Threedom - Threevisiting: Sprinkle and Tinkle

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss Restaurant Recap, The Baby-Sitters Club, and Looney Tunes before playing Last Letter. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com. Listen ad-free and unlock bi-weekly THREEMIUMS on cbbworld.com Grab some new Threedom merch at www.kinshipgoods.com/cbbwSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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That time I just watched Scott scream since he was the first. That was the first time I heard him scream. That was the first time I just watched Scott scream since he was the first. That was crazy. Hi, welcome to Freedom! Thank you. My name is Lauren. I was welcoming Paul, of course.

And I was just saying my name is Lauren. Hi Lauren. Hello. So nice to hear your name, Paul. I'm Scott Aukerman, so nice to meet you. Scott, hi. Hello. Lauren, hi. I'm Paul. So nice to see your name finally. I'm Scott Aukerman. So nice to meet you. Oh, wow.

This is cool. Scott, hi. Hi. Big fan. Really? Of what? The movie Big Fan. Oh, okay.

Great. With Pat Nesbitt? I'm a big fan of both of you guys. I listen to you guys on Freedom every week. While we're recording it with you. You know what? That's really true. Sometimes I listen twice a week.

Once back after we do it? No, because we record twice in one day. Jesus Christ. Nothing Scott. Enjoy your life. Okay, bye. He's gone. Wow, you look like you're having a great time. I just did an SNL. Scoot the chair off. SNNL? Yes.

SNNL. Saturday night and live. Saturday night and live. Saturday night and live. Welcome to the show for another week. This is of course the show where we... I don't like you dragging this comedy bang bang lingo into our show.

Yeah, this is fucked up, dude. This is not that show. This show is the show where we just freaking talk and we can just launch in without explaining. Yes, we shoot the S. Speaking of S and L, I am listening to Shit and what? Saturday and live.

I'm listening to Lorraine Newman's audiobook and it's really good. Oh cool. Oh, I didn't know she had a book. Yeah, it's called May You Live In Interesting Times. And it's very good. Oh, cool. Oh, I didn't know she had a book. Yeah. It's called me. You live in interesting times and it's very Chinese. Curse. Is that, is that a curse? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I don't know that. Well, now you do. It's not a curse word. It's a, it's a curse like thinner. I didn't think may live in interesting times was the equivalent of fuck.

And it's a, yeah. May you live in a drink times all one word. Forward slash. Well, anyway, it's really good. Okay. Who reads it? She does what of course she does and she does so many voices and it makes it really great. I think it's I like when does she do Belouche? Well, she she does like so she does talk about a lot of sketches and she, um, you know,

sort of not doesn't, doesn't have impressions of the people doing the sketches, but she kind of, you know, loosely well in some of those moments, but she, in her stories, even just like where she's quoting herself as a kid, she does voices and it really enhances it. I like when people, like I like audio books when... Enhance. Well, cause I listen to audio books every once in a while and it. I like when people, like I like audio books when- Enhance. Well, cause I listen to audio books every once in a while and it's always better when the person doing it

is like a performer and not just, you know, the author. Let me ask you this, Lauren Lapkus, when you listen to these audio books, cause I'm not an audio book guy, because I listen to a lot of podcasts and I listen to those when I'm doing other things or driving or whatever. My fear is if I'm listening to an audiobook,

I will lose the thread of what's being said. And you'll wind up in Sacramento. Because it's not a, I don't wanna go there, even though it's our state capital and I respect it. Keep driving and driving. I might go off the map where the dragons are. So I is it is it if you like you're driving and listening to an audiobook are you able to follow along? Do you ever find yourself like spacing out? I've had moments where I miss something with audiobooks and I'll just

rewind it but like for the most part I like it because I listen to a lot of podcasts too, and I will always reach a day. Well, no, I do though. Okay. And there always is a point where I've listened to all of my new podcasts and I'm like, Oh, I don't have anything listen to you and I really want something. And then I'll remember my audiobook section and then I'll put that on. And then it's and then I can spend a whole day with someone like with Lorraine.

I was like listening to her for like four hours one day and it was was like, it felt, it felt like it also feels like productive in a way. Well, because technically it's a book. It's a book. So you could say you read the book. Do you ever do that? I don't say that I say I got the audio book. I also got Casey Wilson's audio book. And I really liked hearing her read it. And I also think when you tell the author, I got the audio book, it makes that worth their time because it's like a whole thing they had to do. Exactly.

So you feel sorry for these people. No, but rather than say, I liked your book, I would say, I liked your audio book because they performed it. I wonder what takes longer, writing the book or performing the audio book? I assume most books are written in the amount of time it takes to read it. Oh no, Lauren's dying! There she goes!

Oh no, 24 grams! My water went down the wrong pipe. What is the wrong pipe? The right pipe is tummy pipe, The wrong pipe is air type. Is air pipe. Why do they put them next to each other? I know. Yeah, it went down my air pipe,

it's in my tummy pipe. Do you think that when you swallow water and it goes into your lungs by accident, it just stays there and it gets all stagnant and there's flies? Yes. Okay. Thank you for answering my question.

So you guys had a romantic getaway. Do you want to talk about it? Well first, Lauren, are you ever going to write a book about babysitting or whatever? Yeah, I want to and I... About babysitting. This has been something that's come up. And maybe a club you joined or formed? Yeah. It's been coming up. Mysteries you solved? I just need to really think about what I would want to do. Wait, sorry. Did they just join a club and not solve mystery?

The Babysitter's Club is not a mystery book. It's a baby. What do they do? What do they hang out with? It's just babysitting? Like stories about babysitting? Yes. There's trials and tribulations of being a babysitter. Sure. I mean the profession But but but but Paul it's also friendship It's family. It's everything because okay. Have you watched the babysters club TV show and you should say no, of course I've watched every single episode We would know what it was about but the show is so cute and it's so well made. I've heard that. I've heard it's great. I loved it.

I passed through while Cool Up was, I came through while Cool Up was watching. What are you, a ghost? It's so good. Whoa, babysitters! It's truly the cutest show. And by the way, I'll just, I'll take this opportunity to say that on my Patreon,

I covered every episode of the Babysitters Club. Who cares? That's right. Well, someone out there might, and that might be cool. Scott, what if we demeaned your other dumb podcast that you do? You did earlier in the show. Oh, no shit. So, romantic weekend, thoughts, concerns?

Well, we kissed. And I thought about it and I'm concerned. We went to Santa Barbara and we had a lovely time. It was Scott and Cool Up and myself and Janie and we were in a house together and the idea was... True story. True story. The idea was that we were going to do, you know, work on our various projects and things like that at a leisurely pace as we were out of town and in a nice, uh,

serene, uh, spot. And it was really very enjoyable. There was a pill. There were two dogs that were there. Oh, no, we brought those. They didn't come with your dogs. Yeah. They didn't come with the house.

