Threedom - Threevisiting: Risk It For The Biscuit
Episode Date: January 30, 2024Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss playing pranks and shopping on Black Friday, then play Christmas Find Out Who Game. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and... emails to threedomusa@gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).
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Freedom!
Music
Freedom!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Remember?
Oh yeah!
Oh yeah! Welcome! Cool it man. to three dumb. It's Christmas Eve guys. It's Christmas Eve
Santa's favorite night of the year sleep the wise it's Santa's favorite night
Cuz the one day it gets off his fat ass and goes out and works for a living hold on. He's making the toys
No, he has slaves
You don't think he makes any of the no he doesn't make the toys. No, he has slaves. He's not making the toys on Christmas Eve. You don't think he makes any of the...
No, he doesn't make the toys on Christmas Eve.
Scott is saying this the one night of the year Santa works.
I disagree. I think he does work all year long.
I mean, maybe he supervises.
No, he's walking around. He's checking.
He's checking lists.
He's checking the progress of the toys.
I think he does all that on Christmas Eve.
I think he does all the list stuff,
like running down the naughty and nice stuff. he does all that on Christmas Eve. I think he does all the list stuff, like running down the naughty and nice stuff.
He does it all on Christmas Eve.
And so the other 364 days a year, he just coasts.
He can't do, he can't run down the list on Christmas Eve.
He's gotta deliver the presents.
Yeah, because the presents have to be decided in advance.
Yeah, but he doesn't do that till night time.
He doesn't do it till night time.
But the presents are decided in advance.
Now, he takes the presents from a large pool of presents
that already exists
and he goes, oh, okay, who's not here nice today? And he like looks through it all and
assigns presence from the pool of presence. This is absurd. You think Santa's just making
random shit? Yeah, because all kids just want the same stuff, playstations or whatever.
Wooden horse? Do you think there were kids who actually got a piece of coal and that's
it? Yeah.
I think that's been done.
And they go, you're an asshole.
And they go, you're an asshole.
Hey, shitty parents have been around forever.
I wonder if there's like a Jimmy Kimmel prank thing like the Halloween thing where like
someone unwrapped gifts and it was just a lump of coal and they said, what's this?
Some of those videos with kids make me feel weird because the kids are like, that's okay.
I love you.
Yeah, I would never have been like this.
I don't know what videos you're talking about.
Oh, yes, yes.
I don't know.
Oh.
Fair enough.
All right, so it's, I feel like.
By the way, welcome to 3Dome, I'm Scott.
I'm Paul.
Hi.
If you can't deduce it from there.
If you can't decatur the names.
If you can't deduce it from there. Scott and Paul't decatur the names. If you can't deduce it from there.
Scott and Paul and figure out who a third person is.
You are no detective.
You think someone's turning this on,
having no idea what's going on.
Every episode of someone's first.
All right, I'm Lauren.
I think that from the context clues that have been given
that Jimmy Kim will do videos where
an adult gives a child a gift
and the gift is intentionally shitty,
and then the child has to reassure the adult?
No. No, but you're not, no.
You're not too far off, but you're a wrong holiday.
It's a Halloween prank.
Oh, you were just like, telling him.
Oh, well, yeah, I'm just gonna tell him.
Okay.
Where in?
So the adult gives bad candy,
and then the child has to reassure him?
No.
Not quite.
Keep passing.
The adult pretends not to know what the child was dressed as?
Can I give you another hint?
Yeah.
These are videos filmed on November 1st.
The videos where the adults pretend that they've eaten all the candy?
Yeah, pretty much. We'll give them that, right? Judges will give them that. Or they threw away the candy, yeah.
They usually say I ate it all.
Oh, okay. And then, so the child is upset, but then they...
Does the adult pretend to be very remorseful?
I don't know. It's kind of a mixed bag with, like, how the parent acts.
Sometimes I guess the parents are like... I'm sorry, but all this candy was here.
Sometimes the kids are upset,
but a lot of times the kids are like,
that's okay.
And they're kind of sad and they're like, okay.
And it's really sad.
I don't like that at all.
I know.
And then they're like just kidding.
And then it's like, okay.
And it's like, just why are we going on this roller coaster?
Just let them have their fucking candy.
Well, does it make you feel better, Paul,
to know that Jimmy said he doesn't want to do it anymore?
And because it's too mean.
Yes.
And that people still were sending him
these videos this year.
He was like, I haven't asked for these.
I don't want to do these anymore,
but a bunch of people sent them, so here they are.
No, they showed them! Oh, come on! Jimmy! Jimmy! I don't want to do these anymore, but a bunch of people sent them so here they are
Jimmy
Show them what did he have didn't he have like
Like a sort of yeah, he had something where it was like it almost like a visit to Santa Claus But there was a Michael Myers guy. Oh, that's interesting inside and so kids went in and it's like and it was oh inside like a Santa's Village or something
Yeah, but I think it was I think it was around Halloween time
So it wasn't like oh you're gonna see Santa and then it's Michael Myers in there
Cuz that would be awesome
That would be the scariest thing ever but like there would be ever there were just videos of
People walking in this room seeing him sitting there. Yeah, it was like, visit Michael Myers.
Like you're gonna visit Santa and he's sitting on a chair.
Oh, that's interesting.
And so people would walk in and they'd see him
and then Michael Myers would like stand up out of the chair
and then people just run.
Wait, adults and kids?
I feel like it was adults and kids.
It's been how I love it.
Just leading people into like sit on Michael Myers's lap
and let him know what you want for Halloween.
It's funny to me to keep referring to kids as people, even though I know they are.
But I don't know all these people just right now.
Kids are people too!
But I think it was kids and adults.
Yeah.
But, um, yeah, I don't think it's like a great prank to fool the most easily fooled people.
Yeah.
Yeah, four year old.
You didn't get him.
What are good pranks?
Say you don't know what the world is.
I'm telling you, I was kidding.
Paul, do you like any pranks?
What's a good prank?
The first thing I think of is,
and it's not a good prank, it's terrible.
Because I knew, there's a prank that I pulled on
my lovely wife that I knew would have
the exact reaction that it got, and I feel bad about it.
Well, what was it?
I bought, we don't have any pets.
Every once in a while my mom, is that, no, that's an airplane.
That's an airplane, a totally different song.
We don't have an airplane.
We don't stop for airplanes, sorry.
Yeah, sorry.
It's not loud enough, but I do see a helicopter.
Do you really?
I see one too. Yeah, but it is not loud enough, but I do see a helicopter. Do you really I see one too? Yeah, but it is not loud enough
It sounded like an airplane to me. Yeah, but maybe I don't know who knows well
We missed our boat. Oh, and there goes a plane or a bird honestly. I don't know
It's a plane
Oh Look up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superman, oh it's a plane. That was right, it was a plane.
That whole time it was a plane.
Superman's not real.
We don't have any pets, every once in a while,
Janie will make noises about getting a dog,
and then it-
Fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fall.
Yeah, and I'm like, I get what you're doing.
But then that discussion is squashed,
because neither of us wants to,
we would like to have a dog,
we don't want to take care of a dog.
What are, what do you think,
what are the impediments to taking care of a dog?
Well now we've talked about this before
and the biggest impediment for me is shit.
And you've both told me how you,
now you love your dog shits and how adorable.
Well, you know, the well, you know the other day
just we have we have two dogs and
I take them out in the morning and I and I let them do their business and I clean it up and
They took so long in between their shits that I realized I've been holding the other one shit for five minutes in my hand. And it's just like. Why don't you hold it in your palm? You should use a bag.
No, in a bag.
But I was just like, you know, is there something to the fact
that usually it's just a like purely a three second thing
where you are grabbing shit and then it's in a bag
and you're fine, you know?
But at this point, it was just like five minutes.
I have just a lump of shit in my hand.
Yeah. Much like those lumps of coal. That's right from shitty parents
So I bought a
Because you know, I'm a fan of turtles and tortoises. Hmm. Okay, and I bought an extremely lifelike tortoise
I'm gonna have you on the turtles program. I've been on it. Oh, that's right. I
bought an extremely lif life like tortoise sculpture
that I put in the yard and it looks like we have a big fucking Galapagos tortoise.
Wow. Like a like this big.
I'm holding my hands out.
It's like this big. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.
