so I get on the subway with the cigarette and I go one stop.

The door's open and a cop says, you and like gestures for me to get off the track. Oh my gosh. Was the cigarette still on your hand, Liam? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Or did they know that you were doing it and he was waiting for you?

That couldn't be possible, right? No, okay. He was just already trying to be there. He just happened to be there. He's just happened to be doing an illegal thing. Okay. It's so, it's like get off. I don't know, they have a sensor

and they're like, someone's smoking a cigarette, get to the next stop. It was just a horrible coincidence of wrong place, wrong time. You see people get away with it, but you didn't know that. Yeah, I'm so many times. So many, it was like so late,

it's hardly anybody in the train. And so this cop tells me to get off and he says, put out the cigarette please. Yeah Yeah, off 22 positions in a one night stand. He sang the entirety of get off. He did a little dance. He did a little dance now. I don't need ribs, Victoria. And so so I got off and I'm thinking, oh great, nothing enough to wait for the next flungin' train. But is he taking down to the station? Yeah, he says, step over here, put your hands against the wall.

And he starts frisking me. It's not just a ticket. No, he's like, do you have any needles in your pockets? Anything I have to be aware of? And he drugs on you and I'm like, no, no. And the whole time I'm like, is this really happening? He fucking handcuffed me behind my back and takes me up the escalator and I'm just like numb like what's going on Yeah, and I said it's cool. Is this like a is this real arrest? Is this not a real rest?

Zeus not a real rest, Mr. Officer Now it is like a sickness. And I said, it's like a real rest and he said, well, it's like a parking ticket. And I said, do they usually put people in handcuffs for parking tickets? And then he just stared at me and then I stopped asking questions. And so he was abusing his power. Yeah, yeah. That's the power to do this. It's like, what the fuck do you put? Wait, but did you go to the station? And so he was abusing his power. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't have to do this.

Yes, it's like, what the fuck do you care? Wait, but did you go to the station? They put you behind bars. Yes, he took me, yes. That's insane. They took my fucking belt and shoelaces and they put me in a whole lot of stuff. Whoa, would you, would you, would you,

I was, would you have committed suicide if they had left them in? Yeah, I would have. I mean, it's all over the house. I mean, that was a good call. I would have. Yeah, I would have. I mean, it's all over the house. I mean, that was a good call. I would have. Yeah, I was scared. I was like, what is happening, you know,

did you have to share it with a cell mate? No, I was in this little cubicle cell by myself and there was bars or there were bars. Yeah, okay. And then like a little bench and then just make it doors. Bar is better. What are we fucking around with bars for?

Well, now I can see out there. It's nice air coming in. The bars are good, but there were guys. There were guys in a cell next to me who were ironically, they, they asked me for a cigarette. And please don't bring that up. Yeah. And oh, there were, so there was a guy. There were guys on either side of them.

Could you have smoked in the jail? No. So why were they, I forget, they asked me for, they wanted to barter. I was, I was the middleman, like they asked me to pass something down to the guy next to them. And I think it was, I couldn't reach them. It was fucking, it was ridiculous.

How long? I was there for probably like an hour. How long must we sing this ridiculous. How long? I was there for probably like an hour must we sing this song? How long now we have to make a rule you can't do it to yourself If if a thing you say remind you of a song there, okay, I think that's all right Got it that seems fair right? Yeah, totally fair. So I was there for about an hour and then they let me go I was there for about an hour and then they let me go Wait she sang low no, I know that's a low song So there was there was I was did you get a court date? Okay, I had to go to court. And this is insane.

The day of my court appointment, there was like this, like this massive snow storm in Philly. And I woke up and I was like, I'm never going to make it there at the time. And I went back to sleep. Then they sent a postcard to my house that said, you have this new date and you have to show up for this. I wish you were here. Yeah. At that point, I was still living with my parents.

So the picture of the judge's mind. My mom got the poster and I'm like, what is this? Uh-oh. And I said, that must be some mistake. And I later, does that ever work? It did. I totally liked, I said, let me find out what this is. And I totally lied to her and said, this is what happened.