I was wondering why they were very attached to you guys. Like, and we ordered them around and fed them and everything. I was like, wow, they have a real affinity for animals, I guess, because these dogs love them. We went to restaurants, if you can believe it. Every night. Every night, yes. Too many nights.

Lauren, darling, what was your question? What Cool Up, is this restaurant Roundup? Oh. Does this count? Just going to them? Round Up? Oh. Oh, does this count? Just going to them? It's restaurant recap. Oh, restaurant recap. Oh, the mashup. We've all been waiting for.

Speaking of reality recap, yeah, Chris Harrison is out as the bachelor. He's out, he's gone. Officially out, that's right. Anyway, back to restaurant recap. Do you wanna take his place? Would you take his place if they offered it to you? That would be such a weird turn. I mean, I am seeing that all these comedians

are gonna be stepping in during The Bachelor in Paradise. They're just doing it for like a week at a time because they're like movie stars who don't wanna downgrade to new hosts. I know. And I think that they're- But you're a former babysitter turned current movie star. And so it wouldn't be a downgrade, you're saying?

For me to suddenly be on Love Island with these people and like flirting with Wells, the bartender. I think I'm okay. Okay, wait. That said, if you see me on there, it's because it was a really fun opportunity. Okay. Forgive me.

Bachelor in Paradise is what happens there. That's where the sex can happen because anybody can hook up. It's all people who've been on the show before. Person of one gender and then 30 of another. It's party time. It's a bunch of former contestants. Yeah, and sometimes not former contestants,

they just throw randos in. Horny singles meet on a beach. And then they become favorites because they're on TV and people wanna see them the next season and stuff. Yeah, why don't they just do that then? Why are they bothering? I don't know. Anyway, so the point- They're not bothering anyone.

Yeah, they're not bothering. Leave them alone. So the point of that show is just, who did you have sex with last night? So basically you have to like be in a couple to stay on the island. It's like a whole thing. They take it really seriously at the end where they're like, So basically you have to be in a couple to stay on the island. It's like a whole thing. They take it really seriously at the end

where they're like, if you're not gonna stay in a couple, just leave now. And I'm always like, who would leave now? Like you get one more episode out of this. And then you also get to stay in this pretty hotel on the beach and whatever it is, so why not? I think they have bunk beds though. This is the worst part of all reality TV

is they all have to sleep in bunk beds. That's just so gross. Wait, are people having sex in bunk beds though. This is the worst part of all reality TV is they all have to sleep in bunk beds. That's just so gross. Wait, are people having sex in bunk beds? Yeah, if you can believe it. Not top bunk. I don't know. Would you climb up there to have sex in a tiny bed? But Paul, if you're both tops,

one of you has to do it in the top bunk. You know what I mean? That's true. If you want to do it to bottom bunk. Yeah, of course I do. Well, I mean, I'm a power bottom, it at the top bunk. You know what I mean? Like if you want to be at the bottom bunk. Yeah, of course I do. Well, I mean, I'm a power bottom, but. Sure. Power bottom bunk.

Power bottom bunk. It's what I announced first day at camp. It was Kurt Braunauer's show, wasn't it? Forgot about bunk. Don't forget about bunk ever. I still have a bunk whiskey glass. Weird. Yeah, I took a picture of it and sent it to Kurt the other day.

He's like, mine broke years ago. LAUGHS So you guys went to restaurants every night and... Yes. ...did you... had you been going to restaurants? I didn't think about you ever. That's fine. That's fine. Don't worry, sweetie. Lauren, I thought about you every day.

LAUGHS Um, okay. That's also weird. LAUGHS Every minute you every day. Okay, that's also weird. Every minute of every day. You both should have thought of me just a little. That would have been normal. I thought of you constantly. Had you been going out at all before you went to Santa Barbara? I went to one in Palm Springs, but I don't, I haven't been to an LA restaurant since

I've been to one LA restaurant and it was a great experience. I think I talked about it on this program. But to go out every night, it was weird how normal it seemed like that's not something I do at home. Go to a restaurant every single, even, even traveling, I don't necessarily go out to a restaurant every single night. But it was fun. It was a lot of fun.

We had a lot of good food, and we had fun conversation, and lots of pictures. I mean, we were going crazy, like shutterbugs. Oh, my god. And we got blankets at one restaurant? I didn't get one. I was freezing. It was so cold.

You see, we were sitting on the patio, and it was so cold that the waiter offered us blankets. And I was too bold. I was too full of myself to accept one. But my wife didn't. I was jealous, and I hated her and resented her for it. Yeah. Yeah. This is what I want. And I thought of you.

And we did go to one without Paul. Wow, what were you doing? That was a breakfast place. I'm not good at going out to breakfast. You were asleep. I woke up late. That's right, you're like a possum. You want to hoard it and scavenge it.

I want to hoard it? I want to scavenge it. Paul, from touring, I feel like... I get knocked down. LAUGH From going on tour, I feel like I would say that you sleep in slash don't want to go out in the morning. I don't want to go out in the morning. I like to have breakfast in my room if there's no service available.

You get it delivered with the little tab on your door that says, give me this at seven. The night before, I love it. Yeah. I was not getting, and this might have happened on tour as well. I was not getting great sleep for some reason. I think it was a temperature thing because... I think it was a temperature thing.

Yeah, it was getting... It was too hot? It was a little too hot. We were also sleeping in a smaller bed than we usually do and I think... Because you guys were all in bunk beds. We were all in bunk beds. And heat rises and Janie puts out a lot of heat and so the heat was coming up in waves to my top bunk.

Okay, so you were in one, you were in the bottom, she was in the top and then across the way, Coolop and Scott were also in the top and bottom. Yes, the house was one room. It was an Airbnb but we were only allowed to be in one room. And the hosts were there the whole time. They were very loud. They were playing their music at all hours. They put down masking tape across the center of the room and we weren't allowed to cross

it. It was like we were in a fight. Yeah. Anyway. The end. So, yeah. So that one day I slept, I kept waking up and falling asleep and it was miserable. And then I finally woke up at 10 and I was like, I can't keep these guys from going to breakfast. I said, go on without me. So we went.

And it was the reason I wanted to go, was to go to that place. Cause anytime I go to Santa Barbara, we go to the shop kitchen and get the YOLO, the biscuits and gravy with chicken and sausage gravy. And I saw pictures that looked delicious. I can't blame you. Sounds good.

It was good. And we, pictures that look delicious I can't blame you. Yeah it was good and we I'm trying to think of anything else we did that was it there's a pool. There was a pool we went to the beach to visit our friends tall John and Nora. Oh yeah you guys sent a picture and I was like who's everyone in the picture except tall John and Nora. That was Nora's family her parents and her brother and sister-in-law. And, of course, Gloria, little Gloria, happy and last. She's so cute.