And it looks great.
And so I bought it and she laughed at me, which I absolutely expected and deserved.
Not with you?
We were laughing together, but she was she was laughing like I was a ridiculous idiot.
And she was right.
And I shouldn't say it.
She we don't have that.
We don't have like a sitcom relationship.
What? You're a great person.
Thank you. You're not an idiot.
I don't think I'm an idiot.
She doesn't really mean it. You could be both. You could be both. OK Thank you. You're not an idiot. I don't think I'm an idiot. She doesn't think I'm an idiot.
No matter what she says.
You could be both.
Okay, name one person who's an idiot
who's also a great person.
Who are the great idiots of our time?
Lenny from Mice and Men.
You know what, you're right.
I don't think so.
He's a great person and an idiot.
And so I bought this thing
and then we put it in the yard
and then I, it in the yard and then I at one point I moved it so it was on the
back deck of our house and I knew that she would walk into that room and see it.
And I heard her yell and it was satisfying and also immediately I felt guilty. Yeah.
Yeah.
Did I tell you?
Okay.
So pranks on our significant others.
So what, Cool Up gets very scared.
And there was a period of time where she liked going to a haunted house stuff or Universal
Studios, but there was one Halloween period where I said, oh, we're going out tonight.
It's a surprise.
You told us this story.
And the surprise was a, yeah. Yes. So, so then after that, well, the surprise was we're going out tonight. It's a surprise. And told us this story. And the surprise was a yeah.
So so that after that, well, the surprise was we were going to a haunted house and it's one of the few times she ever got like
incredibly mad at me and left didn't go with us and
It was a problem and she still brings it up. Okay, but then
When we went to
This is 20 years ago.
This is the story of a girl.
But then, so then when we went to...
Mexico, it's all John one year.
Just you and him?
No, it was Kulap, Nora, and some other people who shall remain nameless.
Smothers brothers?
The Smothers Brothers.
Because you want to protect their identity? Smother people who shall remain nameless. Yes, they're in Smothers Brothers. Because you want to protect their identity?
Smother people who shall remain nameless.
Yes, they're in the Witness Protection Program
and I don't want to blow up their spot and get them murdered.
Is it Henry Hill?
Yes.
And Henry Higgins, weirdly enough.
I was just a kid.
I always wanted to go to Mexico to talk to John.
Ah, yes.
You're from the borough of...
That's Henry.
I'm doing Henry Higgins.
Sure.
Talking to Henry Hill.
So we went to Mexico and we stepped off the plane and then we all got in this shuttle
that was going to take us to the property and we stopped at a...
And by the way, isn't it great that when you get to Mexico and you're in a shuttle going
to a property, they go, hey, here's a Margarita.
Here's a Margarita.
Or here, like you...
I've never been. I've never been. You've never been to Mexico we should go once but it was for
a job mmm I didn't really have that experience drug meal yep so anyway but
it's great that they let you drink maybe it's not legal I don't know but it feels
legal what's something that's not legal, but feels legal?
I cannot handle those tweets anymore.
They'll be gone by the time this comes out.
I hope so.
God damn, I hope so.
People are still doing wrong answers only.
I hate wrong answers only.
There only are wrong answers
when you make up a fake question.
What's the, it's so, it's not funny.
Well, I did one.
They'll post a picture of somebody stupid and they're like what's this album called wrong answers only take there is no right answer
Well, I did one. I did one right whatever the fuck we want. Yeah, I did one that was like
What's the square root of 81 wrong answers only or what's not the square root of 81 wrong answers only and people were like nine nine nine?
They didn't get it anyway
Not the square root of 81 wrong answers only. I don't know what it was. I can't remember but I remember everyone But that's everyone giving me right answers, but nine is the only way to answer that
Oh, no, I think I think I was saying what's not and then people were like a fruit. I was like no, that's not not
So we go to Mexico.
A fruit.
We go to Mexico and we get we're getting in the van.
The van goes, Hey, do you want anything from the liquor store?
You want this van to talk?
Yes.
The van's like, no, you don't want anything from the liquor store.
It was related to Kit, if you can believe it.
It was like Kit's uncle.
And it's just a shuttle for an airport.
Yeah.
What a waste of techno.
Well, it's hard being, you know, the, you know,
relation of a celebrity.
Do you know what Kit is?
Kit?
Mm-hmm.
Gotta guess.
The car from, hold on, I do.
I do?
Night Rider?
She just got married to me.
Yes, that's right.
Thanks.
So we get into the van and they stop at the liquor store
and they go, hey, do you want anything?
And Tal John's like, oh yeah, let's get a 12 pack for the ride and all this kind of stuff.
So, but then-
Yeah, we're already a couple margaritas in.
In the liquor store.
It's on the tarmac.
In the liquor store, I see they have like a, and this, it's a Halloween devil mask.
And I'm like-
Is it even close to Halloween?
It probably was now that I think about it.
I think it was in it was in October.
So um, and it's a rubber mask and I'm like, oh, like over your whole head, that kind of
mask.
Yeah, or at least the front half.
I'm not sure your face.
You know that front half part.
It has eyes, nose, mouth.
So I buy it thinking I got punched in the front half of your head? So I buy it thinking...
I got punched in the front half of my head.
I'm gonna put makeup on the front half of my head.
What if you put makeup on the back of your head every day?
I'd be like, I'm really a bandit or something.
Why?
I don't get that.
So I buy this mask.
You know what that is? I, yeah, from the books. I've known, that's a name that I recognize.
I've never really been clear on what.
From the Bible.
She doesn't understand idioms.
So she'll be like, oh, Amelia, don't let the cat out of the bag.
And then she'll like somehow let a real cat out of the bag or they're like, Amelia, can
you, you know, like.
So she's like Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy.
Like dress the...
Sounds like a rip-off.
Dress the turkey and then she puts it in a dress.
Is this her whole thing?
Yes.
P.U.
It's a series of books that pissed me off as a kid.
I was like, can someone just slow down and explain to her?
I found stuff like that frustrating too.
I didn't, it wasn't funny to me. me Yeah, well that's cool up pointed out. She's been watching these dumb Christmas romantic comedies on Netflix
She pointed out that bring you back to Christmas. She pointed out that these movies would all be over within two minutes
Oh, yeah, just said like hey by the way, I like you
Romantically yeah, yeah, yeah the end. Did you watch Midnight at the Magnolia? I didn't watch
And I was really fascinated by this film and I looked on
Mdb and saw that the writer of this movie has written like
15 Christmas movies and I was like this and that's it. Yeah, and I was like this is
fascinating this is a
Yeah, that's it. And I was like, this is fascinating. This is a, you could just focus. Yeah, that's all they do.
You just go, what's another thing that could happen
at Christmas?
What's another thing that could happen at Christmas?
We watched the trailer to one,
and it was like these two who have a radio show.
That's that, that's that.
That's what it was.
And they're-
I'm not the trailer for that one.
The trailer is-
At First We're Chicago, it's the most Canadian thing ever.
I can't stand-
And they're in a large, large room, like a box,
without any like sound dampening stuff. And they're supposedly on the radio, and they're like a large large room like a box without any like sound dampening stuff
And they're supposedly on the radio and they're like old family friends is that what it seems like?
Yes, and then they basically decide they both have a boyfriend and girlfriend
They decide they're gonna introduce their boyfriend and girlfriend to their families on the air for this Christmas thing to like get the
syndication thing or something
And then they they both get broken up with
and then they realize,
okay, fine, let's just pretend we're together.
And then they really have feelings for each other.
Right.
And then, and the fam,
I mean, the movie is fascinating.
Romantic comedies, it's like the stakes of other movies
are like, oh, is the earth going to be blown up
by an asteroid?
And then romantic comedies are basically like,
are these two people out
of the billions of people going to kiss?
And the answer is yes, because it's a romantic comedy.
If they did, it would be, well I like romantic comedy.
If the stakes of a romantic comedy were like, okay, how many people are in the world, eight
billion, something like that?
If four billion people were to kiss the other four billion people at the same time, then the stakes are like...
That would be really weird.
That's an interesting premise for a movie.
But why? I don't think that the world's ending is more interesting than people kissing her not.
We have to divide the population in half, get them to kiss each other at the same time.
For charity.
