Threedom - Threevisiting: Secret Santa Pizza

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren introduce all of their intros recorded during the midseason hiatus, share a big announcement about next season, and play Switch It And Pitch It. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail] us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.comFollow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA.Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.comGrab some new Threedom merch at cbbworld.com/merchSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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in high-risk patients. The Cologuard test is available by prescription only. Freedom! Freedom! Yeah! Freedom! Yeah! Freedom! Yeah! Freedom! Yeah! Freedom! This is a little show we like to call Trace-dom.

Great. Oh man, terrible start. You really brought it home. I'm so proud of you. This is a little show we like to call Trace Dumb. Great. Oh man, terrible start. You really brought it home. I got distracted by a fly.

What was it doing? Well, flying around, but we get it. We get it. Isn't it the only animal whose name is a verb of what it does? What about elephant? Oh, that's true. He makes a good point.

Look at that thing thing elephanting around. We got this bug zapper, this fly zapper. It's a fly swatter that electrocutes them to death. Oh, sure. Wait, but you have to swing it? You either can kind of get them when they're flying past you or you could, when it lands on something, you go place it on top. We know how a fly swatter works.

It's a tennis racket. It's not a fly swatter. It's like a wire tennis racket that goes like zap, zap, zap. And they fry up like little nuggets. Like, do you eat them then afterwards? Are they breaded? Yeah. Yeah, you put bread on them. Can we talk about something else?

What do you want to talk about? I hate talking about bugs dying. I bet you want to talk about why people are listening to this episode. Yeah, why are they? I'm not. Wow. Well, let's talk about first about who we are

because I'm really confused about the two of you. Yes, my name is Paul F. Tompkins. My name is Peter the intern. Oh no. I have a theory by the way. Did we ever get to talk about Peter? Yeah, we have talked about, in fact, people will hear about it on this episode,

but I have a theory. Cause I was looking at that dork Peter the intern in his dorky fucking pictures. Why is he so, he's so proud of himself in those pictures. He's like, don't you know what you look like, you dork? But I was like, who do I know who has a dorky face like this? And I realized it was Lauren putting on a costume. I knew you were gonna say some shit.

First of all, people said it was like our love child. LAUGHING All three of us are just the two of you. Just us two. Well, if it had a mustache, they would've said it looked like you, Paul, because that's how people think. They think mustache, that looks like Paul. And then two dorks, the two of us.

That looks like Scott and Lauren. Very true. Look, I chose... No, I didn't... I'm not gonna talk about when I hired PTI, or you hired PTI. We're not gonna get into this, but- We already did and people will hear it a little later.

I have PTI right now, Peter Traumatic Institution. And you have a PTI as well? Yes, I have a penis tract infection. That sounds like it hurts. It's actually fun. Really? Well, I mean, anything with a penis, as long as there's feline down there. Did you ever put a piece of rice in your penis?

Yes. One time I put a shepherd's pie in there. Would you ever see puppetry of the penis? No, no, I don't want to support that, but I would see it if I got a free ticket. Merely a support thing of it. You want to see the content? I'm curious how they make the Eiffel Tower. If you went, would you just sit there with your arms crossed, even if you were enjoying it?

I'd sit there with my mouth open just going, oh, well. Loran! Salivating. You're somebody's mother. Oh, thousands of hours of podcasting. Do you think anyone went to see Puppetry of the Penis and got so offended that they left? Or, I mean, it's pretty much like right there.

If you missed the name of the show, maybe they just walked in. Maybe they mean something else. I'm giving these guys the benefit of the doubt. I'm gonna see what this is all about. They were literal. I'm outta here. Never.

Is puppetry of the penis a current reference? Do you think there's still a lot of it? It's very 90s, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, was there a touring company where two other guys were doing that? You think it was two guys? I literally have no idea how many guys.

No, it's a bunch of guys. A bunch? I thought it was two guys. It's a bunch of guys with a variety size dicks. Who are the tiny dick guys who are like, you know what, I really want to be in this. They do little things on the side. How about this, a thumb?

A turtle's head. An Audi belly button. Can we talk about the dead fly nuggets again? Can I just say something else? Sure. It sounds very like New York in the 90s, and then I'm wondering, did I tell you about the restaurant I went to in the 90s in New York called Twins? Restaurants? My ears just... Oh no.

You couldn't work there. You couldn't work there Scott, because it was called Twins and all the servers were twins. No, no. Yes. I remember it very distinctly. It was very exciting. Very exciting. I was a kid, I was a kid.

So how old were you? Probably 10. And this was in New York City? Yeah. If two twins couldn't make it, would they have to cover their shift with two other twins or just two random people? I guess it's just like, if one can't make it,

one can't work, because there's no point in just having one twin walking around. Was it only the servers or was it everybody on staff? Was it the chef and the manager? I just mean front of house, front of house. I think it was only the servers. But again, I was a child. God, if it was everyone, the bus boys, the dishwashers.

Lauren, this sounds like something you- The mid-90s restaurant staffed by identical twins. I just Googled it. Oh, I was gonna say, this sounds like an idea- The mid-90s restaurant staffed by identical twins. I just Googled it. Oh, I was going to say, this sounds like an idea that you had as a child, and it's been so long you've convinced yourself that it was a real thing. No, it was real. I remember being there. I actually thought it was really cool. Wow.

It opened in 1994 on the Upper East Side. It consisted of 29 sets of identical twins who worked as hostesses, bartenders, waiters, and waitresses. Hostesses, thank you. It was owned by Lisa and Debbie Gann, identical twins, and Tom Berenger. There is only one Tom Berenger. What? What?

Why skip over that so quick? How did he get in there? How's he involved? In fact, there were only two non-twins who worked there full-time, the chef and the general manager. It took us only two weeks to find enough twins to work here. We've had twins quit their full-time day jobs to work here.

It's not about money, It's about the twin thing. I mean, you got to split all of your, unless people are tipping, you know, 40%, you got to split all your earnings with- Here's what a fan wrote. Twins sounds like a pretty silly gimmick. Until you get there, when you're greeted at the door by two gorgeous and identical hostesses,

then glance at the bar to find two identical men pouring drinks, the idea begins to grow on you. This is a person who's just realizing they're bisexual. When I look over there and see hot men I'm turned on, and over here, hot women, and I also like them. I'm a bisexual that exclusively does threesomes, that's it. I'm a bisexual that does threesomes and I love twins. Wow, God, I I wanna go there now,

but I bet it's not there anymore. All the twins died, they all died. No. Yes. Do twins die quicker than normal people? No. Do they have half the life? No, but they do die simultaneously, all of them. Yeah. That's horrible. Wow.

Yeah, it's great. Have you ever known a twin? A million. Millions? Scott, have you never known a twin? Is that why you asked that question? Sklar Brothers? Sklar Brothers much? I guess I know them. I'm trying to think of any other twin. I grew up with a handful of twins. I grew up with some twins. Some twins! I was close with a number of twins over the course of my life. Okay, but not anymore.

Was there a certain point where you cut them all off or? One set of twins I was friends with in elementary school and then, you know, you just grow up. And then the other set of twins I was friends with in high school and we all just, I'm still friendly with them, but we just don't hang out or anything, but they all live in different places. I had friends that were twins and they had a really rough life. They were fraternal twins, Owen and Nell, and they both passed on sadly, but they grew up in this haunted house. Yeah.

And I think about them every day. I feel like I saw something about these two, like a documentary or something. There was a documentary about their lives. Yeah. And their whole family. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. It's like a 10 part series. 10 part documentary.

Was it like starring Jack Nicholson? No. It's a documentary. Okay. Also like we could do a full episode. I could talk about this forever. Okay. Well, we don't want to do that.

Twins? Yeah. The restaurant or the concept? Anything. I could talk about anything forever. That is freedom. And we're all freedom today. We're all freedom.

Let's talk about what we're doing today because this is a very special episode. This is our 99th episode. Fuck! 99? Are you out of your mind? And this is a very special episode. Cause we're gonna talk about Jay. And by the way-

Because one of us is addicted to drugs and the other two will confront that person. And then by the end it's fine. There is, we have a special announcement at the end of the episode, blah, blah, blah. Just, yeah, listen to it all the way through so you can hear this special announcement. Ooby dooby, ooby dooby, ooby dooby.

Who cares? Ooby dooby, ooby dooby. But what you're gonna hear today is, God, this is, I mean, it's our version of a clip show. You ever watch a sitcom and they, you know. The money is run out. Don't you remember when we were growing up? Flashback to five years ago.

The money was running out on the sitcom. All they could afford to do was like 10 minutes of a show. And then the other 20 minutes of the show was clips. That's what we're doing today. Was it a monetary thing? Is that why they did it? Or it was just that they, it was to give them a break. Also exhaustion, yeah. But I mean, I think it was usually a monetary thing? Is that why they did it? Or it was just that they, it was to give them a break. Yeah, but I mean, I think it was usually a monetary thing.

But isn't that so ridiculous? To put together like an edited episode, which is like grand, but I guess when you don't have access to all the episodes, you're like, oh yeah, I remember that one. But wait a second, would the cast get paid, like would they prorate their salaries? Well, because they'd be in the episode being like,

hey, I hit my head. I don't remember anything. Like, let me tell you about something. Everyone got paid the same amount of money, but maybe it was like shorter to shoot in the writers. Well, definitely shorter to shoot in the crew and all that. The lights. You don't have to buy pizza for the audience. (*both laugh*)

But we have bought pizza for each other. And it's all getting delivered simultaneously at the end of the episode, which is really, really good. Yes, we have surprised pizza for each other. And it's all getting delivered simultaneously at the end of the episode, which is really, really good. Yes, we have surprised each other with pizza and no one knows what kind of pizza they're gonna get. And no one knows who gave each other the pizza. But we'll figure it out, I bet. Secret Santa pizza, you guys can try it this Christmas.