And Nora's mom was wearing a great t-shirt. Her t-shirt said, we didn't notice it until we were leaving, her t-shirt said, I simply love Tony Shalhoub. Oh my God, I need that for Mike's mom. She loves Tony Shalhoub. Does he? Wow. Mike's mom. She loves it. Does he Wow Mike's mom And I also noticed that her dad had an adult swim sweatshirt on he worked for adult swim for long. That's right Yeah, wow ghost. He did their promos and cool Lauren. You may have met them briefly backstage in Atlanta when we were on tour there. Oh, okay.

My family was all there too, so I don't, I think I was distracted. Why were they there again? I have a lot of family in Atlanta. Oh, so strange. I have zero. But, but, but, but, but, but, that's so cool that he wrote it first on Space Ghost.

Yeah, like I was when, cause I think it's on HBO Max now or something, and I just threw on a random episode and he's in it. That's awesome. It's Pete. I used to like that show. So he was also in the Between Two Ferns movie got cut out. Oh, well then I didn't see him.

I win. You win again in your movie. He and Janie commiserated on the beach. Janie was cut out. On the beach. Yeah. What was Janie's roleated on the beach. Janie was cut out? On the beach. What was Janie's role? She was Zach's roommate. Oh, in the family scene?

No, she and Rory Scovel were his roommates. How much is on the floor from this film? I know. There's probably two and a half hours that we cut out. Oh my God. We should have a full release of just the family and home life of the... The Andy Daly accountancy. Yeah, full release. Sorry. The Andy Daly accountancy in 45 minute take.

Oh my god. One take. And it was just like one take and really funny. And it was in for a while, but it was confusing. As 45 minutes long? Yeah. I just didn't want to say cut. Janie also very upset that she could not get a hold of the footage.

That Netflix will not let anyone have that footage. Yeah. It's all locked away. It's not fair. Can't go on the reel. What are you going to do? Not get that footage? Yeah, yeah.

Well, I feel like that happens with anything where it doesn't end up airing, that you can't get it. I don't want to let it out. Sometimes. I've had that happen sometimes, where it's like a thing that didn't go, but that they... Oh, like a pilot or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to see, slash not at all,

some of the pilots I was in that didn't get picked out. You never got to watch them. Yeah, what were you... I'm trying to think, because I feel like there was one that you were in that I know. You saw it? No, what were you, I'm trying to think, cause I know that I feel like there was one that you were in that I know. You saw it? No, no, no, I never saw anything. I haven't watched the stuff you are in.

Yeah, I know. It's really hurtful. Just kidding, I don't care. I saw a pilot of mine recently when I was digitizing all that stuff. It was a pilot that was like a pre-modern family type show, where it was a reality show about a family, um, just one family, not like the extended family.

And two of the writers went on to write for Modern Family. The two guys that created it went on to write for Modern Family. But I was essentially the Ty Burrell role. And I, looking back at it, this guy is a fucking creep. You are? The guy you played? Yes!

He's like, there's like- And you didn't realize it at the time? At the time, at the time it was very much like the sort of office anti-hero, you know, kind of cringe comedy, yeah. And so he says things that are inappropriate or whatever, but you're still supposed to care about the guy. It was very weird.

Like he says vaguely racist things sometimes, and, um, uh, like, very misogynist, and like, he's a real creep with the... There's this birthday party for... There's like a barbecue, and he's like ogling these women. It's fucking... It was so weird. It was so weird and gross. That is weird.

But at the time, you were like, this guy's cool. I didn't think he was cool necessarily, but I embraced the role. I want to be like this guy. But Scott, please, this gets out there. I'm finished. Oh, no. I'm sorry.

Oh, well, that's great. I have no pilots that I ever did. None? No. What about that next pilot? Were you in that at all? Oh, I made pilots. Was I in next?

But you were in next? A little cameo, Hitchcock? God, I don't remember. I don't think so, but I can't remember. I directed a video for it, but I don't. Do you think that made the difference? Like maybe if you had been in it, it would have got picked up.

Maybe, yeah. I don't know. Everyone was saying- Well difference? Like maybe if you had been in it, it would have got picked up. Maybe, yeah, I don't know. Everyone was saying. Because I know everyone who watched it was like, who made this? I can't see him. Yeah, why is he behind the camera? Is he invisible? Yeah, nope, nope.

Yeah, no. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I choose to believe you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Um, yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah, no. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I choose to believe you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Jealousy is palpable by the way. I know, I'm pissed. Did you feel rejuvenated afterwards? Like it was like a vacation? I did. I did, and then I got back here and it all fucking came crashing down. Oh no honey. Dude.

All the work I'd been ignoring suddenly I'm back to it. Oh no. I know. No, it was good though. At the time it was productive in a way. Productive. Yeah it was, I got shit done, it was good though. At the time, it was productive in a way. Productive. Yeah, it was. I got shit done.

It was productive. I got stuff done and I felt, I did feel rejuvenated when I came back. I was also very happy to be back in my own bed. And yeah, so like yesterday was, we got back Sunday night and then yesterday was an extremely long day for me. And I think that... About 24 hours? I think, yeah, like all 24.

Um, I think that trip really helped because it was, I was going from thing to thing to thing all day. I got up early to go to the gym and then my day began. And then it ended at like, well, it was after our show, Lauren. So 6.30. I was like going all day from, uh from 10.30 to 6.30. And then I was done.

By the way, did you call me during the show? Was that during the show? Yeah. Okay, so I see Lauren calling me, and my immediate thought is, oh no, something's wrong. Oh my God. And I, so I'm like, I picked up,

I would never have picked like, I picked up, I would never have picked up if I had realized it was showtime. And I was concerned. I was like, hello? Like, like worried. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. And, and then of course you're just playing pranks on me.

And then I said, I like to make a collect call and then I couldn't stop laughing. And then you hung up. And I didn't realize she was calling you, Scott. She never said I'm gonna call Scott. He didn't even understand that until after. I was kind of pranking Paul at the same time. Oh!

So then I heard you laugh, Scott, and I thought, this guy's great, whoever this person is. This guy gets it. Yeah. Yeah, you were like, that was so nice that he laughed. And then I was like, that was Scott. And then you were like that was Scott and then You were like, oh boy. God you hold Scott

I was I was really shocked we we were talking about when I hunter collected if it was still a thing Yeah, we're missing so I try to call Cole. I tried to call when I hunter collect to call Paul Just ask them then I'm all the way. Oh I forgot it was in those. Oh yeah, David was in those. I forgot about that. Oh my God. Well, so then I got through and then I thought, oh, I should be calling Scott. It's way funnier for that reveal instead of hearing this collect person. So then I called you.