And they got me confused with somebody else. And one or a man. Yeah. I don't care. So then I tried to go to that court date and I couldn't find the place and I was like, I'm fucked. You know, I didn't stuff and you were. No.

Wow, you're reminding me of something I kind of blocked out, which is I was arrested in jail for four years I was I had a few car accidents. I told you about on another episode Mm-hmm, and I had to go to the friendly police office. Yes, but I had to go to traffic school With and do like many hours of it and it was horrible But I did a couple hours What what are you doing? many hours of it and it was horrible, but I did it a couple of times. Many hours, I think it was one. What are you doing? What's your, sounds in the car.

Me, me, me. I, um, no, I think I had to go for like two full days of like Travis school on the weekend. And it was really boring and awful. And then I had to go court. Oh, okay. Well, I had to go to court first, I guess. And that was part of my like punishment.

When I had kind of, I was usually part of the punishment. No, I mean, I'm saying the school was part of the punishment. Right, right, right. Okay, so they sentenced you to like, okay, we'll get it down to just Travis. Yeah, but I remember I was so scared. I went to court with my dad.

I totally forgot. I remember I went to court once for one of those tickets that I had. And I thought it was just a go-by thing and a clerk would do something, like stamp it or you pay it or whatever. And they're like, okay, just go sit there in the courthouse and then the judge is gonna call you up.

I was like, wait, I'm literally going before a judge right now. Yeah, I'm on TV. I'm on TV right now. It's very scary. Yeah, and then they were, they had so many people, they were trying to say like, look, speed it along, you're going to make the judge mad if you don't just say guilty. Yeah. Just say, just say guilty

to anything. They're like telling everyone, just say guilty. Otherwise, you're going to make the judge mad because we have way too many people. So just say guilty. And so every single person pretty much would get up there and just say guilty. And then the judge would cut you a break. Because they were all the same kind of and fragile. It's all the same, right? Yeah, just. So they would cut you a, and it would save you several hundred dollars.

I remember I think the, I said guilty and it was like a, I think the warrants at the time were like $750 or something like that. And they, they got it down to 100 or whatever. And I was afraid. 100. 200. And I was afraid they were going to make me pace 700 bucks, which I didn't have or whatever. But no, but I was just shaking there. And then one person didn't say guilty, not guilty.

And the judge was like, are you sure you want to do this? And he's like, yes, I'm not guilty. So I want to say not guilty. And they had to set up a court day and all this kind of stuff. But it just reminded me of just how much the system is designed to make you just like. Well, I, there was, I never knew how much the monetary value of my infraction and I never made it to the courthouse so they issued a bench warrant for my arrest.

And I, I sweated that for a little while. And it's so weird because on the one hand, I'm terrified of all this stuff, but I think the thing I was terrified to actually go in the first place, which led to just compounding the fear of what we need. Well, now you're really in trouble. When you don't know what's gonna happen,

it causes almost paralysis. Fear the unknown is like, fear the unknown. That had, when I was younger, that was a big problem for me. It was a big thing for me, and it's always been my whole life of just, if you don't know what a situation is like that had when I was younger that was a big thing for me And it's always been my whole life of just if you don't know what a situation is like it's tough to go into it Yeah, whereas now I think you could read enough online about certain situations like this that you would go Okay, I think I know what's gonna happen when I get it

But even like even like driving to a place that I don't know for Oh, yeah, or something like that hate the first time I go to a place, and I don't know the root, I have so much anxiety about getting there on time, not getting lost, whatever, and then the second time, it's like, oh, this was a five minute drive, you know? Right. But the first time it seems like an epic journey. Those people who can just go do something

or talk to someone they don't know, or anything like that, or just confounding to me. Yeah, and I don't know why that is. I don't know what you do. I feel the same way. And what is it about? I don't remember ever being brought up that way of like, please don't talk to someone you don't know.

Please be afraid of you sinking up. I'll take this one Scott. I have, my cousins on both sides are very outgoing people. Both sides, very, very good cousins on both sides. I see your family from both sides, man. So they have that thing of you could be at a bar with them and see them up at the bar talking to someone and you would think, oh, they ran into an old friend of theirs. Oh, it's a person.