The thing that bugs me about romantic comedies is the,
that the, what is it, the third act
where they have to be apart for some reason.
Yeah, where there's-
Like they finally get together then.
Where there's a misunderstanding and then they-
Yeah, it's like, you lied to me?
Yeah.
And then they're mad for a week or whatever and then-
And then the person catches up with them.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I lied, I did it because I like you too much
Wow, but does that do you as a fan of rom comes? Do you like that part?
Is that satisfying to have that included? I think it it like a for if I'm thinking of like a great one like you've got mail
Mm-hmm, which I just rewatched. Um, it's great because
They they get there's the anger. There's the upset. There's everything and then
The reveal and that one's really good because she still doesn't know that the person she's been running to was him the whole time
She's mad at him and they go through a whole thing, but then it's him and she's like
I'm glad it's him and it's this that's a really I find it unbelievable
The Tom Hanks would be friends with Dave Chappelle. That is unbelievable
That's the worst part of that movie. Isn't there a treadmill in that movie? Yeah, they're on it
Yeah, I don't buy a treadmill. They talked to each other on a treadmill. I just don't buy it
So you're I don't think that they would be friends and I don't think that they would be on
Treadmills. Well, I think they work together
So it's it makes it a little less random
So I buy this Halloween mask thinking,
oh my gosh, this'll be really funny.
I'll one night in Mexico,
scare, scare cool off.
One night in Mexico, make my mask go right there.
Baw, baw.
And so I buy it and I stick it in my pocket thinking,
oh, I'll break this out at an opportune time
and scare cool off.
Knowing how she doesn't like to be scared.
And then by the time we get to the property, I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?
We're on vacation. I'm not going to scare Kulup with a Halloween.
You should scare Tall John.
Yeah, what a horrible idea.
What a terrible idea.
So I just kept it in my pocket and then I hid it.
Once we got back to the States, I hid it in a closet.
You packed it?
Yes. Why not just throw it away? I don't know.
And I hid it in a closet thinking, well, maybe I'll need it for something.
And then finally when we moved, a year ago, I was like,
I'm just gonna throw this away. I've been holding on to this metal from Mexico.
No, I never told her. And don't you tag her.
I'm gonna switch that cool off.
You're texting her right now.
I have to use the restroom but can you guys just keep talking? No we're gonna take a break.
We're gonna take a break we'll be right back.
All right we're back. Let's come back in.
And Christmas Eve is upon us.
And you know what that means?
Tomorrow's Christmas.
And you know what that means?
The day after that is Boxing Day.
Boxing Day!
And you know what that means?
Boxing Day!
Sales, sales, sales.
Boxing gloves galore!
Red Friday.
What?
Red Wedding.
Have you ever shopped on black Friday?
No, I you know, I
Nigh
Nigh
They they they get you by saying like oh we got a TV for three dollars. I'm using exaggeration for comic-fect
Thank you, and they've only got one of those and the first person in line gets it and then you're
like well I gotta buy something so you spend $8,000 on a TV instead.
I'm again exaggerating for comic effect.
I haven't shopped on Black Friday but I have taken part in many Black Friday stampede's
where I will wait in line.
It's like the running of the bulls.
Yeah.
Ever since you couldn't go to Pamplona that one year.
I'll wait in line for 14 hours
to so I can be the first to crawl under that metal gate.
Yes.
And just stamp over people.
Can you imagine when I see people doing that,
I just, and by the way, here's a helicopter.
When I see people doing that, I'm like,
are they doing it truly because they don't have a lot of money
or is it just because it's like
they wanna game the system somehow
and they wanna have done it?
Or you know what I mean?
I would imagine it's both.
It's that, you know, they're offering these high ticket items
for these deals that they only do once a year,
and you know, people see it as, this is their shop.
There's also people, I think, that are buying.
By the way, the song never turned on.
It's fine. People are buying. By the way, the song never turned on. It's fun.
People are buying shit to sell as well,
because it's gonna be in high supply.
I have gone to Black Friday a couple times.
I used to know somebody who enjoyed going to that.
Really?
I mean, it's kind of like a game.
That they enjoyed doing.
Yeah, so I would like, it was a game.
And it was like a 4 a.m., 3 a.m.,
get in line kind of situation
You know having spent the night like for concert tickets or whatever. It's like that can be fun or whatever
It was interesting. I've never done anything like I got the full box. I've never gone to sleep in the city. No, what's it like?
It's fun. I mean, I don't know. Do you like dreams? I
Don't know what that is. Oh, if we would max hang about him
I don't know what that is. Oh, Fleetwood Maxang about him.
You want your three.
The cranberry juice commercial.
I am just glad that that guy is getting some...
He's in a Snoop Dog commercial, it's really funny.
Well, you look at his Twitter and his agent
is what his Twitter bio is now.
Well, good, because I didn't like how everyone
did their version and then I felt like
he was getting erased.
Well, I mean, to be fair, Ocean Spray
did try to take care of him and bought him a truck and all that kind of stuff. But, and I feel like he was getting erased. Well, I mean, to be fair, Ocean Spray did try to take care of him
and bought him a truck and all that kind of stuff.
But I feel like we talked about this on a previous episode.
I think we did.
I think I got the same.
Are these crocs getting hot?
Are you a croc-ing hot?
Or is it just me?
They're probably more like the heat up more
than a regular shoe.
Yeah, because they're a little furry, right?
I feel like my feet are on fire.
Fruity?
Here's our furry.
Wait, show us what you got.
Show us what you got.
Fucking...
You got those with the shirling?
Thanks, Charles.
I have dual crocs comfort.
They have like fur, soft fur in them.
I think I need that for my narrow foot.
They're good.
They're very comfortable, but my feet now are hot.
My foot too narrow, I need fur.
But yours look plastic.
They're not.
My whole issue with crocs. they're made of the same material.
They just don't have fur inside.
What is it?
What do they feel like without fur?
Because the fur ones are very comfortable.
They feel like hard plastic.
Scott, you were right from the beginning.
It's not plastic or it is.
I don't know.
I can't deal with moving every time the sun moves.
We gotta figure out something.
Well, you guys could come earlier.
Well, I'm gonna be here at 8 a.m.
and doing a podcast. Yes!
Can you imagine?
I can't imagine. What is this Black Friday?
I mean, I guess I could do that
and just get it over with, quote unquote.
If you liked sitting in a more comfortable chair
that was easier to scoot backwards,
that could also happen.
Uh, okay. that was easier to like scoot backwards, that could also happen.
Okay.
But in any case, Paul, you're good, we're all...
I'm a good person.
You're an idiot, though.
I like me, my wife likes me.
How about this song?
Let's see if you know who sings this.
And I'm an idiot, and I'm your boyfriend, yes I am.
And I'm, I know what you want.
Jodicy?
No.
It's not Jodicy.
Come on.
Come on, it's Jodicy.
Do you want to know a hint?
I want to know a hint.
Is your hint is it's Jodicy, then yes.
No.
No.
It's from a comedians music album.
Oh, Jimmy Fallon?
Yes.
Oh.
I used to listen to it all the time.
Really?
When I was a child.
Great.
And I really liked it.
And someone recently tweeted about it
and I was thinking, that was funny.
That was funny.
I gotta admit.
He did a whole thing.
And what was it?
It was like Troll Dolls auditioning.
I'm out.
I was kind of intrigued with Troll Dolls.
His famous impressions, like he does like sting.
Okay, Chris Rock.
I don't know.
Wait, why were they, but this is all audio?
Why were they Troll Dolls?
I don't know.
Now I gotta remember that.
Who cares? Paul Christmas memories. Now I gotta remember that. Who cares?
Paul Christmas memories.
Glad he saved his finger.
Pull a Christmas memory out of there.
One time I got for Christmas.
What is this weird command?
One time for Christmas, I got a new CD player
and a bunch of CDs and it was awesome.
What CDs do you remember?
The Jimmy Fallon one?
I got Dave Matthews and U2.
Which U2? I don't know, I just got like a ton of like, U2 tribute to Dave Matthews and U2. Which U2?
I don't know, I just got like a ton of like
U2 tribute to Dave Matthews.
Classic albums, you know?
And it was really exciting and I was so proud.
And you hadn't had a CD player at that point?
I had had a shitty one and my parents got me like a stereo
and then they bought me and my brother.