This collect person. But then I called collect again to see if it actually worked. And it was so weird because when I called Paul collect, it showed my name on his phone, which I thought was like, weird. And then we found out that it was $16 for a Collect call. What? Here's what's what's also very strange is my phone instinctively sent that call to voicemail. Like I just I held up the phone to show Lauren and and then I it was like two

rings and then it went to voicemail. Like somehow my phone knew this is bullshit. Yeah. It was really weird. Don't pick up for 16. Wait, so someone got charged $16? No, it was, if he had answered, it would have been like $16 for 30 minutes or something. Oh, for 30 minutes. But I still think that's a lot. Yeah. Well, I mean, no one's calling anyone for 30 minutes. It's like, it's a two minute call. You don't think?

Here, I'm at the corner of this and this. Come pick me up. Yeah, but it's still gonna be like, then a couple bucks. It's gonna be a couple bucks. We should, we should. You ain't gonna get out there for free if that's what you're thinking. We should invent a competitor.

We should invent a competitor. The movie Cars. Um. Oh, Derek, I know you mean the Larry the Cable Car guy. Larry the Cable Car guy. Hi, I'm Larry the Cable Car guy. I live in San Francisco and I love Roger Roney. They should have made him a cable car.

Why did they make him a cable car? It doesn't count as a car. Oversight, I think. That's really funny. That's really funny anyway. Back to what I wanted to talk about. No, I was going to say you wanted to make a new collect call number Scott? No, who cares? Talk about what you want to talk about. Good point. No, that is what I was going to talk about, but I will talk about something else if you want. Okay, Lauren's Topics. Here we go. We had a very successful Lauren's topics a few episodes ago. Yeah, really successful.

It was so successful. I have, I guess, two topics. One is that on the... One is that, well, speaking of little getaways, Mike and I took a little two night baby moon of soar. Hey, sweet little getaways. Where'd you, what'd you do? We got, we just got an Airbnb, um, in La Quinta randomly. It was just near Palm Springs, but I just found a cute house with a pool

and we didn't go anywhere. So it didn't matter that cause a, you know, COVID and whatnot. Um, but it was really great. Try to go to a Lord of the Rings Airbnb? I did try to do that on our anniversary, and it was a huge mistake. I remember. Oh, no, my computer's doing that thing. What thing?

Where it's making the fan. Oh, the fan. No, no, no, it's a lawnmower. Never mind. I thought it was my house. Wait, there's a lawnmower. There's a lawnmower outside my house, too. Is there one outside your house?

No, that's what it was. I thought it was my computer. Is the lawnmower computing things house too. Is there one outside your house? No, that's what it was. I thought it was my computer. Is the lawnmower computing things? Why did you get it confused? You know how my computer was making that fan noise? I know. I think the way it was coming through the...

I was going the other way. Hi, God. I was trying to really explain it. But I kept... That was my way. We didn't do anything. We just hung out and swam in the pool and I just kept going, this is so fun. Were you worried? I kept going, this is so fun.

Were you worried? Mike kept going, I know, stop saying that. Were you worried being in the pool that you would suddenly have a water birth? No. That the baby would just be like, finally. I'm out of here. No, but it was really weird getting out of the pool because suddenly I was like really heavy.

Like when I would climb up the stairs, I'd be like, do, do, like, it was like crazy getting out of the pool because suddenly I was like really heavy like when I would climb up the stairs I'm like dude. Do like it was like crazy like all the water was like my stomach What it was like when I was in the water? I was like felt fine and then when I got out of it, it was like I could feel the weight of it again You're a sponge bathing suit, right? Sponge Bob. Yeah, they get squeezed out after But anyway, yeah, we tried to go to this one last October and it was, it was... Maybe October 31st or so?

No, it was our anniversary. And Nicole had sent me, Nicole Byer had sent me this Airbnb listing that was like a hobbit hole. And because we were doing the Lord of the Rings on our podcast at the time. Right. And so I kind of blindly was on our podcast at the time. Right. And so I kind of blindly was like, let's go there. And it was such a disaster. I mean, have I not talked about this? I feel like we talked about it in life, but I don't know.

Well, it was truly terrifying. Like we pulled up and it was like so creepy. So what it was, it was a, it was a, what do you call it? Shipping container made into an and it was like so creepy So what it was was it was a it was a what do you call it shipping container made into an Airbnb? That was no it was like a had a whole it looked it looked like was built into a hill on the pictures Right, and so it looked cool and then in person it was honestly the creepiest and grossest thing I've ever seen the guy we left like instantly We got there you walked inside though. We went inside and grossest thing I've ever seen. Like we left like instantly. Instantly. We got there and we- You walked inside though.

We went inside, well we hemmed and hawed about it. We tried out every chair. Did it have like a big round door and everything? Yeah, yeah. It had this big round glass door and it looked really cool. And it looked really private the way it was photographed. Did they have glass doors in the, they sure didn't in those haves and haves? You needed it to be a glass door because it was so fucking Did they have glass doors in the, they sure didn't in those Hobbit movies?

You needed it to be a glass door because it was so fucking dark in this weird little thing. Right. So why weren't they in the Hobbit movies then if you need a glass door for it to be light? Well, I mean, in the way it is in the Hobbit, they're okay with it being dark. And the way it is in my life,

I would like to have sunlight come in. Hobbits like dark? I don't know. Hobbits like dark. But we got there and it was like, we pulled in and we're like, this can't be it. Like we first of all drove past like a few times because it was behind a house. And then we finally go, okay, I think this is it.

We pull in and there's like, there's like a guy like with his truck, like doing something at the front house. And it seemed really creepy. What? A guy with his truck doing something at the front house? Yeah, it just seemed really weird. And then we go, okay, I think we have to walk. That is weird. A guy with his truck doing something at the front house. Wait, what do

you mean with his truck doing something? Okay, so there was like a creepy truck parked in front of the main house. Creepy truck, you didn't mention that part. And the house itself looked like gross, like it looked like it wasn't taken care of very well. What was creepy about the truck? Was it like the, the drag from the monsters? It was a bit junky. And then this guy came out and he looked, he looked like someone I wouldn't want to talk to, okay. Like a caretaker sort who's like, you know, Oh, go down the road a bit.

He was like a young guy who looked like he was like a young white guy who had like a couple important important teeth missing. To give you an image. And so- We talking two front? Yeah, some key essential front teeth were gone. So- The ones you want.

You're gonna want them to open your cans. Right. So he was weird. And then we go down we realize we You're weird to get to the Hobbit house and there was this Chicken coop that was completely falling down and it looked so gross It was like I don't and there were some chickens around it and it said mom like scrawled into it It was like, I don't, and there were some chickens around it and it said, mom, like scrawled into it. It was, it looked scary. What the fuck?

And we were like, do we turn back now? Like it was like, we couldn't, we left our bags in the car. We're like, let's just go check this out. Surely this will be fine. Yeah. Everything surrounding it, terrifying, but this will be a-okay. And it also was like short walks to the beach.