It's a person they've never met before. I like hate that. I think it's great. No, no, no, I love it in other people. I love it in other people. I admire the trait, but I when someone approaches me in a familiar way, yeah, depending on my mood, it really bothers me. If I'm in the mood, I can like, has anyone ever approached you in a friendly way and acted like a friend when they're really just like someone who know like a fan or whatever? That's what I don't like.

When they're like, hey Lauren, hey, and then you, oh yeah, if they say a name, as if we know each other. Oh, hi, how's it going? I mean, that bothers me because it's just so familiar. It's just not fair, because it sets up an interaction.

You don't know what you're getting yourself into. Yeah, exactly. But I think every single conversation anyone ever has, they should state their full name and state their business. I was traveling with my dog over the holidays and that was an invitation for a lot of people to talk to me. But I did not sign up for it. Dogs are.

But I was in a good mood because I was excited to go home and I don't know, I just wasn't a good mood for both. How did the dog travel? I don't know, dude, we're talking about it on a previous episode. I don't think we did just wasn't a good mood for both. How did the dog travel? I don't do it. Really? We were talking about it on a previous episode. I don't think we did, but she did a really good job. She was, I mean, she was like skittish in the airport, but like, once I put her in the bag,

she didn't like being in the app. She didn't like skittish, can't skittish. Oh, I'm sorry, I was the sorry, but you posted. What? I think from that fucking video game, that computer game. Oh, we're not trying to. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you posted something that fit into the rhythm of being in the bathroom. Yeah, then I had to go look that song up. Um, I put. What was you think? What are my favorites? It was fun. It was fun.

But I was really just trying to understand a tweet, so I was like, got it. It was a fun journey. It was fun. But my fun. It was fun. But I was really just trying to understand a tweet. So I was like got it. It was a fun journey. It was fun. But my dog did a good job But there were people who would just like really get into with me and then they would be like, oh and you're on this show And then so then I'm talking to them for like 20 minutes and a security liners me where I'm like, but I was in a good mood. So it was good I don't mean to sound like that. It's just that feeling of like, normally I keep to myself and I just go through things. And so then I was like, well, my dog really is everyone wants to

and then the people want to show me their dog. And so I ran into Kevin on the way home. We were on the same flight. And he's sitting next to me silently right now. Gross. And this is almost like you're on an airplane. Yes. Yes.

He witnessed this. So I had my dog and then this man was, like really into the dog and talking to me about the dog a lot. And then, was like, oh, our dog is kind of like that. And you know, whatever, just like, oh, our dog is part Chihuahua, which my dog is, but they didn't look anything like. And then he came back with like photos and videos

of his dog after like, he went and sat down for all and he like, walk back up to me, he's like, here's a video of my dog. I'm like, I just, I can't imagine who this and he was like, here's my video of my dog. I'm like, I can't imagine who this would be. This is not crossed over into videos of your dog. I just can't imagine. It's like after the fact videos. Who would care at all ever?

Like, I can't imagine. Dr. An invitation to talk. The first dog I got, I didn't realize it. I didn't really know that because, like, I don't really interact a lot of people in my neighborhood with her, so it's not really like a thing that I've witnessed what's your address? I Feel bad now because I've talked to people about their dogs. No, I think it's okay I

Also, it didn't really bother me which was the interesting thing. It was just like I don't Honestly, I would shouldn't go on that I will talk to people about my dog that I would be a guest at ever having a conversation with Black Well, then there was a man about my dog that I would be a gas to never having a conversation with on the streets. Come on. Well, then there was a man. Wait, then there was a man who did bother me. There was a man.

OK, and I was sitting on the floor. Like it was going to be boarding time. Oh, the plane? Oh. And then there were no seats. And so I just sat on the floor with her. And then this man comes to me and he's like, talking about the dog.

