Threedom - Threevisiting: Round Is Part Of Science

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss Siskel & Ebert, stalagmites & stalactites, and drinking at home, then play Secret Word. Follow us on social media @threedomusa. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).

3D! 3D! 1, 2, 3D! Oh, I didn't realize you guys were terrible at damning during it! Oh, you did a dabble, too, yeah! Tonight I'll anger bargaining. I didn't. What is it? I got a real question for you guys. I got a real question for you guys Tonight I'll anger bargaining. I didn't. What is it?

I got a real question for you guys. What's it getting? I got a real question for you guys. What's it gonna take for me to get you into a pair of cracks? Oh. Oh. The Crocs tails. What's it gonna take for me to get you

walking out of here on the line of air shoe you've ever felt by the end of the day? Come on. We're just looking. Sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, right. I put on one. Oh wait, wait, wait. No. No. You put on the right and I'll put on the left. Put on one.

That's right. Because we're in the middle, we have a three-legged race. We're in the middle of a divorce. Perfect, perfect, perfect. No. Do you know I did buy Crocs for a cake boss costume? And? I could not believe how comfortable it is.

This is the thing I'm about to buy them because Nicole buyer is obsessed. And she just told me right now, most comfortable parachute, I own no big. Really? Yeah. We should be sponsored by Crocs. Most comfortable parachute I own. When I put on the Crocs, I feel like I'm walking

on the clouds literally. I think I think. I think I see myself in the sky. When I put on the clock, I feel like I'm walking on a little, a little marshmallow. When I put on the clock, I feel like I'm walking on a little bit. I thought they were just like a rock, I feel like I have a little little little gravel.

I thought they were just like a hard plastic shoe. Like, are they comfortable? Oh, and she is size! There's a machine. There's a machine. There's a machine. Can't fail to these crocs, baby. This is it, because here's the other thing.

We're not going anywhere. We're not seeing anybody. No, I wear sand as everyday now. What's preventing us from doing it? Just the humiliation? Sure. Her. I guess our as everyday now. What's preventing us from doing it? Just the humiliation? Sure cares. I guess our spouse is. I'll get him and those crocs in a second.

I don't like to do the face. I don't want to see the face. That's a reference to this boy's life. Oh, I liked quoting you quoting it. It's not opening yet, you. Did you all remember anything about it? I'm not opening yet. You lined up.

I see a royal grande six. Why am I the first person in line? Why opening day? Why do you remember, why my first person in line why opening day? Did you why do you remember why do you care? What is I remember where I saw every movie? Uh every movie is that you're like special like photo graphic yeah no one cares and and and my wife tests me on it she goes what about this movie and I tell her and she goes okay okay, it's like boring. But for some reason, the theatrical experience, who wouldn't take your word for it?

I remember, I'm gonna challenge that. I remember if I saw something in theaters, like if I watch a movie, yeah, I saw it in the news, but I don't remember, it was opening night, it was October 2, 2003, you know. I actually don't think it was opening night because at the time I was in theater school and probably could have only seen it on a weekend or a Monday.

So it was probably a Saturday, but a opening weekend. Oh my God. I see why Kool-Op gives up. Yep. Hi everyone, I'm Scott Ocarvin. Hi everybody, I'm Paul Evtomkin. Hi everybody, I'm Lauren Lapke. This is three of them of course.

Yes Paul, you were going to say. Yesterday I was on set. I was on set only yesterday, but it feels like it was two days ago. What did that were true? It was a long day and I still feel like it's going on. Yeah, I woke up at 5.30 AM and went to sleep at 2.30. Oh, no, that's by my mouth.

That's three hours of sleep. It's not, no. Oh, meaning you were up until 2.30. That's three hours of sleep. It's not no. Oh Meaning you were up until two three last time. Oh, when did you go to bed the previous night? That's what I'm interested. The previous night I took a little sleep gummy. Oh Sleep gummy CBD gummies T a no T. I guess they're T. Stop saying or T. No, T. I guess they're T. Stop saying letters. C. H. X. One, one, three, eight, got me. Godless. I will have a teeny bite of one of those and I'm like,

a fucking stone out of my gourd. I don't know. It's over. I don't have trouble getting to sleep. I have trouble because I just wake up after, I wake up at like five a.m. no matter what. Like last night I was up really late because for whatever reason, who knows? Well crying, right? And crying.

And so I was up till like 1215, that's late for me. And yeah, cause we were texting as a group. You're a yeah. And and cool upset it was like you haven't been the latest I've ever stayed up. Yeah. And I still woke up at 430 and then I was like, no, let me get back to sleep.

430, yeah. And then 530, pretty much. So I 430, yeah. And then 530 pretty much. And then 630. And then 730. All the 30s kept hitting snooze. I usually those things will like, they're good for helping you go to sleep, which. Oh, the fuck to sleep. Go the fuck.

My favorite book. But I was, I had the feeling of, I, it wasn't, I couldn't sleep. I think I always have trouble sleeping before an early call. Oh yeah, I'm so anxious about missing. About being bad in the show. And I'm like, how do I act? Oh, mommy. But I, so I had the feeling of being mildly high

and not also anxious. Like being sleepy, but not falling asleep, which was more of a bad name. Yeah. So wait, so you got to set, let's break this down. There was a film buff that was on the set. One of the people I was working with was mentioning, was referencing a lot of films, mentioning films,

and it was. Did it remind you of my character from comedy bang, many last time? That was more than that was so funny. Oh, thanks, I think it's going into the murder. I was such a great character. Oh, I think comedy bang bang? That was Lauren. That was so funny. Oh, thanks. I think it's going into murder. Oh, I think no, it was great. No, this is somebody who never cared about you.

I never cared about you. It was not the person was not being annoying. It was just when they would reference these films, they would ask, they would like, we would talk about movies. And I realized, oh, I have seen that movie. I don't remember anything about it. Yeah, absolutely. I know I seen that movie. I don't remember anything about it. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I know I saw that movie. I think I'm like that too. I don't remember. This boy's life, I remember Leota Caprio suddenly like being older in the middle of it. That was

very striking. What's the movie about? It's about a guy with an abusive stepfather. It's a, yeah, it was based on a memoir written by Tobias Wolfe Who's a who's a well-known author and a wolf But he doesn't play that like it's amazing. It's crazy how he types. Yeah, he built a special Cool, it's like those cars for little people. Well, what's fascinating about it is that he created a typewriter that has four big Pots. Yes, and he puts them in the back. But just based on the angle with which he touches it, it actually takes different words. Well, it's like a pad, it's like one pad

contains like a fourth of all the known words. And he just has to keep it until he gets to the one he works. It's like diving bell. It's like diving bell. It's like diving bell. It's like diving bell with a T9. Terminator 9. That's all I can think about. That was 991 before the two levels.

I didn't have to nine movies yet, Terminator. They have. Terminator. Terminator 2. Terminator 3. Why was it called Terminator 2? Now I'm back. Yeah.

Well, that was probably the tagline. Terminator is back. I am back. Yeah, well, that was probably the tagline. Terminator 2. He's back. I am back. I am, I bet you $1 million that the tagline was, he's back. Yeah, all right, I'll Google it. Do you know there are certain things? I would love to take a million dollars for you. I'm like, ha ha ha. So you accept the bet.

Oh yeah, well, no, I'm not betting a million dollars that he did say. Oh, just I have to give it to you. Oh, that's one of those bets where you have different, completely different terms. Yeah, I just don't bet anything. And you bet. I'm good. If I'm wrong, I'm just wrong. If you're wrong, you owe me a million dollars.

It's worth it to me. The tagline is, and you're not going to like this, this time there are two. But that might be an Argentina, hold on. Oh, it's the Arctic. In America, it's nothing personal. this time there are two. But that might be an Argentina hold on. No, it's the American. It's nothing personal. It's nothing personal. What?

Was the first one personal or something? Were people in danger of taking the Terminator personally? I do. By the way, that's the antithesis of every of the stakes in any movie, like this time it's personal. That was the Jaws 3, right? That was the Jaws 3D. Yeah.

Jaws was doing something personal. Oh, Jaws 4 was the one where it was about the Jaws going after her family. Before I saw Jaws 3D in Texas, what? My grandfather let me see. Jaws 3D was not in Texas. It took place on the way.

I saw it in Texas. What? Grandpa, can I please go see go see well okay my my father was sick for a whole year or summer or something so I sick so I spent I spent I spent one year father was rad for over a year so I spent one year of junior high like you spent. What year of junior high? Like couch surfing or not? It wasn't couch surfing. It wasn't couch surfing. It was just like going to different family friends

or relatives and spending a week or two. But on their couch, it's just like, don't try to avoid it. That is what that is, don't. But I do remember in one of those trips, spending it with a church friend, and they had a walkman. Jesus. And I put on headphones for the walkman for the first time,

and I turned on KISS FM, and it played Michael Jackson's Don't Stop, so you get enough. You literally have to bring them up everything. And then I'm like, and it sounded so fucking good. You literally had it in your ear and you went, what is this?