We each got a stereo and we got a bunch of CDs
and that was our main present.
So were you, let me guess how old you were? 13. Me and my brother, we each got a stereo and we got a bunch of CDs, and that was our main present. And it was real fun.
So were you, let me guess how old you were.
13.
Do-da, do-da.
I was probably 14.
Okay, so I'm in the ballpark.
Yeah.
Paul is now leaving the chat room.
I really used to love, you're leaving?
You wanna go home?
Oh, thanks.
Oh, he's trying to move Lauren's umbrella. I really used to love sitting in're leaving? You wanna go home? Oh, thanks. He's trying to move Lauren's umbrella.
I really used to love sitting in my room
and listening to music.
We're closer to her.
Oh, this is going great.
There you go.
Thanks.
So you used to love sitting in your room
and listening to music.
Yeah, I know it's not unique,
but I don't do that anymore.
My tastes are unconventional.
I don't do it.
I feel like as a teen,
it was like that was such a cool thing to do.
I don't do it anymore, I sit in my office and do it. I sit on my toilet and do it. I feel like as a teen it was like that was such a cool thing to me. I don't do it anymore.
I sit in my office and do it.
I sit on my toilet and do it.
The other day I was listening to a couple albums that I, that just recently came out.
What did you listen to?
I listened to Material Flats, Tony Newsom and Bethany Thomas, and I listened to the latest
open mic open notes, what I said, and I listened to the latest open mic open notes, what I said, and I listened to the latest open mic
equal album, Anime, Trauma, and Divorce.
And I listened to them both a few times through,
which I hadn't done in a while,
and I was just in a mood where I wanted to listen to music,
and it was really enjoyable.
I hadn't done that in such a long time.
Amazing.
It's rare to just sit there and listen to the whole album.
I mean, I was like doing things. That's why albums shouldn't there and listen to the whole album. For me.
I mean, I was like doing things.
That's why albums should be.
But I had the albums, I had them all repeat.
I think the last time I was like,
I put on an album and just sat at my desk
and listened to a full album
because I was like really intrigued by it
and this might sound dumb or weird.
Is it gonna be the Jimmy Fallon album?
Yeah.
I'm like taking notes.
The troll doll is sting now.
It was like all these people auditioning to sing the troll song or something, but they were singing it as he was singing in different impressions.
Stop.
I was a kid. What the fuck do you want?
You just stop talking about it now when you're an adult.
That's an answer.
Was Ryan Adams covering Taylor Swift's
Oh, the disgraced Ryan Adams.
I know, I know, but I really loved the sound of that.
I was like, I sat there and I was like, wow,
I haven't sat here and listened to an album just now.
Well, this is why albums should only be like 35 to 40 minutes,
because everyone runs out of time after that, you know?
There's always those songs you never get to.
Like, you're just like, okay, and I started back over
because I liked those in the beginning.
I don't know if I liked the later ones.
I'm not even gonna risk it every time I'm driving.
I just, you know.
Risk it for the biscuit.
Why would I?
Exactly.
Only for a limp biscuit.
I did it all for the biscuit. Hey, this is Fred Jurst. Would you risk it for the biscuit. Why would I? Exactly. Only for a limp biscuit.
I did it all for the biscuit.
Hey, this is Fred Durst.
Would you risk it for the biscuit?
This holiday season.
This is Fred Durst.
Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah.
Hi, everyone.
I have a question for you.
This is Fred Durst.
We're in a round.
Merry Christmas and happy Hanukkah.
I have a question for you.
One, two, three.
Would you risk it for the biscuit?
God, now I want him to do this. Fred, if you're listening, would you just put out a video
of you doing this?
What is it?
It's just that. There's no follow up on the risk.
No website to go to.
What am I risking?
Do you think there's somebody really famous who listens to this? Barack Hussein Obama.
I mean, I think our friends Ben and Ioni.
Oh yeah, they do.
Hi guys.
Hi guys.
Never met you Ioni, but Ben, I had on a different show.
She's wonderful.
You've never met her?
No.
She's a lovely person.
I may not be pronouncing your name right.
I hope I am.
I am good.
Okay, great.
I was supposed to have quarantine drinks at their house
and then it never happened,
because they're not going to Australia.
What would that entail?
Like, how could you drink through a mask?
Well, I guess if germs can get through a mask,
then drinks can.
Drinks can, booze.
Sitting for our part, like we are now.
Yeah.
But you know what I will say,
I've barely done that this whole time.
Yeah.
I have barely had any.
We had one over a year.
We've done it a bunch, but in our neighborhood. What do you mean, like people who live this whole time. Yeah. I have barely had any. We had one over a year.
We've done it a bunch, but in our neighborhood.
What do you mean, like people who live nearby?
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cool, I've had a jacuzzi party yesterday
with two other people.
Ah, jacuzzi!
All wearing masks the entire time.
In a jacuzzi.
It's in Hawaii.
I don't know about that.
Feels hot.
The mask part or the jacuzzi?
The jacuzzi sounds hot.
Well, you get it to a temperature you like, and that's usually how jacuzzi? The jacuzzi sounds hot. Well, you get it to a temperature you like
and that's usually how jacuzzi works.
But I just feel like I have,
I sort of am in this mindset of like,
I want to just wait for everything to be fine.
And that sounds depressing maybe.
But I'm like doing enough things that I see people
and even just, I went back to work last week,
which by the way, it was like extremely draining.
Because I was working every day.
And it was just like,
it is a whole thing with the protocol,
the COVID protocol on a set.
We talked about it on our first episode.
We have talked about it, but I hadn't experienced it yet.
And I found that it was very exhausting
in a different way than it typically is.
And I just felt like,
God, I just want everything to be fucking normal.
I'm just getting to a point of,
which I've been at every month and every day,
but like it's just reaching like another point of like,
oh my God, I just want this to end.
I do feel like even if there's a vaccine,
even if the vaccine comes soon and everything works out,
I still feel like I will wear a mask on a plane.
Well, that's the...
I feel like there's certain situations...
No, people were saying like, you know, Lauren, you know this when you go to Japan.
Good, Lauren.
You know this.
Everyone...
You're a stranger to this.
Probably...
You feel that you wear a mask in Japan.
Probably half the people on every subway are wearing masks, right?
Yeah.
And like, they think that we'll get there in the United States of like, okay, yeah, even if
a vaccine is 90% effective, still, like, why don't we, now that we've normalized masks,
why don't we wear them when we're...
Absolutely worked on me.
Like, I used to see, when I would see people that were wearing masks, I didn't quite, before
all this happened, it was like, I don't quite get that, why that is a cultural thing. And now I do.
Well, yeah. I mean, in Japan, it was like, I was kind of like, well, there's not a pandemic
going on. Why are they wearing masks? And I looked it up and it was just like, once they
got normalized, people just figured like, why not?
Well, and if you have a cold, you should wear it.
Yeah, exactly.
Also, I bought all these fucking masks.
Yes. But I was reading about the fashion model who wore the mask as well.
And like, because she was hiding her face, they were all intrigued.
Like, what's behind that mask?
And she got famous because she was...
The front of her face?
Yes.
The front half of her head.
And she became famous for that and then what?
She revealed it and she was like,
Oh, no!
Go away, go away, go away!
What?
We were making ugly faces.
Also, I don't know what you're talking about,
the fashion model who wore a mask.
Well, I was trying to...
Thank you.
I was trying to say it in as few words
without being interrupted,
and so maybe something got lost in the transfer.
Oh my god.
At the port, baby.
Oh, he got it in there.
Every story needs to be...
The beginnings and endings need to be cut off.
Why are you fighting against what's natural?
You're right.
What was this?
I don't know what this is.
No, there's a Japanese fashion model.
Oh, really?
Jesus Christ.
You know what I like about fashion models is...
The Japanese.
Paul, Christmas memories.
Any random one we haven't talked about. What's something you got? any random one we haven't talked about?
What's something you got?
Any random one we haven't talked about?
What's something you and Janie do on Christmas?
You and Janie do...
Well, we always would go to South Carolina to be with Janie's mom-mom.
Can I mention something, unless you have more to talk about with South Carolina?
I think you'd go.