Not true at all. It was like a full drive. And then once you got there, there was like a million cars and you couldn't get, so it was like the whole idea of the relaxing trip was like, none of it was like short walk to the beach, not true at all, it was like a full drive. And then once you got there, there was like a million cars and you couldn't get. So it was like the whole idea of the relaxing trip was like, none of it was gonna happen. And at this point, we'd already not been anywhere for a year.

So it was like, this was supposed to be like a nice thing. But we get there and then we find the place and we're like, ooh, it feels kind of like sketchy and weird. And I was like, it it was just dirty feeling inside. And the idea of Airbnb beds is such a risk anyway, because you need to know that it's been really clean. It's not like a hotel where it feels like there's some more accountability slash,

they could always place it very quickly for you. Yeah, there's a mechanism in place there. Like with this, I was like, I don't want to get on this bed. Like I feel like really like, about the bed and the duvet cupboard. It was like that. And then the bathroom was weird. And then I was thinking about how I had just learned

about how some people have been filmed at their Airbnbs. And I was like, there's definitely a camera in here. He was just like, it was just like gross. And then we're like, all right, let's try to sit outside and see if it's nice. Like if we sit outside, because they were like some lawn chairs and stuff. And we really went to every room tried every. Well, there's one room, it was a shipping container. And then outside of that was like a little patio area with some like, you know, furniture and we and there were they were like metal wire furniture that you could you sat on it hurt.

We were like, I can't even relax on this. And when I sit on this, I'm looking at the main house and I'm wondering what the fuck's going on in there with those creeps. With the guys picking. And they're looking at me, assume, you know, presumably. So we then decided we have to get the fuck out of there. We had brought our bags in, but then because we were like, let's just do it. And then we're like, no, let's get out of here. What are we doing? We don't have to get the fuck out of there We had brought our bags in but then because we were like let's just do it and then we're like no Let's get out of here. What are we doing? We don't do this and so I like you know message the guy

I was like it felt really dirty It's not private and you know the pictures are misleading and kind of get my money back I still had to pay for the cleaning which I was like I was in and out it was so rude, but I was just like whatever get me out of here And we drove home and we're like celebrity get me out of here. And we drove home and we were like- I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. Exactly, and we got home and we were like, I love being home.

I love my house. We hadn't gone anywhere for months and months and months and then we were like so glad just to be back. Everyone, it is, as Frank Sinatra said, so nice to go traveling, but it's so much nicer to be home. But you could- Make a pizza. You could just like,

I don't like you bringing that comedy bang bang stuff. Yeah. But you could just go to a place, not pay for it, say it's dirty and then come back home. You get the same feeling. It's just like you traveled somewhere. Yeah, it was like traveling. There was like so much stress, like it was pointless.

Yeah, it sucked. Now, you know, I think I've told you, I went to New Zealand and I visited Hobbiton. Oh, you did. I don't know if I know this. Maybe you said it on the show. I went down to Australia, New Zealand with The Thrilling Adventure Hour. This was 2015, 2016, something like that.

Well, wait, no, it couldn't have been 2016 because in 2016 we went to Australia We did. Well then it wasn't in September. Well, I'm just saying there would have been a lot of going there for you All right, Lauren. You've proved your point You're right. So I never I never It was, so we went to, the whole group of us went to Hobbiton, which is set up so nicely. Like it's, they, they kept the sets from the movie, the exterior sets when they shot there. And so you can't like go in the Hobbit houses, but you walk around like the Hobbit neighborhood and it's really cool. And then at the end, at the end of the trip, there's an inn where you can have lunch,

you can have drinks, you know, and it's done perfectly, I have to say. That's so cute. Yeah, it really is. You do really feel like you're in that place. And it's really charming and nice. Drinks and stuff that feels like you would be in the movie, or is it just like you can get anything?

Exactly, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like sushi. They just have like pizza. It's the movie or is it just like you can get anything? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like sushi. They just have like pizza. It's like shepherd's pie and things like that and you know, ale and shit and yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's really great. Yeah, it's really nice. I recommend it if you're ever going there. That's cool. I'd like to go to New Zealand someday. It's beautiful. I would like to go back for sure. Scott, you haven't been there?

No, I was invited. By the Prime Minister? To do, yeah. No, I was invited to go do a podcast with one of my favorite musicians who's from there and we were all setting it up and then it turned out it was like the day that I was supposed to do everything was Thanksgiving. And I was like, could we do this another day? But it's not a holiday there. So they were just like, it's just another Thursday over there. So you didn't go because you don't want to miss Thanksgiving? In terms of our holiday roundup. Yeah.

I find this surprising because I feel like you were all about canceling every holiday. I want to cancel every holiday. I want to cancel every holiday, yeah. But my family doesn't. But there's family. Exactly. There's family. The pool of the family is so strong. Yes. Can I guess who the musician was? Is it okay to say? Was it Neil Finn? Yeah. Yeah.

We were gonna do like some sort of audio, like fake biography of him with like people like Jermaine playing characters and stuff. Jermaine Clement characters and stuff. Jemaine Clement from Fly the Concord. And you were going to fly to New Zealand? Yeah, they were going to fly me to New Zealand and I was going to watch like their, the big, I think it was a crowded house reunion show that they were doing or something like that.

And it just, the timing just couldn't work out, but they have a new record out. Everyone should check it out. It's very good. Wow. It's called We Hate Thanksgiving. Crowded House have a new record out everyone should check it out it's very good. Wow. It's called We Hate Thanksgiving. Crowded House has a new record? Yes they do just came out. I really only know one song. Do Da Do Da? Yeah that's the only song I know.

In general or by Crowded House? Don't dream it's over, hey now, hey now, when the world falls in love with you. All right, let's take a break. Okay, bye. Fine. I think there's a reason they call it a health journey, right? It's because these things take time and any program you're on should not be selling some one-size-fits-all fix to all your nutritional questions.

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No. Okay, well, it went a little something like this. Psycho, like when your mind goes like when you're having fun from doing grown up stuff and when you're moving, that's a movie that the looney tins and the tooties and the blah blah blah is a whole thing. It was a commercial for Looney Tunes for Tiny Tunes. You'll find them all. I think lots of stuff enough to make you sick.

Psycho, like when your mind goes like what you've had enough of doing grown up stuff. So when you're loony and you're toony and you're boobaloo boobaloo boobaloo. Wait, it was for adults? Like to say hey adults? No, it was for kids. Watch, but kids are doing grown up stuff. You know, you're chores.

I think the loony toons should change their name because it's not cool to say someone's insane anymore. So, you know, to call them loony. Can you say they're loony? No, that's it's not cool to say someone's insane anymore. So, you know to call them Can you say they're loony? No, that's even worse. It's calling someone insane Yeah, all right. So which they should they should just be the fun guys the animal show The animal and a two human show Who are the two humans Elmer and Elmer Fudd from Sylv the old lady from Sylvester.