I'd only put on headphones a hero once before Andy does music I'd only put on headphones once before my cousin When I went to go visit my cousin she had like a hi-fi. This is in probably 1980 or 79 and she had like a high-fi system And she goes check this out and she put high-fi system and she goes, check this out. And she put headphones on my ears. And she played Turning to Stone. Garden state much.

I've ever heard this one. But you know how awesome Turning to Stone sounds in the part where it's a, I don't know that song. I don't know that song. Yeah, yellow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I turned to Stone.

The electric light works. Oh! And they had that part where all the instrument dropped out of the gas. I was like, hey, and they're had that power all the And I was like, holy shit, this sounds awesome. I never put on headphones. I maybe feel like I was in I'm mental Put the song on But so I put on these headphones and don't stop talking to get enough was awesome And then I also remember seeing the same elsewhere Season finale there with the snow globe. I'd never seen an episode of the show So you get enough was awesome. And then I also remember seeing the same elsewhere

season finale there with the Snow globe. I'd never seen an episode of the show, but I saw the finale. And now we're just remembering things that you did. Well, I'm telling you, I like everything I remember from this one week that I spent at the place. But you know what, you went black mirror and they did a snow globe

and it was a special edition of Holiday. You didn't download it legally online to watch it. No, I didn't. John Hamm was in it, your friends. John Hamm, it your friends? Oh, I did see that. See. I've seen it twice, but um, okay, but I also saw him root off the Red Nose radio over there. John Ham Stan. Wait, they knew him. Yes, he came over one day. Wow. What did he think of yellow? Paul. What was the first time you put on headphones? What happened? Hello, Paul. What was the first time you put on headphones?

What happened? My point is that I stayed, I don't even remember. Oh, I stayed with my grandfather. He took us to Texas. He took us to the Carl's Bad Caverns for a couple of days. He flew us there in a helicopter because he was a pilot as well as my dad. And we thought the car was pilot.

Oh, I know, he had the gear. He never said that. Yeah, he was a helicopter pilot. He's in Vietnam. He said if you want to pilot, baby, tell me how to call that guy. I'm talking about Vietnam, so you should probably start white rabbit. One bill makes you go.

1967. I want to be a Vietnam. My dad signed up for Helicopter pilot training before he got drafted because he knew everyone was gonna get drafted So he was like if I remember you yeah, yeah, yeah, if I get in early and often I can I can become a pilot instead of just being like an infantry person So he was a pilot he my grandpa was a pilot in World War II. Really?

As was mine. Cool. My dad was just a baby guy in World War II. Wonder if they were buddies. That would be weird if they were buddies. That would be crazy. How do we ever know? We would never know, because we found an old picture.

What if they had a secret affair? Hey, that would be insane. I would love it. So then we basically related, because like if they could, they would have had us as babies. But we went to Carl's back caverns and my grandfather was so tired

or remember him always taking breaks. Oh, I hate these caverns. Yeah, he was so tired of walking around. One point, he was like, you guys just go ahead. I'm just going to stay here. They have still lagged tights and slagged my of course they had both of them. My dear. There's a phrase someone taught me once to remember and I always messed it up. A flag might fall upon you, but a flag tight is fucking tight because it's on the ground. Oh, it's like still like tights. Mike, girl from the ceiling, but they don't.

No. Is that it? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think it's it. I remember reading the the phrase that pays about stillagmites and stalactites when I was seven in a Spider-Man comic. And I always remembered it, but I've forgotten it at this point. Still egg, I'm gonna look it up. Still egg. Look it up.

Mites might be the ones you like. Still egg. Wait, it's all based on what? I like. Yes. Still egg tides. It's a tight squeeze in there. It's like, it's all based on what? I like. Yes. It's a leg tight. It's a tight squeeze.

It's a squeeze as to whether you want to use the leg. It's not. Okay, wait. This is interesting. Oh, finally. Guys, the stakes have been raised on this show. It's about 14 minutes in. We finally did an interesting thing.

And honestly, I think many people will find this exactly not interesting, but I do think it's interesting. The difference, and this isn't really a fun phrase, but it's a thing. The difference is that a stalactite hangs from the ceiling while a stalagmite rises from the floor. A nemonic device popular among school children holds that the C and stalactite stands for ceiling while the G and stalagmite stands for ground.

Another useful one is hang tight. So stalactite scroll from the ceiling. It doesn't feel like either of those are the one that I learned. Hey, can I ask them? They're not, they're not. Why do they have to have different fucking names? You're not coming across them.

They're not coming across them. Yes. It's like, oh, that's true. That looks like this, but up there. I'm sorry. I was like, we're like wandering around in caves all day. I'm sorry, you don't respect geology. I literally have to leave.

I have a leave made a publisher in my home. I literally have to leave. I have a leave-meat-a-hole shirt in my home. I literally love fools, Gold. Whoever gets really upset has to jump in the pool. Oh my God. Oh my God. And swim away. If you get really upset. You have to jump in the pool.

It's the pool. That's the pool. Sorry, if you get really upset, we don't have producer Kevin. Swim away. Yes, swim back around we have the corner. Swim to another body of water somehow. We don't have producer Kevin anymore. He's no longer working on the show. We hate us. Yeah, we have producer Josh who's not here. Who's not here, but we're in our back. We hate him. We hate him. And we ate him. Josh, we don't hate you, but we did eat you.

And we loved you. You're delicious. Hey, taste and lack marshmallow, Crocs. So you stood like the pudding. I thought you said still lag marshmallow. There's still like tights like my still like marshmallow. Still lag mites, might grow from the ceiling, but they don't. That's what it is.

I guess my point was that my grandfather got so tired and didn't want to deal with us that week. We convinced him that we could go see an R rated movie and he just gave up and was like, yeah, I'll just drop you off. Well, we were not allowed. I mean, I was 11 or 12. He's the horrors of war. That's the best. Go see a tid. I don't give a shit. Isn't it the best to go to an R ratedrated movie when you're too young? Oh my God. That's absolutely. When you sneak in. My parents let me see Kujo because they would go see an R-rated movie occasionally and

then deem whether it was okay for us to see and that was just based on violence. So if it was- That was the only thing. That was the only thing. It was violent, it was fine. And the same thing with like- Oh, violent was fine. Yeah, that's not worth it.

I thought you would say that it was violent, but- No, it was violent. If there were sex, it was fine. And the same thing with like, oh, that was fine. Yeah, that's not worth it. I thought you were saying that it was fine. If there were sex, it was bad. What about swear words? Swear words. I think they would get upset at an f word, but I also think you were able to say f words in PG movies at the time, where you could say asshole on Bravo. And I find that pretty shocking.

Who's been saying asshole is everyone? Jane Lynch just said it on Bravo. What? Jane Lynch. On Watch What Happens Live. Who's that brav Andy Cohen? Is he like showing his asshole or something? I guess he just checked this out. It was free to say then because you saw one. No, but I everyone can say asshole on most TV. You can say it on cable like they said shit show on CNN recently. And when Dana Bash said it, she's like, well, we're on cable. We can say this. It's a little impolite, but that debate was a shit show.

Well, it's like, if you're going to give so many caveats to it, I'm like, just don't say it. Yeah. I don't think people go, forgive me for saying this, but I just have to say that really you fuck you. You bitch. What? You just, you already, you already gave yourself enough time to think of different words. I swear because I can't, I'm thinking too fast.

You know, it's like, it's just happening. If I'm giving myself the time, I'm not gonna, or I'm apologizing in advance, I could change the word. Can I tell you something that drives me crazy? And it, and not from a, not from a level of prudery, but Kurt, when people curse so much on like a thing where you're not allowed to curse so much, and there's constant bleeping.

Yeah. It's like no one, that's fine for the studio audience that got to hear that word, but it's irritating to me as a viewer if it's just constant bleeping. It's like, that's like, you're writing it. Come up with a better thing, so I don't have to listen to that fucking noise.

I mean, we would do it on banged it. We were allowed five curse words, never, never what they called the FCC, which was fuck, content, cocksucker. But we were allowed. Cock suckers a little intense. It's a little intense. It's a little intense.