Secret Santa pizza is a concept that's catching on. We really should start Secret Santa pizza. Yeah, we should what happens people show up They don't order they just get whatever we give them and then they have to give us pizza back Oh, I thought that it was this was like a concept that anyone could do but it's tied to us No, I think that we should start it as a business. Okay as a business. Yeah But now that the secrets the concept of secret Santa is that you know you're going to get something,

you don't know who it's gonna be from. Oh, okay. But you also don't know what you're gonna get. True. But I'm saying people have to know that they're getting a pizza. Sure, they're getting a pizza, they just don't know which of the chefs

is making it for them and they don't know what the pizza is. That's already the way it is, except they do know what pizza they're ordering. They have, well, no, they can't order something specific. They, and then they have to give a full pizza back to the restaurant. Uh-huh. And is a pizza weird or is it just like, you got cheese? Lauren has put on fake sunglasses, avatars sunglasses.

You got pizza with some isotoner gloves on top. They have avatar sunglasses. You got pizza with some isotoner gloves on top. They have virtual sunglasses. Well, look, this is a clip show, and we decided not to do a clip show of just, this would be boring, clip shows of our show, of our show of the previous episode that, Oh, now we're in a museum. I've never seen this.

But we decided not to do clips of previous episodes of our show, because over the past nine weeks we've been airing reruns of the show with new intros done by us. And then we started to think about it and we said, you know what, all of those intros are going to go away and they're all going to be lost to the mists of time because they're not going to be in an episode. So what if we did a full episode where you listen to these intros back to back? To back, to back, to back, to back, to back, to back.

Freaking crazy. And it's also simultaneously gonna be on Marvel's What If. It is. Can you imagine a world where this would happen? But the process of doing these... I will love you. Love, love, love, love, love. Let's talk about the process of doing these because I listened to this earlier today and it's basically we recorded these quite a few at a time. And over the time period that we did these,

we slowly, in the first one, we get off track, but then we slowly lose interest in the concept of introducing these episodes. And we just talk about random stuff. Now, do you think it's that we lose interest in it or do you think it's that we forget that that's what we're supposed to be doing? Maybe, maybe when the three of us get together,

we just forget what. Cause I started talking about twins. I could have gone on and of us get together, we just forget what. Cause I don't suppose to be. When I started talking about twins, I could have gone on and on and on. I didn't care what our plan was. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ever worked?

Ha ha ha. Lauren, are you putting these on or? I am. Oh, okay. I thought it was Josh. I'm playing with the zoom feature. Lauren's addicted to filter. She can't stop.

I just can't see myself how I really am. But we, I'm desperately trying to claw this back. Okay, good luck. Go for it. Let's see what happens. So do you guys, what are your memories of doing these intros? Oh man, I remember all the times we talked.

No, cause I really, I really do remember, I really do. I remember all these times and I remember them and they were so good. And it was so nice how we did them. And I think one of the best things about it was the ways in which we talked about stuff. Because I think when we would kind of just break it down and kind of get into stuff,

a lot of good stuff would come out. And it's stuff we want to make. Lauren, I couldn't agree more. I think that the memory I have is sitting in this chair, looking at this laptop and talking to YouTube. What were your favorite parts? I thought the sentences were really good. I liked the beginning, middle and end.

And there were parts, some parts in the before the middle and before the end that I wasn't quite as keen on, but yeah. I can see that. I liked the content. Yeah, I liked everything that was within them, I will say, and I'm excluding everything that was not in them to the extent that I liked what was in them.

I do think we're seeing a lot of people have a lot of success with doing podcasts about TV shows that have aired. I'm not against doing a podcast about this podcast. That's right, and we're doing it. A lot of people have a lot of success with doing podcasts about TV shows that have aired. I'm not against doing a podcast about this podcast. That's right. And we're doing it about that. And we talk about every episode of the podcast

and we talk about, we reflect on what it was like and we talk about what happened, something funny that happened behind the scenes maybe, someone's computer wouldn't start, the microphone broken. We're not the biggest stars of the podcast, but you still like us? I do have to say there is a funny, funny behind the scenes moment that happens,

Lauren, with you, where suddenly you stop recording. I don't want to spoil it for people. But it wasn't FFBTSM. It was an epic fail and it was so hilarious. One of the things that I like about the first clip is that it was part of God's grand plan for Earth. Yeah, well, and I think one of the last clips The first clip is that it was part of God's grand plan for earth. Yeah. Well, and I think one of the last clips was where you kind of hear us really have a lot

of realizations about ourselves and each other. Don't skip ahead, Lauren. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, because I think we are planning to do, what do we say, a podcast mullet where we will do a little short beginning and a longer end. So maybe you'll get a little something at the end. Maybe you won't. I like part, partway through the show, you can hear one of us sinning.

Yeah. And you'll hear it. You got to guess what it was. Yeah, you'll hear it when it happens. It's again part of God's great plan, yeah. One of us sins and I'm not sure if the person has sought forgiveness yet for that sin or repented.

It depends on God's plan. Here's what I love about God's plan is that we don't have to feel bad when we sin because it's part of the plan. Oh, so we can do whatever we want. Well, it's whatever God wants. Oh, God is making us sin all the time. I like God being a puppet master

and I like being a puppet. Yeah. I got no strings to hold me down. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. I don't know if your legs could do that. Well, they can, so believe it. By the way, why are you upside down, this entire upside down?

Why am I upside down, this entire upside down? I'm glad you asked, Scott, because the world is a crazy place. What are you listening to, The Freedom? Oh my God. Well, we are gonna, so what you're gonna hear is you're gonna hear these intros for the nine episodes. I know.

And then we're gonna come back and we're going to do a three-chair at the end of the episode. You should fill up your water bottle, Boris, and drink it like you're, drink it out of a towel. Why don't you have some water with that water? I don't know, how do you do this, Joe. Why don't you have some, uh, uh, water with that water? I don't know.

How do you do this joke? Why don't you put some water with that bottle? To fries. Come with that chick. Damn. I almost got fries. We're going to do a three-chair at the end and we're going to have big exciting news at the end too, that's going to fucking knock your socks into your block.

Big exciting news or Ben, as we call it in the industry. Michael Jackson, he loved Ben. Ben, the two of us need look no more. We both found what we've been looking for. Scott, do you remember we sang that song together? Yes, I do. We did a beautiful Christmas duet of Ben. Christmas Ben. What is that from? That's from the movie Willard, which is about a young man who controls rats.

Oh, you wish they were mice. Yeah. Crispin Glover. That was the tagline. You wish they were mice. That was a remake. The original was Bruce Davidson. Warren Lawson.

I once saw Crispin Glover talking on the phone about finances. His? How were his finances? Some of them were stressful, but I think, I don't know that his finances were, you know, a problem, but he was having a problem with a finance.

His name makes me wanna eat gloves. His name makes me wanna eat Nestle Crunch. Anything makes you wanna eat Nest Nestle crunch though right? Come on Lauren you're a real Nestle crunch queen. And that's why we want to say three we are so proud that Nestle crunch is a sponsor. So proud that Nestle crunch is with us. Nestle. Thank you. Suck it Hershey Crackle. The whole Nestle family from Nestle water to Nestle crunch we love you guys thank you so much for making freedom a reality. N-E-S-D-L-E-S, Nestle's makes the very best chocolate. When do they drop the S?

What? It's not Nestle's. It used to be Nestle's. That's what you asked, Paul. When did they drop the S? They dropped it because of the part they dropped it a while... Fucking listen to women! And we had a good laugh at that concept.

Well, look, let's just get into it. Oh, what you're going to hear is you're going to hear these nine intros to these episodes. And we get decidedly more loopy as they go along. And then we'll come back and do a three-chart. Does that sound fun, guys? Yeah, it sure does. Ninety- 99th episode. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Alright, let's do it. That's right. It is us, the Pretzel Gang. We're here. You didn't laugh at me saying it. Look. I was old by then. There we go. Hey, everyone. This is Scott. This is Paul.

This is Lauren. This is Paul. This is Scott. This is Lauren. And I'm Scott, Paul, and Lauren. And I can say that. This is us. This is a This Is Us podcast.

A toaster fire. No, welcome to. Scott is so afraid to do another season that he wants to take a little time. say that this is us podcast, a toaster fire. Scott is so afraid to do another season that he wants to take a little time. Welcome to freedom. He's here because he needs more restaurant stories. So he's got to go work at a restaurant. He's got to do once Andy Kaufman style. He's going to go back to all his old restaurants.

If they have closed down, he is going to make a little cardboard restaurant and call it that. The old man working on that. I got to say two of them have closed down. You've checked in? Yeah, well, Matt Gourley sent me a notice for Marie Callender's on Lucerne closing down. Poor one out. Because he used to live over by there.

Sure. And go to it. And then Cafe Cordial also closed down. Anyway, this is a restaurant roundup there. Sure. And go to it. And then Cafe Cordial also closed down. Anyway, this is a restaurant roundup for this episode. A very sad restaurant roundup today, as we bid goodbye to some of our dear old friends. Look, what are people listening to right now? They're listening to an old ad episode of Freedom. This is an introduction to a previous episode of Freedom. While we're taking some time before the next season starts,

we thought we would play some old episodes. So we put out a survey to hear what your favorite episodes were. And we're going to be playing those over the next few weeks with these little introductions. Now, if you want to participate in the survey, it's really easy to do. All you have to do is go to https://www.surveymonkey.com slash lowercase r slash capital P slash, oh wait. No, Lauren.

Start over. Let me start over. Okay, you just go to https colon forward slash forward slash www.surveymonkey.com slash forward slash, Scott. Okay, let me do it. Let me do it. Okay, here we go.

It's really easy. All you have to do is go to HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash www.survey dot C O M forward slash lowercase r forward slash uppercase P uppercase V uppercase N uppercase Q six uppercase M uppercase Y And you're there. You're right there. Just next door on the internet.

And why did we say that you should go there? To look at what the episodes are. There's a haunted image there that if you don't look at it, you will be killed. Oh, shit. Also, you will be killed. Not by supernatural means. Someone will just kill you. You will be killed if you look at it as well.