And he's like, oh, wow. She, I'm going to be a little flippin' before all these questions. And I was just like, talking to me about the dog. And he's like, oh wow, she gonna be a little flippant for all these questions. And I was just like, no, but I was really cutting it off because he seemed a little weird. And then he was like, he walked me and during a round, me kind of like, then like puffing over to me.

Like circling you. Kind of just like, I said, he's looking at other things and then kind of talking to me again, then kind of looking the way I'm kind of talking. And then he, and I was kind of getting more and more shut down because I was just like, I don't care about this. Nonverbal cues. Yeah. So I was trying to get my nonverbal cues. And then he came back to me with his phone and it was just a wallpaper of a picture of a woman. And it said, I, I, I'm just showing

you this by the way, I'm not hitting on you. This is, he didn't even say like, this is my wife. He didn't explain. This is a woman that I'm not hitting on you. And I, he didn't even say like, this is my wife. He didn't explain pictures. This is a woman that I'm not hitting on you. And I was like, I don't, it wasn't what I was thinking, but that's fine. But thanks. And whatever. I'm like, I just don't like talking to fucking weirdos,

but yeah. Who have weird pictures? Then when I landed in Chicago, I, I, I look, he, I ended up standing right next to his, there was a bag by itself. Of course, I shouldn't have stood by it, but I like did and then it was his bag. If you see something stand by it.

He was off one background talking to more people and then I realized, maybe he just really is this annoying. Like someone was pulling their kid on like a little like scooter toy and he's like, is that yours? Did you run that from, I'm like, oh God, you don't have to, every detail about every person's life. Just leave them alone. So how many buttons on that? Maybe wasn't really hitting on me. He was just annoying. Yeah. Speaking of planes, can you, did you ever fly on a plane

when people did smoke on them? Yes, I smoke that plane. Crazy. Yeah. I think about now it's insane. It's insane. I was at Madeleegal. I want to say mid 90s or something. Mid 90s in my city. Yes, I agree. It's ludicrous. The first time I went to London, my sister lived there at the time, and I flew on a plane and sat on the smoking section and smoked cigarettes. Like a curtain could keep smoking.

So nasty. So disgusting. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Why did it just ask sitting outside, nasty, nasty, nasty. Why did it just mess? Sitting outside at a restaurant. You nasty. We're just doing impressions of you now.

It's good. It's good, right? I was sitting outside at a restaurant recently, and these men were standing there smoking right next to the restaurant, and my friend had told them to move. Because it was so gross. Yeah, well, it's supposed to be,

what, 10 feet away or something like that. Yeah, and they were just right there. And it was like, don't you see we're all sitting here, and that just comes right where I'm eating, and it's supposed to be what, 10 feet away or something like that. Yeah, and they were just right there. And it was like, don't you see we're all sitting here and that just comes right where I'm eating and it's just... Yeah, when I see someone smoking while they're driving and they're just sitting there and they have a cigarette and they blow smoke out of the side of their mouth as they're driving, it is crazy to me.

I can't... If you smoke out there, I'm sorry, I'm talking, you know. But... Well, let me take this because I used to smoke. If you smoke out there. I, you know, I'm sorry. I'm talking, you know, but completely shocked that people let me take this because I used to smoke. If you smoke out there, stop doing it. It's terrible. It's so shocked. Crazy.

Anyone would start now. Yeah. That's what it really gets. I can't believe it's still around. Yeah. I can't believe it's still around. It seems very arcane. You think it would just become really unpopular

and people would be like, no, that's not a thing that anyone does. Well, I think it's not like it kind of is, people are people to like look down upon. I, it, it, you see it's not a thing that anyone does. Well, I think it all lay it kind of as people look down. I, it, you see it so infrequently now in LA. It's so like fucking actor smoke. I'm sure I got it. But when I lived in, when I lived in the Midwest,

it seemed like everyone did and they all did it in basements. Oh, my whole childhood, like a lot of my relatives smoke inside. Yeah, my grandparents and, you know, older generations. Uh, if you do it, stop it, Paul, what grandparents and older generations. If you do it, stop it, Paul, what's the book that you recommend people read? The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Alan Carr. I read that book and have not had a cigarette since 2006.