Nope. That was it. Great. You were going to trail off? Can I mention something unless you have more to talk about with I think you go? No
You're gonna trail off. I was gonna not I planned on trailing off. I did it mission accomplished
I was not gonna mention something. I do I was gonna mention something you do oh shit
Which is the Nicholas Nicolby which we came over to a couple years ago. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes
This is this is a little
download traditional the download that I have because you want to share it or you scared no, I'll share it because it's not
I am a coward but unrelated unrelated an idiot a coward but an idiot a coward
good person
I
my favorite piece of entertainment art,
whatever you want to call it that's ever existed,
is the Royal Shakespeare Company's 1982 production
of the Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nicolby
by Charles Dickens.
It is an all day play.
It's eight hours.
And-
I remember when I went to see that all day play.
Yeah.
I loved it.
We saw like a six hour play.
It's like nothing could ever happen again. It's called, hold on, actually. I remember when we went to see that all day play. Yeah. We saw like a six hour play, which was the...
It's called the...
It's called, hold on, it actually...
It starts with an I.
It starts with an I.
It starts with an I.
It starts with an I.
Not the invitation.
It was great.
It was just nominated for Tonys, right?
Come on, people!
It was based on Howard's end.
I can look at that.
But didn't it close down?
Well, everything closed down.
But I mean, before that, I think it weirdly stopped early.
No.
Why can't we think of the name of it?
I'm dying that I can't think of it.
I know it.
They said it throughout the play.
They said the title.
I sat there for six hours and then
talked about it for many months.
We're in the...
OK, I'm looking it up.
But go on.
But did I tell you, by the way, that I saw it when I was maybe
12 when did it come out, by the way, that I saw it when I was maybe 12, when did it come out?
82-ish or so?
82?
Yeah.
I saw, my father occasionally would do something where he'd be like, stop watching happy days
or whatever, turn on something good.
And I remember once was Mutiny on the Bounty.
And each time I liked it.
Each time I liked whatever he turned it on.
But I remember he was like, turn on PBS instead.
And Nicholas Nicolby was on and I think I came into it like
20 minutes late or whatever and was immediately
And did not and I didn't and did not realize it was an eight-hour thing
Like when you go into Nicholas Nicolby not knowing how long it is. It's like this is still going on
Yeah, you come out with a big long beard. Mm-hmm. I
It's like this is still going on. Yeah, you come out with a big long beard.
Mm-hmm.
I...
The inheritance was so good.
The inheritance was great.
It was great.
I saw Nicholas Nickel Be on TV when they put it on TV and when PBS put it on.
And I loved it ever since.
And then I bought a...
I bought it on disc.
Four discs set in the late 90s or something.
Wow.
And then a few years ago, I started this,
I don't know, it was not meant to be a tradition,
but it became a tradition where I said,
I'm gonna watch this, this is gonna be a whole day.
And I invited a couple people over
that I thought would be,
that this would be up their alley.
And it turns out it was not up the alley of all of them.
There were only two people that stayed.
And so the next year-
We didn't stay the whole time, did we?
No, but you were not the first year.
Okay.
Then, so I would try different people.
There were two people that would go every year
and watch the entire thing, which to me was weird.
Because in my mind, I was like,
well, I'm not opposed to doing this every year, but I would imagine it would be new people right do it
Cuz why I it never occurred to me that there would be other people who'd want to watch it in its entirety
Every year right so you thought people would come and go or it'd be different people every single year
They're just different people, but they watch the whole thing. Yeah, they watch what we'd spend the day together.
Like I said, this is what we're doing.
This is what it is.
We're watching the entire thing start to finish.
We're not taking, we're not really taking breaks.
Like in between, we'll have food in between the,
the discs you can, you know, well,
obviously you can get up and get something
while it's happening.
You can only get up when the disc changes.
If you have to go to the bathroom, hold it.
Look, this is my idea of fun.
It has a lot of strict rules.
And so, yeah, so I've been doing it for, I think,
five years now, something like that.
And it's really, I love it.
This year, it'll just be, this year,
I don't know if I'm gonna do it
because it would just be me and Janie.
Yeah. And so I don't know if it really
will feel the same. And how does Janie feel about it each year? She likes it. She
always she falls asleep at a different part each year. I think the year we were
there I fell asleep at some point I can't remember what. Which I look. We have a
fire going. There's a fire there's drinks. Yes. It's an exhausting time of year.
And I'm like prime Nick listen I'm a guy who loved it when it came out. There's a fire, there's drinks, it's an exhausting time of year.
And I'm like prime Nicholas, I'm a guy who loved it when it came out.
Absolutely.
And I still fell asleep.
You fell asleep and you left because you said your back was hurting.
Oh, that's right.
I think I, knowing me, because we're going to put the decorations up, it's going to
feel Christmas-y, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Right.
Well, another Christmas tradition that we started last year that we
won't get to do this year was going to the primary place. The Tamer Shantar. Tamer Shantar.
And Lauren, you weren't with us. I wasn't there, but I thought I'd be there this year, but here
we go. And it was great last year. There were only eight of us. There's a group of 10 of
us who do things together. And there were only eight of us because Lauren and Mike couldn't
be there. But it's this wonderful prime rib restaurant and they have carolers wandering
throughout and they take requests and we, it was all these old like hymns almost for
Christmas songs they were singing and I think...
Well, based on the requests.
Yes, based on the request but we were like, let's jazz this place up a little bit.
But wasn't it Jessica who was like, do you know,
do you know, Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You?
And they were thrilled that they finally got to sing it.
And they did it.
That's funny that no one ever asked them
to do something fun.
They did an incredible acapella version of it,
and the soloist was amazing.
It was so much fun.
And Jessica was loving it.
Jessica was loving it.
We were all loving it.
And it's so fun.
And I've been looking forward to it ever since then.
And we're not going to be able to do it.
But that's, you know, let's stay safe.
You know, I end up going to that restaurant a Christmas time.
I typically end up going to that restaurant several times.
Sounds great.
Because I have various traditions.
My friend Scott Carter and I have been going there forever.
That's Dot Carter.
What?
That's a Jay-Z song.
All right.
And we have been doing that for years.
Then I started going with Super Ego.
My friends in Super Ego, we started like a Christmas tradition.
That's Dot Ego.
Ego.
Look, you got me.
I'm picking up to admit it.
You got me on that one.
Thank you.
And then we started a new tradition, which immediately was snuffed out.
Yeah.
And then I'll just go there with other various friends.
I love it.
Me and Jessica share that, where we will go multiple times.
Yeah.
Throughout that, throughout the season.
Well, that's,'s you know that was a
My my other Christmas tradition that I'm bummed about and I thought of it the other day I was like oh man is and it sounds so stupid, but it's going to eat a leak. I can't wait
It's it's going to eat a leaf a century stupider than I thought City Mall and then
Going what do you get?
We got a pizza. It's not even about what we get,
I just love wandering around that mall and Eataly,
in particular with like all the market elements of it.
I know, I'm so sad.
And then we go to the AMC theater next door
and see whatever is in the big loud theater.
And it's been.
Oh, the one where you can yell?
Yeah.
It's usually Rocky Orbit Picture Show.
It's like a mommy and me with no kids.
It's great.
But the lights are all up.
One year it was Spider-Verse, last year it was Star Wars,
which is really bad, but sorry.
Ah!
And...
That's my favorite...
Apologizing to Lord. My favorite franchise. I'm apologizing to Lord.
My favorite franchise.
But that's just like a fun...
And we did it the first year because we always wanted to go to Italy, but it was from our
place to Century City, the traffic is really bad, but not right before Christmas.
And so it was like, boom, we're there in 20 minutes.
It was amazing.
And so we said, let's do this every year right before Christmas we're not gonna
be able to do it nope and I've never been in Chicago for Christmas I have never
spent one year wow your first non-chicago Christmas wow Laura I'm sorry yeah
it sucks wow I guess I'll be on zoom with my family
Do you and Mike have your own Christmas traditions?
Well, they all take place in Chicago because he's from there too. So his go to Sears Tower
We go to Sears Tower we kiss friend John Hancock go to the bean
We just would have the Cheers bar family traditions with both of our. We've done a couple things like that over the years and
You know, it's just um
It's just different this year. Yeah, and I guess we can get through it
We can get through it
We can get through it my my mom was like it's just a day and I could you know if it came to it and next year
I can travel I would celebrate Christmas in July. You think I wouldn't do that
Australia's don't worry there do it on Netflix I can travel, I would celebrate Christmas in July. You think I wouldn't do that? Hell yeah, go to Australia.