Not to mention some people who are just feet. Like, they're people who are just feet. That's true. The three humans and mostly animals show. There are people who are just feet. What do you think is going on with- And we don't talk about them enough. Huh?

You think of them as Muppet babies? Well, I was thinking of Tom and Jerry, but that's not Looney Tunes. True. Yeah, that's not. I think there were a couple. You know what? One, one of my favorite Looney Tunes of all time features a lady that's just some legs,

is the Bulldog who reluctantly makes friends with the kitten. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The kitten climbs on his back and he kneads his back and everything. Yeah. And then she bakes cat-shaped cookies and he thinks the kitten got baked in the oven. And he cries. It's adorable.

That's cute. It's one of the cutest cartoons ever. And the Bill Dog's name is Mark Anthony. After this singer? Mark Anthony! Yeah. But speaking of weird things happening to pets, like when we were away the other week,

Molly suddenly was out in the front yard and no one knew how she got out there. She's just barking out by the front door, like, ah, let me in. She was stately barking. Oh, she wanted to come back in. Yeah, no one really heard it. And then Georgia went over to the door

and was like looking at the door and looking back at all of us. Like, hey, aren't you gonna let her in? It was so weird. Oh my God, that's really funny. No, and I went all around the front yard looking for any kind of entrance and the only one was the front door.

So someone had let her out of the front door or she got out of the front door herself. Maybe she learned how to open a door, I don't know. Like the raptors. Well, I don't think someone let her out of the front door. That's, cause at that point you're just saying it's Paul or Janie. It was me.

No, Coolop I'm saying. But you wouldn't let her out. No, it was me. I did it on purpose. I feel like- I knew it would be a fun story. I feel like this is what happened. I feel like at some point Coolop or I,

but I don't remember doing it, but I guess she doesn't either, let them out to go potty and then left one of them out there, which has happened a few times. So do you say like potty to be polite to the animals? Yeah, I don't want them to think I'm crass. Or for them to pick up foul language. Yeah, true.

You don't want your dogs going around knowing the word shit. When you're walking the dog, okay, take a shit. Take a shit. Take a shit, little guy. Take a shit. Good shit. Good shit. I just say, I just say go.

Go. Go. Go. Go. No, but if I say go, she goes. Like the short live HBO series. They're all code words. Don't tinkle potty, my little sweetie chums.

You're the type who would say that. Why are you making fun of it? No I'm not. Go sprinkle and tinkle. I'm not that type. Take it back. Lauren, you are. I would never say that. You just did say it. But I said it as a joke. Mm. Uh huh. I'm going to ask Mike. When you want Mike to- I'm going to ask him right now. When you want Mike to go potty. Does Lauren ever say tinkle? I go, Mikey, take a little dookie in the toy toy. Yes, ma'am.

I'm doing it. I'm doing it, lady. Yes, my queen. Sick. Sick. Are you texting Mike? Is that what you're doing, Paul? Yes. We expect you to take up any lapses in conversation. You can't text in the middle of a show. No, I just texted him. Does Lauren ever use tinkle for piss?

Yeah, here we go. The word tinkle for piss, sorry. The word tinkle for piss. Sorry, not tinkling instead of piss. Like water for chocolate Tinkle for piss I once went to like water for chocolate at the Santa Maria. Oh, I've been a thousand times and uh I once went to this movie I only went once

But there was there was someone I went to school with who happened to be there at the same showing and she was really mad because I thought the movie was so bad. I was laughing at it. For like water for chocolate? Yeah. What is that movie? I don't really know what that is. I don't either. You know what?

That book was extremely popular at a time I was working at a bookstore. I was at a bookstore for bridges of Madison County, which people fucking loved. And like people would walk in and be like, Hey, do you have, and you'd go from bridges. Yeah, it's over. That's so nice. Yeah. Have I told you this? In like a cool way to like be working at a bookstore in the nineties, when that

movie comes out and everyone wants that book. That's like so great. You're like, I'm the one who has it. Can I ask you why you think that? I don't know. It feels like you're in an indie movie. Yeah, you're a pusher of... Ah! It's like, eat, pray, love when that came out.

Like I watched, I mentioned this like months ago, but I really liked this movie, Walking and Talking. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's like, it feels, it's like the 90s-est movie on Earth, possibly. But it feels like you're in that. And you're like, everyone keeps coming in wanting Bridges of Madison County.

Are you sure you weren't in that? But you know what's fun? Being, that, I know exactly what you mean, and what's funny is, it doesn't feel good. Like... Like... So it feels good from my perspective because I'm like, because when I was at that point in time, I wanted to be an adult who worked in a bookstore doing it. You know what I mean?

But you were like, I hate this. Yeah, this is like, it's a trope of the funny supporting character who's like, works in a bookstore and you're always like, what a cool life. And they're always like bored and disaffected. Yes. And you go, wow, how cool would that be? But no, it sucks is what Paul said.

When Bridges of Madison County came out and I was working at that bookstore, that was a true low point in my life. I'm like really glorifying it and you're like this is actually the saddest time in my entire life. I had had to move back in. You'd hit rock bottom. Just about, I mean, I had to move back in with my life. I had had to move back in just about.

I mean, I had to move back in with my parents. I was broke. Um, this was the best job that I could find. It was, it was in my old neighborhood, like, like, or a neighborhood away from my old neighborhood is like me at the Olive Garden. My daughter, my, my sister had just gotten divorced and she had to move back in home from Massachusetts with her two daughters. But see, this is a movie.

We were all miserable. We were all miserable. So I had to get up like at the crack of dawn to open this store every day, Monday through Friday. Are people buying books that early? Uh, we had to get there at like, I had to get up early so I could get ready to go to work and then the store opened at like 8 a.m Was there coffee coffee shop part of it or no? There wasn't it was just a bunch of books, but nobody had anything to do in the 90s open at 4 p.m.

Yeah, I had to wear an apron It was a Walden books. I didn't get the books dirty. Oh, it was a it was a chain I had to wear an apron. Yeah, a Walden book. So I had to wear an apron and a name tag. Oh, it was a chain. I don't know why I had to wear an apron. Yeah, it was a chain. Or are books so dirty that they'll get your clothes dirty? Books are filthy. People don't realize, new books, because the ink isn't dry. And so it'll get all over it, or you'll smear the book. But I did not, there was no one on the staff that I could really make friends with, you know what I mean?

And... Were they all older or something? Or... No, no, they weren't. Like, they were pretty much my age, but there was one, oh my God, there was this one guy that I sort of felt I, he was like a real Frank Burns type where I despised him, but also felt sorry for him. Huh?

This is from MASH, the brown show. Yeah, don't watch it, it's a dusty show. Yeah, it's very dusty, very brown. Um, and I, so I hated him, but also felt sorry for him at the same time. And one time I was, I was, it was wintertime. Oh, God, this was so bleak. I got there, the sidewalks are covered with ice.