Yeah. So don't go there. So either way. Look, stay away from that link. And again, that is HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash www dot lowercase s lowercase u lowercase r lowercase v lowercase e lowercase y lowercase m lowercase o lowercase R, lowercase V, lowercase E, lowercase Y, lowercase M, lowercase O, lowercase N to lowercase K, lowercase E, lowercase Y, period. Lowercase C, lowercase O, lowercase M,

forward slash, lowercase R, forward slash, uppercase P, ooh, close. No, I don't know about that. Okay, Lauren. Please, we can't do this. Here's what you do. Please. You expect me to have to listen? I want people to have it memorized. Okay Lauren, please we can't do this. Please. I want people to have it memorized.

I want people to have it memorized. This is the site you're not supposed to go to. Go to your web browser and don't type this in. The code is as follows. Lowercase H, lowercase T, lowercase T, lowercase P,case P lowercase S colon forward slash forward slash lowercase W lowercase W lowercase W period lowercase S lowercase U lowercase R lowercase V lowercase E lowercase Y lowercase M lowercase O lowercase N lowercase K lowercase E lowercase K, lowercase E, lowercase Y, period, lowercase C, lowercase O, lowercase M, forward slash lowercase R, forward slash capital P,

capital V, capital N, capital Q, six capital M, capital Y, and you're there. And you're right there. But don't go there. But don't go there. Go to your browser and do not go to that. If you go there, you're right there, but please do not go there.

Just go into it for your own safety. We're just saying, we're trying to tell you how simple it is to end up there. Don't go there. Please do not. It's so simple, so many people are going to die. You might type in HTTPS colon forward slash forward slash www period survey monkey period com forward slash lowercase r forward slash uppercase p uppercase v

uppercase n uppercase V uppercase N uppercase Q six uppercase M Z. Sure. You might think you're typing that in, but then instead you type in the other one and then you're killed. Yeah. I'm getting a headache. I've had one. Please don't get a headache until you listen to the following episode, which

will be preceded by our loud ass intro song. This one was so good. I think we told some stories that we already told. Absolutely. We told stories that seemed boring when they're described. When you listen to them, they're actually very funny. If they were going to do this, why didn't they just record new episodes? Why don't you shut the fuck up? Go to Reddit and eat shit.

That's r slash eat shit. All right, see you next week for a different episode, but before then listen to this one. Freedom! What up, what up, what up? This is a show called Freedom. Well, it isn't yet, but it's going to be very soon. This is the pre-Threedom that everyone listens to.

This is the pre-Threedom. everyone listens to. Or threedom. Pre-dom. PRE-DOM! And if you suffer from pre-dom, you need Bluetooth. Sometimes people call pre-dom threet. Maybe the dirtiest thing I've ever said. Guys, my name is Scott. My name is Paul.

And we're all the hosts of threedom, which is this podcast you're listening to. And what are we listening to, guys? Well, we're listening to a best of Freedom, which is an episode that we recorded a long time ago, because we're taking a little break from recording new episodes until the new year. This is, well, not the new year necessarily, but... Well, I was misinformed. Fiscal year, new fiscal year. Animals don't know what year it is, and maybe they're going by a different calendar, But well, I was misinformed fiscal year new fiscal

Don't know what year it is and maybe they're going by a different calendar and a new year could start tomorrow That's right. What never know in a new episode of three. Don't show up What animal do you think is closest to understanding that it's a new year squirrels? Huh, I was gonna say parrots Why? because they can think words Hmm. Why? Because they can think words. Yeah, but they don't they mean? I think dogs are able to figure out the position of the sun so they understand time.

I mean, I don't know what I'm talking about. I just said that. I mean, I think for the most part they just repeat stuff. So like, tell yourself or something. What if you got a parrot to say, what if you got a parrot to say, I understand ears? Yeah, you could. Then there we go, I'm right.

Or like I saw a parrot on like Dateline who was like looking like, you know, they'd put a little toy on it. What, on Dateline? They put like a toy and it's like a little track. But this parrot had other plans. He didn't want a cracker. He wanted to murder.

Anyway, people are listening to- Don't you know those stories where like the parrot knows who killed somebody? But I would train a parrot to throw suspicion on somebody else. This is a Twin Peaks subplot. Is it? Oh, that's right. Yeah. I've never seen it.

Oh, you gotta see it. Oh, you gotta watch 400 hours of it. Do that to newcomers. Like, oh yeah. It's actually not that many hours. There's not that many hours of Twin Peaks. We can do it for newcomers. That would be great. No, there's probably, there are,

I believe there are about 46 hours plus a movie. Is that including the return? That's including the return. Maybe we do two episodes per episode. And then an hour and a half of deleted scenes from the movie, which are very important. Anyway. Are they?

Yeah. Look, guys, you're listening to Freedom Classic, or as I like to call it, Freedom Legacy. Ooh, I like that. This is how it all started. These are the golden years. This is how it all started or continued, guys, and we are happy to present to you this very special episode

that we did a while ago. This episode, let me just say, Paul, this was the most meaningful episode to me. So much goes down in this episode. So much is established. This is the episode, you know? This is where it all turned. I remember this episode, Lauren,

as being when you officially became a member of the Freedom King. Yes, and I felt it too. Like, when I left, I was like, I think when you officially became a member of the Freedom King. Yes. And I felt it too. Like when I left, I was like, I think they actually want me to be on the show. You were of course filling in for John Gabras for most of the episodes. He couldn't be there until like 92 or so.

We called you at the last minute and said, could you come down? John Gabras refused to do the show. And you said, okay. Yeah. And it changed my life for the better for sure. It certainly did. Well, this episode is going to change your life for the better. This is one that you guys voted on on our survey. So listen to it in remembrance of us. Yes. And if you want to vote on the episodes, Let's say this all together. Here's where you go. H T T P S colon forward slash forward slash W W W dot survey monkey dot com forward slash Big capital P, capital P, big N, big Q, big six, big M, big Y. There you go. And you can vote in your vote counts. Unlike in every election in our country. This system is disease.

Paul, do you usually say big instead of capital? Oh no. Did you hear that? Big six. Oh, big six. Don't be a little six. What number should have capital letters? Absolutely. Number should have capital letters. Because you don't want to scream a number, but you don't know how. Capital six. OK, enjoy this episode. Bye, everyone. Bye.

Hey, guess what dipshits, we're back. It's been one week since you heard us talk. Hold on. Were you talking to us when you said dipshits with the audience? You will never know. You'll never know and I will never reveal it. I'm going to, I will only tell Carly Simon and whisper it in her ear if she pays me $1 million! Lauren, do you know what that's even referring to? I don't know.

There's a song called, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. in her ear if she pays me one million dollars. Hmm. Lauren, do you know what that's even referring to? I don't know. There's a song. One million dollars is from Austin Powers.

Yeah. That's what it's referring to. That was a movie that popularized that sum of money. Well, also, the character of Austin Powers was based on Carly Simon. Yeah. On her personal life. She was getting shagged. On just the aspect of her sexuality.

She was getting shagged. Welcome to Freedom Classic. It's a three run. This is the show where you hear a show you've heard before. But maybe not. Maybe you're a new listener of Freedom and you haven't heard these old episodes. And while we're biding our time craftily waiting for the new season to start,

myself, Lauren Lapkus. Wait, did you say we're craftily waiting? Craftily waiting. What does that mean? We're putting plans into motion and waiting for dominoes to fall. You know what it is? Scott was like, I can't do another episode.

I don't have any new stories yet. I need a few books. I need to go work at a restaurant. We are freezingly waiting until we have new stories to tell you. And when we do, you'll get a new episode, but until then you'll get this and like it. You better like it. I think this one has a story that is about something that happened

when we were kids. Oh, I bet. Or one of our jobs. Who knows? Anyway, certainly not something from our future. Oh, I hope we're not rerunning that episode, right? Where we predict our deaths. We're not going to rerun the one where we recorded in the future. We went in that back to the future car. Yeah. The Jigawatts, we got up to. We got into the old Jigawatts car. That's Reggie Watts's brother, right?

Yeah. He used to deliver Jigawatts to people. Fred, Fred Watts. Fred Watts. Guys, anyway, enjoy this episode of Freedom Classic, and we'll we'll be seeing you down the line. Yeah, we'll be seeing you. We love you and we miss you. And we'll be seeing you keep going.

Seeing you. Follow us on Instagram because Scott is very active on Instagram and he wants to talk to you. Scott wants to hear from you, and Scott loves you very much, and Scott wants to give you a hug, and Scott loves you so much, sweetie pie. Scott, sometimes when I read his Instagram captions,

I get a little choked up, I'm not gonna lie. They're so vulnerable on Maine. Okay, goodbye. See you next time. Well, no, listen to, goodbye. See you next time. Well, no, listen to this first. See, he can't be vulnerable on this format. We can't see you next time unless you listen to this first. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Freedom! Hey, freedom listeners. I was saying, I was saying hi to, are you saying hi to everybody? I'm saying hi to the freedom listeners? What happened to you? You see something terrible happens. It's the last time I spoke to you all it's like you're straining to yell

Oh, I can't yell anymore. It's a terrible accident. I had Imagine if you had an accident that took away your ability to yell I got hit in the throat by a megaphone that took away your ability to yell. I got hit in the throat by a megaphone. That's ironic. But now you have megaphone powers, I would think. That's true. It was a radioactive megaphone. Is megaphone like from Marvel?

No. Lauren. You haven't seen Marvel. But you know what a megaphone is. You were the captain of the cheerleading team. You had the big thing. It was Ra-Ras Sismba. Ra-Ras Sism. You were the captain of the cheerleading team. You had the big thing. You would yell through it.

Ra-Ra-Sis-Boomba. Ra-Ra-Sis-Boomba. I was one of the little ones they would throw at the top. Yeah. Were you actually in cheerleading? Fuck no. Oh, okay. I was going to say, we've never talked about it on this show.