Do it on Netflix.
It just seems like a thing that would be on Netflix.
Well, that could be my next movie.
I'm a IMDB of 100 Christmas movies that I've written.
Yes.
Christmas in July.
It's the way COVID people are celebrating.
How about the fact that Netflix looked at the Hallmark channel and they're like,
you know what, fuck you.
Well, no, because did they buy?
We're gonna start doing this.
Did they buy, like,
because they feel like Hallmark movies.
Absolutely, yeah.
Did they buy the formula?
Did they buy them from some,
like I don't understand how this is happening.
I thought they were running Hallmark movies on Netflix,
but then I think they're just making their own things.
I think they're making them for $2. Yeah. And on Netflix. Yeah. But then I think they're just making their own things. I think they're making them for $2.
Yeah.
Because I mean.
And it shows.
Yeah.
It's all up there on the screen.
I mean, I'll watch it.
I'll watch anything Christmas.
Well, are you guys getting presents
for your significant other?
I haven't.
I mean, yes I will.
But I haven't been thinking about it.
And usually at this time.
It feels like the fun of it is a little.
Yeah. And usually this is like a year. But we need it now more than ever. I'm like, I't been thinking about it. And usually at this time. It feels like the fun of it is a little... Yeah, and usually this thing like,
Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, I'll, and thinking about it
and ordering stuff and sending it and blah, blah, blah.
And I haven't done a single thing.
I haven't done it yet, but I'm going to.
I don't know what, I don't have any ideas.
I don't know what it's gonna be.
I don't have any ideas either.
I don't have any ideas and I feel like,
what does anyone want right now?
Oh, I'm realizing I had an idea.
Oh no, okay, I remember it.
Okay. But like, I like to sometimes get
I'll pick like one for like my aunts and uncles. I'll get them all one thing Wow
I get like a version different version for each person. Do you get do you get them a card that says from your niece?
No, Merry Christmas. Do you get like relationship specific cards for people?
No. Merry Christmas. Do you get like relationship specific cards for people? Um, I do like my right to my grandma.
To your grandma? You're the best grandma. Yeah.
Wow. From a loving niece. It says you're the best grandma.
Goodbye. Inside it's blank. I don't know when it says from your niece.
Well, let's start selling these. This, let's put these on the market this Christmas.
Freedom cards to a wonderful grandma from your niece.
I know I'm just your niece, but I just wanted to tell you you're a great grandma.
I know I'm not.
I know that you're my aunt.
My grandma?
I don't.
By all accounts, you are a great wife.
And it shouldn't stop me from telling you.
Just because it's my relationship to you.
I witness it and I see that you are
a lot of grandma I like a car that says buy all accounts word on the street is I
have no reason to believe otherwise you are a wonderful grandma all right we need
to take a break we'll be right back with a three-year
We're back. I talked over you.
That's okay.
It's unusual.
Why should this be any different?
What a weird thing to say on the show.
I talked over you and you're welcome.
We're back.
That's the one part that's sacred.
Yes.
I need total silence for this.
It is Christmas Eve and we decided to bring a game back, a
three-tier back from last year.
And I think it's one of the only three-tres that has a theme song.
That's right.
Shall we sing it?
Yes, but I don't remember it.
Here it comes.
Christmas Find Out Who Game.
Christmas Find Out Who Game.
Christmas Find Out Who Game.
Christmas Find Out Who Game.
Why? This is... Why?
Why?
It's solely the Christmas Find Out Who Game theme.
Oh, dear, they fart after that song.
So this is a Get to Know You type feature where...
We get to know each other.
We're going to ask these Christmas...
That's a type!
...Christmas-themed questions. Questions? Saying who amongst us is... where we're gonna ask these Christmas themed questions
Questions saying who amongst us is is without sin
We decide and then we throw stones at the person person gets stoned
No, we asked these these Christmas themed questions and we all tried to decide out of the three of us
Christians makes sense for Christmas because it's a crash. Yes
the three of us. Christians make sense for Christmas
because it's a creche.
Yes.
We tried to decide out of the three of us
who is the most likely to be that person.
And we're all gonna write down.
And you don't wanna mean by that person.
That person.
So we're all, and we all.
And be honest.
Who is most likely to be that hoe over there?
It's hot.
So, uh.
What are you pronouncing?
Tot.
You pronounce it tot, not thought.
It's tot. It's tot. Tot. You pronounce it tot, not fought.
It's to hot.
It's to hot.
To hot.
To hot.
To hot.
It is.
Be sure to say that from now on.
To hot.
Um, alright.
So, we all have our notes apps out and we are going to write these down.
Uh, I'm titling mine Christmas Find Out.
Oh, wait.
Let me skip past these apologies.
Oh, game.
All your notes you've written to post. Yeah. Just in case things from your past these apologies. Ooh, game. Ooh, game. All your notes you've written to post.
Yeah.
Just in case things from your past come up.
This shit's gonna come out eventually.
Sure.
All right, are we ready for question number one?
No. Yes.
I'm gonna say it anyway as dead air is sorry
There's some of the podcast you could say other things too. I think you could just say it
What there's a weird what?
Somehow the weird table got added into my note and I table yes
What does that mean? You know like a table in a document?
Hmm not a dining room table
No, that's what I mean.
Someone put it in a table.
And it's a dining room table.
It's my notepad.
Can you read the question before I go absolutely batshit?
All right.
Who amongst us has never had a white Christmas?
Go on.
Paul, are you ready?
Yeah, bitch.
Jeez.
You're so unready for a long time.
I know, right?
Turn around.
Who has celebrated Christmas in another country?
Okay.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
Who has returned a gift she or he received last Christmas?
Hmm.
Okay.
Who has seen a real live reindeer?
Who has seen a real live reindeer?
Question about this game.
Yep.
Is it good?
It's unrelated to any of these questions, but are we including ourselves?
Yes.
Okay.
So Lauren has seen a real live reindeer.
I'm going to change my answer.
I said it was unrelated to any of these questions.
Oh really, was it?
Yes. Okay.
But for some reason, the very last question
prompted me to ask this.
Who believed in Santa Claus until she or he was 10 years old?
Hmm.
Question six.
Who has...
Oh, and we know the answer to this.
Who has all of his or her Christmas shopping done?
We all previously just said we hadn't even started.
Who has been to Bethlehem? Question eight, who went Christmas caroling last year?
Question nine, who has peaked, and they spelled it wrong, who has peaked at a present?
Who has peaked, first of all?
You peaked at a present.
No, who's just peaked?
You P-E-A-K-E-ed at a present. No, who's who's just peaked? Akeady at a present. No, who's peaked at a present before Christmas?
And question 10, who still gets hold on a second. I only have eight.
That's a problem.
Um, but there were two where I thought nobody would have it. And so you just say nobody?
Wait a minute, now I'm all fucked up.
Yeah.
Which one did you miss?
No, no, no, before we, read the 10th one,
and then when you read the questions, you'll just know who you...
10th is who still gets their own stocking filled each year?
Ooh la la.
Okay. All right. We are going to go back to question number one.
Paul, this is who never had a white Christmas?
Who has never had a white Christmas?
Did you answer that one?
I did answer that.
Should we just go through and then I'll catch up?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
So.
And I'll answer first so that it's...
Okay. I'm not influenced. Okay.
I'm going to say Scott has never had a white Christmas
of the three of us.
I also say Scott.
I said me, even though I have had a white Christmas.
Oh my heavens, this is all the games played.
And where were you?
I was in Arizona, where my parents used to live.
Of all places.
And up in the mountains in Arizona.
And yeah, they they usually it's a
white Christmas and it was beautiful and then last year it started snowing here
in our place. In your home? In my home no. In LA? Yeah in LA on Christmas day
literally the snowflake started coming down now it didn't cover anything and
they melted immediately but but no in Arizona I had like a complete like everything white. That's wonderful. It was... Oh my god, you've had
that experience. And I figured that the both of you have because you're from... Oh, plenty of times.