I feel like it could be fun. That would be fun. That would be fun. That would be less intense. I think people are going whatever. But we were allowed three or five, as I recall, before we had to bleep them. And so if we ever, and we just wrote it without thinking about bleeps,

but if we ever had more than three, it then became the discussion of which of these is funnier bleaped. Yeah. And which are not. Yeah, when you get to a bleep and that's very sparingly, which I think is fine. But every once in a while there'd be a show where we curse six times, though, and it would be like, oh, fuck, which of these three

do we believe? I don't know. I don't know. I've never seen the show. Oh. What is the show, you think? When they were talking about... The sounds intriguing.

Last year. You did, and you made it. Last year, whenever it was, when they were talking about shit hole countries, the whole... Shit hole countries? But they said it when the story first broke and they were like, he called them shit pardon us for saying this, but shit whole countries. And then they started abbreviating

it to S hole that any time I heard I thought they were saying asshole. Asshole. Asshole. Asshole country. You're an Fing asshole. Which is just worse to say asshole as far as I'm concerned. If Trump said the war is what you're saying, he said shit hole countries and they're quoting him. You can quote that. That president said that. You had the president said it like you can quote it.

I feel like you should be able to go. He said shit hole countries. I'm on the penny Abraham Lincoln. You know I'm saying he said it. He said it. Do you think he ever did say that or did it happen after he was dead? Were you going gonna say born? Yeah.

Yeah. Um, we are talking about our rated movies that we've seen. Lauren, what was your first R-rated movie? Do you remember? No. I definitely got to see a lot of stuff that I probably shouldn't have seen. But I remember when an R-rated movie,

I can't remember if this movie is R-ed-up, but I remember I had to, tell me, tell me. I had to sneak to see this. Scream. Scream is R, yeah. Yeah. I went with friends and we had to sneak in.

I don't know how we did it. I guess we must have bought tickets for a different thing. But that was amazing to me. Oh, three-fourth. I loved that movie so much. That's a different thing. But that was amazing to me. I loved that movie so much. That's a good move. Did I tell you what happened when I went to see screen three? No. I went to the theater, which was the galaxy, which I don't know,

if you recall the galaxy. I don't know the galaxy. No longer there. It turned into the knitting factory, I believe. And now it's not there anymore. But I went to the galaxy, and I went early because I like to sit on the aisle because of my long legs and I like to be able

to kind of stretch them into the aisle. And because you wanted to get a subvert the Cisco and Ebert. That's right. Yeah. Why? Because they would say, save us the aisle. Yeah. Oh, it's like, they show up. Fuck them. Fuck you.

You guys look like the number 10. I love, we've talked about this. I bet probably, but I love the, um, the videos of them fighting. Have you seen me? Oh, when they're doing like the promos? Classic. They used to like to say like, well, even though they fight,

they have such respect for each other, but I think that was bullshit. No, and they're so funny being mean to each other those hilarious. Yeah, they do where they can help but laugh. Yeah, like, they'll say they can smile at each other. Oh my god, you gotta find a clue. I mean, it's truly hilarious.

I'll find a clue after I talk about screen three. Okay. And Roger Ebert is devastating. Like he is. No, he slam dunks. Cisco. But I gotta say Cisco's fucking mean too. Cisco's mean, but he doesn't have the killer in his throat.

The killer in his throat. Yeah, he just like, he's like, I'm pop up, and then like, I'm then like, he's like slam dunk and then he goes, oh my God, like he has like laugh, like he can't believe you. We'll find a clip. Yeah. So I'm sitting there on the aisle. See, it's good.

I'm sitting there on the aisle. See, probably five seats from the front or something. And I got there early enough to get it. And this dude wearing like all black goth kind of clothes comes up to me and goes like, hey man, there's a group of us of 15 or 20 or whatever of us. And we were all hoping we could get an entire aisle here. So I'm wondering if like, would it wait like they would all line, they would all sit in the aisles. No, they would not

an aisle. I mean, with a row. Yes, sorry, it's the wrong word. That's a mistake. Like if you like, if you're in a group sit behind each other, yeah, sit in the block, or you're like, we need for it to be like, look at that dumb part. And this is before reserve seating, if you recall, came to law sessions. I don't know of it. In some ways, I like it in some ways, I just, there was so much stress going to a movie. You remember Paul before reserve seating before reserve. Remember I have to get there. I'm not late. Makes you. You had to go in and you didn't know if you were going to get a seat. No, I mean, when especially when we would go in a group with like 30 people.

Oh, well, yeah, that's so much. So many time. Conner. Yeah. Batman and Robin. Yeah. Fun. I'm just like, I'm just like too.

But so this guy wants me to move to like a non-Isle seat, you know, somewhere else. He's like, there's plenty of open seats that way. We just want this entire row. And I go, oh, sorry, man, I got here early, so I could get this. I'll see this is the one I want. He goes, cool, sorry, man, I got here early, so I could get this aisle, see this is the one I want. He goes, cool, cool, cool. All right. And then five minutes goes by and he comes back

and he's like, hey, man, just, you know, the theater's filling up and all of it is, you know, it's just not available, but this row is still open. I'm really, I think it would really help us out if you would just move to another scene. I go, you know, the thing is, is I got here early on like you. So, and this is the one I want. So, you know, this is the one I want.

He goes, cool, cool, cool, cool. Five minutes later, he comes back and he goes, all right, I'm gonna tell you a secret. It's for Marilyn Manson. Oh my God. And I go, not a fan. And he goes, cool. And that was the last I ever heard of.

Wow. And I tell you a secret. And then did you see Marilyn come in? I did not care. I, they didn't see it in my mind. I want to say Marilyn, I've never thought. You know, that's the strangest thing. It's not a guy's thing.

What is his real name? What is his real name? His real name is Brian. Which is perfect. What if he came in and you said, hi, Brian. Hi, Brian. Brian, I saved you a seat. Brian's in Brian sit here Brian Manson. He used to know his I forget his last name Brian something But he used to live three doors down from me like the band or yes exactly. He was in three doors down

That's why I meant to say Because he used to remember I lived on level 41 and he lived one level up from me. Oh, that's right level 42 His name is Brian Hugh Warner. That's right Brian Warner. Yes, Hugh Warner. BHW Uh, I think I thought he was like really tall because he's so willowy or is it because he's always dating really small when you There's also that when you envision six feet. Do you envision him now instead of me? Yeah, I'll picture Marilyn Manson laying down. I mean, Marilyn Manson's is that when I picture six feet, I picture myself or my dad, my dad six, five, nine, five. Last episode you pictured me. Well, it's a lie.

You lie. Remember him. Yeah. Great guy. Great guy. Great guy. You lie. Good guy.

All right, we'll take a break. What about my first R-rated movie? Fuck. Why did this continue to happen? I had it being the middle child of freedom. No, you paused too long. What was your first R-rated movie? You paused too long.

It's like that wolf. I like how you turned to Lauren, ask her a question and then for me, every time I've got to be like, also, here's my experience. Paul, there's only Paul. You have to scream over everyone. Don't you? No, your name should be positive Tomkins. Should be what?

Pause of Tom. Oh, yeah, it should be. Tell us about your first animal house. Yes, animal house. Yes, that's a good one. A family friend took me to see that. This was a family friend that I thought you'd see by yours, but just the two of you just the two of us. Yes, because he thought I read this this guy. He was weird. Oh, he turned me on to the magazine national lampoon. He didn't mean to. Family friend. Yes. He was the organist at our church. Morgan. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. It's like you're punishing me for taking it for myself. That's true. He'll teach you. Okay. And so wait, so it's just like, hey, he was a guy who's the organist of church,

but he had a sense of humor. Oh, wicked one. In fact, and he liked national ampune mag. Did he know you were into comedy or did he, the hope the boobs in it would give you a bone? I think a little bit of both. He hoped. Or I hope they give him a bone. That's sick. How old were you? I think a little bit of both. He hoped, or I hope they give him a bowler. That's sick. How old were you? Uh, I would have been like 13, 12, 13. Okay, that's not as weird as I thought.

Yeah, yeah. But this was a guy that I later realized was a horrible person. Well, that's more like, there's a fucking racist. He used to tell me like, Joe, to the N word and and stuff like that. Like what? Shut up. Ha, ha, ha. Like what? Shut up. We, my church group, the guy that are youth leader got in trouble for showing us trading places.

He showed us trading places and was like, I'm going to like fast forward through some of the parts that you shouldn't see. But he let us basically reverse beast. There was a rumor that this and Blackface creepy science teacher at my middle school once you had a Murphy is black. Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. This creepy science teacher who I've met. He is like an iron. I might have mentioned him once before, but he had Ferris. We've all talked about our creepy science teacher.