Why that's amazing. The book was your trick. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. It me from killing people. It stops me from everything bad I want to do. Well, we need to take a break. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back.

We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back.

We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We'll be back. We're going to announce the time of the show now's the time of the show where we play where we have feature feature

Paul to feature what do you got Paul? I have feature today This is a little game called That's a little game called press conference. Oh, and now here. It's fun. Tell us all about Mary. Oh Mary You know mr. Bevidea sat on the phone Mary. Mary, you know, Mr. Bevidea sat on his own bow. Boy, that's Jack A. Talking to two seven. Talking about Mr. Bevidea.

I feel like that's something Doug Benson did. So I want to give her a chance. That makes sense. Doug brings that up a lot. The Mr. Bevidea sitting on his own ball. He did that impression of him. Maybe that's why I'm thinking. He did that impression, yes.

Yeah. Don't know. Anyway, press conference is a game where two of us will choose a celebrity. So a famous person. And the other person will unbeknownst to them, be that celebrity, and they have to guess who they are from the questions that the other two of us will ask. And are we trying to lead them into guessing or do we want to keep it from them as long as possible? I think we want to keep it from them as long as possible.

Well also. Asking true questions. Asking questions you would ask of this person. Yes. Okay. Okay, so who is up first? So we have some celebrities written down. I'll tell you what, I'll be first up.

You'll be first up. Okay, so let us. I will not look. Okay. We have Chef Kevin over here. Will you show? Oh, very quickly. Yeah.

I was playing a game online on an Xbox. You playing a game? I was playing, I was playing a game online on an Xbox. You playing a game. I was playing, are you playing a game? That's an inside joke for us. Playing a video game and, and there's an online component so I'm playing in strangers. Right.

And I am flying a spaceship and I get killed. And it says you were killed by Chef Kevin 27. And is it this dude? It is not. Oh, okay. It's some other weirdo. Some other chef. Who named himself after our chef Kevin?

27. It is not the first guy. Weird. You think it's named? You were playing an online game with people who knew you were you? No, no, you have an alias. And what is your code name? I will never read it.

Chef Kevin 29. Yeah. Okay. So Kevin, will you show the name of the first one to Lauren and I? And don't show us the others because we will then know the answers to all the others. Got it? So good. Okay. You're just about to show every single name to both of us. Can you dig it?

I knew that you could. Don't show the back of that paper to me either. Don't show the back of that paper to me. OK. All right. I lost just for one. Yeah. OK. You want to ask the first question? Yeah.

Excuse me. Are we? Yes, I have time for a few questions. I have time for a few questions. She's not a reporter. Yes, I am. She's snuck in here. Yes, I am.

No, I know her. Go ahead, stretch. Um. I want to know. I want to know. You wanted to know. You just asked the question of your real reporter. Okay. Is it true you have?

Oh god. This is it. You guys go first. I understand how the game goes. I'll come back you later. Excuse me. Yes. A person of a non-specific gender. That's right.

Are you a puppet? Well, no puppet. I have no puppet. Grabbed you're the puppet? Maybe, maybe. No, I am not. I'm a real person. Okay, all right.

Okay, excuse me. Yes. Gotta go. Is your suit really yours? Or is it made for someone else? That's a bizarre question, as far as I'm concerned. Well, I mean, I'm trying to be.

You just asked me if I was a puppet. Do you think that's a bizarre question? Hahaha. These are my clothes, and were you asking were they made for someone else? Yeah. Are you asking am I wearing someone else's clothes? They just look a little large.

Mm-hmm. Well, I recently had an illness, so I've lost my mind. Too bad he didn't die. It's too bad I didn't die. Ah, question over here. Yeah, sure. Quietly.

From the Sacramento Bee. Ooh, buzz buzz. Jerry Seinfeld was interested in buying our paper. I don't know if you heard that rumor. No. Um, why do you leave your shirts on the floor of your bedroom? Because in the president of the United States and I do whatever I go Will you say the bump of the thing I was like there's no way it's out of Trump right out of the gates

Kevin's I'm sorry Was it the only name you wrote down? Yeah, no Was it the only name you wrote down? Yeah, the most famous person in the world. Okay, so I wouldn't be next. That's Froomy. It's so obvious. Froomy of show them the money. Got it.