I get there before him, like right before him, waiting for the store to be opened. Um, and I watch him walk up the street and he slips on the ice and takes such a hard fall. It was like that, that Philip Seymour Hoffman Pratt fall in, uh, uh, along came Polly, it was hard and I had to turn away because I was laughing. Because this guy was such a dick to me, but he was also like, he was such a dork. I felt bad for him.

Why was he a dick to you though? Was it because he didn't think you were as smart as him or just? I'm sure that's true. But he also felt like I wasn't as gung ho an employee. And I think he could tell that I did not take it as seriously as he did. And he always liked to tell me what I was doing wrong or what I could be doing better. And it was like, What could you be doing better in a bookstore?

You sit there by the register and you'd bring up books. Well, if you're lucky, you do that, but if you're not, you're out on the floor and you have to reorganize things. You have to fucking dust. You have to do, you know, all the, all the, just like the busy work of, of retail. What do you have to do when you reorganize books? Like put them back in alphabetical order or what, what more is there to it? You have to put them, you have to put them back where they're supposed to be

because people don't do that. Um, and it's all over the store. You have to straighten things. Yes. Yeah. Setups. Yep. Yeah.

And there's like, if there's magazines and newspapers, you have to make sure those are nice and tidy and all that shit. It's just busy work. It's weird because I feel like that sounds not horrible as far as like retail. Like I feel like straightening books because it's kind of... Have you ever had any job though? They're all terrible. Oh no, all jobs are terrible. I'm sure I would have wanted to quit instantly, but I'm thinking about when I... That's why I was a babysitter, Scott,

because I didn't like being on the floor, I didn't like that kind of action. You don't like retail. You've never worked any retail, is that right? No, I worked at one restaurant, one Navy Pier job, and then I was babysitter. What? When I worked on Navy Pier as a caller for the boat.

That's right, that's right. That was really so sucking, but I feel- What when I worked on Navy Pier as a caller for the boat? Sucking but I get on about my second grade teacher Works at Barnes Noble in the summers and she has always done that she still does And I always and I always loved her and she always wore like sweatpants and sweatshirts, and I hugging her. She was so soft. Yeah. Her name was Rocky Balboa. She would run up and down the steps every morning before school. She was always like, she was a soft little lady.

Soft little lady. Soft little lady. And I would see her in the summer at the mall. And she- And were you always like, hi, Mrs. whatever your name is. Yes, and I still would if I saw her now. Sure.

But she, she always made that seem so nice, you know, it's because it's like, but I mean, what it really is, is that teachers aren't paid enough and she has to get a job in the summer. Exactly. It's like, that's not fair. But when I think about that, I'm like, oh, it seems kind of pleasant. Like if you like books and you, you know, I don't know, but I'm sure it sucks. It's not the thing is like the job itself, of course, is not difficult.

And it's not it's not taxing. It's the it's the it can be the people that you work with and the customers. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. There's this guy on TikTok who does these really funny videos about PewDiePie. God, I wish I had his name, but he does these videos of he's a comedian and he does like sort of talk he's a comedian and he does like sort of talk back videos about working at IKEA and how I'm having a customer. Scott Seiss.

Yeah, thank you. Okay, good. I don't know if I'm pronouncing his last name correctly, but yeah, he's hilarious. I thought he was from Philly at first because he's from Baltimore and the accents are very similar. His videos make me laugh so much. They're so good. It's all just about like, fuck the customer.

It's so funny. It's like, it's a weird, it's a stupid thing that a customer will say, and I've heard all of them, and then he responds to each of them the way you wish you could when you work with those jobs. What would a customer in a bookstore say that would be annoying? They would, well, it's like, if they

would ask for a certain book and then they would get indignant if you didn't have it, or if it wasn't out yet yet or whatever. People asking to use the bathroom, people saying this is cheaper somewhere else. Like he covers literally every, this Scott covers every single thing that people say that's just like ridiculous. It's really funny. But it is crazy to think about people coming up and being rude. Anytime I see people being rude in a store, I feel horrible. I once had a lady, an old, older white lady, try to return a children's book.

I'll tell you why in a second, you fucking idiot. Well, Lauren never did. I told you so you could imagine his little self. Yes, and I did. I wanted you to see him. Young white guy, missing two front teeth. Wait, this is. Same guy. So this, this older white lady comes up to the counter and says, I want to return

this book because I didn't realize that the people in it were black. Oh, and it was, she was buying it for, and then like she, I think I must've had like either a reaction or there was like a moment of silence and she said, that's terrible, isn't it? It's like, yeah, it is. And you also don't have to tell me this reason. You could just say I bought the wrong book or something. That is so gross.

Do you remember? It was called a black family roots by Alex. It was a children's book and it was like, it just depicted a black family doing whatever happens in a children's book. Like a picture book, you know? Anyway, that's terrible. We need to take a break. We'll be right back.

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Who made the most delicious on-screen meal? Tune in every Thursday to find out. Pop Culture Debate Club is out now wherever you get your podcasts from Lemonada Media and the BBC. And we're back and it is time for a threacher, you mother— Scott, would you like to tell them what the threacher is? I would love nothing more. I'm actually very curious to hear what it is to them. I've never heard of a threacher,

I'd like to do with that a little. Ha ha ha ha ha. This is called Last Letter. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's called Last Letter and it's- I'm gonna miss this so much, I'm gonna miss it so much. When I don't laugh anymore?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. This is very important. It's submitted, yeah. This is very important. It's submitted by Will. This is very important. Okay. Thanks, Will, by sheer force of Will. We do an improv scene and the last letter of whatever the previous person says must

be the first letter of the next person. That's fun. Whatever they say. And you can't use abbreviations? What does that mean? Oh, meaning like, I guess you can't say ASAP or something like that. Or like E-G-I-E.

Cool. Sick. I mean, abbreviations in general, you can use in the middle of a sentence, I would think. I can use whatever I want. And Will can't stop me. Yeah, Will, take a break for a second. We're gonna... We got this.

Okay. Don't worry, Will. Yeah, don't worry about Will. Oh, why don't you take a nap, honey? Should we go... Should we go clockwise so we know it's... You know what I mean? Fair.

Well, our screen's the same because it didn't we figure out that they weren't, but we can move them. Yeah, Lauren, you're on top. I'm to the... I'm clockwise and then Paul's at the bottom. So I have Scott top left, me top right, Paul bottom. Okay, do you want me to move? That's what I have, Lauren. I have Scott top left, Lauren top right, me at the bottom. Josh, you gotta not hide yourself because we can't move the video.

Yes, you can. So we gotta see your face for a second. I can move it. You can't move it? Josh is perturbed. Okay, so who's it? It's me first, then Lauren, then Paul? Yeah.

Clockwise? Okay, Josh, get out of here. We did it. Okay, so ready? Are we gonna start? Yes. Are the lawnmowers loud enough? Yes.