Did you have my story? He had Ferret. So he would let run around in our science tables. And they would poop a little like poop so the worms. And the rumor has it that he put on a pornography instead of a science video who was supposed to show and then like accidentally or on purpose. That's the accidentally. What is the psychology behind someone who's like all turned on by, oh man, I'm going to show I'm like like it's literally disgusting I don't know if it was a hundred percent true, but I believe it is

He was just a creep three minutes in oh, this is the wrong film Well, there's usually story back then in a portal you can You know, is this a science film or porn these These people are talking. What are they talking about? About the pizza delivery? How odd. Well, pizzas are round. And we need to teach circumference to this part of science. Yeah.

All right. We'll be right back. All right. We're back. And here is why here is maybe it's a compilation. I haven't seen it yet. This is called Cisco and Ebert fight about everything at the movies. Let's hear a little bit of this room. You're merging. It's very fun. It's very funny. If you think it's funny, this isn't the one we were talking about. Eddie Murphy raw. No, do, um, do syscolon ebert promo? It's bathroom. So how about syscolon ebert uncensored? Does that, uh,

no syscolon ebert, it's like they're shooting up. Oh, let me just tell you, they're shooting a commercial for the show. A promo for the show. Well, when I put in syscol ebert promo, what comes up first is syscolon ebert uncensored. I put promo. I know. I know. It's your little bit of them on sensor and we'll see exactly. Yeah. That's it. I know. It's not the

part that's supposed to match like. What are we doing now? The promo. You know what they have to match? Nothing. No promo ever has to match it. What we the dude welcome to the exciting world of television Very new field for you to begin to learn Well, that's something that you really That wasn't very good. Well, you had it, but he fell he had to keep explaining it Kevin Costner and the Pentagon thriller no no way out. That's this week on Cisco on Ebert. I think you're gonna have to redo it because you're in the slash frame.

Speed was which he read across both stars and titles. You won't even have a second and a half of it. Okay, fine. I'm a little excited, James. I'm less excited, Roger. I thought we were doing it because of what you did. Oh. He never really gets it. We're going to wake up. It's going to be a bit of the movies.

And we've got three new ones. And the movies. Not after movies. That's why we're doing it. Wait till they say the mic. Wait till they say the mic Donald's thing. Do you remember that? We're going to wake up. It's going to be a bit of the movies. And we're going to move. He you remember that? We're the weak on Cisco, the neighborhood movies and we're the movie one.

Then it's quaint and the big easy. Michael came in the fourth protocol and Kevin Costner, a gene hack man in no way out. That's this week on Cisco and Ebert and the movie and the asshole. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. By the way, just to clear. I know that.

Yeah. Whatever. It's really crackly sounding in just the audio. Well, sorry. I like it. But it's really funny. Really intense burst of static. Yeah, between things.

Yeah, that's great. But anyway, Google it. You'll like it. Google it, Chef. Google it, Chef Kevin Google it, Chef. Google it, Chef Kevin. Where are you now? Where in the world in Google it, Chef Kevin? Of course we're hearing a little bit of one of those

aforementioned helicopters fly above. I wonder if it's either of our grandfathers from heaven. Oh, I'm assuming. A ghost copter. Ghost copter. That's not a bad idea. Is it not a bad idea? I'm gonna mail it to myself. Okay. Ghost cobtor. Ghost cobtor.

Ghost cobtor. Like the ghost of a helicopter. Not, not the whomever was piloting this. It's like the flying Dutchman. Yes, exactly. There aren't enough ghosts of inanimate things. You got flying Dutchman. You got the, you got Goshim. You got Christine. Yeah. What are the views? Ghost 3 things. How about flying Dutchman. You got, you got Goshim. You got Christine. Yeah. What are the views? Those three things. How about a haunted bicycle? No. No. Haunted skateboard. That I like. That's cool. That's so red. Haunted segway. Oh, you know what? Didn't you post that video of that guy

skateboarding to Fleetwood Mac? He didn't post it. He just sent it to us. Skateboarding to Fleetwood Mac. Where he's like, nah, he go. No, it was not that he sent us a video of people dancing to. A TikTok of two sets of three cowboys that were just thrusting their hips. That was different. There was this video of this guy with like a shaved head and a tattoo on his head.

And he's like drinking a beer and skateboarding down like the highway. And he's he's listening to fluid Mac and lips thinking and it's awesome. I have not seen that video. I'll send it to you. Okay, please. I wish you would. Speaking of haunted segues. I'll be.

Um, this segway is going to be clunky. Uh, very clunky, but what do you guys do for Halloween? What did I do for Halloween? And it's not it's October. Well, we, when this comes out, it'll be afterwards. Why can't you ask us, what will you have done for Halloween? What, what are you going to do for Halloween? You're a scary kid trying to make friends.

We got a kid. What are you going to be for Halloween? What are you doing for Halloween? Hey, back off. What's your best costume? Well, I was a cat for like 10 years running, but different types of cats. Have we talked about?

Yeah, I was a blind man in a roller skates one year. That's fucking hilarious. Is that, would you be canceled for that now? I would and should. My, are you offering? Yes, please cancel me. Please cancel my childhood. I was a power ranger ironically one year.

Ironically? Because I was in fifth grade and I thought I was too old to watch power rangers. So I thought it was funny to be like, uh, uh, but then of course anyone would think I just was. Yeah, you're a 10 year old. You just like close the power rangers are cool, but I thought it was funny. And this was what color, what color it was yellow?

And this year, I, um, I don't think I'll be putting on a costume that's for sure, but I might watch a lot of scary movies. I kind of want to make it the month of Halloween. I bought a Halloween tree, which I don't know if you saw it. I love that. Thank you. This was my big thing.

I was like, I need some joy. I need something that is pointless and fun. And so I got a Halloween tree. It's bright orange. I put Halloween ornaments on it. And it's so nice and fun. And it's just great to turn it on every day when the clock strikes four.

And I'm going to watch a bunch of scary movies, this four. And I'm gonna watch a bunch of scary movies, this Halloween, and I'm gonna watch Hocus Pocus, love classics. Neversarra, so if you can watch that. Is there significance to 4 PM? That's what I consider nighttime now. I'm just like, let's close the blinds. Like I'm kinda like, oh wow.

Winded it down. Yeah. Four or five. Yeah. You know four or five. Yeah. I and I would do when we would we would we would call it making a cave. When we would we would like hot days which by the way today is 100 degrees October and we're outside and we're outside and yes we're drinking Maga Reed is of course.

No we have no regrets. Um, we, we would, we would, I don't remember when we started doing it, but we would start chanting cave, cave, cave. That's so fun. Because you like, would one person start chanting it when they wanted it to happen? Or, or just, I think you would look at each other and both simultaneous. That never happened, which I wish it did. That would have been great. But don't you love, like when you,

like me thinking about you doing that is very delightful because of course, Mike and I have a bunch of weird things that we do, but then you always think, what does everyone else do? What are all the things? I like weird things that we all do. I like it's like that. Yeah, it's very, it's comforting and sweet.

Would the cave coincide with like, okay, now it's time to start drinking as well. I mean, yes. No, it would not. Not necessarily. Okay, because that's what I think of when like around six 30s, when I finally walk the, the dogs and it's time to open up a bottle. Oh, yeah.

I did not know that. Let's pull the curtains. Uh, so the sun doesn't come in. Let's open up a bottle. There's a lot of bottles. I mean, it seems fun. I don't really drink at home, which has been a disappointment during this time, I think.

Now you have no choice. Well, because I always will, like I'll have a drink if I'm out with friends, like a dinner, whatever. You're not a big drinker. It never strikes me to go, I should have a drink at home. Like I just don't think of it.

There's nothing else to do. No, but then the times that I have done it, I'm like, I'm having fun. Like it's like obviously, but like I just, I just never think about it. It's so nice. Like I had fun for once. Oh, I'm having fun now.

Great. Like Janie and I do that do our podcast on Friday nights and we have dinner and then we have a drink while we record the podcast. And it's very, it's really enjoyable. It's very pleasant. It's very pleasant. Yeah, but there's nothing else to do during quarantine, but drink or eat. Well, there's also watching a ton of TV. I've been doing a lot of that. Yep. That's my thing. Did you ever watch the haunting of Hill House? I watched a lot of it

and I really liked it, but I I loved it. I get scared, but Mike was watching that and so I saw certain parts that were amazing. But when I say, you love scream, you're going to turn all of this, I know, but all of October into watching scary movies scream the Michael Jackson song. It's I'm pushing. I'm happy. No. Thank you.

Makes me want to scream. Hey, I, I'm pushing myself to watch scare movies. I usually like focus, focus Halloween movies. Well, I don't think, I've never seen it, but it doesn't have a single scare, does it? It's scary for a kid.

It's not scary for real, though. It's like scary about a per-cared. It's probably scary for you, right? Yeah. Those bastards, when I saw that, at the Westminster Mall, when in the library, boy, that was like one of the scariest jump scares.