I got it. Okay. Hello, everyone. Hello. Question, question, question, question. I hope this isn't a delicate subject, but you don't have a very localized form of alopecia, do you? No, I just don't want to have hair there.

Interesting. Okay. I have a question over here. Question over here. Who do you think the next person will be to Egot? Oh, wow. I think it's going to be to Egot? Oh, wow. I think it's gonna be.

Who will join your club? Wow, I think it'll be Oprah. But who will join my club? Yeah, well that was the question. You just answered it. Thank you. Bye. I'm gonna present your answer.

Question, question, question. Did you consider other ejaculatory phrases? Yeah. Did you? Did you? Did you? Did you? No, that one seemed to be just the exact one. That one was good for you.

Yeah. Okay, question over here. Question over here. Was it disappointing for you to have to start in that movie with that dinosaur? No, you know, you're so good friend. Am I? No, God, okay, keep going keep going. I got a question over here. No, God, okay keep going keep going Do you Take showers or do you still take those baths of milk? I'll never stop taking the bad baths of milk

I'm question here question here. What is Steven Spielberg like? Am I ET? Ha ha ha. No, you're not, what a weird answer to my question. You gotta, you got. You gotta, you got. You gotta, you got. Wait, who the fuck am I, keep going?

Question, question, question, question, question. Looking back now, many years later, Okay, okay. Okay. Looking back now, many years later, were you maybe a little upset that your boyfriend put on black face? Yeah. I loved when he did that.

I have a question over here. I have a question over here. I do. Yeah. You're a breakout film. What was it? Do you think that people got confused by the title and thought that it might be a sequel to Princess breakout film?

The color purple, starring whoopie Goldberg? Yes, that's correct. Me? Yes, you and Goldberg. Whoopie Goldberg. Okay, I need to go back to all these questions. I'm wearing all these things. What did you mean by the album?

She's no eyebrow. She's no eyebrow. Okay. And then blood's a black face thing. What's the milk? Ted Danson. Ted Danson at the Friars Club. They were a couple.

They were a couple. They were a couple. Ted Danson at the Wootby Goldberg. Yeah. And he got up at the Friars Club in black face. Why? Yeah. But because it's hilarious.

That is so weird. And did you really bathe in milk? She sent a picture to, to Spike Lee, of herself in a, in a milk bath. Oh, okay. There is a, I'm looking for right now. There's a, there was a really funny Ted Danson joke when we did it between two for a live, between two for a live. Ted Danson's so much. About the black face thing. Oh my god. What was it? I always forget about that black face thing. I think because I love him so much. I'm looking for it right now. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I don't think we, I don't think we used it, but it was really funny. I'm looking for it, I'm looking for it. I have all the jokes here. What's the weirdest place you ever made, whoopie, Goldberg? That's the one. Gosh, where is it? Okay, do you guys have one for me?

Oh, yeah, he's just chipped. Oh, yeah, Kevin walked out of the room. Kevin, what the fuck? Oh, I got it. But he gave it to Sam, so. Okay, so close your eyes, though. He told me again, sure. Close your eyes.

I'm looking at this, so go ahead. Okay, I got it. Okay. Okay, you, I'm still looking for this, but I'm looking still looking. Oh, here's one. You did a blackface routine at the roast of your then girlfriend, Wippy Goldberg.

How ashamed are you that you once dated Wippy Goldberg? Okay, but you didn't, did you ask him? Did he get it? I can't remember which ones we actually asked because we didn't tape it, so it was very fun though. All right. Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go When you were younger, did you ever visit your father at work? Quite often, it was a big thrill for me to visit my father at work. Yes, I enjoyed it. And all of those Sundays? Over here. Yes, over here.

Over here. Do you wish that your sketch career was more successful or are you happy with the way things went? I think life happens the way it happens and I'm obviously a success now. So the fact that I was in sketches early on that didn't quite pop is fine to me now because it wouldn't have led me to where I am right now. May, and I am Robert Downey Jr. May, no, no, no.