Start your mowers! All right, here we go. Hey, ding dong. Gwossup! No! It's gotta be a G. I said, I said, Gwossup. You said, Gwossup!

I said, Gwossup, playas. Okay, let me try again. Let me start again. Oh, it's Ding Dong I saw. What's up, playas? Simply wonderful to see you. Underneath the bed, I have a surprise for Ding Dong. Goo Goo Gaga, I hope it's something fun like a magazine.

Entertaining for sure, you'll see. Entertainment Weekly, in fact. Tut tut, looks like rain. Tut tut! No, the sun is shining as you can see plainly. You know the sun is shining. Why are you lying to us right now? Well, I have something I want to confess.

I've been lying because I am trying out a new technology where I am on it. I am wearing a lie detector test and it is trying to see if it knows if it's lying and by it I mean me. And let me understand this. You're wearing a lie detector test? Then you call it new technology? You see, I am being arrested. And they need to test my lies. But so I'm lying on purpose to see if it can tell if I'm lying when I am lying or if I'm not lying when I'm not lying. Good God, that sounds like a mess. Ding dong. And I don't know what to tell you other than you are in trouble for real.

Look, all I have to say Ding Dong is we brought you here because it's an intervention. No, not again. So wait, there's nothing fun under your bed? Damn, I hate to tell you this, but no. Damn, I hate to tell you this, but no. Oh boy, this is really hard to say, but no, there's nothing under the bed. Darn it. I really was looking forward to whatever that was going to be. I thought maybe it could be first a magazine, like I said, then I thought maybe some candy like Sour Patch Kids or I don't know, something really cool,

like your old baseball uniform. Man, that does sound nice, but unfortunately there's nothing under there. Underwear. Underwear. That didn't work. I know, I just wanted to make myself say underwear. And...

Damn it, Paul, stop for a second. All right, I need to tell Ding Dong why this is an intervention. Look, Ding Dong, we're tired of you coming over to our house every day and not ringing the bell, and we want you to ring the bell. Let me get this straight. So you are tired of me coming over every day and not ringing the bell, but you like that I come over every day, you just want me to ring the bell. Let me get this straight. So you are tired of me coming over every day

and not ringing the bell, but you like that I come over every day. You just want me to ring the bell. So if I were to come over and go ding-dong, that would be good. Definitely better, but I wouldn't say good necessarily. You see, a big part of the problem is,

is we also don't like you coming over every day. You don't? Tell you the truth? No. Okay, this is also difficult to say, but we don't want to be your friend anymore, ding dong. We're tired of you coming up. We're tired of your catchphrase, what's up, players.

We just don't, you know, it's, it's, it's not working between us. Something's been on my mind that I wanted to get off my chest too. I can tell that you guys have something going on here, something a little deeper than what we have all three of us together. And I want you just once and for all, admit it, you sleep in that top bunk and you sleep in that bottom bunk. And it's much more than just that. You're not just roommates. You're not just friends. You're married. De-ding-dong. How did you guess? Yes, we are in a committed marital relationship. Perhaps you're not comfortable with that. I've always felt like you didn't want to be our friend

because of that. To tell you the truth, it's more that I just felt left out. And I always thought we were just a three group of friends, but it turns out it's a two marriage and a one friend. And that's a third wheel. Lollygagging around like this, we should have been more careful, Scott. Time has taught me that, you know, friends will be friends forever, but marriages can end. And I want to end this marriage, Paul. Lookie here, my dream is coming true. Except I'm not too happy about this because I don't want to be divorced.

It's shameful. Let's see. I don't think there's any shame in being divorced. I think it's just when a man doesn't love a man anymore. We should just end this relationship right here. And I get half your money, and you'll have to be cool with that. Don't worry.

Don't worry. I'm a nunnery, and I can help you with your divorce papers. Shit. But what about the Bible? I believe it and everything that it says. Seriously, even all that stuff about that guy, Jesus. Stuff about that guy, Jesus.

I've heard of that guy. Yes, you have. He's my best friend. Sorry, Scott and Ding Dong at the same time. Excellent. We can talk about Jesus now and we can let Ding Dong know everything about him and maybe Ding Dong will accept him into his heart. That would be pretty cool. I actually kind of know Jesus already. He carried me on a beach one time. Every time I've read that poem, I imagined it was you, Ding Dong. Great.

I thought that you were imagining it was me. This is another reason why we shouldn't be married. Don't fight so much. Just don't be married. Don't fight so much, just don't be married. Duh, he already said he wants a divorce. Except now I don't, and I want Ding Dong to also be married to us. Sweet giblets, I love that. Then it's decided, we're all going to be married together.

Me, Scott, Ding Dong, and me. E-I-E-I-O said Old McDonald when something similar happened to him. And this is great. So E-I-E-I-O. Okay. happened to him and this is great. So EIEIO. Okay. I feel like you need to get your brain checked. Ditto. O-I-O-I-E is what he said backwards.

One time when something similar happened, goodbye. I'm off to get my brain checked. That feels like the end. Definitely. Oh my gosh. Wow. That was a good fun game. It wasn't a game.

I don't know. It was a three-cher certainly. It was a three-cher. That's true. Not all three-chers are games, but all games are three-chers. Monopoly? Three-cher. Soccer.

Monopoly's a three-cher. Soccer. Three-cher. Uh, hunting man. The most dangerous game. Three-cher. Soccer, three-chir. Soccer, three-chir. Clued up. Hunting, man. The most dangerous game, three-chir. Of course, three-chir. What if in that story they were like, it's time for a three-chir. I'm going to have two.

You have a 10 second head start. 10 second, that's not enough. Yep, that's right. I play wind. Was that longer than that? Was that like 24 hours at least? I think so, something like that, yeah. All right.

I wish it was real sometimes. Yeah. Okay, well, thank you for the interview. I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and go ahead and say that I'm going to go hours at least? I think so, something like that.

Yeah. All right. I wish it was real sometimes. Okay. Well, thank you everybody for listening. We're at freedom USA on Twitter and Instagram, freedom USA at gmail.com. If you want to send us a feature. Um, and we thank you for listening and we love you very much.

Yay. See you later. Bye. Bye bye. Thank you for listening and we love you very much. Yay. See you later. Bye. Bye-bye. Hi, everyone. Gloria Riviera here and we are back for another season of No One Is Coming to Save Us, a podcast about America's child care crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through

the lens of childcare, poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that childcare is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of American life. Season four of No One is Coming to Save Us is out now wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Sam Smith and welcome to The Pink House. I love being in The Pink House with you. Join me as I talk to my friends and some amazing queer icons about their idea of home, like Elliot Page, Jo Kim Booster, and Gloria Estefan.

Music was always my escape. It was my happy place. The Pink House from Lemonada Media is out now. You can listen ad-free on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.