That would be crazy if I had never brought it up. Listen, this is not a new episode, so fucking calm down. We are rerunning episodes until we are ready to start our new season. And we're picking some episodes, well actually, you're picking some episodes that you'd like to hear again. You chose this.

So if you don't like this episode, it's because you either voted wrong or you didn't vote. Yes. Your actions have consequences and this is one of them. Fuck around and also find out. If you would like to vote, if you'd them. Fuck around and also find out. If you would like to vote, if you'd like to fuck around and then find out if what happened as a result of your fucking around,

you can go to surveymonkey.com slash p-v-a-r. You skipped there. You forgot the R. Let me take over. You go to survey, I'm not gonna tell you all the H-T-T-P colon slash slash www. You knew all that part. It's survey monkey.com slash lowercase r slash capital P V N Q number six and capital M Y.

And that'll get you right to the survey. You said M then capital M. So I need to do it. I did. Go ahead Scott. Yeah. All right. So it's survey monkey.com slash lowercase R. Before that you have H T T P. Oh did. Go ahead Scott. Yeah. All right. So it's surveymonkey.com slash lowercase R. Before that you have HTTP. Oh boy. Now we just, you just put it in. It'll be no problem. I just want it to be known what's before it. Okay. Just so you know, you don't have to put this in. It'll automatically do it, but know that there is an HTTP colon and then two forward slashes,

then three W's and a dot. Paul, your hat is a baseball cap with a question mark on it. Is this supposed to be like, we have to guess what team you're into? Yes, I play for the Seattle Riddlers. Edward Nigmas. I am Edward Nigmas of the Seattle Riddlers. Tell us the link, Scott. Look, it's SurveyMonkey. Monkey! SurveyMonkey! SurveyMonkey.com link Scott. Look, it's survey monkey duck. Monkey.

It's monkey.com. Now I have to do it. Okay. So you've heard about the HTTP and the colon. You've heard about the two slashes. You've heard about the three W's and the dot. Here's all you need to know.

You can just put this part in. You've heard about the fool on the hill. Survey monkey. Walrus was Paul. Dot com slash lowercase r slash uppercase p uppercase v uppercase n uppercase q uppercase six uppercase m uppercase m and uppercase Y. Now, what does that stand for? Why is it so difficult? Well, here's how you remember it. The P stands for party.

The V stands for victory. The N stands for no new stories. The Q stands for QAnon. The six stands for the number six that is the age you are when you're six. And the my stands for my podcast, my podcast. And that's how you should think of this, as your podcast. I know, I've never clicked this link,

and I'm curious what happens when I do. I think it's like a scary face comes out, right? Ah! Also, Rick Astley jumps out of your computer and sings, never gonna give you up live to you. But he's this big, he's so small. Well, that's how big he is in real life. I would absolutely do that.

I would click on that if that happened. If a little tiny Rick Astley, would it be a hologram or would it be him? It's him. But what if, okay, what if you clicked on it and somebody else clicked on it like a half a second later, does he get sucked back into the computer? He's in multiple like timelines at the same time.

He's like Santa Claus where anytime Rick Astley, Rick rolls, but he can be in several places at once. But only on Christmas Eve. So go to Christmas Eve and then click on the link. And you'll see Rick roll. This all made sense. Anyway, enjoy this classic episode of Freedom. Or don't.

I like the ending of this one. Hello. Is this a new episode? I'm scared. No, this is a much of old bullshit we did before. Hi Freedom listeners. This is Paul. This is Scott.

And I'm Lauren. And that was a clip from the fairy tale play. Freedom in the woods. What if we did an episode in the woods? Let's do it. Like Shakespeare in the Park. The COVID can't get us there. No, it can't. It can get you at Dodger Stadium though, apparently.

I know, apparently. Guys, we wanna just thank you so much for being such great fans. Thank you. I just wanted to say, I'm crying. Ooh, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Because without you, we wouldn't have the podcast. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Seriously though, and I know we've had a lot of fun on this podcast, but now it's time to take it down several notches and get on the serious tip. We just want to thank you so much.

Paul, I mean, Scott, I mean, Scott. I'll sit this one out. Can you go to the Freedom Instagram and read your latest caption out loud? No, I don't want to. Please! Come on! First of all, it won't even be the latest one. I'm sure you're gonna add some more bullshit

since this one. So what? This will be the one that's won from today. I don't even know how to get to it. I think three WSA on Instagram. I don't know how to get to it. Do it. Pick up my phone. Please. Oh, like you, your, your screen time isn't eight hours a day. Is that what yours is? Paul eight hours. Mine's probably 23. 23? I told you on this show about the week that it said it was 23 and I was like. I told you about the week it was 23.

Told you about the food of the year. 23 and me is actually about your screen time. Oh, fuck. Lauren, that was savage. You got hosted, bitch. That was savage. Ray showed. You got ray showed.! That was savage. Rachode. You got rachode.

I am here for it. What is this? You're listening to Freedom, and this is new, but we're about to hear us in the past. Yeah, right now we're in the future, because you're hearing this after we did it. So we don't know when you're hearing this, so it's the future. So it's the future.

So it's the future to you, to us. And honestly, it might be the future on the old episode to you if you're- It might be the future on the old episode to you. It's definitely the future to the people who are talking on the earlier episodes. Like they wouldn't, they couldn't even conceive that this was gonna happen.

That's true. That's true, that's true. We didn't have the knowledge that we have now. We were ignorant fools. Actually, I was didn't have the knowledge that we have now. We were ignorant. Actually, I was listening to one of the old ones hearing us. Don't you have a new baby? There was something I wanted to hear on the episode, but I was listening to part of it and Was it us advising you not to have a baby?

Yeah, and I was like hearing us talk about something that hadn't happened yet. And it was weird to hear us be so ignorant. Uh oh. Well, listen to us be ignorant on this show. Was it the one, Lauren, was it the one where we say there will never be an insurrection on the Capitol? Yes. Yes. And we said we could never imagine such a thing. It wouldn't happen. The worst thing is we recorded that on January 7th.

I know. We were all asleep on January 6th. Yeah, we were waiting for our epiphany presents. What's that? Don't worry about it. From epiphany. I thought you said- Those little blue boxes? Yeah, I think it said epiphany presents

and I thought that's what I thought too. Breakfast at epiphanies. Guys, have some epiphanies while you listen to this show. Like let us guide you through some personal epiphanies, some aha moments that you may have while listening to us. Maybe you'll think like, aha, I don't like hearing these twice. And maybe you'll think, aha, I'm going to go buy some aha,

because I saw Lauren in the commercial for aha sparkling water. Take on me, take on me. Take on this podcast, enjoy it. We will be back soon, but until then, listen to this in remembrance of us. Freedom! Cute. Can you believe that?

How funny we are. This is Paul, Lauren and Scott in the present again. And we just heard those first five intros and so good, but we're going to take a break if that's okay. I hope it's okay. Because we have a great sponsor that you're going to be very excited about. We are so excited about the sponsor and we've been begging them and now they finally came around. They finally came around our point of view.

We got them. We got a lot of tweets for point of view. We got them, we got them good. It took a lot of tweets for all of you to get it done, but they finally put a little. Yes, once you guys started doing your part, it all came together. Thank you so much for everything you did to make this happen.

You are our number one listener. That's right, please hobble us and put us in a bed, in a cabin. Hobble us? Mis bed, in a cabin. Hobble us? Misery. Look it up. I actually have seen 90% of that movie. What's the 10 that you didn't see?

The miserable part? I might have seen the end. I watched it like during the pandemic. Fun. Well, if it was so recently, why don't you remember? Because I don't fucking remember, dude. She's got you there, Scott. All right, well, let's go break. When we come back, we're gonna hear the rest of the story.

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occur. Any positive results negative results may occur. Any positive results should be followed by a colonoscopy. Not a replacement for colonoscopy in high-risk patients. The Cologuard test is available by prescription only. And we're back. Here's the next one. This is us in the present. And, okay, these four are when they really start to go off the rails so

This is when we go off dude This is when the rails are not even in sight anymore because we've gone off them We are a train flying down the side of a mountain. Okay, if a train is going 65 miles an hour and Freedom is playing at 60 minutes per hour I'm in Chicago. How many episodes of Freedom is Paul? Now, Snowpiercer, did you ever see that movie about a crane where people eat frozen roaches? They eat bugs, yeah.

This is like that only off the rails. I really don't remember how movies end. There's movies that I'm, not to say I've been in movies, but I was a babysitter and then I got in movies. And I will be in movies and I don't remember how they end. How did- Well yeah, cause you don't read the whole script and your character's never made it to the end.

How did the Between Two Ferns movie end? You were in it, we had to reshoot the ending. Oh, okay, the reshoots make it seem fresh. It was that he got his new show. I saw that movie and I don't remember how it ends. Yeah, I know. Yeah, you only listened to your part. I remember the original end.

I did tune out. I was at the premiere and I did, I did put sunglasses on him, just laid back. You turned your back to the, to the screen too, I remember. I did, yeah. You were just watching how everyone's reacting. You were doing thumbs down gestures to the crowd. But I wasn't the only one,

it was also Ed Harris and Amy Madigan. Yeah, but then like they were, people were laughing and you'd walk around and shut people's mouths with Madigan. Yeah, but then like they were, people were laughing and you'd walk around and shut people's mouths with their hands. Shut up, stop, stop. It's not funny. When people pass their hand over somebody's dead body

to close their eyes, I would do that to people's mouths. Yeah, and they would stop laughing and they were confused. Why can't I laugh anymore? How did that work? Okay, so let's hear these last four intros. You're gonna love them. And then we're gonna play a three-chart at the end and have that big announcement.

It's gonna be cool. Freedom! Hey guys, I just turned on my air conditioning cause it's hot where I am. It's hot where I am too and my air conditioning's on too and I don't really give a shit. It's freezing where I am.