And when it's not a way Christmas, it's very disappointing. Really? Yeah. When it's a gray
melted Christmas. Which is bitterly cold. Yeah. But would it always snow in Philadelphia?
It's always sunny?
It snows every year in Philadelphia,
but it's not necessarily on Christmas.
So there's never been a year that it never snowed?
What?
For the entirety of winter?
Can we keep going?
All right.
Number two, who has celebrated Christmas in another country? I
Said Scott so did I I
Said me too because I did great. We're all right. Yes, where were you? I was in
Either Tokyo or Kyoto. I can't remember no Kyoto was
Kyoto was New Year's Eve, so I must have been in Tokyo. Yeah, man. I wish you could do that right now
I hate everything man. Oh, I meant to say I was thinking about this earlier in the show in
February I think right before all this stuff happened
We were looking I heard a sting song the other day and it made me
So I heard this sting song from his musical that he wrote and I remembered in February
He was at the Pantages
They were putting on his musical and he was the person singing in it right and I was like cool
Up should we go to this? It's like what a weird thing to like see see sing his own musical
And then we just ended up going like nah forget it in February
Yeah, what I would kill
to see Sting sing in his own musical now.
We went from the Pantages to the Contagious.
We'll be right back.
We will.
Okay, number three,
who's returned a gift that they received last Christmas?
This was tough and I just said Lauren.
I said Lauren as well.
I said Lauren as well. I said Lauren as well.
And I did.
Wasn't so tough after all?
Yep.
What?
Hello, hello, my name is Jimmy Fallon.
Welcome to the Auditions for Trone Productions Inc.
No.
Stop.
Remember we're looking for the stars.
I don't want it.
Why is he doing an English accent when he's saying he's himself?
I do a series of commercials. So thanks for coming.
Stop, please. Just turn it off.
That's cute. Why are you so excited?
He's going to do other voices. Time for Volta.
Who are the screaming people?
She's like, swear to God, I mean, like, I can't believe you guys are trying to steal these things, right?
I mean, like, who does his hair?
I mean, like, his hair's so frizzy, I mean, like, you guys... I can mean, like his hat's so frizzy,
I mean, like you guys-
I can't be a daddy, no more,
you're monsters, I'm just a big kid.
I mean, I don't know how you guys
expect to sell these things, look us through it, right?
Hoo-hoo.
All right, thank you, Lauren.
We sat through it.
Merry Christmas, that's our gift to you.
John Travolta laugh.
Hoo-hoo-hoo.
All right, who has seen a real live reindeer?
Which, what number is this?
This is four.
Who has seen a real live reindeer?
I, for some reason, said Lauren.
I said for some reason, Lauren.
Me too.
And I have.
Where?
Where?
At some sort of, you know.
Reindeer party.
Event.
Reindeer factory.
Where it's like you can get cider and see a reindeer, you know, that kind of thing.
Can I say we won year during Christmas.
I used to love, I used to live in Toluca Lake and they have a parade every year.
Or they would.
But they have a Christmas parade every year. And it's like at the beginning of December and like they close off the streets and you
know they have floats and people you know doing dances and everything.
It was just like on the street that I lived on.
And they close all the businesses but the businesses like that remain open give away
free stuff like cookies or stuff like that.
It's so great.
And I would get the date wrong every year and I would forget about it some years.
You'd be doing a parade on like the wrong day and no one was there.
It's rolling around.
It's rolling around the street.
But I went with a big, the most fun year is I went with a group of like 15 people and
we just like went, walked down the street, saw the parade, went in all these places and we went to get um, Cider in this one place and um, I'm not
going to name drop and say who it was, but a very famous person we were with.
Santa Claus.
Got the, it was Santa Claus and he was like ho ho ho.
Okay.
Green Giant.
It was the Green Giant.
Um, and uh, no he, he got the Cider and cider and he turned to me and he said, you know what?
This cider house rules.
And I thought it was so funny.
It was John Irving.
Yeah.
It was impersonating Owen Meany auditioning for the trolls.
Okay.
Okay.
Who?
What number?
Five.
Five.
Who believed in Santa Claus until they were 10 years old?
I don't think this is true, but I said me. I also don't think it was true, but I said me.
I don't think it was true, but I said Lord as well. I had the spirit. I knew I knew it wasn't
at that point. It had been ruined for me in second grade, but I 10 is too old. But I,
but my mom still wanted me to believe it when I was 10. Really at 10 still?
I remember it being six or seven because I was in my old house
that we moved out of when I was eight.
So I remember distinctly like where I was
in the kitchen and all that.
For me, I think it was a,
it was like a I figured it out kind of thing.
I figured it out.
Where it just gradually drifted,
it just sort of receded, you know what I mean?
Where it was not like,
I don't remember having a moment of reveal I mean? Where it was not like,
I don't remember having a moment of reveal.
Where it was like, oh my God, this has been fake.
Like a gender reveal party.
And then it was a whole Santa non reveal party.
I think my mom had an upset phone call.
Santa non reveal party.
So someone told me in school and then my mom
was really upset and I think she called the mom of the person.
What?
Come on.
I was like seven or eight.
Come on. What kid? I person. What? Come on. I was like seven or eight. Come on.
Fuckin' don't call.
What kid?
I love stories of, come on.
I think that happened.
I love stories of siblings who don't spoil it
for the younger siblings.
Yes.
I think that's wonderful.
It's so cute.
Yeah.
I have a couple friends and they are a couple
who have kids and they,
their oldest ask them.
They're oldest ask them, you know,
is Santa Claus real and tell me the truth?
And they were like, I guess we get,
he wants, he says he wants the truth.
I guess we got to tell him the truth.
And he was old enough where it was like,
yeah, this is really a good find out.
And he, and so they told him,
and he like had to go to his room and he cried for a bit.
And then he came back out and he said,
I'm okay, I'm okay.
And then he was like really,
he was worried about him.
But they, and they said, now you can help us, you know, with the younger kids.
Oh, that's nice.
You know, and he was like, great, okay,
I wanna do that, I wanna do that.
And now you're on our side.
Yeah, I thought that was really sweet.
Now you're a double agent.
I love it.
The father, the guy who was my friend, said when he found...
I thought your friends were both.
When he found out, he said to his,
he was livid when his parents told him,
and he said to us, he was livid when his parents told him, and he said to them,
you made a fool of me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You made a fool of me.
To all my friends.
I'm such a weird.
Here I am.
Such a weird grown-up reaction.
Oh, I love it.
Okay, number six,
who has all of their Christmas shopping done?
Despite what we've all just said, I said me.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Despite her just saying minutes earlier she hadn't,
I said Lauren.
I said none.
Okay, that makes sense.
All right. Your third way.
Who has been to Bethlehem?
Who amongst us has been to Bethlehem? Whom amongst us has been to Bethlehem?
Oh, okay, I see what happened.
I say Scott.
I said none.
I said Lauren, because Lauren does a lot of traveling.
But no, not to Bethlehem.
No, I've never been to Bethlehem.
So no one.
All right, but interesting.
Who went Christmas caroling last year?
Last year.
This is question number eight.
I said Scott.
I said Paul.
I said Lauren.
Well, I certainly didn't, but I could imagine.
What an O'Henry.
Paul doing some sort of Christmas singing in a show.
Is that true?
It's true that that is something that I would do,
but I did not do it.
Caroling. You know what? That's not true.
I was part of a Christmas show last year.
That's not true. Oh, there we go.
That's also not true.
And that's why I was right.
But Caroling does have to be house to house.
Yes, that's Caroling.
That's just.
Not just singing a Christmas Carol.
Yeah. The fuck is going on with this?
Okay, next.
Okay, next is who has peaked at a present before Christmas?
I said, oh.
We've forgotten so soon.
I said Lauren.
I said Scott.
I said Scott because I have.
You're a little sweet.
I have never done that on purpose.
I hate ruining surprises.
Oh really?
For some weird reason,
I used to search my parents' closets
for Christmas presents to know what was going on,
maybe to-
With their marriage?
I don't know, to mitigate like a bad reaction
if I didn't like it or, no, I was just a snoop.
I just wanted to know.
I remember one year doing that.
Like, I remember not searching that hard and finding warm. I remember not year doing that, like, I remember not, like, not searching that hard and finding
warm.
I remember not searching that hard.
When you, when you, and you found them.