Why would you say that? What a weird thing. May. Yes, over here. When did you first start? When did you first start it? When did you first start? Yes. Go ahead.

Let him stammer. Same guy. I call him the same guy. All right. When it's only two people in this press conference, which is surprising. Very unsuccessful press conference. Oh, it's weird that you're giving a press conference. We don't need two.

When did you first notice that there was a problem with your eyes? Well, definitely when I looked in the mirror and they didn't work. Or I saw the problem with them. So it's gotten more serious? Am I dare devil by the way? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, over here. Do you fear cutting your hair or does it excite you? Do I fear it? Am or does it excite you?

Do I fear it? Mm-hmm. Am I Adrian Brody's Rosta character? No. No. Um, do I fear cutting my hair? No, I don't. It's very exciting to me.

I always enjoy it. It's one of my great pleasures of my life. Wee! Wee! A baby? Yes, I'm calling on a baby. Baby snuck into a room. Would you say that you have more friends now

than you used to? Do I have more friends now than I used to? I have more friends, yeah. It may be the same exact number. No, I think I have more. Are you, um, am I Hank Williams Jr. with all my rowdy friends? I think I have more. Are you? Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, I think I have more. Are you, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, it's obsession with you. Mm. I obviously, it's not something I love, but you know, it's part of life now.

It's part of my life. Hey, over here, yes. How important to you as your Greek heritage? You know what, without it, I wouldn't be who I am today. I mean, my mother and father had sex and that causes heritage. So I wouldn't exist, it wouldn't be who I am today. I mean, my mother and father had sex and that causes heritage. So I wouldn't exist. It wouldn't exist.

So I, and being Greek and being who I am, a Greek former sketch actor. And I don't remember any other detail. Other than I have friends and maybe more friends. All my friends in your eye problem and maybe more friends. All my friends. In your eye problem. And my eye problem. Well, and you also, I think you must have a lot really chronically dry skin

considering how much lotion you use. I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. Are you worried that people will see pictures of you before your plastic surgery? Plastics. Do you feel that you have to drink only one brand of water?

Am I? I'm obviously Jennifer Annis. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. And that's how you play Periscope. Oh, that was fun. That was fun.

That was fun. I enjoy that. What's wrong with her eyes? She's like, oh, I'm so happy with her eyes. I enjoy that. What's wrong with her eyes? I don't think she does. That was Courtney Cox. Oh, sorry. She has the drive. Do you remember the thing about the friend? What? The friends writers. There was like somebody who was like a writer's assistant or something. Yeah, who had a lawsuit revealed had a lawsuit against saying that that she didn't like the types of conversations

They had in the writers room. Yeah, that they were too sexual or something who who said that though writers assistance Suze this show and because they said Courtney Cox is vagina. No, I what was that about they did say something about her Vagina being filled with twigs. Oh, right. But yeah, like dead leaves or something Like she was making fun of the actor. Yeah, because she was trying to get pregnant and couldn't get pregnant. Oh my God. Yeah, it was like the stuff that came out was legitimately horrible.

Oh no. But then there were some soldiers guys who were like, we need to do stuff like that as part of the creative process. That's why everyone's like with all this me too, stuff to be like, what? So I can't flirt. This is a flirty business.

Fuck off. This is a flirty business. This is a flirty business. Oh, who's a business? Oh, who's a good guy? I don't know the clue. The voosers of Florida. The voosers of Texas. Oh, I said, this is a Florida business.

There was that thing of like writers rooms or the chill that falls over comedy writers rooms. Like, am I allowed to say that joke? Oh, God. Yeah. Well, anyways. Well, anyway. Well, anyway.

Well, that was fun. Press conference was fun. It's great talking about news from months and months ago. Years in fact. Years. I help me to live in over. The good news comes. I know. It's done. I'm sure you do. All right. Well, thanks. Thanks for listening. We're at a time. We'll see you next time. We love you. Bye-bye.