That in large margin. In Peewees. When I saw that, I saw Peewee in the theaters. People screaming in both of those. It was so, that was the only time it was fun to be scared. Like no one saw that coming. You know what scary stuff? It happened. I remember me and my friend, Mike, turned to be scared. Like no one saw that coming. You know what's scary? It happened.

I laughed. I remember me and my friend, Mike, turned to each other. We did. Same. We laughed for like a solid two minutes over that. Well, yeah. I mean, it was so much fun. What about artists goes to camp?

That one scared the shit out of me. Never seen it because of camp or is there a one of those artists? Just one of the furnace movies. There's something really scary. And somebody somebody reminded me what it was online, but I can't remember now. So it's like something happened at night at camp. It was like some fucking boogie man type situation and I was just there. Yeah.

Was it was that guy? Was it supposed to be like a parody? He did. Involved in. No, what do you mean? did. Invite him. No one to me. Yeah, he's dead. No, no one I mean, he's dead. I want to say one of the weirdest. I want to say one of the weirdest. Well, it's one of the weirdest characters

that started off in a car commercial. Yeah. It was. It was local car commercials out here in L.A. He just started doing it for these commercials. That's astounding. Where he would talk to the camera and be like, Hey, you got to go down to Ford, whatever, you know what I mean, Vern? Yeah, they have great deals. And they springboarded

that into a successful movie, friend. Truly the word. There was a, there was a confusing to me as there was a national soda campaign first. He did speed courses for spright. Oh, and then the movies. Wow. I think he was a ground link. That's what I would have guessed. He might have been, yeah. Wow. Isn't that, I mean, what, look, there's so many different ways to get into show business. I love that, I love that.

You know what I mean, Jim Varney started doing commercials, Lord Lapkes. I also did do that. Stop doing commercials. Have you done commercials? What commercials have you done? I did a few commercials before I booked my first pilot, and then I didn't do any,

well no, I did a couple of times. I did Bing.com as my first commercial. Bing.com. You can find it online. You ought to go go, I would not. Yeah. I searched term animal house, we'll find that commercial,

because that was the, and I'm not was my line in it, but it was the theme of it because it was an animal. It was a grocery store. That was the first R&D movie in a pull ever saw. It's true. So the Bing.com commercials were like a... Sounds familiar.

Train of thought, like, one person says one word, then that person says what makes them think of, did it really that kind of thing? Yeah. And so it's all these people, like, an animal house. Did you get to pick your word or... No, but that was my word. I worked at the grocery store, I'm like, animal house.

And then... I do remember this now Yeah, but I don't know. Did we know each other then no 2010 or 11 Yeah, we know each other. I think since 2000 12 or 13 I would guess did we first meet doing bang bang together Lauren? Yes, that was the first time I met you Yeah, we're doing it. I would g. Yeah. What is doing with Gillian? Why would we meet?

You did ask cat. No, but I have a very clear memory in my mind of Susan Hale saying you got to meet Lauren Lapka's and put her on the show. Oh, that's nice. And thanks. Thanks. I feel like that's why I met you. Well, you did ask cat.

Okay. And Susan was always there. Yeah. That's all my sense. Maybe she was like, hey, Lauren is in tonight. Oh, yeah. You got to watch her, that's probably what happened. Yeah, but I do remember an email from her, or a text saying, get Lauren on a show.

Susan's nice. She's nice. Well, I want to tell you my other commercials, I'll leave that. Snickers with Joe Pesci and Don Rickles. Wait a minute. What? Yes.

I saw those commercials. I saw those. I was those commercial. I saw those. I was in one. I got a fucking. Where are you two playing the Snicker? No, I played the friend of the person who turns into Don Rickles because they got hungry. Hungry.

Hold on one second. Scott, you know that you didn't play the Snicker. And by the way, there's one to be. I just wanted to be the one. It was cool. Thank you. And then I shot a commercial for Jack in the Box. I shot a pilot.

And I was in a drive-through. I was for Jack in the box. I shot a pilot. And I was in a drive through it. I was in Jack in the box. I'd hope all this would that is. What's her name? What's her name? Oh, God, but like comedians have PTSD from that. I don't know what that is. I think it was the first season of...

It might have been, yeah. That's Comic-Stand. That's Comic-Stand. There was a comedian who did the same jokes every week. And one of them was like, she came from an Italian family and she was like, so I called my dad up and I was like, hey, dad, I shot a pilot. He's like, oh, get rid of all the witnesses. Don't say that over the phone.

Yeah, that's right, God. So anytime I hear, I shot a pilot. That's the good. Yeah. You know So it is about here. I shout a pilot. I think. You're not allowed to do the same jokes every week on that show. Are you? Well, now it's not around anymore. But back then you were and they would get complaints

like because they had Canadians on who only had 10 minutes of material. Yeah. And they were, they always won. And if you win, yeah, that's crazy. If you win, you are like now touring and doing hour stuff. But they were getting always won and if you win yeah, that's crazy if you win you are like Hour and stuff, but they were they were getting people who had only worked on 10 minutes. That's madness

I remember I I knew When the show was hosted by Jay Moore when he was brought in the house You get the keys to the house the production company was Magical elves and I know yeah, I knew they do nailed it. Yeah, I knew those people You get the key still now. The production company was magical elves. And I knew they do nailed it. Yeah, I knew those people. Dan Cutforth was a friend of mine. He still is.

I just haven't seen him in forever. Dan, I miss you. I miss you. We all miss you. And there was a throw to commercial. It was like late in the season of last comic standing and I knew some people that were on it so I was watching it.

And there was a throw to commercial where Jay Moore had to say like, when we come back, you know, this happens, this happens, and at the moment he went, bitter recriminations. And it was so funny to me. And I think, do you say that sometime? I do, it's Lauren, in my head. I've heard that.

It's in my head forever. Bit of recrimination. And I made fun of it. And Dan told me he wrote that. Oh, wow. He was very good sport about it. He's like, I wrote that. Oh my God.

It's so funny to me. Like, on that show, bit of recrimination. Yeah, I like that. It's dramatic. I always want to finish my commercial commercial. That's where Bonnie met met my commercial resume. Bonnie. I'm calling the committee about how what are the documentary about how

women are funny. The how we are funny. Yes. Oh, okay. She was on a mission to prove it. Yeah, I love Bonnie. We okay. Jack in the box. I like rich. Everyone's great. Jack and the Oscars together, Jack in the Box. I like Rich. Everyone's great. Jack and the Oscars together. Jack in the Box drive through commercial for breakfast all day.

Who do I like? Where it's an opera singer singing and I'm sobbing in slow motion because my drive through the not for you in a car. Yes. Dear. Yes, dear.

Are you a car, dear? And then I did a Sierra Miss commercial that never aired. And then I did after I subject commercials that never aired. And then I did, then I stopped doing commercials, but then I got to do two like campaigns that were kind of cool, but they were, they was great because they were really cool because they were only online and no one ever saw them. One was for Target and one was for G.E.

And the G.E. One was really, really hard. I had, come on, you're not gonna give it up for Jay. Jay and Jay and Jay. G.E. Oh, I got it. I know you're talking about Jay Morgan. The G.E.

One was one of those days where like you are amazed at what your brain can do because I had to memorize like really difficult jargon. Are you amazed what your brain can do? And then I was at an elevator and every commercial was like a series of commercials and everyone was an elevator pitch. So it was like everything had to happen very quickly. And I had to stay at this long thing just by myself while the elevator was taken apart and things were brought in and like all the whole thing was changed and it had to be done

exactly right. It's like that Ricky Lindholm video for the Jim Carrey show. I don't know about that. The one take, like there's a whole one take montage scene where they, and then they put out a making of video. Oh cool. Where like the camera is circling the entire time and they keep switching out the backgrounds as like time passes and stuff. Wow. Is this for the show just kidding? Yeah, it's called it's just kidding. It's just kidding. It's just kidding. No, it's just kidding. Everyone gets wrong. It's just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. It's just kidding. It's just kidding. Everyone gets wrong.

It's just kidding. Just kidding. Paul. Um, but anyway, do you guys do commercials? Oh, guess who sings? I have no question. This is the answer. It'll surprise you.

Guess who sings American woman. Lenny Krabitz. I don't get it. I can't fall. We mustn't. What is it? I'm sick, Joe. I can have fun. We mustn't. We mustn't. What is it?

I'm sick, Joe. No, guess who sings American? I'm sick, Joe. Guess who sings American. Oh, guess who. Oh, the who? What? No.

Who? Guess who sings American woman. Who? No. Guess who sings American woman. I want to kill you. Why is it happening? I literally thought I understood what was happening and still got confused.