Welcome to a freedom. Where are you? Yeah, where are you? I can see your breath. I'm in Miami. M-m-m-M-M-M's here. He's here and he's so cold, just like me. Hey, you know what though? My name is Scott. I'm not, I'm going to say not welcome to 3DM wherever you are because some people might be in hell and I'm not welcoming them.

That's true. Do you think they have podcasts in hell? I hope so. Yes, though they must. Oh my God. They have even more there. Can I just complain about the Apple podcast update? I wish you would.

It is so hard to function. Perfect time to do it. While we're in a podcast. We're trapped in this podcast and you're complaining? It doesn't show up in my new episodes. I don't care. Look, what I like about an interface is if it keeps me guessing.

Like, I get used to how it works, and then they change it, and then I'm like, now what? I think it's fun and exciting. Like an escape room. That's true. Do you guys want to do an escape room together sometime? Yeah, we should record an episode while we do an escape. I would absolutely do that.

I think that's really funny. That would be funny. So that's going to be in the new season. That'll be a whole chunk of episodes called freedom escape room. a whole chunk of episodes called Freedom Escape Room. A whole chunk of episodes. That's coming up. So you don't want to miss any of that.

But until that happens, we are hearing these Freedom Classic episodes. Some really interesting episodes where you voted on them to hear your favorite episodes. Yeah, your opinion matters. The escape rooms, like Josh walk around with a boom mic, capture everything we say. Yeah. Actually, I think we should have lav mics so that when we're like under our breath cursing each other,

that gets picked up. Because I think that's fun for the audience and for us to hear later. Josh agreed to do that. Yeah, he agreed. This guy's nuts. This kid is so nuts. And you'll hear that on this episode.

By the way, wild. Some of these edits he does in this episode you're about to hear are so crazy. I mean, he doesn't talk on the episode, but I do. Josh, with the boom mic, we're like trying to figure out clues. It's dumb. Hold this gate. And then It's so dumb to escape. And then he's just trapped in it and he knows.

He, by the way, will be forbidden from telling us the answers to any of these things, which he will have figured out before us. It's also like if you're if you're if you don't hold a boom mic as your job, it's a very exhausting thing to do. He's really excited to do it. He doesn't know how much his arms are going to hurt. By the way, during the Between Two Ferns movie, we did a 45 minute take with Andy Daly, and I didn't think much of it,

but everyone was congratulating the boom mic operator on how long it was. That's amazing. That's right, I forgot. That's a bad thing. I hope you said that to the boom mic operator. And then Giovanni had to hold the boom in the movie, and that's hard too. Yeah, that's very difficult to do,

because suddenly you get camera shy, MP shy. I bet I could do it. I bet I could do it. I bet I could hold a boom and piss at the same time. Hell, what's the heaviest thing you've ever held up? Two pencils. Together or in each arm? Together.

Were they number two? Yeah, so four. That's heavy. So four pencils. Wow. I think for me, the heaviest thing I ever held is like Marshmallow, you know For me it would be

eight clouds What they're big. How'd you get your arms around them sucker? And why don't you get those arms around me? By the way, we're all romantic with each other since our final episode. We're all in a polyamorous relationship. I think people deserve to know that we fuck each other all the time. That will be reflected in the new season. Oh, yeah.

Actually, you can hear the sexual tension in this episode. This is what led to it. This is the one that right after it ended we all just started making out. Absolutely, absolutely. At the same time, our three faces. So the minute you hear the credits, just picture that. Picture our three faces meeting at the lips. You know what? So picture it. I don't think you need to picture it.

Draw it. Draw it. Yeah, draw it for us. And I will post it on the Freedom Instagram account. And Scott, I will make sure that you write something really poetic underneath it. Thank you so much. If you do draw it, please use a more recent picture of me. Like within the last 30 seconds.

Yeah, I'm taking I'm taking several pictures right now and uploading them. Well, you do it like the Matrix, right? Where you have like all the cameras around you at all times. I do it like the Matrix. You know, have you been red pilled? I'm a red pilled. I think my diarrhea medicine. I just watched a funny Instagram video where Will Smith said he turned down the role of Neo. Oh, save it for the next season, because that sounds great. Anyway. I think I told you the whole thing.

Listen to this. Thank God he did a Hancock. No, he said he wanted to do Wild Wild West. And he said, I'm sorry. Wild Wild West. I'm sorry, everyone, that you enjoyed that movie. No, he actually said, Wild Wild West, but you got it. He said, he said, no, he actually said. Sorry about, well, it was, but you got it. He said, he said, I didn't ruin the matrix for you. It was nice.

It was like self-aware. Filly, I love him. I'm not recording anymore. Oh, no. Goodbye. What happened? Freedom! Everyone ready?

OK. I'm ready. Yeah, we're doing it. Of course we're ready. We're doing it right now. This is it? Hi, everybody. This is it? Hi everybody. This is it baby! This is it! Is that all there is?

Is that all there is to an intro? Hi everyone. Welcome to 3Dim the redux version? Scott, I have to tell you that as you're talking my little mouse glove on my computer It's right on the tip of your little nosy You put a glove on your computer mouse In zoom it looks like a glove. Yeah, so shut up You fucking idiot He didn't notice Zoom was a glove!

Zoom looks like the hamburger helper God, the things that we say, even 10 years ago. The things we do for love! The things we do for love! Like a walkin' in the rain and the snow and there's nowhere to go. There's nowhere to go. Guys, my name's Scott. My name's Scorrin.

Guys, my name's Paul. And you're going to hear another episode of the hilarious podcast, Freedom! Now in this episode, I think this is the one where we started one of the most epic jokes. Really hating each other. Oh yeah, that too. Oh, so episode one? Yeah, but I was going to say we started one of our most epic inside jokes that would come back many a time in the future. Which one?

I don't know, I'm just bullshitting. Do you understand that? I don't know what episode this is. He's lying, you're a liar. He's lying. No, but this is, all jokes aside. No, but okay. Seriously, this is a really,

this is a really, really good episode. This is actually my favorite episode of Freedom. It there's something that happens at the 20 minute mark that you're going to really enjoy. Lauren, you're right. It is my favorite of Scott's favorites, but it is not my favorite episode. Exactly. Also, at 45 minutes and 22 seconds,

you will hear the loudest scream of a banshee. Yeah. Just in time for the spooky season. And listen, be sure to listen for the tag. Yes. You won't want to miss the tag. The skin tag. Eww! Yeah, that we discussed. We discussed the skin tag for two hours. Yes. But look, this is, how else can I say it? You're going to love this show.

It's just I don't even have the words to express myself. That's right. I don't have the words to express Scott's self. And what we're doing is we're presenting you a classic episode that you already loved and now you will love again even more. You loved it the first time, but you're going to love it the second time. Do you remember when Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton married, then divorced, then remarried again? Yeah, it's gonna be exactly like that.

Yes. Oh my God, that's my nightmare. What are some other great couples who got, Ben Affleck and J.Lo! Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Karaszewski. What's the guy's name? No, she married that construction worker. Do you remember that guy?

Uh, Furtensky. Who married a construction worker? Larry Fortensky! And I know that because every time you put down Fortensky in a poker game, you call it the Larry. Sure, absolutely. Larry Fortensky. Lauren. Do you guys play posters?

You guys play posters a lot. No, who married Larry Fortensky? You. Do you guys play posters? You guys play posters a lot? No, who married Larry Fortensky? Elizabeth Taylor explained posters to Larry Fortensky. They fell in love and they were both eating a poster at the same time. The first one that he explained was like the Heather Locklear with a bikini on. Remember that poster? I said, who married Larry Fortensky? An ominous Fortensinsky of Things to Come.

Well, look, guys, you're going to love it. We're going to love you loving it. And then you're going to love us loving you loving it. We love to love you loving it, you guys. We love to love, love to love you loving it. Ah, ba-da-ba-ba-ba, love to love you loving it. You're eating McNuggets. Oh, I want that right now. I'm loving it. Ah, ba-da-ba-ba-ba, love to love you, love me. You ain't McNuggets.

Oh, I want that right now. I would eat that right now. Just the idea of them, you want them. By the way, if we could be sponsored by McNuggets right now. What was that, your bracket? That's your ultimate dream. Just McNuggets.

Not McDonald's, I don't care about them. Talk to McNuggets, get them to sponsor us. The McNugget characters, when they had characters of them, those looked so good to eat. Did any of them have sunglasses on? I would eat the eyeball. Yeah, for sure there's one that's creepy. Yeah, there's already eyeballs in it.

Creepy? The Fry Guys with sunglasses. I didn't mean to say creepy, I'm tired. Lauren went to sleep. Oh no, she put her own sunglasses. And she's like a parrot. She thought it was nighttime. It is nighttime.

All right, let's do this fucking episode, goodbye. Get the fuck out of here. Freedom! Hello, hello, hello. It's time once again for the show we call Freedom. It's time once again for the show we call Freedom. This show is brought to you by Scooters and Toots. Hi, my name is.

Scooters and Toots? My name is Pooters and Poots. My name is Hooters and Hoots, hoo hoo. I'm an owl, I hate trash. Oh my God. Clean it up. Me, I'm telling you all to do it. The owl hated trash or he just hated people polluted?

He hated pollution, but that included trash. He hated all trash? Did he hate it? Kids are running factories. Wait, did he hate the owl? He's not telling them to do it. Did he hate it or did he just say, hey, I have an opinion, give a hoot. Don't pollute.

You know what? He actually, he wanted you to care, but part of that caring was to not pollute. Yeah. So if you were a little kid, most of that is done. Right? Like you're not, you don't create much pollution. What's your foodie on your scooter? What was ironic was he didn't care. Like he wanted you to care, but he could.

He didn't give a shit. But he felt sorry for us. Yeah. As he knew that our world would be ruined and his would remain perfectly intact. He was an alien. All owls feel sorry for human beings. Yeah. If you ever see an owl, it pities you and thinks you're a coward. Yeah.