And we found them, yeah.
And so, like, they, me and my little brother very carefully, like, peeling the tape off
the, oh, they, they weren't, they weren't wrapped.
They were when I, when I, they were just like, this was a month before Christmas.
This shit was wrapped and we...
Wow, that's a wrap.
...sereptitiously looked.
That was a wrap.
And that's what we got was wraps.
They were chicken wraps.
And they were...
Whoa.
By the time we opened the Christmas Day.
Oh, no.
We ate them anyway.
We all went to the emergency room.
I remember very distinctly finding a ventriloquist dummy that I got one year.
Yes. That's crazy. I wanted a ventriloquist dummy. What got one year. Yes, I wanted a ventriloquist dummy.
Which one was it?
That I believe.
Are there only eight or?
Well, no, I remember in the Sears catalog, there were specific ones.
You may have had a Danny Mahoney.
Probably, yeah, yeah.
Wow.
No, you know that's interesting because Paul and I probably got a lot of shopping done through the Sears catalog
That's where the majority. Yeah, the way it was always Star Wars stuff
I remember when the Sears catalog would come and it would be like all the Star Wars toys are there
God damn. I loved that. That was so exciting. Oh, I got the Millennium Falcon one year. Ooh, la la that was probably the best
Probably the best. Hula la!
Oh, millennium.
The millennium falcon, hula la!
Bad Christmas presents, or Christmas presents
that I wanted that I felt disappointed by.
I remember there was a Spider-Man
that was about 12 feet tall that like would climb.
12 feet tall?
Sorry, not interested.
It was two of me.
It was two social distances.
It was a sixth of me that could climb up things, like motorized climbing up things.
I remember that guy, yeah.
You remember that guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I tell you, once, like, an hour into it, there's nothing to do with him.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's all he does, right?
That's all he does.
Yeah.
It was, ah, man.
We got to stretch our arms strong one year.
It was the same thing. We were like, okay, well, we've pulled him in in every direction. Well, the next step is pulling him to leave breaks and seeing what's inside
Here's our step was we threw him out the window
So he would land in the snow and make a hole like a cartoon. That's fun
And he did and then we forgot about him and then we discovered him in the spring. He was all cracked
Yeah, oh Laura Lauren you ever get a bad Christmas present?
Or not a bad one, but like one that you were just like.
Oh, one that was not living up to what it was supposed to be.
Ah, you know, I really, nothing's coming to mind as like,
I thought this would be this, and then it wasn't.
I got a lot of fun things, you know.
One thing I really loved was getting an American Girl doll.
That was a very big deal.
Oh.
Did you ever go to the store at the Grove?
I have been to the store at the Grove. That place is nuts. Like you walk in and it looks like a normal store
Yeah, like all the stores at the Grove like the Apple Store or whatever. Cool. I think we talked about this.
I think it... yeah, well you go there for tea.
Well, we went just because I'd never been in it. I was like what?
Well, he went to tea with his ventriloquist dummy, it's the only place where it's a lot of...
I wanted to find him a date!
Hey guys, is this cool if we can bring it outside dolls?
That would be so fucking cool.
No, it would be a doll.
No, but when I was a kid it was all on a catalog and there were only four or five dolls to
choose from from different decades and I ended up getting two over the years but when but when I got too old for it is when they started doing
the ones where it looked like you,
and you couldn't make it really specific,
and then they had cool clothes for now, and blah, blah, blah.
I love it.
Did yours have a name, like a pre-provided name?
Yes, Samantha Parkington.
She was from 1904, and she was Victorian,
and she was from a wealthy family,
and she was really pretty, and she had brown hair. hair and then I also got I later got Kirsten who was the I guess
It's Kirsten, but I always said Kirsten and she used the
Swedish doll from the 1890s probably and she
was a very traditional
Swedish clothing and
I love them both.
And I saved up, I saved up $100 over a period of time
of many holidays.
How many dollars at a time?
I don't know how many I got at a time,
but I saved up $100 and I bought a handmade bunk bed
from a store in my town that would make doll clothes
and furniture for that fit American Girl Dolls.
Wow.
It wasn't actually American Girl dolls. That's absolutely expensive.
Well, I went into that store and and it it looks like just a normal-sized store
and then it just keeps going like up and up and up and they have a hospital where
you bring your doll. My dad sent my doll to the hospital once but back in the day
you had to send it in the mail you they because there were no stores right and so
I sent it and then it came back fixed and it had a balloon and a hospital gown
and it was so fun.
Whoa.
Well, I just kept going.
There's room after room after room and then suddenly there's a theater there and it's
like a, it seats a hundred people or something like that.
I knew a girl who was in...
All through the lives.
Wait, you just reminded me.
When I was a kid, a girl I knew from school was she played Addie in one of those
short for Adderall
But that was really exciting and I want to see it you went to see the movie or you went see her filming the movie
No, that was like the closest thing I'd ever gotten to seeing someone in something are basically American girl dolls
They're like cabbage patch kids. So that was my generation. We are not I never had one
That was my generation. We are not, I never had one. But we, that was my generation.
We were searching for them.
I had a Cabbage Patch Kid.
Oh, you did?
But they're more, this is more refined.
Realistic and yeah.
Glacier.
Details and accessories.
All these fucking details on this thing.
Look, here you go.
Wait, wasn't there another question on that game?
The what?
I don't think you read the last question.
No, I didn't.
Oh, okay. Cause this is part of the game as we get off topic and we talk about things. So most detours we've taken in a game. The what? I don't think you read the last question. No, I didn't. Because this is part of the game as we get off topic and we talk about things.
The most detours we've taken in a game.
Last question.
Who still...
I gave you my heart.
The very next question.
I gave you my heart.
I gave you my heart.
I gave you my heart.
Let's segue into careless whisper for my grandma.
Four one out.
I'm assuming.
Last question.
That may have been the funeral I wore the white to. Grandma. Four one out. I'm assuming.
Last question, that may have been the funeral
I wore the white to.
Okay.
Promise me one thing, you can never wear white
to my funeral.
Oh boy.
Who gets their own stocking filled each year?
Who gets their own?
Who gets their stocking,
who gets their Christmas stocking filled every year?
Oh, okay.
Instead of filling like a kid's stocking.
Right, right, right.
I'm gonna say me.
I'm gonna say me.
I'm gonna say me.
I guess we all do.
We all do, it's fun.
Yay!
We only started doing that.
Oh, because my mother-in-law and...
The old battleaxe.
Brother and sister-in-law came,
that old battleaxe that I loved really. The sister-in-law and brother and sister-in-law came,
that old battle ax that I loved really.
They spent Christmas with us a couple years ago
and I was like, I'm gonna get stockings
because we never have done that before.
And now it stays.
I love it.
But now I have to do it all in LA.
I usually have a whole plan in Chicago.
So I gotta figure all these things out.
Yeah.
Well, that was Christmas Find Out Who game.
By the way, if we're talking stats,
I never guessed Paul for anything.
It's true.
Wow, that's really hurtful.
Yeah, I don't know why.
I just felt like Lauren for most of it because...
He for the C.
Mm-hmm.
All right, well, it was great.
Let's close it up.
How about one that has a beautiful Christmas...
Christmas Find Out Who game.
Christmas Find Out Who game.
Christmas Find Out Who game. Christmas Find Out Who Game! Christmas Find Out Who Game!
Christmas Find Out Who Game!
I hope everyone has a great Christmas tomorrow.
Even if you don't celebrate,
I hope that the day of December 25th is beautiful.
And...
Should we sing a Christmas hymn or carol here?
Like what would we sing if we were coming to someone's house
out on their doorstep Christmas caroling?
Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright, round yon virgin, mother and child, Holy Infant so tender and mild, Sleep in heavenly peace.
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Happy New Year.
Happy holiday season to you all.
We'll see you next week for the new year.
Great. Can you imagine?
Can you imagine us hearing us next week?
It's gonna be 2021 and everything's gonna be fine.
Well, next week is New Year's Eve.
Great.
Great.
It's too early for that.
We'll see you next year.
Oh, about it.
Next episode.
On the next episode.
Let's sing the next episode.
If it's on New Year's Eve, it's not too early in the game.
Smoke weed everyday.
This is December's first year.
Bye. Bye. Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.