It's the band is the guest. I know. But you kept saying who? Guess who I said. And then I said the who. And then I said who? So a lot of different things happened there. That's pretty, pretty much what transcribing is that.

So, did we ever do commercials? Yes. I think I told you about the golf industrial I did. That was the closest I ever came to. Oh my God, I did an industrial once, and it was so weird, but I was really excited. I don't remember the golf. Did I not talk about it on here?

Maybe I talked about it on the REM show or something, but I, I definitely, I, I think I got my taft heart lead because of it, but I, taft heart lead. But I, I got taft heart lead from the Bing.com commercial. Nice. I became sag eligible. I went into a taft heart lead from the Bing.com commercial. Nice. I became sag eligible. I went into a...

I do got tapped hardly from the Stephanie. No, it was for show, I think. Oh, probably, yeah. It had been my first thing, yeah. I went into the audition in a hotel room. Oh, nothing weird. There was a scene. Arby White, two dudes and a woman there.

And they were like, That sounds like your dream. And they were like, the hell yeah. And they were like, okay, there's a lot of physical comedy in this. Can you do a pratfall and they were like, okay, there's a lot of physical comedy in this. Can you do a pratfall? And I like without thinking like did a weird trip

and fell face first into the couch, and they were like brilliant, you got the job. That sounds so weird. And that was it. And then this couch and the commercial. And then they were so upset with me the entire day because I was not funny enough, according to them. Oh my god. They're like, you know, some of that stuff you did in the audition, you know, couldn't you like do were so upset with me the entire day because I was not funny enough, according to them.

They're like, you know, some of that stuff you did in the audition, you know, couldn't you like, do a funny fall here or something like that? Like you need to miss the golf ball and go flying into the lake. Like all this like weird shit. You know, it was funny, Jessica Alberg. She's my favorite female comedian.

When she does, do funny stuff like she does. Yeah. So that, but that was just one of the many examples of being on set and feeling like you were doing such a bad job and everyone is upset at you and you're not giving them what they want and they're trying to be patient. Do you know, I had to do the job that I just finished.

I yesterday was the hardest day because we had to do this. Yes, it was the hardest day before today. We had to do. There was this really, this very physical scene where I get, let's get physical, physical. Let's get physical. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, it's not a version, it's her own original.

New rules, we don't do duolepa songs. Oh, sorry. Unless they're new rules. And unless they're kids' pop versus. I wonder if there's a kid's pop version of physical. Don't say it's not the song when we think of someone. I mean, we don't look this up too.

Continue your story. I'm hot. I had to, I'll say. Hello. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, all, all, all. Yeah, wow, wow, wow, wow. One, the pay I got the phone, you know what I'm gonna call on cause I know what I'm gonna call on. Oh, here's, I just looked up Kid's Bop physical. You.

I think he's headphones, me. And there's videos of them getting physicals. No, the first thing we, You fucking, man. The first thing that comes up is how much do Kid's B pop performers get paid a dollar. Who do you think it's more?

Do you think that's kids pop performers that are Googling that? Yeah. Kids pop talent search for kids singers dancers pay us $500 a day. How old is Jacob from kids pop? Dream big sing loud since he was six years old. Jacob has always dreamed of performing on stage. He can't believe his dreams are coming true. He cannot wait to go on the kids' Bob World tour this year.

Record songs shoot music videos and of course, meet the amazing kids Bob. Better from there. Based on the sentence was. I cannot find a version of physical. I can find yesterday. I had to just play the internet. I had kids pop up yesterday.

Oh, that would be good. This is dance monkey. I'll just play this underneath. Just find yesterday. And the problem was was that I'm in very terrible shape. I'll just say it. I am sorry. Have you guys I've ever been?

It's very depressing. And makes me I've to fight against self-loathing all the time. So I had you do this scene, are you talking about me? Yeah, I had to do this scene where me and the other guy are circling each other in a fight. I also had to take my shirt off and wear a tank top, which was... In the show? I would turn it down just from that. In the past, I did things like that when I was when I was younger and fat. They wanted me to play the naked

baby from the Nirvana Nevermind cover grown up on Jimmy Kimmel once and I was like, oh no. What's your dick out? With your little dick out. They wanted to show that his dick say the same. You got a little dick, right? You'd be shocked by how some things haven't changed. So we had to do multiple takes of this thing. The kids mop his plate. We had to do multiple takes of this thing. And it was not the thing that was so mortifying for me.

And everyone was fine. Like nobody was, I wasn't holding things up or anything, but I, it was so non-taxing, you know what I mean? And I was struggling with it. Well, what did you have to do? We had to circle each other to all this dialogue, and then I rushed at the guy, and the idea is I'm very drunk. And so the guy just like gently takes my shoulders and guides me down to the floor.

It was, it's funny. It's really funny. And I instantly pass out. Like as soon as he touches me, I just pass out. And I just go down, I just slowly gently go down to the floor. But I would like when I would get, depending on how I landed, it would be like I would be out of breath.

And it was, I was so I had to fight so hard to not just be full of self-loathing. It's like, no, you have to do your job and you have to be good at it. You have to be good at it and you have to be funny. And the character can't be self-loathing currently. And the carrot can't say, I hate myself. Hey, down here. I don't like myself right now. And of course, that's the day that the set photographer

is there and like as soon as my shirt came off, it was like, can I get some pictures of you? Would you post for me? And I'm like, yep, I will do it. That's the worst. It was horrible. It was a set photographer like, hey, you know what, I'd rather not.

Of course I could have. Of course I could have. But that's what it is to be an actor. I feel like you just go, okay. Look, this is where I am right now. I have to it's not it's not her fault that I'm in the shape Yeah, yeah, she doesn't fucking know me, you know what do you mean? Do they give you photo approval? Can you kill certain photos? I probably could you know, but what's the point? I'm not gonna like any I don't know who knows if you've even put it anywhere a lot of times those pictures don't even go anywhere

Oh, I think that all the time like like, where do these pictures end up during the films? During the Furns movie, you know, there were quite a few that they took. And I killed a few, but then, you know, one that sucks is like the New York Times. Oh, yeah. I've done that before. I've killed a few, but it's like this situation. It's like, these are the only pictures they're taking of me. Yeah.

And so it's fine. But it was a really internal thing because it was making me, I was like, I can't let it affect like my memory of the lines. I can't let it get in the way. It can't be distracted. I have to fucking forget about it. I have to just let it go and do it. Forget about it. Forget about it.

I should have put it. It's definitely like, I need to be in a bathing suit. It's like you're thinking about all these things. It's like great. Now I have to walk from there to there and now it's this and mobile, it's like, it's too much to, you just have to not think about it, but then that's like a strength. It is. So like, it's like a muscle to be like, okay, I don't care what I look like.

Yeah. I should just write your own shows and start on them. And then just be naked and then be like, see, what do you want? This is what I really like. I thought about that when I watched The Wrong Missy because I of course instantly think what if I had to do that?

Yeah, what if I had to be in a bathing suit? But I don't know. It's also, it's harder for me to have sympathy for things people. Yeah. Having been thin and being fat, it's harder for me. Totally, I get it, but I'm saying like even then, like you're still thinking like, oh, well, I hope everything stays in the right spot.

I don't get a big wedgie when I get all the pool or something. It's in the right spot. We're looking at big, and they're like, I can't do shit or something. And you're like, oh, great. Because I also had a crouch at the top of Jeff Pearson's head in a bathing, while I was in a bathing suit. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back.

We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back.

We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back.

We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. It wasn't that crazy, but it was like when you see a friend doing nude scene in a thing or whatever You're like oh, I shouldn't have seen that or whatever. Yeah, I don't really don't know about it Like when you don't know all of a sudden a person you know is gonna be nude in a movie. Well, that was like Yeah, Louis C. Can his own show. It's like you're writing yourself nude in your own show You're making me look at your butt. Why would that guy do that? We got we got take a break. Wow, you really

walked into that one. We'll come you right back. Welcome back and Paul, you have commercial experiences, don't you? Yes, the hanging Chad of the previous segment. Of course. Yes, Florida. Looks like a hanging Chad. Does it not? What do you think of that hanging Chad? Don't you pick your Florida? Pixel of Florida? Merchidla. Oh, Chad, Chad. That was the Monu Gen. Seusses. Das Das. Disco Disco Jazz. the Monu Gen sees the same guy. Das Das, disco, disco jazz.

When we were doing that movie, wasn't there a guy named Brad or something and I was on set going, Brad Brad, also Chad or something, I can't remember what it was. Wow, that sounds familiar. Which movie was this? Remember the movie that our friends directed? The, I was, it was a set in a strip club, my scenes. Yeah.