Yeah. Who hasn't had that experience? Anyway, you're listening to Freedom, and this is what we like to call Freedom Refresh. This is the merest taste of what you'll hear in the episode. Yes, I mean, we're recording this now, but we recorded this episode years ago, like a decade ago. This episode is so fucking old

that nothing is relevant that we say. Yeah, hey, I don't wanna blow your minds. This episode is so fucking old, your grandma farts dust. While she listens to this episode. No. You said we're recording this now, but when people hear this, it will be then. That's true, oh my God, everything is then hear this, it will be then. That's true.

Oh my God, everything is then. We're in the past. Unless it's now. We're in the past right now. We're in the past right now. We're in the past right now. We're in the past right now. It's like that They Might Be Giants song, not to be that fucking Dwarf on the Bachelor, but.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were a lion, you've ever been, and now you're even older. And now you're even older. Oh, thanks for plugging it. And now you're even older. And now you're even older. Oh, thanks for plugging it. And now you're even older. Still. Anyway, we're here to guide you through this process.

We're gonna pop in occasionally throughout the episode. Yeah, that's right. So listen to the whole thing. So listen closely because we're gonna pop up. Part way through I'm gonna come in and say a really big secret of mine. Yeah, this is sort of like pop-up videos. Yeah.

Or that there was some show where the Tom Arnold hosted and then it would be like. No mine. Yeah. This is sort of like pop up videos. Yeah. Or that there was some show where the Tom Arnold hosted and then it would be like, it was like an America's funniest videos, but like for, you know, people that like- Dumb shits. Yeah, dumb shits. And he would pop up in the videos, like a little Tom Arnold would appear on the screen

and say, why is he doing that? Someone like him where like, I don't know. No offense. I guess it is offensive. No one wants to see him. No, I think they did. I think they did. And that's why.

There was a period where he was just fucked. Did he have his back to the camera at least? Yeah, he did. He was looking at the screen like he was a little guy walking up to an enormous screen like, hey, like a MST3K. Yeah, but not a silhouette. He would like walk into frame. He would turn around. What do you think guys? And then he would point at the screen and say something

funny. Now I want to see the show actually happen. Um, but we, yeah, so we're going to pop in every once in a while and clarify things. Like if we ever got anything wrong, we're going to pop up and say, apologize. Perfusely. A lot of corrections, apologies. Beg your forgiveness. Like near the end Josh comes out. Not the very end. Cause I don't want you to just skip ahead.

That's the tag. Oh, and I have to say, we use a new technology that you can't just skip ahead. Try and find it. You have to listen through. If you skip ahead, it'll just cut out the new stuff. It'll take you back to the beginning. Yeah. And it'll, it'll make your phone blow up.

Ooh. And your phone your phone blow up. Ooh. And your phone's gonna blow up. With texts. Yeah, you're gonna get a bunch of calls and texts. Ha ha ha. OK, so don't be a dumb shit. Don't turn this off right now. Keep listening to the entire thing.

You're gonna like it. And you're gonna be reminded to be like, this is why I like this show. Yeah. I don't know why I have such a bad idea of these people when I'm not listening to the show. When I do listen to the show, it's like, oh, yeah, I do like this show. Yeah. I don't know why I have such a bad idea of these people when I'm not listening to the show. When I do listen to the show, it's like, oh yeah, I do like this.

Oh, we should talk about Peter the Intern. Oh! He fucking got fired. Let's do that on the next one. Oh, keep him wanting more. Yeah, keep him wanting more. Because this episode, it's already in the can. We're already halfway out the door mentally at this point, much

like the audience. So let's just throw it to you. Yes. A cliffhanger. I hope you guys like this one and we'll see you next week to hear about PTI. Freedom! Guys, this was a tough one. We lost someone who worked for us.

Wow, we're starting. This is like a cold open week. Starting with Lauren. He lost someone who worked for us. I think he's over here. Wow, we're starting. This is like a cold open week. We're just starting with Lauren. Because people wanted to hear what they said. Hi, everyone. Welcome to the show. Any sort of welcome to people?

No. Just straight into this. What don't you understand about a cold open? In a cold open, you don't discuss if you're gonna welcome people to the show. I'm freezing, Paul. We had an intern. His name was Peter.

If you follow us on Instagram, you did get to know him pretty, pretty well. He had a number of posts where he got very, very, very deep. Almost better than anyone in your family. You probably know him more than that. And Peter was, look, I'm just gonna say it. He wasn't a great intern. No, no, he was terrible.

He posted the reason why on Instagram, he did post nudes in the story. That was something that we did. Yeah. Where did we find him? Because I wasn't part of the hiring process. He showed up. Did you guys interview him? You said you didn't want to have anything to do with us having an intern. Yeah.

You said I want him to do all the work, but I don't want to meet him. Yeah, and you never did. Oh, I remember. Yeah. And he showed up at me and Lauren's joint office. And he said, I like joints or yeah, yeah, we rented two rooms connected and we smoked weed there. Yeah, it's a glass wall in between.

We look at each other smoking weed. But we just go to the piste side. Yeah, exactly. We see if we can hotbox ourselves. Yeah, we get so high. Oh, we get so high. Anyway, I guess when we were so high, Peter showed up. That's probably why I got hired. He showed up with his long neck and his weird glasses.

And he said, I want to work for free for you and Scott, I suppose. And we said, what can you do? And he said, nothing but post Instagrams. Yeah. And we said, well, that's helpful And he said, nothing but post Instagrams. Yeah, and we said, well, that's helpful because Scott does all the Instagrams now and I think it is a lot of his play. Yeah, he needs a break.

It was so much on my plate. And you were wrung out emotionally. I truly was. I would go to sleep weeping every single night. Fair. With joy. Yeah, with joy because I love the fans so much. Because you love connecting with the fans all day. But it's a lot of energy.

Yeah, well, I mean, to have such a wet pillow in the morning as well, it's just like... And crying really does wear you out. I remember I dreamed I was licking a giant marshmallow and I woke up, my pillow was wet. I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow and I woke up, I was shitting marshmallows. I had a dream I was eating a giant pillow and I woke up and my pillow had been eaten by me? A giant marshmallow? Oh my god. Anyway, so we are on the hunt for a new intern. By the time you hear this, we might have found somebody.

We may have, yeah. Keep a close eye on the Instagram stories because I'm tired of spending so much time on it. I've interviewed a couple people. Are they hot? That's debatable. Should we be talking about this or is this like an HR? I want it to be objective. Yeah, we want them to be the hottest. I'll find someone really good looking.

The one thing that I'm, you know, I put out a APB for a new intern. Yeah, all points bulletin. Good, because I didn't know what that meant. And I put out an Applebee's. One of the things I said was... What's that song that mentions Applebee's, by the way? Every once in a while, we go to Applebee's. Oh yeah, it might be the National Anthem.

No, I heard it the other day. I think it's a big hit. Apple Bottom Jeans, you mean? No, no, no, but it's a song... Every once in a while, we go to Apple Bottom Jeans. Apple Bottom Jeans. Where it's like, usually we get nuggets or we get a shake, but now we're going down to Applebee's get the Oreo milkshake for dessert. And it's not a jingle.

This is your song. I found, I came across this guy on Tik Tok who is like a country. I came across this guy. Oh, come on. Yeah. I, I jizz across him. Is that what you're saying? Entered the world of TikTok and stumbled upon a most remarkable fellow.

It's like a he was just this guy's OK, and he was sitting on an easy chair and he's doing like, is that what it's called? Depends on what the chair is. Just sounds like a great TikTok so far.

And he was like he was doing issues. It was honestly you guys is ideal shit because he was going like mashup songs. Like he would just like go from one song into another song. You have such a low opinion of us. He would connect them and everyone's comments are like, this fucking flames, dude. And then he ended up, then I went down a little wormhole with him. Turns out he's selling out fucking concert venues,

singing country songs, including, and then people love when he makes these little like song mashups on his TikTok. And that's how he got famous. He goes on the, he does a show and he's like, think TikTok's amazing. And the whole crowd goes insane. Cause he knows TikTok.

Is this guy named Easy Chair Mash? He's my favorite country singer. I didn't know he did this. Is Easy Chair a thing or did I just put those words together? No, Easy Chair is a thing. Easy Chair is a thing, but we don't know what chair you're talking about. Lazy Boy.

Yeah, we want a brand name. Is that an Easy Chair? Broi Hill. Anyway, we need an intern. In any case, you put out your Applebee's. And I said in it, whoever it is, I need you to have no photos of yourself. I need you to only have photos that have watermarks on them.

That is the only way I will know that you're legit because you've had photos taken by a professional. Get images, Alame, photo, whatever. It's gotta be just covered with watermarks and you should be very attractive. And for a girl, that means pretty. For a boy, that means handsome. I mean, we did say with Peter, we also thought he was incredibly hot.

We thought he was really hot. We were stoned out of our minds. Um, yeah, so... We had pot goggles on. Poggles. Poggles. Yeah, so, you know, we got to know Peter really well over the course of a bit of time. I put hot goggles on. Poggles. Poggles. That's a Pug in a Puggle. We got to know Peter really well over the course of time.

I truly do. I mean, I'm upset. I truly do miss him. I thought he was doing a good job. Yeah. I didn't mind what he did. I thought his job was shitty. And what sucks is I got to be really close with him

friend wise and I couldn't tell him that I thought his job was bad. And then we also agreed we were going to get matching tattoos like Suicide Squad, but also like Suicide Squad. I got one and he didn't get one like Will Smith didn't. What? What did you get? I got a tattoo of his face and then my face kind of behind it

like peeking around from his head. And he was supposed to get one of his face, and then my face kind of behind it, like peeking around from his head. And he was supposed to get one of his head, the like the back of his head and you- Yeah, the back of his head and the back of my head. It was gonna be the back of my head, and then you could see sort of the back of his head. So it's like an homage. And then you put each other's legs together

so that people could see both ends. And this is like an homage to the Tom Arnold show. Yeah, even though the tattoos were on my biceps. And then it was the Tom Arnold show and my tribute. And what happened was now it's a one minute tribute. It's just a tribute. Is that Tenacious D? It is.

Lauren, you're a hip. So anyhow, time's running out. We had to kill him. I mean, fire him. Economically. Yeah, kill him economically. He's ruined. We put him in a squid game, all right?

Although these days, they're with the- Now everyone knows. We put him in a one person squid game. He lost the first game, he's dead. To himself. Okay, spoiler alert. Spoiler alert? About Peter.

Boimler alert. Anyway, I missed PTI, but hopefully by the time you listen to this, there's going to be a new intern who will be popping off on the chat. Yes, God willing. Inshallah. So guys, listen to this episode of Freedom. This is actually our least favorite episode. We have no idea why you voted for this. I hate this episode so much.

Oh my God, I fucking hate this one. I can't believe we didn't destroy it. You'll hear why. Oh no, it will be apparent. Well, we played, before we started recording, we said, okay, every other thing we each say should be a lie. So every other thing that each of us says isn't true. Good luck figuring out which one we started with,

lie or not lie. We played 50 truths and 50 lies. That's right. So listen to this and boy, we'll have exciting news about a new season very soon, but, or we might not, who knows, but listen to this one and... Entertain yourself with this. It'll remind you of why you love us and you'll wait for us just another week or two.

And remember, we might not have exciting news soon. Enjoy! Bye! We did it again. We fucking did it again. Well, guess what? Guess what? We're gonna take a little break and it's none of your business what we're doing, but that's a little free time for you to do whatever you want, okay? And we're not, look, I know what you're assuming. We're tinkling.

We're not, we don't do that. We're not tinkling. We're just taking a little time for ourselves. We're not doing the other one that's worse either. No, we're just going inside the bathroom and just having a spare moment away from the hustle and the bustle. God, I just want to think for two seconds. I'm not making stinky. I'm not making water, I'm not making stinky. But you guys do whatever you want to do, no judgment here. No, if you have to do that, I understand. Some people have to do that. Take a big old honker.

We don't have to do that. We don't have to honker. We don't have to do that. We don't have to do that. We don't have to do that. Our bodies work differently. The Christmas Find Out Who game. Oh, Christmas Find Out Who game. Buy the Christmas Find Out Who game shirts. They're probably $1 now. Yep.

Yeah, how about your croc charms? By the way, did you enjoy listening to us talk about crocs? Yeah, by the way, did you enjoy that? I hope you did. And if you did, please tweet at Crocs. Tweet at Crocs that you love us. Okay, so we're going to take a break when we come back. We'll play a signature and we'll have an exciting announcement.

Boy, take out, huh? It used to feel special. Remember when your parents or parents would say, oh, I got takeout from a place and you'd be like, yeah, I don't have to eat your cooking anymore. That's at least my experience. Anyway, it used to feel special, but these days it's easy to end up paying restaurant prices for fast food quality, right? And that is why Cook Unity is here to help us actually enjoy ordering in again.

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doing ads and we like it so much we just kept it going. We get it every single week. I ordered the beef empanadas with chimichurri sauce and jalapeno cheddar mashed potatoes, so good. Avoid the takeout trauma with Cook Unity. Affordable food crafted by award-winning chefs delivered to your door. Go to cookunity.com slash threedom or enter code THREEDOM before checkout for 50% off your first week. That is 50% off your first week by using code THREEDOM or going to cookunity.com slash THREEDOM.

From Theater of the Mind. My name is Hildy. Melissa McCarthy stars as a woman who embarks on an epic quest. I can't just leave my life to lead a quest. But to save her medieval homeland, she must gather a team of warriors. You couldn't come join the battle

because you got your deck stuck in your armor. When you say it like that, it sounds really bad. It's got to be me. Hildy the Barback and the Lake of Fire this fall. My name is Hildy the Barback. And we're back. Just like we said we would be. We didn't lie, honey. When we promise something, we deliver. Can you imagine, Lauren, you're a parent now

saying to Holly like years from now, and I didn't lie, honey. And see, I didn't lie. But I do tell her I'll be back and I'm always gonna come back. Is that true? Yeah. If that's true, I wouldn't. Oh, is that true? Yeah. If that's true, I will.

Well, it's like a thing to say. It's like, don't worry, because she gets like crying when we do it with her. It's object permanence, object permanence. It's a big deal. It doesn't mean forever, of course,

but I hope to live a very long time. Wait, what's that, Scott? Paul considers women to be objects. Yeah, he does. He does. God damn it. God. Now I'm gonna get canceled. Oh no. Okay, guys. So we had fun listening to those clips, but yes, you know how fun times over,

fun times over, you know how, how episodes of freedom end and that's by playing three chers. Yeah. And Paul, there's nothing we can do about it. You've decided to introduce this three chair to us. Yes, I have because I agreed to do it. I requested to do it. I agreed to do it. And now I am honor bound to do it. This is your entire class. By the way, if you didn't do it, someone in your family would have to do it.

Features called. Pitch a sit song. Now this is where Scott explains the rules. Okay. Thank you so much for doing the heavy lifting, Paul. Really appreciate it. Okay. So this is the feature where two of us come in and no.

Okay. So here's how it works. Someone says an existing television show. It could be anything. This is us. We've done, we here's how it works. Someone says an existing television show, it could be anything. This is Us, we've done, we've done some other ones. The person who gets that title has to do the opposite of every word and make that the sitcom that they're pitching. They have to pitch that sitcom.

So in This is Us, it's like, that isn't them. Okay, and that's the show that they have to pitch. They have to pitch the show to two network executives and then also sing the theme song at the end. Yes. And that's why we call it Pitch a Sit Song. Yeah. Who wants to go first?

I, Lauren does. I do. Okay, so, hello. So we pick a, well, no, first we have to pick a... Yeah, save your hello. ...an existing show for you. Okay. So...

How about Growing Pains? Perfect. I second it. Okay. Oh, hello, welcome. Come on in. Hi, my name's Ping Pong. Aren't you delightful? Aren't you cute as a button? What was your name? Ping Pong, she said. Ping Pong. Aren't you delightful? Hi, Ping Pong. Aren't you cute as a button? What was your name? Ping Pong, she said.

Ping Pong, that was an unusual name. Yes, it's my nickname. Oh, what's your actual name? Because I bounce around from place to place. Sure, that's not what we asked. My actual name is Debra Vance. Debra Vance, well, nice to meet you. We'll call you Ping Pong if that's what you like.

Yeah, what do you mean when you say you bounce around from place to place? Yeah, and what do you mean when you say you bounce around from place to place? Yeah. And what do you mean when you say that? It was my question as well. Well, I guess watch this. Oh my God. Oh, the fuck.

She literally does it. Wow. Okay. Well, that was impressive. That was impressive. I would call you Ping Pong 2. I would call you Ping Pong 2. Yeah.

Can we cast you in a reality show? I'm not an actor. Okay. Good. Good to know. All right. Did you get any reality show? I'm not an actor. Okay, good. Good to know. All right. Did you get any water outside? I did. They sprayed me down. Good. And I loved it.

Good. And you know what? I don't want to waste your time. I know it's six o'clock on Friday. I appreciate you squeezing me in at the last second of your day. No, we always like to- We have hours before Billy Joel. We love to have a little meeting at the end of the day

that we don't really pay attention to, makes us feel like we did a full day. Yeah. Yeah, so, okay, I just want to kind of jump in. So I have an idea for a show. Why don't you, why don't you bounce in, Pigfarm? I would if I could, but I can't, but I won't. Okay.

Oh, you got me. I like you. I like you. Thanks. She's so darling. But she's a tough cookie as well. She is. She's got this hard exterior, but I know that deep down inside she's soft and squishy. I like that she's crispy.

Like if I were to stick a knife in her, she would just be like... Yeah, it would like goo would come out. And so I'm wearing sort of like propeller beanie, but I have on high heels, so you know I'm down for serious business. You're DCF, right? You're like a sexy, sophisticated lady who's also maybe mentally impaired. Um, I didn't hit my head, but stuff fell on it. Oh, okay. So it's the other way.

So gravity was not your friend that day. I love how confidently you say that. It's exciting. So gravity was not your friend that day. I love how confidently you say that. It's exciting. So my idea for a show is really unique. And the idea is called Shrinking Heels. Shrinking Heels. And how is that spelled heels?

H-E-A-L-S. Okay, could have gone two ways. Okay. Shrinking Heels. Because we heard a pitch called Shrinking Heels about high heels that suddenly shrink to where the woman is wearing flats. Yeah, that was the whole story. And it's really unattractive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, her calves look like shit. His big, flat shoes. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And that was the whole idea. No, we were not interested, but we did buy it. Yeah.

Okay, yeah, no, it's not that idea. It's a totally different one. So it's called shrinking heels and it's really about, so it's about a family of therapists. Oh, I bet there's a family up there, a piss. Um, no, I think you're reading it like it's a jeopardy category on SNL. Oh, no weird because I just heard it. A family of therapists. Oh okay, thank you. I bet that they are crazier than their patients sometimes. They are, they are because we've got the mom and the dad who are both therapists and the children who are therapists in training. Because they're, oh in training, I thought they would just be born therapists. They are TITs. I thought you were grandfathered into something like that. Wait, TIT, what did you say?. They are TITs. I thought you were grandfathered into something like that. Wait TIT

What did you say? The kids are TITs. By the way, put those away when you say that. Just trying to make it clear The kids are tits therapists in trainings Two of them and they're big and bouncy and yeah Exactly they bounce around like gummy bears. I'm interested. One of them is slightly bigger than the other. Is that correct? One's older. So the kids are really astute.

They're really observant and they're great therapists. And now the funny part is... You gotta get a dictionary. Hold on. Astute. The funny part is dog. A-S-S-T-O-O-T. Astute. That's correct. All I see is I opened up the dictionary and it just smells. You just saw your breath?