And they didn't tell me that I had to do like a majorly touching, like it wasn't in the script. Oh, by the way, you're going to go like take the bottle away from the main character and be really concerned. And so every other scene I'd shot, I'd been doing really like sarcastically and like with a weird character. And then they were like, Oh, by the way, you have to be really, this is the emotional core of the movie. It was like, it's the little schizophrenic performance I'd never given, but you also had to drive in it

and there's a really funny scene here where a car pulls up and Paul had never driven before. So a car is just like basically coasting in and then suddenly breaks so hard, like, Screech, shutters to all. And it's just joltzing. Oh, it was more like a laugh so much. There was a screening in people's lives.

Yeah, I laughed, yeah. People laughed. It was on top of the, uh, uh, uh, former mosa, for me, I'll cover it with, I was gonna say spaghetti. I'll cover it with, what is it?

Geez, geez. I know it was on top of the foremosa. On top of the foremosa. Was where, at least the party was. The screening was at that theater sort of over by, it's no longer there, but it was like. There was a second level to the Formosa? Well, there's a roof, and so yeah.

Oh, yes, that's right. That was my first screen kiss. Ooh, with whom? Uh, some lady? Yeah, I don't remember. In any case, I sang that song. So I did two commercials, one for the Ford Focus, where I was the voice of an orange puppet.

The commercials were very funny. It was me and John Ross Ballet. That's how I met him. And we bonded instantly became friends forever. But I was only the voice because I was not a puppeteer and I think the people producing the commercial thought I could just pick up this very specific skill in a weekend, like they sent me to sort of puppet boot camp

where I learned like puppets don't even have boots because they don't have feet. Some do. So why not? It likes a dangle over? Why not just record your lines and then have the puppet match them. Oh, they did on the dark crystal. That's what they did in the dark crystal man.

Hey, when we were making the dark crystal, one pill. We had very hard. Funny people doing the voice. I grow. To the voice. It's called fire. Grrr. To the voice, little. Does a Viagra make you horny or just makes you dickhead? Can I tell you something?

You're like, I don't feel horny and then you take Viagra like, what the fuck? Can I tell you something that I'm trying to? I'm thinking of horny things. I'm trying to clear from my memory. The time you used Viagra so much that you're dickhead.

Thanks, Boatie. I was talking to my mom the other day because she wanted to update her like medical information on some website of like first alert or something. Well, no, she was like going through all of her medication. I had to enter because she doesn't know how to do computers. So she was going through all of her medications, the milligrams, the dosage, how often she takes it. And then she was like, can you do it for dad too? And I was like, okay, sure. And we went through often she takes it. And then she was like, can you do it for dad too? And I was like, okay, sure. And we went through all of the stuff

and the very last one was Viagra, whatever milligrams when needed. I was like, okay, and I was dying inside because I wanted to say something so bad. I was like, right, that is entered. Wow, that's so, that's so, it's so much to me that she told you that and you acted like that was fine and you just moved on. Like I would not be able to,

I would not be able to let it go, you would think. I feel like, at least I would have been like, boy, you're even like sick or something, but like also good for you, but like, I'm sticking away. Like, I don't wanna, I don't have been like, boy, you weren't you weren't you weren't you weren't you? I wouldn't have been like sick or something, but like also good for you. But like, I'm sticking away. I don't wanna see that. But then I'll still like, yeah.

I tried to be an adult about it. I was like, yeah, great, okay. All right, that's end here. I'm just helping you with your bed of cash. I'm helping you with your bed of cash. If I had to do that, it'd be very surprised. Well, especially these days. Hey mom, do you know the dad just apparently cheating on you and you love us?

So you're a puppet boot camp. So I'm a puppet camp. And it's very obvious that I can't. There's no way I'm going to just be able to do this. So we go to shoot the first commercial and I'm trying to do it. I'm doing it terrible down with crouch. It's supposed to be a press conference. I'm crouch behind this podium. Like a crotch potato Like a crash potato.

I'm a real crouch potato. Hey, what do you call puppeteers? Who do two ladies? Crouch potatoes. Crouch potatoes. Who are lazy? What do you call it? Puppeters watch your TV all day on the couch.

A crouch potato. What? That makes sense. You've released a pop right, Neet sir. I'm trying to check out at the grocery store. So I, we're doing, and it's also improv. So these take, this take is just going on and on and on.

And eventually I have to say, I can't do this anymore. I fucking are. I can't do it. Yeah, it takes, yeah, you're arms have to be, I can't do this anymore. I fucking are. I can't do it. Yeah. It's like it takes. Yeah, your arms have to be super strong for that specific way. Yeah, you have to hold it up in the air. And a stamina that just comes, you know, that's not something you pick up in 40.

Yeah, there was a cool. And a good, that a bookamp in bus magazine recently about bus magazine. Bus to, you know, familiar with. The feminist magazine or anyone's. Sounds horny. in bust magazine recently about. Bust magazine? Bust, huh? You're not familiar with bust magazine. It's a feminist magazine. Or anyone's magazine. It sounds horny. It's buses with big tits.

But it's a magazine. But they had a section about an article about female puppeteers from Sesame Street. And it was so cool to see all these women who were here. I wonder if your friend was in it. Wasn't she in Sesame Street or no? I don't know. I don't believe anything

in my friend Maria. I just met a girl named Maria, baby, it's the same one. I'm gonna go on named Maria. She lives on one, two, three, sesame. We have to play a feature if that's okay. This is our final segment, so we're gonna play a feature. If that's okay, we have to play a preacher if that's okay. This is our final segment, so we're gonna play a preacher. If that's okay, we have to do what we always do. We have to play, I think.

Okay, so this is called, this is sent to us by Josh. The name of it is this is sent to us by Josh. Josh Richmond. This is called, this is sent to us by Josh. He sent us something called secret. We just read emails from Josh. This is secret words. Who wins?

Secret word. Okay. Okay, one of us thinks of any word, read emails from Josh. This is secret words. Secret words. Secret words. Okay. Okay. One of us thinks of us any word and as we've played this before. Let's say in the English language. In the English language, but also it can be like two words like big bird or it's just a thing. Like you have to, you know, a proper name.

Proper name. It can be a compound word. It can be whatever it is. It can be whatever it is. It can be a sentence. One of us thinks of that word. Then another one of us says any word. Okay, the person who thinks of the secret word keeps it to themselves.

That one of us says any word, and then we go around clockwise, saying whatever word that makes us think of. And the person with the secret word is trying to steer it, so one of us says the secret word. Great. And if that happens, they win. Otherwise, if we take too long or if we repeat a word, then we're out. And give that to me.

Should we write down our secret word? I think we can be honest about it unless you think you're going to forget it. I need to hear the structure of the game again. Okay, so what I'm minding is what it goes. I'm thinking of a word and the word is giraffe. Got it. And then one of us, like I say, any other word. Because you don't know that I thought that.

Yeah, I think of any other word, let's say leaf. And then I go, tree. I was going to say zoo. Yeah. But we're trying to be. We're trying to get anyone to say that secret with a person who thinks of the secret word is trying to lead us into saying the same thing. So I would eventually go like bamboo. And then you'd be like Panda. And then that you'd be like, you could do. And then I'd be like, animal. This is just like password essentially. Yeah. sort of. Let's just play it.

You got it. You got it. Let's just play it. But if we take too long or if we repeat something that someone's already said we're out, that's the other way to win is if the other two people get out. Okay. All right. So who wants to think of the secret word?

Me. Okay. What? You? I think Lauren should because Paul still doesn't know. I don't think you're getting it. No, I get I completely get it You went from my mind was one redo I completely get it. Yeah, because the first time it was big I didn't just like an existing game. You got it. You got it. You got the secret word. Yeah, I got the secret word. All right

You say or maybe I should start I get it. I'll start so that Paul is the third and we'll we'll go clockwise. Okay. I'm just now I'm thinking I'm looking around at things that are in my life. Okay. We don't know't he wants us to go different other You're taking too long bird What is other what does bird have to do now see You're gonna try to steer us, but it can't be that. Yeah, I get it now. All right, let's try to get the same. So can Sam.

All right. Okay. We all know the three two can Sam's make it. I'm starting it. Okay. And when we go into my head. Wait, you're starting it and you have the secret world. No, I have the secret world.

You have to go into your mind. Okay, which means Paul will start. The secret world is in my head now. Okay, Paul, you start by saying any word. Fear. Frightened. All you start by saying any word. A fear. Frightened. Scare. Terror.

Scream. Surprise. Shock. Aw. Joy. Happiness. Gun. Flower. Drum. Song. Musical. Theater. Bords. Congratulations. Bords? Like a board

of a theater or something? I'm trading the boards. Oh, I didn't know what you meant, but anyway, that's what I said. OK, congratulations to Paul. Cheers. Coach. Gatorade. First trap. Lore. Catfish.