What? So okay, family of therapists, and then what? What'd you get, buddy? Okay, so and the funny thing is though, here's what gets a little funny is that the dog is a therapist. Oh, and then what? That's what you get, buddy. Okay, so, and the funny thing is though, here's what gets a little funny, is that the dog is a therapist. Oh, God, it was so dry before this. And the dog is a therapist to other animals.

What the? Is this? Whoa. I've never heard anything like this. No, and so. Ahem. And is it a totally silent, no dialogue, no music? Good question, I had the same. It's an animated show where no one talks, no one sings,

there's no music, there's no sound. There is that sort of beep that happens when they're doing like a test on TV. Okay. Right, right. All throughout or just intermittently? Intermittently, just to make sure you're still paying attention. It's kind of like the Netflix, are you still watching thing?

It's like, it goes, and it's sort of just asking you if you're paying attention. And if there's an emergency, this is what would happen. That kind of thing. Oh, so it does do the full emergency broadcast system instructions over the animation. I got the rights to those already. I have purchased those rights. And so- So is that incorporated into the theme song?

Because I would imagine that's the only other time you hear sound. No, the theme song goes like this. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Should we clear our throes too?

Yes. Mm. Mm. They're a piss. They're a piss. They're a piss. They're a piss. They're a piss.

They're a piss. They're a piss. Trivac. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got you. I just got an upsetting text. You got an upsetting text?

I'll keep going. Wait, in the middle of saying the theme song, you got so many texts. I got an upsetting text. Oh my God. Is everything all right? Yeah. Did you call anyone? No, I have to keep pitching because I'm almost done.

They're a piss. They're a piss. They're a shrinking little piss Hey look I'm sold I'm sold if the song ends right there I'm sold I Dog they're a cat they're a mom and they're a dad they're a brother. They're a sister They're a piss and that is that they are sure a brother, they're a sister, they're a piss. And that is that they are shrinking. Okay. The more they are not side of tall, they are getting smaller, smaller when

they solve your problems. So I don't remember that being part of the pitch. We definitely established the entire family and everyone in the house is a therapist. There's a shrink. How they also shrink. I mean, I know that it's in the title. Now they shrink, Shrinky Dink, Delusional,

No, they sink. Oh, so this is answering our questions in the middle of the... Here's one issue that I have. The more you continue, the more I realize it's to the tune of Be Our Guest. What's that? From Beauty and the Beast,

which is highly copyrighted. Now they shrink, Shrinky Dink, Watch them shrink, but they don't stink. They have been, oh, it's delicious, don't believe me, ask the dishes. Wait, hold on a second.

How do the dishes get in there? Satellite dishes, satellite dishes, they pick up on scent in this little world. They pick up the smell of things and that's how they get TV shows. Cinnamon, cinnamon, oh no. What's that? Cinnamon scent, cinnamon scent.

That's what they smell like inside. Okay. Well, the internal rhyme scheme seems to have fallen apart, but I will say I love this show. I haven't heard anything like this all day, much less all week, much less all year. And I'm ready to say, but of course it's not up to me alone, I'm ready to buy this, but if my colleague here says no, then I say no because I don't have a spine. Yeah, and I'm the tiebreaker.

Yeah, always. By the way, my vote is like Len on Dancing With The Stars, no matter how everyone else votes, the way I vote is what ends up happening. So I gotta say you are definitely mentally ill and that no judgment's there. Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo. I'm running up the walls. And I'm looking forward to you being in charge

of millions of dollars. We're buying this. Oh my God, my dream came true. You dreamed this? I'm so excited. Yeah I think I'm dreaming now aren't I? Wait. Wake up Paul wake up. Oh my god. Scott, Paul, why are you guys sleeping? Honey what's going on? Why aren't you? Get in here. As established we're all fucking each other. We talked about that earlier. This is canon. As established, we're all fucking each other. We talked about that earlier. This is canon. Oh, that was fun.

That was fun. Do we do more or is that it? I think that's good. I think we went a long time. This went a long time. But we do, we have that exciting announcement. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, we do. Should we come back for that or say it right now?

No, we say it right now. We say it right now. The announcement is. Freedom is coming back for season four. That's right you motherfucker. This is your luckiest day because freedom's coming back for season four. La la la la la la.

Yes, we're coming back November 18th. Aren't you so excited everyone. Just in two weeks. We're gonna start and we're coming back November 18. Aren't you so excited everyone? Just in two weeks, we're going to start and we're kicking off season four with our 100th episode. That's right. 100. And it's so fantastic because everyone was really worried that on Thanksgiving Day they wouldn't have a podcast to listen to to avoid their family.

And now you have it. You're going to have episode 101 on Thanksgiving. I know. And guess what? You'll also have something to say you're thankful for at the Thanksgiving table if you're one of those weird families that does that. That is uncomfortable. Mommy, daddy, I'm so thankful that the Freedom Boys figured out their contract negotiations. Yeah. It'll make sense to everyone at the table. Yeah. And if it doesn't, fuck them. Listen, freedom is not a cult, but we do ask you to distance yourself

from your family members and friends. Look, your family are OPs. They're SPs as well. What are they? SPs or OPs? They're other peoples. Suppressive people. Yeah.

They're OPPs. OPs, SPs, you know me. OPs, SPs, PPs, Peepees. Look at these. But yeah, we're coming back and we're so excited. So just two weeks from today, we're gonna be back. We're probably gonna do a trailer next week. So be on the lookout for that.

Just stare at your phone until it comes out. And please send us topics to look, I mean, there's obviously the big hit of last season, season three was the Lawrence topics section. Huge topics, I mean, there's obviously the big hit of last season, season three was the Lauren's topics section. Huge topics. I mean, huge section, huge, huge people loved it. I mean, it was hugely loved. It was hugely obsessed, but every week Lauren had a different topic. And one of the topics was she was having a baby. Other times, I watched something that was 99% of the time. And then the 1% was you having a baby.

But we have had a lot of time off and I have had a lot of experiences of different things I can talk about in my topics. No. Lauren, you have more, oh my, this is exciting, more topics to come. So Lauren's topics is definitely gonna come back, but we want you to write to us to tell us what to talk about because we don't even fucking know. And also Scott, you got a job at a restaurant during the pandemic, so you do have a lot of new

restaurant roundup stories. Yeah, I also appear on the show. Well, we're gonna get to you, but now he won't. But right to Paul, he has Tompkins at Twitter and Instagram and make sure you just blow up his social media. Blow it up? Yes, go ahead, I have my notification set that I cannot see messages from people who don't follow me, so it up. Yes, go ahead. I have my notification set that I cannot see messages

from people who don't follow me. So go right ahead. So go ahead. Wow, you can't see any of them? Nope, not unless I go hunting. Is your life better? It is kind of. Yeah.

But head over to threedomusa over at Instagram too, because we don't have our intern anymore. Maybe we'll get a new one, who knows? We might get a new one. And Lauren is disengaged. You're still here, right? Lauren has shut off. Shut up.

Shut up. Lauren has run out of power. I'm good. Powering down for the day. I'm good. You know what? I'm really spacey lately though. I am I almost-

Well, we're gonna talk about that. Yeah. I'll save it I'll see that's one of my topics. Yes fly keeps landing in my way Is that flight gonna be there when we're there next week? I think it'll be dead by then you better be house Don't flies have a 24-hour lifespan. Oh, I wish I feel like that's something they lied to you about That's made like you feel better may flies live for a day, but houseflies can live to 90 years. Oh, God. Well, we're gonna talk about all of this next week.

Lauren, we're gonna catch up. Paul and I have expressly forbade her from talking about her childbirth, her baby. We wanted to talk about it on this show. We haven't heard anything about anything. Wow, wow. So we're gonna be talking about that. A very special episode

100 season 4 kickoff episode on November 18th. Please... It's gonna be huge. Listen, subscribe. Gonna be huge. Wait till you see what we pull out for this show. When you see what we're wearing in this episode, your mind's gonna be blown. I'm going... I have Billy Porter's hat that has the shades, the motorized shades. And I have Porter's Billy hat. I can't believe you gave that up. I have poor Bill's hat. So we're, and don't worry, we're going to talk about Michael Jackson, we're going to talk about Cosby, all that will be in season four. There's a lot of updates about both of them. Yep. A lot of updates.

We're gonna talk about all of it. Yeah, it's gonna be great. But thank you so much for listening. This is a little free episode that we did for you. Hope you enjoyed it and- Free meaning we don't get paid for it. I mean, it's just as free as the other episodes, but- Yeah.

But, you know- Free to us. Free in the sense of like, we just decided to do it and have fun. Yeah. And you know, what's wrong with that? Nothing. Nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Just in a couple of weeks. Absolutely nothing. By the way, war, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Absolutely nothing. So we've really run out of juice here.

Yeah, it hit hard, right? That's not true. I could go for hours. It happened around the time that Lauren just looked down and I felt like she was frozen. I bring the juice to the situation. You do bring the juice and the juice is no longer loose. The juice is contained.

All right, so we'll see you in a couple of weeks. Look out for a trailer next week. We love you until then. We love you until then. We love you until then. And only until then. Yes, and then our love stops. Lauren? Lauren, nothing? I was kissing the fans.

Oh, you were kissing. Oh, okay, okay. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Love you guys, tons. Love you, tons. Love you, see you in November 18th. Bye. Bye. Hi everyone. Gloria Riviera here and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical

issues facing our country through the lens of childcare, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Caregiving in America is hard work, and it's universal. At some point in our lives, we will all need care or provide it. Yvette Nicole Brown, who you might know from a little TV show called Community, is the

primary caretaker for her dad Omar, who has Alzheimer's. He's a big part of why she's hosting Squeezed, a new podcast from Lemonada Media and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. It's a show about regular people like me and you or future you navigating this caregiving journey at every stage of life through the hard and joyful moments. Squeezed is out now wherever you get your podcasts.