What's that guy's name? Neveshulman. Neves. Dancing with the stars. He's on it. Oh! Carol Bashkin. Tiger. King.

Lion. Jungle. Tiger King Lion jungle growth tree leaf plants soil dirt garden secret wall Dirt, garden, secret, wall, roses, thorns, bush, grass, green, kermit, Miss Piggy. Muppet. Show. Love. Paul Rust. Killing Jacobs. Romance. Sweetheart. Kool-up. Valentine.

Zday. Gary Marshall. You know you're trying to get to the word of this room, right? Like, I- No, we're not. Valentine. It's day. Gary Marshall. You know you're trying to get to the word of this room print, right? No, we're not. Oh, you're not. You want us to. Okay, okay. Gary Marshall.

Yep. New Year's day. You too. Pride. What's it called? Float. From the movie Pride Flots. From the Pride parade.

And. We're going to do. What else floats? This is a whole series of. Oh, you're out. Oh, no, no, come on, come on, come on. What did you say? You get so you get so well if you were not if I okay. Okay. We'll keep going anyway. Singers. What'd you say? Sinks. Sinks.

Fossets. Water. Drip. Paul. Uh, the Beatles. Uh, the Rolling Stones. Mick. Every rose has its thorn.

Almost one. I want Lauren to be out because of that. I'm sorry. Music. Clef. Beauty. Mole. Awesome powers.

Dazies. Like, you know, the kind of flying. Proofy. Baby. Gift. Shower. Like you know that kind of fly me. Yeah, baby Gift shower clean Fresh Powder blue Colorful rainbow, righty biv

Righty Biv. No, no, no. What do you mean no, no, no? You can say no, no, no. Okay, fine. Fine. Do I give up then? Is that rules you can't say no, no, no, no, for more time? Okay, the word was, do you know what, do you know what, where I was trying to lead you?

Like what section? Your eyes got very wide when we were in the plant section. Well, how can you see eyes through the, but she got the glasses on? Because her eyebrows lifted up, she was like, ah, bouquet. Oh, okay.

That was really close. We got very close at some point. Yeah, very close. Where you ever trying to lead us to bouquet from something else? Yes, but I feel like I was trying to get you say a flowers Which would be roses. Yeah, okay. I like I mean, maybe it's not the most gripping thing to listen to or maybe it is I don't know it's gotta be but I do like this game. Let's play one more round

It's gonna be all right. I now I understand. Okay. Do you want the secret work? I think of the secret word Okay, so then I don't want everyone to make fun of me because I get the game now Okay, so then I will be the one to start But I sort of think you should want to guess the secret word like why me would be fun. You're right like I'm not saying that it's us like don't don't fight Against it. I wasn't fighting again. We're purely trying to keep the game going without it pausing Yeah, I want to be a bit. We got it. I want wanna make clear. Yeah, okay, so I'll say the first word, which is incorporation. Train mark.

Maskot. Tiger. Football. Rain delay. Empire. Out. Outside. Indoor's.

TV. Shhh. Magazine. Oprah. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. like newscaster. All right. Female woman lady girl baby. Um, uh,

crying crying crying. Rain delay. Oh, wait. No, rain delay was already said crying Rain delay. Oh wait, no rain delay was already said not delay. Oh, I was talking about Tom delay as well. I was doing Jeopardy rules. You said crying crying pouring Water drip That was from a previous game. Protection condom. Umbrella. Yes. Umbrella was your word?

Yes. How did we get there? Through all the things we just said. But I know I'm interested in it. You said mascot. Oh, I was thinking of Morton Salt. When somebody said advertising? Yeah trademark trademark Oh

That's got yeah, I'm interested so the more and so I was kind of going in a I was going in the Football category kind of and then trying to stay there but and how did we get to umbrella? We're with the last things we said it was like rain protection condom Were you always trying to steer it towards rain type stuff as well? Or I was trying to steer it towards rain stuff and the, then girls, like little girl stuff outside. Um, the real question is, is why would me saying umbrella make you say condom? No, I said, no, why would me say condom?

Because that was right. He said, this is why we shouldn't try to get as well. Water protection umbrella. No, he said protection. I said condom We have a water drip No, no, you're you're doing it on what I say not on what the umbrella is the condom of the day So I can only go off the last one. Yes, okay Okay, the condom is the dick of the

I feel like there is a joy in getting it. No, he was great. I'm just saying that you cheated and you should be on the next eating. It's trying is the umbrella of the dick. I agree, Paul, that's the umbrella of the dick. Okay. I'm not gonna get it. Again, I got it. Scott, you think of the word. I'll think of the word.

Okay. I have the word. And Lauren, you have to start. It's gotta be bird. I'm looking at it right now. Nail polish. Oh, remover. Acid.

Burn. Pain. Hypodermic needle. I know, I know it's serious. Poke. Proud. Cattle. Cow. Moo.

Noise. Sound. Shatter. Glass. That's it? Really? Yes. Okay.

Really? Nice. Okay, now I want to do it again Okay, well, let's go because you're turn. It's mine those yours. Uh, no, it's yours for the secret work Okay, okay, and Paul starts yeah Boy that was I'm proud of myself But see it was fun when I got it It was fun, but I I was intentionally trying to going like, if he says something about only one word, I'll say shattered.

Okay. So you had that plan. But I couldn't, but I know I couldn't say shattered unless he said something that related to shattered. Right. Okay. Let me just really, let me just really think about this. Okay. Don't think of too hard a word. Well, I just want to think about it. I'm looking at you know, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. It is. It is. okay. Okay, it is, you get what you do. Got it got it got it got it. All right, Paul, you start with any word. Oh right, I was thinking it was a good word. I forgot that she was the user.

All right. Just say what you were thinking. Coconut. Never would have gotten that. Noggin head. Bunk. Conk. Noggin. Head. Bunk. Conk. Crash.

Smash. Hulk. Uh, punch. Kick. Throw. Uh, lose. Win. Award.

Top. Win. Award. Top. I was gonna say more, but I can only say one word top. A plus. Fail. Uh, die. Barry.

Six. Wheel. Trick. Yeah. Trick. Yeah. Whoa. Wait, so six goes to wheels? Well, I, it's like I was, I don't know.

Shut up. I don't know. Did I get a truck from that? Like a C-troller? Yeah, but. Ha, Paul, what do you think? You think that's cheating? I don't think it's cheating.

There's no logical reason why I would say six and you would say what? Well, if I'm only thinking about trucks, I'm thinking. Stop there. Can we all stop thinking about trucks for just two seconds? Okay, so Scott doesn't like how I play. Okay, Paul, you've got one chance to get it right or he is gonna go, Apesha and jump into this pool.

I'm gonna jump into the pool. Okay. Swim away. into the pool. Okay. Swim away. Okay, Paul. Okay. Coconut. Okay, you're thinking, you're thinking of the word and I have to start.

Okay. Start. Button. So. Needle. Thread. Whole. Escape. Room. Door. Lock. Thread hole Escape room

Door lock key Whole I said hold already. Oh, you're out. Oh shit. That's me and Paul. I bet you're happy All right, so me and Paul so the goal Paul is for either Me to pause too long or for me to say your secret word All right, so me and Paul, so the goal, Paul is for either me to pause too long, or for me to say your secret word. And my goal is for you to pause too long. Right. Okay. So where do we pick it up?

I said, what did I say lock or key? You said key because you just said hole, right, Lauren? And you repeated that. Okay, so I said key. Hole, can I say hole? No, Lauren? And you repeated that. Okay, so I said key. Hole, can I say hole? No, you can't. I win. All right.

All right, all right, key. I'm trying to think, okay. Key. Bars. Chocolate. Candy. Eat. Starve. Amaciated.

Prisoner. Haskeban. Turf. Surf. Ah! Ah! Point break. Ah Point break suazy

RIP tear oh I get you Wow, what was your word? Cage. How close did we get? I feel like we oh with lost. You said fucking chocolate. Cause of bars. Yes. Sorry. You know why you guys fuck this game and fuck you. That's new. Splash. That's going to wrap it up for this episode. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Hope your week is going okay. Yeah, I hope everyone's doing it. You know what I mean? I hope everyone's doing it.

Do we have to say that? Of course we do. Well, I just hope it in. You know, hope everything's going all right in the world. But there's a lot of times we haven't said that and I feel like retroactively, that means we were not hoping that. We actually didnamines, we were not hoping that. We actually didn't care. True.

But this week in particular, I hope everyone's okay. This week in particular, when you're listening to this, we hope you're okay. We love you. We hope you're okay. We love you. Thanks for listening. Bye.

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